All language subtitles for Kickin.It.Old.Skool.2007.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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(light orchestral music)

(upbeat '80s pop music)

♪ Countdown, its getting
to the flight time ♪

♪ Night stars are shining in my eyes ♪

♪ My shoes are going
to be the first ones ♪

♪ To dance deep up in the skies ♪

♪ Dancing in Heaven ♪

♪ I never thought I could
get my feet this far ♪

♪ Orbital be-bop ♪

♪ Dancing in Heaven ♪

♪ I never thought I could
get my feet this far ♪

♪ Orbital be-bop ♪

♪ Kick it out ♪

♪ I'll be the first to Bossa Nova ♪

♪ 10,000 miles above my legs ♪

♪ You dear, my lady on the radar ♪

♪ I'll bring a child to outer space ♪

♪ Dancing in Heaven ♪

♪ I never thought I could
get my feet this far ♪

♪ Orbital be-bop ♪

♪ Dancing in Heaven ♪

♪ I never thought I could
get my feet this far ♪

♪ Orbital be-bop ♪

♪ Hey, here I am ♪

♪ I hear the universe sing ♪

♪ The celestial scream ♪

♪ I am not alone ♪

♪ Are you receiving me clear ♪

♪ There is others out here ♪

♪ Orbital be-bop ♪

(birds chirping)

(hip-hop)

♪ I said a hip hop ♪

♪ Hippie to the hippie ♪

♪ The hip, hip a hop, and you
don't stop, a rock it out ♪

♪ Bubba to the bang bang
boogie, boobie to the boogie ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the boogie the beat ♪

♪ Now, what you hear is not a
test I'm rappin' to the beat ♪

♪ And me, the groove ♪

♪ And my friends are gonna
try to move your feet ♪

♪ See, I am Wonder Mike,
and I'd like to say hello ♪

♪ To the black, to the white,
the red and the brown ♪

♪ The purple and yellow,
but first, I gotta ♪

- [Sylvia] Justin, are you
ready for the talent show?

- Mom, I pity the fool who
ain't ready for the talent show.

♪ Bang bang, the boogie to the boogie ♪

♪ Say up jump the boogie
to the bang bang boogie ♪

♪ Let's rock ♪

(crowd cheering)
(pop music)

(water splashing)

(crowd murmuring)

- Wasn't that something?

A round of applause for Jen.

(audience applauding)

Now we've all, The Vista
Avenue Elementary School--

- Hey, Jen.

You were way cool out there.

- Radical.

Thanks.

- Ooh, I got you something.

(Velcro tears)

- Oh, my God.

You got me--

- Garbage Pail Kids
Series Two Jelly Jenny.

You don't have it, do you?

- Yeah, I do.

Psych!

(laughing)

- Jen!

(ominous orchestral music)

This goober's buying
you Garbage Pail Kids?

- Yeah.

- Well, that's real cool, Schumacher.

I got you something too.

It was wicked expensive.

- I can't accept this.

- Don't be such a spaz.

Come here.

I'll put it on ya.

It's real gold too.

So, do I get a thank-you kiss?

That's it?

Bogus!

- What happened with Jen?

- Kip-napped.

- All you gotta do is dog
him on the dance floor.

Turn that Pound Puppy into a little bitch.

- I don't know, you guys.

According to my calculations,

we only have 36% chance
of beating Kip's group.

- Well, did you factor in my special move?

- What you talkin' about, Willis?

- Coffee grind and a head spin,

freeze, switch, and pop into a backflip.

- Are you wack?

You'll kill yourself out there!

- I'm not lettin' Kip
humiliate me in front of--

- Justin?

(light piano music)

- [Boys] Ooh!

(laughing)

- Kip thinks he can buy
his way into my bra.

I wanted you to have this.

- [Justin] Oh.

- [Jen] It's my good luck charm.

- I feel lucky already.

I don't know what you're
doin' after the show, but,

I don't know, do you wanna come over

and maybe watch "Blue Lagoon"?

We have it on Beta, mmmm, max.

- Break a leg, Justin.

I'll see you after the show?

- That'd be smurfy.

(crowd cheering)

- [Darnell] Hey, Romeo, man, we up next.

(crowd cheering)

- Hello, McFly?

- Marty, Marty.

Hurry up.

Justin's on.

- Oh, oh.

- Jesus.

- Now, two break-dancing
crews will have a battle.

Please welcome the Funky Fresh
Boyz and the Groundbreakers!

(audience applauding)

(crowd cheering)

- Let's see what you got, Kip.

- Let's see what you got.

- Put it on the floor.

- It's on the floor.

You're steppin' on it.

- And I'm dancin' on it.

- Justin!

- AppleJack 2012.

(suspenseful synth music)

Prince Def Rock.

- Chilly Chill.

- P-P-Popcorn.

- Rocket Shoe.

- [All] Funky Fresh Boyz.

F.F.B.!

('80s dance music)

(crowd cheering)

(audience applauding)

(crowd cheering)

(crowd cheering)

(audience applauding)

(crowd cheering)

(crowd cheering)

(blowing)

- [Man] Go, Kip!

(blowing)

- Justin, don't do it!

Justin!

(crowd gasping)

- Justin!

- Justin!

- [Sylvia] Justin?

Justin?

- [Darnell] He did the move.

- Nice play, Shakespeare.

- [Marty] Someone call somebody!

(machine beeping)

(people murmuring)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- [Marty] All right.

Slow down.

- I've got it covered.

- Okay.

Good.

Happy birthday, kid.

- Okay, Jesus.

- I got 20 years of blisters on my ass.

Here we go.

- Just put a smile on your face.

Happy birthday!

Blow out your candles.

- Sylvie.

You do this every year.

Never works!

- Why are you so negative?

- [Marty] I'm not negative.

- Oh, my God.

Marty.

- Yeah?

- [Sylvia] Marty!

(screams)

- Whoa!

(screams)

- [Both] Fire, fire,
fire, fire, fire, fire!

- [Dr. Fry] Mr. and Mrs. Schumacher?

- Hi, Dr. Fry.

- We have to talk.

(exhales deeply)

Justin's been on unpaid life
support for the last 16 weeks.

- I just put 16 checks
in the mail this morning.

So--

- I understand how difficult it is

to make payments of this magnitude.

Shit, I'm still paying
for that damn Ferrari.

But, unfortunately, this
hospital can't afford

to foot the bill for Justin's care.

- So, wait a minute.

Are you, are you gonna unplug him?

(snoring)
(dramatic orchestral music)

- Justin hasn't made any
progress in 20 years.

And the chances of him
reviving are less than 1%.

Maybe it's time to give your
son and yourself some peace.

Does anybody else smell burnt cake?

- Okay, could you, could
you just give us a minute?

- [Dr. Fry] Yeah.

- Thank you.

Justin?

It's Dada.

We're gonna unplug you now.

No more electricity.

And, Justin,

just know that your mom
and dad love you very much.

(Sylvia sobbing)

It's a shame we gotta do
this on his birthday, but

let's get those papers signed, all right?

Come on.

- [Sylvia] Oh, Marty.

- [Marty] Honey, it's sad.

But the kid's a vegetable.

- [Sylvia] I know.

I'm gonna miss that little turnip.

Honey, my ass.

- [Marty] Huh?

('80s dance music)

Oh, strawberry.

- [Man] Hey, we got the
'80s flashback block

comin' at you right now,

with a little tune called
"Rockit" from Mr. Herbie Hancock.

("Rock It" by Herbie Hancock)

(machine beeping)

- What?

Where?

Huh?

PONG.

(beeping)

(grunting)

(thuds)

Feet must be asleep.

- Justin?

- Hi, Mom.

- Justin!

(thuds)

- Okay.

We're okay.

- Welcome home, son!

(chuckles)

- We should have paid for that
coma physical therapy thing.

Doctor said he needed it.

- No, that's just the
doctors trying to rip us off

for more money.

Justin's fine.

- [Justin] Dad.

- Oh, Justin!

Justin.

Hey, watch your legs.

Here we go.

Here we go.

That's it, up we go.

Oh, we got ya.

Okay, you're okay.

- Wow.
- Okay.

Gettin' a little heavy there.

(laughs)

There we go.

Oh, big step.

Up.

That's a boy.

- Okay.

Okay.

- Weebles wobble, but they
don't fall down, right, Dad?

- That's my boy.

(thudding)

Oh.
- Oh.

You should catch him.

- [Marty] The neighbors.

Crap.

This'll be on YouTube in an hour.

(TV channels changing)

- Oh.

There you go.

Watch some MTV.

- MTV?

Wicked.

- [Girl] We need to
gang up and do something

and get revenge on her.

- Mom!

The TV's broken.

Supposed to be MTV, but
they're not playing any videos.

It's just a bunch of
girls talking and crying.

(girls chattering)

(sighs)

- It's good to have him home.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Now, give this to him,
take out the garbage,

and then walk the dog.

(scoffing)

- What is the use of havin' a kid

if I still gotta do chores?

- He just came out of a coma.

- Yeah, it's always something.

First he's in a coma, then
he just got out of one.

Sucks.

- You suck.

(TV popping)

- R2, see what you can do
with deflector shields.

No, no, no, R2.

- No, no.

(chuckles)

Uh, TiVo.

Uh, Justin, your mom was saying
that the dog needs walkin'

and that the lawn needs mowin'.

And since I've been doin' your
chores for about 20 years,

why don't you give your old man a rest?

- Can I wait until my arms and legs work?

- Well, your arms and legs

aren't gonna work all by themselves.

Son, you've got to work
them until they work.

Mow the lawn, paint the fence.

- Sand the floor?

Dad, is this like Mr.
Miyagi telling Daniel-san

to do household chores,

but he's really teaching him karate?

- Wah.

('80s electronic pop music)

- No, why are we holding hands?

I don't--
- Because you'll get--

- I don't want to hold hands.

Ow.

What happened to the mall?

- Nothing.

Business is, it's booming.

(fingers snapping)

- What?

- Just checking.

Okay, I gotta go to the bank.

Why don't you go to the toy store?

- Darth Maul?

Jar Jar Binks?

Who are these gay birds?

They're not from "Star Wars".

- [Woman] So, when we're done here

we'll go get you those shoes.

- [Girl] Yes.

- Hey.

What do you like to play with?

- Huh?

- What's your favorite toy?

- Well, I like Tamagotchi.

It's like a little pet.

- Is it like a Chia Pet?

- What's a Chia Pet?

- Oh!

You know what I got at my house?

I got a Slip 'n Slide.

You know what?

You should come over sometime.

We could Slip 'n Slide together.

- We have potential
trouble in Glazer's Toys.

- Or we could play army.

I could play the sergeant.

You could be the lieutenant.

You and I can get in a trench together.

I can get in your foxhole.

Or you can get in my foxhole.

You and me could play cops and robbers.

I could be the cop.

You could be the robber.

I could be like, you're goin' downtown.

Hey.
- No, no.

- [Justin] Yeah.

Come on, don't make me
pull out my nightstick.

- Happy camper in Glazer's Toys!

I repeat.

We have a happy camper in Glazer's Toys!

- You can come over my house
and sleep over if you want.

(groans)

- You like those foxholes?

Here's a little foxhole.

(grunting)

It's just so damn cute.

- I, I don't like, I
don't like cute things.

I like boy things!

- Know what they do to bitches
like you up in prison, huh?

- I'm not a bitch.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stop, stop, stop.

Let him go.

Justin?

- Darnell?

- What was up with those guys?

- Uh, well, they thought
you like little boys.

- Of course I like little boys.

- No, no.

Like, they thought you like little boys.

- Oh, my God.

That's so gnarly.

- Mm-hmm.

- Ew.

Ew.

You want some chew?

- Nah, go ahead, man.

You hit your head real hard, huh?

- You should come over my house.

I'm hookin' up my Atari.

It's gonna be awesome.

- Man, I miss you, dog.

I miss you.

You my nigga!

- Darnell, that's a bad word.

- Bitch, it's 2006!

You been sleepin' too long.

After N.W.A. came out,
everybody's been sayin' it.

- What, what's N.W.A.?

- Uh, Niggaz With Att,

look, don't worry about it.

It's like my buddy, or my friend.

- I'm sorry, Darnell.

I was in a coma.

- Yeah, you were.

- You're a good nigger.

You're the best nigger I ever had.

(woman clears throat)

- Mmm, mmm, mmm!

- Nigga, get up, get up, get up.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Mrs. Schumacher, we
can't give you a loan.

This bank has already extended itself

for you as far as it can.

- I don't, I don't think
you understand, um,

the extent of Justin's medical bills.

They're gigantic.

And, um, I think we might
be losing the house.

And, um, I can't let that happen.

I just, I don't--

- Hands are tied.

- I gotta pay my parents back.

Whoa.

Is this the new mall?

- [Darnell] This is it.

- It's like Epcot Center.

Maybe I can get a job here.

Holy crap!

What's goin' on here?

(clears Throat)

- Red leather, yellow leather.

Yellow leather, red leather.

(blowing through lips)

Toy boat.

Why isn't my microphone working?

- They're shootin' a TV show.

I heard of this.

It's like "American Idol" for dancing.

- America what?

- "Star Search".

It's like "Star Search".

For dancing.

- Okay, stretch time's over.

All right, girls.

Let's take it from the top.

(dance music)

- Boy, they really didn't stick that one.

(light synth music)

- That's better.

- Oh.

It, it's Ju, it's Ju,

Ju, just--

- Oh, my God!

Justin!

Oh, my God!

I can't believe my eyes!

I never thought I'd see you again.

- I never thought I'd,

oh, my God.

You really grew up.

I mean, a lot.

A lot, a lot.

- Uh--

- Oh, my God.
- Okay.

You have to excuse him.

I know I'm black, but I'm not invisible.

- Oh, my God, I'm sorry, Darnell.

I didn't mean to be rude.

- What's up, Jen?

- I'm good.

I'm real good.

I'm the dance consultant for the new show.

- "Blue Lagoon"!

We never got to watch "Blue Lagoon".

Betamax.

- Kapow!

Whoo!

(ominous orchestral music)

- Kip, you remember Justin.

- Nope.

Wait.

Did you cut my lawn a few weeks ago?

- No.

- Clean my pool?

- No.

- You're the jackass that flipped off

the stage when we were kids.

(laughs)

Oh, my God!

I thought you were dead!

- Kip.

- What, honey, he's like-
Did you see his neck go

(imitating cracking)

like that.

Holy sh, I can't believe it.

Hey, did you show him?

Look, oh, wrong finger.

Look.

- Ow.
- We're engaged.

You okay?

You look like you just
got punked, beyotch.

Well, it was great
running into you, Dustin.

Uh, here.

Take a flyer.

So, do you have a new phone number

or are ya still livin'
with mommy and daddy?

- Still livin' with--
- I'm shocked!

Well, we gotta run.

So, here.

Why don't you say good-bye
to your new friend.

Bye-bye, bye-bye.

Use that hand later for something, huh,

you little devil, you.

Dick.

- Let her go, man.

There's plenty of hiz-os in the hiz-ouse.

- Was he retarded before the coma?

- But Jen was my hiz-o.

- Yeah.

But now she's his-o.

- No.

All I gotta do is dog
him on the dance floor.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Justin, no, no.

Justin!

Justin.

Justin!

No, no!

Oh, God.

He look like a chicken.

Justin, no!

No!

Justin, you're still weak!

- Watch this, hiz-o.

- [Darnell] What in the hell is he doin'?

(laughing)

Y'all know him?

- Security.

(laughing)

Don't feed the animal.

(chuckles)

I mean, I mean, come on.

- [Justin] I hate everyone.

- What are you doin'?

- Killing myself.

- With Pop Rocks and a soda?

- Yeah.

- Let me have it, Justin.

Ahhh.

(gasping)

I'm kidding, Justin.

See?

You won't die.

- But Mikey.

- It never happened.

You have a better chance of
slittin' your wrist with this.

Come on, man.

Look at you.

Where's the Rocket Shoe?

- Hey, wait.

Did you read this?

"Get 2 Steppin' Crew Edition.

"Compete for the grand
prize of a one-year contract

"with D-Zone Videos and $100,000."

(triumphant music)

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hell no.

Hell no, Justin.

- No, Darnell, it's the only way.

We win the contest, I get the
money to pay back my parents,

we stuff Kip so hard that
Jen has to come back to me.

Darnell, you know what we gotta do?

We gotta get the Funky
Fresh Boyz back together.

Ow!

- Didn't I say hell no?

- Why are you so angry?

- No.
- Please.

- Will you stop sayin' please, please?

Venus, Serena, say hi to
Justin before I beat his ass.

- I didn't know you had kids.

- [Darnell] They ain't mine.

- Huh?

- Why y'all just sittin' here?

Why y'all didn't clean up the house?

- Cockroach!

- Hold, hold, hold, hold, hold.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Relax, relax, relax, relax.

It's not a real roach.

It's one of my inventions.

You remember when we were kids,

they had those toys called
the Wacky Wall Walkers?

- Yeah.

You could grab it, throw
it against the wall.

It would stick and crawl down-

- Right, you know how much the
guy who invented that made?

- [Justin] How much?

- A hundred million dollars.

- Get out.

- Yes, a hundred million dollars

for a stupid Super Ball with snot on it.

- And you think the next
Wacky Wall Walker is?

- The Ghetto Wall-Grabber.

Here, try it.

(imitates snarl)

Throw it right up against the wall.

It just goes,

(clicking tongue)

comin' down the wall.

- Wow, that's cool.

That sticks.

Wow, it's like a real roach.

- Yep.

I'll sell a million of those in Atlanta.

- So what's stopping you
from making your millions?

- $10,000 in seed money.

That's what I need to get started.

And as you can see, that
ain't happening around here.

Every time that stupid girl watch a video,

she have another baby.

- Hmm.

$10,000.

Seed money.

Hmm.

I wonder where you could get that.

- Uh, Justin.

Uh, Justin.

(buzzing)

(gasps)

(shouts)

- Darnell.

- [Darnell] Hey, Boo.

You got your hair did.

It looks real good.

- You bring the diapers?

- They're right there.

Hey, Tiger Woods!

- [Roxanne] Where?

- [Darnell] Right there,
sweetie, right there.

- Is that all you got?

Boy, this ain't gonna
last more than two days.

- It'd last a long time if
they didn't doo-doo so much.

I'm sorry, baby.

I didn't have no more money.

- You ain't got no more money.

How come every time I
ask you for something

you ain't got money?

But when you need to buy parts

and shit for your little inventions,

you got more money than 50 Cent?

Like this.

What is this?

What?

- It's an automatic jean tight-roller.

- Ain't nobody tight-rollin'
their jeans no more, fool!

- But, baby, this one's automatic.

- I don't care if it's automatic,
systematic, Veg-O-Matic.

I don't give a shit-o-matic.

Ain't nobody tight-rollin'
their jeans no more.

- Excuse me, ma'am.

- Who the hell are you?

- I know a way Darnell
could get enough money

to make his inventions

and keep your kids in diapers
for the rest of their lives.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(groans)

- Damn, baby!

I can't dance like that no more.

I'm a grown-ass man!

- For 100 grand?

You better bust a move,
drop it like it's hot.

Now, I don't want to
see your black ass again

until you got a whole lot of money

or a whole lot of diapers.

- Oh, hell no.

You don't close my door like that.

- What you say, nigga?

- Uh, nothin'.

I'm your nigga.

- Now get to steppin'.

(groans)

- [Darnell] I'm goin', baby.

- Bitch-slapped.

You too.

- I'm gonna step.

I will step.

Thank you.

- I ain't playin' with you.

- Man, I hope you know
what the hell you're doin'.

- Oh, I know what we're doing.

We're getting the Funky
Fresh Boyz back together.

(upbeat synth music)

Is this the right place?

- Yeah, his mom said he
comin' by here any second.

(beeping)

What is that?

- Is that Hector?

(upbeat music)

- Or some dude that ate Hector.

- [Justin] Man.

- That nigga about a six
piece with extra biscuits.

Damn, that nigga big.

- You gotta move this car
before I have it towed.

(beeping)

Mr. Jackson?

Darnell Jackson?

- Hector!

(both laughing)

And you know who this
comatose bitch is, right?

- No way!

Justin!
- Hey, buddy.

- I can't believe it!

Oh, my God!

You're alive!

(groans)

(laughing)

- Okay, okay, okay.

Hector, Hector.

- Oh, man.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute, wait.

How long have you been a meter bitch?

- Traffic warden.

- Mmm.

- Few years.

Rough times out here in
the streets of the Valley.

818 ain't no joke.

I've been shot at.

I've been peed on.

- What?

- But I helped a lot of people.

- Man, you the meter bitch.

Who you help?

- Uh, hmm.

Oh!

I once let David
Hasselhoff out of a ticket.

You know, he sometimes drives around L.A.

in a full replica of KITT.

- Wow.

- Yeah, right?

- We're gettin' the Funky
Fresh Boyz back together

and we need Hector "Popcorn" Jimenez.

- I don't know, guys.

- It's okay.

We understand.

You're too busy.

We know you gotta get up in the morning

and eat a Krispy Kreme burrito.

- Just 'cause I'm fat
doesn't mean I can't break.

(grunts)

Check this out.

(vocalizing)

(panting)

(vocalizing)

- You know break-dancing burns
a lot of calories, right?

- Now, if Aki's a quadriplegic,
we're gettin' somewhere.

- Sorry, guys.

I have a real job now.

There is no frickin' way I'm
joining a break-dance squad.

- Wait.

Why?

Why are you talkin' like that?

- Like what?

All negative?

I--

- No, like, um, you--

- You know.

You know.

You used to--

- Come on, bitch.

Say booty twaps!

- It's booby traps.

- No, but say booty twaps
'cause it's awesome.

- No.

- Please.

Aki, I was in a coma.

- Okay.

Booty twaps.

(all laughing)

- I love it when you do that!

I love it when you say that!

You look so stupid!

(laughing)

- It's funny!

Asian guy funny!

The yellow guy!

I knew it.

I knew it.

I was never your friend.

I was your damn mascot.

Your little Ewok, Mogwai,
Golden Child, Mr. Miyagi.

Wax on, wax off, huh?

Yeah.

(laughing)

No.

You know, I was at that school for a year

before you guys talked to me.

Then came a little movie called
Sixteen frickin' Candles.

The second I saw it, I knew
what was coming the next day.

200 kids begging me to say,
"Ooooh, sexy grilfriend.

"What's happenin', hot stuff?

(imitating foreign language)

(all laughing)

(imitating foreign language)

"Get in that foxhole, gook!

(imitates shotgun cocking)

"Mao, Mao, Mao!"

No!

You frickin' round eyes
ate it up for 10 years.

- Round eye?

I'm Mexican, ese.

These are bean shape.

- 10 years of taking advantage
of my accent because,

"Indy, I ruv you" and "robster
craws" is so damn funny.

Not anymore.

Thanks to thousands in speech
therapy, I talk like this.

I act like this.

I blend in.

- Do you have any extra 2111s?

(gong crashing)

- Hi, Yun.

(speaking foreign language)

- I'm Jewish.

- Damn, Aki.

You blendin' in real good.

She didn't even know your ass was here.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Lucy Liu.

(stammering)

- Don't!

- Relax.

I got you, dog.

Uh, excuse me, geisha.

Do you have any idea who it was you

just corresponded with here?

- No.

- Uh, what percentage in
chance does my friend,

Aki, have of sleeping with you?

- 0%.

- One more question, please.

What if he's a professional break-dancer?

- 2%.

- Mathematically that's an
infinity percent increase.

- Yes!

That's my Aki!

Homeboys forever?

- Uh-huh.

- Homeboys forever.

- Homeboys forever.

- [Hector] Homeboys forever.

- Yeah!

- [All] Funky Fresh Boyz!

(all cheering)

- If that's what you guys
are gonna call yourselves,

it goes back down to 1%.

- 1% is still good.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Better than zero.

- Fuck you, Mr. Ferguson!

I'm kidding.

I still need this job.

- Oh!

Geez.

- [Justin] What the heck, lady?

- I'm sorry.

I didn't--
- Crazy, wha--

- Jen.

- Justin.

- What are you doin' here?

- What's all this?

- Oh.

We're getting the Boyz back
together for your contest.

- Cool.

You ever think about updating a bit?

These clothes are pretty old-school.

- I only ever went to one school.

- And those moves are wack.

- What you talkin' about, Jen?

If I went beat boy right here,

I'd have a crowd around
me in two funky seconds.

- 'Cause everyone would want

to see a real-life time machine.

- Is that a challenge?

- No, it's really not a challenge.

- Yo, DJ!

- I'm DJ?

- Give me a beat!

- I have beet.

- No, please don't.

- Oh, oh.

(speaking foreign language)

(singing in foreign language)

- God!

- What's wrong with that?

Persian classic, man!

(old-school hip-hop music)

- Yes.

Okay.

- Hey!

That's my house!

Hey, that shiny man stole my house!

- [Justin] What the?

- Hey, shiny man.

You break-dance?

- Yeah.

- Back in the day, I was
the break-dance bomb.

They used to call me Ca-Ca-Ca-Ca-Ca-Carl.

DJ!

- I'm not DJ.

(speaking foreign language)

♪ I said a hip hop ♪

♪ Hippie to the hippie ♪

♪ The hip, hip a hop, and you
don't stop, a rock it out ♪

♪ Bubba to the bang bang
boogie, boobie to the boogie ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the boogie the beat ♪

(grunting)

♪ Now, what you hear is not a
test I'm rappin' to the beat ♪

(farts)

♪ And me, the groove, and my friends ♪

♪ Are gonna try to move your feet ♪

- Oh, I feel...

(light orchestral music)

- Yo, Hammer pants.

What brought that on?

- There just comes a time
when we heed a certain call

when the world must come together as one.

(chuckles)

- Wow.

I missed you.

I should get going.

- Yeah.

Me too.

Okay?

Thanks for the advice.

- [Jen] You know.

Anytime.

I'll call you.

- Yeah.

Okay, guys.

We're gonna need to update our style

since the last time we performed.

- We need to start by updating

these freakin' parachute pants!

(grunting)
(panting)

Ain't nobody wearin'
parachute pants no more.

- Parachute pants are timeless.

(all groan)

Fine.

Let's just go through the
old AppleJack 2012 routine.

- Uh, no.

- Yeah.

('80s dance music)

- Come on, man.

- Ready?

Five, six, seven, eight.

(groans)

- Oh, man!

What the hell are you doin'?

Which way you gonna go?

- Man, you're f-in' me up.

I'm supposed to go left.

- Half of you did go left.

But the other half went right.

How many halves you got?

- Guys, come on.

Let, let's just start with
something a little simpler, okay?

Let's just start with the robot.

Okay?

All right.

Remember, guys.

You're like a mannequin.

Okay?

- Whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Aki, what the hell are you doin'?

Come on, man.

The robot's supposed to be your thing.

You look like C-3PO with
R2-D2 stuck up his ass.

(phone rings)

- Shut up!

They don't do this anymore.

- Guys, this is serious.

We need to win this contest.

And we can't let anything
stand in our way.

- Hey.

Who wants cookies?

- Mom!

You're ruining everything.

- Justin Allen, what could
I possibly be ruining?

Oh, oh.
- How many you need?

- You have a girl on the phone for you.

(all laughing)

- Shut up!

Shut up!

Hello.

- [Jen] Justin.

- Hi, Jen.

- [Jen] Do you have VH1 on?

- Uh, yeah.

No.

Oh.

Turn it down!

Hi.

- You are so lucky you missed out

when that song was popular.

That and "Whoomp! (There It Is)".

Listen, Kip's throwing this
big party for the show.

You should come.

It's a pretty fun club.

- I was in D&D Club.

Oh, it's not that kind of club?

(dance music)

♪ Say what ♪

♪ We gonna bust 'em ♪

♪ Say it ♪

♪ We gonna bust 'em ♪

♪ It was a club night ♪

♪ Quarter to 10 ♪

♪ I'm in the car ♪

- Justin!

I'm so glad you came.

How do you like this place?

♪ Got me feelin' like a jerk again ♪

♪ I never met a man with one again ♪

- Don't worry.

I learned about this in school.

♪ Back of the line ♪

- Justin?

(grunting)

- You're having a seizure.

Don't swallow your tongue.

- [Jen] Justin!

- Don't swallow it.

- [Jen] Justin, get up off the man.

He's krumping.

- Get out of here!

Get a real wallet!

- Waterproof.

Jealous?

(laughing)

- Hey.

The crapper's right around the corner.

Yeah.

You can't miss it.

It says "W"--
- Hey, Kip, look who I found.

- What?

Hey!

Senor Coma.

Say, isn't it past your bedtime?

- No.

Mom said I could stay out till midnight.

- Whoa!

Holy smokes, Jen.

Midnight, huh?

- [Justin] Yeah.

- Is your mom gonna be waiting
for you in the station wagon?

- No.

I rode my bike.

- He's got a bike.

That's pretty cool.

I had a bike.

Do you have, uh, the, uh,
streamers on the handlebars?

Or how about the baseball
cards in the spokes?

Remember those?

(thumping)

- Kip, stop it.

- I had a bike, Jen.

I was just kidding with him.

- I got mags.

- You're a fag.

- Hey, Andrew McCarthy.

Jen, I'll be right back.

Hey.

Why don't you go to the
bar and get us a drink.

- Well, do they have fruit punch?

- The fruitiest.

(imitates slurp)

Delicious.

- Sounds good.

- Delicious.

- Here's lookin' at you, kid.

- You're a jerk.

- Hey.

- Frontsies.

- Get away from me.

- Frontsies.

- No.

Backsies.

♪ So I'm here sitting here strummin' ♪

♪ With the thing hanging ♪

♪ With a hot hot drop ♪

♪ Got the A&R lips ♪

♪ Typically the ride from the day before ♪

♪ Sittin' beautifully ♪

♪ But I let the booty done blind me ♪

♪ You know the mad songs all the time ♪

♪ Hot rod ♪

- You havin' some fun yet?

- This place is okay.

There's nothin' to do.

- [Kip] Shut up.

All right, look around you.

This place is freakin' amazing.

- I'm gonna have a birthday
party at Chim E. Changa's.

That place is awesome.

- You wanna have fun?

Learn to dance like the brother.

I can help you out.

Here.

Taste some of this.

Gives you wings, buddy.

- Whoa.

It tastes like a laser.

Mmm.

(electronic dance music)

- Justin.

Justin.

Justin.

Come on, baby.

Justin.

- Emmanuel Lewis?

What are you doin' here?

- Mackin' hos.

- You mack hos?

- I mack hos five nights a week, trick.

You ain't never seen
none of my home videos?

Dang.

Whoo!

(laughing)

- [Jen] Justin.

- Jen.

- Justin, should I call you a cab?

- Don't call me a cab.

You're a cab.

- I missed you so much, my
little angel hair pasta.

Yes, I'm a jerk.

I'm a, I'm a jerk.

Justin, we're gonna go.

You suck.

- I gotta go home.

(vocalizing)

(knocking on door)

Somebody's in here.

- Okay.

Okay!

All right then.

- Justin, your father and I are not happy

with the way you have been acting.

Coming in at all hours.

And you cannot sit still
for longer than two seconds.

It's like you're a 12-year-old
stuck in a 30-year-old body.

- Yeah.

And you have seriously f'ed up my TiVo.

- We know you have started
break-dancing again.

And, frankly, we have
enough money problems

without worrying about you
cracking your head open

doing that head spin thing.

- I'm not doing head spins.

And, and I can help with the money.

I just need more time.

- Is time gonna buy me a new TiVo?

- Oh, my God!

Will you shut up about the TiVo!

Jesus Christ!

- It's broken!

- Okay, honey.

We went and we had a
little talk with Dr. Fry.

And he, um, he gave us some medicine

to maybe help you settle down.

And it's called Ritalin.

- Oh, God, no.

Skin.

- You'd rather me take
drugs than be funky fresh?

What is wrong with you people?

Just leave me alone!

(sobbing)

- I think I'm gonna
take a couple of these.

- Knock yourself out.

- I know what the next big fad is.

You remember the Rubik's Cube?

- [Both] Yes.

- You remember it, right?

- [Both] Yes.

- Okay.

I came up with my own Rubik's Cube.

Except I put in a little culture.

Check it out.

Now presenting, the Jewbik's Cube!

(Klezmer music)

I'll sell a million of these in Israel.

- Jewish star, a money
sign, a menorah and a,

dude, you put a dick on the Jewbik's Cube?

(laughing)

- [Darnell] Give me that.

- You loser.

- It's a circumcised penis.

The only other real Jewish
thing I could think of.

Hey, Justin.

So what are we working on today?

- Aki, do the robot.

How you used to.

(squeaking)

Stop.

Stop.

Stop!

Aki, it's time to say domo arigato

and find your inner Roboto.

Domo.

- Domo.

- Domo.
- Domo.

- But I can't show you the way.

(triumphant music)

But he can.

(low electronic twittering)

- Justin, this is ridiculous.

- Shoot, we ain't losin' a
hundred grand because of you.

Just do the damn thing.

Before I punch you in the head

like a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot.

(squeaking)

What in the hell is that?

(squeaking)

- This is robo-retarded.

I can't do it.

(sighing)

- Listen, guys.

We may have gotten old

or forgotten what we love

or even been in a coma.

But starting today, right now,

we remember who we are.

'Cause we are the Funky Fresh Boyz.

('80s dance music)

(knocking on door)

(snoring)

(whirring)

♪ We are indestructible ♪

♪ Baby baby, give discreet ♪

♪ I think it's unbelievable ♪

♪ How you give into the hands of fate ♪

♪ Some things are worth fighting for ♪

♪ Some feelings never die ♪

♪ I'm not asking for another chance ♪

♪ I just wanna know why ♪
(snoring)

♪ There's no easy way out ♪

♪ There's no shortcut, oh ♪

♪ There's no easy way out ♪

♪ Givin' in, givin' in, givin oh no ♪

♪ There's no easy way out ♪

♪ There's no easy way out ♪

- Jen, we're gonna be late.

♪ There's no shortcut, oh ♪

♪ There's no easy way out ♪

- This is not happening.

♪ No easy way out ♪

♪ No easy way out ♪

- All right.

I need you to tell me everything you know

about the female anatomy.

(funky music)

I think it's time I introduced
you to a little thing called

the Internet.

(bell ringing)

(whip cracking)

And that covers about, oh,
one-trillionth of everything.

Huh?

Huh?

Justin.

Justin.

- By the power of Grayskull.

Bodies aren't supposed to, midget.

Cheese Whiz.

That's not how you play Twister.

Ooh, I didn't see that one yet.

Click it.

- No, no, no.
- Click it.

- No, no, no.
- Click, click.

- Calm down, nigga.

You just hit puberty.

Okay.

Now, what we need to do
is come up with a plan.

Okay?

'Cause if we ain't got a, damn.

She got a nice ass.

Click it.

(hip-hop music)

- You guys are Cole's crew, right?

Which one of you is Cole?

You're Cole?

- You that dude from the contest?

- A contest I'd like to see you win.

- Don't worry.

- But I am worried, Cole.

I'm worried that four
fat, dumb dance 'tards

are gonna stir up a bunch
of goodwill and nostalgia

and get their wack wrinkly
asses on my network for a year.

I can't let that happen.

That's where you four come in.

Now listen to me very carefully,

and I will make sure you get rich, famous,

and most important of all,

that you beat the Funky Fresh Boyz.

- No problem.

Only we'll do more than just beat them.

We'll make sure that they get served.

(breath spray hissing)

- Yeah, I don't think that sounds

as manly as you think it does.

- Yeah, huh.

- How old am I again?

- All right, let's take it from the top.

(light orchestral music)

(knocking on door)

Excuse me one second, girls.

(knocking on door)

- [Justin] Yes.

Yes.

Uh-oh.

(sighing)

- Hi, Justin.

- Oh, hey.

Hi.

Yo.

Uh, I, do you work right here?

- I'd love to go to dinner with you.

But right now I have to
teach my dance class, okay?

(locker rattles)

And, Darnell--

- [Darnell] He's not in here.

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

- [Darnell] You look nice.

(light orchestral music)

- Darnell?

You're here?

♪ Come on ya'll let's break dance ♪

(hip-hop music)

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, enough ♪

- [Woman] I'm going home.

♪ Freeze ♪

♪ Spin on your back and
spin on your knees ♪

- Bye.

♪ Spin on your knees and then freeze ♪

(phone beeping)

(giggles)

- Yes!

- You pretend to be Jen.

- I don't know why you're
making me be the girl.

- Because there's more
of you to love, Hector.

Now here, put this on.

Justin, you just rang the doorbell.

(funky music)

Make your move.

- Hi, Justin.

- [Justin] Hi.

- Justin, how do I look?

- Uh--

- Justin, do I look nice?

Do you think that maybe I look nice?

You gotta make me feel pretty.

You gotta make me feel like a woman.

You know what I'm
telling you, huh, Justin?

You think I'm stupid?

I ain't stupid.

You don't tell me nothing.

You don't take me out.

You think I'm a whore?

I am no whore!

I--
- You like that?

Huh?

Do you?

What's my name?

Say my name.

Who's your father?

- De-de-de-de-de!
- Oh!

Oh, oh!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What are you doin'?

- That's what adults do on the Internet.

They get naked and ask each
other their names, right?

- Shave!

- Come on, man.

This is clearly not workin'.

Okay, what we need to do is,
we need to move to phase two.

(funky music)

♪ Oh, touch me ♪

- What?

It's muscle.

Just not toned.

(chuckles)

- Okay.

All right.

(clears throat)

Now, Justin, here's what I need you to do.

You see that?

I need you to slowly,

(moans)

slowly make your move for the breasteses.

- You get it.

- Do it.

There you go, now come on.

That's it.

Yeah.

Now go slow.

Slow.
- Slow, slow, slow, slow.

- [Darnell] You don't want to hurt her.

- Like this?

- [Both] No, no, no, no.

- Why you got the hand turned?

No, no.

Straight up like that.

Exert your manliness.

You just squeeze it.

- What are you showing him?

You have to play it like a
soft, little tiny violin.

(imitates violin tone)

- Ow!

Knock that off.

- Yeah!

You know, it's not a twist off.

You don't just twist the thing.

You knead it.

- Shut up!

It feels good like that for girls!

You don't know.

- I'm doin' the lesson here!

Yeah, now work it.

Now work it on your own.

Yeah, there you go.

Now knead.

Knead.

Lean in on her.

By now she should be likin' all that.

Lean in on her.

Lean in on her.

Get in on it.

Now blow on 'em.

Blow on 'em.

That's it.

Now, work it.

Work it, yeah, work it.

And lick your lips.

Yeah.

You're a monster.

That's it.

Come on now.

Make your move.

- Stop it!

Ow!

Dude, all right!

- Justin, move on in.

- Stop!

I'm a man!

I am a man, all right?

This is a man.

I'm not a woman.

- All right.

- I'm sorry.

- How was that?

Did I pass?

- Oh, you're like a sexual machine animal.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You were good.

You were kneadin'.

I was feelin' it.

I was feelin' it.

Justin!

All right.

Okay, now go take a shower.

Take a shower now.

Take a shower.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

- Damn.

He's never gonna get laid.

- He gonna die a virgin.
- Ever, die.

- My man just needs a little something

to get him through the night, you know?

Put him in the zone.

- If only there was
something really awesome

we could get for him to say or maybe wear.

- Or drive.

(triumphant music)

- So where are we goin'?

- My ride should be here any minute.

(vehicle approaching)

(upbeat synth music)

- [David] Justin.

Oh, you must be Jen.

- Uh, and you're--

- A young loner on a crusade

to champion the cause of the innocent,

the powerless, the helpless,

in a world of criminals
who operate above the law.

- Whoa.
- Right.

- Well, you two, he's all yours.

(popping)

Justin, remember,

91 octane or above.

He's getting a little old.

(laughs)

Oh, and, Justin, like a little violin.

(exhales)

(motorcycle engine starts)
- Thanks, David Hasselhoff.

♪ I'm gonna liver forever ♪

(light orchestral music)

- Looks like they forgot my burger.

- Oh, that's too bad.

(chuckles)

Robble, robble.

- I'm sorry.

Can you say that again?

- I said, that's too bad
they forgot your hamburger.

Stinks, you know.

You must be hungry.

Robble, robble, robble.

Robble, robble, robble.

(gasps)

- Give it back!

That's mine.

- Hey, give me back my burg,

robble, robble, robble, robble.

Ro, Ro, Robble.

- Hey!

Gimme.

- Why are you marrying Kip?

(car engine starts)

- [KITT] Excuse me while I go
look at that thing over there.

- He's a total homo, jerk-wad.

He doesn't care about what you want,

he's mean and he, he dresses like someone

Crockett and Tubbs should shoot.

- Kip's not so bad.

We lost touch for a while
and met up after college.

And, you know.

(sighs)

- I missed everything.

- [Jen] Don't say that.

- It's true.

"Gremlins 2", "Ghostbusters II".

I just found out they
made jeans washed in acid,

which is awesome.

But I missed that too.

Stupid coma.

- It's not all bad.

You missed out on pimples,

hair-metal power ballads, prom.

Bleh.

- No, I bet prom was nice.

- No.

They make it sound all nice
with rainbows and unicorns.

They forget to tell you
you're gonna get your period

in your white dress.

- I wish I could have
taken you to the prom.

I would have bought you
one of those flower things

for your wrist that matched
the color of your period.

And then the DJ would
have played El DeBarge,

and we could have slow danced.

(engine starts)

("All This Love" by El Debarge)

- Sounds like here's your chance.

♪ But you found the answer ♪

♪ Told me to take this chance ♪

- You know, now that you're
taller than the girls,

your hands go here.

(engine revs)

♪ And all that it has to offer ♪

♪ In time you will see that
love won't let you down ♪

♪ You said that you loved me ♪

♪ Said hurt only came to pass me ♪

♪ It sounded so convincing
that I gave it half a chance ♪

- Justin, we can't.

- Wait.

I almost forgot.

♪ And there's so much love inside ♪

♪ And all that I have ♪

♪ I give my all to you ♪

- I can't believe you kept this.

- I was in a coma.

Made it kinda hard to throw out.

(chuckles)

But I would have never thrown this out.

This is the most important toy

I've ever owned in my whole life.

♪ My darling ♪

♪ And all this love is waiting for you ♪

♪ Oh I love you ♪

(funk music)

(moaning)

(moaning)
(groaning)

- [KITT] It's a good thing
David had my seats Scotchgarded.

Justin, could you please not--

♪ You got something I need to see ♪

♪ Oh, show me the honey ♪

♪ Girl, you know, you got what I need ♪

♪ Let me understand what tastes so sweet ♪

♪ The only girl hid back from me ♪

♪ Oh, show me the honey ♪

(grand orchestral music)

- Oh.

I'll never

play video games again.

(warbling)

(cellphone rings)

- Let me just shut that off.

Oh, my God.

It's Kip.

Oh, my God.

What am I doing?

Oh, my God.

I'm engaged.

What am I doing?

Seriously, what am I doing?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Justin, I'm so sorry.

Justin, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, Justin!

- Why are you sorry?

- [Jen] Kip!

- That was awesome.

(sighs)

- [Darnell] Justin.

Justin!

♪ I touched a booby ♪

♪ It was so fluffy ♪

♪ I made it jiggle ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

- Justin, Justin!

Relax.

Tell me now, what happened?

- Okay.

We kissed on the face.

And then she opened up her shirt.

And then she, she, I
touched her left booby.

And then she cried and ran away.

What base is that?

- Nigga, that ain't a base.

That's a crime.

(mariachi music)

Justin, you just can't--

- Party!

- Hey, Jen!

- Aki, Hector.

Great to see you guys.

- Wow.

You two are like a bad buddy
cop movie waiting to happen.

What are you, Detective
Rice and Detective Beans?

- Could you guys give
this to Justin for me?

- We're not stayin'?

- Justin will be back in a second.

He just went to the bathroom.

- Yeah!

Oh, Jen!

Hey, Jen!

Hey, Jen!

Hey.

Isn't this place cool?

Hey.

Oh, I won this playing Skee-Ball.

- Garfield.

That's sweet.

- Yeah.

21 tickets.

No big whoop.

Let's play Whaca Taco.

Come on.

Oh, oh!

(muttering)

- Hey.

Number nine.

Is that number 10 for ya, fatty?

- Justin, we need to talk.

- Okay.

But you gotta talk and
whack at the same time.

(squeaking)

I wanted to buy you
something that you could wear

since we're both going steady.

But since I didn't get
my allowance this week--

- Justin, we're not going steady.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(sighs)

- But last night.

- Last night was a mistake.

I'm with Kip.

We're getting married.

We have stability, we're
talking about starting a family.

I can't just give up on that because

of what we had 20 years ago.

- I don't get it.

- I don't expect you to get it.

It's complicated.

You're still just a kid.

- May I see the Garfield
eraser for a second, please?

- Calm down.

Stop it!

Try not to hate me.

- I hate you more than
Garfield hates Mondays.

- I thought Garfield hated lasagna.

- Garfield loves lasagna!

I wish they would've
taken me off life support.

(mutters)

(rock music)

- [Darnell] Work it, Hector!

Work it, Hector!

- [Hector] Oh.

Yo, man!

- Oh, uh-oh.

What you got?

What you got, Justin?

(up-tempo dance music)

- [All] Go, Coma!

Go, Coma!

Go, Coma!

Go, Coma!

Go, Coma!

Go, Coma!

- You can dance in a video game,

but can you dance on the street?

- Ooh.

- I'm leaving.

- But you're gonna miss all the fun.

- [Justin] That sounds like a challenge.

- Oh, it's definitely a challenge, son.

You and me in the
parking lot, mano a mano.

- You had mono?

Well, I was in a coma.

- Justin, you don't have to do this.

- Oh, thanks for caring.

Not!

Get to steppin', Jen.

- Bye, Jen.

- Hmph!

(light electronic music)

(light electronic rock music)

(all chattering)

- What's up?

- Hey.

- Yeah, that's right.

- That's right, son.

(grunting)

- Hmph!

- Ah, no, no, no!
- De-de-de-de-de!

- That's good.

That's good.

You're good.

- Watch this.

One song.

Crowd picks the winner.

A'ight?

(whistles)

- Say it, don't spray it.

(whistling)

- Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Justin!

- [Darnell] Yeah, what you got?

What you got?

(hip-hop music)

♪ Let it roll, get bold,
I just can't hold ♪

♪ Back, or fold cos I'm a man with soul ♪

♪ In control and effect,
so what the heck ♪

♪ Rock the discotheques and
this groove is what's next ♪

♪ Attack, react, exact,
the mack'll move you with ♪

♪ A strong song, as long
as you groove to this ♪

- [Justin Voiceover] This
shrimp ain't nothing.

♪ Do damage onstage and injure the mic ♪

- [Justin Voiceover] Oh, yeah.

That old trick?

(crowd cheering)

He's great.

Oh, crap.

♪ When I grab the mic
believe you're gonna hear a ♪

♪ Fascinatin' rhyme as I enchant them ♪

- [Justin Voiceover] What am I doing here?

Mom?

Dad?

Yogurt?

Coma?

(crying]
(shouting)

- [Sylvia] Wake up!

Wake up!

(whimpering)
(crowd cheering)

- You just got served, son!

(vomiting)
(crowd groans)

(coughing)

(gasps)

(mariachi music)

- Damn!

What the hell you ruin the cake for?

- I fixed it so it looks like my life.

Like a big piece of doody.

Doesn't it look like doody?

- Mm-mmm.

- Come on, Justin.

We don't want to talk about no doody cake.

- My life is doody cake.

My life is like one big piece of crap

that was put in the freezer forever

and then thawed out in a hurry.

And now they're both big

squished soggy pieces of shit!

- Justin!

- Shit cake that nobody wants!

- What are you doing?

- What are you doing,
Justin, what are you doing?

(blowing raspberries)

- Chill, Justin!

Justin!

- What the hell are you doin'?

- Chill, Justin!

This is already embarrassing enough.

- Yeah, your analogy is tenuous at best.

- We're a bunch of losers.

We're a bunch of 30-year-old men

pretending to be 13 years old
trying to win a dance contest.

Hey, guys,

that's a great way to redeem
our failed and miserable lives.

Let's enter a dance contest.

- This was your idea!

- I was in a coma!

I feel like a retard.

- Uh, Justin, it's not
really P.C. to say--

- Retarded?

Who's retarded?

It's not nice to say retarded.

(grunts)

(groaning)

(light rock music)

- Bye, Orko.

Bye, Jokey Smurf.

Bye, Micro Machines made by Galoob.

♪ Baby, I don't understand ♪

♪ Why we can't just hold on ♪

♪ To each other's hands ♪

(thunder crashing)

♪ So take these broken wings ♪

♪ And learn to fly again ♪

♪ Learn to live so free ♪

♪ When we hear the voices sing ♪

♪ The book of love will open up ♪

(all chattering)

- [Darnell] What in the hell

have we gotten ourselves into?

- Hey.

Watch where you're goin', egg roll.

A'ight?

- What?

What?

- Huh!

- What about them?

- Thing's starting soon.

We gotta sign up.

- Justin's not coming.

- Man, we don't need
that stupid white boy.

Who needs him?

- Uh, guys, we do.

Crew must have four members.

That was fast.

Anyone want pizza?

- Hey, man, hold on.

We're not gonna give up.

Look, all we need is another break-dancer.

- Technically, we need
just one more person

who says he's a break-dancer.

- Okay.

And the fourth Funky Fresh Boy.

Name?

- Mad Slick, A.K.A. Dr. Aquafresh,

A.K.A. Big Jennifer Garner,

A.K.A. Tim Russert.

- Okay.

- I'm not finished!

A.K.A. Cream of Wheat,
A.K.A. Half an Onion Bagel,

A.K.A. Carl-Carl-Carl.

That's Carl with a C, not a K.

Carl-Carl-Carl!

- Carl.

Okay.

Thanks.

(all laughing)

- [All] Funky Fresh Boyz!

(groans)

(shouts)

(light electronic music)

(crowd cheering)

- Yeah!

This is "Get 2 Steppin'"!

And here's your host,

Kip Unger!

(crowd cheering)
Yeah!

Come on, people!

Yeah!

Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip!

Come on.

Let me hear ya!

Come on!

Kip, Kip!

- Yeah!

You're watchin' "Get 2 Steppin'".

I'm your host, Kip Unger.

Just Kip, Kip--

- [Crowd] Kippin' it real!

- Kippin' it real, you betcha.

To my left, spinnin' the stacks of wax,

give it up for D.J. Tanner!

(crowd cheering)
(scratching records)

(funky beat music)

- All day, baby.

- Today, the best dance crews in the world

will compete on this stage head-to-head.

When they're done, you
all get the final word.

So, if you like somethin',
make some noise.

- Yeah!

(crowd cheering)

- All right, let's hit
off our first battle

with two randomly selected crews.

Iced Cole Krew versus the Misfitz.

Give it up!

(crowd cheering)

- Are you ready?

(funky dance music)

Misfitz!

Iced Cole Krew!

Get to steppin'!

(crowd cheering)

One, two, three, you're up!

(electronic music)

♪ You think you got it all worked out ♪

♪ But you don't know
nothin', nothin', nothin' ♪

♪ You think that you could rub me out ♪

♪ But I'm made of somethin',
somethin', somethin' ♪

♪ I could teach you a thing or two ♪

♪ Yeah oh yeah ♪

♪ I could teach you a thing or two ♪

♪ Yeah oh yeah ♪

♪ I could teach you a thing or two ♪

♪ Yeah oh yeah ♪

♪ I could teach you a thing or two ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ You think you got it all worked out ♪

♪ But you don't know
nothin', nothin', nothin' ♪

♪ You think that you could rub me out ♪

♪ But I'm made of somethin',
somethin', somethin' ♪

♪ I could teach you a thing or two ♪

♪ Yeah oh yeah ♪

- I think we're out of our league here.

- Come on, man.

Don't talk like that.

We can do this.

♪ Yeah oh yeah ♪

♪ I could teach you a thing or two ♪

- Hey, man.

- [Woman] Whoo!

(crowd cheering)

- Let's hear it, y'all!

- Get to steppin'.

Get to steppin'.

- All right.

Next up,

give it up for Wack Attack
versus the Funky Fresh Boyz.

- Okay!

Yeah!

Funky Fresh Boyz.

Wack Attack.

Get to steppin'!

(crowd cheering)

Are you ready, Funky Fresh Boyz?

(hip-hop music)

♪ Now everybody ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ To the left ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ To the right ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ To the left ♪

(crowd cheering)

- [Woman] Bring it.

Bring it.

♪ Are you ready to dance ♪

♪ DJ break it down like this ♪

(crowd cheering)

- [Woman] Yeah!

You're goin' down'!

You're goin' down, low fry.

(crowd cheering)

Ew!

- Ew!

- Get to steppin'!

Get to steppin'!

Get to steppin'!

Hey, sweetie!

- [Woman] Yeah?

- You suck!

- Whoa, what just happened?

- Yeah!

I don't know.

I told you guys we could do this.

(crowd cheering)

Throw your hands up.

Throw your hands up.

- [Hector] They like us!

- Get to steppin'!

(dance music)

Get to steppin'!

(crowd cheering)

Get to steppin!

♪ Let the music play, he won't get away ♪

♪ Just keep the groove ♪

♪ And then he'll come back
to you again, let it play ♪

♪ Let the music play, he won't get away ♪

♪ This groove he can't ignore ♪

♪ He won't leave you anymore ♪

- Ah, check me out.

- Wow!

All right.

That was great.

Next up, Iced Cole Krew versus Pink Sushi.

(funky dance music)

- Whoo!

♪ We're back once again
by popular demand ♪

♪ It's '87 y'all ♪

♪ So no more Roxanne ♪

♪ Just an everlasting name on
some tapes that are playing ♪

♪ I let the new jacks reign ♪

♪ But now I'm here to attain ♪

♪ What's rightfully mine and
I think that you'll find ♪

♪ That if it's not
Shante' it's not genuine ♪

♪ I'm Smart intelligent
tasteful and elegant ♪

♪ Seeing all you female
emcees to be irrelevant ♪

♪ I make a large amount
of rhymes up per day ♪

♪ And when I finish go check the survey ♪

♪ To see who's pumping and I'm on top ♪

♪ Because when I start
rapping I rock nonstop ♪

♪ Throwing def rhymes at
you, silent as a statue ♪

♪ Daze amaze you will
crave and be infatuated ♪

♪ Some hate it but I don't care ♪

♪ It doesn't matter 'cause you're
looking at a queen my dear ♪

♪ Go on girl ♪

♪ Go on girl ♪

♪ Go on girl ♪

♪ Go on girl ♪

♪ The supreme highness
almighty knowing top exponent ♪

♪ My groove gets better
and better now don't it ♪

♪ Just like a jumbo people fiend ♪

♪ Study and try to copy off the queen ♪

♪ So as quick as I write 'em ♪

♪ Go and try to bite 'em ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ So I can knock you out
the box with another item ♪

- Yeah!

Oh!

- All right.

Next up, the Funky Fresh Boyz

against the Krump Kings.

(crowd cheering)

(hip hop music)

- Funky Fresh Boyz.

Krump Kings.

Get to steppin'!

Yeah!

(hip-hop music)

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Back up ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

(shouts)

♪ Get live ♪

♪ I'm out the door ♪

♪ Swung out ♪

♪ What it's about ♪

♪ Back up back up back up back up ♪

♪ Back up, wrap and choke with it ♪

♪ String this, back
out and choke with it ♪

♪ Don't go there ♪

♪ 'Cause it's crazy ♪

♪ Must mess with 'em ♪

♪ Do what I had to ♪

♪ Rough set ♪

♪ I'm a crazy guy ♪

♪ Do something that's
giving me the lazy eye ♪

♪ I throw all my weight ♪

♪ I'm the best around ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Best around ♪

(grunting)

♪ Better stomp it ♪

♪ The street ♪

♪ Will take your mom to the street ♪

♪ That's how we do it, pops ♪

♪ I'm number one in this ♪

♪ You know what's up ♪

(audience cheers)

♪ Don't change the track ♪

♪ Keep it constant ♪

- [Kip] You suck!

- What?

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You want some, come and get some ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ We don't take no smack ♪

- Hey, they got medication for that now.

♪ Well we live that ♪

♪ Turn your back ♪

♪ You want some come and get some ♪

♪ We're the Krunk Kings ♪

♪ We don't take no smack ♪

♪ We gonna bring that ♪

♪ To the city ♪

(crowd cheering)

- [Hector] Yeah!

That's right!

We got some.

We got some.

We got some moves.

Whoa!

(all clamoring)

♪ You want some come and get some ♪

♪ We're the Krunk Kings ♪

♪ We don't take no smack ♪

(whooshing)

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

(crowd cheering)

- [Kip] So, what do you think, boss?

- [Bill] What I always think.

It'll be a huge hit or a massive flop.

- How about a huge, massive, floppy hit?

- What the hell does that mean?

- I don't know.

- How did Cole's crew know
to show up at Justin's party?

- [Kip] Shh.

(groans)

- Why'd you do it, Kip?

- Why'd I do it?

Because I'm not about to let
some man-child in plastic pants

ruin what I've worked so hard for.

- At least that man-child knows who he is.

- Oh, okay.

So, what, you two are gonna
run off to magical cupcake

land and live happily ever after?

On what, your teaching salary?

His, his winnings from dance contests?

Grow up.

(sighs)

What are you doin' to me, girl?

Look, when times get tough,

you just gotta look at your hand,

see how nice this ring is,

and remember what you stand
to lose if you lose me.

- What I stand to lose?

Gag me with a big ego and a little di--

- Don't go there.

- You're a jerk-wad.

- Yeah, well, have fun babysitting.

- You know, Justin might
be a little kid, Kip,

but he's got more balls
than you'll ever have.

- What, like three?

- [Man] Kip, bust a move.

(all chattering)

- Oh, hell no.

You and your boyfriend
can take that good bitch,

bad bitch routine

and stick it right up your snutzy.

(ringing)
- Snutzy?

- Okay.

Terrified to ask what my snutzy is.

- I'll tell ya.

- And he's not my boyfriend.

He's probably gonna have
security drag me out

of the building in 10 seconds.

(sucking)

What do you guys need?

- It's not what.

It's who.

(soft rock music)

- Why are you smashing Legos?

- These are a lie.

They teach you that life's all fun

and you can make anything you want.

But you can't really
make anything you want.

You just get old, boring and fat.

How did you find me?

- It's the only bar in town with a B.M.X.

bike parked in front.

(sighs)

Justin, I'm sorry I ran out the other day.

I'm sorry it's because of Kip.

But if you let the Funky Fresh Boyz down--

- I let 'em down by
draggin' 'em into this!

Winning a break-dancing contest
is a stupid kid's dream!

You have to work to make
money, the way adults do.

Like, in an office.

Like, doin' office things.

Like, making copies

and not of your butt.

- Justin, maybe it is a kid's dream.

But I love you because you're a kid.

Everyone I know only cares about trying

to show how adult they are.

Except for you.

And that's the most
beautiful part about you.

And your friends, the ones
who never give up on you,

they need you.

Almost as much as I do.

- You want another one of these?

- Can I have a Shirley Temple?

To go.

- It's the final battle.

- Yeah!

(crowd cheering)

And here it goes.

Iced Cole Krew

versus, and I don't know
how they're still here,

but the Funky Fresh Boyz.

- Yeah!

(crowd cheering)

- Well, if it isn't Larry, Curly and Homo.

The final battle begins in three, two--

- Wait!

Wait!

- [Both] Justin.

- Well, look what the
'80s dragged in, folks.

- Kip, hold up.

Um, we're gonna need
to make a substitution.

- Oh, sorry.

Rules is rules.

Uh, you gotta dance with
the ones you brought.

- Let him dance!

- Shut up, Jen.

- Yeah!

Let him dance, let him dance!

- Let him dance!

Let him dance!

- [All] Let him dance!

Let him dance!

Let him dance!

Let him dance!

Let him dance!

Let him dance!

Let him dance!

Let him dance!

Let him dance!

- All right, all right, all right.

All right, awesome.

But it's actually up to Cole.

Cole.

- What's up, Chicken Little?

(all laughing)

- Don't worry, we got this.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

Let him dance, yo.

(all cheering)

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I knew you were gonna make it!

I knew you'd make it!

Come here!

Come on!

- Huddle up, guys.

When we were kids,

rap was all about food
and girls and fun stuff.

Now times have changed.

Now rap is all about

puttin' wheels on your
cars and slappin' women.

- Yeah.

- But this stuff can still be fun.

So, let's, let's just have fun out there.

- Okay, I got one thing to say.

Daniel-san, karate here,
karate here, karate never here.

- No, karate's not there.

- I'm sorry.

I was aiming for your belt.

- That's not karate, that's weird.

- Ancient crane technique,
if do right, no can defend.

Ay!

- What the hell does that mean?

- Guys, come on.

This is the first step
on the road to becoming

whatever the hell we want.

Homeboys forever.

- Homeboys forever.

- Homeboys forever.

- Homeboys forever.

- [All] Funky Fresh Boyz!

F.F.B.!

Yeah!

- [D.J. Tanner] Iced Cole
Krew, get to steppin'!

- Mom, how'd you find me?

But they need me.

- Justin, come on!

(funky dance music)

(crowd cheering)

- [Justin] Mom, this is important!

- Justin, this break-dancing thing

has caused this family
nothing but heartache.

- It's time to grow up, son.

- You want me to be a grown-up
and stop break-dancing?

That's fine.

I respect that.

But being a grown-up means
making your own decisions.

- Hey, come on!

Justin!

- The world don't move to
the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you
may not be right for some.

- Justin!

Come on, man!

- Everybody's got a way to shine.

They'll have theirs, you'll have yours,

and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine.

- It takes different strokes.

- Different strokes?

- Different strokes to move the world.

- You tear it up, son.

Okay?

You have a good time, have
fun, and you pop a move.

- All right.

Just, just go show those
player-haters who's bad.

- Thank you!

(all cheering)

- Let's jam!

- Gonna bust a move.

(crowd cheering)

- Prince Def Rock!

- Chilly Chill.

- P-P-P-Popcorn!

- Rocket Shoe.

- [All] Funky Fresh Boyz!

F.F.B.!

(crowd cheering)

- Whoo!

- Whoo!

(crowd cheering)

- Whoo!

- Watch how it's done, old man.

Step aside.

- [Justin Voiceover] I can do this.

Okay, well, maybe I can't.

I gotta do the move.

What you got?

- No, not again, Justin!

(crowd gasping)

- Oh, my God!

Justin!

- Justin!

No!

(triumphant music)

(crowd cheering)

- All right.

For $100.000,

and a one-year contract
with D-Zone Videos,

Iced Cole Krew!

(audience cheering)

Or the Funky Fresh--

(audience roars)

- My baby!

- Yeah!

Yeah!

- No!

Funky Fart Phonies!

- Oh, don't cry, Kip.

Whoa!

(groans)

- [Cole] You all right, dude?

(crowd booing)

- He ruins everything!

He gives the girl I like a
freakin' Garbage Pail Kid!

And I gotta wait 17 more
years to get in her pants!

This is bullshit!

Me and you, Justin!

Last dance-off.

You're gonna get served!

(funky dance music)

(crowd booing)

Look at me.

(audience booing)

You're all sluts!

- Kip, baby, calm down.

- How many of you people
even know you're alive?

- Kipper.

Hey, hey, hey.

It'll be fine.

His pasty white ass is not gonna be

on your network for a year.

(chuckles)

- Oh.

Thanks, Bill.

- He's gonna be on my network.

You're fired.

(audience laughing)

- You're firing me?

Kip?

Kippin' it real?

You're firing me?

What, are you freakin' retarded?

- It's not nice to say retarded.

(grunts)

(audience roars)

Hee-hee.

(humming)

- Did we win?

The worms in my brain say we win.

(grunts)

Get down with my bad--

(groans)

- Oh!

Keep it real, Kip!

(laughing)

(farts)

- Girls.

(upbeat rock music)

- We did it, baby!

We did it!

Here we go.

Here we go.

Yeah, yeah, show me the money!

Show me the money!
- Thank you.

- Yeah!

- [All] Yeah!

- [Audience] Funky Fresh, Funky Fresh!

Funky Fresh!

('80s pop music)

♪ I saw your eyes ♪

♪ And you made me smile ♪

♪ For a little while ♪

♪ I was falling in love ♪

♪ I was falling in love ♪

♪ I saw your eyes, I saw
your eyes, I saw your eyes ♪

♪ And you made me cry ♪

♪ And you made me cry,
and you made me cry ♪

♪ And for a little while, a
little while, a little while ♪

♪ I was falling in love ♪

♪ I was falling in love ♪

♪ Falling in love ♪

♪ Falling in love ♪

(hip-hop music)

♪ 1984, lyin in the grass ♪

♪ First time I ever got some ass ♪

♪ Pop rock in my mouth,
wanna go down South ♪

♪ But the Whopper in my
stomach really gave me gas ♪

♪ Listen you crazy, let's skip class ♪

♪ I got a fresh pack of
Hubba Bubba Berry Blast ♪

♪ I got money to kill and ants to burn ♪

♪ Drag car to the mall and a salon perm ♪

♪ Michael Jackson's got a glove ♪

♪ Prince is cryin like a dove ♪

♪ And the radio is kickin
that song "I Need Love" ♪

♪ I do too ♪

♪ So I hit the pavement
with my homeboy Stu ♪

♪ Break out the cardboard,
break out the beatbox ♪

♪ Take off your new shoes,
pop-lockin in socks ♪

♪ Hey Stu I got the robot, down on lock ♪

♪ I got a Cabbage Patch Kid
and he's still in the box ♪

♪ Where's the beef, where
where, where's the beef ♪

♪ Bring the beef back, bitch ♪

♪ Where's the beef, where
where, where's the beef ♪

♪ Who's got the beef ♪

♪ Where's the beef ♪

♪ Mother, mother, it's in your teeth ♪

♪ While your girlfriend's underneath ♪

♪ While you're chewin I'm pursuin ♪

♪ Started screwin that superfreak ♪

♪ She may be superfreaky,
but I'm super cool ♪

♪ I got a He-Man thermos
that I rock at school ♪

♪ My LaCosta's clean, and
I'm fresh and on scene ♪

♪ Got a Rubik's Cube
can't figure out mean ♪

♪ I got a Rubik's Cube
too but mines all black ♪

♪ I just peel off all the
stickers and don't put 'em back ♪

♪ Nancy got me feelin
antsy, say no to drugs ♪

♪ Mr. Drummond's givin
Arnold & Willis more hugs ♪

♪ Where's the beef, where
where, where's the beef ♪

♪ Where's the beef, where
where, where's the beef ♪

♪ To the left, left left ♪

♪ To the right, right right ♪

♪ To the left, left left ♪

♪ To the right, right right ♪

♪ Now everybody ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Are you ready to dance ♪

♪ DJ break it down like this ♪

♪ And this is what it's like
when we finally arrive ♪

♪ The party's the hype ♪

♪ The ladies so right ♪

♪ And this is what it's like ♪

♪ 'Cause this is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ And this is what it's like
when we finally arrive ♪

♪ The party's so hype ♪

♪ The ladies so right ♪

♪ And this is what it's like ♪

♪ 'Cause this is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ I'm in the 2200 CFA ♪

♪ Doing whatever I want ♪

♪ For as long as they let me ♪

♪ I'm in that CL ride double ♪

♪ With the chrome wheels ♪

♪ Ice in the grill ♪

♪ Canary yellow, slicin' to feel ♪

♪ Sittin' on top of the roof ♪

♪ Build it as high as the roof ♪

♪ Lookin' out at the crowd ♪

♪ And how are they boogie-ing to ♪

♪ Hey, yo, I'm up in VIP ♪

♪ With my six foot ID ♪

♪ Doin' tricks with IC,
trying to be my wifey, yeah ♪

♪ Now this is the life, this is the life ♪

♪ And this is what's up ♪

♪ I love it so much I can't get enough ♪

♪ And I ain't givin' it up ♪

♪ 'Cause this is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ It's so very lux, it's so very lux ♪

♪ It's so very lux ♪

♪ And this is what it's like
when we finally arrive ♪

♪ The party's so hype ♪

♪ The ladies so right ♪

♪ And this is what it's like ♪

♪ 'Cause this is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ And this is what it's like
when we finally arrive ♪

♪ The party's so hype ♪

♪ The ladies so right ♪

♪ And this is what it's like ♪

♪ 'Cause this is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ This is the life ♪

♪ No more sausages, mom ♪

♪ I want the links in the chain ♪

♪ In the West chapter ♪

♪ And my name on the plane ♪

♪ I got a five bedroom ♪

♪ Plus a D and two ♪

♪ Basketball courts, along
with them indoor pools ♪

♪ So rich Robin Leach wanna leech off me ♪

♪ And hang with them
loose, party up in LV ♪

♪ My jewels they bling
like the stars at night ♪

♪ Blinding every car, blinding every car ♪

♪ That pass at night ♪

♪ Right ♪

♪ Now this is the life, this is the life ♪

♪ And this is what's
up, this is what's up ♪

♪ I love it so much I can't get enough ♪

♪ And I ain't giving it up ♪

♪ 'Cause this is the life ♪

♪ It's so very lux ♪