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1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:02,533
(bell rings)
2
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,698
? When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ?
3
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,572
? I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ?
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:11,476
? By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ?
5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,971
? I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ?
6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,006
? It's all right ?
7
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,712
? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?
8
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,850
? If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ?
9
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:26,826
? And my dog ate
all my homework last night ?
10
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,693
? Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ?
11
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:33,189
? If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ?
12
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,224
? It's all right ?
13
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,795
? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?
14
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:55,015
? It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ?
15
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,649
? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ?
16
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:03,095
? It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ?
17
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,403
Belding: All right,
let's go people.
18
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:11,905
Find a seat.
19
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:14,465
You too, Slater.
20
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,808
- What's up guys?
- Hey, Slater.
21
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,835
Here's the latest
Bayside survey.
22
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,349
98% of the students
favor two days of school
23
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:23,747
and a five-day weekend.
24
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,412
- Right, guys?
- (applause)
25
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:32,356
And now the results
of the principal popularity poll.
26
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:36,052
Whoops.
27
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,333
As you can see,
it's heading straight for China.
28
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,037
Zack, sit down.
You're ticking him off.
29
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,065
Wait. What about
classes on the beach? Huh?
30
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,601
Just sit.
31
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,613
Now, before we
continue our assembly,
32
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,672
our principal has
a special announcement.
33
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,775
Let's hear it for Mr. Belding.
34
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,150
You're winning in the back, sir.
35
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,914
Thank you, Jessie.
36
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,722
Listen up, everybody,
37
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,926
because two weeks from tonight,
38
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,231
we are holding the annual
Miss Bayside Beauty Pageant.
39
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:17,634
(cheering)
40
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:21,636
Swimsuit, swimsuit!
41
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,837
(chanting)
Swimsuit, swimsuit...
42
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,539
All right, all right, all right.
43
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:29,641
The lucky winner will then go on
to compete for the title of...
44
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,674
Miss High School California!
45
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,013
A beauty pageant?
46
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:40,152
What a stupid,
sexist waste of time!
47
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,662
Not if you're
in a teeny bikini, Mama!
48
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:48,299
I can't believe it.
A woman ran for Vice President,
49
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,928
a woman sits on
the Supreme Court,
50
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,564
and Belding still wants us
parading around in bathing suits.
51
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,597
But Jessie,
when those women go swimming,
52
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,166
don't they wear
bathing suits too?
53
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:57,836
Ooh!
Let's see you counter that one.
54
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,609
Kelly, we're human beings,
not sex objects.
55
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,809
I just don't want to be judged
on my measurements.
56
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,977
Why not? You've got
some great ones.
57
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,543
Yeah!
58
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,815
Every beauty pageant takes us
one step backwards
59
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,019
in our war against sexism.
60
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:16,325
You can take me prisoner
in that war anytime, baby.
61
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,991
Jessie does have a point.
62
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,662
Yeah. I was going to enter,
but after listening to you, I won't.
63
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:26,264
Oh, great. This is going to be
some beauty pageant. Woof woof.
64
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:29,071
Kelly, why don't you,
Lisa and I form a picket line?
65
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,373
- Not me, girl. I'm entering.
- Why?
66
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,675
Because I want to be
Miss High School California.
67
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,206
- It's fun being pretty.
- You are hopeless.
68
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,149
Come on, Kelly.
Let's go make picket signs.
69
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:41,553
How about some with pretty pink
letters and cute little hearts?
70
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,218
- See ya.
- Bye.
71
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,722
Lisa, you are one lucky girl.
72
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,697
Now that Kelly's out of the pageant,
I'm throwing my support to you.
73
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,826
Big deal.
74
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,234
For your information, Slater,
I happen to be an expert.
75
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,260
I've got videotapes
of every beauty pageant
76
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,865
from Miss Universe
to Miss U-Haul.
77
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,308
And I'd be happy
to offer my services.
78
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,471
Thanks.
But no thanks.
79
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,610
Yeah, well, I tell you,
80
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,482
she's going
to regret refusing my offer.
81
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:14,044
Oh, come on, Preppie.
82
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,078
You know as much
about beauty pageants
83
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,148
as I know about
wearing pantyhose.
84
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:21,388
Oh yeah? I bet you
I could take anyone
85
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,362
and make them
the next Miss Bayside.
86
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,156
All right, it's a bet.
87
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,190
50 bucks.
88
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,135
And since you said you could
take anyone,
89
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,729
I get to pick the contestant.
90
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,503
- You got it.
- Deal.
91
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:38,034
Let me see here.
Hmm...
92
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,739
Too cute.
93
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,178
Too sweet.
94
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,681
Hi, guys!
95
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,661
Too perfect.
96
00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:58,596
- Screech?
- Hey, Zack,
97
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,623
wanna see me drink
a milkshake through my nose?
98
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:05,304
I bet no one'll beat him
in the talent contest.
99
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:10,002
Hey, who drank my root beer?
100
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,034
(burps)
101
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,472
Sorry, Zack.
Potato chips make me thirsty.
102
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:19,247
Screech, I have something
very important to tell you.
103
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:22,517
ALF flew back to Melmac?
104
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,547
No.
105
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:27,424
The next Miss Bayside
is right here in this room.
106
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,256
Kevin!
107
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:37,794
- I'm so happy for you.
- Me?
108
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,864
Not Kevin.
You, you doofus.
109
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:44,775
Zack, I thought you
knew this already, but I'm a guy.
110
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:47,109
It doesn't matter.
The rules don't say anything
111
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,138
about Miss Bayside
having to be a girl.
112
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,616
Let me see those.
113
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,276
I'll need my glasses.
114
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,852
Okay, let's see here...
(mutters)
115
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,626
Bing! He's right, boss,
you can enter.
116
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:06,689
But do something
about your hair.
117
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:11,734
But I don't want to enter, Zack.
No one would vote for me.
118
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:15,537
That's because the other kids
don't know the real you.
119
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:19,102
They don't realize
all your wonderful qualities.
120
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,136
- I have some?
- Yeah.
121
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,172
You're full of them.
122
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,709
You'll go where no man
has ever gone before.
123
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,985
Okay. But I have
to be home before dark.
124
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:42,291
Sisters! Don't sign up
for the beauty pageant.
125
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,565
Let Belding know
we're united against him.
126
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:45,662
Yeah!
127
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,076
Kelly, show some
more enthusiasm.
128
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,976
Right. Okay.
129
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:59,515
Belding is a sexist!
Rah, rah, rah!
130
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:04,821
On second thought,
just carry the sign, okay?
131
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,225
Hi, Jessie, Kelly.
132
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,819
Nice signs.
133
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,626
They would've been
prettier in pink.
134
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,098
We don't talk to traitors.
135
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,169
Hi, guys. I just entered
the beauty pageant.
136
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,571
- Wish me luck.
- Lisa, you had your chance.
137
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,598
Now I'm backing
a better contestant.
138
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,667
- Who?
- Screech.
139
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,201
(laughs)
140
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,881
(low)
"Ban Miss Bayside." Huh.
141
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:42,522
Zack, are Jessie and Kelly
still out there with those signs?
142
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,360
- Still there, sir.
- Don't worry, sir,
143
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:45,728
I don't think you're a pig.
144
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,935
Sir, can I please have
an entry form for the pageant?
145
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,940
Oh, great. Now I suppose
you want to enter.
146
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,964
Don't be ridiculous.
147
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,636
- I'm entering Screech.
- Are you crazy?
148
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,270
You can't enter a man.
149
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,976
I'm not entering a man.
I'm entering Screech.
150
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,986
I'm sorry but this contest
is only for women.
151
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,011
Why? Why should women be
the only ones put on parade?
152
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,547
I think it's a great idea to enter
a man in the pageant.
153
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,582
It makes a statement.
154
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,856
Oh, you want a statement?
Well, here's a statement:
155
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:18,091
"No way, Jos�!"
156
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,657
Now I'll never be beauty queen.
157
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,327
- Hold it!
- Hold it!
158
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,304
If you don't let Screech in,
you're discriminating against men.
159
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,329
They'll just join us
in the picket line.
160
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:30,935
Yeah. I'll get you 20 good men
by lunch, Jessie.
161
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:33,173
I can deliver three geeks
and a nerd.
162
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:38,111
Wait a minute now. Let's not
let this thing get out of hand here.
163
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:41,246
Jessie, if I let this...
164
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,914
contestant enter the pageant,
165
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,947
will you stop your protesting?
166
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:46,983
Well...
167
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,792
a man in a beauty contest
would be a big step forward.
168
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:54,864
All right. Let Screech enter
and I'll call off the protest.
169
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,666
Okay.
Sign up.
170
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,263
Mom will be so proud.
171
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,111
I don't believe this.
172
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,707
Screech is making a mockery
out of the pageant.
173
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,514
No, Lisa. This is the first time
the pageant hasn't been a mockery.
174
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,646
People should vote
for the inner person.
175
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:17,088
Give me a break.
It's easy for you to talk.
176
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:18,557
You're not in the contest.
177
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,923
I'd feel the same way
if I were in it.
178
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,793
No, you'd feel ridiculous
competing against Screech.
179
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:27,164
No, she wouldn't.
I bet Jessie would be proud
180
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,135
to be part of an event that treats
men and women equally.
181
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:33,265
- Right, Jessie?
- Well, yeah. I suppose so.
182
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,775
- Then why don't you enter?
- Yeah.
183
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,176
Yeah, show off
your inner person.
184
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,307
All right, I will.
I'm in.
185
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,645
Right. Way to go, Mama.
186
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,844
I mean, Ms. Mama.
187
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,852
- Jessie what?
- I saw it with my own two eyes.
188
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,917
She entered the beauty pageant.
189
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:58,090
She thinks she's got the prettiest
"inner person" in the school.
190
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,724
Let's see if her inner person
191
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,757
can match my outer person
in a bikini.
192
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:04,395
Ooh. Does that mean you're going
to give her some competition?
193
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,428
- You're darn right I am.
- Great.
194
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,464
Having a beauty contest
without you, Kelly,
195
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,943
is like having snap and crackle
without the pop.
196
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,414
Hey, guys.
What's up?
197
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:18,315
Nothing much, except that the Miss
Bayside has become a real contest
198
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:19,978
now that Jessie
and Kelly are in.
199
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:22,545
What?
Kelly, you're in?
200
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:25,854
Yeah, and don't feel bad
about backing Screech instead of me.
201
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:28,156
- No hard feelings?
- Of course not.
202
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,720
And until the pageant is over,
no more dates.
203
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,237
Kelly.
204
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,268
Could you hand me
my towel, please?
205
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,212
Sure.
206
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,286
What does that mean?
207
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,913
It means you're a hypocrite!
Talking me out of the pageant,
208
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,787
and then you
entering it yourself!
209
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:01,454
Excuse me, but I'm in because
the politics behind it changed.
210
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,156
But I wouldn't expect
you to grasp that.
211
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,790
Your understanding of politics
212
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:09,132
is limited to who won the election
on "Sesame Street."
213
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,394
Can you believe this snob?
214
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,566
I can't believe you,
Kelly-come-lately!
215
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:15,597
Me?
216
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,906
It's not enough for you to be
Homecoming Queen,
217
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,878
you have to butt into the pageant
to upstage me!
218
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:22,439
I've got news for you.
This is one beauty pageant
219
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,881
you are not gonna win.
220
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,851
It is not a beauty contest anymore.
221
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:31,289
That's right, you entered it!
222
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:35,685
- Watch it, cheerleader!
- Watch it, egghead!
223
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:37,560
(all shouting)
224
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,157
Hey, hey, hey.
Wait a minute.
225
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,294
What are we getting
so upset for?
226
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,929
We are up against Screech.
227
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,773
(laughing)
228
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,170
All right, rehearsals
for the talent competition.
229
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,773
Let's go.
Come on, everybody.
230
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,078
Jeannie Tyler, you're up first.
231
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,412
(marching music plays)
232
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,964
(music stops)
233
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,301
(piano playing)
234
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:26,904
(violin plays)
235
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:59,401
The caterpillar emerges
from a cocoon
236
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,540
and takes
a look at her new body.
237
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,574
Now she is a butterfly.
238
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,916
Now she has wings,
239
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,548
and now she can fly!
240
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,957
Screech's chances
look better than ever.
241
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:22,024
Just wait till
you hear Kelly sing.
242
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,867
She's got a voice like a bird.
Watch.
243
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,064
(piano plays)
244
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,313
(off-key singing)
? Blue moon ?
245
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:37,180
? You saw me
standing alone ?
246
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:41,016
? Without a dream
in my heart ?
247
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:45,218
? Without a love
of my own ?
248
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,625
(piano stops)
249
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,725
I didn't say what bird.
250
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:54,930
Ooh.
251
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,335
Okay, next...
252
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,362
The Great Screechini.
253
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,397
(music plays)
254
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,601
Thank you, Zack.
255
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:10,105
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to the wonderful world of magic.
256
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:14,381
And now allow me to present
my wonderful assistant, Kevin.
257
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,980
Kevin, you're all dressed up.
258
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,995
I've got a date
with Robocop's kid sister.
259
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,162
I'll do the jokes.
260
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,361
Hey, boss, I've got to blow my nose
and I don't have a handkerchief.
261
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,564
- Can I borrow yours?
- This is very unprofessional.
262
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,035
You'd better hurry it up!
I feel a sneezing fit coming on.
263
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,009
Ah-ah...
264
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,241
ah-ah-tchoo!
265
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,748
Gesundheit!
266
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,910
Make that check
payable to Zachary--
267
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:47,215
We'll see about that, Preppie.
268
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,352
(fast rhythm playing)
269
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,578
What are you doing?
270
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,084
If a guy is going
to win this pageant,
271
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:19,278
it's going to be me!
272
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:21,309
I'm in, Preppie.
273
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,022
Face it, Zack,
274
00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:34,624
now that Slater's entered,
I don't stand a chance.
275
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,658
You're wrong, Screech.
276
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,602
Take away his looks, his muscles
277
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,367
and his smile, and what's left?
278
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:41,635
Me?
279
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:46,206
Slater never would have entered
this contest if it weren't for you.
280
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:49,112
Are you going to sit back and let
him steal the credit you deserve?
281
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:51,139
Well, what can I do?
282
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:55,017
Get back in there and fight.
283
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:56,749
- Oww!
- Oops.
284
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,121
Sorry, boss.
I think I gave you a shiner.
285
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:06,597
Oh, no.
Look at my eye.
286
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:09,567
I'll never win
the beauty pageant now.
287
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,593
Oh yeah?
288
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,799
That's what you think.
289
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:18,306
Hey, guys. Did you hear about
Slater and Screech?
290
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,278
Yeah, they both did great
at the talent rehearsal.
291
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,010
Oh, no. That's old news.
I mean Screech's black eye.
292
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,040
Slater gave Screech a black eye?
293
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:28,645
You're kidding!
Slater gave Screech a black eye?
294
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,816
Did you hear what Slater did
to Screech last night?
295
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:31,847
- What?
- What?
296
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,985
Slater dropped Screech
off the roof of the school!
297
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:35,619
- No kidding!
- No kidding!
298
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,425
Did you hear Screech was
in surgery for eight hours?
299
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,455
I know. He's still
in intensive care.
300
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,265
AC Slater should be locked up.
301
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:45,737
Did you hear Screech
is on life-support?
302
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,068
Yeah, but the brave little guy
303
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:48,733
still wants to compete
in the pageant.
304
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,970
If the hospital
lets him out on time.
305
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,172
Both: Wow!
306
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,947
Thank you.
307
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:58,508
And now, continuing with
our swimsuit competition.
308
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,885
Next up is Jeannie Tyler.
309
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,250
Thank you, Jeannie.
310
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:11,229
Our next contestant
is Kelly Kapowski.
311
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,692
Kelly's our head cheerleader.
312
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,604
She's used to leading cheers,
but now she's receiving them.
313
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:24,799
Thanks, Kelly.
314
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,303
Our next contestant
is Jessie Spano.
315
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:32,748
Where is your swimsuit, Jessie?
316
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,257
I don't believe a woman should be
displayed like a side of beef.
317
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:41,560
However, I am wearing
a swimsuit underneath,
318
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,858
and for those of you who
enjoy that sort of thing,
319
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,887
it's blue
with pink stripes, okay?
320
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:54,066
Next a different look
for this year's competition --
321
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,097
AC Slater!
322
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,726
Gee, I wonder why
they don't like him?
323
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,053
Okay.
324
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,294
Thank you very much, AC Slater.
325
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,373
Next, Samuel Powers,
326
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,967
better known to all
of you as Screech!
327
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,479
(applause)
328
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,780
I think they like him.
329
00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:48,751
All right, now for our finalists
in the Miss Bayside Pageant.
330
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,956
The winner will
go on to Sacramento
331
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,989
to compete for the title
of Miss High School California.
332
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:57,025
- Each girl--
- Ahem.
333
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,970
Or guy, will answer one question
334
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:02,600
and give her, or his, answer.
335
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,906
Are you ready, Jeannie Tyler?
336
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:09,906
Yes.
That was an easy question.
337
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,244
Well, thank you, Jeannie.
338
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:18,916
Next, Kelly Kapowski.
339
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:26,998
Kelly, "What do you think
we can do
340
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,934
to make this a more
peaceful world?"
341
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,131
I don't think it's enough
to believe in peace.
342
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,833
You have to cheer it along.
Like...
343
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,673
gimme a P-E-A-C-E!
344
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:41,078
P-E-A-C-E!
Yay, peace!
345
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,010
Thank you, Kelly.
346
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,042
Next, Lisa Turtle.
347
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,459
"Do you think beauty pageants
are out of touch
348
00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:55,893
with today's
changing woman?"
349
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:59,057
No, I don't. I think beauty
should be appreciated
350
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,931
wherever you can find it.
There are so many terrible things
351
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,959
in the world today, why not have
a pageant that makes you feel good?
352
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:09,369
Thank you, Lisa.
353
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:12,241
And now, for our final
contestant for Miss Bayside,
354
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:16,146
Miss...ter
Samuel Powers.
355
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:21,780
All right.
356
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,880
"What have you learned
from competing
357
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,085
in the Miss Bayside
Pageant?"
358
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:33,060
Well, I've learned that every
geek can have his day.
359
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,625
Tonight, hundreds of my
fellow students cheered for me.
360
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,864
I never felt so
proud in my life.
361
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,065
But it's time for me to stop
thinking about myself.
362
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,268
I don't like this.
363
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:44,800
If you choose me,
there's no way Miss Bayside
364
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,142
could possibly win
Miss High School California.
365
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:50,274
I mean any of these girls
would be better.
366
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:55,117
So please, don't vote for me.
367
00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:59,953
Now that's inner beauty.
368
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:03,485
Don't listen to him,
he's still on medication!
369
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,532
All right, this is
the big moment.
370
00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:09,557
Good luck, everyone.
371
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:13,869
The new Miss Bayside is...
372
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:17,240
the lovely, the beautiful...
373
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,877
Screech!
374
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,844
I don't believe it.
375
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:32,119
I've lost
to a teenage mutant dork?
376
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:40,524
Okay, well, here you go.
Here's your 50 bucks.
377
00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:43,263
Keep your money.
It wasn't a fair fight.
378
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:46,431
I started a rumor that you
gave Screech that black eye.
379
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:50,102
What? So that's why no one
cheered for me then.
380
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:52,338
You wouldn't have won
anyway. Besides,
381
00:21:52,378 --> 00:21:55,780
have you ever seen a more
beautiful Miss Bayside than that?
382
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,613
Never.
383
00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:03,779
? Say, isn't she--
he charming? ?
384
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:09,057
? Isn't he a pearl? ?
385
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:13,531
? Lovely, disarming ?
386
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:17,696
? Not even a girl ?
387
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:22,139
? He's bursting
with beauty ?
388
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:26,975
? And now it's my duty ?
389
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:31,313
? To present to you with pride ?
390
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:40,816
? The very first
Mister Miss Bayside! ?
391
00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:52,597
(instrumental theme music plays)
392
00:22:52,647 --> 00:22:57,197
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