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00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:05,000
Edited at https://subtitletools.com
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This programme contains very strong
language, violence, drug use and
scenes of a sexual nature.
3
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,880
MOBILE PHONE BLEEPS
4
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,920
(CHUCKLES)
5
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:28,920
Fuckers.
6
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:50,960
HORN BLARES
7
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,920
Fredster!
8
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,400
This stuff is fucking
rubbish, by the way.
9
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,160
Stop stealing my fucking spliff!
10
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,560
Arghhh!
11
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,560
Morning, gents,
you thieving bastards. >
12
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:49,520
Come on, I got you some breakfast.
13
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,320
They allowed to serve lager
at 8 in the morning?
14
00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:55,120
They allowed to serve lager
at 8 in the morning?
I had a word...
15
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,480
JJ's got some interesting thoughts
on the benefits of Carlsberg
16
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,040
as part of a
balanced dietary pattern.
17
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,280
as part of a
balanced dietary pattern.
Yeah?
18
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,600
Calorifically it's right up there
with 392 energy units,
19
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,080
which is nothing on the
Snickers Duo I'm having
20
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,880
which has the additional drawback
of 28 grams of fat.
21
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,320
1.2 grams of fibre,
22
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:16,280
which doesn't feature in your lager.
But you could argue in some sense
23
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,680
that hops constitute
one of your five a day.
24
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,680
That'll do me.
25
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,000
You not having that, Freds?
26
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,000
That's his fourth so far. >
27
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,600
Is that a good idea?
We've college in half an hour.
28
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,480
You'll be carrying an
attention deficit into the day.
29
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,480
Attention deficit?
Intelligence deficit!
30
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,480
(BURPS LOUDLY)
31
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,520
Pig!
32
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,600
Well, maybe I won't go then.
33
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,720
You're going to bunk off
your first day?
34
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,480
Freddie, mate, the sun's shining.
35
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,560
We're bevvied, spliffed and sorted.
36
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,720
Feels like the beginning
of something. So I'm waiting.
37
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:57,200
The signal.
38
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,400
The signal.
We're starting college, Cook.
39
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,120
The signal.
We're starting college, Cook.
No, we're waiting.
Something's gotta start us off.
40
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,520
You're running a randomised
fate model to see
41
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:04,960
if you continue
in full time education?
42
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,880
if you continue
in full time education?
I need motivation. And it needs to
be better than sitting in the sun,
43
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,880
with you two, drinking beers
and smoking your blow. Jensie!
44
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,000
Have the same again?
45
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,440
And sling a couple of them
cherry shots on top?
46
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:18,480
Cheers, darling.
47
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,920
LAUGHTER
48
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,000
Yes, I can feel it!
49
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,760
It's got potential, this day.
50
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,760
It's pregnant.
51
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:41,120
Shouldn't someone pick up
that bike before it causes an...?
52
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,320
For fuck's sake!
Jesus shit!
53
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,040
Where the fuck did that...?!
What the fuck?!
54
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:56,040
Oh! Look at it! Look at it!
55
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,720
Look at my fucking car!
56
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,440
You saw that, didn't you?
Did you!? Did you see it?!
57
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,520
I don't know.
You drove into the bollard.
58
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,120
I did not! The fucking bike
jumped out in front of me!
59
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:12,120
my witness, right? Are you blind?
60
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,840
fucking blind?
61
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,880
(JJ) That girl's looking
at you, Freddie. >
62
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,760
Yeah.
63
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,960
Maybe she's looking at me.
64
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,560
OK.
65
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,000
Nice hair. >
66
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,280
Yeah.
67
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:33,160
She's got nice hair and nice eyes. >
68
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,760
And nice breasts, probably. >
69
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,280
Shut up, JJ.
70
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,560
Nipples.
71
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,000
We'll just imagine her bottom.
72
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,640
white stick, woman?
73
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,440
She's absolutely lovely. >
74
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,320
You are as stupid as you look! >
75
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,800
Ah, for fuck...
I want your mobile number.
76
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,920
Ah, for fuck...
I want your mobile number.
I don't have one.
77
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,200
Your fucking email address, then!
78
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,000
Look at the state
of my fucking car!
79
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,680
You must have seen something,
you demented bint!
80
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,080
What...
What happened?
81
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,040
Is that your bike,
you fucking idiot?!
82
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,400
I was signalling...
you just kept coming...
83
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,040
I was signalling...
you just kept coming...
I didn't even see you! >
84
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,120
You came out of fucking nowhere! >
85
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,080
I was trying to make you see me.
You just kept coming, man!
86
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,880
No. That's bollocks. No. Listen!
87
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,080
You fucked my bike.
You just ran straight through me.
88
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:22,080
That is not right!
You haven't got a witness.
89
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,320
Nobody saw me
knock you off your bike.
90
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,120
I did. >
91
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,760
It was just like he said!
92
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,960
You ran him over,
and now he's bleeding.
93
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,560
Profusely.
94
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,200
Perhaps we should
call a policeman.
95
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,360
I think it's a crime
to leave the scene of a...
96
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,160
I think it's a crime
to leave the scene of a...
There's no need for that.
I'm sure we can sort this out.
97
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,040
Let me buy you a new bike...
Look, here. Come on, take it!
98
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,160
Take it!! Come on, have the lot.
Have the whole fucking lot!
99
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,200
Oh, bollocks!
Forgive and forget, OK?
100
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,600
Forgive and forget, OK?
OK?! All right.
101
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,120
Everything all right, Gran?
102
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:05,120
Oh, yes. Just a slight problem,
all sorted out now. Yes.
103
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,120
He's a pillock, he wrapped
his car around that bollard, >
104
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,840
and he's called me
a demented bint. >
105
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,240
What the fuck did you say
to my Gran, man? >
106
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,840
What the fuck did you say
to my Gran, man? >
Hello, nice to meet you... >
107
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,640
Don't fucking, "Hello," me... >
108
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:20,640
Sweet.
109
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,920
Dad says some things are best
left to the imagination. >
110
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:29,640
But that's not right, is it?
111
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,800
But that's not right, is it?
Your dad's a stupid tosser, JJ.
112
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,840
Yes.
113
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,840
Do you think she's going
where we're going? >
114
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,840
She is now.
115
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:03,640
# There were always
two sides to this story
116
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:08,880
# It was faith that led us here
117
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,400
# Two lazy bells
118
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,320
# We saw wings that cling
and wings that fell
119
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:19,320
# All our time
120
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,600
# It's easy to see
all these changes for me
121
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,920
# But all of these things
Do not compare
122
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,400
# Not anywhere no
Near the way we do
123
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:39,400
# Through all of this life
124
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:44,880
# There's you. #
125
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,960
SHOWER RUNS
126
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,720
Aarrgh!
127
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:07,040
Mum! Mum! Emily hit me! Aargh!
128
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,760
Emily? Are you hitting James?
129
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,040
Sorry! Accident...
130
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,480
Argh! That was my bloody widdler!
131
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,280
Shut up or I'll tell her
what you were doing.
132
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:19,440
I've got a natural curiosity
for a boy of my age.
133
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,400
Fuck off. And I know it's you
stealing the knickers.
134
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,400
They better not be sticky
when I find them.
135
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,480
Get the fuck out of there, bitch!
136
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,480
Mum! Mum! Who?
137
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,280
It's me, Emily.
138
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,240
Tell her to get out of the shower.
She's making me late for college.
139
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,640
Gotta dash. Remember to make
a packed lunch for James. No!
140
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,640
Why don't you get Katie to...? Good
luck at college. Remember to smile.
141
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,880
DOOR CLOSES
142
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,200
DOOR SLAMS
143
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:05,200
Fucking hell!
144
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:14,080
You've used all the fucking water!
145
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:18,080
Jesus! Shit!
146
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,760
Oh, for fuck's sake!
You pervy little bastard.
147
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,040
Ow... Ow! Mum!
148
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,560
She's gone to work, loser.
149
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,600
Ow! >
150
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,640
Fucking hell. How many times
are you gonna do that?
151
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,480
I need to wash my hair and you've...
152
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,400
I knew this top
would look fucking bad-ass.
153
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,120
It's mine.
154
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:41,040
Yeah. Aren't you glad
I made you buy it?
155
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,040
Get dressed, though.
We're gonna be late.
156
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,840
but it's properly
cutting me in half.
157
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,280
You could give it back.
158
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,360
Sorry.
159
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,440
You know it doesn't
look as good on you.
160
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,480
CAR TOOTS HORN
161
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,920
Oh, there's Danny. Hey, cutey!
162
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,760
I'm just coming. Hooo!
163
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,760
I'm telling you, college?
First day? You need to get ready.
164
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,200
Cos we're not waiting for you.
165
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,600
What about my packed lunch?
166
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,840
Fuck off.
167
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,560
You shave your fanny
with Dad's Gillette Mach3.
168
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,560
WU-TANG CLAN: Shame On A Nigga
169
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,760
So Tommo goes up the inside, right?
170
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,360
I drop back to cover Marco
and Keeno.
171
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,960
Took a one-two from Jonno,
he's gone, "Danno!"
172
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,480
So I drag back over the ball.
173
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,120
Looked up, chipped
the centre back... Boff!
174
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,840
Sambo's in on goal.
175
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:04,920
Sambo?
176
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:08,680
He's got a lovely sense of rhythm.
Whoa! Where's your knickers, girl?
177
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,480
That's for me to know
and you to find out, Danny.
178
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,480
Nice one! Nice one, yeah?
179
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,600
Score one for me, honey.
180
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,960
Laters, babe.
181
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,280
See you, Danny.
182
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,280
Yeah, yeah.
183
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,680
Yeah. Renault Megane Coupe!
184
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,000
Fucking bag...
185
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,960
Here, Ems?
186
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,000
Ems?
187
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:53,640
Yeah?
188
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,000
Yeah?
You oughta spruce up, yeah?
Get some decent threads like Katie.
189
00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:01,000
We're having a party in the
Premier Travel Lodge on Thursday.
190
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,280
Party fun, yeah? The lads,
they love a twin thing, you know?
191
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,600
That's sweet of you, Danny.
Can I get back to you on that?
192
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,600
Yeah, yeah. Nice one.
193
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,640
That gas-head footy player?
194
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:22,040
Yup...
195
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,520
Yup...
My mate Janice wants
you to sign her tits.
196
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,360
Let me park up.
197
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,880
Your boyfriend's well mint.
198
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,200
Yeah. He's totally fit.
199
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,760
He took me to the Stakis Grand
last week for surf, turf and shots.
200
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,080
Oooh. I love Danny Guillermo.
Wow.
201
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,680
Oh, yeah, cute.
202
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,440
He's signing Samantha's tits!
203
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,680
Bonkers!
204
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,600
What's surf and turf, Eff?
205
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,000
Sex.
206
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,200
Wow! We'll have a whizzer time
at this college, Eff!
207
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,800
I'm definitely going
to have surf and turf, ASAP.
208
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,120
Mum says boys only want one thing
209
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,920
so my plan is
give it to them, lots of times.
210
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,560
That way I'll get good at it,
be really popular
211
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,120
and maybe my toes
will stop throbbing.
212
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,360
Bye!
213
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,920
Christ's sakes, Ems.
Come on, you loser!!
214
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:02,200
Oh...
215
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,640
Oh...
You're always lagging behind me.
216
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,960
Right.
217
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,240
You hate her.
218
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,600
Who do I hate, Eff?
219
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,000
I'll let you know.
220
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,360
Cool.
221
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,080
Let's get this party started.
222
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:18,680
You want a lollipop?
223
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,440
You want a lollipop?
No.
224
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,760
# I know I've got work to do
But hey
225
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,360
# My will to move
or even use my brain
226
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,120
# Is weathered
by eternal English rain
227
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,600
# And when the talk show ends,
I scream
228
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,400
# Right at the screen for more
229
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,360
# Pregnant teens
I can't fall asleep
230
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:35,840
# It's almost three
231
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,360
# So I water the flowers
out on the street
232
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,360
# And I spent 5 hours
on the net last night... #
233
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,160
She smiled at me.
234
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,400
Cool.
235
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,040
She, erm, didn't smile at you, JJ.
236
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,680
I think you'll find she did.
237
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:57,680
Mum was right. A lack of pubic hair
isn't necessarily a drawback.
238
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,960
It is a drawback.
239
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:03,960
Girls are more interested
in my character than my cock.
240
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,400
That's just been proved.
241
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,720
She was not looking at you.
242
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,040
Fuck me, you're blind.
243
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,040
On the contrary. My eyesight is keen.
244
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,960
Yeah? How many fingers
am I holding up?
245
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,320
F... Ow!
246
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,600
You always do that...!
247
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,040
I've got so much cock hair
248
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,280
I can backcomb it
and use it like a lure.
249
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:29,280
Nice.
250
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,200
Like a Porcupine.
251
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,560
Right, you're all prick.
252
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,120
Toosh.
253
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,560
You mean touche.
254
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:43,560
Probably.
255
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,680
Tosser.
256
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:49,680
Nice.
257
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:52,920
Here we go.
258
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,920
'Welcome to Roundview College.
A meeting place for young people.'
259
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:04,720
CHORUS PLAYS OVER TANNOY
260
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,760
God help me.
261
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,920
Lovely kids. So full of energy.
262
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,640
Makes you feel alive.
263
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,480
They look like a right peck
of fuckers to me.
264
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:23,040
If I suddenly get a bit flushed
and short of breath,
265
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,200
take over, would you, Doug?
266
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,240
Why would you get flushed?
267
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,360
Why would you get flushed?
Just fucking do it, ok?!
268
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:31,360
No problem. Flushed. Right you are.
269
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:35,120
Could I have your attention, please?
270
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,680
Yes, we are starting.
271
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:39,720
Excuse...
272
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,480
BLOWS WHISTLE
273
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:43,720
Attention!
274
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:47,720
Pay attention, look you!
275
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,480
Thank you, Doug.
276
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,640
Welcome to Roundview College.
277
00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:00,640
We are a designated four star
educational establishment
278
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,040
under the National We're All
In It Together Initiative
279
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,640
leading to Ultimate Improvement
status.
280
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,640
Anyone who screws that up will be
officially burnt at the stake.
281
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:12,800
And expelled.
282
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,360
Yes, and expelled.
283
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:18,360
God help you all, you're gonna get
some qualifications. Any questions?
284
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,000
PFFRT!
285
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,600
Thank you. Now before I turn
you over to your form tutors,
286
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,280
I'd like to tell you something about
the way in which we organise our...
287
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:28,880
PFFRT!
288
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,760
PFFRT!
Right! Very funny.
This is a further education college,
289
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,600
not a primary school.
290
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,800
PFFRT!
291
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:35,840
LAUGHTER
292
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,480
Stop it! Stop it!
293
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,280
I'll cut your balls off,
you cheeky little turds!
294
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,560
You hear me?
295
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:47,200
I do apologise.
296
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,880
I think I might be at fault.
297
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,640
Too much rhubarb
on my Ready Brek. Havoc.
298
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,040
LAUGHTER
299
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,280
Right.
300
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,440
You are looking a little flushed.
Do you want me to...?
301
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,760
No! No. Just...
302
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,760
(INHALES)
303
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,400
Last year, we had
some intolerable incidents
304
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,960
so, I want to make this
easy for you.
305
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,960
The following will result in instant
expulsion - smoking on the premises,
306
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,280
setting fire to the premises,
307
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,400
consumption of alcohol
on the premises,
308
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,280
consumption of drugs on the premises,
consumption of pornography
309
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,560
on the premises, teacher abuse,
glue abuse, self abuse,
310
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,560
sexual intercourse with any other
student, teacher or animal
311
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,200
or combination of the above
312
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:50,200
including oral sex and/or
use of sex toys, on the premises.
313
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,520
That was nasty...
314
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:57,520
Miss Reedy, our new head
of communications.
315
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,960
Miss Reedy is joining us from...
316
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,800
Where are you joining us from?
317
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,280
Um, I had some time off.
318
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,280
Seven years.
319
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:11,280
It was stress-related but feeling
a bit better now, hopefully...
320
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,600
Oh, Christ.
321
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,560
Form BD1, say your name,
please, when I...
322
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,600
Put your hands up, please,
when I call your, erm, name.
323
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:36,440
Emily Fitch?
324
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,040
Katie Fitch?
325
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,720
Jonah Jeremia Jones?
326
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,240
JJ, present.
327
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,480
James Cook?
328
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,320
Yo!
329
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:51,040
Elizabeth Stonem?
330
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,760
Mavis Jarundi?
331
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,760
Dob...rislawa W...
332
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,360
Wieczorek?
I'm sorry, you're foreign.
333
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,640
Frederick Mclair?
334
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,160
Yes.
335
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,640
Yes!
336
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,680
Denise Adebeyor?
337
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,720
Yes. Yes! The integrity
of the unit is preserved.
338
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,240
I'm still deeply unhappy
with you, mind,
339
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,520
on account of the
unwarranted violence.
340
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,280
All right, I said I'm sorry.
341
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,280
And Naomi Campbell?
342
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:27,080
Naomi Campbell?
343
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,040
THROUGH MEGAPHONE: Naomi Campbell?!
344
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,040
Fucking hell...
345
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,560
Hey, Naomi.
346
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,280
Now I get it. You got
anger management issues.
347
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,920
Only when I talk to wankers.
348
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,920
Cool. You gonna hit me
with your shoe now, or...?
349
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,600
I like her.
350
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:01,920
Oh, Christ. Same fucking form.
351
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,080
TEACHER CONTINUES READING NAMES
352
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,280
Hey, babe...?
353
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,320
Babe? Babe?
354
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,920
Babe?
355
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,280
Babe?
356
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,800
Sorry. I'm not a babe.
357
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,960
No? Well, I'll be the judge of that.
358
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,160
Listen, trying to break the ice.
359
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,240
Guess what I've got tattooed
on my cock?
360
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,360
No, go on. Guess.
361
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:24,600
What would you say?
362
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,040
Excuse me?
363
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,640
Yes? What is it?
364
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,760
The boy next to me
is acting inappropriately.
365
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:30,880
How?
366
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,880
He wants to show me his tattoo.
367
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,120
And not in a nice way.
368
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,680
Right. You!
369
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,160
Yes! Why don't you show us all
your pathetic tattoo.
370
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,680
We can wonder at
its magnificent stupidity.
371
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,320
I don't think you'd like it.
372
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,360
Right lad! Smartish!
373
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,360
You've had an instruction.
Show her the tattoo, now!
374
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,920
All right.
375
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,680
Wait. No, no, no! Cook, wait, no.
376
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,960
LAUGHTER
377
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,640
That is fuckin' impressive,
so it is.
378
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,640
No, no, no, no, no! Let me out!
379
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,920
Let me out! Don't make me stay.
Let me out!
380
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,440
LAUGHTER
381
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,440
This is unacceptable. Unacceptable!
382
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,520
Silence.
383
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:32,520
Silence! Silence! You, silence!
384
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,040
PF-F-FFRT!
385
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:52,360
I do apologise again.
386
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,000
If I ever, ever see your face
in this office again...
387
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,520
Get out!
388
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,760
GET OUT!
389
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,760
GET OUT!
390
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:12,920
Did she expel you?
391
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:13,560
For what?
392
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,880
Well, getting your cock
out in Assembly.
393
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,280
I'm guessing, but it's possibly
frowned upon.
394
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,560
Even in the state sector.
395
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,480
She understood the bind I was in.
I was doing what I was told.
396
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,520
Very accommodating.
397
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,080
There was something about removing
my bollocks with a monkey wrench
398
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,560
if she ever saw them again.
399
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,720
I think we reached an understanding.
400
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,480
Right. To business.
401
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:34,520
You mean education?
402
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:35,600
You mean education?
Women, JJ.
403
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:36,680
Women?
404
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,440
Um... I mean, I feel like
we might be...
405
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:44,440
I don't want to sort of run
before I can walk...
406
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,480
Wow.
407
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,480
Girls!
408
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,400
There's a lot of them.
409
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,640
Yep.
410
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,360
So much choice.
It's disconcerting.
411
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:04,760
No, it's just a matter of sorting
out the wheat from the chavs.
412
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,480
Ah, there we are.
413
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,160
And the wolf shall lie down
with the lamb.
414
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,360
You think she'd
lie down with me?
415
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:16,920
BOTH: No!
416
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,280
Yeah? Well, that line is wrong
and popularly misquoted.
417
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,240
It should read: 'The wolf also
shall dwell with the lamb,
418
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,640
'and the leopard shall
lie down with the kid,
419
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,120
'and the lion and the calf together
and a little child shall lead them.'
420
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:33,120
Yeah. We'll try and pick
the bones out of that, J.
421
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,920
I could show her one
of my magic tricks.
422
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,560
Dad says it's
an ice-breaker.
423
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,240
Yeah? Let's try that out, then,
424
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,040
before we go leaping in, and we can
see who gets the fatted calf, right?
425
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,080
OK.
426
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,240
Yeah, you.
427
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:49,240
Darling, my mate wants to try out
his pick-up routine on you. That OK?
428
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,800
Hey. Hi, I'm JJ.
429
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,200
Pack of cards.
Nothing funny about them.
430
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,200
Except one minute
they're blue and...
431
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,400
Hi.
432
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,080
Hi.
433
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,560
You don't mind if
I take this locker?
434
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,840
You can take anything
if you want it enough.
435
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:14,840
Great. Everything's new and I
suppose we should probably, like,
436
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,720
you know,
all get to know each other.
437
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,880
Why?
438
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,440
Well, um...
439
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,440
I dunno.
440
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,240
You definitely looked at me
this morning, twice.
441
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:31,240
I just thought, you know, maybe
we could get to know each other.
442
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,280
I look at
lots of people.
443
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:37,280
That doesn't mean I want to
get to know them.
444
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,240
Do you want me to want
to get to know you?
445
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,360
I, er, I wouldn't mind.
446
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:52,360
Thing is, they want
to get to know me too.
447
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,840
They're just wankers.
448
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,560
They're your best friends.
449
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,200
OK, so they're my best friends.
450
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,920
That makes it complicated.
451
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,920
I, um, I was hoping not.
452
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,720
I'm Freddie.
453
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,720
Tell you what, Freddie.
454
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,400
Fill in a form.
455
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,440
What's this?
456
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,400
A list of things
we're not allowed to do.
457
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:25,400
Like that head director said before
your bestest mate got his cock out.
458
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,800
I was gonna see if I could tick 'em
all before the end of the day.
459
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,640
But this is much more interesting.
460
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:35,640
First one to fill that out gets to...
461
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,560
..get to know me.
462
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,240
And no cheating.
463
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:43,640
I'll need evidence.
464
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,080
OK.
465
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,480
Cos I wouldn't fuck a cheat.
466
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,480
Sorry?
467
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,120
Now watch very closely. >
468
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:05,600
Oh! Where's it gone?
469
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,400
Presto!
470
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:07,840
Presto!
471
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,600
Put that away
before I lose it.
472
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,920
Yes, that's alarming.
So I'll just...
473
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,400
Ha ha!
474
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,840
And the coup de grace.
475
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,840
Prestissimo!
476
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,720
Yeah!
477
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,720
Magic!
478
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:35,320
Question is, pet, does that make
you want to give JJ a blowjob?
479
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:41,720
Excuse me, are you
fucking deaf or something?
480
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,000
So why don't you
481
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,680
give him a blowjob
if you love him so much?
482
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,400
Tossers.
483
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,360
Especially you.
484
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,160
Who are we speaking to here?
485
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,800
Pixie's lip reading.
I'm telling you what she says.
486
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,760
Right, right. Cool.
487
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,880
She's got tits like choccy Hob Nobs.
I'd like to dunk 'em,
488
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,520
suck 'em and lick off the love.
489
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:07,440
I'm not sure...
490
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,520
Droopy, lardy arse.
491
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:12,040
Bit spready, bit low slung.
You get me?
492
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:16,040
I think we've stumbled upon
a flaw in your thinking.
493
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,400
Listen... I mean, wait. Hang on.
494
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,000
HE GASPS IN PAIN
495
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,000
small-balled arsehole bandit.
496
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,280
She may be deaf,
she's also extremely rude.
497
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,400
Yeah.
498
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,400
# SANTOGOLD: Shove It
499
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,640
It's bloody annoying
they put us in different forms.
500
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,360
I mean, OK,
I'm totally useless
501
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,920
and Mum says I have to do Hair &
Beauty, but I'm good at Philosophy.
502
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,760
I can't understand why I can't
do Hair and Philosophy.
503
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:58,160
You can't cos it turns out Hair &
Beauty is one subject, not two.
504
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,240
Blooming Nora, how mad is that?
505
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,120
It's inexplicable, Pandora.
506
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,360
Yeah. Inexplicable.
507
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,440
What does inexplicable mean, Eff?
508
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,240
Can't explain.
509
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:11,240
All right! Suit yourself, then.
510
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:20,800
Whoa!
511
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,480
Hi, I'm Katie.
512
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,560
I'm Bruno and what do you know?
513
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,520
Hello!
514
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:27,840
Who's your friend?
515
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,840
Pandora. Wow! You're a corker.
516
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,800
Thanks, um...
517
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,560
It's nice to... I got to go.
518
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:40,320
Strewth! Do you think he'd do
surf and turf with me, Eff?
519
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:40,760
I'll ask.
520
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,120
Gotta go. Lesson one,
practical skills.
521
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,360
Filing our nails - handy!
522
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:50,360
I'm Pandora. I'm useless.
523
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:52,560
Cute.
524
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,480
I'm Katie, that's my sister.
525
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,840
Aren't you Effy Stonem? Haven't
you got a really cool brother?
526
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,200
Yeah, he's cool.
527
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,720
All my friends fancied him.
I wasn't so fussed.
528
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,600
Didn't he go mental?
Anyway I've got a boyfriend.
529
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,520
He plays for Bristol Rover reserves.
530
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:09,000
Impressive.
531
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,480
Yeah. He's well lush.
Let's sit together.
532
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,160
We can chat because, you know...
533
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,160
We're the best-looking in here,
really. Sorry but we are.
534
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,040
We should hang out.
Definitely.
535
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,000
Oh, no, here it comes.
536
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:25,000
Total lezzer bitch.
537
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:32,040
Excuse me.
538
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,320
Like, don't talk to her. She tried
to snog my sister at middle school.
539
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:41,480
Pervy. Don't you
think, Eff?
540
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,880
Watch out, Katie.
I might get confused
541
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:49,880
and fuck you with my big
strap-on by mistake.
542
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,200
Muff-munching bitch.
543
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:55,560
Just jumped on you, didn't she...
544
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,000
Leave it, Katie.
545
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,160
Whatever.
546
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,200
Come on.
547
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,440
We'll get the best seats, yeah?
548
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,120
So, you the doormat, then?
549
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,520
Sort of.
550
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:12,520
Interesting, that you
just put up with that.
551
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,440
Yeah.
552
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,200
It's a challenging list.
You gotta give her that.
553
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,280
Sex in school. Tricky.
554
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,720
Guys, we are now seven minutes -
555
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,520
57, 58, 59 - eight minutes late
for form induction.
556
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:28,840
Shut up, will you, JJ?
557
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:30,560
Do you think she's serious?
558
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:34,000
There's only one way to find out.
559
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,960
Wait a minute. You're not gonna...
560
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,160
I've already got
'teacher abuse' ticked.
561
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:42,160
And how! Your cock
should not be that colour. >
562
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,000
The game is on, Freddie.
You wanna play?
563
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,280
Don't be stupid.
564
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,280
Tell you what,
girls like Stupid.
565
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,760
Ain't you worked
that out?
566
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,000
And McFly. Girls like McFly. >
567
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:58,000
She's a naughty, naughty little girl
and I don't like to disappoint.
568
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,920
Eh?
569
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,760
Someone's left their shit in here.
570
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:08,800
Yeah!
571
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,120
Nice!
572
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:11,840
Check this out!
573
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,920
Oh, my god. Cook,
I'm not sure if that's legal.
574
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,880
Oh, that's definitely not legal!
575
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,400
Dunno who this Sid guy was but
he's got fucking great taste in gash.
576
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,440
I can't look. Don't make me look.
577
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,040
I have to look. Oh, holy shit!
578
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,200
That's forbidden.
Forbidden, verboten, interdit. JJ!
579
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,400
Prohibido, prohibido! JJ! JJ!
580
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,280
I'm sorry. Was I getting
locked on, there?
581
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:34,360
Locked on, JJ.
582
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:35,400
OK.
583
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,760
I'm all right. I'm fine.
But can I just remind you,
584
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:41,520
in a casual, non-locked-on way,
that we're late?
585
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,520
We're late, we're late,
we're late!
586
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,160
JJ!
587
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,040
Sorry.
I'm fine.
588
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,480
We going?
589
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,280
Hang on.
590
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:54,320
Shoot me. Huh?
591
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:58,320
The fucking camera. Go on.
592
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,120
Right, action.
593
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,000
Cook, what the fuck are you doing?
594
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:06,000
Action. Do it, man!
595
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,320
I was saving this for lunch
but what the fuck?
596
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,080
Cheers!
597
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,440
Fuck me.
598
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:37,440
Christ.
599
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,440
Sorted.
600
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,760
You are fucking mental.
601
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,080
Mental is as mental does.
602
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,760
But we're late.
603
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:50,760
Shall we?
604
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,280
Let's go.
605
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,600
Come on, run!
606
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,440
So, you see, they don't mean it.
607
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,200
That's what you have to remember.
608
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,840
They're just kids.
609
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,080
Kids! Yes?
610
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,720
I, um, I suppose so.
611
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:09,440
They don't mean it.
612
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,200
Have you ever fallen off a horse?
613
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:12,400
Huh?
614
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:16,400
You have to drink your milk and get
straight back on that horse.
615
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,720
OK? Back. Yes?
616
00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:20,120
Uggy uggy uggy!
617
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:21,160
What?
618
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,560
Kids. Cheeky, immature.
619
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,600
Harmless. They can't hurt you. OK?
620
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,080
OK. They can't hurt me.
621
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,800
Good girl.
622
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:31,800
Saddle up!
623
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,800
(WINCES)
624
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,240
ARGH!
625
00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:53,240
FIRE BELL RINGS
626
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,440
Across firmly and round it off.
627
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,480
Across firmly and round it off.
628
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,680
Across firmly and round it off.
629
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,560
Across firmly and round it off.
630
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,840
Across firmly and round it off.
631
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,480
Across firmly and round it off.
632
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:23,040
Across firmly and round it off.
633
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,680
Across firmly and round it off.
634
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,040
Across firmly and round it off.
635
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:32,040
Across firmly...
636
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:37,720
Smooth the cuticle, push.
637
00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:41,720
Smooth the cuticle, push.
638
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,120
Remember to breathe.
639
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,600
Smooth the cuticle.
640
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,280
Push.
641
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,360
Smooth the cuticle.
642
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,600
Push. Yes.
643
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,000
I'm sorry...
644
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,000
We're filing. What is it?
645
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,760
Well, um,
blimey this is fascinating.
646
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,920
Mega fun. But the thing is...
647
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,120
I have to get out of here.
648
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,280
Sorry?
649
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:09,280
I have to go because I've got
three super-duper zits coming on.
650
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:10,920
GASPING
651
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,400
They're like...proper seepers.
652
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:14,880
Oh, my God!
653
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,120
Yes, Go! Go!
654
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,160
For God's sake go!
Refresh and moisturise.
655
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,880
Don't waste a second.
656
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,880
Yes. Refresh and... I'm on it!
657
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,760
Smooth the cuticle. Push.
658
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:40,240
Blooming 'eck. It's big out here.
659
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,240
Right.
660
00:36:58,240 --> 00:37:02,240
Um... Now we've gotta...
661
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:07,480
Christ.
662
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,480
Fuck it.
663
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,240
OK. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
664
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:17,240
Um... OK. Whatever...
665
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,880
We've gotta stand up,
666
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,880
say our names
and a unique fact about ourselves.
667
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,320
Right. I'll start.
668
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,960
Christ.
669
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,960
I'm Kieran and I hate
being a fucking teacher. You.
670
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,520
Um... I'm JJ and with
regard to mathematic aptitude
671
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,200
I'm in the top 0.3% of the
population which is an interesting
672
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,440
demographic statistic because
paradoxically my communication,
673
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,600
interpersonal and intuitive skills
are towards the lower quartiles.
674
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:57,600
Yeah. You've stopped me in my
fucking tracks there, yeah. You.
675
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,840
I'm Katie.
676
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:03,960
I've never not had a boyfriend
since I was seven.
677
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:07,960
Congratulations. You.
678
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,480
I'm Emily.
679
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:13,840
I've never had a boyfriend.
680
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:17,160
Shit happens. You.
681
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,680
I'm Naomi.
682
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,440
I hate injustice.
683
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,720
People tell lies about me.
684
00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:25,560
You at the back.
685
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,360
I'm Kumir. I'm gay.
686
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:31,040
Yup. Good. You.
687
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:34,720
I'm Max, and both
my parents are artists.
688
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:38,600
Great. I'm very very happy for you.
What about you? With the bling.
689
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,520
I'm Effy.
690
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,920
And I think my mum's
having an affair.
691
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:47,480
Good one. Shows enterprise.
692
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:50,120
What about you, big man?
693
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,600
I'm Freddie.
694
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,520
I met a girl I like today.
695
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,600
She's like...
696
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,600
Beautiful.
697
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,000
That's it.
698
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,920
That's it? That's your unique fact?
That's just great.
699
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,880
Fascinating, Freddie,
thank you for that. What about you?
700
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:15,600
I'm Katie and
I had Frosties for breakfast.
701
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,480
Frosties, that's product
placement in my opinion.
702
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,880
You there at the back
beside the wee gay man?
703
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,240
My name's Nathan and seven members
704
00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:26,200
of my immediate
family have been on Crimewatch.
705
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,320
Brilliant,
what a year this is gonna be.
706
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:29,400
Kieran? Yes.
707
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,320
I'm feeling rather shit.
708
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,160
I think I need to
go to the Nurse's office.
709
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,200
Oh, yeah? OK. Go on then.
710
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:36,960
Right. Where were we?
711
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,640
Oh, stuff it.
712
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:43,520
Let's just watch a DVD about...
713
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,000
Oh, Christ.
714
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:49,000
"How To Be Inclusive". Holy Mother of
divine shite, who makes up this shit?
715
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,960
Actually, Kieran,
I'm not feeling too well either.
716
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,160
My balls are aching. I might
have to go and see that nurse.
717
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:56,200
Right! Bugger off then.
718
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:57,680
Cheers, Kieran.
719
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:01,680
See if she can laser
Jordan off them.
720
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:06,400
OK. Right, how the fuck does this...
721
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,120
Hey.
Can I be in this class?
722
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:16,680
I don't like mine.
723
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:20,080
Why not? Make up the numbers.
You doing some A levels?
724
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,760
One, please. Philosophy.
725
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,200
OK, sit down.
726
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,520
When you've worked out the point of
living, come and fucking tell me.
727
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:31,000
Whizzer!
728
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:35,000
Where's Effy?
729
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:44,560
They don't have a nurse.
730
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,480
I just gotta get drugs.
731
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,480
And sex.
732
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,920
Grab my balls! Grab my balls!
733
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:53,360
MOANING
734
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,280
Grab my balls!
735
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,720
Grab my balls!
736
00:41:57,720 --> 00:42:01,000
Grab my balls! Grab my balls!
737
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:05,000
MOANING AND GRUNTING
738
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:10,080
SCREAMING
739
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,200
# Teach me to learn to lose myself
740
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:40,080
# My finger was pricked
by someone else
741
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:43,400
# Pull my blood up
through a mixer straw
742
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,800
# Spread the words all
over the neighbour's lawn
743
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,600
# Don't cry for
sleeping kittens
744
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:52,800
# Cos they won't die today
745
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:56,000
# We'll cover them with flowers
746
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,080
# They dream their dreams away
747
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,360
# Disconnect the feeling factory
748
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,520
# Put your tongue up
to my battery
749
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,920
# Things are so much
smoother when we lie
750
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,600
# Crush your cigarettes out
on an orange sky
751
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:13,240
# Lose sleep for sleeping children
752
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:17,240
# Throw your branch away
753
00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:19,200
# The bees they buzzed so loudly
754
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:23,040
# That I just couldn't stay
755
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:27,040
# I just couldn't stay
756
00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:32,720
# Awaiting an audience
757
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,400
# Awaiting an audience
758
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:44,160
# Awaiting an audience
759
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:50,120
# Awaiting an audience... #
760
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:14,360
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