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1
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:30,682
That was titled "Essence."
I wrote it about my mom.
2
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,163
This next piece
is also about my mom.
3
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,165
-Uh, excuse me...
-Wrap it up, nerd.
4
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,254
-I'm still...
-All right, I don't know
what this is called,
5
00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:38,386
and I don't care.
6
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:39,474
Two, three, four!
7
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:43,869
That's kind of loud!
8
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,139
What is the meaning
of this intense bass?
9
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:53,923
Are you mocking me?!
10
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,577
-I don't hear it on our side.
11
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,144
It must be your equipment.
12
00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:59,363
Engineer K'noch, today you die!
13
00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:02,801
Will someone shut that up?!
14
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:08,416
- You're welcome.
15
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:12,028
Okay, whatever that was.
16
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,117
Ladies and gentlemen,
"Requiem for a Hug."
17
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,685
Captain says you're too loud!
18
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:19,253
Oh, God, oh, no, no,
I'm so sorry.
19
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,370
RANSOM:
First officer's log,
stardate 57501.4.
20
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,938
TheCerritos is en route
to Cardassia Prime
21
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:37,940
for the most amazing reason.
22
00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:40,899
Captain Freeman is going to be instrumental in brokering peace
23
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,901
-between the... Uh, wait.
24
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,903
Just... reading
a little message here.
25
00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,514
Yada yada yada. Oh.
26
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:48,559
Oh, no.
27
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:51,997
The captain is not
gonna be happy about this.
28
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,739
What the hell
are you talking about!
29
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,263
I'm sorry, Captain Freeman,
30
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:58,003
but we're moving the peace
negotiations to Vulcan.
31
00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:59,788
Nobody wants to go
to Cardassia Prime.
32
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:02,182
The Cardassians
are creeping everyone out.
33
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:05,533
But I already prepared a speech,I learned how to do the dance...
34
00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:07,099
I'm sure you'll be involved
35
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:09,058
in the nexthistoric,
once-in-a-lifetime summit.
36
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:11,103
For now, you'll be heading
to Gelrak 5
37
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:14,106
and, uh, endowing them
with diplomatic trinkets.
38
00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,760
We're delivering gifts?
39
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:16,761
Godspeed, Captain.
40
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:21,244
I spent weeks learning how tobark out Cardassian small talk.
41
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,290
Seems like they
just changed locations.
42
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,509
-I don't think it was a slight
on the Cerritos.
-Yeah, right.
43
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,642
Nobody respects us, because
we don't demand their respect.
44
00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:29,209
This ship is a joke.
45
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,689
Well, then we're the funniest
joke in all of Starfleet.
46
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,517
Shut up, Jack!
I'm sick of it.
47
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,171
We have to do something to prove
48
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,173
that this crew isn't
a bunch of slackers.
49
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,569
Okay, try it now.
50
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,484
-Field strength is at..
51
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:44,920
-Ooh!
-100%
52
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,617
You almost phasered me!
53
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:47,923
Calm down. It's set to...
54
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,838
Uh, it was...
it was set to stun.
55
00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,796
Hey, Boimler, how's the field
integrity looking in there?
56
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,103
Uh... oh!
57
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:56,497
It's good.
58
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,934
Okay. Computer, margaritas.
Frozen. Salt.
59
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,152
TENDI:
Wait, don't we have to report
60
00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:01,980
that we're done
so we can get a new task?
61
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,331
Don't sweat it, baby girl-- likemany things, commanders have
62
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:07,116
no idea how long it takes
to balance a phase variance.
63
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,857
You never admit the actual
amount of time it takes
64
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:11,076
to finish a job-- if you did,
your days would be packed.
65
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,949
-Isn't that lying?
-No. It's creative estimating.
66
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,385
When you get an assignment,
67
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,213
you exaggerate
how long it's gonna take,
68
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,910
then you're a hero
when it's done early.
69
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,956
Eh, it's just a little
buffer time. No biggie.
70
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,349
And you're okay with this?
71
00:04:22,392 --> 00:04:24,742
No! If it were up to me,
we'd never take a break.
72
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:26,483
But it's Lower Decks tradition.
73
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:29,356
Tendi, how long will it take
to repair a biobed?
74
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:31,749
Oh, uh, that would take
about five...
75
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,316
hours.
76
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,535
Excuse me?
77
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,276
That's great!
78
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:37,799
Aw, Tendi, look at us.
79
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:39,627
Lower Decks--
breaching protocol together.
80
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,281
Friendship!
81
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:48,331
Oh, be sure to stroll throughthe ship as slowly as possible.
82
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,941
It's not like
we're busy exploring
83
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,334
the mysteries of the cosmos!
84
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,471
Does no one do any work
around here?!
85
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,125
-Geez, there goes buffer time.
-What was that, Ensign?
86
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:01,779
Uh, nothing, Captain.
87
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:08,786
-Uh...
-Bridge.
88
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,397
Cap'n. I mean, Captain.
89
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,704
Anything to report, Ensign?
90
00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:16,011
Uh, keeping busy.
I inventoried Cargo Bay Four,
91
00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,621
assisted with the baryon sweep
92
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:20,015
of the warp nacelles,
skipped buffer time
93
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:22,365
-and went straight to work on...-Turbolift halt!
94
00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:24,802
What is "buffer time"?
95
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,195
Uh...
96
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:31,243
What's up with you?
You're looking more, like,
97
00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:33,637
-weaselly than usual.
-Well, th-that's
just how my face looks.
98
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,291
-You-you know that.
99
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,771
WOMAN:
Oh.
100
00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:38,773
"Effective immediately,the Lower Deck scheduling deceit
101
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:40,383
will no longer be tolerated"?
102
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:41,602
What scheduling deceit?
103
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,386
Wait. Let me see.
"All assignments
104
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,606
"must be completed and logged
in exactly the time mandated
105
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:48,348
-by command"?
-Are we being timed?
106
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,914
"Failure to meet quotas
will not be tolerated."
107
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,655
Ah, this is bad, this is bad.
108
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,092
I-I thought it was tradition.I thought you said nobody cared.
109
00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:56,007
They didn't. There was no way
the captain noticed
110
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,226
we were padding stuff out.
111
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,358
Somebody ratted.
112
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,577
I bet it was Delta shift.
113
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:01,970
Yeah. Delta shift is the worst.
114
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:03,580
They thinkthey're so much better than us,
115
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:05,365
just becausethey're so much better than us.
116
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:07,976
It doesn't matter who ratted.
We don't need buffer time.
117
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,021
We're Starfleet.
We're the best of the best,
118
00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:11,936
and we can still get
everything done early.
119
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,895
Boimler's right.
We don't need a buffer time.
120
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:16,419
-We've got this!
-Yeah, no, yeah,
you're probably right.
121
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,421
What's one less margarita a day?
122
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,739
Excuse me!
123
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,699
Watch it.
124
00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:37,179
BILLUPS: Rutherford,
I need that diagnostic
125
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:38,615
on the guidance system, now!
126
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:40,182
But now is right now!
127
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,401
Move!
128
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,011
-Move, move, move, move!
-Aah!
129
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,621
Come on,
watch where you're going.
130
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,623
Now I only have ten minutes
to do a 30-minute calibration.
131
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,669
Stop yelling!
132
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:49,974
Uh, sorry, wish I could help.
133
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,628
I'm late for Ransom's
stupid away mission.
134
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,500
T'ANA : Ensign
Tendi! You were supposed to be
135
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:55,066
in sickbay 20 minutes ago!
136
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,981
-I'm coming!
-Personal Log:
137
00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:59,070
I've completed all of today's
assignments ahead of schedule,
138
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,594
and have requested more.
139
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:03,118
-Space: The funnestfrontier?
140
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,948
Ooh. Somebody's got to purge
the calibration matrix.
141
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,253
I call dibs!
142
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:10,342
BOIMLER:
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'
143
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,649
-♪ I purge you, I purge you,
I purge you, I purge you ♪
144
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,695
♪ I purge, purge, purge, purge,purge, purge, purge ♪
145
00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:17,262
♪ And a puh and an urge
and a puh and an urge ♪
146
00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:19,439
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'!
147
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,745
All right, let's see
a little hustle there, guys.
148
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:24,487
An away mission is only routineuntil it isn't.
149
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,533
Horned gorillas, sentient tar,
150
00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,535
spores that make you hook upwith your best friend's sister--
151
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,406
all disasters
I've personally experienced
152
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,582
on missions that should
have been a walk in the park.
153
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,192
Mariner, you're late.
154
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,977
Uh, no, I've been here
the whole time, you know,
155
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,893
loading stuff, hearing aboutgorillas, uh, spores, et cetera,
156
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:41,025
that weird story you told usabout your best friend's sister.
157
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:42,244
Get it together, Mariner.
158
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,550
The captain has us
on a strict timetable.
159
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:44,986
Well, then maybe you could help
160
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,727
instead of whatever you're doingright now.
161
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,511
I am helping.
I'm commanding.
162
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,513
You're lucky your
phaser accuracy is so high,
163
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,689
or I'd never let you
beam off this ship.
164
00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,822
We wouldn't even be going
on a mission if the admiral
165
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:57,564
hadn't downgraded the captain
to delivering gifts.
166
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,957
-Come on, let's bail.
-No. And roll down
those sleeves.
167
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,481
This isn't a barn.
168
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,835
RANSOM:
The Gelrakians base
their entire social structure
169
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:09,619
around crystals.
170
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:12,317
When we land, we must display
the honor crystal they gave
171
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,842
to the first contact team
to show that we come in peace.
172
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,365
I should've tried that
with my ex.
173
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:17,801
Yeah.
174
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,892
I'm picking up an increase
in atmospheric hydromounds.
175
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,241
Yeah,
they're called clouds, man.
176
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,895
Just to be safe,
I'll disengage autopilot
177
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:26,462
and land her manually.
178
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,029
That's literally
what the autopilot's for.
179
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,726
It's a automatic pilot.
180
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,301
-Perfect landing, sir.
181
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,172
Not even my best work,
to be honest.
182
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,566
-We could've just beamed down.
-I didn't catch that, Mariner.
183
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,742
Uh, yeah I just said we should
get going, clock is ticking.
184
00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,352
Uh, productivity and et cetera.
185
00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,398
We'll go when I give the order.
186
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,358
-Let's roll.
187
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,280
Greetings. It is an honor to--
188
00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:05,066
Ensign Vendome,the honor crystal.
189
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:10,288
-This isn't crystals.
-He's got wood. He's got wood!
190
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,638
Uh-oh, that doesn't
sound peaceful.
191
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:12,987
-Uh, uh...
-Where's the crystal, Vendome?
192
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,597
Sir, I loaded the wrong case.
193
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,860
This is a fertility totem
meant for Mavok Prime.
194
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,427
I-I was rushing
to finish my tasks.
195
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,124
You dare insult us
196
00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:23,954
with this perverted woodensex charm of our sworn enemies?
197
00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:25,390
This is an act of war.
198
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,610
Starfleet scum!
199
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,960
-Vendome!
200
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,666
There's too many of them.
Fall back!
201
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,363
Come on.
202
00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:47,151
-Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
-We live on a spaceship.
203
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,501
-Nobody is dying
from a spear wound.
204
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,895
Crystals!
205
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:54,115
-Oh. Hate when this happens.
-Oh!
206
00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:56,117
Let's just stun them
and get out of here!
207
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,554
Negative, we just signed them
into the Federation.
208
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,512
What this calls for
is some classic
209
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,253
Jack Ransom peace brokering.
210
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:03,428
Are you out of your mind?
211
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:04,604
Watch and learn.
212
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,953
This is gonna be awesome.
213
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:08,346
Attention, Gelrakians,
I am Commander Jack--
214
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:10,305
Ooh!
215
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:12,481
All right, that wasawesome.
216
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,788
-Ah, circled by spears.
217
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,138
This is a classic.
What am I, Kirk?
218
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,922
Is this the 2260s?
All right.
219
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:27,148
Whoa, oh, hey, hey!
220
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,671
Uh, we got acid here.
221
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,760
Excuse me!
222
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:33,763
Rutherford.
223
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,199
Aah, Tendi, what the hell?
224
00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:36,331
Can't talk, got to work.
225
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:37,375
I'm compiling.
226
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,899
What?
227
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:41,292
The impulse manifold needs
to be degaussed again.
228
00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:43,164
I have to assist with a surgery,
229
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,862
and I honestly can't remember
which deck sickbay is on!
230
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,690
-Uh, 26?
-Is that--?
231
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,474
Do we have that many?
232
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:50,954
COMPUTER:
Enter security code.
233
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:53,435
-I'm waiting, Ensign.
-Sorry, Captain.
234
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,871
Something's wrong
with the console.
235
00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:57,265
Move! I'll do it myself.
236
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:59,789
Lieutenant Shaxs,
any word from the away team?
237
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:03,401
Captain, the sensors have
picked up Gelrakian ships
238
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:05,099
approaching
off the starboard bow.
239
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:06,100
What?
240
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,318
On screen.
241
00:11:07,362 --> 00:11:08,929
Are we supposed to be hosting
242
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,234
a welcome dinner or something?
243
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:12,149
Captain,
they're locking phasers.
244
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,455
Really?
245
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:14,630
Raise shields.
246
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,851
-Shaxs?
-I'm trying, Captain.
247
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,635
Something's wrong
with the controls.
248
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,593
Ah, stupid controls.
249
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:24,335
Do I have to run
this whole ship myself?
250
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:26,729
SHAXS:They've launched boarding pods!
251
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:27,774
Red alert!
252
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:34,389
Repel all intruders,
but do not use it as an excuse
253
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:35,912
to stop doing
what you are doing.
254
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,566
I want to stay on track
and on time.
255
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,568
It's called
multi-tasking, people.
256
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,831
They do it on the Enterprise
all the time.
257
00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:44,007
I don't want to hear anycomplaining, I only want to hear
258
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:46,140
repelling of intruders andpeople getting their work done!
259
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:51,319
Swords and spears--how did these guys get on board?
260
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:57,412
MARINER:
Hey, guy.
261
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,414
Hey, guy?
262
00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:01,285
Hey, guy, is this whatyou wanted to do with your life?
263
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,505
Just capture people-- is thatwhat you dreamt of when you were
264
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,768
a little whatever-you-are?
Are you fulfilled by that?
265
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,770
-Yes.
-Wow, all right, uh...
266
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,816
well, do you know what,
that means you're lame.
267
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,905
-You're a loser.
-Hey, keep it down!
268
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:14,342
I'm writing a speech that will
convince them to let us go.
269
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:17,388
A speech, seriously?
Permission to speak freely.
270
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:18,738
You always speak freely.
271
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:20,304
Nobody can stop you
from speaking freely.
272
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,610
All right, you know
what you've got going on?
273
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,612
You have broad shoulders
and shiny hair
274
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,832
and you talk a good game,
but when it comes to actually
275
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:28,095
doing the job-- the job--
you don't have it.
276
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:31,098
I'm calling bull
on your whole thing here, sir.
277
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:33,448
You're so busy breaking protocolthat you never look ahead.
278
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:35,450
One of these days you're going
to get someone killed, Ensign.
279
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:36,973
With all due respect, sir,
280
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:38,714
my friends aren't trapped
in an alien prison,
281
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,281
your team is.
282
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:42,674
That's not myteam,
it's ourteam.
283
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:44,764
But I guess
you don't think that way.
284
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,809
Here we go, show time.
285
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,420
We may come
from different worlds,
286
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:52,597
-but on the inside we are all---GERNBA: Silence, Starfleet!
287
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:55,862
You are being held responsiblefor the lies of the Federation.
288
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:58,038
Your trial will be by combat.
289
00:12:58,081 --> 00:12:59,866
Yes, now we're talking!
290
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,781
And by "talking," of course,
I mean "fighting."
291
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:05,175
One of you must face
our greatest champion, Vindor.
292
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:08,439
Usually we start the battle andVindor steps out of the shadows
293
00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:10,485
and it's super intimidating,
but he's here,
294
00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,531
so I'm just gonna show him
to you right now.
295
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:15,620
Vindor.
296
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:17,622
If you win, we let you go.
297
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:20,974
If you lose, you'll be dead
and your away team
298
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:24,020
will be crushed
by the adjudication geode.
299
00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:25,979
Crystals!
300
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,592
Okay, I'm looking at
a lot of blank faces here.
301
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,899
An adjudication geode is
a special type
302
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:35,423
of constitutional crystal we useto legally smoosh our criminals.
303
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,990
Here is your battle blade.
304
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,644
You have one hour to choose
305
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,169
who gets the honorof being slaughtered by Vindor.
306
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,258
If you can't decide, we will--
307
00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:45,389
-I'll do it!
-I'll do it! Give it to me!
308
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:46,477
-Yo, I touched it first.
-Give it, come--
309
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:47,783
-Tell him! No, me!
-No, mine!
310
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,002
You do realize you're
fighting over who gets
311
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:49,916
to be chopped in half
by Vindor, right?
312
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,178
-Me, dibs!
-No, I said me,
313
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,222
-I touched it first.
-Come on. Give it to me.
314
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,484
-Jack Ransom-- it's mine!
-No! No!
315
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,146
Aah!
316
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:06,367
Translation--
"Bark hugging root smoochers"?
317
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,978
What the heck
got these guys so wound up?
318
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,415
Gah, this is totally gonna
mess up my schedule.
319
00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:14,636
-Don't move, human!
320
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,724
We have you surrounded.
321
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,639
Yeah, but I-I have a phaser.
322
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,164
These guys are lightweights.
323
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,688
This is what
the red alert's about?
324
00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:27,127
Captain, I just phasered
some Gelrakians?
325
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:32,001
-Um, hello?
-Intruder!
326
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,744
Oh, it's just that huffy ensign.
327
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:37,137
-Sorry, Brimler.
-I'm not huffy.
328
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,529
Why aren't you at your post?
329
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:39,661
We wouldn't even be
in this situation
330
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,271
if you weren't slacking off.
331
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,403
I'm not!
332
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:45,232
Damn it!
We're 15 minutes behind.
333
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,408
Our entire schedule is going
to be off for the month.
334
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,410
Wait a minute-- clocks,
335
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,673
time, schedules.
336
00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:54,545
You guys are under
the strict scheduling, too?
337
00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:56,852
I have to be-- I'm manning
every station on my own.
338
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,419
What? No, no, no, no, no.
339
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,986
This is all wrong--
you're the captain!
340
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,989
I need us working harder
and faster and stricter!
341
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:05,034
-GELRAKIAN: Where are you
hiding your crystals?!
342
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:06,644
We don't have any crystals!
343
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,951
I mean we do have dilithium,but we're not giving you those.
344
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,131
Trial by combat is
my responsibility.
345
00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,786
I'm ranking officer, I'll be
fighting Vindor, end of story!
346
00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:19,396
Rank means nothing right now.
347
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,268
Rank means everything always!
348
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:23,139
You know what, I doget off
on breaking protocol.
349
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:25,489
I'm good at exploring
strange new worlds,
350
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:27,970
solving space mysteries
and kicking asses.
351
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:30,277
Protocol is for people that
need to be told what to do,
352
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,322
which Idon't.
See this bad boy?
353
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,671
Tentacle guy, bunch of arms.
354
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:35,325
Stabbed me
with a barnacle blade.
355
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:38,763
Check it out-- Magus III,
Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale.
356
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:39,982
That was a mess.
357
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:42,550
I earned every one
in high-concept fights
358
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:43,681
just like this one.
359
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,118
So? What do you got?
360
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,207
-Let me see your scars.
-You know I don't have any.
361
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,817
Because you play it safe.
362
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,211
You said it-- that's ourteam
under that geode.
363
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:54,040
Let me do what I'm good at,
let me save them.
364
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,999
Sometimes you have to do
what's wrong to survive.
365
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,479
You're right.
366
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:03,223
What the ?!
Ah, God, oh!
367
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,747
You stabbed me in the foot
with a battle blade!
368
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,141
I'd rather die than let you
put your life on the line.
369
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,533
Oh, you are such a psycho!
370
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:10,621
What are you doing?
371
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:12,188
Ow! Why?
372
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:14,190
I'm the first officer
of a Federation starship,
373
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,670
and your commander.
374
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,064
And nobody crushes my team.
375
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,630
Let's do this!
376
00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:22,329
CROWD :
Vindor! Vindor!
377
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:24,070
Vindor! Vindor!
378
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,767
Vindor!
379
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,815
-Vindor?
-Come on, big guy.
380
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:33,993
I only need my hands
for this one.
381
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:43,872
Ha-ha-ha! Yah!
382
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,963
-Ha-ha!
383
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,791
-Double-fist punch!
-Oh!
384
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,188
Whoa, that was actually
kind of hot.
385
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:57,146
Ugh! Get it together, Mariner,
get it together.
386
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:59,018
You are notinto this.
Come on.
387
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:09,376
Let's see how much
those Federation wood lovers
388
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,943
like our crystal graffiti.
Ha-ha-ha!
389
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,166
I-I need to get back to comms.
390
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,950
-Captain, listen to me...
-Don't touch me!
391
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:21,475
This is all my fault, thinking
I belong at a peace summit
392
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:23,259
when I can't even keep
my own ship together.
393
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:24,739
What? Captain, no.
You did nothing wrong.
394
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:26,219
Your schedules, your rules--
395
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:28,003
this has been
the greatest week of my life.
396
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,309
You run the tightest ship
in Starfleet.
397
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:30,919
Captain, we need to act now!
398
00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:33,095
"Tightest ship."
Then why is it falling apart?
399
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,749
Because not everyone is
a Boimler.
400
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,751
This crew has their limits.
They're only human.
401
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,448
Well, and Vulcan.
And Orion.
402
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,102
There's that Benzite guy
in Tactical...
403
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:41,973
Damn it, man!
If you're trying to inspire
404
00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:44,150
some sort of resolution,
then inspire it now!
405
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,630
Ugh, it kills me to say this,
but for the good of the ship
406
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,284
we have to... loosen up.
407
00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:50,504
Loosen up? But then we're
right back to buffer time.
408
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,375
Yes, when people could do
whatever they had to
409
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:53,768
to get the job done.
410
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:57,206
You're a great captain.
Let them be a great crew.
411
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,642
You're... you're right!
412
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,688
I ama great captain!
413
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,084
Attention all decks:
as of now,
414
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:08,435
I am authorizing
all crew to break any rule,
415
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:11,829
abandon any protocol,
and cut any corner to defend
416
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,266
theCerritos.
417
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:14,876
You are Starfleet--
418
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:18,227
Do what you have to do
to take back this ship.
419
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:19,272
Buffer time!
420
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:32,937
-RANSOM: I demand
421
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:34,504
a peaceful negotiation. Yah!
422
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,593
-I respect your sovereignty.
423
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,769
Mm, so ethical.
424
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:47,126
Interlocked hands!
425
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,562
Stop! Stop! I submit!
426
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,607
I thought
you only said "Vindor."
427
00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:52,827
It's so the other guys think
I'm strong and dumb.
428
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:55,003
But I'm not.
I love to read!
429
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:58,528
Well, all right,
you're free, you're all free.
430
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,487
Everybody's free.
431
00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,708
-Whoo-whoo! Starfleet!
432
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:07,058
Oh, I see how it is--
you're gonna stab me, but then
433
00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:08,930
you don't stab Vindor? What
are your priorities, Ransom?
434
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,236
I ju... Whoa!
435
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,107
We got to stop doing
trial by combat,
436
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,196
or we'll never get to use
the geode.
437
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,546
How about a regular trial,
with a judge?
438
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,200
And instead of the geode...
439
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:19,941
-Oh! We could do a death race!
440
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,030
Start building a crystal car!
441
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,598
Crystals.
442
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:30,256
Ha-ha!
443
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,173
-Ooh!
444
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,221
Oh!
445
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:05,465
Hey, sorry about the whole
"invading your ship" thing.
446
00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:07,902
You know?
Very un-crystal-like of us.
447
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,078
Don't worry about it.
I'd rather be here with you
448
00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:12,298
than with those freaks
on Mavok Prime.
449
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,300
Wood-worshiping freaks, right?
450
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:16,258
-Come on.
451
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,869
T'ANA :
You'll be fine.
452
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,915
Want me to clean up
those disgusting scars?
453
00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:23,265
Uh, no way.
No. These are my trophies.
454
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:26,268
Congratulations, you look like
a scratching post.
455
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:27,922
-Mariner.
-Commander.
456
00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:29,793
I would appreciate it
if you give me a heads-up
457
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:32,056
before you file your report.It would give me some extra time
458
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,189
to pack up my free weights--
there's a ton of 'em.
459
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,539
-What report?
-For stabbing you
with a battle blade.
460
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,193
That's a guaranteed
court-martial.
461
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,282
I am not filing a report,
actually.
462
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,328
But... I thought you hated me.
463
00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:44,068
You talk about yourself
a little too much,
464
00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:45,722
but stabbing me,
breaking protocol--
465
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,463
that was actually pretty cool.
466
00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:49,726
Sometimes I forget
what Starfleet's all about,
467
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,946
and today you reminded me.
468
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:54,296
Plus, this is gonna make
a good scar.
469
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,256
A great scar.
470
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:01,129
-Take her away, boys!
-W-Wait, what? Why?
471
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:02,739
Because you ignored me
when I ordered you
472
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,741
to roll down your sleeves.
They're against code.
473
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:07,048
The sleeve thing?
You're an idiot.
474
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,877
You just earned an extra day
in the brig!
475
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,053
Joke's on you, man--
I love the brig!
476
00:21:12,096 --> 00:21:14,664
I'm going to my favorite place!
477
00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:18,015
Next time, I'm gonnalet somebody kill you.
478
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:20,061
I'm gonna dance in your blood!
479
00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:23,412
Okay. That was kind of hot.
480
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,459
-Come.
481
00:21:26,502 --> 00:21:29,026
-You wanted to see me, Captain?-It took the eyes of a child
482
00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:31,507
to see whatwe were blind to today, Boimler.
483
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,640
If it wasn't for you,
we would still be following
484
00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:35,250
every little rule in the book.
485
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,643
Wait, is that bad?
'Cause I loverules.
486
00:21:36,686 --> 00:21:38,427
We're instituting
a new ship-wide mandate,
487
00:21:38,471 --> 00:21:41,038
and we're calling it
the "Boimler Effect."
488
00:21:41,082 --> 00:21:42,736
Really? I-I'm honored.
489
00:21:42,779 --> 00:21:44,520
You should be.
The Boimler Effect is about
490
00:21:44,564 --> 00:21:46,348
encouraging shortcuts
and preventing people
491
00:21:46,392 --> 00:21:48,307
from just blindly following
the rules.
492
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:50,439
From now on, the crew
can build in buffer time
493
00:21:50,483 --> 00:21:51,745
whenever they deem fit.
494
00:21:51,788 --> 00:21:53,442
Congratulations. Dismissed.
495
00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:55,792
Oh. Well, hey,how about we add a little thing
496
00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:58,012
about how important it is
to blindly followrules?
497
00:21:58,055 --> 00:22:00,275
If my name is going
to be associated with...
498
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,669
No, the Boimler Effect isliterally the opposite of that.
499
00:22:02,712 --> 00:22:05,367
But I don't know, I don't know
how I feel about that, and...
500
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:07,978
I-Is it in ink? Is it already
in the system? Is it...
501
00:22:08,022 --> 00:22:09,763
BOIMLER:
Wow, it's on a plaque.
502
00:22:09,806 --> 00:22:12,548
Get back to your stationand do whatever
youdeem right.
503
00:22:14,594 --> 00:22:17,248
BOIMLER:
I get a whole rule
named after me,
504
00:22:17,292 --> 00:22:19,338
and it's all about
notfollowing rules.
505
00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:20,948
Don't worry about it, man.
506
00:22:20,991 --> 00:22:23,385
They're always making upnew rules no one ever remembers.
507
00:22:23,429 --> 00:22:25,256
I'm sure this one
will fade, too.
508
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:26,867
Yeah, this isn't something
to worry about.
509
00:22:26,910 --> 00:22:28,347
No one will remember.
510
00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:31,654
PROFESSOR:
Which is why
511
00:22:31,698 --> 00:22:34,918
the Boimler Effect issomething we will never forget.
512
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:36,616
So named after the laziest,
513
00:22:36,659 --> 00:22:39,488
most corner-cutting officer
in Starfleet history,
514
00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:41,360
Brad Boimler,
515
00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:44,667
seen here with one of
the great birds of the galaxy.
516
00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:47,627
Anyway, let's move onto somebody even more important,
517
00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:51,021
perhaps the most important
person in Starfleet history,
518
00:22:51,065 --> 00:22:53,894
Chief Miles O'Brien.
519
00:23:34,282 --> 00:23:37,285
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
520
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:24,463
Chirp.
39145
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