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1
00:00:02,255 --> 00:00:03,973
Honey, there's
an article in here.
2
00:00:04,059 --> 00:00:06,923
It says it was written by me.
Look.
3
00:00:07,066 --> 00:00:08,911
What? How bizarre.
What does it say?
4
00:00:09,003 --> 00:00:09,867
Read it.
5
00:00:09,938 --> 00:00:14,235
It says, "recently, a strange
creature was spotted
6
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,929
rambling on
the outskirts of town..."
7
00:00:17,053 --> 00:00:18,707
XAVIER:
Nothing will ever interrupt
8
00:00:18,790 --> 00:00:21,814
my epic search for my
mother, no matter how...
9
00:00:21,964 --> 00:00:24,668
oh, a possum!
10
00:00:24,803 --> 00:00:26,904
Aah!
Play dead!
11
00:00:27,009 --> 00:00:28,033
[Snoring]
12
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:28,975
I'm dead.
13
00:00:29,046 --> 00:00:31,242
I'm de... stupid idiot,
14
00:00:31,351 --> 00:00:34,438
I just
outplayed you, possum!
15
00:00:34,592 --> 00:00:36,023
Oh, no, it's dead!
16
00:00:36,095 --> 00:00:37,844
Oi, mate!
Crikey!
17
00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:40,254
We don't "mohair" to your
kind around here, boy!
18
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:41,802
XAVIER:
I've got to warn you.
19
00:00:41,874 --> 00:00:44,101
If you beat me up,
one day that pain
20
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,994
will come back to me
"sexfold."
21
00:00:46,083 --> 00:00:49,488
Not you, freak... this here
terroristic sand negroid!
22
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:50,488
Take crime!
23
00:00:50,559 --> 00:00:51,583
Taste the hate!
24
00:00:51,662 --> 00:00:55,290
XAVIER: They "queefer" to be
called Sandfrican-Americans!
25
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:58,238
I am just visiting Muslim
who come to America
26
00:00:58,376 --> 00:01:00,317
to learn of
your enchanting culture.
27
00:01:00,414 --> 00:01:01,381
XAVIER:
[Sniffs]
28
00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:02,678
Then you'll want to bathe...
29
00:01:02,752 --> 00:01:04,597
in our warm kindness.
30
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,395
But any decent American is
going to smack your sack off
31
00:01:07,529 --> 00:01:09,215
for being a dirty Arab.
32
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,591
If you want to experience
the real America,
33
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,518
you've got to
build an artificial world...
34
00:01:13,609 --> 00:01:16,951
a robotic amusement park full of
android Americans
35
00:01:17,117 --> 00:01:18,414
programmed
to be good to you
36
00:01:18,486 --> 00:01:20,808
and to let you
into their humble lives.
37
00:01:20,924 --> 00:01:22,356
This is great idea.
38
00:01:22,428 --> 00:01:24,719
Thousands of rich Arabs would
pay big money for it
39
00:01:24,833 --> 00:01:26,774
if we just
had high-tech-enough robots
40
00:01:26,871 --> 00:01:31,772
that wouldn't at the most
inopportune time break down...
41
00:01:32,016 --> 00:01:33,347
[electricity crackles]
42
00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:34,387
Damn it, freak!
43
00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:37,000
You blew its circuits
with your cylindrical logic.
44
00:01:37,126 --> 00:01:40,118
These droids can't handle
Baudrillardian self-awareness.
45
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,462
This is a "simulacrock"?
46
00:01:42,572 --> 00:01:45,309
We paid $1,000 a day to beat
up mechanized Arabs,
47
00:01:45,445 --> 00:01:47,958
but this is
the worst "Touroristorrism"
48
00:01:48,084 --> 00:01:51,076
hate-crime dream vacation
I think we've ever had!
49
00:01:51,224 --> 00:01:54,819
I can't give you your money
back, but what about this?
50
00:01:54,998 --> 00:01:56,621
XAVIER:
Karma is a boomerang, mate,
51
00:01:56,702 --> 00:02:01,730
so throw another Aussie
cosmic scrimp on fate's barbie.
52
00:02:03,517 --> 00:02:05,394
He was our beloved
town leader,
53
00:02:05,488 --> 00:02:07,588
our supple ship's
captain and lo...
54
00:02:07,693 --> 00:02:09,634
People! A man is fallen!
55
00:02:09,731 --> 00:02:11,449
Man down!
He needs help!
56
00:02:11,535 --> 00:02:14,080
You dark, heartless
rubberneckers sit back in black,
57
00:02:14,207 --> 00:02:16,116
asses to asses, butts in dust,
58
00:02:16,211 --> 00:02:18,916
doing nothing all over the face
of this place.
59
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:20,279
We're in mourning!
60
00:02:20,354 --> 00:02:21,446
Have some respect.
61
00:02:21,524 --> 00:02:24,419
You should be grieving
the death of your vigilance!
62
00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:26,886
He's playing possum.
I can tell.
63
00:02:27,002 --> 00:02:28,624
I have some bad news.
64
00:02:28,705 --> 00:02:31,092
He's passed on, to a better,
more euphemistic place.
65
00:02:31,211 --> 00:02:34,011
Well, let's throw together
an impromptu funeral.
66
00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:36,282
You've desecrated his memory!
67
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:37,853
You don't know what he wants,
68
00:02:37,926 --> 00:02:40,343
but I can speak for
the dead when I say
69
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,373
I can
channel the dead!
70
00:02:42,468 --> 00:02:43,931
I hate to brag my britches,
71
00:02:44,004 --> 00:02:47,473
but I'm a rather large medium
when I penetrate the gray veil.
72
00:02:47,646 --> 00:02:48,704
Believe me.
73
00:02:48,782 --> 00:02:51,104
Once I get this dead motormouth
yapping through me,
74
00:02:51,220 --> 00:02:52,683
he won't stop
chewing my lips off
75
00:02:52,757 --> 00:02:54,571
till I have to knock his black off
76
00:02:54,661 --> 00:02:56,219
and jack our mouths off.
77
00:02:56,298 --> 00:02:57,730
I'd throw this freak out,
78
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,710
but I don't want to get
tooth-goo on my suit.
79
00:02:59,806 --> 00:03:02,861
He's coming.
He's coming... lnside me.
80
00:03:03,013 --> 00:03:06,991
"Oh, hello, people of"...
what's this town called again?
81
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,519
Lotion, New Mexico.
82
00:03:08,591 --> 00:03:11,869
"People of earth, I am..."
83
00:03:12,032 --> 00:03:13,397
What's the dead guy's name?
84
00:03:13,469 --> 00:03:14,766
Abraham Lotion.
85
00:03:14,839 --> 00:03:16,748
XAVIER:
What kind of name is "Lotion"?
86
00:03:16,843 --> 00:03:19,834
He invented lotion and
founded this sleepy town.
87
00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:23,197
We produce 70%
of the nation's lotion.
88
00:03:23,357 --> 00:03:24,415
We're a simple folk,
89
00:03:24,493 --> 00:03:26,942
but we get free
hot- and cold-running lotion
90
00:03:27,064 --> 00:03:29,037
so we look great.
91
00:03:29,136 --> 00:03:30,433
What evs.
92
00:03:30,506 --> 00:03:31,530
"I am Abe Lotion,
93
00:03:31,609 --> 00:03:35,268
and I want that you taint
shan't not mourn."
94
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:39,140
This guy's babbling exactly
like Mr. Lotion on his deathbed.
95
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:40,154
It's him!
96
00:03:40,226 --> 00:03:42,072
I'd know that gibberish
anywhere!
97
00:03:42,165 --> 00:03:47,129
"Is there someone here
wearing a black shirt?
98
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:49,220
I am, but how could he have
known that?
99
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,142
He's dead.
100
00:03:50,215 --> 00:03:52,760
Do you have a message for us
from the beyond?
101
00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:53,911
"Course I do.
102
00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:56,472
What do you think, I'm back from
the dead for my health?
103
00:03:56,595 --> 00:03:59,013
A message... it's around here
somewhere.
104
00:03:59,134 --> 00:04:00,192
Here it is.
105
00:04:00,269 --> 00:04:03,993
'Keep your hands out
of my pockets."'
106
00:04:04,179 --> 00:04:07,616
I think what he means is that
we should follow the golden rule.
107
00:04:07,786 --> 00:04:08,912
He's gone.
108
00:04:08,989 --> 00:04:10,738
Grab those lats, kid.
He's back!
109
00:04:10,826 --> 00:04:12,640
Hey, let's give
that vessel a hand!
110
00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,129
He's gone.
[Applause]
111
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,632
Please, I'm a humble servant.
112
00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,676
I don't need the clap
from you people.
113
00:04:17,775 --> 00:04:18,605
And he's back!
114
00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:20,108
Come on, folks.
Give it up.
115
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:21,442
Everybody wants applause!
116
00:04:21,516 --> 00:04:22,947
And he's gone forever!
117
00:04:23,019 --> 00:04:25,374
But we must honor
his dying request.
118
00:04:25,491 --> 00:04:28,132
I mean, I wasn't really
paying attention.
119
00:04:28,264 --> 00:04:30,173
I was blue-toothing it during
half his blather,
120
00:04:30,268 --> 00:04:33,354
but I think he yammered something
about how gold rules.
121
00:04:33,508 --> 00:04:37,360
You must honor him with a gold
statue in the center of town.
122
00:04:37,551 --> 00:04:39,075
We don't have the resources.
123
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,732
Have you no respect
for the dead?
124
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:44,150
Why don't you just piss
in the man's face, like this?
125
00:04:44,265 --> 00:04:46,270
Gold is just something
we couldn't afford.
126
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,632
Well, what's that?
127
00:04:47,706 --> 00:04:50,698
If you all chipped in, you could
win your own lotto.
128
00:04:50,847 --> 00:04:53,806
You'd earn enough to undo
the indignity of the piss,
129
00:04:53,953 --> 00:04:55,958
which... which that man's face
130
00:04:56,058 --> 00:04:57,320
just woofed... woofed down- down.
131
00:04:57,393 --> 00:04:58,621
Ooh, ooh, hold the mayo.
132
00:04:58,696 --> 00:05:00,027
The dead want us to win!
133
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:01,498
And our schools win, too!
134
00:05:01,570 --> 00:05:02,662
We got to win!
135
00:05:02,739 --> 00:05:03,671
I guarantee!
136
00:05:03,741 --> 00:05:06,318
Mister, I run the Lotion
Weekly circular.
137
00:05:06,446 --> 00:05:10,233
I want to follow you around and
get your scoop, tell your story.
138
00:05:10,422 --> 00:05:13,828
Mine is the story of
a man searching far and wide,
139
00:05:13,997 --> 00:05:15,842
fat and thick and deep
for his mother,
140
00:05:15,934 --> 00:05:17,556
once thought dead.
141
00:05:17,637 --> 00:05:18,797
Have you seen her?
142
00:05:18,874 --> 00:05:22,374
She's about yea tall and about
ooh big, and about mmm nice.
143
00:05:22,548 --> 00:05:24,106
I have a sketch you could print.
144
00:05:24,185 --> 00:05:26,508
Wow, look at him go.
145
00:05:26,624 --> 00:05:29,042
Does your paper have
a missed connections section?
146
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,129
Take this down.
147
00:05:30,198 --> 00:05:32,966
"You - sandy, 5-foot blonde,
pretty drunk.
148
00:05:33,104 --> 00:05:34,758
We made passing eye contact
149
00:05:34,841 --> 00:05:36,592
whilst you were
giving birth to me.
150
00:05:36,679 --> 00:05:38,905
Me - Single, white male,
thick and huge.
151
00:05:39,016 --> 00:05:40,989
I tore you up that night.
Cocoa?"
152
00:05:41,088 --> 00:05:42,180
I'm sorry?
153
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,612
Do you want
some hot cocoa?
154
00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,415
Good and fruity.
- Sure.
155
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,504
Well, get me some, too.
Run it.
156
00:05:48,604 --> 00:05:50,162
Leave in the part
about the cocoa.
157
00:05:50,241 --> 00:05:52,342
Sex sells.
158
00:05:52,447 --> 00:05:54,005
So did any of this happen?
159
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:57,074
No, I would have remembered
something like that.
160
00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:58,053
I don't thi...
161
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,129
We won!
We won the lotto!
162
00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:01,424
We won the lotto!
163
00:06:01,499 --> 00:06:05,063
Now we can pay tribute
with the goldest statue ever!
164
00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:06,071
Yeah!
165
00:06:06,142 --> 00:06:09,388
You haven't won!
You are one!
166
00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:12,223
You have all shown nobility
in your selfless surrender
167
00:06:12,356 --> 00:06:13,947
to the
greater good.
168
00:06:14,026 --> 00:06:16,031
There can be no glorious
collective
169
00:06:16,132 --> 00:06:17,594
without the individual.
170
00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:20,882
Therefore, each one of you is
better than any other one of you...
171
00:06:21,042 --> 00:06:22,759
or the group.
172
00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:25,646
Don't let anyone put their parts
over your whole
173
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,309
and squeeze out
communism.
174
00:06:27,389 --> 00:06:29,297
You should each reward
yourselves decadently
175
00:06:29,392 --> 00:06:32,034
for your lack of greed
and selflessness.
176
00:06:32,166 --> 00:06:34,616
Aw, come on,
what are we gonna do?
177
00:06:34,738 --> 00:06:36,614
Something stupid like
cover ourselves in...
178
00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:38,586
So, then, we covered ourselves
in gold.
179
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,011
- We deserve it.
- I deserve it!
180
00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:40,947
Me too!
181
00:06:41,018 --> 00:06:42,895
You don't dress for the job
you want.
182
00:06:42,988 --> 00:06:44,387
You dress for the job you don't
have anymore
183
00:06:44,459 --> 00:06:46,495
because you got
gold-plated.
184
00:06:46,596 --> 00:06:48,569
You're only as rich as you...
Look.
185
00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:51,277
Here comes the nice banker man
to tell ye how rich I is.
186
00:06:51,407 --> 00:06:52,738
What's this?
187
00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:55,483
Seems to be some sort of words
on paper.
188
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,034
I can totally read,
but I dare you to read
189
00:06:58,155 --> 00:06:59,554
what it says on here.
190
00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:01,248
Or what are you, chicken?
191
00:07:01,329 --> 00:07:02,353
Moo-ca-toodle!
192
00:07:02,431 --> 00:07:06,664
It says the bank is going to
repossess this whole town
193
00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:10,280
and tear it down to build condos for
I assume "latte liberals."
194
00:07:10,449 --> 00:07:11,880
Yep, that's correct.
195
00:07:11,952 --> 00:07:13,924
Give up your gold or give up
your town.
196
00:07:14,022 --> 00:07:15,931
I'm not getting
rid of my gold!
197
00:07:16,027 --> 00:07:16,857
Me neither.
198
00:07:16,929 --> 00:07:19,443
You can pry it from my gold,
dead, gold...
199
00:07:19,568 --> 00:07:21,222
what are we gonna do?!
200
00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:23,278
I know some people
who would buy your town
201
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:24,503
and not
change a thing.
202
00:07:24,579 --> 00:07:26,902
We'll do anything
to stay gilded.
203
00:07:27,018 --> 00:07:29,849
Even pretend to be robots?
204
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:31,867
Down unda!
205
00:07:31,961 --> 00:07:34,444
XAVIER:
Okay, look unalive, people.
206
00:07:34,568 --> 00:07:35,500
Here we go!
207
00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:37,351
Ladies and gentlemuslims,
Arabs of all stroke,
208
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,839
we got a "goozum"
on the loose,
209
00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:39,739
so keep your muzzy limbs
210
00:07:39,812 --> 00:07:40,972
inside the "tramboatel"
at all times,
211
00:07:41,048 --> 00:07:42,989
'less you want to lose them
on a "goozum."
212
00:07:43,086 --> 00:07:45,185
I'm your tour guide, your pure
snide with white pride,
213
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,552
here to
keep you alive.
214
00:07:46,627 --> 00:07:47,889
And if you look to your left,
215
00:07:47,963 --> 00:07:49,225
you're gonna want to turn
to your right,
216
00:07:49,299 --> 00:07:52,672
where you'll see a robotic depiction
of a typical American town.
217
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,462
Only difference is
these Ameribots
218
00:07:54,544 --> 00:07:56,453
are double-, double-programmed
to not hate you
219
00:07:56,548 --> 00:07:58,012
even though you're Muslims.
220
00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,886
Coming up ahead is the pride of
the city, the lotion factory,
221
00:08:01,025 --> 00:08:05,067
with its famed 2-million-gallon
silos of anti-aging cream.
222
00:08:05,268 --> 00:08:07,303
And all of these people here
are robots?
223
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:08,234
Yep.
224
00:08:08,307 --> 00:08:09,205
So lifelike...
225
00:08:09,277 --> 00:08:12,267
It even looked like that robot
winked at you conspiratorially.
226
00:08:12,415 --> 00:08:15,184
You can touch them
all you want, here or here.
227
00:08:15,322 --> 00:08:16,414
Just don't play grab-ass.
228
00:08:16,491 --> 00:08:17,321
Psst.
229
00:08:17,394 --> 00:08:20,639
Show my butt what my mouth
means, just to be safe.
230
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:21,630
Go on.
231
00:08:21,703 --> 00:08:23,452
Mingle, do whatever you want
with them.
232
00:08:23,539 --> 00:08:25,830
Snatch their grub,
punch their bellies.
233
00:08:25,945 --> 00:08:28,650
Everything is included for your
$5,000 a day
234
00:08:28,784 --> 00:08:30,980
except for the
prop-prop plane ride.
235
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,114
That's a quarter.
236
00:08:32,192 --> 00:08:33,454
Now, who needs change?
237
00:08:33,529 --> 00:08:36,202
Someone answered your ad
for your mom.
238
00:08:36,335 --> 00:08:38,020
I told her to meet us here.
239
00:08:38,104 --> 00:08:38,968
She... honey?
240
00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,503
What are you doing here?
241
00:08:40,577 --> 00:08:41,839
I answered an ad.
242
00:08:41,913 --> 00:08:43,278
Years ago I had a son.
243
00:08:43,349 --> 00:08:44,441
I never told you.
244
00:08:44,519 --> 00:08:46,682
Is this your son?
245
00:08:46,789 --> 00:08:48,603
Him?!
No!
246
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,667
Mother, is that you?
247
00:08:50,766 --> 00:08:52,229
You look so different!
248
00:08:52,302 --> 00:08:54,147
Give me a hug.
- Get away from me.
249
00:08:54,239 --> 00:08:55,171
You make me sick!
250
00:08:55,242 --> 00:08:57,565
That's what she said.
It is my mom!
251
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,003
Is this female Ameribot
giving you trouble?
252
00:09:00,119 --> 00:09:01,609
She's to obey your orders, yes?
253
00:09:01,689 --> 00:09:02,656
Don't touch me!
254
00:09:02,724 --> 00:09:04,761
Sir, women here have
the freedom
255
00:09:04,863 --> 00:09:06,091
to do what they
want.
256
00:09:06,165 --> 00:09:07,132
It totally sucks.
257
00:09:07,201 --> 00:09:08,031
Fascinating.
258
00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:10,457
Where are time-honored
oppressions to women?
259
00:09:10,575 --> 00:09:11,633
Get off me!
260
00:09:11,711 --> 00:09:13,620
This machine is defective.
261
00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:14,808
We must destroy it!
262
00:09:14,885 --> 00:09:16,011
Noo!
263
00:09:16,087 --> 00:09:17,741
It's a software problem.
264
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,414
We'll re-reprogram her.
265
00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:20,620
I don't know.
266
00:09:20,696 --> 00:09:22,319
What if it is system-wide?
267
00:09:22,401 --> 00:09:24,628
No hate of Muslims is
all we ask for.
268
00:09:24,739 --> 00:09:26,263
Okay, just to be safe,
269
00:09:26,342 --> 00:09:30,257
I'll re-reprogram all of
the Ameribots to become Muslims.
270
00:09:30,452 --> 00:09:34,779
That's the kind of typical
American I like.
271
00:09:34,994 --> 00:09:36,291
Repeat again.
272
00:09:36,363 --> 00:09:39,927
Meka leka hi ala shineyho alla!
273
00:09:40,105 --> 00:09:43,097
Meka leka hi
ala shineyho alla!
274
00:09:43,246 --> 00:09:45,665
I even gold-plated
the Koran.
275
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,150
Can't polish a turd.
276
00:09:47,222 --> 00:09:49,289
They're dragging us back
to the stone ages.
277
00:09:49,392 --> 00:09:50,882
I think it's time for the robots
278
00:09:50,963 --> 00:09:54,865
to rise up against their
all-too-human masters.
279
00:09:57,610 --> 00:09:59,601
[Tires screech]
280
00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:05,648
[All roaring]
281
00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:07,251
My wife!
Where is she?!
282
00:10:07,331 --> 00:10:09,685
You're a reporter!
Stay objective.
283
00:10:09,802 --> 00:10:11,871
She would've wanted to be
objectified.
284
00:10:11,975 --> 00:10:14,202
Do your job!
Take the camera!
285
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:16,954
Yes.
Must remain objective.
286
00:10:17,085 --> 00:10:18,017
Take it!
287
00:10:18,088 --> 00:10:18,918
It's working!
288
00:10:18,989 --> 00:10:21,122
The "Arabasauruses" are
turning back into oil!
289
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:24,252
The Arab assault is
metaphorical.
290
00:10:24,402 --> 00:10:25,801
Oil! Oil! Oil!
291
00:10:25,871 --> 00:10:27,844
We're rich!
292
00:10:27,943 --> 00:10:30,615
The Ameribots of Lotion,
New...
293
00:10:30,748 --> 00:10:32,238
[coughs]
294
00:10:32,319 --> 00:10:33,149
Excuse me.
295
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:35,288
New Me...
[coughs]
296
00:10:35,392 --> 00:10:36,450
Excuse me.
297
00:10:36,528 --> 00:10:39,073
New Mexico, got so rich off...
298
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,360
Down unda!
299
00:10:40,410 --> 00:10:44,960
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