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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:09,626 I remember before we got kids and I could just lie in bed on Saturday. 2 00:00:09,827 --> 00:00:11,026 That's how we got them. 3 00:00:11,494 --> 00:00:13,595 Why did I have to be so sexy? 4 00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:17,050 A few moths ago, Luke joined the club soccer team 5 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,249 and at first we were thrilled. 6 00:00:18,981 --> 00:00:22,102 But then we realised it takes over your whole weekend. 7 00:00:22,302 --> 00:00:23,502 And not in the cool MythBusters marathon way. 8 00:00:24,627 --> 00:00:26,727 Luke sits on the bench. A lot. 9 00:00:26,928 --> 00:00:28,527 Which means we sit at the hot sun 10 00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:30,929 for like 8 hours, just to see him play 5 minutes. 11 00:00:31,722 --> 00:00:33,442 But what five minutes. Tell them about last week. 12 00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:34,580 Oh. Yeah. 13 00:00:34,754 --> 00:00:36,854 Luke stopped a goal with his face. 14 00:00:37,751 --> 00:00:39,748 - Too bad he doesn't remember that. - Yeah. 15 00:00:40,114 --> 00:00:43,646 What if we sent Luke to the game without us today? 16 00:00:43,648 --> 00:00:45,334 - We can't do that. - Why not? 17 00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:47,845 Missing one tournament doesn't make us bad parents. 18 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,775 My mom never went to any of my stuff. I'm fine. 19 00:00:50,775 --> 00:00:52,197 Why didn't she go to any of your stuff? 20 00:00:52,199 --> 00:00:53,885 Because she was an incredibly competitive woman 21 00:00:53,885 --> 00:00:55,919 who didn't like to see me do very well at anything, 22 00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:57,411 but I think it's pretty clear who won. 23 00:00:58,535 --> 00:00:59,697 I'm working now, you know, 24 00:00:59,698 --> 00:01:01,850 and I really need my weekends back 25 00:01:01,851 --> 00:01:03,617 to -- to catch up on errands. 26 00:01:03,637 --> 00:01:05,135 I don't know. It just feels wrong. 27 00:01:05,154 --> 00:01:08,915 Would it feel wrong to use that robot gutter cleaner 28 00:01:08,916 --> 00:01:10,773 that's been sitting in the box for the last three weeks? 29 00:01:10,773 --> 00:01:12,842 - No, that would feel right -- so right. - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:12,842 --> 00:01:14,578 Did I tell you I call it "the gutter done"? 31 00:01:14,579 --> 00:01:16,176 You did! I love "gutter done." 32 00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:17,962 It's your sense of humor. It's so fun. 33 00:01:17,964 --> 00:01:19,790 Okay, stop drilling. You struck oil. 34 00:01:19,791 --> 00:01:22,136 But only if Luke's 100% cool with it. 35 00:01:22,138 --> 00:01:23,872 Yeah, of course. I'm on it. 36 00:01:23,893 --> 00:01:26,069 You know, if we're not going, 37 00:01:27,032 --> 00:01:28,879 we could stay in bed a little longer. 38 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,293 - No, thank you. - Okay. 39 00:01:30,293 --> 00:01:32,790 Don't want to have this conversation again in 15 years. 40 00:01:49,028 --> 00:01:50,682 What are you doing with those swatches? 41 00:01:50,684 --> 00:01:51,990 She's gonna be here any minute. 42 00:01:51,991 --> 00:01:53,998 I told you to put all this wedding stuff away. 43 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,233 Are these really our top-two choices for color palette? 44 00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:57,307 Why are they both white? 45 00:01:57,308 --> 00:02:00,711 That's what my friend Keisha asks about you and daddy. 46 00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:02,600 Instead of hiding all this stuff, 47 00:02:02,602 --> 00:02:04,518 why don't you just tell Pam we're getting married? 48 00:02:04,518 --> 00:02:06,789 I will, when she's ready. 49 00:02:06,813 --> 00:02:09,789 Carefully and preferably in a large, open field. 50 00:02:09,856 --> 00:02:11,960 She's your sister, not the Hulk. 51 00:02:11,961 --> 00:02:14,464 My big sister, Pam, is emotionally fragile 52 00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:16,428 and she's still single, so when she finds out 53 00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,276 I'm getting married before she is -- 54 00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:19,995 look out. 55 00:02:19,996 --> 00:02:22,091 She can be meaner than a barn owl at sunset. 56 00:02:22,091 --> 00:02:23,376 Because that's when they wake up? 57 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,943 Yep. That's morning time for a barn owl. 58 00:02:26,783 --> 00:02:28,844 - It's her! - Quick! Hide! 59 00:02:28,845 --> 00:02:30,395 It's okay, Lily. Come on. 60 00:02:30,396 --> 00:02:31,673 Oh, take that bow out of her hair. 61 00:02:31,675 --> 00:02:33,179 I don't want to rub our daughter's adorableness 62 00:02:33,181 --> 00:02:34,320 in my barren sister's face. 63 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,999 - There she is! - Hey, Pam! 64 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,615 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 65 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,834 Well, the damn airline lost my trunk. 66 00:02:40,835 --> 00:02:43,341 - Now I'm gonna have to make new clothes. - Oh, no. 67 00:02:43,389 --> 00:02:44,131 Yep. 68 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,047 I need to squeeze something. 69 00:02:46,048 --> 00:02:48,274 - Get over here, Lily. - I'm good. 70 00:02:48,332 --> 00:02:49,806 Yeah, well, she's shy. 71 00:02:49,828 --> 00:02:52,183 So, Pam, we've got some big news. 72 00:02:52,184 --> 00:02:53,705 Speaking of big news -- 73 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,460 you remember that little ugly girl 74 00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:57,234 I used to babysit, Britney Horner? 75 00:02:57,235 --> 00:02:59,243 - Yeah. - Well, she got married last summer, 76 00:02:59,243 --> 00:03:00,646 and now she's pregnant with twins. 77 00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:03,686 So, if you're keeping track, that's ugly -- 2, me -- nothing. 78 00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:05,201 What's your news? 79 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,191 Um... well... 80 00:03:06,192 --> 00:03:07,720 We're getting a new dryer. 81 00:03:09,046 --> 00:03:10,936 Well, I'm very happy for y'all. 82 00:03:11,723 --> 00:03:12,621 Thank you. 83 00:03:12,857 --> 00:03:14,938 How come I never get a new dryer? 84 00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:19,236 Mom, in all the time you've known grandpa, 85 00:03:19,236 --> 00:03:20,866 has he ever used the word "fluxions"? 86 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,381 That is not an f-word I have heard him use. 87 00:03:23,383 --> 00:03:25,078 He's beating me in "Words with friends." 88 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,159 How is that even possible? 89 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,844 Shouldn't you be playing "Words with friends" 90 00:03:27,845 --> 00:03:29,076 with friends? 91 00:03:29,184 --> 00:03:30,435 Grandpa is my friend. 92 00:03:30,436 --> 00:03:32,609 Of course he is. That's not sad. What? 93 00:03:33,055 --> 00:03:34,549 Morning, buddy. What's with the pillow? 94 00:03:34,549 --> 00:03:35,357 It's for soccer. 95 00:03:35,358 --> 00:03:37,759 My neck gets pretty tired watching all those games. 96 00:03:38,199 --> 00:03:39,072 Right. 97 00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:40,479 Yeah, I'll bet. 98 00:03:40,582 --> 00:03:42,457 Say, listen, your dad and I were just talking 99 00:03:42,459 --> 00:03:45,529 about you maybe wanting to go to the game without us today. 100 00:03:45,531 --> 00:03:47,610 - Oh. - But it's totally up to you. 101 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,895 Whatever you want because we love you very much. 102 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,377 Right. You can either ride with some of your teammates, 103 00:03:52,378 --> 00:03:54,503 like the L.A. Kings, or you can ride with us, 104 00:03:54,504 --> 00:03:57,537 like how Gloria and grandpa take Joe to playdates. 105 00:03:57,963 --> 00:03:59,935 Professional athlete, little poopy baby -- 106 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,726 - your call. - I'll get a ride with Max. 107 00:04:01,727 --> 00:04:03,206 - Great! - Are you sure it's okay? 108 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:04,303 Yeah, it's fine. 109 00:04:04,304 --> 00:04:05,700 Hey, can I borrow your sleep mask? 110 00:04:05,702 --> 00:04:07,367 - You bet. - Awesome. 111 00:04:09,010 --> 00:04:10,822 Yes! I love that kid. 112 00:04:10,823 --> 00:04:12,863 Can you imagine how easy it would be if it was just him? 113 00:04:12,865 --> 00:04:14,104 - Mm. - I mean... 114 00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:15,330 I know what you mean. 115 00:04:22,337 --> 00:04:23,274 You call that folded? 116 00:04:23,274 --> 00:04:24,692 Where's that military precision? 117 00:04:24,692 --> 00:04:26,961 We didn't fold many onesies in the Navy. 118 00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:29,247 I'm back! 119 00:04:29,529 --> 00:04:30,781 What did the doctor say? 120 00:04:30,781 --> 00:04:32,908 He said my eyes are perfect. 121 00:04:32,908 --> 00:04:34,721 Where was he looking when he said it? 122 00:04:35,513 --> 00:04:36,924 Pretty sure Gloria needs glasses. 123 00:04:36,924 --> 00:04:39,163 The last couple of months, she's been struggling. 124 00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:50,376 I'll take this one. It looks very good. 125 00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:54,324 That's their address, Magoo. 126 00:04:55,809 --> 00:04:57,335 Did he even give you an eye test? 127 00:04:57,436 --> 00:04:58,534 He put the spoon in one eye, 128 00:04:58,535 --> 00:04:59,590 the spoon in the other eye, 129 00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:01,387 the puff puff, the eye drops. 130 00:05:01,389 --> 00:05:03,646 20/20. Now who's the Magoo? 131 00:05:04,952 --> 00:05:06,405 What the hell language was that? 132 00:05:07,919 --> 00:05:09,602 Did you see that fresh coat of nail polish? 133 00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:11,081 She never went to the doctor. 134 00:05:11,141 --> 00:05:13,114 - Why would she lie? - She's vain, Manny. 135 00:05:13,162 --> 00:05:14,661 She doesn't want to wear glasses. 136 00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:16,205 Well, she's only hurting herself. 137 00:05:20,631 --> 00:05:23,247 - Okay, I hope you're hungry. - Starving. 138 00:05:23,248 --> 00:05:25,603 That damn airline ran out of roast beef. 139 00:05:25,605 --> 00:05:26,605 Tried to fast talk me 140 00:05:26,605 --> 00:05:28,027 into eating something called "hoo-mus." 141 00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,953 Oh, hummus -- it's actually really delicious. 142 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,208 You would like tha-- uh. Oh. 143 00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:36,387 - What's this? - Oh, uh, that's an action figure. 144 00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:37,830 It's two grooms. 145 00:05:37,832 --> 00:05:39,125 They melted together in the car 146 00:05:39,125 --> 00:05:40,333 on a very, very hot day. 147 00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:41,415 It was 103. 148 00:05:41,451 --> 00:05:43,513 My daddies are getting married. 149 00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:45,642 Your dads are getting married? 150 00:05:46,122 --> 00:05:47,485 That can't be right. 151 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,133 That's what my friend Keisha says. 152 00:05:52,573 --> 00:05:53,574 Is this true? 153 00:05:53,576 --> 00:05:56,158 Pam, honest to goodness, we were gonna tell you. 154 00:05:56,158 --> 00:05:57,360 Get over here, you! 155 00:05:57,362 --> 00:05:58,390 Hey, hey! 156 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,532 She's got me. 157 00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:01,025 Well, damn! 158 00:06:01,835 --> 00:06:03,917 This is the greatest news I've ever heard! 159 00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:07,175 Oh, I am so happy to hear you say that, Pam. 160 00:06:07,392 --> 00:06:09,130 Of course. Oh! 161 00:06:09,130 --> 00:06:11,874 I want my baby brother to be happy. 162 00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:15,030 And as long as we're sharing, I have some news. 163 00:06:15,030 --> 00:06:16,454 You remember Bo Johnson? 164 00:06:16,456 --> 00:06:19,216 Oh, my gosh, how could I forget? Oh! 165 00:06:19,216 --> 00:06:20,904 He was my first crush. 166 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,011 Please tell me nothing happened to his face. 167 00:06:23,013 --> 00:06:24,395 What did he fall into? 168 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,179 He fell into me. 169 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:27,593 We're engaged! 170 00:06:27,593 --> 00:06:30,046 Say what? Bo and I are getting married! 171 00:06:30,048 --> 00:06:33,204 That is fantastic! Cam, isn't this great news? 172 00:06:33,205 --> 00:06:33,958 Come here, you. Oh! 173 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,799 Yeah. So great. 174 00:06:35,801 --> 00:06:38,668 Oh! Get in on this! Come on! 175 00:06:39,594 --> 00:06:40,812 Thank you for jumping. 176 00:06:45,289 --> 00:06:47,701 I didn't feel guilty for missing Luke's soccer tournament 177 00:06:47,703 --> 00:06:49,445 because I had a ton of errands 178 00:06:49,447 --> 00:06:51,599 I figured would take me all day to finish. 179 00:06:52,007 --> 00:06:55,438 But for some weird reason, I was flying through my list. 180 00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:57,497 I ended up in every short line. 181 00:06:57,662 --> 00:06:59,304 I made every green light. 182 00:06:59,903 --> 00:07:01,894 It was the ultimate karmic bitch-slap. 183 00:07:02,190 --> 00:07:04,204 Because suddenly I had no more errands, 184 00:07:04,205 --> 00:07:05,878 which meant no more excuses, 185 00:07:05,878 --> 00:07:09,206 which meant me at that boring soccer tournament. 186 00:07:12,319 --> 00:07:13,385 Hi. There you are. 187 00:07:13,387 --> 00:07:14,950 Your son is playing so great. 188 00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:16,729 - No, I'm Luke's mom. - No, I know. 189 00:07:16,731 --> 00:07:19,125 - He's been amazing all day. - Luke? 190 00:07:19,845 --> 00:07:21,660 Oh! Luke? 191 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:22,498 Here, you want one? 192 00:07:22,498 --> 00:07:24,086 Uh, no, thanks. I'm coffeed out. 193 00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:27,362 - Oh, honey, it's sangria. - Well, all right. 194 00:07:30,475 --> 00:07:32,397 Okay, that's it. Grandpa's cheating. 195 00:07:32,432 --> 00:07:34,634 On Gloria? How could he possibly do better? 196 00:07:34,666 --> 00:07:36,705 No, not on Gloria -- on this game. 197 00:07:37,566 --> 00:07:39,224 I've never lost it to anyone. 198 00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,622 Keep playing word games with grandpa, and you never will. 199 00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:43,279 Hey, girls! 200 00:07:43,521 --> 00:07:45,378 Hey. What is that thing? 201 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:46,481 What do they call it, 202 00:07:46,482 --> 00:07:47,904 or what should they have called it? 203 00:07:47,905 --> 00:07:49,794 - Never mind. - Uh, wait, wait, wait! 204 00:07:50,018 --> 00:07:51,254 It's a gutter cleaner. 205 00:07:52,910 --> 00:07:57,907 Ladies, I give you the future. 206 00:08:00,123 --> 00:08:02,713 How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder? 207 00:08:02,714 --> 00:08:05,435 Now that's gonna happen less. 208 00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:06,868 Looks like your, uh, 209 00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:08,801 gutter cleaner is stuck on something. 210 00:08:08,803 --> 00:08:09,494 Not a problem. 211 00:08:09,496 --> 00:08:11,853 This baby detects blockage and then ramps up the power. 212 00:08:11,853 --> 00:08:14,747 That's why I've nicknamed it "The gutter done." 213 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:16,700 - Stop! - Dad! 214 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,697 Sorry, it's such a missed opportunity. 215 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,261 - Aah! - Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 216 00:08:20,263 --> 00:08:21,881 - What? What happened? - It's a bird's nest! 217 00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:23,814 - No! - And they're all dead! 218 00:08:23,814 --> 00:08:25,945 - Oh, my God! - You killed them! 219 00:08:25,945 --> 00:08:27,209 Honey, it wasn't me! 220 00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,082 It was the robot! 221 00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:32,337 It doesn't know! 222 00:08:35,093 --> 00:08:36,823 I'm sorry! 223 00:08:37,795 --> 00:08:39,643 Mom! Mom! Help! 224 00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:40,715 What?! What happened?! 225 00:08:40,716 --> 00:08:43,580 - I just ate a handful of this rat poison. - Why?! 226 00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:44,714 I thought it was trail mix. 227 00:08:44,715 --> 00:08:46,960 - Why do I keep it so close together? - I'll call 911! 228 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:49,418 Here, read the box! Tell me what it says to do! 229 00:08:49,418 --> 00:08:50,168 Hurry! 230 00:08:50,544 --> 00:08:53,134 - It says... - I don't have much time! 231 00:08:53,135 --> 00:08:54,527 In the... 232 00:08:55,775 --> 00:08:59,310 - And I'm dead. - What? 233 00:08:59,712 --> 00:09:03,266 You'd rather kill your husband than admit you need glasses. 234 00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:05,177 - Wow, mom. - It's not poison? 235 00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:06,053 Oh, there's rat poison, 236 00:09:06,055 --> 00:09:08,402 and I do keep it dangerously close to the trail mix, 237 00:09:08,403 --> 00:09:09,683 but this was to point out 238 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,366 that your vanity could be fatal. 239 00:09:11,367 --> 00:09:12,819 I knew this was all a trick. 240 00:09:12,821 --> 00:09:15,924 That's why I acted like I couldn't read that box! 241 00:09:16,107 --> 00:09:18,666 How many people have to pretend to die, Gloria? 242 00:09:20,387 --> 00:09:22,085 It just doesn't make any sense. 243 00:09:22,086 --> 00:09:25,782 - Pam and bo Johnson? My bo Johnson? - "My"? 244 00:09:25,783 --> 00:09:28,503 Should it bother me that you're this jealous of an old crush? 245 00:09:28,504 --> 00:09:29,758 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 246 00:09:29,759 --> 00:09:30,899 Bo is straight. 247 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,783 He'd probably never go for me. 248 00:09:35,217 --> 00:09:37,679 Oh, my gosh, it is Bo! 249 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,031 Look, he's hotter than ever. 250 00:09:42,209 --> 00:09:43,605 - I'm gonna answer it. - No, you can't. 251 00:09:43,607 --> 00:09:45,962 Yes, I can. We're practically family. 252 00:09:47,239 --> 00:09:49,583 Hey, dude. It's Cam. 253 00:09:49,585 --> 00:09:50,480 Where? 254 00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:53,548 Been good -- been real, real good. 255 00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:55,814 So, you and Pam, huh? 256 00:09:57,527 --> 00:09:59,058 Hey, better be good to my old sis, 257 00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:00,664 or I'll have to wrestle you down. 258 00:10:01,950 --> 00:10:03,441 Hey, question -- 259 00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:06,186 do you still have that friendship bracelet that I made for you? 260 00:10:06,956 --> 00:10:07,912 Oh, okay. 261 00:10:07,912 --> 00:10:11,115 Yeah, okay, if you're busy, I'll have Pam call you back. 262 00:10:11,546 --> 00:10:13,827 Hey, and, Bo, congratulations. 263 00:10:14,009 --> 00:10:14,904 You too. 264 00:10:16,242 --> 00:10:18,279 - Can you believe it? - Oh, and we're gay again. 265 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,433 It just doesn't make sense. 266 00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:21,339 I mean, he's got to be after our drilling rights. 267 00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:22,484 I knew it. 268 00:10:23,882 --> 00:10:25,835 This is why I didn't want to tell you. 269 00:10:26,367 --> 00:10:28,113 I knew you couldn't stand the thought 270 00:10:28,114 --> 00:10:30,345 of me landing the man of your dreams! 271 00:10:30,345 --> 00:10:31,398 "Dreams" is strong. 272 00:10:31,399 --> 00:10:33,840 Believe it or not, Bo and I are in love. 273 00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,455 He thinks I'm beautiful, and he's right. 274 00:10:36,727 --> 00:10:40,059 And for the record, Bo has twice the land we do. 275 00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:42,661 He has absolutely no interest in my drilling rights! 276 00:10:42,661 --> 00:10:44,820 - Not that kind, at least. - Okay, let's just relax. 277 00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:47,697 Hey, hey, come on, Pam, do you want to pick me up again? 278 00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:49,618 - They warned me, you know. - Who warned you? 279 00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:52,436 The whole family said you wouldn't take it well. 280 00:10:53,243 --> 00:10:54,414 Ever since you moved to the city 281 00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:55,914 'cause you couldn't hack it on the farm. 282 00:10:55,914 --> 00:10:58,154 - "Couldn't hack it"? - Yeah, that's right. 283 00:10:58,154 --> 00:11:01,290 Everyone knows, Cam, you're not farm strong. 284 00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:02,956 You take that back, Pameron Jessica Tucker! 285 00:11:02,957 --> 00:11:05,834 I will not! You are weak and weepy. 286 00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:07,748 That's why we can't ever say anything to you 287 00:11:07,749 --> 00:11:10,014 'cause we know you'll crumble into a big heaping mess! 288 00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,956 Oh, are you saying I'm the one people have to step around -- 289 00:11:11,958 --> 00:11:13,403 that I'm the Pam of the family? 290 00:11:13,404 --> 00:11:15,062 You mean the Cam of the family?! 291 00:11:15,063 --> 00:11:16,940 - 'Cause that's what we all call it! - Okay, that's enough! 292 00:11:16,941 --> 00:11:17,540 That's enough! That's enough! 293 00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:18,593 - You know what? - Well, I was Gammy's favorite! 294 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,395 - That's enough! - Really? 295 00:11:19,395 --> 00:11:21,558 - Yeah! - Come on! Enough! 296 00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:23,362 No! 297 00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:25,849 Seriously -- Pameron? 298 00:11:29,786 --> 00:11:32,388 Oh! Way to go, Luke! 299 00:11:32,388 --> 00:11:33,966 The kid's amazing. Amazing. 300 00:11:33,968 --> 00:11:36,385 So great. Right? Hello? 301 00:11:36,501 --> 00:11:37,869 - Claire? - Phil? 302 00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:41,303 Oh, hi, honey, I was -- I was just about to call you. 303 00:11:41,654 --> 00:11:43,240 I killed a bunch of baby birds. 304 00:11:43,241 --> 00:11:45,174 - What? - My robot wiped out the nest. 305 00:11:45,175 --> 00:11:47,193 And now the mom's just staring at me. 306 00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:51,227 They recognize faces, you know. I saw it in a documentary. 307 00:11:51,228 --> 00:11:53,018 Sweetie, I'm sure it was just an accident. 308 00:11:53,018 --> 00:11:53,778 None of this would have happened 309 00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:55,010 if we'd just gone to Luke's game. 310 00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:57,955 - We're terrible parents for not going. - No. No. 311 00:11:57,956 --> 00:11:59,486 Was that a whistle? Where are you? 312 00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:02,343 Um, I-I'm just walking by a construction site. 313 00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:03,350 Pervs! 314 00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:05,712 Sorry. Sorry. Not you. 315 00:12:05,727 --> 00:12:07,253 I hope Luke's not mad at us. 316 00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:08,659 No, he's fine, honey. 317 00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,782 Or he's not. He -- he could be mad. 318 00:12:10,783 --> 00:12:12,228 We don't know. We won't -- we won't know. 319 00:12:12,229 --> 00:12:13,229 I'll -- I'll be home soon, though. 320 00:12:13,229 --> 00:12:14,925 I love you. Okay, bye-bye. 321 00:12:15,452 --> 00:12:16,331 Thank you. It was great. 322 00:12:16,331 --> 00:12:17,907 Hey, Luke, Luke, Luke, 323 00:12:17,908 --> 00:12:20,241 don't tell your dad I was here, all right? Great game. 324 00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:21,285 Claire? 325 00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:23,755 Claire? 326 00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:36,565 - Mwah! - Say good night to daddy. 327 00:12:36,566 --> 00:12:38,283 - Mwah! - Good night, my boy. 328 00:12:38,855 --> 00:12:41,833 Hey, grandpa, great word you played earlier today. 329 00:12:41,835 --> 00:12:43,379 What does "syzygy" even mean? 330 00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,573 It means 45 points. Ha! 331 00:12:46,842 --> 00:12:49,154 Hey, everybody, you remember my sister, Pam. 332 00:12:49,155 --> 00:12:50,463 Oh, hi, Pam. 333 00:12:50,464 --> 00:12:52,368 She's here to pay a visit and cast aspersions. 334 00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:53,815 - Oh, grow up. - You grow up. 335 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:54,901 Real good one. 336 00:12:55,276 --> 00:12:57,300 Hi, y'all. I brought boar. 337 00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:59,836 Oh. Well, let me give you a hand with that. 338 00:12:59,836 --> 00:13:01,743 Cam, look, I know you're upset, 339 00:13:01,744 --> 00:13:03,768 but please just try and let it go tonight. 340 00:13:03,769 --> 00:13:05,891 Well, can you believe she said I'm the emotionally fragile one? 341 00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:06,904 I mean, how crazy is that? 342 00:13:06,904 --> 00:13:09,075 - Boy. - "Boy"? 343 00:13:09,077 --> 00:13:09,963 Is that your thinly veiled 344 00:13:09,964 --> 00:13:11,920 - way of saying you agree with her? - Pfft. 345 00:13:12,195 --> 00:13:12,840 Okay, you know what? 346 00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:14,787 If I was fragile, I would care, but I'm not, so I don't. 347 00:13:14,789 --> 00:13:17,367 - Good. - Good. And you know what? That shirt washes you out, 348 00:13:17,368 --> 00:13:19,662 so don't be shocked when someone mistakes you for a beige candle. 349 00:13:19,662 --> 00:13:20,806 Hey, everyone. 350 00:13:21,195 --> 00:13:22,916 - Hi, Luke. - Hey, buddy. 351 00:13:23,078 --> 00:13:24,775 I'm so sorry I missed your game. 352 00:13:24,777 --> 00:13:27,053 We are both so sorry we missed your game. 353 00:13:27,053 --> 00:13:28,153 The universe punished me. 354 00:13:28,154 --> 00:13:30,242 I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows. 355 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,534 Actually, it's not a bunch of crows. It's called a murder. 356 00:13:32,815 --> 00:13:34,217 I know what I did! 357 00:13:34,469 --> 00:13:36,546 - How was your game? - Fine. Nothing special. 358 00:13:36,547 --> 00:13:38,618 What do you mean, "fine, nothing special"? 359 00:13:38,839 --> 00:13:41,229 Well, there was this girl on the 16-year-old team 360 00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:42,426 who wasn't wearing a bra. 361 00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:43,775 - So that was cool. - Huh. 362 00:13:44,034 --> 00:13:45,369 But Josh's mom texted me. 363 00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,130 She said you were having a great game. 364 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,446 She drinks. 365 00:13:49,866 --> 00:13:51,319 I-I'll be right back. 366 00:13:51,976 --> 00:13:54,032 - Hey, Phil. - Hey, Pam. 367 00:13:54,565 --> 00:13:56,271 Oh. Sorry. 368 00:13:57,406 --> 00:13:58,767 It's my parents again. 369 00:13:58,768 --> 00:13:59,989 I'm getting married soon, 370 00:13:59,990 --> 00:14:02,818 and they're already acting like they have empty nest syndrome. 371 00:14:05,699 --> 00:14:07,318 I appreciate you not saying 372 00:14:07,319 --> 00:14:08,544 anything to your dad about me being there, 373 00:14:08,545 --> 00:14:10,598 but why aren't you telling him what a great game you played? 374 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,611 I can tell he feels bad enough for missing it. 375 00:14:12,612 --> 00:14:14,288 I don't want to make him feel worse. 376 00:14:15,867 --> 00:14:17,260 I screwed up. 377 00:14:17,261 --> 00:14:18,292 Why? What's wrong? 378 00:14:18,378 --> 00:14:20,670 I talked Phil into skipping Luke's game, 379 00:14:20,671 --> 00:14:23,174 and then I went, and, of course, he played the game of his life. 380 00:14:23,175 --> 00:14:24,989 But Luke doesn't want to tell Phil about the game now 381 00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,347 because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. 382 00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:28,782 Oh, well, I think it's sweet that Luke's protecting Phil. 383 00:14:28,783 --> 00:14:31,768 You know, we all have to protect my sister in my family 384 00:14:31,769 --> 00:14:33,491 because she's a disaster. 385 00:14:33,491 --> 00:14:35,563 - Mm. - I mean, you can see it, right? 386 00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:37,795 I think it was a little weird she brought pig to a party. 387 00:14:37,795 --> 00:14:40,494 Hey! I can say it. 388 00:14:43,124 --> 00:14:43,966 Hey, hon. 389 00:14:44,455 --> 00:14:46,063 I'm sorry about what I did before. 390 00:14:46,065 --> 00:14:49,356 I saw this, and I thought it would look beautiful on you. 391 00:14:50,528 --> 00:14:52,217 You know I can't stay mad at you 392 00:14:52,217 --> 00:14:53,804 when you buy me... 393 00:14:53,806 --> 00:14:56,035 Glasses, you son of a bitch! 394 00:14:56,036 --> 00:14:57,810 Just try 'em on. You'll still look gorgeous. 395 00:14:57,811 --> 00:15:00,092 I will try them on when you buy hearing aids! 396 00:15:00,093 --> 00:15:02,079 There's nothing wrong with my hearing. 397 00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:05,841 Um, I have a, uh, hearing-test app on my phone. 398 00:15:05,843 --> 00:15:06,957 Let's do it! 399 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,020 - You do it! - Okay. 400 00:15:11,022 --> 00:15:13,728 Everybody under the age of 60 should be able to hear this. 401 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,890 - Yes. Heard that. - Yeah, definitely. 402 00:15:16,891 --> 00:15:19,029 What? You're lying. You didn't hear anything. 403 00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:21,401 We did! You see, you're deaf! 404 00:15:21,402 --> 00:15:23,511 Okay, 70. 405 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,045 - Mm-hmm. - Yes. 406 00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:26,975 Oh, what is th-- did she put you up to this? 407 00:15:26,975 --> 00:15:29,268 Here, grandpa, I'll play you something even louder. 408 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,386 Okay, I heard that one. 409 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,014 I didn't press anything. 410 00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:34,818 Oh, look who's a cheater. 411 00:15:34,957 --> 00:15:36,068 Don't worry about it, big guy. 412 00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,145 I have trouble smelling lemons. 413 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,519 You know, I don't need any of this. 414 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,607 But I'll tell you what I can hear loud and clear. 415 00:15:40,811 --> 00:15:43,428 The sound of you all munching free food. 416 00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:46,580 Oh, come on, dad, aren't you being a little oversensitive? 417 00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:48,432 Oh, well, we can consult my sister, Pam. 418 00:15:48,433 --> 00:15:50,514 - She's the self-appointed sensitivity expert. - Uh-oh. 419 00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:52,418 - Oh, let it go. - I will not let it go. 420 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,322 In fact, I would like 421 00:15:53,322 --> 00:15:55,288 everyone to be honest with me, please, right now. 422 00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:56,701 No sugar-coating. 423 00:15:56,702 --> 00:15:58,429 My sister here seems to think you all 424 00:15:58,430 --> 00:16:01,650 -have to walk on eggshells around me. - Eggshells. 425 00:16:01,651 --> 00:16:02,866 Do you all think I'm so fragile 426 00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:06,542 you can't tell me things for fear of how I will react? 427 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,999 - Well -- - Claire, don't. Zip. Bup-bup-bup. 428 00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,730 No, let her talk, please. 429 00:16:10,786 --> 00:16:12,056 Claire, you have the floor. 430 00:16:13,547 --> 00:16:16,268 W-well, you're not not fragile. 431 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,966 Okay, well, why don't you give me an example 432 00:16:18,966 --> 00:16:20,764 of something you haven't told me 433 00:16:20,765 --> 00:16:22,603 because you were worried I couldn't handle it? 434 00:16:22,605 --> 00:16:23,502 Go on. 435 00:16:24,262 --> 00:16:25,117 All right. 436 00:16:26,034 --> 00:16:27,929 Last week when we were supposed to have lunch 437 00:16:27,930 --> 00:16:29,460 - and you canceled... - Mmm-hmm. 438 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,079 Okay. The singer or Pepper's dog? 439 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,141 The singer. 440 00:16:37,768 --> 00:16:39,598 And when I was leaving, 441 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,338 I-I-I stopped and I said hello to her 442 00:16:42,338 --> 00:16:43,842 and we chatted for like 10 minutes. 443 00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:46,364 Okay, that's great. 444 00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:48,023 I'm glad you had that experience? 445 00:16:48,025 --> 00:16:50,364 I mean, I don't know what you talked to her about, 446 00:16:50,365 --> 00:16:51,854 seeing that you don't know any of her songs 447 00:16:51,855 --> 00:16:53,057 other than "Single ladies," 448 00:16:53,058 --> 00:16:54,655 which everyone knows. 449 00:16:54,657 --> 00:16:56,911 - I love that song. - I'm surprised you can hear it. 450 00:16:56,912 --> 00:16:58,385 Well, this was fun. Who's hungry? 451 00:16:58,386 --> 00:16:59,452 Hey, where's that boar? 452 00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:00,794 Okay, anyone else? 453 00:17:00,794 --> 00:17:02,537 Well, since we're coming clean, 454 00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:04,315 you overuse the word "divine." 455 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,530 It's just an ice-cream sandwich. 456 00:17:06,539 --> 00:17:08,015 You're the boy who cried "divine." 457 00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:09,726 Okay. Was not aware of that. 458 00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:11,218 - Duly noted. - Hey, I got one. 459 00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:13,853 Remember that blue rotary phone you gave me for Christmas? 460 00:17:13,855 --> 00:17:15,170 - Yes. - I tossed it. 461 00:17:15,571 --> 00:17:18,207 Okay. May I ask the reason? 462 00:17:18,225 --> 00:17:20,614 It made me feel like Ann-Margret in "Bye bye birdie." 463 00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:23,321 - Why?! - Okay, anyone else? 464 00:17:23,368 --> 00:17:24,507 I don't really like the 465 00:17:24,508 --> 00:17:26,453 - shirts with the crazy cuffs. - Oh, I'm sorry. 466 00:17:26,455 --> 00:17:28,342 Can you push your boobs down? Because I couldn't hear you. 467 00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:30,517 - Here we go. - No, no, here we don't go. 468 00:17:30,609 --> 00:17:33,382 This is fine. I'm fine, okay? 469 00:17:34,431 --> 00:17:35,895 Sometimes when you read to me, 470 00:17:35,896 --> 00:17:38,529 I pretend to fall asleep so you'll go. 471 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:40,719 I heard that one. 472 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,469 Well, I heard you all loud and clear. 473 00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,205 I have to use the restroom. 474 00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:45,937 So, Cam, you're sensitive. 475 00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,707 Big deal. It's one of your best qualities. 476 00:17:47,908 --> 00:17:50,108 Thank you Phil. And I'm sorry your Beyonce loving wife 477 00:17:50,175 --> 00:17:51,724 went to Luke's game without you. 478 00:17:54,428 --> 00:17:57,091 See? Farm strong! 479 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,766 You went to Luke's game? 480 00:18:03,203 --> 00:18:04,543 I did, Phil, and I am so sorry. 481 00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:05,771 I did not mean to. 482 00:18:05,772 --> 00:18:08,432 But then he started playing the most amazing game, 483 00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:09,715 and I got so wrapped up in it. 484 00:18:09,716 --> 00:18:10,961 I know I should have called. 485 00:18:10,962 --> 00:18:11,840 Yeah, you should've called. 486 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,490 - You were amazing? - Oh, he was incredible. I wish you'd been there. 487 00:18:14,491 --> 00:18:16,890 Then why'd you make me skip it?! I knew you had it in you! 488 00:18:16,891 --> 00:18:18,510 Oh, coach said he's gonna start next week. 489 00:18:18,511 --> 00:18:20,284 You're starting? I'm so mad at you! 490 00:18:20,285 --> 00:18:22,122 I'm so proud of you! 491 00:18:26,623 --> 00:18:28,338 - Hey, how are you doing in here? - Fine. 492 00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:30,148 I'm a little embarrassed about my outburst, 493 00:18:30,149 --> 00:18:31,442 but otherwise... 494 00:18:32,675 --> 00:18:33,996 You had a lot to take in. 495 00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,325 As a lawyer, I should've told you, 496 00:18:36,493 --> 00:18:38,447 never ask questions you don't want the answer to. 497 00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:40,128 Am I really that much of a mess? 498 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,659 Are you not listening to me? 499 00:18:43,103 --> 00:18:45,817 - Hey. Room in here for me? - Not really. 500 00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:49,445 Look, I'm real sorry I said what I said. 501 00:18:49,446 --> 00:18:50,590 No, no, you're right. 502 00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:52,083 I am the Cam of the family. 503 00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:54,215 Apparently, I'm the Cam of two families, so... 504 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,077 So what if you go a little cuckoo 505 00:18:56,078 --> 00:18:57,485 when you get bad news? 506 00:18:57,486 --> 00:18:59,979 You also go all cuckoo when you hear good news. 507 00:19:00,195 --> 00:19:01,979 It's one of the I love most about you. 508 00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:03,000 No, that's -- that's true. 509 00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:04,513 You're the -- you're the first person I call 510 00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:05,498 when I have good news. 511 00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:07,970 I mean, remember when I got my adult braces removed? 512 00:19:07,971 --> 00:19:09,976 Your teeth look divi-- divine. 513 00:19:09,978 --> 00:19:12,200 See? I can't help it. I'm a celebrator. 514 00:19:12,201 --> 00:19:13,373 Of course you are. 515 00:19:13,974 --> 00:19:15,781 And I should have celebrated how lucky Bo is 516 00:19:15,782 --> 00:19:17,511 to land a great gal like you. 517 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,379 Look at me. I'm crying like a Cam. 518 00:19:22,218 --> 00:19:23,550 Sorry, old habits. 519 00:19:28,527 --> 00:19:31,340 - Are you mad because I embarrassed you? - Forget about it. 520 00:19:31,598 --> 00:19:33,640 And I'm gonna ease up on the glasses, too. 521 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,097 It's just that I worry, you know, 522 00:19:36,099 --> 00:19:37,509 you're not seeing everything. 523 00:19:37,546 --> 00:19:39,087 I'm getting old, Jay. 524 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,181 When Manny was little, 525 00:19:40,182 --> 00:19:42,684 I used to run around with him all day 526 00:19:42,686 --> 00:19:44,246 without getting tired. 527 00:19:44,247 --> 00:19:46,258 Today at Joe's baby class, 528 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,151 a 6-year-old had to pull me out of the ball pit. 529 00:19:49,152 --> 00:19:51,018 Hold on. Manny used to run around? 530 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,889 All the mothers are so young and perky. 531 00:19:55,096 --> 00:19:56,942 I hate being the oldest one there. 532 00:19:56,943 --> 00:19:58,685 Well, I for one love that you're getting older. 533 00:19:58,685 --> 00:20:00,611 It makes me feel closer to you. 534 00:20:00,723 --> 00:20:04,584 So you'll like it if I get all wrinkly and saggy? 535 00:20:04,586 --> 00:20:06,049 Well, I wouldn't make it a goal. 536 00:20:06,128 --> 00:20:07,727 Okay, I'll wear them. 537 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:12,682 What? 538 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:14,120 Nothing. 539 00:20:14,990 --> 00:20:16,538 You have lines there. 540 00:20:16,539 --> 00:20:18,635 I can see them very clearly now with these -- 541 00:20:18,637 --> 00:20:20,753 Okay, okay, these are just for reading. 542 00:20:21,455 --> 00:20:22,734 I won't be able to hear her. 543 00:20:22,735 --> 00:20:24,038 She won't be able to see me. 544 00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:25,847 We'll be together forever. 545 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:33,617 Congratulations. 546 00:20:33,618 --> 00:20:35,874 You officially beat me in "Words with friends." 547 00:20:35,875 --> 00:20:37,165 Better luck next time, kid. 548 00:20:37,166 --> 00:20:39,645 Okay, I have to ask -- did you cheat? 549 00:20:39,722 --> 00:20:40,877 Is that how you won? 550 00:20:41,554 --> 00:20:43,121 I never took you for a sore loser. 551 00:20:43,122 --> 00:20:44,342 That's not an answer. 552 00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:46,067 Listen, one day you might be 553 00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:47,456 the smartest person in this family, 554 00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:48,964 but today is not that day. 555 00:20:49,195 --> 00:20:51,708 So tread lightly before you assiduously malign 556 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,484 the veracity of my etymological prowess. 557 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,869 Jay Pritchett out. 558 00:21:01,148 --> 00:21:02,936 You broke your phone, smarty-pants. 559 00:21:02,937 --> 00:21:03,953 Damn it! 41326

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