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1
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[swing music playing]
2
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,040
[Paul] What are you doing?
3
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I'm going undercover as a decorator, Paul.
4
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,680
I've been trailing this target
for a month.
5
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,560
-Haven't you noticed I've been missing?
-No.
6
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:20,080
Well I'm going in. Now is what we boys
in benefit fraud call "zero hour."
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You having a party?
8
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,360
[Karl] No, going straight to my mate's
after work for the football.
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00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,560
[Janette] You know it's an early kick off?
10
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Careful, you almost got my beard.
11
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,200
-You going to the match Janette?
-No, love.
12
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,040
[Paul] She can't go, she's banned.
13
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:32,840
[Danielle]
We're gonna watch it in The Swan.
14
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:33,920
Guys concentrate.
15
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,800
I need to blend in long enough
so I can get some hard evidence on camera.
16
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,360
-[Karl] Oi!
-You can spare one can't you?
17
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:40,560
It's ten to nine.
18
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,040
It's five o'clock somewhere.
19
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:43,880
[swing music playing]
20
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[Danielle] Turn around!
Get his bum, Janette.
21
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♪ Bring me sunshine ♪
22
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,720
♪ In your smile ♪
23
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♪ Bring me laughter ♪
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♪ All the while ♪
25
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♪ In this world where we liveThere should be more happiness ♪
26
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:11,920
♪ So much joy you can giveTo each brand new bright tomorrow ♪
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[Trish] Good morning, everyone.
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Okay, um, you may have noticed
I'm a bit stressed at the moment,
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because it's that time of the month again:
our monthly report's due, and once again,
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we're, we're a little shy of where
our spotlights suggest we should be.
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[Angela] Do you mean
you're not meeting your targets?
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They're not targets, they're spotlights.
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They're just there to show us
where we should be aiming.
34
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,040
Like targets.
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00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,080
Okay, so I've taken a few steps
to give us a helping hand,
36
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nothing too drastic,
but I've called in the army.
37
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[Trish laughs]
38
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Everyone, I'd like you to give
a big Brownall Job Centre welcome...
39
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,520
to Sergeant Steve Fox.
40
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Little clap.
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00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,720
[Steve] Morning, everyone.
42
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,120
[military tone] Attention! [chuckles]
43
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Steve, do you want to, um,
say something inspiring to my "troops"?
44
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,440
Uh, yeah. I'd, I'd like to thank you all
very much for having me in.
45
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:11,040
And, uh, hopefully I can encourage some
of your jobseekers to actually sign up.
46
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,120
Oh, take as many as you like.
We don't want them!
47
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,400
But seriously, you know,
we, we're delighted that you're here.
48
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,920
And Karl's around to help
for as long as you need.
49
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,040
[Karl stutters] Oh, actually...
50
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,480
Trish, I've got loads to do
and I need to be away by five.
51
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,840
Well, you'll, you'll have to work
"on the double" then, won't you?
52
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,360
[swing music playing]
53
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,400
[mumbled speech] Sorry about that, Steve.
54
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,240
[Janette] And when you're in the desert,
do you ever get time off to sunbathe?
55
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,720
No, we're too busy building sand castles.
56
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,520
Do you mind if I just...
57
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,960
Oh, Janette, feel that, it's rock hard.
58
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,160
Hey, Paul, feel this.
I can barely get my hands round it.
59
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,920
[Paul] Yeah,
because you've got small hands.
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00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,240
Yeah, help me with this.
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00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,880
Oh, no love, not with my bladder.
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[Steve] Can I help?
You don't want to tweak the old back.
63
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,640
[Paul grunts] No, it's all right mate,
I can manage.
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Really, it's no problem. There we go.
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00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:05,960
My back's not old.
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00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,760
I didn't need bloody action man
to come and help.
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00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:09,880
No...
68
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,280
Look at them in their uniforms,
don't they look lovely?
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00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,720
[Douglas] So, I've had four interviews,
all unsuccessful.
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00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,840
I think they're put off by the grey hair.
[laughs]
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00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,400
[Angela] Have you thought
about joining the army?
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[Douglas] Uh, not really, no.
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00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,600
I've been an estate agent for 20 years.
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00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,440
-It says here you've worked in a pub.
-Yes. In 1983.
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Could you go back there and see
if your old position is still available?
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00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,560
I doubt it. It's a Chinese restaurant now.
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Well, have they got a bar?
78
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,200
I don't really want to work in a bar,
I'm an estate agent.
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00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,360
You need to improve your prospects
of finding employment.
80
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,040
I'm going to increase the distance
you're willing to travel...
81
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,520
and lower your expected salary.
82
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:57,560
Here we are.
83
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,520
-A pub.
-It's in your skill set.
84
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,080
It's in Sunderland.
That's a three hour drive.
85
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,480
You're not showing a willingness to work.
86
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,400
-Yeah, but--
-Here's the list of vacancies.
87
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:12,000
Use the phones over there.
You need to get yourself a job.
88
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Or move to Sunderland.
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[Steve speaks in the background]
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[Graham] As it turned out,
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00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,920
they didn't sell water or stones,
just books.
92
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,160
[groans]
93
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,200
Karl, are you encouraging customers
toward Steve's army stand?
94
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,800
-Yes.
-Well, it's not working. Go and help him,
95
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,800
get people interested,
hand out some leaflets.
96
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,800
Oh, have, uh, you ever thought
of joining the army?
97
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,640
It's funny you should say that...
98
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,480
[Graham] It was terrible like,
we were in the jungle
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00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:50,560
and there was lots of men with muscles
who were all effing and jeffing,
100
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:55,280
and then everyone started getting killed
by this alien with dreads.
101
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,200
Oh, dear.
102
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,920
But then...
103
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,400
I thought to myself,
"Hang on a minute Graham,
104
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,560
you've never been to South America."
105
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:08,800
And that's when I realised
it wasn't a flashback, it was a film.
106
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,040
Bye.
107
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,680
[swing music playing]
108
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:16,960
Hi.
109
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,280
Oh. Whoops!
110
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Butter fingers.
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00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,640
[drum music playing]
112
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,880
You wanna show that Steve
your sample book.
113
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,400
-He might want you to carpet his barracks.
-Nah, you're all right.
114
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,880
Is this because you needed
his help with the desk?
115
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,200
-I didn't need his help.
-Cobblers, you were struggling.
116
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,840
That vein on your forehead popped out.
117
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:52,880
That's a laughter line.
118
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,920
[Janette] What's the matter with you?
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00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,080
I got back last night and my missus
had bought me two sets of pyjamas.
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00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,640
-So?
-I don't wear pyjamas, Janette,
121
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:07,200
I sleep in my... birthday suit,
always have, even in the caravan.
122
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:11,360
I mean, what's she trying to say?
She'll be buying me a Zimmer frame next.
123
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,320
[George] I might be in a bit of trouble.
I've just been rumbled gathering evidence.
124
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,640
Painting is a lot harder than it looks.
125
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,000
[Dean] Give me the camera.
126
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,440
What camera?
I don't know what you're talking about.
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The camera in your hand.
128
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,160
-[Janette] What's all this about?
-It's all right, Janette, I've got this.
129
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,800
-What's all this about?
-I busted him,
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00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,440
-he's working and signing on.
-No I ain't.
131
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,680
What's this then? Fancy dress?
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00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,320
Give me that camera,
or I'm chucking this everywhere.
133
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,480
-Uh, maybe I should call the police.
-And let them take my collar? No chance.
134
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:38,880
You get one drop of that on this carpet
and your feet won't touch the ground.
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00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,080
[Paul] Please, Janette, I got this.
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Come on, fella,
you've had your fun, time to go home.
137
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,600
What are you going to do
about it then, Grandad?
138
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,360
-Grandad?
-I think I'm gonna call the police.
139
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,000
Nobody's calling the police
over this strip of wind.
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00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,640
-Yeah, we can take him.
-Well, come on then.
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00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,320
Leave it, Paul.
It's not worth it. It's gloss.
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-[Dean groans]
-I'll take that. Shall I, sir?
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00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,120
Now, I suggest that you go home
and you calm yourself.
144
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,160
Fine! I was leaving anyway.
145
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,520
That's my entire operation blown.
Nice one.
146
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,760
[applause]
147
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,040
I was in perfect control
of that situation.
148
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,320
He's trying
to make me look like a prize prat.
149
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,400
Yeah.
150
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,960
Can you teach me how to do that?
151
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[Douglas] Yes,
I've used a broom before, yeah.
152
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,360
Not professionally no, but I'd imagine
the principles are pretty much the same.
153
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,240
All right, bye.
154
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:41,240
Come on, keep going, we want you
into work and out of here, don't we?
155
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,560
I'm doing my best.
156
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,360
Here we are.
I'll call the next one for you.
157
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,040
Uh...
158
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:51,320
Hmm. Catalogue distribution,
fingers crossed! Hmm? Super.
159
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:53,880
[Steve] Morning.
160
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,640
[crunch]
161
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,800
Eyes right!
162
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,160
-Oh, hello.
-Hi.
163
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,440
-Sorry, I was miles away.
-Oh no! Come back!
164
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:16,600
I've got to say, I think what you guys
are doing here, is really great.
165
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,000
-Oh, thank you.
-Steve.
166
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,000
I've got a great connection
with our customers.
167
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,280
Yeah, well you're certainly
turning people's lives around.
168
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,160
Yes, I find managing a place
that turns people's lives around,
169
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,160
-very rewarding.
-Yeah.
170
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,600
Of course, I do a lot of work for charity.
171
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:30,760
I'm swimming the channel.
172
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,760
-You're swimming the channel?
-Yes, I am, yes.
173
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,560
Angela, that's unbelievable.
174
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,760
Well it's all for a good cause.
It's Cats Protection League.
175
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,480
Well, it's fantastic.
So, when are you going to do that then?
176
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:42,759
I've already started.
I'm doing it at my local baths.
177
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,920
Oh, so you're not swimming the channel?
178
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,680
Well, yes I am, Trish,
I'm doing the equivalent distance.
179
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,960
And they've got a wave machine.
180
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,160
Well, that's a very good idea.
So, how many lengths have you got to do?
181
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,480
I'm doing it in widths,
so I can put my feet down.
182
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,240
It's over 2000.
183
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,640
I sat in a bath of beans
for Cerebral Palsy.
184
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,920
[Trish laughs wryly] They got everywhere,
I was picking them out for days.
185
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,280
[swing music playing]
186
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,520
-[knock on the door]
-[door clicks open]
187
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,760
Hiya, can I nip out
and get some breast pads?
188
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,080
I forgot to get them at lunch
and these are starting to smell.
189
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,600
Um, yes, if you have to.
190
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,520
That Steve's quite fit, isn't he?
Why don't you go and chat him up.
191
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,320
Danielle! I'm your manager.
It's not appropriate for us
192
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:29,000
-to discuss personal issues.
-I knew you fancied him!
193
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,320
Lord of the dance, Danielle, he's
the most beautiful man I've ever seen.
194
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:32,560
I reckon you're well in.
195
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,800
And his voice...
196
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:38,680
I saw you two talking, he was puffing
his chest out like a randy pigeon.
197
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,400
-That means he's interested.
-Does it?
198
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,360
Trust me, it's obvious,
199
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,840
he may as well have clubbed you
and dragged you back to his cave.
200
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,080
Oh, God.
201
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,360
I mean, he would be the first man
since Chris that I've, um...
202
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,200
Did you know
I was separated from my husband?
203
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,800
Um, yeah, I had heard something.
204
00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:02,360
This all feels so new again.
What do you do? How do you... pull?
205
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,240
I do a load of shots and jump on them.
206
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,640
Right.
207
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,320
Just... ask him out for a drink.
208
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,440
Oh, I don't know.
209
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:15,120
And I'm having a really bad hair day.
This bit of fringe just won't behave.
210
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,000
I tell you what, nip to the toilet,
211
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,720
wet your hair a bit then blow dry it
straight under the hand dryer.
212
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:20,960
-Will that work?
-Yeah.
213
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:24,040
Oh. Okay, why the devil not.
214
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:27,360
[swing music playing]
215
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,320
Right.
216
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:33,720
[blower starts blowing]
217
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,120
[suction]
218
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,800
-[Trish moans]
-[Karl] So I just picked up the grenade,
219
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:50,760
threw it right back,
220
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,440
then we all got helicoptered out
just as the boat was sinking.
221
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,360
-And then what?
-Well, it was late, so...
222
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,160
I had to turn it off and go to bed.
223
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,360
You've never played Call of Duty?
224
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:00,880
No, never. No.
225
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,560
It's really good.
I've just been made a Lieutenant.
226
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,280
I should be saluting you then,
shouldn't I?
227
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,760
You know, it's only a game.
228
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,120
-Although it is quite realistic.
-Yeah, well it sounds it.
229
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,320
Out of interest...
230
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,520
Have you ever called in an air strike?
231
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,080
Yes, once.
232
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,040
Right, cool.
233
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,480
So when, so when the jets
come over, was it like...
234
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,720
[whooshing noises]
235
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,280
And then... [booming noises]
236
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,520
Well, no. Actually, no, it's more...
237
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,560
It's more like a, kind of...
238
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,040
[whistling]
239
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:49,760
[puff]
240
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,080
[explosion]
241
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,800
And then what happened?
242
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,200
-Well, there was lots of smoke and glass.
-Yeah.
243
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,560
Then a man emerged
from the burning building.
244
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,040
-Really?
-Yes. Of course I shouted at him.
245
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,080
I said, "Run, quick,
the building's collapsing." But I...
246
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,880
I only knew basic Arabic.
247
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,640
-Oh, no!
-Turns out I was hailing a taxi.
248
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,000
Oh, my God. So what did he do?
249
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,520
He died, Karl.
250
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,000
He died.
251
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,400
-You watching the football tonight?
-I wish! I haven't got Sky. You?
252
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,080
Yeah, yeah, I'm going to my mate Lee's,
he's got a massive telly.
253
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,040
There's a few of us going.
You could come round if you like?
254
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:39,000
-No, I don't want to put you out.
-No, no you wouldn't be. Please?
255
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,880
All right, thank you, yeah, I will.
256
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,040
Cool.
257
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,880
Then after we can all play
Call of Duty with the lights off.
258
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,160
Or not.
259
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,080
[swing music playing]
260
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,280
No, I understand, you know.
Thanks for your time. Bye.
261
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,280
Here's a tip for you.
Pretend to be someone else.
262
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,160
-Really?
-Yeah.
263
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,040
I got an interview
in a posh restaurant last week
264
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,320
by telling them I was Ainsley Harriott.
265
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,760
-Did that work?
-No.
266
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,880
When I got there,
they realised I wasn't Ainsley Harriott
267
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,040
and some people
did find my outfit a little bit racist.
268
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,120
Thanks, my love.
269
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,920
-[Steve] Do you need this moving?
-Oh, yes, please, you are good.
270
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,200
Here you are. I got that, pal.
271
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,360
[grunts] I do all the deliveries.
272
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,400
Honestly, I'm happy to help.
There's a lot here.
273
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,840
You do not mow another man's lawn.
274
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,840
-I'm sorry?
-[Karl] You doing the stationery?
275
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,280
-I bet you could lift loads of these.
-Yeah, I don't need his help.
276
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,720
He's been helping all day
and I don't appreciate it.
277
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,440
-There's no need to be like that.
-I didn't mean to offend anyone.
278
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,080
-I thought you had loads of work to do.
-Done it.
279
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,720
Here, George, put another box on here.
280
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,720
Are you sure? They're pretty heavy.
281
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,680
[George] Oh, I see. Just the one?
282
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,960
-No, I'll take two.
-Come on, lads, don't be like this.
283
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,560
And you thought the army was tough.
You wanna try being a security guard, pal.
284
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,200
Oh, you, you have 14 weeks
of basic training, do you?
285
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,280
Didn't need it, three intense days
at Walsall College, I was good to go.
286
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,880
To stand on the door outside Mothercare.
Steve went to war.
287
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:15,320
Yeah, with all his mates to back him up.
I have to work alone. Apart from Janette.
288
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,520
Put another box on here, Karl.
289
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:19,920
George.
290
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,640
Trish? Are you okay?
You've been in there ages.
291
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,960
[Trish] No, I'm not good.
Can you, can you come in?
292
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,720
Oh, my days, what's happened?
293
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,240
I think I got a bit too close.
294
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:40,360
Here, let me pull--
295
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,320
-[blower starts blowing]
-No! Don't...
296
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,320
Every time I move, I set it off.
It really is quite painful.
297
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,880
Sorry, just stay completely still.
298
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,880
-I'm gonna have to cut you out.
-No, Danielle!
299
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,360
Not my hair. I've lost so much already.
300
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,560
Danielle, just go,
there's nothing you can do.
301
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,880
Steve and I are obviously
just not meant to be.
302
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,200
Oh, don't say that.
Let me go and get some help.
303
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,640
Oh, God no, please.
304
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,360
No one can know I'm in here.
My staff respect me,
305
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,960
they can't see me tethered
to a hand dryer like a naughty horse.
306
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:12,960
[blower starts blowing]
307
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,440
-Go, go, go.
-[George] Left a bit.
308
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,080
Left a bit. Not that left. The other left.
309
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,800
-[Steve] How much further?
-Twelve clicks.
310
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,600
That's about seven miles, Karl.
311
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,640
-I mean metres. What's army for metres?
-It's metres.
312
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,640
-Karl?
-Hmm?
313
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,640
-Have you got a minute?
-[George] Move, Paul, move!
314
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:33,680
-[Paul moans]
-Watch it!
315
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:35,800
For crying out loud, Danielle!
316
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,320
-Oh, yeah!
-What?
317
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,560
[Karl groans]
318
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:46,040
[Karl] Uh... No. No good,
I can't get the cover off this fuse box.
319
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,000
Karl, that's a vent.
320
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:48,640
Come on. [groans]
321
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:51,720
Balls.
322
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,240
Ooh! Oh, I think I'm getting cramp.
Would you rub my calf for me?
323
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,360
[stutters] Uh,
can't you just stretch or something.
324
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,680
I daren't move Karl, please,
it's seizing up. Quickly.
325
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,320
A bit harder than that, please, Karl.
326
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:12,800
That's it.
327
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,160
You know, Karl, this is actually
quite exciting when you think about it:
328
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,640
a handsome soldier, hiding out,
the promise of romance.
329
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,720
I feel like a saucy Anne Frank.
330
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,200
[Paul] He's no younger than me.
331
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,760
You don't get that kind
of upper body strength naturally,
332
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,560
-He's chemically enhanced.
-He's got to be,
333
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,600
-he's barely touched his lunch.
-Whereas this...
334
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,440
All free-range, organic.
335
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,680
[Janette] Oi, what are you pair up to?
336
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,880
-Nothing.
-That's Steve's bag that is.
337
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,120
You can't just go
rooting through his stuff.
338
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,880
[Paul] We just wanna see
what makes him tick.
339
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,600
-We're looking for steroids.
-[Janette] And have you found any?
340
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,040
No, but he ain't right. Look at this.
341
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:57,200
Monkey nuts and a yoghurt.
Who has monkey nuts for lunch?
342
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,800
I like monkey nuts.
343
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,800
What, instead of a sandwich?
And what about this?
344
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,240
What the flaming hell's that?
345
00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:07,039
It's a spork, you soft sod, for his lunch.
346
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:10,639
-A spork?
-Yes, half spoon half fork, a spork.
347
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,800
-They sell them on the market.
-Why does he want a spork
348
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,240
-if he's only got monkey nuts?
-[Paul] Yeah.
349
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:17,439
[Janette] It's none of your business,
George. Put it back.
350
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:21,280
-He's bloody weird if you ask me.
-[Janette] Paul, look at yourself!
351
00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:26,399
You've had your arse in your hand all day,
and spare all that nonsense about pyjamas.
352
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,400
We both know it's because
a handsome chap in a uniform comes in
353
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,880
and now you're not cock of the walk.
354
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,400
Pathetic!
355
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,520
Has anyone ever told you,
you're beautiful when you're angry?
356
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,000
-No, you don't.
-[Paul] Dance with me Janette.
357
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,320
Get away with you!
358
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:51,400
-♪ I had the last waltz with you ♪
-You silly sausage.
359
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:55,200
-♪ Two lonely people together ♪
-[Janette laughs] Behave.
360
00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:02,520
♪ I fell in love with youThe last waltz should last forever ♪
361
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,880
-[Janette laughs]
-[swing music playing]
362
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,840
-Is this yours?
-Yeah, uh, thank you.
363
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:17,200
I thought so, your scent.
What are you doing later?
364
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,040
[Steve] Well, I was going to watch
the big game with Karl.
365
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,120
You?
366
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,800
I know a very discreet
little Wetherspoons.
367
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,560
Oh, sounds very nice.
368
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,600
[Angela] Why don't you come?
Karl will understand.
369
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,520
It's Steak Club tonight.
370
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,400
Yeah, you know I think
I really should be... going.
371
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,560
Good idea, I can leave early.
372
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,200
Between you and me,
I pretty much run this place.
373
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,880
-Cheeky cow!
-[Angela] Come on, Steve.
374
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,720
You've seen
what I can do with a breadstick.
375
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,120
-Yeah...
-Let's go, shall we?
376
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,800
-Right.
-Karl!
377
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,320
Uh, Steve's got plans
with me tonight, Angela,
378
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,840
all right, so just back off.
379
00:18:59,000 --> 00:18:59,800
Hiya.
380
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:00,760
Hi.
381
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,040
-Hi.
-[blower starts blowing]
382
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,520
[swing music playing]
383
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,000
That would be great.
384
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,120
Yes, I'm more than happy
to work a trial period.
385
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,240
Yes, yes. Well, I'll see you then. Bye.
386
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:21,360
I've got a job.
387
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:23,920
What do you want, a medal?
388
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,400
[swing music playing]
389
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,840
Oh, thanks again.
I really do feel like such a fool.
390
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,280
Don't be silly, it could happen to anyone.
391
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,880
I've always wanted to be rescued
by a man in uniform.
392
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:40,800
And there we are.
393
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:43,280
You, madam...
394
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,360
-are free to go.
-[chuckles]
395
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,000
Oh, dear, look at me,
honestly, what a state.
396
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,720
So, um, you've got plans
with Karl tonight then.
397
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,200
I did,
but I might actually give it a miss.
398
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,200
Today's been...
399
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:01,920
quite intense.
400
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,600
Oh, what the heck. Um, Steve,
if you're, if you're free tonight,
401
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:05,560
I'm free tonight,
402
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,960
would you perhaps like to join me
for a drink or drinks with me, tonight?
403
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,240
Are you ready?
404
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,760
Actually... No, Angela. I'm going
to go for a drink with Trish tonight.
405
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,000
Your loss.
406
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,040
[door slams shut]
407
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,960
-Well, after you.
-All right. Okay.
408
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,480
Doing anything
nice tonight, Angela?
409
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,560
No.
410
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,840
[Karl sighs] Oh, you're joking.
411
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,000
What's up?
412
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,800
[grunts] First Steve and now
my mate Lee's bailed on me as well.
413
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,080
He's got to see his girlfriend.
414
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,840
[Paul] Love makes fools of us all Karl.
415
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,000
You've been stood up twice
in one day, is that a record for you?
416
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,000
Come to The Swan
and watch the match with us then.
417
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:49,960
Ah!
418
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,560
All right. Well, bye everyone.
419
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:56,880
[everybody] Bye. See you..
420
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,240
-See you.
-See you later.
421
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,560
If I'd have known I was going out tonight,
I'd have shaved my knees.
422
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,200
-[Danielle] I told you he likes you.
-[Steve] Nice meeting you.
423
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,960
Do you need a rubber johnny?
424
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,520
-[Trish] Shall we?
-Hang on.
425
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,880
[drum music playing]
426
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,160
Let him go!
427
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,080
-After you.
-Oh, thank you.
428
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,240
[background chattering]
429
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,200
[shouting]
430
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:26,720
Put him on his arse!
431
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,920
-That's never been a tackle!
-No.
432
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,960
You big flapping waste of skin!
433
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:34,640
Your round.
434
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,440
I think it is, Karlos.
435
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,000
-[George] Have you got any crisps?
-[Karl] Uh, no. I'll get some.
436
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,480
-Not beef.
-Scampi Fries. Hurt him!
437
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,440
-Get us some scratchings as well, Karl.
-[Karl] All right, it's not a buffet.
438
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,640
Anything else?
439
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,600
[Trish] Can I have a massive wine?
440
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,960
-What you doing here? Where's Steve?
-He left, quickly.
441
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,200
I think I may have got a bit carried away.
442
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,640
I asked him
to come on a city break with me.
443
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:02,560
Jesus wept!
It's like watching Bambi on ice.
444
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:04,960
[Danielle] Yeah, well he doesn't know
what he's missing.
445
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,000
Oh. It's fine, Danielle,
there are more important things than men.
446
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,000
You know, we are turning
people's lives around every day.
447
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,280
-[Douglas] These dead?
-Yes.
448
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:20,800
♪ Bring me sunshine in your smile ♪
449
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:28,080
♪ Bring me laughter all the while ♪
450
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:33,640
♪ In this world where we liveThere should be more happiness ♪
451
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:40,560
♪ So much joy you can giveTo each brand new bright tomorrow ♪
452
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,400
♪ Make me happy through the years ♪
453
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:50,560
♪ Never bring me any tears ♪
36479
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