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I think you're seeing
the sex industry in Seattle
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because there's a fair population of us
who are out and willing to talk about it.
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This is going on
in all of the cities everywhere
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all of the time.
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I think it's just human nature
to want to be with somebody,
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to be close to somebody, to be accepted,
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just to be held.
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Sex work is not legal
in the state of Washington.
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I shouldn't be going to jail because
I'm doing what I want with my body.
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So much of my life has to be a secret.
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People knowing who I am
could be really dangerous.
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Sex workers are really the secret keepers
of our society.
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We see the parts of people
they don't let the rest of the world see.
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Society puts this dark shadow
on sex workers
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and makes them into these terrible people,
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portraying them to be criminals
or people that are victims.
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My saying is, if you treat me like a ho,
I'm gonna treat you like a trick.
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But if you treat me like a lady,
then I'm gonna treat you like a gentleman.
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Sex isn't a want. It's a need.
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And there are people missing
this entire part of their life,
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and I can help that.
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I've never had a secret before this big.
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There's things I can't tell
my mom and my dad.
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Trying to have that, like, double life
has really been a struggle.
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It's hard to ignore
society's expectations.
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My family, I don't think, will ever have
a conversation about it.
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I already know that they won't approve.
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They'll think that I'm a failure
or that I'm a bad person.
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Since I haven't gotten
my first client yet,
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I don't know if I'm doing anything right.
31
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:30,317
So right now I have the rough draft
of my website.
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Not super happy with the pictures I have
or with the layout,
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but I'm really excited to get
new pictures,
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so I can kind of just represent myself
better and my brand better.
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I don't want to introduce myself
until I have the right branding,
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and so far, I'm just finding
that I'm not really...
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I'm not legit enough yet.
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So everything
is really hanging on tomorrow,
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and I don't model that often,
so I have no idea how I'm gonna do.
40
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It's emotionally very draining.
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Feeling stuck and feeling trapped
in this, like, cycle
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of debt and working myself to death.
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Every week is, like, 70 hours a week.
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But when it comes between,
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do I pay for the photo shoot
46
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that I've been waiting for
that I need to get this going
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and is gonna be the staple to my brand,
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or do I pay my credit card bill?
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That's when it's really scary.
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One of my good friends
who's in the industry
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refers to herself as a hooker
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and refers to other women in the industry
as hookers,
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and that really bothers me.
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I'm like, "I'll never call myself that."
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"Sex worker", I think, is fine.
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But anything
that's kind of a derogatory word
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I like to stay away from.
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I know for my long-term, like, well-being
59
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,893
that it will affect me
more than I even realize,
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'cause I've worked so hard
to get where I am in life,
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and I'm not gonna let somebody
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feed me that line of crap
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or tell me what I am.
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00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,905
I'm not gonna let anybody
tell me what I am.
65
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:07,915
I've never been motivated to fit in
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00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,291
with society.
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00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:13,795
If anything, I've kind of held
my being different as a badge of honor.
68
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,728
If I was just getting ready for myself,
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I would've just brushed my hair and left.
70
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,733
I don't really wear makeup
in my personal life.
71
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:39,154
I am most comfortable in workout gear,
climbing a mountain sweaty and dirty,
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00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:43,951
but society has this idea
of what they want women to look like,
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00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,953
and that is made up in dresses,
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00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,163
looking all fancy with the latest shoes
and a purse.
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00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,165
And while that's a cool disguise
to put on,
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00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:54,336
that isn't something
I enjoy looking like all the time.
77
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:55,754
I like looking like myself,
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00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,715
which is just a mountain goat
in human skin.
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00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,763
Most people spend 40 to 80 hours a week
80
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:08,350
becoming very, very proficient
at their skill.
81
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,561
They put all of their energy towards that.
82
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:14,773
I take all of that energy, and I put it
towards connecting with people.
83
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,568
And that's why it's worth
paying professionals,
84
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,571
because the amount of energy people put
into careers,
85
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,990
we put into being good partners.
86
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,576
I'm not very concerned with being a girl
in my personal life.
87
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,202
I'm concerned with being an athlete.
88
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,580
My genitals don't really define me.
89
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:33,584
But in work, I'm very girly.
90
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:38,630
When I'm putting on makeup
and getting ready for work,
91
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:44,011
I am creating a space
for whoever I'm going to be with,
92
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:48,640
a canvas for them
to project their fantasy onto.
93
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,896
They're falling in love
with a fantasy of me
94
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,940
and not me personally.
95
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,026
They only have their projections of me.
96
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,861
They don't really know me.
97
00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:04,323
And it's the projections
that they fall in love with.
98
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,994
That's disgusting.
99
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:13,248
Bryan and myself, we don't have
a lot of open dialogue about it,
100
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,643
'cause for me, I'm like,
"Well, the less he knows, the better."
101
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,836
I'm trying to protect him, I think.
102
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:21,131
But I also think that he wants me
to open up more about it.
103
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:24,259
So he'll try to crack jokes
and, like, make light of it.
104
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,596
When she first came to me and told me,
105
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:30,599
I was 100% behind it as long as she was.
106
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:32,434
It's a lot of pressure right now.
107
00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:37,064
It's a lot of pressure, you know,
to step through that door,
108
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:41,068
but I think once we get her
through that first door,
109
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,779
I think just a lot of weight's
gonna be lifted.
110
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,866
We talk about getting married and stuff,
so it's not a light matter.
111
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:53,080
Do you think that I'm gonna come home
and just, like, cry in your arms after?
112
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,873
Oh, I know you are. Oh, I know she is.
113
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,460
I know she's probably gonna come home,
and she's gonna want to cuddle.
114
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:02,673
I'm gonna hold her.
I'm gonna tell her it's gonna be okay.
115
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,474
Gonna say,
"Everything's gonna be just fine."
116
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:07,469
See, my version is I'm gonna come home
and be like...
117
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,890
I think he wants to see that I'm not...
118
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,685
that it's not easy, in a way.
119
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,688
But for me, I think it will be that easy,
120
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,315
'cause, you know, I've been with men
121
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,693
where I didn't necessarily want to,
122
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,487
but I did it anyways
'cause I felt kind of trapped
123
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:29,616
or stuck in whatever scenario I was in
or social setting.
124
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:32,911
I know her, and I know she's amazing
and strong and beautiful,
125
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,080
and she'll be safe and smart about it.
126
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:38,500
I want to be her emotional rock
that she can come home
127
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:42,504
and know that I'm here to get behind her
no matter what.
128
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:46,925
He's asked me how long
he thinks I want to do it for, and...
129
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,136
I think I've given myself at least...
130
00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:51,346
I want to do it for at least six months.
131
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:54,349
For how much work and how much money
I've already invested into it
132
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,978
and haven't seen anything back yet,
I want to at least do six months,
133
00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,521
but I also don't know.
134
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:02,357
We're doing this
because we want to capitalize
135
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,736
on a few things that we have going
for ourselves right now.
136
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,738
And...
137
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,949
when we're old, I don't see us doing it.
138
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,159
No.
139
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,953
So...
-But it's not us, it's me doing it.
140
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,371
Yeah, it's you. That's right.
141
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,374
I mean, you're getting dragged along
for the ride.
142
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:23,962
It's just, like, a lot of moral struggle,
constantly, like, back and forth
143
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,381
of, like...
144
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,801
just wondering if I'm doing
the right thing or not.
145
00:08:32,801 --> 00:08:36,801
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