All language subtitles for beasterday

Hey, everybody. How are we doing? Alright
good? Hey one more time for our Band.

Black Defendants.
Your going to love them.

Hey, tell you what, we are
going to take a few minutes away

from all this partying and
rocking

And we are going to give a
little bit of our time.

To our
friend here, Tom Klause

who is going to say a few
things about the bride and groom.

He is the best man. Give him your
love. Everybody, Mr. Tom Klause,

everybody, all right?

Tommy!

Yeah, give it up for Andy, my
man Andy. The band leader almost

keeping this whole thing in
check.

Hey, if I do the Hokey
Pokey

one more time, I'm going to
fucking blow my brains out.

Dad, get some better music.
Hey!

Great wedding though aside from
music, cake, the bride, your suit...

I didn't think you had this
many friends.

I knew this day
would come.

I knew my dad would eventually
divorce my mom and get remarried,

because he is a scumbag.

I, um, just saw mom last week, She
- I saw her at the Days Inn, She's doing just fine.

Hope you'd be happy about that.
She's still living in a hotel.

Probably turning tricks for
money.

You know, I just want to mention you
spent a lot of money on this wedding, Dad,

and thanks for
exhausting your bank account.

And I will be forever in student
loan debt for the rest of my life.

Cindy, you are like twenty
years younger than my dad.

I hope you like his old balls.

Before I leave, I have a quote
from something

from someone... that I looked up on the
internet. I just want to say that love is

a mirage to happiness and
everyone here will die of thirst

in the desert of hope.

I should have worn a condom.
The little shit.

Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

I don't think you are talking to me.
Are you sure you are talking to me?

You fucking talking to me?
Ha ha ha ha.

Uh, uh, uh.

Just one?

Alice: No
Dad: Just one?

I need you healthy

I am healthy. You know that.
I am in great shape.

Your cholesterol.

Oh, my cholesterol "Melesterol".
Come on.

One slice of ba-

Alice: So you're a Doctor now?

One slice of bacon is not
going to make a difference.

You said you wanted me to make
this just so you could smell it.

Yes! and I smell it and it's delicious
and all I want is just one... little taste

Just one little taste!

And you're smelling it. It will
"titilize" your senses. It will be good.

Oh my senses are already being "titilized".
Come one just one taste? Please.

Hello?

Hey Alice.

Um, John it's your daughter.

Tell her I am broke.

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry he's a little busy
right now, he can't come to the phone.

Nice try, yeah I heard him.

So, have you gotten any acting
gigs lately?

Dad: Yeah.

Um, not not... Nothing
really coming up, no.

Oh sweetie, don't worry about it.
Something is going to come up soon.

Actually that is kind of why I
was calling.

I'm uh, thinking about taking a
little bit of a break from acting.

Alice: Oh, I am so surprised.

Yeah, um I was thinking about coming home
and seeing you and dad for a little while.

Well, you know you are going to have to
check with your dad about coming and staying

How long were you thinking of
staying?

It would just be for a couple
of months. Just a little while.

Just so I can clear my head.
Get things figured out.

How long is she staying?

I'm.. I'm sure we can clear that
with your dad.

Hello? Hello?

That's my stuff!

Lady, you got an hour to clear your crap off
the street, or I'm calling the sanitation.

Honey? Honey? Oh!

Ok, now uh... somebody wake up
Hicks.

And where the hell is Roger?
Has anybody seen Roger today?

He is supposed to be here at these
meetings. I'm going to dock his pay.

We are up to item 7. Item 7. It looks like there
is a rabid dog out in the east neighborhood.

You know, it is a grey Labrador.
He has got a foamy mouth.

You know all the
symptoms.

If you see this animal do not hesitate
to put him down. Right then, right there.

Yes, Doug?

Just 3 things chief, what is
the dog's street name if any?

Race? And is she or he a
previous offender?

Doug? I don't know this shit.
Gee whiz what do you expect?

It's a rabid grey
labrador with a foamy mouth.

If you encounter this animal shoot the
son of a bitch right then and there.

Well, I just want to get all the facts
chief so I am more capable of making a...

Can I go on, please?
Can I go on?

So we are up to item 8. Item 8 is simply
this. It is against all company policy to shoot

an animal who's gone up a
tree and waits for rescue.

Hey, that son of a bitch was
possessed.

It was either kill him or
perform and exorcism. Am I right?

Now Item 9, this is what
you have all been waiting for.

The dog catcher of the year
award.

We got three positions:
third, second and first.

I am going to do it in order
just like the olympics. Okay.

By the way, This is the most important
award that the industry can give.

Ok third place... Bobby and we
are going to forgive the cat.

Second place is Doug. First place is Hector
Rosario! The counts are in and verified.

He has done the most
dogs, cats, raccoons...

Hector, you are the dog
catcher of the year. What?

Do I win any money?

No, Hector. This isn't about
money. It's about respect.

It's about the respect of
all your fellow dog catchers.

Ok, well that is all for now.
If anybody sees Roger tell him

to call me right away.
Dismissed.

Hey, uh, Hector?

Um, yeah?

Congratulations.

Uh... for what?

Dog catcher of the year?

Oh, well doesn't everyone get
it their first year?

No...

No, this is the first year I
never got it.

Well, uh thanks man.

It's great.
It's good.

It's good. I'm happy... I hate
you.

Oh God, It's all over now.

Guess I could just fall back on
my old job.

So many glory holes.

Damn rabbits.

What the fuck?

So, how was the trip?

Good That is a long bus ride.

Um it was ok. Thanks.

I thought you were a Vegan?

That was last year Dad. The Vegan thing
is so old. I um. Meat is where it's at now.

- I just want a little- just
a little taste. - No. No.

Just a little taste. Come
on, what is it going to hurt.

Dad, I want you to live a long and
fruitful life. So you can't have my food.

You want me to live a long and fruitful life
so I can continue to finance your continuing

eternal education.

Actually Dad, I thought of a new career
path that I want to go to school for.

Brenda, I can not continue

to finance 5th, no 6th major for
you B.F.A.

Dad, I know my calling.

You know what B.F.A. stands for? Better find
a... what is it job. Because art is NOT a job.

Because art is not a job.

I know what I'm meant to do Dad.
I know what my new career is

going to be and I know it's
going to work.

What is it now?

I am going to be a poet.

You are already a failed actress, a
failed opera singer, a failed painter,

and now you
want to be a failed poet?

I am an artist. I am a flower and I
need you to water me with your wallet.

Your your problem is that you
don't know how to compromise.

I do know how
to compromise, Dad.

You don't know how to
compromise! If you could... If

you would compromise you would
get a job. You see this napkin?

Yeah, Dad I see the napkin.

It's a napkin. What is it for? It's to wipe
my face right? But with a little compromise

I can take the napkin and I
can make into a hat

to keep the rain off my head. With a
little more compromise I can take the napkin

and I can make it into a paper
airplane. How is that? Huh?

And I can sail it down to
the other end of the diner.

down to the fat toothless woman
down there

who probably has all kinds of
enlightening stories to tell us.

With a little more compromise, I can make
it into a veil to hide the wart on my nose

from my husband until
wedding night.

But in the end it is a napkin
that I can wipe my face with.

And don't you think the napkin
is miserable? That you're

trying to make it into
something that it's not?

No, I don't think it is
miserable. I think it's a

fucking napkin and it doesn't
know how to think.

You are going to get a
job Brenda. No, I am not.

You are going to get a job by the end
of the week or you're out of the house.

You wouldn't do that to me.

I will do it to you.

Oh, so now you want to kill me?

Don't worry it's fake I am just
practicing. What can I do for you?

Here.

A job application? Shit, I was
hoping for a customer.

Well, sit down. Turns out we
actually have an opening this morning.

Do you have any application
prior experience in this area?

Nope, and I am scared of
spiders.

You never bagged a bee or captured a
wombat or caught a dog or napped a cat?

Nope

Hmmm, do you have a driver's
license?

Yeah, but I haven't driven in
over a year.

Well, I'll tell you what. Can
you put on a hat?

I guess.

You're hired. See you tomorrow.

Fuck.

Ma'am.

Yeah, hey whatever.

Mmm, you're a good one.

Hey. buddy. Let me give you a
hand with that.

Oh, it's ok I can...

Oh, I insist.

What?

Oh, Hector. I mean I am really sorry.
You just a little superficial damage.

Nothing
some glue won't fix.

You did that on purpose.

Hey, now we are a team here at
Catchers in The Rye.

When one
of us wins. We all win.

You know. I, you know, I won.
You just have the trophy.

You know what I mean, buddy?

No, I don't.

Well, may the best man win.

Well, you know. I... I wasn't... ... really care
about the trophy anyway. You know I was going to

peel the label off and um give it
up as a trophy for my bowling league

that I referee
in the evenings.

Bowling league?

Yeah, bowling league. You know
you have a ball.. with the hole...

Hey watch it pretty boy. That ain't no bowling
trophy. What that award is about is about

blood, sweat and tears and
everything that goes into

the red, while and blue of old
glory.

What you just told me is that you were just
ready to jizz in the face of lady liberty.

Alright, just calm down.

I'll calm down when you learn to
wear that hat with some dignity.

All right, listen this is just a job. You
know we use to pay the bills. All Right.

I would rather be working at
Applebees.

What the fuck? You're out there
making a difference every day

and you would rather work at
Applebees?

Look, speaking of Applebees, Let's um.
Why don't we go out and have a drink?

No, fuck that. Not after what
you just told me..

No, no. At this point I am
ready to move to North Korea

start some secret socialist
communist dance squad.

Besides, I don't drink. It
takes the edge off my game.

What a loser.

Why do we have to have a picnic
out here in the woods?

Can't we.. can't we have one in
the Dining room or something?

What... what. what do we want to
be out here for?

And fresh air?

What? What do I want fresh air
for?

I have no idea.

Yeah, but instead of being out
here will all the sticks and

snakes and shit. We could be at
a Diner, enjoying our selves.

Well, but then again at a Diner
I am not allowed to smoke.

So I mean... I don't know
well.. what do you want to do?

Babe! You promised me you would
quit?

I did quit, I mean I am like down to 2
packs a day. What are you complaining about?

Babe?

What? I mean, all right, if I'm
not going to be a smoker,

then we should definitely go to
a Diner.

Well... you can't skinny dip in
a restaurant.

That is true.

Turn around... turn.

Fine.

Can I turn around now?

Nope.

No peaking!

Ahh.

How about now?

No, be patient. God.

come on, I want to see my girlfriend
naked. What is the harm in that?

You have to wait!

What about now? Can I turn
around now?

No, I told you no.

Jess?

Oh, now that is my kind of
Easter egg hunt.

Yeah.

Jess? Jess where are you?
Come on.

Oh.

Oh, I am going to play with that little
puppy tail. Jess where are you at? Jess?

Jess? Jess? Jess?

I've got a
big old Easter basket for you.

Jess? Jess?

Jess, I have got a surprise for
you

Oh! Fuck. Oh of f...

Fuck.

Don't liter kid.

Mayor Farnsworth?

Hey, how's it going?

Mayor?
Hey.

Mayor? Hey mayor?

What? Can't you see that I am
busy "Mayoring" her man.

It's about the stop sign on
Main street.

Yeah what about it?

Uh, we don't have one. And we
really need one.

We don't really need one do we?

There are traffic accidents
almost every week!

That is what car insurance is
for man.

But... I don't think car insurance
is going to cover everything.

Uh, what do I look like that I am made of
stop signs. Am I like the stop sign mayor? No!

No, but Mayor, you really need
to... try and do something.

Listen, check it out. Ask not what
your country can do for you, ok?

Ask what you can do for your
country. You selfish little girl.

All right, look, check it out.
Over there in the garbage

there is a perfectly fine
piece of cardboard.

You take that, and a Sharpie and
you make yourself a stop sign ok?

Then you can go home, and make
a list of other things

you can do for me. I
mean for your country.

But but but mayor...

You know what you got more "but" than
my ex-wife. And that is a lot of but.

Great news,
What's up man?

Great news, sir. I think we have a few more
corporate sponsors for our Easter Day celebration.

Awesome, let's hear it.

Now, they do expect certain,
let's just say concessions

before they donate to your campaign.
I mean... donate to the town.

Right, man the "town". Well
what do they want?

Barfing Bart's Beer and Liquor
would like to set up a

taste testing booth near the High school.
You know. To get to the kids early.

Get them while they're young man. Awesome
idea. That is how they got me, bro.

Tell you what, while you are at
it. Why don't you set up

a voter registration booth right
after these taste test man.

And if there are any specially hot young voters,
you send them right over to my photo booth.

Stock it up with that Patchouli
incense man, because in a Goda Di Vida

don't rock so hard without the
Patchouli flowing man.

What else?

Epstein's junkyard would like to
off load a few truck loads of tires.

Hmmm, tell you what, man. Send them
over to the meat processing plant.

We're going to one up
the Feds.

We're going to institute a
"Wheels in Meals" program, dude.

Instead of having like a savage
landfill.

We're going to have some ravaging belly
fill bro. We're going to change the world!

You, you, you are an excellent,
great humanitarian, sir.

I know. It just... Sometimes it
just hurts so much man.

Well... not me but someone.

All right now get on out of
here.

I will get right on it sir.
All right, thanks man.

Oh, I have to tweet about this.

Step 27, when you wear your hat always
make sure it is well adjusted to intimidate.

Mm-hmm.

Michaelangelo had his stone and paint, but
we... we deal with life and death every day.

And dog shit! Watch out!

See that. That is a land mine
baby.

You know, I just saved your
life. Beautiful.

You know I can remember this one
time I got a call about a 387.

A 387? You guys have codes?

Well the "Corps" doesn't yet,
but I do.

If Jake would just listen to
reason.

I mean who has time to say stray
dog when you can just say 387 Mark 6.

See, I knew you would
understand. you're different.

So anyway I responded to the
call and next thing I know

I found myself surrounded by 2
Pitbulls,

2 Rottweilers, 2 Bull Terriers,
and and 2 Shih Tzus.

Yeah, everyone counts out the
Shih tzu,

but they're wrong.
Dead wrong.

You know a Shih tzu is a lot
like an 8 year old with diarrhea,

I mean you never know
when it is going to go off.

But you know what saved me?

No what?

Training!

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you know I have never
been to war. You know, I got it.

PTSD.
Mm-hmm.

That's why I never got married.

Yeah, that's why.

So why are you a dog catcher?
You sound like you could be a cop.

Yeah, I tried that.

What happened?

I don't want to talk about it.

Ok, no biggie.

I said I don't want to talk
about it!

Ok, you broke me down damn it!
I failed the police academy.

Oh right, was it the
psychological examination?

No, wait what?

Nothing.

No, what did you say?

So what happened?

It was just. it was all the
guns. They sound like clowns.

Popping balloons. Pop! pop!

You're scared of loud noises?

Not so loud!

So it is not the bullets that
scare you. It's the pop pop!

Hey quit it!

Oh my God, are you crying?

No! Shut up. Ahh.

I will be right with you Honey
Pants.

God damn it this is not what I meant
when I said I wanted a blow job.

Sir, sir?

Whoa the fuzz man. You can't come in
here without an arrest warrant man..

She's at least 17 years old
aren't you honey?

Sir, it's me?

Who is me, man?

Put your glasses on.

Bro! What's up man. What are
you doing?

I've got some really really
important news.

Well, I have got some really
important nudes too right here bro.

News, sir, news.

Oh news, right right. Well listen man,
can't you see that I am really busy?

I am trying to connect with my voter base
man. Show her my latest "Erection Poll"

Sir, the people are being
killed by something in the woods.

In the last several days we've had 5
separate massacres. Including the Amish.

Fuck the Amish man, what about the other
people? Are they Democrats or Republicans?

This is Roger, Dog Catchers in
the Rye. If your dog is on the

prowl, our prices to bring him
back won't make you howl.

Roger, it's Jake. You got to
brighten that up a little bit.

Now listen. I think we
got a um... Tree rat.

It's on the loose out in your
sector and you got to go get it.

What the hell is a tree rat?

Read the manual Roger, it's a squirrel. It's
just a rat with a fancy fur coat go get it.

Why is somebody keeping a
squirrel for a pet that's stupid.

Roger, I don't know this shit.
All I know is it's on the loose.

It's got a little tag
around its neck.

You got to go find it and bring
it in, that is it.

Fine!

There you go you little
tree rat.

Game Over!

Alright, it's slap shot time.

You and me bunny. Sudden Death!

Ahh!

Edmonton will rise again!

What's going on?

It's Roger, he's dead. He was torn
to shreds by a pack of wild dogs!

The dogs! I knew one day they
would rise up!

Have they issued any demands
regarding our submission?

Who the dogs?

Yes, of course the dogs! Who
else would leave a note.

Do you think they will make us
wear collars?

Are you kidding?

What if uh... What if it was the squirrels.
I know he was on a call to capture squirrels.

So, it's finally happening.

What?

Have you ever read Animal Farm?

Give me that!

What are you doing?

Well, if it is squirrels, I
have to protect my nuts!

What are you plan on doing
about Roger?

Well, I don't know Doug, what do
you expect me to do about Roger?

Payback!

I'm docking your pay for that
extra net Doug!

You're so funny.
You're funny.

No, you're funny.
No, you're funnier.

No, stop it.

You stop it.
I was going to-

Why are you laughing?!

What's it to you? You think
we're laughing at you?

No!

Where you?

No.
Yes.

Didn't you hear about Roger?

- No.
- Who?

Roger Falk!

He was the finest feline
finder this side of the Delta.

He put the cat in catcher!

And my God did that man love
pussy!

What the hell are you
talking about?

What I am saying is that Roger
is dead.

Or are you guys to cool for the school
to care if someone lives or dies.

What happened?

Did he die of a heart attack at
the bar?

He was torn apart by wolves!

Oh my God.

How? Wolves?

Or squirrels, the jury is still out
on the matter. What matters is that

the Dogs want their vengeance!

And we are all just the grocer
here to collect the bill.

That is from Apocalypse Now.

That's from shut your lips "Me"!

I am surprised you saw that. I woulda thought
you were much more of a Judy Garland fan.

So you recognize it to? Toto! The
Wizard. You see what it all means is...

Screw you both!

You're sure he has never been
on medication?

So based on the evidence. I would say
they were attacked by a pack of wolves.

A pack of wolves? Does this
mean we are going to have to

cancel the Easter Day
celebration?

Whoa whoa, folks. Excuse me man. No, no no. You
misunderstood him. He said a sack of "Tolves"

"Sack of Tolves?"

Sack of tolls.

What the heck is a sack of
tolls?

Sack of tools man! Get the dirt
out of your ear.

How did you guys become
reporters in the first place?

Man, now I know how all those scandals
about me smoking weed got started.

How can a sack of tools cause
this kind of destruction?

They're Amish man!

And?

Do, I have to do your job for
you man?

Uh, obviously, they're making
hand bags. You know, using

electrical tools.
The devil's play things?

You know cut thy hand off to
spite thy greed type of shit.

Do the Amish people vote?

I don't think so sir.

The Amish are a an evil people.

Who knows what kind of crazy sex
drug cult they got going up there

behind the horse and buggy and wacky beards.
You know? This is an obvious terror attempt man.

to over run our country and to take away
our Easter Day celebration, you know...

They're trying to take away our liberty,
our justice, our truth, our Easter eggs, man!

You know luckily we live in a
country where people

that perpetrate this kinds of
behavior are vanquished.

or hit with scud missiles. And
let me tell you all right now.

If we had scud missile
technology man,

There would be some funny beard wearing
dudes taking cover right now, ok?

You know. But everybody just
needs to "Chillax".

Chill out. Go about
the weekend as you planned.

Come on down. Bring your
money, tell your friends,

tell them to bring their money.
Just spend and have a good time.

You know? It is not about the town anymore.
It's about the God damn virtue of our nation!

Virtue of our nation,
that's awesome.

Remember that one for
my presidential speech.

Follow up question?

Yeah?

What's that?

Uh, decorations man.
Decorations. Yeah.

Doug, can I ask you a question?

Shhh. Quiet!

No, I just have a quick
question.

What?

Does Hector have a girlfriend?

Well, you know. The thing about Hector
- You know is it, uh.

I don't really know if he
has time for a girlfriend,

being such a high ranking Nazi.

He's not a Nazi!

Well, uh you know, regardless.
He is just weird you know.

I mean you know.
He has a tattoo above his ass

that says parking in rear!

How... how would you know?

Well... I. I also know that his
mom doesn't like it

when he brings girls
to the house, you know,

because he lives with his
mother.

He lives with his mom?
That is so sweet.

Well, yeah but you know she
doesn't really have a problem

when I come there, and neither
does Hector.

And you know,
because he's uh, gay?

He's not gay!

Well... I would.
I would know?

Oh.

No.

Oh, would you?

No, I mean. No. I wouldn't,
I wouldn't know.

Oh.

No, I'm not. I'm not gay. You know. Oh.

Right.

Alright, well. I'm going to go
this way and you go over there.

Sounds good.
Sounds good.

Yeah, yeah.

Brenda, my love... ouch

Where are you going my love?

Oh, there you are.
You came back for me.

No, no! I love you!

Oh, darling. Darling what's
wrong? Did you see a spider?

I saw a severed foot!

Well, maybe someone just lost
it.

No, shut the fuck up.

Where are you going? No! No, I
love you.

No, no, no!

You know, baby if you wanted to take a ride
in the Doug mobile, all you had to do was ask.

I can't believe the mayor is making us
move his decorations into town after work.

And why the hell did he have
them delivered out here anyway?

I am guessing he stiffed the
delivery guy.

Are we getting time and a half
for this?

Nope, he was like "Why would you
want money?" Money doesn't last.

But fame, notoriety. That
you can take to the bank.

Yeah, unlike money.

So, congratulations. You are now
the CEO of concierge services,

and I am V.P. of
janitorial affairs.

Great, why do I keep this job
again?

What's the difference between
a wife and a job?

A job still sucks after 10
years.

Mayor Farnsworth is so cheap he
hangs up used toilet paper to dry.

What the hell? This is the
giant egg he wants us to move?

That is not going to fit in the
back seat.

Oh man.

Do have some bungee straps to
fit it on your roof?

We better get some kinda of
bonus for this.

Are you kidding? He doesn't
even tip his hat.

Oh man, the paint is still wet.

What are you doing? It's just a
bunny. Kick with your legs.

Kick with your leg. Your leg!

I guess this is karma for all those
chocolate rabbits I ate as a kid.

All right, all right all right
all right. One question at a time.

You, the broad in the
front, what's up?

Mr. Mayor, what are you going to do about all
the wild animal attacks that have been going on?

Wild animal attacks? More like
wild rumors man.

Its just a few farm tool
accidents, that's all.

Wait? A few? There has been
more deaths in the past week

than there were at the toy
factory fire 3 years ago.

Whoa bro! I had nothing to do with
that man. Nothing to do with it.

And I am so lucky.
So lucky...

that I had the place heavily insured
other wise I would have lost my shirt man.

And it is bad karma so don't
bring it up again dude!

Mr. Mayor, I have a photo with a
victim with claw marks across his chest.

How are you going to tell me
that farm tools did that?

Let me see that bro.
Bring it up here.

Are you high man?
These are obvious rake marks.

Come on.

Haven't you ever seen the
cartoon where the dude steps

on the rake
and hits him in the face?

"Fwap" man, he goes down. Could
you imagine if these evil

Amish people, man,
are experimenting with

electronic rake technology, man? Could you
imagine the mutilation, the devastation?

Well, you don't have to because
this it it, bros!

Mr. Mayor how does an electronic
rake put a person 20 feet into a tree?

Are you a physicist? Are you a physicist, man?
It's just one of those science things, man,

that nobody knows. It's like
the last number of pi or

how they get the stuffing
in those Twinkies man.

It's just unanswerable.

But lucky for you all, I got a crack team of
scientists working to solve the "problemo".

It's the new Farnsworth line of
safety tools, man.

The ultimate in safety
at only twice the price!

Check out this bubble wrap
hammer.

Nothing! I didn't feel a thing.
And check out my whip cream sander.

You totally remind me of a chick
that was at my party last night, man.

Covered in the shit.

And we also have an edible
wrench, man, made out of Jello.

It does its job, but you can
also eat it man!

We're going to save the world! We
are solving world hunger here, man!

Mr. Mayor, how does turning food into
a wrench going to solve world hunger?

It just does, chick. Come on,
roll with it. Go with it.

And where do we find these
wonderful tools?

Thanks for asking Ma'am. Not
just moments ago, I entered into

an exclusive agreement
with the owner

of the Farnsworth
hardware tool store down town

to get rid of all the current
evil tools that he has, man.

and replace them with the new Farnsworth
line of safety tools, you know.

And if you are in a real hurry to save your
loved ones, your dog, your cat, what have you,

you can get them from me
directly right now for a small

$50 shipping and handling fee
per item.

But what about all the wild
animals?

Problem solved. bro! Problem
solved. No more questions. I'm out.

What are we going to do about
this wild animal problem, bro?

We've got our best man on it,
sir.

We better man. Did you see the whip cream
on that chick, man? That was awesome!

Hector, we need that
magic boy.

The mayor is counting on
you, I am counting on you.

The town is counting on you. Get these
rabid dogs out of the woods, okay? Go for it.

Alright Jake, but uh, what's
going on with this shitty net man?

Well, I guess Doug is off
his meds again.

You know he took every
net out of the office.

Just do the best job you can
with what you got now.

Alright, whatever.

Oh!

What's the matter sweet pea?
Boyfriend break up with you?

Hector was killed last night.

Really?
Well was it a 559 Mark 4?

He was torn to shreds trying to
catch those rabid dogs.

The mayor insists that
it was probably

an electrical trowel
that did it.

Yeah, I know it's hard, but imagine
how his boyfriend must feel right now?

He was the only person in this
town that I could talk to.

He was the only person I could
open up to.

Now, I'm stuck in this town
that I hate with a bunch of

backward hicks who think
Beethoven's just a large dog.

He's not?

He understood my artistic spirt.

He had the heart of a poet just
like me.

Yeah, he will be missed. After
all he was the 2nd best

dog catcher that this
town has ever seen.

Ow! Is that a miniature golf
pencil in your pants?

Let's not talk about that.

I just know how much
you like golf.

Someone needs to do something
about these rabid dogs.

And being the greatest dog
catcher that has graced history.

It's only natural that
it should be me!

Well yeah, technically now that
Hector is dead.

Actually, you are the best dog
catcher.

Don't worry Brenda, I will
avenge Hector's death.

Well, actually technically Timmy is pretty
good. Well, actually he really is the best.

Hey, fuck you, John. I bagged a
pretty big bitch last night.

Oh, yeah?

So if you're wondering where
your mom went!

Hey is that a new net? We don't
give them away like water!

And never wear those God damn
pants again!

Dog Catchers in the Rye. We bag your dogs and
never spill the mustard. How can I help you?

Out of the way, God damn it!

I'll be back for you.

Doug! What the hell is wrong
with you? What are you doing?

This is it!
Jesus Christ Doug?

This is it my brothers and
sister. It's the apocalypse.

But there's no 4 horseman.

It's a giant fucking rabbit. I
was running through the woods.

Breathless, credulous, looking
for a pack of wolves.

But do you know what I found? A
50 foot cannibal rabbit!

JAKE Doug, Doug, you have been
drinking the sterno again haven't you?

Yeah laugh, laugh. It's
just like high school.

I don't think that you'll all be
laughing when you are burning in hell!

Doug, you need to go home and get rest.
Ok? Get home, get rest, come back tomorrow.

Home? The only home we're
going to have is the holocaust

that this town is about to
become.

This town is the last beacon of
civilization

everything else has gone
to the dogs. I have seen it.

Doug? No, it's time for us to draw
a line... I am calling an ambulance!

It's time for us to draw a line
and take a stand.

Now, who will cross the
threshold and join me?

Brenda?

Brenda, you believe me don't
you? Doll face?

That we're all going to be
turned into bunny brimstone?

Ah.

You're all cowards!

It's up to me to save the town.

Hey, those nets aren't free you
looney!

I'm taking that out of your
salary you looney!

Everyone listen to me!

Listen to me, giant killer
bunny!

Please, listen to the raving
lunatic. Killer rabbit!

Soon, my friends, the end of
days will be coming. Like I told.

Soon, you must repent now.

The end of days are coming soon my friend.
Once men starting marrying men that was it.

It wasn't a meteors that killed
the dinosaur. They all turned gay!

It is our time for extinction!

Excuse me, listen to me everyone
you got to get out of here

or you else you are are
all going to die!

Joyful news my friends!
Salvation!

No, no it's not the apocalypse.
It's not the rapture.

The hell mouth has opened
but it's not the devil.

It's a hellish hasenpfeffer.

Exactly, like I foretold!

Really?

No! You got to get out of here
or else...!

Look! 2 men kissing!

Oh, come on!

You there! Llsten to me!
Giant killer bunny!

Attention, everyone this is an
emergency, evacuate! Evacuate now!

Yo, shut the fuck up or I'll
will come over there and beat

your ass so hard,
your grand kids will bleed.

Well, what does that mean?

What the hell are you doing here?
What are you banging on my door for?

Listen to me, there's a giant
rabbit and it's coming right this way

and it's going to
devour the whole town!

Really?
Yeah!

You got a picture of it?

Well... no.

Yeah, funny now that everyone has a
camera phone, Bigfoot fucking disappears!

It's because they're crafty.

Shut the fuck up!
Get off my porch!

I am trying to save you!

Get the fuck off my porch!

I am your guardian angel!

Shut the fuck up or I will kill
you, you son of a bitch!

Killer rabbit!

Listen to me everybody! This is
the last time that I'm warning you!

The bunny blitzkrieg is
upon us!

No! no!

Alright man, Welcome! I just want
to say what an awesome day huh?

It's going to be an
awesome day!

Alright, I want to start off by
saying I am really sorry

I was completely mislead
by my staff into

thinking that the recent rash of deaths
were due to uh, hazardous farm tools man.

Now that we got this creep Doug Williams
in custody, man. We know what's up so...

So Mr. Mayor? Are you saying it is
safe to use electric farm tools again?

Well now... just to be safe. I
am thinking everybody should

still use the Farnsworth line
of safety tools.

Available exclusively at Farnsworth
Hardware store. Ok, just to be safe now.

And uh, for a limited time
only. The uh Nerf Pitchfork is

available for 30% off while
supplies last.

Is there any validity to the
rumors of wild animals in the woods?

Obviously, there is no giant
rabbit from hell roaming the woods.

And if you believe that man,
you've been smoking better shit

than I ever had, and can I get
your phone number?

But the Easter holiday weekend is
going to be going on as planned man!

It's going to be
awesome.

Shouldn't you at least check the
woods for any wild animals that

could harm the residents
or hundreds

of visitors that are coming
to town tomorrow?

Are you the mayor? What do you
think you're the mayor?

Have you ever even elected to a
publicly held office man?

Have you ever even been hall
monitor, man? Come on!

Ah well, whoa whoa whoa. Alright
bros, I am going to break it down.

I'm going to bottom line it
right here for you, ok?

I'm not about to let some psychopathic
serial killing dog catcher, man,

ruin the weekend
for all the people

we got coming to our lovely little halo
here for some good old American fun! Huh?

You know? A couple of cut up cub scouts, 3
squashed soap opera stars, and 1 mutilated

synchronized swimmer are not
going to stop us from being

Americans, ok?
And spending all of our

hard earned cash on corporate fabricated holidays
such as our Easter weekend celebration, man!

Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor?
Shouldn't you at least

provide more security or call in
the state police

to make sure the event is safe?

No man, I can't talk to the
governor, man, ever since

I, um, puked in the punch
bowl at last years gala.

Man, that is out. He is not
going to take... so forget...

But listen, alright, what do you
want me to do?

Hire extra security guards man? Alright,
I will just raise your taxes to pay for it.

I'll just
raise your taxes!

That's ridiculous! You should use the
profits from Safe Tools and add more security!

Man, you lame brain left wing and right wing
media. You are so far to the left or right man,

you don't even know where the
center is

anymore. You are so extreme,
you are a bunch of Socialist

Ronald Reagan loving, Jimmy
Carter adoring

Che Guevera, William F. Buckley Fascist, who
think that all the Job Creators should be giving

Free love and flowers, man! So why don't
you just go out and buy a gun and hug a tree!

Alright, alright. This is
over, man. This is over.

But I will say one thing.
Just for your peace of mind

all the employees from the Dog Catchers in the
Rye are going to be roaming the woods just to

keep you safe from whatever you
think is out there, ok?

And if you are related
to anybody or know

anybody that is out there doing
it this weekend,

they're not going to be
able to talk to you until the

weekend is over. No cell phones. No
personal contact so... Enjoy the weekend!

It's going to be awesome man!

I'm not insane, you hear me?
You're all going to die!

Die! Die!
You're all going to die!

Die! Die!

We are all going to die?!

Uh ha, yeah little girl, man we
are all going to dye, dye, dye

Easter eggs. We are going to
have fun

at dye, dye, dye Easter eggs. Mom, dad go
dye. Go dye, dye, dye Easter eggs. Have fun!

Enjoy the day!
It's a beautiful day!

Rabbit!

Rabbit! Rabbit! Watch out!

Still not the craziest girl
that I ever dated. Really?

Help! Help!

Rabbit!

It's a giant rabbit!

You mean that is real?

No, run!

Do something! Don't just stand
there! Shoot at him!

We don't have guns, man!
Guns cost money!

Oh! you must! Ahh!

Kill it, kill it.

You idiot! Get off of me!

Help! Help!

Oof!

That's the 2nd biggest rabbit
I've ever seen!

Oh God, you poor bastards!

Dad! Alice!

Come on, baby! Squeal for Mama!
That's it, oh!

Oh, come on baby
That's it! That's it! Wooo!

What is going on in here?!

Brenda!? Wait uh! This is not
what you think it is!

But, um wait a minute, what do
you think this is?

Brenda, Brenda, Brenda, wait,
wait, wait. What are you doing?

At least take that bib off
before you talk to me.

Alright, what are you doing?

I am getting out of this town
now!

You're quitting again?

You don't understand.

Oh yes, I do! I understand perfectly
well. You are quitting again.

You are doing
again what you've

done all your life. Something
has come up and you are leaving...

Dad! There is a huge rabbit
running through this town!

That is what's bothering you?
A rabbit? A rabbit?

It's a huge rabbit, Dad!

I will... I will die if I stay
here!

Yeah, you'll die of boredom,
right? You will die of boredom?

You know small town living
isn't so bad

You know, Brenda, it's tough love! That's
what it is. Some day you will thank me,

because I made you stay here and
made you for once p pin your life...

Fine, fine. I will stay. Tell
me where do you keep your guns?

What do you want a gun for?

It's a huge rabbit Dad, I told
you!

Fine! In the gun cabinet downstairs,
the keys are in the same place.

Just try not to
shoot any innocent bystanders!

Yeah, fine.

And I am still mad at you by
the way!

Well, what else is new?

Ready for round two! Ha ha! Get
out the kielbasa!

Are you ready for action? Or
are you too doped up?

Mommy, I'm ready for my sponge
bath.

Damn Farnsworth Safety Gun!

Come on! Here wear this!

What?

It makes you look yummy, ok! Now go
out there and do what you do best!

Oh, masturbate.

Eww, no, no!
Go kill that rabbit!

Oh, ok Santa!

Ahh my legs, my legs, my legs.
Who? Is that?

Doug? is that you Doug?
Doug, you got to help me!

You got to get me to a hospital!
I'll be alright

if you get me to a hospital
Doug! Doug!

Chief! Your legs?
They walked away!

Doug! You got to help me! You
got to get me to a hospital!

Doug, Doug! You got to help me!

You got to get me to a
hospital! Just... you got to...

You poor saint!
I'll end your suffering!

Doug! Please Doug,
get me to a hospital!

Please! No! No! No Doug!

You're in heaven now!

Oh, Chief!

I'll miss you!

Now, who will stare at my dick
while I steal their drinks!

And he used to look so long...

What a tool!

So Brenda, how would you like
to go on a date with a hero?

No! Besides,
I thought you were gay.

Again?

How do you think the Rabbit got
so big?