All language subtitles for Home Improvement -Season 8- E23

It's not like Tim to be late.
We go on in a couple of minutes.

He said he was going out for an hour.
He should be back by now.

- God!
- Well, maybe something happened.

Hey, what a day!

My dream lunch.
Two for one on pierogies from Stan's.

Tim, you had us worried sick!
I thought you were dead in a ditch!

- Al? Pierogi?
- You betcha!

- Me, too.
- You guys hurry up.

We got a show to do.

Well, you may not want to do the show
once you find out what Binford did.

"To whom it may concern,

"only Binford tools are to be used
on Tool Time effective immediately."

So what?
They always send me this memo.

One more and my whole door
is covered.

Well, this time our CEO
means business.

While you were at lunch, Bud came in

and confiscated every tool
that isn't a Binford.

Ooh!

Every tool we got out there is a Binford.

- Well, now, not every...
- Don't worry about it.

- Let's just do the show, all right?
- Okay, everybody. Five...

- Well...
- four, three, two...

- Does everybody know what time it is?
- Tool Time!

That's right.
Binford Tools is proud to present

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Heidi.

Welcome to Tool Time.
I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

And of course, you all know
my assistant, Al Borland.

All right.

Now, all of us take our car to the
mechanic now and then for a tune-up.

- But do we really know what they do?
- I do.

Sorry. I'm just excited
'cause I know the answer.

There's nothing I like better than giving
a car a tune-up.

Tightening belts, new spark plugs,
oil change, scraping my knuckles.

Oh, yeah.

Quickest way to find out what's going
on is to use a diagnostic machine.

We'll get... Where's the diagnostic
machine? Oh, let me guess.

It wasn't a Binford.

Well, everyone, I guess you showed up
for no reason, thanks to my...

No, no. Thanks to my friends at Binford
who removed my diagnostic machine.

I'm supposed to do a tune-up!

How the hell am I supposed to do it
without the machine?

- I know.
- You have the answer, Al?

- By using our Binford hand tools.
- Hand tools?

That's right!
Trusty hand tools made by Binford.

All you need is a Binford screwdriver
to listen for valve noises

the old-fashioned Binford way. Heidi?

Now, if you find this as dull as I do,
why don't you contact the CEO here?

He's Bud Harper, care of Binford
Tools, and tell him Tim sent you.

Always the kidder.

Now, you want to take this and place it
against the valve head

with the handle to your ear,
making sure to keep away from

the alternator belt, the fan belt, and
most importantly, the electrical coil.

Look at Al. Putting on a good front.

But under that bearded grin,
he's just as mad about this as I am.

You're a real trouper, Al.

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today

Been there.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hi.

- Did the mail come in yet?
- No.

Gosh, you'd think the post office
is trying to torture me.

I mean, they know I'm waiting on
these college acceptance letters

and all of a sudden the mail's
coming late.

Well, it's all a diabolical plot

masterminded by
the CIA, the FBI and Bill Gates.

Really?

- And you're going to college?
- Honey...

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Dad, where'd you get the mail?

From the mailbox.
Duh!

I came and got it at lunch. I was hoping
for my new lingerie catalog.

There could be important news in here.

You know the important news?

Bud has turned a good tool company
into a fascist dictatorship.

So what, he's gonna declare war
on Home Depot?

You know, this is serious.

We're not allowed to use any tools
on the set

that don't have the Binford logo
on them.

And since Binford doesn't make
any automotive tools,

I can't do any car-related Tool Times.

That's ridiculous. I knew they were
giving you problems down there.

- I didn't know they would go this far.
- Oh, this is just the beginning.

They start taking away
your diagnostic equipment,

the next thing you know your money
looks different

and you're waiting in line
for vodka and toilet paper.

- Hey, Mom, Dad!
- What?

I got a letter from UCLA.

Really? What does it say?

It says I'm still a candidate
for a soccer scholarship.

- All right!
- Hey! Good deal.

Yeah. I thought I'd lost my chance
after that surgery.

But I guess I still got a shot.

It'd be great if you got into UCLA.
What else does it say?

It says they want to come see me
at the Irish Hills Tournament,

and check me out.

That tournament is next weekend.

You're not supposed to play
on your knee for another month.

Well, I guess that just changed.
I'll just accelerate my rehab schedule.

Double your workouts.

No, I don't want you to rush it. I mean,
there's a rehab schedule for a reason.

We'll just talk to his physical therapist,
who will adjust his schedule.

- Or he can just work out with me.
- Call the therapist.

When Bud gets back in,
tell him that I called.

This is unbelievable!

Every time I call Bud, he's not home.

I keep getting some guy
that sounds just like Bud

talking through a thick sock.

Sounds like he's trying to duck you.

I'll show him. I'll call him back
and pretend I'm not me.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Brad.

Hi, honey.

Are you limping? What?
Did you hurt your knee again?

Yeah, it's a little sore. I tried doing
ball-handling skills for the first time.

Here.

Well, go sit down. I'll get some ice.

Brad, you were supposed to
take it easy.

Here, let me see this.

Oh, man! Look how swollen it is.

Don't panic. A little swelling is... Mongo
Jerry, look at the size of that goiter!

Guys, it's just a little fluid, all right?
Professional athletes get it all the time.

But you're not a professional athlete,
you're a high school student.

Who's trying to get into UCLA,
the only way I know how.

Well, if it still looks like this
next weekend,

you're gonna have to consider
another school.

Mom, without a scholarship
I couldn't get into a school like UCLA.

No kidding!

I don't think you should risk
hurting it again, honey.

This does look pretty bad, Brad.

- Oh, so now you're against me, too?
- No one is against you. Honey...

We're not against you. I just don't
want you doing something foolish.

I think we should call Dr. Hennessy

and see what he says before
we make our decision.

Think we can get an appointment
with this short notice?

Drop my name,
they'll send a car.

- Any messages from Bud?
- Nope.

But we did get another memo,
this time about wardrobe.

What about wardrobe?

Well, apparently,
we're supposed to wear these.

What are we? Gay exterminators?

Are we actually supposed
to wear these things?

Actually, one of us is supposed
to wear this.

If Borland puts that on, I'm walking.

How long can a knee exam take?

My personal best,
about six and a half minutes, indoors.

Been there.

Hello? Hey, Bud.
Where the heck have you been?

I've been trying to get a hold of you
for three days.

What's going on at work?
Binford's... They're insane...

Hold on.
Did you just call me a chicken nugget?

What? Hold on. I can't... Wait a minute.
Bud, hold on. I can't... Bud?

Yeah. Where are you?

Bud? Bud?

Hold on. Bud, come on. I can't...

Sorry.

I lost him!

I think he's at the Big Boy
on Woodward.

Maybe you should tail him.

- Tail him?
- Yeah. He'd expect me.

Just once I'd like to be inside
that head of yours.

- You wouldn't last five minutes.
- No.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor,
would you like to come in now?

Yes.

- So, how's my boy?
- I'm fine.

Oh, look at this.
He blew it out again, didn't he?

Oh, no, no. It's just inflamed

because Brad's pushing himself.
It's a slight setback.

- Are you saying he shouldn't play?
- Oh, I didn't say that.

- So, then I can play?
- I didn't say that either.

I get the feeling you get sued a lot.

Well, look, Brad's knee should be
around 85 percent by game time.

- 85 percent! That's like a B-minus.
- All right!

But 85 percent means

that there's an increased chance
that he'll get hurt.

Well, yeah... Yeah...

But what if he only plays
85 percent of the time?

That would eliminate
the 15 percent chance of injury!

All right!

Welcome to my world.

Look, Brad could get in there,
you know,

play the game of his life
and be fine, but...

On the other hand, the knee's not
as strong as it normally is,

so there is an increased chance
of serious injury.

What do you mean by "serious injury"?

Well, if he hurts it again there is always
the possibility

of more surgery
and chronic knee problems.

- This is a tough decision.
- Boy, it is!

What do you want to do? Play or not?

- I'm playing.
- All right. Decision's made.

No!

The decision's not made.
We haven't even discussed it.

- Mom, Dad and I just did.
- Yeah.

Excuse me. He's 17 years old.
I think we still get to have a say in this.

I say that what he's doing
might be foolish.

And I say it's not.

- Well...
- I think we need a third opinion.

Doc, what do you think?

Well, you know, I got a patient
on crutches who's waiting.

What's that? It's a grade-two ankle
sprain at worst. Just ice and wrap it.

Look, I don't think that Brad should
risk his health like this.

It's not his health. Listen to this.
Listen, listen, listen.

Only 15 percent of his knees
are at risk.

He's only gonna play 85 percent
of the time.

So, you times that and you get... Five...
Hold on a second... Fifteen times...

- Dad...
- Hold it. Just carry the five...

- Dad, Dad...
- Wait a second!

Dad, forget the math, all right?
The decision's been made.

No. The decision has not been made.
Listen to me, Brad.

I know how important UCLA is to you.

Believe me, I would love to see you
go there.

But you could start out
at another school

and try again for the scholarship
next year.

Mom, by then there's gonna be
a whole other recruiting class.

Okay? I'll be ancient history.

You got to strike while you got starch
in the iron.

Or, I mean... You got to...
You got to go while... Wait.

Look, you have a long soccer career
ahead of you.

I'm just afraid if you risk blowing out
your knee now,

you're never gonna play
soccer again anywhere.

Mom, I can't afford to be afraid.

You know, at least Dad
understands how crucial this is.

Is six a prime number?

What are you making over there?
It smells so good.

This is my hearty beef stew.

- You must have quite a crowd.
- No, no. No, no. No, just me.

See, I cook it up in bulk. That way
I have lunch for the next five years.

Don't you get bored?

No, not at all.
See, every three years I add crackers.

So, what did the doctor say
about Brad's knee?

He said it's 85 percent healed.
There's a chance he'll hurt it again.

So, I take it he's not gonna play?

He wants to. Tim wants him to.

I'm just worried about serious damage.

Do you think I'm being over-protective?
Am I crazy?

Well, no, you're not crazy to worry
about Brad's health,

but, to an athlete, sports are
a microcosm of life,

a battle of wills,
a test of strength and character.

Proving yourself as a man.

Go, Conquistadores!

See, I was co-captain of
my high school chess team.

Not too many people get hurt
playing chess.

Well, that's not necessarily true.

See, I dozed off once waiting
for my opponent's next move,

and the next thing I knew,
I was impaled by a queen.

And your point would be what?

Just that I understand why
a young man like Brad

would take a risk for a sport
that he loves.

Well, so do I.
But you know, what I'm worried about is

I just don't feel like
he's listening to his body.

I didn't listen to my body for two years,

and I ended up having to have
a hysterectomy.

I lost my uterus, the ovaries,
the whole nine yards.

Oh, that reminds me,
I got to add onions.

I'm just...

I'm worried about him
taking this gamble.

I don't think he's even aware
of the stakes.

On the other hand, Jill,
he could be aware of the stakes

and he's willing to take that gamble,
just like I was

in my famous queen C-four
to F-seven gambit of 1953.

So, you're saying that
you think I should let him play?

Jill, let me ask you something.

Did you ever go against
your parents' wishes

and take a risk that involved
physical danger?

Yeah, I did. I married Tim.

Brad's looking pretty good,
Mrs. Taylor.

Yeah. Well, I hope he's ready.

I'm glad you guys decided
to let him play.

Yeah. Well, moments like this are
kind of unbearable for a parent.

Then how do you explain Dad?

- Can't hear you, Bud.
- I never try to explain your dad.

- The knee's feeling pretty good.
- Well, good luck, honey.

Yeah. I'm gonna need it.

I guess the guy that's marking me
goes to Cal State Fullerton.

He's also on the national team.

You're gonna do great out there,
buddy. Come on.

Right.

Hey, Dad. Dad, that guy right there,
that's Steve Smith.

He's one of the coaches from UCLA.

You forget about him. Keep your head
on the game, all right? Come on!

- Right.
- Be careful, honey!

Hey, which one of you guys
is "honey"?

- Hey, Steve.
- Hey.

Tim "The Tool Man." Brad's father.

Oh, right. Right. Mr. Taylor.

Hey, that's a heck of a boy
you got there.

Yeah, he is.
And I hear you're a heck of a coach.

I got a little Tool Time combo magnet,
pen and key chain set for you.

- I can't accept these.
- NCAA regulations, huh?

No. My wife hates it
when I bring home cheesy crap.

Got it.
This conversation never happened.

Don't worry, Brad.
You'll get him next time!

Go, Brad!

Why's he being so tentative?

Brad, take the shot! You're wide open!

Heard the "wide" part.

Go, Brad!

Jill, don't go out there!

Brad! Brad, you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

- No, he's not fine.
- Mom, would you get off the field?

You're the one that's gonna be
getting off the field.

- No, I'm not!
- Yeah, you are.

Before you play any more, I want you
to have that knee looked at

at the first-aid tent. Come on.

Keep the weight off it. Keep the weight
off it. Come on. Use me.

Honey, the next time you go out there,
you might want to put on a jock strap.

Are you coming?

Is it painful when you bend your knee?

- No. Not at all.
- Then why did you wince?

Because you're digging your nails
into my neck.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Brad, I really have to check out
the other games.

I'm sorry I didn't get to see you
play more. Tough break.

- Well, wait. I might actually go in again.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Why don't you just hang out a little bit?

If the trainer lets him go back,
you can really see what Brad can do.

Well, I could probably spare
a few more minutes.

Okay, great! I'll hang with you.
I got a bunch of jokes.

Two pretzels were walking
down the street.

One was a salted.

Hey, Brad. Why don't you put
some weight on your knee?

- How does it feel now?
- It's loosening up a little bit.

All right, let me take another look.

I see the bruise coming in.

Oh, I knew this was bad.

Actually, as long as there's no swelling,
a bruise is a good thing.

It means it's just a blow to the muscle

and there's no damage to
the ligaments or cartilage.

So, this guy walks into a bar.

He hears a voice that says,
"You're very handsome today."

The guy turns to the bartender
and says, "Who said that?"

The bartender says, "The peanuts.
They're complimentary."

I got a million of these.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi.
They're playing Twister. Oy vey!

So, what's up? Can I go in or can't I?

Well, you didn't twist or wrench
your knee in any way.

So, it really depends on how you feel.
You guys have to make the call.

Thanks.

Great. By the time
we're done arguing about this,

the game's gonna be over.

Or we don't argue about it. You play it
safe and try for UCLA next year.

Mom, this is what I've worked and
trained for for so long, you know?

And I realize I'm only 85 percent
there physically.

But I'm 200 percent there mentally.

You know? And I know you don't think
I understand the risk, but I do.

If I go out there and I injure myself,

I'm prepared to live
with the consequences.

Are you sure?
Because it's a big gamble.

Mom, if I don't go out on that field
right now,

I'm gonna wonder my whole life
whether I could have done it.

Okay, get out there!
Show them what you can do. Go on!

So, the chief says, "Death it is.
But first, chi-chi!"

Hey, Brad's back in the game.

The natives are going,
"Chi-chi! Chi-chi!"

Yeah, Brad!

Go, Brad!

Wow!

If that's how he plays now, I can't wait
to see him at 100 percent this fall.

Wait! So, does that mean he's got
the scholarship?

Well, his knee's obviously fine.
He's got my recommendation.

You'll be hearing from us
in a week or so. Congratulations.

There's our college man.

Now we're gonna continue
with our week-long salute...

Stop for a minute. You know, folks, I've
been doing this show for 10 years now.

And Binford shows their appreciation
by taking away all my tools

and making me dress like a banana?

You know, I'm as much
a company man as the next guy,

but eventually a Tool Man's got to do
what a Tool Man's got to do.

And I'm getting out of this stupid thing.

- Yeah. Me, too.
- Thanks, Heidi. Al, you with us?

I don't think so, Tim.

Come on, Al.
This is about integrity, man.

No, I'd really... I'd rather not.

- Come on.
- I'd... No...

- It's about unity, Al.
- I... I... No!

Welcome to Tool Time.
Thank you, Heidi.

I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

And of course you all know my
assistant, Al...

Hi, everybody.
It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

First they start taking away your
diagnostic equipment.

Next thing you know,
the money looks different,

you're waiting in line for vodka
and diapers.

- Hey, Mom, Dad!
- What?

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