All language subtitles for Mom - 08x03

Hey!

Come on in. Bonnie's
still getting dressed.

Whoa.

I feel like I just walked
into an after-school special.

My very tall wife likes to keep
the cereal up in the clouds.

- Well, let me help you with that.
- Thanks.

Which one were you reaching for?

You mean there's more than just one?

I've never seen exactly what's up there.

You got Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios,

some sort of Raisin Bran...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Honey Nut Cheerios?

She tried to convince me
they stopped making those.

You know, this kitchen
really isn't set up for you.

Yeah, after I burned my chin
making eggs, I just gave up.

Hey, I'm thinking we
could trick this place out

like we did at the bar.

You know, lower the
cabinets, get the appliances

at the right height.

I don't know, you'd have
to ask the building manager.

The building manager hasn't
had coffee yet, so no.

Did you give him the good Cheerios?

You mean the ones you've
been hiding from me?

Well, I wouldn't have to hide them

if you didn't eat 'em
all in one sitting.

You do know my entire
life is one sitting?

I was just telling Adam

this kitchen could be a
lot more accessible for him.

I tried. The owner won't
pay for renovations.

Well, I'm your
friend. I'll do it for cost.

That'd be great.

Would that mean my kitchen
would be torn up for weeks

so I couldn't cook?

- Probably.
- That's fine.

Come on, we're gonna
be late for the meeting.

Hey! Whoa, where are
you going with those?

Somewhere you can't get 'em.

I mean, the worst thing
that happened to me

was that success came so young.

You know, one minute
we're just a bunch of lads

playing music in Liam's mum's basement,

and the next, we're on a
tour bus with money and drugs

and women falling over themselves

to take a turn with me.

See, what they don't tell you is

that the most addictive
drug of all is fame.

Do you know who he is?

Not a clue, but I think he
thinks we know who he is.

I mean, when I should've
been enjoying my seat

at life's great feast, I found myself

in a hotel room alone,
hiding in a closet

with a bag of drugs, afraid to come out

'cause I was pretty sure
there was a monster out there,

or worse, someone who'd
want to share my drugs.

I mean, I should've been dead, right?

But God had another plan for me.

Well, God and my managers,
who staged an intervention.

Next up on the set list was my
first meeting, and guess what.

The universe raised its lighter

and brought old Roddy
back for an encore.

No way. It's Rod.

- Who's Rod?
- From the band Sachet.

Sachet?

He was in love with me for
a serious chunk of 1987.

There was a time when
every woman in America

wanted a taste of that.

Well, I was here then. I don't think so.

Is he wearing a strap-on piano?

It's called a keytar.

It was a real breakthrough in music,

'cause it allowed the
keyboard player to dance.

It's weird that Sachet
doesn't have a Wikipedia page.

I have a Wikipedia page.

Hang on, this is the best part.

See, most men can't prance like that

and still be considered sexy.

I like those shoulder pads.

I tried 'em once and
took out a wall sconce.

Looks like the whole band had
the Jennifer Aniston haircut

way before it was trendy.

Gosh, you remember where you were

when you first heard that song?

Yeah, right here, right now.

Look at him.

I never would have
imagined he'd get sober.

Last time I saw him, we
were Lady and the Tramp-ing

a big, fat line of blow.

Did you talk to him after the meeting?

No, I wasn't gonna wait
in line to shake his hand.

His hand and I have history.

Oh, I shook his hand.

I swear to God, that man
sleeps in gloves with lotion.

I should start doing that again.

How long were the two of you together?

Let's see. I guess it would have been...

three, maybe four nights?

That was your serious chunk of 1987?

I've been in love for four nights.

You should go say hey.

All right. I'm gonna do it.

Hello.

Hi.

I don't mean to interrupt.

I just wanted to say... hello.

Hello.

Rod. Rod, Rod, Rod.

Can you believe this?

Can you believe we're still alive?

I cannot.

Ah, so many memories.

Indeed.

And then to see you in the meeting...

Oh, you were in the
meeting. Oh, good for you.

- Good for both of us.
- Yeah.

All right. Enjoy that BLT.

We have plenty of time to catch up.

Right.

His mind: blown.

♪ Out of nowhere, you were there ♪

♪ Satin jacket, perfect hair... ♪

Who the hell is that guy?

- As if you don't know.
- I-I really don't.

You're such a philistine.
That's Rod Connaughton.

From Sachet.

Not a clue.

But I'm curious, what has led you

to this particularly unpleasant
corner of the Internet?

Okay, how do I say this?

Part of my past came
back into my life today.

But I don't want you to worry.

So you banged him.

I was trying to ease you into it,

- but yes. A long time ago.
- Okay.

So, in the spirit of crystal clarity,

I slept with a rock star.

Uh, David Bowie's a rock star.

This guy sprays cologne
on your face at JCPenney.

Aw, is somebody jealous?

No.

We both came into this relationship

knowing we had a past.

Uh, mine happens to be

a little more vivid, but yes.

Bonnie, I was a stuntman for 28 years.

There comes a point on every movie set

where the lead actress is
upset with the director,

isn't talking to her leading man,

is divorcing her third husband,

and has been on a
liquid diet for a month.

And guess who's over there,

limbering up against a Camaro,
ready to light her cigarette?

Let's go to bed.

Funny, that's exactly
what Tanya Roberts said.

In what universe is
Tanya Roberts a movie star?

The same one where
that yahoo's a rock star.

Also, the girl from WKRP
who wasn't Loni Anderson.

Good night.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Classic 36 inches.

Okay, oven, what do you got?

Let's see.

Damn it!

- Hey, Tammy.
- Hey, buddy. Listen,

when you get up in the morning
and you want to think about,

I don't know, hockey or something,

which side of the table do you sit on?

That one. What exactly
is happening here?

Mm. I'm more than just a
licensed handyman, Adam.

I'm a licensed handyman with empathy.

See, if I'm gonna design a kitchen,

I got to see it from your perspective.

Oh! While Bonnie's not here,

can you raid the cereal cabinet for me?

Oh, sure thing.

Dang, you eat cereal
like I used to pop pills.

Oh. Oh! I can't reach it.

Tammy, you could still stand.

Oh, yeah. Good call.

All right. Let's see, what do we got?

- Ooh, Golden Grahams?
- Yeah.

All right.

Oh, dude, that's not
the kitchen's fault.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Look what still fits after 30 years.

Oh, right. Right.

Where do you want me to sign, love?

- Oh, I don't want your autograph, Rod.
- Oh, a selfie, then?

A-Are you kidding?

It's me, Bonnie Plunkett.

Okay.

I understand, it's been a long time.

Let me refresh your memory.

Fargo Ballroom, 1987.

Radisson Hotel.

Ice machine at the Radisson Hotel.

Oh! Oh!

Hey! Yes.

Hello.

Oh, I must apologize. The '80s are gone.

Just washed away on a sea
of quaaludes and cognac.

But you got to remember
me. We had something real.

You even said I was more than a groupie.

Well, that's what you
say to groupies, you know.

That's how you get a groupie.

I bet I even played the piano for you.

You did. Because you were
writing a song just for...

- Oh, my God.
- Classic Rod.

I might not remember the '80s,

but I'm still apologizing for 'em.

Anyway, I can still sign your T-shirt.

Oh, for God's sake, Rod,
put away your Sharpie!

Ooh, you're getting a bit loud.
That's hitting my tinnitus.

Oh, sure. You show up at my meeting,

and you act like this
great, big superstar,

but the minute it gets real,
you get back on that tour bus

and sneak out of town.
Well, you know what?

You don't forget me.

I forget you.

Right, fine. Have it your way.

Yeah, go ahead, walk away!

- I hope I don't see you again!
- Don't worry, you won't.

Yeah, that's a lot of attitude

for someone who doesn't
even have a Wikipedia page!

Well, he doesn't!

I spent all day in Adam's
kitchen living as Adam,

and I got to tell you guys,
it really opened my eyes.

Does that mean I can
have my office chair back?

Seriously, Marjorie? The man can't walk.

I have to do my taxes.

You guys, you're never
gonna believe this.

I just talked to Rod, and...

- He doesn't remember you.
- He didn't remember me.

But, oh-ho-ho, he will remember me now.

Whoo-hoo. I let him have
it Bonnie Plunkett-style.

I love it when you yell
at people who aren't me.

Ugh, so awkward.

Now you're gonna have to
see him at every meeting.

Oh, no, he will not be
coming to our meeting again.

Scorched earth.

- What?
- Never mind.

Really? You sigh, say "never mind"?

This is what killed
your last three cats.

You may have just driven an
alcoholic away from a meeting.

I hope I did.

Wendy, get ready.

I'm about to yell at Marjorie.

Our rooms need to be a
safe space for everybody.

Ooh, Bonnie owes Rod an amends.

No, I don't.

No, I don't.

Sure this is the right place?

A few clicks on the ol' dark web,

and I found his address.

I also got your Amazon Prime login,

so expect some running shoes in my size

to come tomorrow by 9:00 p.m.

Yes?

Oh, hello.

Uh, is this the Rod
Connaughton residence?

Indeed. He's in his hobby room.

Come on in. I'll go and get him.

Rodney? You have some lady friends here.

Oh...

my God.

Can you believe this?

I know. He doesn't remember you,
but he's banging Mary Poppins.

It's open!

- Hey.
- Hey.

I checked out your
plans for the kitchen.

They look amazing.

Yeah, about that.

What's wrong?

The stupid city won't
let me do anything.

I have to get permits for
the plumbing and electrical.

In order to do that, I
have to get permission

from the owner of the building,
and they don't want to do

anything to permanently
change the apartment.

Oh, well, that's okay.

At least we discovered
the secret cereal.

It's not okay! It's not fair!

I mean, you struggle so much,

you shouldn't have to
dislocate your shoulder

to make a frickin' peanut
butter and jelly sandwich!

Can I get you a soda?

I don't know, can you?
What shelf is it on?!

Check it out.

Portrait of the young
rocker with a muffin top.

I dreaded this amends.

- Now I'm starting to enjoy it.
- I know.

Please put that down.

What are you doing here?

Isn't the real question,
what are you doing here?

- He lives here.
- Mum.

Oh!

Where are my manners?

Do you all want tea?

I also have Tang. Rodney's
quite partial to it.

Um, how about I come help you make it.

I haven't had Tang since high school.

I used to mix it with vodka
and take it to gym class.

Ooh, that sounds lovely.

It was, until we started archery.

It wasn't enough for you to
embarrass me after the meeting?

Now you have to track me down?

Just cut to the chase...
Do we have a daughter

who needs money for college?

Well, actually, I'm here to
make an amends for my behavior.

Really?

Maybe if I sit.

Upon reflection...

it was wrong of me to say anything

that could get in the way
of you coming to a meeting.

You have every right to be there

and not worry that you're
going to be attacked in public

by someone who you once
pretended to write a song for.

Okay.

Well, I, uh...

I very much appreciate you saying that.

It's not often a moment
like this gets sorted out

and no DNA tests are involved.

Lucky me.

Well, now that we got that cleared up...

hope I see you in the meeting.

Okay.

Any chance I could get
that Tang in a to-go cup?

Yeah, of course. Oh, could
you do me a huge favor,

and don't mention any of this to anyone?

Oh. So the next time you share

about jet-setting around the world,

I shouldn't bring up that
you live with your "mum"?

Spot-on.

And when you talk about
hanging out in the grotto,

I shouldn't tell people
you're really hiding out

in your hobby room?

What you got going on in
there... Puppets, marionettes?

You're gonna make this
difficult, aren't you?

Look, all I'm saying is, you're painting

a totally different picture
of your life in your shares.

You've been sober a long time...
Where's the rigorous honesty?

I know, I know.

It's just that when I grab that podium,

I get in front of an
audience, something takes over.

Yeah. Lying.

Well, I was gonna say
"a magical connection

between me and the crowd," but okay.

Tammy, trust me,

these kind of things
used to piss me off,

but after so many years,

I just learned to roll with it.

I'm allowed to make those jokes.

Look, I really appreciate
how much you care.

That's 'cause I know what it's like.

You do?

I never fit in the "normal box," either.

It's like I went to bed one night

this average-size nine-year-old,
and I woke up this height.

I was taller than all the boys.

I could never find jeans long enough.

I had to cram my legs under the desk.

A new kid came and
thought I was the teacher.

Oh, and then I sucked at basketball.

If that isn't God taking a dump
on me, I don't know what is.

Did you have a coach work with you?

Because if you've got size,
you can just post up at...

No, never mind. Go ahead.

I remember once I had
this birthday party

at this place called
Cinderella's Castle,

and the birthday girl got to climb

through Cinderella's tunnel maze,

and at the end she'd get a
crown from Prince Charming.

Well, halfway through, I got stuck.

'Cause the damn maze was built
for a normal-size little girl.

They had to call the fire department.

And little Donna Schroder got the crown

that was supposed to be mine.

Don't know Donna Schroder,
but now I hate her.

So when I look at this kitchen,

all I see is stupid Cinderella's maze.

And you're not getting your crown!

It means a lot that you have my back.

Thanks.

I looked Donna up on Facebook.

She's a total train wreck.

Tattooed eyebrows. Cuts
hair at the airport.

Cute dog, though.

Rodney was always
trying on my high heels.

And he still steals my eyeliner.

I think it's wonderful
you support him so much.

Well, it was his dream.

If you can't support your
children's dreams, what's the point?

Wow. He had you for a mom,
and he still hit rock bottom.

He got the bad stuff from his father.

Wandering penis and all.

Sharing at a meeting
is not a performance.

You're there to help
other people stay sober

with your actual story.

What, that all my money went up my nose,

and I just threw my back out
cleaning my mum's gutters?

How does that help people?

It lets them know they're not alone.

And if you want to perform,
get your ass back onstage.

Well, the band does want
to do a reunion tour.

Oh, my God.

The original Sachet
with Declan and Sudsy?

- You-you have to.
- I can't.

I've never played sober,
and it terrifies me.

No, I get it, I get it.
Look, I never had sex sober,

but now that I have...

it's fine.

But without the drugs,
I-I don't have the stamina.

I mean, the only reason for the keytar

- was so people could watch me prance.
- Yeah...

I hate to break it to you,
but your fans are my age.

No one's gonna be rushing
the stage during the encore.

Encore?

Our drummer gets winded
after three songs. No, no, no.

Forget it, I can't do it.
I cannot stand on that stage

and look at that state fair
audience and live a lie.

Uh... okay, calm down.

Do-do you have anyone
to talk to about this?

Well, I used to talk to Rod Stewart,

but he's gone a bit squishy

since he did that Christmas album.

What about your sponsor?

I-I don't have one.

Ah. There's your problem.

Putting the drink down is huge,

but it's just one part of being sober.

The rest is about the thinking.

The things that go on between our ears.

And if you're not dealing with that,

you're basically
white-knuckling your sobriety.

And I get it, because I've been there.

And today's a perfect example.

If I didn't have a sponsor,
I wouldn't have come here.

Well, for what it's
worth, I'm glad you did.

So am I.

I think that leads to
the next obvious question.

Mm, Rod.

I'm happily married... I
can't go on tour with you.

Oh, no, no. I want you to be my sponsor.

Oh. Oh.

Well, I have a lot of people
under my wing right now.

But none of them ever opened for Wham!

Thank you. Thank you.

And I... I really am very sorry
that I didn't remember you.

Which brings me to something
that's been haunting me

ever since you mentioned the drummer.

- Liam?
- Liam.

I'm starting to think it was Liam.

All right, come on in, buddy.

Ah.

I'm so sorry, but...

I'm not really seeing what's different.

Well, there was one
thing I figured I could do

without a permit.

Voilà!

Oh, that's fantastic!

I love it! That's great!

Now you can reach everything.

The condiments, the spices...

We have Nutella?

Tammy...

- you're the best.
- Agreed.

All right, now I got to take off.

Okay. Oh, there's one more thing.

Can you look at it for me? Real quick.

- Sure.
- Something's going on

with that drawer to
the left of the sink.

It seems fine.

Hey, what is this?

That is a Cinderella princess crown.

I bought it for you. I didn't have one.

You have my back; I have yours.

Suck on that, Donna Schroder.