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1
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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786
♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415
♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪
15
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665
♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083
♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
29
00:01:18,417 --> 00:01:19,917
[beeping]
30
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,000
Leonard Helperman, commander of
the Galactic Space Alliance,
31
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,793
brings his damaged ship into
the hostile Zargon war zone
32
00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:27,825
on a mission of peace.
33
00:01:27,917 --> 00:01:29,827
Easy, Helperman, easy.
You can do this.
34
00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:32,127
The fate of the universe
lies on your shoulders.
35
00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:33,578
[beeping continues]
36
00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,247
[Mrs. Helperman] Leonard!
37
00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:36,793
Aahh! Steady, man.
38
00:01:36,875 --> 00:01:38,455
Don't lose your cool.
39
00:01:38,542 --> 00:01:41,462
Oh, doodle bug,
where are you?
40
00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:42,752
Oh, no!
41
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:46,580
Leonard Helperman,
I'm calling you!
42
00:01:49,291 --> 00:01:50,671
[electronic beeping]
43
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:51,830
[Groans]
44
00:01:51,917 --> 00:01:54,497
Oh, there you are.
45
00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:55,883
Oh, great, Mom.
46
00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:58,039
You just made me blow up
the whole universe.
47
00:01:58,125 --> 00:02:00,245
Well, I'm sure
you didn't mean to.
48
00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:02,253
Do you know what day
today is?
49
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,333
Uh-oh--
trick-question alert.
50
00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:06,497
Whenever a mother asks a
question a kid can answer,
51
00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:08,833
it means only one thing--
the fun's over.
52
00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:12,626
Um, it's Sunday.
53
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:14,669
Oh, silly,
of course it's Sunday,
54
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,880
but it's the first Sunday
of spring.
55
00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:17,919
Huh?
56
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,170
It's our annual vernal-equinox,
57
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,710
get-rid-of-the-clutter-
around-the-house-Sunday
58
00:02:22,792 --> 00:02:24,252
yard sale day.
59
00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:25,883
Ha! Told you.
60
00:02:26,083 --> 00:02:27,463
Fill the box, make a buck.
61
00:02:27,542 --> 00:02:28,422
But, Mom--
62
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:32,500
Don't "but" me unless you're a
silly billy goat. Now move, mister.
63
00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:33,833
Ohh.
64
00:02:33,917 --> 00:02:35,627
Pfft.
65
00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:40,459
My, oh, my, a buck a box
for ordinary clutter?
66
00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:42,462
Quick, gather up
your junk!
67
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:45,632
There's money to be made
at Mrs. H.'s yard sale.
68
00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:48,669
Yard sale?
Please, that is so 20th century.
69
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,920
The days of yard sales are over.
70
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,670
We're in the dot-com world of
digital enterprise, baby!
71
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,040
I beg your pardon?
72
00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:58,665
We can make a fortune selling
our stuff online.
73
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:01,290
"Welcome to bidtillyourebroke.com,
74
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:04,035
where one man's junk
is another man's jewels."
75
00:03:04,125 --> 00:03:05,665
What did I tell you?
76
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,000
Stick with me, kid.
77
00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:09,633
I'll have you in kibble as big
as radishes.
78
00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:19,327
Here.
These are for you.
79
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,125
What's this?
80
00:03:22,208 --> 00:03:23,128
Two quarters.
81
00:03:23,208 --> 00:03:24,538
What's this for?
82
00:03:24,625 --> 00:03:26,165
Your share of the buck box.
83
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:27,750
Two quarters?!
84
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,384
Why, that's the monetary
equivalent of 1,100 Italian lira
85
00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:31,748
at the current exchange rate.
86
00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:34,504
That'll get me two
chicken-flavored doggy biscuits,
87
00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:36,503
or better yet,
a new number-two pencil!
88
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,753
Ooh, wait!
89
00:03:37,834 --> 00:03:40,714
If I put it in the bank at
5% interest, compounded daily--
90
00:03:40,792 --> 00:03:43,132
in 45 years, I'll have--
hey, what's a buck box?
91
00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:45,878
I toss a bunch of old stuff into
a box for Mom's yard sale,
92
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,539
and she pays me $1 for it.
93
00:03:47,625 --> 00:03:48,915
Interesting.
94
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,750
And just exactly how do I figure
into this equation?
95
00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:53,334
I ran out of my stuff,
96
00:03:53,417 --> 00:03:55,417
so I tossed in
some of your old stuff.
97
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,790
Old stuff? The word "stuff"
casts a rather large net.
98
00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:00,665
Could you be more specific?
99
00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:03,540
Just some old toys
I found in our room.
100
00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:05,535
Have you ever
heard the saying,
101
00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,625
"one dog's toys
are another man's treasure"?
102
00:04:07,709 --> 00:04:08,829
Not exactly.
103
00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:10,707
[sniffing]
104
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,672
Something doesn't smell right
here, or more correctly,
105
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:16,580
something I usually smell
I don't smell anymore.
106
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,037
[sniffing]
107
00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:27,538
[gasps]
108
00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:31,325
I-I-I can't seem to find
my squeeky burger toy.
109
00:04:31,417 --> 00:04:33,537
Was that a rubbery thingy that
looked like a cheeseburger
110
00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:35,995
with lettuce, tomato, pickles,
on a faded sesame-seed bun?
111
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:37,753
Oh, when you squeezed it,
112
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:39,754
it made an irritating
squeaky noise?
113
00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:41,134
Yes, that's it!
114
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:43,748
Haven't seen it. Would you
excuse me for a second?
115
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,134
[door shuts]
116
00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:48,788
That's a quarter.
Oh, and that's 50 cents.
117
00:04:48,875 --> 00:04:51,745
$2. A nickel.
Thanks so much.
118
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,714
Mom, where's my buck box?
119
00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,082
What? Oh, I sold it.
120
00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:56,496
To who?
121
00:04:56,583 --> 00:04:57,673
To whom, dear.
122
00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,080
To whom?
123
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,746
Why is it "to whom," dear?
124
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,754
Because "whom" is the object of
the preposition "to,"
125
00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:04,754
as in, "to whom
did you sell it?"
126
00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:08,575
Okay, okay, so, to whom, um,
did you sell it...To?
127
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,497
Huh?
128
00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:13,633
Oh, honey, I've been so busy,
I haven't the slightest idea.
129
00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:15,959
[man] Excuse me, ma'am.
130
00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:20,325
[crashing]
131
00:05:20,417 --> 00:05:21,747
What's going on in there?
132
00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:23,584
The mutt's going manic.
133
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:25,827
I wouldn't go in if I were you.
134
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:28,077
[glass shatters]
135
00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:34,964
Alas, poor squeeky burger toy.
136
00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:36,671
I knew it well.
137
00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:39,582
[high-pitched Southern accent]
Oh, fiddledeedee.
138
00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:41,577
Is that you,
squeeky burger toy,
139
00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:44,077
standing in the shade of a
magnolia tree?
140
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,706
Why don't you come up here
on the veranda,
141
00:05:46,792 --> 00:05:48,752
and cool yourself with some
sweet tea?
142
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,884
[normal voice]
Show me... squeeky burger toy!
143
00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:54,579
[imitates buzzer]
Oh, I'm so sorry.
144
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:57,497
That is incorrect,
but thanks for playing.
145
00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:58,753
[sniffing]
146
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:06,127
Hey! That's the
record-setting fur ball
147
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:07,748
I coughed up last winter.
148
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,134
I wondered where it went.
149
00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:14,998
["Pop Goes The Weasel" plays]
150
00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:18,963
[squeaking]
151
00:06:19,041 --> 00:06:21,211
Spot, snap out of it.
It's no big deal.
152
00:06:21,291 --> 00:06:24,081
You haven't played with
that old squeeky toy for ages.
153
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,496
Oh, really? No big deal?
154
00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:27,883
Well, if recent usage
is the criteria
155
00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:30,709
for what we keep
and what we get rid of,
156
00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:32,752
then I guess you won't mind
157
00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:36,084
if I toss this into
the yard sale.
158
00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,326
Ahhh! No, not Lamont!
159
00:06:38,417 --> 00:06:40,917
Ah, Lamont, Lamont, Lamont.
160
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,750
Everything's gonna be okay.
161
00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:47,714
No one's gonna
take you away-- not ever.
162
00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:51,292
I rest my case.
163
00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,575
Okay.
164
00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:55,627
What's our first item
up for auction?
165
00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,919
How about that shredded
catnip mousy?
166
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,040
"For sale-- one used catnip mouse."
167
00:07:00,125 --> 00:07:02,415
Whoa, whoa, you kidding me?
That's it?
168
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:03,830
"One used catnip mouse"?
169
00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:06,457
You got to make
your description sing.
170
00:07:06,542 --> 00:07:09,832
It's got to cry out, "buy me!
You can't live without me!"
171
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:12,669
Well, I suppose I could say it's gray.
172
00:07:12,750 --> 00:07:15,540
Gray?
Move over, P.T. Boring.
173
00:07:15,625 --> 00:07:18,165
Let a real salesman
show you how it's done.
174
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,710
"Willing to sacrifice
175
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:24,832
one-of-a-kind mouse-shaped
plush toy--
176
00:07:24,917 --> 00:07:28,707
unrivaled aromatherapy for cats
in popular color.
177
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:30,922
Don't miss this rare
opportunity."
178
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,670
Well, that sounds
a bit wordy to--
179
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,170
[computer dings]
180
00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:36,750
Oh, look-- a bid!
181
00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:37,924
[dinging]
182
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,000
Gracious! More bids--
one right after another.
183
00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:41,583
You were right.
184
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:44,537
See that? It's a
ding-a-linging feeding frenzy.
185
00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:48,455
I'm telling you,
we're in the money, baby!
186
00:07:48,542 --> 00:07:49,792
[snoring]
187
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,745
Okay, Leadready, you're just
going to have to find
188
00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:00,544
something to replace squeeky burger toy.
189
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,463
[buzzer sounds]
190
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:35,667
What have I done
to my best friend?
191
00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:38,828
How can I live with myself?
192
00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:43,213
How can I ever rest?
193
00:08:43,291 --> 00:08:45,751
[snoring]
194
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:47,712
This is crazy.
195
00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:51,292
You don't need a squeeky burger
toy or anything else.
196
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:52,625
Just go to sleep,
197
00:08:52,709 --> 00:08:54,629
like you--
you never even heard
198
00:08:54,709 --> 00:09:00,709
[crying] Of a--
of a squeeky... burger toy.
199
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,460
Christmas!
200
00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:18,827
"Just a small token--
201
00:09:18,917 --> 00:09:20,747
it isn't a lot,
202
00:09:20,834 --> 00:09:23,214
but know that we love you, our
new puppy Spot."
203
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,250
[squeaks]
204
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:30,793
[squeaking]
205
00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:40,173
Oh, come to me,
206
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,710
my beloved squeeky.
207
00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:45,132
Hey! Let me out!
Come on! I can't breathe!
208
00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:47,708
I'm getting
claustrophobic here!
209
00:09:47,792 --> 00:09:49,422
Pretty Boy! Blech!
210
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,040
From a cat, I expect that kind
of treatment, but you--
211
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,995
I am so sorry.
212
00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:55,583
Do you know how hard it is
213
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:58,037
to get dog slobber out of feathers?
214
00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:00,625
No dry cleaner
will even consider it.
215
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:04,543
All right. This isn't so bad.
I'm going to school.
216
00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:06,325
I've forgotten about my
squeeky burger toy.
217
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:09,497
And once I step foot inside the
hallowed halls of learning,
218
00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:11,713
my mind will be consumed with
the flames of knowledge.
219
00:10:11,792 --> 00:10:13,132
[squeaking]
220
00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,708
Did you hear that?
221
00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:16,082
I didn't hear anything.
222
00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:18,126
That squeaking sound.
223
00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:21,708
Dog ears, my boy-- we may not
have opposable thumbs,
224
00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:24,002
but we have
superior hearing.
225
00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:26,133
It's my squeeky burger toy!
226
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,708
How can you be sure?
227
00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:30,132
Because these ears never lie!
228
00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:33,712
[squeaking]
229
00:10:33,792 --> 00:10:36,292
Darn. They lied.
230
00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:37,875
[squeaks]
231
00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:40,169
[squeaking]
232
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:41,750
[squeaking]
233
00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,754
[squeaking]
234
00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:45,634
That incessant squeaking--
235
00:10:45,709 --> 00:10:48,209
it's driving me mad--
mad, I tell you!
236
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:50,831
[laughing]
237
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,495
[squeaking]
238
00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:02,503
My ears are playing
tricks on me.
239
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,503
Well, maybe "tricks" is the
wrong word--
240
00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:06,503
"deceiving," "deluding,"
"defrauding"?
241
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,423
No, "tricks"
is the right word.
242
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,710
I must ignore it.
243
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:11,712
Accept the loss
of my squeeky burger toy
244
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:13,292
and move on with my life.
245
00:11:13,375 --> 00:11:15,535
Who am I kidding?!
I've got to look!
246
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:16,955
[squeaking]
247
00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:18,961
Would you please control your rat?
248
00:11:19,041 --> 00:11:21,001
That squeaking is driving
me crazy!
249
00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:23,133
Oh, that isn't coming
from Tammy.
250
00:11:23,208 --> 00:11:24,538
It's coming from this.
251
00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,035
[squeaking]
252
00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:29,665
I got it at Leonard's mom's yard sale,
253
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:34,630
and it's my new favoritest toy
in the whole, wide world!
254
00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:36,289
[slurps]
255
00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:40,535
Like it?
256
00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,875
[computer dinging]
257
00:11:42,959 --> 00:11:44,539
Oh, my goodness.
258
00:11:44,625 --> 00:11:46,705
Look at the money pouring into
our auction account.
259
00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:48,582
Think of the fabulous
treasures I can buy
260
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,127
with my newfound wealth,
261
00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:52,378
although I do feel
somewhat guilty
262
00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:53,958
basking in this good fortune
263
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:56,961
while my friend spot
is so miserable.
264
00:11:57,041 --> 00:12:00,171
Hold it! Am I
a generous genius or what?!
265
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:03,210
I bet someone is selling
a squeeky burger toy
266
00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:04,751
I could buy for spot.
267
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:07,584
Let's see--
"squeeky burger toy."
268
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,787
Aha! "Willing to sacrifice to
right buyer--
269
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:12,625
squeeky burger toy--
270
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:13,959
hand painted
271
00:12:14,041 --> 00:12:17,131
by renowned Burmese squeak-toy
artist Piango.
272
00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:19,208
Still in original packaging.
273
00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:22,671
Don't miss this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."
274
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:26,630
Hee hee hee! I can use the money
from our auction account!
275
00:12:26,709 --> 00:12:29,959
Ohh, better keep this a secret
from that selfish Pretty Boy.
276
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:33,131
He'll want to keep
all the money for himself.
277
00:12:33,208 --> 00:12:34,958
Okay, litterlover bids...
278
00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:38,464
Hot diggety!
279
00:12:38,542 --> 00:12:40,672
There's an identical squeeky
burger toy up for auction.
280
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:43,750
Let's see--
"willing to sacrifice"-- good.
281
00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:46,674
"Renowned artist Piango"--
very good!
282
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,460
"Once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity"--
283
00:12:49,542 --> 00:12:50,832
oh, yeah, count me in, baby!
284
00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:53,287
Ohh, I better not tell Jolly I'm
using money from our account.
285
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:56,455
Cats only think of themselves--
me, me, meow!
286
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:57,922
[computer dings]
287
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,580
I see the bidding's
already started.
288
00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:01,917
Well, I'll just up the ante.
289
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,000
Spot, my canine compadre,
290
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:07,883
your squeeky burger toy
is as good as replaced.
291
00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:09,329
[squeaking]
292
00:13:09,417 --> 00:13:10,627
[laughing]
293
00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,794
You really should stop doing that.
294
00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:18,825
Oh, yeah?
And why is that?
295
00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,627
Because it's loaded with germs
296
00:13:20,709 --> 00:13:22,669
that you're spraying
into the air.
297
00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:24,420
So? I like germs.
298
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:25,790
[squeaking]
299
00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:28,915
It'll ruin your bite.
300
00:13:31,542 --> 00:13:34,292
[crying]
301
00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:36,205
It's just a baby tooth.
302
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,831
It's habit-forming.
303
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,577
I can quit any time
I want to,
304
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:42,537
but I don't want to.
305
00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:43,665
[squeaking]
306
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:46,170
You deserve a better toy
than that.
307
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:50,170
[panting] What could be
better than this?!
308
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,420
[squeaks]
309
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:52,710
[alarm blares]
310
00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:54,832
Hey, I didn't know
it could do that.
311
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,377
It can't!
312
00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:58,208
[laughing]
313
00:13:59,709 --> 00:14:01,039
Scott, no!
314
00:14:01,125 --> 00:14:02,625
What's wrong with him?
315
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,079
Nothing.
316
00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:06,576
He's just a little tense
about the state-capital test.
317
00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:08,207
Okay, that's it!
318
00:14:08,291 --> 00:14:11,291
Look, I am prepared to offer you
a sum in the amount of $10
319
00:14:11,375 --> 00:14:12,575
for that squeeky burger toy.
320
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,247
$10?!
321
00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:17,503
Scott, what are you doing?!
That's not worth $10!
322
00:14:17,583 --> 00:14:20,963
He's right!
This squeeky toy is priceless!
323
00:14:21,041 --> 00:14:23,581
You know,
it's people like you
324
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:26,577
thinking everything
is for sale
325
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,537
who make me want to hurl!
326
00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,535
Heck, I think I will!
327
00:14:30,625 --> 00:14:32,375
No!
328
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,458
Okay, but I'm keeping
little Ian
329
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:36,462
for the rest
of my natural life.
330
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,672
[Mrs. Helperman]
Okay, class, settle.
331
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,920
Scott, Leonard,
return to your seats.
332
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,670
Everyone, clear your desks.
333
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,880
It's time for
the state-capitals test.
334
00:14:44,959 --> 00:14:48,749
Maybe taking the test will get
your mind off of you-know-what.
335
00:14:48,834 --> 00:14:50,134
The mental challenge
336
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:52,248
of remembering all 52 states
and their capitals
337
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,333
should be just the diversion
I need.
338
00:14:54,417 --> 00:14:56,207
There are only 50 states.
339
00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,131
Then I should do very well.
340
00:14:58,208 --> 00:15:00,628
Oh, nervous about the test, Scott?
341
00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:04,379
Not me, 'cause I've got
little Ian to bring me luck.
342
00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:06,998
Eyes on your own work, class.
343
00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:08,583
Ready?
344
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,167
Number one--
345
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:14,580
what is the state capital
of... Illinois?
346
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:17,917
Illinois-- Spring--
Springy-burger-field? No.
347
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,330
Kentucky.
348
00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:22,377
Kentucky-- let's see--
squeeky-Frankfurt-toy.
349
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:23,708
I wonder if they make those.
350
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,752
Delaware.
351
00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:26,584
Delaware-- ha!
That's easy.
352
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,627
"Dover" rhymes with "rover,"
353
00:15:28,709 --> 00:15:31,249
and rover's got
a squeeky burger toy.
354
00:15:33,250 --> 00:15:34,920
[squeaks]
355
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,420
Utah.
356
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,210
Utah-- Squeek Lake city!
357
00:15:38,291 --> 00:15:39,791
[ticking]
358
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,325
[bell rings]
359
00:15:41,417 --> 00:15:42,537
Everyone finished?
360
00:15:42,625 --> 00:15:45,165
Do you need more time, Scott?
361
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:46,630
Scott?
362
00:15:46,709 --> 00:15:48,749
No.
363
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:51,384
I need my
squeeky burger toy!
364
00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:54,168
[echoing]
Burger toy! Burger toy!
365
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:56,130
Oops. [chuckles nervously]
366
00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:57,788
Did I say that out loud?
367
00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:59,125
[rings]
368
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,458
Okey-dokey.
Recess, class.
369
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:03,582
All right, nothing to be
concerned about.
370
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,577
Just the pressures of the
test-- that's all.
371
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:07,577
Nothing to see here.
That's right, move along.
372
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,877
Are you all right?
373
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,789
Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure
I aced that test.
374
00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:21,212
Squeeky burger.
375
00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:22,831
[sniffles]
376
00:16:22,917 --> 00:16:26,457
Why does Scott want a stupid,
squeaky, disgusting dog toy?
377
00:16:26,542 --> 00:16:28,792
What's up with that?
378
00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:30,825
It's like he's not
even American anymore.
379
00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:32,167
[growls]
380
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,210
These clothes--
they're so restricting.
381
00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:36,671
Scott, get a grip.
382
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:39,130
You're gonna blow your cover.
Everybody's staring.
383
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:41,172
-[gasps]
-[gasps]
384
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,330
Must be that rash
acting up again.
385
00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:46,917
Scott used to be so cool.
Now he's weirder than eeuw-an.
386
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,290
♪ I got a squeeky burger, you got none ♪
387
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,785
♪ Neener ♪
388
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:52,205
♪ Neener ♪
389
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:55,541
[crying] I want my
squeeky burger toy!
390
00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:56,707
[laughs]
391
00:16:56,792 --> 00:16:59,582
I got a squeeky burger toy!
392
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,377
You can't have it.
393
00:17:01,458 --> 00:17:04,128
[trembling]
Squeeky burger...
394
00:17:04,208 --> 00:17:05,748
Squeeky burger...
395
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:07,964
[laughter]
396
00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:10,631
Hey, leave Scott alone.
He's having a bad day.
397
00:17:10,709 --> 00:17:12,999
Wait here. Don't move.
398
00:17:13,083 --> 00:17:15,383
I'll be right back.
399
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:19,575
[toy squeaks]
400
00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:21,327
[laughing]
401
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,537
Hey, he didn't lock it.
402
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:26,665
It's not breaking
and entering
403
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,670
if I don't break anything
to get in.
404
00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:30,330
Then, it's just entering.
405
00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:36,248
[squishing]
406
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:37,673
Oh, gross!
407
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:40,039
My squeeky burger toy!
408
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:43,705
Oh, hallelujah!
The prodigal toy has returned!
409
00:17:43,792 --> 00:17:44,962
♪ Hallelujah ♪
410
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:47,131
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
411
00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:48,328
♪ Hallelujah ♪
412
00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:50,457
[gasps] Someone's breached
the fortress of slime.
413
00:17:50,542 --> 00:17:53,582
That's mine!
Gimme little Ian!
414
00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:59,667
♪ Halle-e-e-e-lu-u-u-jah-h-h-h ♪
415
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,631
Scott, stop it!
416
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,789
[growls]
417
00:18:05,875 --> 00:18:07,665
I mean, the growling.
418
00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:08,830
Oh, right.
419
00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:10,827
All right,
break it up, boys.
420
00:18:10,917 --> 00:18:12,827
This is a schoolyard, not a
hockey rink.
421
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,417
What's going on here?
422
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,710
Scott took Ian's
squeeky burger toy.
423
00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:19,042
Yeah. He's been
after it all day.
424
00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,625
Because it's mine!
425
00:18:20,709 --> 00:18:22,829
No, it isn't, Scott!
It's mine!
426
00:18:22,917 --> 00:18:25,577
I'd expect this from
Mr. Wazselewski,
427
00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:28,497
but you, a relatively
normal child,
428
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,713
claim ownership of this
disgusting dog toy?
429
00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:32,632
Yes.
430
00:18:32,709 --> 00:18:35,209
Ian, can't you just
let him have it?
431
00:18:35,291 --> 00:18:36,711
It means so much to him.
432
00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:40,502
Well, yeah, I could,
if I wanted to,
433
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,713
but...I don't, so I won't!
434
00:18:42,792 --> 00:18:45,212
This is very suspicious.
435
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,501
I think I can explain.
436
00:18:47,583 --> 00:18:49,583
I know
it doesn't make sense--
437
00:18:49,667 --> 00:18:52,707
a 10-year-old boy wanting a
dog's squeeky burger toy.
438
00:18:52,792 --> 00:18:56,002
But, you see, I've had it since
I was a little pup-- boy.
439
00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:58,583
It was given to me by my very
best friend,
440
00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:01,667
and it's much more than just a
toy to me, much more.
441
00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:03,290
It's my connection
442
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,575
to memories of happy times
and warmth.
443
00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:06,957
We all have things like this
444
00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,003
that buy us refuge
from a scary world
445
00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:11,133
and remind us of a time
when we felt safe.
446
00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:13,128
Yours may go
by a different name--
447
00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:16,748
Binky, Blankie,
Wubby, Lovey.
448
00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:19,084
It may be as ratty as an old
piece of blanket
449
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,076
or as silly as a worn-out
Teddy bear,
450
00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:22,706
but whatever it is,
451
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,172
it's something you know
452
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:27,580
deep in your heart you will
always love,
453
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:31,707
and I'm proud to say
I love my squeeky burger toy!
454
00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:33,582
What, am I alone on this?
455
00:19:33,667 --> 00:19:37,577
Does no one else have an
attachment to something silly?
456
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:40,207
No, you're not alone.
457
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:42,673
I love Lamont.
458
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:45,080
I love my Mrs. Fluffington.
459
00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:46,626
I love my Bunkie.
460
00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:48,709
I love my Fuzzy Muzzy.
461
00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:50,132
I love Wubby.
462
00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:51,538
I love Mr. Goiter!
463
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,415
[warbles]
464
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:55,575
[all] Eww!
465
00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:59,077
And I must confess,
I love Señor Dingle.
466
00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:00,826
[meows]
467
00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:04,167
Yes, Tallulah,
I love you, too.
468
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:05,750
[computer dinging]
469
00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:07,044
Oh, no!
470
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:09,665
Someone else is bidding
on the squeeky burger toy!
471
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,500
Well, nobody outbids Litterlover.
472
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:14,543
Try this on for size.
473
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:17,705
What?! This nudnik thinks
he can outbid me?!
474
00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:19,212
No way, José!
475
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,880
Hey, what are you doing?
476
00:20:22,959 --> 00:20:25,169
Well, I wasn't gonna say
anything,
477
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,500
but I'm bidding
on a one-of-a-kind
478
00:20:27,583 --> 00:20:30,293
original Burmese
squeeky burger toy for spot,
479
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:32,625
but some joker keeps
raising my bids.
480
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,919
What?! I'm bidding
on a one-of-a-kind
481
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,210
original Burmese
squeeky burger toy for spot,
482
00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:39,501
but some joker keeps
raising my bids.
483
00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:41,003
You're Greenandmean?
484
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:42,633
You're Litterlover?
485
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,629
So, you're the one who's been
driving up the price!
486
00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:46,749
Me?! You were driving
up the price!
487
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:50,464
All our profits are gone!
You spent our nest egg!
488
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:51,462
I should have known.
489
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:52,672
You're the only one dumb enough
490
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,130
to pay $50
for a squeeky burger toy.
491
00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:55,788
Oh yeah? It takes one to know one.
492
00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,205
[computer dings]
493
00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,671
Look, someone else
just put in a higher bid.
494
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,130
Oh, no, do something!
495
00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:03,208
We've got to get
the squeeky burger toy for--
496
00:21:03,291 --> 00:21:04,541
[beeping]
497
00:21:04,625 --> 00:21:06,535
Oh! Auction closed--
final bid-- $51.
498
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:07,915
Oh, great.
499
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,920
Thanks to your incessant
cat yammering,
500
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,920
someone else got our
squeeky burger toy.
501
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,630
Hey, it takes two to yammer.
502
00:21:13,709 --> 00:21:14,999
But on the bright side,
503
00:21:15,083 --> 00:21:17,753
we now have all the money back
in our account.
504
00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:19,544
You make a very good point.
505
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,125
Hey, check it out--
a partially eaten seed ball.
506
00:21:21,208 --> 00:21:22,418
I need that!
507
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,000
Ooh! And someone's selling
508
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:26,923
an indoor grass planter
that I just must have.
509
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,503
Boy, I really thought
after that speech you gave
510
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:36,633
Ian would give you back your
squeeky burger toy.
511
00:21:36,709 --> 00:21:39,579
It was one of my best,
if I do say so myself.
512
00:21:39,667 --> 00:21:41,577
What's the matter, boy?
513
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,037
[growling]
514
00:21:43,125 --> 00:21:44,625
Easy, boy.
515
00:21:44,709 --> 00:21:47,999
Oh, what's wrong, puppy?
Are you unhappy?
516
00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:51,583
Well, here.
Have a chew toy to play with.
517
00:21:51,667 --> 00:21:54,577
I don't need that old thing,
anyway,
518
00:21:54,667 --> 00:21:57,497
'cause I just outbid a couple of
doofuses on the Internet
519
00:21:57,583 --> 00:21:58,883
for this!
520
00:21:58,959 --> 00:22:01,129
Pretty neat, huh?
[laughs]
521
00:22:01,208 --> 00:22:03,668
♪ I got a squeeky burger, you got none ♪
522
00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:04,670
♪ Neener ♪
523
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:05,670
♪ Neener ♪
524
00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:08,080
I'm sure there's a lesson in
there somewhere,
525
00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:10,536
but for the life of me,
I can't figure it out.
526
00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:12,785
Just keep walking before
he changes his mind.
36791
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