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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,595
Previously on
"Black Dynamite"...
2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,547
We finally have enough
flu vaccine
3
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,599
to immunize every man,
woman, and child
4
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,301
in the black
community.
5
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,182
And it's 100% free
6
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,480
and mandatory
for all blacks.
7
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:14,681
[crowd gasps]
8
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,688
"Mandatory" and "free"
sounds like a code
9
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,144
for the BBG.
10
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,979
The BBG?
What's that, Black Dynamite?
11
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:21,609
Post-coital white girl,
12
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,315
It's a big
black genocide thing.
13
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,775
You wouldn't understand.
14
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,781
Aww, I thought you just gave me
the big black genocide.
15
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,113
You damn right, ba-
Wait a minute. What?
16
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,333
[all screaming]
17
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:39,005
You like
injecting people with poison?
18
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,630
Then you gonna love this!
19
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,210
Suey! Suey! Suey!
20
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,840
Honey Bee, I need you to keep
every whore and orphan
21
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,513
under lock and key until
I give the go-ahead
22
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,135
that everything is A-okay.
23
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,637
Now, do you I need to repeat
everything I just said?
24
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,343
No, Black Dynamite.
I was writing it down.
25
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,019
Is everything okay?
26
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:55,143
I ain't got time to give you
the details right now,
27
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:58,726
but it's very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very bad.
28
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,187
[receiver clicks]
- Is it bad?
29
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,113
BLACK DYNAMITE:
You're letting them do it to you!
30
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,532
Only you can prevent
the big black genocide --
31
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,736
only you,
and you, and you, and you!
32
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:11,746
Huh?
33
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:12,914
Aw, suey!
34
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,663
No! Don't let them
do it to you!
35
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,664
Black Dynamite, the flu shot
wasn't very, very, very,
36
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,745
very, very, very bad!
It didn't even hurt.
37
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,048
Damn it, I'm too late,
and now
38
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,251
every last one of you is
a dead motherfucker.
39
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,255
[screams]
40
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,428
Black Dynamite,
you don't look so good.
41
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,382
I-I feel like
I don't look so --
42
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,386
[thud]
- WOMAN: Black Dynamite!
43
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,433
Oh, my God.
This man has...
44
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,182
the flu!
45
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,730
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
46
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:41,735
? He's dynamite ?
47
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,687
? So dynamite ?
48
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:47,320
? Ooohhh, ooohhh ?
49
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:48,946
? Ooohhh ?
50
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:50,243
? Ahhhh ?
51
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:55,825
? He's dynamite ?
52
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:57,534
? Dy-no, dy-no ?
53
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,168
? Ooohhh, ooohhh ?
54
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,419
? Oooohhhh ?
55
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:07,548
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
56
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,972
This week...
57
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,356
Honey Bee, what's wrong with me?
58
00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,808
I don't feel like myself,
59
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,359
and whoever it is
I do feel like,
60
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,232
I don't want a damn thing
to do with them!
61
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,734
Well, the good news is
you're gonna be just fine.
62
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,736
Doc said all you got
is the bad case of the flu.
63
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,488
And here -- I picked up your antibiotics.
64
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,194
Now, just take two of these --
65
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,870
I ain't taking none of that shit.
66
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,947
Black Dynamite's a grown,
natural man.
67
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,624
His body fights its own battles.
68
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,872
But wait, now --
I just noticed
69
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,578
that all three of you are
dressed like you going
70
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,460
to the Player's Ball
or something.
71
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,415
Blacky D, you might
want to sit down for this.
72
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,173
I'm already laying down.
Now just lay it on me.
73
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,969
And don't call me "Blacky D"
no more.
74
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,343
Oh, Black Dynamite,
you're right.
75
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,470
Player's Ball weekend is
starting now.
76
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,677
No!
Not the Player's Ball weekend!
77
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,512
The one weekend a year
78
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,518
where every whoremonger
worth his pimp juice
79
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,770
gets together to party
like there's no tomorrow?!
80
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,898
But now I won't even be there,
now.
81
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,651
And this year, it's gonna be
on a pimped-out super train!
82
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,357
Don't even worry, B.D,
I'ma tell all the hoes
83
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,987
you got buttermilk biscuits
in your lungs
84
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,489
and a sick case
of the pukes.
85
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:14,990
Now, if y'all need me,
I'ma be in the car,
86
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:15,912
honking the horn.
87
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,910
Now, how can I have fun
with you here all alone
88
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,582
to fend for yourself
like some kind
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00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,660
of abandoned newborn baby?
90
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,665
[horn honking]
91
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,793
Honey Bee, I ain't
no newborn baby no more.
92
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,715
But even if I was,
the last thing
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00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,795
a newborn Black Dynamite
would want to grow up to be
94
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,629
is some kind of party pooper.
95
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,807
Exactly.
Feel better!
96
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,351
I'ma kill them
at the Player's Ball tonight!
97
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:39,804
Black Dynamite,
look.
98
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,888
Before I shook,
I wanted to give you
99
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:45,067
this zen-motor-scooter
of a self-help book.
100
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,691
"So You Have the Flu"
by Sun Tzu.
101
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,022
BULLHORN:
It's just like "The Art of War,"
102
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,073
But instead,
it's on the flu --
103
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,072
Chinese remedies
used for centuries,
104
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,074
and it just might work
for you, too.
105
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,076
[CAR HORN HONKING]
And now, see you,
106
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,907
and I wouldn't wanna be you.
107
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,829
Man, what's
the big deal anyway?
108
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,664
Everybody knows that once you
seen one hustler's convention,
109
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,216
you seen them all.
110
00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,964
Those who think that
once you've seen
111
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,511
one hustler's convention,
you've seen them all,
112
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,841
have never been aboard
the Player's Ball Express!
113
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,517
This year's annual gathering
of all things pimp-related
114
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,015
is taking place aboard
an invitation-only,
115
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,768
luxury
locomotive that runs
116
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:28,648
on custom-built double-wide
chrome tracks.
117
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,731
Welcome aboard, y'all,
to the Player's Ball Express!
118
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,861
? Game ?
119
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:38,161
? They just wanna
spit game ?
120
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:41,490
? And pimp these whores ?
121
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,496
? And stay paid all day ?
122
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,624
Are you guys whores?
Right this way.
123
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,206
? Freeze ?
124
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:53,044
? There goes Tasty Freeze ?
125
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,596
? and Crenshaw Pete ?
126
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,969
? They say his hangar's hot ?
127
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:05,981
? Purses first
and asses last ?
128
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,525
? They're playing
at the Player's Ball ?
129
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,479
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Of all the sad-sack sons of bitches
130
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,939
to end up bedridden
on the bathroom floor,
131
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,117
why did it have to be me
this weekend?
132
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:18,694
Say...
133
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,744
isn't that the book that
Bullhorn got me?
134
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,542
I think I --
135
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,119
[Eastern-style music plays]
136
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,375
Sun Tzu said,
"The greatest enemy
137
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,832
makes the body
a battleground.
138
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,418
It must be killed
before it kills you...
139
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,175
when you have the flu."
140
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:40,303
All right, tell me
how I stop this flu fuck
141
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,634
and kill him dead.
142
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,094
Sun Tzu said, "Before battle,
first seek nourishment.
143
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,646
Once on the war path,
there can be no retreat."
144
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,940
All right.
You cool with Roscoe's?
145
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,189
I find the food hit or miss.
But it is convenient...
146
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:55,694
when you have the flu.
147
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,071
? So, goodbye, can't comply ?
148
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,652
? No more tears will I cry ?
149
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:03,409
So, by the time I've roped,
hog-tied, and branded her,
150
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:06,662
you best believe old girl
knows who her man is.
151
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:10,837
She knows she's property of
Chocolate Giddy-u-u-u-u-u-p.
152
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,381
Sorry, but, uh,
were we talking about your hoes
153
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,582
or your horses again?
154
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:15,963
My horses, of course!
155
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,010
Who the hell would even brand
a human whore?
156
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,384
You mean besides
Crenshaw Pete?
157
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,013
On-track, off-track betting!
158
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,015
These maggots thought
of everything!
159
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,687
Top 0' the morning, suckers!
160
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:31,187
Give ye old leprechaun pimp
me damn gold!
161
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,862
? It's real cool to take
a break from the hustle ?
162
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,611
? And get in some real R&R ?
163
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:43,070
? 'Cause pimping 24/7 is
too damn hard ?
164
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:45,531
? I know what you mean,
player ?
165
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:48,584
? My arches is always aching ?
166
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:53,585
? I got so many gators that
I ain't have time to break in ?
167
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:57,384
? True pimp problems, player ?
168
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,052
[glasses clink]
169
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,720
[slurring]
Good morning, players!
170
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,389
Let's get naked!
171
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:04,887
[laughs]
172
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:08,140
It ain't been but an hour since
the train left the station,
173
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:11,063
and Captain K's already
a shit-faced disgrace
174
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,517
to the whole pimp nation!
[laughter]
175
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,900
Man, you players
are some haters.
176
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,026
Now, if he don't drink
responsibly,
177
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,733
how's he supposed
to pimp responsibly?
178
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,155
Hey, man! Open up!
I'm coming in!
179
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,707
Fair warning --
I don't have pants on.
180
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,501
My balls are out.
181
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,920
I'm gonna get naked with
somebody in here!
182
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,997
Hello?!
183
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,342
What them?
184
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,636
You know what your head
looks like?
185
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,509
My balls.
186
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,261
? Gonorrhea ?
187
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,341
[laughs]
188
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,805
Holy shit fuck piss!
189
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,186
Did anyone ever tell you that
you look like
190
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:58,315
that "Love Boat"
bartender motherfuck?
191
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:00,022
Kill his ass, Isaac.
192
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,107
What?!
What part of the game is this?!
193
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,284
The part where I shake
the whole pimp game down
194
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,282
and get you players
in pocket --
195
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,988
Leroy Van Nuys' pocket.
196
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,744
I'm allergic to fire!
[screams]
197
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:13,544
[train horn blows]
198
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,712
? So, goodbye, can't comply ?
199
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,210
Time for this cowboy to mosey
on over to the outhouse
200
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,917
and water his stallion.
201
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,003
[soulful yodeling]
202
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,098
Oh, my God!
203
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,637
"I'm a pimp killa bitch."
204
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,644
"I'm a pimp k--"
"I'm a pimp killa --"
205
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,566
Oh, my god!
206
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,109
? So, goodbye ?
- Murderer!
207
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,481
[record scratches]
208
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:42,110
Murderer!
[glass breaks]
209
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,986
What the hell are you doing
yelling, "murder, murder!"
210
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,692
At a pimp party, fool?!
211
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,994
Somebody's cooked
Kangaroo's goose.
212
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,946
There's a pimp killer
on this train,
213
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,828
and we're all pimps!
214
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,829
Sit your black
"Blazing Saddles" ass down.
215
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:56,002
100-plus miles on a train
full of hustlers
216
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,954
with they best hoes,
finest jewelry,
217
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,631
and bankrolls in tow,
218
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,629
And you getting
your no-ass-having chaps
219
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,131
in a bunch
over one dead pimp?
220
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,713
I say we're doing pretty good!
221
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:07,797
[crowd cheers]
222
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,679
You reckless studs play
how you want.
223
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,726
Stop this train!
224
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,270
Chocolate Giddy-u-u-u-u-u-p
wants to get off!
225
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,848
Whatever,
ol' wimpy-ass pimp.
226
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,148
[sizzling]
227
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,352
Okay. All right.
I didn't need to see that!
228
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,984
HONEY BEE: Damn! Think all that
drinking made him extra flammable?
229
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,067
BULLHORN: Tonight was supposed
to be a night to end all nights,
230
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,901
but now it's clear as day --
231
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:31,238
somethings just
not right.
232
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,718
[women shouting]
233
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,297
Oh, my God!
234
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:54,056
- What's the shakedown?
- LEROY VAN NUYS: Attention.
235
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:56,888
This is the conductor up in
this motherfucker.
236
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,894
Y'all may have noticed
we missed a stop.
237
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:02,603
That's because this Player's Ball
has now gone express.
238
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,655
Next stop, eternity in hell.
239
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,074
- [gasps]
- This pimping is a cold game.
240
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,618
Thanks for playing, suckers!
241
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,367
[dramatic music plays]
242
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,120
Oh, nooo!
See, I told y'all!
243
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,918
We're all gonna die!
244
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,883
BLACK DYNAMITE: Give me
two orders of Roscoe's chicken soup
245
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,428
and hot lemony tea,
and make it come right up.
246
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:29,425
Soup and tea'?
247
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,632
That was two weeks ago,
Black Dynamite.
248
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,092
Problem with food
is it comes and it goes,
249
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,724
and I needed something with
a little more staying power.
250
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,898
So, from now on, it's Roscoe's
Eight-Track and Betamax!
251
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,771
Now, how many Eight-tracks
and Betamaxes
252
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,727
would you like,
Black Dynamite?
253
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,528
Hold your horses and your
Betamaxes, Roscoe.
254
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,105
We're receiving
unconfirmed reports
255
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:50,442
that the Player's Ball Express
has been hijacked.
256
00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:52,653
If only there was
one man with a plan
257
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,579
on that train there
to save everyone.
258
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,578
Wait --
I know one man
259
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,910
who should've been on that train
in the first place,
260
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,461
and that man has a plan.
261
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,459
And that plan is to get
on that train
262
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,461
and save everyone,
even though theythought
263
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,463
they could have a Player's Ball
without him.
264
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,840
And that man's name
is Black --
265
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,466
[gags]
266
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,298
Is Black --
[gags]
267
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,553
[sighs]
268
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,975
Is Black Dyna--
269
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,051
[vomits]
270
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:20,475
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
271
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:22,228
Man, you done throwed up
272
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:25,481
All over my electronics store,
Black Dynamite.
273
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,070
Now, I don't blame
no one here
274
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,446
for fear about their health,
275
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,448
but let's be clear --
this ain't no time
276
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,245
for "every pimp
for himself."
277
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,449
And you know what I say,
sucker?
278
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,829
Every pimp for himself!
279
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,171
CREAM CORN:
Wait, Crenshaw Pete!
280
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,498
There's still some pimp room
on that lifeboat!
281
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:49,209
So long, sons of bitches!
282
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,837
Aaaah!
283
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,219
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
284
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,926
Never mind.
285
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,262
[growling ]
286
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,355
? All over my -- ?
287
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,933
Aah!
288
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,860
Oh, God!
Oh, damn!
289
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,275
[people screaming]
290
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,917
[screaming continues]
291
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,182
[door opens in distance]
292
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,266
[dramatic music plays]
293
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,188
What the hell?!
294
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,942
Leroy Van Nuys?
I thought you were dead!
295
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,943
Then you thought wrong,
Lucky Charms,
296
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,024
'cause it's
the opposite of that.
297
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,031
[baby crying]
298
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,363
You been laying around here
givin' birth all day.
299
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,618
Now get your ass out there
and get me my money,
300
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:02,699
you lazy ho.
301
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,705
When I was drownin'
in a sink full of pimp juice,
302
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,411
turnin' blue
and not breathin',
303
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,087
y'all thought I was dead.
304
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,914
Then, when my mama
left her pimp
305
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,797
and he blasted out my chest
with his shotgun,
306
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,422
y'all thought I was
dead.
307
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,095
Then, when I needed
that kidney transplant
308
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,797
and all the pimps was
matching donors
309
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,257
but nobody gave me one
310
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,762
and y'all stuck my ass
in a box
311
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,389
and put me in the ground,
312
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,516
y'all thought I was dead.
313
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:28,520
But guess what --
Leroy Van Nuys is alive!
314
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,398
The opposite of what
y'all 'bout to be -- dead.
315
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,070
[screams]
316
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,740
Your tragic back story is
just water under the bridge now.
317
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,408
Why are you doing this?
318
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,906
'Cause I'm a motherfucking
pimp, motherfucker.
319
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,455
This is the most cold-blooded
shit I could come up with.
320
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,828
Now, we're not opposed to
negotiation, Leroy.
321
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,830
You're amongst
rational people.
322
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,627
After all,
we're all pimps here.
323
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,421
Say, if I remember correctly,
324
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,918
you owe me a pot of gold,
sucker.
325
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,250
Take it all!
326
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,256
I don't really care at all
about me gold anyway.
327
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,383
Too late. You screwed me
out of 10 grand,
328
00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,432
so now I'm gonna screw you
with 10 grand,
329
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:03,225
You little midget
motherfucker.
330
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,313
[all screaming]
331
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,641
[screams]
332
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,271
I'm seein' pink hearts,
yellow moons,
333
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:15,652
green clovers, blue diamonds,
and a white light.
334
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:16,982
[bones crunch]
335
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,988
Eww! That's just nasty!
336
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,490
You see, that's why
none of y'all can compete,
337
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:24,368
'cause a real pimp
ain't got no heart.
338
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:25,790
[ticking ]
339
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,243
[laughing evilly]
340
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,793
HONEY BEE:
Aw, hell, Robot Pimp shit
341
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,124
and Money Fat Boy
done fell out.
342
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,084
This some bullshit here.
I got to get off this train.
343
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,089
Black Dynamite!
344
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:39,045
Yeah.
345
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,880
SUN TSU:
Sun, when capability is diminished,
346
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,057
overlook not any resource,
347
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:46,978
even the aid of
a despised white rival...
348
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,521
when you have the flu.
349
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,519
Sun Tzu, you
got me going to the pigs.
350
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,350
I sure hope
your ancient wisdom knows
351
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:55,186
what the hell
it's talking about.
352
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,897
Normally, I would never come
to no cracker cop
353
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,199
for his honky help,
but the proverbial shit
354
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,992
has literally
hit the actual fan.
355
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,320
Sorry, Black Dynamite.
356
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,326
It's kind of hard
paying attention to you
357
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,282
and playing pong
at the same time.
358
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,618
It is really, really good.
359
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,828
LEROY VAN NUYS:
You will be meeting horrific death
360
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,504
at the edge
of Snake Canyon.
361
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,297
Attention,
Player's Ball Express.
362
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,000
Do you read me, Player's Ball?
363
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,505
This is
Player's Ball Express.
364
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,086
Identify yourself, sucker!
Over.
365
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,092
- Who the hell is this?
- I asked you first.
366
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,923
Now answer my question,
then say, "over"
367
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,929
when you done
speaking, motherfucker.
368
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:26,930
Over.
369
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,932
This is Black Dynamite,
the man who's gonna
370
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,604
fuck up
your hijacking plan.
371
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,523
Now, who the fuck are you?
372
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,271
You didn't say, "over."
Over.
373
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,523
Over, goddamn it, over!
374
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,354
This is Leroy Van Nuys,
375
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,487
the coldest cat to ever call
himself a pimp.
376
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,443
And right now, I got the game
in a headlock,
377
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,073
and I ain't lettin' go,
378
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,996
even if the motherfucker
taps out.
379
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,699
And the police ain't gonna do
nothing to stop me! Over.
380
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,159
He's right, Black Dynamite.
381
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,620
We're not gonna do nothing
to stop him.
382
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,126
Sun Tzu said,
"confront the enemy
383
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,879
using the element of surprise.
384
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,960
Use any necessary means,
385
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:05,139
or, more specifically,
take the pigs' helicopter."
386
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,809
Ping-pong ain't got shit
on me!
387
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:11,809
Sun Tzu, I like the way
you thinking...
388
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:14,732
when I have the flu.
389
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,571
Now, if we're gonna get
on that train
390
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,240
and save the game and my crew
from total devastation,
391
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,286
there's one thing I'ma need
to do first.
392
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,618
Ain't no way I'm showing up
to a Player's Ball
393
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,290
in a bathrobe,
394
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,288
even if it is to save
everybody's life.
395
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,995
Sun Tzu said,
"it is better to look good
396
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,876
than to feel
good...
397
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,798
when you have the flu."
398
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,468
I may look like a million,
but I still feel like hell.
399
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,466
I'm gonna need a extra
handkerchief with this getup,
400
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,639
and I'm gonna need
a co-pilot.
401
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,216
Now, what do you say,
Sun Tzu?
402
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:49,767
Comme oi or comme �a?
403
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,765
Sun Tzu said, "is a pig's
pussy pork?"
404
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,721
All pussy is
pork to me,
405
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,727
and Black Dynamite don't
eat no swine.
406
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,934
Too close to the behind.
407
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,566
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
408
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,324
LEROY VAN NUYS:
Black Dynamite, is that you?
409
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,279
Yes. Over.
410
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,832
Since you made the effort
and showed up in person,
411
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:16,332
I guess I won't hold you
to no C.B. etiquette no more.
412
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,333
I didn't get dressed up
in these fuck-you you threads,
413
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:21,040
steal a police chopper,
and fly all the way over here
414
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:24,047
to discuss no damn C.B.
etiquette, and you know this!
415
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,675
Oh, you came to talk to me
about these so-called pimps?
416
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,506
You know what the best thing
is about a pimp?
417
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,512
There's so many ways to serve
these motherfuckers up, man!
418
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,889
Pimps are the fruits
of the streets!
419
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,229
Why did you waste all this
perfectly good pimping,
420
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,855
Leroy Van Nuys?
421
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,482
That just ain't cool, Jack.
422
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,656
I don't know what the fuck
you is, Black Dynamite,
423
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,906
but I'll tell you what you ain't --
a stone-cold pimp!
424
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,534
My stone-cold pimpin'
ain't on trial,
425
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:54,115
you platinum-headed
freaky deek!
426
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,253
[crashing]
427
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,959
LEROY VAN NUYS:
Attention, Player's Ball Express.
428
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,669
That crunching sound
you just heard
429
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,345
accompanied by those
bumps you just felt
430
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,389
was the death of your
only hope...
431
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,932
because the Player's Ball Express
432
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,056
just pulled a train on
Black Dynamite.
433
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,307
[all gasp]
434
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:17,559
And ain't nobody got
shit to say'?
435
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:21,984
Well, choo motherfuckin' choo,
then.
436
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:25,563
See, I told you!
We're all gonna die!
437
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:29,321
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
438
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,653
- Sun Tzu said --
- Not now, Sun Tzu.
439
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,579
Black Dynamite's got to focus
440
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,702
on getting his ass up
from under this train,
441
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,409
or you and me both
gonna be ancient history.
442
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,957
[door opens]
A partyjust ain't a party
443
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,042
without the tangy zip
of Black Dynamite.
444
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,594
Black Dynamite, you're alive!
But you look like shit.
445
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,342
Have you
taken your medicine?
446
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:51,968
I thought I told you
Black Dynamite don't believe
447
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,641
in no Western medicine.
448
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,764
Now I think I'm gonna have to...
fall on my face.
449
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:56,890
[grunts]
450
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,596
Black Dynamite lives?
451
00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:01,728
Destroy him, my lsaacs!
452
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,606
Sun Tzu said,
"sometimes ancient books
453
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,438
with profound sayings
just don't cut it...
454
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,148
when you have the flu."
455
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,029
So, what are you saying,
Sun Tzu?
456
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,701
And what do you mean?
457
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,245
Take some goddamn
medicine already
458
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,947
so you won't have the flu!
459
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,031
[crash]
460
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:22,128
Ah fuck it.
461
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,204
[shouts]
462
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,629
Huh?
463
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,383
[dramatic music plays]
464
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:34,341
Then it all ends here,
where it all began --
465
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:37,097
my own bloodstream.
466
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,144
It's time to fight this flu
to the death,
467
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,473
once and for all.
Over!
468
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,899
You flu motherfuckers knew
about red blood cells
469
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,817
and white blood cells,
470
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:49,397
but y'all ain't ready
for these black blood cells!
471
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,481
Suey!
472
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,235
Suey! Suey!
473
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,320
Suey!
474
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:59,240
Suey!
475
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,872
Sueeey!
476
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,965
[train horn blows]
477
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,054
I told you my stone-cold pimpin'
wasn't in question!
478
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,684
You're crazy, man!
Let me go!
479
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,561
Take the motherfucking
controller!
480
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,267
This pimp enough,
you jive-ass,
481
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,727
cavity-creep, stuffy-head,
fever,
482
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,983
so-you-can-rest motherfucker!
483
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,566
Put a pimp down, man.
You know I'm handicap!
484
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:34,571
N-o-o-o-o!
485
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,651
[crashing]
486
00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:39,368
Sun Tzu! Sun Tzu!
Where the fuck are you?!
487
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,290
I did it!
I killed the flu...
488
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,788
when I had the flu!
[groans]
489
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:44,869
[thud]
490
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,793
Tasty Freeze? What are
you doin' in my blood stream?
491
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,046
We're not inside your blood
stream, Black Dynamite.
492
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,547
You're on the Player's Ball
Express,
493
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:53,969
and you just killed
Leroy Van Nuys.
494
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:55,421
Great outfit, by the way.
495
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,427
Not to sound
like a whole asshole,
496
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,429
but Van Nuys was
holding the remote
497
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:03,012
to this whole damn train
that is now out of control!
498
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,018
HONEY BEE:
Oh shit, Black Dynamite.
499
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,020
That sign just said that
the tracks are about to end!
500
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,976
We're headed for that ravine,
501
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,436
and there ain't no way
to slow us down!
502
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,863
Then the only thing we can do
is speed this train up!
503
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,565
Quick, what are diamonds
before they are diamonds?
504
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:15,695
Carbon.
505
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,698
Which is close enough
to coal for me.
506
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,576
Everybody throw your ice
into that furnace.
507
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:21,871
What? Would you rather die?
508
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:25,042
Damn it, would you let
a pimp think?
509
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,620
Not my diamond bolo tie!
510
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,582
Damn. That's not enough!
We need more diamonds!
511
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,508
Let's throw lcey Ice in there!
His ass wanted to be cremated!
512
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,923
[train horn blows]
513
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:48,858
Sue-e-e-y!
514
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,821
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
515
00:21:54,897 --> 00:21:57,741
Whew!
Man, I feel great.
516
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,615
Now, who wants
to go back to my pad
517
00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:02,537
for the Player's Ball
after party?
518
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:03,614
[vomits]
519
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:07,163
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
520
00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:24,559
[echoing]
Y'all thought I was dead.
521
00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:26,637
[laughs evilly]
522
00:22:26,687 --> 00:22:31,237
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