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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:09,792 - [door creaks open] 2 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:15,667 - ♪ 3 00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,887 - [low growling] 4 00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:20,455 [laughing] 5 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:24,502 - ♪ 6 00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:29,072 - [sighing] 7 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:32,032 - ♪ 8 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:35,557 - [bones creaking] 9 00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:41,563 - [low growling] 10 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:47,134 - [thunder rumbles, lightning crackles] 11 00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:53,314 - ♪ 12 00:01:56,986 --> 00:02:03,601 ♪ 13 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,005 - [knocking at door] 14 00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:17,572 - Hi. 15 00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:20,183 - Sorry, sir, this is a private meeting. 16 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,620 - Uh, this is SA, right? 17 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,101 - Yeah. 18 00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,320 - Can I come in? 19 00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:27,669 - It's invitation only. 20 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,935 - Let--um, Landis. 21 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,241 - What? 22 00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,764 - Landis. 23 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,548 Right? Isn't that the-- the password? 24 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:38,984 - No. 25 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,203 - MAN: That was last week's password. 26 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,335 - Well, that--that's the password 27 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,424 that was given to me, so... 28 00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,513 - Who told you? - It's kind of complicated. 29 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,341 Could--could I just come inside, please? 30 00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:48,777 - Sorry, can't let ya in. 31 00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,126 - Wait, wait, wait. 32 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,824 I've got cookies and doughnuts. 33 00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:55,131 - [chuckles] Thanks. 34 00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:57,351 Now beat it. - No! 35 00:02:57,438 --> 00:02:59,440 Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen! 36 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,747 I'm the Naperville Ripper. 37 00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:05,663 - Then go to the cops. 38 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,578 - I can't. I need help. 39 00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:10,581 And you may be the only ones who know what's going on. 40 00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:13,280 Okay? There's some seriously weird shit is happening 41 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,195 to me right now. 42 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,588 Please, I have nowhere else to go. 43 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,460 - MAN: Listen, when he called the hotline, 44 00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:22,289 Zella said he was kind of a douche. 45 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:23,681 - Zella, the woman on the phone? 46 00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:24,639 The one who thinks she's a squirrel? 47 00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,206 I mean, uh-- 48 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,163 - WOMAN: Hey, come on, Scott, lighten up 49 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,643 and let the poor guy in. 50 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,387 - Thank you. 51 00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:36,999 Thank you very much. 52 00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,261 Thank you, Scott. 53 00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:44,006 - ♪ 54 00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,186 - Welcome to Shapeshifters Anonymous. 55 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,667 I'm Irena Reed, chapter president. 56 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,582 - Oh, yeah, hi, I-- - Ooh. 57 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:59,674 - ♪ 58 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:11,773 ♪ 59 00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,209 - It's a beautiful basement. 60 00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,472 - Thank you. [giggles] 61 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,169 So, uh, what's your name? 62 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,041 - Oh, I thought this was anonymous. 63 00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:20,825 - Oh, the founders thought that Shapeshifters Anonymous 64 00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,479 had more gravitas. 65 00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:24,351 - Gravitas? - Mm-hmm. 66 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:27,354 You know, depth. [giggles] 67 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,399 Sorry, I'm a schoolteacher, and it's one of 68 00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,662 our vocab words this week. 69 00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:33,925 When this group was created, they thought that 70 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,145 Shapeshifters Anonymous sounded better than any 71 00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,408 of the other potential options. 72 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:42,934 We were this close to be called Shapeshifters R Us. 73 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,545 - Okay. 74 00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,112 My name is Robert Weston, 75 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:50,420 and I have been having a very hard time-- 76 00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,248 - Mm-hmm. - --lately and I don't know 77 00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:54,032 where else to turn, so-- 78 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:57,035 - Well, we find it best to start at the beginning. 79 00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,994 - About three months ago-- 80 00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:01,388 this is gonna sound kind of weird, but I started 81 00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:04,565 finding strange things in my, uh, toilet. 82 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,306 I've never had any health problems before, actually, 83 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,917 I think I'm in pretty good shape, but this threw me. 84 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,658 I couldn't quite figure out what it was. 85 00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,573 I mean, it was sort of like little white stones 86 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,923 and bits of fabric. 87 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:18,579 The doctor asked me to bring in a sample of my, um, 88 00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,668 my--my stool. 89 00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,234 - ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 90 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,975 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 91 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:26,500 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy ♪ 92 00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,415 - WOMAN: Mr. Weston? 93 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,460 - ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 94 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,245 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish a merry Christmas ♪ 95 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,422 ♪ And a happy new year ♪ 96 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:39,121 ♪ Good tidings to you, wherever you are ♪ 97 00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:42,820 ♪ Good tiding for Christmas and a happy new year ♪ 98 00:05:42,907 --> 00:05:44,953 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 99 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:49,131 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 100 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:53,918 - [bells jingling] 101 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,965 - DOCTOR: Okay, I have to ask the obvious first, 102 00:05:57,052 --> 00:06:00,055 have you been eating little stones or strips of fabric? 103 00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,491 - Not that I know of. 104 00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:04,233 - Uh, has your diet changed recently, 105 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,843 eating anything new or exotic? 106 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,107 Says it started three months ago. 107 00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,587 Intermittent? - Two or three times a month. 108 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,372 But then everything's fine. 109 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:16,811 - And you're finding unusual things in your stool. 110 00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,379 - Every--every time I go to the bathroom, yeah. 111 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,033 - Mm, well, let's take a look. 112 00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,733 You--you have a roommate? 113 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,039 Anybody that likes to play practical jokes? 114 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,650 - I, uh--I live alone. 115 00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:31,173 - DOCTOR: You drink? 116 00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:33,131 - Um... - Use drugs? 117 00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:34,742 Deep breath. - [groans] 118 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,570 I have the occasional beer. 119 00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,049 - Uh-huh. - [groans] 120 00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:39,660 - You ever drink too much, black out? 121 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,836 - There have been a few times where things have 122 00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:45,361 gotten fuzzy, kind of like-- [groans]--sleepwalking, I guess. 123 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,449 Ooh! - Oh, hang on. 124 00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:47,711 I think I found something. 125 00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,670 - Doc. - Alright, hang on. 126 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,454 - Jesus. - DOCTOR: [grunts] 127 00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:55,240 And now we are getting somewhere. 128 00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:56,677 Let's see here. 129 00:06:56,764 --> 00:07:00,594 Looks like we have a coat button. 130 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,030 A piece of a zipper. 131 00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:06,774 And 20, 40, 63 cents in change. Uh. 132 00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,216 - I didn't eat those things. 133 00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:16,958 - Well, had to end up inside you one way or another. 134 00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,699 Well, just count yourself lucky. 135 00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:20,527 I once had a patient who, while sleepwalking, logged 136 00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:23,965 into an internet casino, lose $78,000. 137 00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:25,923 - And he came to see you about his sleepwalking? 138 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,664 - Oh no, he came to set his broken nose 139 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,753 after his wife found out. 140 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,669 Look, I--I don't--I don't think it's anything serious, alright. 141 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:35,237 I--I'll prescribe a mild sleep aid to help you 142 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,413 with your late-night snacking. 143 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,807 You might just wanna go through your place and, you know, 144 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:43,985 get rid of anything that looks...tasty. 145 00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,552 Now, I know, I have an associate-- 146 00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:48,293 - Let me guess. They recommended a shrink. 147 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,078 - Yeah, how'd you know? 148 00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,253 - Because they're fucking idiots, 149 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,168 and they don't know anything. 150 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,910 - So, how did the murders come into play? 151 00:07:55,997 --> 00:08:00,262 The Ripper has been a very busy boy these days. 152 00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:01,393 What do you remember? 153 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,265 - I don't remember anything. 154 00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,310 I just--I--I have these blackouts, and then I wake up 155 00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:09,140 and things I find are...gross. 156 00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:10,533 - I'm actually really surprised that you didn't 157 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:11,969 go to the cops. 158 00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:13,536 You seem like a really straight-up guy. 159 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,756 - I am. 160 00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:19,107 I'm not a murderer, I-- - Hey. 161 00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,978 Maybe we should just start the meeting. 162 00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,982 Um, everyone, this is Robert Weston. 163 00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:28,116 - ♪ 164 00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,599 - Sorry, they're not very social when there's food 165 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,732 in front of them. - [chuckles] 166 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,517 Is this for real? 167 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:40,128 - Well, do you believe that you're a therianthrope? 168 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:43,218 A person who changes into an animal when the moon is full? 169 00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:45,046 - I mean, I don't know. 170 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,743 A couple days ago, I didn't believe in any of this. 171 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,528 So now I'm at a support group for werewolves, 172 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,181 and it's a little-- - Is that what you turn into? 173 00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,749 A wolf? 174 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,142 - What else is there? 175 00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:57,406 - I'm a were-cheetah. - [laughs] 176 00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:58,929 A were-cheetah? - Mm-hmm. 177 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,801 - Is that why you wore the blouse? 178 00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,891 - Oh no, no, I just--I-- I actually turn 179 00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:06,633 into a cheetah. Rrruh. [giggles] 180 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,635 - BOTH: [laughing] 181 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:10,201 - Okay. 182 00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,333 - Which is really ironic, because, you know, 183 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,031 I'm a schoolteacher. 184 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:17,208 And...we expel cheetahs. [laughs] 185 00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,645 Get it? 186 00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:19,950 - Okay, I think I'm gonna go. 187 00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,736 - Hey, no, you shouldn't leave. 188 00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,303 - Why not? This is ludicrous. 189 00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,655 I mean, have you not heard what I have been saying to you? 190 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,178 I think I am killing people. 191 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:31,483 Like, innocent people. 192 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,963 - Yes, I get it. 193 00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:36,663 But if you are what you think you are... 194 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:41,363 then you belong here with us. 195 00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,582 Now, please. 196 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:49,197 - ♪ 197 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,329 - Continue, please. 198 00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:54,028 - When I first started figuring out what was going on, 199 00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,812 I started doing some research, 200 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,728 and I found the hidden URL, and I called the hotline, 201 00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,731 and talked to Zella, and that's how I found... 202 00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:03,646 you guys. - Mm-hmm. 203 00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:04,995 - Those--those people that I killed-- 204 00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:07,694 - They were all bad people. 205 00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,391 I mean, one was a mobster. 206 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,132 There was a sex offender. 207 00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:14,265 A thief, another was a defense attorney that 208 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,572 defended child molesters. 209 00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,705 So if you think about it, you actually made the world 210 00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:22,056 a slightly better place. 211 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,971 I mean, given a choice, therianthropes usually 212 00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,713 choose the wicked over the good. 213 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,715 The creatures inside of us, we--we just-- 214 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:31,718 we find evil tastier. 215 00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:35,939 - Well, that--that is... 216 00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:38,072 a big relief. - [giggles] 217 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:41,423 - Wow. god, that's good to know. 218 00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,425 So, um... 219 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:44,992 who is everybody? 220 00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,907 - Oh, uh, that's Scott Howard, ex-Marine. 221 00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,648 He's a were-tortoise. 222 00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,041 - A were-tortoise? - Mm-hmm. 223 00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:53,609 - ROBERT: Like you turn into a turtle? 224 00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,393 - Yeah. 225 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,352 - With the scales and the shell that is your home? 226 00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:59,006 - That's the one. 227 00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,573 - Do you shrink down, or are you full size? 228 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,792 - Full size. 229 00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,751 - Do you eat people? 230 00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:06,274 - No. 231 00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,232 Not all therianthropes are carnivores, 232 00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,887 otherwise, there'd be a lot more dead bodies lying around. 233 00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:12,628 - [chuckles] - So then like when you change, 234 00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,848 what do you do? 235 00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:17,633 - I eat lettuce. 236 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,591 - Is it evil lettuce? - [chuckles] 237 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,463 - I'm gonna put your sarcasm down as you being on the edge 238 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:25,032 of a nervous breakdown, so I'll ignore that one. 239 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,208 - I'm sorry, I was not being sarcastic, I-- 240 00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,863 - Hey, it's okay. 241 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,952 Um, that's Phyllis Allenbee. 242 00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:33,910 She's a furry. 243 00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,346 - You're kidding. 244 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,697 - No, she likes to put on hippo outfit 245 00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:40,743 and just dance around. [laughs] 246 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,614 I'm sorry, I--I don't really get it. 247 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,225 I've never really understood the whole like dressing up 248 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,488 as an animal and doing it thing, but she never 249 00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:48,795 misses a meeting, so-- 250 00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,231 - Why do you let her stay? 251 00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:52,799 - We just feel sorry for her, I guess. 252 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:54,626 - Hey! New guy! 253 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,890 Andy McDermott, were-boar. 254 00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,500 - You turn into a pig? 255 00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,241 - Actually, when the full moon rises, I change 256 00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:02,199 into someone vastly self-interested, and I talk 257 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:06,377 incessantly about the worthless minutia going on in my life. 258 00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,162 "A bore." [laughs] 259 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,816 Get it? A bore. Were-bore. 260 00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,819 [laughs] Actually, I'm kidding. 261 00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,255 Yeah, I turn into a pig. 262 00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:15,952 - You mean, a bigger pig, right, Andy? 263 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:18,738 - God, you are so fucking hot, Irena. 264 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,435 When are we gonna get together? 265 00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:22,176 Have ourselves a litter of little "kiggens," huh? 266 00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,612 Let's make this happen. 267 00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,353 - Mm, you know, I really don't know, maybe 268 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,268 on the first of never, Andy, and they wouldn't be 269 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,226 "kiggens," they would be "pitties." 270 00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:32,708 - Snap. Shoot that pig down, girl. 271 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,579 - Really? - PHYLLIS: [laughs] 272 00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:36,407 - ♪ 273 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,453 - Who's that guy? 274 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:41,543 - That? That's Ryan. 275 00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,414 - Just Ryan? 276 00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:45,939 - That's all he's ever told us. I mean, doesn't talk. 277 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,418 Never says a word. 278 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,203 But he comes to every meeting, right? 279 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,031 But look at him, he just sits there. 280 00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,946 Thinks he's the Terminator. 281 00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:54,730 - What does he turn into? 282 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:57,864 - No one really knows but, um, it's gotta be something, 283 00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,343 or he wouldn't be here, right? 284 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,216 Oh man, I got chocolate on my face. 285 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:05,785 Hey, good thing I got brown pants on, right? 286 00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:08,004 So, uh, I heard at the door... 287 00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,877 [whispers] You're the Naperville Ripper. Huh? 288 00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,139 What kind of therianthrope you turn into? 289 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:15,055 What, are you like a were-rat? 290 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:18,058 - I, um, just always assumed I was a werewolf. 291 00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:21,583 - ALL: [laughing] 292 00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,280 - What's so funny? 293 00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:24,934 - Everyone assumes they're a werewolf at first, 294 00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,936 because it's the most popular therianthrope. 295 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:28,720 - Right, I mean, look, they get all the good press. 296 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,766 Right? They get all the books, they get all the movies. 297 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,202 Never gonna catch a flick called 298 00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:33,682 "An American Were-boar in London." 299 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,510 - Or "The Oinking." - Right. 300 00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:38,295 Because we can't remember what we do when we've changed, 301 00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:41,342 we all at first just assume werewolf. 302 00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,344 - But if you can't figure out what you do when you change, 303 00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,999 how do you figure out what you've changed into? 304 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,915 - Well, me, I--I set up my phone and I filmed it. 305 00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:50,046 You wanna see it? I have it. 306 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,482 - Oh, please, don't say yes. 307 00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,267 The last time he showed us a video 308 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:55,791 was of some girl and him doing the nasty. 309 00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,358 And it was real nasty. 310 00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,882 - Okay, honest mistake, alright? 311 00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,623 - Bro, she was a college cheerleader 312 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,320 majoring in massage therapy. 313 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,932 I was bowlegged for a week. - That's not how-- 314 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,716 bowlegged, that's not what the term means. 315 00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,849 - She was an elderly woman, and she had a walker. 316 00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,415 - Okay, you know what? Why don't you mind 317 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:12,939 your own business, you fur-vert, alright? 318 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,462 You are not even a real therianthrope. 319 00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,072 - I am in my heart. 320 00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,160 - You know, Phyllis, when the full moon rises, 321 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,728 you don't turn into a hippo. 322 00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:23,210 You turn into an idiot who puts on a hippo outfit, and 323 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:26,604 you skip around like some demented children's show host. 324 00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,345 - Mm-mm. - Du-du-du-du-du. 325 00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,738 - Yeah, keep talking and I'm gonna turn you into 326 00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,305 the other other white meat, ham boy. 327 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,133 - Okay, alright, whatever hungry, hungry hippo. 328 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,091 - Yeah, okay, bacon bit. - Okay. Okay, everybody, 329 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:38,355 please, stop, we're all adults here, so let's act like it. 330 00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,705 - [snorts] 331 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:45,841 - So, is there any other way I can find out what I am? 332 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,322 - ♪ 333 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:50,237 - Yes, actually, there is. 334 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,502 Testing equipment. 335 00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:58,419 - ♪ 336 00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:02,336 - Hold out your hand. 337 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:08,516 - ♪ 338 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:11,693 - IRENA: Do you feel anything? - No. 339 00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:16,698 - [sighs] 340 00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:20,049 [sniffs] Mm. 341 00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:23,705 It's catnip. [giggles] 342 00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,272 It's a shame. 343 00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:28,928 You would have made a really cute kitty. 344 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,320 Mm. 345 00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,105 - Okay, Jesus, give me that, alright. 346 00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,629 Give--give it, give me it. Give me it. Give me it. 347 00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:37,893 If we let her, she'll play with this all day. God. 348 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,026 Alright, uh, here we go. 349 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:44,378 Try this. 350 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:45,727 Just-- 351 00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:48,904 - [sparks snapping] 352 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,210 - ANDY: Oh my God. - Oh my God. 353 00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:51,602 - Jesus, what the hell was that? 354 00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:52,777 - Are you okay? 355 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,649 - I'll be damned. - What? 356 00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:55,911 - That was wolfsbane. 357 00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:57,782 - You're a lycanthrope. 358 00:15:57,869 --> 00:16:01,656 - [moans] 359 00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:04,006 Okay, so I'm a werewolf. 360 00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,617 - Oh my God, we have never had a werewolf in this group before. 361 00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,097 This is so exciting. How did you become a werewolf? 362 00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,620 - I don't know. 363 00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:11,057 - Is your mother or father a werewolf? 364 00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:12,884 - It's a recent development, Scott. 365 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,364 - I inherited a recessive gene from my mother, Shellen. 366 00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:17,019 I've been a therianthrope since birth. 367 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,412 - What about a gypsy? 368 00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:19,326 Were you cursed by a gypsy recently? 369 00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,589 - No, of course--wait. 370 00:16:21,676 --> 00:16:24,635 - ♪ 371 00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,600 - Merry Chris-- - ROBERT: Yeah, you too, pal. 372 00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:37,344 - ♪ 373 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:41,957 - Oh, hello. - You are loud man. 374 00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,480 Loud man. 375 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:44,916 - [dog growling] 376 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,267 - I'm sorry, ooh, excuse me. 377 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:50,009 Okay, excuse me, I said. - [dog growling] 378 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,271 - I'm sorry. 379 00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,970 - WOMAN: You are loud. - Jesus. 380 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:59,627 - You keep it down in there. - Okay, I will keep it down. 381 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,064 You know, there is a thing called earplugs-- 382 00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,761 - --loud man! - --which you can purchase 383 00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,415 at any pharmacy, which I'm sure you know all about. 384 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:08,766 - I hear it all! - Thank you. Thank you. 385 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,246 Got it. 386 00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,379 - [dog barking] - [banging on door] 387 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,990 - Okay, I get it! I know! 388 00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,079 - WOMAN: I curse you! 389 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,820 - FEMALE REPORTER: With the discovery of 390 00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,735 Martin Colive brings the Ripper's body count to four. 391 00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:23,390 In the last three months, the remains of Waldemar Daminski, 392 00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,045 66, a local businessman with known ties 393 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,351 to Polish organized crime was found, 394 00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:31,311 along with those of Tony Rivers, 22, 395 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:34,009 who was decapitated after robbing a liquor store 396 00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,924 and beating the owner unconscious. 397 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:38,709 Police recently identified victim number three, 398 00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,842 Ginger Fitzgerald, who recently lost custody 399 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:43,105 of her daughter after locking her in a closet 400 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,673 for a week without food or water. 401 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,545 For JBN Channel 4 News, I'm Ann Pool. 402 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:53,246 - ♪ 403 00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:54,986 - MALE REPORTER: Thanks, Anne. 404 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,466 In other news, Christmas is right around the corner, 405 00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,512 and Santa's Army Redemption is being spotted 406 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:03,473 all over town. - [phone ringing] 407 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,258 - FEMALE ON ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, Mr. Weston. 408 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,868 This is Family Medical Center calling on behalf of 409 00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,609 Dr. Talbot, we received your test results, 410 00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,350 and we need you to come back for further testing. 411 00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,178 Can you please give us a call back so we can 412 00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:15,877 schedule your next appointment. - [stomach growling] 413 00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:20,142 - [vomiting] 414 00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,231 [heavy breathing] 415 00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,581 - [woman cackling] 416 00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:28,890 I curse you. 417 00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:31,153 - I think I was cursed from my brushing my teeth 418 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,113 too loud. 419 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,072 - Well, it--it looks like you're in luck, because, um... 420 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,552 it's the easiest type to cure. 421 00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:39,727 - SCOTT: Oh, who cares about a cure? 422 00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,468 I like being a were-tortoise. 423 00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,252 - Yeah, Scott, that's because when you change, 424 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,211 all you do is eat salad and swim around 425 00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,864 in your bathtub, okay? 426 00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:49,519 I root through garbage and eat aluminum cans. 427 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:51,391 Alright, I'm all for recycling, but have any of 428 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,088 you ever tried to shit out 429 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:56,222 a six-pack of Budweiser tall boys? 430 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:59,225 Listen, Weston is a carnivore like Irena. 431 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,791 They eat people. 432 00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:02,576 It's gotta weigh heavy on his conscience. 433 00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:06,754 - ♪ 434 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:10,279 - Do you--do you ever feel guilty about it? 435 00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:14,414 - About eating people? 436 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:17,243 Honestly, no, I really don't. 437 00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:19,027 It's in our nature. 438 00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:22,073 And, plus, I get to eat any dipshit faculty member 439 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,293 that pisses me off. 440 00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:27,818 - [chuckles] 441 00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,169 So let's say I wanted to go back to normal, 442 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,735 how would I go about doing that? 443 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,955 - ♪ 444 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,958 - Just go back to the gypsy that cursed you, 445 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:38,568 and beg her to take 446 00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:39,613 the curse off, yeah. - Yeah, that's right. 447 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,441 - Yeah. 448 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:44,095 - That might be a little hard. 449 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,184 Oh fuck. 450 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,141 I ate her. 451 00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:49,362 - Oh. - Oh. 452 00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:50,406 - ROBERT: And I ate her dog. 453 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:52,365 - Oh my God. What? 454 00:19:52,452 --> 00:19:53,496 - And I peed all over her hedges. 455 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,281 - Why would you do that? 456 00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:56,456 - I think I was marking my territory. 457 00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:57,805 I don't know. - [sighs] 458 00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,763 - --zero sense. - I've done that. 459 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,505 I've done that. 460 00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:05,073 - Tough break, man, but, uh, you'll get used to it, 461 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,380 you know? But in the meantime, you might wanna get yourself 462 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:10,165 a nice, sturdy leash, though. 463 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,775 - You know what? 464 00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:13,690 I think it's time that we start this meeting. 465 00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,475 - Start the meeting? So the meeting hasn't started yet? 466 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:18,478 - Come on, everybody, join hands. 467 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:21,220 And let's recite the Shapeshifters Anonymous credo. 468 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,438 Repeat after me. 469 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,658 I, state your name. 470 00:20:24,745 --> 00:20:27,356 - ROBERT: I, Robert Weston. - ALL: [indistinct responses] 471 00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,837 - Agree to abide by the rules of ethics. 472 00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:33,319 - ALL: Agree to abide by the rules of ethics. 473 00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:36,496 - As set forth by Shapeshifters Anonymous. 474 00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:39,325 - ALL: As set forth by Shapeshifters Anonymous. 475 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:42,545 - I agree to do my best to use my abilities. 476 00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:45,809 - ALL: I agree to do my best to use my abilities. 477 00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:48,551 - For the good of man and therianthrope kind. 478 00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:51,772 - ALL: For the good of man and therianthrope kind. 479 00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:55,036 - I agree to do my best to help any therianthrope 480 00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:57,081 who comes to me in need. 481 00:20:57,168 --> 00:21:00,215 - ALL: I agree to do my best to help any therianthrope 482 00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:02,086 who comes to me in need. 483 00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:07,004 - I agree to do my best not to devour any nice people. 484 00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:11,182 - ALL: I agree to do my best not to devour any nice people. 485 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,837 - I promise to avoid Kris Kringle, 486 00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:18,015 the dreaded Santa Claus and his many evil helpers. 487 00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:22,498 - I, um--I think--I didn't under--what does that mean? 488 00:21:22,585 --> 00:21:24,370 - Santa Claus is a Therianthrope Hunter. 489 00:21:24,457 --> 00:21:26,110 - Santa Claus, the mythical, jolly character 490 00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:27,242 loved by millions? 491 00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:29,375 - He kills shapeshifters. 492 00:21:29,462 --> 00:21:30,941 - You're kidding. 493 00:21:31,028 --> 00:21:33,466 - No one's sure how our kind got started. 494 00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:35,468 Some say black magic. 495 00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:37,426 Some say interspecies breeding, 496 00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:40,560 though I don't buy into that malarkey. 497 00:21:40,647 --> 00:21:43,737 Some say therianthropes date back to the very beginning, 498 00:21:43,824 --> 00:21:47,001 to the Garden of Eden, when man and werebeast lived in harmony. 499 00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:49,873 The Bible doesn't tell the whole story. 500 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,223 Certain religious leaders over the years have edited it 501 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,444 as they see fit. 502 00:21:55,531 --> 00:21:59,187 Entire books were taken out. 503 00:21:59,274 --> 00:22:01,885 - ROBERT: There--there's no werewolves in the Bible. 504 00:22:01,972 --> 00:22:04,540 - ♪ 505 00:22:04,627 --> 00:22:05,933 - They were edited out. 506 00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:10,241 Pay attention, son. 507 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,898 You'll learn something. 508 00:22:14,985 --> 00:22:17,901 See, the Lord blessed one of his disciples, Bob, 509 00:22:17,988 --> 00:22:20,991 with the gift of lycanthrophy, to do his work by 510 00:22:21,078 --> 00:22:22,993 devouring evil. 511 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,040 But Bob became prideful of his accomplishments. 512 00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:27,781 Oh, that angered God. 513 00:22:30,653 --> 00:22:32,438 So, to put Bob in his place, 514 00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:34,788 God granted one of Bob's enemies, Kristofer, 515 00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:38,487 a red suit of impenetrable armor and ordered him 516 00:22:38,574 --> 00:22:40,794 to smite all therianthropes. 517 00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:42,796 God also blessed domesticated beasts 518 00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:45,015 with the power to fly through the sky and pull 519 00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:47,191 Kristofer's warship of destruction 520 00:22:47,278 --> 00:22:48,845 throughout the world. 521 00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:52,458 - Let me guess. Kris, son of Kringle. 522 00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:54,503 - Bob and Kristofer fought. 523 00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:56,810 And Bob proved victorious. 524 00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:59,726 But Kristofer, God's chosen avenger, 525 00:22:59,813 --> 00:23:02,468 felt betrayed, so he turned to the other side 526 00:23:02,555 --> 00:23:05,601 for assistance. 527 00:23:05,688 --> 00:23:07,560 - The other side? - Lucifer! 528 00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:10,824 Beelzebub, the Devil himself. 529 00:23:10,911 --> 00:23:13,957 Lucifer gave Kristofer a fiercesome weapon shaped 530 00:23:14,044 --> 00:23:17,787 like the talons of an eagle forged in the fires of hell. 531 00:23:17,874 --> 00:23:20,573 He called the weapon Satan's Claws. 532 00:23:20,660 --> 00:23:22,879 And Kristofer recruited an army of helpers 533 00:23:22,966 --> 00:23:25,621 to rid the world of Bob and his kind. 534 00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,710 - ♪ - [indistinct chanting] 535 00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:30,670 - Oh, they found us. They're here. 536 00:23:30,757 --> 00:23:32,759 - Who? - Battle stations. 537 00:23:32,846 --> 00:23:36,197 - Battle stations? What? 538 00:23:36,284 --> 00:23:38,460 - [machines beeping] - I-- 539 00:23:38,547 --> 00:23:39,940 - ♪ 540 00:23:40,027 --> 00:23:42,116 - [metal bangs] 541 00:23:42,203 --> 00:23:45,162 - [machines beeping] 542 00:23:45,249 --> 00:23:46,642 - Jesus. 543 00:23:46,729 --> 00:23:49,558 Oh, there's gotta be hundreds of them. 544 00:23:49,645 --> 00:23:51,386 - Fuck me. 545 00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,606 Those are his little red helpers? 546 00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:55,042 So you're telling me Kris Kringle 547 00:23:55,129 --> 00:23:58,088 and his magical red suit and Satan's Claw, 548 00:23:58,175 --> 00:24:00,787 which I guess over time has turned into Santa Claus, 549 00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:02,919 is coming here to kill therianthropes 550 00:24:03,006 --> 00:24:05,269 with a bunch of shopping mall Santas? 551 00:24:05,356 --> 00:24:08,490 - Santa Claus has come to town. 552 00:24:08,577 --> 00:24:10,797 - [explosion blasts] - [screaming] 553 00:24:10,884 --> 00:24:16,542 - ♪ 554 00:24:16,629 --> 00:24:22,504 - [explosions and yelling] 555 00:24:22,591 --> 00:24:27,074 - ♪ 556 00:24:27,161 --> 00:24:32,601 - [screaming] 557 00:24:32,688 --> 00:24:37,084 - [explosions blast] 558 00:24:37,171 --> 00:24:38,564 - You, come on! 559 00:24:38,651 --> 00:24:40,827 - Could someone please kill that alarm? 560 00:24:40,914 --> 00:24:42,611 - Wait, these are the people we're fighting 561 00:24:42,698 --> 00:24:44,004 for our lives against? 562 00:24:44,091 --> 00:24:45,353 - It's the way it's always been. 563 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,224 - What about the toy stuff? 564 00:24:47,311 --> 00:24:49,009 - Kringle's killed tens of thousands of therianthropes 565 00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:51,272 over the centuries, leaving many children orphans. 566 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,579 He started to feel some remorse after slaughtering 567 00:24:53,666 --> 00:24:56,799 their parents, he began to leave toys behind. 568 00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:58,888 Kringle gave this to me-- - Oh. 569 00:24:58,975 --> 00:25:00,455 - --when I was seven years old-- - Gross. 570 00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:01,848 - --right after murdering my parents. 571 00:25:01,935 --> 00:25:04,764 - Yikes. - He also gave me a train set. 572 00:25:04,851 --> 00:25:06,417 - [bang] - Weston, 573 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,462 we don't have time for this. 574 00:25:07,549 --> 00:25:09,029 We need to get ready! 575 00:25:09,116 --> 00:25:10,813 - [explosion blasts] - Look, look, look! 576 00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:13,816 Look, look, I can accept the shapeshifting, okay? 577 00:25:13,903 --> 00:25:16,776 And the wolfsbane, that was very--that was, like, 578 00:25:16,863 --> 00:25:18,778 a little creepy, but you want me to believe that 579 00:25:18,865 --> 00:25:21,781 every single volunteer with a Santa suit 580 00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:23,913 and a bell is out to murder us? 581 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,915 I mean, I see these people everywhere. 582 00:25:26,002 --> 00:25:27,787 I--I mean, they're on every street corner. 583 00:25:27,874 --> 00:25:29,353 They're in the shopping centers. 584 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,312 I saw one by my apartment just this morning. 585 00:25:31,399 --> 00:25:32,922 - You saw one today? Where? 586 00:25:33,009 --> 00:25:34,750 - Naperville. - What? 587 00:25:34,837 --> 00:25:36,230 What'd he say to you? 588 00:25:36,317 --> 00:25:37,710 - I--you know, Scott, I don't know. 589 00:25:37,797 --> 00:25:39,189 He was a little bit out of his mind. 590 00:25:39,276 --> 00:25:40,451 - What? - He said something about... 591 00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:43,063 - ♪ 592 00:25:43,150 --> 00:25:48,459 - [bell dinging] 593 00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:52,376 - Merry Christmas. 594 00:25:53,769 --> 00:25:56,511 There's a killer on the loose in Naperville. 595 00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,166 Only comes out when the moon is full. 596 00:25:59,253 --> 00:26:03,605 Naughty boys, they get what they deserve. 597 00:26:03,692 --> 00:26:07,566 Their heads severed from the unholy bodies. 598 00:26:07,653 --> 00:26:10,307 - ROBERT: Okay. Merry Christmas. 599 00:26:10,394 --> 00:26:14,224 - Mm. 600 00:26:14,311 --> 00:26:15,835 - [banging on door] 601 00:26:15,922 --> 00:26:18,185 - The only way we die is old age or beheading. 602 00:26:18,272 --> 00:26:20,666 - [banging on door] - Son of a bitch. 603 00:26:20,753 --> 00:26:22,015 They must have followed you. 604 00:26:22,102 --> 00:26:23,538 - Look, we need to call the cops. 605 00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:25,279 - IRENA: And tell them what? 606 00:26:25,366 --> 00:26:26,672 - I thought you said the police were a waste of time. 607 00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:28,456 Everybody has conflicting information. 608 00:26:28,543 --> 00:26:30,414 - IRENA: Come on. 609 00:26:30,501 --> 00:26:31,677 - Whoa. 610 00:26:31,764 --> 00:26:33,853 - ♪ 611 00:26:33,940 --> 00:26:37,030 - You ever fired a 9mm? - No. 612 00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:38,684 - [bang] 613 00:26:38,771 --> 00:26:40,903 - Turn off the safety on the side. 614 00:26:40,990 --> 00:26:42,731 Then pull back the top part. 615 00:26:42,818 --> 00:26:44,733 That's the slide, loads the bullet into the chamber. 616 00:26:44,820 --> 00:26:48,389 - [indistinct yelling] 617 00:26:48,476 --> 00:26:51,827 - Now all you have to do is aim, pull the trigger. 618 00:26:51,914 --> 00:26:54,830 Red suits are Kevlar, so aim for the face. 619 00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:57,616 - Yipee-ki-yay, mother-- 620 00:26:57,703 --> 00:27:00,488 Sorry. Sorry that--that won't happen. 621 00:27:00,575 --> 00:27:02,011 - [grunts] 622 00:27:02,098 --> 00:27:03,230 - Choose your shots carefully, people. 623 00:27:03,317 --> 00:27:04,579 We don't have a lot of ammo. 624 00:27:04,666 --> 00:27:06,886 Ryan, can you fire a weapon? 625 00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:08,844 Damn it, man, we need you. 626 00:27:08,931 --> 00:27:10,716 - Shouldn't we go? - That's the only door. 627 00:27:10,803 --> 00:27:13,153 - What? 628 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,589 If we make it out of this alive, 629 00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:16,809 would you wanna go out with me? 630 00:27:16,896 --> 00:27:18,898 - I'd like that. 631 00:27:18,985 --> 00:27:21,770 - Which part? Making it out alive or going out with me? 632 00:27:21,857 --> 00:27:22,902 - Both. 633 00:27:22,989 --> 00:27:24,468 - [banging on door] 634 00:27:24,555 --> 00:27:25,818 - ♪ 635 00:27:25,905 --> 00:27:27,602 - [bang] - [screams] 636 00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:30,083 [heavy breathing] 637 00:27:30,170 --> 00:27:35,262 - [banging on door] - SANTAS: Ho. Ho. Ho. 638 00:27:35,349 --> 00:27:37,743 - Don't fire until you see the whites of the beards. 639 00:27:37,830 --> 00:27:39,701 - [banging] - SANTAS: Ho! 640 00:27:39,788 --> 00:27:43,183 - ♪ 641 00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:49,276 - SANTAS: Ho! Ho! - [banging on door] 642 00:27:49,363 --> 00:27:54,847 - ♪ 643 00:27:54,934 --> 00:28:00,983 - [gunshots blasting] 644 00:28:01,070 --> 00:28:05,727 - ♪ 645 00:28:05,814 --> 00:28:08,469 - SANTAS: [yelling] 646 00:28:08,556 --> 00:28:14,388 - [gunshots blasting] 647 00:28:14,475 --> 00:28:16,477 - ♪ 648 00:28:16,564 --> 00:28:22,396 - [gunshots blasting] 649 00:28:22,483 --> 00:28:25,747 - ♪ 650 00:28:25,834 --> 00:28:27,749 - Naughty boy. 651 00:28:27,836 --> 00:28:30,491 - ♪ 652 00:28:30,578 --> 00:28:32,014 - [gunshots blasting] 653 00:28:32,101 --> 00:28:33,973 - Naughty boy! - IRENA: Hey, Santa! 654 00:28:34,060 --> 00:28:35,539 Got some milk and cookies for ya. 655 00:28:35,626 --> 00:28:36,497 - ♪ 656 00:28:36,584 --> 00:28:40,153 - [gunshot blasts] 657 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,632 - Where did you learn to shoot like that? 658 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,678 - I teach high school. 659 00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:44,810 - Duck! 660 00:28:44,897 --> 00:28:46,637 - [gunshots blasting] 661 00:28:49,945 --> 00:28:51,164 - Nice. 662 00:28:51,251 --> 00:28:52,556 - Yeah, well, you know? 663 00:28:52,643 --> 00:28:54,515 Oop. Sorry. I got it. I got it. 664 00:28:54,602 --> 00:29:00,216 - [gunshots blasting] 665 00:29:00,303 --> 00:29:02,392 - They're retreating. Hold your fire. 666 00:29:02,479 --> 00:29:07,963 - [cheering and laughing] 667 00:29:08,050 --> 00:29:10,009 - [gunshot] - Ooh! 668 00:29:10,096 --> 00:29:11,750 - Hold your fire. 669 00:29:11,837 --> 00:29:12,707 - Sorry, I couldn't hear ya. 670 00:29:12,794 --> 00:29:13,839 It's a loud gun. 671 00:29:13,926 --> 00:29:15,275 Jesus. - Oh my Go-- 672 00:29:15,362 --> 00:29:17,407 Andy, you're bleeding. - Oh. 673 00:29:17,494 --> 00:29:18,495 - Everyone okay? 674 00:29:18,582 --> 00:29:20,062 - ANDY: [laughing] 675 00:29:20,149 --> 00:29:22,761 Well, uh, we sure kicked some Santa ass. 676 00:29:22,848 --> 00:29:24,719 - [laughs] 677 00:29:24,806 --> 00:29:26,155 - Let's see you try climbing down a chimney now, shithead. 678 00:29:26,242 --> 00:29:29,289 Bitch! [laughs] - [laughs] 679 00:29:29,376 --> 00:29:30,551 - It isn't over. 680 00:29:30,638 --> 00:29:34,120 - ♪ 681 00:29:34,207 --> 00:29:35,730 - Did you just say something? 682 00:29:41,692 --> 00:29:46,959 - ♪ 683 00:29:48,656 --> 00:29:54,531 - [bells jingling] 684 00:30:05,629 --> 00:30:09,459 - KRINGLE: [evil laughing] 685 00:30:09,546 --> 00:30:11,897 - [bang] 686 00:30:11,984 --> 00:30:14,160 - KRINGLE: [evil laughing] 687 00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:16,640 - Here comes Santa Claus. 688 00:30:19,339 --> 00:30:23,647 Here comes Santa Claus. 689 00:30:23,734 --> 00:30:25,736 - KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho. 690 00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:26,955 - My God. - Alright. 691 00:30:27,042 --> 00:30:28,174 Who still has ammo? 692 00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:29,958 - I'm out. - Me, too. 693 00:30:30,045 --> 00:30:31,786 - I have, uh, two bullets. 694 00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:33,483 - KRINGLE: Ha! 695 00:30:33,570 --> 00:30:34,702 - Okay, okay. 696 00:30:34,789 --> 00:30:36,965 We'll--we'll have to make do. 697 00:30:37,052 --> 00:30:38,749 Everyone, grab a weapon. 698 00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:40,273 - KRINGLE: [evil laughing] 699 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,057 - Chris Kringle's a lot more powerful 700 00:30:42,144 --> 00:30:46,018 than his helpers, but maybe if we all strike at once, 701 00:30:46,105 --> 00:30:49,108 we'll have a chance. 702 00:30:49,195 --> 00:30:51,937 - Weston can't even keep his clip in his gun, alright? 703 00:30:52,024 --> 00:30:54,069 Ryan is sitting on his ass like a pud. 704 00:30:54,156 --> 00:30:55,288 Alright, give--give me this. 705 00:30:55,375 --> 00:30:56,550 Alright? 706 00:30:56,637 --> 00:30:58,204 - KRINGLE: Where are you? - Scott, 707 00:30:58,291 --> 00:30:59,640 you really think we can fend off that thing? 708 00:30:59,727 --> 00:31:01,076 And its Satan's Claws? 709 00:31:01,163 --> 00:31:02,686 It's gonna rip us to pieces. 710 00:31:02,773 --> 00:31:04,514 - We don't have a choice. - Alright, well, listen, 711 00:31:04,601 --> 00:31:06,299 you know what? I don't wanna get sliced up, alright? 712 00:31:06,386 --> 00:31:09,432 I'm--I'm too pretty. - Calm down, son. 713 00:31:09,519 --> 00:31:11,217 You're not helping the situation. 714 00:31:11,304 --> 00:31:13,567 - Fine, you know what? You guys go ahead and fight, 715 00:31:13,654 --> 00:31:15,961 alright? I'm gonna take off this red suit 716 00:31:16,048 --> 00:31:16,875 and pretend to be dead. 717 00:31:16,962 --> 00:31:18,441 - There's a way. 718 00:31:20,661 --> 00:31:23,403 - You actually gonna get your ass up and help? 719 00:31:23,490 --> 00:31:29,017 - KRINGLE: Santa's come to town. Ha-ha-ha! 720 00:31:29,104 --> 00:31:32,107 [evil laughing] 721 00:31:35,067 --> 00:31:36,851 - I've been saving these. 722 00:31:40,072 --> 00:31:41,943 - Tell me that's cyanide. 723 00:31:42,030 --> 00:31:43,249 Please tell me that's cyanide, 'cause I am so drinking it. 724 00:31:47,079 --> 00:31:48,994 - It's a metamorphosis potion. 725 00:31:49,081 --> 00:31:50,691 Allow you to change into your therianthrope form 726 00:31:50,778 --> 00:31:53,694 and retain your human intellect. 727 00:31:53,781 --> 00:31:57,002 - Where'd you get these? 728 00:31:57,089 --> 00:32:01,093 - I've had these for a long time. 729 00:32:01,180 --> 00:32:03,356 - How do you know they work? 730 00:32:03,443 --> 00:32:04,661 - I know. 731 00:32:04,748 --> 00:32:06,489 - KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho, ho. 732 00:32:06,576 --> 00:32:09,971 - I guess it can't hurt to try. 733 00:32:10,058 --> 00:32:11,799 - KRINGLE: I will find you. 734 00:32:11,886 --> 00:32:16,499 - ♪ 735 00:32:16,586 --> 00:32:18,893 - KRINGLE: You can't hide from the Claus! 736 00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:21,809 - I'm--I'm just--I'm not a therianthrope, 737 00:32:21,896 --> 00:32:23,158 I'm just a furry. 738 00:32:23,245 --> 00:32:24,899 - You're one of us. 739 00:32:24,986 --> 00:32:27,032 - KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho. 740 00:32:27,119 --> 00:32:30,035 - How 'bout you? 741 00:32:30,122 --> 00:32:33,081 - No. 742 00:32:33,168 --> 00:32:34,561 - KRINGLE: Ah! 743 00:32:34,648 --> 00:32:40,871 - ♪ 744 00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:44,353 - KRINGLE: I've got presents. 745 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:45,615 - [sighs] 746 00:32:45,702 --> 00:32:48,357 Okay, well, here goes nothing. 747 00:32:52,144 --> 00:32:53,580 Ah! 748 00:32:53,667 --> 00:32:56,017 - KRINGLE: Ho, ho, ho. 749 00:32:56,104 --> 00:32:57,932 Time to die. 750 00:32:58,019 --> 00:33:02,415 - ♪ 751 00:33:02,502 --> 00:33:08,508 - [groaning and grunting] 752 00:33:11,511 --> 00:33:16,690 - ♪ 753 00:33:16,777 --> 00:33:19,780 - I can still think. 754 00:33:19,867 --> 00:33:23,088 I can even talk. 755 00:33:23,175 --> 00:33:24,480 - Here goes nothing. 756 00:33:24,567 --> 00:33:30,530 - ♪ 757 00:33:32,227 --> 00:33:35,100 - You look amazing. 758 00:33:35,187 --> 00:33:37,493 - [purrs and giggles] 759 00:33:37,580 --> 00:33:41,106 - [snorting] 760 00:33:41,193 --> 00:33:42,455 What? 761 00:33:42,542 --> 00:33:43,978 There's still some frosting inside. 762 00:33:44,065 --> 00:33:45,327 [squeals] 763 00:33:45,414 --> 00:33:46,894 - I guess it's my turn. [giggles] 764 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:57,992 - ♪ 765 00:34:00,516 --> 00:34:04,433 - Well, shit, I don't even have my damn hippo suit here. 766 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,392 Well, at least give me the damn gun. 767 00:34:08,220 --> 00:34:10,004 - [giggling] 768 00:34:10,091 --> 00:34:12,659 Your turn. 769 00:34:12,746 --> 00:34:16,315 [purrs] 770 00:34:16,402 --> 00:34:19,666 You'll be fine. [laughs] 771 00:34:19,753 --> 00:34:21,102 Drink it. 772 00:34:21,189 --> 00:34:22,712 - SCOTT: Hey, guys, hurry up, alright? 773 00:34:22,799 --> 00:34:23,844 Here comes Santa Claus. 774 00:34:23,931 --> 00:34:29,676 - ♪ 775 00:34:32,679 --> 00:34:35,812 - Oh. Ooh. 776 00:34:35,899 --> 00:34:42,297 - ♪ 777 00:34:50,349 --> 00:34:53,134 - ROBERT: [groans] 778 00:34:53,221 --> 00:34:58,618 - ♪ 779 00:35:06,626 --> 00:35:11,587 - [growling] 780 00:35:13,023 --> 00:35:17,506 - Hello, sexy. Rawr. 781 00:35:17,593 --> 00:35:20,640 - Kringle is coming! We don't have time for this. 782 00:35:20,727 --> 00:35:24,209 - [growling] 783 00:35:24,296 --> 00:35:26,341 - Alright, let's do this. 784 00:35:26,428 --> 00:35:31,041 - SANTAS: [yelling] 785 00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:34,915 - [growling] 786 00:35:35,002 --> 00:35:37,309 - [groaning] 787 00:35:37,396 --> 00:35:40,573 - [gunshots] 788 00:35:40,660 --> 00:35:44,620 - ♪ 789 00:35:44,707 --> 00:35:47,623 - You and Mrs. Santa Claus's too. 790 00:35:47,710 --> 00:35:51,540 - ♪ 791 00:35:51,627 --> 00:35:53,194 - [howls] 792 00:35:53,281 --> 00:35:54,282 - Ooh, Scott, incoming! 793 00:35:54,369 --> 00:35:56,589 - [grunts] 794 00:35:56,676 --> 00:35:57,503 - Scott! 795 00:35:57,590 --> 00:35:58,852 - [glass shatters] 796 00:35:58,939 --> 00:36:03,204 - ♪ 797 00:36:03,291 --> 00:36:05,119 - Ahh! 798 00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:08,470 - ♪ 799 00:36:08,557 --> 00:36:10,211 - [growls] - [hisses] 800 00:36:10,298 --> 00:36:13,780 - [growling] 801 00:36:13,867 --> 00:36:19,742 - [whimpering] 802 00:36:20,917 --> 00:36:22,223 What? 803 00:36:22,310 --> 00:36:25,922 - [growling] 804 00:36:26,009 --> 00:36:27,359 - ♪ 805 00:36:27,446 --> 00:36:30,100 - [growling] 806 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:33,843 - Oh my God. - [hisses] 807 00:36:33,930 --> 00:36:35,367 - Look at those claws. 808 00:36:35,454 --> 00:36:37,804 We're--we're not getting out of here, guys. 809 00:36:40,850 --> 00:36:42,939 - ♪ 810 00:36:43,026 --> 00:36:43,984 - [whimpering] 811 00:36:44,071 --> 00:36:46,116 - [evil laughing] 812 00:36:46,204 --> 00:36:50,817 - ♪ 813 00:36:50,904 --> 00:36:52,384 - Oh shit. 814 00:36:52,471 --> 00:36:55,691 - Sa-sa-Santa. 815 00:36:55,778 --> 00:36:57,824 Please, help me. 816 00:36:57,911 --> 00:37:01,001 - ♪ 817 00:37:01,088 --> 00:37:04,439 - [grunts] 818 00:37:04,526 --> 00:37:08,487 - Oh no. Oh man. 819 00:37:08,574 --> 00:37:10,315 Oh God, pray for me. 820 00:37:10,402 --> 00:37:16,451 - ♪ 821 00:37:18,018 --> 00:37:19,411 - IRENA: Scott, what are you doing? 822 00:37:19,498 --> 00:37:21,935 Are you crazy? 823 00:37:22,022 --> 00:37:26,679 - Your reign of evil ends today, Kringle. 824 00:37:26,766 --> 00:37:29,464 - Ha-ha-ha. 825 00:37:29,551 --> 00:37:32,989 - [groans] - [gasps] 826 00:37:33,076 --> 00:37:34,687 - Holy shit! 827 00:37:34,774 --> 00:37:37,907 - ♪ 828 00:37:37,994 --> 00:37:40,214 - [growls] 829 00:37:40,301 --> 00:37:44,174 - Robert Weston, werewolf. 830 00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:45,872 You're on my list. 831 00:37:45,959 --> 00:37:47,482 - [growls] 832 00:37:47,569 --> 00:37:51,704 - Irena Reed, were-cheetah. 833 00:37:51,791 --> 00:37:54,402 You're on my list, too. - Stay behind me. 834 00:37:54,489 --> 00:37:56,404 - Wanna sit on Santa's lap, little girl? 835 00:37:56,491 --> 00:37:59,625 - [hisses] 836 00:37:59,712 --> 00:38:02,236 - What the hell are you? 837 00:38:02,323 --> 00:38:04,543 You're bacon. - [oinking] 838 00:38:04,630 --> 00:38:06,066 Andy McDermott. 839 00:38:06,153 --> 00:38:07,676 I'm a were-boar. 840 00:38:07,763 --> 00:38:12,246 - Yes, you're also on my list. 841 00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:15,380 Who is this naughty girl? 842 00:38:15,467 --> 00:38:17,730 - Phyllis Lawanda Morisha Talena Allenbee. 843 00:38:17,817 --> 00:38:20,646 Am I on your stupid ass list, too? 844 00:38:20,733 --> 00:38:22,691 - I do not believe so. 845 00:38:22,778 --> 00:38:24,389 - No? 846 00:38:24,476 --> 00:38:26,391 Are you sure about that, fat man? 847 00:38:26,478 --> 00:38:27,957 - I'll be happy to check it twice. 848 00:38:28,044 --> 00:38:29,437 - Are you saying I'm not one of them? 849 00:38:29,524 --> 00:38:30,830 'Cause I am one of them. 850 00:38:30,917 --> 00:38:33,572 I am one of them... in my heart. 851 00:38:33,659 --> 00:38:36,096 A giant sack of-- - Enough! 852 00:38:36,183 --> 00:38:39,665 - [laughing] 853 00:38:39,752 --> 00:38:42,145 [sighs] I'm tired, Kristofer. 854 00:38:45,279 --> 00:38:48,630 I've been running for far too long. 855 00:38:48,717 --> 00:38:52,155 - Who are you, little human? 856 00:38:52,242 --> 00:38:55,115 - RYAN: Here comes Santa Claus. 857 00:38:55,202 --> 00:38:58,205 Here comes Santa Claus. 858 00:39:00,207 --> 00:39:01,948 - That voice. 859 00:39:02,035 --> 00:39:04,516 I know that voice. 860 00:39:04,603 --> 00:39:07,954 - Yeah. Yeah, you do. 861 00:39:08,041 --> 00:39:11,000 I had a little work done to my face. 862 00:39:11,087 --> 00:39:13,873 You know, my human face. 863 00:39:17,267 --> 00:39:19,139 Think you're gonna recognize this one, though. 864 00:39:28,104 --> 00:39:33,806 [growling] 865 00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:37,462 - Ah. 866 00:39:37,549 --> 00:39:42,858 - [growling] 867 00:39:42,945 --> 00:39:45,600 - It's gonna be a merry fucking Christmas. 868 00:39:45,687 --> 00:39:47,472 Bastard. Son of a bitch. 869 00:39:47,559 --> 00:39:48,995 - [growling] 870 00:39:49,082 --> 00:39:50,997 - Slice you into ribbons, you furry fuck! 871 00:39:51,084 --> 00:39:53,391 - ♪ 872 00:39:53,478 --> 00:39:55,610 - Motherfucker. - [growling] 873 00:39:55,697 --> 00:39:58,483 - Oh, you furry bastard, I'm gonna kill you. 874 00:39:58,570 --> 00:40:00,180 I'm gonna skin you alive. 875 00:40:00,267 --> 00:40:02,878 - [growls] 876 00:40:02,965 --> 00:40:05,577 - ♪ 877 00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:06,839 - [hisses] 878 00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:09,363 - [growling] - Furry fuck! 879 00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,540 I'm gonna send you-- - [growling] 880 00:40:12,627 --> 00:40:14,890 - Ahhh! 881 00:40:14,977 --> 00:40:18,503 - ♪ 882 00:40:18,590 --> 00:40:20,287 - [thud] 883 00:40:25,466 --> 00:40:27,947 - [heavy breathing] 884 00:40:28,034 --> 00:40:31,559 Am I on your list now, motherfucker? 885 00:40:31,646 --> 00:40:33,387 - [splat] 886 00:40:33,474 --> 00:40:37,826 - ♪ 887 00:40:37,913 --> 00:40:39,567 - You killed Kris Kringle. 888 00:40:39,654 --> 00:40:41,047 - Damn easy, too. 889 00:40:41,134 --> 00:40:43,832 Why didn't you do that 5,000 years ago? 890 00:40:43,919 --> 00:40:45,094 - I didn't know that was possible. 891 00:40:45,181 --> 00:40:47,227 That was--wow. 892 00:40:47,314 --> 00:40:52,188 - ♪ 893 00:40:53,886 --> 00:40:55,757 - Well--what happened? 894 00:40:55,844 --> 00:40:59,413 - Phyllis killed Kringle. 895 00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:04,113 - [chuckles] You go, girl. 896 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,290 - Okay. 897 00:41:07,377 --> 00:41:09,510 You all fought bravely today. 898 00:41:09,597 --> 00:41:11,991 Even the pig. 899 00:41:12,078 --> 00:41:14,341 For your bravery, you all have full control 900 00:41:14,428 --> 00:41:16,952 of your therianthrope powers. 901 00:41:17,039 --> 00:41:18,650 Y'all be able to transform at will, 902 00:41:18,737 --> 00:41:19,955 and maintain control of your inner creatures. 903 00:41:20,042 --> 00:41:22,088 - Oh. - Hold on, wait a minute. 904 00:41:22,175 --> 00:41:23,785 How 'bout me? 905 00:41:23,872 --> 00:41:26,745 I am the one who killed the jolly ol' bastard. 906 00:41:26,832 --> 00:41:29,269 - Right. Um... 907 00:41:29,356 --> 00:41:31,445 I could turn you into a werewolf if you'd like. 908 00:41:31,532 --> 00:41:33,708 - Uh, these guys already offered me that. 909 00:41:33,795 --> 00:41:35,536 No, I don't wanna be no turtle or no cheetah 910 00:41:35,623 --> 00:41:37,625 or no dumbass pig. 911 00:41:37,712 --> 00:41:39,279 No offense, Andy. 912 00:41:39,366 --> 00:41:41,107 - Uh, none taken. 913 00:41:41,194 --> 00:41:44,284 - My inner animal is a hippopotamus. 914 00:41:44,371 --> 00:41:46,112 That's what I wanna be. 915 00:41:46,199 --> 00:41:47,896 - [sighs] 916 00:41:47,983 --> 00:41:49,942 I'm sorry, Phyllis, those are the extent of my powers. 917 00:41:52,597 --> 00:41:55,469 But maybe. 918 00:41:55,556 --> 00:41:57,036 Just maybe. - Maybe what? 919 00:41:57,123 --> 00:41:58,603 - I don't even know if this will work. 920 00:41:58,690 --> 00:41:59,952 It's a long shot. It really is. 921 00:42:00,039 --> 00:42:01,562 - Spill the beans, Lon Chaney. 922 00:42:01,649 --> 00:42:04,478 - ♪ 923 00:42:04,565 --> 00:42:06,611 - Try sitting on Santa's lap. 924 00:42:06,698 --> 00:42:07,960 - You serious? 925 00:42:08,047 --> 00:42:09,222 - What? He has a lot of magic. 926 00:42:09,309 --> 00:42:10,223 Maybe there's some left. 927 00:42:10,310 --> 00:42:11,616 It's worth a shot, right? 928 00:42:11,703 --> 00:42:14,706 - Get--shu... 929 00:42:14,793 --> 00:42:16,142 - You wanna be a hippopotamus? 930 00:42:16,229 --> 00:42:19,667 - ♪ 931 00:42:19,754 --> 00:42:21,364 - [indistinct mumbling] 932 00:42:21,451 --> 00:42:25,934 Um, okay, ooh, now what? 933 00:42:26,021 --> 00:42:27,806 - Now make a Christmas wish, Phyllis. 934 00:42:27,893 --> 00:42:30,156 The most earnest and heartfelt wish you've ever made. 935 00:42:30,243 --> 00:42:33,507 - ♪ 936 00:42:33,594 --> 00:42:39,469 - [inaudible mumbling] 937 00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:45,388 - [magic shimmering] 938 00:42:45,475 --> 00:42:52,831 - ♪ 939 00:43:01,622 --> 00:43:04,582 - [sighs] 940 00:43:04,669 --> 00:43:05,974 Oooh! 941 00:43:08,890 --> 00:43:10,631 - I'm sorry, Phyllis. I really am. 942 00:43:10,718 --> 00:43:12,111 I wish there was something else I could do. 943 00:43:12,198 --> 00:43:14,504 You deserve it. - It's okay. 944 00:43:17,377 --> 00:43:18,378 - Uh. 945 00:43:18,465 --> 00:43:20,989 - ♪ 946 00:43:21,076 --> 00:43:23,688 - ANDY: Holy fuck, Phyllis. That's Lil Yachty. 947 00:43:23,775 --> 00:43:31,565 - ♪ 948 00:43:31,652 --> 00:43:34,220 - Come take you home, make love to you all night, girl. 949 00:43:34,307 --> 00:43:38,616 But first, let's hit the bank and get you that $100 million. 950 00:43:38,703 --> 00:43:41,749 - Okay. [giggles] 951 00:43:41,836 --> 00:43:45,710 You know, I killed some of these motherfuckers. 952 00:43:45,797 --> 00:43:48,495 See ya next week! [laughing] 953 00:43:51,846 --> 00:43:53,195 - [giggles] 954 00:43:53,282 --> 00:43:55,458 - ♪ 955 00:43:55,545 --> 00:43:59,724 - Would you--would you, um, maybe wanna get a cup of coffee? 956 00:43:59,811 --> 00:44:03,466 - No, thanks though. 957 00:44:03,553 --> 00:44:07,906 Instead, why don't you just come to my apartment? 958 00:44:07,993 --> 00:44:12,171 I have a leash and a king-sized bed. 959 00:44:12,258 --> 00:44:16,479 - To be fair, most people have king-sized beds. 960 00:44:16,566 --> 00:44:20,658 - It's a California king. 961 00:44:20,745 --> 00:44:22,921 - I don't know the difference. 962 00:44:23,008 --> 00:44:25,793 - [laughs] Let me show you. 963 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,142 - ANDY: Oh man. 964 00:44:27,229 --> 00:44:33,453 - ♪ 965 00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:43,115 ♪ 966 00:44:50,513 --> 00:44:53,038 - [laughing] 967 00:44:53,125 --> 00:44:55,997 - [lightning crackles] 968 00:44:56,084 --> 00:45:02,569 - ♪ 969 00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:41,564 ♪ 970 00:45:43,349 --> 00:45:45,568 ♪♪ 971 00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:50,168 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 66988

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