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CLAIRE: Ready for your big camping trip?
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00:00:01,896 --> 00:00:03,081
You sure you got everything you need?
3
00:00:03,106 --> 00:00:05,974
Everything but the one thing
I'd truly be lost without...
4
00:00:06,009 --> 00:00:09,530
Your Camry.
My GPS is broken. Can we trade cars?
5
00:00:09,565 --> 00:00:14,020
I recently left my real-estate partners
to strike out on my own.
6
00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:17,723
But before facing the wilds
of the housing market,
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00:00:17,758 --> 00:00:21,028
I'm gonna boost my confidence
with six rugged nights of camping
8
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,974
at Yosemite National Park
and one at the Kawayu Lodge.
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00:00:24,009 --> 00:00:26,787
I'm... I'm concerned, of course,
10
00:00:26,822 --> 00:00:29,278
about readjusting to civilization,
11
00:00:29,313 --> 00:00:31,913
so I've reserved the garden suite
12
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,182
in case I'm more comfortable
sleeping outside.
13
00:00:34,217 --> 00:00:35,288
[ SNORTS]
14
00:00:35,706 --> 00:00:39,680
Uh... only because I am picturing myself
15
00:00:39,715 --> 00:00:41,983
in a line of people
sweeping the woods with flashlights,
16
00:00:42,018 --> 00:00:45,192
are you sure a week
in the woods is a good idea?
17
00:00:45,227 --> 00:00:47,426
Sweetheart, if anything,
I'm over prepared.
18
00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:50,172
I have two weeks worth of food,
water purifiers...
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00:00:50,207 --> 00:00:51,806
a flare gun.
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00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:53,474
Oh, don't wave that thing around
in the house.
21
00:00:53,509 --> 00:00:54,523
Give me a little bit of credit.
22
00:00:54,558 --> 00:00:56,302
I'm not gonna shoot off
a flare gun in the house.
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00:00:56,337 --> 00:00:58,059
[ AIR MATTRESS INFLATES]
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00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:11,970
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:13,042 --> 00:01:16,234
Hey, Lily, the library is saying
that "Stripey the Zebracorn"
26
00:01:16,303 --> 00:01:18,937
is two months overdue?
What... what's that about?
27
00:01:19,005 --> 00:01:21,940
We have a new librarian,
and she's a little...
28
00:01:22,008 --> 00:01:23,808
She's been drunk e-mailing a lot.
29
00:01:23,877 --> 00:01:25,410
Oh, that poor thing.
30
00:01:25,478 --> 00:01:27,145
Lily, go find that book.
31
00:01:27,214 --> 00:01:29,247
And the fine's coming
out of your allowance.
32
00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:31,516
You'll really believe anything,
won't you?
33
00:01:31,585 --> 00:01:33,918
- I will not.
- Really? Okay...
34
00:01:33,987 --> 00:01:36,054
Um, hey, remember when you
had your grandmother
35
00:01:36,122 --> 00:01:38,823
ship us a certain Appalachian hex poppet
36
00:01:38,892 --> 00:01:40,786
because you thought our
house had evil spirits?
37
00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:42,405
Okay, yeah.
Do you have a better explanation
38
00:01:42,462 --> 00:01:44,849
of why there were cries and giggles
echoing through our walls?
39
00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:48,366
Yes. Our contractor found this
in one of the vents.
40
00:01:48,435 --> 00:01:49,500
Listen...
41
00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:50,702
[TOY COOING, LAUGHING]
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00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:51,870
[GASPS]
43
00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:54,072
Yeah, I think it's one of those dolls
they give high-school girls
44
00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:55,773
who are high risk for getting pregnant?
45
00:01:55,842 --> 00:01:58,409
When would one of those girls
have been in this house?
46
00:01:59,546 --> 00:02:02,547
I think I was babysitting Lily,
47
00:02:02,616 --> 00:02:05,416
and I kinda remember it
turning into a party situation.
48
00:02:05,485 --> 00:02:08,586
You know, I sort of recall
the air conditioning blasting
49
00:02:08,655 --> 00:02:10,288
and I had to shove something
in the vent to block it,
50
00:02:10,357 --> 00:02:13,258
which was pretty responsible,
considering my friend Alicia
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00:02:13,326 --> 00:02:15,493
brought her actual baby there.
[CHUCKLES]
52
00:02:15,562 --> 00:02:18,396
So many teens going down the wrong path.
I see it every day.
53
00:02:18,465 --> 00:02:20,498
Uh, seems like you're trying
to change the subject
54
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:21,699
from you being gullible.
55
00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:23,801
Only because I have
a more pressing concern.
56
00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:26,237
Today, I have to oversee
my first detention
57
00:02:26,306 --> 00:02:27,739
as acting vice principal,
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00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:29,440
and I'm... I've just been
racking my brain
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00:02:29,509 --> 00:02:31,075
of how I'm gonna reach these kids.
60
00:02:31,144 --> 00:02:33,678
It's, uh, detention. How about
"shut up and do your homework"?
61
00:02:33,747 --> 00:02:37,248
[CRYING, MUMBLING]
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00:02:37,317 --> 00:02:39,350
What's... what's wrong with her?
Should I get the hex poppet?
63
00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:41,185
I'm just cry-talking.
64
00:02:41,254 --> 00:02:43,288
- I threw my neck out changing Cal.
- Oh, no.
65
00:02:43,356 --> 00:02:46,124
Now whenever I move,
all of me comes with it.
66
00:02:46,192 --> 00:02:47,425
Oh, gosh. Oh, you know what?
67
00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:52,463
Why don't you let us take baby Cal,
and you go get yourself a rubdown.
68
00:02:52,532 --> 00:02:56,701
[SIGHS] You're an angel.
Shouldn't be but a few hours.
69
00:02:57,570 --> 00:03:00,104
[WHISPERING] Hey, are you an even bigger
rube than I thought?
70
00:03:00,173 --> 00:03:01,639
- There's nothing wrong with her neck.
- [DOOR OPENS]
71
00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,341
- [NORMAL VOICE] Oh my God, the baby!
- What?!
72
00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,043
- [NECK CRACKS]
- No! [WHIMPERING]
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00:03:05,111 --> 00:03:07,378
He... he winked at me.
74
00:03:07,447 --> 00:03:08,579
JAY: You're gonna love it, Joe.
75
00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:11,783
My dad took me to an air show like this
for my 12th birthday.
76
00:03:11,851 --> 00:03:15,920
We saw Blue Angels, fighter jets,
a B-52 bomber.
77
00:03:15,989 --> 00:03:18,275
- Something got bombed?
- Well, my dad.
78
00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:20,224
He got in a drinking contest
with some fly boys.
79
00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:23,294
But that just made it extra fun,
'cause I got to drive us home.
80
00:03:23,363 --> 00:03:27,265
GLORIA: Joe, why is the fort
still in the middle of the living room?
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00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,767
- I need it.
- For what? Apaches?
82
00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:32,337
- Are you being attacked?
- Feels like it.
83
00:03:32,405 --> 00:03:34,839
Take it down.
I've told you three times already.
84
00:03:34,908 --> 00:03:37,742
If you don't do it now,
we're not going to the air show.
85
00:03:37,811 --> 00:03:40,050
Wait, no fair! Why am I being punished?
86
00:03:40,781 --> 00:03:43,715
MANNY: Oh, I didn't expect
you guys to be home.
87
00:03:43,783 --> 00:03:45,316
Uh, we're just gonna use the pool.
88
00:03:45,385 --> 00:03:47,552
- Jay, Gloria...
- Gloria?
89
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:50,588
This is Dr. Karen Fisk.
She's a movement teacher at my school.
90
00:03:50,657 --> 00:03:51,923
Your son is very talented.
91
00:03:51,992 --> 00:03:54,989
Well, it's always very nice
to meet one of Manny's teachers.
92
00:03:54,995 --> 00:03:57,095
Why don't I get us something to drink
93
00:03:57,163 --> 00:04:00,565
and maybe some delicious brownies
that I was about to throw away
94
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,800
because they're only
for the good children!
95
00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:05,370
Keep your brownies!
96
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:07,772
It's cute, that grown-up routine
97
00:04:07,841 --> 00:04:10,074
Manny's putting on
to impress his girlfriend.
98
00:04:10,143 --> 00:04:12,977
She's not his girlfriend.
She's his teacher.
99
00:04:13,046 --> 00:04:15,747
Gloria, he brought her home
when he thought no one would be around.
100
00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:18,182
Manny has been
bringing his teachers home
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00:04:18,251 --> 00:04:19,784
since he was a little kid.
102
00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:23,406
His 9th birthday party
turned into a PTA meeting.
103
00:04:23,441 --> 00:04:26,952
Gloria, I think you're just not seeing
what you don't want to see.
104
00:04:26,987 --> 00:04:29,439
Believe me, Jay, I see everything.
105
00:04:29,474 --> 00:04:31,221
JOE: [GROANS]
106
00:04:31,356 --> 00:04:33,010
CLAIRE: The dentist says
your new mouth guard
107
00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:34,113
should be there tomorrow.
108
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,733
Alex, I am sure you can
make it through one night...
109
00:04:37,231 --> 00:04:40,900
I-I don't know, hit the materials lab
and whip up some mouth flubber.
110
00:04:40,902 --> 00:04:42,135
Oh, Claire, thank goodness.
111
00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:44,470
- There was a bit of a trucking mix-up.
- Mm-hmm.
112
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:47,652
Irving was sent to Julian
and can't get to Visalia.
113
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:51,875
Well, send Dustin to Visalia
and have Irving hit Julian and Ramona.
114
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:54,258
Dustin can't hit Visalia
and also Irvine.
115
00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:57,746
- Well, can Julia hit Irvine?
- Not Irvine and Tustin.
116
00:04:57,781 --> 00:05:00,382
Fine... Send Julia to Julian,
Ram�n to Ramona,
117
00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:02,185
Dustin to Tustin, Irving to Irvine,
118
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:03,993
and I'll drive the damn truck
to Visalia!
119
00:05:04,028 --> 00:05:06,358
- You?
- Yes, of course me, Margaret!
120
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,651
'Cause I have to handle
everything anyhow!
121
00:05:08,686 --> 00:05:12,965
- If not me, who?
- Oh, no. Mi Hu is going to Carlsbad.
122
00:05:14,459 --> 00:05:16,626
These are your future,
123
00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:20,597
and they're headed... out...
124
00:05:20,665 --> 00:05:23,132
the window... never to return.
125
00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:24,300
You drop this, Coach?
126
00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:26,135
[CLEARS THROAT] Yes.
127
00:05:26,204 --> 00:05:27,537
[WHISPERING] [SNICKERING]
128
00:05:27,606 --> 00:05:28,671
Oh, it must be Halloween,
129
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:29,806
because somebody's
passing out snickers!
130
00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:32,208
- Shane?
- Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
131
00:05:32,277 --> 00:05:34,711
Oh, it's okay, Shane. I know your type.
132
00:05:34,779 --> 00:05:36,579
Tough guy. Know it all.
133
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:38,848
It's like looking in a mirror.
That's right, Shane.
134
00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:40,083
I was you.
135
00:05:40,151 --> 00:05:42,118
Till a local sheriff put me in jail.
136
00:05:42,187 --> 00:05:45,350
In a little program
called Scared Straight,
137
00:05:45,385 --> 00:05:47,237
which, now that I'm saying it out loud,
138
00:05:47,272 --> 00:05:48,735
could have had a double meaning.
139
00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:50,946
24 hours in the joint
140
00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:54,364
with some of the most dangerous
characters this side of Hell.
141
00:05:54,432 --> 00:05:56,399
Maybe, uh...
142
00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,031
Maybe you'd like to meet some of them.
143
00:06:00,135 --> 00:06:01,468
[SHOUTS]
144
00:06:01,536 --> 00:06:02,969
[GRUFF VOICE] I don't know
what you're lookin' at,
145
00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:06,605
'cause I don't ever remember
sellin' you a lookin' license!
146
00:06:07,843 --> 00:06:10,653
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Hey, it must be 5:00 a.m.
147
00:06:10,688 --> 00:06:11,812
outside the McDonald's,
148
00:06:11,847 --> 00:06:14,684
because the fresh meat
just got delivered!
149
00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:16,732
And the Weasel likes fresh meat!
150
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,303
[GRUFF VOICE] Hey, you back off him!
That new boy's mine!
151
00:06:20,321 --> 00:06:23,304
Oh...Uncle Cam...
152
00:06:23,623 --> 00:06:24,624
- "Like."
- [LAPTOP BEEPS]
153
00:06:24,693 --> 00:06:27,126
[IRISH ACCENT] My friend, Billy.
Billy Club.
154
00:06:27,195 --> 00:06:29,562
- Ay, Cam...
- Whack!
155
00:06:29,748 --> 00:06:31,075
- "Like."
- [CELLPHONE BEEPS]
156
00:06:31,164 --> 00:06:33,628
MARGARET: Do you even know
how to drive a truck?
157
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,293
No, Margaret, I don't...
158
00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:36,934
but unlike the rest of the world,
159
00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:40,201
sometimes I just
figure things out on my own.
160
00:06:40,236 --> 00:06:41,976
[ENGINE STARTS]
161
00:06:42,011 --> 00:06:43,675
Backing up...
162
00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:49,207
Shut up, Margaret.
163
00:06:49,820 --> 00:06:51,792
Survival vlog, entry one.
164
00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:54,228
After a five-mile hike
and ride down some rapids,
165
00:06:54,296 --> 00:06:55,996
I've decided to make my camp here.
166
00:06:56,265 --> 00:06:57,731
The rapids were treacherous.
167
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,066
I took on water
168
00:06:59,134 --> 00:07:01,301
and quickly realized
my only chance for survival
169
00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:03,403
was to push my companion overboard...
170
00:07:03,472 --> 00:07:05,472
my constant companion...
171
00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:06,873
fear.
172
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:09,108
Please stay out of my blind spot.
173
00:07:09,177 --> 00:07:11,878
Merging. Merging!
174
00:07:11,946 --> 00:07:13,146
- [CAR HORN HONKS]
- Sorry!
175
00:07:13,214 --> 00:07:14,380
PHIL: Here's the thing.
176
00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:16,816
In the wild, you either shrink
from the challenge,
177
00:07:16,885 --> 00:07:18,384
or you realize that confidence
is half the battle
178
00:07:18,453 --> 00:07:20,786
and you become
the master of your environment.
179
00:07:20,888 --> 00:07:22,988
Okay...
180
00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:24,256
All right.
181
00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:26,625
Thank you, thank you. Thank you.
182
00:07:26,694 --> 00:07:28,260
This isn't so bad.
183
00:07:28,329 --> 00:07:29,561
Yeah.
184
00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:32,541
- [TRUCK HORN HONKS]
- That's right, Prius... move it.
185
00:07:32,546 --> 00:07:33,562
PHIL: Yep.
186
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,088
Sometimes it's just a matter of
thrusting your chest out,
187
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,733
staking your claim...
188
00:07:37,768 --> 00:07:39,250
and letting nature know
189
00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:41,644
there's a new sheriff in town.
190
00:07:41,679 --> 00:07:43,575
[FLARE GUN FIRES]
191
00:07:43,644 --> 00:07:49,448
[BIRDS CAWING]
192
00:07:50,368 --> 00:07:53,369
This chorizo, these plantains,
it's all so delicious.
193
00:07:53,437 --> 00:07:55,504
When did you develop
a taste for Colombian?
194
00:07:55,573 --> 00:07:57,272
It's called bandeja paisa.
195
00:07:57,341 --> 00:08:00,885
- Oh talented, smart and speaks Spanish.
- [CHUCKLES]
196
00:08:01,912 --> 00:08:02,912
Oh, please.
197
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,280
Everybody wants to touch those cheeks.
198
00:08:05,349 --> 00:08:07,216
He looks like one of those babies
199
00:08:07,284 --> 00:08:10,485
that blow a cloud
across the ceiling of a church.
200
00:08:10,547 --> 00:08:13,348
So, tell us, Dr. Karen,
what do you teach?
201
00:08:13,416 --> 00:08:15,302
Well, the best way would be to show you.
202
00:08:15,352 --> 00:08:18,119
- Why don't we find our legs?
- Fun.
203
00:08:18,188 --> 00:08:20,455
- Now stand beside me and follow along.
- Mm-hmm.
204
00:08:20,524 --> 00:08:25,493
Imagine you're carrying
two pails of water.
205
00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:26,967
Uh-huh. Deep breath.
206
00:08:27,036 --> 00:08:29,112
[BREATHES DEEPLY] No, no, no.
Your chest shouldn't be lifting.
207
00:08:29,138 --> 00:08:30,604
Come place your hands on my neck.
208
00:08:33,342 --> 00:08:35,642
Do you feel how still
and open my breathing is?
209
00:08:35,711 --> 00:08:38,745
- Oh, a little sensitive there.
- Yeah, you have a little bite there.
210
00:08:38,814 --> 00:08:40,414
- Oh, my bad.
- KAREN: [LAUGHS]
211
00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:42,416
[CHOKES] Okay, that's a little tight.
212
00:08:42,484 --> 00:08:45,085
But I can see where Manny
gets his soft hands from!
213
00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:47,621
- Oh, that's very, very eye-opening.
- MANNY: Mom. Mom.
214
00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:50,490
Uh, let's check on the dessert
in the kitchen.
215
00:08:52,127 --> 00:08:55,929
What kind of schools
allow a teacher to date a student?
216
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,285
I'm guessing any art school.
217
00:08:57,354 --> 00:08:59,688
He can't date a 30-year-old.
218
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,861
Manny's still a child.
219
00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,758
Manny wasn't a child when I met him.
220
00:09:04,273 --> 00:09:05,639
Look, there was a 10-year period
221
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,041
where there was at least one empty chair
222
00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:10,110
at my house every Thanksgiving
because I had a lot to say
223
00:09:10,179 --> 00:09:11,912
about who Mitchell and Claire
were dating.
224
00:09:11,981 --> 00:09:15,782
So learn from my one and only
parental mistake.
225
00:09:16,652 --> 00:09:20,103
Uh, maybe Karen and I should head out.
I'm sensing some tension.
226
00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:22,022
No, no, no. This is your house,
227
00:09:22,091 --> 00:09:25,058
and you're supposed to be
comfortable here.
228
00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,256
So, just hang out.
229
00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:28,691
Have more wine.
230
00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:30,593
And don't worry about driving.
231
00:09:30,661 --> 00:09:32,428
You can spend the night here tonight.
232
00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:33,729
Are you sure, Mom?
233
00:09:33,798 --> 00:09:36,799
Yeah, I'm sure.
I'll go get some more wine.
234
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:39,835
Any tips on how she moves?
235
00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:42,271
- I've never seen anything like it.
- Right?
236
00:09:44,035 --> 00:09:46,175
- Hello, Shane.
- Acting Vice Principal Tucker.
237
00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,477
I know you think
you're pretty cute right now,
238
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,979
but before this day is done,
239
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,905
I will get you to admit
you sent out that video.
240
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,108
I did send out that video.
241
00:09:54,143 --> 00:09:56,785
- I knew you'd crack.
- Look, uh...
242
00:09:56,854 --> 00:10:00,489
I'm sorry. I just really need
these kids to accept me.
243
00:10:00,524 --> 00:10:01,689
No, Shane, you don't.
244
00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:04,161
Because they're popular,
you think you need their approval.
245
00:10:04,196 --> 00:10:06,107
[SIGHS]
246
00:10:06,142 --> 00:10:07,513
I'm a cop.
247
00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:08,883
Oh, are you, now?
248
00:10:08,918 --> 00:10:11,722
There's concern
about some drug traffic at this school.
249
00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:14,223
I am here, undercover, to shut it down.
250
00:10:14,258 --> 00:10:16,921
[MOCKINGLY] Okay, yeah.
251
00:10:17,759 --> 00:10:19,992
Okay, well, I kind of
always knew you were police.
252
00:10:20,027 --> 00:10:22,844
Well, sure.
You're law enforcement, too.
253
00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:25,084
- We know our own.
- Cop eyes.
254
00:10:25,812 --> 00:10:29,542
- Cop eyes.
- Okay. So what's the play?
255
00:10:29,577 --> 00:10:31,891
There's this new designer drug
called Dexomorphone.
256
00:10:31,926 --> 00:10:33,593
- Mm-hmm.
- Kids are calling them "Dum-Dums."
257
00:10:33,628 --> 00:10:35,548
So there's this big deal
going down tonight
258
00:10:35,583 --> 00:10:37,598
on the north campus
during the basketball game.
259
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:39,870
- And you want my help with the bust.
- Yes.
260
00:10:40,159 --> 00:10:43,360
By being nowhere near there.
I don't want to spook these dealers.
261
00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:47,464
Copy that. But in case you need backup,
I should be near north campus.
262
00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:49,600
Or nowhere near there.
263
00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:52,202
Or there...
264
00:10:52,271 --> 00:10:54,905
but slouched down in my car
so no one sees me.
265
00:10:55,553 --> 00:10:58,175
- Or at your house.
- Right.
266
00:10:58,244 --> 00:10:59,610
Okay.
267
00:11:00,078 --> 00:11:01,444
[WHISPERING] Cop eyes.
268
00:11:02,486 --> 00:11:04,419
Okay. Okay.
269
00:11:04,488 --> 00:11:06,688
Are we gonna go outside?
Yes, we are.
270
00:11:07,924 --> 00:11:08,957
Careful.
271
00:11:09,026 --> 00:11:10,825
How many times have
I told you not to leave this here?
272
00:11:10,894 --> 00:11:11,993
Someone's gonna trip on it.
273
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:14,763
There's a lot going on with
me right now. My body's changing.
274
00:11:14,831 --> 00:11:16,131
Okay. You always use that.
275
00:11:16,199 --> 00:11:18,400
Hey, today, you're gonna
learn about responsibility.
276
00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:21,236
Today, you are gonna
take care of a baby.
277
00:11:21,304 --> 00:11:23,605
- [BABY COOS]
- Do you want a toy?
278
00:11:23,673 --> 00:11:27,909
Little tough love.
Long overdo, if you ask me.
279
00:11:28,261 --> 00:11:29,894
But it's gonna be good for you, sweetie.
280
00:11:29,962 --> 00:11:32,096
- [BABY CRYING]
- He's crying.
281
00:11:32,165 --> 00:11:33,531
Well, that's what babies do.
282
00:11:33,599 --> 00:11:37,702
You just got to pick it up,
and you got to soothe it.
283
00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:41,405
- All right, then. Okay.
- It's okay.
284
00:11:41,474 --> 00:11:42,873
- It worked.
- Good.
285
00:11:42,942 --> 00:11:45,042
Just keep it up for
the rest of the afternoon.
286
00:11:45,111 --> 00:11:47,044
Wait! I don't know
what I'm supposed to do!
287
00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:49,246
Well, welcome to being a parent.
288
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:50,784
[CAMERA BEEPS]
289
00:11:50,853 --> 00:11:53,420
Survival vlog number two.
290
00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:57,524
Um...I descended into the water
attempting to retrieve my gear.
291
00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,127
- I encountered slippery rocks...
- [INSECT BUZZING]
292
00:12:00,196 --> 00:12:02,429
...a cold, brisk current,
293
00:12:02,498 --> 00:12:04,365
and although I have
no photographic evidence of it,
294
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,567
a sea serpent.
295
00:12:06,635 --> 00:12:10,437
My ensuing thrashing
stunned a passing trout.
296
00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:14,041
I then foraged
some wild blueberries and honey
297
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:17,044
from what turned out to be
a not... [CHUCKLES]...
298
00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:20,414
altogether abandoned hive.
299
00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:23,617
Just goes to show you...
300
00:12:23,686 --> 00:12:26,153
I don't need all that fancy equipment.
301
00:12:26,222 --> 00:12:29,056
Phil Dunphy can survive
in the wild, even...
302
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,925
[ANIMAL ROARING IN DISTANCE]
303
00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,295
Ha! Ha!
304
00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:37,564
That sounded big, didn't it?
305
00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,234
Good thing I smell like
berries, honey, and raw fish,
306
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,770
so I'm basically all three courses
of a bear's favorite meal!
307
00:12:42,838 --> 00:12:46,407
[BEAR GROWLING IN DISTANCE]
308
00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:49,991
- [HORN HONKS]
- [CHUCKLES] That's right.
309
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,006
- Watch them scatter.
- [RINGING]
310
00:12:52,517 --> 00:12:54,633
- PHIL: Hello?
- Oh, hi, honey!
311
00:12:54,654 --> 00:12:56,551
I've been out of cell range
for most of the day.
312
00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:57,751
I just wanted to check in,
see how you're doing.
313
00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:00,620
Oh. Great, great.
314
00:13:00,689 --> 00:13:02,389
The air, the, uh... the trees...
315
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:04,891
Moss only grows on
the north side of trees, right?
316
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,728
I feel like I might be
walking in circles.
317
00:13:07,796 --> 00:13:10,197
Is there something called, uh,
fool's moss?
318
00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:11,398
I don't know.
319
00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:12,833
You sound out of breath.
Is everything okay?
320
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:15,302
No, Claire, I'm worried that a bear
321
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:18,671
or even a family of bears is hunting me.
322
00:13:18,747 --> 00:13:20,180
Of course I'm okay.
323
00:13:20,248 --> 00:13:21,581
I've only been out here
for a couple hours.
324
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,550
Uh, uh, what kind of man
do you think I am?
325
00:13:23,618 --> 00:13:25,952
Well, it sounds like
we're both having an adventure.
326
00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:28,221
I just got on a scale,
and guess how much I weigh.
327
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:29,656
5 tons!
328
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,225
Yeah, well, we all put on a few
around the holidays.
329
00:13:32,294 --> 00:13:34,260
Mwah! Let me call you back
a little later.
330
00:13:34,329 --> 00:13:36,883
Meanwhile, uh, I am sending you a pic
331
00:13:36,918 --> 00:13:40,005
of me enjoying nature
at my last known location
332
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,262
in my very identifiable
red Gore-Tex jacket.
333
00:13:42,297 --> 00:13:43,977
Anyhoo, leave a check out
for the gardener,
334
00:13:44,046 --> 00:13:45,345
and you gave my life meaning.
335
00:13:45,414 --> 00:13:46,780
[CAN RATTLING]
336
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:48,827
[BABY GIGGLING]
337
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,837
You're a giggly one, aren't ya?
Oh, I miss that sound.
338
00:13:51,906 --> 00:13:53,205
- [RINGTONE PLAYS]
- Hi. Can I look?
339
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:55,274
Hey, Lily, how's it going?
340
00:13:55,343 --> 00:13:57,676
I'm trying my best,
but I don't really know what I'm doing.
341
00:13:57,745 --> 00:13:59,754
Well, better to make
your mistakes on this one.
342
00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:00,804
- You know?
- [CHIME DINGS]
343
00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,047
Oh, hold on one second.
344
00:14:02,116 --> 00:14:03,749
Oh, someone's sending me
a video of daddy.
345
00:14:03,818 --> 00:14:06,752
- CAMERON: [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Hey!
- No, not the Weasel. Okay.
346
00:14:06,821 --> 00:14:08,225
Honey, I got to call
you back, all right?
347
00:14:08,262 --> 00:14:09,268
Wait!
348
00:14:09,303 --> 00:14:10,844
God, he must be so humiliated.
349
00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:12,424
You know he's a doll.
350
00:14:12,459 --> 00:14:14,259
Thank you. Thank you. That's sweet.
Thank you.
351
00:14:14,632 --> 00:14:15,931
- [HORN HONKS]
- CAMERON: Mitchell.
352
00:14:16,024 --> 00:14:17,323
- Cam.
- Hey, hey, hey!
353
00:14:17,392 --> 00:14:20,282
I saw that video that's going around.
I am so sorry.
354
00:14:20,307 --> 00:14:21,361
Oh, doesn't bother me.
355
00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:23,596
Good! Good, 'cause it shouldn't,
you know?
356
00:14:23,665 --> 00:14:24,864
You're just trying to make a difference.
357
00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:27,166
If those kids don't appreciate that,
that is their loss.
358
00:14:27,235 --> 00:14:28,568
- Yeah. And...
- Mm-hmm.
359
00:14:28,637 --> 00:14:32,429
- ...it's part of a big sting operation.
- What?
360
00:14:32,464 --> 00:14:33,973
So, I shouldn't be telling you this,
361
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:36,376
but Shane, the guy who shot the video,
362
00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:40,161
is actually an undercover cop.
363
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:41,562
- Oh.
- Yeah, and he did the video
364
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:45,032
to sort of, like, humiliate me
to get some street cred.
365
00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:48,699
And there's a big drug deal
going on tonight,
366
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,334
but he wants me to steer clear.
367
00:14:50,402 --> 00:14:53,103
Is anyone else aware of
Shane's "21 Jump Street" double life?
368
00:14:53,172 --> 00:14:56,840
Well, he's not gonna
broadcast it out loud for everyone.
369
00:14:56,909 --> 00:14:59,309
But you did get some paperwork
or identification?
370
00:14:59,378 --> 00:15:02,045
Okay. You know what?
I think it's hilarious that
371
00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:04,148
the person you don't trust is a hero,
372
00:15:04,216 --> 00:15:07,221
who's helping fight the Dexomorphone
problem that's plaguing...
373
00:15:07,256 --> 00:15:09,609
- I'm sorry. What?
- The street name is "Dum-Dums,"
374
00:15:09,644 --> 00:15:12,240
and Shane says
there's literally Dum-Dums everywhere.
375
00:15:12,275 --> 00:15:15,076
Okay. So, Shane...
376
00:15:15,111 --> 00:15:18,083
not a 16-year-old drug dealer
who enjoys humiliating you...
377
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,121
but a baby-faced police officer,
has deputized you,
378
00:15:21,156 --> 00:15:23,879
and your first assignment
is to stay as far away as possible
379
00:15:23,914 --> 00:15:26,812
from a huge "Dum-Dum" deal
that's about to go down?
380
00:15:27,272 --> 00:15:29,030
Cam, I mean, come...
I love how trusting you are,
381
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:31,629
but when you start missing things
that are that obvious,
382
00:15:31,654 --> 00:15:34,302
then, well, you know,
I don't have to say anything more.
383
00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:39,082
You know, I can finish up here
if you want to go upstairs.
384
00:15:39,151 --> 00:15:42,753
Nah, nah, I'm fine.
385
00:15:42,821 --> 00:15:44,521
You know, um...
386
00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:47,124
Mom really surprised me before.
387
00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:49,993
This is the first time
she's treating me like an adult.
388
00:15:50,062 --> 00:15:51,395
And Karen's great.
389
00:15:51,463 --> 00:15:53,530
I mean, It's nice to be
with a mature woman,
390
00:15:53,599 --> 00:15:54,898
someone with experience.
391
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,967
So you two haven't slept together, huh?
392
00:15:59,471 --> 00:16:02,606
She suggested we come here. I said fine.
393
00:16:02,675 --> 00:16:05,008
You don't know how relieved I was
you guys were home.
394
00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:06,576
But then Mom was so cool with it.
395
00:16:06,645 --> 00:16:09,953
I mean, where's the crazy Colombian
the one time I need her?
396
00:16:09,988 --> 00:16:11,102
This is dry.
397
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:15,589
But you like Karen, right?
398
00:16:15,657 --> 00:16:18,458
A lot, but, I mean...
399
00:16:18,527 --> 00:16:19,993
bad enough she's older than I am,
400
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,361
she's also a movement professor.
401
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:22,529
I swear to God, before today,
402
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:25,164
I'd never heard those two words
together. Now it's all I hear.
403
00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:27,934
Look...
404
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:30,637
it's normal to be nervous.
405
00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:32,205
Don't do anything you're not ready for.
406
00:16:33,028 --> 00:16:35,562
Talk to her about what you're feeling.
407
00:16:35,631 --> 00:16:38,331
You'll be surprised
how much easier things get
408
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,134
after one honest conversation.
409
00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:44,004
Thanks, Jay.
410
00:16:45,974 --> 00:16:47,274
One down, one to go.
411
00:16:47,342 --> 00:16:49,209
Joe?! You ready to talk?
412
00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:53,613
JOE: For oatmeal raisin?
Don't waste my time.
413
00:16:54,182 --> 00:16:56,616
- Is this stuff any good?
- It better be.
414
00:16:56,685 --> 00:16:58,118
I laid out half
my bar mitzvah bonds to get it.
415
00:16:58,186 --> 00:17:00,120
Sick movie of Coach Tucker,
by the way.
416
00:17:00,188 --> 00:17:01,221
[LAUGHTER]
417
00:17:01,289 --> 00:17:02,856
Glad you enjoyed the film, boys.
418
00:17:02,925 --> 00:17:04,090
Now you can be in one of your own!
419
00:17:04,159 --> 00:17:06,426
- What the hell are you doing?!
- My job.
420
00:17:06,495 --> 00:17:08,695
I guess I really am a vice principal.
421
00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:10,137
A Miami vice principal...
422
00:17:10,206 --> 00:17:12,339
No, I guess it doesn't really
need the "Miami," does it.
423
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,529
I can't believe this.
424
00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:15,464
You're busted. What do we got here?
425
00:17:15,533 --> 00:17:17,500
Oh, let me guess...
your... your drug money,
426
00:17:17,568 --> 00:17:20,903
walkie-talkie. What's this? A badge.
427
00:17:20,972 --> 00:17:23,572
- [SIREN WAILS, POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
- Wow.
428
00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:25,113
Mitchell's really
gonna owe you an apology.
429
00:17:25,182 --> 00:17:26,214
Mm.
430
00:17:28,718 --> 00:17:30,151
[HORN HONKS TO THE TUNE
OF "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]
431
00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:31,786
[HORN HONKS IN DISTANCE]
432
00:17:31,855 --> 00:17:34,022
Drive strong, brother.
433
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,857
[CHUCKLES]
434
00:17:35,926 --> 00:17:38,392
[BEEPS, RINGING]
435
00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:39,760
PHIL: Hey, Claire.
436
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,329
Hi, honey. How's it going?
437
00:17:41,397 --> 00:17:43,664
Just sitting here by
a perfect mountain stream.
438
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:47,334
Nothing beats the raw beauty
of the great outdoors.
439
00:17:47,464 --> 00:17:48,730
How's everything going there?
440
00:17:48,798 --> 00:17:50,465
Couldn't be better.
441
00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:53,201
I'm on my way home now,
but we were down a driver,
442
00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:56,538
so I got to drive a truck today,
and I'm loving it.
443
00:17:56,606 --> 00:17:58,773
Makes me feel like a real man.
444
00:17:58,842 --> 00:18:01,442
Yeah? What's that feel like?
445
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:02,843
Something going on with you?
446
00:18:04,014 --> 00:18:09,684
Honey, I haven't been, uh,
totally honest with you.
447
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:12,653
I didn't quit
Woosnam, Keneally & Dunphy.
448
00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:15,313
They... They asked me to leave.
449
00:18:15,381 --> 00:18:17,448
Oh, honey. What happened?
450
00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:21,352
Well, you know, those guys have
always been super aggressive,
451
00:18:21,445 --> 00:18:22,478
and they didn't feel like
452
00:18:22,547 --> 00:18:28,250
I have the same killer instinct
that... that they do.
453
00:18:28,319 --> 00:18:29,885
Maybe they're right.
454
00:18:29,954 --> 00:18:33,105
Is that what this whole
crazy camping thing is about?
455
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,312
Proving how tough you are?
456
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,580
Maybe, a little,
457
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,116
especially since
I'll be going out on my own.
458
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,152
Phil, this is a huge thing
you've been going through.
459
00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:43,290
Why didn't you say something?
460
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:45,593
Well, you've had such a busy week.
461
00:18:45,661 --> 00:18:47,695
I don't want to be another fire
you had to put out.
462
00:18:47,764 --> 00:18:49,497
Okay, listen to me.
463
00:18:49,565 --> 00:18:53,000
Remember how terrified I was
when I took over for my dad?
464
00:18:53,069 --> 00:18:55,603
The night before my first day
in the big office,
465
00:18:55,671 --> 00:18:59,974
I was up, heart pounding,
pacing a hole in the living-room floor.
466
00:19:00,043 --> 00:19:02,243
And suddenly, you were there.
467
00:19:02,311 --> 00:19:05,713
You just put your arms around me,
and it made me realize
468
00:19:05,782 --> 00:19:07,796
I'm not going through this alone.
469
00:19:07,831 --> 00:19:09,784
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
470
00:19:09,852 --> 00:19:11,318
So forget your idiot partners
471
00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:13,387
and whatever it is
you're trying to prove
472
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:14,989
with this stupid camping trip.
473
00:19:15,058 --> 00:19:19,130
You're great at what you do, and also...
474
00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,196
What? How... How...
475
00:19:22,265 --> 00:19:25,387
I'm gonna hang up now.
I love you. Goodbye.
476
00:19:25,422 --> 00:19:26,467
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
477
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,958
You didn't sound so good on the phone.
478
00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:32,562
I called the hotel,
and they said you checked in early.
479
00:19:32,949 --> 00:19:34,582
Honey, I know I like to complain
480
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:37,085
about people coming to me
to solve their problems,
481
00:19:37,153 --> 00:19:39,687
but don't you dare
not come to me with yours.
482
00:19:39,756 --> 00:19:41,089
By the way, if you don't want people
483
00:19:41,157 --> 00:19:42,991
to come to you to solve
their problems all the time,
484
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,126
- maybe don't be so good at it.
- [CHUCKLES]
485
00:19:45,195 --> 00:19:47,061
- Mm.
- Mm.
486
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:49,998
- Mm.
- Well...
487
00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:53,144
Now that you're so into the wild...
488
00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:56,314
I like where this is going.
489
00:19:56,383 --> 00:19:58,983
- Rawr!
- Don't...do that, please.
490
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,714
- You okay?
- [SIGHS]
491
00:20:05,783 --> 00:20:07,583
Joe is sleeping in a fort downstairs,
492
00:20:07,652 --> 00:20:11,353
and Manny's upstairs
sleeping with a doctor.
493
00:20:11,422 --> 00:20:13,052
I don't know what the rules are anymore.
494
00:20:13,077 --> 00:20:15,958
No one does, but for what it's worth,
I think you made the right call.
495
00:20:16,027 --> 00:20:18,561
I am at least winning
one of these fights.
496
00:20:19,329 --> 00:20:20,963
Storming the fort?
497
00:20:21,032 --> 00:20:24,700
I'm gonna go and drag him out of there
and put him in his bed.
498
00:20:24,769 --> 00:20:28,504
I'm still bigger than Joe,
even though that Manny's, like...
499
00:20:30,007 --> 00:20:31,674
Trust me.
500
00:20:31,742 --> 00:20:35,010
The little boy in Manny isn't gone yet.
501
00:20:40,384 --> 00:20:47,256
�(Trademark)�
502
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,358
LILY: Finally! Where have you been?
503
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,492
I have been out walking Cal
and guess who's right behind me.
504
00:20:54,517 --> 00:20:55,762
Actually, I've been the one who...
505
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:58,956
Who will be going to Disneyland
if she plays her cards right.
506
00:20:58,981 --> 00:21:00,181
PAM: Where's my little angel?
507
00:21:00,206 --> 00:21:02,797
Oh, hey, hey! Tell me about
your rubdown, huh?
508
00:21:02,822 --> 00:21:04,222
- Oh!
- Oh, boy!
509
00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:05,666
Oh, I cant get it.
510
00:21:05,905 --> 00:21:09,373
Now I'm so free and loose I cant pick up
anything, move around.
511
00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:10,798
Yep, I'm like an owl.
512
00:21:10,823 --> 00:21:13,328
Oh, there's my little angel!
513
00:21:13,353 --> 00:21:16,435
You know what? Thanks for this.
Let me treat you to a bite.
514
00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:17,473
- Oh!
- Come on!
515
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:18,683
Lily, we'll be right back.
516
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:21,097
- How was he?
- So quiet, so easy!
517
00:21:21,122 --> 00:21:26,122
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
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