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1
00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:07,653
[happy music playing]
2
00:00:20,082 --> 00:00:21,792
[doorbell rings]
3
00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:24,754
Oh, God.
4
00:00:26,338 --> 00:00:27,840
-Here we go.
-[doorbell rings]
5
00:00:29,008 --> 00:00:29,842
I'm coming.
6
00:00:30,968 --> 00:00:33,554
Glitter, unicorns, rainbows.
7
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Holy crap.
8
00:00:34,972 --> 00:00:36,432
A lot of sugar right there.
9
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God, that's heavy.
10
00:00:41,312 --> 00:00:43,147
-How's it going?
-What's going on?
11
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:45,232
-Got a few packages for you there.
-Okay.
12
00:00:45,316 --> 00:00:48,194
-I'll take these, grab the clipboard.
-Awesome. Thank you.
13
00:00:48,277 --> 00:00:49,278
Okay.
14
00:00:50,404 --> 00:00:52,323
-Thanks, man.
-Got a few more coming.
15
00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:55,326
-[man 2] Hey.
-How you doing?
16
00:00:55,409 --> 00:00:56,660
-That's heavy.
-Oh, boy.
17
00:00:56,744 --> 00:00:57,953
A couple of these...
18
00:00:58,788 --> 00:00:59,789
A couple more.
19
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-Thanks.
-Got them?
20
00:01:01,957 --> 00:01:04,168
-Appreciate it.
-Oh, couple more coming.
21
00:01:04,251 --> 00:01:05,086
You guys ha--
22
00:01:06,837 --> 00:01:07,755
Okay.
23
00:01:07,838 --> 00:01:09,715
-You got it all right?
-Yeah, got it.
24
00:01:09,799 --> 00:01:11,842
-Thanks.
-We got more.
25
00:01:12,301 --> 00:01:14,512
-Is that it, guys?
-You got more back there.
26
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I had two cups of coffee,
gonna have to poop soon.
27
00:01:17,515 --> 00:01:19,600
[man]
We're gonna have to do this quicker.
28
00:01:19,683 --> 00:01:20,726
♪ Try me ♪
29
00:01:20,810 --> 00:01:25,731
♪ 'Cause I might be the one
You're looking for ♪
30
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♪ Try me ♪
31
00:01:28,609 --> 00:01:33,030
♪ 'Cause love just may be
Knocking at your door ♪
32
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[Jay] God Almighty.
33
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I'm gonna shift the table over
and then put the two smaller,
34
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-dining tables right here.
-[Paige] God.
35
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-Hi, babe.
-Hi.
36
00:01:47,128 --> 00:01:48,379
-Come here.
-Look at him.
37
00:01:48,462 --> 00:01:49,380
I know.
38
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-Ain't he precious?
-Hi, buddy.
39
00:01:51,715 --> 00:01:53,175
-Hey, Jay.
-How are you?
40
00:01:53,259 --> 00:01:56,053
-Just trying to make it.
-Look at my man Zach here.
41
00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:58,097
-[Allison] Yes.
-This is adorable.
42
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:00,641
They're real adorable
until about 3:00 a.m.
43
00:02:01,517 --> 00:02:03,394
I miss this size so much.
44
00:02:04,311 --> 00:02:07,231
-Just-- It goes by so quick.
-The nights don't.
45
00:02:07,314 --> 00:02:09,692
Look at Madeline over there,
how little she was.
46
00:02:09,775 --> 00:02:11,652
-It wasn't that long ago.
-I know.
47
00:02:11,735 --> 00:02:14,905
When she arrived here in the world,
she had your hair from 2004.
48
00:02:14,989 --> 00:02:16,073
Can you believe it?
49
00:02:16,365 --> 00:02:18,993
That's what made you
fall in love with me. Right?
50
00:02:19,493 --> 00:02:20,619
Oh!
51
00:02:20,703 --> 00:02:23,372
He's covering his eyes.
He doesn't wanna see all this
52
00:02:23,455 --> 00:02:24,957
all over table and counter.
53
00:02:25,332 --> 00:02:27,543
At the party, we're gonna decorate
gingerbread houses.
54
00:02:27,626 --> 00:02:29,336
How many kids are coming?
55
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:30,838
Four.
56
00:02:33,465 --> 00:02:37,178
Every year, Madeline gets so excited
about her birthday party--
57
00:02:37,261 --> 00:02:40,848
One year, we had a guy show up
out of nowhere with a truckload of trees,
58
00:02:40,931 --> 00:02:43,350
and turned the whole living room
into a forest.
59
00:02:43,434 --> 00:02:45,686
He didn't come out of nowhere,
he came from the nursery.
60
00:02:45,769 --> 00:02:48,731
I'd rented a hundred trees
and a hundred bushes
61
00:02:48,814 --> 00:02:51,942
so that everything would feel
like you were in the forest.
62
00:02:52,026 --> 00:02:53,986
We still have birds
flying around in the house.
63
00:02:54,069 --> 00:02:56,155
-They didn't bring in birds.
-They did.
64
00:02:56,238 --> 00:02:57,573
Someone let a bird in.
65
00:02:57,656 --> 00:03:00,743
No, no, those were authentic birds
for the authentic forest
66
00:03:00,826 --> 00:03:03,954
that my wife has built for an 8-year-old's
birthday party.
67
00:03:04,038 --> 00:03:05,122
She was five.
68
00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:07,875
Whatever the birthday was.
69
00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:10,419
Why even have a party?
I don't see the point.
70
00:03:10,502 --> 00:03:12,213
You gotta celebrate, have fun.
71
00:03:12,296 --> 00:03:14,340
I'm not gonna have
a birthday party for my kids.
72
00:03:14,423 --> 00:03:17,343
You're not gonna have a party?
You need to have a party.
73
00:03:17,885 --> 00:03:20,387
Paige's twins are miracle babies.
74
00:03:20,471 --> 00:03:22,306
And they're about to turn one,
75
00:03:22,389 --> 00:03:26,185
and I'm just so happy for her
that they're here.
76
00:03:26,268 --> 00:03:28,687
They went through so much
to have these children.
77
00:03:28,771 --> 00:03:30,522
Our babies are miracle babies, too.
78
00:03:31,398 --> 00:03:32,983
We had them without having sex.
79
00:03:34,193 --> 00:03:36,779
I don't know,
I'm not having a kid's birthday party.
80
00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:38,822
-They don't even remember it.
-You do.
81
00:03:38,906 --> 00:03:41,825
I'm making all this stuff, y'all.
It's not that expensive.
82
00:03:41,909 --> 00:03:45,579
That's the most ridiculous thing
you've ever said. "Not that expensive."
83
00:03:45,663 --> 00:03:47,831
I know better than that.
I'm gonna make a deal with you.
84
00:03:47,915 --> 00:03:48,874
Can I use this pad?
85
00:03:48,958 --> 00:03:52,002
[Paige] I'm not having a birthday
'cause all my friends, everybody I know,
86
00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:53,462
they're grandmas.
87
00:03:53,545 --> 00:03:54,630
I'm old as dirt!
88
00:03:54,713 --> 00:03:57,466
[Allison] It does not matter.
The first birthday
89
00:03:57,549 --> 00:04:02,096
is really about you celebrating
making it through their first year.
90
00:04:02,179 --> 00:04:03,806
Here's the budget for the party.
91
00:04:03,889 --> 00:04:05,766
-Okay?
-[Allison] Babe...
92
00:04:05,849 --> 00:04:08,769
If you don't stick to a budget,
I'm gonna put limits on the cards.
93
00:04:08,852 --> 00:04:09,895
[gasps] Shh!
94
00:04:10,312 --> 00:04:11,563
I had a friend,
95
00:04:11,647 --> 00:04:14,149
and her husband did that to her,
put those limits.
96
00:04:14,233 --> 00:04:16,527
-That's what I'm gonna do.
-She found a new husband.
97
00:04:17,695 --> 00:04:19,113
See?
98
00:04:19,989 --> 00:04:22,032
Did she not have sex with him either?
99
00:04:22,116 --> 00:04:24,868
Oh, ha ha.
Jay, would you please, like,
100
00:04:24,952 --> 00:04:27,663
watch the touchy subjects
with the children, please.
101
00:04:27,746 --> 00:04:29,248
-[Jay] Bye-bye.
-Listen.
102
00:04:29,331 --> 00:04:33,585
There are two "F" words in life
that are really bad, Delta Paige.
103
00:04:33,669 --> 00:04:35,045
One of them's "frugal."
104
00:04:35,129 --> 00:04:36,297
[gasps]
105
00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:38,299
[country music playing]
106
00:04:46,557 --> 00:04:47,391
[Jay] Baby?
107
00:04:49,351 --> 00:04:50,269
Hey, baby?
108
00:04:52,563 --> 00:04:53,439
Yes?
109
00:04:53,856 --> 00:04:56,150
What is that you're rubbing on your face?
110
00:04:56,567 --> 00:04:57,735
It is a GloPRO.
111
00:04:58,068 --> 00:04:58,902
What does it do?
112
00:04:58,986 --> 00:05:01,113
Stimulates co--
What are you talking about?
113
00:05:01,196 --> 00:05:02,489
Look at your eyes.
114
00:05:02,865 --> 00:05:04,825
It's like, reflecting.
115
00:05:05,284 --> 00:05:07,077
"Apply generously," it said.
116
00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:08,620
Well, job well done, babe.
117
00:05:10,372 --> 00:05:11,665
-Hey.
-Hey.
118
00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:14,960
I really did love
holding those babies today.
119
00:05:15,044 --> 00:05:17,921
You held those babies
for, like, two minutes and you left.
120
00:05:18,005 --> 00:05:22,176
It was long enough though to realize
that I miss hanging out with our babies.
121
00:05:22,259 --> 00:05:23,344
Having baby babies.
122
00:05:23,427 --> 00:05:26,597
-Uh, is that rolling pen on your face?
-Mm-hmm. Basically.
123
00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:29,933
I have missed so much
124
00:05:30,476 --> 00:05:32,478
being gone on the road
with our babies,
125
00:05:32,978 --> 00:05:34,271
that I honestly...
126
00:05:35,481 --> 00:05:37,566
I wouldn't mind having another baby.
127
00:05:39,693 --> 00:05:41,570
We have talked about this before.
128
00:05:41,653 --> 00:05:43,447
-Well--
-We're too old for that.
129
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,199
I don't think it'd be that big of a deal.
130
00:05:45,282 --> 00:05:46,116
I don't.
131
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,951
I think that you've lost your mind.
132
00:05:48,035 --> 00:05:50,412
I'm not the one
wearing a Pomeranian on my feet.
133
00:05:51,163 --> 00:05:53,040
I'm just trying to keep my feet warm.
134
00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:55,084
Will you do me a favor and at least
135
00:05:55,542 --> 00:05:57,378
think about having a baby maybe?
136
00:06:01,006 --> 00:06:05,427
Babe, if you're trying to turn me on,
talking about having another child
137
00:06:05,511 --> 00:06:07,054
is really not a great idea.
138
00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:11,100
Can't a man have both?
A baby and some sweet, sweet loving?
139
00:06:12,184 --> 00:06:14,353
-Is that too much to ask?
-Yes, it is.
140
00:06:15,687 --> 00:06:16,814
Okay.
141
00:06:16,897 --> 00:06:19,441
["I'm Free" by Carlton Hayes
& Martha Bean playing]
142
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♪ 'Cause I'm free, I'm free,
I'm free, I'm free, yeah ♪
143
00:06:24,488 --> 00:06:29,868
♪ Now I'm free, I'm free, I'm free,
I'm free, yeah ♪
144
00:06:34,248 --> 00:06:36,458
-Hi!
-Oh, hey.
145
00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:39,962
Look at you here, like,
ten minutes early for the pick-up.
146
00:06:40,045 --> 00:06:43,674
Somehow, I make it on time
everyday to places
147
00:06:43,757 --> 00:06:45,342
and I don't get any credit.
148
00:06:45,426 --> 00:06:47,845
-Always late.
-Should we say hi to Izzy?
149
00:06:47,928 --> 00:06:49,471
-I brought her for pet day.
-Yes.
150
00:06:49,555 --> 00:06:50,514
-Hi.
-Hi, Izzy.
151
00:06:50,597 --> 00:06:52,891
-What's going on?
-Say, "Hi, Aunt Allie."
152
00:06:52,975 --> 00:06:54,226
How's the party coming?
153
00:06:55,185 --> 00:06:58,105
Jay is off on me
about how much it all cost
154
00:06:58,188 --> 00:06:59,189
and all this stuff.
155
00:06:59,273 --> 00:07:00,649
-[laughs]
-I mean, please.
156
00:07:00,732 --> 00:07:02,609
-Oh, my gosh, Jay.
-He's met Mother.
157
00:07:02,693 --> 00:07:04,778
There is no reason to start now
158
00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:08,490
-with a birthday party budget.
-And then last night, Jay springs on me
159
00:07:08,866 --> 00:07:11,160
that we should have another child.
160
00:07:11,743 --> 00:07:12,786
Oh, my God!
161
00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:13,787
Thank you.
162
00:07:13,871 --> 00:07:16,540
-I mean, I told him I'm too old for that.
-I cannot--
163
00:07:16,623 --> 00:07:19,334
-Yes, so old.
-Waking up in the middle of the night...
164
00:07:19,418 --> 00:07:21,211
You cannot do this again.
[laughs]
165
00:07:22,671 --> 00:07:25,132
So, he has--
He's just not thinking about that.
166
00:07:25,215 --> 00:07:28,177
I can't even get the two kids
from point A to point B.
167
00:07:28,260 --> 00:07:29,553
And he's gone...
168
00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:31,388
and you're doing it by yourself.
169
00:07:31,763 --> 00:07:33,849
Let's nip this thing in the bud, okay?
170
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:36,435
I think you should
put Jay through the gauntlet.
171
00:07:36,518 --> 00:07:40,814
You should hand the kids
over to him for a week.
172
00:07:40,898 --> 00:07:42,858
Wake up to bedtime.
173
00:07:42,941 --> 00:07:44,234
Jay would never survive.
174
00:07:44,318 --> 00:07:47,362
"Jay, can you go pick
Madeline up from dance?
175
00:07:47,446 --> 00:07:49,323
-Take Dylan--"
-"Where does she dance?
176
00:07:49,406 --> 00:07:52,868
-I don't know how to get here."
-"Can you take the kids to school?"
177
00:07:52,951 --> 00:07:54,786
"I don't even know where to park.
178
00:07:54,870 --> 00:07:58,457
Which driveway? There are nine.
I don't even know how to get there."
179
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:00,584
I think Jay wants to have another baby
180
00:08:00,667 --> 00:08:03,086
-'cause he thinks he's getting old.
-He thinks
181
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:06,089
as they age, they're not gonna think
we're cool anymore...
182
00:08:06,173 --> 00:08:08,217
-He's worried about that.
-Mh-hm.
183
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,470
-And Jay--
-He thinks that they think he's cool now?
184
00:08:11,553 --> 00:08:13,222
Well, they do still now.
185
00:08:15,557 --> 00:08:17,351
If we put him through the wringer,
186
00:08:18,227 --> 00:08:19,937
this isn't gonna last more than a day.
187
00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:22,439
-Let's go get the girls. Tick-tock.
-All right.
188
00:08:22,523 --> 00:08:24,525
[cheery music playing]
189
00:08:28,904 --> 00:08:30,280
[Jay chuckles]
190
00:08:30,697 --> 00:08:31,782
What in the world?
191
00:08:33,617 --> 00:08:35,077
You've got to be kidding me.
192
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,036
Look at this.
193
00:08:38,497 --> 00:08:39,915
What are you doing?
194
00:08:40,457 --> 00:08:43,377
There's ten times more stuff here
than there was yesterday.
195
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,837
It's just all coming together.
What do you mean?
196
00:08:45,921 --> 00:08:47,714
How many cakes do we need?
197
00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:49,508
Everybody's gotta decorate a cake.
198
00:08:49,591 --> 00:08:50,968
[Jay] Everybody gets a cake
199
00:08:51,051 --> 00:08:53,470
on top of the cake
she gets for her birthday?
200
00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:56,640
-They were two for one.
-Who are these kids? Do I know them?
201
00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:58,976
One child, she has diabetes.
202
00:08:59,059 --> 00:09:01,103
Okay, so she doesn't even eat this shit.
203
00:09:01,186 --> 00:09:03,772
-Oh, my God.
-We could take one of these cakes back.
204
00:09:03,855 --> 00:09:06,441
And then, we've got one
with a nut allergy.
205
00:09:06,525 --> 00:09:09,152
Have you had your nut allergy
checked out lately?
206
00:09:10,195 --> 00:09:12,489
It seemed to come on
right after we had Dylan.
207
00:09:14,783 --> 00:09:17,494
-Just saying.
-I have too much to do this week.
208
00:09:17,911 --> 00:09:19,162
Which reminds me,
209
00:09:19,288 --> 00:09:22,040
I'm gonna need some help
from you this week.
210
00:09:22,958 --> 00:09:25,002
I've got to go to the cake place,
211
00:09:25,085 --> 00:09:29,131
but the bakery's only open super early.
I need you to take the kids to school.
212
00:09:29,548 --> 00:09:31,717
I can do that.
Just lay out their clothes.
213
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,512
I don't have time to lay out clothes.
Then you'll grab them from school.
214
00:09:35,596 --> 00:09:38,557
W-W-Wait a minute,
what time do they get out of school?
215
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,684
Three-- Three something? 3:15?
216
00:09:40,767 --> 00:09:41,643
Three o'clock.
217
00:09:41,727 --> 00:09:43,645
Then you'll run Madeline to dance.
218
00:09:43,729 --> 00:09:47,816
While she's there, Dylan will be
at flag football, he has tournament...
219
00:09:47,899 --> 00:09:49,484
They closed West Porch off...
220
00:09:49,568 --> 00:09:51,528
You have to grab them,
I've gotta go meet my mom...
221
00:09:51,612 --> 00:09:53,989
She has ballet first,
then hip-hop, then tap.
222
00:09:54,072 --> 00:09:56,950
They're not that far,
but since it's high traffic time...
223
00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:59,745
I would get to the hook-up line 2:30
224
00:09:59,828 --> 00:10:01,038
because those moms...
225
00:10:01,121 --> 00:10:03,957
I don't know why people
get in line at like two o'clock.
226
00:10:05,542 --> 00:10:07,753
All right. I'll do the best I can do.
227
00:10:07,836 --> 00:10:09,713
-[doorbell rings]
-You'll be fine.
228
00:10:09,796 --> 00:10:11,840
Will you run to the door and grab that?
229
00:10:14,426 --> 00:10:15,636
Oh, my God.
230
00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:20,223
[sighs] Babe!
231
00:10:20,891 --> 00:10:21,725
Yeah?
232
00:10:21,808 --> 00:10:25,854
Where do you want
the giant rainbow candy arch?
233
00:10:27,898 --> 00:10:29,858
["Highway 10" by Travis Howard playing]
234
00:10:29,941 --> 00:10:31,443
♪ In a big blue pickup truck ♪
235
00:10:31,526 --> 00:10:35,864
♪ Going to town
Headed east on Highway 10 ♪
236
00:10:43,121 --> 00:10:45,290
[Madeline]
Why were you late picking me up?
237
00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:48,251
I wasn't that late picking you up.
It was like 4 minutes.
238
00:10:48,335 --> 00:10:51,880
You're supposed to pick him up early
so you can pick me up on time.
239
00:10:51,963 --> 00:10:54,091
Well, who--? Who knows to do that?
240
00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:56,259
-I don't know how to do that.
-You should.
241
00:10:56,343 --> 00:10:59,096
How was soccer?
Is that where I picked you up from?
242
00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:00,639
Or-- Or flag football?
243
00:11:00,722 --> 00:11:04,101
Do you not know the difference?
When I have shin guards on,
244
00:11:04,184 --> 00:11:05,811
that means I go to soccer.
245
00:11:05,894 --> 00:11:08,146
I didn't know.
Haven't played in a long time.
246
00:11:08,939 --> 00:11:10,607
What are you doing back there?
247
00:11:10,691 --> 00:11:12,025
Eating a snack.
248
00:11:12,359 --> 00:11:16,697
-You're gonna ruin your dinner.
-You didn't pack me anything for lunch.
249
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,658
Lord, yes, I did,
and you chose not to eat it.
250
00:11:20,409 --> 00:11:23,453
Well, you gave me something
that I couldn't even eat.
251
00:11:24,162 --> 00:11:27,457
You put the peanut butter on the PB and J.
252
00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:30,669
[Maddie] Can't have peanut butter,
there's allergies at school.
253
00:11:30,752 --> 00:11:32,462
What's with these nut allergies?
254
00:11:32,546 --> 00:11:33,964
I'm sorry, buddy.
255
00:11:34,047 --> 00:11:36,258
Mommy didn't give
real specific instructions.
256
00:11:36,341 --> 00:11:39,386
[Dylan] It's not her responsibility
to tell you everything.
257
00:11:39,469 --> 00:11:42,139
If you wanna get used
to taking care of us,
258
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:44,891
you need to get used to our daily routine.
259
00:11:44,975 --> 00:11:46,184
Let me ask you something.
260
00:11:46,268 --> 00:11:47,352
-[Maddie] Yeah.
-[Dylan] Yep.
261
00:11:47,436 --> 00:11:49,688
Would you guys like
another baby brother?
262
00:11:50,105 --> 00:11:53,150
I would like a baby sister, not brother.
263
00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:55,068
-[Jay] You want--
-I want a brother.
264
00:11:55,152 --> 00:11:57,696
Little brothers are just annoying.
265
00:11:57,779 --> 00:12:00,699
-Brother!
-No. No. Brothers...
266
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:02,409
Brother!
267
00:12:02,492 --> 00:12:05,954
I think we should try to talk Mommy
into having another baby, okay?
268
00:12:06,455 --> 00:12:08,623
-She can't have another baby.
-Why?
269
00:12:08,707 --> 00:12:11,126
'Cause she's, like, just too old.
270
00:12:11,209 --> 00:12:12,043
What?
271
00:12:12,669 --> 00:12:15,005
What happens when you get old?
272
00:12:15,088 --> 00:12:16,965
You should ask somebody that's old.
273
00:12:18,508 --> 00:12:21,094
I'm asking somebody that's old right now.
274
00:12:21,595 --> 00:12:22,471
Thank you, Dylan.
275
00:12:22,888 --> 00:12:25,098
Hi, guys, my name is Jay.
276
00:12:25,182 --> 00:12:26,308
[chuckles]
277
00:12:26,391 --> 00:12:30,562
[Maddie and Dylan]
♪ Daddy's old ♪
278
00:12:30,729 --> 00:12:31,646
Thanks, guys.
279
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:33,398
♪ Daddy's pissing his pants ♪
280
00:12:33,482 --> 00:12:36,067
[cheery country music playing]
281
00:12:48,538 --> 00:12:50,290
[Paige]
Hope these are free samples.
282
00:12:50,749 --> 00:12:53,627
-We are here to pick up a birthday cake.
-Okay.
283
00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:56,922
It is a candy theme,
and we cannot wait to see it.
284
00:12:57,005 --> 00:13:00,050
-Yes. Let me go get that for you, okay?
-Okay, thanks.
285
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:02,427
Look how much
you've done for this party.
286
00:13:02,511 --> 00:13:05,931
I'm serious. I believe this party
costs more than my wedding.
287
00:13:06,223 --> 00:13:09,643
No. But we couldn't have a Candyland
with one piece of candy.
288
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:11,978
I need the whole Willy Wonka factory.
289
00:13:12,229 --> 00:13:14,856
Think we should get some of those
and decorate those?
290
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:16,691
-How much are those a piece?
-$4.50.
291
00:13:16,775 --> 00:13:18,527
-4 dollars, 50 cents?
-Yes, ma'am.
292
00:13:18,610 --> 00:13:21,822
-What did you think they were? Pesos?
-Why not just go to Walmart
293
00:13:21,905 --> 00:13:24,157
and get those cookies on a row,
cut them up?
294
00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:27,285
Not doing that for this party.
It's gotta be cuter than that.
295
00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:30,872
Spending all this money over the top
on cookies and cakes and candies.
296
00:13:30,956 --> 00:13:31,915
This is ridiculous.
297
00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:34,084
Ma'am, what's this flavor?
298
00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:36,461
-That is the coconut palm.
-Coconut?
299
00:13:36,753 --> 00:13:40,090
-Anybody allergic to coconut?
-I'm sure. We just don't know it yet.
300
00:13:40,173 --> 00:13:42,133
Jay told me I had a nut allergy.
301
00:13:42,217 --> 00:13:44,386
-[laughs]
-I swear he did.
302
00:13:44,469 --> 00:13:47,180
He's been trying to talk me
into having another baby.
303
00:13:47,556 --> 00:13:48,640
Why not?
304
00:13:49,307 --> 00:13:50,183
"Why not?"
305
00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:53,186
You got the money to have another baby.
You're younger than me.
306
00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:55,272
It's like going to the gynecologist.
307
00:13:55,355 --> 00:13:57,858
You stick your legs in the air,
you feel a sting,
308
00:13:57,941 --> 00:13:59,401
it's over before you know it.
309
00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:01,194
I'm serious.
310
00:14:01,278 --> 00:14:04,698
But you still have to parent the child
the rest of your life.
311
00:14:05,115 --> 00:14:08,243
I can't go through that.
It took us so long to have Madeline.
312
00:14:08,326 --> 00:14:12,664
I swear, every single time I had to take
an IUI and then we got back:
313
00:14:13,331 --> 00:14:14,249
"You're not pregnant."
314
00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:16,418
That emotional roller coaster.
315
00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:19,671
I just remember being on that,
and it was horrible.
316
00:14:19,754 --> 00:14:21,006
Absolutely horrible.
317
00:14:21,089 --> 00:14:24,301
I hated the shots,
I hated the way that I felt.
318
00:14:24,384 --> 00:14:27,846
I didn't feel like it was my own body.
You went through egg retrieval.
319
00:14:27,929 --> 00:14:29,973
One of the most painful things ever.
320
00:14:30,056 --> 00:14:32,601
But the whole point is,
I would not have done it
321
00:14:33,435 --> 00:14:35,270
if you hadn't told me to do it.
322
00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:38,815
You sent me back to the doctor
and I got two babies.
323
00:14:39,482 --> 00:14:41,526
I would not have went through this.
324
00:14:42,193 --> 00:14:44,279
I love you, Paigey.
You needed to do it.
325
00:14:44,404 --> 00:14:46,323
I know this is difficult for Paige.
326
00:14:46,406 --> 00:14:50,785
She went through her own battle
with infertility, miscarriages.
327
00:14:50,869 --> 00:14:52,495
She's been through the depths.
328
00:14:52,579 --> 00:14:55,206
So, all the more reason to celebrate.
329
00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:58,960
That's why I think that having a party
is so important
330
00:14:59,419 --> 00:15:01,922
because it took us three years
to have Madeline,
331
00:15:02,005 --> 00:15:06,176
and we felt so excited to be parents
332
00:15:06,259 --> 00:15:09,054
that I've just always tried
to celebrate big.
333
00:15:09,137 --> 00:15:12,015
The last time that my whole family
was actually together
334
00:15:12,098 --> 00:15:14,017
was at her sixth birthday party.
335
00:15:14,309 --> 00:15:17,354
And my dad felt horrible.
And he dragged himself there.
336
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:22,275
And those are the last pictures
I have of my dad with my babies.
337
00:15:23,026 --> 00:15:24,402
You needed to be a mother.
338
00:15:24,486 --> 00:15:25,528
You needed that.
339
00:15:25,612 --> 00:15:28,156
I have two children,
I don't need another baby.
340
00:15:28,239 --> 00:15:31,534
I'm already trying to raise Jay.
He's my third child already.
341
00:15:31,660 --> 00:15:34,663
So, I've got three.
I don't need another baby.
342
00:15:34,746 --> 00:15:36,665
You can do a party on whatever scale,
343
00:15:36,748 --> 00:15:39,250
but celebrate them
'cause you're lucky to have them
344
00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:41,753
and you're lucky to have your mom
and dad, and they're healthy.
345
00:15:41,836 --> 00:15:44,547
Your dad comes to your house
and helps you do stuff.
346
00:15:44,631 --> 00:15:48,677
I think I need to order pizza, bake a cake
and turn my phone to portrait mode.
347
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:49,844
[laughs]
348
00:15:49,928 --> 00:15:51,972
[cheery music playing]
349
00:15:53,682 --> 00:15:55,684
[cheery music deflates]
350
00:15:56,101 --> 00:15:56,935
What in the--?
351
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,440
Hey. You guys...
352
00:16:03,066 --> 00:16:06,361
Have you seen where Mommy put
all the decorations for the party?
353
00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:08,154
What are y'all doing?
354
00:16:08,488 --> 00:16:09,823
I'm doing my homework.
355
00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:12,659
What kind of homework you got, buddy?
Let me see.
356
00:16:13,284 --> 00:16:16,037
-Eight times eight.
-You know what eight times eight is?
357
00:16:16,121 --> 00:16:17,497
-Sixty-four.
-Sixty-four.
358
00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:20,458
-Is it?
-[both] Yeah.
359
00:16:20,959 --> 00:16:25,797
-Siri, what is eight times eight?
-Is this how you do all your homework?
360
00:16:26,297 --> 00:16:27,340
It's 64.
361
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:29,426
-Told you.
-All right.
362
00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:31,594
-See, I'm smart.
-Simple math, guys.
363
00:16:32,929 --> 00:16:34,556
[Dylan] I need help with this.
364
00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:37,517
The sum of the positive number is four
365
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,770
and the sum of the square is 28.
366
00:16:40,854 --> 00:16:44,024
-What are the two numbers?
-Oh, gosh.
367
00:16:44,816 --> 00:16:47,110
Four and 28? Four...
368
00:16:47,193 --> 00:16:49,571
Um... What are you,
Heisenberg over there?
369
00:16:49,654 --> 00:16:51,781
Sounds like too confusing of a problem.
370
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,533
Okay, then answer this.
371
00:16:54,242 --> 00:16:56,536
-Okay.
-Vera and Vicky are sisters.
372
00:16:56,619 --> 00:16:58,913
Vera is four and Vicky is 13 years old.
373
00:16:58,997 --> 00:17:02,542
What age will her sister be
when Vicky is twice as old as Vera?
374
00:17:03,376 --> 00:17:05,378
Let me tell you about school these days.
375
00:17:05,462 --> 00:17:08,965
No one can understand
what anybody's being taught anymore.
376
00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:12,135
They've got newfangled ways
of teaching kids how to do stuff.
377
00:17:12,427 --> 00:17:14,054
I learned one way how to do it
378
00:17:14,137 --> 00:17:16,097
and all of a sudden,
I feel like I'm the dumb one.
379
00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:18,141
Twenty-seven.
380
00:17:18,224 --> 00:17:19,726
-No.
-That's what it is.
381
00:17:19,809 --> 00:17:22,062
I feel like you're--
You're just guessing.
382
00:17:22,145 --> 00:17:24,230
No, I'm not guessing. It's 27.
383
00:17:24,397 --> 00:17:26,274
Daddy's the fun guy.
384
00:17:26,983 --> 00:17:31,196
Just not the type of guy
who knows how to do math like Mommy.
385
00:17:31,279 --> 00:17:35,658
Let x represent the number of weeks
and y represent the total--
386
00:17:35,742 --> 00:17:37,327
No, I'm not doing that.
387
00:17:37,410 --> 00:17:41,539
Daddy doesn't know
'cause he went to school so long ago,
388
00:17:41,623 --> 00:17:44,459
and he didn't even finish
his whole year of college.
389
00:17:44,542 --> 00:17:45,627
[Jay] I heard that!
390
00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:47,754
[both laughing]
391
00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:49,214
[Jay] I'm gonna go in here
392
00:17:49,297 --> 00:17:50,715
-and fix your lunch.
-[Maddie] Good.
393
00:17:50,799 --> 00:17:52,842
-I don't think I will.
-Won't get help!
394
00:17:53,426 --> 00:17:56,137
I thought Dad would be a lot smarter.
395
00:17:56,221 --> 00:17:58,556
["Big & Loud" by Nick Nolan playing]
396
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:02,102
♪ I love you ♪
397
00:18:02,977 --> 00:18:04,354
♪ Big and loud ♪
398
00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:10,568
-All right, I got some mac and cheese.
-Wrong brand.
399
00:18:11,569 --> 00:18:13,571
Gotta eat broccoli.
I'm gonna broil it.
400
00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:15,865
-[Maddie] No, Daddy!
-[Dylan] No!
401
00:18:15,949 --> 00:18:17,367
You have to eat vegetables.
402
00:18:17,450 --> 00:18:18,409
[Dylan] Ew!
403
00:18:18,493 --> 00:18:20,620
Let's not scream.
Daddy's head's hurting.
404
00:18:21,079 --> 00:18:22,789
-Okay?
-Your head's always hurting.
405
00:18:22,872 --> 00:18:25,458
-Sure does.
-I know, I live with your mom.
406
00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:26,835
-[James] Hello!
-[Maddie] Hi.
407
00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:28,378
[Dylan] Hey, Ava.
408
00:18:29,212 --> 00:18:30,713
[James]
What's going on? Whoa!
409
00:18:31,256 --> 00:18:33,508
Willy Wonka threw up in here.
What's going on?
410
00:18:33,591 --> 00:18:35,135
[Jay] Right? Nice, huh?
411
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:37,762
Dude, this is impossible, man.
412
00:18:38,179 --> 00:18:42,016
Running all over hell and creation
to every activity they have.
413
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:44,352
-Yeah.
-I'm about ready to jump off a bridge.
414
00:18:44,435 --> 00:18:46,729
I feel I've aged 5 years
in the last days,
415
00:18:46,813 --> 00:18:49,232
-running with these kids.
-You do have new grays.
416
00:18:49,899 --> 00:18:52,694
That-- Now, that's hurtful.
You shouldn't say that.
417
00:18:52,777 --> 00:18:54,988
They've bitched about every single thing.
418
00:18:55,071 --> 00:18:57,282
Don't cut your finger off,
Mr. Bass Player.
419
00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:59,117
You don't need a knife, it's a box.
420
00:18:59,617 --> 00:19:01,619
Are y'all messing up
our decorations?
421
00:19:01,703 --> 00:19:02,954
Guys, what's happening?
422
00:19:03,037 --> 00:19:05,039
I'm trying to make dinner here for them.
423
00:19:05,123 --> 00:19:06,875
Nobody wants to eat anything.
424
00:19:06,958 --> 00:19:10,295
I got macaroni and cheese.
They don't like this brand of nuggets.
425
00:19:10,378 --> 00:19:13,131
I've been running
since early this morning.
426
00:19:13,214 --> 00:19:15,216
Oh! Welcome to the party.
427
00:19:16,759 --> 00:19:20,847
I am not surprised that Jay was completely
tapped out when we showed back up.
428
00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:23,391
I did think it would take one more day.
429
00:19:23,474 --> 00:19:25,351
It's like a world record.
430
00:19:25,435 --> 00:19:26,686
You got this.
431
00:19:26,769 --> 00:19:27,979
You're killing it.
432
00:19:28,062 --> 00:19:29,022
Great job there.
433
00:19:30,064 --> 00:19:32,317
[Amy laughs]
434
00:19:33,610 --> 00:19:35,236
[Jay] You know? You do all this.
435
00:19:35,862 --> 00:19:36,863
Clean up, too.
436
00:19:36,946 --> 00:19:38,990
Seriously? You can't make some broccoli?
437
00:19:39,073 --> 00:19:40,658
I don't feel like making broccoli,
438
00:19:40,742 --> 00:19:43,244
gluten-free chicken tenders,
making a baby.
439
00:19:43,328 --> 00:19:47,040
-I don't feel like making anything.
-Make me a cocktail while you're there.
440
00:19:47,123 --> 00:19:48,416
-Come down.
-I'm coming.
441
00:19:48,833 --> 00:19:50,460
[Jay] Night, night.
442
00:19:51,544 --> 00:19:53,379
I thought you wanted to make a baby.
443
00:19:54,672 --> 00:19:57,050
[cheery country music playing]
444
00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:11,189
[Paige]
Mickey, get that there.
445
00:20:11,272 --> 00:20:12,815
-[Mickey] I'm trying!
-Hurry.
446
00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:14,859
I'm going as fast as I can.
447
00:20:14,943 --> 00:20:17,320
At what--
When do we need to put the chicken in?
448
00:20:17,403 --> 00:20:20,990
Well, not till about 30 minutes
before they're ready to eat.
449
00:20:21,074 --> 00:20:22,784
[Paige]
You need to stay organized.
450
00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:25,745
-I am organized.
-Organized, my ass!
451
00:20:25,828 --> 00:20:28,373
Well, no, not your ass.
Your mouth.
452
00:20:28,456 --> 00:20:30,583
For whatever reason,
guess I lost my mind,
453
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:33,378
I have decided to ask Mickey and Paige
454
00:20:33,461 --> 00:20:35,880
if they would both
help me with the party.
455
00:20:35,964 --> 00:20:37,924
[Paige]
Stop trying to act like a queen!
456
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:40,260
[Mickey] I'm gonna be a queen in a minute.
457
00:20:40,343 --> 00:20:41,761
[Allison] Between those two,
458
00:20:41,844 --> 00:20:44,430
they will always combust
when they're together.
459
00:20:44,514 --> 00:20:46,975
Why I thought this was a good idea,
I do not know.
460
00:20:47,058 --> 00:20:49,143
We've got to get all that stuff plated.
461
00:20:49,227 --> 00:20:51,854
-We'll get it all done.
-Mickey, that's the doorbell.
462
00:20:51,938 --> 00:20:53,523
-Go get the doorbell.
-Oh, hell!
463
00:20:54,023 --> 00:20:56,734
-Get in there and get it, Mickey.
-I'm moving, sister.
464
00:20:58,278 --> 00:21:00,655
-What is it, Mickey?
-It's just more stuff.
465
00:21:00,738 --> 00:21:02,824
-[Paige] Gosh!
-[Allison] What's in there?
466
00:21:02,907 --> 00:21:06,035
-Oh, my gosh. Okay.
-This is more stuff than the county fair.
467
00:21:06,869 --> 00:21:08,579
They go in specific spots now.
468
00:21:08,663 --> 00:21:10,748
-Don't start throwing balloons.
-Oh, Lord.
469
00:21:10,832 --> 00:21:13,710
That's not what this is about.
It's about specific places.
470
00:21:13,793 --> 00:21:15,003
I tell you...
471
00:21:15,086 --> 00:21:16,587
Look how cute all this looks!
472
00:21:16,671 --> 00:21:20,216
-He's got two or three more trips.
-How much stuff have you got?
473
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:23,261
I pay a quarter a piece for those,
don't throw those away.
474
00:21:23,344 --> 00:21:24,721
Well, I-- Heaven forbid.
475
00:21:25,138 --> 00:21:27,932
She'll spend $2,500
on a damn pair of shoes.
476
00:21:28,016 --> 00:21:29,809
She's worried about a balloon here.
477
00:21:29,892 --> 00:21:31,769
You put the chairs
on the wrong end.
478
00:21:31,853 --> 00:21:33,646
-This one's Madeline's.
-Honey...
479
00:21:33,730 --> 00:21:36,816
[Paige] Are we supposed
to wear these while we get ready?
480
00:21:36,899 --> 00:21:38,901
No. Put those back!
I've steamed them.
481
00:21:38,985 --> 00:21:40,320
Those are for the girls.
482
00:21:40,403 --> 00:21:43,406
Mickey, you didn't finish the suckers!
483
00:21:43,489 --> 00:21:46,451
[Mickey] Listen, if I hear my name said
one more time,
484
00:21:46,534 --> 00:21:48,828
I am about to spit some nails.
485
00:21:48,911 --> 00:21:49,996
[doorbell rings]
486
00:21:51,122 --> 00:21:53,750
Hey, I'm Cookie G.
487
00:21:54,625 --> 00:21:55,626
Hi.
488
00:21:56,711 --> 00:21:58,129
-Come on in.
-Thank you, sir.
489
00:21:59,005 --> 00:22:03,217
Every party, my wife hires... characters.
490
00:22:03,301 --> 00:22:05,428
They're probably right around the corner.
491
00:22:05,511 --> 00:22:07,263
[Jay] Kids love it, I don't get it.
492
00:22:07,347 --> 00:22:11,392
This giant gingerbread man staying
in character and voice the whole time...
493
00:22:11,476 --> 00:22:13,019
Where are the kids at?
494
00:22:13,102 --> 00:22:15,188
...and it was creepy.
495
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:21,986
[doorbell rings]
496
00:22:22,445 --> 00:22:24,697
[Allison] Madeline, your friends are here!
497
00:22:25,865 --> 00:22:28,076
-[kids] Happy birthday!
-[Maddie] Hi!
498
00:22:28,159 --> 00:22:30,078
[Allison] Yay!
499
00:22:30,161 --> 00:22:33,206
-Hi, guys. You look so cute.
-Hi.
500
00:22:33,289 --> 00:22:36,751
-Say "candy."
-[all] Candy!
501
00:22:37,210 --> 00:22:39,962
Yay! Who's ready to go
and do some fun activities?
502
00:22:40,046 --> 00:22:41,381
[kids] Me!
503
00:22:43,341 --> 00:22:45,802
[Allison] That looks precious, Ava. Whoa!
504
00:22:46,552 --> 00:22:48,763
-Dylan, what's yours gonna be?
-Hi, girls.
505
00:22:49,222 --> 00:22:51,015
Dylan, what are you making, buddy?
506
00:22:51,099 --> 00:22:52,767
Don't dump all the sprinkles out.
507
00:22:52,850 --> 00:22:55,770
It's diminishing returns now, bud.
Diminishing returns.
508
00:22:55,853 --> 00:22:57,772
-[James] Well, hello.
-[Ava] Hi, Dad.
509
00:22:57,855 --> 00:22:59,107
-What's going on?
-[Allison] Hi!
510
00:22:59,190 --> 00:23:01,901
[character] Hi, kids. It's Cookie G!
511
00:23:02,276 --> 00:23:03,903
-How are you?
-The hell is that?
512
00:23:04,570 --> 00:23:06,572
-Cookie G.
-Cookie G?
513
00:23:07,740 --> 00:23:10,076
How you doing, buddy? Hi!
514
00:23:10,493 --> 00:23:11,786
What up, G?
515
00:23:11,869 --> 00:23:13,329
-Oooh!
-[girl] We love you.
516
00:23:13,413 --> 00:23:14,330
Oh, yeah?
517
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:22,463
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
518
00:23:22,588 --> 00:23:24,340
-Yay!
-[Jay] I love you so much.
519
00:23:24,424 --> 00:23:26,300
-I love you, too.
-Happy birthday.
520
00:23:26,384 --> 00:23:28,469
I will say, to see how excited she is,
521
00:23:28,886 --> 00:23:31,639
with all of her friends
and the smile on her face...
522
00:23:31,722 --> 00:23:33,349
it makes it all worth it.
523
00:23:33,766 --> 00:23:36,018
-Like, how much?
-Easy.
524
00:23:36,686 --> 00:23:38,813
Y'all are artists.
525
00:23:41,691 --> 00:23:44,694
I understand now a little more
why she goes all out.
526
00:23:44,777 --> 00:23:46,737
Yeah, look at the results.
527
00:23:46,821 --> 00:23:48,823
-It's amazing.
-It's pretty incredible.
528
00:23:48,906 --> 00:23:51,159
-[kids laughing]
-[Amy laughing]
529
00:23:51,242 --> 00:23:52,910
I mean, it's over-the-top,
530
00:23:52,994 --> 00:23:54,662
but in the best possible way.
531
00:23:54,745 --> 00:23:57,623
-We won't be finished cleaning by January.
-[laughs]
532
00:23:58,416 --> 00:24:00,710
[Cookie G.] Wait, no!
Don't bite the cookie!
533
00:24:00,793 --> 00:24:02,837
[Jay] Dylan, don't tear his head off!
534
00:24:04,380 --> 00:24:07,758
["Do It Our Way"
by Andrew Nicholas Love playing]
535
00:24:15,141 --> 00:24:16,976
♪ We'll soar ♪
536
00:24:17,310 --> 00:24:19,687
♪ Above it all ♪
537
00:24:20,229 --> 00:24:23,566
♪ Whatever it takes ♪
538
00:24:23,649 --> 00:24:26,819
♪ We'll do it our way
Our way now ♪
539
00:24:28,321 --> 00:24:29,155
♪ Hey! ♪
41571
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