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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,256 --> 00:00:04,092 (dramatic music) 2 00:00:25,739 --> 00:00:26,448 - Hot dog. 3 00:00:41,004 --> 00:00:42,548 - I'd like one with onions, please. 4 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:51,390 - Hi. 5 00:00:51,723 --> 00:00:52,516 Nice day, huh? 6 00:01:01,775 --> 00:01:02,484 Thank you. 7 00:01:11,368 --> 00:01:14,496 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 8 00:01:14,830 --> 00:01:17,958 ♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪ 9 00:01:18,292 --> 00:01:21,044 ♪ That's where you can be together ♪ 10 00:01:21,378 --> 00:01:24,506 ♪ That's where you can get your kicks ♪ 11 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,759 ♪ Sit her in a back row ♪ 12 00:01:28,093 --> 00:01:31,054 ♪ Where the lights are low ♪ 13 00:01:31,388 --> 00:01:34,099 ♪ Pick yourself a double feature ♪ 14 00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:37,352 ♪ To the movie pics, go ♪ 15 00:01:37,686 --> 00:01:41,106 ♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪ 16 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,026 ♪ Buy her one or even two ♪ 17 00:01:44,359 --> 00:01:47,112 ♪ And when she has got that lolly ♪ 18 00:01:47,446 --> 00:01:50,532 ♪ There is one thing you can do ♪ 19 00:01:50,866 --> 00:01:53,660 ♪ Put your arms around her ♪ 20 00:01:53,994 --> 00:01:57,205 ♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪ 21 00:01:57,539 --> 00:02:00,250 ♪ You can give a star performance ♪ 22 00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:03,962 ♪ On the movie pics night ♪ 23 00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:34,159 ♪ Billy Fury, Adam Faith ♪ 24 00:02:34,493 --> 00:02:37,871 ♪ And Frank Sinatra, too ♪ 25 00:02:38,205 --> 00:02:40,874 ♪ They will make your partners cuddle ♪ 26 00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:44,044 ♪ Oh so close to you ♪ 27 00:02:44,378 --> 00:02:46,630 ♪ Shirley McClain is swinging ♪ 28 00:02:46,963 --> 00:02:49,341 ♪ And Cliff Richard and his boys ♪ 29 00:02:49,675 --> 00:02:52,469 ♪ So, take your baby to the movies ♪ 30 00:02:52,803 --> 00:02:55,806 ♪ And take your choice ♪ 31 00:02:56,139 --> 00:02:59,226 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 32 00:02:59,559 --> 00:03:02,479 ♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪ 33 00:03:02,813 --> 00:03:05,565 ♪ That's where you can be together ♪ 34 00:03:05,899 --> 00:03:08,193 ♪ That's where you can get your kicks ♪ 35 00:03:09,236 --> 00:03:12,280 ♪ Sit her in a back row ♪ 36 00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:15,367 ♪ Where the lights are low ♪ 37 00:03:15,701 --> 00:03:18,787 ♪ Pick yourself a double feature ♪ 38 00:03:19,121 --> 00:03:22,124 ♪ To the movie pics, go ♪ 39 00:03:22,457 --> 00:03:25,627 ♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪ 40 00:03:25,961 --> 00:03:29,005 ♪ Buy her one or even two ♪ 41 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:32,259 ♪ And when she has got her lolly ♪ 42 00:03:32,592 --> 00:03:35,429 ♪ There is one thing you can do ♪ 43 00:03:35,762 --> 00:03:38,724 ♪ Put your arms around her ♪ 44 00:03:39,057 --> 00:03:41,977 ♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪ 45 00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:45,272 ♪ You can give a star performance ♪ 46 00:03:45,605 --> 00:03:48,650 ♪ On a movie pics night ♪ 47 00:03:48,984 --> 00:03:52,112 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 48 00:03:52,446 --> 00:03:55,407 ♪ Get your action at the movies ♪ 49 00:03:55,741 --> 00:03:58,785 ♪ Swinging music at the movies ♪ 50 00:03:59,119 --> 00:04:00,537 ♪ You and your ♪ 51 00:04:00,871 --> 00:04:03,707 ♪ Baby at the movies ♪ 52 00:04:11,548 --> 00:04:13,633 ♪ New York, New York, it's a hell of a town ♪ 53 00:04:13,967 --> 00:04:16,219 ♪ The taxis got off and Yorkers go down ♪ 54 00:04:16,553 --> 00:04:19,014 ♪ Do do do do dee do do ♪ 55 00:04:19,347 --> 00:04:20,682 ♪ New York, New York ♪ 56 00:04:21,016 --> 00:04:23,602 (whimsical music) 57 00:04:32,819 --> 00:04:33,487 Dive, 58 00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:34,488 dive! 59 00:04:35,572 --> 00:04:38,784 Motherfucker. (chuckles) 60 00:04:39,117 --> 00:04:39,701 Hey. 61 00:04:40,035 --> 00:04:41,286 Are you guys the 62 00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:44,164 Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures 63 00:04:44,498 --> 00:04:46,374 Brothers unlimited, Inc? 64 00:04:46,708 --> 00:04:47,959 - [All] Yeah, that's us. 65 00:04:48,293 --> 00:04:51,046 - Good, 'cause I have a telegram for you. 66 00:04:52,339 --> 00:04:53,340 ♪ We don't look related ♪ 67 00:04:53,673 --> 00:04:54,716 ♪ But we're very elated ♪ 68 00:04:55,050 --> 00:04:57,135 ♪ And we're greatly understated when we say ♪ 69 00:04:57,469 --> 00:05:00,096 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 70 00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:04,226 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 71 00:05:04,559 --> 00:05:05,602 ♪ This gentleman's our father ♪ 72 00:05:05,936 --> 00:05:07,354 ♪ And we know that he would rather ♪ 73 00:05:07,687 --> 00:05:09,856 ♪ Never say how many wives it took to make ♪ 74 00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:12,943 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 75 00:05:13,276 --> 00:05:16,905 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 76 00:05:17,239 --> 00:05:18,532 ♪ I married a career girl ♪ 77 00:05:18,865 --> 00:05:20,033 ♪ He married a career girl ♪ 78 00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:21,409 ♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪ 79 00:05:21,743 --> 00:05:22,828 ♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪ 80 00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:25,413 ♪ By the time this one came along ♪ 81 00:05:25,747 --> 00:05:28,667 ♪ I was so old they called me gramps ♪ 82 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,336 ♪ These two are legit ♪ 83 00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:34,256 ♪ This one's a little shit ♪ 84 00:05:34,589 --> 00:05:35,340 ♪ And I know that there are others ♪ 85 00:05:35,674 --> 00:05:37,092 ♪ Who certainly are brothers ♪ 86 00:05:37,425 --> 00:05:38,343 ♪ But not ♪ 87 00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:39,886 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and ♪ 88 00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:42,472 (singing gibberish) 89 00:05:42,806 --> 00:05:44,808 ♪ What do you think ♪ 90 00:05:45,141 --> 00:05:46,852 ♪ We weren't born with smarts ♪ 91 00:05:47,185 --> 00:05:48,854 ♪ But we got six balls, three hearts ♪ 92 00:05:49,187 --> 00:05:52,315 ♪ So the brothers got together and formed ♪ 93 00:05:52,649 --> 00:05:55,443 (singing gibberish) 94 00:05:57,153 --> 00:05:58,905 ♪ What do you think ♪ 95 00:05:59,239 --> 00:06:02,158 ♪ Remember that day we met Mr. Big ♪ 96 00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,744 ♪ That day we met a man, yeah ♪ 97 00:06:05,078 --> 00:06:07,455 ♪ They called the Money Man ♪ 98 00:06:07,789 --> 00:06:12,586 ♪ He gave us half a million for a plan to start ♪ 99 00:06:13,962 --> 00:06:16,381 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 100 00:06:16,715 --> 00:06:19,759 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 101 00:06:20,093 --> 00:06:23,555 ♪ We arty and creative ♪ 102 00:06:23,889 --> 00:06:28,685 ♪ And smartly innovative ♪ 103 00:06:31,271 --> 00:06:34,983 ♪ We believe in nepotism ♪ 104 00:06:35,317 --> 00:06:39,571 ♪ Oh, good morning Mrs. Prism ♪ 105 00:06:39,905 --> 00:06:41,448 ♪ We're the one and only ♪ 106 00:06:41,781 --> 00:06:42,574 ♪ I'll never be a lonely ♪ 107 00:06:42,908 --> 00:06:43,867 ♪ I gotta work ♪ 108 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,410 ♪ Getting unemployment ♪ 109 00:06:45,744 --> 00:06:47,996 ♪ A junkie, a drunk, living in a bunk ♪ 110 00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:49,372 ♪ I'm lucky to be ♪ 111 00:06:49,706 --> 00:06:50,540 ♪ Single and free ♪ 112 00:06:50,874 --> 00:06:52,042 ♪ Our mothers must be proud ♪ 113 00:06:52,375 --> 00:06:53,293 ♪ For crying out loud ♪ 114 00:06:53,627 --> 00:06:54,377 ♪ I got you ♪ 115 00:06:54,711 --> 00:06:55,712 ♪ You got me ♪ 116 00:06:56,046 --> 00:06:57,172 ♪ We have us ♪ 117 00:06:57,505 --> 00:06:58,506 ♪ Are we ♪ 118 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:03,261 ♪ Together we make three ♪ 119 00:07:03,595 --> 00:07:08,391 ♪ We're the The Creative Concepts ♪ 120 00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,895 ♪ Systems and Procedures ♪ 121 00:07:12,228 --> 00:07:15,523 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc. ♪ 122 00:07:15,857 --> 00:07:19,653 ♪ What do you think ♪ 123 00:07:19,986 --> 00:07:22,072 ♪ I need a drink ♪ 124 00:07:22,405 --> 00:07:24,157 (whimsical music) 125 00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:25,408 - Gentlemen, I call this meeting 126 00:07:25,742 --> 00:07:27,744 to discuss our deteriorating financial situation. 127 00:07:28,078 --> 00:07:29,537 - What about our league? 128 00:07:29,871 --> 00:07:32,666 - Face it, Ned, Big League Bocce is not going to catch on. 129 00:07:32,999 --> 00:07:34,501 We're broke, gentlemen. 130 00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:35,961 - We mustn't give up. 131 00:07:36,294 --> 00:07:38,713 Big League Bocce's gonna sweep the country. 132 00:07:39,047 --> 00:07:41,466 Just ask Mr. Big to give us more time. 133 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:42,592 - Yeah, Red's right. 134 00:07:42,926 --> 00:07:45,470 After all, we named the league after him. 135 00:07:45,804 --> 00:07:48,306 - Yeah, we still got one team left. 136 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,558 Thank God for the Greensboro Pisanos 137 00:07:51,226 --> 00:07:52,185 - But if there's only one team left, 138 00:07:52,519 --> 00:07:53,228 who are they gonna play? 139 00:07:53,561 --> 00:07:54,604 - You're so negative. 140 00:07:54,938 --> 00:07:56,064 - Ah, fuck you. 141 00:07:56,398 --> 00:07:58,525 - Hey, what about this telegram? 142 00:07:58,858 --> 00:08:01,069 First you sing, then you talk. 143 00:08:01,403 --> 00:08:03,238 You want this telegram or what? 144 00:08:03,571 --> 00:08:05,073 - I'll take that, young man. 145 00:08:05,407 --> 00:08:07,117 (gasps) 146 00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:08,368 - What's up, Fred? 147 00:08:08,702 --> 00:08:10,203 - It's from the Greensboro Pisanos. 148 00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:12,080 - Well? 149 00:08:13,039 --> 00:08:14,958 - Fangul, y'all, we quit. 150 00:08:16,376 --> 00:08:20,505 Gentlemen, it's all over. (phone rings) 151 00:08:20,839 --> 00:08:23,174 - Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures 152 00:08:23,508 --> 00:08:25,010 Brothers unlimited Inc. 153 00:08:25,343 --> 00:08:27,804 Home of Big League Bocce, now defunct. 154 00:08:28,138 --> 00:08:29,514 Miss Bliss speaking. 155 00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:31,016 May I help you? 156 00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:34,894 Fred, it's Mr. Big. (dramatic music) 157 00:08:35,228 --> 00:08:37,063 (gasps) 158 00:08:37,397 --> 00:08:40,775 I'm sorry, he's having a heart attack right now. 159 00:08:41,109 --> 00:08:42,485 May I take a message. 160 00:08:44,362 --> 00:08:46,156 - [Mr. Big] They don't get the half million to me 161 00:08:46,489 --> 00:08:49,117 in 24 hours, I'll take them one by one 162 00:08:49,451 --> 00:08:51,161 and blow their fucking brains out. 163 00:08:51,494 --> 00:08:53,538 - We'll see that he gets the message. 164 00:08:53,872 --> 00:08:54,956 And thank you for calling. 165 00:08:55,290 --> 00:08:57,083 Say hello to Mrs. Big. 166 00:08:57,417 --> 00:08:58,293 Bye. 167 00:08:58,626 --> 00:08:59,627 You guys is dead. 168 00:08:59,961 --> 00:09:00,837 - Don't say that. 169 00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:03,089 We still got a whole day. 170 00:09:03,423 --> 00:09:05,508 - We've got to make a fortune fast. 171 00:09:05,842 --> 00:09:07,177 Let's sell real estate. 172 00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:09,137 - Too risky. - What about heroine? 173 00:09:09,471 --> 00:09:11,598 - Too much government competition. 174 00:09:11,931 --> 00:09:13,016 Any other ideas? 175 00:09:13,349 --> 00:09:16,352 (all talking at once) 176 00:09:17,479 --> 00:09:18,438 - Hold it. 177 00:09:18,772 --> 00:09:19,230 Hold it! 178 00:09:19,564 --> 00:09:22,192 (beeping music) 179 00:09:23,401 --> 00:09:24,611 You guys are creative, aren't you? 180 00:09:24,944 --> 00:09:25,987 - Sure. - Yeah. 181 00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:27,363 - Goddamn right. 182 00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:30,200 - Well, there's only one way to make that kind of money 183 00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:31,785 in 24 hours. 184 00:09:32,869 --> 00:09:35,246 Make a porno flick. 185 00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:36,748 A dirty movie. 186 00:09:37,082 --> 00:09:38,249 You'll clean up. 187 00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:40,752 - But we don't know nothing about movie making. 188 00:09:41,086 --> 00:09:42,796 - Aw, with some technical assistance, 189 00:09:43,129 --> 00:09:45,757 you can put together a dynamite fuck film. 190 00:09:47,008 --> 00:09:50,053 What you need is lots of raunchy sex, 191 00:09:50,386 --> 00:09:52,514 plenty of sucking and fucking. 192 00:09:52,847 --> 00:09:54,891 - Yeah, maybe even a plot. 193 00:09:55,225 --> 00:09:56,309 - Terrific Red. 194 00:09:56,643 --> 00:09:57,977 - Nah, nah, nah. 195 00:09:58,311 --> 00:10:01,314 You need plenty of hardcore sex. 196 00:10:01,648 --> 00:10:02,649 (all panting) 197 00:10:02,982 --> 00:10:04,359 Close ups. 198 00:10:04,692 --> 00:10:06,277 (all gasping) 199 00:10:06,611 --> 00:10:07,445 Penetration. 200 00:10:08,613 --> 00:10:10,949 - Whoa! - Moaning and groaning. 201 00:10:11,282 --> 00:10:11,866 - Oh yeah. 202 00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:14,160 - Now. 203 00:10:14,494 --> 00:10:16,162 Here's an idea. 204 00:10:16,496 --> 00:10:18,832 You got this girl, see, 205 00:10:19,165 --> 00:10:21,042 and she's all alone, 206 00:10:22,252 --> 00:10:25,296 practically. (whimsical music) 207 00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:27,966 (sexy music) 208 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:41,020 - Another lonely Saturday night. 209 00:10:41,354 --> 00:10:42,063 Stood up again. 210 00:10:43,106 --> 00:10:44,691 Men are so horrid. 211 00:10:46,651 --> 00:10:49,445 (mellow music) 212 00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:52,282 (dog grunting) 213 00:10:59,914 --> 00:11:01,374 - Oh, but I couldn't. 214 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,668 You're a dog. 215 00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:06,963 - So. 216 00:11:07,297 --> 00:11:09,132 I've had all my shots. 217 00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:10,800 I'm attractive, 218 00:11:11,134 --> 00:11:13,678 and I'm a purebred cocker. - You are. 219 00:11:14,721 --> 00:11:16,139 You're beautiful. 220 00:11:17,473 --> 00:11:18,892 - And easy to please. 221 00:11:19,225 --> 00:11:20,351 Discreet. 222 00:11:20,685 --> 00:11:22,896 You don't have to do a thing, sweetheart. 223 00:11:23,229 --> 00:11:25,106 Fido will take care of you. 224 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,441 Come on, baby. 225 00:11:30,486 --> 00:11:31,738 ♪ Come as you are ♪ 226 00:11:32,071 --> 00:11:33,823 ♪ Just take it a little closer ♪ 227 00:11:34,157 --> 00:11:37,327 ♪ To your situation ♪ 228 00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:41,915 ♪ Following the way that you feel ♪ 229 00:11:42,248 --> 00:11:44,459 ♪ The way you writhe ♪ 230 00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:47,420 ♪ A little closer ♪ 231 00:11:47,754 --> 00:11:51,174 ♪ Get yourself to something on me ♪ 232 00:11:51,507 --> 00:11:56,262 ♪ 'Cause baby we got something ♪ 233 00:11:57,889 --> 00:12:02,352 ♪ Something we both can't hide ♪ 234 00:12:02,685 --> 00:12:07,482 ♪ Oh, it's so good ♪ 235 00:12:08,107 --> 00:12:12,528 ♪ You're good ♪ 236 00:12:13,488 --> 00:12:16,324 ♪ We got a good thing going on ♪ 237 00:12:16,658 --> 00:12:17,617 - Oh, yes, Fido. 238 00:12:19,702 --> 00:12:20,495 Speak, speak. 239 00:12:21,663 --> 00:12:22,455 Yes. 240 00:12:22,789 --> 00:12:23,623 Yes. 241 00:12:24,707 --> 00:12:29,379 (moaning) Oh, Fido, you're such a beast. 242 00:12:32,507 --> 00:12:37,053 (howling) (screaming) 243 00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:43,101 ♪ I got something ♪ 244 00:12:44,435 --> 00:12:47,563 - You really are a girl's best friend. 245 00:12:49,649 --> 00:12:54,529 ♪ We got something ♪ 246 00:12:55,655 --> 00:12:59,909 ♪ You got a good thing going on ♪ 247 00:13:00,868 --> 00:13:03,788 ♪ We got a good thing going on ♪ 248 00:13:08,668 --> 00:13:09,460 - [All] Oh. 249 00:13:10,378 --> 00:13:11,546 - Sexy, huh? 250 00:13:11,879 --> 00:13:14,257 And you can bet your ass every guy in the audience 251 00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:17,260 is gonna be identifying with that dog. 252 00:13:17,593 --> 00:13:18,970 - Just a moment, boys. 253 00:13:19,304 --> 00:13:21,180 We'll get a lot of heat from the Humane Society. 254 00:13:21,514 --> 00:13:22,432 - Yeah, Fred's right. 255 00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:24,058 - What about you, Gramps. 256 00:13:24,392 --> 00:13:25,226 Got any ideas? 257 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,103 - I've got some great ideas. 258 00:13:27,437 --> 00:13:28,479 How about this. 259 00:13:28,813 --> 00:13:30,023 Guy's walking down the street, 260 00:13:31,816 --> 00:13:32,734 sees a sign, 261 00:13:33,651 --> 00:13:34,944 goes in. 262 00:13:35,278 --> 00:13:37,530 (upbeat music) 263 00:14:03,056 --> 00:14:03,765 Hot shit! 264 00:14:05,641 --> 00:14:07,477 (clears throat) 265 00:14:07,810 --> 00:14:09,103 Excuse me, 266 00:14:09,437 --> 00:14:11,522 I'm a little embarrassed about this, 267 00:14:11,856 --> 00:14:16,194 but who do I see about taking nude photographs. 268 00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:19,781 Ooh. (giggles) 269 00:14:20,114 --> 00:14:21,574 - Well, you came to the right place, honey. 270 00:14:21,908 --> 00:14:23,576 Is there anymore at home like you? 271 00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:24,952 - Well, I-- - I don't see him. 272 00:14:25,286 --> 00:14:26,704 Girls get a load of what just walked in. 273 00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:27,997 - Oh my goodness. 274 00:14:28,331 --> 00:14:29,624 - Oh my god. - Yeah. 275 00:14:30,792 --> 00:14:33,294 - My worthless life has meaning. 276 00:14:33,628 --> 00:14:35,463 - Wait a minute, now wait a minute. 277 00:14:35,797 --> 00:14:37,799 I'm supposed to take pictures of you. 278 00:14:39,717 --> 00:14:41,094 What about the money? 279 00:14:42,345 --> 00:14:43,638 - Well, here's a 50. 280 00:14:43,971 --> 00:14:45,640 Lie down on the table, honey. 281 00:14:45,973 --> 00:14:46,891 This won't hurt a bit. 282 00:14:47,934 --> 00:14:50,436 - Oh, oh, hey wait-- (giggling) 283 00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,647 Oh, please, oh, my heart. 284 00:14:55,817 --> 00:14:58,152 - Yahoo, it's a big one! 285 00:14:58,486 --> 00:14:59,904 - My blood pressure, ooh. (giggling) 286 00:15:00,238 --> 00:15:01,989 Oh, oh. - Don't be a pig. 287 00:15:03,491 --> 00:15:05,034 How do you like it, Gramps? 288 00:15:05,368 --> 00:15:08,538 - Oh, I like it like that, but what about the pictures? 289 00:15:08,871 --> 00:15:12,166 Ooh, oh, my heart. (giggling) 290 00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,668 Oh, that's nice. 291 00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:16,754 (Gramps moaning) 292 00:15:21,634 --> 00:15:23,344 Yahoo! - Here we go again! 293 00:15:23,678 --> 00:15:28,057 - I got this side. (giggling) 294 00:15:28,391 --> 00:15:30,685 (laughing) 295 00:15:31,018 --> 00:15:31,978 - Well, how'd you like it? 296 00:15:32,311 --> 00:15:34,522 - Well, it's a swell fantasy, Gramps, 297 00:15:34,856 --> 00:15:36,524 but it's just not believable. 298 00:15:36,858 --> 00:15:37,650 The audience will never buy it. 299 00:15:37,984 --> 00:15:39,318 - What do you mean? 300 00:15:39,652 --> 00:15:41,654 It happened to me twice just last week. 301 00:15:41,988 --> 00:15:44,824 - Ooh, ooh, I got an idea for the flick. 302 00:15:45,158 --> 00:15:46,159 - Yeah, here it comes. 303 00:15:46,492 --> 00:15:47,702 - Well, everyone's been in a hospital 304 00:15:48,035 --> 00:15:49,954 and had those fantasies, 305 00:15:50,288 --> 00:15:52,623 thinking of the nurses, whacking off in bed. 306 00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:53,749 (chuckling) 307 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,668 - I never whack off in bed. 308 00:15:56,002 --> 00:15:57,712 I think it's depraved. - Nah, fuck you. 309 00:15:58,045 --> 00:16:00,840 - Well, anyway, here's the idea. 310 00:16:01,174 --> 00:16:03,634 Guy's just waking up from an operation. 311 00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:04,677 See? 312 00:16:05,011 --> 00:16:06,596 He's groggy. 313 00:16:06,929 --> 00:16:08,139 Just coming to, see. 314 00:16:09,432 --> 00:16:11,809 And he starts calling, see. 315 00:16:15,229 --> 00:16:17,190 Nurse, nurse. 316 00:16:17,523 --> 00:16:19,442 (groaning) Nurse. 317 00:16:19,775 --> 00:16:20,902 - It's all right, sir. 318 00:16:21,235 --> 00:16:22,445 Nurse is here. 319 00:16:22,778 --> 00:16:24,780 What is it? - I'm sinking fast. 320 00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:27,658 - Yes, I know. - I only have a few minutes. 321 00:16:27,992 --> 00:16:30,661 - Poor thing. - I'm so horny. 322 00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:31,829 Help me. 323 00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:33,539 Please. 324 00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:35,666 - Oh, you poor sick thing. 325 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:40,546 Well, Nurse McPringle never shrinks from a challenge, 326 00:16:42,924 --> 00:16:44,550 no matter how big. 327 00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:50,556 (Red groaning) 328 00:17:06,572 --> 00:17:08,658 - [Red] Yes, nurse, ah. 329 00:17:08,991 --> 00:17:10,952 Yes! (moaning) 330 00:17:11,285 --> 00:17:16,082 (both moaning) ("William Tell's Overture") 331 00:17:20,878 --> 00:17:22,338 I'm coming! 332 00:17:22,672 --> 00:17:24,924 (both moaning) 333 00:17:28,135 --> 00:17:29,303 Oh, that's it. 334 00:17:29,637 --> 00:17:33,849 (both moaning) ("William Tell's Overture") 335 00:17:36,018 --> 00:17:38,062 - What's going on in there? - Oops! 336 00:17:39,855 --> 00:17:42,275 Some poor devil is suffering. 337 00:17:42,608 --> 00:17:45,778 - Doctor, who was that masked lady. 338 00:17:46,112 --> 00:17:47,780 I wanted to thank her. 339 00:17:48,114 --> 00:17:51,284 - Why sir, that was no masked lady. 340 00:17:51,617 --> 00:17:53,411 That was the head nurse. 341 00:17:53,744 --> 00:17:55,997 (Red groaning) 342 00:17:57,248 --> 00:18:00,918 ("William Tell's Overture") 343 00:18:01,877 --> 00:18:02,837 - Down. 344 00:18:04,755 --> 00:18:07,466 Down boy, down, big fella. (horse neighing) 345 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:08,843 Whoa! 346 00:18:09,176 --> 00:18:13,973 Whoa! ("William Tell's Overture") 347 00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:18,519 (laughing) 348 00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:20,313 - My idea was right. 349 00:18:20,646 --> 00:18:23,065 - Now, that's box office, I tell ya. 350 00:18:23,399 --> 00:18:25,818 A first class motion picture. 351 00:18:26,152 --> 00:18:28,613 - Gummy Pachino. (laughing) 352 00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:34,535 - I've an idea for a picture. 353 00:18:37,538 --> 00:18:41,834 A porno monster thriller (laughing) 354 00:18:42,168 --> 00:18:43,419 about a blowfish. 355 00:18:43,753 --> 00:18:48,549 (laughing) (suspenseful music) 356 00:19:04,607 --> 00:19:07,068 Who sucks off on weary swimmers. 357 00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:13,282 Can't you see that fucking fish? (laughing) 358 00:19:13,616 --> 00:19:18,412 (upbeat music) (swimmer groaning) 359 00:19:35,429 --> 00:19:36,305 (laughing) 360 00:19:36,639 --> 00:19:41,435 - We'll title it as Deep Trout. (laughing) 361 00:19:42,228 --> 00:19:44,480 (upbeat music) 362 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,697 - Gentlemen, we're just floundering around here. 363 00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:54,156 It seems clear we've reached the point 364 00:19:54,490 --> 00:19:55,658 where we need technical assistance. 365 00:19:55,991 --> 00:19:58,285 - I know just the man you need. 366 00:19:58,619 --> 00:19:59,870 Give me that phone. 367 00:20:00,204 --> 00:20:02,164 Person to person to Federico Gepetto. 368 00:20:03,582 --> 00:20:06,377 Met Gepetto on the beach at Anzio during the big one. 369 00:20:06,711 --> 00:20:08,587 We surrendered to each other immediately, 370 00:20:08,921 --> 00:20:11,090 and we've been fast friends ever since. 371 00:20:11,424 --> 00:20:11,882 Huh? 372 00:20:12,216 --> 00:20:13,509 Well, prado to you to. 373 00:20:13,843 --> 00:20:14,844 Hey, Gepetto! 374 00:20:15,177 --> 00:20:16,429 Oh, it's me, 375 00:20:16,762 --> 00:20:18,347 Grandpa. 376 00:20:18,681 --> 00:20:20,349 Yeah, it sure has been a long time. 377 00:20:20,683 --> 00:20:23,352 Listen, I got a job for you to do. 378 00:20:23,686 --> 00:20:25,813 Hop on a plane and get over here. 379 00:20:26,147 --> 00:20:26,605 And hurry. 380 00:20:26,939 --> 00:20:27,523 Ciao. 381 00:20:29,817 --> 00:20:30,943 - Hey, you guys, 382 00:20:31,277 --> 00:20:33,362 now all you need is a first-class cameraman. 383 00:20:33,696 --> 00:20:35,823 I know just where we can dig one up. 384 00:20:36,157 --> 00:20:37,366 - Listen to me, all of you. 385 00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:39,744 I have to be in this film. 386 00:20:40,077 --> 00:20:41,787 I wanna be the star. 387 00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:43,581 I need a chance. 388 00:20:43,914 --> 00:20:45,458 Give me the chance. 389 00:20:45,791 --> 00:20:47,126 - I'm sure you're aware, Miss Bliss, 390 00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:50,337 that we can't hire an actress without (giggling) 391 00:20:50,671 --> 00:20:51,589 an audition. 392 00:20:51,922 --> 00:20:53,424 - I understand. 393 00:20:53,758 --> 00:20:55,593 ("William Tell's Overture") Come and get it, boys! 394 00:20:55,926 --> 00:20:57,178 - [Ned] Oh, baby! 395 00:20:57,511 --> 00:21:02,183 ("William Tell's Overture") (everyone shouting) 396 00:21:04,602 --> 00:21:05,644 - Wait a minute! 397 00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:09,482 Either one of you guys left your cock in there, 398 00:21:09,815 --> 00:21:11,567 or Miss Bliss is a boy. 399 00:21:11,901 --> 00:21:13,486 - Nobody's perfect. 400 00:21:13,819 --> 00:21:16,989 (depressing music) 401 00:21:17,323 --> 00:21:19,366 ♪ I'm singing in the pain ♪ 402 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,619 ♪ Just singing in the rain ♪ 403 00:21:21,952 --> 00:21:25,122 ♪ I'm only happy when I'm in pain ♪ 404 00:21:25,456 --> 00:21:27,041 (doorbell chimes) 405 00:21:27,374 --> 00:21:28,751 Alas, step right up here, sir. 406 00:21:29,084 --> 00:21:31,045 Welcome to the Pleasure Chest. 407 00:21:32,338 --> 00:21:33,923 - Uh, I'm looking for an old friend, 408 00:21:34,256 --> 00:21:35,382 a guy named-- - Eh no, no, 409 00:21:35,716 --> 00:21:38,219 there's no need for pretense. 410 00:21:38,552 --> 00:21:41,013 With us, it's not just hit and miss. 411 00:21:41,347 --> 00:21:45,017 Perhaps I can interest you in some of our erotic devices. 412 00:21:45,351 --> 00:21:48,354 Now, here's a genuine French tickler. 413 00:21:48,687 --> 00:21:50,481 A steal at two bucks. 414 00:21:50,815 --> 00:21:51,774 - Uh, I don't think so. 415 00:21:52,107 --> 00:21:54,485 I'm really looking for a-- - How 'bout 416 00:21:54,819 --> 00:21:57,947 the all electric You Whack-It Masturbator. 417 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,574 It's guaranteed for a full 20 minutes. 418 00:22:00,908 --> 00:22:03,035 - I swear to God, I'm looking for an old friend. 419 00:22:03,369 --> 00:22:03,911 - A guy named-- - No, no. 420 00:22:04,245 --> 00:22:07,122 No need to feel ill at ease. 421 00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:08,874 We're bound to please. 422 00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:10,709 I'm here to help you. 423 00:22:11,043 --> 00:22:14,338 Is there anything I can do to make you feel uncomfortable? 424 00:22:14,672 --> 00:22:16,674 Perhaps bondage is your game. 425 00:22:17,007 --> 00:22:19,552 The soft supple feel of leather. 426 00:22:19,885 --> 00:22:22,179 We're fully stocked with restraints, 427 00:22:22,513 --> 00:22:25,975 shackles, hooks, clips, Spanish handcuffs, 428 00:22:26,308 --> 00:22:31,105 studded collars, all manner of demonic devices to inflict 429 00:22:32,731 --> 00:22:35,526 pleasurable punishment up to and including death. 430 00:22:35,860 --> 00:22:37,069 - Jesus. 431 00:22:37,403 --> 00:22:38,654 Look, I'm trying to locate an old buddy 432 00:22:38,988 --> 00:22:40,447 who used to be a movie cameraman 433 00:22:40,781 --> 00:22:42,408 named Lash. - Why, that's me! 434 00:22:42,741 --> 00:22:43,492 I'm Lash. 435 00:22:43,826 --> 00:22:45,661 - Hey, old buddy, it's me, Jimmy. 436 00:22:45,995 --> 00:22:47,746 I didn't recognize you without your hood. 437 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,290 - We know each other? 438 00:22:49,623 --> 00:22:50,666 - Sure, from the old days. 439 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,543 You were directing Army training films. 440 00:22:52,877 --> 00:22:55,880 I was a key grip. - Ah, Army training films. 441 00:22:56,213 --> 00:22:57,339 Now, those were actors 442 00:22:57,673 --> 00:22:59,675 who understood the meaning of discipline. 443 00:23:00,009 --> 00:23:00,634 Hi-yah! 444 00:23:00,968 --> 00:23:01,969 Hi-yah! 445 00:23:03,304 --> 00:23:05,472 Cat of nine tails, it's an enforcer. 446 00:23:05,806 --> 00:23:06,432 Hmm, hmm? 447 00:23:07,391 --> 00:23:08,392 We ship 448 00:23:08,726 --> 00:23:09,685 anywhere. 449 00:23:10,019 --> 00:23:11,937 - No, listen, Lash, we need your help. 450 00:23:12,271 --> 00:23:14,523 I'm working with a bunch of greenhorns on a fuck film. 451 00:23:14,857 --> 00:23:15,858 We need a great cameraman. 452 00:23:16,191 --> 00:23:17,443 How about it? 453 00:23:17,776 --> 00:23:18,652 - No. 454 00:23:18,986 --> 00:23:20,738 I'm through with the business. 455 00:23:21,071 --> 00:23:22,698 - For old time's sake, piece of the picture? 456 00:23:23,032 --> 00:23:23,866 - Never. 457 00:23:24,199 --> 00:23:25,409 I'm not even for points. 458 00:23:25,743 --> 00:23:29,455 I have been pushing these prurient interests, amorous 459 00:23:29,788 --> 00:23:32,541 bullshit, for years now, 460 00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:33,792 and I couldn't be happier. 461 00:23:35,085 --> 00:23:37,796 Get into plastics, kid, you'll make a fortune. 462 00:23:38,130 --> 00:23:39,548 - But the actors need you. 463 00:23:39,882 --> 00:23:41,675 They need that professional touch. 464 00:23:42,009 --> 00:23:42,885 - Sorry. 465 00:23:43,218 --> 00:23:45,054 - They need inspiration and organization. 466 00:23:45,387 --> 00:23:46,847 - Forget it, sweetheart. 467 00:23:47,181 --> 00:23:49,725 - More than anything else, Lash, they need 468 00:23:50,768 --> 00:23:52,811 discipline. - Why didn't you say so? 469 00:23:53,145 --> 00:23:53,812 I'm your boy. 470 00:23:54,146 --> 00:23:55,189 Get me a cab. 471 00:23:55,522 --> 00:23:56,815 Call me a taxi. - You're a taxi. 472 00:23:58,150 --> 00:24:00,986 - Hi-yah, hi-ya! (Jimmy groaning) 473 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,906 (whimsical music) 474 00:24:06,992 --> 00:24:08,661 - Gepetto! - Grandpa! 475 00:24:08,994 --> 00:24:10,829 (laughing) 476 00:24:12,539 --> 00:24:16,877 (speaking foreign language) - Ah, and this 477 00:24:17,211 --> 00:24:18,671 must be Pinocchio. 478 00:24:20,089 --> 00:24:21,882 - How do you do, sir? 479 00:24:22,216 --> 00:24:25,135 - [Gramps] Well, feel free to nose around, little boy 480 00:24:25,469 --> 00:24:26,428 - Ooh! 481 00:24:26,762 --> 00:24:28,681 - My Pinocchio, he's a such a good boy. 482 00:24:29,014 --> 00:24:29,807 - Oh! 483 00:24:30,140 --> 00:24:33,519 Pinocchio, you're so good. 484 00:24:36,814 --> 00:24:38,732 - See, everybody say so. 485 00:24:39,066 --> 00:24:40,693 So, you make a film. 486 00:24:41,026 --> 00:24:42,861 Where's your stars? - Me, me! 487 00:24:43,737 --> 00:24:44,780 I'm the star. 488 00:24:45,906 --> 00:24:46,573 - One star? 489 00:24:46,907 --> 00:24:48,784 Huh, we need more. 490 00:24:49,118 --> 00:24:49,743 Many more. 491 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:51,745 But not to worry. 492 00:24:52,079 --> 00:24:55,791 Federico creates his own stars from a-scratch. 493 00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:58,460 I carve them from my own imagination. 494 00:24:58,794 --> 00:25:01,130 - Ah, you should be aware that we're in a bit of a rush. 495 00:25:01,463 --> 00:25:03,173 Our very lives are at stake. 496 00:25:03,507 --> 00:25:04,633 - So. 497 00:25:04,967 --> 00:25:05,634 Rapido. 498 00:25:05,968 --> 00:25:08,220 Pinocchio, read-a the list. 499 00:25:08,554 --> 00:25:10,556 - All right you guys, here's what we need. 500 00:25:10,889 --> 00:25:11,682 Clay. - Clay. 501 00:25:12,016 --> 00:25:12,641 - Wood. - Wood. 502 00:25:12,975 --> 00:25:14,309 - Nails. - Nails. 503 00:25:14,643 --> 00:25:15,769 - 10 miles of blue chiffon. - 10 miles of blue chiffon. 504 00:25:17,229 --> 00:25:20,691 - Two miles of foam rubber. - Two miles of foam rubber. 505 00:25:21,025 --> 00:25:23,861 Elmer's glue, paste, 506 00:25:24,194 --> 00:25:27,740 plenty of scotch tape, a gallon of vaseline-- 507 00:25:28,073 --> 00:25:30,617 - And all the dildos you can get your hands on. 508 00:25:30,951 --> 00:25:33,495 - [Miss Bliss] I have all those things in my desk. 509 00:25:33,829 --> 00:25:34,788 - So, we begin. 510 00:25:35,164 --> 00:25:37,750 (dramatic music) 511 00:25:42,671 --> 00:25:47,593 (machine whirring) (Gepetto humming) 512 00:25:51,638 --> 00:25:53,849 Foam, foam, I need more foam. 513 00:25:54,933 --> 00:25:57,102 (materials crashing) Ah! 514 00:25:57,436 --> 00:25:58,812 Nobody likes a smart ass. 515 00:26:00,439 --> 00:26:03,025 (dramatic music) 516 00:26:08,906 --> 00:26:12,034 - How you like my cock ring, honey? 517 00:26:12,367 --> 00:26:14,411 You wanna try it on for size? 518 00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,122 I knew you'd like it. (chuckling) 519 00:26:17,456 --> 00:26:19,792 Now, get rid of that other thing, come on. 520 00:26:20,125 --> 00:26:21,919 Look, what's your favorite there? 521 00:26:22,252 --> 00:26:23,712 You see one you like? 522 00:26:25,047 --> 00:26:27,800 Ooh, ooh, watch out, watch out, my ears. 523 00:26:31,887 --> 00:26:33,806 That's what I call head. 524 00:26:35,432 --> 00:26:37,810 (upbeat music) 525 00:26:44,149 --> 00:26:44,900 - Is this a joke? 526 00:26:45,984 --> 00:26:47,778 Who made these tits? 527 00:26:48,112 --> 00:26:50,697 I wouldn't be caught dead in these tits. 528 00:26:51,031 --> 00:26:53,200 - Rest easy, Belissima. 529 00:26:53,534 --> 00:26:54,993 You not finished yet. 530 00:26:55,327 --> 00:26:57,204 You gonna be lovely. 531 00:26:58,247 --> 00:27:01,708 - Hey, you pretty sexy for a old guy. 532 00:27:02,042 --> 00:27:02,960 You wanna party? 533 00:27:03,293 --> 00:27:06,755 (whimsical music) 534 00:27:07,089 --> 00:27:08,090 - uh, Gepetto? 535 00:27:10,050 --> 00:27:10,968 - No. 536 00:27:13,554 --> 00:27:14,888 No, that's all wrong. 537 00:27:20,686 --> 00:27:21,353 - Thank you. 538 00:27:21,687 --> 00:27:22,437 Thank you, Rabbi. 539 00:27:24,064 --> 00:27:26,150 (humming) 540 00:27:32,114 --> 00:27:35,159 ♪ I'll be loving you ♪ 541 00:27:36,743 --> 00:27:39,413 (whimsical music) 542 00:27:42,791 --> 00:27:45,919 - Here it is, Gepetto. - Oh, thank you. 543 00:27:51,008 --> 00:27:52,885 Hey, where's your fairy godmother? 544 00:27:53,218 --> 00:27:53,844 Who's a make? 545 00:27:54,178 --> 00:27:54,887 Listen what I say. 546 00:27:55,220 --> 00:27:56,889 All of my films had a fairy godmother, 547 00:27:57,222 --> 00:27:59,683 and they all were hits. - Attention everyone. 548 00:28:00,017 --> 00:28:02,269 If he wants a fairy godmother, I think he should have one. 549 00:28:03,312 --> 00:28:04,897 - And who are you, madam? 550 00:28:05,230 --> 00:28:09,067 - I'm the secretary for urban Women for Decent Pornography. 551 00:28:09,401 --> 00:28:10,861 - You're in the wrong movie. 552 00:28:11,195 --> 00:28:11,987 Get out. 553 00:28:12,321 --> 00:28:13,197 - You're obviously a woman of taste. 554 00:28:13,530 --> 00:28:14,198 You stay. 555 00:28:15,490 --> 00:28:16,533 The work is a finitio. 556 00:28:17,576 --> 00:28:19,536 And there's our new star. 557 00:28:20,537 --> 00:28:23,248 (whimsical music) 558 00:28:27,085 --> 00:28:28,086 - Hi-yah! 559 00:28:28,420 --> 00:28:29,379 No talking. 560 00:28:29,713 --> 00:28:32,466 Listen and listen good, you cretins. 561 00:28:32,799 --> 00:28:36,053 I'm here to whip this porno film into shape. 562 00:28:36,386 --> 00:28:37,012 Places. 563 00:28:37,346 --> 00:28:38,972 Get this number on it's feet. 564 00:28:39,306 --> 00:28:40,307 Let's rehearse it first. 565 00:28:42,017 --> 00:28:45,479 ♪ When I'm calling you ♪ 566 00:28:45,812 --> 00:28:46,396 - Cut! 567 00:28:46,730 --> 00:28:47,731 Cut, cut! 568 00:28:48,065 --> 00:28:49,775 This is a porno flick. 569 00:28:50,108 --> 00:28:51,193 - Well, how about 570 00:28:51,526 --> 00:28:54,529 ♪ When I'm balling you ♪ 571 00:28:54,863 --> 00:28:57,157 - Very funny, Mary. 572 00:28:57,491 --> 00:28:58,909 I said quiet! 573 00:28:59,243 --> 00:29:00,661 Where is the number I wrote? 574 00:29:00,994 --> 00:29:01,870 Can they learn it? 575 00:29:02,204 --> 00:29:03,705 - Of course, they can. 576 00:29:04,039 --> 00:29:04,998 These are my stars. 577 00:29:08,252 --> 00:29:09,628 - Quim. 578 00:29:09,962 --> 00:29:11,129 - Quim. 579 00:29:11,463 --> 00:29:12,297 - Quim. 580 00:29:13,507 --> 00:29:16,969 (whimsical music) 581 00:29:17,302 --> 00:29:17,719 - Enough! 582 00:29:18,053 --> 00:29:18,762 Enough! 583 00:29:19,096 --> 00:29:20,889 Let's go for a take. 584 00:29:21,223 --> 00:29:21,890 Sound! 585 00:29:24,810 --> 00:29:26,061 - [Jimmy] Rolling. 586 00:29:26,395 --> 00:29:27,020 - Camera! 587 00:29:28,063 --> 00:29:30,023 Oh, fucking shit. 588 00:29:30,357 --> 00:29:32,317 - Where the hell is the... 589 00:29:32,651 --> 00:29:33,986 What the, speed... 590 00:29:34,319 --> 00:29:35,237 Found them. 591 00:29:35,570 --> 00:29:37,990 - Ready when you are, sailor. 592 00:29:38,323 --> 00:29:39,908 - Scene one. 593 00:29:40,242 --> 00:29:40,826 Take one. 594 00:29:41,910 --> 00:29:42,619 Action. 595 00:29:44,329 --> 00:29:47,040 (whimsical music) 596 00:29:48,959 --> 00:29:50,085 ♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪ 597 00:29:50,419 --> 00:29:51,003 ♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪ 598 00:29:51,336 --> 00:29:53,005 ♪ Quivering quim ta ta ta ♪ 599 00:29:53,338 --> 00:29:57,092 ♪ I trust salacious, contraciously slim ♪ 600 00:29:57,426 --> 00:29:57,968 ♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪ 601 00:29:58,302 --> 00:29:58,927 ♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪ 602 00:29:59,261 --> 00:30:01,305 ♪ A cavernous quim ♪ 603 00:30:01,638 --> 00:30:05,517 ♪ The thrill of fulfilling is all up to him ♪ 604 00:30:05,851 --> 00:30:07,686 ♪ Ha ha, coos, coos ♪ 605 00:30:08,020 --> 00:30:10,063 ♪ They're glorious coos ♪ 606 00:30:10,397 --> 00:30:11,940 ♪ You could drive me to madness ♪ 607 00:30:12,274 --> 00:30:14,359 ♪ For glorious coo, ha ha ha ♪ 608 00:30:14,693 --> 00:30:15,527 ♪ Cock ♪ 609 00:30:15,861 --> 00:30:16,611 ♪ Cock ♪ 610 00:30:16,945 --> 00:30:20,282 ♪ Haven't you had ♪ - Cut! 611 00:30:20,615 --> 00:30:21,908 Cut! 612 00:30:22,242 --> 00:30:25,037 Can't you creeps remember my fucking choreography? 613 00:30:25,370 --> 00:30:27,247 - Of course I can, bitch. 614 00:30:28,123 --> 00:30:29,791 - Goddamn amateur. 615 00:30:30,125 --> 00:30:32,169 We got this shit in a can where it belongs. 616 00:30:32,502 --> 00:30:34,129 Let's move on. 617 00:30:34,463 --> 00:30:35,005 Sound. 618 00:30:35,339 --> 00:30:36,465 Camera! 619 00:30:36,798 --> 00:30:37,174 - Speed 620 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:40,135 - Quaaludes. 621 00:30:40,469 --> 00:30:43,305 - Take it, sailor. - Scene one, take two. 622 00:30:44,723 --> 00:30:45,432 Action. 623 00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:47,976 ♪ Sweet peach, I pray you ♪ 624 00:30:48,310 --> 00:30:49,061 ♪ I can't wait to lay you ♪ 625 00:30:49,394 --> 00:30:50,562 ♪ Make a date my darling ♪ 626 00:30:50,896 --> 00:30:51,688 ♪ God, I want your body ♪ 627 00:30:52,022 --> 00:30:56,610 ♪ Let's run amok ♪ 628 00:30:56,943 --> 00:30:59,237 ♪ Breathing in your grass ♪ 629 00:30:59,571 --> 00:31:01,573 ♪ Why don't we fuck ♪ 630 00:31:01,907 --> 00:31:05,494 ♪ That's me too, God I want ♪ 631 00:31:05,827 --> 00:31:06,244 ♪ Your ♪ - Cut, 632 00:31:06,578 --> 00:31:07,454 cut, cut, cut, cut! 633 00:31:08,497 --> 00:31:11,124 I can't understand my lyrics. 634 00:31:11,458 --> 00:31:12,250 What is this horseshit? 635 00:31:12,584 --> 00:31:15,212 This is ridiculous poo poo. 636 00:31:15,545 --> 00:31:16,046 Hi-yah! 637 00:31:16,380 --> 00:31:18,840 What is this costume? 638 00:31:19,174 --> 00:31:21,009 There's no skin showing. 639 00:31:21,343 --> 00:31:22,094 Tacky, it's terrible. 640 00:31:22,427 --> 00:31:24,221 Oh, go away all of you. 641 00:31:24,554 --> 00:31:26,264 I can't even look at you anymore. 642 00:31:26,598 --> 00:31:27,474 We'll finish this after lunch. 643 00:31:28,517 --> 00:31:29,935 Next number. 644 00:31:30,268 --> 00:31:31,937 Fluffer, fluffer where is the fluffer? 645 00:31:32,270 --> 00:31:33,939 - [Fluffer] Coming, Lash. 646 00:31:35,315 --> 00:31:38,110 - Fluffer, my head is killing me. 647 00:31:38,443 --> 00:31:39,861 - [Fluffer] Oh. 648 00:31:40,195 --> 00:31:44,991 (whimsical music) (moaning) 649 00:32:12,477 --> 00:32:14,271 - Harder, do it harder. 650 00:32:14,604 --> 00:32:16,189 Oh, thank you, thanks. 651 00:32:16,523 --> 00:32:21,319 (whimsical music) (moaning) 652 00:32:22,279 --> 00:32:23,280 Oh, my Lipchitz. 653 00:32:23,613 --> 00:32:28,410 (whimsical music) (moaning) 654 00:32:29,661 --> 00:32:32,205 Oh, love it, love it, love it!. 655 00:32:32,539 --> 00:32:37,335 (whimsical music) (moaning) 656 00:32:37,878 --> 00:32:38,545 Again, again. 657 00:32:42,424 --> 00:32:43,258 Oh, hit me, hit me. 658 00:32:44,426 --> 00:32:45,427 - Hmm, uh-uh. 659 00:32:46,386 --> 00:32:47,220 - It's gone. 660 00:32:47,554 --> 00:32:49,181 My headache is gone. 661 00:32:53,602 --> 00:32:56,188 (upbeat music) 662 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,571 (groaning) 663 00:33:06,490 --> 00:33:08,158 - uh, excuse me, Lash. 664 00:33:08,492 --> 00:33:09,868 Do you have a second to take a look at a skit 665 00:33:10,202 --> 00:33:11,161 that Grandpa and I wrote? 666 00:33:11,495 --> 00:33:12,454 - I wrote most of it. 667 00:33:12,787 --> 00:33:14,122 - You did not. 668 00:33:14,456 --> 00:33:15,373 - Let's hear it. 669 00:33:16,625 --> 00:33:18,210 ♪ That old black magic ♪ 670 00:33:18,543 --> 00:33:20,337 You see, I'm a witch. (giggling) 671 00:33:20,670 --> 00:33:21,630 ♪ That old black ♪ 672 00:33:21,963 --> 00:33:25,634 Why, you may have one wish granted. 673 00:33:25,967 --> 00:33:27,594 - I wish I had a dingle dangle 674 00:33:27,928 --> 00:33:30,013 that could touch the floor. 675 00:33:30,347 --> 00:33:31,306 (laughing) 676 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,184 - So, the witch takes a saw out of her dress 677 00:33:34,518 --> 00:33:35,769 and chops his legs off. 678 00:33:39,356 --> 00:33:41,274 And (laughing), and then he says-- 679 00:33:41,608 --> 00:33:42,609 - Holy shit. 680 00:33:42,943 --> 00:33:45,028 (laughing) 681 00:33:46,279 --> 00:33:47,113 - That's the worst thing I ever heard. 682 00:33:47,447 --> 00:33:48,281 Who wrote that shit? 683 00:33:48,615 --> 00:33:49,699 - [Both] He did! 684 00:33:50,033 --> 00:33:53,328 - Out, both of you, out, out, out. 685 00:33:53,662 --> 00:33:54,204 Ah! 686 00:33:54,538 --> 00:33:57,123 (whimsical music) 687 00:34:07,175 --> 00:34:08,385 Hi-yah! 688 00:34:08,718 --> 00:34:09,511 Next number. 689 00:34:10,428 --> 00:34:11,555 Move. 690 00:34:11,888 --> 00:34:12,347 Move. 691 00:34:12,681 --> 00:34:14,099 Sing, you prick. 692 00:34:14,432 --> 00:34:17,644 ♪ Ah, she's ♪ 693 00:34:17,978 --> 00:34:22,774 ♪ The America dream girl ♪ 694 00:34:24,192 --> 00:34:25,277 ♪ Now listen ♪ 695 00:34:25,610 --> 00:34:29,614 ♪ My peaches and cream girl ♪ 696 00:34:29,948 --> 00:34:32,158 ♪ Figure, form, and face ♪ 697 00:34:32,492 --> 00:34:35,453 ♪ Far surpass the human race ♪ 698 00:34:35,787 --> 00:34:37,414 ♪ Your grace ♪ 699 00:34:37,747 --> 00:34:42,669 ♪ Is what I esteem, girl ♪ 700 00:34:43,628 --> 00:34:46,881 ♪ Charming you seem, girl ♪ 701 00:34:47,215 --> 00:34:49,968 ♪ My American dream ♪ 702 00:34:54,514 --> 00:34:55,473 - Hi-yah! 703 00:34:57,392 --> 00:34:58,685 No, no, 704 00:34:59,019 --> 00:35:00,478 you piece of crotch. 705 00:35:00,812 --> 00:35:03,148 Dammit, shout, ah shit. 706 00:35:03,481 --> 00:35:04,649 (screaming) 707 00:35:05,734 --> 00:35:07,277 Get with the program, huh? 708 00:35:07,611 --> 00:35:10,030 ♪ Each huge protuberance ♪ 709 00:35:10,363 --> 00:35:13,325 ♪ Wins my exuberance ♪ 710 00:35:13,658 --> 00:35:17,662 ♪ My pants are antsy-pantsy heads ♪ 711 00:35:19,414 --> 00:35:22,792 (music drowns out speaker) 712 00:35:24,085 --> 00:35:27,422 - Oh, did your mama wear combat boots? 713 00:35:27,756 --> 00:35:30,800 You stupid, vagina, I tell you you're full of shit. 714 00:35:31,134 --> 00:35:35,930 (Lash groaning) ♪ My American dream girl ♪ 715 00:35:38,058 --> 00:35:42,979 ♪ My American ♪ 716 00:35:43,605 --> 00:35:45,523 ♪ Dream ♪ 717 00:35:45,857 --> 00:35:47,567 ♪ Girl ♪ 718 00:35:50,487 --> 00:35:51,404 - Poo poo. 719 00:35:51,738 --> 00:35:54,240 What are you, sweetheart, a painting? 720 00:35:54,574 --> 00:35:56,117 - Up yours, I'm having my period. 721 00:35:56,451 --> 00:35:58,411 - You really are a cunt. 722 00:35:58,745 --> 00:36:00,538 Pimp hole, pimp hole. 723 00:36:00,872 --> 00:36:01,414 Hi-yah! 724 00:36:02,540 --> 00:36:03,667 Dance. 725 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:05,877 - She's a too busy bleeding to dance. 726 00:36:06,211 --> 00:36:07,462 You frighten my actors. 727 00:36:07,796 --> 00:36:09,297 You ruin the film, you stop. 728 00:36:09,631 --> 00:36:11,216 - Out of the way, you old fart. 729 00:36:11,549 --> 00:36:14,552 (whimsical piano music) 730 00:36:16,096 --> 00:36:20,183 Your stars are shit, and you're a shit director. 731 00:36:20,517 --> 00:36:22,936 - And you, you, you are a sadistic spanish sissy. 732 00:36:23,269 --> 00:36:28,900 And your mother was a-- - Ah, hi-yah, hi-yah! 733 00:36:29,234 --> 00:36:31,569 Poo poo, caca, shit, shit, shit! 734 00:36:33,655 --> 00:36:34,614 I quit. 735 00:36:34,948 --> 00:36:36,157 Hi-yah! 736 00:36:36,491 --> 00:36:37,826 (whimsical music) 737 00:36:38,159 --> 00:36:39,452 And you, Fluffer. 738 00:36:39,786 --> 00:36:42,247 Have my whip sent to the plaza. 739 00:36:42,580 --> 00:36:43,248 Hi-yah! 740 00:36:44,666 --> 00:36:48,336 - Hey, who do I have to fuck to get out of this flick? 741 00:36:48,670 --> 00:36:49,504 - Me. 742 00:36:49,838 --> 00:36:51,381 I know the director. 743 00:36:51,715 --> 00:36:53,883 (laughing) 744 00:36:58,596 --> 00:36:59,931 Far out! Whoo-hoo! 745 00:37:00,265 --> 00:37:05,061 (whimsical piano music) (laughing) 746 00:37:20,201 --> 00:37:21,786 - This tension is unbearable. 747 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,705 Blasted all, I'm going out for a drink. 748 00:37:24,038 --> 00:37:25,331 - You can't leave, Fred. 749 00:37:25,665 --> 00:37:26,750 We're not finished yet. 750 00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:28,543 - Gentlemen, that is debatable. 751 00:37:28,877 --> 00:37:31,087 - Suppose Mr. Big calls back? 752 00:37:31,421 --> 00:37:32,338 What'll we say? 753 00:37:32,672 --> 00:37:35,467 - Your prayers, my good man, your prayers. 754 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:36,676 I shall return. 755 00:37:38,344 --> 00:37:41,723 (mellow music) 756 00:37:43,767 --> 00:37:46,394 (crying) 757 00:37:46,728 --> 00:37:48,980 - Aww, what's the matter, sugar? 758 00:37:49,314 --> 00:37:51,399 - I'm a disgraced by this filth. 759 00:37:51,733 --> 00:37:54,778 They have taken advantage of an older man. 760 00:37:55,111 --> 00:37:59,240 The film makes a mockery of my work, my reputation, 761 00:37:59,574 --> 00:38:00,617 my genius. 762 00:38:01,785 --> 00:38:03,453 It is filthy and disgusting, 763 00:38:04,537 --> 00:38:07,707 and slowly paced. (crying) 764 00:38:10,418 --> 00:38:11,753 Come, Pinocchio. 765 00:38:12,086 --> 00:38:13,421 We go home now. 766 00:38:13,755 --> 00:38:14,380 You go to school. 767 00:38:15,924 --> 00:38:16,883 - Aw, pop. 768 00:38:17,217 --> 00:38:18,635 I don't wanna go to school. 769 00:38:18,968 --> 00:38:21,888 I wanna stay here and play it by ear. 770 00:38:22,222 --> 00:38:27,018 (Miss Bliss moaning) (crying) 771 00:38:29,229 --> 00:38:30,855 - I hear you coming, big boy. 772 00:38:31,189 --> 00:38:33,149 (moaning) 773 00:38:33,483 --> 00:38:37,278 - So, I am alone once more. 774 00:38:37,821 --> 00:38:40,281 I am so ashamed. 775 00:38:41,825 --> 00:38:42,617 I go now. 776 00:38:43,743 --> 00:38:44,702 Find a boat. 777 00:38:46,037 --> 00:38:49,999 - Oh, life is too short to sweat the small stuff, sugar. 778 00:38:50,333 --> 00:38:52,252 Now, listen to what I've got to say. 779 00:38:53,878 --> 00:38:56,506 (upbeat music) 780 00:39:02,595 --> 00:39:06,432 ♪ Have you lost your sunshine ♪ 781 00:39:06,766 --> 00:39:10,520 ♪ Trouble got you down ♪ 782 00:39:10,854 --> 00:39:14,482 ♪ Are you feeling left out ♪ 783 00:39:14,816 --> 00:39:18,862 ♪ Well, take a look around ♪ 784 00:39:19,195 --> 00:39:21,823 ♪ Everybody's waiting ♪ 785 00:39:22,156 --> 00:39:26,619 ♪ For that sun to break through ♪ 786 00:39:26,953 --> 00:39:30,874 ♪ So, try and keep yourself together ♪ 787 00:39:31,207 --> 00:39:34,878 ♪ Until it shines for you ♪ 788 00:39:35,211 --> 00:39:37,130 ♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪ 789 00:39:37,463 --> 00:39:39,132 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 790 00:39:39,465 --> 00:39:41,092 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 791 00:39:41,426 --> 00:39:43,261 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 792 00:39:43,595 --> 00:39:45,305 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 793 00:39:45,638 --> 00:39:47,307 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 794 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:49,642 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 795 00:39:49,976 --> 00:39:54,772 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 796 00:39:56,649 --> 00:40:00,278 ♪ When you're feeling happy ♪ 797 00:40:00,612 --> 00:40:04,407 ♪ And you wear a smile ♪ 798 00:40:04,741 --> 00:40:08,453 ♪ Your troubles seem so easy ♪ 799 00:40:08,786 --> 00:40:12,665 ♪ And living's so worthwhile ♪ 800 00:40:12,999 --> 00:40:15,710 ♪ What's the use of crying ♪ 801 00:40:16,044 --> 00:40:20,298 ♪ Over things that might have been ♪ 802 00:40:20,632 --> 00:40:24,344 ♪ There's nothing you can't do to change it ♪ 803 00:40:24,677 --> 00:40:28,431 ♪ So let that sun shine in ♪ 804 00:40:28,765 --> 00:40:30,600 ♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪ 805 00:40:30,934 --> 00:40:32,560 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 806 00:40:32,894 --> 00:40:34,687 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 807 00:40:35,021 --> 00:40:36,606 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 808 00:40:36,940 --> 00:40:38,650 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 809 00:40:38,983 --> 00:40:40,777 ♪ You find if you do ♪ 810 00:40:41,110 --> 00:40:42,737 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 811 00:40:43,071 --> 00:40:44,656 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 812 00:40:44,989 --> 00:40:46,908 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 813 00:40:47,241 --> 00:40:48,910 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 814 00:40:49,243 --> 00:40:51,663 (upbeat music) 815 00:41:04,884 --> 00:41:07,512 ♪ Come on and smile through the heartaches ♪ 816 00:41:07,845 --> 00:41:09,514 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 817 00:41:09,847 --> 00:41:11,599 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 818 00:41:11,933 --> 00:41:13,518 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 819 00:41:13,851 --> 00:41:15,436 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 820 00:41:15,770 --> 00:41:17,730 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 821 00:41:18,064 --> 00:41:19,774 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 822 00:41:20,108 --> 00:41:21,776 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 823 00:41:22,110 --> 00:41:25,863 ♪ I. Ia la la la la la la la ♪ 824 00:41:26,197 --> 00:41:27,991 ♪ I. Ia la la la ♪ 825 00:41:28,324 --> 00:41:30,034 ♪ I. Ia la la la ♪ 826 00:41:30,368 --> 00:41:34,038 ♪ I. Ia la la la la la la la ♪ 827 00:41:34,372 --> 00:41:36,290 ♪ I. Ia la la la ♪ 828 00:41:36,624 --> 00:41:37,917 ♪ I. Ia la la ♪ 829 00:41:38,251 --> 00:41:40,503 ♪ Come and smile through the heartaches ♪ 830 00:41:40,837 --> 00:41:42,672 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 831 00:41:43,006 --> 00:41:44,716 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 832 00:41:45,049 --> 00:41:46,759 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 833 00:41:47,093 --> 00:41:48,678 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 834 00:41:49,012 --> 00:41:50,763 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 835 00:41:51,097 --> 00:41:52,640 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 836 00:41:52,974 --> 00:41:54,600 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 837 00:41:54,934 --> 00:41:56,894 ♪ So, smile through the heartaches ♪ 838 00:41:57,228 --> 00:41:58,104 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 839 00:41:59,147 --> 00:42:00,064 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 840 00:42:01,149 --> 00:42:02,942 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 841 00:42:03,276 --> 00:42:04,944 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 842 00:42:05,278 --> 00:42:07,071 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 843 00:42:07,405 --> 00:42:08,531 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 844 00:42:09,574 --> 00:42:10,700 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 845 00:42:11,034 --> 00:42:13,286 ♪ Come and smile through the heartaches ♪ 846 00:42:13,619 --> 00:42:15,496 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 847 00:42:15,830 --> 00:42:17,540 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 848 00:42:17,874 --> 00:42:19,834 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 849 00:42:20,168 --> 00:42:22,420 (wind howling) 850 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,469 (depressing whimsical music) 851 00:42:38,352 --> 00:42:40,521 - Ah, sweet solitude. 852 00:42:40,855 --> 00:42:43,608 No naked bodies in disgusting contortions. 853 00:42:43,941 --> 00:42:46,319 No genitalia staring me in the face. 854 00:42:46,652 --> 00:42:48,196 Free at last. 855 00:42:48,529 --> 00:42:51,824 (upbeat burlesque music) 856 00:43:35,993 --> 00:43:38,246 There must be refuge somewhere. 857 00:43:38,579 --> 00:43:41,833 (upbeat burlesque music) 858 00:43:53,594 --> 00:43:54,220 Women. 859 00:43:54,554 --> 00:43:55,930 (upbeat burlesque music) 860 00:43:56,264 --> 00:43:58,432 Is there no rest for the weary? 861 00:43:58,766 --> 00:43:59,433 - What's the matter with you, pal? 862 00:43:59,767 --> 00:44:00,893 You a faggot or something? 863 00:44:02,562 --> 00:44:05,565 - I'd merely like to be left alone, if you please. 864 00:44:05,898 --> 00:44:08,943 (upbeat burlesque music) 865 00:44:29,797 --> 00:44:31,966 (mellow music) 866 00:44:32,300 --> 00:44:32,884 - (sighs) Must be a faggot. 867 00:44:33,217 --> 00:44:35,344 Hey, move it over here, baby. 868 00:44:35,678 --> 00:44:38,848 Old AI knows what to do when he gets his hands on it. 869 00:44:39,182 --> 00:44:40,474 - Ah, fuck off. - Oh, come on, 870 00:44:40,808 --> 00:44:42,143 give me a handful, baby. 871 00:44:42,476 --> 00:44:44,979 I promise I'll lick my fingers all the way home. 872 00:44:45,313 --> 00:44:46,022 - Creep. 873 00:44:46,355 --> 00:44:48,608 (mellow music) 874 00:44:53,070 --> 00:44:54,614 - Have mercy. 875 00:44:54,947 --> 00:44:57,491 - Oh gee, you're English. 876 00:44:57,825 --> 00:44:58,868 - Correct. 877 00:44:59,202 --> 00:45:00,578 And you, my dear woman, 878 00:45:00,912 --> 00:45:03,039 are perverse. - Oh gee, thanks. 879 00:45:03,372 --> 00:45:04,916 - Hey, how come you stick it in his face, 880 00:45:05,249 --> 00:45:06,334 you won't stick it in mine? 881 00:45:06,667 --> 00:45:08,920 - Because your vibrations suck. 882 00:45:09,253 --> 00:45:10,880 That's why. (drum beats) 883 00:45:11,214 --> 00:45:12,924 - Ah, you bitch! (screaming) 884 00:45:13,257 --> 00:45:14,675 - Sir, you're out of bounds. 885 00:45:15,009 --> 00:45:16,344 - You get out of my way, buster, 886 00:45:16,677 --> 00:45:19,305 or I'm gonna shove this bottle where the sun don't shine. 887 00:45:21,182 --> 00:45:22,308 - I beg your pardon. 888 00:45:22,642 --> 00:45:24,310 - I better not, he'd probably like it. 889 00:45:26,479 --> 00:45:27,939 - I must warn you, sir, 890 00:45:28,272 --> 00:45:30,107 I'm quite well-versed in the martial arts. 891 00:45:30,441 --> 00:45:31,359 - No shit. 892 00:45:33,069 --> 00:45:35,029 (laughing) 893 00:45:35,363 --> 00:45:37,907 (mellow music) 894 00:45:57,301 --> 00:46:00,846 - (moaning) Where am I? - My place. 895 00:46:01,180 --> 00:46:02,890 You were knocked cold. 896 00:46:03,224 --> 00:46:05,351 Hey, that's quite some bump you got there. 897 00:46:07,270 --> 00:46:09,730 - (groaning) Oh, it hurts, too. 898 00:46:10,064 --> 00:46:11,232 - I was talking about the bump 899 00:46:11,565 --> 00:46:13,734 between your legs, sweetheart. 900 00:46:14,068 --> 00:46:15,820 Tell me, how are you hung, anyway? 901 00:46:16,904 --> 00:46:18,489 - Oh, I'm not hung at all. 902 00:46:18,823 --> 00:46:19,740 Marionettes are hung. 903 00:46:20,074 --> 00:46:21,158 I'm a hand puppet. 904 00:46:21,492 --> 00:46:23,202 - Oh, you're so witty and brave. 905 00:46:23,536 --> 00:46:26,372 I'll bet you're a very important man. 906 00:46:27,707 --> 00:46:29,542 - Actually, I'm a film producer. 907 00:46:29,875 --> 00:46:31,085 - Hey, far out. 908 00:46:31,419 --> 00:46:33,170 How long you been in the business? 909 00:46:34,463 --> 00:46:35,256 - All day. 910 00:46:35,589 --> 00:46:36,882 And I must be dashing back. 911 00:46:37,216 --> 00:46:38,509 My partners need me. 912 00:46:41,262 --> 00:46:43,014 - Yeah, but you rescued me. 913 00:46:43,347 --> 00:46:45,182 Let me show you how grateful I am. 914 00:46:45,516 --> 00:46:48,227 All you English guys are such turn-ons. 915 00:46:49,770 --> 00:46:51,772 - Please, I really must be going. 916 00:46:52,106 --> 00:46:53,357 - Come on, baby. 917 00:46:54,942 --> 00:46:56,152 I won't keep you long. 918 00:46:57,236 --> 00:46:59,655 (mellow music) 919 00:47:00,614 --> 00:47:01,532 - very well. 920 00:47:01,866 --> 00:47:03,075 But I mustn't linger. 921 00:47:03,409 --> 00:47:05,369 You see, I have serious corporate problems. 922 00:47:06,454 --> 00:47:08,372 - Don't worry about that. 923 00:47:08,706 --> 00:47:10,499 I'll get it up for ya. 924 00:47:12,293 --> 00:47:13,878 - What shall we do? 925 00:47:15,212 --> 00:47:18,174 - Freddy, I have a confession to make. 926 00:47:20,051 --> 00:47:22,887 - [Fred] Do tell. - I've been a very 927 00:47:23,804 --> 00:47:25,139 bad 928 00:47:25,473 --> 00:47:26,057 girl. 929 00:47:28,309 --> 00:47:29,643 - So, I gathered. 930 00:47:29,977 --> 00:47:31,687 - When I was little, 931 00:47:32,021 --> 00:47:35,524 my daddy would spank me if I was bad. 932 00:47:37,026 --> 00:47:38,027 - [Fred] My word. 933 00:47:38,361 --> 00:47:38,444 - Spank me. 934 00:47:39,487 --> 00:47:41,030 Hit me, daddy. 935 00:47:41,364 --> 00:47:43,115 I've been such a bad girl. 936 00:47:45,576 --> 00:47:46,327 - Really? 937 00:47:49,622 --> 00:47:51,248 - Hit me, please. 938 00:47:51,582 --> 00:47:53,501 Make my little fanny red. 939 00:47:55,419 --> 00:47:56,128 - Hmmm. 940 00:47:58,130 --> 00:48:02,968 - [Woman] Hit me, please. (moaning) 941 00:48:05,346 --> 00:48:06,055 - My word. 942 00:48:07,598 --> 00:48:09,183 - [Woman] Yes, Freddy. 943 00:48:09,517 --> 00:48:10,726 Hit harder, harder. 944 00:48:11,811 --> 00:48:14,188 (moaning) 945 00:48:14,522 --> 00:48:17,108 Ooh, oh yes, Freddy. (moaning) 946 00:48:17,441 --> 00:48:18,818 I love it, Freddy, yes. 947 00:48:19,151 --> 00:48:20,152 - My dear, it's truly smashing. 948 00:48:20,486 --> 00:48:25,282 (upbeat music) (woman moaning) 949 00:48:30,413 --> 00:48:34,708 - [Woman] Oh, Freddy, you're such a wonderful spanker. 950 00:48:36,419 --> 00:48:38,504 How do you last so long? 951 00:48:38,838 --> 00:48:41,298 - Well my dear, it's all in the wrist. 952 00:48:41,632 --> 00:48:43,717 - [Woman] What about you, Freddy? 953 00:48:44,051 --> 00:48:46,846 What can I do to make you happy? 954 00:48:47,179 --> 00:48:50,975 - I'd really rather not say. - Come on, tell me. 955 00:48:51,308 --> 00:48:52,476 - Promise you won't laugh? 956 00:48:52,810 --> 00:48:55,271 - Cross my heart, and hope to die. 957 00:48:55,604 --> 00:48:57,022 What do you like? 958 00:48:57,356 --> 00:48:59,233 - Would you take your bra and panties 959 00:48:59,567 --> 00:49:01,193 and put them on my head, and then-- 960 00:49:04,363 --> 00:49:06,574 (laughing) 961 00:49:07,700 --> 00:49:09,201 - I knew it, I knew it. 962 00:49:09,535 --> 00:49:10,786 Just get me your bra and panties. 963 00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:11,704 I need them. 964 00:49:16,667 --> 00:49:18,461 - You're weird. 965 00:49:18,794 --> 00:49:21,172 Is David Cross as kinky as you are? 966 00:49:21,505 --> 00:49:22,131 - Never mind. 967 00:49:22,465 --> 00:49:25,176 Now, the grapes, get the grapes. 968 00:49:25,509 --> 00:49:28,262 - The grapes? - Over there, the grapes. 969 00:49:32,516 --> 00:49:34,852 All right love, give them a toss. 970 00:49:36,020 --> 00:49:40,691 (grunting) (upbeat music) 971 00:49:51,285 --> 00:49:52,244 Throw it, love, harder. 972 00:49:52,578 --> 00:49:55,039 Don't worry, they're seedless. 973 00:49:56,457 --> 00:49:58,083 Ha ha, you missed me. 974 00:49:59,084 --> 00:49:59,835 Ooh! 975 00:50:01,337 --> 00:50:03,297 (laughing) 976 00:50:05,799 --> 00:50:05,883 Ow! 977 00:50:06,217 --> 00:50:11,680 I am having an arrival. (moaning) 978 00:50:19,980 --> 00:50:21,232 (woman laughing) 979 00:50:21,565 --> 00:50:22,274 - Thanks. 980 00:50:22,608 --> 00:50:23,400 I needed that. 981 00:50:24,485 --> 00:50:26,028 Oh! - You're weird. 982 00:50:31,158 --> 00:50:33,953 - (clears throat) Well, my dear, I must depart. 983 00:50:34,286 --> 00:50:35,204 My troops need me. 984 00:50:35,538 --> 00:50:36,121 Ta-ta. 985 00:50:38,123 --> 00:50:38,791 - Well, 986 00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:42,545 it's been nice meeting you. 987 00:50:45,256 --> 00:50:45,881 I think. 988 00:50:47,508 --> 00:50:50,553 - Years from now, when you talk about this, 989 00:50:52,054 --> 00:50:53,180 be kind. 990 00:50:53,514 --> 00:50:55,891 (dramatic music) 991 00:51:12,449 --> 00:51:15,286 How go the wars, gentlemen? - Hey, Fred's back. 992 00:51:15,619 --> 00:51:17,746 (laughing) 993 00:51:18,998 --> 00:51:20,457 - Fred, what have you got on your head? 994 00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:21,417 - On my head? 995 00:51:23,002 --> 00:51:24,878 There's nothing on my head. 996 00:51:25,212 --> 00:51:26,213 - [Ned] Got it. 997 00:51:26,547 --> 00:51:27,339 (laughing) 998 00:51:27,673 --> 00:51:28,924 - You're the boss. 999 00:51:30,593 --> 00:51:31,385 - [Fred] How's it going? 1000 00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:33,387 - Gepetto and Lash ran out on us. 1001 00:51:33,721 --> 00:51:34,388 Fucking foreigners. 1002 00:51:34,722 --> 00:51:36,223 - Ooh, but we might have enough. 1003 00:51:36,557 --> 00:51:38,517 I'm working on the first cut. 1004 00:51:38,851 --> 00:51:40,644 - Hang in there boys, we'll lick this thing yet. 1005 00:51:41,729 --> 00:51:42,396 - Lick my ass. 1006 00:51:43,939 --> 00:51:44,898 - Let's see. 1007 00:51:45,232 --> 00:51:49,278 41/2 times 318 reels minus 1008 00:51:49,612 --> 00:51:53,240 pi squared, 16 frames to the dozen. 1009 00:51:53,574 --> 00:51:54,366 Uh, let me see. 1010 00:51:54,700 --> 00:51:56,285 What's seven plus four? 1011 00:51:56,619 --> 00:51:57,953 - Uh, eight. 1012 00:51:58,287 --> 00:51:58,829 - Right. 1013 00:52:00,497 --> 00:52:04,001 Good god, there must be half a million feet of film here. 1014 00:52:04,335 --> 00:52:05,836 - Hell, that ought to be plenty. 1015 00:52:06,170 --> 00:52:08,255 - That's too many feet, for Christ sakes. 1016 00:52:08,589 --> 00:52:09,840 Who wants to see feet anyway? 1017 00:52:10,174 --> 00:52:11,258 People don't wanna see feet. 1018 00:52:11,592 --> 00:52:14,303 They wanna see pussy and cocks and tits and ass. 1019 00:52:14,637 --> 00:52:17,848 - Not that kind of feet, you dumbbell. 1020 00:52:18,182 --> 00:52:19,933 - Gentlemen, we have a crisis. 1021 00:52:20,267 --> 00:52:22,728 Our movie has no ending. - What? 1022 00:52:23,062 --> 00:52:24,313 That can't be. - You gotta be kidding. 1023 00:52:24,647 --> 00:52:25,731 You don't know what happened. 1024 00:52:26,065 --> 00:52:27,399 - Look. 1025 00:52:27,733 --> 00:52:28,692 Here's the beginning, 1026 00:52:30,361 --> 00:52:30,694 and here's the middle. 1027 00:52:31,779 --> 00:52:33,405 But we have no end. 1028 00:52:33,739 --> 00:52:35,282 - [Ned] What'll do we do? 1029 00:52:35,616 --> 00:52:36,492 - We're screwed. 1030 00:52:39,161 --> 00:52:41,413 - [Fred] We could film an ending, I suppose. 1031 00:52:41,747 --> 00:52:42,790 - Let's put some new stuff 1032 00:52:43,123 --> 00:52:44,166 between the beginning and the middle. 1033 00:52:45,209 --> 00:52:47,336 Then the old middle will be the new end. 1034 00:52:47,670 --> 00:52:49,380 - Yeah, how about some commercials? 1035 00:52:49,713 --> 00:52:51,215 People are used to seeing commercials 1036 00:52:51,548 --> 00:52:52,633 in the middle of everything. 1037 00:52:54,301 --> 00:52:58,514 - Yeah, x-rated commercials. - The public will love it. 1038 00:52:59,765 --> 00:53:00,391 - Think we can come up with some? 1039 00:53:00,724 --> 00:53:01,350 - Sure we can. 1040 00:53:01,684 --> 00:53:03,852 Let's not forget our heritage. 1041 00:53:04,186 --> 00:53:06,897 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 1042 00:53:07,231 --> 00:53:08,357 - Oh, cut that shit out. 1043 00:53:08,691 --> 00:53:09,608 Now, let's get to work. 1044 00:53:11,235 --> 00:53:14,363 - Hey, let's do the one where that girl holds up the soap. 1045 00:53:14,697 --> 00:53:17,491 - How about the one with the widow and the toilet bowl? 1046 00:53:17,825 --> 00:53:18,742 - Yeah, that's a swell idea. 1047 00:53:23,288 --> 00:53:24,373 - [Fred] We're interviewing 1048 00:53:24,707 --> 00:53:26,125 high fashion model Ms. Jessica Coos 1049 00:53:26,458 --> 00:53:28,585 on the subject of feminine hygiene sprays. 1050 00:53:28,919 --> 00:53:30,295 Jessica tell me-- (phone ringing) 1051 00:53:30,629 --> 00:53:31,213 - Oh, excuse me. 1052 00:53:32,923 --> 00:53:33,590 Hello? 1053 00:53:34,758 --> 00:53:36,760 Yes, this is Jessica. 1054 00:53:37,094 --> 00:53:38,303 Paul? 1055 00:53:38,637 --> 00:53:39,179 I don't know you. 1056 00:53:40,806 --> 00:53:42,474 Oh, Harry sent you. 1057 00:53:42,808 --> 00:53:43,976 Why didn't you say? 1058 00:53:46,186 --> 00:53:48,772 Well, 100 bucks an hour, sweetheart. 1059 00:53:49,857 --> 00:53:50,733 Right. 1060 00:53:51,692 --> 00:53:53,527 Sure you can come right up. 1061 00:53:54,611 --> 00:53:59,158 But no whips or none of that kinky shit, please. 1062 00:54:00,909 --> 00:54:01,660 Bye-bye. 1063 00:54:05,456 --> 00:54:06,540 Oh, where were we? 1064 00:54:06,874 --> 00:54:08,542 - [Fred] I was about to ask you for your favorite brand 1065 00:54:08,876 --> 00:54:10,753 of feminine hygiene spray. 1066 00:54:11,086 --> 00:54:13,756 - Oh, I always use new Sweet Fish. 1067 00:54:14,089 --> 00:54:16,133 - Why Sweet Fish, Ms. Coos? 1068 00:54:16,467 --> 00:54:19,595 - Well us models, under the hot lights and all, 1069 00:54:19,928 --> 00:54:23,348 our cunts can get pretty skunky. 1070 00:54:23,682 --> 00:54:26,310 And if it isn't fresh, 1071 00:54:27,728 --> 00:54:28,937 I'm out of business. 1072 00:54:30,230 --> 00:54:33,233 Isn't that sweet, you little money maker, you? 1073 00:54:33,567 --> 00:54:35,319 ♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪ 1074 00:54:35,652 --> 00:54:37,571 ♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪ 1075 00:54:37,905 --> 00:54:39,990 ♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪ 1076 00:54:40,324 --> 00:54:42,409 ♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪ 1077 00:54:42,743 --> 00:54:45,120 ♪ Sweet Fish ♪ 1078 00:54:46,747 --> 00:54:50,042 (film projector whirring) 1079 00:54:51,460 --> 00:54:54,254 ♪ I gonna put you in the movies ♪ 1080 00:54:54,588 --> 00:54:57,591 ♪ I'm gonna make a big star outta you ♪ 1081 00:54:57,925 --> 00:55:00,469 ♪ I'm gonna put you in the movies ♪ 1082 00:55:00,803 --> 00:55:02,554 ♪ And all you gotta do is ♪ 1083 00:55:02,888 --> 00:55:05,015 ♪ Hang loose and screw ♪ 1084 00:55:05,349 --> 00:55:08,018 (machine whirring) 1085 00:55:10,771 --> 00:55:11,730 Hmmm. 1086 00:55:25,744 --> 00:55:28,956 (moaning and laughing) 1087 00:55:33,460 --> 00:55:35,087 - Doctor, really. 1088 00:55:35,420 --> 00:55:38,674 You are a cheeky devil, you are. 1089 00:55:39,007 --> 00:55:40,092 Ooh. 1090 00:55:40,425 --> 00:55:40,968 Ow. 1091 00:55:43,345 --> 00:55:45,597 - How long have you had these pains? 1092 00:55:45,931 --> 00:55:47,558 - Well, I don't know, I lost my watch, 1093 00:55:47,891 --> 00:55:49,852 but I guess it's about, uh, 1094 00:55:50,185 --> 00:55:53,856 four years, um, three months, and two days. 1095 00:55:54,189 --> 00:55:58,485 - Well, I'm glad you came to me right away. 1096 00:55:58,819 --> 00:55:59,653 Let's see here. 1097 00:56:00,696 --> 00:56:03,532 - Ooh, Doctor, do you think that I might be-- 1098 00:56:03,866 --> 00:56:04,741 - Now, now. 1099 00:56:05,075 --> 00:56:08,328 Just relax and we'll see what we have here. 1100 00:56:08,662 --> 00:56:10,998 - [Patient] It's so hard waiting, doctor. 1101 00:56:11,331 --> 00:56:13,375 (moaning) 1102 00:56:14,751 --> 00:56:16,503 - Ha, I have it! 1103 00:56:16,837 --> 00:56:18,005 A Climax watch. 1104 00:56:18,338 --> 00:56:22,801 Still ticking after four years, three months, and two days. 1105 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:23,969 Climax. 1106 00:56:25,012 --> 00:56:28,849 It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. 1107 00:56:29,182 --> 00:56:30,851 That's why Climax 1108 00:56:31,184 --> 00:56:35,731 is the largest selling watch on 47th Street. 1109 00:56:36,064 --> 00:56:37,107 - Climax? 1110 00:56:37,441 --> 00:56:39,776 Bullshit, you better take another look down there. 1111 00:56:40,110 --> 00:56:41,528 My watch was a Pulsar. 1112 00:56:45,949 --> 00:56:49,244 - [Fred] Isn't it time you had a Climax? 1113 00:56:49,578 --> 00:56:52,205 (whimsical music) 1114 00:56:59,713 --> 00:57:02,466 - If I were a switch, where would I be? 1115 00:57:03,467 --> 00:57:04,885 - Push everything. 1116 00:57:05,218 --> 00:57:06,428 What do you got to lose? 1117 00:57:08,764 --> 00:57:11,391 (upbeat music) 1118 00:57:15,145 --> 00:57:17,731 (Gramps yelling) 1119 00:57:22,444 --> 00:57:24,154 - Stop fucking around. 1120 00:57:26,990 --> 00:57:29,451 (upbeat music) 1121 00:57:35,874 --> 00:57:38,627 - I hate the taste of Lusterine, 1122 00:57:40,462 --> 00:57:43,048 but I use it 40 times a day. 1123 00:57:43,382 --> 00:57:45,759 (upbeat music) 1124 00:57:56,103 --> 00:57:57,062 I'm so oral. 1125 00:58:06,238 --> 00:58:06,989 I love it. 1126 00:58:08,365 --> 00:58:11,451 ♪ Lusterine ♪ 1127 00:58:11,785 --> 00:58:12,995 ♪ When you go to bed ♪ 1128 00:58:13,328 --> 00:58:14,496 ♪ When you're giving head ♪ 1129 00:58:14,830 --> 00:58:16,832 ♪ Lusterine ♪ 1130 00:58:26,967 --> 00:58:29,720 - It was a smashing idea, Red, but I don't think it'll work. 1131 00:58:30,053 --> 00:58:31,596 - Golly, why not? 1132 00:58:31,930 --> 00:58:33,890 - It's just not dramatically viable. 1133 00:58:34,224 --> 00:58:35,642 - Oh, what the fuck do you know? 1134 00:58:35,976 --> 00:58:37,436 Our asses are on the line. 1135 00:58:37,769 --> 00:58:38,729 Let's put them in. 1136 00:58:39,062 --> 00:58:40,480 (Red and Ned arguing) 1137 00:58:40,814 --> 00:58:43,859 - Gentlemen, gentlemen, please don't despair. 1138 00:58:44,192 --> 00:58:45,152 All we need is a shot 1139 00:58:45,485 --> 00:58:47,863 to get our creative juices flowing again. 1140 00:58:48,196 --> 00:58:49,156 (door slams) 1141 00:58:49,489 --> 00:58:50,365 - [All] It's Mr. Big! 1142 00:58:51,867 --> 00:58:54,411 (dramatic music) 1143 00:58:57,539 --> 00:59:01,043 - These guys don't look glad to see me, boys. 1144 00:59:05,088 --> 00:59:06,882 Where's my half a million dollars? 1145 00:59:10,761 --> 00:59:13,346 (dramatic music) 1146 00:59:18,268 --> 00:59:20,187 Well, where's the money? 1147 00:59:22,898 --> 00:59:24,816 - (chuckling) Gee, I don't know. 1148 00:59:25,150 --> 00:59:27,611 It was around here someplace. 1149 00:59:27,944 --> 00:59:28,945 - Wise guy, huh? 1150 00:59:29,988 --> 00:59:31,239 Somebody better come up with the money, 1151 00:59:31,573 --> 00:59:33,867 or you're all as good as dead. 1152 00:59:34,201 --> 00:59:36,495 - You'll have it as soon as the movie is released, Mr. Big, 1153 00:59:36,828 --> 00:59:37,662 with interest. 1154 00:59:37,996 --> 00:59:39,039 - When will that be? 1155 00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:43,710 According to my watch, yous got one hour. 1156 00:59:44,044 --> 00:59:46,421 (Ned stammering) 1157 00:59:46,755 --> 00:59:48,256 What's the matter with him? 1158 00:59:48,590 --> 00:59:51,301 - He ain't himself since you came in the door. 1159 00:59:51,635 --> 00:59:54,846 I'm the s-s-s-same w-w-w-w-way m-m-m-m-myself. 1160 00:59:55,180 --> 00:59:58,350 - You guys better stop blubbering and start fundraising. 1161 01:00:01,186 --> 01:00:02,187 Ernie, 1162 01:00:02,521 --> 01:00:04,981 hock all this equipment, 1163 01:00:05,315 --> 01:00:07,818 and send all the money to the widows. 1164 01:00:08,151 --> 01:00:08,902 - Jesus. 1165 01:00:09,236 --> 01:00:12,239 - This looks like a job for Mighty Mouth! 1166 01:00:12,572 --> 01:00:13,990 - [Brothers] Yay! 1167 01:00:14,324 --> 01:00:16,034 - All right boys, I got him. 1168 01:00:16,368 --> 01:00:17,452 Run! 1169 01:00:17,786 --> 01:00:18,787 - Get her off of me! 1170 01:00:19,121 --> 01:00:20,747 No, wait, wait. 1171 01:00:21,081 --> 01:00:23,667 Yous can run, but you can't hide. 1172 01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:26,169 I'll see you creeps in your office in one hour. 1173 01:00:27,254 --> 01:00:31,007 ("William Tell's Overture") 1174 01:00:32,884 --> 01:00:35,554 (water bubbling) 1175 01:00:37,556 --> 01:00:38,849 - Excuse me, Madam. 1176 01:00:39,182 --> 01:00:40,809 Your car. - Oh, James. 1177 01:00:41,143 --> 01:00:43,019 It's time to go already? - Yes, Madam. 1178 01:00:43,353 --> 01:00:44,896 You have a bridge date. 1179 01:00:45,230 --> 01:00:46,231 - Cancel it. 1180 01:00:46,565 --> 01:00:48,775 I'm going to stay here and help these poor souls. 1181 01:00:49,109 --> 01:00:50,152 They're trying to create 1182 01:00:50,485 --> 01:00:52,445 an erotic film and failing dismally. 1183 01:00:52,779 --> 01:00:54,906 It's a matter of life and death. 1184 01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:56,575 - Oh, forget it, lady. 1185 01:00:56,908 --> 01:00:57,909 Ned? - Yeah? 1186 01:00:58,243 --> 01:00:58,785 - Fred? - Yeah? 1187 01:00:59,119 --> 01:01:00,036 - Red? - Yeah? 1188 01:01:00,370 --> 01:01:01,830 - You guys are dead. 1189 01:01:02,164 --> 01:01:03,915 - He's right, nothing can save us. 1190 01:01:04,249 --> 01:01:05,208 - It's all over. 1191 01:01:05,542 --> 01:01:06,501 - Just a moment. 1192 01:01:06,835 --> 01:01:10,005 If Madam says she'll help, all is well. 1193 01:01:10,338 --> 01:01:11,715 - Are you kidding? 1194 01:01:12,048 --> 01:01:12,674 Look at her. 1195 01:01:13,008 --> 01:01:13,967 What does she know? 1196 01:01:14,301 --> 01:01:15,218 She's an old lady. 1197 01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,806 - Madam, they've thrown down the gauntlet. 1198 01:01:20,140 --> 01:01:23,810 - Gentlemen, I may look like an old lady on the outside, 1199 01:01:24,144 --> 01:01:28,356 but inside, I'm as hot and as wet as the best of them. 1200 01:01:30,233 --> 01:01:34,905 ♪ I got scrawny thighs and beady eyes ♪ 1201 01:01:35,238 --> 01:01:40,035 ♪ A bulbous nose and sagging hose, but I'm ♪ 1202 01:01:42,287 --> 01:01:47,209 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1203 01:01:48,168 --> 01:01:52,464 ♪ My mammaries are memories ♪ 1204 01:01:52,797 --> 01:01:54,841 ♪ But still I can ♪ 1205 01:01:55,175 --> 01:01:59,721 ♪ Delight my man, 'cause I'm ♪ 1206 01:02:00,055 --> 01:02:04,059 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1207 01:02:04,392 --> 01:02:09,189 ♪ What I do is sensuali-tease him ♪ 1208 01:02:10,398 --> 01:02:13,818 ♪ Come to mama, fudge him ♪ 1209 01:02:14,152 --> 01:02:15,654 ♪ Blow in his ear ♪ 1210 01:02:15,987 --> 01:02:17,948 ♪ Or nip on his rear ♪ 1211 01:02:18,281 --> 01:02:21,284 ♪ He's ripe for plucking ♪ 1212 01:02:22,369 --> 01:02:25,956 ♪ Lend your sex electrics ♪ 1213 01:02:26,289 --> 01:02:29,542 ♪ Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling-A ♪ 1214 01:02:29,876 --> 01:02:31,002 ♪ A maddening lick ♪ 1215 01:02:31,336 --> 01:02:34,589 ♪ With a butterfly flick and a blow ♪ 1216 01:02:34,923 --> 01:02:37,717 ♪ Your man down ♪ 1217 01:02:38,051 --> 01:02:41,429 ♪ So when your bedroom bores ♪ 1218 01:02:41,763 --> 01:02:43,390 ♪ Get out of doors ♪ 1219 01:02:43,723 --> 01:02:44,891 ♪ Try a rope and a hack ♪ 1220 01:02:45,225 --> 01:02:47,269 ♪ Or the BMD track ♪ 1221 01:02:47,602 --> 01:02:50,438 ♪ And live ♪ 1222 01:02:50,772 --> 01:02:55,527 ♪ Like the sensuous woman ♪ 1223 01:02:57,279 --> 01:03:01,950 ♪ And if your Romeos ♪ 1224 01:03:02,284 --> 01:03:05,453 ♪ Drooping low ♪ 1225 01:03:05,787 --> 01:03:08,790 ♪ A tired he ♪ 1226 01:03:09,124 --> 01:03:11,042 ♪ Do it orally ♪ 1227 01:03:11,376 --> 01:03:13,962 ♪ You better be ♪ 1228 01:03:14,296 --> 01:03:19,092 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1229 01:03:20,093 --> 01:03:22,762 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1230 01:03:33,648 --> 01:03:34,357 - You're terrific. 1231 01:03:34,691 --> 01:03:36,026 - Yeah, sexy. - Help us. 1232 01:03:36,359 --> 01:03:36,985 - Save our movie. 1233 01:03:37,319 --> 01:03:40,155 - Take us to the Promise Land, sweet mama. 1234 01:03:40,488 --> 01:03:42,574 - But Madam, what shall I do with the car? 1235 01:03:42,907 --> 01:03:44,075 - Sell it, you dummy. 1236 01:03:45,493 --> 01:03:46,494 - You really think we can make it? 1237 01:03:46,828 --> 01:03:47,871 - [Madam] Of course, you can make it. 1238 01:03:48,204 --> 01:03:49,998 Remember who you are. 1239 01:03:50,332 --> 01:03:53,043 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 1240 01:03:53,376 --> 01:03:55,170 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 1241 01:03:55,503 --> 01:03:56,504 - And don't you forget it. 1242 01:03:56,838 --> 01:03:58,590 You've got imagination, taste, 1243 01:03:58,923 --> 01:04:01,801 and this boy has a problem that can help you. 1244 01:04:02,135 --> 01:04:04,262 - Yeah, give me a chance. 1245 01:04:04,596 --> 01:04:06,014 - And you shall have it, my dear. 1246 01:04:06,348 --> 01:04:10,143 What you need is Buffo production numbers, today's sound, 1247 01:04:10,477 --> 01:04:13,396 a rock beat, transvestites, ah. 1248 01:04:13,730 --> 01:04:15,106 Stop it, you two. 1249 01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:16,191 - What about me? 1250 01:04:16,524 --> 01:04:17,901 What can I do? 1251 01:04:18,234 --> 01:04:19,694 - Pinocchio, according to my notes, 1252 01:04:20,028 --> 01:04:22,322 you have now cum seven times. 1253 01:04:22,655 --> 01:04:24,032 - Eight. - Eight times. 1254 01:04:24,366 --> 01:04:26,201 And you shall be 1255 01:04:26,534 --> 01:04:30,163 rewarded. (audience applauds) 1256 01:04:31,956 --> 01:04:34,876 - I've become a partner. 1257 01:04:35,210 --> 01:04:40,006 (upbeat music) (audience applauds) 1258 01:04:50,767 --> 01:04:53,103 (upbeat music) 1259 01:05:05,657 --> 01:05:08,743 ♪ She lives a life marked his and hers ♪ 1260 01:05:09,077 --> 01:05:11,287 ♪ In a world of changing sex ♪ 1261 01:05:11,621 --> 01:05:14,582 ♪ She's the king and queen of differences ♪ 1262 01:05:14,916 --> 01:05:17,836 ♪ In a dream that's rated X ♪ 1263 01:05:18,169 --> 01:05:20,296 ♪ She took to drag and dressing up ♪ 1264 01:05:20,630 --> 01:05:24,008 ♪ 'Cause it sure beats driving trucks ♪ 1265 01:05:24,342 --> 01:05:27,262 ♪ Her world's a myth like gravity ♪ 1266 01:05:27,595 --> 01:05:30,432 ♪ It has no pull, it sucks ♪ 1267 01:05:30,765 --> 01:05:33,309 ♪ There's lots of things about her ♪ 1268 01:05:33,643 --> 01:05:36,354 ♪ That you never understand ♪ 1269 01:05:36,688 --> 01:05:39,649 ♪ I mean, how can you talk to a lady ♪ 1270 01:05:39,983 --> 01:05:42,944 ♪ That's every inch a man ♪ 1271 01:05:43,278 --> 01:05:45,655 ♪ Why she's the new all American boy ♪ 1272 01:05:45,989 --> 01:05:49,200 ♪ She got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1273 01:05:49,534 --> 01:05:52,120 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1274 01:05:52,454 --> 01:05:54,080 ♪ With her, you get two ♪ 1275 01:05:54,414 --> 01:05:57,208 ♪ For the price of one ♪ 1276 01:05:57,542 --> 01:05:58,918 ♪ Show me your la la ♪ 1277 01:05:59,252 --> 01:06:01,337 (harmonizing) 1278 01:06:11,556 --> 01:06:16,478 ♪ Oh beautiful ♪ 1279 01:06:17,770 --> 01:06:19,689 ♪ Her life's a constant struggle ♪ 1280 01:06:20,023 --> 01:06:21,858 ♪ In a boy meets girl facade ♪ 1281 01:06:22,192 --> 01:06:26,070 ♪ While the girly part comes easy ♪ 1282 01:06:26,404 --> 01:06:29,073 ♪ For the man, the part stays hard ♪ 1283 01:06:29,407 --> 01:06:32,118 ♪ So, she went to see the doctor man ♪ 1284 01:06:32,452 --> 01:06:35,121 ♪ She said, hey make me a fox ♪ 1285 01:06:35,455 --> 01:06:37,332 ♪ She took a shot of G ♪ 1286 01:06:37,665 --> 01:06:38,458 ♪ Her breast of things ♪ 1287 01:06:38,791 --> 01:06:41,294 ♪ And a brand new plastic part ♪ 1288 01:06:41,628 --> 01:06:44,756 ♪ Now, she's the foxy lady ♪ 1289 01:06:45,089 --> 01:06:46,883 ♪ That you've been waiting for ♪ 1290 01:06:47,217 --> 01:06:51,179 ♪ So what if the girl of your dreams turns out ♪ 1291 01:06:51,513 --> 01:06:54,265 ♪ To be the boy next door ♪ 1292 01:06:54,599 --> 01:06:57,101 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1293 01:06:57,435 --> 01:07:00,480 ♪ She got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1294 01:07:00,813 --> 01:07:03,399 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1295 01:07:03,733 --> 01:07:05,652 ♪ With her you get two ♪ 1296 01:07:05,985 --> 01:07:07,612 ♪ For the price of one ♪ 1297 01:07:07,946 --> 01:07:10,281 ♪ Oh yeah, guys, let's hear everything ♪ 1298 01:07:10,615 --> 01:07:12,784 (harmonizing) 1299 01:07:19,374 --> 01:07:22,043 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1300 01:07:22,377 --> 01:07:25,088 ♪ She's got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1301 01:07:25,421 --> 01:07:27,298 ♪ I said that she's the new all American boy ♪ 1302 01:07:27,632 --> 01:07:28,424 (sirens blaring) (whistle shrills) 1303 01:07:28,758 --> 01:07:30,760 - [Cop] All right, hold it right there. 1304 01:07:31,094 --> 01:07:32,595 Don't let these motherfuckers move. 1305 01:07:32,929 --> 01:07:35,515 - [Miss Bliss] Oh, son-of-a-bitch. 1306 01:07:36,891 --> 01:07:39,477 - Okay, you perpetrators is all under arrest 1307 01:07:39,811 --> 01:07:42,188 on account of making a dirty movie. 1308 01:07:42,522 --> 01:07:44,190 All right, you cunts, let's go. 1309 01:07:44,524 --> 01:07:45,525 Hut, two, three, four. 1310 01:07:45,858 --> 01:07:47,068 Hut, two, three, four. 1311 01:07:47,402 --> 01:07:48,444 Hut, two, three, four. 1312 01:07:48,778 --> 01:07:51,239 Hut, two, three, four. (cunt farts) 1313 01:07:51,573 --> 01:07:53,324 All right kid, you're next. 1314 01:07:53,658 --> 01:07:54,367 Let's go. 1315 01:07:54,701 --> 01:07:56,202 You outta be ashamed of yourself. 1316 01:07:56,536 --> 01:08:00,248 Contributing to the delinquency of an adult. 1317 01:08:00,582 --> 01:08:01,457 - Up yours. 1318 01:08:01,791 --> 01:08:04,210 All right, hut, two, three, four. 1319 01:08:04,544 --> 01:08:06,296 Okay cutie, you're next. 1320 01:08:07,547 --> 01:08:11,509 Hey, by the way cutie, I'll uh, 1321 01:08:12,427 --> 01:08:14,137 see you when you get out. 1322 01:08:15,013 --> 01:08:15,847 (belches) 1323 01:08:16,180 --> 01:08:17,140 - Ooh. - All right, let's go. 1324 01:08:17,473 --> 01:08:18,683 Hut, two, three, four. 1325 01:08:19,017 --> 01:08:20,101 Hut, two, three. 1326 01:08:20,435 --> 01:08:23,313 (depressing music) 1327 01:08:23,646 --> 01:08:26,983 - It was a good try, gentlemen, but we're goners. 1328 01:08:28,359 --> 01:08:30,445 - Hmm, our present predicament 1329 01:08:30,778 --> 01:08:33,239 severely limits our fund raising mobility. 1330 01:08:33,573 --> 01:08:34,365 - Listen. 1331 01:08:34,699 --> 01:08:36,242 We still got 45 minutes left. 1332 01:08:36,576 --> 01:08:37,243 Right? 1333 01:08:37,577 --> 01:08:40,580 - It seems to me you only got one shot, boys. 1334 01:08:40,913 --> 01:08:42,040 - [All] What? 1335 01:08:42,373 --> 01:08:43,708 - Politics. 1336 01:08:44,042 --> 01:08:45,752 - Totally unfeasible. 1337 01:08:46,085 --> 01:08:47,712 Gentlemen, we have enough problems. 1338 01:08:48,046 --> 01:08:50,131 We go into politics, we'll really be in trouble. 1339 01:08:50,465 --> 01:08:52,091 - All right, all right. 1340 01:08:53,009 --> 01:08:55,261 Quiet down yous perpetrators. 1341 01:08:55,595 --> 01:08:56,512 You're free. 1342 01:08:56,846 --> 01:08:58,473 All charges have been dropped. 1343 01:08:58,806 --> 01:09:00,516 (cheering) 1344 01:09:00,850 --> 01:09:02,435 - Wait a minute, officer. 1345 01:09:02,769 --> 01:09:05,480 I'm not sure I have a firm grasp of the situation. 1346 01:09:05,813 --> 01:09:08,274 - Social redeeming, that's what the situation is. 1347 01:09:08,608 --> 01:09:10,109 Some faggot judge says she got 1348 01:09:10,443 --> 01:09:13,196 social redeeming value in this here film. 1349 01:09:13,529 --> 01:09:14,238 You're free. 1350 01:09:14,572 --> 01:09:15,114 Outta here. 1351 01:09:15,448 --> 01:09:17,283 Out of my jail, all of ya. 1352 01:09:17,617 --> 01:09:18,785 Hut, two, three, four. 1353 01:09:19,118 --> 01:09:20,286 - You dirty screw. 1354 01:09:20,620 --> 01:09:23,915 You're the guy give to my brother in the back. 1355 01:09:25,124 --> 01:09:27,627 - Listen, who I fuck is my business. 1356 01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:29,087 Now, move it! 1357 01:09:30,672 --> 01:09:31,881 Bunch of perverts. 1358 01:09:32,215 --> 01:09:34,509 Social redeeming, my ass. 1359 01:09:34,842 --> 01:09:36,719 Fucking is fucking. 1360 01:09:37,053 --> 01:09:39,597 (upbeat music) 1361 01:09:53,653 --> 01:09:57,573 - Well, I still think we shoulda gone out to Hollywood. 1362 01:09:57,907 --> 01:10:00,201 Jimmy won't know what to say if we win. 1363 01:10:00,535 --> 01:10:02,078 - Ah, we'll never win. 1364 01:10:02,412 --> 01:10:04,288 Let's put on the ball game. 1365 01:10:04,622 --> 01:10:06,457 - Oh, ye of little faith. 1366 01:10:06,791 --> 01:10:09,127 - Look, they're announcing the nominees. 1367 01:10:09,460 --> 01:10:10,795 - Turn up the volume. 1368 01:10:11,129 --> 01:10:14,424 - And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment 1369 01:10:14,757 --> 01:10:16,300 we've all been waiting for 1370 01:10:17,468 --> 01:10:20,179 for the best picture of the year. 1371 01:10:20,513 --> 01:10:22,014 May I have the envelope please? 1372 01:10:24,934 --> 01:10:25,935 I'm so excited. 1373 01:10:26,853 --> 01:10:27,895 And the winner is... 1374 01:10:29,981 --> 01:10:31,482 You are hereby summoned 1375 01:10:31,816 --> 01:10:36,362 to appear before the grand jury in Memphis... 1376 01:10:36,696 --> 01:10:37,447 You asshole. 1377 01:10:38,614 --> 01:10:39,574 Gimme. 1378 01:10:41,284 --> 01:10:42,702 And the winner is... 1379 01:10:47,039 --> 01:10:49,375 I don't believe this shit. 1380 01:10:49,709 --> 01:10:50,209 The winner is 1381 01:10:51,669 --> 01:10:54,005 The Last Porno Flick. (all cheering) 1382 01:10:54,338 --> 01:10:55,590 Federico 1383 01:10:55,923 --> 01:10:56,674 Gepetto 1384 01:10:57,008 --> 01:10:58,301 Alexa. 1385 01:10:58,634 --> 01:11:01,012 Accepting the award for Mr. Gepetto is 1386 01:11:02,638 --> 01:11:04,474 Jimmy. - Go on down. 1387 01:11:04,807 --> 01:11:06,642 - Congratulations. - And since this is the first 1388 01:11:06,976 --> 01:11:09,353 fuck film to win an Oscar, 1389 01:11:09,687 --> 01:11:13,274 I just gotta thank two people who made it all possible. 1390 01:11:13,608 --> 01:11:17,945 The two people who invented fucking: Adam and Eve. 1391 01:11:18,279 --> 01:11:19,697 I didn't get their last names, 1392 01:11:20,031 --> 01:11:21,908 but they know who they are. 1393 01:11:22,241 --> 01:11:25,119 And I'm thrilled for my good buddy Gramps 1394 01:11:26,287 --> 01:11:28,664 that he lived to see this night. 1395 01:11:30,875 --> 01:11:32,418 - What an asshole. 1396 01:11:38,591 --> 01:11:40,593 (machine whirring) 1397 01:11:40,927 --> 01:11:43,513 (machine dings) 1398 01:11:46,682 --> 01:11:50,561 (everyone murmuring) 1399 01:11:50,895 --> 01:11:52,897 - There must be nine million dollars here, keep counting. 1400 01:11:53,231 --> 01:11:54,816 - There's 10 million in this pile, 1401 01:11:55,149 --> 01:11:56,609 and nine million in-- - Are you sure? 1402 01:11:56,943 --> 01:11:57,652 Let's start again and make sure, 1403 01:11:57,985 --> 01:11:59,362 'cause I don't wanna get screwed. 1404 01:11:59,695 --> 01:12:01,614 - Come on, come on, boys. 1405 01:12:01,948 --> 01:12:02,532 - Keep counting. 1406 01:12:02,865 --> 01:12:04,200 - I'm being taken advantage of. 1407 01:12:04,534 --> 01:12:06,536 That's my pile, get your hands off it. 1408 01:12:06,869 --> 01:12:07,912 - Come on now, don't fight. 1409 01:12:08,246 --> 01:12:09,789 I'm gonna take my share and go to that massage parlor 1410 01:12:10,122 --> 01:12:10,915 and go for broke. 1411 01:12:11,249 --> 01:12:11,999 - Hey. 1412 01:12:12,333 --> 01:12:13,376 Hey. 1413 01:12:13,709 --> 01:12:16,003 I've got an idea for our next movie. 1414 01:12:16,337 --> 01:12:17,296 How about 1415 01:12:17,630 --> 01:12:19,674 She Came on the Bus. 1416 01:12:20,007 --> 01:12:20,341 - Ah, horseshit. 1417 01:12:21,384 --> 01:12:23,719 Those travel films never make money. 1418 01:12:24,762 --> 01:12:26,389 I've got one. 1419 01:12:26,722 --> 01:12:31,102 Doctor Dick Makes a House Call. (laughing) 1420 01:12:31,435 --> 01:12:32,687 - Too medical, no zip. 1421 01:12:33,020 --> 01:12:35,815 You gotta play on their fantasies, boys. 1422 01:12:36,148 --> 01:12:37,024 How's this? 1423 01:12:37,358 --> 01:12:39,318 Teenage Grandmother. 1424 01:12:39,652 --> 01:12:42,321 - Yeah, great, yeah. - Terrific. 1425 01:12:42,655 --> 01:12:43,531 - No, no, no. 1426 01:12:44,907 --> 01:12:48,369 There'll be no more erotic film. 1427 01:12:48,703 --> 01:12:49,287 - Fred, why? 1428 01:12:50,580 --> 01:12:54,500 - Gentlemen, this is the last porno flick. 1429 01:12:54,834 --> 01:12:56,377 - Oh. - What? 1430 01:12:56,711 --> 01:12:57,879 - [Gramps] Yeah, we gotta think of something. 1431 01:12:58,212 --> 01:12:59,213 Yeah, what are we gonna do? 1432 01:12:59,547 --> 01:13:00,506 We all remember who we are. 1433 01:13:00,840 --> 01:13:01,799 - [Fred] Let's not forget our heritage. 1434 01:13:02,133 --> 01:13:06,929 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts ♪ 1435 01:13:08,431 --> 01:13:10,725 ♪ Systems and Procedures ♪ 1436 01:13:11,058 --> 01:13:14,061 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc. ♪ 1437 01:13:14,395 --> 01:13:18,649 ♪ What do you think ♪ 1438 01:13:18,983 --> 01:13:21,485 ♪ I need a drink ♪ 1439 01:13:23,905 --> 01:13:27,408 (upbeat whimsical music) 1440 01:15:16,142 --> 01:15:18,853 (bomb explodes) 1441 01:15:19,979 --> 01:15:22,940 (bottles clatter) 1442 01:15:26,944 --> 01:15:29,613 (upbeat music) 97360