All language subtitles for SLEKIKR

He said, "I don't bother
with the Grand National any more.

"Last year, my horse started
at 33-to-1 at Aintree

"and ended up as 2-for-1 at ASDA."

(LAUGHTER)

Excuse me!
Could we get the bill, please?

Of course.

Anyway, like I was saying, erm,
we were at Lingfield. '89, was it?

- KEVIN: No! It was later than that.
- Eh?

KEVIN: Yes, it was after Diana had died.

- Well, what's she got to do with it?
- Well, I, I just remember.

All right, well, '99, whatever, and the
Professor here had worked out if we

put this accumulator on seven races we
could have made, what was it, Archie?

- Half a million.
- Half a million!

Well, it wasn't half a million,
it was 469,000.

MALCOLM: Yeah, all right, fucking hell.

We're not to the nearest quid, are we?

Kevin, will you stop
interrupting me flow?

- Yep, I'm sorry.
- Right.

So, we all had to pick seven horses
and put a tenner each in the diddlum.

The what?

The diddlum.

What's a diddlum?

The diddlum!
It's a whatsit where you all chip in!

It's a diddlum,
you never heard of a diddlum?

- No. (LAUGHS)
- It's where you pay in a bit each week.

It's a savings scheme.

Oh, what, sort of like a Northern thing?

You know, "Put, put that money in't
diddlum and buy some whippets

"and barm cakes and..."

Sorry, go on.

So, anyway, er, we'd all put
in our diddlum money

and chose a horse each
for the first round.

Er, you had, what was it,
er, Hoof Hearted?

Hoof Hearted, 3-1 second favourite.

Prof chose some fancy writer thing.

- Outrageous...
- Outrageous Fortune.

- That's it, after the Bette Midler film.
- Shakespeare.

And I had Mashie Niblick at 50-to-1.

Yeah, you see, clever boy,
back the outsider.

Exactly!
To push the winnings up.

"Life is either a daring adventure
or it is nothing at all."

Do you know who said that?

- Helen Keller.
- Ah, Going For Gold.

That's Henry Kelly!

-(ALL LAUGH)
- Oh, yeah, sorry, yeah.

So, anyway, what happened next,
I gave the diddlum money to Archie.

- He didn't.
- I did!

He says he did,
but he was found, he was found...

- No, let me finish!
- He was found in the hospitality area.

- Rubbish!
- With two dolly birds

and a full English breakfast.

- Slightly worse for wear.
- Well, I was upset that Diana had died.

And he'd spent the lot.

- No!
- ARCHIE: Yep, kerching!

- What, diddled the diddlum?
- He did indeed.

CRAIG: Malcolm!

So just be warned, Craig, you can't
trust him as far as you can throw him.

(COUGHS) Excuse me, Archie,
people in glass houses...

What?

Shouldn't throw stones.

No, they should throw
sex parties with strippers.

(LAUGHING)

So come on then, what happened then?
No, don't tell me.

All the horses came in, right?

ARCHIE: Yeah, exactly.
Half a million down the drain!

Oh!

- Well, 469,000.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

It's only money, in't it, Craig?

Not worth falling out over.

There you go, gentlemen.
I hope you enjoy your meal.

- ARCHIE: It was lovely, thanks.
- Excuse me, darling,

could we get some mints?

Please?

You know, the mints
in the bowl by the till?

Just to cleanse the palate.

Oh, no, the kitchen boy
will cleanse the palates.

No, no, not plates.
The palate.

You know, the palate.

I mean the mints, in the mouth.
Sucky-sucky.

Oh. Oh, sorry,
yes, erm, I'll get you some.

It's my first day.

Well, she's not getting a tip.

I wouldn't mind giving her my tip.

What are you doing
asking for piss-mints?

- Eh?
- Piss-mints by the till?

Why are they piss-mints?

'Cause people come out the bogs,
they don't wash their hands,

and then they dip in
for a mint on the way past.

No! People aren't animals.

They are actually. They did a test.

Exactly. They tested a bowl.
They found 15 different types of piss.

What do you mean,
"different types of piss"?

There aren't "different types of piss".

There are, like fine wines.

Jesus Christ, I can't wait
to get back to Chiswick.

Oh, yeah, because London piss is
like sparkling water, in't it?

Just drink it straight back down again.

Well, pretty much, yeah.

Well, I'm just telling ya,
mints in Northern restaurants,

they're all drenched in piss.

And faecal matter.

ANYA: There you go,
I give you a big handful.

Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Look at them, Craig.

You're not gonna
cleanse your palate, then?

Er...

No, I think I'll take them for the kids.

- How many kids do you have, Craig?
- Got two.

Yeah, it's half term
so they come up with the au pair.

You know, I told them it was
a safari but with poor people.

Hey! There's plenty of money
swilling 'round up here you know.

As long as you know
where to look for it.

- And your wife, is she...
- Divorced.

Best three quarters of
a million pound I ever spent.

-(WHISPERS) Really?
- Yeah.

Why's a wife like a hand grenade?

Remove the ring and, boom,
your house is gone!

(LAUGHTER)

That's a terribly expensive business.

Do you know why
it's so expensive, Kevin?

Because it's worth it.

-(LAUGHTER)
-(CRAIG GRU ms)

Now, talking about unseemly
squabbles about money,

let's have a little look at this bill.

Well, there's my contribution,
including a 10% service charge.

MALCOLM: 10? You tight bastard.

Give her 15 like a normal human being.

Well, 10 is industry standard.

What industry?

She's slopping plates around
for a room full of fat pigs!

Honestly, Kevin.

Here, give it here, Craig,
I'm gonna get this.

- KEVIN: No, Malcolm...
- No way, that's not right.

Shut up, I am, it's on me.

No, you got it last time,
let me get this one.

Get off, I'm paying it.

How much is it?

Oh, Jesus Christ, go on then!

No, I'm joking, I'm joking.
I don't mind, honestly.

No, I'm not having that.
I invited Craig along.

I was gonna pay for him anyway, so...

So what?

"Craig's my friend, you can't play with
him." Don't be so childish, Archie.

I'm not being childish,
you're the one that's being childish.

Hey, it doesn't matter.

It does! You're messing
it all up, it's not fair.

Guys, guys, listen, I'm getting it.

'Yes!

I'm going back to civilisation soon,
and I know that all you Northerners

are very poor, what with your
Christmas clubs and your diddums.

- Diddlums.
- So I'd like to treat you all, please.

No arguments!

Well, thank you, Craig,
that's very kind of you.

Bloody hell, Kevin, that was quick.

You thanked him
before he'd even offered.

Yeah, he doesn't miss a trick, does he?

No, I offered to pay my way.

Yeah, like the time you offered me
petrol money

for that league game in Otley!

That was based on mileage as the crow
flies divided by the four of us.

-£2.
- It was mathematically sound.

- Yeah, all in coppers.
-(BOTH LAUGH)

Right then, shall I split you four ways?

No. No, but I wouldn't
mind splitting you four ways.

No, I'm getting this.

It's been very nice to meet you, Craig.
You played very well tonight.

The pair of you beat Kevin
and I fair and square.

So victor/bus spolia,
to the victor, the spoils.

Well, I won't argue with you, Malcs.

- I'm sorry, Malcolm, that is bullshit.
- Eh?

We've never played
that before, loser pays.

It would be a very dangerous
precedent to set.

It's not a precedent.
I would like to pay for your meals.

- Put it all on this, please.
- No, put it on this, please, I insist!

All right, calm down.
You'll give yourself a heart attack.

Why are you making such
a big deal out of it?

It's just important to me, all right?

Thank you, Archie,
that's very kind of you.

CRAIG: Bloody hell.

Never realised that badminton
was so competitive.

It's not competitive,
it's just that Malcolm

is over-generous at times,
aren't you, Malc?

This is my treat, everybody.
You can get the next one.

Sorry, is run out of paper,
I'll be back.

(IN MOCK ACCENT)
"I'll be back."

The Terminator.

Very clever, Archie. Very clever trick.
I can see what you're doing.

What do you mean?

Letting me get the next one,
which is, oh, let me think,

wives and girlfriends night at Browns.

- So?
- So it'll be double the price, won't it?

Even more if your Susie puts it away
like she did at the Christmas do.

- Malcolm...
- All those mojitos.

You shouldn't bring Susie into it,
Malcolm. You know, that, that's wrong.

I like the sound of Susie.

Has she got a sister?
(CHORTLES)

Anyway, it's fine.

You just get this little starter,

I'll pay for the proper grown-up meal
next time. Well done.

Fine, I'll get the next one as well
if you're keeping track.

Eh, no one's keeping track.

Well, you clearly are if you're
thinking one ahead like that.

It hadn't even occurred to me
what the next one was!

Well, why don't you just split it, then?

Eh?

Well, why don't you just split it
two ways?

Then no one loses face.

Who's losing face?
I'm not losing face.

Why two ways anyway?
Why not three ways?

Oh well, fine, fine,
if Craig wants to...

I meant with you!
Jesus what a blue-cock!

- CRAIG: What's a blue-cock?
- A tight-fisted wanker.

Ha! It's good, I'm having that.

No, no, listen.
I'm happy to pay my way.

I've already demonstrated that.

Oh, put your little purse away,
Ebenezer, we don't need your shrapnel.

- Well, do you want me to pay or not?
- Yeah, three ways so we can treat Craig!

No, it's not necessary.

Fine. Well, I don't drink
and I didn't have a starter, so...

-(BOTH) Oh.
- So what?

You're contributing to the evening,
to the company provided,

not just what's in your belly!

He always does this.

No, it's just that I know
all these menus...

- Kids menus.
- That is not the point.

And I know exactly what I'm gonna
have before I come out.

I like to have the requisite funds
about my person.

Now, I don't have the
same resources as you, do I?

I have to be careful.

Careful? He's got two
houses in Clitheroe!

Well, they're flats and one of them's
got my mother in it, so...

And how much rent do you charge her?

None of your business.

- Bloody hell, I was joking!
-(LAUGHING)

He's that mean, that when he takes
a tenner out of his wallet

the Queen blinks in the light.

No, it's just that I don't
think it's fair, that

I end up subsidising other people's...

What?

Gluttony!

Are you directing that at me, Kevin?

Are you directing that at me?
'Cause this is glandular!

- Right, so it was Mr Simkins?
- Yes.

- No, no, guys, honest, I've got this!
- MALCOLM: No, put it away!

- No.
- Please, I'd really like to...

I'll pay!

I'd like to pay the whole bill, please?

CRAIG: Kevin, that is... That, that's so
generous of you. Are you sure?

That's fine.

Perhaps you could
all put in for the tip.

Wow, wonders never cease.

Oh, and I have these vouchers
for 50% off.

- What?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

50% off?

- Yes, I got them from a coupon website.
- What, you were gonna let me pay for it?

Well, I was saving them
for another time.

What other time? You never go out!

No, I'm sorry, Kevin. If you're paying
for dinner, you're paying for dinner.

None of this coupon shit.

ANYA: They're out of date anyway,
I'm sorry.

(ALL LAUGH)

Bit like your condoms, Kevin.
Use by January 2000.

Yeah, get your pounds notes out with
Isaac Newton on the back.

I'm sorry about that I, I was just...
Let me, erm...

-(COINS CLANKING)
-(ALL SIGH)

I come back in a minute.

Erm, can I offer you guys
to be shot or something?

- Sorry?
- She means a free drink.

Oh, yes, erm, thank you.

Oh, that made his eyes light up, look.

You got any Limoncello?

- Please?
- It's a liqueur.

- Er, lick your what? Sorry?
- It's a drink.

Erm, I will check. I'll be back.

You wait, she'll come back
with a lemon and a cello.

(ALL LAUGH)

You know, I was dreading this week.

One boring seminar after another.

But if I hadn't met Archie
it would have been one long round of

business lunches and hotel porn.

- It don't sound too bad.
- But you guys, you made it bearable.

So please, lemme get this.

- No, I'm getting it, I'm just...
- Oh, leave it, Kevin. I'll get it.

- You're not getting it, I've told you!
- Don't point at me, Malcolm.

- Now, honestly, let me.
- It's no skin off my nose.

Yeah, we all know
you're really rich, Craig.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Hey, I don't care if he's Bill Gates.

He played at our club, I'm club sec,
I'm paying for his meal!

And there it is in a nutshell, Craig,
you've been bought. Kerching.

- Oh, not this again.
- I'm afraid so Malcolm. This again.

- How many votes was it? Tell him.
- I don't remember.

17-to-5 and he's club secretary.

I'd been there five years before him.

Don't dredge up old graves, Archie,
it's unseemly.

- There was no funny business.
- ARCHIE: Who did you vote for, then?

- You don't have to tell him, Kevin.
- It was anonymous.

You were seen, Kevin, at Garfunkel's
lunch every day for a fortnight.

- That's not true!
- MALCOLM: Were you spying on us?

Bloody hell, if you're that desperate,
put your name up next time,

- I won't stand again.
- Don't worry, I will!

If that's all you've got to worry about
then I'm very happy for you, Archie.

You must have a very nice life.

Oh, get off my back, Malcolm,
you've got no idea about my life!

Guys, don't!

It's just a couple of hundred quid,
I mean, it's literally nothing.

Oh, it's nothing, is it, Mr Monopoly?

Archie, what's got into you?

Besides, the club would never
have allowed somebody with

a criminal record to
become club secretary.

Nobody ca res about that,

that was me utilising a clause
in a mortgage contract.

Also known as "fraud".

Yeah, you're the fraud, pal, you bought
every single one of those votes.

Because I treated Kevin
to a Footlong from Subway?

Yes. And this is what he's doing
now, Craig, so just be aware.

Bullcra p!

He's putting you in his pocket
in case he needs you at a later date.

- I'm offering to buy everyone's meal!
- Yes, because you're a selfish prick!

He isn't, Archie.

Now just calm down.
He isn't.

Because I am paying for this meal.

Yes, I live in London.

Yes, I'm very rich, but that is my
prerogative as your guest. All right?

Here we go, some Limoncello for you.

And have you decide
yet who pay the bill?

Yeah, put it all on this.

And put on 25% for yourself.

Right, gentlemen, I'd like to thank you
for your company this evening.

And for a good game of badminton.

And if any of you happen
to find yourself in the Chiswick area,

please don't hesitate to not ring me.

- Cheers.
- Cheers!

Ah.

Don't envy you going
back to London, Craig.

All those pickpockets.

Yeah, well, it's not what it was, Kevin.

I mean, I'd be happy to move on
to be honest with ya.

I crave a bit of excitement.

But last year I went
climbing in Canada...

Excuse me, sir, but your card
is not welcome.

- What?
- It is a reject, bad.

Do you have perhaps other card?

Erm, no, not on me.

I don't understand.

There's at least 250 in that account.

Well, that settles it then, I'll pay.

Hang on, hang on.

I've got an Amex card back at the hotel.

I'll phone the au pair get
her to give me the number.

- Oh, I'm not sure...
- Craig, there's no need.

Shh, shh.

Anoushka, yeah, it's me.
Can you go to my room, please?

Yeah, it was very nice, thank you.

Yeah, go into my room
and go over to the bedside cabinet

and open the second drawer down.

No, no, no, not the top one.

Do not open the top one!

Yeah, the second one.

Right and in there is my Amex card.

Yes, the gold one.

Now, I need the long number
on the front and the four digits

just above that in
the right-hand corner.

Digits.

Digits.

I tell you what, why don't you just
bring the card down to me?

- ARCHIE: (WHISPERS) Oh, no, no!
- It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

No, they're fine. They'll be fine.
They're asleep, in't they?

Well, just leave quietly!

Well, if you're that worried
just unplug everything!

No, Craig, no! Don't worry,
babooshka, it's fine.

You don't have to come.

Look, I appreciate what you're trying
to do, but it's daft you putting

your kids' lives in danger when
I've got a good card right here.

Or we can split it!

No, I'm getting this.

No more arguments.

That is the absolute end of the matter.

Well, under these circumstances, I'd be
very happy to accept your kind offer.

Thank you, Malcolm.

- Not a problem at all.
- Yes, thank you.

All right, fine. Look, will you just
give us a minute, please, love?

Ah, this is not the way I
wanted to do this.

But I've, erm.

I've got something to tell ya.

Oh, what, you've got a voucher?

No.

No, I've not got a voucher.

I've got a brain tumour.

You're joking?

No, I'm not, Malcolm, and I wish I was.

It's, er, inoperable and I've
got three months, at best, I'm afraid.

Oh, Archie, I'm so sorry.

Tha n ks, Kevin.

And that is why I wanted
to pay this meal.

I'm sorry, Malcolm,
I should have told you sooner.

Will you excuse me?

Listen, Archie, erm,

we had somebody in my office who
had something very similar

-and we took him over to Switzerland.
- Dignitas.

No, it's Geneva.

We got him one of
the top surgeons over there.

He had the best possible treatment.

Did he survive?

No.

But he had a private room,
52" plasma and all the channels.

It's a nice touch.

Thanks, Craig, but I'm...
I've talked it over with Susie.

We wanna try and make it as normal
as possible for the kids' sake, so,

if you could do me the honour,
the very great honour

of allowing me to pay that bill,

probably for the last time...

Don't say that, Archie.

Just...

...in case, Kevin.

It really would mean the world to me.

Of course, Archie. Thank you.

If you want, we can pay the tip.

It's fine, Kevin,
I'll, I'll get all of it.

It's just nice to spend what time
I've got left amongst friends.

You lying fucking monster!

- Eh?
- I've just texted Susie.

She don't know anything about
a tumour. He's lying! He's a liar!

KEVIN: Is this true, Archie?

Well, I haven't told her yet.
I wanted to tell you first.

You said you'd talked it over.

I can't believe you'd
pretend to be dying

just so you could pay for a tapas meal!

Well, I can't believe
you'd ring up to check!

Texting a dying man's wife
to confirm his story?

You're not dying, though, are you?

I can't take much more of this.

How dare you try and swindle
your way into paying for this meal!

You've driven me to it, Malcolm!
You're a control freak!

Why can't I have a pat on the back?
"Good old Archie" for a change?

Swooping in and claiming
every act of generosity.

You're both unbelievable!

The pair of ya.
It's ridiculous behaviour.

Strutting around point scoring,
I mean, it's pathetic!

Oh, you're the one who was
happy for his kids to be burnt to death

-just so he could flash his gold card!
- CRAIG: What?

Right, where's that bill?
I am paying this. Right?

- You're not!
- Yes, I am!

CRAIG: I'm getting this!

Let him go!

(ALL ARGUING)

Stop this now!

Stop it, or I call the police!

Sorry.

There is no one else here now.
I need to close the restaurant.

My manager said this
meal can be at the home.

She means on the house.

Yes, please.

Let me take the bill,

and we all...

...go home.

No!

We're going to sort this,
once and for all.

It's not about the bill.

It's gone beyond that now.

Look, can't we just split it four ways?

I'm happy to put in for the drink,
even though I never had any.

Although, I did have that Limoncello
and, mind you, that was free.

Miss, will you bring us the sharpest
knife in your kitchen, please?

No!

The matter is closed. There is no bill.

There's always a bill.

Somebody has to pay.

No!

Erm, fellas, what...
Whatever you're thinking about doing,

you know I would probably
advise against it.

I'm sure there must be an alternative.

What is he doing, Archie?

I kn ow.

"Stab Scotch", also known as
"Pin Finger", "Nerve",

or "Five Finger Fillet".

Archie and I have played
this since school.

We used a compass back then.

Or the sharp end of a 2b pencil.

The rules are very simple.

You pass the knife between each finger
and back again 10 times.

Fastest time wins. Winner pays the bill.
Agreed, Archie?

If you wish, yes.

Kevin, will you time this, please?

Malcolm, wait. Think what you're doing.

We've got the county semi's
coming up in Doncaster.

You don't want to be
butchering yourself like this!

I'll be fine.

I know what I'm doing.

(CLEARS THROAT) Erm, I'm not sure
I wanna go through with this.

Well, you don't have to.

It's between me and Malcolm now.

Tell me when.

Sorry, I'm just waiting
for it to get to the top.

Oh, look, come here,
I'll do it on my phone.

- I, I cannot allow this.
- Don't watch, then.

(SHUSHING)

Right, are you ready?

Three,

two,

one,

90!

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Done!

Twenty-three seconds.

Very good.

Not bad.

Well done.

Oh, no, this isn't fair.

He might have double vision
because of his brain tumour.

He hasn't got a tumour, remember?

Oh yeah, no. Yeah, carry on.

I'm happy to pay the bill now
and we can all go home.

No, thank you, Malcolm.

I'm fine.

When you're ready, Craig.

Three,

two,

one,

90!

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

- Five.
- How long?

Fifteen seconds.

- Six.
- Argh!

Argh!

Seven... Stop it now, Archie!
You're bleeding!

Make him stop!

Stop it!

(CLATTE RING)

(ALL GASPING)

What did you do that for?

I didn't do anything.

It wasn't his fault.
It was an accident.

MALCOLM: Get me some napkins!

Quick!

What shall we do? Shall I call for
an ambulance? The police? What?

I don't know? Is she alive?

Onlyjust.
Her windpipe's been severed.

Gimme that knife.

Archie, what should I do?

Shall I call the police?

Gimme your phone.

I haven't got much credit left on it.

Fine, use it.

She's dead.

Oh, God, no!

Look, we've gotta get
our story straight, okay?

It was Archie that did it
and you were trying to stop him.

- I was trying to stop him.
- Yeah, and that's what we'll say.

- Do we mention the stab cock?
- What?

- The game, the fish finger?
- No! It's irrelevant.

We'lljust say we were
arguing about the bill.

All of a sudden he grabbed the knife,
he's got cuts on his hand anyway.

- Yes.
- Right, it's been sorted.

Now, all we have to do is disappear
and this will be dealt with.

- What do you mean?
- The less you know about it the better.

Don't let your wives
and your girlfriends see ya.

And get rid of your clothes.

Get clean, have showers.
Clean your showers.

Sounds like you do this
on a weekly basis.

You don't spend time in prison
without making contacts.

People who watch your back.

What, while they're trying to bum you?

Fine, I'll cancel it then!
We'll call the police instead.

Guys, I can't be here.

This was just supposed to be a tapas
meal with the badminton people and

I need to be back in London tomorrow!

What about the girl?
Surely she'll be missed.

You heard what she said,
she's only just come here.

She's probably illegal, anyway.
It's a risk we'll have to take.

Malcolm?

Do it.

Right.

Before we go we need
to sort out the money.

Oh, you can pay it, Archie,
I'm not bothered now!

I'm not talking about
the bill, I mean this!

The clean-up.

It's not a free service, you know.
I've not got a couple of coupons.

How much does he want?

-200.
- Oh, that's actually very reasonable.

Thousand.

I haven't got that.

It's all right,
we'll split it four ways.

- What, 50 grand each?
- Yeah.

Like a diddlum.

I can get it wired tomorrow morning.
First thing.

It has to be cash
and he wants it tonight.

That's just unrealistic.
It's half 11:00!

Archie, one question.

It's just that, I didn't actually touch
the knife, so, technically,

- I think I probably owe less.
- Oh, here we go!

No, no, I'm just saying that my...

Shut up, Kevin!
We're all paying the same.

Oh, you've changed your tune.

You were gonna pay
the whole bill a minute ago!

Yeah, when it was 200 quid,
not 200 grand!

Stop it! We're running out of time.

It's just that I haven't
got that kind of money!

CRAIG: I have!

Anoushka, it's me again.

Right, I want you to
go back into my room.

Go into the right-hand wardrobe.

No, not the left one!

Do not go in the left.

Right, inside you'll see a grey safe.

I need you to open it.

- The number is si...
- Argh!

Oh, good, she's, she's still alive!

But we'll still need the money
to clean everything up, won't we?

Forget it, it's over.

She's blown it.

He stood on my hand.

Don't blame me.

So close!

We'd have had him if you'd
have kept your mouth shut!

Anoushka, I'll call you back.

What's going on?

Well, I would have
thought that was obvious.

Have you really got 200 grand
in your right-hand side wardrobe?

Never mind that, I wanna know
what's in the left-hand side.

Archie, what is this?

It's a wash-out.

- I told you it was too elaborate.
- It was going fine.

It's just geography,
he stood on her hand.

And I'm sorry, Prof, but she's going way
over the top with that accent.

It's barely believable now.

-"Can I offer you guys to be shot?"
- Oh, piss off, Gerry!

You couldn't do it. And you were
the one who mentioned Susie.

No names, remember?

All this was a set-up?

Well, the restaurant's real,
we just had to pay

the manager to take the night off.

Yeah, and they put the prices up.

They want 1,500 now.

People are such greedy bastards.

You've been scamming me!

I thought we were friends.

Well, see it as a holiday bromance.

And you are very rich.

I don't know what to say.

I'm speechless.

- Yeah, well, I wish she was.
- He crushed my fingers!

- What about my fucking fingers?
- All right, that's enough!

- Stop squabbling and abort.
- Sorry, Prof.

Karen,

go and clean yourself up.

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to give us that phone.

You what? Why?

Well, we can't have you
going to the police, can we?

You just tried to rob me of 200 grand!

You got a free meal out of it.

Hand it over.

Sorry, no.

I'm not gonna do that.

Well, then,

we've got a bit
of a problem, haven't we?

Anyway, we were at Lingfield.
'89, was it?

- No, it was later than that.
- Eh?

- It was after Diana had died.
- What's she got to do with it?

- I just remember.
- All right, well, '99.

Whatever. And the Professor here had
worked out if we put this accumulator

on seven races we could have won...
How much was it, jack?

- Half a million.
- Half a million!

Well, it wasn't half a million.
It was 469,000.

Excuse me, can we get the bill, please?

Certainly, sir, I won't be a second.