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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:14,164 --> 00:00:16,266 > > > THE MOST CONTENTIOUS 4 00:00:16,366 --> 00:00:17,200 ELECTION IN U.S. HISTORY. 5 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:19,736 > > STILL HOURS UNTIL THE POLLS 6 00:00:19,836 --> 00:00:20,337 CLOSE. 7 00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:22,340 > > THE NATION STILL REELING FROM 8 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,743 THE DEADLIEST PANDEMIC IN A 9 00:00:25,843 --> 00:00:26,411 CENTURY. 10 00:00:26,677 --> 00:00:27,712 > > COULD BE DAYS OR WEEKS BEFORE 11 00:00:27,812 --> 00:00:28,813 WE KNOW THE RESULTS. 12 00:00:28,913 --> 00:00:31,917 > > THE QUESTION ALL AMERICA IS 13 00:00:32,017 --> 00:00:35,621 ASKING: ARE WE FUCKED? 14 00:00:35,721 --> 00:00:40,126 > > CNN IS NOW READY TO PROJECT: 15 00:00:40,226 --> 00:00:40,994 TOO EARLY TO CALL. 16 00:00:41,094 --> 00:00:44,965 > > TOO EARLY TO CALL, HUH? 17 00:00:45,066 --> 00:00:49,370 WELL, WAIT UNTIL THEY GET A LOAD 18 00:00:49,470 --> 00:00:50,771 OF ME. 19 00:00:50,871 --> 00:00:53,542 > > THIS ELECTION, SO HISTORIC, 20 00:00:53,642 --> 00:00:54,576 SO CRUCIAL. 21 00:00:54,676 --> 00:00:56,978 WHO WILL THE PEOPLE CHOOSE? 22 00:00:57,079 --> 00:00:59,114 PERHAPS A PRESIDENT WHO DOES NOT 23 00:00:59,214 --> 00:01:00,450 WISH TO MURDER ME. 24 00:01:00,550 --> 00:01:04,187 ONLY TIME WILL TELL. 25 00:01:04,287 --> 00:01:06,255 SORRY TO INTERRUPT, WOLF. 26 00:01:06,355 --> 00:01:07,991 IT IS YOUR ONCE AND FUTURE 27 00:01:08,092 --> 00:01:09,526 PRESIDENT HERE WITH AN IMPORTANT 28 00:01:09,626 --> 00:01:11,128 ELECTION UPDATE. 29 00:01:11,228 --> 00:01:13,497 I SMELL A LANDSLIDE! 30 00:01:13,597 --> 00:01:14,932 > > EXCUSE ME, SENATOR. 31 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,469 MASKS ARE REQUIRED BEYOND THIS 32 00:01:17,569 --> 00:01:17,836 POINT. 33 00:01:17,936 --> 00:01:18,336 > > OH. 34 00:01:18,436 --> 00:01:19,037 SILLY ME. 35 00:01:19,137 --> 00:01:21,139 OFF TO THE FUCK PIT. 36 00:01:21,239 --> 00:01:25,511 > > I HAVE DEFEATED THE CHINA 37 00:01:25,611 --> 00:01:26,078 VIRUS! 38 00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:27,947 AND NOW HERE TONIGHT, I WILL 39 00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,450 DEFEAT THE CHINA BIDEN. 40 00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:32,719 BILL BARR, LET'S CLOSE THE 41 00:01:32,819 --> 00:01:33,353 POLLS. 42 00:01:33,453 --> 00:01:34,454 > > YES, MR. PRESIDENT. 43 00:01:34,554 --> 00:01:36,423 > > WHAT THE FUCK? 44 00:01:36,523 --> 00:01:37,557 WHY ARE YOU NAKED? 45 00:01:37,657 --> 00:01:39,127 > > WE'RE ON SHOWTIME. 46 00:01:39,227 --> 00:01:41,829 I CAN SHOW FULL FRONTAL, MR. 47 00:01:41,929 --> 00:01:42,296 PRESIDENT. 48 00:01:42,396 --> 00:01:43,197 > > ALL RIGHT. 49 00:01:43,297 --> 00:01:44,799 NOW LET'S LOCK THEM UP. 50 00:01:44,899 --> 00:01:52,341 > > TIME TO PUT THE DICK IN 51 00:01:52,441 --> 00:01:52,875 DICTA 52 00:01:52,975 --> 00:01:53,409 DICTATOR. 53 00:01:53,510 --> 00:01:55,145 > > SEE, AMERICA? 54 00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,480 A LANDSLIDE! 55 00:01:57,580 --> 00:01:59,149 TONIGHT WE CELEBRATE ON THE 56 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:03,754 STREETS OF D.C. 57 00:02:03,854 --> 00:02:07,658 THIS DEMOCRACY. 58 00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:08,927 > > BREAKING NEWS, I AM NOW 59 00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:10,462 LOCKED IN A POLLING PLACE WITH 60 00:02:10,562 --> 00:02:12,664 HUNDREDS OF VOTERS AND ONLY ONE 61 00:02:12,764 --> 00:02:14,799 BATHROOM. 62 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:18,471 IT SEEMS CHILI WAS A BAD LUNCH 63 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:19,205 CHOICE. 64 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,873 THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND: 65 00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:23,676 WHERE IS JOE BIDEN? 66 00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:26,046 > > I'M AWAKE. 67 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:26,613 AM I PRESIDENT YET? 68 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:27,614 > > NO. 69 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:28,615 IT'S THE JOE SIGNAL. 70 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,918 WE KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 71 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:31,786 > > THERE IS A TRADE COMING? 72 00:02:31,886 --> 00:02:33,555 I HAVE TO GET MY BAGS. 73 00:02:33,655 --> 00:02:34,522 > > NO. 74 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,590 DEMOCRACY IS IN JEOPARDY. 75 00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:37,158 > > OH, RIGHT, THE THING. 76 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:45,701 TO THE BIDEN BASEMENT. 77 00:02:49,072 --> 00:02:53,510 > > WHAT A LANDSLIDE, HUH, FOLKS? 78 00:02:53,610 --> 00:02:59,150 HERE'S YOUR STUPID STIMULUS, 79 00:02:59,250 --> 00:02:59,617 SUCKERS. 80 00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:01,485 LOSERS! 81 00:03:04,256 --> 00:03:06,625 > > BREATHE IN THE CORONAVIRUS. 82 00:03:06,725 --> 00:03:07,993 DON'T LET IT DOMINATE YOU. 83 00:03:08,093 --> 00:03:09,461 DON'T BE AFRAID. 84 00:03:09,561 --> 00:03:14,167 YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL 20 YEARS 85 00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:16,402 YOUNGER. 86 00:03:16,502 --> 00:03:17,838 > > MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. 87 00:03:17,938 --> 00:03:20,274 WHO DO YOU TRUST? 88 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:20,841 ME? 89 00:03:21,141 --> 00:03:25,947 I'M GIVING AWAY FREE VACCINES. 90 00:03:26,047 --> 00:03:30,452 > > AND WHERE IS JOE BIDEN? 91 00:03:30,552 --> 00:03:33,289 HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS MASK. 92 00:03:33,389 --> 00:03:35,458 > > I GOT ICE CREAM ON IT. 93 00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:35,958 GEEZ. 94 00:03:36,058 --> 00:03:36,692 > > FOCUS, JOE. 95 00:03:36,792 --> 00:03:44,001 TIME TO SUIT UP. 96 00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:49,173 > > TO THE BIDEN MOBILE, COME ON! 97 00:03:49,274 --> 00:03:53,044 > > HIS TEAR GAS ASS IS GRASS. 98 00:03:53,144 --> 00:03:53,544 > > NO. 99 00:03:53,645 --> 00:03:54,178 WHY IS HE NAKED? 100 00:03:54,279 --> 00:03:56,048 > > IT'S SHOWTIME, JOE. 101 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:56,882 > > OH, RIGHT. 102 00:03:56,982 --> 00:04:02,054 I ALWAYS GOT IT ON ME. 103 00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:04,991 > > TAKE THIS, BITCH. 104 00:04:05,091 --> 00:04:09,229 > > THIS IS TURNING ME ON. 105 00:04:09,329 --> 00:04:11,164 > > WE HAVE BEEN FREED, AND JUST 106 00:04:11,265 --> 00:04:14,902 IN TIME TO USE THE LITTLE 107 00:04:15,002 --> 00:04:22,611 ANCHORS ROOM. 108 00:04:22,711 --> 00:04:26,281 > > E.T., GO VOTE! 109 00:04:26,381 --> 00:04:30,053 > > I KNEW HE WAS JUICING. 110 00:04:30,153 --> 00:04:34,057 COME ON, YOU SLEEPY BASTARD. 111 00:04:34,157 --> 00:04:39,163 > > TIME TO STOP THE MELARKY, YOU 112 00:04:39,263 --> 00:04:41,699 DOG FACE PONY CLOWN. 113 00:04:41,799 --> 00:04:47,672 > > YOU CAN MAKE THE CHECK OUT. 114 00:04:47,772 --> 00:04:58,251 > > I GUESS WE'RE DOING THIS. 115 00:05:00,287 --> 00:05:02,089 ALL RIGHT. 116 00:05:02,189 --> 00:05:06,594 JUST YOU AND ME NOW, MONO -- 117 00:05:06,694 --> 00:05:12,668 > > I LOVE YOU, DAD! 118 00:05:12,768 --> 00:05:17,139 > > YOU LOSE, JOE. 119 00:05:17,239 --> 00:05:19,808 > > WHATEVER HAPPENED TO 120 00:05:19,908 --> 00:05:20,377 DEMOCRACY? 121 00:05:20,477 --> 00:05:24,114 > > MAYBE I'M IMMUNE. 122 00:05:24,214 --> 00:05:24,614 I DON'T KNOW. 123 00:05:24,714 --> 00:05:28,652 > > NOT SO FAST. 124 00:05:28,753 --> 00:05:30,421 PERSON, WOMAN. 125 00:05:30,521 --> 00:05:31,889 > > MAN. 126 00:05:31,989 --> 00:05:33,290 > > CAMERA, TV. 127 00:05:33,391 --> 00:05:38,997 AND WE'RE LIVE. 128 00:05:39,097 --> 00:05:41,066 > > DEMOCRACY DON'T DIE THAT 129 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,100 EASY, JACK. 130 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,703 THE AMERICAN PEOPLE STILL GOT A 131 00:05:43,803 --> 00:05:47,039 SAY WHO WINS AND WHO LOUZS. 132 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:48,775 STAND BACK. 133 00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:52,880 I GOT TO SAY PRESIDENT. 134 00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:55,182 NOW PUT THE DEMOCRACY DOWN AND 135 00:05:55,282 --> 00:05:57,418 NOBODY GETS HURT. 136 00:05:57,518 --> 00:05:58,285 OH, MAN. 137 00:05:58,385 --> 00:06:05,427 WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP? 138 00:06:05,527 --> 00:06:11,167 BUMBLEBEE, NO! 139 00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:21,579 > > YOU'RE ALL RED. 140 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:32,724 I HATE EVERYBODY. 141 00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:56,151 > > 2020. 142 00:06:56,251 --> 00:06:58,086 > > > WELCOME. 143 00:06:58,186 --> 00:06:59,755 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO OUR 144 00:06:59,856 --> 00:07:01,023 LIVE ELECTION SPECIAL. 145 00:07:01,123 --> 00:07:04,060 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 146 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,795 I'M WEARING A SUIT TONIGHT 147 00:07:05,895 --> 00:07:07,163 BECAUSE IT IS THE ELECTION. 148 00:07:07,263 --> 00:07:09,233 I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE. 149 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:10,467 I DRESSED UP. 150 00:07:10,567 --> 00:07:12,035 I THOUGHT YOU WOULD, TOO. 151 00:07:12,135 --> 00:07:12,936 I'M NOT ALONE. 152 00:07:13,036 --> 00:07:14,738 I HAVE THE TWO MASKED MEN WHO 153 00:07:14,838 --> 00:07:16,608 ARE NORMALLY IN HERE. 154 00:07:16,708 --> 00:07:18,676 I WOULD LOVE TO LEARN THEIR 155 00:07:18,776 --> 00:07:20,044 NAMES SOME DAY. 156 00:07:20,144 --> 00:07:21,746 MY LADY WIFE IS THERE. 157 00:07:21,846 --> 00:07:23,182 SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE. 158 00:07:23,282 --> 00:07:24,483 SHE'S HAD A LITTLE WINE. 159 00:07:24,583 --> 00:07:27,553 BUT SHE'S A CORE DEMOGRAPHIC. 160 00:07:27,653 --> 00:07:29,722 SHE'S A SUBURBAN WOMAN. 161 00:07:29,822 --> 00:07:32,726 AS SHE GOES, SO GOES THE NATION. 162 00:07:32,826 --> 00:07:34,227 TONIGHT SHE'S GOING HOME WITH 163 00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:34,728 ME. 164 00:07:35,095 --> 00:07:36,530 TONIGHT WE'RE ON SHOWTIME JUST 165 00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:39,100 LIKE FOUR YEARS AGO, AND WE KNOW 166 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,236 WHY WE'RE HERE BECAUSE IT'S 167 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:42,770 LIVE. 168 00:07:43,104 --> 00:07:43,771 BUT WE DON'T KNOW SOME WHAT SOME 169 00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:46,008 OF THE INGREDIENTS OF TONIGHT'S 170 00:07:46,108 --> 00:07:47,109 SHOW WILL BE. 171 00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:50,779 AT THIS POINT, IT'S LIKE WE'RE 172 00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:52,180 MAKING COOKIES AND WE DON'T KNOW 173 00:07:52,281 --> 00:07:54,684 WHAT'S GOING TO BE IN THE BATCH. 174 00:07:54,784 --> 00:07:56,419 AS WE JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN, 175 00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,555 PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH US AND 176 00:07:58,655 --> 00:07:59,022 YOURSELF. 177 00:07:59,122 --> 00:07:59,756 HOLD ON TIGHT. 178 00:07:59,856 --> 00:08:01,025 HOLD ON TO YOUR LOVED ONESMENT 179 00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:02,560 HOLD ON TO YOUR PETS. 180 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,295 IF YOU ARE HOLDING ON TO 181 00:08:04,395 --> 00:08:07,531 ANYTHING ELSE, TURN YOUR ZOOM 182 00:08:07,631 --> 00:08:08,265 CAMERA OFF. 183 00:08:08,365 --> 00:08:08,967 A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME 184 00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:09,701 WHY WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN. 185 00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:12,270 WE DID IT FOUR YEARS AGO, AND IT 186 00:08:12,370 --> 00:08:14,372 WAS, QUITE FAMOUSLY, A PAINFUL 187 00:08:14,472 --> 00:08:14,906 EXPERIENCE. 188 00:08:15,006 --> 00:08:15,874 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 189 00:08:15,974 --> 00:08:18,444 I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE WITH 190 00:08:18,544 --> 00:08:20,913 ANYBODY ELSE THAN YOU RIGHT NOW 191 00:08:21,013 --> 00:08:23,182 AND ONLY PARTLY BECAUSE WE'RE 192 00:08:23,282 --> 00:08:24,217 NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE NEW YORK 193 00:08:24,318 --> 00:08:26,787 RIGHT NOW. 194 00:08:26,887 --> 00:08:30,891 I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE ON SHOWTIME 195 00:08:30,991 --> 00:08:32,760 BECAUSE HOLY SHIT. 196 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:35,096 IT IS A WEIRD FUCKING ELECTION. 197 00:08:35,196 --> 00:08:37,699 FIRST OF ALL, WE'RE IN A 198 00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:38,433 PANDEMIC. 199 00:08:38,533 --> 00:08:41,070 SO BEFORE THE POLLS OPENED, 99.7 200 00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:42,871 MILLION AMERICANS ALREADY VOTED. 201 00:08:42,972 --> 00:08:44,273 A LOT WERE SENT BY MAIL. 202 00:08:44,373 --> 00:08:46,742 AS WE SPEAK THE GOP IS MARKING 203 00:08:46,842 --> 00:08:49,679 HARD TO DISQUALIFY VOTES ON 204 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:50,814 TECHNICALITIES AND BASELESS 205 00:08:50,914 --> 00:08:51,615 CHARGES OF FRAUD. 206 00:08:51,715 --> 00:08:53,750 YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING. 207 00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:55,519 IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM, FIND A 208 00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:58,356 JUDGE WHO SAYS, NO, ACTUALLY YOU 209 00:08:58,456 --> 00:08:59,557 DID BEAT THEM. 210 00:08:59,657 --> 00:09:00,925 NOW, DOUBT ABOUT WHETHER THE 211 00:09:01,025 --> 00:09:02,928 ELECTION WILL BE FAIR OR NOT HAS 212 00:09:03,028 --> 00:09:04,730 RAISED FEAR OF VIOLENCE IN THE 213 00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:05,364 STREETS. 214 00:09:05,631 --> 00:09:07,199 ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, RETAILERS 215 00:09:07,299 --> 00:09:09,167 ARE BOARDING UP THEIR WINDOWS. 216 00:09:09,267 --> 00:09:13,606 IT'S BEEN A BANNER DAY FOR JIM'S 217 00:09:13,706 --> 00:09:14,641 DOOMSDAY PLYWOOD. 218 00:09:14,741 --> 00:09:16,309 JIM'S IS ACTUALLY OPEN. 219 00:09:16,409 --> 00:09:17,945 THE PLYWOOD IS JUST ALWAYS UP 220 00:09:18,045 --> 00:09:20,881 THERE. 221 00:09:20,981 --> 00:09:24,151 NOW, BUSINESSES THE EVERYWHERE 222 00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:26,788 ARE TAKING PRECAUTIONS. 223 00:09:26,888 --> 00:09:31,593 CVS IS PROTECTING ITS WINDOWS 224 00:09:31,693 --> 00:09:33,429 WITH A SINGLE GATORADE. 225 00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,698 AS WE SPEAK, JOE BIDEN IS IN 226 00:09:35,798 --> 00:09:36,432 DELAWARE. 227 00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:37,600 THE PRESIDENT IS AT THE WHITE 228 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:38,334 HOUSE. 229 00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:39,702 IF EITHER OF THEM COMES OUT TO 230 00:09:39,802 --> 00:09:41,972 SPEAK TONIGHT DURING THIS SHOW, 231 00:09:42,072 --> 00:09:43,206 AND DO WE HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO 232 00:09:43,306 --> 00:09:43,874 DO THIS? 233 00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:45,642 WE ARE PREPARED NOT TO GO TO 234 00:09:45,742 --> 00:09:47,144 EITHER ONE OF THEM BECAUSE THIS 235 00:09:47,244 --> 00:09:48,279 IS MY SHOW. 236 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:49,881 GET YOUR OWN SHOW, FELLAS. 237 00:09:49,981 --> 00:09:52,083 WHILE THIS IS A COMEDY SHOW SO 238 00:09:52,183 --> 00:09:54,052 FAR, THE RESULTS YOU'LL BE 239 00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:55,186 HEARING ARE REAL. 240 00:09:55,286 --> 00:09:58,791 WE'RE GETTING STRAIGHT FROM CBS, 241 00:09:58,891 --> 00:10:00,359 FROM THE PIPE THEY JACK IN TO 242 00:10:00,459 --> 00:10:03,730 THE BACK OF JOHN DICKERSON'S 243 00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:04,264 HEAD. 244 00:10:04,497 --> 00:10:05,131 AT THE WHITE HOUSE, THE 245 00:10:05,231 --> 00:10:06,466 PRESIDENT IS THROWING A PARTY. 246 00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:08,268 IS THAT HAPPENING? 247 00:10:08,368 --> 00:10:11,137 IT'S STILL HAPPENING. 248 00:10:11,238 --> 00:10:13,274 HE'S PLANNED 250 GUESTS DOWN TO 249 00:10:13,374 --> 00:10:14,008 400. 250 00:10:14,108 --> 00:10:15,843 TRUMP WANTED TO KEEP IT TO HIS 251 00:10:15,943 --> 00:10:17,712 NEAREST AND NEAREST 252 00:10:17,812 --> 00:10:18,612 CODEFENDANTS. 253 00:10:18,713 --> 00:10:20,148 ONCE AGAIN, A LARGE INDOOR 254 00:10:20,248 --> 00:10:22,084 GATHERING DURING A PANDEMIC. 255 00:10:22,184 --> 00:10:24,653 IF HE LOSES, HE CAN SEAL HIS 256 00:10:24,753 --> 00:10:27,023 ADMINISTRATION IN WITH HIM LIKE 257 00:10:27,123 --> 00:10:28,224 A PHARAOH'S TOME. 258 00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:31,160 HE HAS GOLD WALLS AND HIS 259 00:10:31,260 --> 00:10:32,729 DEMONIC ESCORT INTO THE 260 00:10:32,829 --> 00:10:33,496 UNDERWORLD. 261 00:10:33,596 --> 00:10:34,698 AND TO KEEP TRUMP SAFE FROM THE 262 00:10:34,798 --> 00:10:36,066 ELECTION UNREST THAT HE'S 263 00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:37,634 COUNTING ON HAPPENING, THE 264 00:10:37,735 --> 00:10:40,337 GOVERNMENT HAS ERECTED A 265 00:10:40,437 --> 00:10:41,205 NONSCALEABLE FENCE AROUND THE 266 00:10:41,305 --> 00:10:42,073 WHITE HOUSE. 267 00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:45,110 SO IN THE END, THEY BUILT THE 268 00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:47,912 WALL AND LOCKED HIM UP. 269 00:10:48,012 --> 00:10:50,850 PROMISES MADE, PROMISES KEPT. 270 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:55,321 YESTERDAY WAS BOTH CANDIDATES 271 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:58,992 LAST CHANCE TO MAKE A TRIP TO 272 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,193 SEE VOTERS. 273 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,829 LAST NIGHT BIDEN WAS IN 274 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:03,497 PENNSYLVANIA. 275 00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:06,200 HE BROUGHT OUT LADY GAGA. 276 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:09,036 THE BEST HE'S EVER GOTTEN WAS 277 00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:10,905 POP SENSATION LADY RUDY. 278 00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,708 THOUGH, IT IS REFRESHING TO SEE 279 00:11:12,808 --> 00:11:14,176 RUDY IN THE COMEDY BIT WHERE 280 00:11:14,276 --> 00:11:15,811 HE'S NOT TOUCHING HIMSELF. 281 00:11:15,911 --> 00:11:18,747 SO IN ONE OF HIS CLOSING 282 00:11:18,847 --> 00:11:21,251 RALLIES, TRUMP LASHED OUT AT 283 00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:23,019 BIDEN'S POP STAR FRIEND. 284 00:11:23,119 --> 00:11:27,357 > > LADY GAGA IS NOT TOO GOOD. 285 00:11:27,457 --> 00:11:29,727 I COULD TELL YOU PLENTY OF 286 00:11:29,827 --> 00:11:30,361 STORIES. 287 00:11:30,594 --> 00:11:32,329 I COULD TELL YOU STORIES ABOUT 288 00:11:32,429 --> 00:11:33,364 LADY GAGA. 289 00:11:33,464 --> 00:11:35,232 I KNOW A LOT OF STORIES ABOUT 290 00:11:35,332 --> 00:11:36,468 LADY GAGA. 291 00:11:36,568 --> 00:11:37,335 > > WHAT? 292 00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:40,739 YOU HAVE GOTS OF STORIES ABOUT 293 00:11:40,839 --> 00:11:43,142 LADY GAGA? 294 00:11:43,242 --> 00:11:45,044 THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING ONE 295 00:11:45,144 --> 00:11:47,213 ABOUT THE SUPER STRONG RANCHER 296 00:11:47,313 --> 00:11:49,515 THAT DOESN'T GO TO PARIS 297 00:11:49,615 --> 00:11:50,283 ANYMORE. 298 00:11:50,383 --> 00:11:52,719 OR THE WIFE THAT SUDDENLY LOVES 299 00:11:52,820 --> 00:11:56,690 HER HUSBAND BECAUSE THEIR 401(k) 300 00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:57,524 IS DOING WELL? 301 00:11:57,624 --> 00:11:59,194 STOP WASTING TIME. 302 00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:01,196 STILL THE GAGA TEA! 303 00:12:01,296 --> 00:12:04,499 THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN DOUBLED DOWN 304 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,266 ON THIS WITH A TWEET. 305 00:12:05,366 --> 00:12:06,669 NOTHING EXPOSES BIDEN'S DISDAIN 306 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:09,338 FOR THE FORGOTTEN WORKING MEN 307 00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:12,508 AND WOMEN OF PENNSYLVANIA LIKE 308 00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:16,279 CAMPAIGNING WITH ANTI-FRACKING 309 00:12:16,379 --> 00:12:19,349 ACTIVIST LADY GAGA. 310 00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:20,050 YES. 311 00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:27,592 WHO CAN FORGET HER BIG HIT? 312 00:12:28,092 --> 00:12:31,830 > > FRACK. 313 00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:33,098 THE GROUND. 314 00:12:33,198 --> 00:12:34,466 > > THAT SONG GETS ME. 315 00:12:34,566 --> 00:12:36,335 THAT SONG GETS ME EVERY TIME. 316 00:12:36,435 --> 00:12:37,604 TRUMP ENDED THE CAMPAIGN WITH 317 00:12:37,704 --> 00:12:39,639 THIS CLINCHING CLOSING ARGUMENT 318 00:12:39,739 --> 00:12:41,975 IN THE FORM OF A VIDEO HE POSTED 319 00:12:42,075 --> 00:12:46,914 AT 3:00 A.M. ON ELECTION DAY. 320 00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:04,834 > > I PROMISE YOU, WE DID NOT 321 00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:05,768 MAKE THAT UP. 322 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,003 THEY PUT THAT OUT. 323 00:13:07,103 --> 00:13:08,472 DONALD TRUMP IS THE ONLY 324 00:13:08,572 --> 00:13:11,208 CANDIDATE PROMISING THE AMERICAN 325 00:13:11,308 --> 00:13:14,711 PEOPLE I WILL MASTURBATE TWO 326 00:13:14,811 --> 00:13:19,384 INVISIBLE GIRAFFES. 327 00:13:19,484 --> 00:13:19,984 ALL RIGHT. 328 00:13:20,084 --> 00:13:22,587 LIKE THE GIRAFFE JOKE? 329 00:13:22,688 --> 00:13:22,988 YOU DON'T. 330 00:13:23,088 --> 00:13:24,223 ALL RIGHT. 331 00:13:24,323 --> 00:13:26,625 WHAT'S GOING ON? 332 00:13:26,725 --> 00:13:27,326 IS IT TIME? 333 00:13:27,426 --> 00:13:28,727 IT'S TIME FOR SOME RESULTS. 334 00:13:28,827 --> 00:13:29,561 OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 335 00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:35,368 THESE ARE ACTUAL RESULTS THAT WE 336 00:13:35,468 --> 00:13:36,036 HAVE RECEIVED THANKS TO ADVANCED 337 00:13:36,136 --> 00:13:36,770 COMPUTER MODELING AND THE 338 00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:37,437 OCCASIONAL SINGING TELEGRAM WE 339 00:13:37,537 --> 00:13:38,139 HAVE BEEN RECEIVING FROM THE 340 00:13:38,239 --> 00:13:38,706 FUTURE. 341 00:13:38,806 --> 00:13:39,407 OKAY? 342 00:13:39,607 --> 00:13:41,142 WE'RE READY TO MAKE SOME CALLS. 343 00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:43,978 WHAT DO WE HAVE FIRST? 344 00:13:44,078 --> 00:13:44,745 MARYLAND. 345 00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:46,782 LET'S START IN MARYLAND WHERE 346 00:13:46,882 --> 00:13:49,851 CBS PROJECTS THAT JOE BIDEN HAS 347 00:13:49,952 --> 00:13:50,986 DEFEATED DONALD TRUMP. 348 00:13:51,086 --> 00:13:53,356 BUT MARYLAND AND I HAVE SO MUCH 349 00:13:53,456 --> 00:13:54,857 IN COMMON. 350 00:13:54,958 --> 00:13:56,459 WE'RE BOTH KNOWN FOR GIVING 351 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:57,226 PEOPLE CRABS. 352 00:13:57,327 --> 00:13:59,228 WE CAN ALSO REPORT THAT VERMONT 353 00:13:59,329 --> 00:14:01,932 HAS BEEN CALLED FOR FORMER VICE 354 00:14:02,032 --> 00:14:03,767 PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN. 355 00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:05,469 THE TICKET WAS GIVEN A HUGE 356 00:14:05,569 --> 00:14:07,838 BOOST THANKS TO BEN AND JERRY'S 357 00:14:07,938 --> 00:14:18,484 NEW FLAVOR, FORMER ICE PRESIDENT 358 00:14:21,087 --> 00:14:27,828 KAMALA-NANNA HARR REECES-PIECES. 359 00:14:27,928 --> 00:14:29,730 WE ARE NOW ABLE TO PROJECT THAT 360 00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:31,298 DELAWARE HAS BEEN WON BY JOE 361 00:14:31,398 --> 00:14:32,166 BIDEN. 362 00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:34,168 WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO. 363 00:14:34,268 --> 00:14:36,104 IT'S HIS HOME STATE. 364 00:14:36,204 --> 00:14:38,740 THAT WOULD BE LIKE DONALD TRUMP 365 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,409 LOSING NEW YORK. 366 00:14:40,509 --> 00:14:41,276 HE WHAT? 367 00:14:41,377 --> 00:14:42,077 THAT'S GOT TO STINK. 368 00:14:42,177 --> 00:14:44,079 WELL, AS I JUST PRETENDED TO 369 00:14:44,179 --> 00:14:44,913 HEAR FROM OFF CAMERA. 370 00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,550 NEW YORK STATE AND IT'S WHAPING 371 00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:50,820 29 ELECTORAL VOTES HAS JUST BEEN 372 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,022 CALLED FOR VICE PRESIDENT JOSEPH 373 00:14:52,122 --> 00:14:52,856 R. BIDEN. 374 00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:55,593 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. 375 00:14:55,693 --> 00:14:57,094 IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE, YOU ARE 376 00:14:57,194 --> 00:14:57,828 NOT DONALD TRUMP. 377 00:14:57,928 --> 00:14:59,330 FURTHER SOUTH, THE NUMBER 378 00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:01,766 CALLERS HAVE CALLED THE NUMBERS. 379 00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:04,236 AND IT LOOKS LIKE KENTUCKY HAS 380 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:05,504 GONE FOR DONALD TRUMP. 381 00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,939 AND, OH, LOOK, MITCH McCONNELL 382 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,477 IS SO PROUD HE'S INFLATING HIS 383 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:11,811 WADDLE. 384 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,646 OH. 385 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:14,647 IMPRESSIVE MATING GESTURE. 386 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,349 WATCH OUT, LADIES. 387 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,651 NO SURPRISE. 388 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,754 DONALD TRUMP HAS ALSO WON 389 00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:21,989 TENNESSEE WHICH HAS AN ACTUAL 390 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,424 STATE GUN. 391 00:15:23,524 --> 00:15:25,960 THE BARRETT.50 CALIBER M-82 392 00:15:26,061 --> 00:15:28,563 WHICH I'M BEING TOLD HAS ALSO 393 00:15:28,663 --> 00:15:29,864 WON ITS SENATE SEAT. 394 00:15:29,964 --> 00:15:32,233 AND A LITTLE FURTHER WEST OR 395 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:33,936 NORTH, I'M NOT SURE. 396 00:15:34,036 --> 00:15:36,338 INDIANA HAS JUST BEEN CALLED FOR 397 00:15:36,439 --> 00:15:38,774 DONALD TRUMP. 398 00:15:38,874 --> 00:15:39,508 WELL, OF COURSE. 399 00:15:39,608 --> 00:15:41,578 IT WAS EITHER VOTE FOR HIM OR 400 00:15:41,678 --> 00:15:42,646 TAKE MIKE PENCE BACK. 401 00:15:42,746 --> 00:15:44,915 THAT'S AN EASY CALL. 402 00:15:45,015 --> 00:15:50,388 AND FOR ANY OKIES WONDERING HOW 403 00:15:50,488 --> 00:15:53,925 YOUR PAN IS BEING HANDLED, I CAN 404 00:15:54,025 --> 00:15:54,892 REPORT IT IS BEING CALLED FOR 405 00:15:54,992 --> 00:15:55,560 DONALD TRUMP. 406 00:15:55,660 --> 00:16:00,332 YOU KNOW HOW THE SONG GOES 407 00:16:00,432 --> 00:16:03,703 OH, THE STATE WHERE THEY 408 00:16:03,803 --> 00:16:07,674 DON'T CARE TRUMP KILLED HERMAN 409 00:16:07,774 --> 00:16:08,241 CAIN. 410 00:16:08,608 --> 00:16:10,276 > > HOW ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE? 411 00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:13,114 CAN WE GET HER SOME WINE? 412 00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:14,815 THAT WOMAN NEEDS TO STAY IN 413 00:16:14,915 --> 00:16:16,250 WHATEVER STATE SHE'S IN RIGHT 414 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:16,717 NOW. 415 00:16:16,984 --> 00:16:18,652 ANOTHER STATE HAS BEEN 416 00:16:18,752 --> 00:16:19,788 OFFICIALLY DECIDED. 417 00:16:19,888 --> 00:16:20,989 SOUTH DAKOTA IS BEING CALLED FOR 418 00:16:21,089 --> 00:16:22,357 PRESIDENT TRUMP. 419 00:16:22,457 --> 00:16:24,593 LET'S SEE HOW PEOPLE IN SOUTH 420 00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:28,097 DAKOTA ARE REACTING. 421 00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:29,065 AND -- 422 00:16:29,165 --> 00:16:30,933 > > AH, SHIT. 423 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,034 > > OKAY. 424 00:16:32,135 --> 00:16:33,803 BACK EAST, I'M GETTING -- IS 425 00:16:33,903 --> 00:16:35,038 THIS TRUE? 426 00:16:35,139 --> 00:16:35,973 I'M GETTING BREAKING RESULTS 427 00:16:36,073 --> 00:16:38,108 FROM TWO HOURS AGO THAT NEW 428 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,476 JERSEY HAS BEEN CALLED FOR JOE 429 00:16:39,576 --> 00:16:40,110 BIDEN. 430 00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:42,413 WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE. 431 00:16:42,514 --> 00:16:44,349 AFTER ALL THE FIRST EVER 432 00:16:44,449 --> 00:16:46,351 BASEBALL BECAME WAS PLAYED IN 433 00:16:46,451 --> 00:16:48,486 NEW JERSEY IN 1846, AND JOE 434 00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:49,955 BIDEN WAS THERE. 435 00:16:50,055 --> 00:16:50,489 YEP. 436 00:16:50,823 --> 00:16:51,957 STILL GOING TO DO THOSE JOKES, 437 00:16:52,057 --> 00:16:52,525 SIR. 438 00:16:52,825 --> 00:16:56,395 AND I'M GETTING THE RESULTS FROM 439 00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:57,898 MASSACHUSETTS WHO PROJECT THAT 440 00:16:57,998 --> 00:17:00,100 IT HAS GONE FOR JOE BIDEN. 441 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,068 BIDEN WON THE HEARTS OF BOSTON 442 00:17:02,169 --> 00:17:03,904 WITH HIS STIRRING MESSAGE OF 443 00:17:04,004 --> 00:17:05,806 TELLING A GUY FROM NEW YORK TO 444 00:17:05,907 --> 00:17:06,908 SHUT THE HELL UP. 445 00:17:07,008 --> 00:17:09,510 WE CAN ALSO REPORT THAT NEW 446 00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:12,346 HAMPSHIRE HAS BEEN CALLED FOR 447 00:17:12,446 --> 00:17:13,549 FORMER PRESIDENT BIDEN. 448 00:17:13,649 --> 00:17:15,784 LIVE FREE OR DIE ISN'T JUST THE 449 00:17:15,884 --> 00:17:17,886 MOTTO, IT WAS THE TWO CHOICES ON 450 00:17:17,986 --> 00:17:18,554 THE BALLOT. 451 00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:21,157 AND AS LONG AS WE'RE LEAF 452 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:22,992 PEEPING IN LEAF PEEPING COUNTRY, 453 00:17:23,092 --> 00:17:24,661 I THINK I KNOW WHAT THAT 454 00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:27,263 SENTENCE MEANS, JOE BIDEN HAS 455 00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:28,732 WON CONNECTICUT. 456 00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:29,800 YES. 457 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:34,338 TURNS OUT THE CONSTITUTION, THEY 458 00:17:34,438 --> 00:17:37,209 PREFER SOMEONE WHO HAS READ THE 459 00:17:37,309 --> 00:17:37,742 CONSTITUTION. 460 00:17:37,842 --> 00:17:39,844 IT WAS A SQUEAKER. 461 00:17:39,945 --> 00:17:44,050 ONLY GAVE BIDEN A 99% OF 462 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:44,684 WINNING. 463 00:17:44,884 --> 00:17:45,718 THEY FELT BIDEN REPRESENTED 464 00:17:45,818 --> 00:17:49,422 THEIR CORE OF CONNECTICUT VALUES 465 00:17:49,522 --> 00:17:50,958 OF ENJOYING FLEECE SWEATER 466 00:17:51,058 --> 00:17:51,692 VESTS. 467 00:17:51,792 --> 00:17:53,427 ALL DAY WE'VE BEEN WAITING ON 468 00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:54,828 RESULTS FROM COLORADO. 469 00:17:54,928 --> 00:17:56,096 AND NOW WE'VE GOT THEM. 470 00:17:56,196 --> 00:17:58,866 AND IT LOOKS LIKE JOE BIDEN JUST 471 00:17:58,967 --> 00:17:59,534 WON COLORADO. 472 00:17:59,634 --> 00:18:02,136 HERE IS AN INTERESTING FACT. 473 00:18:02,237 --> 00:18:07,042 COLORADO HAS A LONG HISTORY OF 474 00:18:07,142 --> 00:18:07,810 VOTING BY MAIL. 475 00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:08,477 IN THIS YEAR'S STATE PRIMARIES, 476 00:18:08,577 --> 00:18:10,145 99.3% OF VOTERS USED MAIL-IN 477 00:18:10,246 --> 00:18:10,813 BALLOTS. 478 00:18:10,913 --> 00:18:13,182 THE REMAINING 0.7% COULD NOT 479 00:18:13,282 --> 00:18:16,119 BECAUSE THEY HAD TURNED THEIR 480 00:18:16,219 --> 00:18:18,521 MAILBOX INTO A BONG. 481 00:18:18,622 --> 00:18:19,856 THERE IS MORE. 482 00:18:19,956 --> 00:18:21,191 I WAS GOING TO GO ON TO 483 00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:25,129 SOMETHING ELSE, BUT MY YOUNG 484 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,897 PAGE HERE IS HANDING ME RESULTS 485 00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:27,498 HERE. 486 00:18:27,698 --> 00:18:29,568 THANK YOU, SHOE SHINE BOY. 487 00:18:29,668 --> 00:18:31,803 WHAT'S THE TOP ONE HERE? 488 00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:34,906 ILLINOIS, WE ARE READY TO CALL 489 00:18:35,007 --> 00:18:37,510 THAT JOSEPH BIDEN HAS WON EASILY 490 00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:38,278 ILLINOIS. 491 00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:39,045 ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM THE 492 00:18:39,145 --> 00:18:42,115 STATE THAT HAS GIVEN US ABRAHAM 493 00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:48,389 LINCOLN, BARACK OBAMA, JACK FORD 494 00:18:48,489 --> 00:18:52,060 BUT ALSO JOHN WAYNE GUYSY. 495 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,429 DON'T GET COCKY, ILLINOIS. 496 00:18:54,529 --> 00:18:55,630 MISSOURI, MISSOURI. 497 00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:57,365 I AM NOT PRETENDING THAT THIS 498 00:18:57,465 --> 00:18:59,401 NEWS HAS JUST BEEN HANDED TO ME. 499 00:18:59,501 --> 00:19:01,137 MISSOURI HAS JUST BEEN CALLED 500 00:19:01,237 --> 00:19:02,872 FOR DONALD TRUMP. 501 00:19:02,972 --> 00:19:05,207 APPARENTLY THE SHOW ME STATE 502 00:19:05,308 --> 00:19:07,411 LIKES THE GUY WHOSE ENTIRE SHOW 503 00:19:07,511 --> 00:19:08,378 IS ME. 504 00:19:08,478 --> 00:19:09,012 ALL RIGHT. 505 00:19:09,112 --> 00:19:10,280 WHAT ELSE DO I GOT HERE? 506 00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:12,049 IS THIS UTAH? 507 00:19:12,149 --> 00:19:13,450 UTAH HAS JUST BEEN CALLED FOR 508 00:19:13,550 --> 00:19:14,084 DONALD TRUMP. 509 00:19:14,184 --> 00:19:21,626 THIS IS INTERITSESTING. 510 00:19:21,726 --> 00:19:23,028 MITT ROMNEY SAID HE DIDN'T VOTE 511 00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:25,364 FOR HIM, INSTEAD FOLLOWED HIS 512 00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:27,333 PASSION AND VOTED FOR UNSALTED 513 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:28,067 CRACKER. 514 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,737 UTAH KNOWN FOR TWO THINGS, THEIR 515 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,172 BREATH TAKING NATURAL SLENDER 516 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,374 AND THEIR INTENSE DESIRE TO 517 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:35,108 DESTROY IT. 518 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,910 NOW THIS ONE, THIS ONE I DID NOT 519 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:37,811 EXPECT RIGHT AWAY. 520 00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:39,513 THIS HAS GOT TO COME AS A 521 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:42,283 SHOCKER TO EVERYONE IN A COMA. 522 00:19:42,383 --> 00:19:45,286 JOE BIDEN HAS WON THE GOLDEN 523 00:19:45,386 --> 00:19:46,254 STATE CALIFORNIA. 524 00:19:46,355 --> 00:19:47,322 WITH CALIFORNIA, BECAUSE OF HOW 525 00:19:47,422 --> 00:19:49,791 THE VOTES ARE TALLIED, WE MAY 526 00:19:49,891 --> 00:19:51,626 NOT KNOW THE OFFICIAL RESULTS 527 00:19:51,727 --> 00:19:52,828 FOR QUITE A WHILE. 528 00:19:52,928 --> 00:19:54,797 SO WITH 0% REPORTING, AND THIS 529 00:19:54,897 --> 00:19:59,535 IS TRUE, WITH 0% REPORTING, 530 00:19:59,635 --> 00:20:03,307 BECAUSE, COME ON, IT'S 531 00:20:03,407 --> 00:20:04,641 CALIFORNIA AND THIS ISN'T THE 532 00:20:04,742 --> 00:20:05,576 NEWS, OKAY? 533 00:20:05,676 --> 00:20:06,410 ALL RIGHT. 534 00:20:06,510 --> 00:20:07,144 IS THAT IT? 535 00:20:07,244 --> 00:20:10,014 NOW CAN I MOVE ON TO THE OTHER 536 00:20:10,115 --> 00:20:10,582 JOKES? 537 00:20:10,682 --> 00:20:11,516 MORE JOKES OVER HERE. 538 00:20:11,616 --> 00:20:14,319 HERE, HAVE THESE COMPOSTED. 539 00:20:14,419 --> 00:20:16,389 FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH ELECTION 540 00:20:16,489 --> 00:20:18,124 COVERAGE AND SPOILER, YOU ARE 541 00:20:18,224 --> 00:20:20,860 RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW THAT THE 542 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:21,594 NEWS NETWORKS ALWAYS HAVE A 543 00:20:21,694 --> 00:20:25,198 PANEL OF EXPERTS TO HELP THEM 544 00:20:25,298 --> 00:20:25,932 BREAK DOWN THE BREAKING NEWS. 545 00:20:26,032 --> 00:20:29,469 IN CNN'S CASE SO THE DIRECTOR 546 00:20:29,569 --> 00:20:33,074 HAS SOMETHING TO CUT TO WHEN 547 00:20:33,174 --> 00:20:36,444 JOHN KING GETS INTO HANDSY WITH 548 00:20:36,544 --> 00:20:37,178 HIS PROJECTOR. 549 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,046 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS 550 00:20:39,147 --> 00:20:39,782 QUANTITY. 551 00:20:39,882 --> 00:20:42,050 BACK IN 2016, THEY HAD NO LESS 552 00:20:42,151 --> 00:20:42,918 THAN NINE DIFFERENT PEOPLE 553 00:20:43,018 --> 00:20:44,453 WEIGHING IN ON THE RESULTS. 554 00:20:44,553 --> 00:20:46,488 MEANING, THEY HAD MORE PEOPLE 555 00:20:46,588 --> 00:20:49,292 DISCUSSING THE VOTERS OF WYOMING 556 00:20:49,392 --> 00:20:51,194 THEN THERE ARE VOTERS IN 557 00:20:51,294 --> 00:20:51,895 WYOMING. 558 00:20:52,095 --> 00:20:56,534 WELL, I WILL NOT SIT HERE TO BE 559 00:20:56,634 --> 00:20:58,736 OUTQUANTITIES BY CNN. 560 00:20:58,836 --> 00:21:03,241 TONIGHT I'M PROUD TO PRESENT OUR 561 00:21:03,341 --> 00:21:05,110 NEW SEGMENT, THE MOST ELECTION 562 00:21:05,210 --> 00:21:06,578 NIGHT PANEL EVER. 563 00:21:06,678 --> 00:21:09,347 WITH ME TONIGHT ARE SOME OF THE 564 00:21:09,448 --> 00:21:11,818 MOST NAMES IN THE BIZ. 565 00:21:11,918 --> 00:21:13,953 LET'S MEET THEM NOW. 566 00:21:14,053 --> 00:21:16,489 MY OLD PAL JOHN DICKERSON. 567 00:21:16,589 --> 00:21:20,194 > > I'M HONORED AND CONTRACTUALLY 568 00:21:20,294 --> 00:21:21,528 OBLIGATED TO BE HERE, STEPHEN. 569 00:21:21,628 --> 00:21:23,297 > > RIGHT YOU ARE. 570 00:21:23,397 --> 00:21:25,065 > > HERE TO GIVE US THE INSIDER 571 00:21:25,165 --> 00:21:29,137 PERSPECTIVE, SOMEBODY WHO RAN, 572 00:21:29,237 --> 00:21:31,172 FORMER COLORADO GOVERNOR. 573 00:21:31,272 --> 00:21:32,707 > > ACTUALLY, STEPHEN, I'M 574 00:21:32,807 --> 00:21:35,544 MICHAEL BENNETT, THE COLORADO 575 00:21:35,644 --> 00:21:36,011 SENATOR. 576 00:21:36,111 --> 00:21:37,179 > > NICE TRY. 577 00:21:37,279 --> 00:21:38,914 WE'D NEVER BE ABLE TO BOOK A 578 00:21:39,014 --> 00:21:40,483 MICHAEL BENNETT. 579 00:21:40,584 --> 00:21:45,589 THAT DUDE IS A ROCK STAR. 580 00:21:45,689 --> 00:21:47,157 > > IT'S THE ECONOMY, STUPID. 581 00:21:47,257 --> 00:21:52,196 > > DON'T CALL ME, STUPID, YOU 582 00:21:52,296 --> 00:21:52,930 CAJUN MALL RAT. 583 00:21:53,030 --> 00:21:56,935 NEXT WE HAVE ANDREW YANG WHO RAN 584 00:21:57,035 --> 00:21:57,669 ON THE SLOGAN MATH. 585 00:21:57,769 --> 00:21:59,271 HOW ARE THE NUMBERS LOOKING TO 586 00:21:59,371 --> 00:21:59,938 BE THE? 587 00:22:00,038 --> 00:22:01,740 > > THEY'RE LOOKING GREAT. 588 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,210 3 AND 5 ARE VISUALLY APPEALING. 589 00:22:04,310 --> 00:22:08,515 11 HAS PERFECT SIMILAR MET TRY. 590 00:22:08,615 --> 00:22:09,516 THESE NUMBERS LOOK FANTASTIC. 591 00:22:09,616 --> 00:22:13,988 > > ONLY TIME WILL TELL. 592 00:22:14,088 --> 00:22:17,591 > > WE HAVE NEIL DEGRASS TYSON. 593 00:22:17,691 --> 00:22:20,128 > > TONIGHT I PREDICT THE 594 00:22:20,228 --> 00:22:22,264 UNIVERSE WILL DIE OF HEAT DEATH 595 00:22:22,364 --> 00:22:24,533 IN TEN TO THE POWER OF 100 596 00:22:24,633 --> 00:22:25,200 YEARS. 597 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,501 > > WELL, I BELIEVE OHIO MIGHT 598 00:22:26,602 --> 00:22:28,104 HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT 599 00:22:28,204 --> 00:22:28,838 THAT. 600 00:22:28,938 --> 00:22:31,340 AND TO DISCUSS HOW COVID MIGHT 601 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:35,312 BE AFFECTING THE CASE, WE WANTED 602 00:22:35,412 --> 00:22:36,547 A DOCTOR, DR. J. 603 00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:40,884 > > I'M NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR, 604 00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:41,552 STEPHEN. 605 00:22:41,652 --> 00:22:42,320 > > LET'S STAY IN OUR LANES. 606 00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:44,756 WE HAVE FORMER SECRETARY OF THE 607 00:22:44,856 --> 00:22:48,893 STATE MADELEINE ALBRIGHT. 608 00:22:48,993 --> 00:22:50,362 > > WHERE ARE MY PANCAKES? 609 00:22:50,462 --> 00:22:55,301 > > WE'RE FAXING THEM TO YOU NOW, 610 00:22:55,401 --> 00:22:56,602 MADAM SECRETARY. 611 00:22:56,702 --> 00:23:01,241 > > AND WE HAVE A USED SEA DOO 612 00:23:01,341 --> 00:23:01,942 SALESMAN ON METH. 613 00:23:02,042 --> 00:23:03,877 > > ARE YOU A COP? 614 00:23:03,977 --> 00:23:06,147 > > WE'RE LUCKY TO BE JOINED BY 615 00:23:06,247 --> 00:23:11,986 ONE OF THE GREAT, BRIAN KRANS 616 00:23:12,086 --> 00:23:12,487 TON. 617 00:23:12,788 --> 00:23:16,091 > > THIS DISH NEVER FAILS TO 618 00:23:16,191 --> 00:23:16,658 IMPRESS. 619 00:23:16,758 --> 00:23:17,726 > > ACTUALLY, BRIAN. 620 00:23:17,826 --> 00:23:20,630 THIS IS AN ELECTION SPECIAL, NOT 621 00:23:20,730 --> 00:23:21,431 A COOKING SHOW. 622 00:23:21,531 --> 00:23:22,165 > > RIGHT. 623 00:23:22,265 --> 00:23:24,367 BUT YOU CAN PREPARE THIS DISH 624 00:23:24,467 --> 00:23:25,735 WAY AHEAD OF TIME BEFORE THE 625 00:23:25,835 --> 00:23:28,839 PARTY, AND IT WILL BE READY BY 626 00:23:28,939 --> 00:23:30,808 THE TIME YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE. 627 00:23:30,908 --> 00:23:32,743 > > ALSO JOINING US, THE FLY THAT 628 00:23:32,843 --> 00:23:34,278 WAS ON MIKE PENCE'S HEAD DURING 629 00:23:34,378 --> 00:23:36,414 THE DEBATE. 630 00:23:36,514 --> 00:23:38,083 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, MR. 631 00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:38,583 FLY. 632 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:39,684 > > ACTUALLY, THAT FLY WAS MY 633 00:23:39,784 --> 00:23:43,589 GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT 634 00:23:43,689 --> 00:23:44,390 GRANDFATHER. 635 00:23:44,490 --> 00:23:46,392 WE HAVE VERY SHORT LIFE SPANS. 636 00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:49,562 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE 637 00:23:49,662 --> 00:23:53,367 TO DEPOSIT EGGS IN HIS SCALP. 638 00:23:53,467 --> 00:23:54,901 > > WE'VE ALSO GOT EXPERT 639 00:23:55,002 --> 00:24:00,074 ANALYSIS FROM A MEMBER OF THE WU 640 00:24:00,174 --> 00:24:04,712 TANG CLAN, METHOD MAN. 641 00:24:04,812 --> 00:24:06,515 > > STEPHEN, VOTER TURNOUT IS 642 00:24:06,615 --> 00:24:09,051 HIGHER THAN IT'S BEEN IN DECADE. 643 00:24:09,151 --> 00:24:09,852 SO AM I. 644 00:24:09,952 --> 00:24:12,421 > > WE ALL HAVE TO GET THROUGH 645 00:24:12,521 --> 00:24:13,355 THIS ELECTION SOMEHOW. 646 00:24:13,455 --> 00:24:14,891 > > WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR 647 00:24:14,991 --> 00:24:15,625 TONIGHT, RU? 648 00:24:15,725 --> 00:24:17,060 > > WELL, MAINE AND NEBRASKA ARE 649 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,396 THE ONLY TWO STATES THAT ALLOW A 650 00:24:19,496 --> 00:24:22,199 SPLIT IN THEIR STATE'S ELECTORS, 651 00:24:22,299 --> 00:24:24,702 SO I WANT TO CELEBRATE THEIR 652 00:24:24,802 --> 00:24:30,008 DESIRE TO GO BOTH WAYS. 653 00:24:30,108 --> 00:24:30,542 OKAY? 654 00:24:30,642 --> 00:24:31,710 > > OKAY WITH ME. 655 00:24:31,810 --> 00:24:34,112 NEXT WE HAVE AWARD WINNING ACTOR 656 00:24:34,212 --> 00:24:39,318 AND AUTHOR ETHAN HAWK LIVE VIA 657 00:24:39,419 --> 00:24:41,020 HIDDEN CAMERA. 658 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:44,825 > > SOMEONE LEAVE THEIR PHONE IN 659 00:24:44,925 --> 00:24:45,359 HERE? 660 00:24:45,459 --> 00:24:46,360 IS THIS THING ON? 661 00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:49,596 > > AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE BEEN 662 00:24:49,697 --> 00:24:50,264 CAUGHT. 663 00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:52,600 > > COLBERT, IS THAT YOU? 664 00:24:52,701 --> 00:24:56,671 > > HERE TO COUNT VOTES, WE'VE 665 00:24:56,771 --> 00:24:59,975 GOT THE TOOTSIE POP OWL. 666 00:25:00,076 --> 00:25:00,676 HOW MANY VOTES? 667 00:25:00,776 --> 00:25:03,345 > > ONE, TWO, THREE. 668 00:25:03,446 --> 00:25:05,147 > > SO THREE? 669 00:25:05,247 --> 00:25:07,984 > > NO, DUMMY, 270. 670 00:25:08,085 --> 00:25:09,753 DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER LOLLIPOP. 671 00:25:09,853 --> 00:25:13,390 > > NEXT WE HAVE ACTOR AND 672 00:25:13,490 --> 00:25:15,326 ACTIVIST GEORGE TIKA. 673 00:25:15,426 --> 00:25:17,061 > > PERSONALLY, I'M INTERESTED IN 674 00:25:17,161 --> 00:25:19,063 THE SWING STATES OF OHIO AND 675 00:25:19,163 --> 00:25:22,801 MICHIGAN OR, AS THEY'RE KNOWN BY 676 00:25:22,901 --> 00:25:29,708 THEIR POSTAL CODES, OH MI. 677 00:25:29,808 --> 00:25:32,212 > > AND WE HAVE SOMEONE IN A CIA 678 00:25:32,312 --> 00:25:36,750 WIG TO TALK ABOUT THE YOUTH 679 00:25:36,850 --> 00:25:39,186 VOTE, FIVE TEENAGERS EITHER 680 00:25:39,286 --> 00:25:40,588 NAMED JOE OR RONALD. 681 00:25:40,688 --> 00:25:41,756 > > MY NAME IS DONALD. 682 00:25:41,856 --> 00:25:42,823 > > CLOSE ENOUGH. 683 00:25:42,923 --> 00:25:44,258 PANEL, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS 684 00:25:44,358 --> 00:25:49,631 ABOUT THE NIGHT SO FAR? 685 00:25:49,731 --> 00:25:50,766 > > WHAT? 686 00:25:50,866 --> 00:25:53,436 AND I'M BEING TOLD THAT'S ALL WE 687 00:25:53,536 --> 00:25:55,037 HAVE TIME FOR. 688 00:25:55,138 --> 00:25:57,039 > > THIS HAS BEEN STEPHEN 689 00:25:57,140 --> 00:26:00,309 COLBERT'S SHOWTIME ELECTION 690 00:26:00,409 --> 00:26:04,815 SPECIAL PRESENTS. 691 00:26:04,915 --> 00:26:05,449 > > WAIT A MINUTE. 692 00:26:05,549 --> 00:26:07,417 WAIT A MINUTE, STEPHEN. 693 00:26:07,518 --> 00:26:10,755 I'VE GOT A UNIQUE HISTORICAL 694 00:26:10,855 --> 00:26:11,456 PERSPEC 695 00:26:11,556 --> 00:26:11,856 PERSPECTIVE. 696 00:26:11,956 --> 00:26:12,590 > > OKAY. 697 00:26:12,690 --> 00:26:14,592 THIS IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL, BUT GO 698 00:26:14,692 --> 00:26:15,193 AHEAD. 699 00:26:15,493 --> 00:26:16,094 > > DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PEOPLE 700 00:26:16,194 --> 00:26:19,031 HAVE WASTED ON HOTELS EVERY 701 00:26:19,131 --> 00:26:19,565 YEAR? 702 00:26:19,899 --> 00:26:20,533 THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU WOULD 703 00:26:20,633 --> 00:26:22,334 SAVE IF YOU HAD A TIMESHARE IN 704 00:26:22,434 --> 00:26:23,035 BEAUTIFUL KEY WEST. 705 00:26:23,135 --> 00:26:24,538 > > NO, DORIS. 706 00:26:24,638 --> 00:26:27,140 I'M NOT BUYING A TIMESHARE FROM 707 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:28,375 YOU AGAIN. 708 00:26:28,475 --> 00:26:30,277 FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME. 709 00:26:30,377 --> 00:26:30,944 ALL RIGHT. 710 00:26:31,044 --> 00:26:32,580 WHERE ARE WE RIGHT NOW? 711 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:35,616 THANK YOU TO THE WHOLE PANEL. 712 00:26:35,716 --> 00:26:37,251 THAT WAS SO GOOD. 713 00:26:37,351 --> 00:26:39,321 WHERE ARE WE RIGHT NOW? 714 00:26:39,421 --> 00:26:40,222 WHAT ARE WE DOING? 715 00:26:40,322 --> 00:26:40,856 ALL RIGHT. 716 00:26:40,956 --> 00:26:42,191 IT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR 717 00:26:42,291 --> 00:26:42,925 TONIGHT. 718 00:26:43,025 --> 00:26:44,927 LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR FRIEND 719 00:26:45,027 --> 00:26:48,865 AND YOURS, MR. JOHN BAPTIST. 720 00:26:48,965 --> 00:26:50,633 JOHN, GOOD TO SEE YOU. 721 00:26:50,733 --> 00:26:52,335 THANK YOU FOR WEARING A SUIT. 722 00:26:52,435 --> 00:26:54,170 THANK YOU FOR WEARING A SUIT. 723 00:26:54,270 --> 00:26:55,339 YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT THE OTHER 724 00:26:55,439 --> 00:26:56,874 PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM ARE WEARING. 725 00:26:56,974 --> 00:26:59,810 > > OH, REALLY? 726 00:26:59,910 --> 00:27:01,779 I'M GETTING JOY FROM EVY. 727 00:27:01,879 --> 00:27:04,049 THE LAUGH IS REALLY INFECTIOUS. 728 00:27:04,149 --> 00:27:05,851 > > YES. 729 00:27:05,951 --> 00:27:10,456 SHE'S MY LIFEBOAT. 730 00:27:10,556 --> 00:27:12,358 JOHN, HOW ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? 731 00:27:12,458 --> 00:27:14,160 WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? 732 00:27:14,260 --> 00:27:15,628 > > I THINK TODAY SHOULD BE A 733 00:27:15,728 --> 00:27:16,896 NATIONAL HOLIDAY. 734 00:27:16,996 --> 00:27:18,465 THAT'S WHY I GOT MY SUIT ON. 735 00:27:18,565 --> 00:27:19,867 IT IS AN IMPORTANT DAY. 736 00:27:19,967 --> 00:27:22,970 I WAS PLAYING FOR THE PEOPLE IN 737 00:27:23,070 --> 00:27:23,637 PHILLY, AND I'M JUST -- I'M 738 00:27:23,737 --> 00:27:24,271 HOPING FOR THE BEST, AND I 739 00:27:24,371 --> 00:27:25,473 BELIEVE WE WILL GET IT. 740 00:27:25,573 --> 00:27:28,810 > > HOW LONG WERE YOU OUT THERE 741 00:27:28,910 --> 00:27:29,444 PLAYING? 742 00:27:29,711 --> 00:27:30,278 > > OH, I WAS OUT THERE PLAYING 743 00:27:30,378 --> 00:27:31,346 FOR A GOOD TWO HOURS, AND WE 744 00:27:31,446 --> 00:27:32,948 BROUGHT JOY TO THE POLLS, AND 745 00:27:33,048 --> 00:27:35,784 THAT'S WHAT WE WANT TO CONTINUE 746 00:27:35,885 --> 00:27:37,152 TO BRING THROUGHOUT THE REST OF 747 00:27:37,253 --> 00:27:39,054 THIS SEASON AS WE GET A NEW 748 00:27:39,154 --> 00:27:39,922 ADMINISTRATION, HOPEFULLY, AND 749 00:27:40,022 --> 00:27:41,224 THAT'S WHAT WE DOING. 750 00:27:41,324 --> 00:27:42,492 > > WERE THERE LONG LINES? 751 00:27:42,592 --> 00:27:44,494 DID YOU SEE A LOT OF PEOPLE DOWN 752 00:27:44,594 --> 00:27:45,061 THERE? 753 00:27:45,395 --> 00:27:47,364 > > YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T AS LONG 754 00:27:47,464 --> 00:27:49,100 AS I WAS HOPING IT WOULD BE. 755 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,535 BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE VOTED EARLY. 756 00:27:51,636 --> 00:27:53,237 > > YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING 757 00:27:53,337 --> 00:27:55,106 TO GO WITH, TOO. 758 00:27:55,206 --> 00:27:56,942 I'M GOING TO BE A LOT OF PEOPLE 759 00:27:57,042 --> 00:27:57,976 VOTED EARLY. 760 00:27:58,076 --> 00:28:01,580 DO WE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT 761 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:02,314 PENNSYLVANIA. 762 00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:03,583 PENNSYLVANIA HAS NOT BEEN CALLED 763 00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:05,318 SO YOU MIGHT HAVE PUSHED IT OVER 764 00:28:05,418 --> 00:28:07,186 THE TOP WITH PIANO. 765 00:28:07,287 --> 00:28:10,456 WE'RE GOING TO BREAK INTO CBS 766 00:28:10,556 --> 00:28:11,090 NEWS. 767 00:28:11,358 --> 00:28:13,127 WOULD YOU GIVE ME 15 SECONDS OF 768 00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:13,594 JOY? 769 00:28:13,794 --> 00:28:17,298 > > OH, I GOT YOU. 770 00:28:27,944 --> 00:28:29,779 > > THANK YOU, JOHN. 771 00:28:29,879 --> 00:28:32,682 JOHN BAPTIST, EVERYBODY. 772 00:28:32,782 --> 00:28:33,783 AND ARE WE THERE? 773 00:28:33,883 --> 00:28:35,719 ARE WE READY TO GO? 774 00:28:35,819 --> 00:28:37,220 I'M BEING TOLD IT IS TIME TO 775 00:28:37,321 --> 00:28:38,789 CHECK IN WITH OUR FRIENDS OVER 776 00:28:38,889 --> 00:28:39,990 AT CBS NEWS. 777 00:28:40,090 --> 00:28:42,360 WE'RE ON SHOWTIME RIGHT NOW, BUT 778 00:28:42,460 --> 00:28:43,795 THEY HAVE MY OLD TIME SLOT FOR 779 00:28:43,895 --> 00:28:44,462 THE NIGHT. 780 00:28:44,562 --> 00:28:48,533 LET'S SEE HOW IT'S GOING. 781 00:28:48,633 --> 00:28:50,536 JUST DOWN THE STREET FROM US, 782 00:28:50,636 --> 00:28:52,237 ARE WE READY TO ROLL AT THIS 783 00:28:52,338 --> 00:28:52,871 POINT? 784 00:28:52,972 --> 00:28:56,308 WE'RE TEN SECONDS AWAY. 785 00:28:56,408 --> 00:28:56,875 WHAT? 786 00:28:56,976 --> 00:28:59,145 KANSAS WENT TO TRUMP. 787 00:28:59,245 --> 00:29:09,590 SUCK ON THAT FOR TEN SECONDS. 788 00:29:09,690 --> 00:29:11,125 > > 2020 AMERICA DECIDES. 789 00:29:11,225 --> 00:29:13,128 WE ARE WATCHING IT ALL UNFOLD 790 00:29:13,228 --> 00:29:15,797 HERE AT CBS NEWS ELECTION 791 00:29:15,897 --> 00:29:16,965 HEADQUARTERS IN TIME SQUARE. 792 00:29:17,065 --> 00:29:18,767 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE BIG MAP 793 00:29:18,867 --> 00:29:21,371 TO SEE WHERE WE STAND AT THIS 794 00:29:21,471 --> 00:29:22,138 HOUR. 795 00:29:22,238 --> 00:29:24,707 MANY OF THE BATTLEGROUND STATES 796 00:29:24,807 --> 00:29:26,776 ARE STILL TOSS-UPS. 797 00:29:26,876 --> 00:29:30,447 CBS NEWS CHARACTERIZES FLORIDA 798 00:29:30,547 --> 00:29:32,082 AS LEANING TOWARD PRESIDENT 799 00:29:32,182 --> 00:29:32,649 TRUMP. 800 00:29:32,983 --> 00:29:35,520 IN THE ELECTORAL VOTE JOE BIDEN 801 00:29:35,620 --> 00:29:38,023 LEADS 168-111. 802 00:29:38,123 --> 00:29:42,060 AND ARIZONA AT THIS HOUR LEANS 803 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,295 TOWARDS FORMER VICE PRESIDENT 804 00:29:43,396 --> 00:29:44,030 JOE BIDEN. 805 00:29:44,130 --> 00:29:48,734 WE KNOW THE WORLD IS WATCHING 806 00:29:48,834 --> 00:29:49,668 TONIGHT AND STEPHEN COLBERT IS 807 00:29:49,769 --> 00:29:52,873 HARD AT WORK WITH A LIVE SHOW ON 808 00:29:52,973 --> 00:29:57,144 OUR SISTER NETWORK SHOWTIME. 809 00:29:57,244 --> 00:29:58,345 > > I JUST LOST HER. 810 00:29:58,445 --> 00:30:00,314 > > WHOA, WHOA. 811 00:30:00,415 --> 00:30:00,948 HI! 812 00:30:01,049 --> 00:30:01,449 HI, STEPHEN. 813 00:30:01,549 --> 00:30:04,585 HOW ARE YOU? 814 00:30:04,685 --> 00:30:05,219 THERE HE IS. 815 00:30:05,319 --> 00:30:06,155 > > SORRY. 816 00:30:06,255 --> 00:30:07,356 I LOST YOU FOR A SECOND THERE. 817 00:30:07,456 --> 00:30:09,925 I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING. 818 00:30:10,025 --> 00:30:11,326 > > WELL, LOOK -- 819 00:30:11,427 --> 00:30:13,429 > > HEY, THERE YOU ARE. 820 00:30:13,529 --> 00:30:14,664 > > HEY! 821 00:30:14,764 --> 00:30:16,132 > > HEY! 822 00:30:16,232 --> 00:30:16,966 > > HEY, STEPHEN COLBERT. 823 00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:20,637 > > WE'RE ACTUALLY SO CLOSE IN 824 00:30:20,737 --> 00:30:21,371 MANHAT 825 00:30:21,472 --> 00:30:22,106 MANHATTAN, WE SHOULD JUST OPEN 826 00:30:22,206 --> 00:30:23,941 UP THE WINDOWS AND SHOUT AT EACH 827 00:30:24,041 --> 00:30:24,475 OTHER. 828 00:30:24,575 --> 00:30:25,443 > > OVER THE SIRENS. 829 00:30:25,543 --> 00:30:26,210 HOW ARE YOU? 830 00:30:26,310 --> 00:30:26,777 > > I'M FINE. 831 00:30:26,877 --> 00:30:27,511 I'M FINE. 832 00:30:27,611 --> 00:30:29,080 YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD TO CHECK IN 833 00:30:29,181 --> 00:30:31,783 WITH SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS 834 00:30:31,883 --> 00:30:32,517 SOMETHING. 835 00:30:32,617 --> 00:30:34,419 I'M SEALED OVER AT THE OFFICES 836 00:30:34,519 --> 00:30:35,720 OF THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER AND 837 00:30:35,821 --> 00:30:37,156 WE'RE MAKING UP WHAT WE KNOW. 838 00:30:37,256 --> 00:30:38,558 ALL OF OUR INFORMATION JUST 839 00:30:38,658 --> 00:30:39,292 COMES FROM YOU. 840 00:30:39,392 --> 00:30:41,928 CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON? 841 00:30:42,028 --> 00:30:43,830 > > WELL, JOHN DICKERSON IS HERE, 842 00:30:43,930 --> 00:30:45,799 AND WE'VE GOT OUR NOTABLE NINE 843 00:30:45,899 --> 00:30:47,801 STATES THAT WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING 844 00:30:47,901 --> 00:30:48,669 IN THE BATTLEGROUND STATES. 845 00:30:48,769 --> 00:30:50,104 JUST TWO OF THEM WE'VE GOT 846 00:30:50,204 --> 00:30:51,772 LEANING A CERTAIN WAY, RIGHT? 847 00:30:51,872 --> 00:30:53,041 FLORIDA WE'VE GOT LEANING 848 00:30:53,141 --> 00:30:53,741 TOWARDS TRUMP. 849 00:30:53,842 --> 00:30:56,077 AND ARIZONA LEANING TOWARDS 850 00:30:56,177 --> 00:30:56,544 BIDEN. 851 00:30:56,644 --> 00:30:58,513 > > JOE BIDEN. 852 00:30:58,613 --> 00:31:00,416 > > THAT'S RIGHT. 853 00:31:00,516 --> 00:31:02,651 SO FLORIDA LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING 854 00:31:02,751 --> 00:31:03,352 HIS WAY. 855 00:31:03,452 --> 00:31:04,320 NORTH CAROLINA AND GEORGIA, 856 00:31:04,420 --> 00:31:05,588 WHICH WERE AT THE EDGE OF 857 00:31:05,688 --> 00:31:06,455 DEMOCRATIC DREAMS. 858 00:31:06,555 --> 00:31:08,892 THEY HAD FANTASIES ABOUT PICKING 859 00:31:08,992 --> 00:31:11,194 UP ONE OF THOSE TWO STATES. 860 00:31:11,294 --> 00:31:12,429 IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S GOING 861 00:31:12,529 --> 00:31:13,930 THAT WAY FOR JOE BIDEN. 862 00:31:14,030 --> 00:31:17,735 THE OTHER ROUTE FOR JOE BIDEN TO 863 00:31:17,835 --> 00:31:18,569 TAKE STATES AWAY FROM DONALD 864 00:31:18,669 --> 00:31:20,438 TRUMP IS TO GO UP THROUGH THE 865 00:31:20,538 --> 00:31:21,072 MIDWEST. 866 00:31:21,305 --> 00:31:22,140 THE CHALLENGE OF THE MIDWEST AND 867 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,009 BASICALLY THE NIGHT HAS BEEN 868 00:31:24,109 --> 00:31:25,110 BETWEEN EARLY VOTE AND WHO 869 00:31:25,210 --> 00:31:26,678 SHOWED UP ON ELECTION DAY. 870 00:31:26,778 --> 00:31:28,413 THE BIDEN FORCES VOTED EARLY. 871 00:31:28,514 --> 00:31:30,517 THE TRUMP FORCES HAVE SHOWN UP 872 00:31:30,617 --> 00:31:31,417 ON ELECTION DAY. 873 00:31:31,518 --> 00:31:32,485 MIDWEST, THAT'S PART OF THE 874 00:31:32,585 --> 00:31:33,753 STORY, BUT THE OTHER PART OF THE 875 00:31:33,853 --> 00:31:36,523 STORY IS IT'S GOING TO TAKE THEM 876 00:31:36,623 --> 00:31:38,125 A LONG TIME TO COUNT THE VOTES. 877 00:31:38,225 --> 00:31:39,460 > > CAN WE SAY THIS? 878 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:43,030 WHEN THE EVENING STARTED, WE 879 00:31:43,130 --> 00:31:44,632 STARTED AT 7:00 EASTERN TIME AND 880 00:31:44,732 --> 00:31:45,399 BOTH CANDIDATES WERE VERY 881 00:31:45,499 --> 00:31:46,234 CONFIDENT THEY WERE GOING TO 882 00:31:46,334 --> 00:31:47,002 WIN. 883 00:31:47,102 --> 00:31:48,136 AS WE SIT HERE TONIGHT, THEY'RE 884 00:31:48,236 --> 00:31:49,404 STILL VERY CONFIDENT THAT 885 00:31:49,504 --> 00:31:51,339 THEY'RE GOING TO WIN. 886 00:31:51,439 --> 00:31:52,374 > > SOMETHING WOULD HAVE CHANGED 887 00:31:52,474 --> 00:31:53,943 FROM THE LAST TIME TO THIS TIME. 888 00:31:54,043 --> 00:31:56,913 FOUR YEARS AGO, WE'RE DOWN TO 889 00:31:57,013 --> 00:31:59,649 THOSE IN MIDWEST EARN INDUSTRIAL 890 00:31:59,749 --> 00:32:00,483 DATES AGAIN, JOHN. 891 00:32:00,583 --> 00:32:03,253 IS THAT THE CASE? 892 00:32:03,353 --> 00:32:06,323 > > NORA MENTIONED THIS, THAT WE 893 00:32:06,423 --> 00:32:07,724 HAVE ARIZONA AS LEANING TOWARD 894 00:32:07,824 --> 00:32:10,695 JOE BIDEN, SO THAT WOULD BE A 895 00:32:10,795 --> 00:32:11,362 BIG DEAL FOR A COUPLE OF 896 00:32:11,462 --> 00:32:12,063 REASONS. 897 00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:13,431 ONE, IT IS FROM THAT LIST OF 898 00:32:13,531 --> 00:32:15,266 STATES DONALD TRUMP WON IN 2016 899 00:32:15,366 --> 00:32:16,669 AND DEMOCRATS HOPE THAT THAT IS 900 00:32:16,769 --> 00:32:21,173 PART OF THE STORY IN STATES LIKE 901 00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:22,908 ARIZONA AND MAYBE OTHER PIECES. 902 00:32:23,008 --> 00:32:24,678 THAT'S THE BRIGHT PIECE OF NEWS 903 00:32:24,778 --> 00:32:25,512 FOR DEMOCRATS SO FAR TONIGHT. 904 00:32:25,612 --> 00:32:27,380 > > JUST TO POINT THAT OUT, WHY 905 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:28,615 ARIZONA IS SO IMPORTANT IF IN 906 00:32:28,715 --> 00:32:30,717 FACT BIDEN CARRIES THAT STATE, 907 00:32:30,817 --> 00:32:33,554 IT IS ONE OF THEIR KEY PATHWAYS 908 00:32:33,654 --> 00:32:34,288 TO THE PRESIDENCY. 909 00:32:34,388 --> 00:32:36,924 THEY WANT TO WIN ARIZONA, 910 00:32:37,024 --> 00:32:38,993 MICHIGAN AND WISCONSIN, AND THEY 911 00:32:39,093 --> 00:32:40,095 COULD WIN WITHOUT PENNSYLVANIA 912 00:32:40,195 --> 00:32:42,264 AND FLORIDA IN THAT PARTICULAR 913 00:32:42,364 --> 00:32:42,965 SCENARIO. 914 00:32:43,165 --> 00:32:45,234 SO ARIZONA HAS ALWAYS BEEN SORT 915 00:32:45,334 --> 00:32:47,370 OF, I GUESS YOU WOULD CALL IT A 916 00:32:47,470 --> 00:32:49,072 SAFETY, AN EXTRA IF THEY DID NOT 917 00:32:49,172 --> 00:32:50,873 WIN PENN PN AND FLORIDA. 918 00:32:50,974 --> 00:32:52,175 BUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT 919 00:32:52,275 --> 00:32:54,845 HERE IS WHETHER WE'LL BE ABLE TO 920 00:32:54,945 --> 00:32:56,413 CHARACTERIZE WHO MAY WIN IF THIS 921 00:32:56,513 --> 00:32:58,349 GOES DOWN TO THE UPPER MIDWEST. 922 00:32:58,449 --> 00:32:59,984 AS YOU KNOW, IT'S GOING TO TAKE 923 00:33:00,084 --> 00:33:01,185 A WHILE TO COUNT THE VOTES 924 00:33:01,285 --> 00:33:01,585 THERE. 925 00:33:01,685 --> 00:33:02,320 > > WAIT. 926 00:33:02,420 --> 00:33:03,421 DID I HEAR THIS RIGHT, THAT IT'S 927 00:33:03,521 --> 00:33:05,323 POSSIBLE THAT JOE BIDEN WOULD 928 00:33:05,423 --> 00:33:07,759 NOT WIN HIS HOME STATE OF 929 00:33:07,859 --> 00:33:09,461 PENNSYLVANIA? 930 00:33:09,561 --> 00:33:10,630 > > WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET. 931 00:33:10,730 --> 00:33:12,832 WE JUST DON'T KNOW. 932 00:33:12,932 --> 00:33:14,033 MARGARET BRENNAN WAS SAYING 933 00:33:14,133 --> 00:33:15,401 EARLIER THEY STARTED THE VOTE 934 00:33:15,501 --> 00:33:16,736 COUNTING AGAIN IN PHILADELPHIA. 935 00:33:16,836 --> 00:33:18,772 THEY PAUSED IT FOR A LITTLE 936 00:33:18,872 --> 00:33:19,339 WHILE. 937 00:33:19,439 --> 00:33:20,073 IT WAS A LABOR ISSUE. 938 00:33:20,173 --> 00:33:21,975 BUT HE DOES HAVE A SCENARIO 939 00:33:22,075 --> 00:33:24,144 WHERE JOE BIDEN COULD WIN THE 940 00:33:24,244 --> 00:33:25,145 PRESIDENCY WITHOUT PENNSYLVANIA 941 00:33:25,245 --> 00:33:26,047 OR FLORIDA. 942 00:33:26,147 --> 00:33:27,382 > > BUT IT WOULD STING. 943 00:33:27,482 --> 00:33:30,218 IT WOULD STING. 944 00:33:30,318 --> 00:33:33,122 IT WOULD BE LIKE YOUR MOM SAYING 945 00:33:33,222 --> 00:33:34,723 YOU LOOK FUNNY. 946 00:33:34,823 --> 00:33:36,925 > > WELL AS SOMEONE WHOSE MOM 947 00:33:37,026 --> 00:33:43,400 SAID THAT TO THEM ALL THE TIME, 948 00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:47,370 JOE BIDEN 99% OF THE VOTE IN, IT 949 00:33:47,470 --> 00:33:50,675 LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOT IT BY NINE 950 00:33:50,775 --> 00:33:54,211 POINTS, WHICH BEATS HILLARY 951 00:33:54,312 --> 00:33:54,979 CLINTON IN THAT SMALL COUNTY. 952 00:33:55,079 --> 00:33:58,717 AT LEAST IN THAT REGARD, HE CAN 953 00:33:58,817 --> 00:33:59,751 FEEL LIKE HE WON. 954 00:33:59,851 --> 00:34:01,820 > > IT'S LIKE YOUR MOM SAYING, 955 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:05,858 YOU KNOW, I NEVER LIKED YOU. 956 00:34:05,958 --> 00:34:07,527 I ALWAYS LIKED YOUR BROTHER 957 00:34:07,627 --> 00:34:08,161 BETTER. 958 00:34:08,428 --> 00:34:10,697 > > JOHN, DID YOUR MOM EVER SAY 959 00:34:10,797 --> 00:34:11,498 THAT TO YOU? 960 00:34:11,598 --> 00:34:13,233 I HAVE A VERY CHARMING BROTHER. 961 00:34:13,334 --> 00:34:16,170 > > GALE, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE UP 962 00:34:16,270 --> 00:34:16,603 FOR CTM. 963 00:34:16,704 --> 00:34:17,137 > > I KNOW. 964 00:34:17,237 --> 00:34:22,210 THIS IS ME ON DRUGS. 965 00:34:22,310 --> 00:34:22,944 > > THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD TIME 966 00:34:23,044 --> 00:34:23,812 TO BOW OUT. 967 00:34:23,912 --> 00:34:25,747 > > AND MY DRUGS I MEAN WATER. 968 00:34:25,847 --> 00:34:27,917 BUT, NO, WE WANT TO STAY HERE 969 00:34:28,017 --> 00:34:30,219 FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES. 970 00:34:30,319 --> 00:34:31,253 YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE AND 971 00:34:31,354 --> 00:34:33,689 LEAVE AS THEY'RE SAYING, WE'RE 972 00:34:33,789 --> 00:34:34,658 GOING TO KNOW SOMETHING. 973 00:34:34,758 --> 00:34:36,460 BUT IN ALL HONESTY, IT DOESN'T 974 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,495 KNOW LIKE WE'RE GOING TO KNOW 975 00:34:38,595 --> 00:34:39,930 ANYTHING FOR SURE THIS EVENING. 976 00:34:40,030 --> 00:34:43,134 > > THAT'S A CBS NEWS PROMISE. 977 00:34:43,234 --> 00:34:45,069 WE WON'T KNOW ANYTHING. 978 00:34:45,169 --> 00:34:45,737 STICK AROUND. 979 00:34:45,837 --> 00:34:48,005 THANKS SO MUCH, YOU GUYS! 980 00:34:48,106 --> 00:34:49,942 THANKS FOR ADDING LEGITIMACY TO 981 00:34:50,042 --> 00:34:50,509 MY NIGHT. 982 00:34:50,609 --> 00:34:51,276 > > TAKE THAT BACK! 983 00:34:51,377 --> 00:34:52,878 > > THANK YOU, STEPHEN. 984 00:34:52,978 --> 00:34:53,512 WE APPRECIATE IT. 985 00:34:53,612 --> 00:34:55,414 > > WE USED TO LIKE YOU. 986 00:34:55,514 --> 00:34:57,917 > > THANK YOU, GALE. 987 00:34:58,017 --> 00:35:00,387 THANK YOU, NORA. 988 00:35:00,487 --> 00:35:00,787 JOHN. 989 00:35:00,887 --> 00:35:01,321 > > JOHN. 990 00:35:01,421 --> 00:35:03,256 > > THERE YOU GO. 991 00:35:03,356 --> 00:35:04,657 NICE PEOPLE. 992 00:35:04,758 --> 00:35:06,327 THEY'RE SUCH NICE PEOPLE. 993 00:35:06,427 --> 00:35:08,295 AM I STILL OVER HERE, OR AM I 994 00:35:08,396 --> 00:35:08,829 OVER HERE NOW? 995 00:35:08,929 --> 00:35:10,131 WHAT AM I DOING? 996 00:35:10,231 --> 00:35:11,732 AM I DOING MORE OF THESE OR AM I 997 00:35:11,832 --> 00:35:13,168 MOVING ON TO SOMETHING ELSE? 998 00:35:13,268 --> 00:35:14,136 DOING THE SENATE. 999 00:35:14,236 --> 00:35:14,903 OH, THIS IS BIG. 1000 00:35:15,003 --> 00:35:17,739 ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE SENATE. 1001 00:35:17,839 --> 00:35:19,574 TAKE A SWIG OF WINE. 1002 00:35:19,674 --> 00:35:21,344 THEY GAVE HER SOME WINE. 1003 00:35:21,444 --> 00:35:22,178 HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND. 1004 00:35:22,278 --> 00:35:23,946 I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO 1005 00:35:24,046 --> 00:35:26,449 READ, SO I WANT YOU TO BE WELL 1006 00:35:26,549 --> 00:35:26,883 GUARDED. 1007 00:35:26,983 --> 00:35:27,417 OKAY? 1008 00:35:27,517 --> 00:35:31,422 I'M WEARING A CUP. 1009 00:35:31,522 --> 00:35:31,955 OKAY. 1010 00:35:32,289 --> 00:35:34,057 OF COURSE TONIGHT THERE ARE ALSO 1011 00:35:34,158 --> 00:35:35,794 SOME NON-TRUMP STAKES. 1012 00:35:35,894 --> 00:35:39,130 AND BY THE WAY, IF YOU ARE 1013 00:35:39,230 --> 00:35:42,767 HAVING STEAK, MAKE IT A NONTRUMP 1014 00:35:42,867 --> 00:35:43,402 STEAKS. 1015 00:35:43,669 --> 00:35:46,038 ONE OF THE STAKES IS BALANCE OF 1016 00:35:46,138 --> 00:35:47,873 CONTROL OF THE ELECTION. 1017 00:35:47,973 --> 00:35:50,342 THE DEMOCRATS HOLD 47 SEATS. 1018 00:35:50,443 --> 00:35:52,813 THE DEMOCRATS NEED TO PICK UP 4 1019 00:35:52,913 --> 00:35:53,580 SEATS TO TAKE CONTROL. 1020 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,315 SO LOOKING OVER AT THE UNITED 1021 00:35:55,415 --> 00:35:57,751 STATES SENATE AT THIS HOUR, IT 1022 00:35:57,851 --> 00:35:58,920 REMAINS A BUILDING IN 1023 00:35:59,020 --> 00:35:59,687 WASHINGTON, D.C. 1024 00:35:59,787 --> 00:36:01,155 AS FOR WHO IS GOING TO BE 1025 00:36:01,255 --> 00:36:03,191 WORKING INSIDE THAT BUILDING 1026 00:36:03,291 --> 00:36:05,493 NEXT YEAR, DO WE ACTUALLY HAVE 1027 00:36:05,593 --> 00:36:11,400 THE INFORMATION OR IS IT ALL 1028 00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:12,434 JUST PREAMBLE? 1029 00:36:12,534 --> 00:36:16,940 NEW HAMPSHIRE HAS DEFEATED THE 1030 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:17,674 REPUBLICAN. 1031 00:36:17,774 --> 00:36:24,148 AND THE 231 YEAR STREAK OF NO 1032 00:36:24,248 --> 00:36:25,616 CORKYS IN CONGRESS CONTINUES. 1033 00:36:25,716 --> 00:36:28,052 THE MASSACHUSETTS SENATE RACE 1034 00:36:28,152 --> 00:36:30,889 HAS BEEN CALLED FOR SENATOR ED 1035 00:36:30,989 --> 00:36:33,558 MARKEY, WHO IS THE INCUMBENT AND 1036 00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:34,993 CO-AUTHOR OF THE NEW GREEN DEAL. 1037 00:36:35,093 --> 00:36:37,463 IT IS FITTING THAT MASSACHUSETTS 1038 00:36:37,563 --> 00:36:41,100 HAS DECIDED TO REUSE HIM. 1039 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:42,134 OKLAHOMA SENATE RACE HAS BEEN 1040 00:36:42,235 --> 00:36:44,538 CALLED FOR GOP INCUMBENT AND 1041 00:36:44,638 --> 00:36:49,977 GLOBAL WARMING DENIER JIM INHOFF 1042 00:36:50,077 --> 00:36:52,012 WHO WAS HEAVILY FAVORED TO HIM. 1043 00:36:52,113 --> 00:36:54,015 HE WASN'T SUITING THE OUTCOME. 1044 00:36:54,115 --> 00:36:55,917 HE WAS SWEATING BECAUSE EVERY 1045 00:36:56,017 --> 00:36:58,586 YEAR IT'S WARMER THAN THE 1046 00:36:58,686 --> 00:36:59,320 PREVIOUS ONE. 1047 00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:01,891 IN THE SENATE RACE FOR THE 1048 00:37:01,991 --> 00:37:03,692 TENNESSEE SENATE SEAT HELD TO 1049 00:37:03,792 --> 00:37:06,428 REPLACE THE RETIRING LA RAR 1050 00:37:06,529 --> 00:37:11,034 ALEXANDER, BILL HAGGERTY HAS 1051 00:37:11,134 --> 00:37:13,803 DEFEATED BRADSHAW WHO HAD THE 1052 00:37:13,904 --> 00:37:15,907 ENDORSEMENT OF JOHNNY KNOXVILLE. 1053 00:37:16,007 --> 00:37:18,142 NOW THAT SHE'S DEFEATED, SHE 1054 00:37:18,242 --> 00:37:20,211 WILL BE STUFFED IN A SHOPPING 1055 00:37:20,311 --> 00:37:23,415 CART AND ROLLED THROUGH A CAR 1056 00:37:23,515 --> 00:37:25,183 WASH. 1057 00:37:25,284 --> 00:37:29,888 SHELLY MOORE HAS DEFEATED PAULA 1058 00:37:29,988 --> 00:37:33,993 JEAN SWEARINGIN WHO WON'T BE 1059 00:37:34,093 --> 00:37:34,594 SWEARING IN. 1060 00:37:34,694 --> 00:37:35,995 AND THIS IS A BIG ONE. 1061 00:37:36,095 --> 00:37:38,198 THIS IS AN ACTUAL BIG ONE WITH A 1062 00:37:38,299 --> 00:37:39,900 GREEN CHECK NEXT TO IT, RIGHT? 1063 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,437 OUT IN COLORADO, SENATOR COREY 1064 00:37:43,537 --> 00:37:48,777 GARDENER HAS LOST TO DEMOCRATIC 1065 00:37:48,877 --> 00:37:50,378 CHALLENGER JOHN HECKENLOOPER. 1066 00:37:50,478 --> 00:37:54,750 HE WAS IS MAYOR OF DENVER 1067 00:37:54,850 --> 00:37:56,152 COLORADO, FOUNDER OF THE THE 1068 00:37:56,252 --> 00:37:59,422 FIRST BREW CUP AND CREATOR AND 1069 00:37:59,522 --> 00:38:05,395 STAR OF THE SHOW HECKENLOOPER. 1070 00:38:05,495 --> 00:38:11,803 IN ALABAMA, REPUBLICAN TOM MI 1071 00:38:11,903 --> 00:38:12,203 TY THE 1072 00:38:12,303 --> 00:38:12,737 UPP 1073 00:38:12,837 --> 00:38:13,605 UPP 1074 00:38:13,705 --> 00:38:17,409 UPPERVILLE HAS UNSEATED DOUG 1075 00:38:17,509 --> 00:38:18,677 JONES. 1076 00:38:18,777 --> 00:38:27,420 DOUG JONES LOST TO TOMMY 1077 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:32,593 TUBERVILLE. 1078 00:38:32,693 --> 00:38:33,361 DO I SWITCH CAMERAS? 1079 00:38:33,461 --> 00:38:34,395 DO I STAY HERE. 1080 00:38:34,495 --> 00:38:36,197 I STAY RIGHT HERE AND WE JUST 1081 00:38:36,297 --> 00:38:37,765 DRIVE THE TRAIN, RIGHT? 1082 00:38:37,865 --> 00:38:39,066 JUST KEEP DRIVING THE TRAIN. 1083 00:38:39,166 --> 00:38:43,338 SPEAKING OF KNOWING THINGS, I'VE 1084 00:38:43,438 --> 00:38:45,674 PUT MY PHONE ON MUTE SO I DON'T 1085 00:38:45,774 --> 00:38:46,408 KNOW THINGS. 1086 00:38:46,508 --> 00:38:47,977 THE ONE THING WE DO KNOW IS THAT 1087 00:38:48,077 --> 00:38:50,246 DONALD TRUMP IS DEFINITELY GOING 1088 00:38:50,346 --> 00:38:53,416 TO LOSE BLACK VOTERS TONIGHT. 1089 00:38:53,516 --> 00:39:01,091 HERE WITH HIS THOUGHTS ON WHY IT 1090 00:39:01,191 --> 00:39:01,525 I 1091 00:39:01,625 --> 00:39:02,092 IS. 1092 00:39:02,192 --> 00:39:02,927 > > WHAT'S HAPPENING? 1093 00:39:03,028 --> 00:39:04,496 > > NOT MUCH. 1094 00:39:04,596 --> 00:39:05,196 ELECTION. 1095 00:39:05,397 --> 00:39:06,464 YOU ARE NO STRANGER TO ELECTION 1096 00:39:06,564 --> 00:39:07,365 NIGHT SPECIALS. 1097 00:39:07,465 --> 00:39:09,000 IN 2016 YOU WERE ON THIS SHOW 1098 00:39:09,100 --> 00:39:10,002 WHEN TRUMP WON. 1099 00:39:10,102 --> 00:39:11,637 AND YOU SAID THIS. 1100 00:39:11,737 --> 00:39:13,372 > > CONGRATULATIONS, AMERICA. 1101 00:39:13,472 --> 00:39:15,908 YOU FUCKED THIS ONE UP. 1102 00:39:16,008 --> 00:39:17,209 > > SOMEBODY WAS RIGHT. 1103 00:39:17,309 --> 00:39:17,744 THAT WAS ME. 1104 00:39:17,844 --> 00:39:18,845 > > THAT WAS TRUE. 1105 00:39:18,945 --> 00:39:20,414 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 1106 00:39:20,514 --> 00:39:22,482 THERE ARE NO COMMERCIAL BREAKS 1107 00:39:22,582 --> 00:39:24,151 HERE SO WHILE I GO CHECK OUT 1108 00:39:24,251 --> 00:39:26,354 WHAT NEXT IS COMING DOWN THE 1109 00:39:26,454 --> 00:39:28,523 PIPE FOR THE ELECTION, WHY DON'T 1110 00:39:28,623 --> 00:39:30,158 YOU TAKE A MINUTE TO TALK ABOUT 1111 00:39:30,258 --> 00:39:33,495 WHAT THAT FUCK UP FROM FOUR 1112 00:39:33,595 --> 00:39:34,863 YEARS AGO MEANT FOR ALL OF US, 1113 00:39:34,963 --> 00:39:37,232 AND I'LL BE BACK IN JUST A 1114 00:39:37,332 --> 00:39:37,733 MINUTE. 1115 00:39:37,833 --> 00:39:39,668 IT'S YOURS, BUDDY. 1116 00:39:39,768 --> 00:39:40,904 > > THANK YOU, STEPHEN. 1117 00:39:41,004 --> 00:39:43,473 GOT TO MAKE SURE HE'S REALLY 1118 00:39:43,573 --> 00:39:44,140 DONE, THOUGH. 1119 00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:45,875 ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. 1120 00:39:45,975 --> 00:39:47,911 LORD OF THE RINGS SUCKS! 1121 00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:49,146 OH, YEAH. 1122 00:39:49,246 --> 00:39:50,548 HE'S REALLY GONE. 1123 00:39:50,648 --> 00:39:51,282 HELLO, AMERICA. 1124 00:39:51,382 --> 00:39:52,583 DID YOU NOT HEAR ME THE FIRST 1125 00:39:52,683 --> 00:39:54,719 TIME? 1126 00:39:54,819 --> 00:39:55,853 LET ME REMIND YOU HOW TRUMP SOLD 1127 00:39:55,954 --> 00:39:57,889 HIMSELF TO BLACK VOTERS IN 2016. 1128 00:39:57,989 --> 00:39:58,623 PAY ATTENTION, PLEASE. 1129 00:39:58,724 --> 00:40:01,159 > > WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO 1130 00:40:01,259 --> 00:40:01,727 LOSE? 1131 00:40:01,927 --> 00:40:04,897 TO THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN 1132 00:40:04,997 --> 00:40:06,632 COMMUNITY, I SAY, WHAT THE HELL 1133 00:40:06,733 --> 00:40:09,469 DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? 1134 00:40:09,569 --> 00:40:10,369 VOTE FOR ME. 1135 00:40:10,470 --> 00:40:12,139 WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO 1136 00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:12,706 LOSE? 1137 00:40:13,006 --> 00:40:14,475 > > WELL, IT TURNS OUT A LOT. 1138 00:40:14,575 --> 00:40:15,109 OKAY? 1139 00:40:15,209 --> 00:40:18,479 IN FACT, I MADE A LIST. 1140 00:40:18,579 --> 00:40:22,917 > > LIST OF THINGS WE HAD TO 1141 00:40:23,017 --> 00:40:23,451 LOSE. 1142 00:40:23,785 --> 00:40:25,120 > > NUMBER ONE, VOTING RIGHTS. 1143 00:40:25,220 --> 00:40:27,590 I'M TALKING VOTER ID LAWS, 1144 00:40:27,690 --> 00:40:29,492 PERJING VOTER ROLLS, LONG LINES 1145 00:40:29,592 --> 00:40:31,093 AND PREDOMINANTLY BLACK 1146 00:40:31,193 --> 00:40:32,895 DISTRICTS IN GEORGIA SOME VOTERS 1147 00:40:32,995 --> 00:40:35,031 EXPERIENCED WAIT TIMES OF UP TO 1148 00:40:35,132 --> 00:40:36,600 FIVE HOURS. 1149 00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:37,901 MEANWHILE, FOR ONE WHITE LADY, 1150 00:40:38,001 --> 00:40:40,837 THEY PUT A BALLOT BOX ON THE 1151 00:40:40,937 --> 00:40:41,571 INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION. 1152 00:40:41,671 --> 00:40:44,275 AT THIS POINT, YOU COULD GO BACK 1153 00:40:44,375 --> 00:40:49,581 TO SCHOOL, GET A DEGREE, GO 1154 00:40:49,681 --> 00:40:51,717 THROUGH ASTRONAUT TRAINING AND 1155 00:40:51,817 --> 00:40:53,719 STILL VOTE FASTER THAN A BROTHER 1156 00:40:53,819 --> 00:40:55,020 IN MA CON. 1157 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:56,221 TRUMP HAS BEEN EVERYTHING HE CAN 1158 00:40:56,321 --> 00:40:58,258 TO UNDERMINE THE AFFORDABLE CARE 1159 00:40:58,358 --> 00:40:58,892 ACT. 1160 00:40:59,125 --> 00:41:00,260 OF COURSE HE DISLIKES OBAMACARE. 1161 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,496 IT IS A COMBO OF THE TWO THINGS 1162 00:41:03,596 --> 00:41:06,534 HE HATES THE MOST: OBAMA AND 1163 00:41:06,634 --> 00:41:07,434 CARING. 1164 00:41:07,535 --> 00:41:14,543 NUMBER THREE, CHADWICK BOSEMAN. 1165 00:41:14,643 --> 00:41:15,310 THAT'S RIGHT. 1166 00:41:15,410 --> 00:41:16,945 I'M BLAMING TRUMP FOR THAT. 1167 00:41:17,045 --> 00:41:19,114 HE COULD TAKE THE BLAME FOR THE 1168 00:41:19,214 --> 00:41:20,349 DEATH OF THE BLACK PANTHER. 1169 00:41:20,449 --> 00:41:23,119 ALSO, I'M HOLDING HIM PERSONALLY 1170 00:41:23,219 --> 00:41:25,388 RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LOSS OF 1171 00:41:25,488 --> 00:41:29,126 ARETHA FRANKLIN AND KANYE WEST. 1172 00:41:29,226 --> 00:41:31,461 I MEAN, KANYE DIDN'T DIE, BUT HE 1173 00:41:31,562 --> 00:41:32,563 IS CERTAINLY LOST. 1174 00:41:32,663 --> 00:41:34,464 SPEAKING OF DYING, ANOTHER THING 1175 00:41:34,565 --> 00:41:37,268 WE LOST, OUR FUCKING LIVES. 1176 00:41:37,368 --> 00:41:39,037 THERE IS STILL A PANDEMIC GOING 1177 00:41:39,137 --> 00:41:39,604 ON. 1178 00:41:39,838 --> 00:41:42,340 FUN FACT, BLACK PEOPLE ARE 1179 00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,010 DISPROPORTIONATELY AFFECTED BY 1180 00:41:45,110 --> 00:41:45,544 CORONAVIRUS. 1181 00:41:45,644 --> 00:41:46,712 THIS IS SO TYPICAL. 1182 00:41:46,812 --> 00:41:48,781 WHEN AMERICA GETS A COLD, BLACK 1183 00:41:48,881 --> 00:41:50,649 PEOPLE GET CORONAVIRUS, THEN 1184 00:41:50,749 --> 00:41:52,619 AMERICA TAKES AWAY THEIR HEALTH 1185 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:53,253 INSURANCE. 1186 00:41:53,353 --> 00:41:54,988 YOU KNOW WHO SAID THAT? 1187 00:41:55,088 --> 00:41:55,388 ME. 1188 00:41:55,488 --> 00:41:55,789 IT WAS ME. 1189 00:41:55,889 --> 00:41:56,456 ALL RIGHT. 1190 00:41:56,556 --> 00:41:57,958 A BLACK PERSON CAN'T QUOTE 1191 00:41:58,058 --> 00:41:58,626 THEMSELVES. 1192 00:41:58,726 --> 00:42:00,027 TELL ME WHAT ELSE AM I NOT 1193 00:42:00,127 --> 00:42:02,530 ALLOWED TO DO, YOU RACIST. 1194 00:42:02,630 --> 00:42:04,398 NUMBER TEN, MOVIES. 1195 00:42:04,498 --> 00:42:09,371 UNDER TRUMP, THEY GAVE THE OSCAR 1196 00:42:09,471 --> 00:42:11,240 TO "GREEN BOOK." 1197 00:42:11,340 --> 00:42:12,140 DO YOU KNOW HOW BLACK PEOPLE 1198 00:42:12,241 --> 00:42:13,910 FELT ABOUT GREEN BOOK? 1199 00:42:14,010 --> 00:42:14,577 ME NEITHER. 1200 00:42:14,677 --> 00:42:15,278 WE DIDN'T WATCH. 1201 00:42:15,378 --> 00:42:17,480 BUT IT IS NO SURPRISE. 1202 00:42:17,580 --> 00:42:20,250 AMERICA HAS ALWAYS IGNORED BLACK 1203 00:42:20,350 --> 00:42:21,217 PEOPLE IN FAVOR OF GREEN. 1204 00:42:21,317 --> 00:42:25,256 AND FINALLY, NUMBER 11, MY TIME. 1205 00:42:25,356 --> 00:42:28,092 SEE, I SUPPORT BLACK LIVES 1206 00:42:28,192 --> 00:42:28,726 MATTER. 1207 00:42:28,926 --> 00:42:30,462 BUT ALL THAT MARCHING TAKES 1208 00:42:30,562 --> 00:42:31,162 TIME. 1209 00:42:31,363 --> 00:42:33,064 ONCE WE'RE FINISHING CONVINCING 1210 00:42:33,164 --> 00:42:34,299 WHITE AMERICA WE ARE INDEED 1211 00:42:34,399 --> 00:42:36,268 HUMAN BEINGS, IT WOULD BE NICE 1212 00:42:36,368 --> 00:42:38,838 TO DO THINGS HUMAN BEINGS ENJOY 1213 00:42:38,938 --> 00:42:43,075 LIKE JOGGING, THROWING A 1214 00:42:43,175 --> 00:42:44,611 BARBECUE OR GOING BIRD WATCHING 1215 00:42:44,711 --> 00:42:48,916 WITHOUT SOME NUT ASS KAREN 1216 00:42:49,016 --> 00:42:51,818 CALLING THE COPS. 1217 00:42:51,919 --> 00:42:56,057 > > LIST OF THINGS WE STILL HAVE 1218 00:42:56,157 --> 00:42:57,058 TO LOSE. 1219 00:42:57,158 --> 00:43:00,396 NUMBER ONE, ALL THE SHITI JUST 1220 00:43:00,496 --> 00:43:02,498 SAID BECAUSE AS BAD AS IT IS, IT 1221 00:43:02,598 --> 00:43:03,232 CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE. 1222 00:43:03,332 --> 00:43:06,035 TRUMP APPOINTED THREE SUPREME 1223 00:43:06,135 --> 00:43:06,902 COURT JUSTICES. 1224 00:43:07,002 --> 00:43:09,339 AND THE REPUBLICANS JUST GOT THE 1225 00:43:09,439 --> 00:43:10,273 LAST INFINITY STONE THEY NEED TO 1226 00:43:10,373 --> 00:43:12,709 TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING WE FOUGHT 1227 00:43:12,809 --> 00:43:13,443 WAR. 1228 00:43:13,543 --> 00:43:16,480 WE'RE ONE STEP AWAY FROM GREEN 1229 00:43:16,580 --> 00:43:17,615 BOOK 2. 1230 00:43:17,715 --> 00:43:22,119 TOO GREEN, TOO BOOK. 1231 00:43:22,219 --> 00:43:22,754 SPORTS. 1232 00:43:22,988 --> 00:43:24,022 DO YOU THINK TRUMP IS GOING TO 1233 00:43:24,122 --> 00:43:27,426 STOP AT KAEPERNICK? 1234 00:43:27,526 --> 00:43:29,261 IN FOUR YEARS, IT WILL BE A CAME 1235 00:43:29,361 --> 00:43:30,830 OF HORSE BETWEEN J.J. REDDICK 1236 00:43:30,930 --> 00:43:34,133 AND LUKA DONCIC. 1237 00:43:34,233 --> 00:43:34,867 THIS ONE ISN'T SOMETHING THAT 1238 00:43:34,968 --> 00:43:35,902 BLACK PEOPLE HAVE TO LOSE, IT IS 1239 00:43:36,002 --> 00:43:37,437 SOMETHING WE ALL HAVE TO LOSE. 1240 00:43:37,537 --> 00:43:38,439 OUR SOUL. 1241 00:43:38,539 --> 00:43:39,473 BLACK PEOPLE HAVE LONG BEEN THE 1242 00:43:39,573 --> 00:43:41,041 SOUL OF THIS COUNTRY BECAUSE WE 1243 00:43:41,141 --> 00:43:42,943 HAVE TO BELIEVE IN THE PROMISE 1244 00:43:43,043 --> 00:43:44,111 OF EQUALITY AND JUSTICE THAT 1245 00:43:44,211 --> 00:43:45,379 AMERICA PROVIDES. 1246 00:43:45,479 --> 00:43:47,482 JUST LIKE A BELIEF IN A HIGHER 1247 00:43:47,582 --> 00:43:49,050 POWER, FOR BLACK PEOPLE, 1248 00:43:49,150 --> 00:43:49,784 AMERICA'S PROMISE IS SOMETHING 1249 00:43:49,884 --> 00:43:51,753 THAT IS NOT VISIBLE, BUT WE HAVE 1250 00:43:51,853 --> 00:43:53,188 FAITH IN THAT PROMISE. 1251 00:43:53,288 --> 00:43:54,757 AND THAT FAITH IS A MOTTO FOR 1252 00:43:54,857 --> 00:43:55,491 ALL AMERICANS. 1253 00:43:55,591 --> 00:43:57,226 SO WE WILL CONTINUE TO SHOUT AND 1254 00:43:57,326 --> 00:43:59,328 DEMAND TO BE TREATED EQUALLY IN 1255 00:43:59,428 --> 00:44:02,566 THIS COUNTRY, BUT WE CAN'T DO IT 1256 00:44:02,666 --> 00:44:03,200 FOREVER. 1257 00:44:03,433 --> 00:44:04,401 AND IF AMERICA LOSES ITS SOUL, 1258 00:44:04,501 --> 00:44:06,803 LORD HAVE MERCY, IT'S GAME OVER. 1259 00:44:06,903 --> 00:44:09,173 THE LAND WILL STILL EXIST, BUT 1260 00:44:09,273 --> 00:44:10,241 THE NOBLE HUMAN EXPERIENCE, 1261 00:44:10,341 --> 00:44:11,976 THAT'S A WRAP. 1262 00:44:12,076 --> 00:44:15,279 BUT I'M SURE IT WILL BE HEALED 1263 00:44:15,380 --> 00:44:17,916 BY THE RELEASE OF "GREEN BOOK 1264 00:44:18,017 --> 00:44:18,417 3." 1265 00:44:18,817 --> 00:44:22,154 TRUST ME, IT CAN AND SHOULD NOT 1266 00:44:22,254 --> 00:44:22,454 HAPPEN. 1267 00:44:22,554 --> 00:44:23,155 OKAY. 1268 00:44:23,255 --> 00:44:23,822 I'M BACK. 1269 00:44:23,922 --> 00:44:25,592 I DIDN'T CATCH ALL OF YOUR 1270 00:44:25,692 --> 00:44:27,427 PIECE, BUT DID YOU SAY THERE IS 1271 00:44:27,527 --> 00:44:28,995 A NEW "GREEN BOOK"? 1272 00:44:29,095 --> 00:44:29,829 I LOVE THAT MOVIE. 1273 00:44:29,929 --> 00:44:33,300 > > THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, 1274 00:44:33,401 --> 00:44:33,968 STEPHEN. 1275 00:44:34,068 --> 00:44:34,735 ALWAYS A PLEASURE. 1276 00:44:34,835 --> 00:44:36,971 > > SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER. 1277 00:44:37,071 --> 00:44:39,040 ARE WE READY TO GO ON? 1278 00:44:39,140 --> 00:44:40,242 WHAT ARE WE DOING NOW? 1279 00:44:40,342 --> 00:44:41,943 IS THIS ELECTROMAP? 1280 00:44:42,044 --> 00:44:44,179 WE'RE DOING THE CIRCUS FIRST. 1281 00:44:44,279 --> 00:44:48,017 I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THAT 1282 00:44:48,117 --> 00:44:48,284 BEFORE. 1283 00:44:48,384 --> 00:44:48,751 YES. 1284 00:44:49,052 --> 00:44:50,853 DON'T SAY THE WORD VAMP. 1285 00:44:50,953 --> 00:44:54,858 THAT SOUNDS LIKE WE DON'T HAVE A 1286 00:44:54,958 --> 00:44:55,592 PLAN. 1287 00:44:55,692 --> 00:44:57,294 JOINING -- WE DON'T HAVE PLAN, 1288 00:44:57,394 --> 00:44:59,463 BUT DON'T SAY IT. 1289 00:44:59,563 --> 00:45:10,142 WE'RE PROFESSIONALS, GODDAMNIT. 1290 00:45:10,476 --> 00:45:12,711 JOINING ME BACK TO THE LATE 1291 00:45:12,812 --> 00:45:20,954 SHOW, MARK McKINNON AND JOHN 1292 00:45:21,054 --> 00:45:21,655 HILEMAN. 1293 00:45:21,855 --> 00:45:24,024 I REALIZE WE REALLY JUST BOOKED 1294 00:45:24,124 --> 00:45:24,925 YOUR HAT. 1295 00:45:25,025 --> 00:45:26,727 OH, LADY AND GENTLEMEN, THANK 1296 00:45:26,828 --> 00:45:28,096 YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 1297 00:45:28,196 --> 00:45:29,797 WELCOME BACK. 1298 00:45:29,897 --> 00:45:31,466 GOOD TO SEE ALL OF YOU AGAIN. 1299 00:45:31,566 --> 00:45:33,602 YOU WERE HERE IN 2016 WHEN THIS 1300 00:45:33,702 --> 00:45:35,270 WHOLE DIRTY, DIRTY BUSINESS 1301 00:45:35,370 --> 00:45:35,904 STARTED. 1302 00:45:36,171 --> 00:45:37,339 ARE YOU HAVING ANY FLASH BACKS? 1303 00:45:37,439 --> 00:45:39,675 > > WHEN YOU'RE SAYING I WAS 1304 00:45:39,775 --> 00:45:40,309 HERE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN EXACTLY 1305 00:45:40,409 --> 00:45:43,580 BY HERE? 1306 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:44,180 > > YOU WERE ON OUR SHOWTIME 1307 00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:44,848 SPECIAL. 1308 00:45:44,948 --> 00:45:46,850 WE'RE ALL ON TV RIGHT NOW ON 1309 00:45:46,950 --> 00:45:47,283 SHOWTIME. 1310 00:45:47,383 --> 00:45:48,017 > > WE ARE. 1311 00:45:48,118 --> 00:45:50,187 THIS FEELS LIKE SOME VIRTUALLY 1312 00:45:50,287 --> 00:45:50,754 SPACE. 1313 00:45:51,088 --> 00:45:52,323 I FELT LIKE I WAS PHYSICALLY IN 1314 00:45:52,423 --> 00:45:53,891 YOUR PRESENCE ON ELECTION NIGHT. 1315 00:45:53,991 --> 00:45:55,493 > > I HAD AN OUT OF BODY 1316 00:45:55,593 --> 00:45:57,129 EXPERIENCE ON ELECTION NIGHT. 1317 00:45:57,229 --> 00:46:01,299 I WASN'T IN MY OWN PRESENCE ON 1318 00:46:01,399 --> 00:46:03,168 ELECTION NIGHT FOUR YEARS AGO. 1319 00:46:03,268 --> 00:46:04,770 > > I RECALL THAT. 1320 00:46:04,871 --> 00:46:07,173 YOU DID NOT HAVE FUN ON THAT 1321 00:46:07,273 --> 00:46:08,007 NIGHT. 1322 00:46:08,107 --> 00:46:10,276 > > AND YOU KICKING UP YOUR HEELS 1323 00:46:10,376 --> 00:46:12,513 AND WHISTLING A HAPPY TUNE. 1324 00:46:12,613 --> 00:46:13,514 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 1325 00:46:13,614 --> 00:46:17,184 > > I WOULD SAY THAT FLASH BACKS 1326 00:46:17,284 --> 00:46:17,851 ARE NOT AN UNCOMMON OCCURRENCE 1327 00:46:17,951 --> 00:46:20,622 FOR ME IN GENERAL, BUT THE 1328 00:46:20,722 --> 00:46:21,589 FLASHBACKS I HAVE FROM THAT 1329 00:46:21,689 --> 00:46:23,291 NIGHT ARE PARTICULARLY 1330 00:46:23,391 --> 00:46:24,058 UNPLEASANT. 1331 00:46:24,159 --> 00:46:26,194 > > WHERE ARE YOU ALL RIGHT NOW 1332 00:46:26,294 --> 00:46:26,929 IN THE WORLD. 1333 00:46:27,029 --> 00:46:28,197 IS THIS LIKE THE STATE OF THE 1334 00:46:28,297 --> 00:46:29,398 UNION, YOU HAVE TO BE IN 1335 00:46:29,498 --> 00:46:31,500 DIFFERENT LOCATIONS TO KEEP THE 1336 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:33,636 CHAIN OF CIRCUIT COMMAND GOING 1337 00:46:33,736 --> 00:46:34,471 IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPENS. 1338 00:46:34,571 --> 00:46:36,873 > > BECAUSE OF COVID, WE HAVE 1339 00:46:36,973 --> 00:46:38,775 ACTUALLY NEVER EVEN SEEN EACH 1340 00:46:38,875 --> 00:46:40,043 OTHER DURING THIS WHOLE RUN, BUT 1341 00:46:40,143 --> 00:46:41,545 ALSO WE WANT TO COVER THE 1342 00:46:41,645 --> 00:46:43,080 COUNTRY, AND WE HAVE 13 1343 00:46:43,181 --> 00:46:43,948 DIFFERENT PLACES RIGHT NOW. 1344 00:46:44,048 --> 00:46:45,950 I'M IN WASHINGTON, D.C. 1345 00:46:46,050 --> 00:46:47,318 ALEX, WHERE ARE YOU? 1346 00:46:47,418 --> 00:46:49,153 > > I'M CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED 1347 00:46:49,253 --> 00:46:50,022 TO BE IN HELL. 1348 00:46:50,122 --> 00:46:53,292 I'M ACTUALLY IN PENNSYLVANIA, 1349 00:46:53,392 --> 00:46:56,161 WHICH IS ONE OF THE SWINGIEST 1350 00:46:56,261 --> 00:46:57,597 PARTS OF A VERY SWING STATE THAT 1351 00:46:57,697 --> 00:46:59,732 EVERYBODY IS OBSESSED WITH, AND 1352 00:46:59,832 --> 00:47:02,335 IT LOOKS LIKE I WILL BE HERE 1353 00:47:02,435 --> 00:47:05,172 UNTIL 2021. 1354 00:47:05,272 --> 00:47:06,640 > > ALEX THINKS SHE'S IN HELL. 1355 00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:10,477 I'M IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA, 1356 00:47:10,578 --> 00:47:10,945 MAN. 1357 00:47:11,245 --> 00:47:11,879 YOU ARE IN LIKE PARADISE 1358 00:47:11,979 --> 00:47:13,281 COMPARED TO ME, WAGNER. 1359 00:47:13,381 --> 00:47:14,416 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 1360 00:47:14,516 --> 00:47:15,183 YOU ARE NUTS. 1361 00:47:15,283 --> 00:47:16,618 > > HE DOESN'T GET TO LEAVE AND 1362 00:47:16,718 --> 00:47:19,654 THERE IS HUMIDITY. 1363 00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:20,256 I THINK HE WINS THIS CONTEST. 1364 00:47:20,356 --> 00:47:20,823 > > CORRECT. 1365 00:47:20,923 --> 00:47:21,724 > > LET ME ASK YOU. 1366 00:47:21,824 --> 00:47:23,993 100 MILLION VOTES WERE CAST 1367 00:47:24,093 --> 00:47:26,596 BEFORE WE EVEN OPENED THE POLLS 1368 00:47:26,696 --> 00:47:27,129 OKAY. 1369 00:47:27,363 --> 00:47:28,565 WHO CAN YOU TELL SO FAR 1370 00:47:28,665 --> 00:47:29,600 BENEFITTED FROM THAT? 1371 00:47:29,700 --> 00:47:31,134 THEY SAID BIDEN, BUT IS THAT 1372 00:47:31,235 --> 00:47:31,768 PLAYING OUT? 1373 00:47:31,868 --> 00:47:32,669 > > I THINK SO. 1374 00:47:32,769 --> 00:47:36,107 I MEAN, I THINK WHEN WE HAVE -- 1375 00:47:36,207 --> 00:47:39,844 IN STATES WHERE YOU ARE ALLOWED 1376 00:47:39,944 --> 00:47:40,845 TO TOUCH THOSE MAIL-IN BALLOTS 1377 00:47:40,945 --> 00:47:42,313 AND OPEN THEM AND TABULATE THEM 1378 00:47:42,413 --> 00:47:44,750 BEFORE ELECTION DAY, THE EARLY 1379 00:47:44,850 --> 00:47:46,218 VOTES ARE SWINGING TOWARDS 1380 00:47:46,318 --> 00:47:46,819 BIDEN. 1381 00:47:47,019 --> 00:47:50,789 IN MICHIGAN, WISCONSIN AND 1382 00:47:50,890 --> 00:47:52,259 PENNSYLVANIA, IT'S GOING TO BE 1383 00:47:52,359 --> 00:47:53,960 SLOW DOING AND WE'RE NOT GOING 1384 00:47:54,060 --> 00:47:55,862 TO KNOW EXACTLY, BUT THE 1385 00:47:55,962 --> 00:47:57,497 EXPECTATION IS THAT IT'S GOING 1386 00:47:57,597 --> 00:47:59,000 TO BENEFIT BIDEN. 1387 00:47:59,100 --> 00:48:01,068 > > MARK, DOES THIS FEEL ANY 1388 00:48:01,168 --> 00:48:02,803 DIFFERENT TO YOU THIS TIME 1389 00:48:02,903 --> 00:48:03,537 AROUND? 1390 00:48:03,638 --> 00:48:05,940 IT FEELS A LITTLE DIFFERENT TO 1391 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:07,509 ME BECAUSE LAST TIME I HAD AN 1392 00:48:07,609 --> 00:48:08,944 AUDIENCE AND I WASN'T 1393 00:48:09,044 --> 00:48:10,912 BROADCASTING FROM A STORAGE ROOM 1394 00:48:11,013 --> 00:48:12,714 PRETENDING IT WAS AN OFFICE. 1395 00:48:12,814 --> 00:48:13,850 WHAT FEELS DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU, 1396 00:48:13,950 --> 00:48:15,218 ABOUT THIS TO YOU? 1397 00:48:15,318 --> 00:48:17,020 > > I'LL TELL YOU, WHAT'S STRANGE 1398 00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,188 TO ME IS HOW MUCH IT FEELS LIKE 1399 00:48:19,289 --> 00:48:20,490 2016 ALL OF A SUDDEN. 1400 00:48:20,590 --> 00:48:22,559 I THINK FOR A WHILE -- I THINK 1401 00:48:22,660 --> 00:48:24,028 FOR A WHILE PEOPLE GOT 1402 00:48:24,128 --> 00:48:25,129 DISTRACTED FROM WHAT'S REALLY 1403 00:48:25,229 --> 00:48:26,363 GOING ON HERE. 1404 00:48:26,463 --> 00:48:32,537 A YEAR AGO WHEN DEMOCRATS WERE 1405 00:48:32,637 --> 00:48:33,571 STRIKE THAT 1406 00:48:33,672 --> 00:48:35,206 SAYING WHAT THEY NEEDED TO DO, 1407 00:48:35,307 --> 00:48:36,708 THEY NEEDED TO WIN BACK THE BLUE 1408 00:48:36,809 --> 00:48:37,977 WALL PERIOD. 1409 00:48:38,077 --> 00:48:39,345 SUDDENLY PEOPLE STARTED TALKING 1410 00:48:39,445 --> 00:48:40,646 ABOUT GEORGIA AND NORTH CAROLINA 1411 00:48:40,746 --> 00:48:41,580 AND FLORIDA. 1412 00:48:41,681 --> 00:48:43,149 IT WAS ALL THE FEVER DREAM, AND 1413 00:48:43,249 --> 00:48:44,718 IT'S COMING BACK TO EXACTLY WHAT 1414 00:48:44,818 --> 00:48:46,453 WE -- YOU KNOW, WHAT PEOPLE 1415 00:48:46,553 --> 00:48:47,954 THOUGHT A YEAR AGO, WHICH IS 1416 00:48:48,055 --> 00:48:50,223 IT'S GOING TO COME DOWN TO WHERE 1417 00:48:50,324 --> 00:48:52,260 ALEX IS AND WISCONSIN AND 1418 00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:53,661 MICHIGAN AND MAYBE ARIZONA. 1419 00:48:53,761 --> 00:48:55,330 > > ISN'T THAT -- ISN'T THAT WHY 1420 00:48:55,430 --> 00:48:56,831 THE DEMOCRATS WENT WITH JOE 1421 00:48:56,931 --> 00:48:59,434 BIDEN, REALLY, IS BECAUSE HE IS 1422 00:48:59,534 --> 00:49:00,803 THAT RUST BELT GUY? 1423 00:49:00,903 --> 00:49:02,404 > > YEAH. 1424 00:49:02,504 --> 00:49:03,238 HE'S SCRANTON JOE. 1425 00:49:03,339 --> 00:49:05,607 HE STARTED HIS CAMPAIGN IN 1426 00:49:05,708 --> 00:49:06,275 PITTSBURGH. 1427 00:49:06,375 --> 00:49:06,975 HE ENDED IT IN PITTSBURGH. 1428 00:49:07,076 --> 00:49:09,946 THIS IS THE SORT OF DNA OF 1429 00:49:10,046 --> 00:49:11,014 BIDEN'S CAMPAIGN. 1430 00:49:11,114 --> 00:49:12,482 THIS IS WHY HE'S AT THE TOP OF 1431 00:49:12,582 --> 00:49:15,119 THE TICKET AND NOW WE ARE SEEING 1432 00:49:15,219 --> 00:49:17,221 IT BEING BORN OUT IN THE 1433 00:49:17,321 --> 00:49:17,955 ELECTION ITSELF. 1434 00:49:18,055 --> 00:49:19,223 > > JOHN, YOU WERE ON THE SHOW 1435 00:49:19,323 --> 00:49:21,058 BEING INTERVIEWED BY ME WHEN 1436 00:49:21,158 --> 00:49:23,528 FLORIDA WAS CALLED FOUR YEARS 1437 00:49:23,628 --> 00:49:23,995 AGO. 1438 00:49:24,396 --> 00:49:25,764 THAT WAS A REMARKABLE -- THAT 1439 00:49:25,864 --> 00:49:27,399 WAS A REMARKABLE MOMENT. 1440 00:49:27,499 --> 00:49:28,066 > > YES. 1441 00:49:28,266 --> 00:49:29,568 > > WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON 1442 00:49:29,668 --> 00:49:30,803 DOWN THERE? 1443 00:49:30,903 --> 00:49:32,739 WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE THIS TIME? 1444 00:49:32,839 --> 00:49:34,273 FOUR YEARS LATER, WITH 1445 00:49:34,374 --> 00:49:35,875 EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED, THE 1446 00:49:35,975 --> 00:49:38,779 LAST THING I SAW THAT TRUMP WAS 1447 00:49:38,879 --> 00:49:40,981 LEADING BY MORE THAN HE WON LAST 1448 00:49:41,081 --> 00:49:41,382 TIME. 1449 00:49:41,482 --> 00:49:42,116 > > YEAH. 1450 00:49:42,216 --> 00:49:46,755 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, STEPHEN, 1451 00:49:46,855 --> 00:49:47,288 FLORIDA IS GONNA FLORIDA. 1452 00:49:47,389 --> 00:49:47,889 THAT'S THE THING. 1453 00:49:47,989 --> 00:49:48,623 IT'S A MESS DOWN HERE. 1454 00:49:48,723 --> 00:49:53,128 AND, YOU KNOW, I'M IN PINELAS 1455 00:49:53,228 --> 00:49:53,763 COUNTY. 1456 00:49:53,996 --> 00:49:55,197 THIS COUNTY THAT WHOEVER WINS 1457 00:49:55,297 --> 00:49:57,166 THIS COUNTRY, A LOT OF SENIOR 1458 00:49:57,266 --> 00:49:59,969 CITIZENS HERE, INDEPENDENT 1459 00:50:00,069 --> 00:50:01,271 SENIOR CITIZENS. 1460 00:50:01,371 --> 00:50:02,239 THEY GO BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN 1461 00:50:02,339 --> 00:50:04,775 THE PARTIES, WHOEVER WINS THIS 1462 00:50:04,875 --> 00:50:07,010 COUNTY WINS FLORIDA. 1463 00:50:07,110 --> 00:50:07,778 THAT'S HISTORICALLY BEEN TRUE 1464 00:50:07,878 --> 00:50:10,081 THROUGHOUT OUR LIFETIME WITH THE 1465 00:50:10,181 --> 00:50:11,516 EXCEPTION OF AL GORE. 1466 00:50:11,616 --> 00:50:12,717 ALTHOUGH SOME ARGUE THAT WAS 1467 00:50:12,817 --> 00:50:17,356 ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE THAT 1468 00:50:17,456 --> 00:50:22,828 WON PINELAS COUNTY AND WON 1469 00:50:22,928 --> 00:50:23,562 FLORIDA. 1470 00:50:23,662 --> 00:50:30,103 JOE BIDEN WON PINELAS COUNTY AND 1471 00:50:30,203 --> 00:50:33,808 THEN DONALD TRUMP CRUSHED HIM IN 1472 00:50:33,908 --> 00:50:35,242 THE REST OF THE STATE. 1473 00:50:35,342 --> 00:50:37,244 FOR THE SIX CORE BATTLEGROUND 1474 00:50:37,344 --> 00:50:38,679 STATES THAT BOTH CAMPAIGNS 1475 00:50:38,779 --> 00:50:40,682 FOUGHT IN FOR A YEAR, THIS WAS 1476 00:50:40,782 --> 00:50:42,984 THE ONE THAT PEOPLE THOUGHT THAT 1477 00:50:43,084 --> 00:50:45,887 TRUMP HAD THE ENGINE MOSTLY OF 1478 00:50:45,987 --> 00:50:47,023 THE CORE SIX. 1479 00:50:47,123 --> 00:50:49,091 THIS IS THE ONE THAT WAS 1480 00:50:49,192 --> 00:50:50,259 CONSIDERED STRONGEST FOR TRUMP. 1481 00:50:50,359 --> 00:50:51,894 IT IS HIS ADOPTIVE HOME. 1482 00:50:51,994 --> 00:50:54,130 PEOPLE WERE MORE SURPRISED IN 1483 00:50:54,230 --> 00:50:56,233 2016, PEOPLE WERE GENERALLY MORE 1484 00:50:56,333 --> 00:50:57,167 SURPRISED THAT TRUMP COULD BE 1485 00:50:57,267 --> 00:50:58,469 PRESIDENT IN 2016 AND FLORIDA 1486 00:50:58,569 --> 00:51:00,637 WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PLACE THAT 1487 00:51:00,737 --> 00:51:01,638 HILLARY CLINTON HAD LOCKED UP. 1488 00:51:01,738 --> 00:51:04,742 SO WE WERE ALL STUNNED ON THE 1489 00:51:04,843 --> 00:51:07,512 AIR WITH YOU NIGHT. 1490 00:51:07,612 --> 00:51:12,585 I REMEMBER YOUR AUDIENCE CRY IN. 1491 00:51:12,685 --> 00:51:14,019 BUT THIS TIME AROUND I THINK A 1492 00:51:14,119 --> 00:51:15,221 LOT OF PEOPLE HAD THE 1493 00:51:15,321 --> 00:51:17,323 EXPECTATION THAT THIS WAS A 1494 00:51:17,423 --> 00:51:18,625 PLACE TRUMP WOULD WIN, SO IT 1495 00:51:18,725 --> 00:51:20,694 CAME AS LESS OF A SURPRISE TO 1496 00:51:20,794 --> 00:51:21,828 PEOPLE TONIGHT THAT TRUMP IS 1497 00:51:21,928 --> 00:51:23,530 GOING TO WIN HERE. 1498 00:51:23,630 --> 00:51:25,800 YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF LIKE A 1499 00:51:25,900 --> 00:51:27,802 CARPET BAGGER HERE, RIGHT. 1500 00:51:27,902 --> 00:51:30,438 HE'S GOT A COUPLE GOLF COURSES 1501 00:51:30,538 --> 00:51:30,938 HERE. 1502 00:51:31,038 --> 00:51:31,772 PEOPLE LIKE HIM. 1503 00:51:31,873 --> 00:51:34,776 > > BUT HE CRUSHED IN MIAMI DADE. 1504 00:51:34,877 --> 00:51:37,846 CUBAN AMERICANS, VENEZUELANS. 1505 00:51:37,946 --> 00:51:39,515 MAN, BIDEN IS A SOCIALIST 1506 00:51:39,615 --> 00:51:41,484 MESSAGE REALLY, REALLY PUNCHED 1507 00:51:41,584 --> 00:51:42,018 HIS LIGHTS OUT. 1508 00:51:42,118 --> 00:51:43,152 > > YES. 1509 00:51:43,253 --> 00:51:44,587 IT IS SURPRISING IN THE SENSE 1510 00:51:44,687 --> 00:51:46,022 THAT ONE OF THE STRENGTHS WAS 1511 00:51:46,122 --> 00:51:47,023 SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN, AND I 1512 00:51:47,123 --> 00:51:49,426 HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE DEMOGRAPHIC 1513 00:51:49,527 --> 00:51:50,995 DATA, BUT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO 1514 00:51:51,095 --> 00:51:55,533 HAVE BEEN REPERFORMED BETTER 1515 00:51:55,633 --> 00:51:59,304 WITH SENIOR CITIZENS THAN TRUMP. 1516 00:51:59,404 --> 00:52:00,205 HE'S PERFORMED PRETTY WELL WITH 1517 00:52:00,305 --> 00:52:00,939 SENIORS HERE. 1518 00:52:01,039 --> 00:52:03,108 BUT TO MARK'S POINT WHAT TRUMP 1519 00:52:03,208 --> 00:52:05,278 HAS DONE IN FLORIDA IS USE THAT 1520 00:52:05,378 --> 00:52:06,078 SOCIALISM MESSAGE AND SOME OF 1521 00:52:06,178 --> 00:52:08,214 THE LAW AND ORDER STUFF TO 1522 00:52:08,314 --> 00:52:11,585 PENETRATE WITH THE LATINO VOTE 1523 00:52:11,685 --> 00:52:15,822 TO A POINT A LOT OF LIBERALS 1524 00:52:15,923 --> 00:52:16,590 COULD UNDERSTAND. 1525 00:52:16,690 --> 00:52:18,927 > > ALEX, I WANT TO -- YOU'RE IN 1526 00:52:19,027 --> 00:52:19,694 PENNSYLVANIA. 1527 00:52:19,794 --> 00:52:21,396 AS YOU SAID, YOU'RE GOING TO BE 1528 00:52:21,496 --> 00:52:22,830 THERE UNTIL THE SUNBURNS OUT TO 1529 00:52:22,931 --> 00:52:24,365 A CINDER. 1530 00:52:24,465 --> 00:52:25,700 AND EXPLAIN TO ME AND THE 1531 00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,269 AUDIENCE WHY THAT IS. 1532 00:52:27,369 --> 00:52:28,203 WHAT IS DIFFICULT ABOUT COUNTING 1533 00:52:28,304 --> 00:52:29,705 THE VOTES IN PENNSYLVANIA? 1534 00:52:29,805 --> 00:52:31,106 WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH TERRIBLE 1535 00:52:31,206 --> 00:52:32,141 RECOUNTS IN THE PATHS. 1536 00:52:32,241 --> 00:52:34,009 WHAT IS THE ORDER IN WHICH THESE 1537 00:52:34,109 --> 00:52:35,412 VOTES WILL BE TALLIED? 1538 00:52:35,512 --> 00:52:38,048 IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? 1539 00:52:38,148 --> 00:52:39,883 > > YEAH. 1540 00:52:39,983 --> 00:52:41,851 WELL, SO, THEY HAVE A DEMOCRATIC 1541 00:52:41,953 --> 00:52:44,822 GOVERNOR AND A REPUBLICAN STATE 1542 00:52:44,922 --> 00:52:45,556 LEGISLATURE. 1543 00:52:45,656 --> 00:52:47,525 AND IT BASICALLY ENSURED THAT 1544 00:52:47,625 --> 00:52:50,495 MAIL-IN BALLOTS CANNOT BE 1545 00:52:50,596 --> 00:52:52,197 TOUCHED BEFORE ELECTION DAY. 1546 00:52:52,297 --> 00:52:56,401 THEY COULD OPEN THEM AT 7:00 1547 00:52:56,501 --> 00:52:57,002 P. 1548 00:52:57,270 --> 00:53:00,373 A.M., BUT THEY COULDN'T START 1549 00:53:00,473 --> 00:53:02,842 COUNTING THEM UNTIL THE POLLS 1550 00:53:02,942 --> 00:53:03,610 CLOSED. 1551 00:53:03,710 --> 00:53:06,680 IT'S ROOMS OF PEOPLE OPENING UP 1552 00:53:06,780 --> 00:53:08,482 ENVELOPES, UNFOLDING THE BALLOTS 1553 00:53:08,582 --> 00:53:09,183 AND COUNTING THEM. 1554 00:53:09,283 --> 00:53:11,151 AS OF RIGHT NOW, AS OF THIS 1555 00:53:11,251 --> 00:53:12,988 HOUR, THEY HAD OPENED ABOUT HALF 1556 00:53:13,088 --> 00:53:15,123 OF THE MAIL-IN BALLOTS THEY HAD 1557 00:53:15,223 --> 00:53:17,859 RECEIVED AND COUNTED ABOUT 1558 00:53:17,959 --> 00:53:18,793 ONE-EIGHTHS OF THEM. 1559 00:53:18,893 --> 00:53:20,396 THEY THINK IT WILL TAKE SEVERAL 1560 00:53:20,496 --> 00:53:21,130 DAYS. 1561 00:53:21,230 --> 00:53:22,264 AND THAT'S WORKING VERY FAST. 1562 00:53:22,365 --> 00:53:23,833 THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE 1563 00:53:23,933 --> 00:53:27,136 WORKING FAST, EATING COOKIES, 1564 00:53:27,236 --> 00:53:27,871 ANYTHING TO FUEL THEM THROUGH 1565 00:53:27,971 --> 00:53:29,339 THE PROCESS. 1566 00:53:29,439 --> 00:53:31,508 > > ARE THOSE MAIL-INS EXPECTED 1567 00:53:31,608 --> 00:53:34,344 TO GO TRUMP'S WAY OR BIDEN'S 1568 00:53:34,444 --> 00:53:34,845 WAY? 1569 00:53:34,945 --> 00:53:35,747 > > BIDEN'S WAY. 1570 00:53:35,847 --> 00:53:38,416 > > BIDEN'S WAY, OKAY. 1571 00:53:38,516 --> 00:53:40,918 > > BROADLY IS THAT THE MAIL-IN 1572 00:53:41,019 --> 00:53:42,053 BALLOTS FAVOR DEMOCRATS. 1573 00:53:42,153 --> 00:53:43,922 SO ONE OF THE REASONS EVERYBODY 1574 00:53:44,023 --> 00:53:45,457 NEEDS TO SIMMER DOWN AND HOLD ON 1575 00:53:45,557 --> 00:53:47,559 IS BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF 1576 00:53:47,660 --> 00:53:48,994 MAIL-IN BALLOTS IN WISCONSIN, 1577 00:53:49,094 --> 00:53:50,763 MICHIGAN AND PENNSYLVANIA. 1578 00:53:50,864 --> 00:53:51,831 MORE IN MICHIGAN THAN ANYWHERE 1579 00:53:51,931 --> 00:53:52,565 ELSE. 1580 00:53:52,666 --> 00:53:55,135 PENNSYLVANIA IS ABOUT 45%, 40% 1581 00:53:55,235 --> 00:53:57,037 OF THE STATE IS MAIL-IN BALLOTS 1582 00:53:57,137 --> 00:53:58,773 AND IT WILL TAKE TIME TO COUNT 1583 00:53:58,873 --> 00:54:00,341 THEM AND NONE OF THOSE BALLOTS 1584 00:54:00,441 --> 00:54:01,275 COULD HAVE BEEN COUNTED BEFORE 1585 00:54:01,375 --> 00:54:01,942 ELECTION DAY. 1586 00:54:02,043 --> 00:54:06,815 NOW THAT WE'RE DOWN TO THOSE 1587 00:54:06,915 --> 00:54:08,316 THREE DASTATES, WE HAVE TO WAIT 1588 00:54:08,417 --> 00:54:09,418 > > NOT CLEAR THAT DONALD TRUMP 1589 00:54:09,518 --> 00:54:10,686 IS GOING TO WAIT, THOUGH. 1590 00:54:10,786 --> 00:54:13,255 THAT'S THE QUESTION. 1591 00:54:13,355 --> 00:54:13,956 154. 1592 00:54:14,057 --> 00:54:16,559 WE HAVEN'T HAD TRUMP MAKE A 1593 00:54:16,659 --> 00:54:18,127 SPEECH YET CLAIMING VICTORY. 1594 00:54:18,227 --> 00:54:22,366 > > WE PROMISED THAT IF EITHER 1595 00:54:22,466 --> 00:54:23,000 CANDIDATES GIVE A SPEECH, WE 1596 00:54:23,100 --> 00:54:25,202 WILL NOT GO TO IT. 1597 00:54:25,302 --> 00:54:27,271 NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET? 1598 00:54:27,371 --> 00:54:29,174 > > SOUND EDITORIAL JUDGMENT. 1599 00:54:29,274 --> 00:54:31,576 > > WHAT ABOUT THE SENATE? 1600 00:54:31,676 --> 00:54:33,812 DO THE DEMOCRATS STILL HAVE A 1601 00:54:33,912 --> 00:54:35,547 SHOT AT FLIPPING THAT? 1602 00:54:35,647 --> 00:54:37,550 LET'S SAY BIDEN WINS. 1603 00:54:37,650 --> 00:54:41,253 DO THEY GET THOSE THREE SEATS 1604 00:54:41,353 --> 00:54:44,256 THEY NEED? 1605 00:54:44,356 --> 00:54:45,125 > > COME ON. 1606 00:54:45,225 --> 00:54:47,027 GROW A PAIR. 1607 00:54:47,127 --> 00:54:48,428 YOU'RE NOT SWORN IN. 1608 00:54:48,528 --> 00:54:54,669 > > WELL, RIGHT NOW IT'S NETSO 1609 00:54:54,769 --> 00:54:55,136 ZERO. 1610 00:54:55,236 --> 00:54:55,870 WE DON'T KNOW. 1611 00:54:55,970 --> 00:54:57,371 > > WHEN DO YOU THINK WE WILL 1612 00:54:57,472 --> 00:55:01,310 KNOW WHO THE PRESIDENT IS? 1613 00:55:01,410 --> 00:55:01,810 > > THURSDAY. 1614 00:55:01,910 --> 00:55:02,878 > > THERE IT IS. 1615 00:55:02,978 --> 00:55:03,879 IT'S THURSDAY, EVERYBODY. 1616 00:55:03,979 --> 00:55:05,681 THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS PHONE 1617 00:55:05,781 --> 00:55:06,815 CALL WILLING TO TAKE A STAND. 1618 00:55:06,915 --> 00:55:08,818 > > I WILL SAY TO YOUR POINT THAT 1619 00:55:08,918 --> 00:55:11,454 IT LOOKS INCREASINGLY LIKE 1620 00:55:11,554 --> 00:55:12,989 REPUBLICANS MAY HOLD THE SENATE. 1621 00:55:13,089 --> 00:55:13,423 > > ALL RIGHT. 1622 00:55:13,523 --> 00:55:15,024 THERE IT IS. 1623 00:55:15,126 --> 00:55:19,330 WELL, ALEX WAGNER, JOHN AND 1624 00:55:19,430 --> 00:55:20,698 MARK, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 1625 00:55:20,798 --> 00:55:23,268 AN HONOR TO SHARE THE SHOWTIME 1626 00:55:23,368 --> 00:55:24,002 WITH YOU AGAIN. 1627 00:55:24,102 --> 00:55:25,337 STAY SAFE. 1628 00:55:25,437 --> 00:55:26,071 STAY STERILE. 1629 00:55:26,171 --> 00:55:28,440 > > AS SOON AS NIGERIA COMES IN, 1630 00:55:28,540 --> 00:55:29,975 WE'LL HAVE A FINAL COUNT. 1631 00:55:30,075 --> 00:55:32,478 > > THAT WAS A GREAT PARADE 1632 00:55:32,578 --> 00:55:33,112 MONDAY. 1633 00:55:33,212 --> 00:55:39,453 THAT WAS A GREAT RALLY. 1634 00:55:39,553 --> 00:55:40,187 BYE, GUYS! 1635 00:55:40,287 --> 00:55:41,622 LET'S PUT UP THE ELECTORAL MAP 1636 00:55:41,722 --> 00:55:42,790 AND BREAK THIS DOWN. 1637 00:55:42,890 --> 00:55:44,958 SO THIS IS THE ELECTORAL MAP. 1638 00:55:45,058 --> 00:55:48,062 CAN WE GET A SHOT OF THIS? 1639 00:55:48,163 --> 00:55:50,198 CAN WE ROBO OVER? 1640 00:55:50,298 --> 00:55:54,003 THIS IS THE ELECTORAL MAP RIGHT 1641 00:55:54,103 --> 00:55:54,737 NOW. 1642 00:55:54,837 --> 00:55:56,972 AT FIRST FLUSH IT LOOKS A LOT 1643 00:55:57,072 --> 00:55:59,575 LIKE A MAP BECAUSE TECHNICALLY 1644 00:55:59,675 --> 00:56:01,545 THAT'S WHAT IT IS. 1645 00:56:01,645 --> 00:56:05,615 THEY MOVED IT TO ARIZONA. 1646 00:56:05,715 --> 00:56:06,349 I WAS AGAINST IT. 1647 00:56:06,449 --> 00:56:07,751 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT NEBRASKA. 1648 00:56:07,851 --> 00:56:09,353 SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH 1649 00:56:09,453 --> 00:56:12,423 NEBRASKA SECOND. 1650 00:56:12,523 --> 00:56:17,529 LET ME JUST -- THAT'S BROKEN. 1651 00:56:17,629 --> 00:56:19,231 THAT'S BROKEN. 1652 00:56:19,331 --> 00:56:21,567 LET'S MOVE ON. 1653 00:56:21,667 --> 00:56:22,401 ANYWAY, THAT'S A MAP. 1654 00:56:22,501 --> 00:56:24,137 THAT'S WHAT MAPS LOOK LIKE, IN 1655 00:56:24,237 --> 00:56:25,605 CASE YOU ARE WONDERING. 1656 00:56:25,705 --> 00:56:27,207 LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. 1657 00:56:27,307 --> 00:56:29,576 ARE WE READY TO GO? 1658 00:56:29,676 --> 00:56:31,578 I WANT TO WARN OUR AFFILIATES 1659 00:56:31,679 --> 00:56:33,814 WE'RE GOING TO GO LONG. 1660 00:56:33,914 --> 00:56:34,849 LET'S FIND OUT. 1661 00:56:34,949 --> 00:56:39,588 HOW ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE, 1662 00:56:39,688 --> 00:56:41,323 HONEY? 1663 00:56:41,423 --> 00:56:43,525 YOU DON'T HAVE AN EAR PIECE. 1664 00:56:43,625 --> 00:56:47,563 YOU DIDN'T HEAR WHAT THE GUYS ON 1665 00:56:47,663 --> 00:56:52,802 "THE CIRCUS" HAD TO STAY. 1666 00:56:52,902 --> 00:56:54,036 HELLO, YOU THREE BEAUTIFUL 1667 00:56:54,136 --> 00:56:55,305 PEOPLE. 1668 00:56:55,405 --> 00:56:57,007 HOW ARE YOU? 1669 00:56:57,107 --> 00:57:03,581 > > ASK ME THAT IN THE MORNING. 1670 00:57:03,681 --> 00:57:05,750 > > YOU GUYS, I'M VERY HAPPY THAT 1671 00:57:05,850 --> 00:57:08,453 YOU ARE HERE, BUT I HAVE TO TALK 1672 00:57:08,553 --> 00:57:09,721 WITH THESE GUYS FOR A SECOND 1673 00:57:09,821 --> 00:57:11,023 BECAUSE THEY WERE HERE FOUR 1674 00:57:11,123 --> 00:57:11,757 YEARS AGO. 1675 00:57:11,857 --> 00:57:13,592 HOW DOES THIS FEEL COMPARED TO 1676 00:57:13,692 --> 00:57:14,593 FOUR YEARS AGO? 1677 00:57:14,693 --> 00:57:17,998 HOW WOULD YOU STACK IT UP? 1678 00:57:18,098 --> 00:57:20,433 > > I HAVE AGED MANY DECADES IN 1679 00:57:20,533 --> 00:57:21,968 THE PAST FOUR YEARS, SO I'M 1680 00:57:22,068 --> 00:57:24,204 TRYING TO BE OPTIMISTIC. 1681 00:57:24,304 --> 00:57:25,806 TONIGHT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE IT IS 1682 00:57:25,907 --> 00:57:30,378 A BIG NIGHT FOR WOMAN WHO HAVE 1683 00:57:30,478 --> 00:57:31,178 ENTERED POLITICS. 1684 00:57:31,279 --> 00:57:33,548 IT'S ALSO THE ONLY NIGHT WE GET 1685 00:57:33,649 --> 00:57:36,618 TO SEE TRUMP CARE ABOUT MORE 1686 00:57:36,718 --> 00:57:37,686 THAN ONE RACE. 1687 00:57:37,786 --> 00:57:41,257 LOTS OF POSITIVES TONIGHT. 1688 00:57:41,357 --> 00:57:45,395 > > DOES EVERYBODY HAVE A 1689 00:57:45,495 --> 00:57:46,062 COCKTAIL? 1690 00:57:46,162 --> 00:57:48,933 DOES EVERYBODY HAVE A LITTLE 1691 00:57:49,033 --> 00:57:50,167 SOMETHING TO DRINK TONIGHT? 1692 00:57:50,267 --> 00:57:59,844 > > I'VE GOTTA TEQUILA BECAUSE 1693 00:57:59,945 --> 00:58:01,379 AFTER THIS ELECTION I'M GOING TO 1694 00:58:01,479 --> 00:58:03,916 LOSE A LOT OF AMIGOS. 1695 00:58:04,016 --> 00:58:06,585 > > I'VE GOT A MOSCOW MULE AND 1696 00:58:06,686 --> 00:58:08,321 DOUBLE FISTING. 1697 00:58:08,421 --> 00:58:13,026 I'VE GOT A WEIRD SCREWDRIVER. 1698 00:58:13,126 --> 00:58:18,532 JUST THE COLOR OF TRUMP'S FACE 1699 00:58:18,632 --> 00:58:20,134 MIXED WITH VODKA. 1700 00:58:20,234 --> 00:58:24,272 > > CAN YOU MAKE ME A VIRGIN JUST 1701 00:58:24,372 --> 00:58:24,772 NEAT. 1702 00:58:24,872 --> 00:58:26,040 DON'T DROWN IT. 1703 00:58:26,140 --> 00:58:27,876 ON ELECTION NIGHT IN 2016, YOU 1704 00:58:27,977 --> 00:58:29,945 SAID IF DONALD TRUMP BECOMES 1705 00:58:30,045 --> 00:58:31,580 PRESIDENT, THERE WILL BE A LOT 1706 00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:35,051 MORE RACISM, SEXISM, CLASSISM. 1707 00:58:35,151 --> 00:58:38,188 HOW DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE 1708 00:58:38,288 --> 00:58:38,755 RIGHT? 1709 00:58:38,989 --> 00:58:41,892 > > I'M NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW. 1710 00:58:41,993 --> 00:58:43,294 I FIND IT FASCINATING THAT 1711 00:58:43,394 --> 00:58:45,997 DONALD TRUMP WAS LITERALLY AS 1712 00:58:46,097 --> 00:58:48,265 BAD AS EVERYBODY SAID HE WOULD 1713 00:58:48,366 --> 00:58:48,733 BE. 1714 00:58:49,133 --> 00:58:50,035 THERE IS ONE OTHER PERSON THAT 1715 00:58:50,135 --> 00:58:52,904 EXCEEDED OTHER EXPECTATIONS 1716 00:58:53,005 --> 00:58:54,172 PEOPLE HAD OF HIM. 1717 00:58:54,272 --> 00:58:57,877 AND THAT WAS LeBRON JAMES. 1718 00:58:57,977 --> 00:59:00,613 WE ARE ALL WITNESSES. 1719 00:59:00,713 --> 00:59:02,048 YET, THIS ELECTION IS STILL 1720 00:59:02,148 --> 00:59:02,782 CLOSE TONIGHT. 1721 00:59:02,882 --> 00:59:06,653 WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? 1722 00:59:06,754 --> 00:59:07,588 > > I DON'T KNOW. 1723 00:59:07,688 --> 00:59:08,355 I DON'T KNOW. 1724 00:59:08,455 --> 00:59:10,157 YOU MIGHT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. 1725 00:59:10,257 --> 00:59:12,560 I UNDERSTAND YOU WERE A POLL 1726 00:59:12,660 --> 00:59:13,428 WATCHER TODAY. 1727 00:59:13,528 --> 00:59:14,529 GOOD FOR YOU. 1728 00:59:14,629 --> 00:59:16,398 THAT'S A LOVELY THING TO HAVE 1729 00:59:16,498 --> 00:59:16,965 DONE. 1730 00:59:17,265 --> 00:59:18,099 > > I CAME FROM CALIFORNIA TO 1731 00:59:18,199 --> 00:59:20,770 NEVADA TO BE A POLL WATCHER WITH 1732 00:59:20,870 --> 00:59:22,505 THE NEVADA DEMOCRATIC PARTY. 1733 00:59:22,605 --> 00:59:24,440 AND IN THE TRAINING THEY SAID BE 1734 00:59:24,540 --> 00:59:25,975 ON THE LOOKOUT FOR ANY 1735 00:59:26,075 --> 00:59:26,642 REPUBLICANS WHO MIGHT SHOW UP 1736 00:59:26,742 --> 00:59:28,145 WITH GUNS. 1737 00:59:28,245 --> 00:59:31,248 I WAS LIKE, WHAT DO WE GET, 1738 00:59:31,348 --> 00:59:31,715 WHISTLES? 1739 00:59:31,815 --> 00:59:32,582 I GOT NOTHING. 1740 00:59:32,682 --> 00:59:35,118 MY JOB, STEPHEN, IT WAS ACTUALLY 1741 00:59:35,218 --> 00:59:36,087 ONE OF THE MOST BORING JOBS IN 1742 00:59:36,187 --> 00:59:36,854 THE WORLD. 1743 00:59:36,954 --> 00:59:39,257 MY JOB WAS TO TIME THE GUY FROM 1744 00:59:39,357 --> 00:59:40,358 THE END OF THE LINE TO THE FRONT 1745 00:59:40,458 --> 00:59:42,226 OF THE LINE, WHICH WOULD TAKE 1746 00:59:42,326 --> 00:59:43,094 ABOUT TWO HOURS. 1747 00:59:43,195 --> 00:59:44,763 I FELT LIKE A COACH FOR A TRACK 1748 00:59:44,863 --> 00:59:46,899 TEAM THAT WAS JUST REALLY SLOW, 1749 00:59:46,999 --> 00:59:50,502 AND AT THE END OF THE TRACK RACE 1750 00:59:50,602 --> 00:59:51,104 ALL THEY GET IS A STICKER AND 1751 00:59:51,204 --> 00:59:52,338 MAYBE A NEW PRESIDENT. 1752 00:59:52,439 --> 00:59:53,306 I DON'T KNOW. 1753 00:59:53,406 --> 00:59:54,974 > > MAYBE. 1754 00:59:55,075 --> 00:59:56,476 MAYBE. 1755 00:59:56,576 --> 00:59:59,046 JENNA, FOUR YEARS AGO, YOU 1756 00:59:59,146 --> 01:00:01,849 EXPRESSED IN A VERY PITHY WAY 1757 01:00:01,949 --> 01:00:03,217 THAT I WON'T NECESSARILY REPEAT 1758 01:00:03,317 --> 01:00:04,785 THAT YOU WERE WORRIED AFTER IT 1759 01:00:04,885 --> 01:00:06,154 TURNED OUT THAT DONALD TRUMP WAS 1760 01:00:06,254 --> 01:00:07,089 GOING TO BE PRESIDENT ABOUT THE 1761 01:00:07,189 --> 01:00:10,992 STATE OF WOMEN'S REPRODUCTIVE 1762 01:00:11,093 --> 01:00:11,860 RIGHTS, SHALL WE SAY. 1763 01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:15,231 AND FOUR YEARS LATER, HOW -- HOW 1764 01:00:15,331 --> 01:00:16,466 DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE STATE OF 1765 01:00:16,566 --> 01:00:20,036 THOSE RIGHTS FOR WOMEN? 1766 01:00:20,136 --> 01:00:22,739 > > I FEEL MOST SCARED FOR OUR 1767 01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:25,342 DAUGHTERS, THE ONES WE'RE GOING 1768 01:00:25,442 --> 01:00:31,182 TO BE FORCED TO HAVE. 1769 01:00:31,282 --> 01:00:34,252 I'M TRYING NOT TO BE AS CRASS AS 1770 01:00:34,352 --> 01:00:35,620 I WAS LAST TIME. 1771 01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:36,454 > > YOU WERE CRASS. 1772 01:00:36,554 --> 01:00:37,389 YOU WERE HONEST. 1773 01:00:37,490 --> 01:00:39,792 IT IS ONE OF THE FEW LINES I 1774 01:00:39,892 --> 01:00:40,559 REMEMBER. 1775 01:00:40,659 --> 01:00:42,728 > > IT'S COOL THAT AMY CONEY 1776 01:00:42,828 --> 01:00:46,399 BARRETT IS SO PRO LIFE. 1777 01:00:46,500 --> 01:00:48,201 LIFE NEEDS HEALTH CARE. 1778 01:00:48,301 --> 01:00:50,470 THAT'S ENCOURAGING. 1779 01:00:50,570 --> 01:00:51,438 NO, IT'S NOT. 1780 01:00:51,538 --> 01:00:53,708 I MEAN, IT'S SAD. 1781 01:00:53,808 --> 01:00:56,978 BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS CAN GET 1782 01:00:57,078 --> 01:01:00,716 PLAN B ONLINE AND PLAN C YOU 1783 01:01:00,816 --> 01:01:03,252 SHOULD ALL GET THAT. 1784 01:01:03,352 --> 01:01:04,953 IT IS CALLED MOVING TO CANADA. 1785 01:01:05,053 --> 01:01:07,055 CHECK THAT OUT. 1786 01:01:07,156 --> 01:01:08,525 > > OKAY. 1787 01:01:08,625 --> 01:01:09,325 > > DONALD TRUMP MADE A BIG PUSH 1788 01:01:09,425 --> 01:01:12,495 FOR BLACK MEN THIS TIME AROUND. 1789 01:01:12,595 --> 01:01:15,099 HOW DO YOU THINK THAT OUTREACH 1790 01:01:15,199 --> 01:01:15,766 WENT? 1791 01:01:15,866 --> 01:01:16,700 > > YOU KNOW, I'M SURE HE 1792 01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:17,368 CAPTURED A FEW. 1793 01:01:17,468 --> 01:01:21,105 BUT BLACK MEN ARE THE SECOND 1794 01:01:21,205 --> 01:01:21,906 LARGEST VOTING BLOCK OF 1795 01:01:22,006 --> 01:01:23,642 DEMOCRATS, SO I DOUBT HE 1796 01:01:23,742 --> 01:01:26,344 CAPTURED ENOUGH TO MAKE A 1797 01:01:26,444 --> 01:01:27,078 DIFFERENCE. 1798 01:01:27,179 --> 01:01:30,616 THEY HAD ADS DIRECT ED TOWARDS 1799 01:01:30,716 --> 01:01:35,188 BLACK MEN. 1800 01:01:35,288 --> 01:01:35,955 IT WAS POWERFUL. 1801 01:01:36,055 --> 01:01:36,956 > > WHAT WAS POWERFUL ABOUT IT? 1802 01:01:37,056 --> 01:01:39,226 > > THE ONES HIGHLIGHTING JOE 1803 01:01:39,326 --> 01:01:40,460 BIDEN'S RECORD. 1804 01:01:40,561 --> 01:01:43,397 HE IS ONE OF THE ARCHITECTS OF 1805 01:01:43,497 --> 01:01:45,299 THE WAR ON DRUGS AND 1806 01:01:45,399 --> 01:01:47,702 INCARCERATION IN THIS COUNTRY. 1807 01:01:47,802 --> 01:01:48,436 YOU CAN'T LOOK PASTED THAT. 1808 01:01:48,536 --> 01:01:50,438 IF YOU ARE A BLACK MAN AND YOU 1809 01:01:50,538 --> 01:01:53,409 ARE MADE AWAY OF THESE THINGS 1810 01:01:53,509 --> 01:01:54,877 BIDEN HAS DONE AND TRUMP IS 1811 01:01:54,977 --> 01:01:57,012 CALLING HIM OUT ON THAT AND 1812 01:01:57,112 --> 01:02:00,416 SAYING HE WILL DO THE OPPOSITE 1813 01:02:00,516 --> 01:02:01,218 OF THAT. 1814 01:02:01,318 --> 01:02:02,586 I CAN HANDLE THAT. 1815 01:02:02,686 --> 01:02:04,788 BUT THE FASCISM THAT TRUMP 1816 01:02:04,888 --> 01:02:06,623 BRINGS, I CAN'T HANDLE. 1817 01:02:06,723 --> 01:02:08,960 EVEN THOUGH BIDEN RUINED BLACK 1818 01:02:09,060 --> 01:02:10,461 COMMUNITIES IN THE PAST, TRUMP 1819 01:02:10,561 --> 01:02:12,496 WHAT HE'S IMPLEMENTING NOW WOULD 1820 01:02:12,597 --> 01:02:14,665 ROW WIN US MORE IN THE FUTURE, I 1821 01:02:14,765 --> 01:02:15,333 BELIEVE. 1822 01:02:15,433 --> 01:02:19,104 > > IT'S SORT OF A RELATED 1823 01:02:19,204 --> 01:02:19,805 QUESTION. 1824 01:02:20,005 --> 01:02:21,306 MAZ, MANY IRANIAN IMMIGRANTS TO 1825 01:02:21,406 --> 01:02:24,244 THE UNITED STATES HAVE SUPPORTED 1826 01:02:24,344 --> 01:02:25,545 THE PRESIDENT. 1827 01:02:25,645 --> 01:02:31,618 YOU'RE IRANIAN DESCENT. 1828 01:02:31,719 --> 01:02:34,922 WHY DO YOU THINK IN LIGHT OF THE 1829 01:02:35,022 --> 01:02:35,990 MUSLIM BAN WHICH HE IMPLEMENTED 1830 01:02:36,090 --> 01:02:38,158 AFTER THE COURTS SAID HE 1831 01:02:38,259 --> 01:02:39,628 COULDN'T, WHAT IS THE REASONING 1832 01:02:39,728 --> 01:02:41,329 BEHIND THAT SUPPORT, DO YOU 1833 01:02:41,429 --> 01:02:41,997 THINK? 1834 01:02:42,097 --> 01:02:44,633 > > I THINK A LOT OF IRANIAN 1835 01:02:44,733 --> 01:02:46,968 IMMIGRANTS THINK HE WILL GET RID 1836 01:02:47,069 --> 01:02:50,039 OF THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT. 1837 01:02:50,139 --> 01:02:51,607 BUT THERE IS NO PLAN THERE. 1838 01:02:51,707 --> 01:02:53,075 AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS 1839 01:02:53,175 --> 01:02:55,445 PLAYING SOCCER ONE TIME AND THIS 1840 01:02:55,545 --> 01:02:56,947 PERSON GOES, I'M A BIG FAN, BUT 1841 01:02:57,047 --> 01:02:59,616 PLEASE STOP MAKING FUN OF TRUMP. 1842 01:02:59,716 --> 01:03:00,350 I SAID WHY? 1843 01:03:00,450 --> 01:03:03,655 HE SAID HE'S GOING TO GET RID OF 1844 01:03:03,755 --> 01:03:05,823 THE MUSLIMS. 1845 01:03:05,923 --> 01:03:08,359 I WAS LIKE WHY? 1846 01:03:08,459 --> 01:03:11,363 HE'S LIKE, HE'S FUCKING CRAZY. 1847 01:03:11,463 --> 01:03:14,633 WE'RE AT A POINT WHERE A LOT OF 1848 01:03:14,733 --> 01:03:16,302 THESE GUYS HAVE DONE THAT. 1849 01:03:16,402 --> 01:03:19,639 A LOT OF THESE GUYS HAVE GONE 1850 01:03:19,739 --> 01:03:24,044 DOWN THE QANON RABBIT HOLE. 1851 01:03:24,144 --> 01:03:26,814 I HAVE BECOME A POLITICAL 1852 01:03:26,914 --> 01:03:29,750 SCIENCE TEACHER FOR AN ONLINE 1853 01:03:29,850 --> 01:03:30,451 COLLEGE. 1854 01:03:30,551 --> 01:03:34,323 AD THEY COME TO ME WITH ALL 1855 01:03:34,423 --> 01:03:34,990 THEIR WHACKY IDEAS. 1856 01:03:35,090 --> 01:03:39,628 THEY CAME AT ME WHEN HBO MAX 1857 01:03:39,728 --> 01:03:41,731 TOOK OFF THE "GONE WITH THE 1858 01:03:41,831 --> 01:03:42,332 WIND." 1859 01:03:42,565 --> 01:03:52,543 I GO, WHEN DID YOU BECOME A 1860 01:03:53,177 --> 01:03:53,644 CINCI 1861 01:03:53,744 --> 01:03:54,311 CINEPHILE? 1862 01:03:54,411 --> 01:03:54,712 THEY THINK CANCEL CULTURE. 1863 01:03:54,812 --> 01:03:57,649 > > I SEE. 1864 01:03:57,749 --> 01:04:00,285 > > THEY WERE LIKE WHAT ABOUT 1865 01:04:00,385 --> 01:04:01,486 CANCEL CULTURE? 1866 01:04:01,586 --> 01:04:02,854 WHAT ABOUT JOE BIDEN. 1867 01:04:02,954 --> 01:04:04,857 EDUCATE YOURSELF. 1868 01:04:04,957 --> 01:04:06,892 LIKE YOU SAID, THE TRAVEL BAN, 1869 01:04:06,992 --> 01:04:09,895 THE SANCTIONS THE PEOPLE OF IRAN 1870 01:04:09,995 --> 01:04:10,596 ARE SUFFERING UNDER. 1871 01:04:10,696 --> 01:04:11,097 SO I DON'T KNOW. 1872 01:04:11,197 --> 01:04:12,833 I'M TELLING YOU. 1873 01:04:12,933 --> 01:04:15,902 I JUST CONTINUE TO DRINK. 1874 01:04:16,002 --> 01:04:18,305 > > IT'S SO DARK THAT -- 1875 01:04:18,405 --> 01:04:19,340 > > PLEASE. 1876 01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:23,244 > > IT'S SO CRAZY THAT YOU HAVE 1877 01:04:23,344 --> 01:04:29,184 TO DRESS YOUR DOG AS AN ICONIC 1878 01:04:29,284 --> 01:04:30,686 SUPREME COURT JUSTICE. 1879 01:04:30,786 --> 01:04:32,287 I DON'T KNOW, YOU GUYS. 1880 01:04:32,388 --> 01:04:37,327 I'M JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE 1881 01:04:37,427 --> 01:04:39,062 MOOD. 1882 01:04:39,162 --> 01:04:40,430 > > OH. 1883 01:04:40,530 --> 01:04:41,564 LOOK AT RBG. 1884 01:04:41,664 --> 01:04:42,867 SHE'S ADORABLE. 1885 01:04:42,967 --> 01:04:47,037 > > JENNA, FOUR YEARS AGO, I 1886 01:04:47,138 --> 01:04:47,972 ASKED YOU WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO 1887 01:04:48,072 --> 01:04:49,741 DO NOW THAT TRUMP IS PRESIDENT. 1888 01:04:49,841 --> 01:04:51,977 AND YOU SAID I'M GOING TO 1889 01:04:52,077 --> 01:04:52,744 PORTUGAL. 1890 01:04:52,844 --> 01:04:54,579 > > I HAD A GIG IN PORTUGAL. 1891 01:04:54,679 --> 01:04:56,181 I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE THIS 1892 01:04:56,281 --> 01:04:56,715 TIME. 1893 01:04:56,815 --> 01:04:57,383 > > WAIT A SECOND. 1894 01:04:57,483 --> 01:04:59,519 YOU HAD A GIG IN PORTUGAL? 1895 01:04:59,619 --> 01:05:03,489 YOU WERE PLAYING A COMEDY CLUB 1896 01:05:03,589 --> 01:05:03,856 THERE? 1897 01:05:03,956 --> 01:05:04,524 > > NO. 1898 01:05:04,757 --> 01:05:06,527 IT WAS LIKE A TECH EVENT, AND I 1899 01:05:06,627 --> 01:05:10,497 WAS PERFORMING AT IT FOR, YOU 1900 01:05:10,597 --> 01:05:11,365 KNOW, TECH KIDS. 1901 01:05:11,465 --> 01:05:12,834 > > SO ARE YOU GOING TO GO 1902 01:05:12,934 --> 01:05:13,568 ANYWHERE TOMORROW? 1903 01:05:13,668 --> 01:05:15,203 DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS TO GO BACK 1904 01:05:15,303 --> 01:05:16,404 TO PORTUGAL? 1905 01:05:16,504 --> 01:05:18,006 > > I AM STAYING PUT. 1906 01:05:18,106 --> 01:05:20,342 AND WHEN I DO LEAVE THE HOUSE, I 1907 01:05:20,443 --> 01:05:21,744 WEAR A MASK. 1908 01:05:21,844 --> 01:05:24,713 I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S LIKE 1909 01:05:24,814 --> 01:05:25,181 CONTROVERSIAL. 1910 01:05:25,281 --> 01:05:25,748 > > I'M SORRY. 1911 01:05:25,848 --> 01:05:26,682 I FORGET. 1912 01:05:26,782 --> 01:05:30,320 WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GO ANYWHERE 1913 01:05:30,420 --> 01:05:30,987 ANYMORE. 1914 01:05:31,188 --> 01:05:33,356 > > AS THE NIGHT WINDS DOWN, ANY 1915 01:05:33,457 --> 01:05:34,024 FINAL THOUGHTS? 1916 01:05:34,124 --> 01:05:35,660 ANYTHING TO LEAVE US WITH? 1917 01:05:35,760 --> 01:05:37,595 > > I GUESS MY FINAL THOUGHT IS, 1918 01:05:37,695 --> 01:05:38,629 YOU KNOW, SIMPLE. 1919 01:05:38,729 --> 01:05:40,298 YOU KNOW, THIS ADMINISTRATION, 1920 01:05:40,398 --> 01:05:41,966 THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION HAS 1921 01:05:42,066 --> 01:05:43,067 SHOWED US WHO THEY ARE. 1922 01:05:43,167 --> 01:05:44,736 THE QUESTION IS WILL AMERICA 1923 01:05:44,837 --> 01:05:46,772 CONTINUE TO LET THEM BE AND WILL 1924 01:05:46,872 --> 01:05:48,006 AMERICA CONTINUE TO LET ANY OF 1925 01:05:48,106 --> 01:05:48,740 THIS BE? 1926 01:05:48,841 --> 01:05:49,842 LIKE WE HAVE TO BE THE CHANGE 1927 01:05:49,942 --> 01:05:51,644 THAT WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD 1928 01:05:51,744 --> 01:05:54,113 AND REGARDLESS OF WHO WINS 1929 01:05:54,214 --> 01:05:56,349 TONIGHT, I HAVE WORK TO DO. 1930 01:05:56,449 --> 01:05:57,951 I WILL KEEP JOB CREATING AND 1931 01:05:58,051 --> 01:06:01,188 DEALING WITH POLITICS ON A LOCAL 1932 01:06:01,288 --> 01:06:01,889 LEVEL. 1933 01:06:01,989 --> 01:06:03,724 IF BIDEN/HARRIS WIN, I'M ON 1934 01:06:03,824 --> 01:06:05,626 THEIR ASS IMMEDIATELY. 1935 01:06:05,726 --> 01:06:07,662 ALL THESE PROMISES MADE DURING 1936 01:06:07,762 --> 01:06:09,331 THIS CAMPAIGN, ALL THE CRIME 1937 01:06:09,431 --> 01:06:11,566 BILLS BIDEN IMPLEMENTED, HE HAS 1938 01:06:11,666 --> 01:06:13,735 TO ATONE FOR THAT. 1939 01:06:13,836 --> 01:06:18,140 IF WE GET THEM TO THE WHITE 1940 01:06:18,241 --> 01:06:18,808 HOUSE, WE HAVE CLEAR DEMANDS TO 1941 01:06:18,908 --> 01:06:21,410 BE MET AND I WILL BE HOLDING 1942 01:06:21,512 --> 01:06:22,446 DEMOCRATS ACCOUNTABLE TO MAKE 1943 01:06:22,546 --> 01:06:24,081 SURE THEY MAKE THOSE PROMISES. 1944 01:06:24,181 --> 01:06:26,850 > > THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING 1945 01:06:26,950 --> 01:06:27,317 HERE. 1946 01:06:27,417 --> 01:06:28,185 > > THANK YOU. 1947 01:06:28,285 --> 01:06:32,824 > > AND STAY SAFE. 1948 01:06:32,924 --> 01:06:33,324 BYE, POTATO. 1949 01:06:33,424 --> 01:06:34,092 > > ALL RIGHT. 1950 01:06:34,192 --> 01:06:35,393 HOPEFULLY WE'RE HAPPY TOMORROW. 1951 01:06:35,493 --> 01:06:36,361 > > I HOPE SO. 1952 01:06:36,461 --> 01:06:39,632 THOUGH, IT MAY NOT BE FOR A FEW 1953 01:06:39,732 --> 01:06:40,165 DAYS. 1954 01:06:40,533 --> 01:06:44,103 ARE WE GOING ON TO OUR FRIENDS? 1955 01:06:44,203 --> 01:06:47,307 > > YEAH. 1956 01:06:47,407 --> 01:06:49,776 > > TWO OTHER NETWORKS, ONE OF 1957 01:06:49,876 --> 01:06:52,880 WHICH IS NOT CBS. 1958 01:06:52,980 --> 01:06:54,115 AND JUST BY THE INDICATION OF 1959 01:06:54,215 --> 01:06:56,617 YOUR FACE, TELL ME HOW IT'S BEEN 1960 01:06:56,717 --> 01:06:59,654 CALLED. 1961 01:06:59,754 --> 01:07:01,223 OH, BOY. 1962 01:07:01,323 --> 01:07:01,757 SURE. 1963 01:07:01,957 --> 01:07:04,192 GIVE ME THE OHIO CARD. 1964 01:07:04,293 --> 01:07:04,693 WHY NOT. 1965 01:07:04,793 --> 01:07:05,794 WE HAVE A CALL. 1966 01:07:05,894 --> 01:07:10,433 WE HAVE A CALL COMING IN. 1967 01:07:10,533 --> 01:07:14,637 THANK YOU, SQUIRE. 1968 01:07:14,737 --> 01:07:15,306 OKAY. 1969 01:07:15,506 --> 01:07:20,277 THIS IS THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE. 1970 01:07:20,377 --> 01:07:21,712 IT'S IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE, 1971 01:07:21,812 --> 01:07:22,346 OKAY. 1972 01:07:22,446 --> 01:07:25,684 SO SEE THE MAP UP THERE? 1973 01:07:25,784 --> 01:07:27,619 THAT'S CBS' MAP, AND IT DOESN'T 1974 01:07:27,719 --> 01:07:29,588 HAVE THIS, WHAT I'M ABOUT TO 1975 01:07:29,688 --> 01:07:29,888 SAY. 1976 01:07:29,988 --> 01:07:30,623 OKAY. 1977 01:07:30,723 --> 01:07:33,292 I MIGHT GET A SHARPIE OUT AND 1978 01:07:33,392 --> 01:07:35,795 JUST COLOR IT IN. 1979 01:07:35,895 --> 01:07:39,800 NOT-CBS IS READY TO CALL OHIO, 1980 01:07:39,900 --> 01:07:41,602 HAS JUST BEEN CALLED FOR DONALD 1981 01:07:41,702 --> 01:07:42,336 TRUMP. 1982 01:07:42,436 --> 01:07:43,637 IT'S GONE FROM THE BUCKEYE STATE 1983 01:07:43,737 --> 01:07:47,475 TO THE FUCK WHY STATE. 1984 01:07:47,575 --> 01:07:49,277 WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? 1985 01:07:49,377 --> 01:07:50,845 IT'S THE SAME SOLID JUDGMENT 1986 01:07:50,945 --> 01:07:53,014 THAT TOOK A PERFECTLY GOOD BOWL 1987 01:07:53,114 --> 01:07:56,885 OF CHILI AND SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT 1988 01:07:56,986 --> 01:07:58,854 THIS NEEDS? 1989 01:07:58,954 --> 01:07:59,588 SPAGHETTI. 1990 01:07:59,688 --> 01:08:03,126 WHAT'S ROUND AT BOTH ENDS AND 1991 01:08:03,226 --> 01:08:04,561 FUCKED IN THE HEAD? 1992 01:08:04,661 --> 01:08:04,961 OHIO. 1993 01:08:05,061 --> 01:08:05,428 ALL RIGHT. 1994 01:08:05,528 --> 01:08:07,263 THERE YOU GO. 1995 01:08:07,364 --> 01:08:08,565 YOU KNOW WHAT? 1996 01:08:08,665 --> 01:08:10,334 I WOULD LOVE SOME MUSIC. 1997 01:08:10,434 --> 01:08:11,702 SOME MUSIC WOULD BE LOVELY. 1998 01:08:11,802 --> 01:08:13,804 LET'S -- HI! 1999 01:08:13,904 --> 01:08:14,739 HOW ARE YOU? 2000 01:08:14,839 --> 01:08:16,808 KEEP IT LIGHT. 2001 01:08:16,908 --> 01:08:18,043 LATE SHOW. 2002 01:08:18,143 --> 01:08:18,577 OKAY. 2003 01:08:18,844 --> 01:08:21,446 AM I STANDING UP FOR THIS? 2004 01:08:21,546 --> 01:08:23,248 OR AM I GOING IT HERE? 2005 01:08:23,348 --> 01:08:25,318 ARE WE STILL ON THE AIR? 2006 01:08:25,418 --> 01:08:26,319 WE'RE PASSED MIDNIGHT. 2007 01:08:26,419 --> 01:08:27,720 WHAT DID WE PUSH? 2008 01:08:27,820 --> 01:08:29,222 WHAT DO WE PUSH? 2009 01:08:29,322 --> 01:08:32,526 A RERUN OF HOMELAND OR 2010 01:08:32,626 --> 01:08:33,260 SOMETHING? 2011 01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:34,428 WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON NOW 2012 01:08:34,528 --> 01:08:36,330 THAT IS NOT ON BECAUSE I'M DOING 2013 01:08:36,430 --> 01:08:36,864 THIS? 2014 01:08:36,964 --> 01:08:41,569 I WANT AN ANSWER. 2015 01:08:41,670 --> 01:08:43,738 > > OUR CARTOON PRESIDENT. 2016 01:08:43,838 --> 01:08:48,411 AND NOW -- HEY, THEY MIGHT GET 2017 01:08:48,511 --> 01:08:49,612 ANOTHER SEASON. 2018 01:08:49,712 --> 01:08:52,515 AND NOW, DEBUTING THEIR NEW 2019 01:08:52,615 --> 01:08:56,887 SONG, GENERATION A, INSPIRED BY 2020 01:08:56,987 --> 01:08:57,888 THE CURRENT CLIMATE OF THE 2021 01:08:57,988 --> 01:08:59,723 COUNTRY WITH A HOPEFUL MESSAGE 2022 01:08:59,823 --> 01:09:05,897 TO THE YOUTHS, ARCADE FIRE. 2023 01:09:08,599 --> 01:09:10,169 > > THIS IS GENERATION X, AND 2024 01:09:10,269 --> 01:09:20,680 WE'RE NOT GOING TO WAIT! 2025 01:09:32,693 --> 01:09:34,996 THEY SAY WAIT A LITTLE LONGER 2026 01:09:35,097 --> 01:09:39,234 AND THE TIMES ARE GONNA 2027 01:09:39,334 --> 01:09:39,835 CHANGE 2028 01:09:40,135 --> 01:09:44,173 THEY SAY WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW 2029 01:09:44,273 --> 01:09:47,210 YESTERDAY IS ALWAYS STRANGE 2030 01:09:47,310 --> 01:09:50,614 THEY SAY WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE 2031 01:09:50,714 --> 01:09:51,315 OLDER 2032 01:09:51,415 --> 01:09:55,652 AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 2033 01:09:55,753 --> 01:09:58,757 THEY SAID THE GENERATION IS 2034 01:09:58,857 --> 01:09:59,357 COMING 2035 01:09:59,557 --> 01:10:00,125 AND I DON'T THINK THEY 2036 01:10:00,225 --> 01:10:02,660 UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT A 2037 01:10:02,761 --> 01:10:04,530 PATIENT MAN NOTE 2038 01:10:04,630 --> 01:10:07,633 WAIT 2039 01:10:07,733 --> 01:10:08,667 I CAN'T WAIT 2040 01:10:08,768 --> 01:10:19,046 I CAN'T WAIT 2041 01:10:27,456 --> 01:10:31,260 THEY SAY WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE 2042 01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:31,960 READY 2043 01:10:32,060 --> 01:10:34,163 WAIT UNTIL YOUR NUMBER IS 2044 01:10:34,264 --> 01:10:35,832 CALLED 2045 01:10:35,932 --> 01:10:38,168 THEY SAY, WAIT, ALL WE NEED 2046 01:10:38,268 --> 01:10:39,602 IS LOVE 2047 01:10:39,702 --> 01:10:40,703 BUT CALIFORNIA IS BURNING 2048 01:10:40,804 --> 01:10:44,708 NEW ORLEANS IS WADING FOR THE 2049 01:10:44,809 --> 01:10:45,209 FLOOD 2050 01:10:45,309 --> 01:10:48,312 I CAN'T WAIT 2051 01:10:48,412 --> 01:10:54,219 I CAN'T WAIT 2052 01:10:54,319 --> 01:10:55,921 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2053 01:10:56,021 --> 01:10:59,325 YOU THINK THEY COULD TAKE US 2054 01:10:59,425 --> 01:11:00,626 CAN'T WAIT 2055 01:11:00,726 --> 01:11:04,630 I CAN'T WAIT 2056 01:11:04,730 --> 01:11:08,435 I CAN'T WAIT 2057 01:11:08,535 --> 01:11:12,272 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2058 01:11:12,372 --> 01:11:22,785 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2059 01:11:24,587 --> 01:11:30,660 THEY SAY THE SUMMER OF LOVE 2060 01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:39,670 NO THEY SAY THE SUMMER OF LO 2061 01:11:39,770 --> 01:11:47,646 CITIES BURNING 2062 01:11:48,247 --> 01:11:51,684 I CAN'T WAIT 2063 01:11:51,784 --> 01:11:56,456 I CAN'T WAIT 2064 01:11:56,556 --> 01:11:59,693 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2065 01:11:59,793 --> 01:12:03,297 DO YOU THINK THEY CAN TAKE US 2066 01:12:03,397 --> 01:12:07,669 I CAN'T WAIT 2067 01:12:07,769 --> 01:12:11,673 I CAN'T WAIT 2068 01:12:11,773 --> 01:12:16,612 IT'S TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2069 01:12:16,712 --> 01:12:19,181 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2070 01:12:19,282 --> 01:12:22,786 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2071 01:12:22,886 --> 01:12:26,757 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE 2072 01:12:26,857 --> 01:12:31,696 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE. 2073 01:12:31,796 --> 01:12:34,299 > > ARCADE FIRE, EVERYBODY. 2074 01:12:34,399 --> 01:12:35,700 WELL, FOLKS. 2075 01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:36,734 LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE REACHED THE 2076 01:12:36,835 --> 01:12:38,437 END OF THE SHOW, AND WE STILL 2077 01:12:38,537 --> 01:12:39,505 DON'T KNOW WHO WON. 2078 01:12:39,605 --> 01:12:41,440 WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS 2079 01:12:41,540 --> 01:12:42,741 FOR SO LONG. 2080 01:12:42,841 --> 01:12:44,644 IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS EVE AND NOT 2081 01:12:44,744 --> 01:12:50,250 JUST BECAUSE OF THE JUDGMENTAL 2082 01:12:50,350 --> 01:12:50,917 FAT GUY WITH THE RED HAT BUT 2083 01:12:51,017 --> 01:12:51,818 BECAUSE WE'RE ALL UP LATE 2084 01:12:51,918 --> 01:12:53,788 WONDERING IF WE'RE BEGINNING TO 2085 01:12:53,888 --> 01:12:55,356 GET THE PRESENT WE'VE BEEN 2086 01:12:55,456 --> 01:12:56,791 WAITING FOR, A BORING PRESIDENT. 2087 01:12:56,891 --> 01:12:59,260 LIKE YOU, I'M EXHAUSTED. 2088 01:12:59,360 --> 01:13:00,629 NOT JUST FROM TONIGHT. 2089 01:13:00,729 --> 01:13:01,697 ALTHOUGH, YEAH. 2090 01:13:01,797 --> 01:13:03,665 BUT FROM THE PAST FOUR YEARS, I 2091 01:13:03,765 --> 01:13:06,635 HAVE BEEN ON HIGH ALERT SINCE 2092 01:13:06,735 --> 01:13:08,438 EARLY IN THE MORNING NOVEMBER 2093 01:13:08,538 --> 01:13:11,774 9th OF 2016. 2094 01:13:11,874 --> 01:13:15,078 NOW, MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS WITHIN 2095 01:13:15,179 --> 01:13:17,481 NORMAL RANGE FOR A TRUCK TIRE. 2096 01:13:17,581 --> 01:13:20,784 YOU COULD ROLL MY AORTA OVER A 2097 01:13:20,884 --> 01:13:23,688 GRAVEL ROAD, I WOULDN'T FEEL A 2098 01:13:23,788 --> 01:13:24,322 BUMP. 2099 01:13:24,556 --> 01:13:25,490 WE HAVE BEEN HOVERING OVER IN 2100 01:13:25,590 --> 01:13:26,358 THE RED ZONE. 2101 01:13:26,458 --> 01:13:28,560 AND EVERY TIME YOU THINK YOU CAN 2102 01:13:28,660 --> 01:13:31,464 TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF THE GAS, A 2103 01:13:31,564 --> 01:13:33,366 CARAVAN OF TRUMP TRUCKS TRIES TO 2104 01:13:33,466 --> 01:13:34,333 RUN YOU OFF THE ROAD. 2105 01:13:34,433 --> 01:13:39,239 I UNDERSTAND YOUR STRESS. 2106 01:13:39,339 --> 01:13:39,906 I WILL. 2107 01:13:40,007 --> 01:13:40,307 NOW I WILL SAY SOMETHING C 2108 01:13:40,407 --> 01:13:40,974 CONTROVER 2109 01:13:41,074 --> 01:13:41,708 CONTROVERSIAL. 2110 01:13:41,808 --> 01:13:42,342 IT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD THING WE 2111 01:13:42,442 --> 01:13:44,144 DON'T KNOW WHO WON YET. 2112 01:13:44,244 --> 01:13:45,579 STOP THAT! 2113 01:13:45,679 --> 01:13:48,182 YOU DON'T EXIST. 2114 01:13:48,282 --> 01:13:49,550 STOP IT. 2115 01:13:49,650 --> 01:13:50,952 THE TRUTH IS THE REASON IT'S 2116 01:13:51,052 --> 01:13:52,920 TAKING SO LONG TO DECLARE A 2117 01:13:53,021 --> 01:13:54,623 WINNER IS BECAUSE WE'VE HAD SUCH 2118 01:13:54,723 --> 01:13:57,226 A MASSIVE VOTER TURNOUT. 2119 01:13:57,326 --> 01:13:58,961 GOING INTO TONIGHT, MANY WERE 2120 01:13:59,061 --> 01:14:00,629 PREDICTING THE HIGHEST RATE OF 2121 01:14:00,729 --> 01:14:04,401 VOTER TURNOUT SINCE 1908. 2122 01:14:04,501 --> 01:14:08,671 THAT WAS A CLOSE RACE, BUT 2123 01:14:08,773 --> 01:14:12,043 WILLIAM TAFT WON IN THE 2124 01:14:12,143 --> 01:14:13,477 POST-ELECTION WEIGH OFF. 2125 01:14:13,577 --> 01:14:16,180 MILLIONS OF YOU BRAVED THE 2126 01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:18,950 PANDEMIC, AN ARMY OF POLL 2127 01:14:19,051 --> 01:14:19,751 WATCHERS, EVEN THE POST OFFICE 2128 01:14:19,851 --> 01:14:22,387 JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU GOT TO 2129 01:14:22,487 --> 01:14:24,490 VOTEMENT AND EACH ONE OF THOSE 2130 01:14:24,590 --> 01:14:26,292 BALLOTS DESERVES TO BE COUNTED 2131 01:14:26,392 --> 01:14:29,395 WHETHER THEY ARE VOTES FOR 2132 01:14:29,495 --> 01:14:31,664 BIDEN, TRUMP OR A WRITE-IN VOTE 2133 01:14:31,765 --> 01:14:37,237 FOR BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS. 2134 01:14:37,337 --> 01:14:40,442 MANY OF YOU WAITED FOR HOURS TO 2135 01:14:40,542 --> 01:14:42,277 MAKE YOUR VOICES HEARD. 2136 01:14:42,377 --> 01:14:43,778 WE CAN ALL WAIT JUST A LITTLE 2137 01:14:43,878 --> 01:14:44,979 BIT LONGER. 2138 01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:47,450 BUT WE DESERVE SOME SMALL TASTE 2139 01:14:47,550 --> 01:14:50,019 OF THAT SATISFACTION WE CRAVE. 2140 01:14:50,119 --> 01:14:52,221 IN CLOSING TONIGHT, PLEASE ENJOY 2141 01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:53,889 THIS BRIEF MONTAGE OF THINGS 2142 01:14:53,989 --> 01:14:57,427 THAT FEEL AS SATISFYING AS YOU 2143 01:14:57,527 --> 01:14:59,196 WANT THIS TO. 2144 01:14:59,296 --> 01:15:01,765 > > AND NOW, THINGS THAT FEEL AS 2145 01:15:01,865 --> 01:15:12,344 SATISFYING AS YOU WANT THIS. 2146 01:16:01,866 --> 01:16:03,601 > > WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, 2147 01:16:03,702 --> 01:16:04,036 AMERICA, ON CBS. 2148 01:16:04,136 --> 01:16:04,336 GOOD NIGHT! 127877