Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,451 --> 00:00:03,421
What gadget do you have
for us today, Al?
2
00:00:03,486 --> 00:00:07,616
Well, Tim, I think I have
an interesting item.
3
00:00:07,691 --> 00:00:12,961
A light bulb that is guaranteed
to last 100 years.
4
00:00:13,029 --> 00:00:16,729
Al, that's... that's not really that new.
It's been around quite awhile.
5
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,930
Well, perhaps.
But this is guaranteed to last
6
00:00:20,003 --> 00:00:23,133
100 years and I have a certificate...
7
00:00:24,975 --> 00:00:25,905
to prove it.
8
00:00:25,976 --> 00:00:29,876
How do you know the company
will be around a hundred years?
9
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:35,810
Well...
10
00:00:35,886 --> 00:00:36,906
Uh...
11
00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:39,977
Someone will be held responsible.
12
00:00:40,056 --> 00:00:42,016
- How many of these did you buy?
- Well, Tim, I...
13
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:51,970
Just that one.
14
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:55,800
And they said it was good for
a hundred years.
15
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:01,167
Ah! There's the theme music.
You know what time that means it is.
16
00:01:01,244 --> 00:01:04,774
Time to hear another word from Binford
about some of their fine new products.
17
00:01:04,848 --> 00:01:06,038
That's right.
18
00:01:06,116 --> 00:01:09,416
I'd like to introduce you to Binford's
small line of industrial magnets.
19
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:14,546
The MiniMag 100 is perfect
for picking up screws and nails.
20
00:01:14,624 --> 00:01:17,534
It can also pick up small tools
that have carelessly been dropped
21
00:01:17,594 --> 00:01:21,094
behind the workbench.
Perhaps the fault of a coworker.
22
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:27,097
And the MiniMag 2000.
23
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:32,040
Small, but powerful.
10 pounds will pick up 400 pounds.
24
00:01:32,108 --> 00:01:35,268
This would suck the Tin Man
right through a keyhole.
25
00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:38,276
Well, it was designed to pick up
sheet metal,
26
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,078
so you'll want to keep it pointed...
27
00:01:40,150 --> 00:01:42,550
Tim...
28
00:01:43,887 --> 00:01:46,817
No, no.
Just slide it straight down.
29
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,590
Tim...
30
00:01:55,498 --> 00:01:57,728
Pretty powerful little thing,
isn't it?
31
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,397
Marv, pull it back! Marv!
32
00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:06,905
Oh!
33
00:02:11,915 --> 00:02:15,145
We'll be right back after these
messages from Binford.
34
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:23,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
35
00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:26,554
Well, what do you think?
Could we put the kids in the middle?
36
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,123
All right. All right.
All right, guys.
37
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:32,464
Attention on deck.
38
00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,759
I got all the snacks ready for
the game of the century.
39
00:03:34,831 --> 00:03:35,841
The Pistons versus the Bulls.
40
00:03:35,865 --> 00:03:37,585
Michael Jordan, Isiah Thomas.
41
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:40,137
Ah!
42
00:03:40,203 --> 00:03:41,473
- What'd you get?
- All right.
43
00:03:41,538 --> 00:03:44,628
Cheese nutrition.
Cheese Doodles,
44
00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:49,297
Cheese Oodles, Cheese Curls,
Cheese Puffs -
45
00:03:49,379 --> 00:03:52,539
teeth-stainin', artery-blockin',
stomach-bloatin'...
46
00:03:55,018 --> 00:03:56,448
- Gee, no dessert?
- Yes.
47
00:03:56,519 --> 00:03:58,539
Cheesecake.
48
00:04:00,423 --> 00:04:02,583
- You want to join us?
- You know I'd love to,
49
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,559
but my jock is in the wash.
50
00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:08,007
Would you come out in the garage?
I want to talk to you for a minute.
51
00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:10,401
- She just can't get enough of me.
- Nope.
52
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,927
What's up?
53
00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,271
My computer crashed.
I gotta go to work today
54
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:17,327
and recreate all of the research
for next week's lead article.
55
00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:19,267
It means I can't take Mark
to the ballet.
56
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,420
Mark was really looking forward
to going to Swan Lake with you.
57
00:04:21,444 --> 00:04:22,144
What are you gonna do?
58
00:04:22,212 --> 00:04:23,542
Gonna get you to do it.
59
00:04:23,613 --> 00:04:25,173
- Me?
- Yeah.
60
00:04:25,248 --> 00:04:28,678
Back the tutu up, honey.
61
00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:30,241
- Honey, you have to.
- No.
62
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:31,910
I already had to miss that...
63
00:04:31,988 --> 00:04:34,858
that Cub Scout pancake thing
a week ago because of work.
64
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:36,364
I don't want to
disappoint him again.
65
00:04:36,426 --> 00:04:38,756
- Ask Karen.
- I did. Karen's busy.
66
00:04:38,828 --> 00:04:41,418
Everybody is busy.
She suggested you.
67
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:43,128
No. Absolutely not.
68
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:46,029
Tim, look. Mark has really been
looking forward to this
69
00:04:46,102 --> 00:04:47,872
ever since he saw
The Nutcracker on TV.
70
00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:49,337
It really means a lot to him.
71
00:04:49,405 --> 00:04:51,525
Give him a ticket and call him a cab.
72
00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:53,128
Tim!
73
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,769
He can take my car.
74
00:04:54,844 --> 00:04:58,584
Put a pillow in there, he'll look like
Grandma with just his knuckles showing.
75
00:04:58,648 --> 00:04:59,668
"I can't see anything."
76
00:04:59,749 --> 00:05:01,909
Tim, you know,
you might enjoy this.
77
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:04,915
It's a great story. It's about
the power of undying love.
78
00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:07,678
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Boy meets bird.
79
00:05:07,757 --> 00:05:09,777
Boy loses bird.
80
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:12,689
Boy pan fries bird.
81
00:05:12,762 --> 00:05:15,532
Not exactly. It's about this princess
and her friends.
82
00:05:15,598 --> 00:05:16,878
They're hanging out at the lake.
83
00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:18,533
And this evil sorcerer...
84
00:05:18,601 --> 00:05:21,831
comes along and turns
them all into swans.
85
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:25,525
Well, then the prince, Ziegfried,
comes along
86
00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:30,408
to hunt the swans -
weapons, bows and arrows -
87
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,240
and the princess says,
"Please, I'm not a swan."
88
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:36,806
"I'm really just a person.
Don't kill me."
89
00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:40,336
So it's a swan with an identity crisis.
90
00:05:41,691 --> 00:05:44,161
OK. Let's try another story.
91
00:05:44,227 --> 00:05:48,247
Once upon a time there was a beautiful,
lovely and talented queen
92
00:05:48,331 --> 00:05:52,961
who was married to an evil king,
the King Selfish.
93
00:05:53,036 --> 00:05:54,586
Mmm, I'm gonna like this guy.
94
00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:56,201
Yeah, you would like this guy.
95
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,642
He has a low-rated tool show where most
of the work is done by his assistant,
96
00:05:59,709 --> 00:06:01,179
the Earl of Al.
97
00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:07,746
Anyway, our kind and sensitive
and breathtakingly beautiful queen
98
00:06:07,817 --> 00:06:12,577
wanted a knight in shining armor to
come and take the young princeling
99
00:06:12,655 --> 00:06:15,015
to the palace dance festival.
100
00:06:15,091 --> 00:06:17,791
I hate ballet. I hate it.
101
00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:20,890
You go to the ballet, you burp,
people are going, "Shh, quiet!"
102
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,194
"Hiss! Shhh!"
103
00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:25,856
Tim, I took those kids to
the monster truck rally for you.
104
00:06:25,935 --> 00:06:27,112
- Do you remember that?
- Uh-huh.
105
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:30,326
Ten to one, no one there went,
"Hey, lady! Quiet! You're burping!"
106
00:06:30,406 --> 00:06:33,336
"I can't hear Fordzilla!"
107
00:06:35,378 --> 00:06:36,308
All right, all right, all right.
108
00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:37,569
I'll take him.
109
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,307
I'll tape the game on
ye old royal VCR.
110
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:42,353
Thank you.
111
00:06:42,952 --> 00:06:45,282
You are my favorite knight.
112
00:06:45,855 --> 00:06:49,755
And later on, I'll make sure you
have your favorite night.
113
00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:55,863
Now, remember,
if this doesn't work out,
114
00:06:55,932 --> 00:06:57,802
I'm not gonna be able to
leave you alone again.
115
00:06:57,867 --> 00:07:00,227
Mom, don't worry about us.
We can handle it.
116
00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:02,281
Well, good. 'Cause you know, I'd like
to be able to leave you
117
00:07:02,305 --> 00:07:04,025
for a few hours
in the middle of the day
118
00:07:04,107 --> 00:07:05,727
and know that you guys
are gonna be OK.
119
00:07:05,808 --> 00:07:06,968
You can!
120
00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:09,243
Are you gonna call
before you come home?
121
00:07:09,312 --> 00:07:10,402
Why are you asking me that?
122
00:07:12,248 --> 00:07:13,738
No reason.
123
00:07:13,816 --> 00:07:15,936
Yeah, right.
124
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,539
I think that you should know
125
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:20,110
that I could be home
at any moment.
126
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:24,749
Now, Wilson is gonna be next door
the whole time if you need anything.
127
00:07:24,827 --> 00:07:26,627
And here are the emergency
numbers right here.
128
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,856
We know. We know.
We call them all the time for Dad.
129
00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,401
Yeah.
130
00:07:37,573 --> 00:07:39,803
They're handsome.
131
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:43,536
They're virile.
132
00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:45,883
They even changed
their underwear.
133
00:07:45,948 --> 00:07:49,178
So, what?
You're wearing his? He's wearing yours?
134
00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:51,082
And his are a little tight.
135
00:07:51,154 --> 00:07:54,024
But they're so attractive.
Oh, you all look great.
136
00:07:54,090 --> 00:07:56,490
Hey, Dad. Have fun at Swine Lake
137
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,973
You guys are just jealous
because you don't get to dress up
138
00:08:00,997 --> 00:08:02,657
and look cool like Mark and I.
139
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,962
Now listen, I want you guys to have fun.
140
00:08:05,034 --> 00:08:08,204
But, Mark, this is a grown-up place
141
00:08:08,271 --> 00:08:10,211
and I want you to be
on your best behavior.
142
00:08:10,273 --> 00:08:13,003
And remember, Tim,
this is a grown-up place,
143
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,566
and I want you to be
on your best behavior.
144
00:08:15,645 --> 00:08:17,905
We know it's a cultural event.
We'll make you real proud.
145
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:19,070
All right.
146
00:08:19,148 --> 00:08:20,338
Hey, lady! You in the beak!
147
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,579
Nice jump! Go, swans, go!
148
00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:28,015
Go, swans, go! Go, swans, go!
149
00:08:28,324 --> 00:08:30,954
- Hey, Wilson.
- Hi-ho, Tim.
150
00:08:31,027 --> 00:08:34,547
Well, my, my, my, don't you look
spiffy for the ballet today.
151
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:35,674
- You heading out?
- Thank you.
152
00:08:35,698 --> 00:08:37,058
As a matter of fact we are.
153
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,510
Keep a close watch on these guys,
will you?
154
00:08:38,534 --> 00:08:41,054
And thanks very much for doing it.
You should see us about 5:00.
155
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,274
Mm, anytime.
Boy, it's too bad you're busy today.
156
00:08:43,339 --> 00:08:46,139
I've got two free tickets
to the Pistons/Bulls game.
157
00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:48,069
Oh!
158
00:08:48,144 --> 00:08:49,874
Ohh!
159
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,806
It's a shame. First row.
160
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,351
- No!
- Mm-hm. Courtside.
161
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:56,576
No way! Courtside?
162
00:08:56,652 --> 00:08:58,642
Let me just take a look at them.
163
00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:00,355
This is down...
164
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:01,800
these are right behind
the players' bench.
165
00:09:01,824 --> 00:09:04,294
- How did you get these?
- Radio call-in contest.
166
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,950
They asked the name of the astronomer
famous for his three laws
167
00:09:07,029 --> 00:09:09,119
describing the motion of the planets
around the sun.
168
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:13,658
And I was the 15th caller that knew
that it was, indeed, Johannes Kepler.
169
00:09:13,736 --> 00:09:17,826
There were 14 other people
that knew that?
170
00:09:17,907 --> 00:09:19,027
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
171
00:09:19,108 --> 00:09:22,408
Boy, these are just...
these are just unbelieve...
172
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:24,408
Oh, man.
173
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,325
I mean, once in a lifetime that you
get to sit back there with those play...
174
00:09:26,349 --> 00:09:28,149
Mm-hm.
175
00:09:30,052 --> 00:09:32,464
- I'd give my left arm for these.
- Mm-hm. Well, it's a shame.
176
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,433
- I'll just have to throw them out.
- Oh! Don't throw them out.
177
00:09:34,457 --> 00:09:35,947
Don't throw them out.
I think I...
178
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:38,370
I gotta find somebody... I'll find
somebody to use those tickets.
179
00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:39,864
- Here you go.
- Hey, thanks.
180
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:41,589
Oh, my pleasure.
181
00:09:42,465 --> 00:09:43,575
Dad, you ready to go to the ballet?
182
00:09:43,599 --> 00:09:45,659
Let's go to that ballet.
183
00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:48,295
Come over here, quick, quick,
quick, quick!
184
00:09:48,371 --> 00:09:49,861
All right, you know what these are?
185
00:09:49,939 --> 00:09:53,099
These are courtside seats to
the Pistons/Bulls game.
186
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:56,166
We'd sit so close,
they might ask us to play.
187
00:09:56,245 --> 00:09:57,175
Wow!
188
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:58,390
Darn right.
Well, you want to go?
189
00:09:58,414 --> 00:10:00,944
No. I want to see the swans.
190
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:05,217
Maybe you didn't hear me.
191
00:10:05,288 --> 00:10:06,718
Courtside. Right up front.
192
00:10:06,789 --> 00:10:07,719
Michael Jordan.
193
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:09,420
Won't Mom be disappointed?
194
00:10:09,492 --> 00:10:11,322
Yeah, yeah.
She would, wouldn't she?
195
00:10:11,394 --> 00:10:12,664
Don't wanna disappoint her.
196
00:10:12,728 --> 00:10:14,628
Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
197
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,217
We might be able to do both.
198
00:10:16,299 --> 00:10:18,929
That ballet starts about
12:45, 1:00, doesn't it?
199
00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:22,031
Tip off's at two.
Perfect. Perfect.
200
00:10:22,104 --> 00:10:24,204
Will the ballet be over by two?
201
00:10:24,273 --> 00:10:25,573
Not over over.
202
00:10:25,641 --> 00:10:27,352
Most of the ballet's
the first 20 minutes anyway.
203
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:30,366
After that, the real dancers get tired
and they send in the second string
204
00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:32,176
goes in and dances.
205
00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:33,508
I don't know.
206
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:35,143
Come on. All right, um...
207
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,378
All the hot dogs
and soda you want.
208
00:10:37,453 --> 00:10:39,443
- I don't think so.
- All right. All right.
209
00:10:39,522 --> 00:10:41,352
I'll buy you one of those
big foam fingers.
210
00:10:41,424 --> 00:10:42,554
- Really?
- Yeah.
211
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:45,145
- Wow! Let's go!
- All right!
212
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:53,431
Hey, Randy, check it out.
I found Mom's stash of cookies.
213
00:10:53,503 --> 00:10:55,133
Turn on the game.
214
00:10:55,204 --> 00:10:57,264
I will. I will.
215
00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,438
After...
216
00:11:01,511 --> 00:11:04,171
I smoke my cigar.
217
00:11:05,648 --> 00:11:08,808
Whoa, cool.
Where did you get that?
218
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:11,545
Dad's sock drawer.
He's got a whole box.
219
00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:14,561
That's why his socks smell so bad.
220
00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:18,224
No. I think that's why
this cigar smells so bad.
221
00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:21,418
Well, let's smoke it.
222
00:11:21,497 --> 00:11:22,557
How do you light it?
223
00:11:22,632 --> 00:11:25,472
I think you're supposed to
bite off the end first.
224
00:11:33,576 --> 00:11:35,406
Well, you're not supposed to eat it.
225
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,752
- Just light the cigar.
- Not in here. It smells.
226
00:11:41,817 --> 00:11:43,607
- Outside.
- OK.
227
00:11:45,755 --> 00:11:47,845
Wait a minute.
228
00:11:49,025 --> 00:11:52,115
Cigars and cookies. We're men.
229
00:12:03,839 --> 00:12:06,209
Does your mouth still taste nasty?
230
00:12:06,275 --> 00:12:10,295
Yeah, it tastes like chocolate chip
cookies and Dad's socks.
231
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,049
Whoo! You still smell like smoke.
232
00:12:15,117 --> 00:12:17,307
Spray me with that air freshener again.
233
00:12:18,621 --> 00:12:20,651
Brad, Randy,
where'd you guys go?!
234
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:21,453
Hey.
235
00:12:21,524 --> 00:12:24,154
- Dad's here.
- Quick, hide the can.
236
00:12:29,198 --> 00:12:29,958
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Dad.
237
00:12:30,032 --> 00:12:31,902
Hey, guys.
238
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,728
Well, congratulations.
239
00:12:33,803 --> 00:12:35,113
- The house is in one piece.
- Thank you.
240
00:12:35,137 --> 00:12:37,967
And you thought you couldn't trust us.
241
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,510
Hm. What's that smell?
242
00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:42,035
It's a new cologne Jennifer gave me.
243
00:12:42,111 --> 00:12:44,151
Euf! I'd take it back.
It smells like air freshener.
244
00:12:44,914 --> 00:12:46,944
- Well, can we go to Billy's?
- Yeah.
245
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,136
I'll call you for dinner.
246
00:12:49,218 --> 00:12:50,948
Bye, Dad.
247
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,650
Love you, Dad. Bye.
248
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,427
Dad, the game was great.
249
00:13:00,496 --> 00:13:02,786
You bet it was.
Courtside, front row, you and me.
250
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:05,725
- That's the way to see B-ball.
- Yeah.
251
00:13:05,801 --> 00:13:09,291
Do you think that referee's
still mad at you?
252
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,072
He knows I was just stretching my legs.
253
00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:13,300
I wasn't trying to trip him.
254
00:13:14,677 --> 00:13:17,767
You know, Dad, I liked the basketball
game a lot better than the ballet.
255
00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:21,247
Oh, that's exactly what you do not
want to say to your mom.
256
00:13:21,317 --> 00:13:22,547
Why not?
257
00:13:22,618 --> 00:13:24,518
Because she wanted you
to go to the ballet.
258
00:13:24,587 --> 00:13:25,764
You wanted to go to the ballet.
259
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,099
And I don't think she's
gonna be all that happy
260
00:13:27,123 --> 00:13:28,600
about us going to the basketball game.
261
00:13:28,624 --> 00:13:30,464
You said she'd be all for it.
262
00:13:30,526 --> 00:13:34,426
I say strange things when I got
courtside tickets right in my hand.
263
00:13:34,497 --> 00:13:38,257
The truth is we are going to be
in a lot of trouble.
264
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:40,504
What are we gonna do?
We can't lie.
265
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,559
We're not going to lie to her.
266
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,373
We just gotta tell her
in the right way...
267
00:13:46,442 --> 00:13:49,042
You know, I'll tell her later.
We're just delaying the truth.
268
00:13:50,546 --> 00:13:53,106
- Oh, hi, guys!
- Hey, hey.
269
00:13:55,551 --> 00:13:57,951
So how did Brad and Randy do?
270
00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,450
Brad and Ran...?
Oh, they did great.
271
00:13:59,522 --> 00:14:01,112
The house is good.
They're at Billy's.
272
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,750
- So how was the ballet?
- It was wonderful.
273
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:04,970
Yeah? Did you enjoy it, Mark?
274
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:06,394
He loved it!
275
00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:09,062
- Did you, Mark?
- Every bit of it.
276
00:14:09,131 --> 00:14:11,901
Would you let Mark answer?
What did you think about it?
277
00:14:11,967 --> 00:14:13,567
Wasn't it a great story...?
What is this?
278
00:14:13,636 --> 00:14:15,496
You got some mustard on your shirt?
279
00:14:15,571 --> 00:14:17,101
We had hot dogs at halftime.
280
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:19,873
At intermission, you had hot dogs.
281
00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:26,058
Maybe you should go change that shirt
282
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:28,982
and get that mustard out of there
before it sets in the stain.
283
00:14:29,051 --> 00:14:31,251
Since when do they serve
hot dogs at intermission?
284
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:35,120
It's children's day today.
They had hot dogs, bratwurst,
285
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:39,721
you know, nachos with that drippy cheese
and everything, and swan cookies.
286
00:14:45,401 --> 00:14:48,841
Tim, why do I get the feeling that
you did not go to the ballet today?
287
00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:51,774
That's stupid.
I brought the program home.
288
00:14:51,841 --> 00:14:54,211
- It's right there.
- Oh.
289
00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:57,606
Oh, gee, it is.
290
00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,270
Well, so, what did you think of it?
291
00:14:59,348 --> 00:15:01,938
What did I think? It was...
292
00:15:02,017 --> 00:15:04,107
it was tragic and breathtaking.
293
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:06,251
Really?
294
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,692
One of the most beloved ballets
of all time.
295
00:15:10,793 --> 00:15:14,423
Here's what Robert Baker of
Detroit Arts Magazine
296
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,627
has to say about this:
"Tragic and breathtaking."
297
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:21,000
"One of the most beloved
ballets of all time."
298
00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:27,106
What are the odds? You know...
299
00:15:29,278 --> 00:15:31,022
that he and I
would have the same opinion?
300
00:15:31,046 --> 00:15:32,806
You know, that's...
301
00:15:32,882 --> 00:15:34,362
You didn't go to the ballet, did you?
302
00:15:34,416 --> 00:15:35,876
Yes, I did.
303
00:15:35,951 --> 00:15:38,151
Then how does it end?
304
00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,950
The audience wakes up
and stumbles to their car.
305
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,458
Oh, no.
306
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:55,473
So they sold this right alongside
the little swan cookies, is that right?
307
00:15:55,538 --> 00:16:00,478
Wilson gave me some tickets to
the basketball game just before I left.
308
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,513
So, you went there instead.
309
00:16:02,578 --> 00:16:04,878
No. Actually, we went to
the ballet and the basketball...
310
00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:06,847
We just left the ballet a little early.
311
00:16:06,916 --> 00:16:09,276
So how long did you stay?
Five minutes?
312
00:16:09,351 --> 00:16:12,951
Oh, come on.
We stayed 30 minutes.
313
00:16:16,325 --> 00:16:19,555
Tim, I have been trying to expose the boys
314
00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:22,858
to something other than sports,
tools and cars.
315
00:16:22,932 --> 00:16:26,602
I mean, Brad has zero interest.
Randy's light is barely flickering.
316
00:16:26,669 --> 00:16:28,359
I had a chance with Mark.
317
00:16:28,437 --> 00:16:30,167
Why did you have to go and ruin that?
318
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,499
I didn't ruin it.
Now listen to me for a minute.
319
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:35,305
Courtside, players' bench,
these are very amazing seats.
320
00:16:35,377 --> 00:16:36,388
- You don't get...
- I don't care!
321
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,902
You taught Mark something today!
322
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:42,040
You taught him that basketball is cool
and ballet is stupid.
323
00:16:42,117 --> 00:16:43,407
You're overreacting.
324
00:16:43,485 --> 00:16:47,105
I did not tell him any of that.
He does not think ballet is stupid.
325
00:16:47,189 --> 00:16:48,549
We were only there 30 minutes.
326
00:16:48,624 --> 00:16:51,294
Now had he been there for
the whole thing, he might have...
327
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,230
Oh, come on!
328
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,026
Wilson, what are you doing?
329
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,234
Oh, just doing a little
spring cleaning, Tim.
330
00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:05,636
Beating the dust out of my rug.
331
00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:08,728
I thought you had your own hair.
332
00:17:08,811 --> 00:17:12,911
Oh, that's a good one, neighbor.
333
00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:14,659
By the way, did you
find anybody to take those
334
00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:16,483
basketball tickets off your hands?
335
00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:19,682
Uh, as a matter of fact,
I took Mark to the game.
336
00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:23,085
And I've got to thank you for the best
seats I've ever had at a basketball game.
337
00:17:23,158 --> 00:17:25,848
Really? I thought you were
going to the ballet.
338
00:17:25,928 --> 00:17:28,918
Uh, well...
339
00:17:28,998 --> 00:17:30,398
tried to do both.
340
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,866
Well, very good.
341
00:17:31,934 --> 00:17:34,904
Basketball and ballet in the same day.
342
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,870
You're raising your boys
to be Renaissance men.
343
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,970
Actually, I'm not interested
in Renaissance men.
344
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,143
I think ballet's stupid.
345
00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:44,742
Really?
346
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,843
Why do you think it's stupid?
347
00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:49,816
- It's ballet.
- Uh-huh.
348
00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:52,175
What is it that you don't enjoy about it?
349
00:17:52,254 --> 00:17:54,224
It's ballet.
350
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,920
Well, Tim, I think we've established that.
351
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,652
How much ballet have you actually seen?
352
00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:04,598
Well, counting the 30 minutes I saw
today, about 36 minutes, lifetime total.
353
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:05,567
Uh-huh.
354
00:18:05,634 --> 00:18:10,204
Well, then I would have to say that
your opinion is based on ignorance.
355
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,500
You just called me ignorant?
356
00:18:13,575 --> 00:18:16,475
Well, when it comes to ballet,
I guess I did.
357
00:18:16,545 --> 00:18:18,835
Ignorance is a breeding ground
for prejudice.
358
00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:21,084
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
359
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:24,148
You ask anybody.
I'm not a prejudiced guy.
360
00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:27,379
Not against people.
Perhaps against ideas, though.
361
00:18:27,456 --> 00:18:31,256
See, Tim. Anytime a man forms
an opinion that's not based on facts,
362
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,157
then he's a fool.
363
00:18:33,228 --> 00:18:35,028
Oh, great, great, great.
364
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:38,397
Now I'm an ignorant, prejudiced fool.
365
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,125
Mm-hm.
366
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:49,466
- I found this in Mark's room.
- Thanks.
367
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,405
About yesterday,
368
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:56,110
I want to reiterate that getting courtside
tickets front row is a very big deal.
369
00:18:56,185 --> 00:18:59,875
Tim, I'm happy that you were there
to spend the day with Mark.
370
00:18:59,955 --> 00:19:04,585
But every weekend, you know,
it's always these "guy" things.
371
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:09,860
You know, there's basketball, the hot rod,
grunting, making noises on the couch.
372
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:15,672
It's like, um, this is a boys club.
You know, no girls allowed.
373
00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:19,498
Girls are allowed. You just can't
make the same noises we can.
374
00:19:21,944 --> 00:19:25,684
You know, you don't have to like
the things that I like.
375
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:28,238
Whew. Thank you.
376
00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:31,507
I just want to make sure that you
make it OK for the boys
377
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:34,677
to like the things that I like.
378
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:36,487
Let them make up
their own minds, OK?
379
00:19:36,558 --> 00:19:37,888
Point well taken.
I understand it.
380
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,860
You know, we did go
to the ballet, you know?
381
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,228
And I did enjoy it.
382
00:19:41,296 --> 00:19:42,846
You enjoyed it?
383
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,061
Not the whole half hour. But...
384
00:19:47,636 --> 00:19:48,780
I don't know what
the guy's name was.
385
00:19:48,804 --> 00:19:51,364
This one guy, twiddle toes,
he was, like, real athletic.
386
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,080
This guy was jumping up in the air.
I mean, if he had a basketball,
387
00:19:54,143 --> 00:19:57,243
he could have slam-dunked
that thing anywhere in the NBA.
388
00:19:57,312 --> 00:19:58,823
I think you might really enjoy ballet.
389
00:19:58,847 --> 00:20:00,467
Why don't you just go
with me sometime?
390
00:20:00,549 --> 00:20:03,679
Eh, the stories are a little slow.
Men need more excitement.
391
00:20:03,752 --> 00:20:05,882
So, I've... I had an idea.
392
00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:10,654
- What?
- I created a ballet of my own.
393
00:20:10,726 --> 00:20:12,816
I don't think the dance world
is ready for this.
394
00:20:12,895 --> 00:20:16,955
Ah, I think you're wrong.
Come sit on the couch here.
395
00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:22,492
I made this tape for people who are
prejudiced against the ballet, OK?
396
00:20:23,572 --> 00:20:27,062
OK, welcome to
the More Power Ballet Hour
397
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,802
What?
398
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:31,237
Tonight's feature
399
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:34,773
is Prince Ziegfried in Eat My Dust
400
00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:37,380
Oh, it's a happy day in the village.
401
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:40,583
The peasants are awaiting the arrival
of the talented Prince Ziegfried.
402
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:43,116
There he is, the prince now.
403
00:20:43,192 --> 00:20:44,962
Oh, look. The prince slam dunks.
404
00:20:45,027 --> 00:20:46,587
Whoo! Nice.
405
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,762
And the peasants rejoice.
406
00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:53,002
But just then the evil baron
escapes his dungeon.
407
00:20:53,068 --> 00:20:54,628
And Ziegfried's army pursues him.
408
00:20:54,703 --> 00:20:56,863
Go, go, go, go, go!
409
00:20:56,939 --> 00:20:59,429
The baron is tackled at about
the 37-yard line.
410
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:00,528
And the peasants...
411
00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:03,699
rejoice.
412
00:21:03,779 --> 00:21:08,269
But Ziegfried, wanting to escape his
enemies, mounts his trusted steed
413
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:12,120
and pulls a 6-5 ET at 220 miles an hour.
414
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:15,547
And the peasants rejoice.
415
00:21:15,624 --> 00:21:16,854
Look at those guys.
416
00:21:16,925 --> 00:21:20,545
Hence, the title
of my piece, Eat My Dust. or...
417
00:21:20,629 --> 00:21:23,149
The Peasants Rejoice
418
00:21:30,305 --> 00:21:33,325
Look at this! Look what I found.
419
00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:36,036
Looks like one of my cigars
out of my sock drawer.
420
00:21:36,111 --> 00:21:39,951
Yeah, it is.
421
00:21:40,015 --> 00:21:43,465
I also found it with this little
crumpled up bag of cookies.
422
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,752
- Your stash?
- My stash.
423
00:21:46,822 --> 00:21:50,762
Thus ends our no-baby-sitter experience.
424
00:21:50,826 --> 00:21:53,071
I think we should get those boys
down here so we can punish them.
425
00:21:53,095 --> 00:21:55,495
No, no, no, no, no.
Wait a minute.
426
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:56,594
I got a better idea.
427
00:21:56,665 --> 00:21:59,155
- What?
- Just follow my lead. Go get your coat.
428
00:21:59,234 --> 00:22:01,864
Boys, come on down here!
Quick! Hurry up!
429
00:22:04,339 --> 00:22:06,139
You gotta watch Mark for a little bit.
430
00:22:06,208 --> 00:22:08,638
We gotta take Wilson
to the emergency room.
431
00:22:08,710 --> 00:22:10,510
- Why?
- What's the matter?
432
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,549
I gave him one of those cigars
that I hid in my sock drawer.
433
00:22:13,615 --> 00:22:15,735
He's real sick.
434
00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:18,247
Evidently the tobacco was
infected or something.
435
00:22:20,722 --> 00:22:21,882
Infected tobacco?
436
00:22:21,957 --> 00:22:24,787
Boy, is he feeling bad. He's got
this rash up his leg, head to toe.
437
00:22:24,860 --> 00:22:26,120
He's itching like crazy.
438
00:22:26,195 --> 00:22:28,095
And he's got hair growing
out of his knuckles.
439
00:22:28,163 --> 00:22:31,163
Yeah, he does.
I saw it. It's gross.
440
00:22:31,233 --> 00:22:33,703
- See you later.
- Watch Mark, all right?
441
00:22:41,743 --> 00:22:45,443
You know, I'm sorta starting to itch.
442
00:22:45,514 --> 00:22:48,484
Yeah, me too.
443
00:22:48,550 --> 00:22:51,110
Maybe we better go to the hospital
with Mom and Dad
444
00:22:51,186 --> 00:22:53,306
before that hair starts to grow.
445
00:22:54,389 --> 00:22:56,449
- Busted!
- Busted!
446
00:23:01,396 --> 00:23:03,356
Three, two.
447
00:23:03,432 --> 00:23:06,332
And there Pasquini knife,
has two different spoons.
448
00:23:06,401 --> 00:23:07,641
Never mind, start over, please?
449
00:23:07,669 --> 00:23:09,069
There's no spoons on this.
450
00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:12,067
Pasquini knife, has two corkscrews,
four gun sites.
451
00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:13,940
Gun sites?
452
00:23:14,009 --> 00:23:18,069
Two corkscrews, a toothpick, 32 blades,
453
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:23,406
The Pasquini knife here can scare off
an intruder while giving him a pedicure.
454
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:24,565
Anyway, Gadget Corner is...
454
00:23:25,305 --> 00:23:31,798
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from SubtitleDB.org
35387
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.