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1
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,070
Therapist:
So, where do you want to start?
2
00:00:18,140 --> 00:00:19,210
I don't know.
3
00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:21,230
Therapist:
Okay. Why'd you run away?
4
00:00:25,030 --> 00:00:27,230
("Liability" by Lorde playing)
5
00:00:36,179 --> 00:00:38,079
♪ Baby really hurt me ♪
6
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:40,200
♪ Cryin' in the taxi,
he don't wanna know me ♪
7
00:00:40,219 --> 00:00:45,119
♪ Says he made the big mistake
of dancing in my storm ♪
8
00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:49,030
♪ Says it was poison ♪
9
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,020
♪ So I guess I'll go home ♪
10
00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:54,009
♪ Into the arms of the girl
that I love ♪
11
00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:57,030
♪ The only love
I haven't screwed up ♪
12
00:00:57,049 --> 00:00:59,039
♪ She's so hard to please ♪
13
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,229
♪ But she's a forest fire ♪
14
00:01:02,009 --> 00:01:04,099
♪ I do my best to meet
her demands ♪
15
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,120
♪ Play at romance,
we slow dance
in the living room ♪
16
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:10,000
♪ But all that
a stranger would see ♪
17
00:01:10,019 --> 00:01:12,180
♪ Is one girl swaying alone ♪
18
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,219
♪ Stroking her cheek ♪
19
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,159
♪ They say,
"You're a little much for me ♪
20
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,170
♪ "You're a liability ♪
21
00:01:22,189 --> 00:01:27,039
♪ You're a little much
for me" ♪
22
00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:30,170
♪ So they pull back,
make other plans ♪
23
00:01:30,189 --> 00:01:35,120
♪ I understand,
I'm a liability ♪
24
00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:38,159
♪ Get you wild,
make you leave ♪
25
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:45,069
♪ I'm a little much for
e-a-na-na-na, everyone ♪
26
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:51,000
♪ The truth is,
I am a toy that people enjoy ♪
27
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:55,189
♪ Till all of the tricks
don't work anymore ♪
28
00:01:55,210 --> 00:01:58,189
♪ And then they are
bored of me ♪
29
00:01:58,210 --> 00:02:01,219
♪ I know that it's exciting
running through the night ♪
30
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,019
♪ But every perfect summer's
eating me alive ♪
31
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,090
♪ Until you're gone ♪
32
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:12,020
♪ Better on my own ♪
33
00:02:12,039 --> 00:02:17,009
♪ They say,
"You're a little much for me ♪
34
00:02:17,030 --> 00:02:20,090
♪ "You're a liability ♪
35
00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:24,129
♪ You're a little
much for me" ♪
36
00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:28,039
♪ So they pull back,
make other plans ♪
37
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:32,189
♪ I understand,
I'm a liability ♪
38
00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:35,219
♪ Get you wild,
make you leave ♪
39
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:42,150
♪ I'm a little much for
e-a-na-na-na, everyone ♪
40
00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:51,099
♪ But they're gonna watch me
disappear into the sun ♪
41
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:55,120
♪ You're all gonna
watch me disappear ♪
42
00:02:55,139 --> 00:02:59,139
♪ Into the sun ♪
43
00:03:00,199 --> 00:03:03,120
Can we not talk about that?
44
00:03:04,159 --> 00:03:05,189
Therapist:
Why?
45
00:03:05,210 --> 00:03:08,099
(rain pattering)
46
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,110
I don't know.
'Cause it was just like a,
47
00:03:10,129 --> 00:03:13,139
like a dumb,
not-well-thought-out plan,
48
00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:17,120
and I was, like, drunk
and reacting to shit.
49
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,170
Therapist:
Reacting to what?
50
00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:26,219
Come on, I, I really...
51
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,039
don't wanna talk about it.
52
00:03:30,099 --> 00:03:31,189
Therapist:
Okay.
53
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:34,030
What do you want to talk about?
54
00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:36,170
(inhales slowly, exhales)
55
00:03:41,099 --> 00:03:43,229
I think I want to
go off my hormones.
56
00:03:45,189 --> 00:03:48,120
Therapist:
Mm. Okay.
57
00:03:50,210 --> 00:03:53,229
Have you been thinking a lot
about de-transitioning?
58
00:03:54,219 --> 00:03:56,069
No.
59
00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:58,120
Therapist:
Okay. Then what is it?
60
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,120
I don't know.
I've just been, like,
61
00:04:01,139 --> 00:04:04,159
thinking about what's next.
62
00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:07,080
Therapist:
In what sense?
63
00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:11,169
(sighs)
I mean...
64
00:04:11,189 --> 00:04:15,039
I don't know. I guess it's--
I guess it's interesting,
65
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,230
'cause, like, before I ran away,
66
00:04:18,009 --> 00:04:23,019
uh, I had gone to the city
to visit some old friends,
and...
67
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,170
we were having
this exact conversation.
68
00:04:26,189 --> 00:04:28,060
And...
69
00:04:29,079 --> 00:04:31,100
Basically, um...
70
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:36,100
I feel like I've framed
71
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:41,120
my entire womanhood
around men.
72
00:04:41,139 --> 00:04:43,149
When, like, in reality,
73
00:04:43,170 --> 00:04:45,180
I'm no longer interested
in men.
74
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:48,220
Like, philosophically.
75
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,000
Like, like, what men want.
76
00:04:52,019 --> 00:04:56,040
Like, what men want
is so boring.
77
00:04:56,060 --> 00:05:01,009
And simple, and not creative,
and, like, uh...
78
00:05:01,029 --> 00:05:03,110
I just, like,
I look at myself,
and I'm like,
79
00:05:03,129 --> 00:05:06,230
how the fuck did I spend
my entire life
80
00:05:07,009 --> 00:05:10,040
building this. Like...
81
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,170
(sighs) Like, my body,
and my personality,
82
00:05:13,189 --> 00:05:17,069
and, like, my soul around
83
00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:19,230
what I think men desire?
84
00:05:22,149 --> 00:05:24,069
It's just, like...
85
00:05:24,089 --> 00:05:26,019
it's embarrassing.
86
00:05:27,149 --> 00:05:30,209
I feel like a... a fraud.
87
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,100
I feel like there's
a lot to unpack
88
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,009
within what
you just said, okay,
89
00:05:37,029 --> 00:05:39,029
but the main thing I heard,
90
00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:41,139
is how hard you are
on yourself.
91
00:05:41,159 --> 00:05:44,120
The amount of self-criticism
you're experiencing,
92
00:05:44,139 --> 00:05:45,220
it's a lot.
93
00:05:47,019 --> 00:05:48,120
Yeah.
94
00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:52,029
But I, I think it's necessary.
95
00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:53,180
Therapist:
Are you sure?
96
00:05:55,029 --> 00:05:57,129
I mean, I hope so.
97
00:05:58,139 --> 00:06:00,050
Or else,
98
00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:03,040
then I'm really fucking crazy.
99
00:06:05,069 --> 00:06:07,110
You're not crazy, Jules.
100
00:06:07,129 --> 00:06:11,029
You're just a lot harder
on yourself than you
probably should be.
101
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,209
Jules:
Yeah.
102
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,019
Acknowledging that's important.
103
00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:23,120
Yeah, but, but also, like,
what I'm saying is true.
104
00:06:23,139 --> 00:06:28,160
Like, without
the self-criticism,
I'd be lost.
105
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,060
Therapist:
Or free.
106
00:06:33,009 --> 00:06:35,050
Both can be scary feelings.
107
00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:42,019
You really feel like
your entire existence,
108
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,149
physically and emotionally,
is, is that reactive?
109
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,220
What do you mean?
110
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,170
Therapist:
That I'm not looking
or talking to Jules?
111
00:06:50,189 --> 00:06:55,000
I'm looking at an avatar
she created in reaction
to the world?
112
00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:58,180
Yeah. Yeah. I'm here.
You know.
113
00:06:58,199 --> 00:07:03,029
But you're looking at, like,
a million layers of other people
114
00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:04,199
that I've grabbed and clung to
115
00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:07,079
throughout my entire life.
116
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:10,019
That's, like, that's terrifying.
117
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,170
It-- I mean,
that's why I think
118
00:07:11,189 --> 00:07:15,029
when I was talking to
my friend about this, or...
119
00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:17,029
Or...
120
00:07:17,050 --> 00:07:20,019
Well, I don't, I don't know.
I guess this is, like,
121
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,180
this is our first session.
122
00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:25,019
I don't want to get into all,
like, the childhood bullshit,
123
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,110
'cause it's a lot.
124
00:07:27,129 --> 00:07:29,129
It's exhausting.
125
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:33,060
But when I was having this
conversation with my friend,
126
00:07:33,079 --> 00:07:35,149
we were talking about how,
127
00:07:35,170 --> 00:07:37,139
I feel like
128
00:07:37,159 --> 00:07:43,209
my entire life,
I've been trying to
conquer femininity,
129
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:48,069
and somewhere
along the way,
130
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:50,209
I feel like femininity
131
00:07:50,230 --> 00:07:52,189
conquered me.
132
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:01,209
Therapist:
What?
133
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,129
What?
134
00:08:05,189 --> 00:08:07,100
What was that thought?
135
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,199
Well...
136
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:12,100
♪
137
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,220
Like...
138
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,120
Most girls, when you first
talk to them,
139
00:08:16,139 --> 00:08:21,170
they, like, automatically
analyze and compare
themselves to you.
140
00:08:21,189 --> 00:08:24,019
And then, you know, they,
they search for where you fit
141
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:25,160
in their hierarchy,
142
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:29,230
and then they treat you
accordingly.
143
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,139
Therapist:
What hierarchy?
144
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:37,009
Like, how close you are
to what they all collectively
want to be.
145
00:08:37,029 --> 00:08:38,220
Like, in their heads.
146
00:08:39,149 --> 00:08:41,100
Therapist:
Right.
147
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,210
And, you know, even if
they've, like, mastered
148
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:47,210
the art of hiding it with,
like, smiles and nods,
149
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:49,210
and small talk, it's, like,
150
00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:52,049
you'd still catch them doing it.
151
00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:55,139
Like, like their eyes
wandering over your face, or...
152
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:59,149
or, you know, the quick takes
up and down your body.
153
00:08:59,169 --> 00:09:03,110
Or like, they watch
how your clothes
hang off your torso,
154
00:09:03,129 --> 00:09:07,110
or, like, they look for
what tags are on your clothes
155
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:11,200
to see where you shop,
or they'll watch your hands
to find, like,
156
00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:16,000
fucked-up cuticles
or chipped nail polish.
157
00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:19,159
Honestly, it would,
158
00:09:19,179 --> 00:09:21,149
it would be a kind of
sensual experience
159
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:24,210
if it wasn't so fucking
terrifying.
160
00:09:27,059 --> 00:09:29,110
So they want to find flaws.
161
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,159
Jules:
Yeah. Uh, most girls.
162
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,039
But not Rue.
163
00:09:39,190 --> 00:09:41,129
Mm-mm.
164
00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:46,230
What's the first thing
that comes to mind?
165
00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,230
♪
166
00:10:00,009 --> 00:10:03,139
Jules:
No girl had ever looked at me
the way Rue did.
167
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,169
♪
168
00:10:11,179 --> 00:10:13,059
Hi.
169
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:20,019
I just, I feel like Rue
was the first girl
170
00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:23,100
that didn't just look at me.
171
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:28,049
Like, she actually saw me.
172
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:31,019
Uh, I mean, not to say that
in, like, a cheesy way,
173
00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:33,120
'cause it sounds cheesy, right?
Like...
174
00:10:33,139 --> 00:10:36,059
Therapist:
Honestly,
it sounds like a relief.
175
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,070
Yeah. It...
176
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:44,000
But, I mean, like,
when I say me,
177
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:47,070
I mean, I mean the me that
I was talking about earlier.
Like...
178
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:52,029
The me that's underneath
a million layers of not me.
179
00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:56,139
I can't imagine how
that must have felt.
180
00:10:57,210 --> 00:10:59,039
Yeah.
181
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:02,129
Yeah, it felt good.
182
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,179
Kind of reminds me of how
a mom would see you.
183
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,200
Keep going with that thought.
184
00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:19,139
Well, just like,
185
00:11:19,159 --> 00:11:23,070
how a mom sees you
before you're anything.
186
00:11:23,090 --> 00:11:27,100
And, like,
loves you just for that.
187
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,190
And all you have to do
is just, like, sit there
and exist.
188
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:34,009
Is that how your mom saw you?
189
00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:41,230
I, I don't know.
I mean, like, the time
we're talking about is
190
00:11:42,009 --> 00:11:44,210
before you can remember
anything. So...
191
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,080
I don't know.
192
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:49,009
Is that how you imagine
your mom saw you?
193
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,019
I hope so.
194
00:11:59,169 --> 00:12:04,009
(woman singing operatic solo)
195
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,120
Jules:
Um, I take that back.
196
00:12:16,139 --> 00:12:18,230
Uh, I don't wanna talk
about my mom.
197
00:12:19,009 --> 00:12:21,159
Therapist:
I promise you,
I have no agenda.
198
00:12:21,179 --> 00:12:24,120
We can talk about whatever
it is you wanna talk about.
199
00:12:24,139 --> 00:12:26,090
I mean, uh...
200
00:12:26,110 --> 00:12:30,120
Yeah. Uh, I think I really
wanna go off my hormones.
201
00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:33,210
Therapist:
Okay.
202
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:37,100
Or... Well, not like
everything.
203
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,149
Probably just my blockers.
204
00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:45,070
I have, like, this weird
sci-fi chip implant in my arm.
205
00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:47,159
-Supprelin?
-Yeah, and it, like,
206
00:12:47,179 --> 00:12:50,120
stops my voice from dropping.
207
00:12:50,139 --> 00:12:53,190
Um, my balls from
getting bigger, you know?
208
00:12:53,210 --> 00:12:57,039
The kind of shit that men
wouldn't find desirable.
209
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,090
-(thunder rumbles in distance)
-(water splashing on street)
210
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,149
I don't know. Uh...
211
00:13:04,169 --> 00:13:08,009
I've always thought of puberty
212
00:13:08,029 --> 00:13:10,139
as, like, a broadening,
213
00:13:10,159 --> 00:13:14,139
or a deepening, or like,
a, a thickening.
214
00:13:14,159 --> 00:13:18,059
Which I, I think is, like,
why I was always so
scared of it, you know?
215
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,220
'Cause in my head,
women were always, like,
216
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,129
small and thin
and delicate, and...
217
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:30,019
You know, so, like,
the thought of puberty,
like this...
218
00:13:30,039 --> 00:13:32,000
irreversible, forever
219
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:36,100
fucking metamorphosis
was just, like, fucking
terrifying.
220
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,210
And, you know, that,
like, when it happened,
221
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:41,000
I'd just, like,
end up on the other side.
222
00:13:41,019 --> 00:13:43,000
Like, stuck.
223
00:13:43,019 --> 00:13:46,210
Or even worse,
just, like, a man.
224
00:13:46,230 --> 00:13:48,200
Like, like,
through and through.
225
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:52,059
And then femininity would
always be this just, like,
226
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,100
this, like, elusive,
distant thing, you know?
227
00:13:57,049 --> 00:13:59,090
Like, unreachable.
228
00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:01,090
But, uh, but then,
229
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:04,019
I think about beautiful things
230
00:14:04,039 --> 00:14:08,000
that are also broad and deep,
231
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:12,159
and thick, and I think of...
232
00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:15,129
something like the ocean.
233
00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:17,210
♪
234
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,080
I think, like...
235
00:14:23,190 --> 00:14:28,070
that I want to be
as beautiful as the ocean.
236
00:14:28,090 --> 00:14:30,200
'Cause the ocean's
strong as fuck.
237
00:14:30,220 --> 00:14:32,090
And feminine as fuck.
238
00:14:32,110 --> 00:14:35,110
And, like, both are what
makes the ocean the ocean.
239
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:39,220
My grandmother used to
live by the ocean.
240
00:14:41,169 --> 00:14:44,090
And, uh, when we'd go visit,
241
00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:46,190
we'd go down to the beach.
242
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:49,029
(classical music playing)
243
00:14:49,049 --> 00:14:51,200
And, uh, I'd close my eyes...
244
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:57,029
And I'd just swim, and swim.
245
00:14:57,049 --> 00:15:01,000
And it didn't matter,
like, where I was going,
246
00:15:01,019 --> 00:15:03,029
or what could happen.
247
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,039
Sometimes I'd pray
to the ocean.
248
00:15:12,059 --> 00:15:15,009
(operatic singer continues)
249
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:22,039
At least for me,
being trans is spiritual.
250
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:23,149
You know, it's not religious.
251
00:15:23,169 --> 00:15:26,129
It's not, like,
for some congregation.
252
00:15:26,149 --> 00:15:29,129
It's for me. It's mine.
It belongs to me.
253
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:33,200
And I don't ever
want to stand still.
254
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:38,190
Like, I want to be alive.
255
00:15:38,210 --> 00:15:42,049
I mean, that's what
this has always been
about, is, like...
256
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:45,200
staying alive.
257
00:15:47,149 --> 00:15:49,190
♪
258
00:15:56,019 --> 00:15:58,139
The only problem is, um...
259
00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:02,179
I might have lost Rue
along the way.
260
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:05,190
What do you mean?
261
00:16:05,210 --> 00:16:08,090
Just that, like,
I've, I've called her
a bunch of times,
262
00:16:08,110 --> 00:16:13,049
and, um, she hasn't
picked up, and...
263
00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:16,200
Like, I think I--
I think I really fucked up.
264
00:16:18,129 --> 00:16:20,080
But, like, I was panicking.
265
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:22,149
Like, I was really panicking.
266
00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:31,100
Without, like,
getting melodramatic...
267
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,139
I've had a really hard
six months.
268
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:51,149
Like, moving here
has been really hard.
269
00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:56,100
And, like, I don't know.
Just kind of...
270
00:16:56,120 --> 00:17:01,059
A bunch of shit
all happened at once. And...
271
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,059
like, I just freaked out.
272
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,109
Like, I panicked,
and I felt like if I,
273
00:17:05,130 --> 00:17:08,140
if I didn't get out,
I was gonna fucking die.
274
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:12,119
Therapist:
How?
275
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:23,000
Mm, it's maybe, like,
a little hard for me to talk
about right now.
276
00:17:24,140 --> 00:17:27,000
Were you thinking about
hurting yourself?
277
00:17:36,049 --> 00:17:37,190
I mean, um,
278
00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:40,069
there's a difference between
279
00:17:40,089 --> 00:17:42,029
thinking about hurting yourself,
280
00:17:42,049 --> 00:17:43,200
and, uh, wa...
281
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:45,220
wanting to hurt yourself.
But...
282
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,009
I think that gap was closing.
283
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:59,019
(operatic duet playing)
284
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,099
So, I ran.
285
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:19,000
And I left someone,
like, I really love, behind.
286
00:18:19,019 --> 00:18:21,119
♪
287
00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:36,160
Sorry. Um, I don't know
why I'm crying.
288
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:38,009
Uh...
289
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:40,059
Therapist:
'Cause it hurts.
290
00:18:44,009 --> 00:18:46,089
Yeah. Um...
291
00:18:48,150 --> 00:18:50,210
(sobbing)
292
00:19:05,029 --> 00:19:07,140
(sobbing continues)
293
00:19:09,019 --> 00:19:10,079
(exhales)
294
00:19:10,099 --> 00:19:12,160
Damn.
(sniffles)
295
00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:15,000
Like, at the same time,
though,
296
00:19:15,019 --> 00:19:16,230
I'm, like,
really angry at Rue.
297
00:19:17,009 --> 00:19:19,059
(sobbing)
298
00:19:20,029 --> 00:19:21,220
I feel like...
299
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,019
her sobriety is, like,
300
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:28,019
completely dependent
on how available I am to her.
301
00:19:29,049 --> 00:19:31,059
You know? Like,
302
00:19:31,079 --> 00:19:32,180
she'd ask me to sleep over,
303
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,180
and I'd say no for,
like, whatever reason,
304
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,230
because it was
a fucking weekday,
or something.
305
00:19:39,009 --> 00:19:41,099
And... (exhales)
306
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:45,160
I'd just, I'd feel,
like, this weight.
307
00:19:47,089 --> 00:19:49,170
Like, this massive weight
on my shoulders,
308
00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:51,089
and I'd think, like...
309
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:55,200
Like, what if she relapses,
you know?
310
00:19:58,029 --> 00:20:01,180
Like, what if she relapses
'cause I'm not there?
311
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,140
(sighs)
312
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:10,109
♪ Dime si me echas
de menos aún ♪
313
00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:13,039
Jules:
But I guess it goes
both ways, because...
314
00:20:13,059 --> 00:20:14,099
you know...
315
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:20,029
♪ Dime si no me
perdonas aún ♪
316
00:20:20,049 --> 00:20:22,190
Jules:
I fell completely
in love with her.
317
00:20:24,130 --> 00:20:29,029
♪ Que harás con todo
este veneno ♪
318
00:20:29,049 --> 00:20:31,190
♪ Nada bueno ♪
319
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:40,210
♪ Dime si me echas
de menos aún ♪
320
00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:46,200
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
321
00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:48,230
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
322
00:20:49,009 --> 00:20:50,150
♪ Can you
let it go? ♪
323
00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:52,089
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
324
00:20:52,109 --> 00:20:54,059
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
325
00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:57,049
♪ Lo vas a olvidar,
lo vas a olvidar ♪
326
00:20:57,069 --> 00:21:00,150
♪ Can you let it go?
Can you let it go? ♪
327
00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:02,160
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
328
00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:04,210
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
329
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:06,230
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
330
00:21:07,009 --> 00:21:08,099
Jules:
That was it!
331
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:09,220
Oh, God.
332
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,109
Yay! You did it!
(kisses)
333
00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:14,099
-Thank you.
-Mmm...
334
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,180
(laughing softly)
335
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:23,009
♪ Dime que no
te arrepientes aún ♪
336
00:21:23,029 --> 00:21:25,109
David:
I talked to your mom today.
337
00:21:25,130 --> 00:21:27,150
She moved out of
the halfway house.
338
00:21:27,170 --> 00:21:29,230
She's been clean
for nine months.
339
00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:32,150
Don't do that.
340
00:21:32,170 --> 00:21:35,009
Please. Don't roll your eyes.
341
00:21:35,029 --> 00:21:37,029
-Come on. It's Mom.
-Yeah.
342
00:21:37,049 --> 00:21:38,210
You can be angry with her,
343
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:40,079
and I understand that,
344
00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:43,039
but you can't just
dismiss the good.
345
00:21:43,059 --> 00:21:45,059
Well, I'm allowed
to be skeptical.
346
00:21:48,029 --> 00:21:54,019
♪ Dame un beso
y bajame de la cruz ♪
347
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,089
She did say
she wanted to see you.
348
00:22:00,059 --> 00:22:02,000
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
349
00:22:02,019 --> 00:22:03,160
I knew it.
350
00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:05,069
I knew this was not
just gonna be, like,
351
00:22:05,089 --> 00:22:09,109
some conversation about
how well Mom is doing.
352
00:22:09,130 --> 00:22:12,220
Um, you can tell her,
"No, thank you."
353
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,019
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
354
00:22:14,039 --> 00:22:15,109
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
355
00:22:15,130 --> 00:22:17,210
-(fork clatters)
-Okay.
356
00:22:17,230 --> 00:22:19,109
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
357
00:22:21,019 --> 00:22:23,019
Jules:
I was afraid to talk to Rue
358
00:22:23,039 --> 00:22:24,200
about, like, shit that was
going on with my mom,
359
00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:28,150
because she'd think
that I felt the same way
about her
360
00:22:28,170 --> 00:22:30,200
that, like, I do my mom.
361
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:32,170
Therapist:
Well, don't you?
362
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,130
What?
363
00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:39,150
Therapist:
Don't you feel the same way
about Rue as you do your mom?
364
00:22:40,210 --> 00:22:43,059
-No.
-You just said you were
angry at Rue
365
00:22:43,079 --> 00:22:46,089
for the imbalance she created
in your relationship.
366
00:22:46,109 --> 00:22:50,119
So, would it be fair
to say that you resented
that imbalance?
367
00:22:50,140 --> 00:22:53,109
That the same person who
saw you, who truly saw you,
368
00:22:53,130 --> 00:22:55,190
in the same way
that your mom did
when you were a baby,
369
00:22:55,210 --> 00:22:59,109
was also incapable of seeing
how her additions affected you.
370
00:23:01,099 --> 00:23:03,170
I mean, uh,
I guess I've, like,
371
00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:06,230
never thought about it
that way before. Um...
372
00:23:07,009 --> 00:23:08,190
♪ If I wasn't important ♪
373
00:23:08,210 --> 00:23:10,180
♪ Then why would you
waste all your poison ♪
374
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,130
-(door closes)
-Rue: Mom. Mom!
375
00:23:13,150 --> 00:23:14,220
For-- Stop.
376
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,190
I told you. I'm--
I have a meeting
and then I'll be home.
377
00:23:18,210 --> 00:23:21,009
Yes. I'm fine.
378
00:23:22,029 --> 00:23:24,019
I'm literally fine.
379
00:23:25,049 --> 00:23:26,109
Okay.
380
00:23:26,130 --> 00:23:29,029
Okay, I'll text you
when I'm on my way.
381
00:23:29,049 --> 00:23:30,140
Love you.
382
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,019
Jules:
I feel like real life
is always such a letdown.
383
00:23:33,039 --> 00:23:36,180
-Therapist: What do you mean?
-I don't know. It's just, like--
384
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:40,089
easier to talk to people online.
385
00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:45,079
You can be more open,
and honest,
386
00:23:45,099 --> 00:23:48,079
and, like, vulnerable.
387
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,230
♪
388
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,039
(operatic singing continues)
389
00:24:16,009 --> 00:24:18,150
Jules:
Some of the most profound
relationships I've ever had
390
00:24:18,170 --> 00:24:20,099
have been with people
I've never met.
391
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:21,230
(door closes)
392
00:24:26,019 --> 00:24:28,140
I should have known
I was setting myself up.
393
00:24:31,059 --> 00:24:33,099
Or maybe I did know.
394
00:24:36,039 --> 00:24:39,150
Maybe that's, like, what
I'm actually attracted to.
395
00:24:41,220 --> 00:24:44,029
Maybe that's, like,
the appeal.
396
00:24:44,049 --> 00:24:47,039
♪
397
00:24:50,049 --> 00:24:51,150
The letdown.
398
00:24:55,140 --> 00:24:58,119
The fact that, like,
none of it's real.
399
00:25:05,019 --> 00:25:06,210
And it's all a fantasy.
400
00:25:06,230 --> 00:25:09,000
♪
401
00:25:09,019 --> 00:25:10,200
(phone vibrates)
402
00:25:20,130 --> 00:25:21,190
(Jules giggles)
403
00:25:21,210 --> 00:25:24,109
♪
404
00:25:34,170 --> 00:25:36,220
(giggling)
405
00:25:39,210 --> 00:25:41,220
♪
406
00:25:49,099 --> 00:25:51,190
Rue: (sighs)
You've never even
seen his face.
407
00:25:53,089 --> 00:25:55,069
I don't have to.
408
00:25:55,089 --> 00:25:57,140
I've gotten to know him,
like, really well.
409
00:25:58,170 --> 00:25:59,220
Rue:
Sure.
410
00:26:00,150 --> 00:26:02,109
I have.
411
00:26:02,130 --> 00:26:05,130
Like, better than anyone else.
412
00:26:05,150 --> 00:26:07,099
Other than you.
413
00:26:10,019 --> 00:26:12,009
Except he could be lying.
414
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,009
Rue, anyone could be lying.
415
00:26:18,180 --> 00:26:22,059
Trust me, Rue.
It's not in my head.
416
00:26:22,079 --> 00:26:25,099
I think you two would
actually really get along.
417
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:26,180
Hmmph.
418
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:30,019
Jules:
I fall in love so easily.
419
00:26:30,039 --> 00:26:32,220
I really do. It's, like,
almost embarrassing.
420
00:26:34,130 --> 00:26:36,089
Why do you think that is?
421
00:26:39,059 --> 00:26:44,140
Because half of every
relationship is in my head.
422
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,180
(light guitar playing)
423
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,220
♪
424
00:27:07,099 --> 00:27:09,019
Rue (softly):
What?
425
00:27:09,230 --> 00:27:11,190
Just happy I met you.
426
00:27:17,180 --> 00:27:19,049
Me, too.
427
00:27:22,029 --> 00:27:24,000
(both laugh)
428
00:27:26,170 --> 00:27:28,029
Jules:
Wait, Rue.
429
00:27:28,049 --> 00:27:30,059
You've been clean
for, like, two weeks.
430
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,029
Rue! No fucking way!
431
00:27:34,049 --> 00:27:36,200
Mm! Mm! Mm!
(kissing)
432
00:27:38,029 --> 00:27:40,069
I'm so proud of you!
433
00:27:42,039 --> 00:27:44,190
♪
434
00:27:48,210 --> 00:27:51,230
There were so many times
I wanted to kiss her.
435
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,119
♪
436
00:28:25,109 --> 00:28:27,029
But I, I didn't.
437
00:28:27,049 --> 00:28:31,089
-Um, I'm gonna go get
a glass of water.
-Oh. Okay.
438
00:28:36,190 --> 00:28:39,069
I hate everyone else
in the world but you.
439
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:42,119
And when she finally did...
440
00:28:43,069 --> 00:28:44,130
(kisses)
441
00:28:46,069 --> 00:28:49,069
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I should go.
442
00:28:49,089 --> 00:28:51,019
(door opens)
443
00:28:51,039 --> 00:28:53,059
(door slams)
444
00:28:53,079 --> 00:28:55,180
-Jules: I froze.
-(footsteps running)
445
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,200
Therapist:
Why do you think that is?
446
00:28:59,009 --> 00:29:01,200
'Cause I had never
kissed a girl before.
447
00:29:04,220 --> 00:29:08,150
I'd never even, like, been
that close to a girl before.
448
00:29:10,140 --> 00:29:12,029
So when it happened,
449
00:29:12,049 --> 00:29:14,140
the only thought I had
was, like,
450
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,210
don't lose her.
451
00:29:16,230 --> 00:29:19,039
Um, hey, uh,
452
00:29:19,059 --> 00:29:22,019
I was just hoping
we could talk about
what happened earlier,
453
00:29:22,039 --> 00:29:24,200
'cause, like, I know
I was really weird,
and, um,
454
00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:27,200
I didn't, like, mean it
that way or anything.
455
00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:31,119
Um, so, yeah, uh, just--
456
00:29:31,140 --> 00:29:34,220
I just wanna talk to you.
Please call me back.
457
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,069
Bye.
458
00:29:37,170 --> 00:29:40,069
-(wind blowing)
-(leaves rustling)
459
00:29:41,170 --> 00:29:44,009
Therapist:
Why did you think
you would lose her?
460
00:29:44,230 --> 00:29:46,099
Because, like...
461
00:29:47,180 --> 00:29:50,099
How could it be possible
that Rue loved me
462
00:29:50,119 --> 00:29:52,130
as much as I loved her?
463
00:29:56,130 --> 00:29:58,089
(inhales sharply)
464
00:30:00,029 --> 00:30:02,009
I think the better question is
465
00:30:02,029 --> 00:30:05,069
why would you think
that would be impossible?
466
00:30:05,089 --> 00:30:06,220
(inhales)
467
00:30:08,029 --> 00:30:10,140
(inaudible)
468
00:30:11,190 --> 00:30:13,109
(sighs)
469
00:30:16,059 --> 00:30:19,039
(man singing operatic solo)
470
00:30:25,059 --> 00:30:26,220
(phone dings)
471
00:30:30,069 --> 00:30:32,190
Jules:
I can't tell you
how many times
472
00:30:32,210 --> 00:30:36,049
we'd just be, like,
texting and texting.
473
00:30:36,069 --> 00:30:40,150
And the next thing I know,
it would be, like,
four in the morning,
474
00:30:40,170 --> 00:30:44,069
and I hadn't slept,
and I didn't want to.
475
00:30:46,140 --> 00:30:49,049
Like, I'd never tell her this,
but...
476
00:30:49,069 --> 00:30:52,150
I feel like I got to know him
better than I knew Rue.
477
00:30:57,019 --> 00:30:59,099
We used to sext forever.
478
00:31:00,220 --> 00:31:04,029
Like, about anything
and everything.
479
00:31:06,029 --> 00:31:10,160
I know it might, like,
sound a little weird, but...
480
00:31:10,180 --> 00:31:14,220
It was, like, genuinely
the best sex I've ever had.
481
00:31:17,019 --> 00:31:19,089
Therapist:
What made it so fulfilling?
482
00:31:20,140 --> 00:31:23,200
♪
483
00:31:23,220 --> 00:31:28,119
It was just pure
fucking imagination.
484
00:31:31,029 --> 00:31:34,160
♪
485
00:31:38,009 --> 00:31:42,119
(operatic singing continues)
486
00:31:47,049 --> 00:31:49,160
Tyler:
All day I've been
thinking about you.
487
00:31:55,069 --> 00:31:57,109
Dreaming about you.
488
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,160
And all the things
I want to do to you.
489
00:32:06,230 --> 00:32:08,210
♪
490
00:32:22,039 --> 00:32:24,230
Jules:
I wish I could see
your face...
491
00:32:28,009 --> 00:32:30,180
and all the colors
in your eyes.
492
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,160
Would you blush if
I told you I loved you?
493
00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:43,220
♪
494
00:32:48,069 --> 00:32:51,029
Tyler (whispers):
I'm gonna fuck you
until you're soaking wet.
495
00:32:51,049 --> 00:32:53,039
(kissing)
496
00:32:57,089 --> 00:32:59,000
(Jules giggles)
497
00:33:00,150 --> 00:33:02,210
(gasps, moans)
498
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:12,069
♪
499
00:33:14,210 --> 00:33:17,130
♪
500
00:33:20,049 --> 00:33:21,109
Tyler?
501
00:33:23,190 --> 00:33:25,200
Why are there no photos of us?
502
00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:27,200
(lights click off)
503
00:33:27,220 --> 00:33:30,200
♪
504
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:40,069
Because whoever I was
talking to didn't exist.
505
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,220
♪
506
00:33:52,170 --> 00:33:54,000
Tyler?
507
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,190
Tyler:
Jules, it's okay.
508
00:33:58,210 --> 00:34:00,089
Come here.
509
00:34:03,049 --> 00:34:06,000
Jules:
How could none of it
have been real?
510
00:34:11,059 --> 00:34:13,079
It felt so real.
511
00:34:18,179 --> 00:34:20,210
I wish I never met him.
512
00:34:25,050 --> 00:34:27,150
I'm still in love with Tyler.
513
00:34:30,030 --> 00:34:33,019
And I don't know
when that's gonna change.
(sniffles)
514
00:34:33,039 --> 00:34:36,119
♪
515
00:34:47,090 --> 00:34:49,059
(music intensifies)
516
00:34:49,079 --> 00:34:51,010
(breathing heavily)
517
00:34:55,050 --> 00:34:58,010
(moaning, kissing)
518
00:34:59,199 --> 00:35:02,170
(Jules panting)
519
00:35:20,159 --> 00:35:22,190
(frantic kissing)
520
00:35:26,090 --> 00:35:28,219
Jules:
Rue...
521
00:35:35,079 --> 00:35:38,170
♪
522
00:35:38,190 --> 00:35:40,090
(breathing heavily)
523
00:35:40,110 --> 00:35:43,030
(male operatic singer continues)
524
00:35:43,050 --> 00:35:45,070
♪
525
00:36:00,070 --> 00:36:01,190
(grunts)
526
00:36:03,099 --> 00:36:04,199
(exhales)
527
00:36:07,179 --> 00:36:09,050
-Don't look at my face.
-(gasps)
528
00:36:09,070 --> 00:36:10,230
(Jules cries)
529
00:36:12,210 --> 00:36:14,110
(thuds)
530
00:36:17,019 --> 00:36:18,090
Rue.
531
00:36:20,219 --> 00:36:22,010
Rue.
532
00:36:24,099 --> 00:36:25,210
(shoes clack on floor)
533
00:36:25,230 --> 00:36:27,130
Rue.
534
00:36:27,150 --> 00:36:29,119
Guess what?
535
00:36:29,139 --> 00:36:30,230
Rue!
536
00:36:34,110 --> 00:36:35,179
Rue?
537
00:36:36,190 --> 00:36:38,130
(lock clicks)
538
00:36:43,019 --> 00:36:44,070
Rue!
539
00:36:44,090 --> 00:36:47,159
Maybe it's 'cause of, like,
everything with my mom.
540
00:36:47,179 --> 00:36:50,010
But I just had this, like,
541
00:36:50,030 --> 00:36:53,050
really bad nightmare about...
542
00:36:53,070 --> 00:36:55,219
living in New York City
with Rue.
543
00:36:57,219 --> 00:37:00,210
When I got home, uh...
544
00:37:00,230 --> 00:37:03,130
she was in the bathroom.
545
00:37:03,150 --> 00:37:06,090
-(door rattling)
-Rue?
546
00:37:06,110 --> 00:37:08,199
Can you please answer me?
547
00:37:08,219 --> 00:37:11,190
But, like, she had locked it
from the inside.
548
00:37:13,170 --> 00:37:15,139
Rue, please!
549
00:37:17,199 --> 00:37:20,070
(pounding)
550
00:37:20,090 --> 00:37:22,130
Rue, open the door!
551
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:26,059
Then, like,
552
00:37:26,079 --> 00:37:28,099
by the time I opened the door...
553
00:37:35,219 --> 00:37:38,190
I can't, like, say it out loud.
554
00:37:38,210 --> 00:37:41,199
(screaming):
Rue! Rue!
555
00:37:41,219 --> 00:37:43,210
-(loud pounding)
-Rue!
556
00:37:43,230 --> 00:37:46,079
Come on--
(frustrated whimpering)
557
00:37:47,039 --> 00:37:49,199
(sobbing)
558
00:37:49,219 --> 00:37:51,059
Rue!
559
00:37:54,099 --> 00:37:56,059
Rue! Open the--
560
00:37:56,079 --> 00:37:58,150
-(banging)
-(exclaims)
561
00:37:58,170 --> 00:37:59,170
(door rattling)
562
00:37:59,190 --> 00:38:02,159
(screaming):
Don't fucking do this to me!
563
00:38:03,170 --> 00:38:04,210
(sniffles)
564
00:38:04,230 --> 00:38:06,119
-(yells)
-(thuds)
565
00:38:08,050 --> 00:38:09,110
(door shuts)
566
00:38:12,159 --> 00:38:14,050
Hi, Jules.
567
00:38:14,199 --> 00:38:16,090
Hey.
568
00:38:16,110 --> 00:38:18,019
You look really pretty.
569
00:38:19,099 --> 00:38:21,039
I wanted to say hi, and--
570
00:38:21,059 --> 00:38:23,150
(footsteps thudding)
571
00:38:25,099 --> 00:38:27,179
(indistinct whispering)
572
00:38:27,199 --> 00:38:29,150
It's okay. Hang tight.
573
00:38:33,039 --> 00:38:34,099
(door slams)
574
00:38:43,219 --> 00:38:45,159
(door closes)
575
00:38:45,179 --> 00:38:48,230
Jules:
How could you just, like,
fucking ambush me like that?
576
00:38:50,019 --> 00:38:52,070
How could you fucking
do this to me?
577
00:38:52,090 --> 00:38:55,039
Like, why didn't we
talk about this?
578
00:38:55,059 --> 00:38:57,210
David:
Because I knew that
you wouldn't give her a chance.
579
00:38:58,119 --> 00:38:59,179
Yeah.
580
00:38:59,199 --> 00:39:01,219
Yeah, there's a reason.
581
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,099
Like, I can't handle this
right now.
582
00:39:04,119 --> 00:39:08,210
I wouldn't have done this
if I didn't think you could
handle it.
583
00:39:08,230 --> 00:39:13,099
Jules:
What? So, like,
it's for my own good?
584
00:39:13,119 --> 00:39:16,079
Jules, she's been clean.
She's doing really well.
585
00:39:16,099 --> 00:39:18,159
All she wants
as part of her recovery
586
00:39:18,179 --> 00:39:20,119
is to make amends.
587
00:39:21,179 --> 00:39:23,010
Wait, what?
588
00:39:24,110 --> 00:39:26,130
David:
She wants to apologize.
589
00:39:28,190 --> 00:39:30,199
You have to be
fucking kidding me.
590
00:39:32,090 --> 00:39:34,179
She wants my forgiveness?
591
00:39:35,199 --> 00:39:37,119
My forgiveness?
592
00:39:37,139 --> 00:39:40,010
So that, what,
she doesn't, like, fucking
593
00:39:40,030 --> 00:39:42,099
drink herself to death
because she's so guilty?
594
00:39:42,119 --> 00:39:44,219
David:
Don't be fucking cruel!
595
00:39:46,190 --> 00:39:49,019
-Jules: I don't care!
-David: Yeah. You do.
596
00:39:49,039 --> 00:39:52,230
Jules:
I swear to God, Dad,
I don't fucking care!
597
00:39:58,079 --> 00:40:00,110
(exhales)
598
00:40:00,130 --> 00:40:02,019
David:
Okay. Fine.
599
00:40:02,039 --> 00:40:04,039
If you really don't care,
600
00:40:04,059 --> 00:40:06,230
and this really means
nothing to you,
601
00:40:07,010 --> 00:40:09,179
then just go downstairs
602
00:40:09,199 --> 00:40:11,199
and let her apologize.
603
00:40:16,179 --> 00:40:18,119
Even if it's not real?
604
00:40:20,199 --> 00:40:22,159
Even if it's not real.
605
00:40:25,119 --> 00:40:27,050
♪
606
00:40:27,070 --> 00:40:28,119
Okay.
607
00:40:28,139 --> 00:40:30,039
Okay. Fine.
608
00:40:30,059 --> 00:40:32,139
(footsteps departing)
609
00:40:33,119 --> 00:40:35,039
(door opens)
610
00:40:35,059 --> 00:40:36,159
(sighs)
611
00:40:51,159 --> 00:40:53,070
(scoffs)
612
00:40:55,150 --> 00:40:57,150
(frustrated sigh)
613
00:40:57,170 --> 00:40:59,099
(door opens)
614
00:41:01,059 --> 00:41:02,090
(door slams)
615
00:41:07,230 --> 00:41:09,039
(door opens)
616
00:41:11,150 --> 00:41:13,030
(door slams)
617
00:41:13,170 --> 00:41:15,000
Jules.
618
00:41:17,070 --> 00:41:18,179
(loud clap)
619
00:41:22,150 --> 00:41:24,090
It was a week later.
620
00:41:24,110 --> 00:41:26,030
On Halloween.
621
00:41:26,219 --> 00:41:28,210
David:
Uh, well, yeah.
622
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,030
How long was she missing for?
623
00:41:33,139 --> 00:41:37,219
Jesus Christ. And,
and you found bottles
in the room?
624
00:41:39,059 --> 00:41:40,230
Oh, God...
625
00:41:42,179 --> 00:41:45,139
How, how long does the hospital
want to keep her?
626
00:41:45,159 --> 00:41:48,119
♪
627
00:41:50,159 --> 00:41:52,119
Jules...
628
00:41:52,139 --> 00:41:54,219
-(knocking at door)
-Uh, that's Rue.
629
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,219
Hey. Jules.
630
00:41:58,170 --> 00:42:01,019
-(banging on door)
-David: Jules, open up.
631
00:42:01,039 --> 00:42:02,119
You gotta come home, Jules.
632
00:42:02,139 --> 00:42:04,039
I can't come back.
633
00:42:04,059 --> 00:42:07,050
David:
You're 17, you know.
You cannot live alone.
634
00:42:07,070 --> 00:42:10,039
This is not real life, Jules!
635
00:42:10,059 --> 00:42:12,210
I can't, I can't go back
to East Highland.
636
00:42:12,230 --> 00:42:16,000
-(door rattling)
-David: Open the door.
637
00:42:16,019 --> 00:42:17,090
You're coming home.
638
00:42:17,110 --> 00:42:19,050
I'm not leaving here
without you!
639
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:21,130
I don't belong there.
640
00:42:21,150 --> 00:42:24,050
-(door rattling)
-Jules, I'm begging you.
641
00:42:26,059 --> 00:42:27,190
♪
642
00:42:27,210 --> 00:42:29,090
Open the door!
643
00:42:31,210 --> 00:42:33,090
(exhales)
644
00:42:48,210 --> 00:42:51,090
(water dripping)
645
00:42:59,130 --> 00:43:02,090
Therapist:
Okay, well, that's all the time
we have for this week.
646
00:43:02,110 --> 00:43:05,219
Sorry if that was a lot.
647
00:43:06,010 --> 00:43:08,210
I'm the one person you
never have to apologize to.
648
00:43:10,139 --> 00:43:12,000
Thanks.
649
00:43:12,019 --> 00:43:13,219
Therapist:
I know this is our
first session,
650
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,090
and I know you
didn't want to come,
but I'm glad you did.
651
00:43:16,110 --> 00:43:18,010
I hope you are, too.
652
00:43:20,019 --> 00:43:24,019
Okay, so, just be patient
with yourself.
653
00:43:26,039 --> 00:43:27,210
And have a wonderful New Year.
654
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,030
Merry Christmas.
(sniffles)
655
00:43:31,050 --> 00:43:32,170
I'm Jewish.
656
00:43:32,190 --> 00:43:35,070
Oh, uh, sorry.
(chuckles)
657
00:43:35,090 --> 00:43:36,199
Don't be.
658
00:43:36,219 --> 00:43:38,219
It's a way better holiday.
659
00:43:40,010 --> 00:43:41,159
(sniffles)
660
00:43:41,179 --> 00:43:43,039
Okay.
661
00:43:44,050 --> 00:43:47,199
♪ So take me home ♪
662
00:43:47,219 --> 00:43:50,070
♪ Love me low ♪
663
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:53,150
(knocking on door)
664
00:43:53,170 --> 00:43:56,039
-Rue: Jules?
-Rue?
665
00:43:57,230 --> 00:44:01,219
♪ And I just
want to be with ♪
666
00:44:02,150 --> 00:44:03,210
Jules: Hi.
667
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,090
-(door closes)
-♪ I love you ♪
668
00:44:07,110 --> 00:44:12,150
♪ You don't even know
I'm gonna miss you ♪
669
00:44:12,170 --> 00:44:14,019
I, um...
670
00:44:15,079 --> 00:44:17,119
Uh, I was just...
671
00:44:17,139 --> 00:44:19,159
riding my bike, um,
672
00:44:19,179 --> 00:44:20,199
to go meet Ali,
673
00:44:20,219 --> 00:44:23,039
and I passed your house.
674
00:44:24,190 --> 00:44:26,130
And I...
675
00:44:26,150 --> 00:44:29,219
I don't know. I--
It's Christmastime,
so...
676
00:44:31,059 --> 00:44:35,170
I just...
Your, your dad let me in.
677
00:44:35,190 --> 00:44:39,090
Uh, uh, yeah.
He's really mad at me.
678
00:44:39,110 --> 00:44:43,019
Um, I'm grounded.
(chuckles)
679
00:44:43,039 --> 00:44:46,050
And, uh, in therapy.
So, um...
680
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,219
Uh...
681
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,119
(thunder rumbling,
rain pattering)
682
00:44:53,099 --> 00:44:55,010
I really missed you.
683
00:45:00,110 --> 00:45:02,050
Missed you, too.
684
00:45:04,090 --> 00:45:05,190
Um...
685
00:45:08,190 --> 00:45:11,050
Um, and I'm really
sorry about, like,
686
00:45:11,070 --> 00:45:14,110
everything that happened
at the train station,
687
00:45:14,130 --> 00:45:16,150
and leaving and stuff.
Um...
688
00:45:19,070 --> 00:45:21,050
(sobs)
689
00:45:21,070 --> 00:45:23,010
It was really fucking stupid.
690
00:45:23,030 --> 00:45:25,079
Ah, fuck.
I don't know why I'm crying.
691
00:45:25,099 --> 00:45:30,010
I just get really emotional
during the holidays, that's all.
692
00:45:30,030 --> 00:45:33,099
-It's okay. Um...
-Rue: Um...
693
00:45:33,119 --> 00:45:36,090
Yeah, Merry Christmas, Jules.
(inhales)
694
00:45:39,210 --> 00:45:41,059
(door slams)
695
00:45:47,099 --> 00:45:50,019
(rain falling)
696
00:45:50,039 --> 00:45:53,010
(sobbing)
697
00:45:56,090 --> 00:45:59,119
(solo flute plays)
698
00:45:59,139 --> 00:46:01,079
(thunder rumbles)
699
00:46:52,190 --> 00:46:55,190
(light classical flute plays)
700
00:46:55,210 --> 00:46:57,219
♪
48367
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