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1
00:00:21,291 --> 00:00:22,637
What the fuck, bro?
2
00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:25,295
You think you can just cut me
the fuck off back there?
3
00:00:25,398 --> 00:00:29,885
You fucking asshole!
I'm fucking talking to you!
4
00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:31,818
Hey! Look at me,
motherfucker!
5
00:00:38,687 --> 00:00:39,792
What the fuck?
6
00:00:42,829 --> 00:00:44,521
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
7
00:00:44,624 --> 00:00:47,110
Wait, wait, wait.
No, look, man.
8
00:00:47,144 --> 00:00:49,181
I'm real sorry, man.
Don't fucking do it.
9
00:00:49,284 --> 00:00:51,493
I didn't mean to...
10
00:01:00,123 --> 00:01:01,641
That's a cute car.
11
00:01:01,676 --> 00:01:04,506
Is that your mother's car?
You have a safe fucking trip, yeah?
12
00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:06,025
Hey, how far is Ocala?
13
00:01:06,129 --> 00:01:08,683
- Nine hours, Daddy.
- Let's go get that motherfucker, yeah?
14
00:01:08,786 --> 00:01:12,135
- Motherfucker!
- Motherfucker!
15
00:01:17,554 --> 00:01:18,554
Fuck!
16
00:01:36,676 --> 00:01:40,887
Okay, guys, let's go.
17
00:01:40,991 --> 00:01:42,855
Come on.
18
00:01:45,858 --> 00:01:48,792
Oh. No. You never eat at a
table with the little kids.
19
00:01:48,895 --> 00:01:50,690
Kids do gross shit.
20
00:01:50,725 --> 00:01:53,900
They snot all over everything,
they touch their own assholes...
21
00:01:54,004 --> 00:01:55,419
It's fucking gross.
22
00:02:06,396 --> 00:02:08,294
I hate mushrooms.
23
00:02:08,398 --> 00:02:10,054
I'll eat your fuckin' mushrooms.
24
00:02:12,747 --> 00:02:14,197
You guys wanna see me down it?
25
00:02:14,231 --> 00:02:16,268
I'm hanging with a bunch
of pussies.
26
00:02:16,371 --> 00:02:17,890
Okay.
27
00:02:17,924 --> 00:02:19,063
So cool.
28
00:02:26,209 --> 00:02:28,383
Holy shit!
I need water!
29
00:02:29,419 --> 00:02:31,455
That's not so hard.
30
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:35,666
Why did you do that? Oh, my God.
31
00:02:36,426 --> 00:02:38,497
Are you crying?
32
00:02:42,984 --> 00:02:44,848
I need to pee.
33
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:48,092
I bet you do.
34
00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:56,170
Shit. Truancy raid!
35
00:02:57,274 --> 00:02:59,587
All right!
Y'all know the drill.
36
00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:01,865
And no cussing
on the way to the van.
37
00:03:01,968 --> 00:03:03,487
Let's go, girlie.
38
00:03:03,591 --> 00:03:04,868
Don't you fuckin' touch me.
39
00:03:04,971 --> 00:03:06,525
I don't even go
to your stupid school.
40
00:03:06,628 --> 00:03:09,262
You keep that up, and I'm gonna have
to call your parents, all right?
41
00:03:09,286 --> 00:03:12,669
- You, check her bag for contraband.
- Hey, give it back!
42
00:03:12,772 --> 00:03:14,153
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Stop that!
43
00:03:16,051 --> 00:03:17,051
What the fuck!
44
00:03:17,121 --> 00:03:20,366
Put me down!
I don't go to his fucking school!
45
00:03:20,470 --> 00:03:22,782
Not so tough now, are you?
46
00:03:32,999 --> 00:03:34,587
Where's the girl?
47
00:03:34,691 --> 00:03:38,867
I don't know which girl you mean, but
the truancy cops just raided this bitch.
48
00:03:59,854 --> 00:04:00,993
Who are you?
49
00:04:01,027 --> 00:04:03,027
I mean, kneeing that narc
in the balls like that...
50
00:04:03,098 --> 00:04:05,491
Move over Cate Blanchett,
I think I found my new spirit animal.
51
00:04:05,515 --> 00:04:06,999
Please tell me you're new here.
52
00:04:07,102 --> 00:04:09,691
I'm just on vacation,
or whatever.
53
00:04:09,795 --> 00:04:12,073
- In Richmond Hill?
- Why?
54
00:04:12,176 --> 00:04:14,178
Because mind ya own business,
that's why.
55
00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:15,835
- Oh! She's sassy.
- Okay.
56
00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:18,044
Is there some sort of way
we can bust out of here?
57
00:04:18,148 --> 00:04:20,357
Like a fucking fire alarm
we can pull, or something?
58
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,014
You're low-key hilarious.
59
00:04:22,048 --> 00:04:25,086
This is lunch detention, not prison.
Plus, don't you need your bag?
60
00:04:25,189 --> 00:04:26,846
They'll give it
back to you later.
61
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:28,272
But for now, we should
probably just chill
62
00:04:28,296 --> 00:04:30,367
- and wait to see what
the snack is.-
63
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,862
They feed you
during detention here?
64
00:04:31,886 --> 00:04:34,060
Don't worry, if it's bland,
we got some
65
00:04:34,164 --> 00:04:37,201
Flamin' Cheetos
stashed over in Non-Fiction.
66
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:40,101
So, you're hanging out with us
after school. That's a thing.
67
00:04:40,204 --> 00:04:41,205
Yep.
68
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:52,389
Man! This hotel's is on
some four-star shit!
69
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:53,873
I can use this fancy
lotion, right?
70
00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:58,602
Take it. Take the soap.
Take everything. I don't care.
71
00:04:58,706 --> 00:05:00,742
Don't people mingle
and shit at conferences?
72
00:05:00,846 --> 00:05:02,261
Should you get down there?
73
00:05:02,365 --> 00:05:03,780
Not yet.
I've got to get settled,
74
00:05:03,883 --> 00:05:05,920
gotta iron some shirts,
work on my speech...
75
00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:08,163
We could just bail
and get back to finding Wayne.
76
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,303
No. Can't.
77
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:11,867
The Superintendent is gonna
be following up on how I do,
78
00:05:11,891 --> 00:05:14,238
since she knows there's a
chance to get some grant money.
79
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:15,792
How much cash we talkin'?
80
00:05:15,895 --> 00:05:19,002
I don't know. Enough to buy some
computers and other computer things.
81
00:05:19,105 --> 00:05:21,798
But I can't do anything
with the room like this.
82
00:05:24,766 --> 00:05:29,115
Oh, shit. You haven't even
started on your speech yet.
83
00:05:29,219 --> 00:05:31,404
What? Yes, I have. You don't...
What are you talking about?
84
00:05:31,428 --> 00:05:32,912
You're procrastinating.
85
00:05:33,016 --> 00:05:34,949
I do the same thing
when I have a big paper due.
86
00:05:35,052 --> 00:05:37,917
I'll clean my room, pick up those
tiny fuzz balls off my sweaters...
87
00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:41,093
I wrote it, okay? Basically.
It's all up here.
88
00:05:41,127 --> 00:05:43,923
Why don't you go relax
by the pool, downstairs?
89
00:05:44,027 --> 00:05:45,408
Because what's the point, okay?
90
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:48,100
It doesn't even matter what I say.
We're never gonna get a grant.
91
00:05:48,134 --> 00:05:49,481
And even if we did,
92
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,424
you know what those kids are gonna
do with the technology it buys?
93
00:05:51,448 --> 00:05:52,863
They're immediately
gonna break it,
94
00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:54,762
steal it, or pour
chocolate milk into it.
95
00:05:54,865 --> 00:05:55,970
So, what's the point?
96
00:05:56,073 --> 00:05:57,948
You know they have a sauna
down there, too, right?
97
00:05:57,972 --> 00:06:01,216
Maybe you're right.
We should brainstorm some ideas.
98
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,494
What have you got?
99
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:07,291
Dude, could you just go downstairs,
so I can watch my porn movies?
100
00:06:07,395 --> 00:06:08,810
Please get dressed.
101
00:06:14,782 --> 00:06:16,784
Hold up. How long
are you in town for?
102
00:06:17,647 --> 00:06:19,303
Are you doing anything tonight?
103
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:22,617
Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Good call.
Our super lame-ass Spring Fling's tonight.
104
00:06:22,721 --> 00:06:24,457
I'm not comin' to your weird dance.
I don't even go here.
105
00:06:24,481 --> 00:06:27,795
No, that doesn't matter.
We can bring whoever we want as dates.
106
00:06:27,829 --> 00:06:29,313
I am bringing this hot mess,
107
00:06:31,385 --> 00:06:32,903
but I'm thinking,
108
00:06:33,007 --> 00:06:36,390
we all go as a polyamorous
lezzy throuple, yeah?
109
00:06:36,493 --> 00:06:40,635
Can you imagine how hard they'd
shit their fucking pants?
110
00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:42,672
Look at how eeked out
this hoecake is already.
111
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:45,295
See that?
112
00:06:45,329 --> 00:06:47,228
That's the international sign
for cunnilingus.
113
00:06:47,331 --> 00:06:50,531
Of course, you wouldn't know that because
you're dating a high school boy, right?
114
00:06:51,335 --> 00:06:55,478
How about you? You got anyone?
A guy? A girl?
115
00:06:55,512 --> 00:06:59,274
I don't know.
I got a Wayne.
116
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,483
What the fuck is "a Wayne"?
117
00:07:06,523 --> 00:07:08,663
Holy shit!
118
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:15,670
Hey!
119
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:32,687
I guess that's a fuckin' Wayne.
120
00:07:39,073 --> 00:07:40,878
Is this the boy you had
a little kerfuffle with?
121
00:07:40,902 --> 00:07:44,043
He means the dangerous criminal who
nail-gunned your hands to a van.
122
00:07:44,147 --> 00:07:46,218
Listen, when I talked
to the other cops,
123
00:07:46,252 --> 00:07:49,428
the guys who wore actual uniforms,
I told them everything I knew.
124
00:07:49,532 --> 00:07:50,740
Excuse me.
125
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:03,407
So, I'm assuming the hiring circumstances
were similar to these gentlemen's?
126
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,602
I didn't find him on Linkedln,
if that's what you mean.
127
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,997
Did you pay him?
128
00:08:07,101 --> 00:08:10,173
Of course, I fuckin' paid him.
And this is what I get for it?
129
00:08:10,518 --> 00:08:11,726
Right.
130
00:08:11,761 --> 00:08:13,521
Well, that doesn't quite add up
now, does it?
131
00:08:13,590 --> 00:08:16,075
- May I have my goddamn
phone back, please?
132
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:18,733
Look, the kids are on the road, okay?
They need to eat.
133
00:08:18,768 --> 00:08:20,839
I know you want to think
he's some kind of angel,
134
00:08:20,942 --> 00:08:22,426
but if Wayne got desperate,
135
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,463
- we're gonna have serious
problems here.
136
00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:27,086
Welcome to the Fayetteville
Immigration Detention Center.
137
00:08:27,121 --> 00:08:30,918
Our menu options have changed.
For English press 1.
138
00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:33,437
You know, I came across
a gentleman in Massachusetts,
139
00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,923
who had the darnedest scheme.
140
00:08:35,957 --> 00:08:38,822
He'd hire workers with
questionable citizenship status,
141
00:08:38,926 --> 00:08:41,653
and at the end of the day,
instead of paying them,
142
00:08:41,756 --> 00:08:44,000
- he'd turn them
in to Immigration.
143
00:08:44,103 --> 00:08:45,519
Now, I hate to be rude,
144
00:08:45,622 --> 00:08:48,970
so, allow me to translate for
our Spanish-speaking friends...
145
00:09:02,536 --> 00:09:06,470
I'm takin' you're not much
of a school-type, are ya?
146
00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:09,232
People didn't like me much.
147
00:09:10,682 --> 00:09:12,304
And I didn't like
them much back.
148
00:09:12,407 --> 00:09:13,995
Me, neither.
149
00:09:14,099 --> 00:09:15,376
I dunno.
150
00:09:15,479 --> 00:09:18,068
Schools are always gonna
be filled with boneheads.
151
00:09:18,172 --> 00:09:22,072
So's my house. At least,
at school, I got a decent lunch.
152
00:09:24,005 --> 00:09:28,423
I was actually good at it, you know.
I had a best friend...
153
00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:35,327
- I liked that pink soap.
- What?
154
00:09:35,361 --> 00:09:40,332
The soap in the bathrooms.
Smells clean.
155
00:09:40,366 --> 00:09:43,922
You got a weird thing
with smells, man.
156
00:09:44,025 --> 00:09:45,924
You ever even
read a book before?
157
00:09:46,027 --> 00:09:49,513
- Comics count?
- Jesus.
158
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:50,687
I read a book before.
159
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,276
- Yeah? What was it called?
- I don't remember.
160
00:09:53,379 --> 00:09:57,349
- What was it about?
- Werewolves.
161
00:09:57,452 --> 00:09:58,833
Figures.
162
00:09:58,937 --> 00:10:00,835
There was also a lady
who was part tarantula.
163
00:10:00,939 --> 00:10:04,563
Yeah, of course there was.
164
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:08,222
I don't know, maybe it was
just our school that was shit.
165
00:10:08,325 --> 00:10:11,605
Maybe if we went someplace like this
place, it would be different.
166
00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:15,401
Dude, that was the tits.
167
00:10:17,024 --> 00:10:18,784
Mrs. Prince
totally thought
168
00:10:18,888 --> 00:10:21,028
that your motorcycle
was like a small earthquake.
169
00:10:21,062 --> 00:10:22,926
She's like,
"This is what your drills are for!
170
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:25,377
Remember your training!"
171
00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:27,690
Trish and Jenny.
172
00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:29,381
- What's up?
- What's up?
173
00:10:29,761 --> 00:10:30,900
Um...
174
00:10:32,902 --> 00:10:35,283
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
175
00:10:37,907 --> 00:10:39,253
Okay.
176
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:42,705
So, you are coming
to Spring Fling with us.
177
00:10:42,739 --> 00:10:44,154
Oh, yeah, 100%.
178
00:10:44,258 --> 00:10:46,167
And we may need to make
an entrance on your bike.
179
00:10:46,191 --> 00:10:49,297
Oh, my God! We should release
doves if we can find them.
180
00:10:49,401 --> 00:10:50,885
Like a stupid dance?
181
00:10:50,989 --> 00:10:54,164
With people dancing
to, like, stupid music?
182
00:10:54,578 --> 00:10:55,994
Um, exactly.
183
00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:58,513
But just for shits 'n gigs.
To rip on people, like, ironically.
184
00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:02,586
- Talk shit on all the jocks
tryin' get it in.
185
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,728
Don't ya need good clothes
to get into a stupid dance?
186
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,488
You know what?
Actually, it's cool.
187
00:11:07,591 --> 00:11:09,455
My dad's girlfriend...
We can go to my place.
188
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:13,080
- She has all these psycho-slut
dresses that we can try on!
189
00:11:13,114 --> 00:11:15,738
Oh, my God, and we can pre-game.
Like hard.
190
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:16,841
We're gonna pre-game.
191
00:11:16,911 --> 00:11:18,775
I don't know.
Maybe it'll be fun?
192
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,319
But nothing they said
sounds like it.
193
00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:25,817
No, no, no. We voted.
Um, seven to three. You're going now.
194
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,129
- See ya.
- See ya later, ladies.
195
00:11:28,233 --> 00:11:30,200
Maybe they'll have
that pink soap you like.
196
00:11:36,137 --> 00:11:38,622
- Give me one of your peppers...
- Go fuck yourself. Back off!
197
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:41,349
For the love of Christ,
will the two of you shut the fuck up?
198
00:11:41,453 --> 00:11:43,973
Tryin' to see if these jag-offs
called about that demo job.
199
00:11:45,319 --> 00:11:47,114
Would you fuck off
with your sticky mitts!
200
00:11:47,148 --> 00:11:49,703
Fucking machine, man.
It's a piece of shit. It won't work.
201
00:11:49,806 --> 00:11:52,706
- You hit seven?
- Hit seven, then the access number.
202
00:11:52,809 --> 00:11:54,466
What's the access number?
203
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:56,986
- Carl, access number?
- I don't know.
204
00:11:57,089 --> 00:11:58,504
Oh, try Del's birthday.
205
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:03,578
- July 20th.
- Twentieth. Right.
206
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,650
Ha! Working.
207
00:12:06,754 --> 00:12:10,862
Hi, Mr. or Mrs. Luccetti?
Am I saying that right?
208
00:12:10,965 --> 00:12:13,209
This is Vice Principal Walsh
from Alabaster High.
209
00:12:13,312 --> 00:12:14,565
Give me some of your coleslaw...
210
00:12:14,589 --> 00:12:16,350
Your daughter got detention...
211
00:12:16,453 --> 00:12:19,042
She didn't have her student ID
and our system's down,
212
00:12:19,146 --> 00:12:21,044
but we found
your number in her bag.
213
00:12:21,148 --> 00:12:24,358
So, if you could come on in,
help sort this out, that'll be great.
214
00:12:24,461 --> 00:12:25,461
Unbelievable.
215
00:12:26,463 --> 00:12:27,543
I want some more sweet tea.
216
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:28,258
- Shut the fuck up.
- Not before you clean your ear...
217
00:12:29,018 --> 00:12:30,098
Don't you fucking touch me!
218
00:12:31,848 --> 00:12:33,160
- Fuck you, Carl.
- Fuck you!
219
00:12:33,194 --> 00:12:35,194
- Fuck you, motherfucker!
- Fuck you, motherfucker!
220
00:12:43,618 --> 00:12:46,690
Whoa. I love your room.
221
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:50,729
My dad's tragic taste in
girlfriends did not disappoint...
222
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:54,768
Look at these.
- Fucking Bridgette.
223
00:12:54,871 --> 00:12:58,426
What, did your dad meet her in a
slutty mental hospital, or something?
224
00:12:58,530 --> 00:13:00,532
Is this fox dead?
225
00:13:00,566 --> 00:13:05,779
Yeah, I took those.
Even roadkill deserves to be remembered.
226
00:13:05,882 --> 00:13:07,608
That's wicked weird.
227
00:13:07,711 --> 00:13:09,299
Wait. "Wicked?"
228
00:13:09,403 --> 00:13:10,853
Like "wicked"
like, witch wicked?
229
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,269
What?
No, wicked like, really.
230
00:13:13,372 --> 00:13:15,040
Like if you see some dudes
struttin' down a street,
231
00:13:15,064 --> 00:13:17,984
you're gonna be like, "Look at that
jabroni, thinks he's 'wicked' hard..."
232
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:20,138
- What?
- Jabroni?
233
00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:22,243
Oh, honey, bless your heart.
234
00:13:22,347 --> 00:13:23,866
Why does everyone
keep saying that?
235
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:27,973
I don't know, it's Southern
for, "I'm judging you."
236
00:13:28,077 --> 00:13:29,250
Oh, Jesus.
237
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,944
Anyway, you should totally
sleep over tonight.
238
00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:35,256
And you should also come
to our school full-time.
239
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,604
Oh, my God! Yes!
Dude, it could be like this all the time.
240
00:13:38,708 --> 00:13:42,746
- Like The Three Wicked Bitches!
- Oh, my God.
241
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:46,233
- So good.
- How do I look?
242
00:13:47,165 --> 00:13:49,132
I like you in
your regular clothes.
243
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,387
You need something,
too, you know.
244
00:13:52,411 --> 00:13:54,655
Dude, got you, got you.
245
00:13:54,758 --> 00:13:59,625
Yes. This is from
my dad's third wedding.
246
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:01,420
Sheesh!
247
00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:03,975
I gotta go to the bathroom.
248
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:06,011
Don't you like it?
It's got matching pants, too.
249
00:14:06,115 --> 00:14:07,357
I don't care.
250
00:14:09,463 --> 00:14:12,466
"And just like Middleweight
Champion Marvin Hagler,
251
00:14:12,569 --> 00:14:14,157
Hagler High can take a beating.
252
00:14:14,261 --> 00:14:18,921
That's why I believe we can be a
contender in the arena of education."
253
00:14:18,955 --> 00:14:20,439
Jesus.
254
00:14:20,543 --> 00:14:22,925
- Good Jesus, or bad Jesus?
- Bad Jesus.
255
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:26,100
If you can't talk up Hagler to
a bunch of nerdy-ass principals
256
00:14:26,204 --> 00:14:27,653
who are balls deep
into education,
257
00:14:27,757 --> 00:14:30,218
how do you expect to get through to
Wayne, a kid who hates school?
258
00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:31,312
What do you want me to do?
259
00:14:31,416 --> 00:14:33,625
Motivate me.
You gotta speak through here.
260
00:14:33,659 --> 00:14:34,833
You're a friggin' principal.
261
00:14:34,868 --> 00:14:36,742
Tap into why you wanted to be
one in the first place.
262
00:14:36,766 --> 00:14:37,801
Honestly, I didn't.
263
00:14:37,905 --> 00:14:39,113
I took a gym teacher temp job,
264
00:14:39,217 --> 00:14:40,539
and next thing you know,
they made me Principal.
265
00:14:40,563 --> 00:14:42,058
That's some white
privilege shit right there.
266
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,118
That's what I said.
267
00:14:44,153 --> 00:14:46,500
Listen, you got two options.
268
00:14:46,603 --> 00:14:48,478
Reach deep down inside
and come up with a speech
269
00:14:48,502 --> 00:14:51,125
that'll inspire people
to donate to our school,
270
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,887
or, half-ass it, like you've
done your whole life,
271
00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:57,407
and steal a speech off the Internet
like your lazy-ass students do.
272
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:03,655
- I'm gonna go with B.
The second thing. -What the fuck!
273
00:15:03,689 --> 00:15:06,830
Speeches for Principal...
274
00:15:08,315 --> 00:15:13,837
"To lead is to listen.
To educate is to understand.
275
00:15:13,941 --> 00:15:18,428
To inspire, you must be
more than a prince or a pal."
276
00:15:18,532 --> 00:15:20,258
I like that.
277
00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:25,194
I'm using it.
278
00:15:42,936 --> 00:15:46,732
Hey, Wayne! Can you grab
my hair clip out of my bag?
279
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,821
What the fuck, Wayne?
You hear me?
280
00:16:10,204 --> 00:16:11,723
Oh, no, I need
more color than this.
281
00:16:11,826 --> 00:16:15,313
Gonna add some cilantro.
How's that look?
282
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,211
Shades of Robin Hood, really.
283
00:16:17,246 --> 00:16:19,455
- Cilantro?
- The boy.
284
00:16:19,558 --> 00:16:21,595
Stealing from the rich,
helping the poor...
285
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:25,771
Sarge, we've now seen cases
of arson, assault,
286
00:16:25,875 --> 00:16:28,671
a hole where a motherfucker's
nose used to be,
287
00:16:28,774 --> 00:16:31,260
and you're still goin' on like
he's some type of choir boy!
288
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:39,578
Well, shit. You ain't
gained a pound!
289
00:16:39,682 --> 00:16:43,617
- Night yoga, my friend.
How's Connie? -Good, good.
290
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,068
She just self-published
a kids' book
291
00:16:46,102 --> 00:16:50,003
about a couple of seashells
learning to listen to one other.
292
00:16:51,866 --> 00:16:55,077
Well, you gotta jiggle
the handle. Jiggle it hard.
293
00:16:55,111 --> 00:16:59,150
I wanna thank you for sleuthin'
out that construction business.
294
00:16:59,253 --> 00:17:03,430
To think I was considerin' that
asshole for my kitchen remodel.
295
00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:05,501
The reason I tracked
you down here...
296
00:17:05,604 --> 00:17:07,468
Mayor over in Fayetteville,
297
00:17:07,572 --> 00:17:12,163
he's got every cop he can get out looking
for a maniac who assaulted his son
298
00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:14,268
at a pit stop over in Fairmont.
299
00:17:14,303 --> 00:17:16,995
Doused the kid in gasoline,
threatened to torch him.
300
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:21,482
Guess what, this particular
maniac had a Boston accent.
301
00:17:21,586 --> 00:17:23,450
I can't stop it.
302
00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:27,316
- Well, get some more towels.
- Sorry, ran out already.
303
00:17:27,419 --> 00:17:29,801
- How fast is this thing flowing?
- 14...
304
00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:32,045
- Evidence room.
- Getting the evidence now.
305
00:17:32,148 --> 00:17:36,980
Damn, duty calls.
Anything else develops, I'll let you know.
306
00:17:40,984 --> 00:17:44,816
All right, so, say we chalk this
up to a good kid having a bad week,
307
00:17:44,919 --> 00:17:47,405
and he's this Robin Hood-type
you think he is,
308
00:17:47,508 --> 00:17:49,165
then what?
309
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,478
What are you hoping
to get out of this, Sarge?
310
00:17:51,512 --> 00:17:53,204
I guess what I'm really
wondering is,
311
00:17:53,307 --> 00:17:54,664
do we need to protect
Wayne from the world,
312
00:17:54,688 --> 00:17:57,139
or do we need to protect
the world from Wayne?
313
00:17:57,173 --> 00:17:59,244
It's like trying
to photograph this pea soup.
314
00:17:59,348 --> 00:18:01,591
No matter how many
filters I put on,
315
00:18:01,695 --> 00:18:06,527
it doesn't change the fact that
it still looks like baby shit.
316
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:12,326
You know what'd pull these together?
Ladies' monocles.
317
00:18:12,361 --> 00:18:14,225
You guys, about this dance.
318
00:18:14,328 --> 00:18:17,262
- Are we actually gonna dance?
- It depends.
319
00:18:17,366 --> 00:18:20,058
Yeah, if a half dope song
comes on, I'll be like...
320
00:18:20,162 --> 00:18:22,681
Oh, yeah!
It's my baby girl.
321
00:18:22,716 --> 00:18:25,615
"Wicked" hot. Say it.
322
00:18:25,719 --> 00:18:26,719
Wicked hot.
323
00:18:26,789 --> 00:18:28,687
What about you,
New England Clam Chowder?
324
00:18:28,722 --> 00:18:30,551
- Oh, you want to see somethin'?
- Oh, yeah.
325
00:18:30,655 --> 00:18:33,175
- All right, you wanna see something?
- Let's go.
326
00:18:33,209 --> 00:18:34,417
- Del...
- Oh!
327
00:18:35,591 --> 00:18:38,732
What the crud?
What took you so long?
328
00:18:38,835 --> 00:18:40,734
- Where's my hairclip?
- Could we talk?
329
00:18:42,218 --> 00:18:44,047
Not here?
330
00:18:45,911 --> 00:18:49,363
Dude, what the fuck
is wrong with this guy?
331
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,608
Hey, we're almost done.
332
00:18:52,711 --> 00:18:56,301
Will you stop acting
like such a fucking weirdo?
333
00:18:56,405 --> 00:18:57,716
I think you should stay.
334
00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,822
What? Yeah, we're staying
for the dance...
335
00:18:59,925 --> 00:19:01,479
It's fine. I get it.
336
00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:03,964
What the hell's wrong with you?
337
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,108
I just think if you want
to stay, you should stay.
338
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,111
So, where the fuck
are you going?
339
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,396
You'll have more fun without me.
340
00:19:19,497 --> 00:19:21,395
So, you're just gonna
fucking leave?
341
00:19:21,430 --> 00:19:24,916
Real cool move, dick!
342
00:19:25,019 --> 00:19:27,160
I'll see you later, then?
343
00:19:30,577 --> 00:19:33,821
So, should I cancel our
P.F. Chang's reservation?
344
00:19:33,925 --> 00:19:36,686
They get real cunty
about last minute shit.
345
00:19:58,984 --> 00:20:00,193
Come on.
346
00:20:05,474 --> 00:20:07,717
Guys, be honest with me.
Is this too fucking much?
347
00:20:07,821 --> 00:20:10,064
Nah, dude, we look so
fucking elegant right now.
348
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:12,595
For real, we look like some top
shelf Helen Mirrens over here.
349
00:20:12,619 --> 00:20:15,173
Dude, check out fucking Jeremy.
350
00:20:15,277 --> 00:20:19,073
Hey, dude, they have to
actually be into it, you chode!
351
00:20:23,457 --> 00:20:26,080
- Hey, you okay, lady bro?
- Yeah, man, fine.
352
00:20:43,857 --> 00:20:47,861
- Hey, you know Trish and Jenny?
- Yeah, man. I know them.
353
00:20:47,964 --> 00:20:51,761
Those two wild,
you know what I'm saying?
354
00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:56,490
- Can you give this to 'em?
- Sure, buddy.
355
00:20:56,594 --> 00:21:01,495
I can't promise anything right now.
I just got into some pretty dank nuggs.
356
00:21:03,497 --> 00:21:06,742
That's pretty sweet, right?
Every Friday, it's the same thing.
357
00:21:06,845 --> 00:21:09,710
They come here,
order their mushroom pizza.
358
00:21:10,884 --> 00:21:13,680
- I hate mushrooms.
- Yeah, so does he.
359
00:21:13,714 --> 00:21:16,752
He hates the music in here,
the smell of the place.
360
00:21:16,855 --> 00:21:19,030
He tells me every week
when she's not listening.
361
00:21:19,133 --> 00:21:24,069
And I tell him, "Man, I can make your
pizza half mushroom, half cheese."
362
00:21:24,173 --> 00:21:25,243
But he wants it that way.
363
00:21:25,347 --> 00:21:28,350
Just so he can pick them off,
and give them to her.
364
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:29,765
Sacrifice, man.
365
00:21:37,566 --> 00:21:39,119
Oh, hey, hey?
366
00:21:41,639 --> 00:21:45,953
He may not be eating mushrooms,
but you know what he'll be eating later?
367
00:21:46,057 --> 00:21:48,956
Vintage pussy.
368
00:21:57,448 --> 00:21:59,760
Best to watch
the evidence in here.
369
00:21:59,864 --> 00:22:01,184
It's the only room
in the building
370
00:22:01,244 --> 00:22:03,902
not affected by our
unfortunate plumbing situation.
371
00:22:03,937 --> 00:22:06,733
You sure about that?
372
00:22:06,836 --> 00:22:09,011
Sir, we need you
on the third floor.
373
00:22:10,702 --> 00:22:13,671
Look, fellas.
I gotta go. Good luck.
374
00:22:14,948 --> 00:22:18,089
All right, so,
if we see legit video proof of this kid
375
00:22:18,123 --> 00:22:21,334
on the verge of straight-up fiery
murder, I just wanna let you know that...
376
00:22:21,437 --> 00:22:24,129
Just hit it, Jay.
377
00:22:27,788 --> 00:22:31,965
- It's not him.
- That ain't him.
378
00:22:33,449 --> 00:22:36,487
Wait, that's the motherfucker
I tased!
379
00:22:38,592 --> 00:22:40,698
Being a leader
is sometimes messy.
380
00:22:40,801 --> 00:22:43,770
Both for you and the people
who work for you.
381
00:22:43,873 --> 00:22:46,945
Maybe you're positive,
you know the right road to take.
382
00:22:47,049 --> 00:22:48,958
- Hey. What'd I miss?
- Hey, what are you doing down here?
383
00:22:48,982 --> 00:22:51,122
- I thought you
wanted alone time.
384
00:22:51,225 --> 00:22:52,779
Turns out I only
needed three minutes.
385
00:22:52,882 --> 00:22:54,362
All right. Just be quiet.
I'm up next.
386
00:22:54,436 --> 00:22:56,679
To lead is to listen.
387
00:22:56,783 --> 00:22:59,233
To educate is to understand.
388
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:03,962
To inspire, you must be more
than a prince or a pal...
389
00:23:04,066 --> 00:23:09,243
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- Oh, no, no, no.
390
00:23:10,072 --> 00:23:11,556
He just steal
your stolen speech?
391
00:23:11,660 --> 00:23:13,834
Dumbass. Should've scrolled
to the second one.
392
00:23:13,938 --> 00:23:15,871
I don't have to look any further
393
00:23:15,974 --> 00:23:17,804
than watching my own
teaching staff in action.
394
00:23:17,907 --> 00:23:18,907
I am incredible...
395
00:23:30,713 --> 00:23:32,819
- Hey, you like football?
- No.
396
00:23:32,922 --> 00:23:35,822
Awesome, same.
Yeah, that's why I row.
397
00:23:35,925 --> 00:23:37,824
Oh, honey, bless your heart.
398
00:24:36,399 --> 00:24:39,713
- Who is that?
- That's fucking Wayne.
399
00:24:39,748 --> 00:24:43,545
Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
400
00:24:43,579 --> 00:24:48,481
Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
401
00:24:54,245 --> 00:24:55,245
Whoa!
402
00:25:06,568 --> 00:25:07,948
Do you wanna dance with me?
403
00:25:09,985 --> 00:25:12,366
I don't know.
How sweaty are your hands?
404
00:25:35,873 --> 00:25:40,049
Hey, how you doin'?
I'm, Tom Cole.
405
00:25:41,223 --> 00:25:44,640
From Hagler High
in Brockton, Massachusetts.
406
00:25:44,744 --> 00:25:49,369
It's named after
Marvelous Marvin Hagler.
407
00:25:49,472 --> 00:25:55,133
The boxer? 1980s? No?
408
00:25:57,308 --> 00:25:59,966
When I was preparing
for this speech,
409
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:04,557
someone told me to dig deep
and speak from the heart.
410
00:26:04,660 --> 00:26:09,147
So, I did some digging.
And you know what's in there?
411
00:26:09,251 --> 00:26:13,082
Hate. Lots and lots of hate.
412
00:26:15,084 --> 00:26:18,916
Hate for the kids,
my school, my job,
413
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,438
but, mostly, for myself.
414
00:26:24,542 --> 00:26:26,337
Then why are you here?
415
00:26:26,371 --> 00:26:29,582
The gentleman wearing slacks with
sandals would like to know why I'm here.
416
00:26:29,685 --> 00:26:33,206
And, obviously, it's because
I'm trying to get a grant.
417
00:26:33,309 --> 00:26:37,555
For some electronics that'll end up
being broken, stolen, or shit on.
418
00:26:37,659 --> 00:26:39,281
That's a true story, FYI.
419
00:26:39,384 --> 00:26:43,457
Last time we got tablets,
someone took an actual shit on one.
420
00:26:43,561 --> 00:26:45,356
So, now, we need new tablets.
421
00:26:45,390 --> 00:26:48,946
- But you know where that
shit comes from? Your ass?
422
00:26:49,049 --> 00:26:52,087
No, it comes from us.
423
00:26:52,190 --> 00:26:55,608
It comes from the top.
And that shit trickles down.
424
00:26:55,711 --> 00:27:01,303
Hell, I can't even look
most of the kids in the eye.
425
00:27:01,406 --> 00:27:03,236
Because if I do,
426
00:27:03,339 --> 00:27:11,140
their snotty, pierced faces just
remind me that I'm failing them.
427
00:27:11,244 --> 00:27:13,418
Maybe some of you
have given up, too.
428
00:27:13,522 --> 00:27:16,594
We know Sandals with Slacks
clearly has.
429
00:27:16,698 --> 00:27:19,942
Okay, I mean, Jesus.
I mean, that's a bad Jesus, by the way.
430
00:27:20,046 --> 00:27:22,565
We know this guy has, okay.
431
00:27:22,669 --> 00:27:26,915
'Cause he stole that same
speech that I was gonna do.
432
00:27:27,018 --> 00:27:29,883
He stole it from the Internet.
433
00:27:31,436 --> 00:27:33,128
Sorry.
434
00:27:33,231 --> 00:27:36,925
So, alls I'm saying is,
we gotta work harder.
435
00:27:38,789 --> 00:27:40,963
Maybe we gotta change first,
436
00:27:41,930 --> 00:27:43,621
before we ask them to.
437
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,076
So, buy 'em some fuckin' iPads.
438
00:27:54,528 --> 00:27:56,082
Thank you.
439
00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:04,297
- I thought we were wearing dumb stuff.
- What's dumb about that?
440
00:28:06,955 --> 00:28:09,682
Guess I did want to go for real.
441
00:28:09,785 --> 00:28:11,200
Yeah.
442
00:28:11,304 --> 00:28:15,653
No, I, just mean...
443
00:28:17,793 --> 00:28:19,933
Who even are we now?
444
00:28:19,968 --> 00:28:25,180
What are we gonna do
after we find that car?
445
00:28:25,283 --> 00:28:27,458
We haven't really
talked about that.
446
00:28:27,561 --> 00:28:34,189
Are we ever even going back to school?
Are we dropouts, now?
447
00:28:36,674 --> 00:28:38,400
I guess I just...
448
00:28:38,503 --> 00:28:44,717
I don't know, I thought maybe,
I'd never really have a chance to do this.
449
00:28:44,820 --> 00:28:46,511
So...
450
00:28:50,343 --> 00:28:51,516
I got scared.
451
00:28:53,829 --> 00:28:58,972
Seeing you at school,
with friends...
452
00:28:59,076 --> 00:29:02,976
You looked happy,
going to fancy houses...
453
00:29:03,011 --> 00:29:06,152
It was one house.
454
00:29:07,843 --> 00:29:13,987
I just don't want to take you
away from a life you might like,
455
00:29:14,022 --> 00:29:16,679
or maybe want, I don't know.
456
00:29:16,783 --> 00:29:20,062
It's not like I wanna stay...
457
00:29:20,166 --> 00:29:22,064
And even if...
458
00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,343
I don't know.
459
00:29:25,447 --> 00:29:29,071
No matter what I do, I wanna...
460
00:29:29,175 --> 00:29:32,523
I wanna do it with you,
or whatever.
461
00:29:32,626 --> 00:29:36,699
I don't wanna do it
with not you.
462
00:29:39,426 --> 00:29:42,050
You fuckin' idiot.
463
00:29:48,746 --> 00:29:49,782
Whoo!
464
00:29:49,885 --> 00:29:51,576
- Surprise!
- No!
465
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,268
Back the fuck up, Delilah!
466
00:29:53,371 --> 00:29:55,615
- Get off of him!
- Get off me!
467
00:29:55,718 --> 00:29:57,341
Let me go!
468
00:29:57,375 --> 00:30:01,207
You fuckin' nuts? You come into my house,
you fucking bust up my television...
469
00:30:01,310 --> 00:30:02,864
A 32-inch fuckin' Zenith!
470
00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:04,220
...you kidnap
my fucking daughter!
471
00:30:04,244 --> 00:30:06,212
Stop it! I fucking
chose to leave!
472
00:30:06,246 --> 00:30:07,938
Shut your fucking mouth,
Delilah!
473
00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:10,112
- They're beating up Wayne!
- Fuck you.
474
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,119
Stop it! Stop it!
475
00:30:18,431 --> 00:30:20,743
- Daddy!
- Hold him. Hold him.
476
00:30:27,681 --> 00:30:30,892
- Motherfucker!
- Fucking stop!
477
00:30:30,926 --> 00:30:33,756
- Come here!
- Stop, Daddy!
478
00:30:35,793 --> 00:30:36,829
Nice shot.
479
00:30:38,002 --> 00:30:39,842
You take my fucking nose,
motherfucker. You pretty boy?
480
00:30:39,866 --> 00:30:41,186
Go get those goddamn
bolt cutters.
481
00:30:41,212 --> 00:30:42,904
Cannibal.
- We're taking a nose with us.
482
00:30:44,388 --> 00:30:47,253
Get the fuck off of Wayne!
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
483
00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:51,440
Let's go, bitch.
What the fuck you got?
484
00:30:51,464 --> 00:30:52,864
- Come on, motherfucker.
- Let's go!
485
00:30:59,713 --> 00:31:00,818
Jesus. You okay?
486
00:31:04,718 --> 00:31:05,823
Come on, we gotta go.
487
00:31:22,115 --> 00:31:23,220
Delilah!
488
00:31:29,985 --> 00:31:32,022
Suck on this,
you fucking scumbag!
489
00:31:32,125 --> 00:31:33,645
That's what you get
for fucking with...
490
00:31:39,029 --> 00:31:40,375
I think,
491
00:31:41,238 --> 00:31:44,966
if I were him,
fugitive state of mind,
492
00:31:46,622 --> 00:31:48,245
- I'm probably tired and hungry.
493
00:31:48,348 --> 00:31:50,316
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
494
00:31:50,419 --> 00:31:52,594
If this is about soup, Jay,
we've got real problems.
495
00:31:52,697 --> 00:31:53,836
No, I found the videos
496
00:31:53,940 --> 00:31:56,874
that the Luccetti boys have
been posting from their trip.
497
00:31:56,978 --> 00:31:58,255
Look at their last post.
498
00:32:02,328 --> 00:32:04,847
Good God, what are those men...
499
00:32:04,882 --> 00:32:06,021
Stop, Daddy!
500
00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:09,197
- Is that Wayne?
- Yeah.
501
00:32:14,996 --> 00:32:16,929
Christ on crutches.
502
00:32:17,032 --> 00:32:22,451
Shit! You were right.
Maybe lil' Robin Hood does need our help.
503
00:32:23,383 --> 00:32:24,384
Oh...
504
00:32:29,458 --> 00:32:30,804
Next on Wayne...
505
00:32:30,908 --> 00:32:34,049
You got more gross color skin
than regular color skin.
506
00:32:34,153 --> 00:32:35,464
We gotta go to the hospital.
507
00:32:35,568 --> 00:32:37,880
- I don't take drugs.
- Just take it.
508
00:32:37,915 --> 00:32:40,953
- Why are you looking at me like that?
- I'm just happy.
509
00:32:41,056 --> 00:32:42,540
Your dad's in hospital.
510
00:32:42,644 --> 00:32:44,887
- What's the status of his injuries?
He's dying.
511
00:32:44,922 --> 00:32:46,199
We need to stay alert, okay?
512
00:32:46,234 --> 00:32:48,305
He's here!
He's in the hospital!
513
00:32:50,755 --> 00:32:51,825
Are those all dead?
514
00:32:51,929 --> 00:32:53,034
Are you guys dead?
515
00:32:53,068 --> 00:32:54,708
- Can you buy us booze?
- I got a fake ID.
516
00:32:54,759 --> 00:32:56,899
Can we just hurry
the fuck up, please?
517
00:32:57,003 --> 00:32:59,454
Do not get her pregnant.
40293
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