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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,440 WIND HOWLS 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,400 No, no, I completely understand. 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,560 Please don't feel bad about it. You just stay safe. 4 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:14,440 WHISPERS: - This is no good. - We'll still get paid, right? - Yeah, 5 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,760 but we don't want our first wedding here to be a disaster. 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,640 People will think the place is cursed. - It is. - Not haunted, 7 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,160 I mean, like, unlucky. - It isn't not unlucky. 8 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,800 - That was Michelle. The Kingsleys can't make it either. - Oh. 9 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:30,160 Yeah, Mike and Valerie just texted to say, "Accident on the M4, 10 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,520 "traffic isn't moving"? 11 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,520 - PHONE RINGS 12 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,400 - Ooh, it's the wedding planner. Hi. Hi, Martin. 13 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,560 We've been trying to get hold of you. - Sorry about that. 14 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,880 I didn't have the Bluetooth in. Just to give you the rundown. 15 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,840 The DJ can't make it but the equipment's all there 16 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,120 if anyone wants to step in. 17 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,160 The caterers are with you, I think. - Yes. Yeah. 18 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,000 - But the waiting staff are mostly crying off, 19 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,520 so it might have to be a bit more of a buffet situation. - OK. 20 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,640 Well, I'll let you co-ordinate that. Where are you? 21 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,600 - Ah. That's the thing. I've had a little bit of a dink. 22 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,680 - Sorry, sir, we need to end the call now, please. - I'd better go. 23 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,640 - Oh, my God. - It's fine. I think I'm in shock! 24 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,440 - Sir, it's time to hang up. 25 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,560 - Right. Got to go. Good luck with it all. Ciao, ciao, ciao. 26 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,880 - Oh, oh, oh... 27 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,880 - PHONE BEEPS 28 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,280 - So...where is he? - Slight problem. 29 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:43,440 - 'Tis bad tidings for the nuptials. - No, it's romantic! 30 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:47,240 A white wedding. A white, white wedding! 31 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,880 Oh, I do wish I could see the service. 32 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:54,000 - Well, that's at the church, Kitty, as it should be. - I know. 33 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,640 - If they can get there, that is. 34 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,120 Beastly terrain for civilian vehicles. 35 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,920 - I remember my wedding day. It was the best day of my life. 36 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,320 Carol in velvet, me in a handsome brown three-piece. 37 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,800 - I cannot bear to think of the joy that would've 38 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,160 occasioned my own wedding day. Oh! - Don't remember much of mine. 39 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,920 I assume it was fun. Arghhhh! 40 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,960 - Mine was at Winchester Cathedral. 41 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,880 I was given away by the Marquis of Granby and the guests included the... 42 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,160 - ROBIN GRUNTS 43 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,280 - Something to say, have we, Robin? 44 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:28,360 - Well, in my day, you do what you want. You like someone, you do it. 45 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,600 You like someone else, you do it. Easy. 46 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,240 No-one know who their father is but everyone raise children together. 47 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,960 Peace and love. - I see. Bloody hippy, eh. - Sounds awful. 48 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,000 - It's not very romantic, is it? - You, wife cheat on you. 49 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,120 And you cheat on wife. 50 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,080 And you, husband cheat on you with two men, then kill you, 51 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:53,960 so open your eyes, people not meant to be mon-hog... 52 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,920 ..mono... 53 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,080 ..mo-hog...hog... 54 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,320 - Monogamous. - That's what I said. 55 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:07,560 - Dad, everyone's cancelling. - How many men have we lost? - Not everyone. 56 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,200 Sam's at the hotel and the family. 57 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,520 - So vital personnel are all still in the field? 58 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,680 Ah! Michael's back from the front. What news? 59 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,720 - Marquee's fallen down. - Oh. - What? 60 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,920 - Part of it. Most of it. - Oh, my God! 61 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:23,560 - Best to cancel the wedding, it be cursed. 62 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,760 - No, thank you, Mary. 63 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,680 - We can do the meal in the house. - Good idea. - Excellent. 64 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,160 - How will everyone get to the service? You can't drive in this. 65 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,040 - We'll hike. - Yes, Alan. On foot. We march. 66 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,360 - That's not going to work for Auntie Lou, is it? 67 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,680 - SHE SNORES 68 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,680 - Stretcher? 69 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,080 - Do you think we should just cancel? - No! 70 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,600 - Well, what does Sam think? - We agreed not to talk. 71 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,240 It's bad luck to see each other on the wedding day. 72 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,440 - Well, in that case, wouldn't want to make it worse. 73 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:55,040 - Dad, I know it's silly but it's the one thing I can control. - Sorry. 74 00:03:55,040 --> 00:04:00,240 - I...I still think we can do this, Clare, if you want to. 75 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,640 - HE SIGHS, BONES CREAK 76 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,360 - You're here and, and Sam's nearby. 77 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,680 Your dad's here and the bridesmaids are on their way. 78 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,880 People that matter, right? 79 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,280 Good. Then we've got to do it. 80 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,800 We're licensed and I know you wanted a church, 81 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,080 but if the mountain can't come to Mohammed, 82 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,680 then...then we're going to bring the vicar here 83 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,600 and I know that that's mixed metaphors and also religions, 84 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,840 but you know what I mean. 85 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,560 - Very good. 86 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,880 - Right, well, who's going to go out in this 87 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,240 and get the vicar from the top of the... 88 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,800 Me. It's me, innit? 89 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,000 All right. It's all part of the service. 90 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,040 All right. 91 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:44,400 - 30?! - Or at least. Lost count. - Busy bunny, eh? 92 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,520 - This is not love you speak of! It's but the carnality of a beast. 93 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,040 - Let me put you this, 94 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,320 if you had married Isabel and then you meet Alison... 95 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:58,920 - They're 200 years apart, man! - Question still stands. - Well, I'd... 96 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,400 I'd... - See? 97 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,240 - Right, we're commandeering the ballroom. - What? - What? 98 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:10,600 - The wedding's happening here. - Yes! Oh, yes, a thousand times, yes! 99 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,000 - Whoa. - Oh, my God. 100 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,080 - That has never happened before. 101 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,360 - Right, I need to get chairs in here. 102 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,080 - What?! Alison, no, no, no, no. 103 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,720 You can't have the service in here, this isn't a church. 104 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,560 Where's the steeple, where are the pews, where are the people? 105 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,720 - No, it's a great idea. What can we do? 106 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,480 - Well, n-nothing, actually, Pat, can you, cos you're dead. 107 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,920 Thank you, though. - Thank you, Patrick, carry on. 108 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,160 - KNOCKING 109 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,160 - Ooh, this looks amazing! 110 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,280 Oh, hi! - You made it! Come in. Come in, come in. 111 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,120 - The key, of course, is symmetry. 112 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,840 Two banks of seating with a clear avenue for the entrance 113 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,160 of the bride. 114 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,120 Let's line that up. Very good, carry on. 115 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,600 - I'm just trying to set up, if anyone wants to help. 116 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,240 - Yep, a little bit higher. 117 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,800 You want lovely, long loops, like waves across the space, 118 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,360 don't you think, Julian? - Mm. Are there bridesmaids? 119 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,760 - Oh, I hope you're going to behave yourself today... 120 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,360 ..because I have heard about you. 121 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,560 What do you think? - Oh, it's wonderful, I mean, it's like a, 122 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,360 it's like a flower grenade has gone off. - Oh... - It's fabulous. 123 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,720 Now I was thinking perhaps flowers on the end of each aisle. 124 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,440 A floral streetlight, if you will. - Mm. 125 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,800 Robin! - Robin! 126 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,840 - It wasn't me! 127 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,160 It was me. 128 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,800 - Everything all right, love? 129 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,800 - Yeah. 130 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,320 - Sure I can't help? 131 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,760 - Yeah. 132 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,240 - Oh. 133 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,400 - She shakes! 'Tis another sign! 134 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,680 - She's nervous! 135 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,320 Oh, I wish I could help! 136 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,560 - CHURCH BELL RINGS 137 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,320 Good morning. - Hello. 138 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,320 - Father, I've come to take you to the wedding. 139 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,600 We're doing the service in the house. - Oh, I see. 140 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,560 I, er, rather thought it might be cancelled. 141 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:20,280 - No, it's happening, so if you want to grab your coat, snow boots. 142 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,960 - I'm afraid I'm carrying a bit of an injury. 143 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,240 I'm not sure I can walk down the hill. 144 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,000 - Don't worry, Father, you don't have to walk. 145 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,400 - Oh. 146 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,880 - VICAR SCREAMS IN DELIGHT 147 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,240 Look out! 148 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,560 - Ah, there we are. - What? That's very sparkly. 149 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,680 - What has happened to ties nowadays? 150 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,400 - Oh! Ooh! - Ah. 151 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,840 - Does nobody wear a gown to a wedding nowadays? 152 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,320 You'd think this was a circus. 153 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,080 - Oh, no, it's chic, and it's now, 154 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,760 and if it makes HER feel fabulous, then, er, 155 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:54,800 no, very good. 156 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,160 - Oh, and trousers for you as well.! 157 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,320 - Hello! Or should I say yellow? 158 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,160 Beautiful banana. 159 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,480 - Do you recognise him? Do you recognise him? 160 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,040 - Er... - Where do I know him from? 161 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,560 Is he off the telly? - Ooh, yeah, yeah, could be. 162 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:17,840 - He does look familiar. 163 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,400 - Oh, my goodness, Clare, it's beautiful! 164 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,960 - Where be your garter? The bride must be gartered! 165 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,680 - Oh, no! - Alison! 166 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,560 - It's not, er, Dennis Waterman, is it? 167 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,800 - Dennis Waterman? 168 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,160 He'd be 70 by now. 169 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,800 - Oh, yeah, good point, yeah. 170 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,320 - Mick Hucknall! 171 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,080 - Don't be ridiculous, Robin! 172 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,600 Mick Hucknall has dreadlocks. 173 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,480 - Oh, Vicar, you made it! 174 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,320 Just go through here and make yourself warm by the fire. 175 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,840 - Ah, thank you. 176 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,840 - That took a while. - Yeah, he wanted to do the hill twice. 177 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,600 - Alison! 178 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,120 May I have your ear, please? 179 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,240 - Ah! The vicar's arrived. Good work, Michael. 180 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,160 CAR HORN BEEPS 181 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,160 - They're here! 182 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,080 Sorry, Mary, not right now. - Ah, here we go. 183 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,720 - A double wedding! Oh, my goshness! 184 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,400 - No, that's the other bride. 185 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,200 - For the same groom? 186 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,360 Bigamy?! 187 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,080 - No, they're marrying each other. 188 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,640 - What on Earth?! 189 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,120 - Two brides! Wonderful! 190 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,440 - SHE GROANS 191 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,800 - Is this one gartered? 192 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,200 - Oi-oi, bridesmaids. Tick. Let the wedding commence. 193 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,080 - Isn't that against the law? 194 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,320 - No. Times have changed. 195 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,920 - The house will be brought into disrepute. 196 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,400 It's a scandal! 197 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,040 - Those are the bridesmaids? - Of course. 198 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,400 - But they're wearing burgundy, just like me. 199 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,880 - Wonderful choice. 200 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,000 A darker shade, as if to frame the glowing white 201 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,320 of the beautiful bride, without upstaging her. 202 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,760 - Does this mean I'm a bridesmaid?! 203 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,320 Can I be a bridesmaid?! Please, please, please! 204 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,160 - Yes, yes, fine, yeah. 205 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,240 Hi! Come in, come in. 206 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,960 - Oh, what a journey! - Oh, you made it! 207 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,160 OK, so we've set everything out in the ballroom. 208 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,880 - Oh, thank you so much for doing this for us. 209 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,360 Honestly, I don't know what we would have done without you. 210 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,760 - No, it's our pleasure. It's all part of the Button House... 211 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,720 - ..brand. ButtonHouse. 212 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,360 Available for bookings. Tell your friends. Ha-ha. Please. 213 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,720 - Oh, where is this garter, then? - Er, come through. 214 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:29,240 - Here comes the bridesmaid, she is a bridesmaid. 215 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,120 - Lovely place, isn't it? - Yeah, er, yes. 216 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,840 I've been here before, actually. - Oh? 217 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,040 - A long time ago, now. 218 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,560 - Well, what a coincidence. - Mm. 219 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,320 - So, I don't know if you've met the couple that own it, but it's... - No. 220 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:43,920 - ..it's quite a story. 221 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,720 ECHOING: - I've been here before, actually. A long time ago, now. 222 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,800 - Like the beak of a goose, you see? 223 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,280 Oh, it's a lovely old tradition, especially with the bridesmaids. 224 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,400 Pinch on the bum, no harm done. 225 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,800 - These are gentlewomen, sir! Not Whitechapel strumpets! 226 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:02,840 - You're fun. 227 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,320 - It looks good. - It's happening. - I know, I think it's good. 228 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,680 I can't believe we're actually going to make this happen. 229 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,560 - Er, you haven't seen Clare, have you? 230 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,560 - Oh, she hasn't run away, has she? 231 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,360 Actually, I hope she HASN'T run away. 232 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,240 - Oh, she's probably just popped to the loo, or... 233 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,320 - I'll go and look for her. Yeah. - Erm... 234 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,560 - Just, just tell everyone that we're going to start soon. 235 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,240 Erm, just keep them entertained. 236 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,760 - What shall I say? - I don't know. 237 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,200 Whatever. I won't be long. 238 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,920 - Alison, what's happening? - We've just lost one of the brides. 239 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,240 - What? 240 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,560 What?! 241 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,080 Right, pay attention, everyone! 242 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,760 We have a missing bride. We need to search the house. 243 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,320 Thomas, Mary, East Wing. Robin, Julian, West Wing. 244 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,960 Pat, you're with me. Come along! 245 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,080 Well, come on, man! - Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time. 246 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,880 - Hi. 247 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,760 Er, we're going to start soon, 248 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:58,080 but I just want to say a few words to welcome you all to Button House. 249 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,360 Er, well done for getting here, in this weather. 250 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,640 Many didn't make it. 251 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,880 Not that they died, they just got stuck, 252 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,080 although the wedding planner had quite a serious... 253 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,240 Nah. Nothing. 254 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,200 Anyway, the best ones are here, right? 255 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,280 Right? 256 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,640 - Oh, here she be! 257 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,520 She sits herein. - Alison! 258 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,160 Alison! We have eyes on the target. 259 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,280 The eagle is in the nest. 260 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,640 - What? 261 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:28,920 - She's in the toilet. 262 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,200 - Oh! 263 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,800 Clare? 264 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,040 It's Alison. Is everything OK? 265 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,120 - I'm just going to the loo, I'll be out in a minute. 266 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:42,440 - She sits upon the stall but her trousers is not down. 267 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,800 - OK. 268 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,960 - She seems lost in thought, 269 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,080 at sea, in a tumultuous storm of emotion. 270 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,280 - Are you, are you sure you're OK? 271 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,320 - Yeah. 272 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:58,840 - Anything you want to talk about? 273 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,120 - I'm scared I'm making a mistake. 274 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,320 - Well, she is. Monopoly is a trap. 275 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,880 - Monogamy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 276 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,280 - So, erm... 277 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,800 Vicar? - Mm? - You've done hundreds of weddings. 278 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,120 You must have some stories. 279 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,000 - Oh, not really. 280 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,160 - Really? No stories? 281 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,960 - No, nothing very... 282 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,840 - Being modest. Er... 283 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,080 - WHISPERS: - You have to help me. - Er... 284 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,720 - Alison's gone to find Clare and I don't know what's going on. 285 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,240 - Right. I just don't... 286 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,640 - Make something up? Hm, yeah? 287 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:37,760 Woo! 288 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,720 - HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 289 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,520 Erm, hello. Erm... 290 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,440 I, er, I remember one wedding. 291 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:51,640 Goodness me, it must be, erm, 20 years ago, at least, 292 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,640 when, erm, 293 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,400 during the vows, 294 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,480 all of a sudden, the doors flew open, and a dog ran in to the church. 295 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,280 Ha! 296 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,040 Barking. 297 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,920 Barking away, he was. 298 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,640 Woof, woof, woof. 299 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,840 But, er, that was just the start. 300 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,000 - Oh. Hmm... 301 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,400 - What's going on? Has the party started already? 302 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,840 I thought I could hear voices. - No. 303 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,280 It's the ceremony. 304 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,040 - Here? - Mm. - Woo! 305 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,480 Could you take me down there? I'd love to see it. 306 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,200 - Oh, I don't think you do. It's scandalous. 307 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,640 It's unbecoming of this fine house and its noble history. 308 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,800 - I think I'll probably make my own mind up, 309 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,080 if you could just take me down... 310 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,920 - I'm quite sure you'll agree with me. 311 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,240 Honestly, I don't know what the world has come to. 312 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,200 Is there no decency any more? 313 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,400 No sense of traditional values? 314 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,720 - Oh, this is happening. - When I was a girl... - Yep... 315 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,560 - ..we were taught at a very young age exactly what was expected, 316 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,040 what was proper! 317 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,680 - I'm being stupid. - Yep. 318 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,200 - Don't say that. - Well... 319 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,440 - It's not that I don't love her. 320 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,200 It's not that we aren't happy, it... 321 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,960 It just suddenly feels terrifying. 322 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,600 - Oh, get over it and get on with it! 323 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,880 You're lucky to be alive! 324 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,560 Honestly, people don't know they're born. 325 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:20,400 - It's completely natural for you to get cold feet today. 326 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,480 - Yeah, it's snowing. - It's a metaphor, Robin! 327 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,440 - You're a metaphor. 328 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,000 - Don't tell anyone this, but... 329 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,000 ..I had a wobble on my wedding day. 330 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,240 I kept thinking, "Is he the one?" 331 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,760 "I'm still young, do I really want to commit for the rest of my life, 332 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:42,400 "you know? Is it naive to think that I won't fall in love again? 333 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,600 "And all the little habits and the things that annoy me, 334 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,720 "can I really live with them every day?" 335 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,760 - You're absolutely right, he's wrong for you. - Can you...? 336 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,160 But then I tried to imagine living without him. 337 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,960 And I couldn't. 338 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,200 Because he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 339 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,720 We're a team. 340 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,800 And we love each other. 341 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,720 - Nah, I preferred the first bit. 342 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,720 - ..a nut allergy, yes, because Janet... 343 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,080 - Oh, Michael's here, girls! 344 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,080 - Mike, is everything OK? Are we starting? 345 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,560 - Alison's just talking to Clare in the bathroom. - Oh! 346 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,760 What about? - Apparently she got cold feet on our wedding day 347 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,000 and she wasn't sure if she wanted to marry me, 348 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,520 because of all my bad habits. 349 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,000 - Why is she talking about cold feet? 350 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,240 - What's going on? 351 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,840 So, you know, only you can make that decision. 352 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,920 Can you imagine life without her? 353 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,200 - It's working. She's looking at pictures of them on her telephone. 354 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,760 - Oh, holiday snaps. No, no, scroll back. 355 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,080 - Clare? So, what do you think? 356 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,640 Do you want to do this? 357 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,520 LOCK CLICKS 358 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,400 - I do. 359 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:12,320 - It became clear that the dog was trying to tell us something. 360 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,600 It was pointing, you know, with its, with its paw. So we... 361 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:22,040 ..all got up out of our seats and followed the creature. 362 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,920 - I fears for the marriage, Alison. Much is not done. 363 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,240 The bride be not gartered. 364 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,560 And where are the bachelors to carry her to bed? 365 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,880 And someone must break cake over her head. 366 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,160 - I'm just going to catch you. I'll catch you up. - Sure, OK. 367 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,400 - Yeah. What are you talking about, Mary? 368 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:44,200 - The cake what's not broke upon my head so my husband did die. 369 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:49,200 Crushed beneath his plough like a grape beneath the foot. 370 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:53,000 - Oh, my God! Your husband died on your wedding day? 371 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,520 - No, three years aft. - Right. 372 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:59,560 - The couple must observe the rituals for a blessed marriage! - OK. 373 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,000 There's a lot to unpack here. 374 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,120 So you're saying that your husband died in a farming accident 375 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,720 because of something that you didn't do on your wedding day 376 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,160 three years earlier? - Exactly! 377 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,840 - OK. 378 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:14,160 - We... We, we had gathered around the well and... 379 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:19,280 Well, we thought we could hear a baby crying. 380 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:25,200 Nobody had a ladder, so we were going to have to use the bucket. 381 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,160 But, um... There was... 382 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,440 - INDISTINCT 383 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,120 What do you mean she's not here? 384 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,760 - She went off with her mum. - Why? 385 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,280 - She's so upset! 386 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,160 - She found out that her bride might be having doubts about marrying her. 387 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,800 - You told her?! 388 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,560 Oh, my God, Mike. I had it all under control. 389 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,400 All you had to do was just keep them waiting. 390 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,200 - Well, I'm sorry I always disappoint you. 391 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,520 - Sorry's not good enough, is it? 392 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,480 - That's such an insensitive thing to do. 393 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,120 - Is the wedding off? - No! 394 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,480 - Alison, we need a plan. The guests are getting restless. 395 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,120 - Oh, who cares about the guests. To hell with the guests! 396 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,320 What's it got to do with us, eh? 397 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,000 We're dead, in case you hadn't noticed. We can't do a bloody thing! 398 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,760 - HE EXHALES 399 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,440 I'm going to talk to Sam and then you just make sure that 400 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,280 Clare's still here when we get back. 401 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,520 - IF - we get back. 402 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,320 - All this over a silly piece of paper. 403 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,520 - I just wanted to be a bridesmaid! 404 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:18,800 - You all saw that, didn't you? That she tires of him. 405 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,120 Finally, she sees the light! 406 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,320 Yes! 407 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,080 - Where do you think you're going? 408 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:31,040 - And before you know it, there's chaos on the streets, mass hysteria, 409 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,440 everyone doing whatever they feel like - stealing, fighting, 410 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:40,880 anarchy, which is precisely why I won't go near this...spectacle. 411 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,400 - You finished? 412 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,960 - Yes. - Wow. 413 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,400 - Breathe, love. 414 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,520 - Oh! What did she say? - Nothing. 415 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,680 Nothing, honestly, nothing. 416 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,360 She loves you and she wants to marry you. 417 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,200 This is all a big misunderstanding. 418 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,800 - Mike heard you say to Clare that you had cold feet on YOUR wedding day. 419 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,640 - Yes. Yes. He did. 420 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,640 But... But that's me. 421 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,800 Not Clare. 422 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,960 - But why would you talk to Clare about it 423 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,960 unless that's how she were feeling? 424 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,600 Tell me honestly, was Clare having doubts? 425 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,560 - Yes. But... 426 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,760 - Well, I had a flathead screwdriver, 427 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,400 but that was no good because it was, it was a Phillips... 428 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,640 - Mike, is everything OK? 429 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,200 Mike? 430 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,560 Is everything OK? 431 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,560 - I heard Alison telling you she wasn't sure if she wanted to 432 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,400 marry me and if she'd meet someone better and if I was the one. - Um... 433 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,600 ..I meant, with the wedding? 434 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,880 - Yes. 435 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:59,800 - She had an artificial limb that had come loose and also... 436 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,040 - You bastard! 437 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,520 - Patrick? - Come here, you Scally! 438 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,200 You, you reprobate! 439 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,840 Those drinks were for later! Urgh! 440 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:12,920 - Leave it, Pat. - Argh! 441 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,240 - Oh! 442 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,680 - Ah! 443 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:17,720 Oh! 444 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:18,880 - Ah! 445 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,160 - BOTH: Ah! 446 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,960 - Stand down, fellas. Stand down! 447 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,440 - Ow! 448 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,920 Urgh! - Oh! 449 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,320 - GRUNTS CONTINUE HE YELLS 450 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,720 VARIOUS GRUNTS AND YELPS 451 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,600 SILENCE 452 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,520 CACOPHONY OF PAINED GRUNTS 453 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,840 I hope you bog off when it's back on. 454 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,600 - Stop! 455 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,400 It's Kieth Darren Dean. 456 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,520 - ALL: - Oh. 457 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,880 - Who? - Hmm? 458 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,880 Safety rule number one is no... 459 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,360 ALL: - Oh! 460 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,200 - The arrow's gone through that, clean through. 461 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,120 HE CHOKES 462 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,880 We might need one of you to drive. 463 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,440 Don't look at me, kids. Make a path. 464 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,320 You don't want to see this in your dreams. 465 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,360 Oh. 466 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,000 ENGINE STARTS 467 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,520 - Tenner says he stays. - You're on. 468 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,160 - I'll tell you about my marriage. 469 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,000 My marriage was arranged. 470 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:46,720 I was 14, she was 12. Noble families, both. 471 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,960 Model couple, really, for the time. 472 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:55,760 We had a title and a big house and the lands, riches. 473 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,720 Didn't love each other. 474 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,520 She didn't even like me. 475 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,040 Didn't laugh at my jokes. 476 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,440 Didn't really understand each other. 477 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,200 She was French, so... 478 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,800 Might have been nice if we could have chosen who we married. 479 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,600 Mike, something's going on, isn't it? 480 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,520 - I may have told Sam you were having a bit of a wobble. 481 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,400 I heard Alison say that stuff about me and I was really hurt. 482 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,160 And I wasn't really thinking. 483 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,760 I'm sure Sam will come around, like you did. 484 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,000 - And then she opened the door and she said, "Thank you". 485 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,680 - And that's it? - That's it. 486 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,000 She loves you. 487 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,200 She was just scared. 488 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,240 - You know, she also said she couldn't imagine living without you. 489 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,640 - Did she? - She said you're the best thing that's ever happened to her. 490 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,600 - Ah. 491 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,880 - BOTH: I need to talk to her. 492 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,400 - I need to see her. And to hell with tradition. 493 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,080 I love you. 494 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,400 Let's get married. 495 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,480 - WIND HOWLS 496 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,040 - Hello, Skip. 497 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,680 - Hello, Kieth. 498 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,760 - I just want you to know, I do think about you. 499 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:53,000 - I think about you, too. 500 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,200 - About that day. 501 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,640 I'm sorry, Skip. 502 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,320 - I forgive you. 503 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,520 I should never have given an eight-year-old a lethal weapon. 504 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,360 I suppose if there's one thing I could say to you, Kieth, 505 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,080 it would be... Uh! 506 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,280 Of course. 507 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,960 I'm OK! Sorry. 508 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,080 DANCE MUSIC STARTS 509 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,040 MUSIC STOPS 510 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,040 - Sorry! 511 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,440 - WEDDING MARCH PLAYS 512 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,760 - Mission accomplished. 513 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,800 - Hello, thank you. That's... 514 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,600 What? Oh! All right, then. 515 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:00,920 - SHE GIGGLES 516 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,360 - Julian! - Arr! 517 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,600 - Please be seated. 518 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,640 - You've changed your tune. 519 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:21,200 - Well, times change, don't they? We should know. 520 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,480 After all, if George had been free to love as he chose, well, 521 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,040 I wouldn't have been murdered. 522 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:32,320 And I could have had a husband instead who wanted to know me. 523 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,120 And when I say know, I mean 524 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,480 he would give me a really good... 525 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,480 - ALL INTERRUPT 526 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,800 FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS 527 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,280 - Waza! 528 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,440 - Terrible story. What happened to the baby? - Oh! Well... 529 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,400 - ALL: - Oooh! - I've got it. 530 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,480 - Double half hitch. 531 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,040 Well done, Kieth. 532 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,720 Well done. 533 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,200 - Who do that? 534 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,400 - Three, two, one, go! 535 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,520 - APPLAUSE 536 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,400 - Good for you, Debbie. 537 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,960 - Now. 538 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,560 There. - I can't just throw cake at the bride. 539 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,600 - But, looks. 540 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,120 Now she will not die. 541 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,400 - MUSIC: My Girl by The Temptations 542 00:27:55,360 --> 00:28:02,080 I've got sunshine on a cloudy day 543 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:09,360 And when it's cold outside, I've got... 544 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:12,200 - OK, sometimes it work... 545 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,480 ..mon-og-amy. - Oh! Very good, Robin. 546 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,200 - Monogamy. Monogamy! 547 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:20,240 Monogamy! 548 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,800 - Yes, that's enough. Thank you, Robin. 549 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,840 - My girl 550 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,000 - My girl 551 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,760 - Talking about my girl... 552 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,040 - I think I want another fight. 553 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,760 Can he be a club? 41666

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