All language subtitles for Mousehunt.1997.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX].eng

Hold your end up higher.
You're not holding it.

I am, too.

-You are not.
-Don't worry about me.

Hey, isn't that suit charcoal?

No.

Looks charcoal gray to me.
Some gray polyester blend.

You'd think
you could find a black suit

for your own father's funeral.

-It's black.
-No. I'm sure it's gray.

-It's black.
-Gray.

-Black.
-Gray.

-Black.
-Fine, it's black.

It's the grayest black I've ever seen.

It doesn't matter what color it is!

I'm sorry, Pop. I'm sorry!

Quick! Get him out of there!

He's halfway to the harbor
by now, bub.

Well.

"I leave you not just a model factory,

"but something
infinitely more valuable.

"The future of string...

"itself.

"And thus, it is my dying wish

"that my two sons
run Smuntz String together."

Great. Let's stick
a "For Sale" sign up on the lawn

and see what we can get.

Ernie, we're not supposed to sell it.
We're supposed to run it. Together.

Either way,
this godforsaken museum piece

is not worth a dime. Now, is it, Lars?

Some things are more important
than money, Ernie.

Notice it's always the financially
challenged who say that.

Please, please.

"I also bequeath to you
my personal effects,

"including my ceramic egg,

"half box of Cuban cigars.. ."

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

"My collection of spoons."

My goodness, what a treasure.
What a legacy.

Spoons! Spoons!
So many spoons, so little time.

And, of course, something no household
should be without.

The ceramic egg!

Can I have the egg? Can I?

-No, I want you to have it.
-Fine, I'll take it!

Look, if you find any real estate
on that desk, you let me know.

Well, it seems there is also a house.

-A house?
-Yes, "5120 Nortondale."

Your father acquired it
many years ago as payment of a debt.

He never lived there,
but it's interesting.

It seems the previous owner was found
locked in a trunk in the attic.

Wait a minute. Is it worth anything?

Well, he was able to borrow $50,000
against it to pay his workers.

Really? So, what is its value today?

Fifty thousand dollars.

Great.

A worthless house
and a broken-down string factory.

Well, at least
the day wasn't a total loss.

Thanks for the stogies, Pop.

Wait. You can't go, Ernie.

We have to go through
all these papers.

You'll have to excuse me.

I've got a date with the Mayor.

Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor, over here!
Mr. Mayor!

Mr. Mayor, do you think
your recent triple heart bypass

will affect your campaign strategy?

Now, Leslie, I'm just here to eat.

Monsieur le maire,
madame maire, welcome to Chez Ernie.

What an honor it is to have you
in my humble bistro.

You brought the little ones.
The little bicycle thieves.

Bonjour! Our very best table.

-Have you lost a little weight?
-I...

I think so! I think you may be buff.

-You know what I mean?
-Monsieur Ernie!

The air's not so thin at the top.

Just like the old man to die
before I hit it big.

Remember, everyone.
Attention to detail is vital!

Presentation is everything.

No, no, no!
These I must deliver myself.

Duck a l'Orange avec du quack sauce.

And for ze Mayor,
la specialité de la maison,

Lobster Loaf à la Ernest
ou la bibliotheque.

Bon appetit.

Bonjour!

Chef Ernie,
how does it feel to be serving

the Mayor on the eve
of his campaign re-election?

-Well, Leslie. May I call you Leslie?
-Of course.

Crunchy! I love the almonds.

Leslie, cuisine,
she is a fickle mistress...

Look!

A cockroach!

That's only half a cockroach.

Daddy! You ate the head!

Honey, are you okay?

Not again!

Was this an accident or murder...

Clear!

I can do that better!

Smuntz String is a relic of history.

You don't make string by twining
two strands together anymore.

No. You make it simple,
singular, strong, with nylon.

But that's not string. That's cord.

Exactly.

Twine is yesterday.
Single strong cord is today.

Zeppco International has been
interested in your factory for years,

but your father refused to sell.

We're hoping
you would be a little smarter.

Zeppco is willing to buy you out

and bring this museum
into the 21 st century.

Of course, we will keep you on
as a string consultant,

with a huge salary
and a hefty pension.

-So.. .
-Well...

What do you say?

-My sons.. .
-Ernie.

-Ernie!
-Yeah. Just a sec.

I want you to have something.

My most prized possession.

It's a piece of string.

Not just any string. The string.

I found it my first day in America.

What's with the string?

It's been in my pocket for 60 years.

Here! I want you two to share it.

Maybe it'll bring you closer together.

-You haven't talked much lately.
-Yeah.

-What are you doing?
-I'm breaking it in half.

-No!
-No?

I want you to share it.

-Forever.
-Sure, Pop, sure.

Here. You carry it the first 50 years,
I'll take the next.

Sure.

And turn up
the morphine drip a little.

I heard that.

Promise me that you will never sell

Smuntz String

to one of those big conglomerates.

Keep it
between you... brothers, family.

Promise.

I promise, Pop.

-I promise.
-So, you were saying?

I'll have to pass.

What?

"A world without string is chaos."

For once the Smuntz name
was worth something!

No, no! Don't!

You used to love string!

That was before,

when I was dating the son
of a wealthy string magnate!

Not now,

when I am married to the half-owner
of a worthless deathtrap!

I thought you'd be happy!
I stood up for myself today!

April, I've got new ideas
for the factory.

You know, I've got big plans!

Don't you see, Lars?

That's all you've ever had are plans.

But my life is passing me by,
and I need more!

There's no air
in the middle class, Lars.

I can't breathe here.

Please, April, don't go.

I'm not going anywhere.

In a few brief moments,
the joy of the holidays was shattered

and the world changed for many people.

Mayor McKrinkle died
this afternoon at 4:30 p.m.

at Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital.

Doctors here say the official cause
of death is heart failure

due to the Mayor's recent
culinary disaster.

And once the hottest restaurants
on the wharf, Chez Ernie

has been condemned and...

Excuse me, I'm sorry,

I don't think I ordered
my cheese sandwich with capers.

We go live to Leslie Reinhart
for more updates.

I'm sorry.

If there is a villain in this tragedy,
it is Ernie Smuntz.

Hey, Ernie. You're on the TV again!

What?

You know what this is? I'll tell ya.

-Guilt by accusation.
-No capers.

No capers?

But that's just grilled cheese.
What's the point?

Why don't they eat out of a trough?

All right, which one of you
palateless sheep

sent my sandwich back?

-Hi, Ernie!
-Lars?

When I'm in the kitchen, I cook.

I can't control every single thing
that goes on in there.

You know, it really isn't fair
for everybody to blame you.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Yes. But society always needs somebody
to persecute,

a scapegoat, someone to demonize.
The same thing happened to Galileo.

Really? That's unbelievable.

With a cockroach and everything?

No.

The point is, I put everything I had
into that restaurant.

It was my livelihood and my home.

In one fatal bite,
it was all taken away from me.

If only we could sell the factory.

I'd let you stay with me, you know,
but April threw me out.

That's too bad.

Yeah, well, don't worry about me,
though Ernie.

This is temporary.

April's been like this
since high school.

She'll be back. I...

Would you look at that?
Sleeping in the street. Pitiful.

If I had a house, I'd sleep in it!

Ernie, do you remember
how close we were as kids?

No.

Hey! Merry Christmas!

Yeah, I was on top once, too.

But there's only one way
to go from there,

and that's down, baby, down!

Ernie.

Ernie, there was a quarter in there.

A quarter? You think so small, Lars.

Look at the bigger picture.

You have no home, you have no wife,
you have no money.

You have no discernible talents.
How can you ignore that?

Ernie, it's Christmas.

Instead of dwelling
on what we don't have,

we should be thankful
for what we do have.

What a dump.

I can't believe
Pops never told us about this house.

It's huge.

This is just the kind of house
I'd expect him to have.

It's just like him. Cold and spooky.

-Did you feel that?
-What?

I got a chill.

You shouldn't talk
about Pop like that.

Really? What's this do for you?

Thanks for nothing,
you string-sucking old loon!

He didn't mean it, Pop.

Ernie! Ernie!

Only one bed. I'll flip you for it.

Heads.

Ernie?

Ernie. Ernie.

-You asleep?
-I was.

How can you sleep through that?

-What? I don't hear anything.
-That.

Listen. Hear it?
It's coming from upstairs.

Mothballs.

Hey, stop it! Hey!

Ernie. Ernie.

Wait. Wait a minute. Stop. Stop!

Look. Look, look, look.
It's only a toy.

Shut up!

It's coming from up there!

One, two, three!

-It's just a mouse.
-What?

It's just a mouse. Never mind.

Hey, there are some posters up here.

Stand still!

They're blueprints.

Wait a minute.
Look at this date, 1876.

A centennial house
could actually be worth something.

Look, this must be the architect.
Here, look.

"Charles Lyle LaRue."

-Charles Lyle LaRue.
-Charles Lyle LaRue?

Charles Lyle LaRue.

Charles Lyle LaRue!

Charles Lyle LaRue!

I'm actually standing
in the missing LaRue!

-It's bold yet subtle.
-Classical yet non-traditional.

The missing LaRue.

The rumored design completed

shortly before his committal
is a rumor no more.

Before his committal?

Well, I'm just glad
he finished the place

before they carted him off
to the laughing academy.

So, what do you think

a magnificent edifice
like this is worth?

Properly restored, of course.

Well, his Parma Charnel House
went for six...

But that was 10 years ago,

and it didn't have
this exquisite molding.

I see.
I can't get enough of good molding.

Did you hear that? $600,000.

Alexander Falko!

Back!

Gentlemen, congratulations.

Congratulations on your find.
I'm a great admirer of LaRue.

Glass of rainwater, please.

Yes, Mr. Falko was the world's
leading collector of LaRues.

Sort of like collecting stamps,
but they're bigger, right?

I'll get to the point. LaRue.
I have his books and his letters.

You see these shoes?

-LaRues?
-LaRues?

No, but I'm sure
he would have loved them.

Vegetarian snack.

I own 42 LaRue houses, 42.
I want to make it 43.

You tell me how I'm going to do this.

Tell me how I will do this.
Help me. How will I do this?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

His, Parma Charnel House went for six,

but that was 10 years ago
and it didn't have this molding.

I'd say a find like this
in today's market

is worth twice as much.

He's a LaRue connoisseur.

Guilty as charged.

Gentlemen, I'm going
to make you an offer.

No, no, no,
I couldn't possibly be so crass

as to allow you to do that.

But you are welcome
to come to the auction.

-Auction?
-Auction, yes.

It would be grossly unfair of us

to deprive others of the chance
to bid on the missing LaRue.

May I have just one moment
with my brother, please?

-Sure. Of course.
-Thank you.

Excuse me, please.

-What is this?
-It's the...

-What is this?
-It's the first I've heard...

No. No.

What are you doing?

What am I doing?
I'm answering your prayers.

These pigeons are ripe for plucking.

Put them in a room together
try and outbid each other?

-We'll make $700,000, $800,000 easy.
-Man, you're smart!

-You're going to get this.. .
-Don't talk to me!

So, when is the earliest
we can set the auction?

Well, I suppose all arrangements
could be completed within the week.

-A week it is.
-Great!

You're smarter than you look.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

But know this.

I have never paid
more than $10 million

for a house in my life!

Okay, see you, then.

Yeah. Thanks for stopping by.

Ten million linen napkins.

Five million bales
of top-grade cotton fiber.

Forty thousand hot lamps complete
with rotating plate-warming trays.

Two thousand twine threaders,
gleaming under real lights.

My own chain
of fine gourmet restaurants.

April can have
anything she's ever wanted!

Cars, coats, china. She loves china.

I'm gonna build
an Olympic size swimming pool

fill it with pina coladas
and college girls.

If only Pop were here
to see this house!

He did. He just wasn't smart enough
to sell it.

Lars, we've turned a corner.
Our future is staring us in the face.

And all we have to do is grab it,
baste it and scarf it down!

We've finally found our friend's home!

Well, I bought
a little present for ya, buddy.

Ernie, it's just a little mouse.
Do we really have to kill it?

Yes. Listen to me.
A single vermin can bring you down.

Believe me, I know.

-I trust you slept well.
-Like a baby.

Hey, last night,
did you happen to hear the...

-Yeah. Let's see.
-Yeah.

-Well, where'd he go?
-I don't know.

Maybe it snapped by itself.

I don't believe it.

He snapped the trap, ate the olive,
and left the pit just to mock us.

I think you're giving him
a little too much credit.

Mice don't mock.

They don't have
a sense of humor or irony.

He's not sitting in his hole
in a smoking jacket,

sipping cognac and giggling
to himself, "I left the pit."

The trap snapped itself,
the olive flew off, and he ate it.

It's just that simple.

But now that he knows we're here,
he won't come within a mile of us.

I don't think we'll be seeing
any more of that... Mouse!

What are you doing, you stupid nitwit?

Don't! Give me that!
Don't let him get away!

Are you trying to kill me?

The mouse!

Let me see. Let me see!

Can you see him?

Get me my Gouda.

-Careful, careful !
-Don't touch me. You'll snap it.

-Well, you're not doing it right.
-Please, let me concentrate, will ya?

I'm putting it on carefully.
I am not...

Relax. It's cheese.

Bon appetit.

That takes care of that.

Hey!

Hey! What are you doing?

Lars! Gimme a hand with this.

You sure this tub fits
in with the rest of the house?

Jacuzzi tub, Lars. It's a Jacuzzi tub.

And this isn't just a house.
It's a LaRue.

Of course it fits in with the decor.

-Luxury is timeless.
-How much, Ernie?

It was a steal at $1 ,200.

$1 ,200?

You spent our last money on a tub!

A Jacuzzi tub!

You have to spend money to make money.

They threw in the cardboard lady
just to sweeten the deal.

Well...

Don't you think
this is a little... much?

Never underestimate your opponent.

Let's say he has mastered a way

to empty a mousetrap
without getting caught.

If he snaps one of these babies,

a chain reaction
will start snapping them all.

He'll panic,

and the law of averages
says one has to nab him.

Not bad.

Yes. Well, I like
to use both sides of my brain.

Come on, let's hit the sack.

-Have you figured it out yet?
-Shut up.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking!

Ernie. Ernie!

Keep perfectly still. This is it.

-What's he doing?
-I don't know.

That was good.

He's goin' for the cherries!

But you said mice like Gouda.

Not in the morning !
Cheese tires them out.

They need fruit for energy.

Oh, no!

There he goes!

-Juice!
-Got it!

This game is over!

-I think it's working !
-Yeah.

I felt something.

Keep sucking!

Goddamn, that mouse stinks!

Dead animals always do.

Keep sucking, Ernie!

Yeah, this'll get him!

What's this?

We're foreclosing on your house.

You quit paying your mortgage.

Wait a minute, there's been
some mistake, this house is paid for.

No, it was paid for,
but you borrowed against it.

If you don't pay the $1 ,200 overdue,
we repossess it.

-$1 ,200?
-Well, how long do we have?

One week from, five days ago.

But, that's two days!

Look, we don't have
the time or the energy

to deal with these petty problems now.

We're in the midst
of an extensive renovation.

Looks like
you're off to a great start.

You can ask your boss at Wimpy's
for an advance.

You can pay him back
after the auction.

Couldn't you ask your workers

to forfeit their salaries
for a few weeks?

You are the boss.

Well, if you hadn't spent
all our money on that Jacuzzi tub,

we still might be able
to pay the mortgage.

It doesn't help to start crying now,
does it?

No, Fluffy! No!

No! I want my kitty!

No, no! No!

That one's cute.

He doesn't have that killer instinct.

Morning, gentlemen. I'm Maury.
Anything I can help you with?

Hi, Maury. We need a cat.

Find the one you want
and I'll spay or neuter it myself.

Well, these are all kittens.

We were hoping for an older cat.
One with experience.

That's a switch.

Most people like the cute little ones.
Experience with what?

-Mouse hunting.
-All cats are good mousers.

Yes. But we have huge rats
the size of sumo wrestlers

and lots of them.

So, we really need a ferocious feline,

preferably with a history
of mental illness.

I'm talking one mean pussy.

Yeah ! A vicious cat,
difficult to love.

Do you have any of those
knocking around your cages?

Funny you should ask. I had all
but given up on anyone wanting him.

We were about to gas him again.

-Again?
-Again?

He's spent most of his whole life
in that box, I expect.

"Catzilla"?

You know,
the guys who clean up call him that.

But you can call him
anything you want.

I'd say he looks like a "Fluffy."

Poor little Catzilla.

You want a home, don't you?
You wanna get out of here.

Well, you're gonna have
to kill, kill, kill for it.

You're a stupid cat, aren't you?

Yes, you are. And ugly. Extremely...

-You little bastard.
-We'll take him.

Here, boy.

He's got the scent now.

Yeah, go get him, boy.

Easy, easy, easy, easy!

I almost feel sorry
for the little fella.

-Almost!
-Almost!

It's time to stop worrying
about that mouse

and start thinking about
how we're gonna locate $1 ,200.

Don't worry, Ernie.
The workers will help us out.

You see, the truth is,

we don't actually have any money.

We may have to defer
your next paycheck or two.

So my brother and I can pay
the mortgage on the house.

It's the missing LaRue!

There's no need for violence!

Wait!

Put that thing down.

Ernie!

What's the matter?

Well, the workers, they didn't react
as positively as I hoped.

No?

What are you doing?

You could fit
through this window, right?

What? I guess so.

Come on.

But, Lars, that was our last resort!

We're gonna have to find the money
some place else.

Gosh, it's a shame nobody's interested
in buying the factory.

Yeah, yeah, it's a shame.

But who'd be stupid enough
to buy the factory, right?

Yeah.

You must be... Caesar.

Well, Mr. Caesar, we're glad
you could get here so quickly.

You have mice.

He's good.

5120 Nortondale.

January 4th, 0800 hours.

Don't forget to get toothpaste
and Saran Wrap.

We're in sort of a hurry. I just
wanna warn you about this mouse.

Yeah ! You got asbestos, all right!

I'll bet
it's up in the ceiling, mostly!

Shouldn't take me more than a day
or two to remove it.

Okay, then.
So, we're gonna go upstairs!

All right, well,
we'll all go upstairs!

Yeah.

Okay, then. Yeah.

What are you doing?

He's not listening anymore.

Good. Well, you're the expert.

I just hope you can take care
of this, whatever it takes.

We've been trying
to catch this menace all week.

Here's your problem.

Normal people are not...

psychologically equipped
to catch mice.

You have to get inside their mind.

You have to know
what they want... need.

You have to think like a mouse.

If you can do that,
if you can think like a mouse,

you can anticipate their moves.

Then, boom ! Sayonara, mouse.

Well, you got some great stuff.

Never touch that!

-All right!
-What is it?

The big one.

It's a flea bomb!

Works on mice, too.

Yeah? It better. Because we can't
handle any more intrusions.

Sure. That's how you perceive it.

But to that mouse,

you are the intruder.

I think if we work fast, we can make
enough string to meet our orders.

That's the spirit. Just a few cases
so we can keep the LaRue.

-Good luck.
-Yeah. No. Wait! Where are you going?

-Aren't you going to help?
-I have to run a little errand.

I'll see you later.

All you have to do is make
$1 ,200 worth. How long can that take?

Light a match,
they're frightened by fire!

Unsanitary creature.

Defecating... in the dining room.

0915. Evidence found.

Mus communis. Male.

Ten to 12 centimeters long,

with a...

What's this?
A slight calcium deficiency.

That's interesting.

Hi. This is Ernest Smuntz
of Smuntz String.

Is this the business representative
for Zeppco International?

Vinny? Hi, Vinny.
I'm glad I can call you Vinny.

My brother and I have decided
to reconsider your generous offer.

I'd love to discuss
selling our factory to you.

No, not at the office.

How about Ellman Square
under the big clock at noon?

You, you must be Mrs. Lars Smuntz?

I'm afraid
that status is in transition.

Well, is Lars in? I'd like to discuss
preparations for the auction.

The auction?

Careful, Lars. You might catch a cold.

April!

You look like you could use
some warming up.

Thirteen hundred hours.
I've activated the Squeak Seeker 2000.

I'm about to join with the prey.

I'm experiencing malfunction
with the plasma screen. Stand by.

Junk.

Nothing works.

What?

Oh, nuts!

EKG, a C-spine, a chest x-ray
and pelvis. Now move!

Twelve hundred dollars...

Lie still, Mr. Smuntz,
you've just been hit by a bus.

I feel fine. What time is it?

You may have had a concussion.
We're gonna do a series of x-rays.

You don't understand, Doc.

I have to get out of here.
I might still have a chance.

We saved your hat.

-I'm sorry. Are you family?
-Yes, we are sisters.

Great. There's some paperwork
I need for you to fill out.

Is he an organ donor?

Don't let them fill anything.
I don't even know them.

I'm Hilde and this is Ingrid.

-We are hair models from Belgium.
-Belgian hair models. How exotic.

Listen to me, Doc.
I need to find a phone

before I miss out
on the most important deal of my life.

I think your brother
is a little delirious.

I am not their brother.
I don't have any sisters!

Ernie, are you okay?
I came as soon as I heard.

Why are you wearing a pink overcoat?

Because April gave us the $1 ,200!

So she just up and gave you the money?

You don't think
she heard about the auction?

No. I didn't even tell her
about the auction

until after she took me back.

She just showed up at the factory

took off her coat
and begged me to take her.

We made love in a way
I've only ever seen in nature films.

I almost can't believe it.

I'll be able to open another
restaurant, you're back with April,

and you'll even be able to keep
that worthless factory.

You know it's funny that
you call the factory worthless,

because, well, there's something

I probably should have
mentioned before.

Yeah? Well, I guess
I have something to confess, too.

Hey, isn't that Caesar's truck?

-Oh, my God !
-Caesar! What happened?

-Please, sir. He's not well.
-Try to think. Did you kill the mouse?

What's that? Horse?

-Fiendish ! I won't eat it.
-No.

How'd you find him? Where was he?

911 call. No voice. We could hear
screaming in the background.

He was locked in a trunk in the attic.

We'll call you if we get any leads.

What's that?

Put that down. What is that?

That tickles!

I don't think we're dealing
with an ordinary mouse.

My kitchen!

Looks like Caesar decided
to make himself a sandwich.

Pickles, arugula and capers.

He toasted the side with the cheese...

but not the other side,
so the arugula doesn't wilt.

How did he know that?

-Hello.
-Hello.

-Do you see him?
-Yeah, I see him.

Lars, I'm stuck!
Get me out of here! I can't breathe.

I'll get a flashlight.

Hurry!

-Here, Ernie, I got it.
-I can see that.

Hang on, Ernie.
The flashlight's broken.

-Okay, Ernie. I got a light.
-Great.

Lars, do you smell something?

Smells like gas.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna kill that unspeakable thing
once and for all.

-Come on, Ernie, no, no.. .
-Stand back, Lars!

I'm a man on a mission!

Look, this is how accidents happen !
Come on, Ernie.

Put the gun down. Calm down. Come on.

I'm gonna blow
his furry little head off,

and I'm gonna splatter
his devious little mouse brain

from here to kingdom come!

No! You're gonna blow
a hole in the wall.

-Come on !
-It'll be worth it!

Think of the auction!

For God's sakes!

Think of the money, Ernie, the money!

They're gonna cut our price
if there's bullet holes in the walls.

-The money?
-Yeah, the money. The moolah. Yeah.

-There he goes.
-Shoot! Shoot!

Yes! You hit the piano!
You hit the piano.

Look.

What are you, crazy?
You're blowing the whole house up.

The only thing you haven't hit so far
is the mouse!

Would you give somebody else
a chance with that gun?

You're doing a wonderful job.

You got him!

Get him ! Get him ! Get him!

See you in hell, mouse!

Fire!

God, I hate that mouse.

When you hear the beep, start talking.

Mr. Smuntz,
this is Vinny from Zeppco calling.

We waited at the square
for over an hour,

but you never showed.

We do not appreciate
being treated this way,

especially after your brother

already turned down
our generous offer.

Consider our proposal withdrawn.

-Betrayed by my own brother!
-Betrayal?

Don't talk to me about betrayal.

You should have told me
about that offer!

-Half that factory is mine.
-And half is...

And half is mine, including the half
that you tried to sell.

Yes, and would have
if not for that stinking' bus!

Bus?

You can't leave well enough alone,
can you? You ruin everything!

Me? You blame me for this?

Look! You blew a hole in the floor!

I distinctly remember
somebody yelling, "Shoot! Shoot!"

Yeah. Well, you never
listened to me before!

-And you know why?
-Why?

Because I have no respect for you!

Spending your whole life
in that stupid factory!

It's tragic.

You think I didn't have other things
I wanted to do with my life?

You think I didn't have
ambitions of my own?

-Come on. You loved string.
-I didn't love string!

Well, you could have fooled me.

You and Pop
were always huddled together

running some piece of something
through your fingers.

It didn't matter what I did.
I didn't even exist.

I made him my special rack of lamb
for his 70th birthday.

-Oh, no!
-Yes! You remember.

I slaved over that meal,
making sure everything was perfect.

Did he say,
"Thanks, Ernie, it was delicious"?

No.

He only noticed the string
I had tied it with.

He was crazy!

But I still wanted his approval.

I didn't leave, Lars. I was cast out.

There you go again!

Blaming everything else but yourself.

You think you're a success?

Well, you... can't... cook!

-I hate you !
-And I hate you!

Not as much as I hate you!

-Yeah?
-Yeah. Double. Double!

Give me something !
I'm gonna brain you!

Here it is!

Yeah, give it to me, then ! Go ahead!

You killed him!

I didn't even know he was there!

Let's think of all the trouble
we could've saved ourselves

if we'd just thrown
fruit at him in the first place.

Look! He's still breathing!

-Well, kill him !
-Yeah!

-Find a blunt object!
-Yeah...

-There it is.
-There you go. Get that...

-Let him have it.
-I...

What the hell are you waiting for?

-I can't just hit him with a shovel.
-Why not?

Well, look at him. He's pathetic.

Pathetic? He's Hitler with a tail.

This is The Omen with whiskers.

Nostradamus didn't
see this thing coming.

-Well, he's a living thing.
-Not for long. Gimme that!

I can't!

Look at him just lying there.

It just doesn't feel
very sportsmanlike.

We gotta do something quick!
I think he's coming to.

I forgot to put holes in the box.

Hasta la vista,
you little rat bastard!

Come on. We got work to do.

Two days till payday, my friend.

Perfect. It's the architectural
find of the decade. Let's go...

-Shall we?
-Yes.

Well, it wasn't easy,
but we finally made it.

Ernie, I want you to have something.

Pop's lucky piece of string.

I'm glad you kept it.

He wanted us to share it.
I don't know why,

but I think if he were here right now,
he'd be proud of you.

I think he'd be proud of us.

Hello, ladies. How magnificent!
Welcome!

Lars, you remember Ingrid and Hilde.

-Hello.
-Hello.

Ladies, your hair
looks positively biblical!

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

Well, if you will excuse me,
I have to check on my crêpes.

Keep the champagne coming, boys.

The more they drink,
the higher they bid.

You boys put on quite a shindig here.

Thank you so much, Mr. Falko.

You know, it would be very, very sad

if you boys put on this auction
and nobody bid.

That would put a real crimp
in our evening,

but I don't think there's any danger
of that happening.

I don't know. There's a lot
of Eurotrash scarfing up the shrimps.

I tell you what.

You call off the auction. Now.

And I will write you a check

for ten millions.

As insanely generous as that is,
I have to decline,

but I do appreciate
your thoughtful concern.

Enjoy the party.

Are you interested in spooling?

Sure. My father...

I mean, my brother and I
own a string factory.

Really?

I would love
to see your factory sometime.

Really?

Hello, April. What a surprise.

Just dropping by
for no reason, I suppose?

Does a wife need a reason?
Are you entertaining?

-Don't you mean "ex-wife"?
-Not quite yet.

-Hakuna matata.
-This crêpe. C'est magnifique.

-The raisins are a nice touch.
-They are good, aren't they?

Raisins?

Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.

We are about to start the auction.

Lars, I don't know whether
to congratulate you or wish you luck.

-Wish us luck!
-Hello, April.

-Hello.
-Nice to see you again.

-I didn't know you knew our lawyer.
-It's just an expression.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,

for joining us
for this momentous occasion,

the auction of our one item
out for bid, the missing LaRue.

Before we start,

I would like to introduce you
to the very fortunate owner

of this architectural wonder,
Mr. Ernest Smuntz.

Thank you, all, for coming.

When my father left this extraordinary
house to my brother Lars...

and myself,

we had no idea
what surprises were in store for us

or what was going to happen next.

When Quincy Thorpe

of the Historical Society
told us of its value,

you...

you could have knocked...

us over with a feather.

We...

didn't know what hit us!

The renovation was exhausting,
but ultimately, rewarding.

The house was in terrible disrepair,

but nothing that a few nails...

and some old-fashioned
elbow grease couldn't fix.

I'm sure the people are eager
to get to the bidding.

What? The bidding?

-The bidding !
-All right. Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Smuntz.

No matter what happens, keep going.

Built in 1876, the last LaRue
in existence has five bedrooms...

-Did you see him?
-Yes!

I thought so.

-He ate the string.
-What?

The string. Pop's lucky string!

The son of a bitch ate it!

-Why didn't you tell me you saw him?
-I didn't, I found this.

I told you,
you should have weighed him.

I'm sorry.

-Did you see where it went?
-No. But it can't have gone far.

Well, shall we start
the bidding at $1 million?

Now, we all know we're here
to bid on the missing LaRue.

Shall we start the bidding
at $500,000?

Very good. I have $500,000
from the gentleman from Japan.

-Now can I hear a million?
-A million.

I'll give you one and a half.

I have $1 .5 million.
Will someone give me two?

There he is!

Ladies and gentleman,
I'd like to remind you,

that all the carpets and tapestries
were woven by hand

in an honest valley
in Northern Turkey.

Now, can I have an advance on 1 .5?
May I have two?

Can I have two, ladies and gentlemen?

-Two million !
-I have $2 million.

I have $2 million,
ladies and gentlemen.

Can I have an advance?

-Can I have an advance on $2 million?
-So beautiful.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to draw your attention

to the Lincrusta details

of the gold and silver-leafed
copper and pewter...

Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have an advance?

An advance on $2 million?

May I hear $3 million?

I have $3 million from the lady
from New York City.

-What are you doing?
-Nothing!

Get your hand
out of there immediately!

Wait! Wait just a minute!

-Wait!
-Now may I hear $4 million?

Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeah!

Four million.

Four million from the gentleman
in Japan.

I got it!

The Sheikh bids $5 million.
Thank you, sir. I have $5 million.

Five million dollars.

Can I have an advance on $5 million?

Ladies and gentlemen, $5 million.

Can I have an advance?

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's the missing LaRue.

The bidding stands at $5 million,
ladies and gentlemen.

I've got you now, my little friend.

Hold onto it, I'm gonna get it out.

Five million dollars
for the missing LaRue.

-Have you got it yet?
-I'm not sure.

Ladies and gentlemen, will
someone give me $6 million?

Six million.

-Thank you, sir.
-I have $6 million.

-Hilde, the spool is smoking !
-The bidding stands at $6 million.

May I have an advance?

An advance, ladies and gentlemen.

Can I have an advance on six?

The bidding stands at $6 million.

-Seven million.
-$7 million. Thank you.

Any advance on seven?

Seven million dollars, I have seven.

Keep her away from the walls!
The house is priceless!

-Keep going !
-Can I have 7.5?

I have $8 million.

$8 million going once,
$8 million going twice...

$8 million?
You should have taken the check!

You shut up! You...

-Ten millions!
-$10 million. Can I have 11 ?

I have $11 million
from the gentleman from Japan.

Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.

-$16 million from Ernie Smuntz.
-No!

-Seventeen million.
-$17 million. Thank you, sir.

I have $17 million. Any advance on 17?

Good idea.

When I tell you to, turn it on
full blast. We'll flush him out.

Now!

$18 million.

Eighteen million dollars from the lady
from New York City. Thank you.

You don't have that kind of money.

-Ernie?
-Not now.

-Twenty millions.
-20 million. Thank you, Mr. Falko.

I have 20. Can I hear 21 ?

Twenty-one million dollars
from the gentleman from Japan.

-Any advance on 21 ?
-22 million. That's my last offer.

22 million going once...

-Twenty-five millions.
-$25 million.

Thank you, sir. $25 million.

$25 million.

The bidding stands at $25 million.
Do I have an advance?

$25 million going once,

$25 million going twice...

Going... going...

Hey! Don't go!

The water was just a...

a demonstration of how durable
a LaRue really is.

How about that?

Now you know
this house will last forever.

Pop's lucky string.

I guess we got him.

Yeah, I guess we did.

What was that?

Lars! Look!

It's string.

It's cheese.

And the entire factory
has been retrofitted

to facilitate the manufacturing
of cheese-based products.

I see.

And over here we are developing
our new lactose-free line.

-What is that?
-That's quality control.

Here you go. Knock yourself out.

No good? Otis, more curry.

Okay. Try this one.

It's mozzarella and herring.
You can taste the herring, right?

I've also got a great idea
for caviar-brie swirl,

and a peanut butter and jelly
provolone for the kids.

But what I really want to talk to you
about is expansion and marketing.

I think
you should be our spokesperson.

I know some people who've used
a mouse as a spokesperson

and it seemed to work out pretty well.

You see, I want to turn this

into the string cheese factory
of tomorrow...