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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,670
(gentle electronic pulsing)
2
00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:12,073
- Be ready.
3
00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:28,573
(upbeat music)
4
00:00:28,567 --> 00:00:29,397
Wee!
5
00:00:30,367 --> 00:00:33,097
(crowd cheering)
6
00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:36,327
Go, go, go!
7
00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:42,667
Did it! (laughs)
8
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,467
Did it! (laughs)
9
00:00:44,467 --> 00:00:45,827
Well I've always
wanted to do that,
10
00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:48,933
streak at a major
sporting event. (laughs)
11
00:00:48,933 --> 00:00:49,933
- It was Crufts, mum.
12
00:00:49,933 --> 00:00:51,503
- And they loved it!
13
00:00:52,567 --> 00:00:55,097
(upbeat music)
14
00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:13,797
(humming Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus")
15
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,430
- Why are you so excited?
16
00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,773
- Because this is
a special occasion.
17
00:01:17,767 --> 00:01:19,397
- But you don't
believe in marriage.
18
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,630
- No, I'm a bird of paradise,
19
00:01:21,633 --> 00:01:25,233
I'm not to be caged by the
tricks and traps of convention.
20
00:01:25,233 --> 00:01:26,673
- Or responsibility.
21
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:29,167
- But other peoples weddings
can be life affirming!
22
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:33,127
Free food, free booze, free
lovin', if you're lucky.
23
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,070
- Maybe we should just
send apologies and--
24
00:01:36,067 --> 00:01:37,867
- No dear!
25
00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:39,397
You're such a FOJI!
26
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,070
- Uh, it's fogey and
since when does a load--
27
00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:45,567
- FOJI, a fearer of joining in.
28
00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:47,067
- But mum!
29
00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:49,627
- But Franny, this is
probably the last wedding
30
00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:51,203
I shall ever go to,
31
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,100
at this rate I'll be going
down the aisle before you
32
00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,670
in a wooden box!
33
00:02:00,867 --> 00:02:04,927
- Mum, are you gonna tell Pat
that you're, you know, dying?
34
00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:05,773
- No!
35
00:02:05,767 --> 00:02:07,867
And you mustn't either!
36
00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:10,397
It's Gemma's wedding,
it's not about me!
37
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,697
- That's really very
noble of you, mum.
38
00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:21,067
- You how Pat likes
everything to just be just so?
39
00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:23,927
- Perfect, ordered, calm.
40
00:02:23,933 --> 00:02:25,433
(doorbell rings)
41
00:02:25,433 --> 00:02:28,303
- That's why she needs me
here, I'm gonna raise hell.
42
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,530
- Get stuffing.
43
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,170
(upbeat music)
44
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,470
12 to a bag, no more, no less.
45
00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:45,497
- Pat.
46
00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:53,197
- Oh, these seam
isn't straight, Val,
47
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,400
I think you are gonna
have to do it again.
48
00:02:58,467 --> 00:03:02,127
We're building the
fairytale ladies,
49
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:04,503
one favor bag at a time.
50
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,700
- Sounds like a busy night, Pat.
51
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:07,630
- Night?
52
00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:10,103
This is a culmination of months,
53
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:14,230
dare I say a lifetimes work
for Gemma's special day.
54
00:03:14,233 --> 00:03:16,173
Yes, it's exhausting
but what mother
55
00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:20,097
wouldn't dedicate herself to
her only daughters happiness?
56
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:25,100
Everyone said yes, we got
all the rotary and the CB.
57
00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,333
- Lots of pressies then.
58
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,173
- Oh, we don't think about
that, what did you get?
59
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,127
- Unusual to request a loo seat.
60
00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:32,303
- It's mahogany.
61
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:36,697
Oh Fran, I meant to ask you
about your little promotion.
62
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:39,300
- I'm taking some time
off work actually,
63
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,700
spending it with mum.
64
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,300
- Really?
65
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:47,600
- I told you about my bucket
list on my birthday, Pat!
66
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,070
- Did you?
67
00:03:49,067 --> 00:03:53,327
Every brain cell is just filled
with wedding, I'm afraid.
68
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,273
- We're gonna swim with sharks,
69
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,597
ride a Harley down Route 66,
70
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,430
how's that for
mother/daughter bonding?
71
00:03:59,433 --> 00:04:01,603
- Sounds very lively!
72
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,700
I took Gemma for
high tea at the Ritz.
73
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,770
- Oh, I'd love to do that
mum, tea at the Ritz?
74
00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:08,827
- I'm barred.
75
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,703
- Well with all your plans,
76
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:14,730
I'm surprised you
made the detour.
77
00:04:14,733 --> 00:04:17,803
- Oh, there's plenty I could
do with my bucket at a wedding.
78
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,467
(phone ringing)
79
00:04:20,467 --> 00:04:21,297
- Uh, caterers.
80
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,900
Hello?
81
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:23,700
Are you chewing?
82
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:28,170
I tell you, if one of my
amuse-bouche is missing,
83
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,127
there will be Mary hell!
84
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:33,703
- Don't forget, mines
a halal meal, Pat!
85
00:04:35,433 --> 00:04:38,233
- Okay, what are you planning?
86
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:39,533
"Raise hell,"
87
00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:42,403
"Plenty I can do at a
wedding with my bucket."
88
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,070
What is on your list exactly?
89
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:46,167
- Well now, when the vicar asks
90
00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:47,597
if there's any
known impediment--
91
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:48,430
- Don't.
92
00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:51,497
- I'm not really gonna
stop the wedding,
93
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,630
I'm waiting for the reception.
94
00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:56,403
A room full of tables
seating the great and good.
95
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,200
- Whatever it is, don't do it.
96
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,500
- I'm a little out of practice
97
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,730
but it's all in the wrist
action and the sudden surprise.
98
00:05:04,733 --> 00:05:08,373
- Crisis averted, 28 pounds
of smoked salmon liberated
99
00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:09,867
from the backup freezer.
100
00:05:11,467 --> 00:05:12,967
Phew.
101
00:05:12,967 --> 00:05:16,297
- Oh, this sounds good,
whale humping in Iceland.
102
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,870
- Oh, did I tell you,
103
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:22,600
fiance Paul has booked the
most magnificent honeymoon.
104
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,670
European tour.
105
00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:27,067
- Oh!
106
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:28,227
- Five star.
107
00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:31,233
- I'd love to do
that, tour Europe.
108
00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:33,873
- Or a surgical safari
in South Africa,
109
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:37,067
stroke a giraffe and
have your boozies hoiked,
110
00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:38,227
two for the price of one!
111
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,830
- There you are, Pat.
112
00:05:45,833 --> 00:05:50,073
- Oh, I think you've
earned a little drink.
113
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:51,227
- Oh!
114
00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:53,133
- Not you Mim,
finish your favors.
115
00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:55,903
Go on, go and join the
girls in the kitchen.
116
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:58,770
- Oh, no, I'm fine here,
I can help, I can--
117
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:02,600
- Don't be shy, come on,
118
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,830
I'm sure they'll all be
very glad to see you.
119
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:08,603
(women laughing)
120
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,127
- We thought you
were the stripper!
121
00:06:14,133 --> 00:06:17,273
- Fran, you haven't
met Brona and Beth.
122
00:06:17,267 --> 00:06:19,127
This is Fran, she's
my second cousin,
123
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,073
she's like the olden days.
124
00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:23,127
- I think she means I
like the olden days.
125
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,073
- Aw, it's kinda both
though, isn't it?
126
00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:30,067
- Have a shot to catch up to
Gemma's last night of freedom.
127
00:06:30,633 --> 00:06:31,473
Bottoms up!
128
00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:36,303
- Seriously though Gem,
129
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:39,200
you do not wanna get
pregnant for at least a year,
130
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,830
life over, hit me.
131
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,973
- But you do love your
kids though, right?
132
00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:45,097
(both gasps)
133
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,500
- God I love my kids.
- Oh my god,
134
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,070
they're my whole world.
135
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,127
- I would kill for my kids.
- They are everything to me.
136
00:06:49,133 --> 00:06:50,173
- I would kill for them.
- Kill, kill.
137
00:06:53,267 --> 00:06:54,597
- How are you doing, Gemma?
138
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,830
Nervous?
139
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,773
- Yes but my mum
got me this book.
140
00:06:57,767 --> 00:07:01,167
- Time for games to relax you.
141
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:04,097
- Drinking games,
to relax you more.
142
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:08,870
Right, I have never
had a foursome.
143
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,373
Drink!
144
00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:20,303
- But it's my party trick!
145
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,070
I whip everything off in one go.
146
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:26,097
- Put it down,
nobody's interested.
147
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:28,200
- Well your husband might be.
148
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,300
He was always excited
by what I could tug.
149
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:33,730
Where is he anyway?
150
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,200
- Over the road.
151
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,900
The men folk are staying
in another house tonight.
152
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:40,730
- Shame.
153
00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:43,297
He'd of liked this.
154
00:07:44,733 --> 00:07:46,603
- I know what
you're trying to do
155
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,300
but I shall not be writhed.
156
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:51,900
Now, ribbons, bags, tie!
157
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:07,600
- Psst, Val!
158
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:10,497
Look!
159
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:14,530
Look!
160
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,433
- What, you've never
had sex in a windmill?
161
00:08:23,433 --> 00:08:26,073
- You haven't touched
your shots all game.
162
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:29,827
O-M-G Fran, have you never?
163
00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:32,103
(all gasp)
164
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:34,497
- Get it out, laugh, judge,
165
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,670
you can't say anything
my mother hasn't already.
166
00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:41,097
- That is actually awesome!
167
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:43,870
You must be a
special soul, Fran,
168
00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:44,827
I wish I'd waited.
169
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:48,073
I could be living the dream now,
170
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:51,127
curating my own
gallery in Denmark.
171
00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:54,473
Instead I define
myself by my sexuality.
172
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:58,227
- It's a precious,
sacred part of you.
173
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,133
- I thought you just lost
it if you rode a horse.
174
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:05,073
- Integrity, self
respect, mind, body,
175
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,797
impenetrable cocoon.
- impenetrable cocoon,
176
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,130
that was the title of
her A-Level art piece.
177
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,703
- I mean, it's not
that I don't want to--
178
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:18,700
- No, no, no, no, you will
know when the time is right.
179
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:22,400
- Don't waste it,
don't give it away
180
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,800
because they'll
take it for granted
181
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,070
and then they'll ruin it.
182
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:27,827
- Ruin.
183
00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,073
- Ruin it.
184
00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:30,197
- You guys slept
with your husbands
185
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,700
before you got
married though, right?
186
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:34,500
- First date.
- Straight away, yeah.
187
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:39,500
- But here is to Franny, true
to her fucking self, love it!
188
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,900
- Thanks guys but
it's Gemma's day.
189
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,230
(phone beeping)
190
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:47,733
- Get your coats
girls, the taxi's here,
191
00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:51,203
I say taxi, it's just
Jim in his Prius, dick.
192
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,070
Come on.
193
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:54,330
Bye Auntie Pat.
194
00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:59,073
(upbeat music)
195
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,800
- You help yourselves
to breakfast girls,
196
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:11,100
I have a skin tight
schedule to fit in.
197
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,470
Fran, please?
198
00:10:12,467 --> 00:10:15,697
- Oh, very strong
spreadsheet work here, Pat.
199
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:18,000
- Yes, well, you fail to plan
200
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,670
and you plan to fail.
- And you plan to fail,
201
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:21,597
that's what I always say!
202
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,870
- It's Gemma's day, there is
no time for unknown unknowns.
203
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:26,997
- Ah.
204
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,400
Where is my mum?
205
00:10:30,033 --> 00:10:31,103
- In disgrace.
206
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,300
She tried to break in to
the men's house last night,
207
00:10:38,067 --> 00:10:40,697
the cat flap wasn't big
enough, fortunately.
208
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,970
- I apologize for everything
my mother has done
209
00:10:42,967 --> 00:10:44,697
and might do.
210
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:46,830
- Oh, there's no need, Fran.
211
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:49,970
There are no problems today.
212
00:10:53,167 --> 00:10:54,827
- Well they're lovely.
213
00:10:54,833 --> 00:10:56,333
- I wanted a splash of red.
214
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:58,873
- Where's dad?
215
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,267
- Out of the way, he's doing
nine holes with the vicar.
216
00:11:01,267 --> 00:11:02,767
Fran, would you?
217
00:11:02,767 --> 00:11:04,827
- Whoa, what's in this, weights?
218
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,373
- Yes.
219
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:09,067
Gemma's wearing a strapless,
we've been toning for weeks.
220
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:09,827
Show Fran.
221
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:15,103
(all gasp in awe)
222
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:17,430
- You've really
thought of everything
223
00:11:18,733 --> 00:11:22,103
and you're all so functional.
224
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,730
Who knows, maybe if
you'd been my mum, Pat,
225
00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:27,173
I'd be the head of HR
and getting married now.
226
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:33,073
- Well, well, well, this
is cozy, I heard you!
227
00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:37,497
So, perfect Pat can flip
a kipper and sew a napkin
228
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,830
but can she do this?
229
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,473
Ta-Da!
230
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:44,367
(cutlery clatters)
231
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,570
What am I getting wrong?
232
00:11:47,567 --> 00:11:49,527
- What are you doing?
233
00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:51,603
- This is my party trick!
234
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,130
Obviously needs some work.
235
00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:57,203
- You can't upset me,
you can't upset me,
236
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,570
it's Gemma's day, Gemma's day.
237
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:05,530
(cork pops)
(all cheer)
238
00:12:05,533 --> 00:12:07,273
- Bubbles for the princess.
239
00:12:07,267 --> 00:12:10,127
Well, it's five o'clock
somewhere, right?
240
00:12:10,133 --> 00:12:11,973
- I don't really want this.
241
00:12:11,967 --> 00:12:14,497
- It's a statement look.
242
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,730
Extensions?
243
00:12:15,733 --> 00:12:17,903
- Still in the trouser press.
244
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:20,130
Franster, can you carry
on with the tanning.
245
00:12:29,167 --> 00:12:33,067
- I must say, Gem, I wasn't
expecting to enjoy any of this
246
00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:35,897
but last night was so much fun,
247
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,600
such a great big day ahead
248
00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:41,427
and it doesn't end
there, does it?
249
00:12:41,433 --> 00:12:45,433
With your amazing
European honeymoon,
250
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:48,603
all those historic
sights and monuments.
251
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,530
(Gemma wails)
252
00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:53,503
Oh shit, Gemma, what is it?
253
00:12:56,133 --> 00:12:58,633
- I don't want to do it!
254
00:12:58,633 --> 00:13:00,073
- Shall I get your mum?
255
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:02,067
- No!
256
00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:04,827
You've got to help me, Fran!
257
00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:06,203
- Me?
258
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,730
What about your fiance, Paul?
259
00:13:08,733 --> 00:13:09,833
Maybe you should talk to him.
260
00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:12,673
- No, it's bad luck.
261
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:16,727
Fran, you've got
to help me, please?
262
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,897
- Pat, who am I sitting with?
263
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,070
I can't seem to find my name.
264
00:13:26,067 --> 00:13:27,227
- No?
265
00:13:27,233 --> 00:13:29,233
Well, that's because
it's not there.
266
00:13:30,633 --> 00:13:31,903
- What?
267
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,870
- Didn't you read
your invitation?
268
00:13:33,867 --> 00:13:35,497
You're coming to the evening do.
269
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,367
- Evening do?
270
00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:40,227
- That's right.
271
00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:45,867
- Don't you finger my fascinator
and say "That's right!"
272
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,527
- It's all been arranged.
273
00:13:47,533 --> 00:13:49,733
- You made us stuff favors.
274
00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:51,803
- Yes, you're family
275
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,430
but I have some very
important people coming today.
276
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,873
- So that's why
you've been unrilable,
277
00:13:56,867 --> 00:14:00,667
smug you had me relegated
to the evening do.
278
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:01,497
Well.
279
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,900
- And that is precisely what
I wanted to avoid, a scene.
280
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,600
- Scene?
281
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:09,930
I'm the life and soul!
282
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,833
- You are a liability!
283
00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:14,597
After the way you
behaved at my wedding,
284
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,500
we had to disinfect
the dance floor!
285
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:21,170
- You put me in the corner,
no one puts Mim in the corner!
286
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:23,527
- Oh, you're jealous!
287
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:24,473
- Jealous?
288
00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:26,697
Of this fairytale bullshit?
289
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,130
- Of my perfect life and family
290
00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:31,303
compared with your car crash!
291
00:14:33,267 --> 00:14:36,067
It's Fran I feel sorry for.
292
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:39,567
Well, just as well that poor
creature will never marry,
293
00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:42,597
who would walk her down
the aisle, eh, Mim?
294
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,370
- I was a single mother!
295
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:47,127
- And that is no ones
fault but your own!
296
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:53,627
- Is everything okay?
297
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,470
- Everything's fine,
except your face.
298
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:05,730
- Pat?
299
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:08,830
We might have a
bit of a problem.
300
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:14,300
- Here, if that doesn't
work, try Swarfega.
301
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,870
- It's Gemma, she's a bit upset.
302
00:15:18,867 --> 00:15:20,597
- I have a cake to box up.
303
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,430
- Well I think, maybe,
304
00:15:22,433 --> 00:15:24,373
she doesn't wanna go
through with this.
305
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,227
- Too late for that now.
306
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,733
- But can't you do something?
307
00:15:28,733 --> 00:15:29,803
- Something?
308
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,430
I have done
everything, everything,
309
00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:33,703
everything is
planned and perfect,
310
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,830
do you understand?
311
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,373
- Yes, but--
312
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:38,367
- Do you think I am going to
waste 10 gallons of parfait
313
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:40,197
and turn away the
county's finest
314
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,530
because Gemma's changed her
mind and feels a bit upset?
315
00:15:43,533 --> 00:15:44,673
You are wrong!
316
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:47,967
This is my day!
317
00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:52,503
(gentle upbeat music)
318
00:15:58,067 --> 00:16:00,627
- I was having such a good time.
319
00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:05,633
- Gone to shit now,
humiliating, evening do.
320
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:08,897
- Doesn't seem right
that Gemma's so unhappy.
321
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,770
- Well I'm unhappy!
322
00:16:10,767 --> 00:16:13,227
Missing out on the
perfect occasion!
323
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,803
- Oh, come on, mum!
324
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,770
You said you don't believe
in this fairytale bullshit.
325
00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:18,597
- Well no.
326
00:16:19,433 --> 00:16:21,073
You want a happy ending?
327
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,567
Go get a massage!
328
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:24,597
I'm taking this.
329
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,200
- Poor Gemma,
330
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,600
I think she's been dreading
this wedding for ages.
331
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,130
I wish we could do something.
332
00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:33,433
- Maybe, I can make
one bucket dream
333
00:16:33,433 --> 00:16:35,373
out of this shipwreck, look.
334
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,500
- Stop a wedding
with an impediment.
335
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,700
Oh, that's quite a big thing!
336
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:45,800
- I'm dying, I
wanna do big things!
337
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,600
Look, maybe I didn't
give you domestic bliss
338
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,570
but I gave you
freedom, didn't I?
339
00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:55,167
So don't deny it to Gemma now.
340
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:57,597
Come on, Franny, please,
341
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,670
get us to the church in
time to ruin everything!
342
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,170
(upbeat music)
343
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:19,567
(car engine clunks)
344
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:24,333
Is it not working?
345
00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:26,773
Christ!
346
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,630
- [Fran] What am I going to do?
347
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,133
- [Mim] Well go
and find somebody!
348
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:33,073
- [Fran] You mean I've got
to stop Gemma's wedding?
349
00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:34,567
- I do mean that, go on!
350
00:17:38,733 --> 00:17:39,573
Go and do it!
351
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:42,273
Christ!
352
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,867
(Fran grunts)
353
00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,133
Why didn't you go on?
354
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,970
- 'Cause I don't know
where the fuck I'm going.
355
00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:12,697
- [Mim] Well that's
just defeatist.
356
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:14,897
Hopeless.
357
00:18:18,433 --> 00:18:19,533
- It's too late.
358
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,300
- Oh well.
359
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:24,700
- Oh well?
360
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:27,200
Didn't you always say
marriage was a life sentence?
361
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,430
- She only needs
to serve half of it
362
00:18:29,433 --> 00:18:31,173
and then she'll get the duplex!
363
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:41,067
- You know, I heard
what Pat said.
364
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:45,930
She has no right to judge
you, she's the monster.
365
00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:46,833
And you know what?
366
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:48,730
- What?
367
00:18:48,733 --> 00:18:50,173
- I get it, mum.
368
00:18:50,167 --> 00:18:51,567
You never married,
369
00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:54,067
you don't believe in the
tricks and traps of convention,
370
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,697
well, fair enough.
371
00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:58,603
- That wasn't why.
372
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:02,527
I never married because of you.
373
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:05,133
- What?
374
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:07,073
- Oh, I had offers,
everyone from Cliff Richard
375
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:11,067
to the Aga Khan but it wouldn't
of been right with you here.
376
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:17,230
No, you are my longest
relationship, dear.
377
00:19:22,067 --> 00:19:23,697
- Have you ever
been in love, mum?
378
00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:30,733
- Yeah, hard and
fast, unlike herpes!
379
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,770
- How long did the
AA say they'd be?
380
00:19:39,567 --> 00:19:41,267
- I thought you
were calling them?
381
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,870
(gentle upbeat music)
382
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,270
See, I don't give a
fuck about appearances.
383
00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:54,097
- That's lucky!
384
00:19:55,567 --> 00:19:58,367
- You know, we're not all
that different, you and I.
385
00:19:58,367 --> 00:19:59,797
- Really?
386
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,200
- Well, I'm not a
pedantic virgin.
387
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,470
- And I don't wear
my bra on my head.
388
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:06,967
- We are true to ourselves.
389
00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:08,427
- Yeah.
390
00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:13,203
- So don't worry, Franny,
it'll happen for you.
391
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,470
- Love or herpes?
392
00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:17,427
- It's never too
late for either.
393
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:22,173
What I'm saying is, I get
it too, you are who you are.
394
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:28,597
Ah!
395
00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:41,633
Hi!
396
00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:45,997
And I am who I am!
397
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:52,470
(upbeat music)
398
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,230
Oh bollocks, we
missed the buffet!
399
00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:20,597
- [Fran] What's wrong with Pat?
400
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:26,867
- Pat?
401
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,270
- Oh, you made it then?
402
00:21:30,267 --> 00:21:32,967
It went perfectly,
of course, all of it.
403
00:21:32,967 --> 00:21:34,067
- I'm glad.
404
00:21:35,067 --> 00:21:36,067
- Just as planned.
405
00:21:37,867 --> 00:21:42,867
My life's work, it's
done, she's married.
406
00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:46,067
- So why the misery mouth?
407
00:21:47,967 --> 00:21:50,067
- What am I supposed to do now?
408
00:21:55,567 --> 00:21:59,167
- If you'd been a liability
and fucked your daughter up
409
00:21:59,167 --> 00:22:02,067
like me, you'd have
a companion for life.
410
00:22:02,933 --> 00:22:04,273
- My life is over.
411
00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:06,433
- Oh, I don't know.
412
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:11,100
Why not start nagging
for grandchildren?
413
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,070
- Grandchildren?
414
00:22:15,733 --> 00:22:18,073
- Start calling
on the honeymoon.
415
00:22:18,067 --> 00:22:23,067
- Yes, yes, I could
download an ovulation app.
416
00:22:24,733 --> 00:22:26,733
Time my calls precisely.
417
00:22:30,067 --> 00:22:30,897
- Fran!
418
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:34,930
Whoa!
419
00:22:34,933 --> 00:22:36,503
Is that why you've never?
420
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:38,700
- Oh, no, this is your fake tan.
421
00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:41,170
- Oh, sorry!
422
00:22:41,167 --> 00:22:43,497
But you know, it's fine,
whatever because Paul and I
423
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:45,930
have decided to be
very open minded.
424
00:22:45,933 --> 00:22:47,733
- No, really, I'm not.
425
00:22:49,733 --> 00:22:51,433
- I really need to
thank you, Fran.
426
00:22:51,433 --> 00:22:52,403
- Thank me?
427
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,300
We nearly stopped your whole--
428
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:57,070
- Yes, you told me to
talk to my fiance, Paul,
429
00:22:57,067 --> 00:23:01,097
sorry, husband, I'm married!
430
00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:03,070
(all cheer)
431
00:23:03,067 --> 00:23:07,167
But I took your advice and I
told him how unhappy I was.
432
00:23:07,167 --> 00:23:09,067
- But Gem, if you're unhappy--
433
00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:11,227
- About the honeymoon.
434
00:23:11,233 --> 00:23:12,773
- What?
435
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:14,267
- I just couldn't do it, a
boring trip around Europe,
436
00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:18,927
I was dreading it, I hate
old things, no offense.
437
00:23:18,933 --> 00:23:20,433
- None taken.
438
00:23:20,433 --> 00:23:23,573
- Now we're going on a two
week all in to the Maldives,
439
00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:25,067
like normal people!
440
00:23:25,867 --> 00:23:28,067
(all cheer)
441
00:23:28,067 --> 00:23:31,067
- Congratulations Gem,
I'm very happy for you.
442
00:23:32,133 --> 00:23:34,073
- Wait, I wanna
give you something.
443
00:23:35,467 --> 00:23:37,297
So let me get rid of this,
fuck these weights, right?
444
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:38,830
Oi!
445
00:23:38,833 --> 00:23:40,373
- All the single ladies.
446
00:23:41,533 --> 00:23:44,073
- It's bouquet time,
form an orderly queue!
447
00:23:44,067 --> 00:23:47,397
Come on, Franny, we
saved this bit for you!
448
00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:55,573
- Never too late!
449
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,070
- Not her!
450
00:24:06,633 --> 00:24:08,703
(all gasp)
451
00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:09,770
- She's down!
452
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:14,730
- She's a sprayer.
453
00:24:14,733 --> 00:24:15,573
- Mum?
454
00:24:23,233 --> 00:24:24,073
- My nose!
455
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,070
It's only just paid for!
456
00:24:31,933 --> 00:24:34,503
- Easy now Auntie
Pat, head back.
457
00:24:36,133 --> 00:24:37,433
Let's clear the way people.
458
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:39,330
- I'm drowning.
459
00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:40,503
- Such a shame.
460
00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:41,770
- I'm drowning.
461
00:24:54,067 --> 00:24:55,327
- For you.
462
00:24:55,333 --> 00:24:56,173
- What?
463
00:24:58,733 --> 00:25:00,133
The Europe trip!
464
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:02,397
Wow!
465
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,500
Gemma, I dunno what
to say, thank you!
466
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,270
- You'll appreciate it, right?
467
00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:12,597
Paris, Venice, who're
you gonna take?
468
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,070
- My mum.
469
00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:18,070
- Aw, yeah, course.
470
00:25:38,233 --> 00:25:41,303
- (laughs) I did it!
471
00:25:42,467 --> 00:25:43,327
I did it!
472
00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:44,303
- Did what?
473
00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:46,570
- My tablecloth trick!
474
00:25:46,567 --> 00:25:47,567
- Yeah.
475
00:25:47,567 --> 00:25:49,067
Now mum, look.
476
00:25:49,067 --> 00:25:51,267
A grand tour of Europe,
477
00:25:51,267 --> 00:25:53,327
that's something real
for the bucket list, huh?
478
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:54,803
- But I did it!
479
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,070
Just because no one saw it
doesn't mean it didn't happen!
480
00:25:58,067 --> 00:26:00,167
- Okay mum, if you
think you did then--
481
00:26:00,167 --> 00:26:04,067
- Right, nothing for it
then, I'm gonna streak again!
482
00:26:04,067 --> 00:26:06,627
(upbeat music)
33289
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