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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,403
**
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,538
Do you ever think about dying?
3
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,875
I just watched Chernobyl
on HBO.
4
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:10,044
There were so many people dying,
5
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,912
I couldn't even laugh
at the jokes.
6
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,913
You never know
what's gonna get ya, Francine.
7
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:15,349
Take my friend, Jennifer.
8
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:17,184
She got warts on her feet
walking barefoot
9
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,053
at a Rascal Flatts concert.
10
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,054
Which is why I always
wear foot condoms.
11
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,922
You'd think they don't
make condoms that big.
12
00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:24,625
But I've got a guy?
Downtown?
13
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,693
He'll make you condoms
any size you want.
14
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,097
Roger! I'm trying to talk to you
about death.
15
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:32,700
Do you realize we could go
at any time?
16
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:34,601
And as if that weren't
bad enough,
17
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,637
Jennifer's having a crisis
with her adult daughter, Ricki.
18
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:38,771
Can you listen to me?
19
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:40,374
Ricki won't move out
of the house.
20
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,643
And now Ricki's adult mom's
new boyfriend,
21
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,311
Douglath --
that's how he pronounces it
22
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,280
because he says that's
the "official" way --
23
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,548
-Douglath...
-FRANCINE: Ugh!
24
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,783
He's so annoying!
25
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,985
Brain, do what Roger
sounds like.
26
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:56,557
"Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah."
That's exactly right, brain.
27
00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:57,924
Good impression.
28
00:00:58,024 --> 00:01:00,328
Ugh, maybe I should just go.
29
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:01,762
Yeah, good idea.
30
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,463
-I'm gonna go.
-Oh, don't go!
31
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,733
Having you here
makes me feel so heard.
32
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,468
I guess that's why
you're my best friend
33
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:08,968
in the whole wide world.
34
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,837
-I'm your best friend?
-Yes.
35
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,272
What about Stan?
36
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,807
He's been distant since
we kissed at Coachella.
37
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,743
-How about Klaus?
-Derendorf?
38
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,311
The LA-based record producer?
39
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,079
-I barely know him!
-What about Steve?
40
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,081
Potrowski?
41
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,650
-Hayley --
-Joel Osment?
42
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,418
A solid friend,
but we'll never be
43
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,652
as close as you and me.
44
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:26,920
Ugh.
45
00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:29,156
I guess I could hang out
a bit longer.
46
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,623
Good.
Oh, get this!
47
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,260
Jennifer's daughter had sex
with a man at SeaWorld.
48
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,828
In front of the dolphins.
49
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:37,531
And the dolphins started
acting all weird after.
50
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,334
They had to pour CBD oil
into the tank.
51
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,771
(patriotic music plays)
52
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:47,441
* Good morning, U.S.A. *
53
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:51,344
* I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *
54
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:54,548
* The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face *
55
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:58,819
* And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race *
56
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:03,990
* Oh, boy, it's swell to say *
57
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:06,293
-* Good -- *
-* Good morning, U.S.A. *
58
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:07,628
Aah!
59
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:12,233
* Good morning, U.S.A. *
60
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:16,736
**
61
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:20,841
Death. Death.
Death. Death.
62
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,544
Death. Death.
Death.
63
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,812
ROGER: Oh, Franci-ine!
I got an update...
64
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,848
-(thud)
-...about Ricki's adult mom
65
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,318
Jennifer's boyfriend,
Douglaaaath!
66
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:31,718
Hmm.
67
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,420
Where is she?
68
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,754
-(door opens)
-Oh, hey, Hayley.
69
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:35,923
Puttin' in a tampon?
70
00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:37,358
-HAYLEY: Get out!
-(door slams)
71
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:39,727
ROGER: Sheesh.
Must be that time of the month.
72
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,197
Ooh, a visitor.
73
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:45,233
-Welcome to my alcove.
-Shh!
74
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,900
I'm hiding out from Roger,
75
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,002
and this is the last place
anyone would ever go.
76
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:53,574
KLAUS: Visitors can sometimes
say the cruelest things.
77
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:57,677
Alas, why was I born
loving visitors so?
78
00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:01,414
You must never let a visitor
see your tears, Klaus.
79
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,217
Ha-ha!
Good one, Francine.
80
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,221
I'm actually off to
a bit of a spa day
81
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,521
in the kitchen.
82
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,457
You should come with.
83
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:11,592
Francine?
84
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,727
You in here cooking up
some yogurt?
85
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,966
(steam hissing)
86
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:22,735
Ahh.
Nothing like a good steam.
87
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,540
So, what's going on
with you and Roger?
88
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,776
He doesn't listen to me anymore.
89
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,479
He's always blah, blah, blah
nonstop.
90
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,448
Seems like maybe the door
is opening wider
91
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,283
for our friendship.
92
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:37,384
Uch.
93
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:39,387
I don't come to the spa
to be hit on
94
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,655
by little orange lame-os.
95
00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:44,925
I'm trying to solve my problem
with Roger.
96
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,795
Well, you could be honest
with him about your feelings.
97
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,463
Like you are with me
for some cruel reason.
98
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:51,432
Meh.
99
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:52,966
Well, if it's his
constant gabbing
100
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,403
that's driving you crazy,
go somewhere he can't talk.
101
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:57,570
Like space!
102
00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:59,939
-Or the movies.
-Oh, that's great.
103
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:01,408
Because it's closer.
104
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,276
And I know how to get there.
105
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,844
And I have a coupon.
106
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:07,480
And you can't eat
Goobers in space.
107
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,417
They'd float away!
108
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,784
I think that's enough reasons.
109
00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:16,255
**
110
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:19,326
So it turns out, Ricki's
boyfriend wasn't a lawyer.
111
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,930
He was just carrying a briefcase
to and from Starbucks every day.
112
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,132
-Jennifer was crushed.
-Shh!
113
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:28,369
Mister, you're ruining
my first trip to the movies.
114
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,704
I see right through you, pal.
You're not a little kid.
115
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,706
You're just a tiny man
who gets his rocks off
116
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,475
pretending he's never been
to a theater before.
117
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,009
(deep voice)
You don't know me.
118
00:04:36,108 --> 00:04:37,444
Roger, be quiet!
119
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:38,879
Fine, I'll whisper.
120
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:41,715
(whispering) So, Jennifer
is taking a trip to Chicago --
121
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:44,351
Oh, my gosh.
Have you ever been to Chicago?
122
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,019
There is so much
deep-dish pizza,
123
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,855
which is a thing I do not like.
124
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,891
I'm more of a super-flat
cheeseburger guy myself.
125
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,826
FRANCINE: What is happening?
126
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,396
I love this whispering.
127
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,699
Please direct me to your city's
finest, flattest cheeseburger.
128
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,166
FRANCINE: Goosebumps.
129
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:03,036
ROGER:
The real Chicagoan experience...
130
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,538
(electronic dance music plays)
131
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,141
Waaaaahhhh!
132
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,810
Y'all feelin' this?!
133
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:13,045
Neuron dance partyyyyy!
134
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,917
**
135
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:20,887
**
136
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:23,723
ROGER: ...a man on the bus said
it didn't matter how much
137
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,692
I liked flat cheeseburgers.
138
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,995
That didn't make it
a Chicago thing.
139
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,896
So, whatever,
that trip was a bust.
140
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,197
The end.
141
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,735
No, keep talking about yourself,
142
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,605
and don't forget to whisper.
143
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,939
You're the best listener
in the world.
144
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,511
Okay, so after Chi-Town,
I was like,
145
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,713
"Why am I traveling so much?"
146
00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:48,415
So I stayed home and went to CVS
147
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,182
and slid around the linoleum
148
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:53,687
in the socks Stan yelled at me
for wearing hiking.
149
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:56,189
(bell rings)
150
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,625
STEVE:
There she is, fellas.
151
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:01,127
The future Mrs. Ashley Wagner.
152
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,029
I'll be taking her name
when we get married.
153
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:05,031
Does she even know you exist?
154
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,033
Not yet,
but I've written a love note
155
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,268
to drop in her locker.
156
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:11,071
Smart!
Girls love to read!
157
00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:13,473
I told her I'd reveal myself
at the dance
158
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:16,209
and signed it
"Your secret admirer,"
159
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,745
so she'll fall in love with me
for the merits of my writing
160
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:22,281
and not my
Rachel Maddow good looks.
161
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,451
Coming through!
162
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,418
Dangerous
construction materials!
163
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,920
Shortcut to the site,
through the school!
164
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:32,959
**
165
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,495
Ooh, goth girls.
Spooky.
166
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:39,667
**
167
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,100
Steve, look out!
168
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,836
-Ugh!
-(rods clatter)
169
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,240
(students gasp)
170
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,408
Oh, God!
I could be blamed for this.
171
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,178
-Aaaah!
-Aah!
172
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,314
My sweet Steve!
173
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:56,483
We were friends!
174
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,487
(sobbing)
We were friends!
175
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,521
What are you talking about?
176
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,956
We're still friends.
177
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,257
Do you not feel it?
178
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:05,625
Feel what?
179
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,627
Hey, look.
Someone slipped me a note.
180
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,829
"Dear beautiful."
Hah!
181
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,999
Flattery will get you
everywhere.
182
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,834
"You're all I can
think about..."
183
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:14,867
(gasps)
184
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,803
Are you all right?
185
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,605
I'm better than all right!
186
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,807
I have a secret admirer!
187
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,375
And she's gonna reveal herself
at the dance!
188
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,177
Looks like ol' Steven Anita
189
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,014
might be the first
to lose his V-card.
190
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,315
(locker clangs)
191
00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,283
(clanging continues)
192
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,824
**
193
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:40,793
**
194
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,829
(chuckles)
195
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,564
One of those days, huh?
196
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,533
Roger whispered.
197
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,300
-(steam hisses)
-And when he did,
198
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,538
it gave me
an incredible sensation.
199
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:55,908
A kind of peace and relaxation
I haven't felt
200
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,846
since I started
obsessing over death.
201
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:03,415
I got the chilly thrillies
up and down my neck!
202
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,151
Ah, yes.
203
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,153
Technically, it's called ASMR.
204
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,822
ASMR?
As in...
205
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:13,160
asymmetrical sexy men rule?
206
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,829
No. It's when you get
unbelievably relaxed
207
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:17,197
by whispers.
208
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,367
It also works with eating
pickles or other crunchy foods,
209
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:23,036
like, uh...
210
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,271
pickles, w-which is, uh...
211
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,439
the best example.
212
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,274
Some people think ASMR
is sexual,
213
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,677
but for most people, it's not.
214
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,111
But for me, it definitely is.
215
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:34,715
Klaus, this is perfect!
216
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:38,217
I'll just hang out with Roger
where he's forced to whisper.
217
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,553
-(tranquil music plays)
-(whispering) So it turns out,
218
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:42,855
Ricki's boyfriend didn't
run out on her.
219
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:46,559
He just got tangled in some
wind chimes at a Pier 1
220
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,562
and they found him
a couple of days ago,
221
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:51,130
severely dehydrated.
222
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,635
**
223
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,971
That movie was really relaxing.
224
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,207
Oh, yeah, these Transformers
movies are so zen.
225
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:03,143
All that metal-on-metal
scraping.
226
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,578
And Optimus Prime
is sneaky funny.
227
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:08,280
Hanging out with you
has really taken my mind off
228
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:10,250
death by nuclear holocaust.
229
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,318
In fact, why are we leaving?
230
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:13,452
Let's see another movie.
231
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:14,621
I'm a little movied out.
232
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,088
Can we go somewhere
where I can talk?
233
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:17,658
Out loud?
234
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,292
Oh! Yes.
235
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,727
Great idea.
236
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,495
How about the...
237
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,630
library?
238
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,164
La biblioteca?
239
00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:27,567
That's Spanish for
"Sure, why not?"
240
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,639
(whispering)
Oh, I am a total Hufflepuff.
241
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,572
Don't you think
I'm a Hufflepuff?
242
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,644
Francine, what the fuff
is a Hufflepuff?
243
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,114
Pickle?
244
00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:44,317
A man would be a fool
to refuse a purse pickle.
245
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,352
(crunching)
246
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,120
Ahh!
247
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,256
(crunching continues)
248
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,961
Oh, that's nice.
249
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,928
Uhp, there's an owl in this.
250
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,697
If I was interested in things
with big eyes,
251
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,866
I would still be stalking
Emma Stone.
252
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,333
Do you think
I should check on her?
253
00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:03,703
No, let's go
to a golf tournament.
254
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:06,505
Sure. A-And maybe on the way,
we swing by her parents' house
255
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,875
and see if they have
anything cool in their trash?
256
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:11,443
(birds chirping)
257
00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:13,480
(whispering)
Douglath bailed on Jen,
258
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,548
so she went
indoor skydiving alone.
259
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:16,884
So brave.
260
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,687
I can't even go
to Souplantation alone.
261
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,722
What do you think
it would sound like
262
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,125
if you tapped your nails
on this book
263
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,494
I stole from the library?
264
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,530
(gentle tapping)
265
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,201
(grunts)
266
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,136
-Aah!
-(body thuds, crowd gasps)
267
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,739
I think he killed that guy.
268
00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,139
(relaxed)
It's okay.
269
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,573
I've come to realize
270
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,677
death plays a beautiful role
271
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,913
in the circle of life.
272
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,915
**
273
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,383
(whispering)
This funeral reminds me
274
00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:52,852
of when Jennifer's dog
got heartworm.
275
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,187
It survived, of course.
276
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,088
That's the main difference.
277
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:58,759
Crinkle these noodles
as you talk.
278
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,059
You betcha.
279
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,328
(package crinkling)
280
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,865
Shortcut through the cemetery!
281
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,366
Ooh, this funeral's spooky!
282
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,673
Wow. My secret admirer
is a helluva writer.
283
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,009
Should we tell him
he wrote that letter?
284
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,345
Why?
Look how happy he is.
285
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,547
Just look at the way
she loops her L's.
286
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:23,283
She clearly knows her way
around a dick.
287
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,719
Should we at least
pull out the pole?
288
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:29,022
No, then he'll remember
he wrote the note!
289
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:31,691
You want to fix his brain
and break his heart?
290
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,025
(crunching)
291
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,962
Mm. This food tastes
kind of metallic.
292
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,463
Are you guys
getting any of that?
293
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,099
Yes, sirree!
294
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,802
Pearl Bailey's famous
copper nachos.
295
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:45,437
There's a lucky penny
melted into every batch!
296
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,407
So, you guys are assuring me
this is normal?
297
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,640
Ohhh, yeah.
298
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,244
Everything that's going on
is normal.
299
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:54,047
Normal's the word
of the day here.
300
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,482
**
301
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:58,085
Francinie-weenie!
302
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,586
Ready to hang?
303
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,120
Huh, no Francine.
304
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,255
Welp, then I guess
this is a great time
305
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:06,125
for me to snooooop!
306
00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:08,796
Spider-Man action figure.
307
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,462
Unexpected.
308
00:12:10,562 --> 00:12:11,798
Grapefruit.
309
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,166
Another Spider-Man?
Wow.
310
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:14,835
She really has a thing
for Spider-Man.
311
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:18,004
-(buzzing)
-Ohhh!
312
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,338
What's this?
313
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,676
A microcassette
of "Roger's whispers"?
314
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,914
ROGER (whispering): And I'm
like, "What channels do I lose
315
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,417
if I move down
to the ultimate package?"
316
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:34,187
And she's like, "You'd lose
HGTV and DIY Network."
317
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,157
So, yeah, I still pay
$400 a month for cable.
318
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,424
-(button clicks)
-(Klaus whistling)
319
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:41,327
Klaus, do you know why Francine
is recording my stories?
320
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,462
Is she trying to steal them
for a book or something?
321
00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,932
Like you did when you befriended
The Situation?
322
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:46,866
Yeah, like that.
323
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,869
Oh, no. She doesn't care about
what you're saying.
324
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,171
She just likes the sounds
your mouth makes
325
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,840
when you whisper and stuff!
326
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,506
They relax her.
327
00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:57,309
She's recording
everything you do.
328
00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:59,379
What?!
329
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,548
"Roger's crunching"?
330
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:04,116
(crunching)
331
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:06,986
-(button clicks)
-Oh, my God.
332
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,721
Is that what I sound like
when I eat pickles?
333
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,322
Ugh.
So nasally.
334
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,624
I thought I sounded more like
335
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,961
Dwayne "Vin Diesel 'The Rock'"
Johnson.
336
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:17,029
(deep voice) Rawr, we're family!
Crunch crunch.
337
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,899
(normal voice)
Francine's not listening to me?
338
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,869
(sobbing)
339
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,371
I caught you red-handed!
340
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,673
Hey, man, I paid for this toast.
341
00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,241
"Roger's crunching"?!
342
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,411
You only care about my noises!
343
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:33,212
What's the big deal?
344
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,849
We're hanging out,
and your noises relax me.
345
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:37,216
You want to relax?
346
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,986
Listen to the crunch of me
destroying your tapes!
347
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:41,221
-(crunching)
-No!
348
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,422
Ahhh.
349
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,523
But no!
350
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,591
Oh, that's nice.
351
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,259
Well, that's all you're getting!
352
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,596
You won't get another sound
out of me!
353
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:52,264
Roger, I can just
follow you around
354
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,100
and tape whatever I want.
355
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,835
Oh, you're gonna follow me, huh?
356
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,570
Bet you won't follow me to...
357
00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:59,672
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chernobyl.
358
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,908
Roger, you can't go
to Chernobyl!
359
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,342
It's dangerous!
360
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:06,413
Well, I'd rather die there
than be ignored here!
361
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,015
Hey, Mom.
Heads up --
362
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,682
I hit a cyclist with your car.
363
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:11,683
She's not dead.
364
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,886
I put her in the trunk
until I can come up with a plan.
365
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:16,088
Just letting you know
where I've been lately.
366
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,592
(somber music plays)
367
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:21,727
(frantically)
My whispers.
368
00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:23,129
Where are my whispers?
369
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,431
I need my whispers!
370
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,466
I could do them
for you, Francine.
371
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,534
(gravelly whisper)
You're sssssafe
372
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:31,038
with Klaussssss.
373
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:33,706
No, just stop!
You don't have it!
374
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:37,076
Yessss, I dooooo.
375
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,078
I drove Roger away!
376
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,480
He left!
377
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:43,582
I drove him to the airport,
and then he left!
378
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:45,251
(normal voice)
Well, you could go after him.
379
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:48,421
Ooh, according to his Insta,
he's made it to Chernobyl.
380
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,423
Oh, no!
We've got to save him!
381
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,725
The radiation's gonna
make him sick!
382
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,227
It's already making him thirsty.
383
00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:57,797
What the hell,
I'll give him a little sip.
384
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,768
(droning music plays)
385
00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:06,605
What the hell am I doing here?
386
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,640
-Was this stupid?
-Yes.
387
00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:10,743
Well, we have to find Roger.
388
00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:13,613
According to Ask Jeeves,
we have five hours
389
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:17,350
before the radiation turns us
into walkin'-talkin' tumors.
390
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,318
Five hours 'til I turn
into that fish
391
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,620
from The Simpsons
with three eyes.
392
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,355
Do you watch The Simpsons,
Francine?
393
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,258
It's getting good.
394
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:26,692
And Jennifer's current boyfriend
395
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,596
is also a bartender
at TGI Friday's.
396
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,264
So either she's got a type
or she can't walk away
397
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,201
from free Jack Daniel's
Shrimp and Grits.
398
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:37,303
That is fine, but you have
very little time to live.
399
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,039
The radiation has already
eaten away your nose and ears.
400
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:42,774
Well, you look like a banana
with a handle.
401
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,876
-(air hissing)
-Pee-yew!
402
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:46,846
You been Vladimir Putin
in there?
403
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,014
What have you done?!
404
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,381
You should be thanking me!
405
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:50,984
You were just breathing it in!
406
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,652
Roger?
407
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,354
Well, look who it is.
408
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,690
The person I was wrong about how
afraid they were of Chernobyl.
409
00:15:57,789 --> 00:15:59,993
I thought I wouldn't
see you here.
410
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:01,793
Roger, you look terrible.
411
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,230
You need to come home.
412
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,664
So you can have my whispers
at your disposal?
413
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:08,168
Well, you're not gonna like
my whispers anymore!
414
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,701
(whoosh)
415
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,172
(gasps)
416
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:16,243
The radiation has made them
more relaxing than ever!
417
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,644
-(whooshing)
-(distorted) Sleeeeep!
418
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,413
(both sigh)
419
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,750
(snoring)
420
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,719
Wow. I guess life is coming back
to Chernobyl.
421
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:30,490
(yawning)
422
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,926
I've heard of a weeping willow,
but a sleeping willow?
423
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,428
(ting!)
424
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,931
**
425
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,100
(indistinct conversations)
426
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,937
There's only
a few more songs left.
427
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:50,043
Steve's gonna be devastated
when there's no secret admirer.
428
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,211
Did -- Did we handle this wrong?
429
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,745
I have an idea!
430
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,014
Hit me with it, Barry.
431
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,451
Maybe if we each got a pole
in our head,
432
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,453
we'd have secret admirers
like Steve!
433
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,722
Okay.
I'm on my own here.
434
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,592
Just gotta break
the news to him.
435
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,960
And I'll work on finding poles!
436
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:09,461
(sighs)
437
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,730
Steve, there's nobody coming.
438
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,266
That love note?
439
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,601
You wrote it yourself.
440
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,036
Ohhh. And I probably
don't remember
441
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:18,538
because I have a pole
in my head.
442
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:19,771
You know about that?!
443
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,240
I tied my bow tie.
444
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,909
Can't do that without a mirror.
445
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,376
So, in a way,
446
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,445
I'm my own secret admirer!
447
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,780
You always have been.
448
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,118
Me, may I have this dance?
449
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,753
Yes, me. You may.
450
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:41,059
**
451
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,596
I got the poles!
452
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:44,763
-(grunts)
-(poles clatter)
453
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,267
(stammering)
454
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:50,103
Look!
Barry's doing a new dance!
455
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,739
I call it the Barry!
Everybody do the Barry!
456
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,507
* Barry, Barry, Barry *
457
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,143
* Do the Barry-Barry *
458
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,246
* He's a fat kid
who's almost fallin' down *
459
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:02,080
Lock the doors
until everyone does the Barry.
460
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,316
(droning music plays)
461
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,285
(both groaning)
462
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:07,186
(gasps)
463
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,988
How long were we out for?
464
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:10,757
We only have an hour
before we die.
465
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:13,425
And we don't have any idea
where Roger is.
466
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,362
Maybe he went that way.
467
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,997
(animals snoring)
468
00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:19,365
But even if we find him,
469
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,268
he'll just put us
to sleep again.
470
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,602
Hmm.
471
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,503
Did you see the movie Bird Box?
472
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,506
It's been on my watch list
for like six months,
473
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,141
but I don't actually
want to watch it.
474
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,143
Well, what if instead
of Sandra Bullock
475
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:32,211
not being able to see,
476
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,945
she couldn't hear?
477
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,048
(gasps)
That sounds so scary!
478
00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:37,517
But like I said,
I haven't seen it,
479
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,050
and I'm probably not going to.
480
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:42,388
(sighs)
We're gonna have to reach Roger
481
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,657
without our most
important sense.
482
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,729
I can't hear where I'm going!
483
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,231
How do deaf people get anywhere?
484
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,233
What, Francine?
Where are you?
485
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,802
What the hell?
486
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,671
(dramatic music plays)
487
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,574
KLAUS: Gawwww.
Stacked high animals.
488
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:03,210
This is horrible.
489
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,877
But now I'm getting used to it.
490
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,547
Now it's kind of cute.
491
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,148
(animals snoring)
492
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:19,259
**
493
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:20,527
What are you doing here?
494
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:21,760
I thought I told you to
495
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,895
(distorted) sleeeep!
496
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,000
Wait, why aren't you asleep?
497
00:19:28,099 --> 00:19:30,202
Roger, we've gotta go!
498
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,837
You're gonna die!
499
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:32,939
I don't care!
500
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,442
You don't belong here alone!
501
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:39,211
You wouldn't even go
to Souplantation by yourself!
502
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:41,113
You heard me!
503
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:42,382
Come on!
504
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:45,084
You're acting weirder
than those dolphins
505
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:49,521
after they saw Ricki having sex
with that guy at SeaWorld!
506
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,723
Oh, my God.
507
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:54,693
(pleasant music plays)
508
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:58,064
You were...listening to me
the whole time?
509
00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,098
Well, part of the time.
510
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,701
You talk a lot, Roger.
511
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,569
I'm bound to pick up
bits and pieces.
512
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,971
That's so sweet of you,
remembering all that stuff
513
00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:07,539
about people I made up.
514
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:09,776
Oh, no!
515
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,443
We've gotta get out of here.
516
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,711
Klaus is dying!
517
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:14,247
Or maybe it's too late for him,
518
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:15,882
but we have a little time.
519
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:18,384
Because there's a brunch place
I'd like to try out.
520
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:19,818
Although it might not be open.
521
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,588
A lot of stuff closed
after the, um...
522
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,891
nuclear unpleasantness.
523
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,262
I'm sorry I used you
for your noises.
524
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,230
I know I'm supposed to be
your best friend,
525
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:34,500
but I wasn't acting like it.
526
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,836
Well, you did face your fear
of death to come bring me home.
527
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,939
Huh, that's true.
528
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,276
Let's celebrate our friendship
by doing The Barry!
529
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:45,010
PRINCIPAL LEWIS:
* Barry, Barry, Barry *
530
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,512
* Do the Barry-Barry *
531
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:49,582
* He's a fat kid
who's almost fallin' down *
532
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:50,916
The Barry?
533
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,919
The radiation is
driving them insane.
534
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,185
I'm with you, brother.
535
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,587
These people are nuts.
536
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:56,955
But I've got your back.
537
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:58,357
I am your back!
538
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,792
(laughing)
539
00:21:02,193 --> 00:21:04,130
Have a great night!
540
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,134
-- Captions by VITAC --
37436
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