All language subtitles for Cake.S03E10_English

(engine rumbling)

(electronic music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(jazz music playing)

MIKE: Boy, Richardsville
sure has changed.

Remember when
our fanciest restaurant

was Dr. Giuseppe's
Meatball Hospital?

Look at us now.

This isn't even Richardsville,
Dad.

Sure, it is.
It's New Downtown.

It's not even
in the same county.

New Downtown
is just offices for bankers

in the middle
of old tobacco fields.

You're just being disagreeable.

No, I'm not.

I read this is what
it's like in Brooklyn.

Have you ever been to Brooklyn?

No.

Well, who needs Brooklyn

when you can get authentic,
Brooklyn‐style barbecue

right here in North Carolina?

Hello again, Jen.

Say, do you know my son, John?

Oh, of course.

He solves crimes
for teenagers.

I work at the Lunch Hut.
He's in there every day.

Oh, yes, of course.
Uh, I remember you, yes.

I bet you do.
You got the lamb burger.

Did it turn out
the way you wanted?

Yes, it did.
Thank you, Jen.

Oh, good.

But, Jen, he's running low
on that patchouli.

Aioli, Dad.
And it's fine, I don't‐‐

No, let's get him another
little cup of aioli

for his fries, okay, Jen?

More of our famous aioli
coming right up.

I think she's pregnant.

Mm, keen eye, Dad.

So I have some news.

Remember how the latch
on my front gate was squeaky?

You've mentioned it
a few times.

Well, I decided to fix it.

Pardon my reach.
Here's your aioli.

Thanks, Jen.

Say, we were just talking
about how you're pregnant.

Oh, my God.

Your folks must be excited.

‐(sighs) I wish.
‐Oh, no.

‐What's the issue?
‐Dad.

Oh, no, it's okay.

Have you ever dated someone
your parents didn't like?

Oh, he's never dated anyone.
(chuckles)

I have.
I've totally dated someone.

When I got pregnant,
my folks said

I had to move out
when the baby was born

because they didn't like
the father.

(sighs)
So the clock is ticking.

I work at Mr. Moisley's
Lunch Hut, as you know.

Of course I know that.

But it's not enough,
so I've been working here, too,

trying to save enough money
to move to Ottawa.

Ottawa?

That's exotic.

Mm‐hmm.
Canada.

They've got a super‐duper
neonatal health care system.

And before you ask,
"Where's the father?"

He died in a boating accident
in Pamlico Sound.

Yikes, that was a bit
of a purse dump.

‐I'm really sorry.
‐Nonsense.

Hang in there, Jen.

You work at a fancy restaurant
in New Downtown.

The world is your oyster.

Aww, bless your heart.
Enjoy your aioli.

‐Nice gal.
‐Uh‐huh.

She seems sad.

Anyway, I found the exact same
latch for my gate

and installed it.

‐(woman screams)
‐What?

‐(patrons gasping)
‐What's going on?

And so my gate is smooth
and quiet now.

Excuse me, Dad.

Where you going, bud?

(dramatic music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Where is it?
It was just here.

‐What are you looking for?
‐My favorite ring.

I'm sorry, who are you?

I'm John Hunchman,
private investigator.

I'm Emma Bauers.

This is my fiancé,
Loafer Toeknuckle.

He's an investor
in this restaurant.

Loafer Toeknuckle.

As in son of Gary Toeknuckle,

founder of First Toeknuckle
Financial in Charlotte?

Dad.

Wowee‐magowee.

Your dad is a legend.

Mike Hunchman, Richardsville
Savings and Loan, retired.

Whatever.

Listen, I can't have thieves
running wild in my restaurants.

It'll kill my Yelp rating
and my SEO.

Right, so you wouldn't
want the police here,

just a private investigator.

John Hunchman,
private investigator.

The ring's important to me.

It has cleansing energy.

If you find it,
I'll pay you $500.

(chuckles)
Well, no problem.

Nobody leave.

I'll be right back.
I have to leave.

♪♪ ♪♪

SINGER:
♪♪ Uh, sports, sports ♪♪

♪♪ Sports ♪♪

(harsh electronic music)

PARAMEDIC:
That Karate Snuppy guy

sure loves sending
motherfuckers to the hospital.

Damn.

KARATE SNUPPY:
Did you miss me?

I feel like I am coming out
of retirement.

My favorite niece graduated
from high school

and I am pumped.

The best thing about being
a Karate Snuppy is everything.

I am so sick and tired of
the Karate Snuppy's arrogance.

I could spit tacks.

You know what?
We could beat him.

You just got out
of the hospital

for fighting
a circulatory system

and now you want to go
up against a Karate Snuppy?

(groans)

Nobody in the history of karate

has ever defeated
a Karate Snuppy

without having
an extreme karate technique.

Do you have an extreme
karate technique, yes or no?

BLUE KARATE MAN: If the four
of us go after him,

that'll be a total
of eight hands

and eight feet

attacking him all at once.

Plus, we could all
yell and scream

at the same time too.

I mean, that's gotta be

an extreme karate technique,
right?

‐Man, I'll say one thing.
‐(dramatic music)

You do have
a go‐get‐'em attitude.

You know what?
Fuck a duck.

Let's go for it.

Yes!

Let's become legends of karate,
please?

Damn it, man.
Yeah, let's go for it, fuck.

Albert, are you in?

(groans)
Okay, fine.

Let's fight.

Okay, we attack on the count
of two or three.

One, two,

and here we go, three!

(battle cries)

(distorted video game sounds)

KARATE SNUPPY:
I'll fight everyone, forever.

My body is normal,
but my mind is on fire.

PARAMEDIC:
Damn, Snuppy!

You love to send
these karate motherfuckers

to the hospital,
don't you, huh?

You're the best.
Keep this‐‐

keep this ambulance
in business right here.

Keep paying my‐‐
keep paying my check.

Haulin' away
these motherfuckers, goddamn!

You sick, Karate Snuppy.
You sick motherfucker.

(upbeat music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(phone rings)

Butt Cheeks Incorporated,
how may I help you?

JOHN: It's John.
What are you doing?

I'm sippin' and grippin', bruh.

JOHN:
What?

I'm sippin' and grippin'.

Ugh, well, I'm
at the President's Physician.

Oh, my God.
You pretentious dick.

(shushes)
Just how soon can you get here?

I got us a case.

‐Working for a grown‐up.
‐Seriously?

Yes, they'll pay us $500.

‐Okay, give me five minutes.
‐Great.

To finish up with my little
thing here.

Ew.

And then another ten
to drive over.

‐No.
‐And I'll be there.

Please hurry, David.

No.

EMMA:
Here's a photo, if that helps.

JOHN:
Oh, wow.

"Day six of my paleo cleanse.

"Date night with Loafer
getting my bling on.

#ThugLife, #Blessed,
#NewDowntown."

I'm a personal branding
consultant,

so my sosh is everything.

Well, I get it.
I'm active on Goodreads.

But this is a lot of rings.
Which one is missing?

This one.

Sapphire and diamonds.

Wowee‐zowee.

These folks don't need to know,
but it's a $20,000 ring.

(gasps)
Oh, sorry.

‐MIKE: I found it!
‐Where?

Dagnabbit, false alarm.

‐Crouton.
‐(groans)

Admit it, you stole the ring.

You're poor.
That's a motive.

Come on, man.
I just got here.

Wait, wait.

Before we jump
to any conclusions,

why don't we just look around
for a second?

MIKE:
Good thinking, bud.

Stop being wishy‐washy.

Everyone who works here,

get down on your knees
and crawl around on the floor!

This is not optional.
I expect total compliance.

God damn,
it sounds fun in here.

Hey, I came as soon as I could.

Guys, this is my associate‐‐

I came just as soon as I could.

Okay, I‐‐I get it.

This is David Purefoy.
David, this is Emma Bauers.

Her ring is missing.

That's Loafer Toeknuckle

as in the son
of Gary Toeknuckle.

Uh‐huh.

And he's an investor
in this restaurant.

And, uh, why is Jen,

who's, like,
a thousand months pregnant,

crawling around
on the fucking floor?

Uh, she works for me?
She's looking for Emma's ring.

Dude, seriously?

It's my favorite ring.
It has cleansing energy.

What, like an enema?

Exactly like that.

Has anyone looked up her butt?

You making fun
of my girl's ring, bro?

'Cause I can be your best
friend or your worst nightmare.

Homie,
you are my worst nightmare.

You smell like garlic
and mayonnaise.

It's called aioli.
We're kind of famous for it.

David, can I talk to you
for a minute, please?

♪♪ ♪♪

Why are you acting so weird?

Why are you helping
these New Downtown douchebags?

Because they're grown‐ups.

How long have we talked about
getting grown‐up clients?

I don't know, man.
I don't think it's worth it.

Well, if we find this ring,
she'll give us $500.

And she'll refer us to her
adult friends in New Downtown.

So basically,
you're selling out.

Just because I want to stop
working for children,

that's selling out?

Yeah, man.

I mean,
what about your dignity?

(chuckles)
Dignity.

David,
you live with your parents.

I'm not ashamed
of wanting to grow up.

Who knows?

Maybe I'll actually leave
this piece of shit town.

‐Whoa.
‐Yeah.

And maybe I can start fresh.

‐Maybe with Heather.
‐Yeah, right.

‐Keep dreaming, come on.
‐Oh, well, thanks a lot, David.

Face it, we're both stuck here.

Finding this ring is a way out.

If I find the ring,

I'm flushing it down
the fucking toilet.

(shoe squeaks)

♪♪ ♪♪

(humming)

(choral music)

(snoring)

♪♪ ♪♪

(upbeat music)

(low music)

(melodic chimes)

MAN: I never understood
why they built it here.

I never understood what it was
or who it was for.

It always seemed so random.

And every time I stopped by,
it always seemed so empty.

So it never made any sense
to me.

This beautiful temple
of worship

built in the middle
of Wilmette, Illinois.

(engine rumbles)

Is it a Muslim thing?

No, I don't think so.
It's Baha'i.

WOMAN:
What's that?

I'm not sure.

MAN: This was our first
time hanging out

just the two of us.

At that point,
she was still just

some sophomore
from my music class.

Hi.

MAN: She said
she was from the West Coast

and I guess I decided
to show her the temple

out of some strange feeling
of hometown pride.

(camera shutter clicks)

MAN:
I always liked being the one

to introduce people to things

and the subtle power that
comes with that.

(shutter clicks)

MAN: Took them, like,
50 years to build it.

Wow.

MAN: Little did I know
we'd actually end up back here

six months later

on some desperate attempt
to recreate the past,

trying to remind ourselves
of a time

when we were still just
getting to know each other,

back when it still felt easy
and natural,

back before
we started wondering,

"Is this really the person
I want to be with?"

‐You want to go inside?
‐Yeah, definitely.

(latch squeaks)

MAN: It wasn't that
the relationship was bad,

it's just that
it wasn't great,

that it felt like work,

and that the more days
went by, the more we realized

we didn't really
have anything in common

other than music...
(piano note plays)

And attending Northwestern.

(wildcat snarls)

MAN: She didn't even
like the Bulls.

(shoes squeaking,
players shouting)

(buzzer blares)

MAN: And I can't remember
what it was

we liked about each other.

(coin pings and plops)

MAN:
At some point

between that first trip
to the temple and this one,

something had changed.

While the building
stayed the same,

whatever it was we had
drained away

and there was no real way
to recapture it,

if we ever even had it
to begin with.

(latch clicks)

(chair squeaks)

MAN: She used to bite her lip
before she played,

and it made my heart melt.

Now she does it,
and it makes my skin crawl.

I look at her
and I think about

all the uncomfortable thoughts

she probably keeps
in her head,

all the harsh truths she hides
behind that bit‐lip smile,

and I wonder why it is
we keep going.

(slow classical music playing)

MAN:
They started planning

the construction of the temple
sometime in 1903,

but they wouldn't finish it
until 50 years later.

And at some point, I imagine
they had that same thought,

because they must've known

somewhere in the back
of their heads

that this temple and Wilmette

never really made any sense
together.

They must've known

when they looked around at all
the commuters and teenagers

that this town
of upper‐middle‐class homes

and youth soccer leagues

would never make
for an ideal holy site...

because the suburbs aren't
a place for introspection.

They're a place
for casual recreation.

And eventually,
they can't help

but swallow up
everything around it,

turning even this temple,

the oldest of only seven
Baha'i temples

in the entire world,
into nothing more

than a pretty building
with a nice garden.

♪♪ ♪♪

MAN: Just a casual place
for the first date

of two Northwestern
music students.

(piano‐cello duet playing)

But still, despite
all the nagging thoughts,

they kept going...

for no real reason other than
they had already started,

for no real reason
other than the fact

that some person
had already decided,

"Yeah, here.
Why not?

Let's do it."

♪♪ ♪♪

You sure?

Yeah.
Let's go.

MAN:
The sun sets quickly in March,

and so we get back
into my car.

And we don't really say much,

even though I think
we both have the same feeling,

that this is probably
not something

that's going to last,

especially after I graduate
in two months,

but neither of us wants
to say anything out loud.

So instead,
we just bide our time,

placing bricks upon bricks

and blocking
those nagging thoughts

in the back of our heads

until finally, life gives us
a good enough opportunity

to say...

"Oh, well.
We tried our best."

(cheers and applause)

♪♪ ♪♪

MAN: And all the relics
of the relationship

will seem like distant objects
from a foreign land,

and no archaeologist
or anthropologist

will ever be able
to understand

quite how it all
came together

and just
who these people were

and if they ever even
really did love each other.

(soft music)

♪♪ ♪♪

MAN:
Let's keep in touch.

For sure.

♪♪ ♪♪

(light piano music)

MAN:
Was there a reason?

Was there some great,
unforeseen force

that put you
in that music class?

That put that temple
in Wilmette?

MAN: Or was it all just
as simple and pointless

as it appeared to be?

Just two people who one day
randomly decided,

"Yeah, here.
Why not?"

Let's do it.

MAN:
And it never made much sense.

And it never quite
fit together.

♪♪ ♪♪

(slurping)

(harsh music)

(telephone rings)

Uh, well, I‐‐I‐‐
I kept the receipts.

It's my weekend car.

(screams)

(rapid footsteps)

‐(clunk)
‐(high‐pitched screams)

(soft dramatic music)

(laughs loudly)

(baby crying)

(laughing loudly)

♪♪ ♪♪

(indistinct chatter on TV)

(sizzling)

‐(clicks)
‐(error chime)

‐(double clicks)
‐(error chimes)

♪♪ ♪♪

(glass shatters)

(indistinct chatter)

(flames whoosh and crackle)

♪♪ ♪♪

(baby babbles)

(squeals)

♪♪ ♪♪

‐(grunts)
‐(thumping)

‐(gasps)
‐(screaming)

(grunting, siren wailing)

♪♪ ♪♪

(siren wailing)

(relaxed music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Okay, good news.

We're going to employ
two separate search strategies,

and that will double
our chances

of returning your ring to you.

‐Actually, it will not.
‐(groans)

Now she's refusing to help

because she's "pregnant."

‐I am pregnant, and I did help.
‐Not enough!

Jen, pack your bags and go.
You're fired.

‐What?
‐Whoa, what?

I think that's a mistake
both morally and legally.

Oh, really?

Uh, what do you know about
running a successful business?

Well, I've had my own
investiga‐‐

And how much do you even make?

‐Do you mean in‐‐in money?
‐Uh, duh.

What else is worth making?

I make pee‐pee and poo‐poo
sometimes.

See, this is why

the President's Physician
is in New Downtown,

because New Downtown
is for winners and innovators.

(bell rings)

Face it, you are betas trying
to make it in an alpha world.

Uh, but if I find the ring,
you'll still refer me

to some of your
grown‐up friends, right?

Okay, that's it.

I'm not helping this
aioli‐smelling motherfucker

for one more second.

Oh, and by the way,
before I leave,

those light bulbs
are goddamn ridiculous

and those French fries
are too greasy, even for me.

That's my Yelp review.
Zero stars on deez nuts.

Wait a minute, that's it.

(dramatic guitar music)

‐(inaudible)
‐(gasps)

And those French fries
are too greasy even for me.

(echoing)
It's called aioli.

Miss Bauers,
I have one question for you.

Did you eat any of Loafer's
French fries tonight?

‐(gasps)
‐LOAFER: Of course she didn't.

I put her on a paleo cleanse.

(suspenseful music)

Sorry, babe.
I've been bad.

(scoffs) I knew
you had a fat person in you.

A‐ha.

Thank you.

Jen, where's
Loafer Toeknuckle's aioli?

(sighs)

It's already been uploaded
back into the cloud.

What does that mean?

Loafer has us dump leftovers
back in the vat.

(shudders)
That is profoundly unhygienic.

He calls it
"condiment cloud storage."

He says he's a disruptor.

Jen, close your eyes.
I'm going in.

‐(soft dramatic music)
‐JOHN: (gasps)

♪♪ ♪♪

It was simple, really.

Emma was on a paleo cleanse,

which would've withered
her fingers to sticks.

Couple that
with the greasy fries

and you've got a recipe
for a classic ring slide‐off.

Bloop into the aioli ramekin
and back into the vat.

Well, I hope you're
proud of yourself,

because you sold out
for some New Downtown assholes

JOHN:
Mm‐hmm?

And you got a pregnant lady
fired, and your arm smells.

Huh.

Well, what did they say
when you returned the ring?

I didn't.

I thought you said
it was in the vat.

I'm sure it was in the vat,
but I didn't find it.

Okay, now I don't know what
the hell you're talking about.

What?

However, I did suggest
Jen search the vat

while I called
the health inspector

to get that place shut down.

‐DAVID: Whoa.
‐So who's the alpha now?

Damn, respect.

DAVID:
So did Jen find it?

JOHN:
I'm really not sure.

‐Was Loafer Cockknuckle pissed?
‐Yes.

Did that bring you immense joy?

Well, that would be
unprofessional to say,

but yes...
(laughing)

It really made me happy.

That guy sucked hard.

JOHN:
David, to justice.

DAVID:
John, to sippin' and grippin'.

You know what?
I'll go along with that

to the cleansing energy
of sippin' and grippin'.

Damn, you're a pervert!

‐Here, smell my arm.
‐No, ugh!

‐Smell my aioli arm, smell it!
‐No, stop!

‐Seriously, stop bullying me.
‐Smell it, David!

‐I don't like this.
‐I'm the alpha male now.

DAVID:
This is not natural.

(upbeat music)

♪♪ ♪♪

SINGER: ♪♪ Well, I hope she
knows I miss her ♪♪

♪♪ Think about her every day ♪♪

♪♪ I just wanna kiss her ♪♪

♪♪ And show her everything ♪♪

♪♪ I got a Chinese flower
vacation ♪♪

♪♪ No expectations ♪♪

♪♪ Don't bring a bag ♪♪

♪♪ Just bring yourself ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

♪♪ Ah‐ah‐ah‐ah ♪♪

‐(clear music)
‐CHORUS: ♪♪ Yes ♪♪