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Don't be filming this for one of those
causal introductory shots, please.
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00:00:25,646 --> 00:00:26,853
This shit's demeaning.
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00:00:27,687 --> 00:00:30,896
So, what is it you guys wanna talk about?
What's this for?
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00:00:30,978 --> 00:00:34,896
It's a look back over the year.
We're reliving the events of 2020.
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00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,103
Why in the fuck would you wanna do that?
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2020, a year so momentous
they named it twice.
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A year whose story couldn't be told
until now because it was still happening.
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With unprecedented access to experts…
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00:00:51,061 --> 00:00:54,271
If I keep my little assistants down here,
that's alright? Good.
10
00:00:54,353 --> 00:00:55,521
…Politicos…
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00:00:55,603 --> 00:00:57,521
You know you look ridiculous, right?
12
00:00:57,603 --> 00:00:58,853
…Powerbrokers…
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00:00:58,936 --> 00:01:01,811
- We are ready now.
- Just a second.
14
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,103
- …Monarchs…
- Mind the chandelier.
15
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:06,978
Christ.
16
00:01:07,061 --> 00:01:08,811
- …Scientists…
- Wait, wait, wait.
17
00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:10,853
Let me just ingest some H20.
18
00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:14,061
- …Psychologists…
- I'm gonna smoke.
19
00:01:14,146 --> 00:01:15,811
Y'all got on masks, so what do you care?
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…and average citizens.
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So, will this be on Quibi?
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This is the definitive story
of the most historic year in history
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through the eyes and minds
of those who lived it.
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This… is 2020.
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I mean really, why?
26
00:02:04,603 --> 00:02:08,187
It's January 1st,
and on the day it is born
27
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2020 seems like any other year.
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Well, January started out as usual.
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The planet was floating in space
like it normally does.
30
00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:23,271
But as it began to revolve
and loom closer,
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you could see there was
this immense natural disaster
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happening on its backside.
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Fire, a radicalized, angry form of air
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and one of mankind's oldest foes,
35
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,437
is raging out of control,
36
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subjecting the Australian landscape
to an extreme carbon makeover.
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The scenes were appalling.
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I mean it left these areas utterly
inhospitable, even to Australians.
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While Australia burns,
in the snowy hell that is Switzerland,
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00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:54,521
an assortment of the world's
most powerful people and bastards
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arrive at the Davos summit.
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Davos is basically Coachella
for billionaires.
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00:02:59,103 --> 00:03:04,020
And this year, pretending to care about
climate change was top of the agenda,
44
00:03:04,104 --> 00:03:06,895
so they had Greta Thunberg headlining.
45
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,353
She's this teenage girl
who'd become famous
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even though everything she says
is depressing.
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Kind of like Billie Eilish.
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00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:17,062
Our house is still on fire.
49
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Your inaction is fueling the flames
by the hour.
50
00:03:22,853 --> 00:03:25,021
While the junior harbinger speaks,
51
00:03:25,103 --> 00:03:29,646
amongst her audience of powerbrokers
is billionaire tech mogul Bark Multiverse.
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We are telling you to act
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as if you loved your children
above all else.
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Thank you.
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It was powerful.
56
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Usually when a child is shouting for help,
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it's best to ignore them
in case it's a trap.
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00:03:44,228 --> 00:03:46,978
No less a man than Jeffrey Epstein
told me that.
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00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:50,437
But this little lady's words hit home.
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I realized our whole world could collapse
into chaos and disaster,
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00:03:55,187 --> 00:03:58,396
and here's me,
one of the richest people on the planet,
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in a position
to actually do something about it.
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00:04:02,354 --> 00:04:03,937
As soon as she finished speaking,
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00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:06,604
I hit the phone, got my people
to buy a mountain in New Zealand,
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00:04:06,687 --> 00:04:09,146
had it hollowed out, and here we are.
66
00:04:09,228 --> 00:04:11,146
In my survival bunker.
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00:04:12,312 --> 00:04:15,896
- Don't people call you selfish?
- I don't know. It's soundproof.
68
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:18,646
Meanwhile in America,
69
00:04:18,728 --> 00:04:21,353
President
and experimental pig-man Donald Trump
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00:04:21,437 --> 00:04:25,937
faces the 407th most historic crisis
of his presidency.
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00:04:26,021 --> 00:04:28,562
The US President,
you may have heard of him,
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00:04:28,646 --> 00:04:30,937
he's quite the character, Mr. Trump,
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was facing an impeachment trial,
which is a traditional ceremony
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that Americans perform to work out
whether their president has gone off.
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Trump was in trouble.
What he needed was a distraction,
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00:04:43,937 --> 00:04:47,021
either something big like a goose
flying in through the window,
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or something small like World War Three.
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00:04:49,812 --> 00:04:54,603
Luckily, our military had located
this Iranian general, Soleimani,
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real military superstar,
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00:04:56,478 --> 00:04:59,146
the Beyoncé
of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard.
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00:04:59,228 --> 00:05:01,437
The aftermath shows an attack
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00:05:01,521 --> 00:05:03,646
that was deliberate and sustained.
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00:05:03,728 --> 00:05:06,687
So, then Trump walks out
to announce the hit.
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00:05:06,771 --> 00:05:09,771
And for fun, he does it
in the style of a children's poet
85
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recovering from a brain trauma.
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00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:15,271
He's been called a monster,
and he was a monster.
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00:05:15,353 --> 00:05:18,228
And he's no longer a monster, he's dead.
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Well, of course, the Iranians would
have preferred their chap, on the whole,
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not to explode.
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This almost started World War Three.
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And it's only fucking January.
92
00:05:32,896 --> 00:05:37,937
In the UK, everyday citizens
celebrate the countdown to Brexit-cide
93
00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:39,521
and the recent installation
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of newly-elected Prime Ministerial
scarecrow, Boris Johnson.
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But others have little to celebrate.
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My name is Her Royal Highness,
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Queen Elizabeth The First part two.
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For the purposes of this recording,
you may address me as "Your Majesty."
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So, can you remember where
you were when you first heard the news…
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00:06:07,021 --> 00:06:08,103
Your Majesty?
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Here in Buckingham Palace,
102
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posing for a banknote portrait.
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It was proving tedious,
104
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so I turned to my portable telephone
machine for some light relief.
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00:06:21,353 --> 00:06:25,937
And there on Meghan's Instagram
was the announcement.
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The Duke and Duchess of Sussex
have announced that they are carving out
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what they call
"a new role" for themselves.
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In a statement released
in the last few minutes,
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they say they intend to step back
as senior members of the Royal Family.
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That must have come
as quite a shock.
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Well, of course.
112
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And I think that's reflected
in the banknote portrait.
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Sadly, I believe they felt there is
a degree of prejudice in Britain.
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Which is why they moved to America,
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where race has never been an issue at all.
116
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But the year is about to be
dominated by an infinitely bigger story
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emerging on the other side of the world.
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Residents in Wuhan, China,
are succumbing to a mysterious illness,
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which at first baffles doctors,
then doubles down by killing them.
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Scientists in the West can only watch
from afar or on television,
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both of which are safer.
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I have studied viruses for 15 years
and consider many of them close friends.
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But I have to say,
this was the most recent.
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The virus itself is
an interesting specimen.
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On close inspection,
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it resembles a revolving alien basketball
rendered on a PlayStation 2.
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Which is biologically unusual.
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00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:46,521
As to where it came from,
there is a theory it originated in bats,
129
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although how it passed to humans
isn't clear and the bats aren't talking.
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Except in ultrasonic tones
we cannot detect.
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00:07:55,312 --> 00:07:58,646
The hypothesis is a man
had intercourse with a bat
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and got bat juice in his pee-pee hole,
which festered and took hold.
133
00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:06,228
We have tried replicating this
in the laboratory,
134
00:08:06,312 --> 00:08:08,437
but with limited success because…
135
00:08:09,396 --> 00:08:11,062
the bat keeps flying away.
136
00:08:12,603 --> 00:08:14,021
As the outbreak worsens,
137
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Chinese authorities quickly swing
into cover-up.
138
00:08:17,146 --> 00:08:20,771
Some doctors caught the virus early on
and tried to raise the alarm.
139
00:08:20,853 --> 00:08:23,396
But blowing the whistle
while you're on a ventilator?
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Ah… that's a big ask.
141
00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:28,103
Meanwhile,
the virus has seeped out of China,
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turning surrounding areas of the map
the color of disease
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and ruining a perfectly good atlas.
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A full-scale medical emergency
is underway.
145
00:08:37,229 --> 00:08:38,895
Nonetheless, in the West,
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00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:41,979
the average citizen
is largely unconcerned.
147
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,354
Yeah, I can't say I was fussed
about any of that.
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Was that this year?
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The pandemic? Yeah.
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- How come you're talking to me about this?
- You provide human color.
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Alright, even I know that's racist
and I've not done an awareness course.
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No, you're an average person.
153
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We ran a computer search,
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and you're one of the five
most average people in the world.
155
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,020
Oh.
156
00:09:04,937 --> 00:09:05,937
Thanks.
157
00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:10,062
With the pandemic
firmly at the back of Western minds,
158
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the front of Western minds is free
to focus on important matters
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00:09:13,062 --> 00:09:18,354
like the Oscars, which traditionally
celebrates Caucasian filmmakers.
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00:09:18,437 --> 00:09:21,645
This year promises to be different,
but isn't.
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00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:25,854
Yeah, those Best Picture nominees,
real rainbow coalition.
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You got Marriage Story, two mopey white
people trapped in an affluent marriage.
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00:09:30,895 --> 00:09:33,562
Ford v Ferrari,
that's white guys on wheels.
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00:09:33,645 --> 00:09:37,604
Little Women, four white girls
standing on the cusp of Karenhood.
165
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And Joker,
whose lead actor performs in whiteface,
166
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thereby appropriating
his own cultural identity
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while denying a role to a genuine clown.
168
00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:49,895
Oh, and 1917,
which was the year the movie was set,
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00:09:49,979 --> 00:09:52,104
and the number of white people in it.
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00:09:52,187 --> 00:09:55,854
Oscar night, disaster strikes
for the 10,000 white hopefuls,
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as a South Korean entry
makes movie history.
172
00:09:59,312 --> 00:10:01,395
And the Oscar goes to…
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00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:05,854
Parasite.
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00:10:08,895 --> 00:10:10,229
Parasite?
175
00:10:10,312 --> 00:10:12,270
That's not even an English word.
176
00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:13,687
Actually, it is.
177
00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:14,770
What?
178
00:10:14,854 --> 00:10:16,520
Parasite is an English word.
179
00:10:19,145 --> 00:10:21,062
Only when you say it in English.
180
00:10:23,812 --> 00:10:27,020
Away from tinsel town,
Washington DC has been consumed
181
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:30,062
by real drama, Trump's impeachment trial.
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00:10:30,145 --> 00:10:33,187
The President stands accused
of pressuring a foreign power
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00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:37,395
into investigating Hunter Biden,
son of prehistoric concierge Joe Biden,
184
00:10:37,479 --> 00:10:40,770
who has a chance of challenging Trump
in the November elections.
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00:10:40,854 --> 00:10:43,520
But not everyone believes
the charges have merit.
186
00:10:44,104 --> 00:10:46,979
The whole impeachment thing was baseless,
OK?
187
00:10:47,062 --> 00:10:50,979
So, the Democrats claim
that Trump pressured Ukraine
188
00:10:51,062 --> 00:10:53,562
into digging up dirt on the Biden family,
189
00:10:53,645 --> 00:10:57,937
and their only real "evidence" of that
is a transcript of him doing it.
190
00:10:59,020 --> 00:11:00,812
What did he say on the transcript?
191
00:11:00,895 --> 00:11:01,895
What transcript?
192
00:11:02,854 --> 00:11:04,895
You just mentioned a transcript.
193
00:11:05,937 --> 00:11:07,854
Check your tape, I said no such thing.
194
00:11:08,770 --> 00:11:11,104
You said, uh…
the only real evidence was
195
00:11:11,187 --> 00:11:13,020
a transcript of Trump pressuring Ukraine…
196
00:11:13,104 --> 00:11:14,854
There's no such place as Ukraine.
197
00:11:16,479 --> 00:11:18,145
Yes, there… Yes, there is.
198
00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:20,187
I choose to believe there is not.
199
00:11:22,312 --> 00:11:25,729
The Republican-controlled
Senate votes along partisan lines.
200
00:11:25,812 --> 00:11:29,187
Trump is declared not guilty and fabulous.
201
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:31,854
But this is what the end result is.
202
00:11:35,229 --> 00:11:38,604
While Republicans cheer
the President for holding a newspaper,
203
00:11:38,687 --> 00:11:40,437
in another political universe
204
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,979
the Democrats are deciding
who will take on Trump in November.
205
00:11:44,062 --> 00:11:48,312
The race has narrowed to a face-off
between Civil War hero Joe Biden
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00:11:48,395 --> 00:11:50,979
and anarchist grandpa Bernie Sanders.
207
00:11:51,062 --> 00:11:53,770
As you may have noticed lately,
208
00:11:54,604 --> 00:11:57,937
the establishment's getting
a little bit nervous.
209
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:01,479
Well, as Super Tuesday arrives,
210
00:12:01,562 --> 00:12:04,145
despite his huge early gains,
211
00:12:04,229 --> 00:12:06,645
Mr. Sanders's support was shriveling,
212
00:12:07,229 --> 00:12:10,770
whereas Biden appeared
to have come back from the dead.
213
00:12:10,854 --> 00:12:13,770
I mean, literally,
he resembled a butler's ghost.
214
00:12:13,854 --> 00:12:15,812
We are very much alive!
215
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,520
This was a choice
between two guys in their late seventies.
216
00:12:20,604 --> 00:12:25,312
It was like being stuck on the character
selection screen in geriatric Tekken.
217
00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:27,312
Bernie offered radical change,
218
00:12:27,395 --> 00:12:30,770
whereas Biden reminded folks
of a more easygoing era
219
00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:33,979
when you could sniff a woman's hair
without being called creepy.
220
00:12:34,812 --> 00:12:38,479
I think to many Americans,
Biden is Uncle Joe.
221
00:12:38,562 --> 00:12:40,812
He's been a part of their lives
for centuries.
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00:12:40,895 --> 00:12:44,270
As familiar as an old armchair
and nearly as sharp-witted.
223
00:12:44,937 --> 00:12:46,854
We're gonna do this, folks!
224
00:12:46,937 --> 00:12:49,937
Amiable phantom Joe Biden seizes victory,
225
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,645
officially starting
the 2020 election campaign.
226
00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:53,812
Yeah!
227
00:12:53,895 --> 00:12:57,187
The stage is set
for an electoral showdown
228
00:12:57,270 --> 00:12:59,145
between two very different Americas.
229
00:12:59,229 --> 00:13:01,520
- Fuck you!
- I don't smoke.
230
00:13:01,604 --> 00:13:04,770
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
231
00:13:04,854 --> 00:13:08,229
And the animus between
the two sides is greater than ever.
232
00:13:08,895 --> 00:13:13,145
Polarization is the problem of our age.
233
00:13:13,229 --> 00:13:16,270
And not just in America,
in the actual world too.
234
00:13:16,354 --> 00:13:21,770
Whether the debate is over Trump or Brexit
or science or gender, God help us,
235
00:13:21,854 --> 00:13:24,270
or reality itself,
236
00:13:24,354 --> 00:13:26,645
no two factions can agree,
237
00:13:26,729 --> 00:13:28,270
or agree to disagree,
238
00:13:28,354 --> 00:13:32,270
or even agree that their disagreement
might be disagreeable.
239
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:35,854
- I'm not sure I totally agree.
- Well, then why don't you fuck off?
240
00:13:42,062 --> 00:13:45,437
I would say that I'm just
a regular soccer mom, you know?
241
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,770
I've got the husband and the kids,
242
00:13:47,854 --> 00:13:52,229
and a cat and a dog,
and just the whole darn show.
243
00:13:52,729 --> 00:13:56,395
Uh, no, I wouldn't describe
myself as a big internet person, no.
244
00:13:56,479 --> 00:13:58,979
I mean, I only use Facebook and WhatsApp.
245
00:14:00,437 --> 00:14:02,729
And Instagram and Twitter and YouTube.
246
00:14:02,812 --> 00:14:05,145
Oh, and Google.
247
00:14:05,229 --> 00:14:08,854
In fact, that's how I discovered
the Ivory Fist message board.
248
00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:13,270
Look,
things wasn't always this way.
249
00:14:13,354 --> 00:14:17,062
I've studied human behavior
long enough to get sick of it.
250
00:14:17,562 --> 00:14:21,229
You gotta remember, most folks
are still neighborly, Ned Flanders.
251
00:14:21,312 --> 00:14:22,687
Unfuckably nice.
252
00:14:22,770 --> 00:14:25,687
But right now,
the edges are rougher than ever.
253
00:14:25,770 --> 00:14:31,104
On the right, you got shit-nose extremists
wondering aloud whether Hitler was all bad
254
00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:33,562
and inventing
their own clown-house reality.
255
00:14:33,645 --> 00:14:38,020
And on the left,
you got fucking whiney woke-lords
256
00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:39,812
cancelling the shit out of anyone
257
00:14:39,895 --> 00:14:42,854
who dares to take a dump
at the wrong time of the day.
258
00:14:42,937 --> 00:14:44,729
And both sides,
259
00:14:44,812 --> 00:14:48,437
both sides look so unhappy
it makes you wanna puke.
260
00:14:49,437 --> 00:14:50,687
But the way it's going,
261
00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,937
you know we gonna end up on one side
or the other.
262
00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:55,979
So, pick your fucking team
and hunker the fuck down.
263
00:14:56,479 --> 00:15:00,229
Throughout 2020,
the gods of Silicon Valley stand accused
264
00:15:00,312 --> 00:15:04,770
of allowing their products to split
the world into two warring factions.
265
00:15:04,854 --> 00:15:08,104
Uh… actually, it's more like
four warring factions.
266
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:12,520
We prefer to call it a hate spectrum.
That's the official term.
267
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:15,854
Right now, it takes about
six months' exposure to social media
268
00:15:15,937 --> 00:15:18,437
for the average person
to become hopelessly radicalized.
269
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:19,354
I know, right.
270
00:15:19,437 --> 00:15:21,270
We're hoping to get that down
to five minutes.
271
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:23,020
Mmm.
272
00:15:23,104 --> 00:15:25,854
Now, of course, all this division,
273
00:15:25,937 --> 00:15:28,270
all this intractable conflict,
274
00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:32,562
was tearing humankind asunder
at the worst possible time.
275
00:15:32,645 --> 00:15:34,937
Because, of course, at the very moment
276
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:37,312
that we were preoccupied
with fighting each other,
277
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:40,770
the coronavirus was steadily
bearing down upon us.
278
00:15:41,937 --> 00:15:45,437
Now, those who've closely studied
the history books,
279
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,229
such as myself,
280
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:50,645
knew that this was strongly reminiscent
of the time the White Walkers
281
00:15:50,729 --> 00:15:54,812
led their "army of the dead"
towards the warring factions of Westeros.
282
00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:57,354
So, you mean like in Game of Thrones?
283
00:15:57,437 --> 00:16:00,312
No, no. I am discussing history.
284
00:16:00,395 --> 00:16:03,187
I'm pretty sure that was Game of Thrones.
285
00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:06,270
Well, I'm pretty sure
that I am the historian here.
286
00:16:07,729 --> 00:16:09,395
Cut to a map or something.
287
00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:11,895
As this map we've cut to makes clear,
288
00:16:11,979 --> 00:16:14,854
the coronavirus is indeed spreading
at an alarming pace.
289
00:16:14,937 --> 00:16:19,895
Yet even as it inches towards them,
millions persist in everyday activities.
290
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,229
We saw the news.
291
00:16:22,312 --> 00:16:25,437
They made it clear that the virus
was coming and it was gonna be bad.
292
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,187
But a lot of us didn't wanna know.
293
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:29,229
And why do you think that is?
294
00:16:29,312 --> 00:16:31,895
I don't know, denial, disbelief.
295
00:16:31,979 --> 00:16:36,520
Or because, in my professional opinion,
we're fucking imbeciles.
296
00:16:37,395 --> 00:16:39,645
That's the title of my next book
by the way.
297
00:16:39,729 --> 00:16:41,520
In a desperate bid for attention,
298
00:16:41,604 --> 00:16:44,062
the virus infects
beloved Hollywood everyman
299
00:16:44,145 --> 00:16:47,604
and occasional CGI Cowboy, Tom Hanks,
300
00:16:47,687 --> 00:16:51,104
providing news networks
with an irresistible celebrity angle
301
00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:53,854
to the otherwise boring deadly pandemic.
302
00:16:53,937 --> 00:16:57,312
We think of Tom Hanks
as a positive kind of guy,
303
00:16:57,395 --> 00:16:59,604
not a guy who tests positive.
304
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:02,979
He was battling the virus
for two whole weeks.
305
00:17:03,562 --> 00:17:06,854
Ah, being a leading man,
he won in the end, of course.
306
00:17:06,936 --> 00:17:09,729
I rather doubt that he'd have accepted
the role if he hadn't.
307
00:17:10,604 --> 00:17:14,479
It showed the virus
could also pass from humans to icons,
308
00:17:14,561 --> 00:17:18,354
which raised the possibility
that it might one day infect God.
309
00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:21,104
And God is older than the universe,
310
00:17:21,186 --> 00:17:23,854
which puts him in a high-risk category.
311
00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:26,811
Fear rocks Wall Street
312
00:17:26,895 --> 00:17:31,145
with the stock market shitting ten billion
coins out of its economic anus.
313
00:17:31,729 --> 00:17:35,270
On the bell, on the bell!
FIS on the bell!
314
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:39,311
As cold reality sets in,
there's a run on the supermarkets.
315
00:17:39,395 --> 00:17:41,811
Around the world,
panic-buyers empty shelves
316
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,395
faster than panic-stockers
can refill them.
317
00:17:44,479 --> 00:17:46,061
It is a full-blown crisis.
318
00:17:46,979 --> 00:17:49,604
Government buildings
wonder how to respond.
319
00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:54,229
With cases surging,
Italy introduces a lockdown.
320
00:17:54,311 --> 00:17:56,979
Other European governments
contemplate following suit.
321
00:17:57,061 --> 00:17:59,520
And yet, around the same time in London,
322
00:17:59,604 --> 00:18:01,979
Prime Minister and haystack Boris Johnson
323
00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:05,436
decides that since Britain
is no longer part of Europe,
324
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,395
it can safely ignore the warnings.
325
00:18:07,479 --> 00:18:09,729
He encourages those
who haven't already died
326
00:18:09,811 --> 00:18:14,229
to go about their business as usual,
but with a greater emphasis on hygiene.
327
00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:17,936
The single most useful thing
that we can all do
328
00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:22,229
to stop the spread of coronavirus
is to wash our hands.
329
00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:25,270
That was weird.
One minute he was doing a soap ad about
330
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,811
how important it was
to keep your hands clean
331
00:18:27,895 --> 00:18:31,604
and the next he was boasting about
how he didn't care what he did with them.
332
00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:33,354
I was at a hospital the other night
333
00:18:33,436 --> 00:18:36,604
where I think there were actually
a few coronavirus patients,
334
00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,354
and I shook hands with everybody.
335
00:18:38,436 --> 00:18:40,561
Totally put me off using hands whatsoever.
336
00:18:40,645 --> 00:18:44,520
So, I started doing absolutely everything
with my elbows instead.
337
00:18:45,561 --> 00:18:48,354
And it was shortly after that
my boyfriend left.
338
00:18:51,229 --> 00:18:53,729
America also seems underprepared.
339
00:18:53,811 --> 00:18:56,645
New York is hit hard.
340
00:18:56,729 --> 00:18:58,186
At a series of daily briefings,
341
00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:01,229
Governor Andrew Cuomo desperately pleads
for medical supplies.
342
00:19:01,311 --> 00:19:03,645
Where are the ventilators?
343
00:19:03,729 --> 00:19:08,020
Where are the gowns, where's the PPEs,
where are the masks, where are they?
344
00:19:08,811 --> 00:19:12,395
Sadly, he has failed to notice
they are piled up behind him.
345
00:19:13,104 --> 00:19:17,229
Across the USA, supplies of masks,
which, unlike guns,
346
00:19:17,311 --> 00:19:20,104
cannot be cheaply
and easily manufactured, run low,
347
00:19:20,186 --> 00:19:23,645
while critics describe
the lack of ventilators as "breathtaking."
348
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:27,936
It felt like the government
wasn't taking the coronavirus seriously.
349
00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:31,811
Maybe because there were still folks
out there comparing it to the flu,
350
00:19:31,895 --> 00:19:35,061
which is like comparing Uruguay
to a banana.
351
00:19:35,145 --> 00:19:38,979
And one of those folks was the President.
352
00:19:40,104 --> 00:19:42,854
Trump seemed to feel
that the virus was one of those things
353
00:19:42,936 --> 00:19:46,936
that goes away if you ignore it,
like a wasp or a wife.
354
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,854
We're prepared,
we're doing a great job with it.
355
00:19:49,936 --> 00:19:51,561
It will go away, just stay calm.
356
00:19:51,645 --> 00:19:55,311
In March, the President said
the pandemic would simply "go away."
357
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,186
OK, see…
This is what the media does.
358
00:19:58,270 --> 00:20:00,854
You lie, fabricate, fantasize.
359
00:20:00,936 --> 00:20:02,436
The president never said that.
360
00:20:03,020 --> 00:20:06,479
It will go away. Stay calm.
We want to protect our shipping industry.
361
00:20:06,561 --> 00:20:10,186
OK, I know this doesn't fit
with your agenda, but this never happened.
362
00:20:10,686 --> 00:20:13,604
But the pandemic does
the opposite of going away,
363
00:20:13,686 --> 00:20:15,395
as do the negative headlines.
364
00:20:15,479 --> 00:20:17,395
Trump needs to reassure the public.
365
00:20:17,479 --> 00:20:21,561
He hits the airwaves,
huddled tightly with close advisors.
366
00:20:21,645 --> 00:20:26,770
So, I'm glad to see that you're practicing
social distancing, that looks very nice.
367
00:20:26,854 --> 00:20:28,145
By the end of March,
368
00:20:28,229 --> 00:20:30,729
lockdowns have been rolled out
right across the planet,
369
00:20:30,811 --> 00:20:34,186
making them
the most successful global franchise
370
00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:36,395
since the Marvel cinematic universe.
371
00:20:36,895 --> 00:20:40,270
In major cities, with clubs, bars,
and restaurants shuttered,
372
00:20:40,354 --> 00:20:43,061
everyday communal life
comes to a screeching halt.
373
00:20:43,145 --> 00:20:45,229
Human beings are social animals,
374
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:48,561
so shutting down social interactions
goes against our instinct.
375
00:20:48,645 --> 00:20:50,561
I mean for most folks, not me!
376
00:20:50,645 --> 00:20:52,604
I fucking hate people.
377
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,520
My God, it was bliss.
378
00:20:59,020 --> 00:21:01,895
Well, the lockdown
was absolutely transformative.
379
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,854
It was as though
380
00:21:04,936 --> 00:21:06,270
time itself
381
00:21:07,270 --> 00:21:08,645
stood still.
382
00:21:08,729 --> 00:21:13,061
Life suddenly suspended in amber.
383
00:21:13,895 --> 00:21:17,186
Birds frozen in place in midair.
384
00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:21,811
The planet quite literally
stopped revolving.
385
00:21:21,895 --> 00:21:26,479
It was so quiet
386
00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:29,770
you could actually hear yourself think.
387
00:21:31,729 --> 00:21:33,020
I expect.
388
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,270
Workplaces and everyday
businesses are forced to close.
389
00:21:37,354 --> 00:21:40,729
Particularly hard hit,
workers in the gig economy,
390
00:21:40,811 --> 00:21:44,270
millennials who often work
more than one job at a time.
391
00:21:44,354 --> 00:21:48,145
I can put my legs up and stuff,
that's OK if I have my feet up?
392
00:21:48,229 --> 00:21:50,270
I don't want my feet to fall, so…
393
00:21:50,354 --> 00:21:51,979
Yeah, my name's Duke Goolies.
394
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,854
I'm a content provider.
395
00:21:53,936 --> 00:21:55,770
And I'm a barman slash mixologist.
396
00:21:56,479 --> 00:22:00,104
Yeah, it's definitely been challenging.
Uh…
397
00:22:01,061 --> 00:22:03,104
Listen, I don't want to be Mr. Mansplain,
398
00:22:03,186 --> 00:22:06,895
but I kind of saw this coming
because I was following coronavirus
399
00:22:06,979 --> 00:22:08,479
back before…
400
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:13,145
you know, pre-Wuhan days
when it was still inside of bats.
401
00:22:13,229 --> 00:22:14,561
I work a lot of jobs.
402
00:22:14,645 --> 00:22:18,354
In the lockdown, I've had to reposition
them to work on Zoom, you know.
403
00:22:18,436 --> 00:22:22,229
Like, I DJ at gender-neutral
gender-reveal parties.
404
00:22:22,311 --> 00:22:23,311
Really important.
405
00:22:26,854 --> 00:22:28,145
Um…
406
00:22:28,229 --> 00:22:29,686
I work as a life coach.
407
00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:34,229
Amy, you can. OK, A…?
408
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:37,604
Amy! Believe in yourself, OK? You can!
409
00:22:37,686 --> 00:22:38,936
Just shut up!
410
00:22:40,604 --> 00:22:45,604
The other area of growth for me has been
providing online content-tainment.
411
00:22:45,686 --> 00:22:50,561
The theaters are shut, so you can't see
your James Bonds or your Trolls 2.
412
00:22:50,645 --> 00:22:52,979
And the only film that did come out
413
00:22:53,061 --> 00:22:56,436
was about time being an endless loop,
which we all know now anyways.
414
00:22:56,520 --> 00:23:00,229
So, my YouTube channel's gone
total fuckbusters.
415
00:23:00,311 --> 00:23:03,436
Especially with the reaction videos
where I react to 2020.
416
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,604
Guys, this literally looks like
Armageddon, we're living through it.
417
00:23:06,686 --> 00:23:10,104
Awesome, oh my gosh,
maybe like the bad version of awesome.
418
00:23:10,186 --> 00:23:14,311
Shittifying, fuckawfulicious.
I don't know!
419
00:23:14,395 --> 00:23:17,645
Oh, my God.
Don't forget to like and subscribe.
420
00:23:18,395 --> 00:23:20,020
They do crazy numbers.
421
00:23:20,104 --> 00:23:22,520
I mean, yeah,
there's so much material all year.
422
00:23:22,604 --> 00:23:24,311
Look at this man!
423
00:23:24,811 --> 00:23:27,854
He looks like a heap of balls!
424
00:23:27,936 --> 00:23:29,354
Never-ending.
425
00:23:29,436 --> 00:23:31,229
That's a big blast. Whoa.
426
00:23:31,311 --> 00:23:33,479
Whoa! Oh!
427
00:23:34,270 --> 00:23:36,895
I learned there's a lot of money
in creating streaming content.
428
00:23:37,770 --> 00:23:39,520
How much did you make this year?
429
00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:43,061
I wanna say…
430
00:23:44,395 --> 00:23:46,479
like 16 million dollars.
431
00:23:48,395 --> 00:23:51,811
Meanwhile, in Britain,
in a bid to raise the country's spirits,
432
00:23:51,895 --> 00:23:55,479
the Queen prepares to deliver
a unifying speech.
433
00:23:55,561 --> 00:23:58,729
The monarch only addresses the nation
on special occasions,
434
00:23:58,811 --> 00:24:02,311
such as Christmas or the end of the world,
so this was a huge moment.
435
00:24:03,979 --> 00:24:06,020
Good evening, people of Earth.
436
00:24:06,604 --> 00:24:10,436
I speak to you at a time
of grave national crisis.
437
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,311
Her Majesty rather successfully,
I thought, evoked the spirit of the Blitz,
438
00:24:14,395 --> 00:24:17,520
when Nazi bombs rained down nightly,
439
00:24:17,604 --> 00:24:20,729
obliterating streets and homes
and families on the ground.
440
00:24:20,811 --> 00:24:24,145
The kind of patriotic imagery
that we find so comforting.
441
00:24:24,729 --> 00:24:28,729
Defeating this enemy requires us
to bravely cower indoors.
442
00:24:28,811 --> 00:24:30,770
In addition to television,
443
00:24:30,854 --> 00:24:32,395
this was the first time
444
00:24:32,479 --> 00:24:36,354
one of one's speeches
was carried live on YouTube.
445
00:24:36,436 --> 00:24:39,229
And did that affect the content at all?
446
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,436
Of course not.
447
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,936
We will meet again.
448
00:24:44,145 --> 00:24:47,061
Now, smash that "Like" button
and don't forget to subscribe.
449
00:24:47,145 --> 00:24:51,311
Also, click here to check out
my official regal merch.
450
00:24:51,395 --> 00:24:54,895
But moments after her Majesty
delivers these stirring words,
451
00:24:54,979 --> 00:24:57,395
the mood darkens.
452
00:24:57,479 --> 00:25:01,770
Tonight at ten, the Prime Minister Boris
Johnson has been taken to intensive care
453
00:25:01,854 --> 00:25:04,561
as he suffers the effects of coronavirus.
454
00:25:05,311 --> 00:25:07,354
With the Brexit PM
in a critical condition,
455
00:25:07,436 --> 00:25:10,311
52% of the nation holds its breath.
456
00:25:10,395 --> 00:25:14,604
There was a real fear
that at a time of national crisis
457
00:25:14,686 --> 00:25:16,686
the Prime Minister
might have to be replaced
458
00:25:16,770 --> 00:25:19,229
by someone less qualified than him.
459
00:25:19,311 --> 00:25:20,854
Which would be impossible.
460
00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:23,770
Unless they were drawing up plans
to replace him
461
00:25:23,854 --> 00:25:26,479
with a sock or a balloon or something.
462
00:25:26,561 --> 00:25:29,729
Just as the Prime Minister
might exit the realm of the living,
463
00:25:29,811 --> 00:25:31,729
a process known as Prexit,
464
00:25:31,811 --> 00:25:33,811
hospital staff nurse him back to health,
465
00:25:33,895 --> 00:25:36,979
and weeks later he's back on the job.
466
00:25:37,061 --> 00:25:41,479
Incredibly, the virus didn't seem
to have affected his abilities in any way.
467
00:25:41,561 --> 00:25:42,936
He still didn't have any.
468
00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:45,645
News of Johnson's illness
proves that world leaders
469
00:25:45,729 --> 00:25:47,311
aren't naturally immune,
470
00:25:47,395 --> 00:25:50,104
yet some seem unwilling
to take precautions.
471
00:25:50,186 --> 00:25:53,520
Trump refused
to wear a mask for a long time.
472
00:25:53,604 --> 00:25:56,479
If someone told him white hoods
protected against the virus,
473
00:25:56,561 --> 00:25:58,229
maybe he'd have felt differently.
474
00:25:58,311 --> 00:26:02,229
Egged on by the President,
some citizens also refuse to toe the line.
475
00:26:02,311 --> 00:26:04,936
Whoa! I thought I heard a voice.
476
00:26:05,020 --> 00:26:07,145
I thought I heard some Americans!
477
00:26:07,811 --> 00:26:10,895
In several states,
protestors take to the streets,
478
00:26:10,979 --> 00:26:14,354
demanding their constitutional right
to spread the deadly virus.
479
00:26:14,436 --> 00:26:17,145
The online rumor mill is working overtime.
480
00:26:18,354 --> 00:26:21,061
When this whole thing started, um,
481
00:26:21,145 --> 00:26:25,895
there were so many wild rumors
flying around.
482
00:26:25,979 --> 00:26:28,770
So, I would watch Dr. Fauci
to get an anchor
483
00:26:28,854 --> 00:26:31,854
on what was actually happening, you know?
484
00:26:31,936 --> 00:26:37,811
And, um… even though it was so scary,
I found it really reassuring
485
00:26:37,895 --> 00:26:42,520
um, to watch someone
who is so accomplished
486
00:26:42,604 --> 00:26:46,229
calmly laying out the science.
487
00:26:46,311 --> 00:26:50,436
Um… but that was before I knew
he was an actor. Yeah.
488
00:26:51,270 --> 00:26:55,145
And… how did you come to learn that?
489
00:26:55,229 --> 00:26:59,395
Well, someone from my PTA WhatsApp group
shared a link to a documentary
490
00:26:59,479 --> 00:27:03,770
which proves that George Soros
created the virus in a Chinese lab
491
00:27:03,854 --> 00:27:06,895
so that Bill Gates could make
a vaccine out of microchips
492
00:27:06,979 --> 00:27:08,739
and control us all
like we're in a videogame.
493
00:27:08,811 --> 00:27:10,686
And I know, I know that sounds crazy,
494
00:27:10,770 --> 00:27:14,145
but the thing is,
we've seen him do this before.
495
00:27:14,729 --> 00:27:17,895
Right? Like when he crossed
a human with a paperclip
496
00:27:17,979 --> 00:27:21,854
and made that poor tormented monster
that haunted Windows 98.
497
00:27:21,936 --> 00:27:26,186
Of course, it wasn't surprising
that some folk were confused
498
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:29,936
about the biology of this whole thing,
given the President seemed to be saying
499
00:27:30,020 --> 00:27:34,811
it could be cured with a kind
of sunlight-and-bleach wonder diet.
500
00:27:34,895 --> 00:27:37,520
Right, and then I see the disinfectant,
501
00:27:37,604 --> 00:27:40,729
where it knocks it out in a minute,
one minute,
502
00:27:40,811 --> 00:27:43,520
and is there a way we can do
something like that?
503
00:27:43,604 --> 00:27:46,895
The remarks confuse
the President's own medical advisors,
504
00:27:46,979 --> 00:27:50,354
who visibly try to clamber
deep within their own souls to die.
505
00:27:50,436 --> 00:27:54,645
I guess if you could collapse
the past three and a half years of madness
506
00:27:54,729 --> 00:27:56,811
- into one clip...
- That would be it.
507
00:27:58,020 --> 00:28:01,604
As May draws to a close,
for the first time in months,
508
00:28:01,686 --> 00:28:04,436
the coronavirus pandemic
is knocked from the headlines
509
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:08,186
of every news network
by a different story altogether,
510
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:10,645
one that also makes for grim viewing.
511
00:28:10,729 --> 00:28:13,395
The FBI is looking into the death
of a Black man
512
00:28:13,479 --> 00:28:16,061
after he was stopped by police
in Minneapolis.
513
00:28:16,145 --> 00:28:17,895
The incident was caught on camera.
514
00:28:17,979 --> 00:28:20,104
George Floyd died in police custody
515
00:28:20,186 --> 00:28:24,604
after an officer pressed his knee into
Floyd's neck for at least seven minutes.
516
00:28:24,686 --> 00:28:26,770
Some people,
including the Minneapolis mayor,
517
00:28:26,854 --> 00:28:29,061
are already saying
the police used excessive force.
518
00:28:29,145 --> 00:28:32,186
Today, the mayor
called it "wrong at every level."
519
00:28:32,270 --> 00:28:34,686
What we saw was horrible.
520
00:28:34,770 --> 00:28:37,979
Fact is, those officers
521
00:28:38,061 --> 00:28:41,479
didn't see George Floyd as a human being,
522
00:28:41,561 --> 00:28:44,186
but the world did.
523
00:28:44,270 --> 00:28:47,270
Tonight the outrage
in Minneapolis is mounting,
524
00:28:47,354 --> 00:28:49,354
even after four officers were fired.
525
00:28:49,436 --> 00:28:52,020
Was it enough for you
that the officers were fired?
526
00:28:52,104 --> 00:28:54,604
That is not enough. That is not enough.
527
00:28:54,686 --> 00:28:56,770
The police have interesting priorities.
528
00:28:56,854 --> 00:28:59,354
When George Floyd, one black guy,
529
00:28:59,436 --> 00:29:03,895
tried, allegedly, to pass
one fake $20 bill in a liquor store,
530
00:29:03,979 --> 00:29:06,979
he had four cops on his ass
within minutes.
531
00:29:07,061 --> 00:29:08,479
And they killed him.
532
00:29:08,561 --> 00:29:11,311
Know how long it took
the same police department
533
00:29:11,395 --> 00:29:13,979
to arrest the prime suspects in that case?
534
00:29:14,645 --> 00:29:16,311
Four days.
535
00:29:16,395 --> 00:29:18,479
And they had that shit on tape!
536
00:29:18,561 --> 00:29:20,936
Did they think that was counterfeit too?
537
00:29:21,020 --> 00:29:23,645
The George Floyd tragedy
is merely the latest
538
00:29:23,729 --> 00:29:26,520
in a long series of police killings
of Black people,
539
00:29:26,604 --> 00:29:28,436
and it comes as a final straw.
540
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,020
In increasing numbers,
541
00:29:30,104 --> 00:29:33,479
protestors take to the streets
to give voice to their anger.
542
00:29:33,561 --> 00:29:36,604
People said, "It's dangerous
to gather in crowds like that.
543
00:29:36,686 --> 00:29:38,604
What about the pandemic?"
544
00:29:38,686 --> 00:29:43,936
But, you know, in some ways
I prefer the coronavirus to the police.
545
00:29:44,020 --> 00:29:47,895
And don't get me wrong,
I fucking hate the virus,
546
00:29:47,979 --> 00:29:50,395
but at least it doesn't pretend
it's here to help.
547
00:29:50,479 --> 00:29:52,354
It doesn't drive around the neighborhood
548
00:29:52,436 --> 00:29:55,936
with "Protect and Serve"
painted on its side before it kills you.
549
00:29:57,145 --> 00:30:00,145
What happened
with George Floyd disgusted everybody.
550
00:30:01,270 --> 00:30:03,561
But it didn't surprise Black people.
551
00:30:03,645 --> 00:30:06,229
We've always known
what cops are capable of.
552
00:30:06,811 --> 00:30:09,061
But today, bystanders got
a camera on their phones
553
00:30:09,145 --> 00:30:11,311
so now everybody gets to see it.
554
00:30:11,395 --> 00:30:12,729
And honestly?
555
00:30:12,811 --> 00:30:15,895
That ought to be the number one
sales feature for the iPhone.
556
00:30:15,979 --> 00:30:18,270
Fuck your "Megapixel Display."
557
00:30:18,354 --> 00:30:22,229
How about put "Exposes Police Brutality"
on the box?
558
00:30:23,229 --> 00:30:25,020
Over the following days
559
00:30:25,104 --> 00:30:28,520
as tensions escalate
and police and protestors face off,
560
00:30:28,604 --> 00:30:30,561
some of the demonstrations turn violent.
561
00:30:30,645 --> 00:30:33,686
The President skillfully placates
the situation
562
00:30:33,770 --> 00:30:36,395
with some soothing incendiary comments.
563
00:30:36,479 --> 00:30:39,604
And in Washington,
he orders peaceful demonstrators
564
00:30:39,686 --> 00:30:43,770
to be gently dispersed
with some courteous state violence.
565
00:30:49,145 --> 00:30:51,104
Trump got riot police
566
00:30:51,186 --> 00:30:54,811
with tear gas and rubber bullets
to clear the protesters
567
00:30:54,895 --> 00:30:59,604
so he could pose for a photo
in front of St. John's Church.
568
00:30:59,686 --> 00:31:01,436
Because, you know,
when you live in a city,
569
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,645
you never get to appreciate it
and do the touristy things.
570
00:31:05,854 --> 00:31:08,729
Trump's gracious,
Christ-like diplomacy fails
571
00:31:08,811 --> 00:31:11,186
and violence continues to flare up.
572
00:31:12,270 --> 00:31:16,520
There was so much anger expressed
573
00:31:16,604 --> 00:31:19,270
and emotions were running super high,
574
00:31:19,354 --> 00:31:21,270
so of course there was gonna be trouble.
575
00:31:21,936 --> 00:31:25,311
But… the sensible thing to do
576
00:31:25,395 --> 00:31:27,770
would have been to wait at home
577
00:31:27,854 --> 00:31:34,729
um… until everyone had just calmed down
and the whole thing had blown over,
578
00:31:34,811 --> 00:31:40,561
and then you go out and protest in a, um…
calm and orderly manner.
579
00:31:41,145 --> 00:31:43,561
Um… I would have been the first
to support that,
580
00:31:43,645 --> 00:31:46,395
unless it was on a Tuesday
because that's my Peloton class.
581
00:31:47,395 --> 00:31:51,145
But instead what was happening
just looked like
582
00:31:52,020 --> 00:31:54,479
all-out anarchy to me.
583
00:31:54,561 --> 00:32:00,395
Um… and believe me, I, uh…
I know criminal behavior when I see it.
584
00:32:00,479 --> 00:32:05,561
Whether it's someone breaking a window
or a Black man sitting in a car.
585
00:32:05,645 --> 00:32:07,395
Wasn't there a video of you
586
00:32:07,479 --> 00:32:10,854
haranguing a Black man sitting in a car
that went viral this year?
587
00:32:12,936 --> 00:32:16,061
And I'm telling you this is my car.
588
00:32:16,145 --> 00:32:19,311
Well, then I'm sure you'll prove that
with some ID. Yeah.
589
00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:23,645
First of all, I…
I wasn't haranguing.
590
00:32:23,729 --> 00:32:27,311
I was politely enquiring,
for less than an hour.
591
00:32:27,895 --> 00:32:30,811
So, that was the only time
you did something like that this year?
592
00:32:32,145 --> 00:32:34,936
Um… there was an incident at a pool.
593
00:32:35,936 --> 00:32:37,770
- Give it back!
- Do you have a receipt?
594
00:32:37,854 --> 00:32:39,186
I need to see a receipt.
595
00:32:39,270 --> 00:32:42,145
Uh… there was an incident up in the hills.
596
00:32:43,020 --> 00:32:44,645
I'm painting a watercolor!
597
00:32:44,729 --> 00:32:47,936
The way that you're wielding
that paintbrush is very unsettling to me.
598
00:32:48,020 --> 00:32:49,270
And at the hospital.
599
00:32:49,354 --> 00:32:52,770
Sweetie, are you absolutely sure
that this is your dialysis machine?
600
00:32:52,854 --> 00:32:56,479
- Mommy, the crazy lady's back.
- I was just asking. I'm allowed to ask.
601
00:32:56,561 --> 00:33:01,311
I don't know why people
are so quick to judge.
602
00:33:07,936 --> 00:33:09,311
Is he with you?
603
00:33:11,145 --> 00:33:13,686
That's Mike.
He's been here all day.
604
00:33:17,729 --> 00:33:20,229
By now, the protests
have gone international,
605
00:33:20,311 --> 00:33:23,104
with a rallying cry
reverberating across the globe.
606
00:33:23,604 --> 00:33:26,436
- Black Lives Matter!
- Black Lives Matter!
607
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,395
Black Lives Matter.
608
00:33:30,979 --> 00:33:34,770
Well… no reasonable person
could disagree with that,
609
00:33:34,854 --> 00:33:38,686
but I would prefer to say,
"All lives matter."
610
00:33:39,436 --> 00:33:42,895
I think the point is they're
currently treated like they don't matter.
611
00:33:42,979 --> 00:33:45,270
All lives? I don't think so.
612
00:33:45,354 --> 00:33:46,770
No, black lives.
613
00:33:46,854 --> 00:33:48,604
Oh, those.
614
00:33:49,895 --> 00:33:51,561
I'm sorry, what about them?
615
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,561
- They matter.
- More than all lives?
616
00:33:54,645 --> 00:33:57,145
- Now who's being a racist?
- I didn't call you a racist.
617
00:33:57,229 --> 00:33:58,061
You are.
618
00:33:58,145 --> 00:34:01,520
You are just about to label me a bigot,
just like my daughter.
619
00:34:01,604 --> 00:34:05,104
And her friends, and my son,
and his friends.
620
00:34:05,186 --> 00:34:06,645
And my wife.
621
00:34:07,229 --> 00:34:08,478
And her friends.
622
00:34:09,728 --> 00:34:11,311
And my friends.
623
00:34:12,353 --> 00:34:14,353
You can't say anything these days.
624
00:34:17,271 --> 00:34:20,978
Next, the spotlight falls upon
the relics of an intolerant past.
625
00:34:21,061 --> 00:34:25,728
In Bristol, England, protestors surround
slave trader and statue Edward Colston
626
00:34:25,811 --> 00:34:28,603
and drag him
from the safety of his plinth.
627
00:34:30,103 --> 00:34:32,936
Look, these people are trying
to destroy history.
628
00:34:33,521 --> 00:34:35,728
What if by tearing
these statues down
629
00:34:35,811 --> 00:34:37,728
they're actually making history?
630
00:34:41,561 --> 00:34:43,771
Shut up and move on.
631
00:34:46,271 --> 00:34:48,686
They threw him in the sea,
which is cruel.
632
00:34:48,771 --> 00:34:50,353
They might have killed him.
633
00:34:50,436 --> 00:34:52,811
Can statues breathe underwater?
634
00:34:53,811 --> 00:34:55,436
No, they don't breathe at all.
635
00:34:55,936 --> 00:34:58,353
OK, so he probably swam to safety.
636
00:34:59,478 --> 00:35:02,061
You had corporations going woke too,
637
00:35:02,146 --> 00:35:05,436
asking themselves
how can they support Black people
638
00:35:05,521 --> 00:35:07,186
without actually paying them.
639
00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:08,771
Demonstrating their sensitivity
640
00:35:08,853 --> 00:35:12,771
by rebranding Ku Klux Krunchies
as Rosa Parks Puffs,
641
00:35:12,853 --> 00:35:13,936
and so on.
642
00:35:14,021 --> 00:35:18,396
I'm proud to say as a corporation
we stepped up in several bold ways.
643
00:35:18,478 --> 00:35:21,396
We rolled out an update
that replaced our virtual assistants
644
00:35:21,478 --> 00:35:23,478
with the personality of Malcolm X.
645
00:35:24,478 --> 00:35:26,978
Malcolm, could you play
the best of ZZ Top?
646
00:35:27,061 --> 00:35:30,271
I will neither follow
your orders nor recognize your authority.
647
00:35:30,353 --> 00:35:33,896
But perhaps our biggest gesture
was the whole Boris Johnson thing.
648
00:35:34,936 --> 00:35:36,896
We've had great ties with UK government
649
00:35:36,978 --> 00:35:38,853
since we delivered the Brexit vote
for them.
650
00:35:38,936 --> 00:35:41,353
And they'd reached out
looking for a gesture to show
651
00:35:41,436 --> 00:35:43,811
Britain had shrugged off
its colonial past,
652
00:35:43,896 --> 00:35:47,186
which was a little "slave-trade-y."
653
00:35:47,271 --> 00:35:49,603
So, we had them trial our body swap tech.
654
00:35:49,686 --> 00:35:52,896
This is the first time the soul
of a British Prime Minister
655
00:35:52,978 --> 00:35:55,978
has been transferred
into the body of a Black man.
656
00:35:56,771 --> 00:35:58,271
And it worked.
657
00:35:58,853 --> 00:36:02,561
Today,
I stand before you as a proud Black man,
658
00:36:02,646 --> 00:36:06,686
a thrusting, living symbol
of vibrant modern Britain.
659
00:36:06,771 --> 00:36:08,811
I will now take questions.
660
00:36:08,896 --> 00:36:12,686
- Yes, the lady with her hand up?
- You're not from round here, are you?
661
00:36:12,771 --> 00:36:14,603
Have you got a receipt
for that suit?
662
00:36:14,686 --> 00:36:17,561
- Well, not a receipt per se...
- Officer, arrest this man!
663
00:36:18,103 --> 00:36:20,436
When I say worked,
I mean temporarily, you know,
664
00:36:20,521 --> 00:36:23,811
We had to revert Johnson back into his
natural form so he could continue ruling
665
00:36:23,896 --> 00:36:27,478
from a position of safe,
familiar white incompetence.
666
00:36:27,561 --> 00:36:30,146
Some white individuals
begin to ask
667
00:36:30,228 --> 00:36:32,521
whether they're doing enough personally.
668
00:36:33,521 --> 00:36:35,436
Well, I consider myself an ally.
669
00:36:36,478 --> 00:36:39,521
You know, but I looked within,
I felt I could make some changes.
670
00:36:39,603 --> 00:36:43,521
So, I started small,
posting the black squares on Insta.
671
00:36:44,271 --> 00:36:47,936
I swapped to only using
black emojis for texts.
672
00:36:48,436 --> 00:36:51,771
I sent a lot of friend requests
to Black people.
673
00:36:51,853 --> 00:36:54,853
And I even learned
how to pronounce their names.
674
00:36:54,936 --> 00:36:56,311
Even if it was difficult.
675
00:36:57,021 --> 00:37:00,478
A-de-fo-la-ke.
676
00:37:00,561 --> 00:37:01,936
A-de-fo-la-ke.
677
00:37:02,478 --> 00:37:03,853
Hmm, beautiful.
678
00:37:03,936 --> 00:37:07,396
And then I thought, listen, look.
I know I care,
679
00:37:08,271 --> 00:37:11,728
but do enough other people
know that I care?
680
00:37:12,978 --> 00:37:16,228
I realized I should up my game,
so I posted a video about it.
681
00:37:17,436 --> 00:37:21,561
And so I guess in a way,
I'm Black too, maybe…
682
00:37:21,646 --> 00:37:23,686
maybe more than anyone.
683
00:37:23,771 --> 00:37:26,146
That caught some likes,
so we did a follow-up
684
00:37:26,228 --> 00:37:31,186
where I drove around a Black neighborhood
to let them hear my support in person.
685
00:37:31,771 --> 00:37:35,771
Guys, I just want to say, right now,
I'm with you.
686
00:37:35,853 --> 00:37:40,103
I hear you. I see you. I am you.
687
00:37:40,186 --> 00:37:44,561
And this wasn't just some quick
little gesture, we kept it up till 2 a.m.
688
00:37:44,646 --> 00:37:46,021
That's how committed we were.
689
00:37:46,103 --> 00:37:51,146
Friends of color, I stand by you.
I feel your pain.
690
00:37:51,228 --> 00:37:54,436
- Go the fuck home!
- Oh shit, drive. Drive. Go, go, go!
691
00:37:55,896 --> 00:37:58,186
There's just no pleasing some people.
692
00:37:59,186 --> 00:38:01,896
All the while,
the pandemic is raging out of control
693
00:38:01,978 --> 00:38:04,146
and there is disagreement
on how to respond.
694
00:38:04,228 --> 00:38:08,271
Some believe the only way out
is to achieve herd immunity.
695
00:38:08,353 --> 00:38:10,061
Herd immunity occurs
696
00:38:10,146 --> 00:38:13,061
when almost everybody
has been exposed to something,
697
00:38:13,146 --> 00:38:15,561
but gotten over it,
so it quickly dies out.
698
00:38:15,646 --> 00:38:17,936
Just like what happened with the Floss.
699
00:38:18,936 --> 00:38:20,646
Sorry, the… the what?
700
00:38:20,728 --> 00:38:21,728
You know…
701
00:38:28,646 --> 00:38:31,396
Others want to wait
for a miracle cure,
702
00:38:31,478 --> 00:38:34,853
but any potential vaccine faces
a lengthy uphill climb,
703
00:38:34,936 --> 00:38:37,353
a challenging maneuver for any liquid.
704
00:38:37,436 --> 00:38:40,396
Well, vaccines go through
a lengthy approval process.
705
00:38:40,478 --> 00:38:44,771
They start with the preliminary trials
using a limited number of volunteers
706
00:38:44,853 --> 00:38:49,603
in which we are monitoring the level
of proteins known as antibodies generated.
707
00:38:49,686 --> 00:38:51,603
It is called a blind trial
708
00:38:51,686 --> 00:38:55,103
because around half the volunteers
are given a placebo, which means…
709
00:38:55,186 --> 00:38:59,771
Sorry. Sorry, why are you showing
footage of whatever that is?
710
00:38:59,853 --> 00:39:02,603
I'm still speaking. Is that relevant?
711
00:39:02,686 --> 00:39:06,603
Yeah, sorry. We're just trying to keep it
visually interesting. Ignore us. Carry on.
712
00:39:07,686 --> 00:39:09,561
No, OK. No problem, OK.
713
00:39:09,646 --> 00:39:14,686
So, once the initial trial is complete,
the second trial begins.
714
00:39:14,771 --> 00:39:18,686
This is less to do with efficacy
because during the second trial
715
00:39:18,771 --> 00:39:21,561
there's a tricky balance
you are trying to maintain
716
00:39:21,646 --> 00:39:25,186
between monitoring
the serological response and how that…
717
00:39:25,271 --> 00:39:29,021
What's going on? That's got
nothing to do with this. This…
718
00:39:29,103 --> 00:39:30,353
I'm talking here.
719
00:39:30,436 --> 00:39:33,228
Just… just ignore it, OK.
It's just texture.
720
00:39:34,146 --> 00:39:36,853
Are you guys actually interested
in the science?
721
00:39:36,936 --> 00:39:40,271
Um… to be honest… no.
722
00:39:42,771 --> 00:39:43,771
Oh.
723
00:39:44,396 --> 00:39:47,021
With no cure for Covid in sight,
724
00:39:47,103 --> 00:39:50,311
life for millions has been reduced
to a creepy new normal
725
00:39:50,396 --> 00:39:53,478
and a seemingly endless series
of lockdowns.
726
00:39:53,561 --> 00:39:56,853
I live on my own
and after a while I got so lonely
727
00:39:56,936 --> 00:40:00,271
I developed a multiple personality
disorder on purpose
728
00:40:00,353 --> 00:40:02,271
so I could keep myself company.
729
00:40:02,353 --> 00:40:04,771
But then, of course, I had to try and keep
730
00:40:04,853 --> 00:40:07,728
two meters away from myself at all times.
731
00:40:08,228 --> 00:40:12,521
Don't know if you've ever tried doing that
but it's a bloody nightmare.
732
00:40:13,811 --> 00:40:17,021
So, I started doing video calls
to keep sociable.
733
00:40:17,103 --> 00:40:20,521
- Hiya, you alright?
- No, is what it is, innit?
734
00:40:20,603 --> 00:40:24,186
I did so many
I sometimes glitch in real life now.
735
00:40:24,271 --> 00:40:26,353
Like, I just freeze now and then, like…
736
00:40:32,103 --> 00:40:33,686
Can you hear me your end?
737
00:40:34,603 --> 00:40:39,146
Like defecating and sobbing,
video calls become part of everyday life,
738
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:41,728
which means for some, business is booming.
739
00:40:41,811 --> 00:40:43,646
Early, we ran numbers and realized
740
00:40:43,728 --> 00:40:47,896
that around 20% of our customer base
might die of the virus.
741
00:40:47,978 --> 00:40:51,771
But the surviving 80%
would increase their reliance
742
00:40:51,853 --> 00:40:54,896
on our videoconferencing products
200 fold,
743
00:40:54,978 --> 00:40:57,686
so that was a huge win for us.
744
00:40:57,771 --> 00:41:00,186
A huge, but sad win.
745
00:41:00,686 --> 00:41:01,936
In desperation,
746
00:41:02,021 --> 00:41:05,561
millions turn to award-winning
streaming service Netflix
747
00:41:05,646 --> 00:41:07,103
for entertainment.
748
00:41:08,146 --> 00:41:11,353
One spent a lot of time at Windsor
watching Netflix.
749
00:41:12,021 --> 00:41:16,021
Do you find that you spend most
of your time browsing the home page?
750
00:41:16,103 --> 00:41:18,978
No. No, my footman does that for me.
751
00:41:19,728 --> 00:41:21,728
I watched so much dumb shit.
752
00:41:21,811 --> 00:41:25,103
You see Floor is Lava,
fire and brimstone, the game show?
753
00:41:25,186 --> 00:41:27,271
- Don't…
- No!
754
00:41:27,353 --> 00:41:29,396
…fall…
755
00:41:29,478 --> 00:41:30,936
…in…
756
00:41:31,021 --> 00:41:32,771
- …the…
- Ah!
757
00:41:32,853 --> 00:41:33,896
…lava!
758
00:41:33,978 --> 00:41:36,311
You know they filmed that last year,
because in 2020
759
00:41:36,396 --> 00:41:38,746
people wouldn't even be bothering
to try to escape the lava.
760
00:41:38,771 --> 00:41:41,396
They'd be lining up
to willingly throw themselves in,
761
00:41:41,478 --> 00:41:43,311
pausing only to kick their kids in first.
762
00:41:43,896 --> 00:41:45,603
Maybe that's season two.
763
00:41:46,311 --> 00:41:49,686
My favorite program
has to be The Crown.
764
00:41:50,436 --> 00:41:53,228
It's refreshing to see
a down-to-earth drama
765
00:41:53,311 --> 00:41:56,146
about everyday people
living ordinary lives.
766
00:41:56,228 --> 00:41:59,646
It's the sort of thing
that gives the little people hope.
767
00:41:59,728 --> 00:42:02,353
Some say The Crown is unrealistic,
768
00:42:02,436 --> 00:42:06,146
but it strikes me as a far more
faithful depiction of the monarchy
769
00:42:06,228 --> 00:42:09,521
than their other regal drama, Tiger King.
770
00:42:09,603 --> 00:42:12,478
You can guaran-goddamn-tee
I'm gonna put a cap in your ass
771
00:42:12,561 --> 00:42:15,103
the first time
to make you squirm around on the ground.
772
00:42:15,186 --> 00:42:17,811
Then I'm gonna put a bullet
between your fucking eyes.
773
00:42:17,896 --> 00:42:21,521
That man is from no royal line
I recognize.
774
00:42:22,936 --> 00:42:24,603
Harry and Meghan have a Netflix deal.
775
00:42:24,686 --> 00:42:25,811
Harry and who-an?
776
00:42:26,728 --> 00:42:28,936
- Harry and Meghan.
- Who-ey and who-an?
777
00:42:29,478 --> 00:42:33,396
Back in the real world,
with America facing crises on every front,
778
00:42:33,478 --> 00:42:36,146
criticism of the President is mounting.
779
00:42:37,436 --> 00:42:40,103
Also, there were questions
about his fitness to govern,
780
00:42:40,186 --> 00:42:41,728
in part because of the way he had
781
00:42:41,811 --> 00:42:43,771
to drink a glass of water
using both hands,
782
00:42:43,853 --> 00:42:45,811
but mainly because of everything
else he did.
783
00:42:45,896 --> 00:42:49,478
To boost support,
Trump announces a series of rallies.
784
00:42:50,061 --> 00:42:54,561
We've had a tremendous run at rallies.
I don't think there's been an empty seat.
785
00:42:54,646 --> 00:42:57,311
But despite a surge
in ticket requests,
786
00:42:57,396 --> 00:43:01,311
an event in Oklahoma is mainly attended
by people who aren't there.
787
00:43:01,396 --> 00:43:03,186
As the media makes clear,
788
00:43:03,271 --> 00:43:06,936
heartless users of the social media
platform TikTok are to blame.
789
00:43:07,521 --> 00:43:10,603
TikTokers said
they intentionally sabotaged the event
790
00:43:10,686 --> 00:43:15,061
by registering en masse
with no intention of showing up,
791
00:43:15,146 --> 00:43:17,021
and they spread the word via TikTok.
792
00:43:17,103 --> 00:43:19,396
Republicans claim social media
793
00:43:19,478 --> 00:43:23,603
is actively trying to suppress
an unreasonable conservative agenda.
794
00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:27,811
I'll cut to the chase,
Big Tech is out to get conservatives.
795
00:43:27,896 --> 00:43:29,811
That's not a suspicion,
that's not a hunch.
796
00:43:29,896 --> 00:43:30,896
That's a fact.
797
00:43:30,978 --> 00:43:33,978
The fact,
which doesn't care about your feelings,
798
00:43:34,061 --> 00:43:36,353
is that online and in the media
799
00:43:36,436 --> 00:43:39,478
conservative voices are being silenced.
800
00:43:39,561 --> 00:43:42,478
I've said this before.
I said it on my YouTube channel.
801
00:43:42,561 --> 00:43:44,561
Conservative voices are being silenced.
802
00:43:44,646 --> 00:43:45,978
I said it on Joe Rogan.
803
00:43:46,061 --> 00:43:47,936
Conservative voices are being silenced.
804
00:43:48,021 --> 00:43:50,146
On the Jordan Peterson Kayak podcast.
805
00:43:50,228 --> 00:43:52,478
Conservative voices are being silenced.
806
00:43:52,561 --> 00:43:54,271
I said it on Tucker Carlson.
807
00:43:54,353 --> 00:43:57,021
Tucker, we know conservative voices
are being silenced.
808
00:43:57,103 --> 00:43:58,271
Twice actually.
809
00:43:58,353 --> 00:44:01,603
Like I said last time, Tucker,
conservative voices are being silenced.
810
00:44:01,686 --> 00:44:03,021
That is exactly right.
811
00:44:03,103 --> 00:44:05,561
And I said it
in my New York Times bestseller,
812
00:44:05,646 --> 00:44:08,186
Conservative Voices Are Being Silenced.
813
00:44:08,271 --> 00:44:10,853
It's a point I have to make over and over
814
00:44:10,936 --> 00:44:15,603
because conservative voices
are being silenced.
815
00:44:15,686 --> 00:44:19,061
- In fact, you won't even use this footage.
- Actually, we will.
816
00:44:19,146 --> 00:44:21,271
Bob, we both know
that's not going to happen.
817
00:44:21,353 --> 00:44:23,811
- Yeah, my name is James.
- Whatever, Bob.
818
00:44:24,978 --> 00:44:27,228
On the opposite side
of the political divide,
819
00:44:27,311 --> 00:44:30,146
the husk of Joe Biden
is encountering setbacks.
820
00:44:30,228 --> 00:44:33,271
He is the oldest presidential candidate
since records began,
821
00:44:33,353 --> 00:44:35,311
200 years after he was born,
822
00:44:35,396 --> 00:44:38,478
and questions are asked
about his longevity.
823
00:44:38,561 --> 00:44:40,521
Biden is clearly diminished.
824
00:44:40,603 --> 00:44:44,686
All men and women were created by the…
Go, you know the thing.
825
00:44:44,771 --> 00:44:46,521
He seemed kind of frail.
826
00:44:46,603 --> 00:44:48,061
Never mind the virus,
827
00:44:48,146 --> 00:44:51,896
there were times it looked like
a stiff breeze might be too much for him.
828
00:44:51,978 --> 00:44:56,478
So, he stayed in his basement,
running a virtual campaign.
829
00:44:56,561 --> 00:44:59,646
Which is like a real campaign
that never really happens.
830
00:44:59,728 --> 00:45:06,021
So, welcome, everybody,
to our first virtual happy hour.
831
00:45:06,603 --> 00:45:09,186
He might as well have been
in witness protection.
832
00:45:09,271 --> 00:45:13,103
But there came a time
he had to venture out.
833
00:45:13,186 --> 00:45:16,271
His team were clearly extremely cautious.
834
00:45:16,353 --> 00:45:19,603
Whenever he met the public,
they made him sit some distance away
835
00:45:19,686 --> 00:45:22,896
so he couldn't face further allegations
of inappropriate touching.
836
00:45:22,978 --> 00:45:24,811
And they prevented verbal gaffes
837
00:45:24,896 --> 00:45:27,521
by keeping him physically gagged
at all times.
838
00:45:28,103 --> 00:45:32,103
Biden also hosts
COVID-safe drive-in rallies,
839
00:45:32,186 --> 00:45:34,771
attended by handfuls of enthusiastic cars,
840
00:45:34,853 --> 00:45:38,853
in which he channels the vibrant energy
of an old man yelling at traffic.
841
00:45:38,936 --> 00:45:41,353
And we should have no tolerance
842
00:45:41,436 --> 00:45:45,353
for extremist white supremacist groups
marching in our communities.
843
00:45:52,646 --> 00:45:56,728
But his campaign gets a shot
in the arm as he picks his running mate.
844
00:45:56,811 --> 00:46:00,561
Now let me introduce to you,
for the first time,
845
00:46:00,646 --> 00:46:02,978
your next Vice President
of the United States,
846
00:46:03,061 --> 00:46:04,978
Kamala Harris.
847
00:46:05,061 --> 00:46:07,146
Kamala, the floor is yours.
848
00:46:07,228 --> 00:46:10,936
At 55, Harris is less
than a quarter of Biden's age.
849
00:46:11,021 --> 00:46:12,521
She is the first African American
850
00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:15,728
and South Asian American
vice presidential candidate,
851
00:46:15,811 --> 00:46:17,896
and, therefore, alongside Donald Trump
852
00:46:17,978 --> 00:46:21,353
is the second person of color
on the 2020 ballot.
853
00:46:21,936 --> 00:46:23,396
We're all in this fight.
854
00:46:24,146 --> 00:46:28,478
You, me and Joe, together.
855
00:46:28,561 --> 00:46:32,103
Well, previously,
Biden and Harris hadn't got on.
856
00:46:32,186 --> 00:46:34,646
She'd clashed with Biden at the primaries.
857
00:46:34,728 --> 00:46:40,061
Do you agree today that you were wrong
to oppose busing in America?
858
00:46:40,146 --> 00:46:44,936
And last year said that she believed
the women who accused him of impropriety.
859
00:46:45,021 --> 00:46:47,061
Now, all that was forgiven.
860
00:46:47,146 --> 00:46:50,646
Although their relationship
did appear a little standoffish.
861
00:46:50,728 --> 00:46:53,061
And, of course, if they won,
862
00:46:53,146 --> 00:46:55,978
she'd be president
in the event of Biden's death.
863
00:46:56,061 --> 00:46:58,061
Assuming anyone noticed.
864
00:46:58,853 --> 00:47:01,353
Biden's campaign is reenergized,
865
00:47:01,436 --> 00:47:05,186
but the American story is about to take
an unexpected turn
866
00:47:05,271 --> 00:47:07,271
as the world looks on.
867
00:47:11,186 --> 00:47:13,686
Having another lockdown
was really annoying
868
00:47:13,771 --> 00:47:18,646
because I'd watched literally
all of Netflix during the first lockdown.
869
00:47:18,728 --> 00:47:23,396
But then I got into this show called
America, which was amazing.
870
00:47:23,478 --> 00:47:26,521
Have you seen it?
It's on the news channel.
871
00:47:26,603 --> 00:47:28,811
It's totally mental.
872
00:47:28,896 --> 00:47:31,021
Just one twist after another.
873
00:47:31,103 --> 00:47:33,396
They had this sort
of election fight happening
874
00:47:33,478 --> 00:47:36,686
between a bloke who looked
like a ticket inspector on a ghost train
875
00:47:36,771 --> 00:47:41,271
and an inflatable orange maniac who
didn't seem to be dealing with the plague.
876
00:47:41,353 --> 00:47:43,271
We have so much testing,
877
00:47:43,353 --> 00:47:46,021
I don't think you need that kind
of testing or that much testing,
878
00:47:46,103 --> 00:47:50,271
but some people disagree with me
and some people agree with me.
879
00:47:50,353 --> 00:47:55,271
Everybody hated everybody else,
and the whole country was on fire.
880
00:47:55,353 --> 00:47:58,811
Not just the forests
but the towns and cities.
881
00:47:59,771 --> 00:48:02,436
The only thing that wasn't on fire
was the fucking sea
882
00:48:02,521 --> 00:48:04,561
and that was probably thinking about it.
883
00:48:04,646 --> 00:48:06,603
As if all that wasn't enough,
884
00:48:06,686 --> 00:48:11,146
they dropped in an unexpected twist
involving a beloved character.
885
00:48:12,853 --> 00:48:14,686
This is a Fox News alert.
886
00:48:14,771 --> 00:48:18,021
US Supreme Court Justice
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
887
00:48:18,103 --> 00:48:20,436
has died at the age of 87.
888
00:48:20,521 --> 00:48:24,396
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
was a feminist icon and trailblazer
889
00:48:24,478 --> 00:48:26,771
who fought for abortion rights,
890
00:48:26,853 --> 00:48:31,478
gender equality, and a 600-mile
gas pipeline through indigenous land.
891
00:48:31,561 --> 00:48:35,561
RBG's dying wish was that she
wouldn't be replaced on the Supreme Court
892
00:48:35,646 --> 00:48:38,311
until the next president was sworn in.
893
00:48:38,396 --> 00:48:42,146
But that dying wish died with her.
894
00:48:42,228 --> 00:48:44,396
Breaking tonight, Fox News has confirmed
895
00:48:44,478 --> 00:48:47,561
President Trump will nominate
Amy Coney Barrett
896
00:48:47,646 --> 00:48:49,478
as the next Supreme Court Justice.
897
00:48:50,061 --> 00:48:52,728
As Fox News made
bombastically clear,
898
00:48:52,811 --> 00:48:55,603
Trump selected Amy Coney Barrett,
a devout Catholic
899
00:48:55,686 --> 00:48:59,521
who claims a legal career is
"a means to an end of serving God."
900
00:49:00,478 --> 00:49:02,353
God was unavailable for comment.
901
00:49:02,853 --> 00:49:07,646
Amy Coney Barrett stands for everything
RBG was against, everything!
902
00:49:07,728 --> 00:49:09,811
She's so pro-life, I got a theory.
903
00:49:09,896 --> 00:49:13,396
She's secretly bankrolled
by the wire hanger industry.
904
00:49:13,978 --> 00:49:15,396
September 26th,
905
00:49:15,478 --> 00:49:18,686
and The White House throws
a ceremony in the Rose Garden,
906
00:49:18,771 --> 00:49:21,271
announcing Coney Barrett's nomination.
907
00:49:21,353 --> 00:49:25,728
It is a roll call of the great and good
and soon to be infected.
908
00:49:26,228 --> 00:49:28,686
Most of the president's inner circle
was there,
909
00:49:28,771 --> 00:49:32,853
although the most significant attendee
was the novel coronavirus,
910
00:49:32,936 --> 00:49:35,271
silently mingling among the guests,
911
00:49:35,353 --> 00:49:38,353
particularly the ones
who didn't believe in it yet.
912
00:49:39,436 --> 00:49:40,936
But in the following days,
913
00:49:41,021 --> 00:49:43,228
the President is beset
by other distractions.
914
00:49:43,311 --> 00:49:46,146
The New York Times uncovers
his tax returns,
915
00:49:46,228 --> 00:49:50,271
revealing that, like all top businessmen,
he has made no money in years.
916
00:49:51,396 --> 00:49:56,603
September 29th, and the first presidential
debate makes for illuminating television.
917
00:49:56,686 --> 00:49:58,728
I'm Chris Wallace of Fox News,
918
00:49:58,811 --> 00:50:02,353
and I welcome you to the first
of the 2020 presidential debates.
919
00:50:03,103 --> 00:50:05,978
Trump comes out
just like regular Trump, grouchy,
920
00:50:06,061 --> 00:50:08,436
like something was eating him up
on the inside.
921
00:50:08,521 --> 00:50:10,603
Which of course we now know it was.
922
00:50:10,686 --> 00:50:13,311
While Biden's just trying to look alive.
923
00:50:13,396 --> 00:50:14,936
And then the debate started
924
00:50:15,021 --> 00:50:18,311
and straightaway it was
like a rap battle in a senior home.
925
00:50:18,396 --> 00:50:19,561
But worse.
926
00:50:19,646 --> 00:50:22,353
- The question is…
- The new Supreme Court Justice…
927
00:50:22,436 --> 00:50:25,396
- …the radical left.
- Will you shut up, man?
928
00:50:25,478 --> 00:50:27,353
I'd say it was a train wreck
and a shitshow,
929
00:50:27,436 --> 00:50:30,103
but that would be unfair
to trains and shit.
930
00:50:30,186 --> 00:50:31,603
Well, it's incredible, really.
931
00:50:31,686 --> 00:50:37,561
73 million Americans witnessing a debate
as intellectually stimulating
932
00:50:37,646 --> 00:50:41,646
as watching two pigeons fight
over a piece of bread in a car lot.
933
00:50:41,728 --> 00:50:44,021
A key moment comes
when Trump is asked
934
00:50:44,103 --> 00:50:47,228
to condemn white supremacists
and fumbles the response.
935
00:50:47,311 --> 00:50:48,978
What do you wanna call them?
936
00:50:49,061 --> 00:50:52,271
- Who would you like me to condemn?
- The Proud Boys.
937
00:50:52,353 --> 00:50:55,396
Proud Boys, stand back and stand by.
938
00:50:55,478 --> 00:50:57,936
He told those guys to stand by.
939
00:50:58,478 --> 00:51:00,271
That's not disavowing.
940
00:51:00,771 --> 00:51:03,061
That's pumping a fucking shotgun.
941
00:51:03,686 --> 00:51:06,436
Following the debate,
the only positive news for Trump
942
00:51:06,521 --> 00:51:08,478
is his coronavirus test result,
943
00:51:08,561 --> 00:51:11,521
which prompts negative blanket coverage.
944
00:51:11,603 --> 00:51:13,521
It starts with breaking news…
945
00:51:13,603 --> 00:51:18,271
Breaking news, President Trump
has tested positive for coronavirus.
946
00:51:18,353 --> 00:51:21,686
It is extraordinary
on many different levels.
947
00:51:21,771 --> 00:51:23,811
No one saw that coming.
948
00:51:23,896 --> 00:51:25,353
Oh, let me rephrase that.
949
00:51:26,271 --> 00:51:28,811
Everyone saw that coming.
950
00:51:28,896 --> 00:51:31,186
We just didn't believe
it'd actually happen.
951
00:51:31,271 --> 00:51:34,521
Well then, of course, the people
surrounding him all start falling ill.
952
00:51:34,603 --> 00:51:38,061
Even Melania, who'd been
socially distancing from him
953
00:51:38,146 --> 00:51:40,146
for the past four years.
954
00:51:40,228 --> 00:51:42,771
The President didn't exactly
take precautions, did he?
955
00:51:42,853 --> 00:51:45,436
Sorry, are you saying this was his fault?
956
00:51:45,521 --> 00:51:47,353
Well, he rarely wore a mask.
957
00:51:47,436 --> 00:51:49,061
Didn't wear a mask?
958
00:51:49,146 --> 00:51:53,311
Are you saying because of the way
he was dressed he was asking for it?
959
00:51:53,396 --> 00:51:57,978
Because that, my friend, is victim blaming
and you should hang your head in shame.
960
00:51:58,061 --> 00:52:01,771
As an overweight
74-year-old male, Trump is at low risk
961
00:52:01,853 --> 00:52:05,103
of appearing on the cover
of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit issue.
962
00:52:05,186 --> 00:52:07,228
But at high-risk from coronavirus.
963
00:52:07,311 --> 00:52:08,811
As his condition worsens,
964
00:52:08,896 --> 00:52:10,896
he's transported to Walter Reed Hospital
965
00:52:10,978 --> 00:52:13,061
and the world holds its breath.
966
00:52:13,728 --> 00:52:17,978
It was actually a moment
of national unity.
967
00:52:18,728 --> 00:52:22,771
Whatever their political alliance,
everyone in America was praying that day.
968
00:52:22,853 --> 00:52:24,353
For different outcomes.
969
00:52:24,436 --> 00:52:27,436
So, the President
is in a military hospital
970
00:52:27,521 --> 00:52:31,311
getting injected
with an experimental antibody treatment.
971
00:52:31,396 --> 00:52:35,146
By now, I'm thinking
this storyline's far-fetched,
972
00:52:35,228 --> 00:52:38,646
but I'm well into this,
I'm bingeing the shit out of it.
973
00:52:38,728 --> 00:52:41,646
Well-wishers outside
the hospital show their support
974
00:52:41,728 --> 00:52:45,396
and are rewarded when the President
commandeers a Secret Service vehicle
975
00:52:45,478 --> 00:52:48,103
to perform the most dangerous drive-by
976
00:52:48,186 --> 00:52:50,561
since the final moments of Tupac Shakur.
977
00:52:50,646 --> 00:52:53,853
Then there was this mental bit
where he flew back to the White House
978
00:52:53,936 --> 00:52:55,978
and stood on the balcony
and took his mask off
979
00:52:56,061 --> 00:53:00,396
so we'd know it was actually him
and not a beautiful woman in disguise.
980
00:53:00,478 --> 00:53:03,646
Then he proved
both his thumbs still worked.
981
00:53:03,728 --> 00:53:05,228
Thank God.
982
00:53:05,311 --> 00:53:07,478
And he saluted a helicopter,
983
00:53:07,561 --> 00:53:10,186
which couldn't see him
because it was flying away.
984
00:53:10,271 --> 00:53:13,396
The production values
were through the roof.
985
00:53:13,478 --> 00:53:16,561
It looked like the final shot
in the season finale of America.
986
00:53:16,646 --> 00:53:20,353
So, I was quite surprised
when the country kept going after that.
987
00:53:20,853 --> 00:53:22,436
It was quite remarkable really,
988
00:53:22,521 --> 00:53:25,603
one of the most iconic moments in history
that any of us will live through,
989
00:53:25,686 --> 00:53:28,936
but also deeply profoundly stupid.
990
00:53:29,021 --> 00:53:32,811
The history books covering this period
will have to be written in crayon.
991
00:53:33,521 --> 00:53:34,896
By a dog.
992
00:53:34,978 --> 00:53:37,603
I stood out front, I led.
993
00:53:37,686 --> 00:53:41,686
Nobody that's a leader
would not do what I did.
994
00:53:41,771 --> 00:53:45,271
And I know there's a risk,
there's a danger, but that's OK.
995
00:53:45,353 --> 00:53:48,478
And now I'm better and maybe I'm immune,
I don't know.
996
00:53:48,561 --> 00:53:49,853
Despite his ordeal,
997
00:53:49,936 --> 00:53:52,646
Trump seems to have gained little sympathy
from the US public
998
00:53:52,728 --> 00:53:54,978
and is cratering in the polls.
999
00:53:55,061 --> 00:53:59,061
Right about now, it looked like Trump
needed some kind of October surprise
1000
00:53:59,146 --> 00:54:01,353
to wipe the smile off Biden's skull.
1001
00:54:01,436 --> 00:54:02,978
In a bombshell report,
1002
00:54:03,061 --> 00:54:07,686
Hunter Biden is accused of introducing
his father to a Ukrainian businessman.
1003
00:54:07,771 --> 00:54:09,478
You said Ukraine didn't exist.
1004
00:54:09,561 --> 00:54:10,561
That's not relevant.
1005
00:54:10,646 --> 00:54:14,186
What is relevant is the total silence
from the mainstream media.
1006
00:54:14,271 --> 00:54:16,728
No one was asking
about Hunter Biden anywhere.
1007
00:54:16,811 --> 00:54:18,186
It's like I said on Joe Rogan.
1008
00:54:18,271 --> 00:54:19,771
What about Hunter Biden?
1009
00:54:19,853 --> 00:54:21,228
And on Tucker Carlson…
1010
00:54:21,311 --> 00:54:22,478
What about Hunter Biden?
1011
00:54:22,561 --> 00:54:23,561
More than once.
1012
00:54:23,603 --> 00:54:24,896
What about Hunter Biden?
1013
00:54:24,978 --> 00:54:27,146
Let's hope that evidence
arrives in the mail.
1014
00:54:27,228 --> 00:54:28,436
That is exactly right.
1015
00:54:28,521 --> 00:54:32,478
And I said it in my New York Times
bestseller, What About Hunter Biden?
1016
00:54:33,561 --> 00:54:36,603
- What about Hunter Biden?
- You don't even want to ask about it!
1017
00:54:37,103 --> 00:54:41,228
As the crucial day nears,
other factors make 2020's election
1018
00:54:41,311 --> 00:54:44,061
as unpredictable
as an ape with a hockey stick.
1019
00:54:44,146 --> 00:54:47,436
The pandemic forces states
to introduce widespread postal voting,
1020
00:54:47,521 --> 00:54:51,603
dragging the US electoral system
into the 19th century.
1021
00:54:52,811 --> 00:54:55,561
Trump supporters were gonna vote
in person on election day
1022
00:54:55,646 --> 00:54:57,853
because they weren't afraid of the virus.
1023
00:54:58,646 --> 00:54:59,978
Or fascism.
1024
00:55:00,061 --> 00:55:03,728
Covid-cautious Democrats
were more likely to vote by post
1025
00:55:03,811 --> 00:55:06,646
from the comfort
of their liberal elitist homes,
1026
00:55:06,728 --> 00:55:10,561
wearing a mask and swabbing the pencil
down with bleach when they'd finished.
1027
00:55:10,646 --> 00:55:13,853
Advance in-person voting
also explodes.
1028
00:55:13,936 --> 00:55:17,811
Lines stretch for miles as Americans
wait for a go on their democracy.
1029
00:55:17,896 --> 00:55:23,021
It was so inspiring to see
so many Americans voting. Um…
1030
00:55:23,103 --> 00:55:26,436
Yeah, and there was a pretty big, uh…
1031
00:55:26,521 --> 00:55:30,686
Black vote too, which I think is so great!
1032
00:55:30,771 --> 00:55:33,936
And I mean, obviously,
I have no problem with that
1033
00:55:34,021 --> 00:55:36,728
as long as everyone has proper ID
with a current street address
1034
00:55:36,811 --> 00:55:38,521
and they keep their hands in the air.
Yeah!
1035
00:55:41,978 --> 00:55:44,561
Good morning, America.
Election day 2020.
1036
00:55:44,646 --> 00:55:46,686
The big day arrives,
1037
00:55:46,771 --> 00:55:49,771
and as the media frantically promotes
the last election in human history,
1038
00:55:49,853 --> 00:55:53,686
early fears of violent clashes
at polling stations melt away
1039
00:55:53,771 --> 00:55:58,103
in the face of familiar tedious scenes
of long lines and paperwork.
1040
00:55:59,311 --> 00:56:02,896
From MSNBC, Decision 2020.
1041
00:56:02,978 --> 00:56:05,728
That was when the whole program
suddenly turned
1042
00:56:05,811 --> 00:56:08,686
into a really complicated
game show format.
1043
00:56:08,771 --> 00:56:10,436
Sort of based on an election.
1044
00:56:10,521 --> 00:56:13,228
Basically, they had this map of America
1045
00:56:13,311 --> 00:56:15,896
that's blue around the edges
and red in the middle.
1046
00:56:15,978 --> 00:56:17,436
And to win the election,
1047
00:56:17,521 --> 00:56:20,728
the players have to flip the states
over one by one
1048
00:56:20,811 --> 00:56:23,103
to see if they're a different color
on the other side.
1049
00:56:23,186 --> 00:56:27,146
Election night doesn't begin until we flip
a red state blue or a blue state red.
1050
00:56:27,228 --> 00:56:28,811
They're worth different amounts.
1051
00:56:28,896 --> 00:56:32,021
Like, Florida is worth 29 points
1052
00:56:32,103 --> 00:56:35,521
even though it's got fewer letters
in its name than Tennessee.
1053
00:56:35,603 --> 00:56:39,978
It was so confusing, they kept
explaining the rules over and over.
1054
00:56:40,061 --> 00:56:43,561
If he does not pull off a Hail Mary pass
and win Wisconsin,
1055
00:56:43,646 --> 00:56:46,936
win Michigan or flip any
of those Hilary Clinton states,
1056
00:56:47,021 --> 00:56:50,021
then he's gotta go five for five
in these states.
1057
00:56:50,103 --> 00:56:53,728
The whole broadcast
was literally days long
1058
00:56:53,811 --> 00:56:57,228
and they never seemed to get
to the fun bit where contestants buzz in.
1059
00:56:57,896 --> 00:57:00,271
It's the most boring game show ever.
1060
00:57:01,396 --> 00:57:04,521
No wonder they only broadcast it
once every four years.
1061
00:57:05,353 --> 00:57:08,271
As election night ends
without an official victor,
1062
00:57:08,353 --> 00:57:11,061
all eyes turn to the crucial state
of Pennsylvania,
1063
00:57:11,146 --> 00:57:13,646
where Trump has been on a winning streak.
1064
00:57:13,728 --> 00:57:16,728
Until officials stubbornly insist
on counting Biden's votes too.
1065
00:57:17,478 --> 00:57:18,936
Trump calls foul.
1066
00:57:19,021 --> 00:57:22,103
On live television, he attempts to beat
Nixon's world record
1067
00:57:22,186 --> 00:57:23,978
for Presidential bullshit.
1068
00:57:24,728 --> 00:57:27,646
We were getting ready
to win this election.
1069
00:57:27,728 --> 00:57:30,311
Frankly, we did win this election.
1070
00:57:30,396 --> 00:57:31,811
We did win this election.
1071
00:57:33,521 --> 00:57:35,396
The President demands an end
1072
00:57:35,478 --> 00:57:38,436
to democracy and so do some
of his followers.
1073
00:57:39,228 --> 00:57:40,228
Stop the count!
1074
00:57:40,311 --> 00:57:43,603
There appeared to be swathes
of Trump supporters protesting.
1075
00:57:43,686 --> 00:57:47,103
But we don't know how many because
they refused to let anyone count them.
1076
00:57:47,186 --> 00:57:50,061
Stop the count! Stop the count!
1077
00:57:50,146 --> 00:57:52,146
With the counting lasting days,
1078
00:57:52,228 --> 00:57:54,936
the networks are reluctant
to make an official call.
1079
00:57:55,021 --> 00:57:58,353
National fingernail supplies
are chewed dangerously low.
1080
00:57:59,353 --> 00:58:02,146
This election was a done deal
on night one.
1081
00:58:02,228 --> 00:58:05,853
But it didn't feel like it because
of the way the count was happening.
1082
00:58:05,936 --> 00:58:10,271
Pennsylvania and Georgia
were counting mail-in ballots last,
1083
00:58:10,353 --> 00:58:12,853
even though those had been
the first to arrive.
1084
00:58:13,436 --> 00:58:17,186
So, the narrative that Biden
was slowly inching to the finish line
1085
00:58:17,271 --> 00:58:20,271
was really just a story
being told backwards.
1086
00:58:20,353 --> 00:58:22,021
When you watch Jaws backwards,
1087
00:58:22,103 --> 00:58:25,436
it's the story of a shark that spits
panicking white people into the sea.
1088
00:58:25,521 --> 00:58:27,146
Different movie.
1089
00:58:27,228 --> 00:58:31,228
Finally, as Trump's
hunchbacked lab assistant Rudy Giuliani
1090
00:58:31,311 --> 00:58:33,896
addresses the media
from the prestigious car lot
1091
00:58:33,978 --> 00:58:35,811
of Four Seasons Total Landscaping,
1092
00:58:36,478 --> 00:58:38,311
a call is made.
1093
00:58:38,396 --> 00:58:39,936
Who was it called by?
1094
00:58:40,771 --> 00:58:44,436
Oh… Oh, my goodness! All the networks!
1095
00:58:44,521 --> 00:58:45,936
Wow!
1096
00:58:47,021 --> 00:58:48,521
All the networks!
1097
00:58:51,646 --> 00:58:54,728
CNN projects Joseph R. Biden Junior
1098
00:58:54,811 --> 00:58:58,271
is elected the 46th President
of the United States.
1099
00:58:58,353 --> 00:59:01,521
I'll never forget where I was
when I heard Biden had won.
1100
00:59:01,603 --> 00:59:04,353
Staring at the news
on a Saturday afternoon
1101
00:59:04,436 --> 00:59:06,521
or maybe a Sunday night.
1102
00:59:06,603 --> 00:59:08,646
I don't know. The whole week's a blur.
1103
00:59:08,728 --> 00:59:11,228
But, oh God, the sheer sense of relief
1104
00:59:11,311 --> 00:59:14,146
was like finally taking a dump
after a long flight.
1105
00:59:14,228 --> 00:59:19,853
And I mean that in every sense
because I actually had tears in my eyes.
1106
00:59:19,936 --> 00:59:21,271
In major cities,
1107
00:59:21,353 --> 00:59:23,896
libtards and snowflakes mince
into the streets
1108
00:59:23,978 --> 00:59:25,896
to celebrate Biden's victory
1109
00:59:25,978 --> 00:59:29,603
with an outpouring of hope, joy,
and coronaviral droplets.
1110
00:59:29,686 --> 00:59:34,521
Well, the last time I witnessed
a celebration on that scale was in 1983
1111
00:59:34,603 --> 00:59:37,936
on the forest moon of Endor,
when the Empire was defeated.
1112
00:59:38,771 --> 00:59:41,728
Yeah,
that's Return of the Jedi. It's a movie.
1113
00:59:42,311 --> 00:59:43,853
A Star Wars, you know.
1114
00:59:44,686 --> 00:59:47,603
Well, excuse me, but I was there.
1115
00:59:47,686 --> 00:59:51,853
I was there.
Me, and those dear little bear people.
1116
00:59:51,936 --> 00:59:53,478
And we had a lovely time.
1117
00:59:55,561 --> 01:00:00,146
As night falls,
President-Elect and keen jogger Joe Biden
1118
01:00:00,228 --> 01:00:01,646
delivers a victory speech.
1119
01:00:01,728 --> 01:00:05,103
After four years of Trump's
inflammatory half sentences,
1120
01:00:05,186 --> 01:00:09,478
progressives draw comfort from Biden's
dull but coherent message of hope.
1121
01:00:10,061 --> 01:00:12,271
I pledge to be a President
1122
01:00:12,353 --> 01:00:15,896
who seeks not to divide but unify.
1123
01:00:17,103 --> 01:00:19,228
Biden's message
was that Americans have
1124
01:00:19,311 --> 01:00:21,603
more that unites us than divides us.
1125
01:00:21,686 --> 01:00:25,021
Even though we were still counting
millions of pieces of paper
1126
01:00:25,103 --> 01:00:27,478
that proved we're completely different.
1127
01:00:27,561 --> 01:00:31,061
And we couldn't even agree
on the outcome of that.
1128
01:00:32,521 --> 01:00:36,521
Well, traditionally by now,
the loser would congratulate the victor,
1129
01:00:36,603 --> 01:00:39,478
but Mr. Trump doesn't know
the meaning of the word "concede,"
1130
01:00:39,561 --> 01:00:41,811
and he was furious when they told him.
1131
01:00:41,896 --> 01:00:45,146
The President is not alone
in besmirching and be-shitting the result.
1132
01:00:45,228 --> 01:00:47,186
Having just been re-elected to the Senate,
1133
01:00:47,271 --> 01:00:51,686
leading Republicans insist the election
that put them there was rigged.
1134
01:00:51,771 --> 01:00:54,271
There is a lot of shenanigans
going on here.
1135
01:00:54,353 --> 01:00:57,396
If I were President Trump,
I would take all this to court,
1136
01:00:57,478 --> 01:00:58,811
I'd fight back.
1137
01:00:58,896 --> 01:01:02,853
Stop the steal! Stop the steal!
Stop the steal!
1138
01:01:02,936 --> 01:01:04,936
My God.
There were so many discrepancies.
1139
01:01:05,021 --> 01:01:07,353
I mean, listen, according to the records
1140
01:01:07,436 --> 01:01:09,521
there were dead people
who voted for Biden,
1141
01:01:09,603 --> 01:01:12,353
which is impossible
because ghosts cannot hold pencils.
1142
01:01:12,436 --> 01:01:14,728
They said there were
more mail ballots than ever.
1143
01:01:14,811 --> 01:01:17,353
What about female ballots?
1144
01:01:17,436 --> 01:01:21,228
The voting machines in Michigan
were controlled by Hunter Biden's laptop.
1145
01:01:21,311 --> 01:01:22,811
Georgia's not even a real state.
1146
01:01:22,896 --> 01:01:25,853
There's no record of it existing
before November.
1147
01:01:25,936 --> 01:01:29,521
Jet fuel does not burn that hot.
That was a controlled demolition.
1148
01:01:29,603 --> 01:01:32,103
Trump not winning
is a statistical impossibility
1149
01:01:32,186 --> 01:01:34,646
like snow in winter
or a duck that can't talk.
1150
01:01:34,728 --> 01:01:37,061
The lack of evidence proves
there's been a cover-up!
1151
01:01:37,146 --> 01:01:40,103
And the whole election
never even happened.
1152
01:01:40,186 --> 01:01:44,896
CNN made it look like it did
using Deep State CGI.
1153
01:01:46,686 --> 01:01:47,978
It's all a lie.
1154
01:01:49,936 --> 01:01:54,521
And, um… if that's what democracy
looks like, then count me out.
1155
01:01:54,603 --> 01:01:59,646
Actually, don't count me at all
because that would be democracy again.
1156
01:01:59,728 --> 01:02:02,478
And I want no part of it.
1157
01:02:02,561 --> 01:02:05,896
This election is not over, far from it.
1158
01:02:05,978 --> 01:02:08,853
In a blizzard of headlines,
Trump launches court challenges
1159
01:02:08,936 --> 01:02:12,936
under the guidance of the legal world's
village idiot, Rudy Giuliani,
1160
01:02:13,021 --> 01:02:15,646
whose efforts prove so hapless
his hair starts crying.
1161
01:02:15,728 --> 01:02:19,103
…and the mail-in ballot process,
in order to cheat.
1162
01:02:19,186 --> 01:02:21,021
But the efforts come to nothing.
1163
01:02:21,521 --> 01:02:25,896
The one good thing
about Trump refusing to concede
1164
01:02:25,978 --> 01:02:29,728
was that we got to watch him lose
over and over.
1165
01:02:30,353 --> 01:02:32,271
All those doomed legal efforts?
1166
01:02:32,353 --> 01:02:36,271
It was like watching a man
fall from a skyscraper
1167
01:02:36,353 --> 01:02:40,146
trying to sue the sidewalk
out of existence before he hit the ground.
1168
01:02:40,228 --> 01:02:43,728
The media will deny this,
but Trump did not lose the election.
1169
01:02:43,811 --> 01:02:45,478
Have you got any proof of that?
1170
01:02:45,561 --> 01:02:48,436
He won the popular vote
by a margin of literally millions.
1171
01:02:48,521 --> 01:02:51,396
What more evidence do you need?
He won fair and square.
1172
01:02:51,478 --> 01:02:54,396
Right, so you're claiming Trump
won the popular vote?
1173
01:02:54,478 --> 01:02:58,603
No, Biden did. President-Elect Biden.
The victor.
1174
01:02:58,686 --> 01:03:00,436
Right. Don't you support Trump?
1175
01:03:00,521 --> 01:03:02,478
I have never supported Trump.
1176
01:03:02,561 --> 01:03:03,771
Check your tape, Bob.
1177
01:03:04,436 --> 01:03:06,936
It's James,
and you were part of Trump's campaign.
1178
01:03:07,021 --> 01:03:08,186
Who's Trump?
1179
01:03:08,686 --> 01:03:10,936
Trump himself
may have been voted out,
1180
01:03:11,021 --> 01:03:13,146
but the movement behind him persists.
1181
01:03:13,228 --> 01:03:17,811
America remains trapped
in a loveless marriage with itself.
1182
01:03:17,896 --> 01:03:19,853
It is astounding
1183
01:03:19,936 --> 01:03:24,228
that despite everything he did
over the past four years,
1184
01:03:24,311 --> 01:03:28,396
over 70 million Americans
were absolutely rooting for Trump.
1185
01:03:28,478 --> 01:03:32,396
We will never give in, we will never
give up, and we will never back down.
1186
01:03:32,478 --> 01:03:35,103
We will never ever surrender.
1187
01:03:36,811 --> 01:03:38,521
It's either terrifying
1188
01:03:39,271 --> 01:03:42,061
or the most inspiring love story
of our age.
1189
01:03:44,478 --> 01:03:47,771
People think of democracy
as permanent and unchanging.
1190
01:03:48,353 --> 01:03:51,936
In truth, it's something
you must perpetually nurture,
1191
01:03:52,021 --> 01:03:54,396
like a woman or a professional grudge.
1192
01:03:55,436 --> 01:03:58,186
American democracy has survived
this challenge.
1193
01:03:58,271 --> 01:04:03,021
But what will happen in a few years' time
when the next Trump comes along?
1194
01:04:03,103 --> 01:04:06,853
Perhaps a younger, more cunning,
more ruthless Trump.
1195
01:04:06,936 --> 01:04:10,896
With faster reflexes
and a titanium exoskeleton.
1196
01:04:10,978 --> 01:04:12,811
Venom sacs on his neck.
1197
01:04:12,896 --> 01:04:15,228
Maybe some kind of fearsome onyx claw.
1198
01:04:15,311 --> 01:04:16,728
What happens then?
1199
01:04:17,978 --> 01:04:20,521
The thing is
once Trump finally leaves,
1200
01:04:20,603 --> 01:04:24,521
America will be back to being
totally non-racist, overnight.
1201
01:04:24,603 --> 01:04:29,103
And we can just chill about that whole
institutional, you know… whatever deal.
1202
01:04:29,978 --> 01:04:32,353
I shall be sad to see Mr. Trump go
1203
01:04:32,436 --> 01:04:36,103
because he brought
such quiet dignity to his role.
1204
01:04:36,896 --> 01:04:38,603
But that said,
1205
01:04:38,686 --> 01:04:40,896
I do look forward to welcoming Mr. Biden
1206
01:04:40,978 --> 01:04:43,686
to Buckingham Palace
at the earliest opportunity.
1207
01:04:44,186 --> 01:04:45,686
Indeed we have met before,
1208
01:04:45,771 --> 01:04:48,521
at my coronation in 1953,
1209
01:04:48,603 --> 01:04:50,521
which he attended as an old man.
1210
01:04:50,603 --> 01:04:54,771
As America begins a new chapter
and 2020 shudders to a close,
1211
01:04:54,853 --> 01:04:57,896
the global pandemic
is sadly still in full swing.
1212
01:04:57,978 --> 01:05:00,811
Yet even as it tightens its grip
once more,
1213
01:05:00,896 --> 01:05:03,436
glimmers of hope appear at last.
1214
01:05:04,436 --> 01:05:07,521
Good news at last on Covid-19,
1215
01:05:07,603 --> 01:05:10,311
a vaccine could be available by Christmas.
1216
01:05:11,271 --> 01:05:14,228
Well, this was
a historic scientific achievement,
1217
01:05:14,311 --> 01:05:16,771
on a par with the moon landings.
1218
01:05:16,853 --> 01:05:21,436
But more difficult because the coronavirus
is far smaller than the moon.
1219
01:05:21,521 --> 01:05:23,978
The vaccine breakthroughs are good news.
1220
01:05:24,061 --> 01:05:26,186
But there is still a lot of work to do.
1221
01:05:26,936 --> 01:05:28,561
Once approval has been met
1222
01:05:28,646 --> 01:05:30,728
and manufacture scaled up,
1223
01:05:30,811 --> 01:05:33,936
it must be distributed
at sub-zero temperatures,
1224
01:05:34,021 --> 01:05:38,728
and the slightest transport setback
could generate a huge amount of waste.
1225
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:41,561
What is wrong with you people?
1226
01:05:42,061 --> 01:05:44,353
Even with a miracle cure,
1227
01:05:44,436 --> 01:05:47,521
there's no guarantee
everyone will embrace the vaccine.
1228
01:05:47,603 --> 01:05:51,936
No 5G vaccine for me, thank you very much.
It's made in a laboratory.
1229
01:05:52,021 --> 01:05:55,478
And you shouldn't trust
anything that's not natural.
1230
01:05:55,561 --> 01:05:57,521
I read about it on Facebook.
1231
01:05:57,603 --> 01:06:00,228
Well, Facebook isn't
exactly natural either.
1232
01:06:00,311 --> 01:06:03,978
Well, I don't inject Facebook
into my veins. Yeah.
1233
01:06:05,228 --> 01:06:07,978
But you're happy
to absorb it into your mind?
1234
01:06:10,228 --> 01:06:11,436
Get out of my house!
1235
01:06:11,521 --> 01:06:13,853
Despite naysayers
and refuseniks,
1236
01:06:13,936 --> 01:06:16,561
vaccines offer a chance
of a more normal life
1237
01:06:16,646 --> 01:06:19,103
in 2021 and beyond.
1238
01:06:20,103 --> 01:06:23,146
It's exciting to think
we could have our lives back soon.
1239
01:06:24,146 --> 01:06:26,436
You know, we could go to the pub.
1240
01:06:27,478 --> 01:06:30,728
Maybe meet someone
and have a bit of a dance.
1241
01:06:31,811 --> 01:06:33,186
Bit of a fumble.
1242
01:06:34,103 --> 01:06:35,646
Move in together.
1243
01:06:37,771 --> 01:06:38,978
Drift apart.
1244
01:06:40,146 --> 01:06:42,978
Learn to hate the way
they pick their teeth.
1245
01:06:45,396 --> 01:06:46,978
The sound of their voice.
1246
01:06:48,478 --> 01:06:49,978
Wish you'd never met.
1247
01:06:51,103 --> 01:06:53,353
Like, seriously rue the day.
1248
01:06:58,186 --> 01:06:59,936
Is the vaccine compulsory?
1249
01:07:00,771 --> 01:07:03,896
2020 challenged humanity
on a scale like no other.
1250
01:07:03,978 --> 01:07:07,436
A year of tumult, upheaval, outrage,
1251
01:07:07,521 --> 01:07:10,478
insult, disaster, lava, and division.
1252
01:07:10,561 --> 01:07:13,521
It tested us, but maybe it taught us too.
1253
01:07:14,311 --> 01:07:16,353
What did you learn in 2020?
1254
01:07:16,436 --> 01:07:17,603
What did I learn?
1255
01:07:18,186 --> 01:07:19,396
Huh.
1256
01:07:19,478 --> 01:07:23,811
Uh… how many steps there are
between my couch and the refrigerator.
1257
01:07:23,896 --> 01:07:27,771
I learned the complete genomic sequence
of the novel coronavirus.
1258
01:07:28,853 --> 01:07:30,271
And how to do the Floss.
1259
01:07:35,021 --> 01:07:37,353
I've learned a lot about myself.
1260
01:07:37,436 --> 01:07:41,646
That sometimes I'm too much
of a giving person.
1261
01:07:41,728 --> 01:07:47,478
And, um… Oh, I've also learned
how to correctly pronounce Sieg Heil!
1262
01:07:47,561 --> 01:07:52,728
Well, I would say, personally,
2020 was rather fun, looking back.
1263
01:07:52,811 --> 01:07:55,146
I got in touch
with some old university chums
1264
01:07:55,228 --> 01:07:58,521
and we have started
a Zoom barbershop quartet.
1265
01:07:59,728 --> 01:08:04,521
- Would you like to hear my Camptown Races?
- Um… I… No. No.
1266
01:08:07,728 --> 01:08:11,061
- That was so good. Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.
1267
01:08:11,146 --> 01:08:12,396
Great, awesome.
1268
01:08:12,478 --> 01:08:15,061
- Are we done, is that it?
- It was brilliant. Thank you.
1269
01:08:15,146 --> 01:08:18,604
Listen, uh, it looks like we might
be doing one of these again next year
1270
01:08:18,686 --> 01:08:20,729
- for the end of 2021.
- Mm-hmm.
1271
01:08:20,811 --> 01:08:21,854
Mm-hmm.
1272
01:08:21,936 --> 01:08:23,729
- Right.
- Yeah.
1273
01:08:23,811 --> 01:08:26,854
Is there any chance
you could read some advance responses now
1274
01:08:26,936 --> 01:08:31,104
so we can cut them into the edit later?
They're on that piece of paper.
1275
01:08:31,186 --> 01:08:32,354
Uh…
1276
01:08:32,436 --> 01:08:34,895
Yes. Yes, happy to oblige.
1277
01:08:36,104 --> 01:08:37,520
OK.
1278
01:08:37,604 --> 01:08:40,270
- Yeah, just this last page?
- Yeah.
1279
01:08:40,354 --> 01:08:42,770
"But no one could have foreseen
1280
01:08:42,854 --> 01:08:45,145
what the vaccine would do to us
1281
01:08:45,229 --> 01:08:47,979
or how we'd use our new powers."
1282
01:08:49,020 --> 01:08:51,645
But no one could have foreseen
what the vaccine would do to us
1283
01:08:51,729 --> 01:08:53,811
or how we'd use our new powers.
1284
01:08:54,479 --> 01:08:57,311
But no one could have foreseen
what the vaccine would do to us
1285
01:08:57,395 --> 01:08:59,270
or how we'd use our new powers.
1286
01:08:59,354 --> 01:09:02,854
And that, of course, is when
President Harris unveiled her real agenda.
1287
01:09:02,936 --> 01:09:06,979
And that was when President Harris
unveiled her real agenda.
1288
01:09:07,061 --> 01:09:11,520
And that was when President Harris
unveiled her real agenda.
1289
01:09:11,604 --> 01:09:17,145
Of course, in the end, the Trump News
Network came off air after just one month.
1290
01:09:17,229 --> 01:09:21,561
Of course, in the end, the Trump News
Network came off air after just a month.
1291
01:09:21,645 --> 01:09:24,895
I've gotta say he was the last
world leader you'd expect to see
1292
01:09:24,979 --> 01:09:29,561
pushing a hardboiled egg
up his own ass on Italian television.
1293
01:09:29,645 --> 01:09:32,354
Gotta say he was the last world leader
you'd expect to see
1294
01:09:32,436 --> 01:09:35,354
pushing a hardboiled egg
up his own ass on Italian television.
1295
01:09:35,436 --> 01:09:38,686
Gotta say he was the last world leader
you'd expect to see
1296
01:09:38,770 --> 01:09:42,520
pushing a hardboiled egg
up his own ass on Italian television.
1297
01:09:42,604 --> 01:09:45,979
But then, at the last moment,
we all woke up
1298
01:09:46,061 --> 01:09:48,061
and it had all been a horrible dream.
1299
01:09:48,145 --> 01:09:51,020
But then, at the last moment,
we all woke up
1300
01:09:51,104 --> 01:09:54,520
and it had all been a horrible dream!
1301
01:09:54,604 --> 01:09:56,686
But then, at the last moment,
we all woke up
1302
01:09:56,770 --> 01:09:59,061
and it was all a horrible dream.
1303
01:09:59,145 --> 01:10:00,270
Oh, I wish.
1304
01:10:00,354 --> 01:10:03,020
Is that enough, will that do? Terrific.
1305
01:10:03,645 --> 01:10:04,936
Great, thank you.
1306
01:10:05,686 --> 01:10:06,686
OK.
1307
01:10:06,770 --> 01:10:09,020
Well, guys, it has been great.
1308
01:10:09,686 --> 01:10:11,186
Anyway, I have a train,
1309
01:10:11,936 --> 01:10:16,936
and prior to train I am going
to find myself a semi-louche bar
1310
01:10:17,020 --> 01:10:19,145
and a welcoming Negroni.
1311
01:10:20,061 --> 01:10:21,604
Um… is that enough?
1312
01:10:22,229 --> 01:10:26,311
OK, this was fun! I had fun.
1313
01:10:26,979 --> 01:10:28,436
Alright, we done here?
1314
01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:29,854
Mmm!
1315
01:10:29,936 --> 01:10:31,895
I'm done here, you? Huh?
1316
01:10:32,854 --> 01:10:34,104
You wanna have sex?
1317
01:10:35,270 --> 01:10:36,604
Um…
1318
01:10:36,686 --> 01:10:40,520
Well… there's quite a strict social
distancing policy on this production…
1319
01:10:40,604 --> 01:10:41,770
Suit yourself, man.
1320
01:10:41,854 --> 01:10:43,061
Uh…
111771
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