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1
00:00:05,650 --> 00:00:08,580
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
2
00:00:08,650 --> 00:00:16,580
♪♪
3
00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:24,250
♪ Hell no,
we won't go ♪
4
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,250
♪ No, we won't go ♪
5
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:31,250
♪♪
6
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,880
(all chanting)
Hell no, we won't go!
7
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:41,520
♪♪
8
00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:46,020
♪ Hell no, we won't go ♪
9
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,680
♪ No, we won't go ♪
10
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:51,680
("The Battle Hymn
of the Republic")
11
00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:53,250
♪♪
12
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,080
♪ Hell no, we won't go ♪
13
00:00:56,150 --> 00:00:58,780
♪ Hell no,
we won't go ♪♪
14
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,650
♪♪
15
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,580
("Dance of
the Sugar Plum Fairy")
16
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:07,580
♪♪
17
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,580
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
18
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:11,580
♪♪
19
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:13,250
(music dies out)
20
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:21,250
(marching band drumming)
21
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:23,780
Sit down.
22
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:31,780
(drumming continues)
23
00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:34,920
All right, Stern,
you're next.
24
00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:42,920
(drumming continues)
25
00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:59,620
"Leg cramps, tension,
headaches, ingrown toenail,
26
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:04,150
prickly heat,
and occasional bedwetting."
27
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,450
Bedwetting, Stern?
28
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,450
Yes, sir.
29
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,080
Only when
I'm nervous, sir.
30
00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:12,780
Uh-huh.
31
00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:16,350
Well, I'll tell
you what, Stern.
32
00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:18,180
When you
get to basic training,
33
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:22,320
you give this little note
to the supply sergeant.
34
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,980
Supply sergeant?
35
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,420
That's right.
36
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,980
That's an eight-week
supply of rubber sheets.
37
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,080
Oh.
38
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,080
(chuckles)
39
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,080
Wait there.
40
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,520
They asked to
see you together.
41
00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:54,920
What are they, a couple
of Siamese twins?
42
00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,280
No, but I get the feeling
43
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,280
that they're
joined together
44
00:02:57,350 --> 00:02:59,550
from time to time.
45
00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:01,550
Well, send them in.
46
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,450
Shut the door.
47
00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:16,480
Devlin?
48
00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:17,750
Yes, sir.
49
00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:21,080
Is that a check mark?
50
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,820
Well, that-- that's
kind of hard to say, sir.
51
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,180
It looks more like
a smudge to me.
52
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,250
Well, it's
your application, boy.
53
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,920
What are you trying
to say?
54
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,080
Are you or aren't you?
55
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,120
'Cause if you are,
56
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:37,120
you're gonna have to
57
00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:39,350
sign a statement
verifying it.
58
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,850
Am I or aren't I
what, sir?
59
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,580
Well, you can read,
can't you?
60
00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:45,080
Oh, yes, sir.
61
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,520
Oh.
62
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:52,380
Well, see, it doesn't say,
"Am I or aren't I."
63
00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:53,820
The way that
it's worded is,
64
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,080
"Have you ever had a-- "
65
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,680
I know what it says.
66
00:03:57,750 --> 00:03:59,080
What's your answer?
67
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,750
Well, that depends on
68
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:04,080
how you would define
an "experience."
69
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:14,680
And what's
your problem, boy?
70
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:15,980
I have no problem, sir.
71
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,080
Well, it says here
that you, uh,
72
00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,620
want to be with Devlin
73
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,350
throughout your entire
tour of duty.
74
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:23,920
Yes, sir,
that's correct.
75
00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,750
Well, what do you think we're
running here, a boys' camp?
76
00:04:25,820 --> 00:04:28,350
I understand perfectly,
sir.
77
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,450
It's just that,
well, Danny and I
78
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,450
have been together
ever since grade school
79
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,120
and-- and--
80
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,420
Well, if we couldn't
remain together,
81
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:36,850
I'd just die.
82
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,880
I just don't think
I could take it, sir.
83
00:04:38,950 --> 00:04:40,650
You don't understand
how it is.
84
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,420
Hey, let's can
the BS, all right?
85
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,220
Now, do you boys want to
go in the Army?
86
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,080
Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
87
00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:53,350
Fine.
88
00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:56,450
I told you
89
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,080
there was nothing
to worry about, Elliot.
90
00:04:58,150 --> 00:04:59,250
Oh, you know
how it is.
91
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,380
Every time I want
something real bad,
92
00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:01,420
I never get it.
93
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,680
Oh, I know.
94
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,680
Oh, but this is gonna be
so marvelous,
95
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:05,820
just living
with all those guys.
96
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,820
Hold it.
97
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,820
(lively music)
98
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:16,450
♪♪
99
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,680
Are you a homosexual?
100
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,080
No.
101
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:29,080
♪♪
102
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,920
Are you a homosexual?
103
00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:34,850
Perish the thought.
104
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:42,680
♪♪
105
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:45,680
Do you ever wear
women's clothes?
106
00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:48,080
I'm no drag queen,
doctor.
107
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:51,680
♪♪
108
00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:52,920
Why not?
109
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:54,350
Too embarrassed?
110
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,520
I just think
it's a bit much.
111
00:05:56,580 --> 00:06:00,520
♪♪
112
00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:02,120
How about you?
113
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:10,120
♪♪
114
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,250
Now, which do you prefer?
115
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:25,580
Young boys
or mature men?
116
00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:28,120
I think, when you really
love somebody,
117
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,080
that age
shouldn't matter at all.
118
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:31,680
♪♪
119
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:33,250
How about you?
120
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,080
Do I get a choice?
121
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:41,680
♪♪
122
00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:45,780
Do you favor (bleep)
or (bleep)?
123
00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:48,420
Sex has nothing to do
with love.
124
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:51,850
I think it's much more how
you feel about the person.
125
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,080
♪♪
126
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,180
How about you?
127
00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:58,080
♪♪
128
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,080
(bleep) or (bleep)?
129
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:01,720
I believe one should
remain receptive
130
00:07:01,780 --> 00:07:03,520
to one's
partner's needs.
131
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,950
Inhibitions have
ruined more marriages.
132
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,980
What do you think of her?
133
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,580
Oh, those are
heavenly beads.
134
00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:18,780
♪♪
135
00:07:18,850 --> 00:07:21,680
What do you think of her?
136
00:07:21,750 --> 00:07:24,250
Her hair is too long.
137
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,350
♪♪
138
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:29,380
What do you think about
139
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,780
when you look at
something like this?
140
00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:38,450
Well, muscles have
never been my bag, but...
141
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:39,520
♪♪
142
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,250
And you?
143
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,580
Oh, now, that's nice.
144
00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:45,950
Do you mind
if I keep it?
145
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,920
I don't have this
one at home.
146
00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:55,920
♪♪
147
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,180
That's all.
148
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:09,280
♪♪
149
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:10,880
Well, you're free
to go.
150
00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:13,250
Your draft board will notify
you in two or three weeks
151
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,680
of your
reclassification.
152
00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:17,820
Does that mean the Army
doesn't want us?
153
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,120
Not at this time.
154
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:21,580
However, if we uncover any
additional evidence
155
00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:26,120
that changes our opinion,
we'll reclassify you 1-A.
156
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:28,620
I counted
so much on going in.
157
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,680
What are we gonna
tell our friends?
158
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:34,480
Oh, I'm sure you'll think of
something, Devlin.
159
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,980
(bugle fanfare)
160
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,450
♪♪
161
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:49,550
(overlapping chatter)
162
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,920
Here comes the
young counselor.
163
00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:53,480
Hey, Danny.
164
00:08:53,550 --> 00:09:00,080
(overlapping chatter)
165
00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:02,620
Dad.
166
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,080
Hi.
167
00:09:04,150 --> 00:09:07,320
That's the old
million-dollar knee,
168
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,750
right, son?
169
00:09:08,820 --> 00:09:11,080
Whoever would have thought
that old trike injury
170
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,780
would show up at
a time like this?
171
00:09:12,850 --> 00:09:14,580
I'll bet it won't keep you
from running around a little
172
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:16,120
when you get up
to Stanford, will it?
173
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,620
Uh, well, actually,
I don't think
174
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,250
I'm gonna have a lot of time
to do much of anything.
175
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,120
I hear they keep you
jumping pretty good up there.
176
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:22,320
(man)
Stanford?
177
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:23,380
That's my alma mater.
178
00:09:23,450 --> 00:09:25,120
Say, before you
accept any offers, Dan,
179
00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:26,920
I want a chance to better
the deal.
180
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:28,550
Agreed?
181
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:29,880
Agreed.
182
00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:31,280
How about that, Danny?
183
00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:33,220
You haven't even cracked
your first law book,
184
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,750
and already you've
been guaranteed a position
185
00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:36,750
with one of the finest
firms in the city.
186
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:39,220
It pays to have friends
in high places.
187
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,780
What are your
plans now, dear,
188
00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:42,620
now that Danny has
his deferment?
189
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:43,820
Are you going
to keep flying?
190
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,080
Oh, yes, I've, um--
191
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,350
I've asked the airlines
for a transfer
192
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,550
up to San Francisco
193
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,450
so we can be together
as much as possible.
194
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,080
Uh, we're gonna get
some sun, okay?
195
00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:52,320
Excuse us.
Have fun.
196
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:53,650
Okay.
197
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,120
(overlapping chatter)
198
00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:03,380
(laughter)
199
00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:06,880
(woman)
Gee, I didn't know
he had asthma.
200
00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:09,580
Maybe that's what you've been
mistaking for passion.
201
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:12,450
I really don't see
what you all see in him.
202
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,250
Well, as lover boy says,
203
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,120
if you haven't tried
it, don't knock it.
204
00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:20,550
(women laughing)
205
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,450
Hi.
Hi.
206
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,150
Hey, my big brother,
how's the old knee?
207
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:31,620
Uh, tricky.
208
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,120
Very, very tricky.
209
00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:36,250
And this fruit says to him,
"But sergeant,
210
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,020
"I've just been there,
and they sent me back here,
211
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,780
"and I just don't know where
to go anymore.
212
00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:41,480
I'm so confused."
213
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,950
(laughter)
214
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:45,320
Hey, Elliot!
215
00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:47,450
Excuse me a second.
216
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:48,680
Oh, there he goes again.
217
00:10:48,750 --> 00:10:49,980
He's so jealous.
218
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,020
(laughter)
219
00:10:56,180 --> 00:10:58,750
Hey, do you have to pull that
fag routine around here?
220
00:10:58,820 --> 00:10:59,850
What's wrong, Danny boy?
221
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:00,920
We're out.
222
00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:02,080
I realize that.
223
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,550
I just don't want
anybody getting any ideas.
224
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:05,350
Okay, don't get
spastic over it.
225
00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:07,080
What are you
doing later?
226
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,120
I just have to take Karen
out to the airport.
227
00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:09,120
Why?
228
00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:10,280
Wait till you see
229
00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:11,280
what I've got lined up
for you for a little
230
00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:12,450
after-hours
scene at my place.
231
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,280
My gift to you for
springing us free.
232
00:11:15,350 --> 00:11:17,720
Okay.
233
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:21,180
You know,
I think that, uh--
234
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:24,080
my, that boy seems
popular.
235
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,680
Your daughter
certainly adores him.
236
00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:28,480
Yes, doesn't she?
237
00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:29,680
You know, I'm glad Danny
238
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:31,350
cultivated Elliot's
friendship.
239
00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:33,450
He needs to be
with somebody more outgoing.
240
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,920
He has a tendency to be
on the shy side.
241
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,820
(ominous music)
242
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,080
♪♪
243
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,250
Going up to celebrate
your victory, Devlin?
244
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,120
♪♪
245
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:51,120
I guess.
246
00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:55,180
♪♪
247
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:56,520
(door bell ringing)
248
00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:59,520
(sultry jazz)
249
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:01,620
Hi.
250
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,620
Hi.
251
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,120
I'm Laverne...
252
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:11,550
And, uh,
you must be that genius
253
00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:13,950
Elliot was telling me
about.
254
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,350
You must be
my little surprise.
255
00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:18,580
Uh, wh-- where is Elliot?
256
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:21,350
Doing his homework.
257
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:23,080
Uh, can I fix you
a drink or something?
258
00:12:23,150 --> 00:12:25,350
Oh, no.
259
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:26,350
(gulps)
260
00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:28,950
Um, I'll
make you that drink.
261
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,950
You relax.
262
00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:38,450
♪♪
263
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,450
(ice cubes rattle)
264
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,520
♪♪
265
00:12:42,580 --> 00:12:45,080
(ominous music)
266
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,080
(sultry jazz)
267
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:56,080
♪♪
268
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,350
(moans)
269
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:19,920
Easy, doll.
270
00:13:19,980 --> 00:13:22,150
We've got all night.
271
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:23,220
Oh, yeah.
272
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:31,220
♪♪
273
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,850
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
274
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:43,850
♪♪
275
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,080
(dramatic music)
276
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:48,080
("You're In The Army Now")
277
00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:52,150
Mm, mm-mmm!
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!
278
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:54,220
♪♪
279
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,320
Hey, what's your problem?
280
00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:57,680
Am I too fast for you?
281
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,150
No, as a matter of fact,
you're not fast enough.
282
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,380
You've got to leave.
283
00:14:00,450 --> 00:14:01,380
Uh, no,
you've got to--
284
00:14:01,450 --> 00:14:02,450
You've got to take
your purse.
285
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:03,450
You've got to get out.
But--
286
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,950
Come on, no, this is
gonna be a bust.
287
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:05,950
The police are outside.
288
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,120
Why didn't you say so?
289
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,180
You can tell Elliot
to just go--
290
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:11,580
Uh, yeah, right, right,
back stairs, please.
291
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:14,580
(whimsical music)
292
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:18,880
♪♪
293
00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:21,880
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
294
00:14:21,950 --> 00:14:26,920
♪♪
295
00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:28,450
Elliot.
296
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,080
Listen to me.
297
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,580
That colonel from the
draft board is downstairs,
298
00:14:32,650 --> 00:14:33,580
checking
the apartments.
299
00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:34,650
What?
300
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,120
Just get dressed!
301
00:14:36,180 --> 00:14:38,420
Oh, dear.
302
00:14:42,450 --> 00:14:43,580
Oh.
303
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:44,850
(gasps)
304
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,280
Look, Elliott, if you
don't believe it,
305
00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:48,680
you come look
for yourself, okay?
306
00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:57,850
How do you know it's him?
307
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:00,480
I saw him downstairs,
checking the mailboxes.
308
00:15:00,550 --> 00:15:03,280
Okay, so we're having
a little celebration party.
309
00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:05,080
With girls?
310
00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:06,080
You know what he said
311
00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:07,450
about uncovering
new evide--
312
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,120
Will you
get her out of here?
313
00:15:10,180 --> 00:15:12,080
Okay, sweetheart,
get dressed, huh?
314
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,780
I can't!
315
00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:14,780
Just do as I say.
316
00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:15,780
But I can't.
317
00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:18,350
You've got my dress on.
318
00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:24,750
Oh, dear.
319
00:15:30,420 --> 00:15:34,080
Look, Elliot, w--
Will you get dressed?
320
00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:02,850
It's what
we've got to do.
321
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,480
Now, do it.
322
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:07,480
(dramatic music)
323
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,480
(sultry jazz)
324
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:14,350
♪♪
325
00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:17,350
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
326
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:23,080
♪♪
327
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,080
Look, Elliot,
there's no other way.
328
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,350
That's what we've
got to do.
329
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:30,680
Not here.
330
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,350
The lady who pays the rent
doesn't dig roommates.
331
00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:35,820
Okay, we move
somewhere else.
332
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,350
Look, I can't even afford
this set-up,
333
00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:39,120
and I only
pay for the groceries.
334
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,780
Look, don't sweat
the money.
335
00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:42,220
That, I can handle.
336
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,120
Look, how can I walk out
on her now?
337
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:45,520
She's gonna buy me a car.
338
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:46,850
Oh, wonderful.
339
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,080
Why don't you go get your
tail shot off in Vietnam,
340
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,550
and she you can
buy you a wheelchair!
341
00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:53,450
Oh, I don't know.
342
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:54,880
I do.
343
00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:56,580
(real estate agent)
You know, this, uh--
344
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,250
This area
is just right.
345
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,120
(breezy music)
346
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:02,250
♪♪
347
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,780
(Elliot)
It's exactly what
we're looking for.
348
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:05,080
Mm-hmm,
well, you know,
349
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,450
I have quite a few other
listings
350
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,820
I think you'd
find far more suitable.
351
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,820
I have a place in Malibu
and a couple
352
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,250
right above the strip,
right up here in the hills.
353
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,620
No, no, no, no.
354
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,750
No, this is
just, uh, fine.
355
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:18,180
It's just peachy.
356
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:19,920
Well, frankly, fellas,
I really don't think
357
00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:21,150
you're gonna
like this place.
358
00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:23,620
It's rather sedate here,
and the tenants--
359
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:24,620
Well, they tend to be
360
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:25,750
more on
the conservative--
361
00:17:25,820 --> 00:17:27,080
(dog barks)
362
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,080
(whimsical music)
363
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:38,080
♪♪
364
00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:44,350
(sultry jazz)
365
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,080
♪♪
366
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:50,280
Uh, actually, fellas,
uh, I have--
367
00:17:50,350 --> 00:17:51,850
Several of my
very best friends
368
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,950
are members of
your faith.
369
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,080
Uh, would you look
at this cottage?
370
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,350
I think you'll find it
rather unique.
371
00:18:01,220 --> 00:18:02,350
♪♪
372
00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:05,520
Well, here we are.
373
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:07,820
Uh, the kitchen here
374
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:13,520
has all modern
appliances, all gas.
375
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,580
View the breakfast nook.
376
00:18:15,650 --> 00:18:18,250
Isn't that
tastefully designed?
377
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,120
Beautiful view.
378
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,180
And a real fireplace.
379
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,080
Look at that.
380
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:29,080
(sultry jazz)
381
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:37,080
♪♪
382
00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:04,150
The bedroom is up this way.
383
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:08,350
Now-- Now for
the coup de grace.
384
00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:11,350
(dramatic music)
385
00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:17,350
♪♪
386
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:19,220
Of course, if
you'd prefer something
387
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,620
in a two-bedroom,
I actua--
388
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:25,080
No, no, one bedroom
is right.
389
00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:27,350
Uh, why don't you fellas
have a look around,
390
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:30,080
and I'll
wait for you downstairs.
391
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:38,080
♪♪
392
00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:40,880
What do you mean,
this is all right?
393
00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,150
Look, Elliot,
I don't want this
394
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:44,080
any more than you do,
you know?
395
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,320
It's bad enough I've got
to live here in fairy land.
396
00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:49,180
Now you want me to share
the same bed.
397
00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:50,350
You're forgetting
something.
398
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:52,850
You see, we're supposed
to be living like, uh--
399
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,120
Yeah?
400
00:19:54,180 --> 00:19:58,550
Well, like, uh...
401
00:19:58,620 --> 00:20:01,420
Lovers.
402
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,750
Swell.
403
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:04,180
And what'll
we do for a nursery
404
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:06,280
when the little ones
come along?
405
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,820
(door closes)
406
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,020
(lisping)
It's for you, sweetie.
407
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,020
We'll take it.
408
00:20:22,550 --> 00:20:25,350
(Mr. Devlin)
I think it was
a terrific idea.
409
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:27,080
It'll give him
a chance to sow some oats
410
00:20:27,150 --> 00:20:29,080
before he has to settle down
to those law books.
411
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:30,080
(laughs)
412
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:31,650
Best thing
he could have done.
413
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,880
I suppose you're right,
414
00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:35,150
but I still don't understand
why all the rush.
415
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:37,450
The least he could have
done was discuss it with us.
416
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:38,880
Well, you know
how boys are.
417
00:20:38,950 --> 00:20:41,920
They get ideas in
their heads and, uh--
418
00:20:41,980 --> 00:20:43,550
Miss Devlin?
419
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,120
Well, I think
he could have shown
420
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:52,320
a little bit more taste
in choosing a roommate.
421
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:53,850
Well, don't you think
you owe me
422
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,320
some kind of explanation?
423
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,820
We'll talk about it
sometime, baby.
424
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:11,350
Hey, baby.
425
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:13,750
When do I get to
try the new workbench?
426
00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:15,750
Not until the decorator
is through, darling.
427
00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:18,750
The color scheme clashes
with your hair.
428
00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:27,880
Elliot, be a dear and put
some of this on my back.
429
00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:30,820
Sure, Marilyn.
430
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,420
Uh, Charles will
be away this weekend.
431
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,450
Same thing as well
as always?
432
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,580
Sorry, love,
I'm taking my sabbatical.
433
00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:40,420
I take a few weeks off every
seven years,
434
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,780
whether I need it or not,
to recharge my batteries.
435
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,650
(lively music)
436
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:07,650
♪♪
437
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,620
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
438
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,620
(whimsical music)
439
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,120
♪♪
440
00:22:20,180 --> 00:22:23,120
(lively music)
441
00:22:23,180 --> 00:22:25,450
♪♪
442
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,980
(Elliot)
I've run out of excuses
to give these broads.
443
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,780
We've got to talk
this thing over right now
444
00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:31,350
and make other
arrangements.
445
00:22:31,420 --> 00:22:33,120
Elliot, there's nothing
to talk about.
446
00:22:33,180 --> 00:22:35,080
I told you, I think I saw
that colonel downstairs
447
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:36,180
question one
of the neighbors.
448
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:38,220
Yeah, well, right now,
he's not my problem.
449
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,650
You know if
I don't get a kiss
450
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,250
two, three times a day,
I get a complex.
451
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,080
I realize that, but you're
gonna have learn to--
452
00:22:44,150 --> 00:22:46,080
excuse me--
live with it.
453
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:47,580
Yeah, well.
454
00:22:47,650 --> 00:22:49,780
How about if I
motel it with them?
455
00:22:49,850 --> 00:22:51,750
Wrong.
456
00:22:51,820 --> 00:22:53,680
Yeah, but if I explain
to them that we--
457
00:22:53,750 --> 00:22:54,780
No.
458
00:22:54,850 --> 00:22:56,780
No.
459
00:22:56,850 --> 00:22:58,480
Look, Elliot, we can't
see anybody,
460
00:22:58,550 --> 00:23:00,250
we can't tell anybody.
461
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,950
We've got to live like
homosexuals.
462
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,480
Look, I don't want anybody
463
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:06,980
even accidentally tripping
us up, you know?
464
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,250
If they're gonna start
465
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,550
sending investigators
around, and we--
466
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:11,220
(door opens)
467
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:26,180
(exotic music)
468
00:23:26,250 --> 00:23:27,180
♪♪
469
00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:28,420
Hi, there.
470
00:23:29,620 --> 00:23:32,250
I'm Malcolm DeJohn,
your landlord.
471
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,250
(playful music)
472
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:39,120
♪♪
473
00:23:39,180 --> 00:23:41,950
I live across
the courtyard.
474
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:43,080
Oh, I'm Danny.
475
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,980
Oh, how do you do?
476
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,080
I'm Elliot.
477
00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:48,920
Well, pleased
to meet you.
478
00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:52,380
You are the muscular one,
aren't you?
479
00:23:53,980 --> 00:24:00,850
I just adore this cottage,
and I decorated it myself.
480
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,280
♪♪
481
00:24:02,350 --> 00:24:05,520
Isn't it elegant?
482
00:24:05,580 --> 00:24:08,920
♪♪
483
00:24:08,980 --> 00:24:09,950
It's you.
484
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,350
It's really you.
485
00:24:11,420 --> 00:24:13,350
Oh, thank you, dear.
486
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:16,350
(lively music)
487
00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:24,350
♪♪
488
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:34,080
Be cool, Elliot.
489
00:24:34,150 --> 00:24:38,180
(humming a tune)
490
00:24:38,250 --> 00:24:42,420
So, are you two just
getting started?
491
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:47,120
Oh, well, actually,
you see, um, we're, uh--
492
00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:49,780
We're newlyweds.
493
00:24:49,850 --> 00:24:51,780
Oh, how wonderful.
494
00:24:51,850 --> 00:24:52,880
(exhales)
495
00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:56,180
I must tell Craig.
496
00:24:56,250 --> 00:24:57,380
Craig?
497
00:24:57,450 --> 00:24:58,950
My better half.
498
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,950
Or at least,
he likes to think he is.
499
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,080
But then, you know
how men are.
500
00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:08,780
Beasts, all of them.
501
00:25:08,850 --> 00:25:09,920
(Danny hits Elliot)
502
00:25:09,980 --> 00:25:12,480
Aren't they, though?
503
00:25:12,550 --> 00:25:13,620
You know,
if it weren't for
504
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,580
this dreadful feeling
of insecurity
505
00:25:15,650 --> 00:25:17,450
that I've
had all my life,
506
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:22,080
I'm not sure that I ever
would have gotten married.
507
00:25:22,150 --> 00:25:26,550
I was willing to
live in sin.
508
00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:31,550
Yes, well, I prefer living
in California, myself.
509
00:25:31,620 --> 00:25:34,550
It's time for me
to feed my peonies.
510
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,850
(Elliot)
Your what?
511
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,580
Uh, Elliot, those--
those are flowers.
512
00:25:41,650 --> 00:25:42,820
Flowers, right?
513
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,720
They certainly are.
514
00:25:44,780 --> 00:25:47,150
I have the most gorgeous
peonies
515
00:25:47,220 --> 00:25:48,580
in the entire country.
516
00:25:48,650 --> 00:25:50,550
I bet you have.
517
00:25:50,620 --> 00:25:52,980
I'd like to
see them sometime.
518
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,520
Well, I bet you would.
519
00:25:55,580 --> 00:25:57,550
Tootle-oo.
520
00:25:57,620 --> 00:25:59,880
Uh, Mr. DeJohn, uh--
521
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,180
Malcolm, Danny,
Malcolm.
522
00:26:02,250 --> 00:26:04,880
Malcolm, I'd like to
thank you for the fruit.
523
00:26:04,950 --> 00:26:06,080
You're welcome.
524
00:26:06,150 --> 00:26:07,680
And I hope that
you can come on over
525
00:26:07,750 --> 00:26:08,820
and have a drink with us
sometime.
526
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:10,120
Oh, we'd love to.
527
00:26:10,180 --> 00:26:12,120
I'd love to meet Craig.
528
00:26:12,180 --> 00:26:15,450
Well, I'm sure
he'd love to meet you.
529
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,450
Ciao.
530
00:26:18,750 --> 00:26:20,520
Do you believe that?
531
00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,820
Elliot, you don't put on
people like that.
532
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,320
It's people like that
that go to the draft board
533
00:26:24,380 --> 00:26:26,080
and blow the whole thing.
534
00:26:26,150 --> 00:26:29,120
Temper, temper,
temper, temper.
535
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:33,120
Elliot!
536
00:26:33,180 --> 00:26:36,820
98,
537
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:42,580
99, 100.
538
00:26:42,650 --> 00:26:43,650
You know, it's a
good thing
539
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:45,080
the Army
turned you down.
540
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,080
You'd never make it past
the barracks scene.
541
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,320
What's your problem?
542
00:26:48,380 --> 00:26:50,480
Afraid I'm gonna see your
precious little bottom?
543
00:26:50,550 --> 00:26:51,720
Or are you turning into
544
00:26:51,780 --> 00:26:53,880
a silly
little closet queen?
545
00:26:53,950 --> 00:26:56,580
I just like
my privacy, that's all.
546
00:26:56,650 --> 00:26:58,750
It's just a big game to you,
isn't it, Elliot?
547
00:26:58,820 --> 00:27:00,720
Well, what else
can you call it?
548
00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:02,920
Oh, the fact that
they're probably
549
00:27:02,980 --> 00:27:04,850
watching the house at
this very moment
550
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,080
doesn't seem
to worry you a bit.
551
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:11,080
Shh! They probably
have it bugged.
552
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,680
Do you think
they bugged the place?
553
00:27:17,750 --> 00:27:20,780
Absolutely.
554
00:27:20,850 --> 00:27:21,980
Oh, that's funny.
555
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,880
Ha ha.
556
00:27:23,950 --> 00:27:25,080
I can see
living with you
557
00:27:25,150 --> 00:27:27,450
is just gonna be a series
of bad jokes.
558
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,650
I'm gonna keep
the side by the phone, okay?
559
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,980
I'm expecting a long-distance
call from Karen.
560
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,180
We've got
a date tomorrow night.
561
00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:37,420
Oh, that's just great.
562
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,180
I thought you were the one
that was all uptight
563
00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:40,680
about the
"no broads" routine.
564
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:41,780
Oh, yeah, I am.
565
00:27:41,850 --> 00:27:43,920
It's just that,
well, you know,
566
00:27:43,980 --> 00:27:45,320
I don't want
her to get suspicious.
567
00:27:45,380 --> 00:27:46,750
She doesn't know anything
about this,
568
00:27:46,820 --> 00:27:48,150
and, well,
how is it gonna look
569
00:27:48,220 --> 00:27:49,880
if I suddenly pull a
disappearing act?
570
00:27:49,950 --> 00:27:52,520
After all, I am
engaged to the girl.
571
00:27:52,580 --> 00:27:54,850
That's a cop-out, buddy,
and you know it.
572
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,450
You expect me
to play it straight
573
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:57,920
while you're out with
your chick.
574
00:27:57,980 --> 00:27:59,180
Yeah, well, that's
different.
575
00:27:59,250 --> 00:28:00,580
You don't owe
those ding-a-lings of yours
576
00:28:00,650 --> 00:28:01,880
any explanation.
577
00:28:01,950 --> 00:28:04,150
It's different with Karen.
578
00:28:05,650 --> 00:28:07,080
Look, if I can just talk
to her over dinner,
579
00:28:07,150 --> 00:28:08,620
you know,
and try to fix it up
580
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,250
so she doesn't get
any ideas--
581
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,850
And what am I supposed
to be doing, meanwhile?
582
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:13,980
I don't know.
583
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,880
You could, uh,
read "Playboy" or, uh,
584
00:28:16,950 --> 00:28:19,850
do some push-ups in front
of the mirror.
585
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,680
You could
build a model airplane.
586
00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:25,080
Oh, you're just
a sweetheart.
587
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:37,580
Peace.
588
00:28:37,650 --> 00:28:40,120
Lovers should never
go to be angry.
589
00:28:40,180 --> 00:28:41,920
(laughs)
590
00:28:41,980 --> 00:28:42,920
Look, Elliot.
591
00:28:42,980 --> 00:28:43,920
(groans)
592
00:28:43,980 --> 00:28:45,080
I'm sorry.
593
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:46,750
I didn't know this thing
would get this heavy.
594
00:28:46,820 --> 00:28:48,680
It's not turning out
anything like I'd planned.
595
00:28:48,750 --> 00:28:50,080
I figured, uh, once
we snowed them
596
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:51,650
down at the
draft board, that was it.
597
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:52,780
Ah, forget it.
598
00:28:52,850 --> 00:28:54,280
But there's something
you ought to know.
599
00:28:54,350 --> 00:28:55,720
Hmm?
600
00:28:55,780 --> 00:28:57,420
You're
not the first man
601
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,780
I've ever gone to
bed with.
602
00:28:59,850 --> 00:29:00,880
When I was a kid,
603
00:29:00,950 --> 00:29:02,680
I used to sack in with
my father.
604
00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:05,680
(comical music)
605
00:29:05,750 --> 00:29:08,450
♪♪
606
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,450
(lively music)
607
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:19,450
♪♪
608
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,120
(knocks on door)
609
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,280
Good morning.
610
00:29:57,350 --> 00:29:58,720
Could I
borrow a couple of eggs
611
00:29:58,780 --> 00:30:00,450
and some oregano,
if you have some?
612
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:01,920
Mm-hmm.
613
00:30:01,980 --> 00:30:03,050
Come on in, Malcolm.
614
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:04,050
Oh, thank you.
615
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,080
I was in the middle
616
00:30:05,150 --> 00:30:06,780
of whipping up
a little surprise for Craig,
617
00:30:06,850 --> 00:30:09,950
and I ran out, and you
can't make this very--
618
00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:13,480
My God,
what's happening here?
619
00:30:13,550 --> 00:30:15,220
Oh!
620
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:16,620
Looks like
you had a fistfight
621
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,050
with Julia Child.
622
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:20,920
Yeah, well, I'm trying to
make breakfast.
623
00:30:20,980 --> 00:30:23,280
Uh, I'm really not
too much of a hand
624
00:30:23,350 --> 00:30:24,280
in the kitchen.
625
00:30:24,350 --> 00:30:25,280
Say no more.
626
00:30:25,350 --> 00:30:26,620
I understand, darling.
627
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:27,950
(groans)
628
00:30:28,020 --> 00:30:29,250
When Craig and
I were first married,
629
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,350
I didn't know a thing
about cooking, either.
630
00:30:31,420 --> 00:30:34,780
I used to dress
a turkey in Levi's.
631
00:30:34,850 --> 00:30:37,180
In fact, on our very first
wedding anniversary,
632
00:30:37,250 --> 00:30:38,720
Craig gave me a cookbook,
633
00:30:38,780 --> 00:30:40,950
and I gave him
a stomach pump.
634
00:30:41,020 --> 00:30:42,580
Why don't you
run upstairs, darling?
635
00:30:42,650 --> 00:30:44,280
Let me take care
of this.
636
00:30:44,350 --> 00:30:45,620
Oh, I--
I don't want to--
637
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,880
I don't want to put you
to any trouble.
638
00:30:46,950 --> 00:30:48,020
It's no trouble at all.
639
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:49,020
Now, come on,
run along.
640
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,050
Shoo, shoo.
641
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:51,250
Come on, let your
fairy godmother
642
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,020
get her wand working.
643
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,450
Thank you.
You're welcome.
644
00:30:56,850 --> 00:30:59,580
(hums)
645
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,950
(flamenco music)
646
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:11,950
♪♪
647
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,620
Do you like the music?
648
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,080
It's all right.
649
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,280
Our interior-decorating
landlord, uh,
650
00:31:29,350 --> 00:31:30,950
came over
to borrow some eggs,
651
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,850
and he's offered to cook
me breakfast.
652
00:31:36,650 --> 00:31:38,480
Oh, really?
653
00:31:38,550 --> 00:31:41,320
You two are getting
awfully chummy.
654
00:31:41,380 --> 00:31:42,380
Better watch out.
655
00:31:42,450 --> 00:31:44,250
Craig's liable to get
jealous.
656
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:45,520
Aw, no.
657
00:31:45,580 --> 00:31:46,950
Malcolm's just
being friendly.
658
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,680
Oh, sure he is.
659
00:31:49,750 --> 00:31:52,150
I mean, he hasn't tried to
touch me or anything.
660
00:31:52,220 --> 00:31:54,350
I bet.
661
00:31:54,420 --> 00:31:56,420
Anyway, I'll bet he cooks
better than you do.
662
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,680
(razor buzzing)
663
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:00,750
I doubt it.
664
00:32:00,820 --> 00:32:05,280
♪♪
665
00:32:05,350 --> 00:32:08,280
("Toreador Song"
from "Carmen")
666
00:32:08,350 --> 00:32:16,280
♪♪
667
00:33:23,980 --> 00:33:24,920
Hi, Malcolm.
668
00:33:24,980 --> 00:33:26,780
Oh, good morning,
Hercules.
669
00:33:26,850 --> 00:33:27,920
Why don't you
go sit right down?
670
00:33:27,980 --> 00:33:29,320
Breakfast will be ready
in a jiff.
671
00:33:29,380 --> 00:33:30,520
No, I've got to rush.
672
00:33:30,580 --> 00:33:31,750
(inhales)
673
00:33:31,820 --> 00:33:32,950
Oh, that
smells terrific!
674
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:34,680
Why, of course
it's terrific.
675
00:33:34,750 --> 00:33:36,620
It's my secret recipe.
676
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,780
Montezuma madness.
677
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:40,780
Maria Montana
served it to her lover
678
00:33:40,850 --> 00:33:42,580
in "The Sign of the
Cobra Queen."
679
00:33:42,650 --> 00:33:44,550
Malcolm, take it easy
with the kid.
680
00:33:44,620 --> 00:33:45,550
Don't spoil him.
681
00:33:45,620 --> 00:33:46,850
He's tough enough to
live with.
682
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,080
Oh, Elliot, I wouldn't
dream of spoiling Danny.
683
00:33:49,150 --> 00:33:50,980
It's hard enough
with Craig,
684
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:52,620
and he loves my cooking so,
685
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:53,820
I practically have to
beg him
686
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:57,120
to take me
out to a restaurant.
687
00:33:57,180 --> 00:33:59,120
You know, I think
I will try a little.
688
00:33:59,180 --> 00:34:00,480
I knew you
couldn't resist it.
689
00:34:00,550 --> 00:34:03,450
Neither
could John Hall.
690
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:07,580
You're not going to eat
my omelet like that.
691
00:34:07,650 --> 00:34:09,680
You're right.
692
00:34:12,380 --> 00:34:14,320
(groans)
693
00:34:14,380 --> 00:34:17,320
("Toreador Song"
from "Carmen")
694
00:34:17,380 --> 00:34:20,650
♪♪
695
00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:21,650
Just what it needed.
696
00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:22,680
See you later, Mal.
697
00:34:22,750 --> 00:34:24,080
Carumba!
698
00:34:25,980 --> 00:34:28,080
(Mrs. Devlin)
What a charming place.
699
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,080
It's so quaint.
700
00:34:30,150 --> 00:34:32,850
(footfalls)
701
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,620
Hi, uh, what are you
doing here?
702
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:35,980
Well, we thought we'd
stop by
703
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,180
and see how you two bachelors
were making out.
704
00:34:38,250 --> 00:34:40,720
Oh, we're just
making out fine.
705
00:34:40,780 --> 00:34:41,880
It sure looks that way.
706
00:34:41,950 --> 00:34:42,950
I may even move in here
with you
707
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,220
for a few days myself.
708
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:45,520
(laughs)
Great.
709
00:34:45,580 --> 00:34:48,250
Uh, the door's open.
710
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,250
Thanks, Elliot.
711
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:57,080
Danny!
712
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,180
(Malcolm)
Oh, hello.
713
00:34:58,250 --> 00:35:00,520
I'm Malcolm DeJohn,
Danny's landlord.
714
00:35:00,580 --> 00:35:02,080
Well, I'm
Danny's mother.
715
00:35:02,150 --> 00:35:04,320
Oh, well,
how do you do?
716
00:35:04,380 --> 00:35:05,780
I'm Danny's father.
717
00:35:05,850 --> 00:35:06,780
Oh, how do you do?
718
00:35:06,850 --> 00:35:08,350
How do you do?
719
00:35:09,420 --> 00:35:10,350
Mom!
720
00:35:10,420 --> 00:35:11,750
Dad!
721
00:35:11,820 --> 00:35:14,350
Dad, what-- what--
What are you doing?
722
00:35:14,420 --> 00:35:15,350
We just happened to be
in the neighborhood
723
00:35:15,420 --> 00:35:16,520
and thought we'd stop by.
724
00:35:16,580 --> 00:35:19,250
Oh, well, I came over to
borrow some oregano,
725
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,280
and Danny
was lost in the kitchen.
726
00:35:21,350 --> 00:35:22,280
Uh, Mal--
Malcolm offered
727
00:35:22,350 --> 00:35:23,280
to make me breakfast.
728
00:35:23,350 --> 00:35:24,720
Well, that's very sweet
of you.
729
00:35:24,780 --> 00:35:26,450
Danny,
I love your cottage.
730
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:27,880
It's so, um--
731
00:35:27,950 --> 00:35:28,880
Well, actually,
732
00:35:28,950 --> 00:35:30,080
we haven't had
a chance,
733
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,220
you know,
to straighten--
734
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:32,520
Malcolm, are we
keeping you?
735
00:35:32,580 --> 00:35:33,920
Oh, no, no,
not at all.
736
00:35:33,980 --> 00:35:34,980
Go.
737
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,080
Why don't you show them
the cottage?
738
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,520
I know they'll adore it.
739
00:35:37,580 --> 00:35:39,120
Danny, what is this?
740
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,920
Oh, it's a statue...
741
00:35:43,980 --> 00:35:46,280
Of, uh, two wrestlers.
742
00:35:46,350 --> 00:35:48,920
But they're not wearing
any clothes.
743
00:35:48,980 --> 00:35:50,780
Right.
744
00:35:50,850 --> 00:35:52,850
Well, you know how
the Greeks do it, Dad.
745
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:54,680
Oh, yeah, sure.
746
00:35:54,750 --> 00:35:56,780
Well, it's
a lovely place.
747
00:35:56,850 --> 00:35:59,780
It's so quaint.
748
00:36:01,750 --> 00:36:05,580
Oh, I must call Delores and
have her see this place.
749
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,580
Uh, Mom, uh, it's
so messy upstairs.
750
00:36:10,650 --> 00:36:13,580
Oh, that's all right.
751
00:36:13,650 --> 00:36:15,350
Everything all right,
Danny?
752
00:36:15,420 --> 00:36:16,450
Need any money?
753
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:17,450
(Mrs. Devlin)
Barney!
754
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:18,450
Oh, no, no.
755
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,450
You must come
and see this.
756
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,850
(Danny)
Dad, about the bedroom,
uh, it's not exactly--
757
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,420
Well, well,
I never expected
758
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,680
anything quite
like this.
759
00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:38,420
Yeah, uh, well,
you see,
760
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,480
two women
lived here before we did,
761
00:36:40,550 --> 00:36:42,880
and we haven't had a chance
to change it yet.
762
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:44,080
Yeah.
763
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,350
They had rather strong
taste, didn't they?
764
00:36:46,420 --> 00:36:47,380
(laughs)
765
00:36:47,450 --> 00:36:48,720
Where does
Elliot sleep?
766
00:36:48,780 --> 00:36:50,150
Elliot?
767
00:36:50,220 --> 00:36:51,150
Yes.
768
00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:52,580
Show me his room.
769
00:36:52,650 --> 00:36:54,250
Uh, well, no, that--
That's not his room.
770
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,320
See, this is,
uh-- This is the bathroom.
771
00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:06,350
Oh, it's a one-bedroom
apartment,
772
00:37:06,420 --> 00:37:08,920
but, uh,
we're gonna get a couch
773
00:37:08,980 --> 00:37:11,380
for downstairs that pulls
out into a bed.
774
00:37:11,450 --> 00:37:13,580
That's good.
775
00:37:20,650 --> 00:37:24,680
Uh, that belonged to the
girls who lived here before.
776
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:31,880
Well, Dad, you've, uh--
you've seen it all.
777
00:37:31,950 --> 00:37:35,080
I'm sorry you and Mom couldn't
have stayed longer.
778
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,450
Charming.
779
00:37:43,980 --> 00:37:46,520
Uh, Mom, would you
excuse us a second?
780
00:37:46,580 --> 00:37:47,780
Listen, Dad, I wanted to
talk to you
781
00:37:47,850 --> 00:37:48,780
about the
color of the room.
782
00:37:48,850 --> 00:37:49,880
You know, pink.
783
00:37:49,950 --> 00:37:51,250
Well, I don't like
pink either.
784
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,280
We're gonna
get some brown paint,
785
00:37:53,350 --> 00:37:54,280
and I think it'll look
really good,
786
00:37:54,350 --> 00:37:55,780
dark brown, huh?
787
00:37:55,850 --> 00:37:58,780
(Malcolm)
Oh, Mrs. Devlin.
788
00:38:00,980 --> 00:38:03,480
That's one of Freddie's,
isn't it?
789
00:38:03,550 --> 00:38:05,620
Freddie?
Freddie Brache.
790
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,720
I'd know one
of his designs anywhere.
791
00:38:07,780 --> 00:38:09,420
Why, yes.
792
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:10,620
I didn't know men
793
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:11,920
appreciated such
things.
794
00:38:11,980 --> 00:38:14,150
Well, not all men do.
795
00:38:14,220 --> 00:38:15,950
Uh, listen, you know,
uh, I hope--
796
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,180
I hope you'll be
able to come up to,
797
00:38:17,250 --> 00:38:19,920
uh, campus this fall,
uh, to see
798
00:38:19,980 --> 00:38:20,920
some of the football
games, you and Mom.
799
00:38:20,980 --> 00:38:23,580
SC is playing up
there this year.
800
00:38:23,650 --> 00:38:25,920
(Malcolm)
That color is
yummy for you,
801
00:38:25,980 --> 00:38:28,250
and it adds a very youthful
line to your figure.
802
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:29,620
Oh, do you
really think so?
803
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,120
Oh, I do, indeed.
804
00:38:31,180 --> 00:38:32,620
Danny's very lucky
to have
805
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,580
such a
lovely-looking mother.
806
00:38:34,650 --> 00:38:36,680
Well, you know,
as a matter of fact,
807
00:38:36,750 --> 00:38:39,950
I was very young when
Danny was born.
808
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:41,680
I'm sure you were.
809
00:38:41,750 --> 00:38:43,450
Evelyn, I--
810
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,080
I must rush.
811
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,450
I have to
get back to my souffle.
812
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,780
So nice to have met
you, Mr. DeJohn.
813
00:38:49,850 --> 00:38:52,680
My pleasure.
814
00:38:52,750 --> 00:38:54,980
Uh, Danny, I put
the omelet in the oven.
815
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,150
Please try and eat it
before it gets cold.
816
00:38:57,220 --> 00:38:58,620
(laughs)
817
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,780
Au revoir, Mrs. Devlin.
818
00:39:03,380 --> 00:39:05,280
Isn't he marvelous?
819
00:39:05,350 --> 00:39:07,580
Yeah.
Isn't he?
820
00:39:07,650 --> 00:39:09,550
Uh, Evelyn, I have to be
on the first tee by 11:00.
821
00:39:09,620 --> 00:39:10,880
Good-bye, darling.
822
00:39:10,950 --> 00:39:12,450
Good-bye, Mom.
Good-bye, Danny.
823
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,280
Dad.
824
00:39:14,350 --> 00:39:16,280
Thanks for coming over.
825
00:39:16,350 --> 00:39:18,880
I'm so glad Danny
found such a lovely place.
826
00:39:18,950 --> 00:39:21,480
Karen's going to be thrilled
when she sees it.
827
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:26,480
And he has
such nice neighbors.
828
00:39:36,150 --> 00:39:38,780
♪♪
829
00:39:38,850 --> 00:39:40,780
Thank you,
it's very good.
830
00:39:40,850 --> 00:39:43,450
Oh, honey, that
sounds fantastic.
831
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,280
Well, it's a lot
better than living at home,
832
00:39:45,350 --> 00:39:46,320
I'll tell you that.
833
00:39:46,380 --> 00:39:47,550
Do you want another
brandy?
834
00:39:47,620 --> 00:39:50,280
Mm-hmm, but I'd like it
over at your place.
835
00:39:50,350 --> 00:39:52,080
I'm dying to see it.
836
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,080
Well, you will, you know, but,
well, we just moved in,
837
00:39:55,150 --> 00:39:58,120
and the place is a mess,
things all over the floor.
838
00:39:58,180 --> 00:40:00,950
Oh, I wish we finally had
a place to ourselves
839
00:40:01,020 --> 00:40:04,180
and I could cook and
play house with you.
840
00:40:04,250 --> 00:40:06,920
Baby, just as soon as
I start school,
841
00:40:06,980 --> 00:40:08,680
you'll fly
out of San Francisco
842
00:40:08,750 --> 00:40:10,120
and live with me in
Palo Alto.
843
00:40:10,180 --> 00:40:11,580
I know.
844
00:40:11,650 --> 00:40:13,280
I wish we could get
started right now.
845
00:40:13,350 --> 00:40:16,520
Well, we
could get started.
846
00:40:16,580 --> 00:40:18,520
What's happening back at
your place tonight?
847
00:40:18,580 --> 00:40:20,180
Not much.
848
00:40:20,250 --> 00:40:21,620
Uh, let's see.
849
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:24,250
Joyce is in Denver,
Carolyn's in Chicago,
850
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,350
and one of them
is due back
851
00:40:26,420 --> 00:40:29,580
tonight around midnight.
852
00:40:29,650 --> 00:40:32,780
Well, that gives us
about enough time.
853
00:40:32,850 --> 00:40:36,450
Uh, Danny,
couldn't we please
854
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:37,680
go back to your place?
855
00:40:37,750 --> 00:40:39,050
I promise, I'll keep
my eyes closed
856
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:40,050
until the lights go out.
857
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:41,220
I promise
I won't see a mess.
858
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,350
Honey, look, it's--
It's really a bad idea.
859
00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:45,350
Elliot's probably home and,
look,
860
00:40:45,420 --> 00:40:47,220
you've got a flight tomorrow
morning at 9:30 anyway,
861
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,280
don't you?
862
00:40:48,350 --> 00:40:49,950
Hmm, that's true.
863
00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:51,020
But next time,
864
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,580
let's make some better
arrangements.
865
00:40:53,650 --> 00:40:56,020
Look, I will next time.
866
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:57,650
You just have to have
patience with me.
867
00:40:57,720 --> 00:40:59,750
Things have
been so frantic lately.
868
00:40:59,820 --> 00:41:01,780
I don't even know what's
gonna happen next.
869
00:41:01,850 --> 00:41:03,080
It's only a copy,
870
00:41:03,150 --> 00:41:05,150
but it's, uh,
Michelangelo's David,
871
00:41:05,220 --> 00:41:07,950
and I fell in love with it
when I first saw it.
872
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,850
As a matter of fact,
Craig and I thought
873
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,920
it would be kind of heaven
for your living room.
874
00:41:11,980 --> 00:41:13,250
You know, I-- I don't
want you people
875
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:14,820
going to any
extra expenses or anything.
876
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,080
Oh, nonsense, Danny,
877
00:41:16,150 --> 00:41:18,680
and I know exactly where
to put it.
878
00:41:18,750 --> 00:41:20,180
You know, Danny,
879
00:41:20,250 --> 00:41:22,120
"Home Beautiful"
wanted to do a spread,
880
00:41:22,180 --> 00:41:25,680
but just the idea
sounded vulgar.
881
00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:30,250
You know,
seeing the two of you
882
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:31,450
getting started like this
883
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,120
is reminiscent
of Malcolm and myself
884
00:41:34,180 --> 00:41:36,420
when we were first
married.
885
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:38,420
Oh, yeah?
886
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,480
The struggle we had
in the beginning,
887
00:41:40,550 --> 00:41:42,550
trying to adjust.
888
00:41:42,620 --> 00:41:44,250
Well, you know what
they say.
889
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:45,880
Give a little,
take a little.
890
00:41:45,950 --> 00:41:47,220
How true.
891
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:51,520
God knows, Malcolm isn't the
easiest person to live with.
892
00:41:51,580 --> 00:41:54,380
High-strung, temperamental.
893
00:41:54,450 --> 00:41:56,350
You've got to watch
every word you say to him.
894
00:41:56,420 --> 00:41:58,250
The slightest thing is
liable to set him off
895
00:41:58,320 --> 00:41:59,450
on one of his tantrums.
896
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,950
Jeez, I thought you two
were made for each other.
897
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,450
I know,
898
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:07,580
but believe me,
it hasn't been easy.
899
00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:10,250
It started off as the
usual physical thing.
900
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,450
You know, just
a plain pick-up.
901
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,450
Been through it myself.
902
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:18,880
But how long can one keep
up these casual affairs?
903
00:42:18,950 --> 00:42:21,120
You get
tired of cruising.
904
00:42:21,180 --> 00:42:23,720
It gets so depressing
after a while.
905
00:42:23,780 --> 00:42:26,580
It's just the same
old thing,
906
00:42:26,650 --> 00:42:29,380
over and over again.
907
00:42:29,450 --> 00:42:32,180
It leaves you feeling
so-- so--
908
00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:33,250
Drained.
909
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:34,880
Exactly.
910
00:42:34,950 --> 00:42:36,150
Before I met Malcolm,
911
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:38,620
I was married
to a real tramp.
912
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,620
I couldn't trust him
alone for a minute.
913
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,920
The breakup
was very messy.
914
00:42:44,980 --> 00:42:46,180
I can imagine.
915
00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:48,080
The anguish of trying
to explain it
916
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,180
to your friends,
realizing all the time
917
00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:52,420
that she had probably
been intimate with them.
918
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,580
The utter humiliation
of it.
919
00:42:54,650 --> 00:42:55,820
Well, you know what
I say.
920
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:59,820
Love them and leave them.
921
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:03,950
(quiet conversation)
922
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,120
Isn't that lovely?
923
00:43:05,180 --> 00:43:06,750
Yeah.
924
00:43:06,820 --> 00:43:08,320
It seem appropriate.
925
00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:10,120
Tell me, how have
you and Danny
926
00:43:10,180 --> 00:43:13,820
managed to make
a steady thing of it?
927
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:15,780
Well, we-- I guess
928
00:43:15,850 --> 00:43:19,450
it was love at first
sight, I guess.
929
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:21,150
We took one look at
each other, and we knew
930
00:43:21,220 --> 00:43:23,950
we were destined
for one another.
931
00:43:25,620 --> 00:43:28,920
How romantic.
932
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,450
You never tell me
anything like that.
933
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,120
What do you
expect after seven years?
934
00:43:34,180 --> 00:43:35,350
Omar Sharif?
935
00:43:35,420 --> 00:43:37,080
Yes.
936
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:38,350
(laughs)
937
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:43,520
(knocks on door)
938
00:43:50,180 --> 00:43:52,150
Hi.
Hi.
939
00:43:52,220 --> 00:43:54,750
Wow, we sure had a hard time
finding this place.
940
00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:01,950
Who are you guys
hiding from, the FBI?
941
00:44:05,550 --> 00:44:06,750
Hi.
942
00:44:06,820 --> 00:44:08,080
Mwah!
943
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,120
I hate to admit it,
lover boy,
944
00:44:10,180 --> 00:44:12,680
but, uh, you know, you've
only been gone a few days,
945
00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:14,220
and already
I'm beginning to miss
946
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,120
your homely little face
around the house.
947
00:44:17,180 --> 00:44:18,480
How'd you find us?
948
00:44:18,550 --> 00:44:20,420
Well, your roommate
invited Bunny over,
949
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:21,820
and we were out shopping,
950
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,650
so I decided to
come along with her.
951
00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:26,320
You don't mind, do you?
952
00:44:26,380 --> 00:44:28,080
Oh, no, no.
953
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,080
I thought I told you
to call first.
954
00:44:31,150 --> 00:44:33,720
Oh, dear.
955
00:44:33,780 --> 00:44:35,520
Oh, I'm sorry.
956
00:44:35,580 --> 00:44:38,480
Craig, Malcolm,
this is my sister Leslie.
957
00:44:38,550 --> 00:44:39,780
How do you do?
958
00:44:39,850 --> 00:44:40,950
How do you do?
Hello.
959
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:41,980
Hi.
960
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,850
And, uh, this is Bunny over
here.
961
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:46,720
Hi.
962
00:44:46,780 --> 00:44:48,780
Why don't you
just sit down?
963
00:44:48,850 --> 00:44:49,880
I'm sorry, Danny,
964
00:44:49,950 --> 00:44:51,380
I didn't know
you had guests.
965
00:44:51,450 --> 00:44:53,220
Oh, uh, we're not guests.
966
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:54,320
You see, actually,
967
00:44:54,380 --> 00:44:55,720
Craig and I
live across the courtyard.
968
00:44:55,780 --> 00:44:57,820
It's just one big family.
969
00:44:57,880 --> 00:44:58,980
Oh.
970
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,780
Well, my mom told me
all about this place,
971
00:45:00,850 --> 00:45:02,120
so I just thought
I'd come around
972
00:45:02,180 --> 00:45:03,850
and look for myself.
973
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:05,920
Somebody, uh,
sure is queer
974
00:45:05,980 --> 00:45:09,220
for nudes around
here, aren't they?
975
00:45:12,350 --> 00:45:16,950
Oh, you sure did look silly
in my dress the other night.
976
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:17,950
(giggles)
977
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:19,380
Oh, dear.
978
00:45:19,450 --> 00:45:21,350
Bunny,
979
00:45:21,420 --> 00:45:22,350
uh, why don't we,
980
00:45:22,420 --> 00:45:26,080
uh, go upstairs and
look at the bedroom.
981
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:27,080
(Bunny)
Oh!
982
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:28,080
(giggles)
983
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,250
(Malcolm)
Daniel,
984
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:33,350
why didn't you tell us
985
00:45:33,420 --> 00:45:35,080
that you have such
a lovely sister?
986
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:36,150
She's adorable.
987
00:45:36,220 --> 00:45:37,280
In fact,
they both are.
988
00:45:37,350 --> 00:45:40,480
Oh, they're all right,
if you dig girls.
989
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,520
Well, I have
a sister too.
990
00:45:46,580 --> 00:45:48,680
Oh, really?
991
00:45:48,750 --> 00:45:49,780
Recently married.
992
00:45:49,850 --> 00:45:51,820
She married a lovely
Olympic swimmer.
993
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:53,280
Tell me.
994
00:45:53,350 --> 00:45:55,920
And the wedding
was gorgeous.
995
00:45:55,980 --> 00:45:58,080
The best man
gave the groom away,
996
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:00,180
my father gave the
bride away,
997
00:46:00,250 --> 00:46:04,350
and the fact that I
wanted to be flower girl
998
00:46:04,420 --> 00:46:06,080
gave me away.
999
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,350
(laughs)
1000
00:46:07,420 --> 00:46:10,350
(laughs)
1001
00:46:10,420 --> 00:46:12,150
(laughs)
1002
00:46:12,220 --> 00:46:13,820
I bet it did.
1003
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:17,880
(women giggling)
1004
00:46:17,950 --> 00:46:19,520
Oh, dear!
1005
00:46:19,580 --> 00:46:22,320
Oh, Danny, it's
really too much.
1006
00:46:22,380 --> 00:46:25,220
Who's your decorator--
Tiny Tim?
1007
00:46:26,650 --> 00:46:28,620
My dear child,
1008
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:32,280
I decorated every inch
of this cottage myself.
1009
00:46:32,350 --> 00:46:33,750
Tiny Tim?
1010
00:46:33,820 --> 00:46:35,280
Really.
1011
00:46:37,750 --> 00:46:40,780
Oh, dig this crazy
bug bomb I found.
1012
00:46:40,850 --> 00:46:41,920
(sprays)
1013
00:46:41,980 --> 00:46:44,580
Sweet child,
that crazy bug bomb
1014
00:46:44,650 --> 00:46:48,080
is worth about $5
a squirt.
1015
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:51,080
Oh, dear.
1016
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,280
Well, excuse us.
1017
00:46:56,350 --> 00:46:59,120
Guess I can tell when
we're not wanted.
1018
00:46:59,180 --> 00:47:01,250
Come on, Bunny,
let's get out of here.
1019
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,180
Oh!
1020
00:47:08,550 --> 00:47:10,120
Hang around awhile.
1021
00:47:10,180 --> 00:47:11,150
They'll be leaving soon.
1022
00:47:11,220 --> 00:47:12,350
Don't bother, Bunny.
1023
00:47:12,420 --> 00:47:14,650
It's obvious you'd rather
spend your time
1024
00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:16,680
with your neighbors.
1025
00:47:16,750 --> 00:47:17,680
Bye.
1026
00:47:17,750 --> 00:47:19,680
Come on, Bu--
1027
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,250
(door slams)
1028
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:26,180
Look, I'm-- I'm terribly
sorry about that.
1029
00:47:26,250 --> 00:47:28,420
Oh, it's all right, Danny.
1030
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,350
Danny, I want to
talk to you.
1031
00:47:31,420 --> 00:47:33,620
Uh, would you excuse me
a second, please?
1032
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:35,250
Certainly.
1033
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,450
Talk about being uncool.
1034
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,620
Hey, now,
wait a minute.
1035
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:43,780
Whose idea was it to
invite them
1036
00:47:43,850 --> 00:47:44,880
in the first place?
1037
00:47:44,950 --> 00:47:47,250
Look, Elliot,
I thought that--
1038
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,620
that we had an
agreement.
1039
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:58,950
(hushed argument)
1040
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:05,750
I don't know about you,
but I'm hurting.
1041
00:48:05,820 --> 00:48:06,920
Do you want them
to hear us?
1042
00:48:06,980 --> 00:48:08,580
What do I care
if they hear me?
1043
00:48:08,650 --> 00:48:11,280
Look, you can take this
whole scene and shove it,
1044
00:48:11,350 --> 00:48:12,620
for my money.
1045
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:14,950
Look, if I don't start
getting a little,
1046
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,950
I'm gonna
wind up a basket case.
1047
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:20,120
Why don't you broadcast it
to the whole world?
1048
00:48:27,250 --> 00:48:29,780
Where'd everyone go?
1049
00:48:29,850 --> 00:48:32,450
Where do you think
everyone went?
1050
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:34,550
Look, Elliot,
if Malcolm and Craig
1051
00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:35,950
think that we've been
putting them on,
1052
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:36,980
they could go
right to that colonel
1053
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:38,620
and spill the whole
thing for us.
1054
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,350
Where are you going?
1055
00:48:40,420 --> 00:48:43,250
Well, I'm gonna go and
try and straighten it out.
1056
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:44,850
Straighten them out?
1057
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:46,580
(sprays)
1058
00:48:46,650 --> 00:48:48,920
Impossible.
1059
00:48:51,180 --> 00:48:52,980
(spraying)
$5.
1060
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:58,180
10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
1061
00:48:59,580 --> 00:49:01,180
(knocks on door)
1062
00:49:03,980 --> 00:49:05,250
Hi, Craig, listen.
Hi.
1063
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:06,250
I wanted to apologize.
1064
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:07,250
Oh, don't be silly.
1065
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:08,380
Come on in.
Thank you.
1066
00:49:08,450 --> 00:49:09,380
Make yourself at home.
1067
00:49:09,450 --> 00:49:10,380
(Malcolm)
Who is it, dear?
1068
00:49:10,450 --> 00:49:11,380
It's Danny.
1069
00:49:11,450 --> 00:49:12,720
Here, take a seat.
1070
00:49:12,780 --> 00:49:13,780
Danny.
1071
00:49:13,850 --> 00:49:15,480
Hi, Malcolm.
Hello.
1072
00:49:15,550 --> 00:49:16,620
I-- I love
your rug.
1073
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:18,650
Oh, isn't
Beulah heaven?
1074
00:49:18,720 --> 00:49:22,280
I trapped her under
the sink.
1075
00:49:22,350 --> 00:49:23,920
Uh--
What's going on?
1076
00:49:23,980 --> 00:49:25,450
Well, I-- I wanted
to apologize
1077
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:27,120
to the both of you for
the scene that was caused.
1078
00:49:27,180 --> 00:49:28,880
I-- I had
no idea that Elliot
1079
00:49:28,950 --> 00:49:30,080
was gonna invite
anybody over.
1080
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:31,480
Well, Danny,
first of all,
1081
00:49:31,550 --> 00:49:33,350
you don't have to
apologize.
1082
00:49:33,420 --> 00:49:34,980
Good Lord,
Craig and I
1083
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:36,250
have had our ups
and downs.
1084
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,350
Haven't we, dear?
We certainly have.
1085
00:49:38,420 --> 00:49:40,350
In fact, I was
just telling Elliot
1086
00:49:40,420 --> 00:49:42,750
that we fought that entire
first year we were married.
1087
00:49:42,820 --> 00:49:44,920
Year and a half.
1088
00:49:44,980 --> 00:49:46,720
Would you liked some
iced tea?
1089
00:49:46,780 --> 00:49:48,350
Sure.
1090
00:49:48,420 --> 00:49:50,380
Lover?
No, thanks.
1091
00:49:50,450 --> 00:49:51,680
Uh, just
a little sugar.
1092
00:49:51,750 --> 00:49:53,450
Certainement.
1093
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,020
Well, you and, uh, Elliot
1094
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,820
seemed to hit it off,
uh, marvelously.
1095
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:06,650
Oh, he's a very nice person.
1096
00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:08,350
In fact, you're very lucky
to have him.
1097
00:50:08,420 --> 00:50:10,480
Yeah.
1098
00:50:10,550 --> 00:50:11,650
Now, listen, lover boy,
1099
00:50:11,720 --> 00:50:12,920
if you're going to make any
sudden changes,
1100
00:50:12,980 --> 00:50:14,220
I wish you'd let me know.
1101
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,250
I was writing out the check
to your landlord
1102
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:18,120
when I
found out you had moved.
1103
00:50:18,180 --> 00:50:19,680
The bedroom is upstairs,
I take it.
1104
00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:21,020
Yes, but you
don't understand.
1105
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:22,520
We've really got to hurry,
because I told Ben
1106
00:50:22,580 --> 00:50:25,450
I was just going to
get my hair combed out.
1107
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,380
You can spare me 20 or 30
minutes, can't you?
1108
00:50:28,450 --> 00:50:29,620
Yeah, we-- Well,
I meant to call you
1109
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:31,150
and explain what's happening.
1110
00:50:31,220 --> 00:50:32,850
I'm sure you did.
1111
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:34,180
♪♪
1112
00:50:34,250 --> 00:50:38,080
My, you have gone theatrical,
haven't you, darling?
1113
00:50:38,150 --> 00:50:39,680
Well, it came this way.
1114
00:50:39,750 --> 00:50:41,980
All that's missing
are the mirrors.
1115
00:50:42,050 --> 00:50:43,220
♪♪
1116
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:46,420
Darling, you don't seem
too excited to see me.
1117
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:47,580
You don't understand.
1118
00:50:47,650 --> 00:50:48,750
Danny is across the--
1119
00:50:48,820 --> 00:50:50,180
♪♪
1120
00:50:50,250 --> 00:50:53,080
I think I can
fix that there.
1121
00:50:53,150 --> 00:50:55,280
Why don't you get ready?
1122
00:50:55,350 --> 00:50:57,450
You've got work to do.
1123
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:05,450
♪♪
1124
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,450
(fast-paced music)
1125
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,350
♪♪
1126
00:51:12,420 --> 00:51:15,350
(dramatic music)
1127
00:51:15,420 --> 00:51:23,350
♪♪
1128
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,250
Elliot, what the hell is going
on in-- Hi, Mrs. Conway.
1129
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:32,780
Elliot.
1130
00:51:32,850 --> 00:51:34,550
Mrs. Conway?
1131
00:51:34,620 --> 00:51:36,350
How are you, Danny?
1132
00:51:36,420 --> 00:51:39,680
Oh, well, I'm fine,
thank you.
1133
00:51:39,750 --> 00:51:40,920
Your mother was
telling me
1134
00:51:40,980 --> 00:51:42,280
about your
lovely new house,
1135
00:51:42,350 --> 00:51:46,680
and I was just
passing by,
1136
00:51:46,750 --> 00:51:50,620
in the neighborhood,
so-- Excuse me.
1137
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:51,720
(door closes)
1138
00:51:51,780 --> 00:51:53,720
You stupid son of a bitch.
1139
00:51:53,780 --> 00:51:54,720
What could I do?
1140
00:51:54,780 --> 00:51:55,750
She barges in here
1141
00:51:55,820 --> 00:51:58,080
and starts pulling her
clothes off.
1142
00:51:58,150 --> 00:52:00,180
It's only my mother's best
friend, that's all.
1143
00:52:00,250 --> 00:52:03,520
I just wanted to keep
it in the family.
1144
00:52:03,580 --> 00:52:05,520
I must hurry.
1145
00:52:06,850 --> 00:52:10,080
This really is a lovely place
you have, Danny.
1146
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:12,080
Bye.
1147
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:18,680
Your mother's
best friend, huh?
1148
00:52:18,750 --> 00:52:19,680
Well, let me tell you
1149
00:52:19,750 --> 00:52:20,680
about your mother's
best friend.
1150
00:52:20,750 --> 00:52:22,350
She was paying my rent,
1151
00:52:22,420 --> 00:52:23,920
and I think
I owe her for it.
1152
00:52:23,980 --> 00:52:25,180
Okay.
1153
00:52:25,250 --> 00:52:26,380
Right now, I'm paying
your rent,
1154
00:52:26,450 --> 00:52:28,420
so you owe me,
and you do what I say.
1155
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:29,780
No broads!
1156
00:52:33,850 --> 00:52:35,450
Oh!
1157
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:42,180
You dirty bitch!
1158
00:52:42,250 --> 00:52:45,750
Look what
you've done to my peonies!
1159
00:52:45,820 --> 00:52:47,850
(Mrs. Conway)
You can take your lovely
peonies!
1160
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,680
And besides, you silly queen,
they're not even peonies!
1161
00:52:50,750 --> 00:52:53,320
They're marigolds!
1162
00:52:53,380 --> 00:52:55,580
Good God, I think
she's right!
1163
00:52:55,650 --> 00:52:57,180
They are marigolds!
1164
00:52:57,250 --> 00:53:00,350
I may not know my flowers,
1165
00:53:00,420 --> 00:53:04,250
but I know a bitch
when I see one!
1166
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:05,980
Oh!
1167
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:08,380
(sobbing)
1168
00:53:08,450 --> 00:53:11,220
(laughs)
1169
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:12,780
Elliot, it's not funny.
1170
00:53:12,850 --> 00:53:14,080
Can't you get it
through your thick skull
1171
00:53:14,150 --> 00:53:15,920
that we're being watched
24 hours a day?
1172
00:53:15,980 --> 00:53:16,920
How is that gonna look
1173
00:53:16,980 --> 00:53:18,080
on the report
they send in on us?
1174
00:53:18,150 --> 00:53:20,720
Aw, she wasn't here long
enough to wash her hands.
1175
00:53:20,780 --> 00:53:22,550
That's not the point!
1176
00:53:22,620 --> 00:53:24,480
The point is that we can't
be seen with women.
1177
00:53:24,550 --> 00:53:26,380
If they find out
that we're faking it,
1178
00:53:26,450 --> 00:53:28,080
we're gonna be in Vietnam
Monday morning.
1179
00:53:28,150 --> 00:53:29,650
Can't we be AC/DC?
1180
00:53:29,720 --> 00:53:31,550
Oh, you're hopeless.
1181
00:53:31,620 --> 00:53:32,950
No, baby, you are.
1182
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,080
You're playing this thing
way too heavy.
1183
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,480
You've got to take it
seriously!
1184
00:53:37,550 --> 00:53:38,820
♪♪
1185
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,450
(whistling sound effect)
1186
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:42,580
(Leslie)
Well, I still think
1187
00:53:42,650 --> 00:53:44,450
something should be
done about it.
1188
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:46,180
I mean, that whole
scene he's moved into,
1189
00:53:46,250 --> 00:53:48,750
it's-- Well, it's
unhealthy.
1190
00:53:48,820 --> 00:53:50,550
Now, calm down, honey.
1191
00:53:50,620 --> 00:53:52,980
I don't see any harm in Danny
having a little fun
1192
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:54,620
before he leaves for school.
1193
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:55,780
After all, he and Elliot
1194
00:53:55,850 --> 00:53:58,350
are two normal,
red-blooded American boys.
1195
00:53:58,420 --> 00:53:59,550
Well, I've got to get out
to the club.
1196
00:53:59,620 --> 00:54:00,720
Normal?
1197
00:54:00,780 --> 00:54:03,550
You call that
Elliot Crane normal?
1198
00:54:03,620 --> 00:54:05,180
(groans)
1199
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,920
Daddy, I don't see
how you can be so blind.
1200
00:54:13,720 --> 00:54:15,550
(shower running)
1201
00:54:15,620 --> 00:54:17,920
(man)
Well, you have to admit,
my backhand has improved.
1202
00:54:17,980 --> 00:54:20,080
(friend)
Yeah, but your serve
is still lousy.
1203
00:54:20,150 --> 00:54:22,780
I didn't see you
serving any aces.
1204
00:54:22,850 --> 00:54:25,380
(Elliot)
I think his serve is simply
super, sweetheart.
1205
00:54:25,450 --> 00:54:26,450
It's your forehand
1206
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:28,680
that leaves something
to be desired.
1207
00:54:28,750 --> 00:54:31,450
Hey, Elliot, did anyone
ever tell you you're sick?
1208
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:32,620
Only my girlfriend,
baby,
1209
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:34,380
and he
likes me this way.
1210
00:54:34,450 --> 00:54:35,750
(man)
Hey, Elliot,
I dropped my soap.
1211
00:54:35,820 --> 00:54:36,750
Pick it up for me,
will you?
1212
00:54:36,820 --> 00:54:38,380
Not on your life,
lover.
1213
00:54:38,450 --> 00:54:39,850
It's not safe for us girls
to bend down
1214
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,850
in front
of all you big boys.
1215
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:48,080
(overlapping chatter)
1216
00:54:48,150 --> 00:54:50,820
(Mr. Devlin)
I want that boy fired,
and I want him fired today.
1217
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:53,120
(man)
Oh, come on, Barney,
you don't really believe
1218
00:54:53,180 --> 00:54:54,550
that kid's a faggot,
do you?
1219
00:54:54,620 --> 00:54:56,080
Just because he's
been kidding around
1220
00:54:56,150 --> 00:54:58,080
in the shower room.
1221
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,350
If you'd seen his apartment
1222
00:54:59,420 --> 00:55:00,520
and heard what
my daughter told me,
1223
00:55:00,580 --> 00:55:01,580
you'd know
he wasn't kidding.
1224
00:55:01,650 --> 00:55:03,080
That boy's as queer
as a $3 bill.
1225
00:55:03,150 --> 00:55:04,920
Oh, Barney,
for Christ's sake.
1226
00:55:04,980 --> 00:55:07,120
Yes, you'd better.
I'm reminding you.
1227
00:55:07,180 --> 00:55:10,250
(conversation fades)
1228
00:55:30,550 --> 00:55:33,850
(Danny)
What's your problem?
1229
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,080
I was canned today.
1230
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:38,150
You're kidding me.
1231
00:55:38,220 --> 00:55:40,250
What for?
You tell me.
1232
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:41,680
Forrester called me
into his office
1233
00:55:41,750 --> 00:55:43,120
and told me
I was through.
1234
00:55:43,180 --> 00:55:44,250
Said something about
1235
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:45,850
their not really needing
a lifeguard,
1236
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:47,120
that somebody's
daughter was gonna come in
1237
00:55:47,180 --> 00:55:48,620
and give the kids
swimming lessons.
1238
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:51,250
Said something about me
1239
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:53,550
being a bad influence
on the kids or something.
1240
00:55:53,620 --> 00:55:56,320
Considering what you've been
doing to their mothers,
1241
00:55:56,380 --> 00:55:58,350
uh, they might
have a point there.
1242
00:55:58,420 --> 00:55:59,620
Yeah?
1243
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:02,350
And what's that
supposed to mean?
1244
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,250
Nothing, Elliot, nothing.
1245
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:07,880
Look, I'll ask my old man
1246
00:56:07,950 --> 00:56:09,420
to find out what
the story is, okay?
1247
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:12,620
Yeah, well, whatever.
1248
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:15,780
I've got 57 bucks to my
name and no prospects.
1249
00:56:15,850 --> 00:56:18,080
Don't sweat the money.
1250
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:19,580
That I can handle.
1251
00:56:19,650 --> 00:56:24,080
I hope the whole thing
blows over soon anyway.
1252
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:25,080
(sighs)
1253
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:27,420
Look, I got, uh,
a date with Karen.
1254
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:28,420
Are you gonna be around?
1255
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,080
Yeah, well, if I am,
1256
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,250
it's not gonna be
by myself,
1257
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:32,580
I'll tell
you that right now.
1258
00:56:32,650 --> 00:56:34,080
Now, wait a minute,
Elliot.
1259
00:56:34,150 --> 00:56:35,850
We've got an agreement,
and you stick to it!
1260
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,580
I don't see it holding
you back any, champ.
1261
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:42,120
Elliot.
1262
00:56:45,150 --> 00:56:46,080
(phone clicks)
1263
00:56:46,150 --> 00:56:47,250
♪♪
1264
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,620
Okay, just--
Just be cool, huh?
1265
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,450
Don't bring 'em
back here.
1266
00:56:54,250 --> 00:56:56,180
Okay?
1267
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:07,620
(dialing phone number)
1268
00:57:10,220 --> 00:57:12,150
(door slams)
1269
00:57:15,750 --> 00:57:18,950
Hey, Louise.
1270
00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:21,780
Well, where is she?
1271
00:57:21,850 --> 00:57:23,350
What do you mean,
she's getting married?
1272
00:57:23,420 --> 00:57:25,980
Who'd marry her?
1273
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:29,320
Yeah, the same to you,
buddy.
1274
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:47,720
Look, honey, you'll really
like this place.
1275
00:57:47,780 --> 00:57:49,480
It's a new place, and it's
gonna be a good dinner.
1276
00:57:49,550 --> 00:57:51,420
Come on.
Danny, no.
1277
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,420
I-- I-- I don't want
to have dinner.
1278
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:54,450
I want to see
1279
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:56,450
where you and Elliot
are living.
1280
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:57,920
But you've
got to be hungry
1281
00:57:57,980 --> 00:57:59,280
after a-- a flight
like that.
1282
00:57:59,350 --> 00:58:02,080
I'm not hungry.
1283
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:04,480
Danny, are-- are--
are you sure
1284
00:58:04,550 --> 00:58:06,420
there's not another girl?
1285
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:09,550
Hey, what would I want
with another girl
1286
00:58:09,620 --> 00:58:10,920
when I've got you, huh?
1287
00:58:10,980 --> 00:58:12,280
(kiss)
1288
00:58:12,350 --> 00:58:15,120
Look at me.
1289
00:58:15,180 --> 00:58:18,450
You're all
the girl I need.
1290
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:20,120
All right.
1291
00:58:20,180 --> 00:58:21,250
Just the same, I--
I want to see
1292
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:23,950
where you
and Elliot are living.
1293
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:26,780
Uh, now?
1294
00:58:26,850 --> 00:58:29,350
Yeah, now.
1295
00:58:29,420 --> 00:58:32,350
(music playing faintly)
1296
00:58:32,420 --> 00:58:40,350
♪♪
1297
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:52,250
(man)
I'm sorry.
1298
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:56,350
It's just that things
aren't that way now.
1299
00:58:56,420 --> 00:58:59,650
♪♪
1300
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:02,920
It's just different,
that's all.
1301
00:59:02,980 --> 00:59:05,850
Please, Phil, you
can't end it just like this.
1302
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:07,480
Well, you know we were meant
for each other.
1303
00:59:07,550 --> 00:59:09,780
Not really, darling.
1304
00:59:09,850 --> 00:59:12,120
How can you be
so indifferent?
1305
00:59:12,180 --> 00:59:14,080
I'm not being anything.
1306
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,980
♪♪
1307
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:23,980
(quiet chatter)
1308
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,120
Hi.
1309
00:59:39,180 --> 00:59:42,980
Buy you a drink?
1310
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:45,480
Yeah, why not?
1311
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:48,320
Uh, Peter.
1312
00:59:48,380 --> 00:59:50,220
(Karen)
It's-- it's not
what I expected.
1313
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,950
Everybody says that.
1314
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:54,720
Uh, you know,
we're just moving in.
1315
00:59:54,780 --> 00:59:59,150
Uh, we're gonna make a lot
of changes, of course.
1316
00:59:59,220 --> 01:00:00,420
That's Elliot's.
1317
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:02,250
Oh.
1318
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:07,080
Uh, where do you sleep?
1319
01:00:07,150 --> 01:00:08,580
I'm sleeping
down on the couch,
1320
01:00:08,650 --> 01:00:10,020
and we're moving
twin beds in.
1321
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:11,650
Oh.
1322
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:17,780
♪♪
1323
01:00:17,850 --> 01:00:19,980
I'm sorry.
1324
01:00:20,050 --> 01:00:21,820
For what?
1325
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:23,050
For suspecting you.
1326
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:24,220
I-- I thought
you and Elliot
1327
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:27,780
were living up here
with some girl.
1328
01:00:27,850 --> 01:00:29,580
Oh, well, now you
know you're wrong.
1329
01:00:29,650 --> 01:00:30,750
I'm sorry.
1330
01:00:30,820 --> 01:00:31,820
I-- It's funny,
1331
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:32,920
I've never been
this jealous before.
1332
01:00:32,980 --> 01:00:34,450
Honey...
1333
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:35,450
(kiss)
1334
01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:36,520
I don't want you
to be jealous,
1335
01:00:36,580 --> 01:00:37,950
'cause I'm all yours.
1336
01:00:38,020 --> 01:00:39,750
Okay.
1337
01:00:39,820 --> 01:00:41,320
Well,
I'll tell you now,
1338
01:00:41,380 --> 01:00:43,080
it was really Elliot
I was worried about.
1339
01:00:43,150 --> 01:00:44,380
I envisioned him
1340
01:00:44,450 --> 01:00:46,080
bringing up all of his
ding-a-ling girlfriends
1341
01:00:46,150 --> 01:00:50,750
and the two of you having
a-- you know.
1342
01:00:50,820 --> 01:00:53,520
Honey, my taste and Elliot's
taste in women
1343
01:00:53,580 --> 01:00:54,750
is totally different.
1344
01:00:54,820 --> 01:00:56,850
He likes
them dumb and sexy,
1345
01:00:56,920 --> 01:00:59,450
and I like them smart
and sexy.
1346
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,820
Oh, is that
what I think it is?
1347
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:05,380
Well, it looks like
a fireplace to me.
1348
01:01:05,450 --> 01:01:06,550
Does it work?
1349
01:01:06,620 --> 01:01:07,950
No.
Oh.
1350
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:08,980
You mean,
it's genuine imitation.
1351
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:09,980
Mm-hmm.
1352
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:11,080
We could fake it.
1353
01:01:11,150 --> 01:01:12,520
Come on.
1354
01:01:12,580 --> 01:01:15,520
(serene music)
1355
01:01:15,580 --> 01:01:19,620
♪♪
1356
01:01:19,680 --> 01:01:21,620
Great.
1357
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:25,280
(clears throat)
1358
01:01:25,350 --> 01:01:26,920
Ah!
1359
01:01:26,980 --> 01:01:32,250
♪♪
1360
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:33,820
(Malcolm)
Oh, Craig!
1361
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:36,950
Mmm! Much better.
1362
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:39,080
Such a tub!
1363
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:40,950
Such a tub!
1364
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:41,950
What?
1365
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,520
Who was that?
1366
01:01:44,580 --> 01:01:46,520
Uh, well, that's, uh--
1367
01:01:46,580 --> 01:01:49,720
That's one
of our neighbors.
1368
01:01:49,780 --> 01:01:52,980
What kind of
a neighborhood is this?
1369
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:55,080
You know.
1370
01:01:55,150 --> 01:01:58,350
Look, you know, I'm
really kind of hungry.
1371
01:01:58,420 --> 01:01:59,520
Uh, why don't we go?
1372
01:01:59,580 --> 01:02:00,820
There's a place
a couple blocks from here.
1373
01:02:00,880 --> 01:02:02,980
We can walk over and get
something to eat, huh?
1374
01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:05,680
Boy, you sure change
your mood fast.
1375
01:02:05,750 --> 01:02:07,780
Well, you have to, uh--
1376
01:02:07,850 --> 01:02:10,250
uh, feed
all your appetites.
1377
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:12,250
Okay.
1378
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:15,080
Gee, it's a shame,
you know,
1379
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:17,850
losing your job and all that
there, for no reason at all.
1380
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:19,580
I know what it's like.
1381
01:02:19,650 --> 01:02:22,280
They treat us like we
were diseased or something.
1382
01:02:22,350 --> 01:02:23,880
(faint music)
1383
01:02:23,950 --> 01:02:26,180
Ooh, hey, Danny!
1384
01:02:26,250 --> 01:02:27,880
Hey, listen, that's
one of the gay bars
1385
01:02:27,950 --> 01:02:28,920
all the girls have been
talking about.
1386
01:02:28,980 --> 01:02:30,150
Can we go in, please?
1387
01:02:30,220 --> 01:02:31,380
Honey, what do
I want to do,
1388
01:02:31,450 --> 01:02:32,450
going into a place
like that?
1389
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:33,550
Oh, come on,
I'll protect you.
1390
01:02:33,620 --> 01:02:35,280
No, really, it'd be--
Please, one drink.
1391
01:02:35,350 --> 01:02:36,620
Come on, please?
1392
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:38,350
Look, a bunch of fruits
hanging all over me?
1393
01:02:38,420 --> 01:02:39,350
I don't need it.
1394
01:02:39,420 --> 01:02:40,550
♪♪
1395
01:02:40,620 --> 01:02:44,550
(laughter)
1396
01:02:44,620 --> 01:02:47,080
♪♪
1397
01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:49,150
You know, one time,
I had this great job--
1398
01:02:49,220 --> 01:02:51,450
secretary to this big
industrialist.
1399
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:59,450
♪♪
1400
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:03,750
Then there's this big
government contract
1401
01:03:03,820 --> 01:03:04,920
on the line.
1402
01:03:04,980 --> 01:03:06,680
What do I hear from him?
1403
01:03:06,750 --> 01:03:08,380
Sorry, Freddie.
1404
01:03:08,450 --> 01:03:10,280
Government clearances
and all.
1405
01:03:10,350 --> 01:03:11,550
I was out the door.
1406
01:03:11,620 --> 01:03:13,080
And believe me, listen,
1407
01:03:13,150 --> 01:03:15,320
I never did any
playing around on the job.
1408
01:03:15,380 --> 01:03:20,850
♪♪
1409
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:23,780
I had this pal Johnny
when I was...
1410
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:27,480
How about another drink?
1411
01:03:27,550 --> 01:03:35,480
♪♪
1412
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:46,780
There's one behind you,
1413
01:03:46,850 --> 01:03:47,780
and he's wearing
an earring.
1414
01:03:47,850 --> 01:03:49,950
Shh!
1415
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:50,950
I wonder if they have
1416
01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:53,350
a little girls' room
in this place.
1417
01:03:53,420 --> 01:03:55,820
I seriously doubt it.
1418
01:03:55,880 --> 01:04:01,880
♪♪
1419
01:04:01,950 --> 01:04:04,450
On second thought, uh...
1420
01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:14,720
♪♪
1421
01:04:14,780 --> 01:04:18,080
Danny, isn't that
Elliot over there?
1422
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:24,580
♪♪
1423
01:04:24,650 --> 01:04:26,080
Yeah.
1424
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:27,820
I wonder what
he's doing here.
1425
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:32,550
♪♪
1426
01:04:32,620 --> 01:04:33,980
I don't understand.
1427
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:35,780
What can Bruce give you
that I can't?
1428
01:04:35,850 --> 01:04:37,920
Dorothy, you've
got to understand.
1429
01:04:37,980 --> 01:04:39,080
I can't.
1430
01:04:39,150 --> 01:04:41,080
♪♪
1431
01:04:41,150 --> 01:04:43,480
Elliot, what are
you doing here?
1432
01:04:43,550 --> 01:04:44,520
Danny.
1433
01:04:44,580 --> 01:04:46,550
Come on over
and join us.
1434
01:04:46,620 --> 01:04:47,550
Who's that?
1435
01:04:47,620 --> 01:04:48,550
Karen?
Right.
1436
01:04:48,620 --> 01:04:49,550
Listen, you.
1437
01:04:49,620 --> 01:04:50,880
I saw him first.
1438
01:04:50,950 --> 01:04:52,280
Now, wait a minute,
gorgeous!
1439
01:04:52,350 --> 01:04:53,280
I got a big--
1440
01:04:53,350 --> 01:04:54,280
Kiss off!
1441
01:04:54,350 --> 01:04:57,680
Hey, Elliot, wait.
1442
01:04:57,750 --> 01:04:58,820
What'd you do that for?
1443
01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:01,350
Aw, the creep's been
pawing me all night.
1444
01:05:01,420 --> 01:05:03,280
(quiet chatter)
1445
01:05:03,350 --> 01:05:04,520
What happened?
1446
01:05:04,580 --> 01:05:05,520
Ah, some freak
1447
01:05:05,580 --> 01:05:06,520
tried to get
fresh with me,
1448
01:05:06,580 --> 01:05:08,350
and he just
wasn't my type.
1449
01:05:08,420 --> 01:05:11,680
(quiet chatter)
1450
01:05:14,420 --> 01:05:15,580
Come on, let's go
1451
01:05:15,650 --> 01:05:16,650
someplace
I can get a little drink.
1452
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:17,750
I think you've
had enough.
1453
01:05:17,820 --> 01:05:18,820
Who, me?
1454
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:20,080
Listen,
booze or broads--
1455
01:05:20,150 --> 01:05:22,080
There's always room for one
more, I always say.
1456
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:23,820
Right, Elliot.
1457
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:26,080
What?
1458
01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:27,250
Nothing, nothing.
1459
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:28,420
Forget about it, Elliot.
Come on.
1460
01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:30,880
Hey, Danny, I thought
we had an agreement.
1461
01:05:30,950 --> 01:05:32,220
Not here, Elliot.
1462
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:33,380
Why not?
1463
01:05:33,450 --> 01:05:34,680
This is
as good a place as any
1464
01:05:34,750 --> 01:05:36,120
to get this thing
straightened out.
1465
01:05:36,180 --> 01:05:38,080
Do we have an agreement or
don't we have an agreement?
1466
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:39,550
Shut up!
Hey!
1467
01:05:39,620 --> 01:05:40,550
Hey, Danny,
what's he talking about?
1468
01:05:40,620 --> 01:05:42,250
What does he mean?
I don't know, honey.
1469
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:43,320
He's just drunk,
that's all.
1470
01:05:43,380 --> 01:05:44,750
I'm not that drunk,
lover boy.
1471
01:05:44,820 --> 01:05:47,550
I remember you
telling me, "Elliot, baby,
1472
01:05:47,620 --> 01:05:49,580
"we're gonna give up broads
for the duration.
1473
01:05:49,650 --> 01:05:51,850
It's just gonna be you
and I in our little love nest."
1474
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:53,120
Elliot, I'm gonna
put you
1475
01:05:53,180 --> 01:05:54,320
right through the wall!
1476
01:05:54,380 --> 01:05:56,080
I wouldn't try it,
lover boy.
1477
01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:57,550
What the hell is he
talking about, Danny?
1478
01:05:57,620 --> 01:05:59,250
Don't talk to him
like that.
1479
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:00,380
I simply
won't stand for it.
1480
01:06:00,450 --> 01:06:01,450
He's mine, all mine.
Elliot!
1481
01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:02,650
Okay, Elliot,
he's yours!
1482
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:04,650
He's all yours!
1483
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:06,520
(Danny)
Karen!
1484
01:06:06,580 --> 01:06:07,650
(engine starts)
1485
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:08,850
Karen,
you don't underst--
1486
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:10,450
Karen!
1487
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:14,680
Karen?
1488
01:06:14,750 --> 01:06:18,120
Looks like we're stuck
with each other, love.
1489
01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:22,920
(groans)
1490
01:06:22,980 --> 01:06:24,550
I don't understand it.
1491
01:06:24,620 --> 01:06:27,250
He seemed like such
a sweet young thing, too.
1492
01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:30,620
Well, they just don't seem to
make those sweet young things
1493
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:31,980
like they used to.
1494
01:06:32,080 --> 01:06:35,880
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
1495
01:06:35,950 --> 01:06:38,850
(Leslie)
Well, I just
can't believe it.
1496
01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:41,250
You would have
if you had been there.
1497
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:42,550
The way they kept arguing
1498
01:06:42,620 --> 01:06:44,080
about being faithful
to each other.
1499
01:06:44,150 --> 01:06:45,650
I don't know, it was
absolutely incredible.
1500
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:46,780
Faithful?
1501
01:06:46,850 --> 01:06:48,420
Elliot, be faithful?
1502
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:49,780
That guy
couldn't be faithful
1503
01:06:49,850 --> 01:06:51,420
if his life depended
on it.
1504
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:53,350
You know, there's
something wrong with him.
1505
01:06:53,420 --> 01:06:54,350
I mean, it's one thing
1506
01:06:54,420 --> 01:06:55,680
to be in
a constant state of heat,
1507
01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:57,550
but with him, it's like--
I mean, it's unnatural.
1508
01:06:57,620 --> 01:07:00,650
Look, I'm not worried
about Elliot.
1509
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:01,650
I don't care about Elliot.
1510
01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:02,950
It's Danny.
1511
01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:05,180
It's like he doesn't even
want to be with a girl!
1512
01:07:05,250 --> 01:07:07,080
Oh, Karen,
you don't think
1513
01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:09,580
there's anything wrong
with Danny, do you?
1514
01:07:09,650 --> 01:07:11,280
Look, I'm his sister,
1515
01:07:11,350 --> 01:07:14,080
and if there was anything
odd about him, well--
1516
01:07:14,150 --> 01:07:17,550
Well, don't you think I would
have noticed it before now?
1517
01:07:20,620 --> 01:07:21,980
Ooh, I'm gonna be late.
1518
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:22,980
I've got a doctor's
appointment.
1519
01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:24,150
I'll-- I'll
talk to you later.
1520
01:07:24,220 --> 01:07:25,420
Wait.
1521
01:07:25,480 --> 01:07:26,980
Wait-- Wait a second!
1522
01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:30,180
Karen, it's not
Danny's fault!
1523
01:07:30,250 --> 01:07:34,080
If anyone's got a problem,
it's Elliot, not Danny.
1524
01:07:35,250 --> 01:07:37,450
I'll talk to you later.
1525
01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:42,950
Now, where is she?
1526
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:44,080
(woman)
All right.
1527
01:07:44,150 --> 01:07:46,080
She went sailing.
1528
01:07:46,150 --> 01:07:47,080
Really?
1529
01:07:47,150 --> 01:07:48,080
With who?
1530
01:07:48,150 --> 01:07:49,520
Well, I-- I don't know.
1531
01:07:49,580 --> 01:07:51,520
Some doctor friend
or other.
1532
01:07:51,580 --> 01:07:55,080
Look, did she tell you
where the boat was moored?
1533
01:07:55,120 --> 01:07:58,720
Somewhere at the marina,
I think.
1534
01:07:58,780 --> 01:08:00,080
Oh, thanks.
1535
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:03,080
You're welcome.
(laughs)
1536
01:08:03,150 --> 01:08:05,950
Look, uh, you call me
anytime you need help.
1537
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:07,080
(receiver bangs)
1538
01:08:18,420 --> 01:08:20,120
Hey, man,
I'm splitting for the beach.
1539
01:08:20,180 --> 01:08:21,480
Uh, got ice?
1540
01:08:21,550 --> 01:08:22,520
No!
1541
01:08:22,580 --> 01:08:24,320
I'm just trying to be
considerate.
1542
01:08:24,380 --> 01:08:26,080
(affected)
Really, some people!
1543
01:08:26,150 --> 01:08:27,920
Elliot, I don't want
to hear you
1544
01:08:27,980 --> 01:08:30,180
do that fag routine again,
do you understand?
1545
01:08:30,250 --> 01:08:31,550
Ah!
1546
01:08:33,180 --> 01:08:34,750
Look, Elliot, I...
1547
01:08:44,080 --> 01:08:45,250
Yoo-hoo!
1548
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:47,520
Elliot!
1549
01:08:47,580 --> 01:08:50,280
Elliot, Elliot,
Elliot, Elliot!
1550
01:08:50,350 --> 01:08:52,520
You are coming tonight,
aren't you?
1551
01:08:52,580 --> 01:08:54,220
To what?
To the party.
1552
01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:56,650
Craig and I
are having a party,
1553
01:08:56,720 --> 01:08:58,080
and everyone's
gonna be there,
1554
01:08:58,150 --> 01:08:59,920
simply everyone.
1555
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:01,520
It's our annual
costume ball,
1556
01:09:01,580 --> 01:09:02,850
and you're
supposed to come
1557
01:09:02,920 --> 01:09:04,520
as your favorite
camp character--
1558
01:09:04,580 --> 01:09:07,720
Tarzan, Superman,
Judy Garland.
1559
01:09:07,780 --> 01:09:09,080
Well, you know
what I mean.
1560
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:12,080
Of course, come as
someone from a fairy tale.
1561
01:09:12,080 --> 01:09:13,950
You bet your sweet biceps.
1562
01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:16,180
But all of our friends are
going to be there, Elliot,
1563
01:09:16,250 --> 01:09:17,620
and we want you to
meet them,
1564
01:09:17,680 --> 01:09:18,750
because we know that
you'll find them...
1565
01:09:18,820 --> 01:09:20,820
(gasps dramatically)
1566
01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:23,380
Absolutely fascinating.
1567
01:09:23,450 --> 01:09:25,550
Well, I'll tell Danny
when I get back,
1568
01:09:25,620 --> 01:09:27,080
but I doubt he'll come.
1569
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:28,920
He simply has nothing
to wear.
1570
01:09:28,980 --> 01:09:30,780
Oh, well, tell him
not to worry.
1571
01:09:30,850 --> 01:09:32,220
I'll find him something.
1572
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:37,780
♪♪
1573
01:09:37,850 --> 01:09:40,780
(breezy music)
1574
01:09:40,850 --> 01:09:48,780
♪♪
1575
01:10:09,250 --> 01:10:10,220
You're a doctor.
1576
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:11,520
What do you think?
1577
01:10:11,580 --> 01:10:14,020
I think your friend
has a problem.
1578
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:16,680
Well-- Well, what--
What do you think
1579
01:10:16,750 --> 01:10:17,980
she should do about it?
1580
01:10:18,050 --> 01:10:19,880
Well, unless she's one
of those sick types
1581
01:10:19,950 --> 01:10:21,320
that prefers that sort of
relationship,
1582
01:10:21,380 --> 01:10:22,950
I'd say she
should drop him fast.
1583
01:10:23,020 --> 01:10:25,620
But he seemed so normal
in the beginning.
1584
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:28,020
Latent tendencies sometimes
don't show themselves
1585
01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:31,520
until there's a crisis.
1586
01:10:31,580 --> 01:10:38,520
♪♪
1587
01:10:38,580 --> 01:10:40,820
(Leslie)
What did they accuse him of?
1588
01:10:40,880 --> 01:10:44,380
Oh, you're putting me on.
1589
01:10:44,450 --> 01:10:47,180
Well-- Well, did he actually
try anything
1590
01:10:47,250 --> 01:10:49,350
with the kids,
or-- or did he-- ?
1591
01:10:49,420 --> 01:10:51,580
You're kidding.
1592
01:10:51,650 --> 01:10:53,780
My dad?
1593
01:10:53,850 --> 01:10:55,250
Well, that's funny.
1594
01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:56,450
He never said anything
about it
1595
01:10:56,520 --> 01:10:57,720
at dinner last night.
1596
01:10:57,780 --> 01:11:00,520
What does Elliot usually do
on his day off?
1597
01:11:00,580 --> 01:11:06,450
(overlapping shouting)
1598
01:11:10,550 --> 01:11:12,120
Well, what brings
little sister out here?
1599
01:11:12,180 --> 01:11:13,320
And I'm asking.
1600
01:11:13,380 --> 01:11:17,880
Oh, well, uh, I don't think
I'm so little, do you?
1601
01:11:17,950 --> 01:11:20,120
Not when you
put it that way.
1602
01:11:20,180 --> 01:11:22,080
Oh, well, I hear
you're pretty good...
1603
01:11:22,150 --> 01:11:23,450
I could have told you that.
1604
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:25,380
At, uh, outdoor sports.
1605
01:11:25,450 --> 01:11:28,080
I'm good at everything,
outdoors and indoors.
1606
01:11:28,120 --> 01:11:30,080
Well, then, prove it.
1607
01:11:30,150 --> 01:11:32,380
I thought
you didn't dig me.
1608
01:11:32,450 --> 01:11:34,920
Well, I can change
my mind, can't it?
1609
01:11:34,980 --> 01:11:36,350
Hey, Elliot!
1610
01:11:39,150 --> 01:11:40,220
Hey, one of
these nights,
1611
01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:41,450
I might just
give you a call.
1612
01:11:41,520 --> 01:11:43,480
What's the matter
with right now?
1613
01:11:43,550 --> 01:11:45,180
Well, I'm in the middle
of a game.
1614
01:11:45,250 --> 01:11:46,980
Oh, are you looking
for excuses?
1615
01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:49,820
Elliot, you're
breaking up the game!
1616
01:11:49,880 --> 01:11:52,080
Well, uh, I think you better
make a decision.
1617
01:11:52,150 --> 01:11:54,550
Is it gonna be
them or is it gonna be me?
1618
01:11:54,620 --> 01:11:56,550
What's it gonna be?
1619
01:12:03,380 --> 01:12:05,480
God, I guess he don't want to
play with us anymore.
1620
01:12:05,550 --> 01:12:07,750
Hey, come on, you guys,
let's go.
1621
01:12:07,820 --> 01:12:09,080
You too, come on.
1622
01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:12,080
♪♪
1623
01:12:12,150 --> 01:12:13,320
Well, where did
Danny go?
1624
01:12:13,380 --> 01:12:14,320
I don't know.
1625
01:12:14,380 --> 01:12:15,320
He left this morning.
1626
01:12:15,380 --> 01:12:16,320
Do you think
he'll be back?
1627
01:12:16,380 --> 01:12:19,320
(dramatic music)
1628
01:12:19,380 --> 01:12:27,320
♪♪
1629
01:12:32,980 --> 01:12:34,850
Hey, maybe this wasn't
such a good idea after all.
1630
01:12:34,920 --> 01:12:35,950
What's the matter?
1631
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:37,220
You got cold feet?
1632
01:12:37,280 --> 01:12:41,950
No, it's-- Look,
you're Danny's sister.
1633
01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:44,280
Oh, come on, it's not
incest or anything.
1634
01:12:44,350 --> 01:12:46,450
You guys
are only roommates.
1635
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:50,080
♪♪
1636
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:52,980
Look, when you
make up your mind
1637
01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:54,280
whether you like girls
or not,
1638
01:12:54,350 --> 01:12:56,180
I'll be upstairs.
1639
01:12:56,250 --> 01:13:04,180
♪♪
1640
01:13:18,320 --> 01:13:20,150
Where have you been?
1641
01:13:20,220 --> 01:13:22,180
I've been on pins
and needles, waiting.
1642
01:13:22,250 --> 01:13:23,980
I-- I-- I had to
be careful.
1643
01:13:24,080 --> 01:13:25,680
I think she's
having me watched.
1644
01:13:25,750 --> 01:13:27,920
♪♪
1645
01:13:27,980 --> 01:13:31,120
This is the last place they'd
think of looking for you.
1646
01:13:31,180 --> 01:13:34,720
♪♪
1647
01:13:34,780 --> 01:13:37,720
(upbeat music)
1648
01:13:37,780 --> 01:13:45,720
♪♪
1649
01:13:58,850 --> 01:14:00,420
I don't know
what's wrong.
1650
01:14:00,480 --> 01:14:03,250
This never happened to me
before.
1651
01:14:03,320 --> 01:14:04,450
Me either.
1652
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:06,680
Maybe you just don't
like girls.
1653
01:14:06,750 --> 01:14:08,120
What's that
supposed to mean?
1654
01:14:08,180 --> 01:14:11,120
Don't you think
I know what you are?
1655
01:14:11,180 --> 01:14:14,280
Uh-- uh, bud--
1656
01:14:14,350 --> 01:14:17,380
I can't trust you
for a second, can-- ?
1657
01:14:19,850 --> 01:14:20,820
Leslie?
1658
01:14:23,820 --> 01:14:25,650
It's true, what Karen
said about you.
1659
01:14:25,720 --> 01:14:27,080
(gasps)
1660
01:14:27,150 --> 01:14:28,580
What did she say?
1661
01:14:28,650 --> 01:14:29,720
Nothing.
1662
01:14:29,780 --> 01:14:32,580
You two can kiss and make up,
for all I care.
1663
01:14:32,650 --> 01:14:35,350
Never let it be said
that I was a homewrecker!
1664
01:14:36,420 --> 01:14:38,150
Nothing happened, Dan.
Noth--
1665
01:14:38,220 --> 01:14:39,480
Yeah.
1666
01:14:39,550 --> 01:14:41,250
Leslie!
1667
01:14:42,650 --> 01:14:44,680
Leslie.
Hi.
1668
01:14:44,750 --> 01:14:47,150
Leslie!
1669
01:14:47,220 --> 01:14:49,680
Surprise, surprise,
surprise!
1670
01:14:49,750 --> 01:14:51,350
Have I got
a girl for you.
1671
01:14:51,420 --> 01:14:55,420
(laughs)
Dah-dah!
1672
01:14:55,480 --> 01:14:57,950
Well, didn't Elliot
tell you?
1673
01:14:58,080 --> 01:15:00,220
Danny, it's our
annual costume ball,
1674
01:15:00,280 --> 01:15:01,380
and it's tonight.
1675
01:15:01,450 --> 01:15:03,620
It's going to
be absolutely mad.
1676
01:15:03,680 --> 01:15:05,220
I'm going to be heaven.
1677
01:15:05,280 --> 01:15:06,780
Here, now,
take this, dear.
1678
01:15:06,850 --> 01:15:09,650
Now, I've got 5,413
things to do,
1679
01:15:09,720 --> 01:15:11,720
and you're
going to be stunning!
1680
01:15:11,780 --> 01:15:13,350
Bye.
1681
01:15:15,420 --> 01:15:17,680
(imitates Dracula)
Transylvania,
here I come!
1682
01:15:17,750 --> 01:15:25,680
♪♪
1683
01:15:26,850 --> 01:15:29,720
Get dressed, and I will
escort you
1684
01:15:29,780 --> 01:15:32,520
to the party personally.
1685
01:15:35,150 --> 01:15:38,120
If that's the way
you feel about it.
1686
01:15:38,180 --> 01:15:41,480
♪♪
1687
01:15:41,550 --> 01:15:43,280
(door closes)
1688
01:15:43,350 --> 01:15:51,280
♪♪
1689
01:15:59,280 --> 01:16:02,150
(upbeat jazz)
1690
01:16:02,220 --> 01:16:04,080
(door bell ringing)
1691
01:16:04,120 --> 01:16:09,080
♪♪
1692
01:16:09,080 --> 01:16:11,080
Elliot, hello.
1693
01:16:11,080 --> 01:16:12,250
Welcome, welcome,
welcome.
1694
01:16:12,320 --> 01:16:14,550
Everybody's here.
1695
01:16:14,620 --> 01:16:16,150
So, let me see.
1696
01:16:16,220 --> 01:16:17,280
What?
1697
01:16:17,350 --> 01:16:18,280
Your costume.
1698
01:16:18,350 --> 01:16:19,650
Let me
see your costume.
1699
01:16:19,720 --> 01:16:21,650
♪♪
1700
01:16:21,720 --> 01:16:23,080
(gasps)
1701
01:16:23,080 --> 01:16:25,750
How bold!
1702
01:16:25,820 --> 01:16:26,850
Hey, everybody,
1703
01:16:26,920 --> 01:16:30,080
this is Elliot,
our next-door neighbor.
1704
01:16:30,080 --> 01:16:32,080
Oh.
Oh.
1705
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:33,520
Hi, Elliot.
1706
01:16:33,580 --> 01:16:34,580
How are you?
1707
01:16:34,650 --> 01:16:35,580
How are you, Elliot?
1708
01:16:35,650 --> 01:16:36,880
(kiss)
1709
01:16:36,950 --> 01:16:38,320
Want to dance?
1710
01:16:38,380 --> 01:16:40,980
Oh!
1711
01:16:41,080 --> 01:16:42,550
♪♪
1712
01:16:42,620 --> 01:16:43,880
So thrilled you
could come.
1713
01:16:43,950 --> 01:16:45,420
Well, let's have a look.
1714
01:16:45,480 --> 01:16:47,120
(laughs)
1715
01:16:47,180 --> 01:16:49,480
Fabulous, fabulous!
1716
01:16:49,550 --> 01:16:51,180
Simply fabulous!
1717
01:16:51,250 --> 01:16:52,880
Well, you said to be
imaginative.
1718
01:16:52,950 --> 01:16:54,980
I certainly did.
Indeed.
1719
01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:56,280
Where's Danny?
1720
01:16:56,350 --> 01:16:58,620
Oh, he's back in the
bedroom, sulking.
1721
01:16:58,680 --> 01:17:00,120
I don't know
what's eating him.
1722
01:17:00,180 --> 01:17:01,680
Well, let's just
go drag him out.
1723
01:17:01,750 --> 01:17:03,350
Oh, uh, look, I--
I don't know.
1724
01:17:03,420 --> 01:17:05,380
I think we should leave
him alone for a while.
1725
01:17:05,450 --> 01:17:07,220
You know, he's simply
impossible
1726
01:17:07,280 --> 01:17:08,780
when he gets this way.
1727
01:17:08,850 --> 01:17:10,250
I know just what you mean.
1728
01:17:10,320 --> 01:17:12,580
Malcolm gets the same way
when she's upset.
1729
01:17:12,650 --> 01:17:15,080
Come, let's have a drink.
1730
01:17:15,080 --> 01:17:18,620
Where did you
find him?
1731
01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:22,580
Uh, "him" is our next-door
neighbor Elliot,
1732
01:17:22,650 --> 01:17:24,120
and he's married.
1733
01:17:24,180 --> 01:17:27,320
Don't stair the carpet,
Pagliacci.
1734
01:17:27,380 --> 01:17:28,850
Go take your heart pill.
1735
01:17:28,920 --> 01:17:30,150
Come, Elliot.
1736
01:17:30,220 --> 01:17:32,650
(overlapping chatter)
1737
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:35,650
(foreboding music)
1738
01:17:35,720 --> 01:17:43,650
♪♪
1739
01:17:48,950 --> 01:17:50,080
Elliot!
1740
01:17:51,250 --> 01:17:52,880
He is a brute,
isn't he?
1741
01:17:52,950 --> 01:17:56,480
Yeah, but he's not gonna
get away from me tonight.
1742
01:17:56,550 --> 01:17:59,080
I got a big investment
in him.
1743
01:17:59,080 --> 01:18:01,980
Honey, you don't
stand a chance.
1744
01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:04,080
You're hardly his type.
1745
01:18:04,120 --> 01:18:05,920
Hmm.
1746
01:18:05,980 --> 01:18:08,550
Oh, and this is Myra
"Brokenbridge."
1747
01:18:08,620 --> 01:18:11,080
Oh, charming.
1748
01:18:11,120 --> 01:18:12,380
Cool it.
1749
01:18:12,450 --> 01:18:14,750
And over here,
this is Cleopatra.
1750
01:18:14,820 --> 01:18:15,850
Hi.
1751
01:18:15,920 --> 01:18:18,080
And this is...heaven.
1752
01:18:18,150 --> 01:18:19,420
Hi, Elliot.
1753
01:18:19,480 --> 01:18:21,780
♪♪
1754
01:18:21,850 --> 01:18:24,180
And this is
Judy Streisand.
1755
01:18:24,250 --> 01:18:26,920
(Cleopatra)
Yeah, she went over
the rainbow
1756
01:18:26,980 --> 01:18:29,080
and somebody
broke her nose.
1757
01:18:29,150 --> 01:18:31,550
You Egyptian asp!
1758
01:18:31,620 --> 01:18:34,450
Oh!
Excuse me.
1759
01:18:34,520 --> 01:18:36,080
Calm down.
1760
01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:41,880
♪♪
1761
01:18:41,950 --> 01:18:44,120
(overlapping chatter)
1762
01:18:44,180 --> 01:18:48,180
What's a girl like you
doing in a place like this?
1763
01:18:48,250 --> 01:18:50,080
Lord only knows.
1764
01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:53,620
These parties of Malcolm's
are just impossible.
1765
01:18:53,680 --> 01:18:56,180
Let me freshen up
your drink.
1766
01:18:56,250 --> 01:18:58,350
I would love it.
1767
01:18:58,420 --> 01:19:05,750
♪♪
1768
01:19:05,820 --> 01:19:08,350
Hi, honey, remember me
from The Lush Life?
1769
01:19:08,420 --> 01:19:10,250
Flake off.
1770
01:19:10,320 --> 01:19:14,080
It sure didn't take
you long, did it, honey?
1771
01:19:14,150 --> 01:19:17,180
Well, she didn't
have to be rude.
1772
01:19:17,250 --> 01:19:20,920
He's some fag I met
at a party last night.
1773
01:19:20,980 --> 01:19:26,620
♪♪
1774
01:19:26,680 --> 01:19:29,080
Let's get away
from these queens.
1775
01:19:29,120 --> 01:19:37,080
♪♪
1776
01:19:38,980 --> 01:19:40,820
(foreboding music)
1777
01:19:40,880 --> 01:19:43,820
(sultry music)
1778
01:19:43,880 --> 01:19:48,950
♪♪
1779
01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:51,580
This is a nice place
to relax in.
1780
01:19:51,650 --> 01:19:59,580
♪♪
1781
01:20:10,180 --> 01:20:13,120
("Stranger in Paradise")
1782
01:20:13,180 --> 01:20:21,120
♪♪
1783
01:20:21,180 --> 01:20:24,120
(exotic music)
1784
01:20:24,180 --> 01:20:27,250
♪♪
1785
01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:29,680
God, it's
so stuffy in there!
1786
01:20:29,750 --> 01:20:30,980
I don't know why Malcolm
1787
01:20:31,050 --> 01:20:33,350
insists on throwing those
parties at his place
1788
01:20:33,420 --> 01:20:35,550
when Dick's is so much
more suitable.
1789
01:20:35,620 --> 01:20:37,680
Oh, Dickie's is divine.
1790
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:38,750
Mm!
1791
01:20:38,820 --> 01:20:40,750
Mm!
1792
01:20:42,020 --> 01:20:45,680
Oh, uh, it's--
It's in there, sweetie.
1793
01:20:48,180 --> 01:20:51,220
Well, I must say,
his costume
1794
01:20:51,280 --> 01:20:53,350
is rather inappropriate
for the theme.
1795
01:20:53,420 --> 01:20:54,580
(man)
Oh, I don't know.
1796
01:20:54,650 --> 01:20:55,780
I'd love to be
a stewardess
1797
01:20:55,850 --> 01:20:58,450
and entertain all those
handsome executives.
1798
01:20:58,520 --> 01:21:00,220
(friend)
They'd never take you,
honey.
1799
01:21:00,280 --> 01:21:01,720
Not with your legs.
1800
01:21:01,780 --> 01:21:03,350
Oh, up yours.
1801
01:21:03,420 --> 01:21:05,680
Coffee, tea, or me?
1802
01:21:06,920 --> 01:21:08,450
(knocks on door)
1803
01:21:09,580 --> 01:21:11,580
Danny?
1804
01:21:11,650 --> 01:21:13,480
(man)
You're messing up my hair.
1805
01:21:13,550 --> 01:21:15,650
(Elliot)
Oh, it's nice and soft.
1806
01:21:15,720 --> 01:21:18,380
Mmm!
1807
01:21:18,450 --> 01:21:19,450
You're nothing but--
1808
01:21:19,520 --> 01:21:21,650
Well, what'd you expect--
Ann-Margret?
1809
01:21:21,720 --> 01:21:24,980
♪♪
1810
01:21:25,080 --> 01:21:26,980
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
1811
01:21:27,080 --> 01:21:28,880
What's the matter, boy?
1812
01:21:28,950 --> 01:21:31,380
Don't you like
drag queens?
1813
01:21:31,450 --> 01:21:33,580
(laughs)
1814
01:21:33,650 --> 01:21:35,480
(Karen)
It's not that unusual.
1815
01:21:35,550 --> 01:21:37,280
I talked to a doctor.
1816
01:21:37,350 --> 01:21:40,980
He said that he--
We've got to be
1817
01:21:41,080 --> 01:21:43,680
away from each other
for a while,
1818
01:21:43,750 --> 01:21:46,180
so you can
think about things.
1819
01:21:46,250 --> 01:21:49,120
No, I don't need
time to think things over.
1820
01:21:49,180 --> 01:21:50,480
I love you, and I want to
marry you!
1821
01:21:50,550 --> 01:21:53,180
Don't you understand that?
1822
01:21:53,250 --> 01:21:55,580
I asked the airline
for a transfer.
1823
01:21:55,650 --> 01:21:57,080
I'm leaving for Miami.
1824
01:21:57,150 --> 01:22:00,850
No, no, you--
1825
01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:03,320
You were gonna transfer
to San Francisco.
1826
01:22:03,380 --> 01:22:09,380
Well, like I said, I--
I talked to the doctor,
1827
01:22:09,450 --> 01:22:11,220
and he said that he
thought you needed
1828
01:22:11,280 --> 01:22:15,080
time to be alone,
without the pressures
1829
01:22:15,120 --> 01:22:18,620
of trying to make a
difficult decision,
1830
01:22:18,680 --> 01:22:21,650
that you needed time to
re-evaluate things,
1831
01:22:21,720 --> 01:22:25,120
what you want
to do with your life.
1832
01:22:25,180 --> 01:22:29,380
Honey, I know exactly what I
want to do with my life!
1833
01:22:29,450 --> 01:22:32,380
I want to be a lawyer,
1834
01:22:32,450 --> 01:22:34,420
and I want to marry you,
1835
01:22:34,480 --> 01:22:36,880
and I want to
have children.
1836
01:22:36,950 --> 01:22:44,880
♪♪
1837
01:22:45,950 --> 01:22:47,620
Don't-- don't you realize
1838
01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:49,650
that this whole thing is--
is nothing but a hoax
1839
01:22:49,720 --> 01:22:50,920
that Elliot
and I dreamed up
1840
01:22:50,980 --> 01:22:52,350
to avoid the draft?
1841
01:22:52,420 --> 01:22:56,780
That we are perfectly
normal?
1842
01:22:56,850 --> 01:22:59,320
Honey, we're perfectly--
1843
01:22:59,380 --> 01:23:00,920
I'll show you that we're
perfectly--
1844
01:23:00,980 --> 01:23:02,550
Danny, Danny, please.
1845
01:23:02,620 --> 01:23:04,250
There's nothing to prove.
1846
01:23:04,320 --> 01:23:08,080
Hey, I understand.
1847
01:23:11,080 --> 01:23:12,680
Elliot tells me
you're sulking.
1848
01:23:12,750 --> 01:23:14,180
Now, let's
have none of that.
1849
01:23:14,250 --> 01:23:16,150
Oh, hello.
1850
01:23:16,220 --> 01:23:17,380
Craig, not now, huh?
1851
01:23:17,450 --> 01:23:19,520
Please?
1852
01:23:19,580 --> 01:23:20,620
Of course.
1853
01:23:20,680 --> 01:23:21,920
I understand.
1854
01:23:21,980 --> 01:23:23,520
Everybody seems
to understand.
1855
01:23:25,080 --> 01:23:27,150
Pleased to have met you.
1856
01:23:27,220 --> 01:23:28,280
Look, honey--
1857
01:23:28,350 --> 01:23:30,580
(door closes)
1858
01:23:30,650 --> 01:23:34,220
I've got a flight
leaving in an hour.
1859
01:23:34,280 --> 01:23:36,780
Can-- Can I--
1860
01:23:36,850 --> 01:23:40,420
Can I at least have some
place to-- to write to you?
1861
01:23:42,750 --> 01:23:44,650
No.
1862
01:23:44,720 --> 01:23:48,080
I don't think that would
be too good an idea.
1863
01:23:51,250 --> 01:23:53,080
(screen door hinges squeak)
1864
01:23:53,120 --> 01:23:54,880
Hello!
1865
01:23:54,950 --> 01:23:57,250
Danny, you naughty boy.
1866
01:23:57,320 --> 01:24:00,280
Look--
1867
01:24:00,350 --> 01:24:01,520
Well, you're
not even dressed.
1868
01:24:01,580 --> 01:24:03,480
And after all the trouble
I went to
1869
01:24:03,550 --> 01:24:07,220
to get you the outfit.
1870
01:24:07,280 --> 01:24:11,080
Uh, Danny, uh,
come over,
1871
01:24:11,080 --> 01:24:13,550
if you want to,
to the party.
1872
01:24:20,680 --> 01:24:24,150
Excuse me.
1873
01:24:28,080 --> 01:24:29,880
(overlapping chatter)
1874
01:24:29,950 --> 01:24:31,950
I'll never know
what he saw in you.
1875
01:24:32,080 --> 01:24:35,280
Eat your heart out,
honey.
1876
01:24:35,350 --> 01:24:36,720
Grow some hair
on your chest
1877
01:24:36,780 --> 01:24:37,720
and I might give you
a call one night.
1878
01:24:37,780 --> 01:24:39,180
Yeah?
1879
01:24:39,250 --> 01:24:40,950
I'll have that in writing.
1880
01:24:41,080 --> 01:24:44,080
I love your beads.
1881
01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:47,080
(upbeat music)
1882
01:24:47,120 --> 01:24:55,080
♪♪
1883
01:25:08,180 --> 01:25:10,520
(whispers indistinctly)
1884
01:25:10,580 --> 01:25:13,350
♪♪
1885
01:25:13,420 --> 01:25:14,750
I can't take my eyes
off of you
1886
01:25:14,820 --> 01:25:16,120
for one minute,
can I?
1887
01:25:16,180 --> 01:25:18,720
Well, what's a girl to do--
lock herself in a closet?
1888
01:25:18,780 --> 01:25:20,850
You were supposed to be here
hours ago!
1889
01:25:20,920 --> 01:25:23,380
Let go of my arm, Vince,
you're hurting me.
1890
01:25:23,450 --> 01:25:25,680
Are you gonna let him
talk to me like that?
1891
01:25:25,750 --> 01:25:27,280
You can do better
than her, Vince.
1892
01:25:27,350 --> 01:25:28,780
I know a real girl that--
1893
01:25:28,850 --> 01:25:30,080
You bastard!
1894
01:25:30,080 --> 01:25:31,380
You're a fine one to talk!
1895
01:25:31,450 --> 01:25:33,720
You wouldn't even know how
to satisfy a girl.
1896
01:25:33,780 --> 01:25:34,720
Why don't you take
your dress off
1897
01:25:34,780 --> 01:25:35,980
and fight like a man!
1898
01:25:36,080 --> 01:25:37,450
If she takes her
dress off for anybody,
1899
01:25:37,520 --> 01:25:38,480
it's going to be me.
1900
01:25:38,550 --> 01:25:39,550
Watch where you're
grabbin', mack!
1901
01:25:39,620 --> 01:25:43,150
Take your greasy hands
off him, Miss Thing!
1902
01:25:43,220 --> 01:25:44,220
You butt out, bitch.
1903
01:25:44,280 --> 01:25:45,520
It is none
of your business.
1904
01:25:45,580 --> 01:25:46,850
Now, you come with me,
handsome,
1905
01:25:46,920 --> 01:25:48,080
and let these girls
work it out for themselves.
1906
01:25:48,080 --> 01:25:49,820
Listen, sweetie,
I told you last night--
1907
01:25:49,880 --> 01:25:51,920
I'm gonna get
beat up again!
1908
01:25:51,980 --> 01:25:56,450
(excited chatter)
1909
01:25:56,520 --> 01:26:04,450
(cheers and applause)
1910
01:26:07,150 --> 01:26:10,720
Now are you
ready to go home?
1911
01:26:10,780 --> 01:26:14,920
♪♪
1912
01:26:14,980 --> 01:26:16,880
Sorry for the tiff,
dear.
1913
01:26:16,950 --> 01:26:18,080
Oh, that's quite
all right.
1914
01:26:18,080 --> 01:26:20,950
Good night.
Good night.
1915
01:26:21,080 --> 01:26:22,180
(sighs)
1916
01:26:22,250 --> 01:26:24,850
I detest cheap notoriety.
1917
01:26:24,920 --> 01:26:30,450
Well, so do I, but
wasn't that punch divine?
1918
01:26:30,520 --> 01:26:34,080
♪♪
1919
01:26:34,150 --> 01:26:37,080
(upbeat music)
1920
01:26:37,150 --> 01:26:45,080
♪♪
1921
01:26:50,780 --> 01:26:52,080
(Danny)
Dad, I couldn't tell you.
1922
01:26:52,080 --> 01:26:53,080
I couldn't tell anybody.
1923
01:26:53,080 --> 01:26:54,350
I was afraid
that if they started
1924
01:26:54,420 --> 01:26:55,680
sending investigators
around
1925
01:26:55,750 --> 01:26:56,980
and started
questioning people,
1926
01:26:57,080 --> 01:26:58,780
somebody was gonna slip up
1927
01:26:58,850 --> 01:27:01,550
and tell them
that we were normal.
1928
01:27:01,620 --> 01:27:04,180
I'm sorry you didn't
come to me sooner, Dan.
1929
01:27:04,250 --> 01:27:05,720
I'm sure
a competent psychiatrist
1930
01:27:05,780 --> 01:27:07,480
might have been able to
help you with your problem.
1931
01:27:07,550 --> 01:27:09,980
Dad, didn't you hear me?
1932
01:27:10,080 --> 01:27:11,380
Didn't you listen
to what I said?
1933
01:27:11,450 --> 01:27:12,580
The whole thing was a hoax,
1934
01:27:12,650 --> 01:27:13,620
from the beginning
to the end.
1935
01:27:13,680 --> 01:27:15,520
Elliot and I
are perfectly normal!
1936
01:27:15,580 --> 01:27:16,780
Oh, come off it, Dan.
1937
01:27:16,850 --> 01:27:17,950
What do you take me for?
1938
01:27:18,080 --> 01:27:19,520
Don't you think I know
about Elliot?
1939
01:27:19,580 --> 01:27:21,580
Why else do you think I had
him fired from the club?
1940
01:27:21,650 --> 01:27:23,250
We can't have
perverts like him
1941
01:27:23,320 --> 01:27:25,080
coming into contact with
our children!
1942
01:27:25,080 --> 01:27:27,650
Those Army doctors
are no fools, Dan.
1943
01:27:27,720 --> 01:27:30,650
It's their job to spot fellas
like you with problems.
1944
01:27:30,720 --> 01:27:31,780
I don't know.
1945
01:27:31,850 --> 01:27:33,920
I thought that you were glad
that I got deferred.
1946
01:27:33,980 --> 01:27:35,880
Not that way.
1947
01:27:35,950 --> 01:27:37,650
Do you realize this will
be on your record
1948
01:27:37,720 --> 01:27:38,920
for the rest of your life?
1949
01:27:38,980 --> 01:27:40,320
That you'll never be able
to hold any kind of a job
1950
01:27:40,380 --> 01:27:41,880
requiring
a security clearance?
1951
01:27:41,950 --> 01:27:43,920
Did you ever ask any of
your fairy friends
1952
01:27:43,980 --> 01:27:45,320
what it's like
to have a stigma like that
1953
01:27:45,380 --> 01:27:46,320
attached to them?
1954
01:27:46,380 --> 01:27:47,320
Did you?
1955
01:27:47,380 --> 01:27:48,420
Huh?
1956
01:27:48,480 --> 01:27:50,620
Dad, I'm trying to
tell you something!
1957
01:27:50,680 --> 01:27:51,620
Don't tell me!
1958
01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:54,820
Tell your draft board!
1959
01:27:54,880 --> 01:27:56,380
I'm sorry, Devlin,
1960
01:27:56,450 --> 01:27:58,080
but there's nothing I can
do about it.
1961
01:27:58,080 --> 01:27:59,480
It's out of my hands.
1962
01:27:59,550 --> 01:28:01,650
Don't you see
that I'm admitting to you
1963
01:28:01,720 --> 01:28:02,950
that the whole thing
was a fake,
1964
01:28:03,080 --> 01:28:05,250
that we just thought it up
just to make you think--
1965
01:28:05,320 --> 01:28:07,480
You don't seem to hear what
I'm telling you, Devlin.
1966
01:28:07,550 --> 01:28:09,850
Now, regardless
of your intentions,
1967
01:28:09,920 --> 01:28:12,620
you've been found unsuitable
for military service.
1968
01:28:12,680 --> 01:28:17,250
Now, in plain words, boy,
Uncle Sam doesn't want you.
1969
01:28:33,320 --> 01:28:35,580
Hey, Danny.
1970
01:28:38,650 --> 01:28:40,280
He wouldn't buy it, huh?
1971
01:28:42,680 --> 01:28:46,920
Yeah, that figures,
after the party last night.
1972
01:28:46,980 --> 01:28:49,180
I wasn't even there.
1973
01:28:49,250 --> 01:28:51,280
But I was.
1974
01:28:51,350 --> 01:28:52,680
And it figures--
1975
01:28:52,750 --> 01:28:54,180
You tell me to be
convincing,
1976
01:28:54,250 --> 01:28:57,520
and I guess
they just assumed--
1977
01:28:57,580 --> 01:28:59,650
Well, it's like you said.
1978
01:28:59,720 --> 01:29:01,980
It's better than getting
your butt shot off in Vietnam.
1979
01:29:03,680 --> 01:29:06,180
I just didn't
turn out like I planned.
1980
01:29:07,650 --> 01:29:09,350
Well, where to now?
1981
01:29:09,420 --> 01:29:10,580
Back to your folks?
1982
01:29:12,320 --> 01:29:14,680
That's the last place in
the world I want to go.
1983
01:29:16,850 --> 01:29:18,180
No, I'll go up north
1984
01:29:18,250 --> 01:29:20,580
and try and find
someplace to live
1985
01:29:20,650 --> 01:29:22,080
until school starts,
I guess.
1986
01:29:24,450 --> 01:29:26,920
What about you?
1987
01:29:26,980 --> 01:29:29,350
I think
I'll head down to Florida.
1988
01:29:29,420 --> 01:29:31,080
I hear the beach boys
do all right
1989
01:29:31,080 --> 01:29:32,450
with the horny old broads.
1990
01:29:32,520 --> 01:29:33,680
Will I see you
before you go?
1991
01:29:33,750 --> 01:29:35,780
No, I'm gonna take off
this afternoon.
1992
01:29:35,850 --> 01:29:38,920
Well, hang loose,
old buddy.
1993
01:29:40,080 --> 01:29:44,080
This thing'll
all blow over.
1994
01:29:44,080 --> 01:29:45,780
I doubt it.
1995
01:29:45,850 --> 01:29:46,780
♪♪
1996
01:29:46,850 --> 01:29:49,950
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")
1997
01:29:50,080 --> 01:29:53,420
Those idiots, thinking
that they could fool us.
1998
01:29:53,480 --> 01:29:55,250
You really had 'em figured,
didn't you, George?
1999
01:29:55,320 --> 01:29:57,420
Well, that's my job, Joe.
2000
01:29:57,480 --> 01:30:00,580
Weed out
all the undesirables.
2001
01:30:00,650 --> 01:30:03,950
We don't want their kind
in the Army, do we, Joe?
2002
01:30:04,020 --> 01:30:11,950
♪♪
133082
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