All language subtitles for Home Improvement -Season 4- E25

Welcome back to Bachelor Week
right here on Tool Time

if you remember, yesterday
Tim showed us how to shave in the car

when you're running behind.

Today, it's Al's turn, with a look at
the rough-and-tumble world of...

lroning. Now, ironing used to be
a woman's domain. But not these days.

Because they won't
do it for us anymore.

More importantly, a man should know
how to do his own ironing.

Now, I think of an iron
as just another tool.

You can even hang it
from your tool belt.

But you don't want to plug it in, 'cause
there are things you don't want ironed.

Historically,
men have been ironing for ages.

The first irons
were made of iron heated by fire.

This iron here was developed
to be heated by coal.

Then came the nine irons,
your tire irons, and my personal favorite,

your Jeremy lrons.

He's so wonderful.

All right.
Let's get to ironing technique.

I start with the sleeve and move on to the
body of the shirt. Marv, if you come in here.

I also like to start
with a light spray from my mist button.

Let me show you how the pros do it.
I mean the European tailors,

Chinese tailors, Hong Kong tailors.

Tim Taylors.

We use the old
gravity-feed professional iron.

Yeah.

1,000 watts,
120 volts, 275 degrees.

I like a little starch in my shirt,
so I'll starch her up.

Actually, Tim,
too much starch can irritate the skin.

Yeah. Too much Al can irritate Tim.

If you iron like Al,
it'll take forever.

European way,
professional way, do it quick.

Steam going there.

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

And there you go.

My life is over.

Randy, I've got a pimple.

I don't see anything.

It's one of those under-the-skin ones.

It's gonna come out tomorrow.

Well, maybe we can throw it
a coming-out party.

Invite all the other pimples
in the neighborhood.

Randy, you don't understand. Tomorrow
night's my date with Jessica Lutz.

What am I gonna do?

Send her fries and a chocolate bar,
hope she breaks out too.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Dad. I got a pimple on my nose,
and I got a date with Jessica Lutz.

Come on. if she's a real woman, she's
not gonna notice a little zit on your nose.

- She's a 14-year-old girl.
- You're in trouble. Big, big trouble.

What works for me
is a hot compress,

you bring the zit to the surface,
you pop it, ding dong, the zit is dead.

Cool! Come on, Randy,
let's go soak my pimple.

Brad, I'm looking for a hobby,
but that's not it.

Hi, sweetie.

- Hey, baby.
- Hi.

- You're a little late.
- I took my teacher Judith out for coffee.

Great move! That'll guarantee you a C,
but if you want the A, you gotta give cash.

That's not why I'm doing it.
I really like her.

Great. Anyway, I'm doing the hot rod. I got
the dash panel up. Wanna take a look?

I just hate knowing that Judith's
going home to an empty house, though.

A wonderful woman like that
should not be alone.

You know who would be perfect for her?

Wilson.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, no! You keep
your filthy little mitts off Wilson.

Admit it, I'm on a roll.
I'm the one who set up Al and llene.

You could have set Al up with a mop
with a wig on, he would've been happy.

Matter of fact, I think you did. They went
to Chicago. He had a great time with her.

- Wilson is lonely.
- I think he likes being alone.

You can't set Wilson up
with some woman off the street.

She's not just some woman off the street.
She's faced incredible adversity.

Her husband left her with two children
and no money when she was 24 years old.

- She still managed to get a Ph.D.
- Like that's hard to do.

- What exactly is your problem here?
- What do you know about this woman?

Ph.D., kids -
what about the important things?

What kind of car does she drive?

I don't know.
Some sort of station wagon.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

I dated a station wagon once.
It was a nightmare.

Tim, I'm setting her up with Wilson,
not with you.

Well, if she's lonely,
have her get her own Wilson.

Aha!

I see what's going on here.

You're afraid that
if Wilson spends time with Judith,

he's not gonna have any time for you.

If they got married and
went on honeymoon, who would I talk to?

It could be
a very difficult week for me.

Well, that's true,
because then we'd have to talk,

and that would be
a very difficult week for me.

Hey, Wilson.

- Well, hi-ho, neighborette.
- What are you doing?

Hanging replicas of ancient clay bells from
Crete. They're to attract friendly spirits.

What do you know? Here I am.

I know we're supposed
to come to you for dinner tomorrow,

but I was wondering
if you'd come to ours instead.

Well, I do appreciate the invite,

but I've already made the koftas
for my Malai Kofta curry.

I just wanted to introduce you
to this professor that I really like.

I have a cornucopia of koftas. Why doesn't
the good professor come to my place?

That would be great!
You are really gonna like her, Wilson.

Her?

Yeah. She is incredible.

She's funny, and smart,
extremely attractive,

and extremely available.

Jill, this wouldn't by any chance
be a setup, would it?

A setup? No. No, no, no.
Definitely not a setup.

Well, I guess it'd be OK,
as long as there's no pressure.

- Absolutely none.
- Good.

You might wanna wear
those gray slacks

and that blue sweater
that brings out the blue in your eyes.

And you should puff up your hair,
'cause you get that hat-head thing.

Thanks, Dad.

Because of your hot compress idea,
my zit is the size of a tomato.

I knew it'd bring the blood to the surface.
I didn't think it'd make a home there.

Little kids will come up to me
and think that I'm a clown.

Come on, Brad, get over it.
They're not gonna do that.

Just in case, maybe you should practice
making those little balloon animals.

This is a nightmare. I'm going out
with Jessica in a half an hour.

OK. This problem
needs a woman's touch.

Brad?

Wake up to makeup.

No, no. I am not wearing makeup.

If I were you,
I'd be open to suggestions.

Rudolph.

Welcome, Taylors!
My, my, my, what a lovely bromeliad.

Wilson, I'm sorry
Jill roped you into this.

I did not rope him into this.
He's excited. Aren't you?

Well, actually, I'm quite nervous.
I haven't really dated in 20 years.

- Well, I can give you some pointers.
- Oh, great.

This from the man who, on our first date,
brought me a bouquet of spark plugs.

When you're dating a woman, they like to hear
stories that tell how sensitive you are.

I knocked Jill out with this one where
I saved a kitty-cat drowning. Remember?

You said it was an old lady.

Kitty-cat, old lady.
You married me, didn't you?

Don't listen to him.
Just be yourself.

You know, tell her about
all that interesting stuff that you do.

Well, maybe I could tell her
of the time I was in lndia

and danced naked while my body
was pierced by the swords of Siva.

Then again, you don't want
to reveal too much on your first date.

OK, I'll get it.

Oh, my.

Are you OK?

Actually, I'm experiencing
extreme diaphoresis.

I'm sweating like a pig.

- Thank you.
- Judith, this is my husband, Tim.

- Hello, Judith.
- Nice to meet you.

How's Jill at school? Does she follow
directions? Work and play with others?

Yes, but she gets
a little rambunctious during nap time.

You should see her at home.
Whoa!

And this is Wilson.

- Well, nice to meet you.
- You too.

Jill has told me so much about you.
It's all been great.

- Well, I am flattered.
- But she didn't tell me your last name.

- It's Wilson.
- I thought that was your first name.

Wilson is my first name.

It's not that unusual.
I'm actually Tim Tim. This is Jill Jill.

Sorry sorry.

- Would you like some white wine?
- Yes, please.

- I'll give you a hand.
- Sure.

This is a very interesting house, Wilson.

Or should I call you "Wilson"?

Judith, in addition to being my professor,
mentor, friend, is also a renowned author.

Hardly renowned.
My book sold about four copies.

Two of which were to my children.

I wrote a book once.
How To Maintain Your Bench Grinder

- That sold no copies.
- It was probably more exciting than mine.

It was called The Psychophysiological
Indices of Amorous Connections

Among Termites of the Southwest

- How did you know that?
- Because I have read it. It is wonderful!

I mean, it's practically the Bible for anyone
interested in the mating pattern of insects.

All two of you.

You see, I am quite the devotee
of what I humorously term "insexuality."

- I can't believe you actually read my book.
- I've got it here, I'll show you.

We'll have to talk insects over dinner.

Yeah. 'Cause usually over here
we eat insects for dinner.

Here it is.

You even dog-eared the pages.
Now it's my turn to be flattered.

I gotta start a dating service.

♪ You made me love you
I didn't want to do it

♪ I didn't want to do it

♪ You made me want you
And all the time you knew it

♪ You know you really knew it

You're darn right... l knew it.

- Well, hi-ho, Tim.
- Hi, there, Wilson.

I haven't seen much of you
in a couple of weeks.

I've been spending
a lot of time with Judith.

As a matter of fact,
I'm sculpting her bust right now.

- So things are going pretty good, huh?
- They are incredible.

As the Japanese would say,
Judith has become my aijin

- I don't follow.
- Well, as they'd say in Tanzania,

Judith has become
my rafiki yangu mpenzi

In America, near Detroit,
what would they say?

They'd say I am crazy about her.

I'd love to chat, but I have to make dinner.
I promised Judith something romantic.

- Oysters?
- No, I'm making haggis.

It's a sheep's stomach
served dumpling-style.

Mmm.

- Hey!
- Hi, sweetie.

Great news. Wilson is making
Judith's breasts out of clay.

What?

You were right about them.
He's crazy about her.

Oh, no.

What do you mean, "Oh, no"?
This is what you wanted.

I just talked to Judith.
She's having doubts about the relationship.

Oh, no.

Judith says that Wilson
has a problem with intimacy.

Oh!

So he can't... Oh. Oh, God. Oh!

Oh!

Well... Oh, honey!

I mean, I would have never known.
He wouldn't talk about something like that.

No wonder he's got all this...
Probably an old war injury or something.

Not that kind of intimacy!
I'm talking about emotional intimacy.

Thank God it's nothing important.
Whoo!

He doesn't share his feelings.

She's spent the last two weeks with him
and she doesn't know who he is.

I've spent the last 15 years with him,
and I don't know who he is.

It doesn't hurt our relationship.

She wants more from the relationship.
She wants to go to the next level.

What is it with women and the "next level"?
What's wrong with the level we're on?

Just take the elevator
and leave us the heck alone. Hm?

Every time she asks him about himself,
all he does is intellectualize

or say something weird.

He always says something weird.
That's what makes Wilson Wilson Wilson.

You should talk to him. You're the only one
who can get through to him.

I'm supposed to go talk to that man
about emotions and intimacy?

Granted, you're not
the obvious choice.

Desperate times
call for desperate measures.

If he doesn't open up to her,
he is gonna lose her.

OK, moving to the next level.

- Wilson, you home?
- I'm in the kitchen, Tim, making haggis.

Hey.

You know, that stuff
doesn't smell half-bad.

- Pretty excited about having Judith over?
- Yes, indeed.

- You really like her?
- Oh, yes.

- Oh, no. Oh.
- Is there something you want to tell me?

No, there's something
Jill wants me to tell you.

Uh...

Judith is having a problem.

- What kind of a problem? Is she all right?
- Oh, she's fine.

The problem is with you.

I don't understand.
Things were going so well.

We made plans
to go to the Megalesia Festival

to commemorate
the end of the Punic War.

She... She says that... She told Jill that
she doesn't even think she knows you.

That every time she tries to get you to open
up you just say something intellectual.

My, my, my. I must be displaying
the symptomatic behavior

of the classic male emotional distancer,

precipitating her
to overfunction in the relationship,

therefore causing
deep-seated resentment.

So knock it off.

Tim, I don't take easily
to personal or emotional revelation.

No guy does. Opening up emotionally
is just a horrible thing women make us do.

Well, Tim,
I'm just not sure that I can do that.

Yes, you can.
Just use the word "feel" more.

You know, like,
"I feel hungry." "I feel tired."

"I feel big." "I feel small."
"I feel bloated."

Tim, I think that
Judith and I weren't meant to be.

To be or not to be,
that is not the question.

You've got to learn
how to open up to this woman,

otherwise you're gonna be all by yourself
at that milk of magnesia festival.

- So, are you enjoying your haggis?
- It's very tender. What's in this?

That is sheep's liver
and other assorted organs.

It's very filling.

These are lovely candles.

Well, thank you.

I've always found it fascinating
how a candle burns.

The hot flame moves downward,
thus melting the wax,

which rises through the wick
through capillary action...

Oh, boy, that was dull.

Wilson, I think we should talk.

I know what you're gonna say, Judith.
I haven't been very open to you.

I don't understand why a man
who can talk brilliantly about anything

can't tell me about the one thing
I really want to know.

Well, my family never really
talked much about personal matters.

Especially my father,
Wilson Wilson Sr.

What was he like?

He was a scientist
who didn't put too much stock in emotions.

Must have been very difficult
to grow up with a man like that.

It was.

You know, I loved my father.

It always hurt me
when he kept me at a distance.

And the last thing I ever wanted
was to be like him.

But you're not.
You believe that feelings matter.

I know that, because I see
the way you care about mine.

You know, Judith...

I've never been open with a woman
since my wife died.

But I would really like
to try with you.

I'd like that too.

Well, maybe we can talk about it tomorrow
at the Megalesia Festival.

If you still want to go.

I wouldn't want to celebrate
the end of the Punic War with anyone else.

Even though I have absolutely
no idea what the Punic War was.

Well, actually, it's fascinating.
It was when Rome saved itself by...

Oh, who the hell cares?
They'll have beer.

You know, Judith,
not to bore you with more facts...

but primitive man believed
that the air he breathed had magic powers.

I'm not bored.

And when a man and a woman kissed,
it was as if their souls were mingling.

Oh, look, Mark.
It's the sister we've always wanted.

Hello, Bradina.

Laugh all you want. But I've been
going out with Jessica for two weeks,

and she hasn't noticed one zit.

Yeah, but that doesn't explain
the lipstick and the mascara.

I dumped out all Mom's makeup.
Which do you think covers my zits better?

Bashful Beige or Nearly Nude?

This is too weird.

I got it!

Hi. ls Brad here?

Yeah. He's in the kitchen,
putting on his makeup.

Hey, Brad.

Hey, Jessica!
What are you doing here?

I, um... I just thought
maybe we could go to practice together.

Well, um...

Brad, are you trying
to cover up that zit on your chin?

Oh, man. I knew I should
have gone with Bashful Beige.

No. No, I think
that Bashful Beige is too dark for you.

You'd look better in Posy Pink.

I think I have that.

All right. Now, guys, you need to remember
to apply it gently and blend thoroughly,

because you always want
that natural boy-next-door look.

There you go. Good job.

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