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1
00:00:01,003 --> 00:00:03,187
I've done a lot of
soul searching lately,
2
00:00:03,188 --> 00:00:05,057
and I've come to realise
that the biggest problem
3
00:00:05,058 --> 00:00:06,697
in my relationship is my partner.
4
00:00:06,698 --> 00:00:08,169
Unpack that for me.
5
00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:09,659
Shake it out, put it on some hangers.
6
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:11,719
Well, she's self-centered, thoughtless,
7
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,159
flaky, and worst of all,
8
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,459
she's inconsistent with all of that,
9
00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:15,685
because the other half of the time,
10
00:00:15,686 --> 00:00:18,279
she's lovely and generous
and she makes me laugh,
11
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,679
and that somehow just
adds to my frustration.
12
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,024
That sounds quite challenging.
13
00:00:22,025 --> 00:00:23,560
- Yeah.
- Jann?
14
00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:27,070
15
00:00:27,071 --> 00:00:29,198
- What do you think?
- Oh, I don't.
16
00:00:29,199 --> 00:00:31,079
- You don't?
- She doesn't.
17
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,119
OK, both of you, on your feet.
18
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:34,990
OK, we're gonna need some room.
19
00:00:34,996 --> 00:00:36,939
I got this. You, limber up.
20
00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:39,219
Jann, limber up and explore the space.
21
00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:40,875
- I'm good.
- Jann!
22
00:00:40,876 --> 00:00:43,579
Some couples can solve their problems
23
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,239
with chitchat on a sofa.
24
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,967
But you two need to three-dimensionalise
your communication.
25
00:00:48,968 --> 00:00:51,053
You need to get out of your
heads and into your bodies.
26
00:00:51,054 --> 00:00:54,059
So, let's wake up our faces
with some lip trills.
27
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:57,018
Brr!!
28
00:00:57,030 --> 00:01:01,146
Brr!!
29
00:01:01,147 --> 00:01:04,300
Take it out on the bear.
No limitations. One at a time.
30
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:13,366
(GRUNTING)
31
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:15,783
If your partner was a celebrity,
who would she be?
32
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,919
- Jann Arden.
- No, a real celebrity. An American.
33
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:18,929
Oh.
34
00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:20,239
When the ball comes to you,
35
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,376
you make the sound of your inner animal.
36
00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:25,580
- Meow? Meow, meow!
- Good!
37
00:01:25,588 --> 00:01:27,159
Meow! Meow!
38
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,280
Ee-haw! Ee-haw!
39
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,279
- Jackass?
- Go. Woo! Woo!
40
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:33,779
Sorry, this will have to wait.
41
00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:35,829
- We've run out of time.
- What a shame!
42
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:36,900
That's too bad.
43
00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:39,659
So, your homework:
44
00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,429
be there for each other.
45
00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:44,839
You each get to ask the other
to drop everything for you
46
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:45,849
once this week.
47
00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:47,319
OK?
48
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,108
- Great. See you next time.
- OK.
49
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,737
Come dressed to move!
50
00:01:50,738 --> 00:01:54,930
I don't think I love you enough
to do... improv games.
51
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:57,199
Well, you're gonna love me
even less when you find out
52
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,619
that I pre-paid for three sessions.
53
00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,459
- I don't like surprises.
- Says the woman
54
00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,625
- who's constantly surprising everyone.
- I need signatures.
55
00:02:02,626 --> 00:02:04,619
Dammit, Cale! What are you doing here?
56
00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:07,492
My job. You've got a new batch of
non-disclosure agreements to sign.
57
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:09,897
- For what?
- Can't say. I signed them, too.
58
00:02:09,898 --> 00:02:11,923
This is our therapist's office.
59
00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,267
It is a sacred place.
60
00:02:13,268 --> 00:02:16,373
I once got signatures from a
music exec during her C-section.
61
00:02:16,374 --> 00:02:18,839
- I doubt that's legally binding.
- Definitely not.
62
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,476
At the time, she was
tripping all the balls.
63
00:02:20,477 --> 00:02:23,219
- It's Max. Hey, Max.
- I need a favour.
64
00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:26,815
Can you be "celebrity" judge at
tonight's school's talent show?
65
00:02:26,816 --> 00:02:28,732
- How much does...
- None. No money.
66
00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,639
- Will they have...
- No. No food either.
67
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,586
There's just bake sale stuff,
and you'd have to buy that.
68
00:02:32,588 --> 00:02:36,109
- Stupid.
- Please just do it.
69
00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:39,199
Well, I kinda heard finger quotes
around the word "celebrity."
70
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,621
This is important, OK?
71
00:02:40,622 --> 00:02:42,319
If I don't rescue the talent show,
72
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,082
then I'm kicked off the
Parents' Committee.
73
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:45,359
And I already have two strikes.
74
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,479
Hi! This is Cale, Jann's manager.
75
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,099
Jann's time is extremely
limited, so she must decline.
76
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,840
But she wishes you the best of luck
77
00:02:51,841 --> 00:02:52,849
- with your endeavour.
- Yes!
78
00:02:52,850 --> 00:02:54,459
Hey. Listen to me! Most of the people
79
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,319
on the Parents' Committee
are pure garbage.
80
00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,095
If I'm kicked off, then I can't
vote down their garbage ideas.
81
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,517
I'm sure it's not that bad.
82
00:03:01,518 --> 00:03:04,339
I say we cancel Anti-Bullying Day
83
00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:07,312
so our kids don't grow up
to be loser snowflakes.
84
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:09,080
- All in favour?
- (ALL): Aye!
85
00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:10,734
Excellent.
86
00:03:10,735 --> 00:03:13,319
Oh, geez. Okay, I'll... I'll do it.
87
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,572
Great. Look, I don't have
time for a long thank you.
88
00:03:16,573 --> 00:03:17,759
That woman needs therapy.
89
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,399
My entire job is to get you better gigs,
90
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,615
and you accept Talent Night?
91
00:03:20,616 --> 00:03:22,760
I owe it to Max for going on tour.
92
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,165
Maybe this will make it up to her.
93
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:26,399
I'm calling in my therapy favour,
94
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,079
because tonight is going
to be a living hell,
95
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,214
so I need you to be there.
96
00:03:31,215 --> 00:03:32,679
- Then I will be there.
- OK.
97
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,279
I have a few things
to finish up at work.
98
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,301
But I'll see you tonight.
99
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,379
- Bye.
- Bye.
100
00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:39,759
Her work ethic is attractive.
101
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,659
I work too, Cale. And I don't need
you popping up everywhere I go
102
00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:45,879
like a freaking serial killer!
103
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,179
So you don't need me to remind you
104
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,439
that you've got lunch with the winner
of last week's silent auction
105
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,565
in 25 minutes?
106
00:03:50,566 --> 00:03:52,629
Pfft. No.
107
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:54,179
I remembered that.
108
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,071
I'm leaving to go there right now.
109
00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:57,380
Here I go.
110
00:03:58,490 --> 00:04:00,160
Want me to send the address?
111
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:03,232
Cale, if that makes you happy, then yes.
112
00:04:03,233 --> 00:04:04,288
Drop me a pin.
113
00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:11,836
(CRUNCHING)
114
00:04:11,837 --> 00:04:14,589
I hear ice crunching.
What are you stressed about?
115
00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:16,801
Well, loads of things, but one
being Charley has a new job.
116
00:04:16,802 --> 00:04:19,180
I thought she became a sandwich artist.
117
00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:21,940
Fired due to lack of creativity.
118
00:04:21,950 --> 00:04:23,049
Jesus.
119
00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:24,579
What's her new gig?
120
00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:25,682
I'm afraid to ask.
121
00:04:25,683 --> 00:04:28,279
But she's out in the garage
waiting to show me.
122
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,939
OK. I'll go.
123
00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:32,854
But I swear to God, if it's a grow-op,
124
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,819
you're looking at an angel investor.
125
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:37,269
Thank you. I just don't have
the energy for it right now.
126
00:04:37,270 --> 00:04:38,859
Yeah. Well, neither do I,
but that's the difference
127
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,290
between a man and a hero.
128
00:04:41,367 --> 00:04:43,715
- What do you think?
- I think it's a rickshaw.
129
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:46,581
It's a foot taxi. And it's
such a good opportunity!
130
00:04:46,582 --> 00:04:48,699
All I need is an app
and my own foot taxi
131
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:49,869
to start accepting rides.
132
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,848
You know, I know you really
want to find your "thing,"
133
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,899
but I think you need to start
134
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,699
giving these jobs just
a little more thought,
135
00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:56,940
- because...
- Daddy!
136
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,560
Frankie broke the toilet!
137
00:04:59,570 --> 00:05:01,629
OK, you know what, you do you.
138
00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:05,640
?
139
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,439
Hey, I am so sorry I'm late,
140
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:12,812
there was a family of Canada Geese
141
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,239
that was crossing 16th Ave.
142
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,479
- Traffic was backed...
- The old Goose Excuse, eh?
143
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,199
It's served us well in the
past, hasn't it, Jann?
144
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,239
Todd!
145
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,659
What are you doing here?
146
00:05:21,660 --> 00:05:23,825
I'm supposed to be having
lunch with whatever psycho
147
00:05:23,826 --> 00:05:26,452
- won me at the silent auction.
- Surprise!
148
00:05:26,453 --> 00:05:29,831
- I'm the psycho!
- You paid to have lunch with me?
149
00:05:29,832 --> 00:05:31,179
Your auction was getting ignored,
150
00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:33,001
so I pledged 200 bucks to get it moving.
151
00:05:33,002 --> 00:05:35,439
An hour later, I outbid
myself by another 100.
152
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,229
Hey, we may not be in business anymore,
153
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:39,341
but I've always loved a Jann Lunch.
154
00:05:39,342 --> 00:05:41,379
Well, you're very sweet, so thank you.
155
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:42,799
Nothing any manager, former manager,
156
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:43,888
wouldn't do for their client. Friend.
157
00:05:43,889 --> 00:05:45,699
Oh, I can think of one manager
158
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:48,267
that wouldn't this in a bajillion years.
159
00:05:48,268 --> 00:05:51,359
- What is this?
- It's a Jann Lunch!
160
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,279
First course is always
filling up on bread.
161
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,229
Yes, Jann Lunch!
162
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,099
We cannot be late, OK? Just make sure
163
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,266
- that you have everything that you need!
- OK.
164
00:05:58,267 --> 00:05:59,944
I made sure they peed,
snacks are in the car,
165
00:05:59,945 --> 00:06:01,238
and I've got their stems!
166
00:06:01,239 --> 00:06:03,079
Dave? Where are you?
167
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,459
Sorry, we had a situation
up to the shoulder blades.
168
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:06,827
The onesie couldn't be saved.
169
00:06:06,828 --> 00:06:10,869
Hey, Charley, we're off, so good
luck with your... rickshaw shift.
170
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,499
Foot taxi. But I don't
think I can do this.
171
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,836
Oh, come on! You've gotta
stop giving up so quick... oh!
172
00:06:15,837 --> 00:06:18,209
This is the uniform they sent me.
173
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:20,659
OK, so when they said
all-female company,
174
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:21,869
- they meant...
- Hooters on wheels?
175
00:06:21,870 --> 00:06:23,715
That's exactly what
they're going for, yeah.
176
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:25,799
- I'm such an idiot.
- No, you're not.
177
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,099
I mean, how were you supposed to know?
178
00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:29,049
The company is called...
179
00:06:29,050 --> 00:06:30,359
Haul Girl.
180
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,811
Oh. Then yeah, you should've known.
181
00:06:36,910 --> 00:06:39,539
Here come the judge,
here come the judge!
182
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:41,499
I know it's an old reference,
but if you google it
183
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,479
you'll realise how super funny it is.
184
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,569
What are you doing here?
185
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,460
I thought you were gonna
meet us at the school.
186
00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:48,699
I got a lift with Todd.
I thought I'd ride with you guys.
187
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,497
Yeah, but we have two
boosters and a car seat
188
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:54,379
and Mom and a crap ton of banana bread,
189
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:57,159
- so there's no room for you.
- What am I supposed to do, walk?
190
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,921
No. There's an app for that.
191
00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:04,619
- How are you doing back there?
- Oh, I'm really, really great.
192
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:06,049
You warm enough in
those shorts, Charley?
193
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,859
I'm worried about your
colon catching a chill.
194
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,549
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
195
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:12,479
Hey, Cale. Five minutes away.
196
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,540
Maybe fifteen.
197
00:07:15,437 --> 00:07:17,105
(PHONE CHIMING)
198
00:07:17,106 --> 00:07:20,185
- _
- Oh, you've gotta be freaking kidding me!
199
00:07:20,186 --> 00:07:21,193
Pothole!
200
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,760
Thank you.
201
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,839
There's gotta be, like,
three bake sales'
202
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,469
- worth of banana bread in here.
- Oh, come on.
203
00:07:35,470 --> 00:07:38,550
The Parents Committee
is very hard to impress,
204
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,359
- and Bitchy Liz hates me.
- Yeah.
205
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,169
I know. Well, we all know she likes me.
206
00:07:43,170 --> 00:07:44,959
A little too much. Hi, Liz.
207
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,779
Yeah, well, that's probably
'cause she's married
208
00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:48,386
to the single most boring
man on the planet.
209
00:07:48,387 --> 00:07:51,819
I mean, he is off-the-charts hot,
210
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:56,059
but a conversation with him
is like listening to paint dry.
211
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,739
- I don't think that's a saying.
- Anyway, the point is,
212
00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:00,299
that Bitchy Liz just can't resist
213
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,192
your average guy depth and complexity.
214
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,270
Average, huh? Here she comes.
215
00:08:05,279 --> 00:08:07,780
- You're on your own.
- Uh...
216
00:08:07,781 --> 00:08:10,867
Max! So glad that you
decided to show up.
217
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:13,819
Where's your sister?
What's her name? Fran?
218
00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:15,659
- Jann. Jann.
- Stan? Oh, Jann.
219
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,899
She will be here any minute
220
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:19,659
and she's really excited to
make this a night to remember.
221
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:22,679
Just to be clear, this event is well
below Jann's typical standards,
222
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,659
so you need to expect the bare
minimum from her tonight.
223
00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:25,674
And no photos.
224
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,340
So I think it's gonna be a great night!
225
00:08:29,344 --> 00:08:31,889
Well, for your sake, I hope so.
226
00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:41,120
- Do you need help dismounting?
- Nope.
227
00:08:41,780 --> 00:08:43,690
Oh!
228
00:08:43,692 --> 00:08:49,439
I'm just texting some very carefully
curated words and emojis.
229
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:50,609
Here.
230
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,576
- Everything will be fine.
- OK...
231
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:55,019
Gotta run.
232
00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:56,914
- You can tip me on the app!
- No, thanks!
233
00:08:56,915 --> 00:08:58,200
(PHONE CHIMING)
234
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,419
_
235
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,289
Guess I'm doin' this.
236
00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:08,119
Hi, it's Cynthia.
237
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,051
Leave me a message,
or I'll see you in court.
238
00:09:10,052 --> 00:09:12,539
Hey, it's me. Do you
mind calling me back?
239
00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:15,799
I think we need to have a
calm and open conversation
240
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:20,469
about how you cancelling on me
is really, really, really not OK.
241
00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:23,719
- Ah!
- Normally I don't mind
242
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,479
if work stuff comes up, but
this is a little bit different
243
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,238
because this was our
relationship homework
244
00:09:30,239 --> 00:09:33,157
and I brayed like a donkey
for you, goddammit!
245
00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:35,489
There you are! Come on!
246
00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:37,199
Ow! You're pinching me!
247
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,747
I need you in your judge's
chair right away,
248
00:09:38,748 --> 00:09:39,819
we're starting soon.
249
00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:42,179
Just promise me I'm not gonna
regret asking you to do this.
250
00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:46,219
- Max, I promise. I'm here for you.
- (PHONE CHIMING)
251
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:47,789
That's her reply?
252
00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:48,839
"K"?
253
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,239
Just the one letter?
254
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,261
- Not even the "O"?
- OK.
255
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,227
Oh, gosh!
256
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:58,929
You modern dads. I mean, so involved!
257
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,392
I'm literally just holding her.
258
00:10:00,393 --> 00:10:03,313
- Is the fatherhood bar really that low?
- (LAUGHING)
259
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:09,069
Oh, my God! Uh-oh, he's funny, too.
260
00:10:12,660 --> 00:10:15,099
- Taxi for Brad?
- Yep.
261
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,035
All right. Where to?
262
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,787
Anywhere you're going, babe.
263
00:10:20,122 --> 00:10:22,498
Aaaand I'm done.
264
00:10:22,499 --> 00:10:26,688
Hello! And on behalf of
the Parents Committee,
265
00:10:26,689 --> 00:10:29,046
of which I am definitely a member,
266
00:10:29,047 --> 00:10:31,799
I would like to welcome you
to tonight's talent show.
267
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,379
- (JANN TEXTING FURIOUSLY)
- Or as we like to call it,
268
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,509
Mount Pleasant's Got Talent.
269
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:39,516
(APPLAUSE)
270
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,419
Now, we have a great show
lined up for you tonight:
271
00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:45,929
we've got music,
272
00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:48,019
and magic, and acting,
273
00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:51,569
and some kind of computer thing;
so we have just got it all.
274
00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:54,531
Now, we are about to get started,
so now would be a good time
275
00:10:54,532 --> 00:10:55,991
to put your phones away.
276
00:10:56,992 --> 00:10:59,368
Now, before we get started,
I would like to introduce to you
277
00:10:59,369 --> 00:11:03,039
- tonight's celebrity judge!
- Hi.
278
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,666
No, I can talk, it's OK.
279
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,710
My big sister, Jann Arden!
280
00:11:07,738 --> 00:11:11,130
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
281
00:11:11,131 --> 00:11:13,799
I'm sorry? I couldn't hear you. Yeah.
282
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,012
They're all clapping. You're
going to a working dinner?
283
00:11:17,013 --> 00:11:21,179
So Jann will give the performers
her professional feedback,
284
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,684
and at the end of the night,
she will announce tonight's winner.
285
00:11:23,685 --> 00:11:26,309
You're going to a dinner with Maggie?!
286
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,648
- Jann!
- I gotta go.
287
00:11:27,649 --> 00:11:30,229
But, oh, my God, Maggie?
288
00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:32,639
OK, let the talent show begin!
289
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:37,574
(APPLAUSE)
290
00:11:39,243 --> 00:11:43,829
? I'm squishing up my baby bumblebee ?
291
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,639
? Won't my mommy be
so proud of meeeeeee? ?
292
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,840
She's not even watching.
293
00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:49,439
That costume is store-bought,
and it shows.
294
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,577
She literally just keeps texting.
295
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:54,258
Our girls are so much better
than this, it's almost sad.
296
00:11:54,259 --> 00:11:56,160
? It's all over me ?
297
00:11:56,170 --> 00:12:01,049
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
298
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,620
Feedback!
299
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:05,739
Ahem!
300
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,399
Yes. My feedback.
301
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:12,309
My feedback to you is:
at least you showed up.
302
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:15,519
Which is more than I can
say for some people,
303
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,829
because some people said
they were gonna show up,
304
00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:19,859
and did they show up?
305
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,319
- No!
- OK,
306
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,559
so we're just having some
technical difficulties.
307
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,279
We're gonna take a short intermission
308
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,239
and then we'll just
return with the show.
309
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,749
Make sure to do the Cake Walk!
310
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,004
- Cale. Baby.
- No, no, no, no!
311
00:12:35,132 --> 00:12:37,627
I guess I should introduce
myself. My name is Cale.
312
00:12:37,628 --> 00:12:40,259
I'm an artists' representative.
313
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,879
Hey, is that banana bread?
314
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,819
Where... where... where
are people getting that?
315
00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:46,009
- Hey!
- What is wrong with you?
316
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:47,599
I'm so glad you asked.
317
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,539
After therapy, Cynthia promised me
318
00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:52,354
- that we would, you know...
- Nobody cares!
319
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,879
OK? It sucks that she's
not here for you,
320
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,399
but it also sucks that you're
not here for me, or these kids,
321
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,899
or all these people that
are actually excited
322
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:02,034
that you're here tonight.
323
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:05,279
You said that you would help me.
324
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,880
Can you just be an adult and
do what you said you'd do?
325
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,629
- Mmm!
- (CHUCKLING)
326
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,240
Oh!
327
00:13:27,768 --> 00:13:29,686
(CHUCKLING)
328
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,195
(STAMMERING)
329
00:13:39,196 --> 00:13:41,109
Oh. Here. No. No this way.
330
00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:42,199
Just move it!
331
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:47,859
OK, so, welcome back.
332
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:51,332
If everybody could please take
your seats, we're about to start
333
00:13:51,333 --> 00:13:53,627
- the second half of the show.
- Oh. Thank you.
334
00:13:56,500 --> 00:14:00,799
- ? You say potato ?
- ? And I say potato ?
335
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,909
- ? You say tomato ?
- ? And I say tomato ?
336
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:08,419
(HIP-HOP MUSIC)
337
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:12,839
? Making all my dreams a reality ?
338
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,979
My talent is completing levels
1 through 10 of Zorman's Quest
339
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,000
in under four minutes.
340
00:14:19,903 --> 00:14:24,389
We all know how these chocolate
bar fundraisers really work.
341
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:26,059
Your mom eats all your chocolate bars
342
00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:30,139
and then has to write the
school a cheque for $160.
343
00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:31,456
End of fundraiser.
344
00:14:31,468 --> 00:14:35,794
(HIP-HOP MUSIC)
345
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:39,547
(VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS)
346
00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:42,269
It's called The Carousel.
347
00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:46,890
It lets us travel the
way a child travels.
348
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:50,599
Round and around, and back home again,
349
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,639
to a place where we know we are loved.
350
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,820
- ? Potato ?
- ? Potato ?
351
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,139
- ? Tomato ?
- ? Tomato ?
352
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,902
? Let's call the whole thing off ?
353
00:15:01,903 --> 00:15:04,608
(SPRUCED-UP ORIENTAL MUSIC)
354
00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:07,759
I shouldn't pick on my mom.
355
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,912
If she had any self-control,
I wouldn't exist.
356
00:15:10,939 --> 00:15:13,539
(LAUGHTER)
357
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:15,780
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
358
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:21,299
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
359
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,959
OK, well done!
360
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,319
I guess it's time for our
judge to pick the winner.
361
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,500
Can I get everybody else on stage?
362
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,720
- Jann?
- Thank you.
363
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:35,430
Wow. I have to thank you, kids.
364
00:15:35,437 --> 00:15:40,274
I was having a bad day and, um,
all your hard work and bravery
365
00:15:40,275 --> 00:15:43,208
has just given me a
completely different outlook.
366
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:46,699
You guys did your best,
you put yourself out there,
367
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:50,479
and I just have so much
hope for the future.
368
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:56,540
And with that in mind,
I have decided on a winner.
369
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,330
And the winner is...
370
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:01,980
all of you!
371
00:16:01,990 --> 00:16:06,801
Everybody wins the talent show!
All of you are winning!
372
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,300
That's a load of crap!
373
00:16:09,304 --> 00:16:11,680
This is supposed to be a competition!
374
00:16:11,681 --> 00:16:15,100
We didn't come here for this!
We want winners and losers!
375
00:16:15,101 --> 00:16:16,649
Glory and shame!
376
00:16:16,650 --> 00:16:21,050
(BOOING)
377
00:16:21,470 --> 00:16:24,859
(BOOING)
378
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:28,959
Really? That's what we're gonna do?
379
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,139
Don't you guys get it?
380
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:34,039
I was so touched by all
your kids doing their best
381
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,019
that I wanted to reward all of them.
382
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:38,499
But which one was the
best at doing their best?
383
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,084
Treating everyone the same
384
00:16:40,085 --> 00:16:42,160
is bad for my son's self-esteem.
385
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:44,421
Well, I just think you
guys are super immature...
386
00:16:44,422 --> 00:16:45,799
- I don't think you understand...
- (ALL TALKING AT THE SAME TIME)
387
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,133
And don't seem to know what
your actual argument is...
388
00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:50,094
(ALL TALKING AT THE SAME TIME)
389
00:16:50,095 --> 00:16:53,847
- So, how you doing?
- Yeah, yeah, good.
390
00:16:53,848 --> 00:16:57,518
I was worried sick that this
talent thing would be a disaster.
391
00:16:57,519 --> 00:17:00,020
Now that it is a disaster,
I can kind of relax.
392
00:17:00,021 --> 00:17:02,619
- That's good.
- Yeah.
393
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:04,359
What does she have in her hand?
394
00:17:05,527 --> 00:17:08,319
Oh, Cale gave her a business card.
395
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,579
She seems pretty attached to it.
396
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,864
You're a monster!
397
00:17:10,865 --> 00:17:12,283
And you know what else?
398
00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:14,118
Your Christmas album is overrated!
399
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,909
- Oh, hell no.
- OK, go get 'em.
400
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,419
Excuse me!
401
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:20,052
My sister is a very busy woman.
402
00:17:20,053 --> 00:17:22,549
She didn't actually have to do this, OK?
403
00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:26,462
And this is the thanks she gets?
It's just a silly talent show!
404
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:29,379
"Just... Just a silly talent
show," Max, really?
405
00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:32,052
Is that something a person on the
Parents Committee would say?
406
00:17:32,053 --> 00:17:34,638
Oh, you know what, Liz? Kiss my ass!
407
00:17:34,639 --> 00:17:37,000
Yeah, Liz! Pucker up, buttercup!
408
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,353
OK, unless you declare one winner,
409
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,779
you are gonna get three strikes
410
00:17:41,780 --> 00:17:43,349
and I'll have to take you
off the Parents Committee.
411
00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:45,619
Oh, bring it on! I don't
actually care anymore.
412
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:46,814
Give me five strikes!
413
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,237
Give her ten strikes!
Give her all the strikes!
414
00:17:49,238 --> 00:17:52,859
- What a family of jackasses.
- All right, enough.
415
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,618
I'm gonna put a stop to this right now.
416
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,160
My whole jackass family
417
00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:58,496
- to the car, please.
- Yeah!
418
00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:04,042
Now, girls. Yes, you were great.
You were all great.
419
00:18:04,043 --> 00:18:05,252
You guys were really great.
420
00:18:05,253 --> 00:18:07,589
My serotonin is, like, here right now.
421
00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:10,559
Dave? Great news.
422
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,819
Suddenly, we have an opening
on the Parents Committee.
423
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,979
- Hmm.
- Now, anyone would kill for this spot,
424
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:19,433
but if you're interested, I would
love to squeeze you... in.
425
00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:21,784
You know, committees aren't
really my thing, Liz...
426
00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:24,079
Oh, come on! We would have
so much fun together,
427
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,482
working on all the things that
I want to change around here.
428
00:18:26,483 --> 00:18:29,027
Like replacing vaccinations
with essential oils.
429
00:18:29,028 --> 00:18:31,859
So, warding off measles with sage,
430
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:34,399
- that's your big plan?
- Yes.
431
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,359
Oh, that's smart.
432
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,989
- You know what? Sign me up.
- OK.
433
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:39,399
Yeah, I'd love to make my vote count.
434
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,499
- Good!
- Good.
435
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,779
- Great!
- Science.
436
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:43,457
Right.
437
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:47,069
Well, girls, this may not
have been your best day...
438
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:50,020
Certainly wasn't. I told a couple
hundred people to kiss my ass.
439
00:18:50,050 --> 00:18:52,388
- I never did find that banana bread!
- Right.
440
00:18:52,389 --> 00:18:55,219
Not every day's a diamond.
441
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:58,999
But I'm happy to say I had a good day
442
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,432
and I put it to good use.
443
00:19:00,433 --> 00:19:04,937
- Want me to drive?
- Oh, God, no. No.
444
00:19:04,938 --> 00:19:09,229
?
445
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:12,279
Listen, Lenore, we've had a rocky week,
446
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,489
so maybe we can just skip
the weird therapy games?
447
00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:15,490
What happened?
448
00:19:16,930 --> 00:19:18,075
I let Jann down.
449
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:20,911
I said I would be there for
her, like you suggested,
450
00:19:20,912 --> 00:19:23,247
but then a work thing came up.
451
00:19:23,248 --> 00:19:24,331
(COUGHING)
452
00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:25,837
A work dinner.
453
00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:27,126
(COUGHING)
454
00:19:27,127 --> 00:19:28,627
With Maggie,
455
00:19:28,628 --> 00:19:31,797
who had a big crush on
me and who kissed me
456
00:19:31,798 --> 00:19:33,754
- at last year's Christmas party.
- Oh.
457
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,319
Wasn't the kiss that bothered me.
458
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,679
It was that you didn't tell me
about the kiss for three months.
459
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:38,859
That bothered me.
460
00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:40,999
It was one of the things
that we broke up over.
461
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,639
Well, I'm not surprised.
462
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,642
Cynthia, you're like a closed book,
463
00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:46,539
you guard your feelings and your time,
464
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:48,610
while Jann is an open book. Wide open.
465
00:19:48,619 --> 00:19:51,605
Pages are falling all over the
place because it's spineless.
466
00:19:51,606 --> 00:19:53,951
And your feelings are always public,
467
00:19:53,952 --> 00:19:56,619
and your time is always
"first come first served",
468
00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:58,031
and I know that these differences
469
00:19:58,032 --> 00:20:00,243
are the reasons you're
having problems right now,
470
00:20:00,269 --> 00:20:02,245
but they're also the very qualities
471
00:20:02,246 --> 00:20:05,479
that can make you a
strong and stable couple.
472
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:06,624
With a little work.
473
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,543
Wow, Lenore. Holy crap,
474
00:20:09,544 --> 00:20:13,005
you are a way better
psychiatrist than I thought.
475
00:20:13,006 --> 00:20:15,507
Oh, that's very kind of you.
But I'm not a psychiatrist.
476
00:20:15,508 --> 00:20:16,975
Sorry. Sorry. Psychologist.
477
00:20:16,976 --> 00:20:18,969
- Not a psychologist.
- Therapist? Counselor?
478
00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:21,139
- Nope.
- What's with the fancy diploma?
479
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:24,266
Oh, that's from my calligraphy course.
480
00:20:24,267 --> 00:20:27,395
My final exam was making my own diploma.
481
00:20:28,340 --> 00:20:29,560
Yeah.
482
00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:36,149
Beautiful penmanship.
483
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:38,700
I really like your T's.
484
00:20:42,494 --> 00:20:46,079
All right, I want you to choose
your least favourite body part
485
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,041
and lead yourself around the
room with that body part.
486
00:20:49,042 --> 00:20:52,294
That's it. That's it. Good. Good.
487
00:20:52,295 --> 00:20:53,587
Boy, you came to it quick.
488
00:20:53,588 --> 00:20:55,168
I don't even know what you don't like.
489
00:20:55,169 --> 00:20:56,423
You have the best bum.
490
00:20:56,424 --> 00:20:57,758
Wiggle the bum, wiggle the bum.
491
00:20:57,759 --> 00:20:59,427
Your worst nightmare. Mime it.
492
00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:03,889
Let's just make yourselves
small. Smaller whimper.
493
00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,419
- Sorry?
- Without thinking,
494
00:21:05,420 --> 00:21:07,499
describe your partner
as a hot lunch. And go.
495
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,735
- Corn dog.
- Bone broth.
496
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,355
No peeking.
497
00:21:11,356 --> 00:21:13,599
? I am cool and I'm wise ?
498
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,499
? And I'm larger than your life ?
499
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,977
? I am bigger than the sun ?
? Watch me burning to the end ?
500
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,824
? Of all time, I'll be fine ?
501
00:21:20,825 --> 00:21:23,419
? Watch me breaking
through finish line ?
502
00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:25,828
? Finish line ?
503
00:21:25,829 --> 00:21:30,697
? I am an army ?
504
00:21:30,698 --> 00:21:32,335
? I don't do what I'm told ?
505
00:21:32,385 --> 00:21:36,935
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