All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s01e05 Hamburger Dinner Theater.eng

Going to the strip club.
All right. Going to Pickles.

Boy, am I gonna need some quarters tonight.
[Laughs]

- Quarters?
- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.
- What are you gonna do with quarters, Lin?

Oh, I'll plop 'em in their G-strings.

You'll-[Scoffs]
You'll plop quarters in their G-strings?

- Plop 'em right in.
- Plippity plop.

- At Pickles?
- Pickles.

Why do they call it Pickles?

- They actually serve pickles.
- Mmm.

No, I'm not kidding.
They really have good pickles.

You'd think they wouldn�t,
but they're delicious.

You're going to dinner theater,
aren't you?

Nah-
[Nervous Laughing]

Wha- What do you mean?

Wait- That is crazy.

Fine, Bob. You got me.

I know you don't approve of dinner theater,
so I fibbed.

You know what?
I'd rather you go to a strip club.

What do you have against
dinner theater, Dad?

Well, first of all, Gene,
it's neither dinner nor theater.

It's like the imitation cheese of theater.

Sounds fun.

Imitation cheese is delicious.

That's my boy. That's my star.

- Linda, you know What the real problem is?
- What?

It's the result of dinner theater-
what it does to you.

Makes you sing everything.

- Who was that?
- ? Wrong number;

'[Groans]
'? Yeah;

So what's for breakfast?

? Eggs, eggs ?

? Eggs, bom-bom
Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs ?

- Oh, my God.
- ? Born-bomp ?

So, Lin, ifs, uh- All right.

? Not tonight
No ?

Okay.

? Not tonight
No ?

' get it!

And so you're gonna be doing
that all week, right?

? No ?
[Holds Note]

? Yeah ?

[Laughs]

[Man]; We drink, we loot,
we rape, we shoot;

[Man 2]; We sing, we dance,
we twirl, we prance;

[With Singers]
? We're the Pirates of Panache ?;

- Ow. Ow. Ow.
- Linda, tell me everything.

Oh, Mort, I'm telling you,
to be in dinner theater-

if I could do my life over again,
if I could-

[Groans]
If I could just have one chance-

-[Laughs] You'd do that?
- Yeah.

Linda, What are you talking about?
You've got a great life.

You work in a restaurant.

- You get to feed the world, right?
- Right.

There was someone in here from Canada
last week. Remember?

- And we learned all about that country.
- That's great.

I hate that country.

You know, Linda, you've got the dinner
part already. You know What that means.

You're halfway to doing-

- Yeah?
- Your own-

Say it. Yeah. Say it. What? What?

Dinner theater!
Your very own dinner theater!

- Dinner theater. Yes!
- No-

- Yeah! My own din-[Laughs]
- Yay!

- Why are we excited?
- Hamburger dinner theater?

Ah, come on, Bobby!

We work hard every day
to make your dream come true.

Why can't we do my dream too?

About how long do you think your dream
will take? Like an hour, hour and a half?

Are you crazy? it's got to be at least
a three-week engagement.

Three Weeks? How about three days?

All right. We'll take it.
[Chuckles]

This is gonna be wonderful!

What's the show gonna be?

[Sighs]
Murder. Murder mystery.

-[Scoffs]
- How about mass murder mystery?

Okay, sure.

- And a musical?
- Of course.

Can it also be a love story?

Aw! A mass murder mystery
musical love story set in, uh-

- Nazi Germany.
- Oh! In Montreal.

Enough with Canada!

In a ketchup factory?
A sexy ketchup factory?

[Air Squeezing]

I got it!
In a morgue! I have props.

- Oh, come on.
- Yes, yes! Mort, that's it.

- We'll call it Dreamatorium.
- Really?

? Dreamatorium ?

? it's a Dreamatorium ?

-[Groans]
- ? Born-bomp ?

Look at this set. Am I in a morgue?

Oh, it feels like I am.

I am just so happy we've all been
bitten by the dinner theater bug.

Now, Gene, you're on
sound effects, naturally.

[Allan Screams]

Ominous.

Chills. Oh!

Remember- every character gets
some intro and outro music.

- You got it.
- ? [Bouncy Theme] ?

- Don't. Don't score me.
-[Deflating Sound]

Mort, you're on visual effects.

Fake blood. Or is it?

Now, script.

As you know, everyone who enters
my morgue is mysteriously killed.

- Mort- body delivery guy, victim one.
- ? [Single Note] ?

- Gene- flower delivery guy, victim two.
- ?[Higher Note] ?

- Tina- tree, victim three.
- ?[Lower Note] ?

Louise- the butler
who everyone thinks is the killer.

- You're the red herring.
- ? [Suspense Note] ?

Tina's a tree that gets killed?

She wants to be a tree, she can be a tree
Tina's got stage fright.

I have stage fright?

Yes, sweetie.
Ever since you were a little baby.

Tina, say �Mommy." �Mommy."

- Uh-
- "Ma."

- Huh?
- No.

I'll keep cutting. You say when.

Uh-

Uh- Uh-

[Female Operator]
977. What's your emergency?

Uh-

- Tina! Help!
- Uh- Uhh-

- Hello?
- Tina! Fire!

Uhh-

That explains a lot.

Now, Bobby, there's a small part
I'd like you to play-

the tree surgeon, who tries to save the tree
but instead becomes victim number four.

I'd love to, but absolutely not.

I'm already doing the dinner part
of this dinner theater, Lin-

by myself, I might add.

- It's one line!
- No.

Whats the matter?
Afraid you might get bitten?

[Buzzes]
Gotcha![Laughs]

- Yeah. Yeah, good.
- Let's do a scene right now. Come on.

- Let's do an improv.
- An improv?

Yeah, an improv. I-

Hi. What's your- Hi. How are you?
I'm just standing out here.

[Mutters]
So am I.

It's cold out.

Not really.

- Uh-
- I have a big coat on.

See? You're good. You're good.

- That was good. Yes!
- I don't like it. I don't like it.

- I don't like it.
- That was a whole scene. It just becomes a play.

- I love that.
- That's the play we should do.

- We'll call it Big Coat.
- [Barking]

Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.

Um, are you talking to me?

I'm warming up my instrument!
Unbelievable!

I am sor- Uhh-

Hey, I'm sorry. it's preshow nerves.

Come here. Hug for luck.

You freakin' idiot!
You don't hug for luck in the theater!

- Uhh-
- shh, shh, shh. Shh-shh.

I'm sorry, baby. Shh, shh, shh.

I didn't mean it, baby.
You know how I get before a big show.

You know how I get.

- Get off of me!
- Uhh-

- You're smudging my makeup!
- Uhh-

You want me to go out there
in front of these people...

with this makeup all smudged,
you clumsy oaf!

[Sighs]
Sorry, baby. Come here.

?[Bouncy] ?

-[Bell Dings]
- Good evening, ladies.

Please enter and be 'tamed.

I don't get it, Bob. Why are people
buying tickets to eat a burger?

Linda's putting on a dinner theater...

so you're paying for the entertainment
plus the burger.

What if someone only wants
to eat a hamburger?

I guess you could just pay for the burger
and turn your back to the stage.

I could kind of watch like this, you know,
with my peripheral vision.

It'd be the honor system, Teddy. I mean,
if you find yourself watching the show...

you should probably buy a ticket, right?

[Teddy]
Oh, that's fair. That's more than fair.

-[Bob] But, Teddy, you can't talk during the show.
- No. No. No, I get it.

- One time I was at the movies, right?
- ?[Fanfare] ?

- Teddy, shh!
- This guy's phone goes off-

[Bob]
Teddy, they're starting.

[Whispering]
And this guy's phone goes off-

- And he picks up the phone-
- Don't tell the story, Teddy.

- He picks up the phone, but everyone in the theater's like-
- Don't tell- Shh!

- �Stop it!� You know, just �stop,� right?
- Teddy, stop!

- Stop telling the story.
- He just- And everyone is like...

- �Who's the killer?"
- Shut your mouth.

- Right. No. That's What that guy did.
- Shut your mouth.

[Linda Clears Throat]

? Everything dies;

- ? But love ?
- ?[Keyboard Continues] ?

Good evening.

This is the story of love...

but there will be a murderer, and it's
up to you to guess who that murderer is.

Hint- it's not me.

Because I'm just Gladys,
a lonely morgue owner.

You know, they say most people
find love where they work.

Well, look where I work.

Corpse delivery for a lonely morgue owner.

? That would be me ?

[Mort Screams]

I'm being murdered... to death!

[Screaming]

So no actual murder tonight,
just a lot of fake blood and fake organs.

-[Chuckles] Right. Right. Fake
- [Radio Chatter]

Yeah, we might have overdone it
a little on the gore.

Well, no harm done.

Except for the people
being treated for shock.

Yeah, and the people
who demanded their money back.

Eh.

Well, the next performance
is gonna be really great.

Next performance? Wasn't tonight's
debacle the end of dinner theater?

I just need to tweak
some stuff for tomorrow's show.

- Maybe tone down the blood a smidge.
- What?

I've been thinking.
I want to get over the stage fright

I think I'd like to have a line.

Aw, Bob! Our tree is growing up
and sprouting words.

Let's write you a speech
for tomorrow night's performance.

Can I say, �No. Don't�?

That's exactly What a tree would say!

I'll have it memorized by tomorrow night.

Lin, you lived out your dream
on stage for a couple minutes...

and since there were no charges filed-

They can never take that
away from you, right?

Bob, my dream has not been-
? satisfied ?

The show must go on, Dad.

Yeah. Did you give up
after you made your first burger?

It ain't over till it's over.

No. You added garlic powder.

- Luck is 90% preparation and-
- Gene, enough.

[Gene Groans]

[Sighs]
Two more shows.

This tastes nothing like real blood!

Flowers for a lonely morgue owner.

That's me!

Oh, God!
That feels like a sharp knife in my belly.

[Groans, Screams]

[Groaning]

[Whispering]
Psst! Gene. Hey.

[Groaning Continues]

Gene. Gene.

Yeah? Uh-huh?

- Are you done?
- No.

I need you to serve this to table 3.

-[Linda] Bob, shh! He's dying. Stop.
- I'm sorry.

Come on-
[Clears Throat]

Come on, butler.
Let's go out into the garden.

Uhh-

Tina! Tina, it's your big line.

Uhh-

- Go!
- No. Don't.

The tree! it's been murdered.

Oh, butler,
who is committing all these murders?

Beats me. Oh, there's my knife.

Well, I sure don't know whodunit.

- Do you?
- ?'[Keyboard]

- Is the tree the murderer?
- ? [Continues] ?

Or is the flower delivery man
the murderer?

Or perhaps the suspicious butler?

Well, you're all wrong.

? The murderer was me ?

-[Keyboard." Bark]
- Ha, ha!

What? You explicitly told us...

at the beginning of the show
you weren't the murderer.

That's right. it's a twist!

No, it's a lie. A lie is not a twist.

Don't be nervous.
You do this all the time.

The cast will be signing autographs
if anyone would like one.

Everyone back in their seat! Now!

- This is a robbery!
- ? [Suspense Note]?

- [Woman] Ooh.
- A robbery- Now that's a twist.

This is hot part of the show, people.
This is a real robbery.

Kids, get behind the counter.

[Whispering] We can take this guy
I go high, you go low.

- Wait. What?
- Never mind. Never mind.

- Wait-
- You blew it. You blew it, Tina.

Everyone stay where you are!
Give me everything in the register.

Yeah, fine. Listen. There are kids here...

so don't do anything stupid...er
than rob this place.

Shut up, greaseball.

- Don't call me greaseball.
- ?[Note] ?

Uh, mask face.

-[Laughter]
- it's not part of the show.

- Show?
- ? [Continues] ?

- Gene, stop.
- Just take it easy.

- Oh, I'll take it... easy.
- [Crowd Murmurs]

- [ Police Radio Chatter]
- Hmm! They added a robbery element to the show.

- That's clever.
- The ski mask is a little cheesy.

I think it looks pretty good.

Okay, that's all of it.

You've got your money.
Now be on your way.

- Give me a little music.
- Oh, come on. Just go.

- ?'[Scatting]
-?[Keyboard]

[Scatting]
Do your last line again. Go!

[Flatly] You've got your money.
Now be on your way?

? Maybe I'll leave ?

J And maybe I'll stay;

- ? Maybe it's the limelight ?
- ?[Keyboard Continues] ?

? Could be the singin' ?

? 911 should be a-ringin' ?

? But I can't stop ?

? And neither can I ?

Sit down, sit down!

I'm kidding. I'm kid-
Everyone up. Come on!

It's not part of the show.

Play me out.

- ?[Bouncy] ?
- [Applause Continues]

Can you break a five?
I'd love to tip out the cast.

- ?[Stops] ?
- No! I can't break a five, lady!

I was just robbed!
Did you not just see that?

You were standing right here, idiot!

- Oh, you people commit.
- Get out!

We feel terrible we didn't stop
that robbery last night.

Oh, that robbery was horrible!
[Shudders]

Though I have to admit, it felt so good
to hear the audience applaud.

-[Bell Rings]
- Hey, are you guys talking about that show last night?

I thought it was dazzling.

Oh, yeah? You saw Dreamatorium?

Yeah, I caught the end of it.

I thought the guy who played the robber
really stole the show.

Is that why you guys are here?

No, they're here because
the robber was a real robber...

and he stole 227 bucks.

- Eh, a little less than that.
- It'll be hard to catch this guy.

Nobody got a good look at him.

Put this down in your report.

He was leading-man handsome.

He was wearing a ski mask.

Well, he had the presence
of a young Burt Reynolds.

And the pipes of an old Debbie Reynolds.

Hey, the online reviews are in.

Listen to this one.
It's from whosyourdaddy1997.

�The plot made zero sense...

and the set looked
like children made it.�

Yeah!
Children did make it- my children!

�But the reason to go see Dreamatorium
is the closing musical number.

The chemistry between
the robber character...

and the lonely morgue
operator was sparktastic."

Did anyone mention the food?

Uh, no.

Great. So the robbery got rave reviews.

Bob, we�re a hit!

- No, Linda. We were hit.
- Good one.

- Yeah. That's good.
- Thanks.

- I don't get it.
- We were hit.

A hit is a ro-
Am I wrong? it's a robbery, right?

-[Chattering]
- Right. A hit is a robbery.

Well, technically, for the cops-

- Technically, no, it's not-
- Wait-

- Forget it. Forget it.
- In layman-

- In layman's terms.
- Forget it. Everybody

- Nobody got hit.
- Everybody, forget it.

There we were,
putting on the show of our lives

when in Walked a man
with a gun in his hand.

And he was looking for you-know-who.

- We will now take questions.
- Here, here, here!

- Me.
- Large Tommy.

Question for Tina. Were you scared?

Um, uh- Uhh-

No, she wasn't

- Ooh! Ooh!
- Normal-size Jenny.

How big was the gun,
and did anyone get shot?

That's a two-part question.
I don't answer those.

- Aw.
- Tiny Peter.

Does this mean you're in a gang now?

That is correct.
Our gang is called the Broken Glass Kids.

- We'll out you.
-[Gasping]

Wow!

[Linda]
Oh! I can't wait for the show tonight.

What, tonight?

I thought maybe you'd
consider canceling...

but you're really committed
to making me unhappy.

The show won�t be the same
Without the robber.

What? You're all thinking it!

I got to agree.
That guy could really sing... and rob.

Well, again, our apologies.

We'll follow up as soon
as we hear anything.

So happy for you though.

Thanks.

[Sighs]
Mort.

-[Bell Dings]
- You're right.

What am I gonna do Without the robber?

You'll just have to-

; Take it easy;

Wait a minute. That voice.

Oh, my God! it's you! You're the robber!

- Guilty.
-[Exclaims]

Last night was something, wasn't it'?

Oh, I know. We were electric together.

So let's do it again tonight.

Yes. I want to report a, uh-

- What are you doing, Linda? I'm getting this guy arrested.
-[Dialing]

No, but he wants to do the show again.

-[Grunting]
- He robbed us with a gun. [Stammers]

Hey, everyone, relax.
It wasn't even a real gun

Fake. And currently in my other jacket
locked in the trunk of my car.

Bob, he wants to perform.

This guy is the missing ingredient
to my show. He's my garlic powder.

Yes. The man who robbed
my restaurant is here right now.

He's about 5'8", maybe 150 pounds.

I'm bad at guessing weight though, so-

Yeah, I'll say. Yeah.

- Uh- 160?
- Oh, flatterer.

All right, 170.

- Ooh!
- [Yelps]

Uh, call you back.
You said the gun was in your car.

- I lied.
- What about it being fake?

Also a lie.

See? A lie can be a twist.

Since you did that, I'm gonna do this.
Register.

Great. Again.

Good luck tonight Without me!

We forgot to give this to you.

A little �Sorry we let the robber get away"
Bundt cake.

- You're doing it again. He just ran right past you.
- [Radio Chatter]

- Hold that thought, Bob.
- The guy who robbed us just robbed us again!

Hold on. Can you repeat that, Dispatch?

- Suspect-[Continues, Indistinct]
- He's saying what I'm saying.

The guy who robbed us- he just left.

We got to go, Bob. The guy who
robbed you was just spotted in the area!

[Bell Rings]

[Panting]

Don't catch him, don't catch him...

don't catch him, don't catch him!

[Grunts]

Ah, they got him.

Geez. Julia packs a wallop.

Ah, you couldn't just let me
have my dream, could you?

What? You mean
'cause I called the police?

The guy committed
armed robbery, Lin- twice.

But you committed murder, Bob.
You blew my dream's head off.

That's a little dramatic, Lin.

Yes, Bob, 'cause I used to be an actor.

Only two tickets left for Dreamatorium...

the show over three people
have been blogging about.

Final performance, people.

Do you think you're gonna
say your line tonight?

Probably not.

You know, a good way
to beat the stage fright-

imagine the audience naked.

I already do that.
I imagine everyone naked.

Everyone? All the time?

Yeah. You don't do that?

- No.
- Oh.

Well, try picturing the audience
with clothes on then.

Like all their clothes?

Well, maybe just a condom and a hat.

Okay.

Tonight�s show is officially sold out.
Packed house.

Are you feeling it, Mom? Whoo!

Are you feeling it, Dad? Whoo!

Eh, who cares?

The audience is expecting to be dazzled...

but thanks to your father,
we have no star.

[Sighs] Let's just go do the version
everyone hated.

Whodunit?

- Was the murderer the corpse delivery guy?
- ?[Keyboard] ?

Or was it the flower delivery guy?

Or was the murderer the shifty butler?

- ? [Continues] ?
- Wrong.

The murderer was me.
Thank you. Good night.

Hold on. I saw the show last night.

Trust me, it's about to get good.

That's our show, everyone.
Thanks for coming out.

What about the you-know-who
surprise performer?

Yeah, well, the show is
What it is, so- Good night.

I'll tell you What it is. it's garbage.

Okay, all right then. Drive safe.

[Bob]
Nobody move! This is a robbery!

I said sit back down, lady, or I'll shoot!

Oh, Bobby, you're in the show!

- Garbage.
- I don't want your money.

I just want the money
of the big shot who owns this place.

Ooh, way to commit, honey.

Boy, I thought we did better today.

Oh. Well-
[Clears Throat] All right, here it goes.

? So I'm singin' words to a song
I'm making up right now ?

? 'Cause it's the singing that matters
and not the song ?

? So it's up to me ?

- ? To ?
- ? Sing ?

- ? In ?
-[High-pitched] ? Key ?

- Ow!
- Ow!

[Both, Out of Tune]
? Key ?

- ? Ee ?
- ? Ee ?

That was great.

- Yeah, just go-
-[Laughs] What? I-

- it's a little high.
- Well, I nailed it.

- You were a little high.
- So you go higher.

- Oh.
- I think we can-

- Everyone's gone.
- Yeah, I think we can stop.

- We cleared them out.
- No. Don't.

I did it. Tina, take a bow, girl.

By Jeffreyalca

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