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- [door creaks open]
2
00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:15,667
- ♪
3
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,887
- [low growling]
4
00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:20,455
[laughing]
5
00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:24,502
- ♪
6
00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:29,072
- [sighing]
7
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:32,032
- ♪
8
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:35,557
- [bones creaking]
9
00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:41,563
- [low growling]
10
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:47,134
- [thunder rumbles,
lightning crackles]
11
00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:53,314
- ♪
12
00:01:56,986 --> 00:02:03,601
♪
13
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,005
- [knocking at door]
14
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:17,572
- Hi.
15
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:20,183
- Sorry, sir, this is
a private meeting.
16
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,620
- Uh, this is SA, right?
17
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,101
- Yeah.
18
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,320
- Can I come in?
19
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:27,669
- It's invitation only.
20
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,935
- Let--um, Landis.
21
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,241
- What?
22
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,764
- Landis.
23
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,548
Right? Isn't that the--
the password?
24
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:38,984
- No.
25
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,203
- MAN: That was last week's
password.
26
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,335
- Well, that--that's the
password
27
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,424
that was given to me, so...
28
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,513
- Who told you?
- It's kind of complicated.
29
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,341
Could--could I just come
inside, please?
30
00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:48,777
- Sorry, can't let ya in.
31
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,126
- Wait, wait, wait.
32
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,824
I've got cookies
and doughnuts.
33
00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:55,131
- [chuckles]
Thanks.
34
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:57,351
Now beat it.
- No!
35
00:02:57,438 --> 00:02:59,440
Listen, listen, listen,
listen, listen, listen!
36
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,747
I'm the Naperville Ripper.
37
00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:05,663
- Then go to the cops.
38
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,578
- I can't.
I need help.
39
00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:10,581
And you may be the only ones
who know what's going on.
40
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:13,280
Okay? There's some seriously
weird shit is happening
41
00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,195
to me right now.
42
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,588
Please, I have nowhere
else to go.
43
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,460
- MAN: Listen, when he called
the hotline,
44
00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:22,289
Zella said he was kind of
a douche.
45
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:23,681
- Zella, the woman on the phone?
46
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:24,639
The one who thinks she's
a squirrel?
47
00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,206
I mean, uh--
48
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,163
- WOMAN: Hey, come on, Scott,
lighten up
49
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,643
and let the poor guy in.
50
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,387
- Thank you.
51
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:36,999
Thank you very much.
52
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,261
Thank you, Scott.
53
00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:44,006
- ♪
54
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,186
- Welcome to
Shapeshifters Anonymous.
55
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,667
I'm Irena Reed,
chapter president.
56
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,582
- Oh, yeah, hi, I--
- Ooh.
57
00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:59,674
- ♪
58
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:11,773
♪
59
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,209
- It's a beautiful
basement.
60
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,472
- Thank you. [giggles]
61
00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,169
So, uh, what's your name?
62
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,041
- Oh, I thought this
was anonymous.
63
00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:20,825
- Oh, the founders thought
that Shapeshifters Anonymous
64
00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,479
had more gravitas.
65
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:24,351
- Gravitas?
- Mm-hmm.
66
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:27,354
You know, depth.
[giggles]
67
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,399
Sorry, I'm a schoolteacher,
and it's one of
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00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,662
our vocab words this week.
69
00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:33,925
When this group was
created, they thought that
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00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,145
Shapeshifters Anonymous
sounded better than any
71
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,408
of the other potential
options.
72
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:42,934
We were this close to be
called Shapeshifters R Us.
73
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,545
- Okay.
74
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,112
My name is Robert Weston,
75
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:50,420
and I have been having
a very hard time--
76
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,248
- Mm-hmm.
- --lately and I don't know
77
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:54,032
where else to turn, so--
78
00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:57,035
- Well, we find it best to
start at the beginning.
79
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,994
- About three months ago--
80
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:01,388
this is gonna sound kind
of weird, but I started
81
00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:04,565
finding strange things in
my, uh, toilet.
82
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,306
I've never had any health
problems before, actually,
83
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,917
I think I'm in pretty good
shape, but this threw me.
84
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,658
I couldn't quite figure
out what it was.
85
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,573
I mean, it was sort of like
little white stones
86
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,923
and bits of fabric.
87
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:18,579
The doctor asked me to
bring in a sample of my, um,
88
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,668
my--my stool.
89
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,234
- ♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
90
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,975
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
91
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:26,500
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas,
and a happy ♪
92
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,415
- WOMAN: Mr. Weston?
93
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,460
- ♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
94
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,245
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas,
we wish a merry Christmas ♪
95
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,422
♪ And a happy new year ♪
96
00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:39,121
♪ Good tidings to you,
wherever you are ♪
97
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:42,820
♪ Good tiding for Christmas
and a happy new year ♪
98
00:05:42,907 --> 00:05:44,953
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
99
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:49,131
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas,
we wish you a merry Christmas ♪
100
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:53,918
- [bells jingling]
101
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,965
- DOCTOR: Okay, I have to ask
the obvious first,
102
00:05:57,052 --> 00:06:00,055
have you been eating little
stones or strips of fabric?
103
00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,491
- Not that I know of.
104
00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:04,233
- Uh, has your diet changed
recently,
105
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,843
eating anything new
or exotic?
106
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,107
Says it started three months
ago.
107
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,587
Intermittent?
- Two or three times a month.
108
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,372
But then everything's fine.
109
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:16,811
- And you're finding unusual
things in your stool.
110
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,379
- Every--every time I go to
the bathroom, yeah.
111
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,033
- Mm, well, let's take
a look.
112
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,733
You--you have a roommate?
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00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,039
Anybody that likes to play
practical jokes?
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00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,650
- I, uh--I live alone.
115
00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:31,173
- DOCTOR: You drink?
116
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:33,131
- Um...
- Use drugs?
117
00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:34,742
Deep breath.
- [groans]
118
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,570
I have the occasional beer.
119
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,049
- Uh-huh.
- [groans]
120
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:39,660
- You ever drink too much,
black out?
121
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,836
- There have been a few times
where things have
122
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:45,361
gotten fuzzy, kind of like--
[groans]--sleepwalking, I guess.
123
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,449
Ooh!
- Oh, hang on.
124
00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:47,711
I think I found something.
125
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,670
- Doc.
- Alright, hang on.
126
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,454
- Jesus.
- DOCTOR: [grunts]
127
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:55,240
And now we are getting
somewhere.
128
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:56,677
Let's see here.
129
00:06:56,764 --> 00:07:00,594
Looks like we have
a coat button.
130
00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,030
A piece of a zipper.
131
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:06,774
And 20, 40, 63 cents
in change. Uh.
132
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,216
- I didn't eat those things.
133
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:16,958
- Well, had to end up
inside you one way or another.
134
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,699
Well, just count yourself
lucky.
135
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:20,527
I once had a patient who,
while sleepwalking, logged
136
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:23,965
into an internet casino,
lose $78,000.
137
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:25,923
- And he came to see you
about his sleepwalking?
138
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,664
- Oh no, he came to set
his broken nose
139
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,753
after his wife found out.
140
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,669
Look, I--I don't--I don't think
it's anything serious, alright.
141
00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:35,237
I--I'll prescribe
a mild sleep aid to help you
142
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,413
with your late-night snacking.
143
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,807
You might just wanna go through
your place and, you know,
144
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:43,985
get rid of anything
that looks...tasty.
145
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,552
Now, I know, I have
an associate--
146
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:48,293
- Let me guess. They recommended
a shrink.
147
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,078
- Yeah, how'd you know?
148
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,253
- Because they're fucking
idiots,
149
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,168
and they don't know anything.
150
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,910
- So, how did the murders
come into play?
151
00:07:55,997 --> 00:08:00,262
The Ripper has been
a very busy boy these days.
152
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:01,393
What do you remember?
153
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,265
- I don't remember anything.
154
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,310
I just--I--I have these
blackouts, and then I wake up
155
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:09,140
and things I find are...gross.
156
00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:10,533
- I'm actually really
surprised that you didn't
157
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:11,969
go to the cops.
158
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:13,536
You seem like a really
straight-up guy.
159
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,756
- I am.
160
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:19,107
I'm not a murderer, I--
- Hey.
161
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,978
Maybe we should just
start the meeting.
162
00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,982
Um, everyone,
this is Robert Weston.
163
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:28,116
- ♪
164
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,599
- Sorry, they're not very
social when there's food
165
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,732
in front of them.
- [chuckles]
166
00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,517
Is this for real?
167
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:40,128
- Well, do you believe
that you're a therianthrope?
168
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:43,218
A person who changes into
an animal when the moon is full?
169
00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:45,046
- I mean, I don't know.
170
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,743
A couple days ago, I didn't
believe in any of this.
171
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,528
So now I'm at a support group
for werewolves,
172
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,181
and it's a little--
- Is that what you turn into?
173
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,749
A wolf?
174
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,142
- What else is there?
175
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:57,406
- I'm a were-cheetah.
- [laughs]
176
00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:58,929
A were-cheetah?
- Mm-hmm.
177
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,801
- Is that why you wore
the blouse?
178
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,891
- Oh no, no, I just--I--
I actually turn
179
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:06,633
into a cheetah. Rrruh.
[giggles]
180
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,635
- BOTH: [laughing]
181
00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:10,201
- Okay.
182
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,333
- Which is really ironic,
because, you know,
183
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,031
I'm a schoolteacher.
184
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:17,208
And...we expel
cheetahs. [laughs]
185
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,645
Get it?
186
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:19,950
- Okay, I think I'm
gonna go.
187
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,736
- Hey, no, you shouldn't
leave.
188
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,303
- Why not?
This is ludicrous.
189
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,655
I mean, have you not heard
what I have been saying to you?
190
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,178
I think I am killing people.
191
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:31,483
Like, innocent people.
192
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,963
- Yes, I get it.
193
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:36,663
But if you are what you
think you are...
194
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:41,363
then you belong here
with us.
195
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,582
Now, please.
196
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:49,197
- ♪
197
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,329
- Continue, please.
198
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:54,028
- When I first started
figuring out what was going on,
199
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,812
I started doing some
research,
200
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,728
and I found the hidden URL,
and I called the hotline,
201
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,731
and talked to Zella, and
that's how I found...
202
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:03,646
you guys.
- Mm-hmm.
203
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:04,995
- Those--those people that
I killed--
204
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:07,694
- They were all bad people.
205
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,391
I mean, one was
a mobster.
206
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,132
There was a sex offender.
207
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:14,265
A thief, another was
a defense attorney that
208
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,572
defended child molesters.
209
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,705
So if you think about it,
you actually made the world
210
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:22,056
a slightly better place.
211
00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,971
I mean, given a choice,
therianthropes usually
212
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,713
choose the wicked over
the good.
213
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,715
The creatures inside of us,
we--we just--
214
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:31,718
we find evil tastier.
215
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:35,939
- Well, that--that is...
216
00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:38,072
a big relief.
- [giggles]
217
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:41,423
- Wow. god, that's
good to know.
218
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,425
So, um...
219
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:44,992
who is everybody?
220
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,907
- Oh, uh, that's Scott Howard,
ex-Marine.
221
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,648
He's a were-tortoise.
222
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,041
- A were-tortoise?
- Mm-hmm.
223
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:53,609
- ROBERT: Like you turn
into a turtle?
224
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,393
- Yeah.
225
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,352
- With the scales and the shell
that is your home?
226
00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:59,006
- That's the one.
227
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,573
- Do you shrink down,
or are you full size?
228
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,792
- Full size.
229
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,751
- Do you eat people?
230
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:06,274
- No.
231
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,232
Not all therianthropes
are carnivores,
232
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,887
otherwise, there'd be a lot
more dead bodies lying around.
233
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:12,628
- [chuckles]
- So then like when you change,
234
00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,848
what do you do?
235
00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:17,633
- I eat lettuce.
236
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,591
- Is it evil lettuce?
- [chuckles]
237
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,463
- I'm gonna put your sarcasm
down as you being on the edge
238
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:25,032
of a nervous breakdown, so
I'll ignore that one.
239
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,208
- I'm sorry, I was not
being sarcastic, I--
240
00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,863
- Hey, it's okay.
241
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,952
Um, that's Phyllis Allenbee.
242
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:33,910
She's a furry.
243
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,346
- You're kidding.
244
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,697
- No, she likes to put on
hippo outfit
245
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:40,743
and just dance around.
[laughs]
246
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,614
I'm sorry, I--I don't
really get it.
247
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,225
I've never really understood
the whole like dressing up
248
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,488
as an animal and doing it
thing, but she never
249
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:48,795
misses a meeting, so--
250
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,231
- Why do you let her stay?
251
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:52,799
- We just feel sorry for her,
I guess.
252
00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:54,626
- Hey! New guy!
253
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,890
Andy McDermott, were-boar.
254
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,500
- You turn into a pig?
255
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,241
- Actually, when the full
moon rises, I change
256
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:02,199
into someone vastly
self-interested, and I talk
257
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:06,377
incessantly about the worthless
minutia going on in my life.
258
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,162
"A bore."
[laughs]
259
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,816
Get it? A bore.
Were-bore.
260
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,819
[laughs] Actually,
I'm kidding.
261
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,255
Yeah, I turn into a pig.
262
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:15,952
- You mean, a bigger pig,
right, Andy?
263
00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:18,738
- God, you are so fucking
hot, Irena.
264
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,435
When are we gonna get
together?
265
00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:22,176
Have ourselves a litter
of little "kiggens," huh?
266
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,612
Let's make this happen.
267
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,353
- Mm, you know, I really
don't know, maybe
268
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,268
on the first of never, Andy,
and they wouldn't be
269
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,226
"kiggens," they would be
"pitties."
270
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:32,708
- Snap. Shoot that pig
down, girl.
271
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,579
- Really?
- PHYLLIS: [laughs]
272
00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:36,407
- ♪
273
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,453
- Who's that guy?
274
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:41,543
- That? That's Ryan.
275
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,414
- Just Ryan?
276
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:45,939
- That's all he's ever told us.
I mean, doesn't talk.
277
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,418
Never says a word.
278
00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,203
But he comes to every meeting,
right?
279
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,031
But look at him, he just
sits there.
280
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,946
Thinks he's the Terminator.
281
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:54,730
- What does he turn
into?
282
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:57,864
- No one really knows but, um,
it's gotta be something,
283
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,343
or he wouldn't be here,
right?
284
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,216
Oh man, I got chocolate
on my face.
285
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:05,785
Hey, good thing I got
brown pants on, right?
286
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:08,004
So, uh, I heard at the door...
287
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,877
[whispers] You're
the Naperville Ripper. Huh?
288
00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,139
What kind of therianthrope
you turn into?
289
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:15,055
What, are you like a were-rat?
290
00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:18,058
- I, um, just always assumed
I was a werewolf.
291
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:21,583
- ALL: [laughing]
292
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,280
- What's so funny?
293
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:24,934
- Everyone assumes
they're a werewolf at first,
294
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,936
because it's the most popular
therianthrope.
295
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:28,720
- Right, I mean, look,
they get all the good press.
296
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,766
Right? They get all the books,
they get all the movies.
297
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,202
Never gonna catch a flick
called
298
00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:33,682
"An American Were-boar
in London."
299
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,510
- Or "The Oinking."
- Right.
300
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:38,295
Because we can't remember
what we do when we've changed,
301
00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:41,342
we all at first just assume
werewolf.
302
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,344
- But if you can't figure
out what you do when you change,
303
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,999
how do you figure out
what you've changed into?
304
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,915
- Well, me, I--I set up my phone
and I filmed it.
305
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:50,046
You wanna see it?
I have it.
306
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,482
- Oh, please, don't say yes.
307
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,267
The last time he showed us
a video
308
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:55,791
was of some girl and him
doing the nasty.
309
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,358
And it was real nasty.
310
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,882
- Okay, honest mistake,
alright?
311
00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,623
- Bro, she was
a college cheerleader
312
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,320
majoring in massage therapy.
313
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,932
I was bowlegged for a week.
- That's not how--
314
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,716
bowlegged, that's not
what the term means.
315
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,849
- She was an elderly woman,
and she had a walker.
316
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,415
- Okay, you know what?
Why don't you mind
317
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:12,939
your own business,
you fur-vert, alright?
318
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,462
You are not even a real
therianthrope.
319
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,072
- I am in my heart.
320
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,160
- You know, Phyllis, when
the full moon rises,
321
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,728
you don't turn into a hippo.
322
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:23,210
You turn into an idiot
who puts on a hippo outfit, and
323
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:26,604
you skip around like some
demented children's show host.
324
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,345
- Mm-mm.
- Du-du-du-du-du.
325
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,738
- Yeah, keep talking and I'm
gonna turn you into
326
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,305
the other other white meat,
ham boy.
327
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,133
- Okay, alright, whatever
hungry, hungry hippo.
328
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,091
- Yeah, okay, bacon bit.
- Okay. Okay, everybody,
329
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:38,355
please, stop, we're all adults
here, so let's act like it.
330
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,705
- [snorts]
331
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:45,841
- So, is there any other way
I can find out what I am?
332
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,322
- ♪
333
00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:50,237
- Yes, actually, there is.
334
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,502
Testing equipment.
335
00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:58,419
- ♪
336
00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:02,336
- Hold out your hand.
337
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:08,516
- ♪
338
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:11,693
- IRENA: Do you feel anything?
- No.
339
00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:16,698
- [sighs]
340
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:20,049
[sniffs]
Mm.
341
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:23,705
It's catnip.
[giggles]
342
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,272
It's a shame.
343
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:28,928
You would have made
a really cute kitty.
344
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,320
Mm.
345
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,105
- Okay, Jesus, give me that,
alright.
346
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,629
Give--give it, give me it.
Give me it. Give me it.
347
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:37,893
If we let her, she'll play
with this all day. God.
348
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,026
Alright, uh, here we go.
349
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:44,378
Try this.
350
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:45,727
Just--
351
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:48,904
- [sparks snapping]
352
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,210
- ANDY: Oh my God.
- Oh my God.
353
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:51,602
- Jesus, what the hell
was that?
354
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:52,777
- Are you okay?
355
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,649
- I'll be damned.
- What?
356
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:55,911
- That was wolfsbane.
357
00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:57,782
- You're a lycanthrope.
358
00:15:57,869 --> 00:16:01,656
- [moans]
359
00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:04,006
Okay, so I'm a werewolf.
360
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,617
- Oh my God, we have never had
a werewolf in this group before.
361
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,097
This is so exciting. How did you
become a werewolf?
362
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,620
- I don't know.
363
00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:11,057
- Is your mother or father
a werewolf?
364
00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:12,884
- It's a recent development,
Scott.
365
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,364
- I inherited a recessive
gene from my mother, Shellen.
366
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:17,019
I've been a therianthrope
since birth.
367
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,412
- What about a gypsy?
368
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:19,326
Were you cursed by a gypsy
recently?
369
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,589
- No, of course--wait.
370
00:16:21,676 --> 00:16:24,635
- ♪
371
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,600
- Merry Chris--
- ROBERT: Yeah, you too, pal.
372
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:37,344
- ♪
373
00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:41,957
- Oh, hello.
- You are loud man.
374
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,480
Loud man.
375
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:44,916
- [dog growling]
376
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,267
- I'm sorry, ooh, excuse me.
377
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:50,009
Okay, excuse me, I said.
- [dog growling]
378
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,271
- I'm sorry.
379
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,970
- WOMAN: You are loud.
- Jesus.
380
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:59,627
- You keep it down in there.
- Okay, I will keep it down.
381
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,064
You know, there is a thing
called earplugs--
382
00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,761
- --loud man!
- --which you can purchase
383
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,415
at any pharmacy, which I'm
sure you know all about.
384
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:08,766
- I hear it all!
- Thank you. Thank you.
385
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,246
Got it.
386
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,379
- [dog barking]
- [banging on door]
387
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,990
- Okay, I get it! I know!
388
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,079
- WOMAN: I curse you!
389
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,820
- FEMALE REPORTER: With
the discovery of
390
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,735
Martin Colive brings the
Ripper's body count to four.
391
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:23,390
In the last three months, the
remains of Waldemar Daminski,
392
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,045
66, a local businessman with
known ties
393
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,351
to Polish organized crime was
found,
394
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:31,311
along with those
of Tony Rivers, 22,
395
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:34,009
who was decapitated after
robbing a liquor store
396
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,924
and beating the owner
unconscious.
397
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:38,709
Police recently identified
victim number three,
398
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,842
Ginger Fitzgerald, who
recently lost custody
399
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:43,105
of her daughter after
locking her in a closet
400
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,673
for a week without food
or water.
401
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,545
For JBN Channel 4 News,
I'm Ann Pool.
402
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:53,246
- ♪
403
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:54,986
- MALE REPORTER:
Thanks, Anne.
404
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,466
In other news, Christmas
is right around the corner,
405
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,512
and Santa's Army Redemption
is being spotted
406
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:03,473
all over town.
- [phone ringing]
407
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,258
- FEMALE ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi, Mr. Weston.
408
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,868
This is Family Medical Center
calling on behalf of
409
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,609
Dr. Talbot, we received
your test results,
410
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,350
and we need you to come back
for further testing.
411
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,178
Can you please give us
a call back so we can
412
00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:15,877
schedule your next appointment.
- [stomach growling]
413
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:20,142
- [vomiting]
414
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,231
[heavy breathing]
415
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,581
- [woman cackling]
416
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:28,890
I curse you.
417
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:31,153
- I think I was cursed
from my brushing my teeth
418
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,113
too loud.
419
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,072
- Well, it--it looks like
you're in luck, because, um...
420
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,552
it's the easiest type
to cure.
421
00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:39,727
- SCOTT: Oh,
who cares about a cure?
422
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,468
I like being a were-tortoise.
423
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,252
- Yeah, Scott, that's
because when you change,
424
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,211
all you do is eat salad
and swim around
425
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,864
in your bathtub, okay?
426
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:49,519
I root through garbage and
eat aluminum cans.
427
00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:51,391
Alright, I'm all for
recycling, but have any of
428
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,088
you ever tried to shit out
429
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:56,222
a six-pack of Budweiser
tall boys?
430
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:59,225
Listen, Weston is a carnivore
like Irena.
431
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,791
They eat people.
432
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:02,576
It's gotta weigh heavy
on his conscience.
433
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:06,754
- ♪
434
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:10,279
- Do you--do you ever feel
guilty about it?
435
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:14,414
- About eating people?
436
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:17,243
Honestly, no,
I really don't.
437
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:19,027
It's in our nature.
438
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:22,073
And, plus, I get to eat
any dipshit faculty member
439
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,293
that pisses me off.
440
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:27,818
- [chuckles]
441
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,169
So let's say I wanted to
go back to normal,
442
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,735
how would I go about
doing that?
443
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,955
- ♪
444
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,958
- Just go back to the
gypsy that cursed you,
445
00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:38,568
and beg her to take
446
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:39,613
the curse off, yeah.
- Yeah, that's right.
447
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,441
- Yeah.
448
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:44,095
- That might be
a little hard.
449
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,184
Oh fuck.
450
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,141
I ate her.
451
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:49,362
- Oh.
- Oh.
452
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:50,406
- ROBERT: And I ate
her dog.
453
00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:52,365
- Oh my God. What?
454
00:19:52,452 --> 00:19:53,496
- And I peed all over
her hedges.
455
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,281
- Why would you do that?
456
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:56,456
- I think I was marking
my territory.
457
00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:57,805
I don't know.
- [sighs]
458
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,763
- --zero sense.
- I've done that.
459
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,505
I've done that.
460
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:05,073
- Tough break, man, but,
uh, you'll get used to it,
461
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,380
you know? But in the meantime,
you might wanna get yourself
462
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:10,165
a nice, sturdy leash, though.
463
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,775
- You know what?
464
00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:13,690
I think it's time that we
start this meeting.
465
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,475
- Start the meeting? So the
meeting hasn't started yet?
466
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:18,478
- Come on, everybody,
join hands.
467
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:21,220
And let's recite the
Shapeshifters Anonymous credo.
468
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,438
Repeat after me.
469
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,658
I, state your name.
470
00:20:24,745 --> 00:20:27,356
- ROBERT: I, Robert Weston.
- ALL: [indistinct responses]
471
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,837
- Agree to abide by the rules
of ethics.
472
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:33,319
- ALL: Agree to abide by
the rules of ethics.
473
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:36,496
- As set forth by
Shapeshifters Anonymous.
474
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:39,325
- ALL: As set forth by
Shapeshifters Anonymous.
475
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:42,545
- I agree to do my best
to use my abilities.
476
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:45,809
- ALL: I agree to do my best
to use my abilities.
477
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:48,551
- For the good of man
and therianthrope kind.
478
00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:51,772
- ALL: For the good of man
and therianthrope kind.
479
00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:55,036
- I agree to do my best
to help any therianthrope
480
00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:57,081
who comes to me in need.
481
00:20:57,168 --> 00:21:00,215
- ALL: I agree to do my best
to help any therianthrope
482
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:02,086
who comes to me in need.
483
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:07,004
- I agree to do my best
not to devour any nice people.
484
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:11,182
- ALL: I agree to do my best
not to devour any nice people.
485
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,837
- I promise to avoid
Kris Kringle,
486
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:18,015
the dreaded Santa Claus and
his many evil helpers.
487
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:22,498
- I, um--I think--I didn't
under--what does that mean?
488
00:21:22,585 --> 00:21:24,370
- Santa Claus
is a Therianthrope Hunter.
489
00:21:24,457 --> 00:21:26,110
- Santa Claus, the mythical,
jolly character
490
00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:27,242
loved by millions?
491
00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:29,375
- He kills shapeshifters.
492
00:21:29,462 --> 00:21:30,941
- You're kidding.
493
00:21:31,028 --> 00:21:33,466
- No one's sure how our kind
got started.
494
00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:35,468
Some say black magic.
495
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:37,426
Some say interspecies breeding,
496
00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:40,560
though I don't buy into
that malarkey.
497
00:21:40,647 --> 00:21:43,737
Some say therianthropes
date back to the very beginning,
498
00:21:43,824 --> 00:21:47,001
to the Garden of Eden, when man
and werebeast lived in harmony.
499
00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:49,873
The Bible doesn't tell
the whole story.
500
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,223
Certain religious leaders
over the years have edited it
501
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,444
as they see fit.
502
00:21:55,531 --> 00:21:59,187
Entire books were taken out.
503
00:21:59,274 --> 00:22:01,885
- ROBERT: There--there's no
werewolves in the Bible.
504
00:22:01,972 --> 00:22:04,540
- ♪
505
00:22:04,627 --> 00:22:05,933
- They were edited out.
506
00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:10,241
Pay attention, son.
507
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,898
You'll learn something.
508
00:22:14,985 --> 00:22:17,901
See, the Lord blessed one
of his disciples, Bob,
509
00:22:17,988 --> 00:22:20,991
with the gift of lycanthrophy,
to do his work by
510
00:22:21,078 --> 00:22:22,993
devouring evil.
511
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,040
But Bob became prideful
of his accomplishments.
512
00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:27,781
Oh, that angered God.
513
00:22:30,653 --> 00:22:32,438
So, to put Bob in his place,
514
00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:34,788
God granted one of
Bob's enemies, Kristofer,
515
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:38,487
a red suit of impenetrable
armor and ordered him
516
00:22:38,574 --> 00:22:40,794
to smite all therianthropes.
517
00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:42,796
God also blessed
domesticated beasts
518
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:45,015
with the power to fly
through the sky and pull
519
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:47,191
Kristofer's warship
of destruction
520
00:22:47,278 --> 00:22:48,845
throughout the world.
521
00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:52,458
- Let me guess.
Kris, son of Kringle.
522
00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:54,503
- Bob and Kristofer
fought.
523
00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:56,810
And Bob proved victorious.
524
00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:59,726
But Kristofer,
God's chosen avenger,
525
00:22:59,813 --> 00:23:02,468
felt betrayed, so he turned
to the other side
526
00:23:02,555 --> 00:23:05,601
for assistance.
527
00:23:05,688 --> 00:23:07,560
- The other side?
- Lucifer!
528
00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:10,824
Beelzebub, the Devil himself.
529
00:23:10,911 --> 00:23:13,957
Lucifer gave Kristofer
a fiercesome weapon shaped
530
00:23:14,044 --> 00:23:17,787
like the talons of an eagle
forged in the fires of hell.
531
00:23:17,874 --> 00:23:20,573
He called the weapon
Satan's Claws.
532
00:23:20,660 --> 00:23:22,879
And Kristofer recruited
an army of helpers
533
00:23:22,966 --> 00:23:25,621
to rid the world of Bob
and his kind.
534
00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,710
- ♪
- [indistinct chanting]
535
00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:30,670
- Oh, they found us.
They're here.
536
00:23:30,757 --> 00:23:32,759
- Who?
- Battle stations.
537
00:23:32,846 --> 00:23:36,197
- Battle stations?
What?
538
00:23:36,284 --> 00:23:38,460
- [machines beeping]
- I--
539
00:23:38,547 --> 00:23:39,940
- ♪
540
00:23:40,027 --> 00:23:42,116
- [metal bangs]
541
00:23:42,203 --> 00:23:45,162
- [machines beeping]
542
00:23:45,249 --> 00:23:46,642
- Jesus.
543
00:23:46,729 --> 00:23:49,558
Oh, there's gotta be
hundreds of them.
544
00:23:49,645 --> 00:23:51,386
- Fuck me.
545
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,606
Those are his little
red helpers?
546
00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:55,042
So you're telling me
Kris Kringle
547
00:23:55,129 --> 00:23:58,088
and his magical red suit
and Satan's Claw,
548
00:23:58,175 --> 00:24:00,787
which I guess over time
has turned into Santa Claus,
549
00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:02,919
is coming here to kill
therianthropes
550
00:24:03,006 --> 00:24:05,269
with a bunch of shopping mall
Santas?
551
00:24:05,356 --> 00:24:08,490
- Santa Claus has come to town.
552
00:24:08,577 --> 00:24:10,797
- [explosion blasts]
- [screaming]
553
00:24:10,884 --> 00:24:16,542
- ♪
554
00:24:16,629 --> 00:24:22,504
- [explosions and yelling]
555
00:24:22,591 --> 00:24:27,074
- ♪
556
00:24:27,161 --> 00:24:32,601
- [screaming]
557
00:24:32,688 --> 00:24:37,084
- [explosions blast]
558
00:24:37,171 --> 00:24:38,564
- You, come on!
559
00:24:38,651 --> 00:24:40,827
- Could someone please
kill that alarm?
560
00:24:40,914 --> 00:24:42,611
- Wait, these are the people
we're fighting
561
00:24:42,698 --> 00:24:44,004
for our lives against?
562
00:24:44,091 --> 00:24:45,353
- It's the way it's always
been.
563
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,224
- What about the toy stuff?
564
00:24:47,311 --> 00:24:49,009
- Kringle's killed tens of
thousands of therianthropes
565
00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:51,272
over the centuries, leaving
many children orphans.
566
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,579
He started to feel some
remorse after slaughtering
567
00:24:53,666 --> 00:24:56,799
their parents, he began to leave
toys behind.
568
00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:58,888
Kringle gave this to me--
- Oh.
569
00:24:58,975 --> 00:25:00,455
- --when I was seven years old--
- Gross.
570
00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:01,848
- --right after murdering
my parents.
571
00:25:01,935 --> 00:25:04,764
- Yikes.
- He also gave me a train set.
572
00:25:04,851 --> 00:25:06,417
- [bang]
- Weston,
573
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,462
we don't have time for this.
574
00:25:07,549 --> 00:25:09,029
We need to get ready!
575
00:25:09,116 --> 00:25:10,813
- [explosion blasts]
- Look, look, look!
576
00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:13,816
Look, look, I can accept
the shapeshifting, okay?
577
00:25:13,903 --> 00:25:16,776
And the wolfsbane, that was
very--that was, like,
578
00:25:16,863 --> 00:25:18,778
a little creepy, but you
want me to believe that
579
00:25:18,865 --> 00:25:21,781
every single volunteer
with a Santa suit
580
00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:23,913
and a bell is out to
murder us?
581
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,915
I mean, I see these people
everywhere.
582
00:25:26,002 --> 00:25:27,787
I--I mean, they're on
every street corner.
583
00:25:27,874 --> 00:25:29,353
They're in the shopping centers.
584
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,312
I saw one by my apartment
just this morning.
585
00:25:31,399 --> 00:25:32,922
- You saw one today?
Where?
586
00:25:33,009 --> 00:25:34,750
- Naperville.
- What?
587
00:25:34,837 --> 00:25:36,230
What'd he say to you?
588
00:25:36,317 --> 00:25:37,710
- I--you know, Scott,
I don't know.
589
00:25:37,797 --> 00:25:39,189
He was a little bit
out of his mind.
590
00:25:39,276 --> 00:25:40,451
- What?
- He said something about...
591
00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:43,063
- ♪
592
00:25:43,150 --> 00:25:48,459
- [bell dinging]
593
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:52,376
- Merry Christmas.
594
00:25:53,769 --> 00:25:56,511
There's a killer on the loose
in Naperville.
595
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,166
Only comes out when
the moon is full.
596
00:25:59,253 --> 00:26:03,605
Naughty boys, they get
what they deserve.
597
00:26:03,692 --> 00:26:07,566
Their heads severed from
the unholy bodies.
598
00:26:07,653 --> 00:26:10,307
- ROBERT: Okay.
Merry Christmas.
599
00:26:10,394 --> 00:26:14,224
- Mm.
600
00:26:14,311 --> 00:26:15,835
- [banging on door]
601
00:26:15,922 --> 00:26:18,185
- The only way we die is
old age or beheading.
602
00:26:18,272 --> 00:26:20,666
- [banging on door]
- Son of a bitch.
603
00:26:20,753 --> 00:26:22,015
They must have
followed you.
604
00:26:22,102 --> 00:26:23,538
- Look, we need to call
the cops.
605
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:25,279
- IRENA: And tell them
what?
606
00:26:25,366 --> 00:26:26,672
- I thought you said
the police were a waste of time.
607
00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:28,456
Everybody has conflicting
information.
608
00:26:28,543 --> 00:26:30,414
- IRENA: Come on.
609
00:26:30,501 --> 00:26:31,677
- Whoa.
610
00:26:31,764 --> 00:26:33,853
- ♪
611
00:26:33,940 --> 00:26:37,030
- You ever fired a 9mm?
- No.
612
00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:38,684
- [bang]
613
00:26:38,771 --> 00:26:40,903
- Turn off the safety
on the side.
614
00:26:40,990 --> 00:26:42,731
Then pull back
the top part.
615
00:26:42,818 --> 00:26:44,733
That's the slide, loads
the bullet into the chamber.
616
00:26:44,820 --> 00:26:48,389
- [indistinct yelling]
617
00:26:48,476 --> 00:26:51,827
- Now all you have to do
is aim, pull the trigger.
618
00:26:51,914 --> 00:26:54,830
Red suits are Kevlar,
so aim for the face.
619
00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:57,616
- Yipee-ki-yay, mother--
620
00:26:57,703 --> 00:27:00,488
Sorry. Sorry that--that
won't happen.
621
00:27:00,575 --> 00:27:02,011
- [grunts]
622
00:27:02,098 --> 00:27:03,230
- Choose your shots
carefully, people.
623
00:27:03,317 --> 00:27:04,579
We don't have a lot
of ammo.
624
00:27:04,666 --> 00:27:06,886
Ryan, can you fire
a weapon?
625
00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:08,844
Damn it, man, we need you.
626
00:27:08,931 --> 00:27:10,716
- Shouldn't we go?
- That's the only door.
627
00:27:10,803 --> 00:27:13,153
- What?
628
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,589
If we make it out of
this alive,
629
00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:16,809
would you wanna go out with me?
630
00:27:16,896 --> 00:27:18,898
- I'd like that.
631
00:27:18,985 --> 00:27:21,770
- Which part? Making it out
alive or going out with me?
632
00:27:21,857 --> 00:27:22,902
- Both.
633
00:27:22,989 --> 00:27:24,468
- [banging on door]
634
00:27:24,555 --> 00:27:25,818
- ♪
635
00:27:25,905 --> 00:27:27,602
- [bang]
- [screams]
636
00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:30,083
[heavy breathing]
637
00:27:30,170 --> 00:27:35,262
- [banging on door]
- SANTAS: Ho. Ho. Ho.
638
00:27:35,349 --> 00:27:37,743
- Don't fire until you see
the whites of the beards.
639
00:27:37,830 --> 00:27:39,701
- [banging]
- SANTAS: Ho!
640
00:27:39,788 --> 00:27:43,183
- ♪
641
00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:49,276
- SANTAS: Ho! Ho!
- [banging on door]
642
00:27:49,363 --> 00:27:54,847
- ♪
643
00:27:54,934 --> 00:28:00,983
- [gunshots blasting]
644
00:28:01,070 --> 00:28:05,727
- ♪
645
00:28:05,814 --> 00:28:08,469
- SANTAS: [yelling]
646
00:28:08,556 --> 00:28:14,388
- [gunshots blasting]
647
00:28:14,475 --> 00:28:16,477
- ♪
648
00:28:16,564 --> 00:28:22,396
- [gunshots blasting]
649
00:28:22,483 --> 00:28:25,747
- ♪
650
00:28:25,834 --> 00:28:27,749
- Naughty boy.
651
00:28:27,836 --> 00:28:30,491
- ♪
652
00:28:30,578 --> 00:28:32,014
- [gunshots blasting]
653
00:28:32,101 --> 00:28:33,973
- Naughty boy!
- IRENA: Hey, Santa!
654
00:28:34,060 --> 00:28:35,539
Got some milk and
cookies for ya.
655
00:28:35,626 --> 00:28:36,497
- ♪
656
00:28:36,584 --> 00:28:40,153
- [gunshot blasts]
657
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,632
- Where did you learn
to shoot like that?
658
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,678
- I teach high school.
659
00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:44,810
- Duck!
660
00:28:44,897 --> 00:28:46,637
- [gunshots blasting]
661
00:28:49,945 --> 00:28:51,164
- Nice.
662
00:28:51,251 --> 00:28:52,556
- Yeah, well, you know?
663
00:28:52,643 --> 00:28:54,515
Oop. Sorry.
I got it. I got it.
664
00:28:54,602 --> 00:29:00,216
- [gunshots blasting]
665
00:29:00,303 --> 00:29:02,392
- They're retreating.
Hold your fire.
666
00:29:02,479 --> 00:29:07,963
- [cheering and laughing]
667
00:29:08,050 --> 00:29:10,009
- [gunshot]
- Ooh!
668
00:29:10,096 --> 00:29:11,750
- Hold your fire.
669
00:29:11,837 --> 00:29:12,707
- Sorry, I couldn't hear ya.
670
00:29:12,794 --> 00:29:13,839
It's a loud gun.
671
00:29:13,926 --> 00:29:15,275
Jesus.
- Oh my Go--
672
00:29:15,362 --> 00:29:17,407
Andy, you're bleeding.
- Oh.
673
00:29:17,494 --> 00:29:18,495
- Everyone okay?
674
00:29:18,582 --> 00:29:20,062
- ANDY: [laughing]
675
00:29:20,149 --> 00:29:22,761
Well, uh, we sure kicked some
Santa ass.
676
00:29:22,848 --> 00:29:24,719
- [laughs]
677
00:29:24,806 --> 00:29:26,155
- Let's see you try climbing
down a chimney now, shithead.
678
00:29:26,242 --> 00:29:29,289
Bitch! [laughs]
- [laughs]
679
00:29:29,376 --> 00:29:30,551
- It isn't over.
680
00:29:30,638 --> 00:29:34,120
- ♪
681
00:29:34,207 --> 00:29:35,730
- Did you just say something?
682
00:29:41,692 --> 00:29:46,959
- ♪
683
00:29:48,656 --> 00:29:54,531
- [bells jingling]
684
00:30:05,629 --> 00:30:09,459
- KRINGLE: [evil laughing]
685
00:30:09,546 --> 00:30:11,897
- [bang]
686
00:30:11,984 --> 00:30:14,160
- KRINGLE: [evil laughing]
687
00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:16,640
- Here comes Santa Claus.
688
00:30:19,339 --> 00:30:23,647
Here comes Santa Claus.
689
00:30:23,734 --> 00:30:25,736
- KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho.
690
00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:26,955
- My God.
- Alright.
691
00:30:27,042 --> 00:30:28,174
Who still has ammo?
692
00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:29,958
- I'm out.
- Me, too.
693
00:30:30,045 --> 00:30:31,786
- I have, uh, two bullets.
694
00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:33,483
- KRINGLE: Ha!
695
00:30:33,570 --> 00:30:34,702
- Okay, okay.
696
00:30:34,789 --> 00:30:36,965
We'll--we'll have to
make do.
697
00:30:37,052 --> 00:30:38,749
Everyone, grab a weapon.
698
00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:40,273
- KRINGLE: [evil laughing]
699
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,057
- Chris Kringle's a lot
more powerful
700
00:30:42,144 --> 00:30:46,018
than his helpers, but maybe
if we all strike at once,
701
00:30:46,105 --> 00:30:49,108
we'll have a chance.
702
00:30:49,195 --> 00:30:51,937
- Weston can't even keep
his clip in his gun, alright?
703
00:30:52,024 --> 00:30:54,069
Ryan is sitting on his ass
like a pud.
704
00:30:54,156 --> 00:30:55,288
Alright, give--give me this.
705
00:30:55,375 --> 00:30:56,550
Alright?
706
00:30:56,637 --> 00:30:58,204
- KRINGLE: Where are you?
- Scott,
707
00:30:58,291 --> 00:30:59,640
you really think we can fend
off that thing?
708
00:30:59,727 --> 00:31:01,076
And its Satan's Claws?
709
00:31:01,163 --> 00:31:02,686
It's gonna rip us to pieces.
710
00:31:02,773 --> 00:31:04,514
- We don't have a choice.
- Alright, well, listen,
711
00:31:04,601 --> 00:31:06,299
you know what? I don't wanna
get sliced up, alright?
712
00:31:06,386 --> 00:31:09,432
I'm--I'm too pretty.
- Calm down, son.
713
00:31:09,519 --> 00:31:11,217
You're not helping
the situation.
714
00:31:11,304 --> 00:31:13,567
- Fine, you know what?
You guys go ahead and fight,
715
00:31:13,654 --> 00:31:15,961
alright? I'm gonna take
off this red suit
716
00:31:16,048 --> 00:31:16,875
and pretend to be dead.
717
00:31:16,962 --> 00:31:18,441
- There's a way.
718
00:31:20,661 --> 00:31:23,403
- You actually gonna get
your ass up and help?
719
00:31:23,490 --> 00:31:29,017
- KRINGLE: Santa's come to town.
Ha-ha-ha!
720
00:31:29,104 --> 00:31:32,107
[evil laughing]
721
00:31:35,067 --> 00:31:36,851
- I've been saving these.
722
00:31:40,072 --> 00:31:41,943
- Tell me that's cyanide.
723
00:31:42,030 --> 00:31:43,249
Please tell me that's cyanide,
'cause I am so drinking it.
724
00:31:47,079 --> 00:31:48,994
- It's a metamorphosis potion.
725
00:31:49,081 --> 00:31:50,691
Allow you to change into
your therianthrope form
726
00:31:50,778 --> 00:31:53,694
and retain your human intellect.
727
00:31:53,781 --> 00:31:57,002
- Where'd you get these?
728
00:31:57,089 --> 00:32:01,093
- I've had these
for a long time.
729
00:32:01,180 --> 00:32:03,356
- How do you know
they work?
730
00:32:03,443 --> 00:32:04,661
- I know.
731
00:32:04,748 --> 00:32:06,489
- KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho, ho.
732
00:32:06,576 --> 00:32:09,971
- I guess it can't hurt
to try.
733
00:32:10,058 --> 00:32:11,799
- KRINGLE: I will
find you.
734
00:32:11,886 --> 00:32:16,499
- ♪
735
00:32:16,586 --> 00:32:18,893
- KRINGLE: You can't hide
from the Claus!
736
00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:21,809
- I'm--I'm just--I'm not
a therianthrope,
737
00:32:21,896 --> 00:32:23,158
I'm just a furry.
738
00:32:23,245 --> 00:32:24,899
- You're one of us.
739
00:32:24,986 --> 00:32:27,032
- KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho.
740
00:32:27,119 --> 00:32:30,035
- How 'bout you?
741
00:32:30,122 --> 00:32:33,081
- No.
742
00:32:33,168 --> 00:32:34,561
- KRINGLE: Ah!
743
00:32:34,648 --> 00:32:40,871
- ♪
744
00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:44,353
- KRINGLE: I've
got presents.
745
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:45,615
- [sighs]
746
00:32:45,702 --> 00:32:48,357
Okay, well, here
goes nothing.
747
00:32:52,144 --> 00:32:53,580
Ah!
748
00:32:53,667 --> 00:32:56,017
- KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho.
749
00:32:56,104 --> 00:32:57,932
Time to die.
750
00:32:58,019 --> 00:33:02,415
- ♪
751
00:33:02,502 --> 00:33:08,508
- [groaning and grunting]
752
00:33:11,511 --> 00:33:16,690
- ♪
753
00:33:16,777 --> 00:33:19,780
- I can still think.
754
00:33:19,867 --> 00:33:23,088
I can even talk.
755
00:33:23,175 --> 00:33:24,480
- Here goes nothing.
756
00:33:24,567 --> 00:33:30,530
- ♪
757
00:33:32,227 --> 00:33:35,100
- You look amazing.
758
00:33:35,187 --> 00:33:37,493
- [purrs and giggles]
759
00:33:37,580 --> 00:33:41,106
- [snorting]
760
00:33:41,193 --> 00:33:42,455
What?
761
00:33:42,542 --> 00:33:43,978
There's still some
frosting inside.
762
00:33:44,065 --> 00:33:45,327
[squeals]
763
00:33:45,414 --> 00:33:46,894
- I guess it's my turn.
[giggles]
764
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:57,992
- ♪
765
00:34:00,516 --> 00:34:04,433
- Well, shit, I don't even have
my damn hippo suit here.
766
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,392
Well, at least give me
the damn gun.
767
00:34:08,220 --> 00:34:10,004
- [giggling]
768
00:34:10,091 --> 00:34:12,659
Your turn.
769
00:34:12,746 --> 00:34:16,315
[purrs]
770
00:34:16,402 --> 00:34:19,666
You'll be fine.
[laughs]
771
00:34:19,753 --> 00:34:21,102
Drink it.
772
00:34:21,189 --> 00:34:22,712
- SCOTT: Hey, guys, hurry up,
alright?
773
00:34:22,799 --> 00:34:23,844
Here comes Santa Claus.
774
00:34:23,931 --> 00:34:29,676
- ♪
775
00:34:32,679 --> 00:34:35,812
- Oh. Ooh.
776
00:34:35,899 --> 00:34:42,297
- ♪
777
00:34:50,349 --> 00:34:53,134
- ROBERT: [groans]
778
00:34:53,221 --> 00:34:58,618
- ♪
779
00:35:06,626 --> 00:35:11,587
- [growling]
780
00:35:13,023 --> 00:35:17,506
- Hello, sexy.
Rawr.
781
00:35:17,593 --> 00:35:20,640
- Kringle is coming! We don't
have time for this.
782
00:35:20,727 --> 00:35:24,209
- [growling]
783
00:35:24,296 --> 00:35:26,341
- Alright, let's do this.
784
00:35:26,428 --> 00:35:31,041
- SANTAS: [yelling]
785
00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:34,915
- [growling]
786
00:35:35,002 --> 00:35:37,309
- [groaning]
787
00:35:37,396 --> 00:35:40,573
- [gunshots]
788
00:35:40,660 --> 00:35:44,620
- ♪
789
00:35:44,707 --> 00:35:47,623
- You
and Mrs. Santa Claus's too.
790
00:35:47,710 --> 00:35:51,540
- ♪
791
00:35:51,627 --> 00:35:53,194
- [howls]
792
00:35:53,281 --> 00:35:54,282
- Ooh, Scott, incoming!
793
00:35:54,369 --> 00:35:56,589
- [grunts]
794
00:35:56,676 --> 00:35:57,503
- Scott!
795
00:35:57,590 --> 00:35:58,852
- [glass shatters]
796
00:35:58,939 --> 00:36:03,204
- ♪
797
00:36:03,291 --> 00:36:05,119
- Ahh!
798
00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:08,470
- ♪
799
00:36:08,557 --> 00:36:10,211
- [growls]
- [hisses]
800
00:36:10,298 --> 00:36:13,780
- [growling]
801
00:36:13,867 --> 00:36:19,742
- [whimpering]
802
00:36:20,917 --> 00:36:22,223
What?
803
00:36:22,310 --> 00:36:25,922
- [growling]
804
00:36:26,009 --> 00:36:27,359
- ♪
805
00:36:27,446 --> 00:36:30,100
- [growling]
806
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:33,843
- Oh my God.
- [hisses]
807
00:36:33,930 --> 00:36:35,367
- Look at those claws.
808
00:36:35,454 --> 00:36:37,804
We're--we're not getting
out of here, guys.
809
00:36:40,850 --> 00:36:42,939
- ♪
810
00:36:43,026 --> 00:36:43,984
- [whimpering]
811
00:36:44,071 --> 00:36:46,116
- [evil laughing]
812
00:36:46,204 --> 00:36:50,817
- ♪
813
00:36:50,904 --> 00:36:52,384
- Oh shit.
814
00:36:52,471 --> 00:36:55,691
- Sa-sa-Santa.
815
00:36:55,778 --> 00:36:57,824
Please, help me.
816
00:36:57,911 --> 00:37:01,001
- ♪
817
00:37:01,088 --> 00:37:04,439
- [grunts]
818
00:37:04,526 --> 00:37:08,487
- Oh no.
Oh man.
819
00:37:08,574 --> 00:37:10,315
Oh God, pray for me.
820
00:37:10,402 --> 00:37:16,451
- ♪
821
00:37:18,018 --> 00:37:19,411
- IRENA: Scott,
what are you doing?
822
00:37:19,498 --> 00:37:21,935
Are you crazy?
823
00:37:22,022 --> 00:37:26,679
- Your reign of evil
ends today, Kringle.
824
00:37:26,766 --> 00:37:29,464
- Ha-ha-ha.
825
00:37:29,551 --> 00:37:32,989
- [groans]
- [gasps]
826
00:37:33,076 --> 00:37:34,687
- Holy shit!
827
00:37:34,774 --> 00:37:37,907
- ♪
828
00:37:37,994 --> 00:37:40,214
- [growls]
829
00:37:40,301 --> 00:37:44,174
- Robert Weston,
werewolf.
830
00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:45,872
You're on my list.
831
00:37:45,959 --> 00:37:47,482
- [growls]
832
00:37:47,569 --> 00:37:51,704
- Irena Reed,
were-cheetah.
833
00:37:51,791 --> 00:37:54,402
You're on my list, too.
- Stay behind me.
834
00:37:54,489 --> 00:37:56,404
- Wanna sit on Santa's lap,
little girl?
835
00:37:56,491 --> 00:37:59,625
- [hisses]
836
00:37:59,712 --> 00:38:02,236
- What the hell are you?
837
00:38:02,323 --> 00:38:04,543
You're bacon.
- [oinking]
838
00:38:04,630 --> 00:38:06,066
Andy McDermott.
839
00:38:06,153 --> 00:38:07,676
I'm a were-boar.
840
00:38:07,763 --> 00:38:12,246
- Yes, you're also
on my list.
841
00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:15,380
Who is this naughty girl?
842
00:38:15,467 --> 00:38:17,730
- Phyllis Lawanda Morisha
Talena Allenbee.
843
00:38:17,817 --> 00:38:20,646
Am I on your stupid ass list,
too?
844
00:38:20,733 --> 00:38:22,691
- I do not believe so.
845
00:38:22,778 --> 00:38:24,389
- No?
846
00:38:24,476 --> 00:38:26,391
Are you sure about that,
fat man?
847
00:38:26,478 --> 00:38:27,957
- I'll be happy
to check it twice.
848
00:38:28,044 --> 00:38:29,437
- Are you saying I'm not
one of them?
849
00:38:29,524 --> 00:38:30,830
'Cause I am one of them.
850
00:38:30,917 --> 00:38:33,572
I am one of them...
in my heart.
851
00:38:33,659 --> 00:38:36,096
A giant sack of--
- Enough!
852
00:38:36,183 --> 00:38:39,665
- [laughing]
853
00:38:39,752 --> 00:38:42,145
[sighs]
I'm tired, Kristofer.
854
00:38:45,279 --> 00:38:48,630
I've been running
for far too long.
855
00:38:48,717 --> 00:38:52,155
- Who are you,
little human?
856
00:38:52,242 --> 00:38:55,115
- RYAN: Here comes Santa Claus.
857
00:38:55,202 --> 00:38:58,205
Here comes Santa Claus.
858
00:39:00,207 --> 00:39:01,948
- That voice.
859
00:39:02,035 --> 00:39:04,516
I know that voice.
860
00:39:04,603 --> 00:39:07,954
- Yeah. Yeah, you do.
861
00:39:08,041 --> 00:39:11,000
I had a little work
done to my face.
862
00:39:11,087 --> 00:39:13,873
You know, my human face.
863
00:39:17,267 --> 00:39:19,139
Think you're gonna
recognize this one, though.
864
00:39:28,104 --> 00:39:33,806
[growling]
865
00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:37,462
- Ah.
866
00:39:37,549 --> 00:39:42,858
- [growling]
867
00:39:42,945 --> 00:39:45,600
- It's gonna be
a merry fucking Christmas.
868
00:39:45,687 --> 00:39:47,472
Bastard. Son of a bitch.
869
00:39:47,559 --> 00:39:48,995
- [growling]
870
00:39:49,082 --> 00:39:50,997
- Slice you into ribbons,
you furry fuck!
871
00:39:51,084 --> 00:39:53,391
- ♪
872
00:39:53,478 --> 00:39:55,610
- Motherfucker.
- [growling]
873
00:39:55,697 --> 00:39:58,483
- Oh, you furry bastard,
I'm gonna kill you.
874
00:39:58,570 --> 00:40:00,180
I'm gonna skin you alive.
875
00:40:00,267 --> 00:40:02,878
- [growls]
876
00:40:02,965 --> 00:40:05,577
- ♪
877
00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:06,839
- [hisses]
878
00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:09,363
- [growling]
- Furry fuck!
879
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,540
I'm gonna send you--
- [growling]
880
00:40:12,627 --> 00:40:14,890
- Ahhh!
881
00:40:14,977 --> 00:40:18,503
- ♪
882
00:40:18,590 --> 00:40:20,287
- [thud]
883
00:40:25,466 --> 00:40:27,947
- [heavy breathing]
884
00:40:28,034 --> 00:40:31,559
Am I on your list now,
motherfucker?
885
00:40:31,646 --> 00:40:33,387
- [splat]
886
00:40:33,474 --> 00:40:37,826
- ♪
887
00:40:37,913 --> 00:40:39,567
- You killed Kris Kringle.
888
00:40:39,654 --> 00:40:41,047
- Damn easy, too.
889
00:40:41,134 --> 00:40:43,832
Why didn't you do that
5,000 years ago?
890
00:40:43,919 --> 00:40:45,094
- I didn't know that was
possible.
891
00:40:45,181 --> 00:40:47,227
That was--wow.
892
00:40:47,314 --> 00:40:52,188
- ♪
893
00:40:53,886 --> 00:40:55,757
- Well--what happened?
894
00:40:55,844 --> 00:40:59,413
- Phyllis killed Kringle.
895
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:04,113
- [chuckles]
You go, girl.
896
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,290
- Okay.
897
00:41:07,377 --> 00:41:09,510
You all fought bravely
today.
898
00:41:09,597 --> 00:41:11,991
Even the pig.
899
00:41:12,078 --> 00:41:14,341
For your bravery, you all
have full control
900
00:41:14,428 --> 00:41:16,952
of your therianthrope
powers.
901
00:41:17,039 --> 00:41:18,650
Y'all be able to transform
at will,
902
00:41:18,737 --> 00:41:19,955
and maintain control of
your inner creatures.
903
00:41:20,042 --> 00:41:22,088
- Oh.
- Hold on, wait a minute.
904
00:41:22,175 --> 00:41:23,785
How 'bout me?
905
00:41:23,872 --> 00:41:26,745
I am the one who killed
the jolly ol' bastard.
906
00:41:26,832 --> 00:41:29,269
- Right. Um...
907
00:41:29,356 --> 00:41:31,445
I could turn you into
a werewolf if you'd like.
908
00:41:31,532 --> 00:41:33,708
- Uh, these guys already
offered me that.
909
00:41:33,795 --> 00:41:35,536
No, I don't wanna be
no turtle or no cheetah
910
00:41:35,623 --> 00:41:37,625
or no dumbass pig.
911
00:41:37,712 --> 00:41:39,279
No offense, Andy.
912
00:41:39,366 --> 00:41:41,107
- Uh, none taken.
913
00:41:41,194 --> 00:41:44,284
- My inner animal is
a hippopotamus.
914
00:41:44,371 --> 00:41:46,112
That's what I wanna be.
915
00:41:46,199 --> 00:41:47,896
- [sighs]
916
00:41:47,983 --> 00:41:49,942
I'm sorry, Phyllis, those are
the extent of my powers.
917
00:41:52,597 --> 00:41:55,469
But maybe.
918
00:41:55,556 --> 00:41:57,036
Just maybe.
- Maybe what?
919
00:41:57,123 --> 00:41:58,603
- I don't even know if
this will work.
920
00:41:58,690 --> 00:41:59,952
It's a long shot. It really is.
921
00:42:00,039 --> 00:42:01,562
- Spill the beans,
Lon Chaney.
922
00:42:01,649 --> 00:42:04,478
- ♪
923
00:42:04,565 --> 00:42:06,611
- Try sitting
on Santa's lap.
924
00:42:06,698 --> 00:42:07,960
- You serious?
925
00:42:08,047 --> 00:42:09,222
- What? He has a lot of
magic.
926
00:42:09,309 --> 00:42:10,223
Maybe there's some left.
927
00:42:10,310 --> 00:42:11,616
It's worth a shot, right?
928
00:42:11,703 --> 00:42:14,706
- Get--shu...
929
00:42:14,793 --> 00:42:16,142
- You wanna be a hippopotamus?
930
00:42:16,229 --> 00:42:19,667
- ♪
931
00:42:19,754 --> 00:42:21,364
- [indistinct mumbling]
932
00:42:21,451 --> 00:42:25,934
Um, okay, ooh, now what?
933
00:42:26,021 --> 00:42:27,806
- Now make a Christmas wish,
Phyllis.
934
00:42:27,893 --> 00:42:30,156
The most earnest and
heartfelt wish you've ever made.
935
00:42:30,243 --> 00:42:33,507
- ♪
936
00:42:33,594 --> 00:42:39,469
- [inaudible mumbling]
937
00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:45,388
- [magic shimmering]
938
00:42:45,475 --> 00:42:52,831
- ♪
939
00:43:01,622 --> 00:43:04,582
- [sighs]
940
00:43:04,669 --> 00:43:05,974
Oooh!
941
00:43:08,890 --> 00:43:10,631
- I'm sorry, Phyllis.
I really am.
942
00:43:10,718 --> 00:43:12,111
I wish there was something
else I could do.
943
00:43:12,198 --> 00:43:14,504
You deserve it.
- It's okay.
944
00:43:17,377 --> 00:43:18,378
- Uh.
945
00:43:18,465 --> 00:43:20,989
- ♪
946
00:43:21,076 --> 00:43:23,688
- ANDY: Holy fuck, Phyllis.
That's Lil Yachty.
947
00:43:23,775 --> 00:43:31,565
- ♪
948
00:43:31,652 --> 00:43:34,220
- Come take you home, make
love to you all night, girl.
949
00:43:34,307 --> 00:43:38,616
But first, let's hit the bank
and get you that $100 million.
950
00:43:38,703 --> 00:43:41,749
- Okay. [giggles]
951
00:43:41,836 --> 00:43:45,710
You know, I killed some
of these motherfuckers.
952
00:43:45,797 --> 00:43:48,495
See ya next week!
[laughing]
953
00:43:51,846 --> 00:43:53,195
- [giggles]
954
00:43:53,282 --> 00:43:55,458
- ♪
955
00:43:55,545 --> 00:43:59,724
- Would you--would you, um,
maybe wanna get a cup of coffee?
956
00:43:59,811 --> 00:44:03,466
- No, thanks though.
957
00:44:03,553 --> 00:44:07,906
Instead, why don't you
just come to my apartment?
958
00:44:07,993 --> 00:44:12,171
I have a leash and
a king-sized bed.
959
00:44:12,258 --> 00:44:16,479
- To be fair, most people
have king-sized beds.
960
00:44:16,566 --> 00:44:20,658
- It's a California king.
961
00:44:20,745 --> 00:44:22,921
- I don't know the difference.
962
00:44:23,008 --> 00:44:25,793
- [laughs]
Let me show you.
963
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,142
- ANDY: Oh man.
964
00:44:27,229 --> 00:44:33,453
- ♪
965
00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:43,115
♪
966
00:44:50,513 --> 00:44:53,038
- [laughing]
967
00:44:53,125 --> 00:44:55,997
- [lightning crackles]
968
00:44:56,084 --> 00:45:02,569
- ♪
969
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:41,564
♪
970
00:45:43,349 --> 00:45:45,568
♪♪
971
00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:50,168
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