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>> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT
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HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY
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FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION
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PROGRAM...
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>> Susan: MOVE THEM TO
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NEW YORK CITY...
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>> David: AND GIVE THEM THEIR
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OWN REALITY SHOW?
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>> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO
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>> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON
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"DELOCATED!"...
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[ GUNSHOT ]
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>> Mike: IT'S OBVIOUS THE
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MIRMINSKYS HAVE STEPPED THINGS
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UP.
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THE GOVERNMENT'S LAUNCHED A
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PROGRAM CALLED "OPERATION MANY
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JONS."
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>> Jon: DECOYS!
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>> KILLING JON IS TOO EASY.
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KILLING THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM IS
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MORE FUN.
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>> JON'S PARENTS WERE MURDERED.
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>> I GET TO LOOK INSIDE HIS
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SOUL...
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>> HE'S DEAD.
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>> Jon: MIKE!
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>> ...AND WATCH IT CRUMBLE TO
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DUST.
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>> Jon: MIKE!
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[ GRUNTING ]
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I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT, BUT
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I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED AGAIN.
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I WON'T.
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>> ROB.
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>> DARREN.
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WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT
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IT.
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I --
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[ SCOFFS ]
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IT'S OFFICIALLY OVER BETWEEN ME
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AND SUSAN.
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DARREN RESIGNED TODAY.
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THEY'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER.
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>> Jon: YOU KNOW, ROB, WHEN THEY
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TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA BE MY
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AGENT, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
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LOSE MY MIND.
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NOW WE'RE A COUPLE OF BROS IN
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THE HOOD.
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>> NOW WE'RE TWO BROS IN A POD.
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>> Jon: COUPLE OF BROS PULLING A
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BROS MOSE DOWN THE STREET.
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I MEAN, LOOK, WHAT I'M TRYING
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TO SAY IS I, UH...
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I'M GLAD WE'RE CLIMBING
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FRIENDSHIP MOUNTAIN.
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>> YEAH, ME TOO. ME TOO.
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>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.
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[ MUFFLED GRUNTING ]
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WHAT IS THAT?
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>> [ GRUNTING ]
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>> Jon: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
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>> GUYS!
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GUYS!
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TAKE FIVE, ALL RIGHT?
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>> [ GRUNTS ]
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>> JON, COME ON IN.
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>> Jon: WHAT THE HELL'S GOING
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ON?
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>> COME ON.
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>> JON, SIT DOWN.
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THERE IS A MOLE IN THE DECOY
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PROGRAM.
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>> I ENJOYED VISITING YOUR
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PARENTS.
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>> Jon: YOU'RE A [BLEEP] DEAD
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MAN, ASSHOLE!
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YOU'RE DEAD!
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YOU'RE [BLEEP] DEAD!
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>> GO AHEAD. KILL ME.
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WHAT DO I CARE ANYMORE?
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I BROKE YOU DOWN!
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>> Jon: LET GO!
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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I WON! I WON!
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>> Jon: LET GO OF ME!
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>> COME ON!
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>> Jon: LET GO!
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>> OHHH.
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IS LITTLE JONNY GOING TO CRY
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NOW?
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[ WHIMPERS MOCKINGLY ]
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>> Jon: DON'T YOU MAKE THAT
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[BLEEP] FACE AT ME!
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>> I'M SO SAD!
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>> Jon: I'LL RIP YOUR [BLEEP]
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FACE OFF!
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I'LL RIP IT OFF, AND I'LL PUT IT
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ON M FACE, AND I'LL INFILTRATE
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YOUR FAMILY AND KILL YOUR
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FRIENDS!
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YOU LIKE THAT?
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YOU EVER SEE "FACE/OFF"?
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YOU EVER SEE THAT MOVIE,
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ASSHOLE?
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SOMEONE GET THIS ASSHOLE
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"FACE/OFF"!
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GET HIM A DVD, GUYS!
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GO TO THE STORE.
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THERE'S A TOWER DOWN THE STREET.
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>> GET HIM A DVD!
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>> Jon: SHOW IT TO HIM.
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>> GET HIM A DVD.
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>> Jon: MAKE SURE YOU GET THE
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CRITERION ONE, THE ONE THAT'S
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GOT EXTRAS ON IT.
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THERE'S TWO -- THERE'S TWO
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DIFFERENT DVDs.
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YOU KNOW WHAT? GET BOTH.
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GET BOTH.
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[ DOOR CLOSES ]
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WHAT?
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>> JON, COME HERE.
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>> Jon: GET READY TO WATCH A
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MOVIE, ASSHOLE.
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>> JON, THE INCREDIBLY,
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FARFETCHED AND MEDICALLY
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IMPOSSIBLE FACE-SWITCHING
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TECHNOLOGY IN "FACE/OFF"...
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IT'S REAL.
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>> Jon: COME ON.
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>> YEAH.
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>> WOULD YOU ACTUALLY BE WILLING
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TO SWITCH FACES WITH HIM?
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BECAUSE NONE OF OUR GUYS WILL DO
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IT.
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>> Jon: YEAH, OF COURSE I WOULD
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DO IT.
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I -- REALLY?
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WE CAN REALLY DO THAT?
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>> SEE, THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF
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CHATTER IN THE MIRMINSKY FAMILY
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INTEL, AND WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER
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THAT'S DRUGS OR WEAPONS OR WHAT,
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BUT WE KNOW IT'S BIG.
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SO THAT'S WHY WE ALLOWED SERGEI
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TO BELIEVE THAT HE HAD
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PENETRATED OUR SECURITY, SO WE
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COULD DETAIN HIM AND THEN INSERT
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OUR OWN MOLE INTO THE MIRMINSKY
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FAMILY.
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>> Jon: RIGHT.
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NO, THAT'S PERFECT.
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YOU GET IN, GET THE INFORMATION
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YOU NEED, GET OUT, GET BACK
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HERE, GO TO THE HOSPITAL, GET MY
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FACE BACK ON -- BOOM!
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YES. LET'S DO IT.
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>> SO, THE FIRST THING I'M GOING
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TO TEACH YOU IS TO INCREASE
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THE DISTANCE.
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YOU PUT TWO FINGERS ON HIS
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THROAT RIGHT HERE, AND YOU
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GENTLY PUSH HIM BACK AND YOU
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SAY, "FROM NOW ON, WE TALK FROM
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HERE."
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I'M WALKING AWAY.
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BUT I'M NOT!
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[ GRUNTS ]
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>> Jon: OH! NICE!
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>> [ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
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>> Jon: [ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
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>> SO LET'S SAY WE ARE IN A BAR.
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WE HAVE A BAR RIGHT HERE.
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>> Jon: WE'RE AT A BAR.
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>> YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO ATTACK
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HIM.
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YOU TAKE THE STOOL AND SMASH HIM
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ON THE HEAD LIKE THIS.
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FLIP IT AROUND.
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JAB HIM IN THE GUT LIKE THAT.
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>> AGAIN.
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>> AH, COME ON, JON!
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>> CORE TRAINING!
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>> Jon: STOP YELLING AT ME!
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OH!
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[ CRIES ]
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I'M GONNA DO THIS! HERE WE GO!
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I'M DONE! TOO TIRED!
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[ GRUNTS ]
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FIRST THING -- WE DON'T TALK
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FROM HERE.
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INCREASE THE DISTANCE.
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SECOND, WALK AWAY.
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I GOT TO GO.
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I GOT TO GO HOME, AND I GOT A
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DVD I GOT TO -- NO, I'M NOT!
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I'M GONNA WATCH THEM LATER!
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>> GOOD.
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>> Jon: ONE MILLION!
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[ GROANS ]
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WHOO!
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OH, MAN, I'M PRETTY, UH, I'M
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PRETTY THIRSTY.
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[ SHOUTS ]
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GAH!
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SMASH YOUR TOE!
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HEY, YOU!
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SMASH!
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OH, HEY, UH, YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS
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THINKING ABOUT IN THE BATHROOM?
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>> WHAT?
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>> Jon: INCREASING THE DISTANCE!
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>> [ CHUCKLES ]
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>> Jon: THE DUDE.
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>> YEAH.
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>> Jon: [ SIGHS ]
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MAN, WE REALLY ARE GONNA
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INCREASE THE DISTANCE, AREN'T
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WE?
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>> LET'S HOPE WE DON'T INCREASE
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IT PERMANENTLY, LIKE 6 FEET
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UNDERGROUND.
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HEY, I MADE YOU SOMETHING.
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>> Jon: OH, YEAH?
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>> YEP.
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>> Jon: WHAT DO YOU GOT?
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>> IT'S A...
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STOOL BACKPACK!
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>> Jon: WOW!
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>> SO NOW YOU HAVE A STOOL JUST
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IN CASE YOU'RE ANYWHERE WHERE,
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LIKE, A FIGHT BREAKS OUT AND
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THERE'S NO STOOLS.
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>> Jon: YEAH. THIS IS VERY COOL.
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HERE -- HELP ME GET IT ON.
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>> YEAH.
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>> Jon: HUH?
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>> OH.
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>> Jon: WOW. VERY COMFY.
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OHHHHH.
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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>> Jon: AND OHHHHH!
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>> [ CHUCKLES ]
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OH.
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>> Jon: [ SIGHS ]
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MAN, OH, MAN.
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>> YEAH.
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>> Jon: AFTER TOMORROW...
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>> YEAH.
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>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW.
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WHO KNOWS WHEN WE'LL SEE EACH
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OTHER AGAIN?
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YOU KNOW...
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MAYBE TONIGHT WE SHOULD, UH,
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THINK ABOUT DECREASING THE
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DISTANCE...
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BETWEEN OUR CROTCH AREAS.
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>> JON...
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>> Jon: MM-HMM?
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>> SOMETIMES YOU HAVE A WAY
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WAY OF SAYING THINGS THAT'S SO
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OBNOXIOUS, IT'S ADORABLE.
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IT GETS ME.
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>> Jon: YEAH?
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>> YEAH.
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LET'S DECREASE THE DISTANCE.
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HARD.
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>> Jon: HMM.
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>> YEAH.
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>> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ]
273
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,859
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
274
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:11,804
>> Jon: [ EXHALES ]
275
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,569
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
276
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:13,826
>> Jon: [ EXHALES ]
277
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:14,874
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
278
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,668
>> Jon: [ GASPS ]
279
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:17,740
>> NO. NOW WHAT?
280
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:18,568
>> Jon: OOH.
281
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,712
OOH. OOH-HOO-HOO-HOO.
282
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,538
>> UH-OH.
283
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,413
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
284
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:26,510
>> Jon: OOH. I JUST CREAMED.
285
00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:27,584
I JUST CREAMED.
286
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:28,221
[ CHUCKLES ]
287
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,515
>> YOU'RE ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.
288
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,177
>> Jon: WHAT?
289
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,323
>> GOOD LUCK WITH THE FACE
290
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,288
SURGERY.
291
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,817
>> Jon: HEY, SERGEI.
292
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,063
HEY, MAN. OVER HERE.
293
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,328
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
294
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,326
FIRST THING I DO WHEN I COME TO,
295
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,228
I'M GONNA PUNCH MYSELF RIGHT IN
296
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,870
YOUR FACE.
297
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:45,265
GET IT?
298
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,495
'CAUSE YOUR FACE IS GONNA BE ON
299
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,740
MY FACE, AND I'M GONNA PUNCH IT.
300
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,235
YOU GOT IT? I WIN!
301
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:50,266
I WIN!
302
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,370
WAKE HIM UP SO I CAN TELL HIM I
303
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:52,872
WIN!
304
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,843
I WI--
305
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,264
[ MONITOR BEEPING ]
306
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,396
[ COMPUTER BEEPING RAPIDLY ]
307
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,679
>> Jon: [ GROANS ]
308
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,652
[ SIGHS ]
309
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,627
[ Distorted ] I CAN'T BELIEVE
310
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:19,856
IT'S REAL.
311
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:20,760
[ LAUGHS ]
312
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:21,931
OH, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
313
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,099
I STILL SOUND LIKE ME.
314
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,666
>> WE STILL NEED TO RE-CALIBRATE
315
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:25,795
YOUR VOICE MODULATOR.
316
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:26,969
>> Jon: OH.
317
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,697
>> SAY "I WILL SPOON-FEED JON
318
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,102
HIS OWN BALLS."
319
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,503
AND USE YOUR RUSSIAN ACCENT.
320
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,714
>> Jon: [ Russian accent,
321
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,036
distorted ] I WILL SPOON-FEED
322
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:37,341
JON HIS OWN BALLS.
323
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,054
>> AGAIN.
324
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,775
>> Jon: I WILL SPOON FEED JON
325
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,481
[as Sergei] HIS OWN BALLS.
326
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,352
>> PERFECT.
327
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,320
>> Jon: [ American accent ] MY
328
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,017
GOD.
329
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,719
>> JON, THIS IS A TWO-WAY MICRO
330
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:49,822
TRANSMITTER.
331
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,193
THIS WILL ALLOW US TO STAY IN
332
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,561
CONSTANT CONTACT WITH YOU AND
333
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,059
ALSO HEAR EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE
334
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:58,531
HEARING AT ALL TIMES.
335
00:09:58,531 --> 00:09:59,571
>> Jon: * BER-NER-NER
336
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,726
* "FACE/OFF" WAS A MOVIE
337
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,574
* NOW IT'S MY LIFE
338
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:02,368
* BER-NER-NER
339
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,499
* I'M READY TO DO THIS
340
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:04,843
* BER!
341
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,075
>> David: "MEATUS."
342
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,537
>> WHAT IS A MEATUS?
343
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,814
>> David: IT'S, UH...
344
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:13,253
>> HEY.
345
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,506
I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE SURGERY
346
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,484
TODAY.
347
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,853
>> Jon: FRRT!
348
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:18,691
>> OH, MY GOD.
349
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,046
>> David: OH, MY GOD. DAD?
350
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:20,893
>> Jon: I KNOW!
351
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:21,888
IT'S INSANE, RIGHT?
352
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,259
>> YEAH, IT'S -- IT'S PRETTY
353
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:23,986
CONVINCING.
354
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,391
>> Jon: YEAH, WELL, IT SHOULD
355
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:25,732
BE.
356
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:26,826
IT'S HIS ACTUAL FACE.
357
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:27,827
CHECK OUT THE GUNS.
358
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:28,698
BANG! BANG! BANG!
359
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:29,196
[ CHUCKLES ]
360
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,156
THIS IS STEROIDS RIGHT HERE,
361
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,003
BUDDY.
362
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,868
>> JON...
363
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,566
>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.
364
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,538
COME HERE.
365
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,049
TRAVOLTA DID THAT IN "FACE/OFF."
366
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,549
WELL, THIS IS IT.
367
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,520
>> YEAH. THIS IS IT.
368
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:02,862
>> Jon: OOH.
369
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,833
I ALMOST CREAMED AGAIN.
370
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,209
[ GRUNTS ]
371
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,949
SEE YOU IN THE BONE ZONE.
372
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,892
[ ALL SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN ]
373
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,769
>> Jon: [ Russian accent ] HEY!
374
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:47,814
HEY!
375
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,338
>> All: HEY!
376
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,342
>> Jon: I JUST WANT TO KEEP
377
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,514
PRACTICING MY ENGLISH FOR WHEN
378
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,283
I'M A DECOY.
379
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,752
[ American accent ] UH, YEAH.
380
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,320
I CAN GO DOWN THE STREET AND GET
381
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,648
SOME TOILET PAPER FOR JON.
382
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:03,822
[ LAUGHTER ]
383
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,334
>> OKAY, OKAY.
384
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:06,485
I WOULD -- I WOULD LIKE TO SAY
385
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:07,193
SOMETHING, OKAY.
386
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:07,964
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
387
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,331
I DON'T THINK ANY OF US THOUGHT
388
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,430
WE'D EVER SEE THE DAY WHEN
389
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:15,002
SERGEI WOULD SETTLE DOWN.
390
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,272
BUT YOU CAN'T DO MUCH BETTER
391
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,610
THAN THE YOUNGEST DAUGHTER OF
392
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,836
KING ABDULLAH BIN ABDUL AZIZ
393
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,212
AL-HASEEM IF YOU'RE GOING TO
394
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:27,481
TAKE THE PLUNGE AND GET MARRIED.
395
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,720
TO SERGEI!
396
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,145
>> All: TO SERGEI!
397
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,380
SERGEI!
398
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,394
SERGEI!
399
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,445
[ Muffled ] SERGEI!
400
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,323
SERGEI!
401
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:34,961
SERGEI!
402
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,915
>> HOLY MOTHER [BLEEP]
403
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:40,960
>> SERGEI...
404
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,301
>> Jon: [ Russian accent ] WHAT?
405
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,555
>> YOU REALLY THINK I'M A COOL
406
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,503
GUY?
407
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,828
>> Jon: YES. OF COURSE.
408
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,674
>> THANK YOU.
409
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:49,868
[ Voice breaking ] THANK YOU SO
410
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:50,870
MUCH.
411
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,011
REALLY MEANS A LOT.
412
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,565
>> Jon: I HAVE TO GO TO THE
413
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:54,243
BATHROOM.
414
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,041
>> [ WHIMPERS ]
415
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,313
HE THINKS I'M A COOL GUY!
416
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,051
[ GASPS ]
417
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,706
HE THINKS I'M A COOL GUY!
418
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,584
[ CRYING ]
419
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,094
>> Jon: [ American accent ] GET
420
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,086
ME OUT OF HERE -- NOW.
421
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,317
>> OKAY, RELAX, JON.
422
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,021
>> Jon: DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX,
423
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:10,693
ALL RIGHT?
424
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:11,990
I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED.
425
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,092
WHO THE HELL IS KING ABDULLAH?
426
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,564
>> THE AL-HASEEMS ARE ONE OF THE
427
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,862
MOST POWERFUL OIL FAMILIES IN
428
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,234
THE WORLD, WITH SUSPECTED TIES
429
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,071
TO GLOBAL TERRORISM.
430
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,226
>> Jon: ROB, JUST GET ME OUT OF
431
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,033
HERE RIGHT NOW.
432
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:21,774
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
433
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:25,238
[ WATER RUNNING ]
434
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,538
>> WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO,
435
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:26,939
SERGEI?
436
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,210
>> Jon: [ Russian accent ] WHAT?
437
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,678
UH...
438
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,376
JUST TALKING...
439
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,508
TO MYSELF.
440
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,753
I-I'M JUST VERY NERVOUS.
441
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,378
YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE
442
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,594
GETTING MARRIED AGAIN.
443
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,916
>> I THOUGHT THIS WAS FIRST
444
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,521
TIME.
445
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,763
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.
446
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,434
FIRST TIME.
447
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:55,874
OF COURSE FIRST TIME.
448
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,239
[ LAUGHS ]
449
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,107
YOU SEE?
450
00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,065
YOU SEE?
451
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,982
THIS WEDDING'S GOT ME ALL CRAZY!
452
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,235
WOMEN, HUH?
453
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,583
>> LOOK, JON, JUST RELAX.
454
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,748
GET BACK OUT THERE.
455
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:07,806
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
456
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,154
WE'LL THINK OF A PLAN AND GET
457
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,049
BACK TO YOU.
458
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,050
>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
459
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,392
GONNA GET BACK OUT THERE AND
460
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,616
START HAVING A GOOD TIME.
461
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:15,621
>> GOOD FOR YOU.
462
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:16,892
>> Jon: OKAY.
463
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,630
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
464
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,456
OKAY!
465
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,161
WHO'S BUYING ME A DRINK?!
466
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,133
[ ALL CHEER ]
467
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,339
>> WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO
468
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:10,311
PAY THE DEEJAY.
469
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,116
>> THEN LET'S JUST KILL HIM.
470
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,945
[ LAUGHTER ]
471
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,451
SERGEI CAN DO IT.
472
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,722
COME ON, COOL GUY!
473
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:22,861
COOL GUY!
474
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,055
>> All: COOL GUY!
475
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,387
COOL GUY!
476
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:26,392
COOL GUY!
477
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,703
>> JON, YOU CANNOT DO THIS.
478
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,855
>> All: COOL GUY! COOL GUY!
479
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,232
>> Jon: [ American accent ] WHAT
480
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,031
CHOICE DO I HAVE?
481
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,972
>> WHOA! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
482
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,037
WHAT WAS THAT, SERGEI?
483
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,066
>> Jon: [ Russian accent ] WHAT
484
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,470
CHOICE DO WE HAVE?
485
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,372
LET'S DO IT!
486
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,044
LET'S ALL DO IT!
487
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,213
OKAY?
488
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,481
>> JON?
489
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,648
>> Jon: [ American accent ]
490
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:47,576
SORRY ABOUT THIS, MAN.
491
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,380
NOTHING PERSONAL.
492
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,351
GREAT SET TONIGHT.
493
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,656
[ GUNSHOTS ]
494
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,996
[ VOMITING ]
495
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,969
[ GROANS ]
496
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,507
>> WHAT MEANING, "COOL GUY"?
497
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:20,352
>> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ]
498
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,547
[ Russian accent ] I JUST THINK
499
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,448
YOU'RE A COOL GUY.
500
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,120
AND I WANT TO PRACTICE MY
501
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,918
ENGLISH FOR BEING THE DECOY.
502
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,919
>> I VERY SAD I NOT BE ABLE
503
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,061
PRESENT YOUR WEDDING IN PERSON.
504
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,628
BUT THAT NOT POSSIBLE.
505
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,025
>> Jon: ABOUT THAT, UH...
506
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,558
I WAS THINKING OF CALLING IT
507
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:37,363
OFF.
508
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:38,604
>> WHAT?!
509
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:40,928
I SPENDING FIVE YEARS PUTTING
510
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,703
TOGETHER TWO FAMILY.
511
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,472
YOU SAYING "YES."
512
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,241
AND I LIVE HAPPY EVER AFTER.
513
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,410
YOU TRY SOME FUNNY BUSINESS,
514
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,639
MAYBE YOU STOP BREATHING!
515
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,714
>> Jon: OF COURSE, PAPA.
516
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,253
>> FOCUS ONLY WEDDING.
517
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,219
>> Jon: YOU GOT IT.
518
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,294
[ BANGING ON DOOR ]
519
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:03,819
>> COME ON!
520
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,063
[ BANGING ON DOOR ]
521
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:07,458
>> Jon: YEP. UH, BE RIGHT OUT.
522
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:07,990
[ SIGHS ]
523
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,464
[ American accent ] NOW WHAT DO
524
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:09,832
I DO?
525
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,299
>> YOU JUST FOCUS ON THE TASK AT
526
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,128
HAND, ALL RIGHT?
527
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,472
>> Jon: I WANT YOU TO KNOW I
528
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,926
DIDN'T FIRE MY GUN WHEN EVERYONE
529
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,474
KILLED THE DEEJAY.
530
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:17,799
>> THAT'S GOOD.
531
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,174
>> Jon: BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT IT
532
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,012
WAS A REAL RUSH.
533
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:23,177
I DIDN'T REALIZE IT TILL AFTER I
534
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,146
THREW UP THAT I HAD A BONER.
535
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,905
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
536
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:29,253
IT'S YOUR FIRST KILL BONER.
537
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,779
LISTEN, WHEN ALL THIS IS
538
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,593
OVER, YOU AND ME, WE'RE GONNA
539
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,015
LAY OUT ON THE PEAK OF
540
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,820
FRIENDSHIP MOUNTAIN AND WE'RE
541
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,262
GONNA TALK ABOUT KILL BONERS ALL
542
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,988
DAY LONG.
543
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,214
>> VERY, VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.
544
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,679
>> Jon: [ Russian accent ] THANK
545
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:58,007
YOU.
546
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,050
OKAY.
547
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,875
>> OKAY.
548
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,050
>> Jon: [ American accent ]
549
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,318
OKAY, I'M GETTING READY TO SAY
550
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,786
MY VOWS, SO WHAT'S THE PLAN?
551
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:06,945
>> JON, JUST STAY COOL.
552
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:07,953
DON'T ROCK THE BOAT.
553
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,294
SOON AS THERE'S AN OPENING,
554
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,719
WE'RE GONNA BUST IN AND GET YOU
555
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:11,493
OUT OF THERE.
556
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,961
NOW, IN THE MEANTIME, JUST STAY
557
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,300
CALM AND WALK THROUGH THOSE
558
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,696
DOORS.
559
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,667
>> Jon: [ SIGHS ]
560
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,696
>> [ Russian accent ] WHAT A
561
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,598
GLORIOUS DAY IT IS WHEN WE CAN
562
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,240
CELEBRATE THE UNION OF TWO
563
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,606
BEAUTIFUL YOUNG PEOPLE.
564
00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:01,335
FAIRUZ, DO YOU TAKE
565
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,681
SERGEI MIRMINSKY TO BE YOUR
566
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,006
LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND FOR
567
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,552
RICHER AND POORER, IN SICKNESS
568
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,918
AND IN HEALTH?
569
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,946
>> I DO.
570
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:14,951
>> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ]
571
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,964
>> MAY WE HAVE THE OTHER RING,
572
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,556
PLEASE?
573
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,029
>> WHOOPS!
574
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:24,027
[ LAUGHTER ]
575
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:27,800
>> SERGEI MIRMINSKY, DO YOU TAKE
576
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,370
FAIRUZ BIN ABDUL AZIZ AL-HASEEM
577
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:35,212
TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE
578
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:38,208
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH?
579
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,281
>> JUST SAY "I DO."
580
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,209
IT'S FINE, OKAY?
581
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:41,283
JUST KEEP PLAYING ALONG.
582
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,121
WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF THERE.
583
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,075
JUST KEEP GOING.
584
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:52,391
JON?
585
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:56,302
WHAT'S GOING ON, JON?
586
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,666
COME ON, JON.
587
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:02,465
KIM, COME ON. HELP ME OUT HERE.
588
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:03,769
>> JON, IT'S FINE, OKAY?
589
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:04,970
JUST SAY "I DO."
590
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,411
I'LL SEE YOU SOON.
591
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:08,977
JUST SAY IT.
592
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,480
>> Jon: I DO.
593
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:19,093
>> SERGEI MIRMINSKY...
594
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:23,915
FAIRUZ BIN ABDUL AZIZ AL-HASEEM,
595
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:27,933
BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY GOD
596
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,797
AND THE STATE OF NEW YORK, I NOW
597
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:36,097
PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.
598
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,072
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
599
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,043
>> Jon: BOOP.
600
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:15,308
BOOP.
601
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:18,578
BOOP.
602
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,048
>> WE'RE CLEAR!
603
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:20,846
JON, COME ON!
604
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:21,647
>> David: DAD!
605
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:22,718
>> JON, COME ON!
606
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:23,845
>> COME ON, JON!
607
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:24,650
>> David: GET IN!
608
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:25,591
>> COME ON!
609
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:26,685
>> David: DAD, COME ON!
610
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:27,686
>> COME ON!
611
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:29,517
>> David: DAD!
612
00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:32,362
DAD!
613
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,229
COME ON!
614
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:35,155
>> GET IN! GET IN! GET IN!
615
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:37,131
GO!
616
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:45,744
>> [ CRYING ]
617
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:48,008
>> SERGEI?
618
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,977
SERGEI?
619
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,696
>> [ SINGING IN RUSSIAN ]
36704
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