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1
00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:04,840
♪ We're not going out
2
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,969
♪ Not staying in
3
00:00:07,969 --> 00:00:11,289
♪ Just hanging around
with my head in a spin
4
00:00:11,289 --> 00:00:14,649
♪ But there is no need
to scream and shout
5
00:00:14,649 --> 00:00:17,529
♪ We're not going out
6
00:00:17,529 --> 00:00:19,929
♪ We are not going out. ♪
7
00:00:25,569 --> 00:00:27,889
Where are you going?
It's a business thing.
8
00:00:27,889 --> 00:00:32,249
At this time? Times are hard, but
how are you earning money nowadays?
9
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:35,249
Ho ho ho. I heard you the first time.
10
00:00:37,555 --> 00:00:41,400
I'm catching an overnight train
to a conference, so you're on your own for a couple of days.
11
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,760
Try to behave like a human adult.
I haven't got time to lay down newspaper.
12
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:50,920
I can be civilised. I'll have an
evening of blues and jazz. Dig out the old seven inches.
13
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:55,600
By "blues and jazz" I'm guessing you
mean blue movies and jazz magazines?
14
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,840
Yeah. And "by dig out the old..."
Got it!
15
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,040
Hi! Hi, Daisy. Lee, can you get
my dad's nail gun?
16
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,360
She's a bit dippy,
but she deserves the right to live.
17
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:09,600
I'm joking.
18
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,120
Of course I'll shoot her.
19
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,680
Thank you
for lending it to me, Lucy.
20
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,760
That's OK. What do you need it for?
Well, loads of DIY things.
21
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,720
Plus that garden sculpture
that Tim bought keeps collapsing.
22
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,280
What garden sculpture?
Oh, you know, what's it called?
23
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,880
Giant Jenga?
24
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:34,640
Thank you. Right, I'd better dash.
I'm parked on a speed hump.
25
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:39,000
It's not illegal, but it makes me
really nervous, like it might shrug me off.
26
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,480
Hope she's going to be
all right with that nail gun.
27
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,600
Why's she doing the DIY, anyway?
28
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,520
My brother's not exactly
a handyman. I don't know.
29
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:53,160
He's handy for tips
on how to arrange a flower display.
30
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:58,840
"First the tall stems, then the
shorter. To keep fresh, add sugar to the water." Jane Asher, 1998.
31
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:03,360
What about that for an entrance?
Why's my girlfriend just walked out of your flat?
32
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:07,280
I hope you're not up to anything,
you scoundrel. Don't be silly.
33
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:12,920
I was too busy shagging your sister.
What are you doing here?
34
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:16,800
I'm on my way back from the work's
night out. A rough place.
35
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,840
Although it didn't stop us having
a raucous night. Raucous night? Yep.
36
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,680
It's quarter past nine.
37
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:26,560
I had to leave early. There was
no anti-bacterial handwash in the gents.
38
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,560
Daisy left her coat, by the way.
39
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:35,000
Talking of coats, what are you
wearing? You're like two dwarfs with one cinema ticket.
40
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:39,840
This is a very practical coat,
actually. It's warm, machine washable
41
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,200
and there's loads of pockets
for your bits and...
42
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,240
..bobs.
43
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,440
If that's your bits and bobs, I
can't wait to see your knick-knacks.
44
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,640
Oh, sh... Sugar.
45
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,440
I don't think it's sugar.
46
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:59,280
I think the phrase you're looking
for is, "Oh, sh... Class A drugs."
47
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:03,440
I must have picked up the wrong
coat. How could you, you idiot?
48
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,560
You think he feels stupid? What
about the Colombian drugs baron in Tim's cagoule?
49
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:12,200
What am I going to do?
Flush it down the toilet.
50
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,200
It's extra large, it would
never get past the U-bend.
51
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,880
The drugs. They belong to someone.
What if he tracks me down?
52
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:23,760
How? He's got my coat.
It's not like you've sewn a little name tag in your collar.
53
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,000
You have sewn a name tag
in your collar.
54
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,720
So he knows Timothy Adams
has got his drugs.
55
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:36,960
There must be a hundred
Timothy Adams in London. Not Timothy Gladstone Adams.
56
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,040
You sew your middle name
into your coat?
57
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:44,600
Yes. Why? Because there must be
a hundred Timothy Adams in London.
58
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,160
I'm going to miss this train.
59
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,040
Ring the police. Now.
60
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:53,360
What are you doing?
Doing what Lucy said.
61
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:58,480
If you do, someone will give you
shoes that'll send you to the bottom of a lake.
62
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,720
Crocs?
63
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,640
Look, maybe it isn't even drugs.
Well, what is it?
64
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,560
It could be anything.
It could be washing powder.
65
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:13,640
Yeah, he popped in for
a pint after a long day doing the Daz doorstep challenge.
66
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:18,440
What are you doing? I'm proving
to you it's not washing powder.
67
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,040
What are you doing that for?
68
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,480
To see if it's good shit.
69
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,720
That's going to take ages.
70
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,560
I mean the drugs.
71
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,320
You haven't got a clue what you're
doing, have you? Not really.
72
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:41,760
I saw them do it on Scarface.
I'm glad you haven't been watching Brokeback Mountain.
73
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:47,800
You try it, then, smartarse. Come
on, this is your problem, not mine.
74
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,640
It's my own fault.
75
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,880
I knew I shouldn't have let him
watch The Railway Children.
76
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,280
I meant Trainspotting.
77
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,880
Oh, hang on.
78
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,880
Oh, yeah, that's odd.
79
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,400
See, that is definitely
not Bold 3-in-1.
80
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,920
It might be biological.
I'm allergic to that.
81
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,280
Tim, it's not washing powder,
it's drugs.
82
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,960
Find this bloke
and get it back to him
83
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:44,960
Now, what do you know about him?
I don't know. There's no name tag.
84
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,840
You don't say?
What about mittens on string?
85
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,640
Oh, yeah, laugh it up.
86
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:55,040
You weren't laughing when we went
ice-skating and I didn't have frozen fingers. Oh, I was laughing.
87
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,000
And not just me,
the whole of the stag party.
88
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,240
Hang on, he's got a business card.
89
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,400
Larry "The Butcher" Stubbs.
90
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,520
You're not the only one
with a unusual middle name.
91
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,000
Get back to that nightclub, now.
92
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,000
OK. But will you come with me?
93
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:18,040
The adoption agency never told me
you were going to be this needy.
94
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,520
You know this is wrong. This
shouldn't be back on the streets.
95
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,520
I've seen what drugs can do to
people. No, you haven't. I have, actually.
96
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:30,160
It was a long time ago, back
in the '80s. I was still at school.
97
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,920
There was a boy, popular boy.
98
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,200
He had lots of friends,
enjoyed sport.
99
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:40,600
Someone offered him some drugs
at a party and he thought, "Well, what's the harm? Why not?"
100
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:46,240
Within weeks he was a wreck,
scrambling around on the floor, looking for bits of his fix.
101
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:51,840
Sorry, Tim. Can I just interrupt?
Yes. Are you talking about Zammo from Grange Hill?
102
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,920
It was a very convincing
portrayal, actually.
103
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,040
Well, here it is.
104
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,600
I see what you mean about rough.
These are old-school gentlemen villains.
105
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:13,440
If you want us to fit in, imagine
you're Reggie and I'm Ronnie.
106
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,640
Which one, Barker or Corbett?
107
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,120
Go on, then. Can you do it? Please?
108
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,440
If you do,
I'll never, ever forget it.
109
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:29,120
You won't have a choice.
You'll be reminded every time you look at my disfigured face.
110
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,280
It hasn't affected
our relationship so far.
111
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,200
Excuse me.
112
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:47,720
This is a bit awkward,
but the thing is, my mate,
113
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,520
the dippy looking geezer
with the bad dress sense,
114
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:54,800
apart from his coat,
which is lovely, lovely coat...
115
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,920
Anyway, the thing is,
he accidentally took your coat by mistake.
116
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,520
And we found your...
117
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,400
..shit in his pocket.
118
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,480
We didn't touch it.
119
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,160
I never touch another man's shit.
120
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,720
We rubbed some in our gums,
just to check it was shit.
121
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,280
If you're following any of this,
just stare at me really menacingly.
122
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,320
Great. So, why don't we swap back?
123
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,560
Yeah? No harm done?
124
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,720
Perfect.
125
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:29,120
I'm warning you if you've touched
any of Timothy's Fruit Polos,
126
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,240
he'll hunt you down
and slice you like a carrot.
127
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,560
Thanks.
128
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:42,440
Next time you want me
to do a favour, keep it simple.
129
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:47,120
Ask me to steal Osama Bin
Laden's white turban and replace it with a giant meringue.
130
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,720
This isn't my coat.
131
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,080
If that's not yours,
then that one's not his.
132
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,000
Thanks for the free drugs,
you Muppets.
133
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,440
Bloody hell. Was there a sale on
at House of Gangster?
134
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:19,720
Where's the gear? And who the hell
is Timothy Gladstone Adams?
135
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,000
Well, I've finished
with my Reggie act.
136
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:27,240
You'd better start doing your
Ronnie impression, and quick. It's good night from me.
137
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,480
And it's good night from him.
Come here!
138
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,240
Come here!
139
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,560
Cup of tea? Agh! Coffee!
I can do coffee!
140
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:49,560
I was hoping I'd wake up and this
would just be a bad dream.
141
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:54,520
If was one of your dreams,
we'd have been attacked by Patricia Hodge with a tache on.
142
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,280
Why did I ever tell you about that?
143
00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:02,640
We're in trouble, aren't we, Lee?
Yes, "we" now being the operative word.
144
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,800
Can't believe that you gave
the drugs to the wrong person. Don't blame me.
145
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,760
You had the wrong clothes on.
Good job it wasn't a drag club,
146
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:15,320
otherwise I'd be sat here being
entertained by Timothy Titflaps and her disturbingly unsightly bulge.
147
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,800
Will you stop going on
about my dreams?!
148
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,440
I didn't tell you
about that one, did I?
149
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:30,166
As long as we're here, we're safe.
He doesn't know my name or where I live.
150
00:10:30,166 --> 00:10:34,126
So, can we just get dressed,
calm down and stop over-reacting?
151
00:10:38,046 --> 00:10:41,406
What are you doing?
Ringing Daisy to explain everything.
152
00:10:41,406 --> 00:10:45,086
Oh, no, we haven't got time to start
explaining everything to Daisy.
153
00:10:45,086 --> 00:10:48,646
Not enough time? In six billion
years the sun's going to explode.
154
00:10:48,646 --> 00:10:54,366
It is vitally important
that nobody knows you're here.
155
00:10:55,646 --> 00:10:58,286
Blimey, it's all
kicking off in Narnia.
156
00:11:11,126 --> 00:11:13,406
Oh, Daisy. Thank God it's you.
157
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:17,126
Who were you expecting? Anne Frank.
158
00:11:17,126 --> 00:11:20,806
Well, the traffic's terrible.
Maybe she's running a bit late.
159
00:11:22,646 --> 00:11:25,326
I'm looking for Tim.
I haven't seen him.
160
00:11:25,326 --> 00:11:29,526
Don't lie to me, Lee.
I'm not stupid. You've seen him loads of times.
161
00:11:29,526 --> 00:11:31,486
He's six foot with blond hair.
162
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:37,846
I haven't seen him lately.
There is something very strange going on here.
163
00:11:37,846 --> 00:11:41,846
No, there isn't. So why's there a
wardrobe jammed up against the door?
164
00:11:41,846 --> 00:11:44,646
Feng Shui.
165
00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:46,686
Oh, yes, I've read about that.
166
00:11:46,686 --> 00:11:51,526
Organising your furniture to keep
out unhelpful, negative energy.
167
00:11:51,526 --> 00:11:54,126
Does it work? No.
168
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:58,486
Well, I'll get
straight to the point.
169
00:11:58,486 --> 00:12:01,126
I know that you and Tim
are taking drugs.
170
00:12:01,126 --> 00:12:05,286
Why would you possibly think that?
The way you've been behaving.
171
00:12:05,286 --> 00:12:06,846
Give me one example.
172
00:12:06,846 --> 00:12:09,726
All right, you're acting
all nervous and twitchy.
173
00:12:09,726 --> 00:12:11,886
All right, two examples.
174
00:12:11,886 --> 00:12:14,686
All right, two, you're
hiding behind your wardrobe.
175
00:12:14,686 --> 00:12:16,646
Three examples.
176
00:12:16,646 --> 00:12:21,646
All right, three,
I came round yesterday and saw you both taking drugs.
177
00:12:21,646 --> 00:12:25,246
Most people would have
had that as number one.
178
00:12:25,246 --> 00:12:27,366
We weren't taking drugs.
179
00:12:27,366 --> 00:12:29,766
You know what they say
about denial, Lee.
180
00:12:29,766 --> 00:12:31,926
It isn't just a river in France.
181
00:12:35,846 --> 00:12:41,366
I saw you rubbing powder
into your gums. That was to test to see if it was washing powder.
182
00:12:41,366 --> 00:12:42,926
I wasn't born yesterday, Lee.
183
00:12:42,926 --> 00:12:46,526
To test if something was washing
powder, you do something else.
184
00:12:46,526 --> 00:12:51,926
Like what? I don't know,
like putting it in your eyes to see if it made you cry bubbles.
185
00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:57,966
Tell me the truth,
or I'm going to the police. Why?
186
00:12:57,966 --> 00:13:01,726
Because Tim didn't come home last
night and his phone's switched off.
187
00:13:01,726 --> 00:13:04,206
And he only does that
during Midsomer Murders.
188
00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:07,206
Promise me you won't
go to the police.
189
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:09,246
Only if you tell me the truth.
190
00:13:10,766 --> 00:13:13,766
Look, Tim stayed
here last night and he's fine.
191
00:13:13,766 --> 00:13:17,046
We weren't taking drugs the other
day, we were just... Experimenting?
192
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:20,286
Yeah. Well, I had a friend who
"experimented" by smoking marijuana.
193
00:13:20,286 --> 00:13:25,286
Thought it was harmless,
but they were on a slippery slope and they learned a hard lesson.
194
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:29,606
What? Don't get wasted
at the top of a slippery slope.
195
00:13:31,286 --> 00:13:35,126
Broke both his ankles.
And lost his snowboard.
196
00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:40,166
All right, I'm going to go.
But I want you to both look at this.
197
00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:42,646
It's a leaflet
for the drugs helpline.
198
00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:46,566
Oh, excuse the holes.
It's the nail gun.
199
00:13:46,566 --> 00:13:49,286
It keeps going off unexpectedly.
200
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:52,046
And, Lee, do me a favour.
201
00:13:52,046 --> 00:13:56,606
Next time I ask you
a straight question, don't treat me like an idiot.
202
00:14:09,246 --> 00:14:11,486
Is it safe?
203
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:18,126
What were you
going to do with that? Stick it up his backside and sing Ladleweiss?
204
00:14:21,446 --> 00:14:28,766
It wasn't him. We were lucky. Buy
some more cocaine and give it back to your butcher friend, and quick.
205
00:14:28,766 --> 00:14:33,086
What are you talking about, cocaine?
It was heroin. Was it? Wasn't it?
206
00:14:33,086 --> 00:14:35,326
I don't know.
207
00:14:35,326 --> 00:14:38,126
There's a bit left. Try some. What?
Go on.
208
00:14:38,126 --> 00:14:41,046
If you start talking quickly,
we'll know it's cocaine.
209
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:47,126
If I lose four stone, steal DVD
players and become a male prostitute, we know it's heroin.
210
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:51,886
We need to find an expert
to identify it and find out what it's worth.
211
00:14:51,886 --> 00:14:53,446
Brilliant.
212
00:14:53,446 --> 00:14:57,286
Let's ring Fiona Bruce and
see if she's still presenting the Narcotics Roadshow.
213
00:14:57,286 --> 00:15:00,726
Yeah, or Dickinson's Real Deal.
214
00:15:04,086 --> 00:15:06,246
Crack In The Attic.
215
00:15:06,246 --> 00:15:12,366
This is excellent use of our time.
Let's think of some more drug puns about TV programmes, shall we?
216
00:15:12,366 --> 00:15:13,846
That'll solve everything.
217
00:15:14,926 --> 00:15:17,526
I know. Top Gear. Shut it!
218
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:23,006
We'll phone this lot.
219
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,646
Thanks for coming round so quickly.
That's OK. That's why we're here.
220
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:33,566
To chat, honestly and frankly.
221
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:37,486
I agree. It's very important
to be honest in these situations.
222
00:15:37,486 --> 00:15:41,846
So, what exactly did you find
in your son's bedroom?
223
00:15:44,246 --> 00:15:48,006
I found this under his mattress.
You can imagine how shocked I was.
224
00:15:48,006 --> 00:15:50,006
I was only looking for pornography.
225
00:15:50,966 --> 00:15:53,446
And why was that?
The internet's down.
226
00:15:55,126 --> 00:16:00,886
You're right,
it's not a time for jokes. So, what exactly do you know about drugs?
227
00:16:00,886 --> 00:16:04,086
Nothing. When I was his age,
we couldn't even afford them.
228
00:16:04,086 --> 00:16:06,686
To get high,
I went to the glue factory.
229
00:16:06,686 --> 00:16:10,806
Did that work? Yeah, there was a
bloke there selling cheap cannabis.
230
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:18,006
I say cheap, not that I know what
cannabis costs because I don't take drugs. And neither does he.
231
00:16:18,006 --> 00:16:21,566
Oh. And this is? Tim. I'm a friend
of the fa...
232
00:16:21,566 --> 00:16:24,006
Unless you said
we were a gay couple?
233
00:16:27,326 --> 00:16:30,566
Why would I say that?
I'm a friend of the family.
234
00:16:30,566 --> 00:16:35,926
Well, what you've found is definitely
a banned substance. It's cocaine.
235
00:16:35,926 --> 00:16:38,686
Where could he possibly
be getting this stuff from?
236
00:16:38,686 --> 00:16:41,326
Well, it's all too easy
to obtain drugs.
237
00:16:41,326 --> 00:16:45,726
Good. God, is it? He's probably
getting it off the street. More specific, street names?
238
00:16:45,726 --> 00:16:49,006
Postcode's better for sat nav.
239
00:16:50,006 --> 00:16:54,286
I know there's a group
of dealers operating on Seeton Road at the moment.
240
00:16:54,286 --> 00:16:56,366
Great, Seaton Road.
241
00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:58,166
With two Es.
242
00:16:58,166 --> 00:17:00,486
That can't be earning
them much money.
243
00:17:05,086 --> 00:17:08,646
Next question, how much would
he be paying for this stuff?
244
00:17:08,646 --> 00:17:11,926
For an amount like that,
probably £60.
245
00:17:11,926 --> 00:17:15,846
How about for an amount,
say, like that?
246
00:17:15,846 --> 00:17:18,166
That's a serious quantity.
247
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:20,126
About £8,000.
248
00:17:23,606 --> 00:17:26,406
Don't we get a discount for bulk?
249
00:17:26,406 --> 00:17:28,126
Do YOU get a discount?
250
00:17:28,126 --> 00:17:29,766
He means my son.
251
00:17:29,766 --> 00:17:31,766
This son of yours...
252
00:17:31,766 --> 00:17:34,086
Yes? What is his name?
253
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:36,646
George.
254
00:17:40,006 --> 00:17:42,246
George? Yeah.
255
00:17:42,246 --> 00:17:45,686
Same as the make of my T-shirt?
256
00:17:45,686 --> 00:17:47,406
Yeah.
257
00:17:47,406 --> 00:17:51,446
May I have a word with him?
He's out. Where?
258
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,966
At ASDA.
259
00:17:57,726 --> 00:18:03,526
I notice you don't have any photos
of your son, George at ASDA?
260
00:18:05,046 --> 00:18:09,166
No, You see, he doesn't
photograph very well. He's, um...
261
00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:11,606
He's, um... A vampire.
262
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,446
What?
263
00:18:15,446 --> 00:18:18,286
Hang on, that's reflections,
isn't it?
264
00:18:18,286 --> 00:18:20,326
He's a Red Indian, that's it.
265
00:18:20,326 --> 00:18:24,286
He believes the camera
steals his soul, so he can never be photographed.
266
00:18:24,286 --> 00:18:29,366
I'm not exactly sure what's
going on here, but I think we'll leave it there for now.
267
00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:32,646
I'm going to go and speak
to some of my colleagues.
268
00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:34,846
I'll be in touch.
269
00:18:37,606 --> 00:18:39,606
George at ASDA!
270
00:18:39,606 --> 00:18:45,206
Well, it's better than
Big Chief Nosferatu, the Native American smack-head vampire.
271
00:18:45,206 --> 00:18:49,766
What if she goes to the police?
Stop panicking. You've got the information you want.
272
00:18:49,766 --> 00:18:55,886
It's cocaine, you get it from
Seeton Road, it costs about £8,000. Just get it done, and quick.
273
00:19:04,086 --> 00:19:06,686
It's bad enough having
to empty my savings account,
274
00:19:06,686 --> 00:19:11,326
but can you at least stop holding
it like you're advertising a Sun bingo promotion?
275
00:19:11,326 --> 00:19:12,926
Just act cool.
276
00:19:12,926 --> 00:19:14,406
It's about bravado and confidence.
277
00:19:14,406 --> 00:19:18,406
These are our streets. We know every
alleyway like the back of our hands.
278
00:19:18,406 --> 00:19:20,686
'Right on the roundabout.'
279
00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:22,966
Maybe lose the sat nav?
280
00:19:22,966 --> 00:19:25,006
And the National Trust
membership sticker.
281
00:19:25,006 --> 00:19:26,966
And the Rolf Harris CD.
282
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,166
And the tartan travel rug.
283
00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:32,886
All right, pimp my ride, why
don't you? You watch Pimp My Ride?
284
00:19:32,886 --> 00:19:35,206
I record it and watch it backwards.
285
00:19:35,206 --> 00:19:38,766
I love seeing those vulgar cars
restored to their original condition.
286
00:19:50,046 --> 00:19:53,766
This is great, I don't even
have to get out of the car.
287
00:19:55,206 --> 00:19:58,206
Big Mac, chicken nuggets
and fries, please.
288
00:19:59,086 --> 00:20:01,286
I was trying to lighten the mood.
289
00:20:01,286 --> 00:20:04,086
We normally get our drugs
from Boots.
290
00:20:04,086 --> 00:20:05,766
I don't sell drugs.
291
00:20:05,766 --> 00:20:07,326
I beg your pardon?
292
00:20:07,326 --> 00:20:09,966
That would be illegal, officer.
293
00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:13,526
You think if we were coppers,
I'd let him open his mouth?
294
00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:16,926
You don't look like the type
of geezers who buy drugs.
295
00:20:16,926 --> 00:20:21,486
I took drugs before you were born,
like your mum, by the look of it.
296
00:20:22,486 --> 00:20:24,486
I've done 'em all, me, mate.
297
00:20:24,486 --> 00:20:27,646
Es, Gs, Bs, knees.
298
00:20:27,646 --> 00:20:30,526
Snap, crackle, poppers.
299
00:20:30,526 --> 00:20:33,086
Hobnobs, crystal tips, acid drops.
300
00:20:33,086 --> 00:20:37,606
Reefers, roofers, joiners.
301
00:20:37,606 --> 00:20:41,286
Speed, Speed 2, Charlie, Brown.
302
00:20:42,126 --> 00:20:44,726
Snoopy, droopy,
303
00:20:44,726 --> 00:20:48,526
Fred Bassett.
Uppers, downers, frowners.
304
00:20:48,526 --> 00:20:51,006
Frosties. Frosties?
305
00:20:51,006 --> 00:20:53,246
Yeah. Good shit, is frosties.
306
00:20:53,246 --> 00:20:56,166
50% crack, 50%...
307
00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:58,006
..tiger's foot.
308
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:03,566
They're grrr... Shut up. Don't tell
me you've never heard of frosties?
309
00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:06,046
Call yourself a dealer? Yeah.
310
00:21:06,046 --> 00:21:09,886
Course I've heard of them.
Is that what you're after? Not today, thanks.
311
00:21:09,886 --> 00:21:14,326
Approximately half a kilo
of powdered cocaine, if it's not too much trouble, young man.
312
00:21:15,286 --> 00:21:16,966
Wait here.
313
00:21:19,886 --> 00:21:24,726
What? It's like watching an episode
of The Wire starring Derek Nimmo.
314
00:21:33,566 --> 00:21:36,166
Lee, I think we're being followed.
315
00:21:38,126 --> 00:21:39,806
Don't be stupid.
316
00:21:39,806 --> 00:21:43,286
I think it's an unmarked police car.
How do you know?
317
00:21:43,286 --> 00:21:46,446
It doesn't say "police'" on it
anywhere.
318
00:21:46,446 --> 00:21:52,526
It could be The Butcher. Maybe it's
a gangster car with weapons and hookers and a Jacuzzi in the back.
319
00:21:52,526 --> 00:21:55,486
What car is it?
Powder-blue 1.4 Nissan Micra.
320
00:21:56,726 --> 00:22:00,166
What? You think I watch
too many gangster films?
321
00:22:00,166 --> 00:22:02,326
No, I don't think you watch enough.
322
00:22:03,566 --> 00:22:06,446
I'm serious, Lee.
There is someone following us.
323
00:22:06,446 --> 00:22:09,566
Maybe I should pull over.
What? Put your foot down!
324
00:22:09,566 --> 00:22:11,326
OK, I INSIST we pull over!
325
00:22:11,326 --> 00:22:13,406
Just step on it, now.
326
00:22:13,406 --> 00:22:14,766
OK. Let's do this.
327
00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:19,326
Sit back, tighten your seat belt
and let's crank that stereo good and loud.
328
00:22:19,326 --> 00:22:22,046
♪ Two little boys had
two little toys...
329
00:22:27,206 --> 00:22:32,566
♪ When we were two little boys. ♪
330
00:22:32,566 --> 00:22:34,846
I think we've lost them.
331
00:22:34,846 --> 00:22:37,246
You all right?
332
00:22:37,246 --> 00:22:43,286
I'm fine. It's just that bit where
he goes back for him on the horse.
333
00:22:43,286 --> 00:22:49,246
It always gets me.
Well, this is the address.
334
00:22:49,246 --> 00:22:53,406
"Larry Stubbs,
Butcher & Poulterer."
335
00:22:53,406 --> 00:22:59,326
Well, there's a glimmer of hope.
Maybe he'll just poulter us. Come on.
336
00:23:05,406 --> 00:23:07,326
Larry "The Butcher" Stubbs?
337
00:23:08,686 --> 00:23:11,166
Well, well, well.
338
00:23:11,166 --> 00:23:13,766
You must be Timothy Gladstone Adams.
339
00:23:13,766 --> 00:23:15,926
You've got balls showing up here.
340
00:23:15,926 --> 00:23:19,646
Unless, of course,
you've brought along some dope.
341
00:23:19,646 --> 00:23:21,166
Hello!
342
00:23:26,566 --> 00:23:28,606
I think we've got
something of yours.
343
00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:35,646
It's a nice place you've got here.
344
00:23:35,646 --> 00:23:40,526
Yeah. If I was a cow, this is
where I'd want to be butchered.
345
00:23:41,846 --> 00:23:43,766
Honestly, it was
a complete accident.
346
00:23:43,766 --> 00:23:46,926
I took your coat home,
thinking it was mine. Shh.
347
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:48,526
Be a good little boy.
348
00:23:48,526 --> 00:23:52,606
You don't want Daddy to have
to give you a slap, do you?
349
00:23:52,606 --> 00:23:55,406
You're not going
to tell my dad, are you?
350
00:23:58,046 --> 00:23:59,926
What the hell is this?
351
00:23:59,926 --> 00:24:01,686
It's your drugs.
352
00:24:01,686 --> 00:24:03,286
This is washing powder.
353
00:24:03,286 --> 00:24:07,806
Come on. You can't tell that
just by looking at it.
354
00:24:13,166 --> 00:24:16,446
OK, that does look a little
bit like washing powder.
355
00:24:16,446 --> 00:24:18,126
Yeah, I use that stuff.
356
00:24:18,126 --> 00:24:20,806
It's pretty good...shit.
357
00:24:22,326 --> 00:24:25,686
Look, you've even
written me a little note.
358
00:24:25,686 --> 00:24:29,006
Have we?
"Wash your mouth out, tosser.
359
00:24:29,006 --> 00:24:31,846
"No-one slags off my mum."
360
00:24:33,646 --> 00:24:35,846
I don't remember
slagging off your mum.
361
00:24:35,846 --> 00:24:40,846
You didn't. Have you any idea
what I'm going to do to you?
362
00:24:40,846 --> 00:24:43,046
You sons of bitches.
363
00:24:43,046 --> 00:24:46,766
Strictly speaking, you're now
slagging off both our... Not now, Tim.
364
00:24:49,206 --> 00:24:54,326
You think you're hard, do you?
Just remember, there's two of us and only one of you.
365
00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:59,686
If you want to rumble,
bring on the thunder, little man, see how far it gets you.
366
00:25:06,566 --> 00:25:10,486
Why does that kind of thing work
when Steven Seagal says it?
367
00:25:10,486 --> 00:25:13,406
Come on, mate. Let us go, please.
368
00:25:13,406 --> 00:25:15,286
Sorry, boys.
369
00:25:15,286 --> 00:25:17,806
I've got a reputation to think of.
370
00:25:17,806 --> 00:25:19,926
This is my manor, see?
371
00:25:19,926 --> 00:25:22,606
I don't know where your manors are.
372
00:25:22,606 --> 00:25:25,246
He did say "please".
373
00:25:25,246 --> 00:25:28,926
He means manor, as in
To The Manor Born, you pillock!
374
00:25:28,926 --> 00:25:33,006
That's right.
And I've BLEEP Penelope Keith!
375
00:25:33,006 --> 00:25:34,926
Does Peter Bowles know about this?
376
00:25:34,926 --> 00:25:39,566
Did you hear that? See,
I said we were being followed.
377
00:25:39,566 --> 00:25:43,526
It must be the police. Oh, thank
God! What are you talking about?
378
00:25:43,526 --> 00:25:44,806
I'll tell you, sunshine.
379
00:25:44,806 --> 00:25:49,326
We're talking about Old Bill
walking through that door and serving you up cold porridge.
380
00:25:49,326 --> 00:25:50,926
Hello!
381
00:25:52,766 --> 00:25:56,286
Oh, yeah. Powder-blue Nissan Micra.
I could kick myself.
382
00:25:56,286 --> 00:25:59,086
Hi. I'm Daisy.
383
00:26:00,406 --> 00:26:02,046
Bit rude.
384
00:26:02,046 --> 00:26:06,166
I followed you, Tim. I wanted to
know if your involvement with drugs
385
00:26:06,166 --> 00:26:08,446
was getting out of hand.
386
00:26:08,446 --> 00:26:11,006
Well, Tim?
Is it getting out of hand?
387
00:26:14,326 --> 00:26:17,406
You come here on your own,
sweetheart? Yes.
388
00:26:17,406 --> 00:26:22,046
I bet you phoned the police.
But when I came round, you made me promise...
389
00:26:22,046 --> 00:26:26,366
Never mind that, Daisy. If you tell
us that you did phone the police,
390
00:26:26,366 --> 00:26:31,926
and that they're on their way,
this man will have to let us all go home. You understand?
391
00:26:31,926 --> 00:26:37,166
Yes. That is what will happen if
you tell us you phoned the police.
392
00:26:37,166 --> 00:26:38,886
Right.
393
00:26:38,886 --> 00:26:42,046
Now, did you phone the police?
394
00:26:43,366 --> 00:26:44,766
No.
395
00:26:46,166 --> 00:26:49,446
Looks like I'm going
to need another meat hook. Freeze!
396
00:26:52,246 --> 00:26:54,806
I think you should
untie them, don't you?
397
00:26:54,806 --> 00:27:00,526
I'll tell you what I think -
a nice girl like you doesn't know how to work one of those.
398
00:27:00,526 --> 00:27:04,366
That is very true. I was returning
it. It keeps going off accidentally!
399
00:27:07,326 --> 00:27:08,566
Oh, my God.
400
00:27:08,566 --> 00:27:10,406
I am so sorry!
401
00:27:13,686 --> 00:27:16,486
Sorry, which ones did I do?
402
00:27:16,486 --> 00:27:19,246
Never mind him, Daisy.
Just untie us!
403
00:27:19,246 --> 00:27:20,366
Oh, yes.
404
00:27:30,046 --> 00:27:31,566
Whoops!
405
00:27:40,606 --> 00:27:43,086
I can't believe
the police let you off.
406
00:27:43,086 --> 00:27:44,646
They didn't have any choice.
407
00:27:44,646 --> 00:27:48,966
It's not against the law to spend
£8,000 on a box of washing powder.
408
00:27:49,886 --> 00:27:52,166
Ask anyone that shops at Waitrose.
409
00:27:55,086 --> 00:27:56,886
And what about Daisy?
410
00:27:56,886 --> 00:27:59,006
She got off with a caution.
411
00:27:59,006 --> 00:28:02,926
At first they thought she
was the brains behind the whole operation, but...
412
00:28:04,206 --> 00:28:05,886
..luckily, she opened her mouth.
413
00:28:06,726 --> 00:28:11,006
If you'd gone to the police at the
start, this would have been avoided.
414
00:28:11,006 --> 00:28:13,366
It's easy to be wise
after the event.
415
00:28:13,366 --> 00:28:16,966
I told you two days ago, and Daisy
said it again yesterday.
416
00:28:16,966 --> 00:28:22,326
It's easy to be wise before,
during and after the event.
417
00:28:22,326 --> 00:28:25,126
Anyway, of course they let us off.
418
00:28:25,126 --> 00:28:28,006
The police knew we never
meant to steal those drugs.
419
00:28:28,006 --> 00:28:29,766
I'm many things, Lucy.
420
00:28:29,766 --> 00:28:33,726
But if there's one thing I'm not,
it's a thief. Cup of tea?
421
00:28:40,206 --> 00:28:41,886
♪ We're not going out
422
00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:43,566
♪ Not staying in
423
00:28:43,566 --> 00:28:46,686
♪ Just hanging around with my head
in a spin
424
00:28:46,686 --> 00:28:49,606
♪ But there is no need
to scream and shout
425
00:28:49,606 --> 00:28:52,526
♪ We're not going out
426
00:28:52,526 --> 00:28:55,286
♪ We are not going out. ♪
427
00:28:55,286 --> 00:28:57,486
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
428
00:28:57,536 --> 00:29:02,086
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