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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,771
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,569
Gather round, team.
I got a surprise.
3
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:41,265
We're taking a vacation
to Hawaii.
4
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,238
(GASPS) Oh, my God! Really?
5
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,176
Just for fun, no mystery?
6
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,652
There's one mystery,
yes, there is.
7
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:50,821
Do you all wanna fly coach
or first class?
8
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,781
-Are you kidding? First class!
-(GASPS)
9
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,449
Yeah, first class.
10
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:57,458
Oh, oh, I was hoping you guys
would choose coach, you know?
11
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,561
Since I already got us coach.
12
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,463
Since it's so much
cheaper, you know?
13
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,925
Well, what island
are we going to?
14
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,733
Oh, please. Please say Kauai.
15
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:09,204
You have not lived
until you've made love
under Wailua Falls.
16
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,466
Nope. We're going to Honolulu,
17
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:14,635
known for its nightlife
and its overcrowded beaches.
18
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:18,244
Well, it's still Hawaii
and I for one,
am ready to get lei'd!
19
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:21,908
(LAUGHS) You're gonna
start off with one of those
big Samoans, are you,
20
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,578
for your first time out?
(SCOFFS)
21
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,247
I'm talking about a lei.
It's flowers.
22
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:30,686
Flowers. Yeah, well, you're
gonna get de-flowered by
a giant-dicked Samoan.
23
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:31,724
-Okay.
-(PIGEON LAUGHS)
24
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,803
Did it lock?
Make sure it locks.
25
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,395
Good. I did bring some
jewelry for tonight.
26
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:48,207
It's nothing ostentatious.
A little chain,
a matching bracelet.
27
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:50,341
I think they're
(BLEEP) in there.
28
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,877
-(MAN MOANS)
-(WOMAN GASPS)
29
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,612
-Hotel security!
-WOMAN: (WHISPERING) What?
30
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,577
Need you to open this door,
right this second.
31
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:57,946
-(GIGGLING)
-MAN: What?
32
00:01:57,984 --> 00:01:59,184
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
33
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,291
(MAN GROANS)
34
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:07,063
Hey! Which one
of you little shits
knocked on my door?
35
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:08,333
Was it you?
36
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,029
Oh, no, you don't.
37
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,604
I want to know
which one of you
38
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:16,002
thought it would be fun to
have sport with an old man.
39
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,696
-Whoa!
-(YUNG HEE GASPS)
40
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:20,867
Oh, the elevator!
His towel must have got
caught in the gears!
41
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:22,167
Oh, my God, we're trapped!
42
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,909
Oh, I'm claustrophobic!
I'm freaking out!
43
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,805
Put that old man's giant
hard (BLEEP) in your mouth.
It'll calm you down.
44
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,847
-YUNG HEE: Oh, my God!
-Oh, dear Lord.
45
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,283
(PIGEON LAUGHS)
46
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,948
Whoa, how the hell are you
still aroused, man?
47
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,817
Dad, press the call button.
48
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:38,055
-(DIALING)
-WOMAN: (ON INTERCOM)
Aloha, building maintenance.
49
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,421
This is Haulani.
50
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:42,089
-Oh, hey, How-Lee.
-No, it's Haulani.
51
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,228
That's cool.
52
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:44,563
Hey, we're stuck
in this elevator
53
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,898
with this old man
with his big boner.
54
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:49,273
So, can you get us
out of here, please?
55
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,702
Yeah, that elevatorgets stuck a lot.
56
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:54,568
Last time it took, like,three hours to get it going.
57
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,808
But let me call thecompany that fixes it.
58
00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:00,853
Just remain calmand just, like, stay calm.
59
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,450
Okay, Henry.
60
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:05,852
Well, everybody,
this seems like
a good moment to reminisce.
61
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,845
Think back on some of our
"Best of" moments.
62
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:11,858
Like, remember when we
all flew to Hawaii
63
00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:15,491
to go on a much,
much needed vacation?
64
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:19,326
Gather round, team.
I got a surprise.
65
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,466
We're taking
a vacation to Hawaii.
66
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,302
Michael, that happened
this morning,
67
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,237
so, if we're
gonna reminisce...
68
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:30,183
My favorite mystery
was the time we
all went to Cairo. Uh?
69
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,810
Remember that?
70
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,805
MARQUESS: You were drivinglike a bat out of hell,
71
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,707
because you stole thatEgyptian man's hat.
72
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,919
It's just a hat, Marquess,
no one cares.
73
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,421
-(GUNFIRE)
-Oh, damn!
74
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:46,762
Are you okay?
75
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:47,933
Is everybody okay?
76
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,761
I'm sorry. We're so sorry.
77
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:52,026
Fattah el-Sisi,
President of Egypt.
78
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,325
Good to meet you.
79
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,226
We've been having
a lot of issues
80
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:57,798
with our new
pyramid-shaped drones.
81
00:03:57,837 --> 00:04:00,137
Doing a lot of blowing up
of innocent people.
82
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:03,943
Please, allow me,
and the state of Egypt,
to make it up to you.
83
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,605
MARQUESS:
And make it upto us they did.
84
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,247
The food, the drink.
85
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:12,522
The being bathedby slenderyoung manservants.
86
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:16,322
The dusky, almost
hairless body, those hands...
87
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,720
Hands everywhere and...
88
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,033
Mouths.
89
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:23,231
HAULANI: (ON INTERCOM)
Aloha. Great news, everyone.
90
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,033
The repair guy is on his way.
91
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,895
But he was over on Kauai,
92
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,573
so it's gonna bea couple of hours.
93
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:33,572
So, just remain calmand, you know, keep calm.
94
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,266
A couple of hours?
95
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:36,738
Why, are you getting hungry?
96
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,336
-Don't worry, we got Pigeon.
-What?
97
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:40,949
That's why I bring him
everywhere I go.
98
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,910
You know, in case something
like this happens,
99
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,419
you're stuck somewhere,
you got to eat...
100
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,052
Bam! Winner, winner,
chicken dinner!
101
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,988
Okay. Wanna hear what
mystery I'll never forget?
102
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,364
No.
103
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,962
HAULANI: (ON INTERCOM)
Aloha. I'd like to hear.
104
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:56,434
Aw, thank you, Haulani.
105
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,733
His name Harlan.
106
00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,404
It was when we were
on that submarine.
107
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,502
Oh, that one,
when I beat up that frog man?
108
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,336
No, the other one.
109
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,371
In Scotland.
110
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,866
YUNG HEE: We were askedonce and for all
111
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,537
to prove the existenceof the Loch Ness Monster.
112
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,477
I was manningthe sonar station.
113
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:14,282
-(SONAR BEEPS)
-I'm picking up something.
114
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,454
Pigeon, can you see anything?
115
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,753
I'm not talking to you.
116
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,215
Pigeon's still mad
that he's not
inside the submarine.
117
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,694
Here, let me talk to him.
118
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,562
Listen, Pigeon,
it's Mike Tyson.
119
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:28,291
I know you're upset
that we put you
in that little scuba gear
120
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,458
and shot you
out of the torpedo tube,
121
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,457
but just hear me out.
122
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,629
The reason why you're
swimming out there alone
in that cold, deep water,
123
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:39,098
and not me and Marquessand Yung, is because...
124
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,739
Shit, I can't rememberwhat the reason was.
125
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,535
Oh, well. Stay safe, buddy.
126
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,806
Ah, what a collectionof assholes.
127
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:59,420
Hello!
128
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:01,529
Are you the Loch Ness Monster?
129
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,331
I'm not a monster.
130
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,203
I'm scared of everybody,
131
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:09,171
and I just try to hide,
and every once
in a while, they spot me.
132
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,472
But I'm so lonely.
133
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:15,344
All I want is to love
and to be loved.
134
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,475
Oh, my God,that's the saddestthing I've ever heard.
135
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,711
Will you be my friend?
136
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,547
Of course, big fella.
137
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,522
He gave us the signal.
Torpedo!
138
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,455
Damn, Yung.
Way to bum us all out.
139
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:40,767
The whole point of a clip show
is to remember the good stuff.
140
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,370
The highlights, the sizzles.
141
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,442
Like, for example,
remember when we
all stood on that cliff
142
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:48,842
and watched that
nuclear bomb destroy
that small town in Arizona?
143
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,775
You know what I'm saying.
Fun stuff.
144
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,053
-(RUMBLING)
-(YUNG HEE GASPS)
145
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,481
(GASPS) Oh, thank God.
146
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,288
What the (BLEEP)?
147
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:07,063
Doesn't anyone want to know
what my favorite mystery was?
148
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,063
How could you
have a favorite mystery?
We just met you.
149
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,756
Oh, no, little boy.
150
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,032
Mmm-mmm.
151
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,497
We've all met before.
152
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,866
Hey, eyes up here!
153
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,405
Hmm? Oh, oh.
154
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,340
Sorry, I just...
I just can't believe
that's still going.
155
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:28,647
I was in the middle of robbing
the US Treasury.
156
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:31,021
OLD MAN: Oh, we thoughtwe were in trouble,
157
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:35,690
until he stopped and turned,as if posing for a photo.
158
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,722
Just posing.
159
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:42,227
We watched him therefor a bit, posing andprimping and carrying on.
160
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:46,032
-MARQUESS: Mm. Mm.
-It went on for 20 minutes.
161
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:50,135
We were able to fullyunload that bank vault.
162
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:55,141
I've never seen
such a vain man.
163
00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:56,984
Hmm, mmm-hmm.
164
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,110
Hmm-- Oh!
165
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:04,575
I used half of the money
to buy an island
in the South Pacific.
166
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:07,847
OLD MAN: Inspired by the
Jurassic Park films,
167
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,387
I paid some graduate students
168
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:13,763
from the Texas A&M Schoolof Veterinary Medicine
169
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:16,593
to make mea bunch of dinosaurs.
170
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:18,929
And make them they did.
171
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:23,635
But one of them got cold feetand sent you a pigeonwith a note.
172
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:29,636
No one's gonna
disrupt the balance
of nature on my watch.
173
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,810
OLD MAN: The poor dinosaurs.
174
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:37,345
They'd been brought backto life just to be moweddown like the buffalo.
175
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:41,553
And when youran out of bullets,you used your fists.
176
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:48,286
My plans for a dinosaur
theme park lay in ruins.
177
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:52,158
But thankfully, I had used
the rest of the stolen money
178
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:58,638
to build an enormous cement,
four-armed samurai warrior
in New Mexico.
179
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,312
What on earth for?
180
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,141
I don't know.
181
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:07,706
That's unclear,
but I had visited
Japan as a boy,
182
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,207
so maybe that had
something to do with it.
183
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:13,119
And land is so cheap
in New Mexico,
184
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:16,252
especially down therenear Las Cruces.
185
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,789
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
186
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:21,764
This might have been
a waste of $50 million.
187
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:22,994
What is that?
188
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:28,631
MAN: (ON RADIO) Er, Mr. Tyson,you were just supposed tosit in the jet for a photo op.
189
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,668
You were definitelynot supposed totake off. Over.
190
00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:34,774
Just a quick joyride. Over.
191
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:37,577
I think I'm starting to
get the hang of it. Over.
192
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:40,846
Is that...
193
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:47,720
OLD MAN: It is a Christmasmiracle that I survived.
194
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,185
Homeless and now penniless.
195
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:54,164
I did the only thing
that made sense.
196
00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:57,533
I joined a passing
Kabuki theater troupe
197
00:09:57,563 --> 00:10:00,173
on their way to perform
in Las Vegas.
198
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,340
Oh, man, I hate Kabuki.
199
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,973
OLD MAN: I know.
200
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:13,713
But now I am going
to have my revenge.
201
00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:16,406
Prepare to die, Mike Tyson!
202
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,319
PIGEON: Oh, my God,
did you have that pistol
in your butthole?
203
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,292
-(GASPS)
-(ROARS)
204
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,790
-(YUNG HEE SCREAMS)
-MIKE: Whoa!
205
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,722
-(MARQUESS SCREAMS)
-(OLD MAN CHOKING)
206
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:26,957
(YUNG HEE WHIMPERING)
207
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:35,234
Aloha! It's me, Haulani.
208
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:38,498
I don't think
the repairman was
ever gonna come, really.
209
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:42,508
Climb on my back
and let me show you my
favorite place in Hawaii.
210
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,412
The Mauna Kea summit.
211
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,784
This is the only place
in Hawaii where
you can see snow.
16849
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