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1
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,369
- [panting]
2
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,912
[chuckling]
3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,737
CANNONBALL!
4
00:00:08,743 --> 00:00:09,843
[cannon booms]
5
00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:10,744
splort!
6
00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:11,835
- [screaming]
7
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:15,076
[gunfire]
8
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:16,922
- [screaming]
9
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:20,387
[pulsing electronic music]
10
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,448
- OKAY, THAT'S ALL MY STUFF.
11
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,116
READY TO GO.
12
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,894
- TAKE CARE AT UNIVERSITY, SON.
13
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,733
YOU'RE A MAN NOW.
14
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:28,558
- DAD?
15
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:29,662
ARE YOU CRYING?
16
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,363
- NO, SON, I'VE JUST--
17
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,895
I'VE JUST GOT SOMETHING
IN MY EYE.
18
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,601
OH!
19
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:36,573
- [sniffling]
20
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,870
WHAT A GREAT POP.
21
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:41,943
- I'M AFRAID IT'S EYE CANCER.
22
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:42,642
[phone rings]
23
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:43,943
- HELLO, TRIPTANK.
- YO, WHAT'S UP?
24
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,744
IS THIS TRIP?
- UH, THIS IS TRIPTANK.
25
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,376
- YO, IS THIS TRIP?
- NO TRIP, JUST TRIPTANK.
26
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,152
- HEY, YO, IS TRIP THERE?
27
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,620
- CAN I ASK
WHAT THIS IS REGARDING?
28
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,918
- OKAY, BASICALLY,
I FOUND THIS PHONE,
29
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:52,819
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
30
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,250
IT SAYS "TRIP"
AND IT'S GOT THIS NUMBER,
31
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,015
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
32
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,522
SO TELL YOUR BOY TRIP
I GOT HIS PHONE,
33
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:57,324
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
34
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,624
SO HIT ME BACK
IF YOUR BOY WANTS THE PHONE.
35
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,826
- OKAY, HOW 'BOUT
I TAKE A MESSAGE FOR HIM?
36
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:01,588
- I GOT TO JET.
37
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,925
I GOT A DVD BOX SET
OF DAWSON'S CREEK
38
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,230
I'M TRYING TO WATCH,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
39
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,801
OLD-SCHOOL MICHELLE WILLIAMS,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
40
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,670
SPANK BANK STYLE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
41
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:09,329
[truck horn blares]
42
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:13,136
- WELL, IT WAS A NIGHT
LIKE ANY OTHER,
43
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,240
EXCEPT I HAD JUST
TAKEN MUSHROOMS
44
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,312
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
45
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,910
AND I WAS TRIPPIN'
MY GODDAMN BALLS OFF.
46
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:19,983
OHH...
47
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,850
- COME IN, WALLY.
WHAT'S YOUR 20, GOOD BUDDY?
48
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,679
- YEAH, I'M TRAVELING DOWN
HIGHWAY 60.
49
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,654
I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TOO SOON,
BUT I'M THINKING
50
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,293
I MADE IT OUT
OF GREMLIN TERRITORY.
51
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,648
- [snarls]
- [screams]
52
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:29,286
NO!
53
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,890
YOU SCARY LITTLE SON OF A BITCH.
54
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,462
AND AS I SAT THERE,
55
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,101
GAZING INTO
MY BEADY LITTLE EYES,
56
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:39,597
WHAT I REALIZED WAS THAT
I WAS ABOUT TO DISCOVER
57
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,000
THE MEANING OF LIFE.
58
00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:46,944
MOONBEAMS.
59
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,811
LOOK AT THEM SILLY GUMDROPS.
60
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,310
- ALOHA, WALLY.
61
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,152
- GIVE PAPA A LITTLE PEEK.
62
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,607
- MMM, OH, WALLY.
63
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:59,375
- IT WAS SHAPING UP
TO BE QUITE THE NIGHT,
64
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,546
BUT THE NEXT THING I KNEW...
65
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,724
[police siren wailing]
66
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,864
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
67
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,330
OH, GOD DANGIT!
68
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,728
OH, OH, OH, OH!
69
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,730
OH, MY GOD,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
70
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,072
GET OUT OF THE WAY!
71
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:15,397
WELL, MOVE YOUR WHEELCHAIR!
72
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,302
OH, MY GOD, A STROLLER.
73
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,044
NO!
74
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,210
[screaming]
75
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,008
OH, SON OF A BITCH.
76
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,979
- PERCENT OFF TODAY ON ALL--
OH, MY GOD!
77
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:26,848
[voice distorting]
OH, MY GOD!
78
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,047
[explosion booms]
79
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,548
[truck horn blares]
80
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,850
[emergency sirens wailing]
81
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:33,693
- AND THAT, MY FRIEND,
82
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:37,357
WAS THE LAST TIME
I EVER DID TRY MUSHROOMS.
83
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,858
I CAN'T SAY I REGRET IT THOUGH.
84
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,729
I MEAN, I BELIEVE
IT IS IMPORTANT
85
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:41,858
TO BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS.
86
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:45,702
HOW ELSE WOULD I HAVE LEARNED
TO LIVE AMONGST THE GRIZZLIES?
87
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,529
WOULD YOU PASS THE POTATOES,
DARLIN'?
88
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,266
- [roars]
89
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:52,870
- OH, BUT THAT'S A STORY
FOR ANOTHER NIGHT.
90
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:56,283
AU REVOIR, [bleep].
91
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,277
[cell phone vibrates]
92
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,338
- HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
93
00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,745
I-I CAN'T REALLY TALK RIGHT NOW.
94
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:03,617
- OOH, BABY,
LAST NIGHT WAS SO AMAZING.
95
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,377
- YEAH, NO,
IT WAS COMPLETELY AMAZING,
96
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,686
BUT I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
97
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,247
- WE GOING OUT TONIGHT, RIGHT?
98
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:10,085
ME, YOU, AND MY COO COO,
99
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,660
WE GONNA HAVE US
A LITTLE THREESOME.
100
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,190
- YEAH, NO, DEFINITELY BRING
YOUR FRIEND ALONG.
101
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,026
- I HAD TO CALL YOU
102
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:19,000
'CAUSE MY COO COO
WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
103
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,269
- REALLY?
[chuckles]
104
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,297
- YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER?
105
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,572
- OKAY, OKAY, PUT HER ON.
106
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,411
HELLO,
MY LITTLE SWEETIE CUPCAKE.
107
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,137
ARE YOU LONELY?
108
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,811
DO YOU MISS ME, LITTLE CUPCAKE?
109
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,009
- HA, YEAH, COCOA BUTTER.
110
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,080
SLOW IT DOWN.
ROMANCE THE STONE.
111
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,079
- DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
112
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,610
GET THE [bleep] OUT OF HERE.
113
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,975
[rock music]
114
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,615
- HEY, WOMEN.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD THIS PROBLEM?
115
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,591
[urine splashing loudly]
116
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,390
AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
117
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,690
SECRETLY BEING FILMED
WHILE PEEING.
118
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,133
YOU SEE, AS MEN,
WE HAVE THE OPTION
119
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:50,957
TO EITHER PEE INTO THE WATER,
CAUSING HORRIBLE NOISE,
120
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,925
OR JUST SIMPLY
PEE ON THE PORCELAIN,
121
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,633
WHICH IS JUST--
OH, MY GOD,
122
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,565
IT'S SERENITY.
123
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,469
YOU MAY THINK, WELL,
IT'S INEVITABLE, THE SOUNDS.
124
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,312
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG, HONEY,
AND I KNOW.
125
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,037
I'M A FEMINIST.
[chuckles]
126
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,480
NO MORE OF
THESE SMALL HOUSE PARTIES
127
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,749
WHERE YOU JUST HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM
128
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,748
AND YOU KNOW EVERYONE
IS LISTENING
129
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,580
TO YOUR LITTLE DROPLETS.
130
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,194
NO MORE COLLEAGUES
MAKING SNIDE REMARKS
131
00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:14,317
AT YOUR EXPENSE.
132
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:14,991
[toilet flushing]
133
00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:16,519
- HEY, MARY,
DID YOU HAVE A HORSE
134
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:17,223
THERE IN WITH YOU?
135
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,894
- W-WHAT?
- SURE SOUNDED LIKE IT.
136
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,062
NOW HIGH-FIVE ME.
137
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:20,860
- NO.
138
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:21,931
- WHAT YOU WAITING FOR?
139
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:22,659
- [sighs]
- YEAH.
140
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,733
- NO MORE OF
THESE BLACKMAIL SITUATIONS.
141
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,872
- [raspily] HEY,
I GOT A RECORDING OF YOU PEEING.
142
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,827
- OH, MY GOD,
JUST TAKE MY SON.
143
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:31,835
- THE PEE SLIDE IS BASICALLY
A SILLY STRAW FOR YOUR PEE.
144
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,009
SO YOU JUST PUT IT
IN THE TOILET
145
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,668
AND GO TO TOWN.
146
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:36,506
WACKY TOWN.
147
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,440
DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.
IT'S MINE.
148
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,875
- I BOUGHT THIS FOR MY GIRL
ON V-DAY.
149
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,781
SHE LOVES IT.
IT'S HER FAVORITE HOBBY NOW.
150
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,053
- AND CLEANING IT
CAN'T BE SIMPLER.
151
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,692
JUST USE A TOOTHBRUSH
AND SCRUB FOR A LONG TIME.
152
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,318
PURCHASE NOW
AND YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE
153
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,693
THIS GREAT FASHIONABLE
CARRYING BAG
154
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,161
SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PEE SLIDE
ANYWHERE YOU GO.
155
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,730
CAMPING,
YOUR OWN WEDDING--
156
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,788
IT'S OKAY.
HE'S COOL WITH IT.
157
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,796
ALL OF THAT GREAT VALUE FOR--
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU SAY?
158
00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,829
600 BUCKS?
NO.
159
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,873
'CAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY $650
INCLUDING SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
160
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:06,140
[rhythmic rock music]
161
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,840
¶
162
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,441
- [in sing-song voice]
FOR YOU.
163
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,113
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BILLY.
164
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,781
BLOW OUT THE CANDLES.
165
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,310
- [blows]
166
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,684
I WISH SOMEONE CAME
TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY
167
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,023
BESIDES MY MOM.
168
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,317
- [laughs]
169
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,519
- OH, LILLY.
170
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,621
- [smooching]
171
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,592
- [yells]
172
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:23,889
[pounding at door]
- [gasps]
173
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:24,661
OOH, THAT MUST BE CHOMP.
174
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,818
CAN YOU BELIEVE
THERE'S A DATING SITE
175
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,886
THAT LETS YOU FIND GUYS
RIGHT IN YOUR OWN NEIGHBORHOOD?
176
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:29,626
[alarm beeping]
177
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,430
- MOM, THAT'S
THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY.
178
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,532
- WHAT?
I HOPE HE OFFENDS ME.
179
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,274
[laughs]
180
00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:36,638
- I'M SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S TUESDAY,
181
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,467
SO I WAS HUFFING PAINT
OUT OF A HOBO'S ASS.
182
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,942
MAN, METH LAB WENT "BOOM!"
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT?
183
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,682
OH, WHOA, HEY,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KID.
184
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,907
- CHOMP, THAT IS SO SWEET.
185
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:47,654
BYE, BILLY.
186
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:48,508
- OH, GIRL.
- [moaning]
187
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,015
- OH, YOU TASTE LIKE
A WARRANT SONG.
188
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,818
[laughing]
189
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,650
[rock music playing]
190
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:58,685
- YOU'RE LEAVING ME
ALL ALONE ON MY BIRTHDAY?
191
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,392
BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.
192
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,864
[grunting and groaning]
193
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,604
SPOOGE!
194
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,370
- FINALLY!
195
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,198
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
TO MASTURBATE
196
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,143
FOR THE FIRST TIME?
197
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,367
- WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
198
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,702
- I AM THE DICK GENIE.
199
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,466
I GRANT YOU A WISH
EVERY TIME YOU RUB ONE OUT.
200
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,436
YOU KNOW SOME GENIES,
THEY GET TO BE IN A BOTTLE.
201
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:19,175
I'M IN YOUR DICK.
202
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,649
- BUT I DON'T WANT
SOME WEIRD JERK-OFF GENIE.
203
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,878
- OKAY, I WILL GRANT YOU
EVERY SINGLE WISH.
204
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,794
I CAN MURDER YOUR ENEMIES,
BEHEADINGS.
205
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,047
I'LL DO
THIRD TRIMESTER ABORTIONS.
206
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,716
- I CAN FINALLY GET
WHATEVER I WANT.
207
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,394
- JUST REMEMBER TO USE
YOUR POWER RESPONSIBLY,
208
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:35,734
OR ELSE YOUR HANDS
WILL CLAW AT YOUR PENIS
209
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,229
UNTIL IT'S RAW AND CRUSTY.
210
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:37,801
- [gulps]
211
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,898
- NOW, MAKE A WISH SO I CAN
FLY BACK UP YOUR PEEHOLE.
212
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,030
- I WISH I WERE INVITED
TO THE PARTY NEXT DOOR.
213
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,936
- JIZZ-AM!
214
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,369
- BEFORE, I'D NEVER HAVE
A CHANCE WITH LILLY.
215
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:51,835
NOW, ME AND MY BONER
ARE UNSTOPPABLE.
216
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,075
- DUDE.
217
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:58,351
[rock music]
218
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:01,824
- HEY.
219
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,052
- YOU SOUNDS LIKE A GAY PERSON.
220
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,086
- WHAT?
WHY--
221
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,121
- YOU ARE SO GAY.
222
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,555
- SIR, I PROMISE YOU,
I AM NOT--
223
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,690
- GAY.
- I AM NOT--
224
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:08,794
- GAY.
- I AM NOT--
225
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:09,956
- GAY.
- NO, I'M NOT--
226
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,403
- GAY.
- I'M TELLING YOU, I'M--
227
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,758
- GAY.
- STOP!
228
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,426
I KEEP TELLING YOU...
229
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,495
[voice distorting]
I AM NOT GAY.
230
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:20,513
[creepy music, laughter]
231
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,037
- LESBIAN.
- WHAT THE...
232
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,142
[rock music]
233
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,675
¶
234
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,450
- I WISH LILLY
WERE MY GIRLFRIEND.
235
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,919
DICK GENIE,
WHY AREN'T YOU COMING OUT?
236
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,388
OH, LILLY, LILLY.
237
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:35,017
- WHO'S IN MY ROOM?
238
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:36,692
[screams]
239
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,420
OH, MY GOD.
240
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:40,194
HE'S MASTURBATING
TO JUSTIN BIEBER!
241
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:40,994
[all gasping in shock]
242
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,334
- IT'S NOT WHAT
IT LOOKS LIKE!
243
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,329
I WAS WHACKING IT TO YOU.
244
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,400
- DUDE, THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND,
AND THAT'S MY FAVORITE SINGER.
245
00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:48,201
[yells]
246
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:50,342
- DICK GENIE, HELP.
247
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,297
- SICK, DUDE.
248
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,605
- LEAVE BILLY ALONE!
249
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,807
- DUDE, WAS THAT YOUR--
- [grunts]
250
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,639
- OW, SPOOGE!
251
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,744
- YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
252
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,005
- HEY, NO, CHOMP SAID "NO."
253
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,283
NO MEANS NO.
- [yells]
254
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,681
- I WANT TO TAKE BACK
THE NIGHT!
255
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,554
- CHOMP!
256
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,052
- [screams]
257
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:07,754
- YEAH, I DON'T THINK
258
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,594
SHE WANTS TO GO OUT
WITH YOU ANYMORE, DUDE.
259
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,490
YOU FROSTED
HER BOYFRIEND'S FACE.
260
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,022
WEIRD MOVE.
261
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,085
- WHAT TOOK YOU
SO LONG BACK THERE?
262
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,364
- WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
263
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,562
I WAS WAITING
FOR YOU TO FINISH.
264
00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:20,234
GETS SO LONELY
IN YOUR TESTES.
265
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:20,934
[phone rings]
266
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,234
- TRIPTANK, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
267
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:23,536
- HI, THERE.
MY NAME'S TED ALEXANDER.
268
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:26,607
I'M A YOUTH PASTOR
WITH FRIENDS OF CHILDREN UNITED.
269
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:27,637
I DON'T USUALLY MAKE
THESE CALLS,
270
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:31,181
BUT I AM HORRIFIED
BY HOW DISGUSTING YOUR SHOW IS.
271
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,808
IT IS CORRUPTING
MY FLOCK OF CHILDREN.
272
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:36,783
I AM THE SHEPHERD OF
A FLOCK OF PLUMP, FAT BABIES,
273
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,753
AND IF YOU'VE EVER TASTED
A CORRUPTED CHILD,
274
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,692
THEN YOU KNOW
IT'S THE WORST TASTE ON EARTH.
275
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,187
A CHILD SHOULD TASTE
LIKE A ROASTED RAINBOW.
276
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,420
YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE TASTE
OF KIDS ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
277
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,256
[cell phone vibrates]
278
00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:49,091
- HOLD, PLEASE.
HEY, WHAT'S UP, CUTIE?
279
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,956
- OOH, BABY,
I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT TONIGHT.
280
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,225
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT ALL DAY.
281
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,034
GOT ALMOST EVERYTHING WAXED,
282
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,735
BUT I STILL LEFT A LITTLE GRASS
DOWN THERE FOR YOU TO PLAY IN.
283
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,368
- NO, IT SOUNDS VERY--
IT'LL BE GREAT.
284
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,473
- EVEN GOT SOMETHING
PIERCED JUST FOR YOU.
285
00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:04,036
WE GONNA PLAY
JINGLE BELLS.
286
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,854
- JINGLING BELLS,
I LOVE JINGLING BELLS.
287
00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:11,052
- CONSTRUCTION.
288
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,921
- [whistles]
289
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,850
- PATRIOTISM.
290
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,024
- WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
291
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,122
[explosion booms]
292
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,123
- LEPROSY.
293
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,124
- [groans]
294
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,615
- MAKING A NEW FRIEND.
295
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,526
[dog barking]
- [screams]
296
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,398
- BETTING ON A SLOW HORSE.
297
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,857
- [cheering]
[buzzer sounds]
298
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:26,526
AH!
299
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:29,943
- DRUNKEN SUSHI MAKING.
300
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:33,367
EXPLORING A MYSTERY HOLE.
301
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,743
- [screaming]
302
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,781
- DRAWING THE SHORT STRAW.
303
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,177
- [cheers]
304
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,278
- TARDINESS.
305
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,909
- [screams]
306
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,054
- DISCO FEVER.
307
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,121
SELF-LOATHING.
308
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,848
- YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BUM.
309
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:47,993
GET OVER HERE.
310
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:51,658
- PETTING AN ADORABLE
LITTLE BLACK HOLE.
311
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,188
- [belches]
312
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,992
- FORGETTING IT
ON TOP OF YOUR CAR.
313
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:56,996
LEPRECHAUNS.
314
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,797
[high-pitched laughter]
315
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,829
AND HUBCAP FRISBEE.
316
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:01,904
[eagle shrieks]
317
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,232
- [screams]
318
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,865
- GENTLEMEN,
THE COMPANY IS IN SHAMBLES.
319
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,905
OUR SHARE PRICE IS
IN THE TOILET,
320
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:13,241
AND MORALE IS AT
AN ALL-TIME LOW.
321
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,976
BANKRUPTCY IS LOOKING AT US
STRAIGHT IN THE FACE.
322
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,184
- [whistling]
323
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,385
- APPARENTLY,
SOMEONE'S DOING ALL RIGHT.
324
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:24,617
- UGH, THAT IDIOT ROBERTSON,
WHEN WE ARE DOING BADLY,
325
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,015
HE SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL.
326
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,226
- IF ONLY THE INVERSE WERE TRUE.
327
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:32,558
- HMM, YOU MAY BE
ON TO SOMETHING THERE.
328
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:33,966
ROBERTSON, A WORD?
329
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,667
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU TOOK A SICK DAY?
330
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:41,370
- WELL, I WAS OUT WITH
A KIDNEY STONE ON THE NINTH.
331
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:42,665
- UH-HUH.
332
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:45,736
SYLVIA, A CUP OF COFFEE
FOR ROBERTSON.
333
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,906
HOLD THE CREAM.
334
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:49,505
- [yelps]
335
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,346
[coffee sizzling]
- [screams]
336
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,721
- UP 2%.
337
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:55,249
- THAT WILL BE ALL,
ROBERTSON.
338
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:56,315
[excited chatter]
339
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,723
- WE SHOULD PADDLE HIM.
340
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,964
- PEEL HIS SKIN
LIKE AN ONION.
341
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,230
- WE COULD INJECT SOMETHING
INTO HIS EYES,
342
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,259
SOMETHING THAT STINGS.
343
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,303
- BOIL HIM
IN AN ONION STEW.
344
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,628
- CUT OFF HIS LEGS.
345
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,434
- DIP HIS TESTICLES IN ACID.
346
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,236
- MIGHT I SUGGEST A RAID?
347
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:14,507
- GREAT SUGGESTIONS, PEOPLE,
BUT WE MUST PACE OURSELVES.
348
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,368
SYLVIA,
ARE YOU GETTING THIS?
349
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,036
[upbeat fun music]
350
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,506
[cash register chiming]
351
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:24,884
¶
352
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,415
[flies buzzing]
353
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:32,091
¶
354
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:34,862
[grunting]
355
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:43,101
¶
356
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:48,013
- [laughs jubilantly]
357
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,138
[chuckling]
358
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,943
[car engine turning over]
359
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,476
[laughs]
360
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,452
YES!
361
00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:59,081
[razor buzzes]
362
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:02,946
¶
363
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,216
[chuckling]
364
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:10,426
¶
365
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,930
- [gasps]
366
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,902
[dish crashes]
- [crying]
367
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,670
- OH, MARVELOUS.
MARVELOUS.
368
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:16,329
[all chuckling]
369
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:19,766
- THE ROBERTSON DIVORCE HAS US
AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH.
370
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:23,243
- LOOK, EVERYONE,
ROBERTSON'S GOING TO JUMP.
371
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:27,653
[all grumbling, muttering]
372
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,647
[Robertson crashes]
373
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,908
[car alarm wailing]
374
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:34,216
- TO THE BEST DAMNED EMPLOYEE
WE'VE EVER HAD.
375
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,821
- THE STOCK,
IT'S PLUMMETING.
376
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:38,093
DOWN 40%.
377
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,131
- HE'S NO LONGER IN PAIN
IF HE'S DEAD.
378
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:45,527
- TO DIE, TO SLEEP,
TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM.
379
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:50,272
- OH, 125%, 3,000%?
380
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,870
- LET ME SEE THAT.
381
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:55,072
OH, SON OF A BITCH.
382
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,975
- UP 2%.
383
00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:01,107
[upbeat fun music]
384
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,154
[electronic rock music]
385
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,622
[upbeat rock music]
386
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,462
[sad music]
387
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,657
- [coughs]
388
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:15,228
NURSE,
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE?
389
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,428
- I DON'T KNOW,
390
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,699
BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT
VERY SOON, BILLY.
391
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:20,899
NOW, GET SOME REST.
392
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:24,071
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TIRED
FOR HEAVEN.
393
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,640
- BUT I ALWAYS WISHED
I COULD GO TO PARIS
394
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,470
AND SEE THE EIFFEL TOWER.
395
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,776
NURSE?
396
00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:33,278
OH.
397
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,210
- DID SOMEBODY SAY,
"THE EIFFEL TOWER?"
398
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:39,276
- [gasps]
GARY THE WHEELCHAIR?
399
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,016
- HOP ON!
400
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,490
LET'S GO SEE THE WORLD.
401
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,819
WHEE!
402
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,486
- WHOA!
403
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,895
WOW, THE EIFFEL TOWER.
404
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:54,567
OH, GARY, CAN WE SIT ON
THE VERY TOP OF THE TOWER?
405
00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:55,498
- SURE.
406
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:59,202
OH, HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
407
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:02,866
OH, NO, YOU DON'T NEED
ALCOHOL ANYMORE, GARY,
408
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:06,076
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
A WHEELCHAIR NOW, REMEMBER?
409
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,409
[dreamy harp music]
410
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,514
I'M OKAY TO DRIVE.
411
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,976
OOH, ONE MORE WON'T HURT.
412
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,545
HUH?
[tires squealing]
413
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,053
[truck crashing]
- [screams]
414
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,515
MY LEGS!
[crying]
415
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,463
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
416
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,917
[dreamy harp music]
417
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:19,855
- GARY?
418
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:23,660
- UH--OH, NO.
419
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,403
NO, I GOT TO STAY STRONG.
420
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,329
- GARY, IT'S HOT UP HERE.
421
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,165
I'M THIRSTY.
422
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,739
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
SCREW IT.
423
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,867
HOLD ON, KID.
424
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:32,772
WHEE!
425
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:33,842
[club music]
426
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,970
BEEP, BEEP, COMING THROUGH.
- WHOA!
427
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,936
- HEY, TOOTS, NEED A SEAT?
428
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:38,914
¶
429
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,682
- [groaning]
GARY?
430
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,651
- [coughing]
431
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:46,049
HEY, DADDY BOY,
WANT A LAP DANCE?
432
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:46,852
[coughing]
433
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:50,193
- OKAY,
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DANCE.
434
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,060
- WHEE, HOLD ON, BILLY!
435
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,418
COMING THROUGH.
LOOK OUT.
436
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,956
HI, GIRLS.
437
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:55,891
¶
438
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,196
YEAH, GIRL.
439
00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:01,697
I WISH I COULD THANK YOUR DADDY
FOR MESSING YOU UP SO GOOD.
440
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,441
SHAKE THAT.
MMM.
441
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,667
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
442
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:06,502
GET AWAY FROM ME.
443
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,866
- GARY, CAN WE GO
TO THE TOWER NOW?
444
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:12,106
- OKAY, JUST ONE MORE DRINK.
445
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:12,782
- [coughs]
446
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,649
YOU READY FOR YOUR LAP DANCE?
447
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,378
- ALMOST GOT IT.
448
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:19,683
- [straining for breath]
449
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,386
- [gasps]
YOU KILLED HER, GARY!
450
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,859
- UH, QUICK, KID,
GRAB THIS BOTTLE
451
00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:27,388
AND POUR THE BUBBLY DOWN
GARY'S THROAT.
452
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,634
- BUT--
- JUST DO IT!
453
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,698
SHOW ME HOW STRONG
THOSE LITTLE FINGERTIPS ARE.
454
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,128
[champagne bubbling]
455
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,003
- [burps]
456
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:34,670
[flies buzzing]
457
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:37,198
- GARY, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU DIE?
458
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,573
- THAT DEPENDS ON
YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS,
459
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:43,612
BUT STRIPPERS PREFER
TO BE SHOVED UNDER A COUCH.
460
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,280
[grunting]
461
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,038
[sighs]
462
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,646
NOW, LET'S GET YOU HOME.
463
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,348
WHEE!
464
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,380
[snores]
465
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,854
- GARY, LOOK OUT!
466
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:55,892
- UH, WHEE!
467
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,289
- I'M ALL ITCHY, GARY.
468
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,091
- OH, THOSE ARE CALLED CRABS,
KIDDO,
469
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:03,133
OR AS I LIKE TO CALL THEM,
STRIPPER FLEAS.
470
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,159
- BILLY WATSON,
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR MURDER.
471
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,226
WE FOUND YOUR FINGERPRINTS
ALL OVER THE MURDER WEAPON.
472
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,835
- BILLY, HOW COULD YOU?
473
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,597
- BUT IT WASN'T ME!
474
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:13,805
TELL THEM, GARY.
475
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,307
- UM, I BLACKED OUT.
476
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,078
SORRY,
I DON'T REMEMBER A THING.
477
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:18,778
SEE, BILLY,
478
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:22,808
AND THAT'S THE DANGERS
OF DRINKING ALCOHOL.
479
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,646
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.
480
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,681
WHEE!
481
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:30,485
[cell phone vibrates]
482
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,460
- HEY.
- YOU READY FOR TONIGHT?
483
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:33,319
- I, UM...
484
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,556
- UM?
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T "UM" ME.
485
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,032
DON'T BE TRYING
TO PULL OUT NOW.
486
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,230
YOU KNOW I LIKES TO PENETRATE.
487
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,001
WE GOING TONIGHT
IF I HAVE TO COME OVER THERE
488
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,800
AND PUT YOU IN HANDCUFFS
AND DRAG YOUR ASS
489
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,941
LIKE THE POLICE DRAGGED
MY COUSIN TYRELL.
490
00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:46,737
YOU WILL BE SITTING THERE
HANDCUFFED AND DEPRESSED.
491
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:47,410
I'M A BAD BITCH.
492
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,167
YOU AIN'T GONNA
PULL BACK ON ME.
493
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,675
[smooching]
494
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,477
- WE HAVE TO BE QUICK.
495
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,008
MY WIFE'S GOING
TO BE HOME FROM WORK SOON.
496
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:57,853
- WELL THEN, LET ME SLIP
INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE.
497
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,821
[suspenseful music]
498
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:00,989
- HOLY SHIT!
499
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,087
FREDDY KRUEGER?
500
00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:03,318
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.
501
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,763
- OH, I'M NOT HERE
TO KILL YOU, BILL.
502
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,690
I'M HERE TO GET YOU OFF.
503
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,496
[sexy pop music]
[zipper opening]
504
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,958
- OH, NO.
505
00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:13,766
YES.
506
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,727
OH...
[groans]
507
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:19,695
[screaming]
508
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,866
- OH, GROSS,
YOU HAD A WET DREAM?
509
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,276
- IT WASN'T A WET DREAM.
510
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,677
IT WAS A WET NIGHTMARE.
511
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,148
FREDDY KRUEGER
WAS GOING DOWN ON ME.
512
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,208
- ICK.
WHATEVER, HONEY. EW.
513
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,816
GO BACK TO SLEEP.
514
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:37,559
[dreamy harp music]
515
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:41,687
- OH, YEAH, TWO CHICKS
ON THE BEACH IN HAWAII,
516
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:42,634
MY HOTTEST FANTASY.
517
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:45,899
- WHY DON'T YOU WAIT HERE
WHILE WE OIL OURSELVES UP
518
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,429
BEHIND THESE PALM TREES?
519
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,834
[thunder crashes]
520
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:49,895
- OH, SHIT!
521
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,073
IT'S FREDDY AGAIN.
522
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,741
- ACTUALLY,
IT'S YOUR HOTTEST FANTASY,
523
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,540
TWO FREDDIES
ON THE BEACH IN HAWAII.
524
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,284
[sexy pop music]
[zipper opening]
525
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,479
- [groaning]
526
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,550
[screams]
527
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,149
- EW, TWO WET DREAMS
IN ONE NIGHT?
528
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,521
- WET NIGHTMARES.
529
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:07,919
OH, GOD, PLEASE, SARAH.
530
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,391
DON'T LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP.
531
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,919
FREDDY'S GONNA
ORGASM ME TO DEATH.
532
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,355
- OKAY,
AND WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
533
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,390
- YOU'VE SEEN HIS MOVIES.
534
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,625
HE LIKES TO GET CREATIVE
WHEN HE KILLS PEOPLE,
535
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,100
WHICH HE IS TRYING TO DO
TO ME WITH HIS MOUTH.
536
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,500
- WELL, YOU CAN NEVER GET IT UP
TWICE FOR ME,
537
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,942
SO I'M TAKING THIS AS AN INSULT.
538
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:29,368
[solemn suspenseful music]
539
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,337
[suspenseful music]
540
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,146
- OH, NO, ANOTHER HOT FANTASY,
541
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:38,278
TRAPPED ON THE INTERNATIONAL
SPACE STATION WITH NOWHERE TO GO
542
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,024
AND THREE HOT
SPACE STEWARDESSES.
543
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,489
- CAPTAIN, US GIRLS ARE GOING
TO GO INTO THE SLEEP CHAMBER
544
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,790
AND CHANGE INTO SOMETHING
MORE COMFORTABLE.
545
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,433
- NO, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
546
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,528
YOU'RE ALL GONNA TURN
INTO FREDDY KRUEGERS
547
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,160
AND BLOW ME TO DEATH.
548
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,425
- WE'RE BACK, CAPTAIN,
549
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,674
AND WE'RE WAY MORE COMFORTABLE.
550
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,700
- COMFORTABLE FOR SEX.
551
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:02,566
- YOU'RE STILL
HOT SPACE STEWARDESSES?
552
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,305
NOT FREDDIES?
553
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,210
OH, YEAH!
554
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:09,011
TIME FOR AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL
MENAGE A TROIS.
555
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,145
[sexy pop music]
556
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,280
- OOH.
557
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,245
OH, YEAH.
558
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:19,115
CAPTAIN, WHY AREN'T
WE TURNING YOU ON?
559
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,285
AREN'T WE SEXY ENOUGH?
560
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,764
- UM, YEAH.
561
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,802
LOOK,
YOU ARE ALL TOTALLY SO SEXY,
562
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:29,898
BUT WOULD YOU MIND MAYBE WEARING
STRIPED SHIRTS AND FEDORAS?
563
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:33,943
MAYBE SOME KNIFE HANDS,
YOU KNOW, JUST FOR FUN.
564
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,010
[screams]
565
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,208
- IT'S OKAY, BILL.
566
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,309
YOU WERE JUST HAVING
A NIGHTMARE.
567
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,111
- NOT ANYMORE I'M NOT, FREDDY.
568
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,454
- COME HERE, YOU.
569
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,148
[sexy pop music]
570
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,350
[phone rings]
571
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,121
- YOU'VE REACHED TRIPTANK.
572
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,619
- HEY, I WATCH YOUR SKETCHES
ALL THE TIME, YOU KNOW,
573
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,591
AND YOU HAVE NO SKETCHES
ABOUT CATS ON THERE.
574
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,490
WHAT THE [bleep]
THE PROBLEM WITH CATS?
575
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,862
WHAT DO YOU GOT AGAINST CATS?
576
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,930
I LOVE [bleep] CATS.
577
00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:56,358
I LIVE AT HOME.
I SMOKE POT.
578
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,532
I PET MY CAT.
I SCRATCH MY NUTS.
579
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,331
THAT'S WHAT I DO ALL DAY.
580
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:02,872
I WILL NOT WATCH AN EPISODE
OF YOUR [bleep] SHOW NO MORE
581
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,799
UNLESS YOU PUT ON [bleep] CATS.
582
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,004
[cell phone vibrates]
583
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:06,765
- HOLD, PLEASE.
584
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:07,773
HEY, HONEY,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
585
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,774
- OH, MY GOD,
I'M ABOUT TO CALL 911
586
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,836
'CAUSE KEYOSHA
DOWN AT HAIR PLUS
587
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,144
JUST HAIR MINUSED MY HAIR.
588
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:13,906
- WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?
589
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,853
- WELL, SHE DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE-D MY SCALP.
590
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,148
I DON'T EVEN WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.
591
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,780
- OKAY.
- I DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!
592
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,146
OH, MY GOD,
HOW COULD YOU JUST SAY "OKAY?"
593
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:22,885
[continues yelling]
594
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,459
- ¶ UH-HUH, DUH, DUH,
DUH, DUH, DUH ¶
595
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,517
OOH, OOH,
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
596
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:27,626
GET SOME OF THAT.
597
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:28,457
BRO'S A SMOOTH OPERATOR.
598
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,391
- ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?
599
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:31,926
- [screaming]
600
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:32,961
- BILL, SWEETIE, IT'S OKAY.
601
00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,496
YOU WERE JUST HAVING
A NIGHTMARE.
602
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:35,430
- MY GOD, IT WAS AWFUL.
603
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,125
I HAD A DREAM THAT YOU
WERE FREDDY KRUEGER,
604
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:40,666
AND YOU WERE IN BED WITH ME,
AND I LIKED IT.
605
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,873
[chuckles]
PRETTY SILLY, HUH?
606
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:43,865
- OH, YOU.
607
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,906
YES, IT CERTAINLY IS.
608
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,713
I'M NOT FREDDY.
609
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,005
YOU'RE FREDDY!
610
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,246
[suspenseful music]
611
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,751
- NO!
612
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,953
[sexy pop music]
613
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,285
[rock music]
614
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,327
[upbeat rock music]
615
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:04,829
- ¶ THROW THE DICE
616
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,101
¶ SPIN THE WHEEL
617
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,169
¶ TAKE A CHANCE ON ME, BABY
618
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,427
¶ I'M A REAL BIG DEAL
619
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:12,766
¶ JOKER IN THE PACK
620
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,512
¶ ACE IN THE HOLE
621
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,067
¶ DOUBLE --
splat!
41221
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