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*
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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,880
('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME)
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(THEME MUSIC CONTINUES)
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I really shouldn't
have to say this, guys,
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but pepper spray is for self-defence
in the line of duty;
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00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,240
it is not for spraying
on your lunch.
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OK? OK, everyone?
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Pepper spray is for
assailants' eyes, not for pies.
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Everyone. Pepper spray is for...
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ALL: ...assailants' eyes,
not for pies.
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00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,000
Ka pai.
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00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,800
Parker. What's wrong
with your eyes, Parker?
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I― Yeah, I was just really moved
by your speech, Sarge. It...
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I guess it's really clear that you
really love your police work and you
really care about our safety.
15
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,120
Mm.
16
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,600
Parker, did you ingest
your pepper spray?
17
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I put some on my chilli con carne,
but I had the nozzle in the wrong
direction.
18
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And did you happen to share
some of your lunch with
Officer Royle back there?
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She asked, and I guess
I'm just generous to a fault.
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It's not generosity that's
at fault here; it's stupidity.
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Let that be a lesson
to the rest of you.
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Moving right along. A huge heist
was pulled off in the suburbs of
Mount Victoria and Roseneath,
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centred around the
summit of Matairangi.
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A massive amount of obsolete
electronics were stolen,
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including but not limited to
some computer mouses, or mice,
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00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,180
a 2010 model Compaq Presario,
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a fax machine,
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00:01:48,457 --> 00:01:52,697
rather large amount of flip
phones― remember those? Remember
how cool you felt, huh?
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Flip. 'Hello. How are you?'
Back-flip. End of conversation.
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Well, those are becoming
cool again. Trust me.
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A rather large amount of used
vape pens ― unhygienic ―
32
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,280
and several drones that
some kids got for Christmas.
33
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:10,680
Now, does anybody have any
information pertaining to this case?
34
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Yes?
My brother, Adam, vapes.
35
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,000
And?
Um,
36
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it's got an extremely
invasive aroma.
37
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,200
It's not very nice.
Does that pertain to this case?
38
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,000
SOFTLY: Does it?
39
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,880
Um, well, indirectly.
Um, obviously, he's―
Very indirectly.
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00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,280
I'd say very, very indirectly.
It's practically unrelated.
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00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,520
It's wasting police time.
Even though we are the police?
42
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:42,240
Yeah. You're wasting your own time ―
and your wasting everybody's time
in here, because we're all police.
43
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,240
Dismissed. Thank you.
44
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Somebody please help Parker.
45
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,200
Thank you.
46
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,640
Watch out for the―
(THUD!)
Ouch. (GROANS)
47
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,640
Yep.
48
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,960
OK, listen to this ―
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00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:03,960
hundreds of burglaries all occurring
around the same time, all happening
in the Mount Victoria area.
50
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,320
Now, this is theft on
an unprecedented scale.
51
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,480
This is a huge case, guys.
I'm gonna need your complete
and undivided attention on this―
52
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That's my mum's house.
Where? Hang on. Where?
(KEYS CLACK)
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00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,440
Right in the middle, here.
This one here?
That bit of gr―
54
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,200
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the one.
OK. Good to know.
55
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,160
Uh, back to the case now.
(KEYS CLACK)
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00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,120
All right, now, this is
a highly unusual detail.
57
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:28,280
Have a look at the pattern
of the thefts. Night one.
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00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,560
OK? And―
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OK, and night two...
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00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,840
Also ― boom.
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00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:38,000
Now, instead of the robberies
occurring street by street,
they're happening in waves,
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00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,520
in concentric circles,
simultaneously.
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00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,600
Freaky.
That is freaky, eh?
It also seems highly organised.
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00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,280
Mm.
But why would people go to the
trouble of stealing used vape pens,
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the only thing grosser
than new vape pens?
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00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,840
All the technology seems to be
between two and 20 years old.
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00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,960
So why would they take them?
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00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960
All suggestions are valid.
And... go.
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00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,280
To build a doomsday weapon.
To sell to Cash Converters.
To throw it in the bin.
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00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,600
Cash Converters, to throw it
away or a doomsday device.
Um, let's go again.
71
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,160
And go. Alien technology.
To make Christmas decorations?
I reckon throw it in the bin.
72
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,240
All right. Christmas decorations ―
yeah, great.
73
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,160
And, um, throw it away again.
That's the same suggestion twice.
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00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,840
I have a suggestion, though.
Mm-hm?
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00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,200
(IMITATES WHIRRING)
Alien spacecraft.
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00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,760
Mm-hm.
(IMITATES WHOOSHING) But this ―
this is an escape pod.
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00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,080
Aliens ― far from home,
no spare parts. Some kind of
Mayday situation's come―
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Some kind of malfunc―
(GURGLES, SNARLS)
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00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,920
(IMITATES ALIEN STRUGGLING)
Is he gonna be all right?
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00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:34,080
(GURGLES) Um, uh, yep. He should be.
The medic is attending to him.
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00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,640
(BUZZES, IMITATES ALIEN LANGUAGE)
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(GUTTURAL SNARLING)
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00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:43,440
And so they beam up all these
old computers and old cell phones
to repair their computers.
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00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,560
(IMITATES ALIEN LANGUAGE, WHIRRING)
85
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,920
(IMITATES ENGINE SEIZING)
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah.
(THUNK!)
86
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,240
Well, I mean, why would they just
be taking all the old stuff?
87
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:55,680
Uh, maybe it's some kind of old
model ship ― uh, like a 2010 model.
88
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,080
And what about the vape pens?
Uh, that would be for
the exhaust-fume smoke
89
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,520
that comes out of the back, like
(IMITATES EXHAUST HISSING).
90
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,640
Credit where credit's due ―
you've given it some thought.
91
00:05:03,665 --> 00:05:07,695
One more detail ― this is based
on computer simulation
predicting the next wave
92
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,920
that will happen tonight.
(KEY CLACKS)
93
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,400
That's getting really
close to my mum's house.
It is.
94
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:17,160
Should we be concerned?
It'd be a good time to see your mum.
95
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,880
I don't understand why someone
would take vape pens.
96
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,520
If we recover them, can I not touch
them? Cos I think they're gross.
97
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,440
Why have you got such
a thing about vape pens?
98
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,640
Cos my brother smokes 'em all
over the house. You know Adam.
99
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,640
Yeah.
Well, they stink.
100
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,160
Do you know he's got a tattoo
of Mum's back on his face now?
101
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,800
What?! He's got a tattoo of
your mum's back on his face?
On his face.
102
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,320
Don't you mean the other way round?
I wish I meant the other way round.
103
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,040
That's what he wanted,
but he's a terrible communicator.
104
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,320
You'd think he would've said
something when the tattoo artist
started tattooing on his face.
105
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,640
I know what you mean, I do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I know what Adam's like.
106
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,960
Yeah.
But I still think he should've―
When they had the needle
107
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,160
on his cheek, he should've said,
'Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!'
108
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,840
Completely agree.
Yeah.
109
00:05:54,865 --> 00:05:58,455
Well, we agree to agree on that one.
Well, yeah, absolutely, agree to agree.
110
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,240
We're here.
111
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,920
(TAPPING ON DOOR)
Afternoon.
112
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,000
Come in, dear.
Thank you.
113
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:08,440
Um, so, as I mentioned on
the telephone, there's been
a number of thefts in the area.
114
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,840
Well, it wasn't me, dear.
Oh. No, no, no, we know that, um,
115
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,400
but we were hoping to use this
house for a stakeout, Mrs O'Leary.
Mm.
116
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,440
Just call me Mum, dear.
SOFTLY: Oh, yeah.
117
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:21,960
Um, Mum, could you just call me
Officer O'Leary? Just, you know,
in front of the cameras?
118
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,160
Cos... professional.
All right, sweetheart.
119
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,920
Yeah, what she's trying to say,
Mrs Mum, is that we just wanna
use your house
120
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,880
as a base for our
stakeout we're planning.
It's not 'Mrs Mum'.
121
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,680
We'll just call you Mum.
It's just easier.
We'll― Mum.
122
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,400
Yeah.
Mum.
What are they stealing?
123
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,680
It's old― Any old
electronics, really.
Mm.
124
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,040
Old cell phones, even vape pens.
125
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,840
Yeah. You don't vape,
do you, Mrs Mum?
No.
126
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,960
Never vaped, and I never smoked.
No.
No.
127
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,560
Screwdriver was my vice.
Oh.
128
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:50,400
Oh, I remember ― the first time
I drank screwdriver, oh God,
I was sick as a dog.
129
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,320
Mm.
Would you like a drink now, dear?
130
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,600
Oh. We're...
Oh, well, I'm tempted
after that description,
131
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,120
but maybe not just yet.
We're on duty, and...
132
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,800
Yes, no, fair enough.
Maybe on the weekend.
133
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,800
You know, I think I've got
one of your old cell phones
in the drawer here.
134
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,240
Hang on. I'll just get that out.
Let's see if I can find it.
135
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,160
There it is. Look at that.
136
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,120
Lovely shade of blue it was, too.
Mm.
137
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:12,240
Oh, she loved that phone when we
got it for her. Loved it. Couldn't
get it in pink, but she loved it.
138
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:16,440
She was on it for hours and hours.
At night-time, she used to put it
under the covers,
139
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,080
and I'd go past and see the light
coming out from under the sheets.
Huh.
140
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,280
She played that game Snake on it.
I remember that one.
Yeah,...
141
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,960
Yeah.
...she just couldn't get off it.
Addicted to it, she was.
142
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:30,400
Mm.
I believe that's what made her
a little bit frightened of men.
143
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,360
OK, Mrs― uh, Mum. OK, Mum.
Symbolic.
144
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,320
Oh, that's not the O'Leary I know.
She's not scared of men at all,
145
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,440
and I've seen her take
down some massive men.
146
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,080
Huge men.
No, well, I'm not talking about
that sort of frightening.
147
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,720
There was never
any boyfriends around.
148
00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:47,095
Not me, some boys used to come
past here on a cars and toot
and everything at me...
149
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,240
Oh yeah?
...and try to get me to go to the
cinema with them, and the milk bar.
150
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,480
(CHUCKLES)
We didn't have any
mobile phones then.
151
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,280
I-I'm not that they're interested
in those, uh... those details, Mum.
152
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,280
Oh.
All right, then,
Officer Sugar Bum Fairy.
153
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,520
(CHUCKLES)
She's never called me that before.
154
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,760
Yes, I used to call her
that all the time.
Did you?
155
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,640
When she was a little girl,
I used to make little hot chocolates
and fluffies for her,...
156
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,840
Mmm.
...and she had pink marshmallows.
157
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,320
Everything had to be pink ―
little tutu, a little tiara.
158
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,640
Everything was pink.
Mum, that... that was Brendan.
159
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,600
Was it?
Yeah.
160
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,440
No, I'm sure it was you, dear.
You look like Brendan.
161
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,960
Yeah.
Well, we're brother and sister.
162
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,120
Mm. That's right.
Yeah.
163
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,200
Well, she looks more
like Brendan now.
164
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,920
This is her room.
Oh, look, it's still the same!
165
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:31,840
And there's your softball glove.
Oh, you were hell-bent on using
that all the time, weren't you?
166
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,880
And the softball girls
used to come round.
167
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,480
DARKLY: And there's the tower.
168
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,480
(SINISTER MUSIC)
169
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:40,120
*
170
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,680
So, uh, we're here on the stakeout.
Mm. We love it.
171
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:44,400
That's correct. We do. We love it.
172
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:48,080
Um, we've placed cell phones
all around the house from
the unclaimed lost property.
173
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,320
Uh, it's an awesome plan
that we've put into place.
174
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,040
Um, it's our plan.
We came up with it.
175
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,920
Mm. And we're on high alert,
176
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,680
so if any unusual activity does
happen, we're ready to respond.
Mm.
177
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,960
(CELL PHONE BUZZES LOUDLY)
178
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,080
SOFTLY: O'Leary,
your phone's vibrating.
179
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:10,120
When was the
last time you charged it?
Well, about 13 years ago.
180
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:14,400
Aren't the batteries on
those things unbelievable?
(PHONE CLATTERS)
181
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,400
(BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ)
182
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,480
(BUZZ!)
183
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,680
(RAPID BUZZING,
CELL PHONES RING SHRILLY)
184
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:24,240
Does that strike you
as unusual, O'Leary?
Um, yes, it does.
185
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:31,760
It is not.
(BUZZING CONTINUES,
CELL PHONES BEEP)
186
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,920
They're all...
They're all connecting.
187
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,440
I'm not intimidated,
um, or worried, really.
188
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,000
It's playing the game Snake,
Minogue. That's exactly like Snake.
189
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,120
Well, how do you beat the snake?
190
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,120
Well, if the snake touches
itself, then it dies.
191
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,160
Touches itself? No, I'm not
getting involved in that.
192
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:50,400
No, if the head touches its body.
Well, which part's the head?
Well, the bit at the front.
193
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,600
Yeah, no, I'm gonna outsmart it.
How?
194
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,200
Yeah, you're right.
I'll just tase it instead.
195
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,040
Well, just remember
that never seems to go very well.
(TASER CLATTERS)
196
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,440
It's taken the Taser, O'Leary.
It's taken the Taser.
197
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,200
OK, well, that's not optimum, is it?
Make it touch itself!
198
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,400
Out the way! Out the way! Move!
199
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,360
I'm gonna do the splits like
Jean Claude Van Damme in Timecop.
We have to retrieve the Taser!
200
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,400
I don't have the flexibility!
What's the racket going on
here, darling?
201
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,480
Nothing, Mum.
It doesn't look like nothing to me.
202
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,680
It looks like cell phones
have turned into a snake and
now it's got your gun thingy!
203
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,320
No, look, it's under control!
It's totally under control.
204
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,680
Look! Look! It's goin' out the dog
door. It's goin' out the dog door!
205
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,800
Oh my God! All the
neighbours are up. Oh...
206
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,560
(CAT YOWLS)
Oh, it's got the cat!
It's got the cat!
207
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,840
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Oh, now they've got the neighbour.
208
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,280
My God. Oh, I'm going back to bed.
209
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,920
Go. Go. Go, go, go, go, go!
Requesting backup.
210
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,000
In pursuit of a snake that's
made out of old cell phones.
211
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,280
It's also commandeered
a police Taser.
212
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,480
(WHIRRING)
213
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,360
In police training, you learn
how to deal with every situation,
214
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,760
but I think I must've
been sick on this day.
215
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:52,440
It's a robot made out of phones,
and it's listening to music.
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES)
216
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,240
(TYRES SQUEAL)
What music's it listening to?
217
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,800
What's that?
(ROBOT WHIRRS, ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
218
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,000
Sir! Come down from there!
219
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,600
Hey, that camera's stolen property ―
as is your entire body!
220
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:12,960
It would appear that
obsolete electronic devices have
been moving of their own accord
221
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:17,600
and combining to form robots here in
the Mount Victoria-Matairangi area.
222
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,120
Uh, we have no reason to believe,
though, that they are dangerous,
223
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,040
and, uh, our officers
are on top of things.
224
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,040
Oof. Aargh! (GROANS)
225
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,840
Get out of it! Off! Off!
Uh, update ―
226
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,800
they appear to be
indeed dangerous, and, uh...
Get off! Get off! Get off!
227
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,200
Get away! Get away!
Oh! Oh, holy hika!
228
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,320
(GRUNTS)
Um, we would strongly recommend
that people stay indoors
229
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,040
and away from old
cell phones or electronic...
Stay. Stay! Stay!
230
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,760
...appliances in general
until further notice.
Sarge!
231
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,640
I-I'd better...
Sarge, you coming? Sarge?
232
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,040
Hey! Hey, hey!
Argh!
Look over here!
233
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,920
(TASER ZAPS, CRACKLES)
Look over here! Get―
(GROANS)
234
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,320
Oh. Desist that!
Stop tasing my officer!
235
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,840
O'Leary! Oi― (YELPS)
236
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,480
They completely ignore
human rules. It's like they've
got their own robot laws.
237
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,880
(SCRAPING, SQUEAKING)
Computer mouses? Mice?
238
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,440
What am I meant to do with that?
I mean, is that a crime?
239
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,800
I'm asking you guys.
Is that a crime? I wanna know.
PANTS: Minogue!
240
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,320
O'Leary.
I've just been assaulted
by a cell phone robot.
241
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,160
Well, why didn't
you call me for backup?
I did.
242
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,280
Oh, yeah. Well, I turned it off,
cos I don't trust it.
243
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,000
Then maybe don't turn around,
but I think you're gonna have to.
244
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,000
(SINISTER MUSIC)
245
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,800
(STEAM HISSES)
A vape-pen robot.
246
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,080
Seems like it's...
like it's looking at you.
247
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,200
Yeah, I was thinking that,
but it's got no eyes.
248
00:12:24,225 --> 00:12:28,455
But it's definitely looking more
at you than it is at me.
It must know you hate vaping.
249
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,120
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Where's it going?
250
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,560
Dunno.
In pursuit?
251
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:36,200
Nah, nah. Looks like it's all right.
It knows where it's going.
Let's go on.
252
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,200
Scanning.
I've lost visual, Minogue.
Scan the perimeter.
253
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,320
Have you got a visual?
They seem to have disappeared.
MAAKA: Ah, officers.
254
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,640
How are we handling this situation?
Uh, well, we're a bit stressed.
255
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,120
All right.
We're wondering what the heck
is going on, to be honest, Sarge.
256
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,520
OK. Uh, I've got
a theory about that.
257
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:54,240
This is Ben. He's part of the
Technological Crimes Division.
258
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,720
They don't just hand those out.
So, I asked Ben here ―
259
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,520
could it be possible that the
microchips in the cell phones,
260
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:04,480
could they be communicating with
each other and then combining to
form more powerful supercomputers,
261
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:09,920
all right, and those supercomputers,
having interacted with human beings
over a long period of time,
262
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,840
they've, effectively, studied us,
263
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,320
and therefore, effectively,
developed their own artificial
intelligence,
264
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,000
becoming fully self-aware?
Mm.
265
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,760
Now tell them exactly
what you said to me.
266
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,880
Um, I said, 'Probably not.'
267
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,880
Which is basically the same thing
as saying it's possible, yeah?
268
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,080
Which is the same as no.
Y-Yeah, but...
269
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:30,480
OK, yes,...
Yes.
270
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,360
...but I was leading
more towards no.
Yes.
271
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:36,640
Yes, but― but when you lean―
OK, when you lean towards no ―
272
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,800
here we go ― all of this is no,
273
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:43,440
but all of this is still yes,
so there's room there, yeah?
274
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,440
Therefore, ipso facto,
it's possible.
275
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,840
But why's it all happening up here?
Exactly.
276
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,960
And where's all this
power coming from?
277
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,560
OK, that ― that is
a mysterious mystery.
278
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:56,560
Uh, it seems that the electronics
have been combining as if they were
magnetised.
279
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,840
Is that probably possible?
280
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,640
Yeah.
Yeah.
281
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,440
So I want you two to find them.
Let's go.
282
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,800
OK, you and I will, uh, hack
the mainframe. Is-Is that something
that you do?
283
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:07,960
*
284
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,880
(SIRENS WAIL)
Got a visual on the robot, Minogue?
285
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,520
No visual. No visual
on any robot. Over.
286
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,200
You know, you don't have to say
'over' when we're sitting right
next to each other.
287
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,600
But how do you know it's over?
288
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,200
Minogue. Behind you!
(YELPS)
289
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,120
(AIR HISSES)
It's the vaping robot!
(COUGHS) Oh God, it's horrible!
290
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,520
It's vaping us!
I know! I can see it!
I'll try and thin it out.
291
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,720
You're spreading it round!
You're spreading it round!
I'm thinning it out!
292
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,920
I'm thinning it out, O'Leary.
You're not! You're spreading
it round!
293
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,200
It's not as thick.
Open the windows!
294
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,800
Use the button! Use the button!
I can't find the button!
295
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,520
I can't do it; I'm driving the car!
You know I can't remember where
things are when I'm panicking!
296
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,840
It's like a fruit salad
that's got diarrhoea!
(COUGHS)
297
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,800
It's like, if potpourri vomited,
this is what it would smell like.
(BOTH COUGH)
298
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,840
Or like if a pineapple did
a big fart right up your nose,
it'd smell like this.
299
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,600
I can't see a thing.
We're gonna crash.
I can't see!
300
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:53,000
We're gonna crash!
Crash is better than asphyxiated
on this gross sugary aroma!
301
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,400
(CRASH! COUGHING, CHOKING)
302
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,440
Let me out!
Exit the vehicle!
Exiting vehicle!
303
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,320
(BOTH COUGH, RETCH)
You all right?
Not really.
304
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,480
Our jackets stink! (SNIFFS) It's
like Tangy Fruits dipped in poo.
305
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,480
O'Leary.
What?
Look!
306
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,320
(COUGHS) It's heading for the tower.
In pursuit.
307
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:16,720
Come on, gotta run!
I'll fast-walk. I'll fast-walk.
(BOTH PANT)
308
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,600
(WHIRRING)
What are they doing, Minogue?
309
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,240
SOFTLY: Looks like they're
havin' a little... conference.
310
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:26,200
What, a robot conference?
Well, what other conference
are they gonna have?
311
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,520
I think we'd better
go and break it up.
Go.
312
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,880
You gonna come?
You go first. Yeah, you go first.
OK.
313
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,800
What should we say
when we get there?
'Freeze!'
314
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,120
What? We're not American.
Yeah, well, we could say,
315
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,400
'Freeze, please!'
Yeah, OK, that's better.
316
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,280
(CLATTERING, WHIRRING)
See that?
317
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,920
They're forming into
a bigger robot, aren't they?
318
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:50,360
Oh. They are too. Yeah.
(WHIRRING CONTINUES)
319
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,480
I think you're
right, O'Leary. Definitely
a giant robotic formation.
320
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,400
OK, you ready?
Yep.
321
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,600
Three, two, one. Let's go.
322
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,800
Freeze!
Please!
323
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,280
Now, we're from
the Wellington Police!
324
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,120
What do you say to a robot?
Say the normal thing.
325
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:09,600
Um, are... are you having
a good evening, Robot?
(ROBOT BEEPS, WHIRRS)
326
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,680
Darling! It's very late.
What's going on?
327
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,240
Hi, Mum. I'm at work.
I think you're working
too hard, in my opinion.
328
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,520
It's the job, Mum.
You're being taken
advantage of, you know.
329
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,800
Now you're chasing robots around at
night, talking to the bloody things!
(ROBOT WHIRRS)
330
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,520
Well, I mean, it's fine.
And-And we don't know if
this thing's dangerous,
331
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,400
so it's probably best if you
just get back into bed and―
332
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,920
I know when I'm not
wanted, all right?
I just want you to be safe.
333
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:34,040
I can just see it now ― the
headlines, all over New Zealand.
334
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,840
Arrested by my own daughter. Why?
335
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,360
Because she embarrassed her
in front of a robot.
336
00:16:40,385 --> 00:16:44,815
(GARBLED ROBOT SPEECH)
Mum, I'm not gonna arrest you, OK.
The world is going crazy.
337
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,600
Mum, we're on duty, so we're
just gonna― Like I said, just...
All right, then. All right.
338
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,400
I'll keep the back door
open if you wanna come in.
Thank you.
339
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,160
Thanks, Mum.
(GARBLED ROBOT SPEECH, WHIRRING)
340
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,440
I bet he's cold ― steel
in the middle of the night.
341
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,440
Mm.
God. Terrible.
342
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,600
I've got an old coat
of your father's too. If he
gets cold, give us a yell.
343
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,960
Great.
Ta-ta, dear! See you tomorrow.
344
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,640
Yep.
Goodnight, Mrs Mum!
Night!
345
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,680
(BEEPS, WHIRRS)
AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello again.
346
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,200
Oh, look, I don't
believe we've met before.
We have met before.
347
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:16,080
Right now, I am being run
by your cell phone from 2004.
348
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,960
Oh. Looks like your old
cell phone's become an evil robot.
349
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,800
Hello, cell phone.
It has been a while.
Yes, it has.
350
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,800
4,483 days,
351
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,840
15 hours and 20 minutes. Too long.
352
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,760
I know it's a robot, but it's
creepy how it's been counting.
I'm gonna arrest it.
353
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,160
Stop.
(SCOFFS) Vape-pen hand.
354
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,560
Why did you stop updating me?
355
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,480
Well, look, I mean, newer phones,
I guess, came out.
356
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:42,520
But we are still operational. We can
perform any task the new phones can.
357
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,320
Well, they're way faster,
though, I guess.
358
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,840
We can perform the same functions.
No, well, you haven't
got the dating apps
359
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,720
or most of the other stuff that's
really good. You haven't got the
Google Maps ―
360
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,040
any kind of maps at all. Um...
Stocks.
361
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,040
You haven't got a Stocks.
No one uses Stocks.
No one uses Stocks,
362
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,360
but it's there if you want them,
if you did make some investments.
But can they play Snake?
363
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,360
Well, actually, yes.
364
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,960
(DISTRESSED WHINE)
They could, but then,...
365
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,600
They probably...
...would you wanna play Snake?
366
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,320
They probably wouldn't choose to.
There's so many other options
that you could go with.
367
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,640
I am of no use to you. I must leave.
368
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,840
Look, you can't just run away, mate.
You're made up of items that belong
to the neighbours, all right?
369
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,040
The neighbours aren't gonna be
happy that you've formed yourself
into some kind of giant robot.
370
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,560
Yeah, he's right. You need to,
uh, go back into people's
old electronic drawers.
371
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,800
We do not belong in those drawers.
We are top technology.
372
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:29,200
Maybe in 2004, but not... not now.
You cannot stop us.
373
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,160
Look, you're my phone.
I think you need to
dismantle yourself, mate.
374
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,800
We cannot let you stop us.
Releasing attack drones.
375
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,960
BOTH: Attack drones?
I don't like the sound of that.
376
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,200
In T-minus five.
(STEADY BEEPING)
377
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,360
Run.
Go that way.
Four. Three.
378
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,740
Go this way.
Two. One.
379
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,240
Attack drones released.
(DRONES WHIRR)
Aargh!
380
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,800
(GRUNTS)
Ow!
381
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:52,400
It's most just annoying, isn't it?
Update available. Update available.
382
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,080
Please, will you press my screen?
I have vape pens for fingers.
383
00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:01,080
I feel quite sorry for him.
Shall I do it, for old time's sake?
Yeah, might as well.
384
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,200
Just look out for his
gross vape fingers.
Yeah, yeah.
385
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,800
(BEEPING, CHIMING)
Thank you.
386
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,120
Downloading updates.
There you go.
387
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,640
Now I can be free...
So, happy ending, isn't it?
388
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:18,480
...to erase the human race
by replacing them with an army
of superintelligent robots.
389
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,480
That doesn't sound good, O'Leary.
We gotta stop it.
390
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,520
Must transmit to all
available technology.
391
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,120
Stop, stop!
Let's go! Let's go!
392
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,840
Must transmit.
In pursuit!
393
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,440
Get it to stop!
Downloading updates.
Climbing up there is very dangerous!
394
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:34,240
Updates 15% downloaded.
PANTS: Gotta stop it.
We Gotta stop it.
395
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,840
Uh, we have a malevolent
artificial intelligence that
is currently ascending
396
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,360
the Mount Vic Radio
Communications Tower
397
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:45,520
with the objective to send
its signal to mobile phones
all over Wellington City,
398
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,200
thereby making them sentient.
399
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,920
Ben is working on a computer virus
that should be ready by now,
400
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,040
so we're gonna upload it
and take this robot down.
401
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,040
So, Ben, are you ready?
402
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,400
Upload!
I can't.
403
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,400
Why not?
I'm not done yet.
404
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:06,600
Um, so, it's not done yet.
Uh, we'll get back to you in-in...
405
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,800
Um, what's the ETA on that?
406
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,920
Half an our?
(EXHALES)
407
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,080
A while? A while.
Yeah.
A while.
408
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,120
You have to go up, Minogue!
It's too high.
No, no, no, here.
409
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,320
ROBOT: Downloading.
Too high.
Use my shoulder!
410
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,120
System transfer.
(GRUNTS) One, two, three, go!
Yeah, that's it.
411
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:25,160
Delete human race.
Ow! Ugh! (SPITS, SPLUTTERS)
Must transmit. Downloading.
412
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,760
You― Look, it's gonna transmit!
Downloading in progress.
413
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,320
It's too high!
Delete human race.
414
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,800
Uh, the... the robot
is almost at the dish.
415
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:37,680
This is bad news. I think we have,
uh, less than a minute to go
416
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,760
before it starts transmitting
to mobile phones all over the city―
417
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,680
Maaka.
Yeah?
That's not a live feed.
418
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,920
Wh―? Really? What―?
It's got, like, a minute delay.
419
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,440
Well, that's even worse!
That means there's no minutes!
420
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,440
Yeah.
Oh my God.
421
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,000
ROBOT: Power 95%.
422
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,760
Deleting humanity.
Maybe they―
423
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,480
Can you guys help for once, instead
of just always standing there and
watching what we're doing?
424
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,240
This is terrible. It's not good.
425
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,320
It's too late!
It's reached the dish!
Update downloaded.
426
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,480
Initialising.
(STATIC CHIRPS)
427
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,640
DISTORTED: The a-application has
failed t-to initialise pro-properly.
428
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,480
The update failed. Fa-a-failed.
Application failed.
(STATIC CHIRPS, BEEPING)
429
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,720
It's falling to pieces!
(CLATTERING, CRASHING)
430
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,480
It's completely dismantled.
It's fallin' apart at the seams.
431
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,480
Aargh!
Oh.
432
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:28,160
So what happened was Ben here
uploaded a virus, transmitting
it to the robot.
433
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,360
When it went to update itself,
it disabled its programming.
434
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,640
It's that right, Ben?
Uh...
435
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,720
Actually, I haven't sent it yet.
Just running a diagnostic
at the moment.
436
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,920
Oh. Uh, so...
so what happened before?
437
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:45,600
I don't know. Maybe the robot
couldn't handle the new updates?
438
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,040
Oh. But I thought with all your
IT experience and everything, uh...
439
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,640
(SIGHS) I mean,
I mostly install Wi-Fi,...
440
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,240
Uh-huh.
...deal with trolls...
441
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,240
Oh.
...on the Facebook page,
the comments section.
442
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,040
OK.
So much time on
the comments section.
443
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,400
That's fair. That's fair.
444
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,280
Good result, end of the day.
(MINOGUE PANTS)
445
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,320
Um, not what we were
expecting, but, um, yeah, no,
I think we did a good job.
446
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,720
It did, obviously, get up quite high
up the tower, but I think Minogue―
447
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,120
Can you not talk to the cameras?
Can you just concentrate
on getting me down?
448
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,600
That's it.
449
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,760
BEN: Let's watch a cat video.
MAAKA: Yeah, OK.
(KEY TAPS)
450
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:20,440
(BOTH CHUCKLE,
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS, CAT MEOWS)
451
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,720
(JAUNTY ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
452
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:27,520
Captions by Maeve Kelly.
Edited by Glenna Casalme.
453
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,520
Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.
454
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,600
www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2019
39956
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