All language subtitles for 8.Heads.in.a.Duffel.Bag.1997.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG

Die, scumbags

You know, you're late, Tommy

Rico, relax

Okay, then, okay,
you're the boss, come on

That's Hugo Porto's mob, huh?

He tried to move in on Big
Sep's territory down in Atlantic City

Killed Victor Viking's
mom in the process

Wow, what a bunch of scumbags, huh?

Whatever, and there's proof for Big
Sep, you got a ticket on the red-eye

The heads are nice and
clean and ready to go, okay?

Okay

Tommy, Big Sep's hot

I'm two weeks
late delivering the meat

If he doesn't get that by noon
tomorrow, more heads are gonna roll

- You know what I mean?
- No problem

Do you love me?

- Where you headed? San Diego?
- Mexico

- You have a good flight
- Thanks a lot

Do you love me? Do you love me?

Do you love me? Do you love me?

How you doing?

Thank you, thanks

Step over here please

Gun! She's got a gun!

I don't even own a gun!

- Hey, kid, is this yours?
- Yeah

Do me a favor, will you?
Put that right under the seat

And see maybe if you
can keep that right near you

I got some
important stuff in this bag

I'd like to keep it close by
me, you know what I mean?

Thanks, that's really nice of you

- Good kid, thank you
- Okay

Atta boy, fits right under there

No, it doesn't fit right under there

Maybe you can get a spot in
another bin, thanks, I appreciate that

It's nice of you

Excuse me

Careful, careful

I almost didn't make it

Well, I'm sure that
someone is glad you did

Let's see, 49C, right down this way

Thanks

- Excuse me, sir, is this yours?
- Yeah

I'm sorry, we'll need
to use this compartment

Would you mind using another one?

Because I have
valuable family heirlooms in there

Sir, as you can plainly see,
this is an emergency situation

Well, maybe you can
use somebody else's bin

I mean, this kid's not using all of his

Would you mind if
they used some of yours?

Hey, excuse me, but screw you

Hey, hey, come on,
be nice, be a gentleman, will you?

We're trying to help over here,
here, let me help you

This goes right
over here, it's small

That's okay, thanks, don't... don't?

Wait! Wait! Don't kick it!

For God's sake,
those are live human organs!

Trust me, pal, they don't feel it

Would you sit down please?

Sir, I'm really sorry about that

- Sir, we're gonna have to use your bin
- Excuse me? but?

And actually, sir, I think
your bag is over the size limit

Well, no, because see, the guy outside
measured this and he said that it was okay

Sir, it's clearly over the size
limit, it will have to go in cargo

Listen, wait a minute, wait a minute?

Hold on, hold on a second, listen

Maybe we could just leave
my bag where it is, all right?

Are you trying to bribe me, sir?

No. I'm trying to purchase
a place for my bag, which I already...

The place for your bag is in cargo, sir

Excuse me, maybe
I'll just take another flight

Fine, the next flight to
San Diego leaves in seven hours, sir

All right, let me make a phone call

Sir, do you actually think that we're gonna
hold the plane while you use the phone

Now, are you flying with us tonight or not?

- All right, Miss Burke?
- Yes

- That's your name, right?
- Yes

This bag better be in San Diego,
you'll be in a lot of trouble if it's not

Yes, sir, it will be the very first off the plane

Does that make you happy?

- When it's there, then I'll be happy
- Okay

Have a seat, sir, thank you

Happy? Yeah, I'm happy, I'm thrilled

Happy

What are you looking at?

You started all this with those friggin' organs

You're happy, right?
Happy, who's happy?

Look, I think we got off
on the wrong foot, I'm Charlie

So, where you headed?

I'm gonna meet my girlfriend's parents

She races these cars

She's great, she's great!

I wish her parents thought the same of me,
I'm on my way to meet them for the first time

I haven't seen her in like six months, and...

Yeah, well, I'm gonna go to sleep

Think about what
you're gonna say to them, okay?

Yeah, I don't know, because
I mean I haven't even met them

Already the father,
he doesn't like me, I know

I could understand that,
I just met you and I don't like you either

I got to sleep, didn't
you hear me? Come on

I'm just trying to make conversation, but...

Good, make it in sign language

Laurie?

- Something wrong?
- No

- You look great
- Thanks

- What is the matter?
- Nothing, let's talk about it later

Okay

Oh, no. No, Jesus, please, no!

Charlie Pritchett! Shit!

What do you have in there?
It looks like you packed for a month

You know me, ready for anything

- Oh, boy, look at this loser
- Honey! Be nice now, come on

Charlie, these are my parents,
Annette and Dick

- Annette
- Charlie, it's a real pleasure

Dick, very nice to meet you, this is for you

Oh, these wrappings
are beautiful, thank you

Oh, my God! Dick, I left yours on the plane...

No, no, no, why don't you call the airlines?

We got a long ride,
we've got to make tracks

Sorry

Woodgy, why don't
you ride shotgun with your dad?

Wudji? Wudji like me to drive?

I think I can handle it

No... no... Jesus

House of pain

- Yeah, hello, who's this?
- This is Qaddafi, who's this?

Qaddafi, huh? Listen, this is Bill,
I'm an old friend of Charlie Pritchett's

I was wondering
if you could help me find him

Yeah, he's gone on spring
break with the rest of America

- Did you try looking in Mexico?
- That's very funny

Look, this is really important

You think you could be
a little more specific, Qaddafi?

Not unless it's for a grade

Hey, Bill, is it? Tell me if
this sounds like a phone hanging up

Yeah! Shit! Shit!

I need a flight to Bethesda University

I'm not sure the University
has their own airport

But we can fly you to Baltimore, will that do?

Hey, don't get cute with me, asshole, huh?

Wake up, people, we're here!
Made it in record time

- I'm famished
- Oh, me too

Boy, could I use a Margarita, what time is it?

Thirteen fifty hours

Bear, remember what
we agreed about your drinking?

You be a good bear,
take one of your new pills

They make me woozy, Wooly

Besides, I said I could use a drink,
I didn't say I'm having one

Listen, there is absolutely
nothing in this whole world

That could ever, ever make
me take a drink again

So, relax, okay?

- Bienvenidos! Welcome back, senior
- Hola, Juan

Hope you catch some big ones this time

Gracias, gracias

- Manny, I ran into a little delay here
- What do you mean, a delay?

Excuse me, are you going to be long?

- A day, maybe two
- On the phone?

What? What the hell's happened, Tommy?

Manny, I can't go into it
right now but it's going to be okay

All right? I mean, can't you talk to Big Sep?

Big Sep is riding me like a
race horse, I told you if it was late...

Listen, the job is finished,
so what's the big deal with the delivery?

Tommy, you didn't lose nothing, did you?

Manny, you know how many
years I did this for your father?

How could you even ask
me something like that?

Mister?

Hey, lady, you interrupt me one
more time, you're gonna swallow this phone

Now get out of here

Go ahead, take it on the heels

One day, you got one day, Tommy

If big Sep doesn't get those
heads in his hands by noon tomorrow

You might as well chop off your own
head and put it in with the others, capish?

Don't worry about it, all right?
He'll have them before they start stinking

- Please or you'll be stinking
- Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean

- About time
- Yeah, I know

Here, it's all yours

We've done a lot of redecorating
since you've been here, senor

It's quite lovely, we hope you enjoy it

- It's beautiful
- Senor Pritchett... your room

Thank you

The mini-bar, el bano, the bathroom

If you need anything, please call me

Everybody unpack later

They're only serving lunch
downstairs for ten more minutes

- Yes sir, no problem
- Good

Pepe, venga! Pepe, venga!

- Come on, Bear
- I'm coming, Wooly

It's 206, room 206

Okay, Laurie, what's going on?

Not now, let' just talk about it later, okay?

No, let's talk about it now

Look, Charlie,
I don't know quite how to put this

But... I think I want a divorce

What? A divorce? We're not
even married, we're not even engaged

You know what I mean

That's why you invited me here?
To tell me this?

I thought you invited me to meet your parents

I didn't really actually invite you

Excuse me, but you
invited me to your parents' house

And then you called and said
we were coming to Mexico instead

When I said we were going to Mexico,
I didn't actually mean you

What?!

It was just supposed to be me
and my parents for my dad's birthday

And you got so excited;
I didn't know how to break it to you

Laurie, what's happened to you?

Six months at home and you've mutated

From a fun-loving free spirit
into... Nancy Reagan

Look, I just want stability in my life, Charlie

I need to be with someone
who really knows who they are

And knows what they want in life

You know what this is all about? Your folks

They don't like me, and it's
affecting the way that you feel about me

But just wait, Laurie

My being here will turn
out to be a blessing in disguise

I'm not giving up on you, Laurie

- Is my hair all right?
- I am open-minded

It's just that he's such a dip!

Do you think he's a dip?
I think he's really cute

And he seems funny, and he seems smart

I mean, what do you want for Laurie?

I want what I was when I was his age

- I was charismatic, ambitious...
- That's right

- I was clearly headed to the top
- Clearly, darling

The very, very top

I mean, we can be honest with
each other when we're alone, can't we?

Oh, I think that's a good idea, Wooly

I've always wanted to be...

Oh, I forgot something,
will you go down and get us a table?

- What's the problem?
- No problem, no problem

I just forgot something and
I'll be there in just a second

Okay? I'm running

Senorita, no, no, it's for decoration,
not for sale, sorry

I better go check on Bear

- Ah, Mrs. Bennett
- There you are, Bear

We ordered you an enchilada

- Bear, are you all right?
- Mrs. Bennett?

Jesus! Ma, are you okay?

- Would you, would you like to... to sit?
- Mom, what are you doing?

Good God, Bear, don't tell
me you've been drinking again

Now, remember what the
doctor said, take nice deep breaths

- I have some pills if you're not feeling well
- Yeah, why don't you take some?

It's, it's, it's... all right, folks

She's just a little hungry, she's
hungry and her blood sugar's dropped

Are you hungry, Bear?

- Mom, for God's sake?
- Would you like an enchilada?

It's all right, folks! No harm done

They're just happy to see each other

You little son of a bitch, I should have known

Wake up, Qaddafi,
we're gonna play College Bowl

For ten points of your life...

Hey Stevie, you got any notes
from last night? I don't need them

Hey!

No, no, I've got it, thank you very much

Seniorita, your mother is going to be fine

Take this please

Senor, I gave her a sedative,
it's muy, muy strong

- Let her rest, huh?
- Thank you, doctor

We've only been back here
an hour and already she's on the booze

Would you go easy on her, dad?
She's obviously under a lot of stress

Okay

When she wakes up, we
won't mention a thing, okay, Laurie?

Why don't you watch her, while Charlie
and I go rent a boat for tomorrow?

- Okay, Charlie?
- Yeah, great

Is my hair okay?

Uh, do, do you mind if
l change my shirt before we go?

No, I'll use the phone in
your room so I don't disturb her

All right, we're gonna play
a game called Be Honest With Me?

Now, the rules are very simple

l ask you a question and you
have to be honest with me, okay?

Now, where did
Charlie Pritchett go on vacation?

Second rule, you have to answer, Qaddafi

- Why does he keep calling you Qaddafi?
- I don't know

Now, look, I don't want to have
to put you kids through hell

So let me tell you
what's going to happen here

First, I'm gonna hurt you,
then you're gonna try to be brave

Then I'm gonna hurt you again,
and you're gonna tell me everything

That's not being honest, that's not honest

That's not honest!

Now, look, this is not gonna get
any easier, it's only gonna get harder

So, I don't know why you're protecting
this kid, because I'm gonna find him

There we go, atta boy

l swear to God, we don't know where he is
all he said was Mexico and he's ...

Come on!

We're not trying to protect him!

I'm not going to repeat myself!

Mom, if you want to come down,
you're certainly welcome

It's just that the weather is terrible

Well, it's rained since we got here,
mom, there are storms everywhere

l mean more storms are on the way

Mom, I'm just thinking about you

Mom, l... we..., of course we'd
love to have your company, mom

Well, I know you're young enough
to travel, it has nothing to do with that

Mom... mom, please, please,
mom, please don't dredge that up

What's the matter? Are you okay?

l, uh, uh, ants, ants everywhere

Ants' I don't see any ants,
what are you talking about?

Mom, there are ants
down here, ants everywhere

Mom, please don't dredge that up

Because it's got nothing to do with her

What is it? What is it?

- I have a cramp in my leg
- A cramp?

Ay, ah!

Well, pull yourself together, stop screaming

I'm, I'm sorry, I'm...

No, mom, I'm not arguing with my wife,
I'm arguing with you

l mean, mom, mom, please,
I'll have to call you back

Mom, I'll call you back, I'll call you right back

Can you keep it down?

Now, why don't I meet you downstairs
in the lobby in say, five minutes?

- Five minutes?
- All right?

Five minutos!

And don't send this laundry out,
it's gonna cost me an arm and a leg!

yeah!

Oh, yeah! Obviously, this is, this isn't real

It's a, it's, it's a fake, it's a fake

God! God!

Senor! Senor!

- Are you okay?
- I am fine

l just, I ate a hot pepper

- Oh, ah, hot pepper
- Venga, Pepe

No, no, no

Charlie, are you okay?

I'm fine, I just ate a killer pepper

A chili pepper, I'm fine

There's some water in the mini-bar, senor

No, no, no
l like the sensation

I' yee haw! Yee haw!

Enchilada!

Okay, well you call me
if you need anything, eh?

- Will do, thank you, Paco
- Pepe, venga!

Pepe, come on! Pepe!

- God!
- Charlie, what's going on?

The police, this has
got to be a setup! Oh, God!

There's got to be a camera or something

We're in Mexico, why would
there be a camera in Mexico?

Mexican Candid Camera, still on the air!

Charlie! You're acting insane!

- I'm okay
- Would you get it together?

- Okay?
- I'm okay

What the hell is going on?

Look, Laurie, you gotta
promise you won't freak, okay?

Okay

I found something in my duffel bag

Something, oh... I mean, look, it's a...

- What?
- Forget it, it's nothing, it's nothing

- Charlie Pritchett, you're such a sneak
- No!

You got me a present,
I didn't know you got me one

No! No! It's not a present Laurie!

Laurie, don't open it, it's a head

Laurie

Laurie!

Are you okay? Honey, are you all right?

Yeah

- Senora, are you all right?
- She's fine, everything's fine

She had a pepper too,
she loves them, actually, she'll be fine

Are you sure, senorita?

Pepe, Pepe, venga

Pepe, venga!

Pepe!

Pepe, andale! Vamos

Pepe!

You call me if you need anything, eh?

Will do, thank you, Paco, bye-bye

All right

Laurie, are you okay?
Can you stop screaming?

Good God, Charlie, what are
you doing with a head in your bag?

I don't know, you think I know?

Yes, I think you'd know
If I had a head in my bag, I think I'd know

Laurie, Laurie, don't get
upset but there's more than one

What? Charlie, there's two?

- No
- Three? Four? How many?

Eight?

It's those gringos, son locos

Laurie, you're not in the hall,
you're in the closet

Don't you think I realize that?

- Laurie
- I'm not coming out

- Laurie!
- I'm not!

- You have to come out!
- No!

The bodies are in there

I was... I was kidding, I was kidding

Kidding? You're kidding at a time like this?

Well, I had to calm you down

For God's sake, Laurie,
try to stay calm, okay?

Calm? You expect me to remain calm

When you have eight human
heads in your luggage?

Laurie, there may be two people
in China who didn't hear you

- Then what the hell is going on?
- I wish I knew

Could it be Steve or Ernie playing
some sort of sick, hideous, medical prank?

I don't think so,
the thought of blood bothers Steve

And this isn't Ernie's style

They're my best friends, but
come on, they're dull guys with dull lives

You psycho! You psycho!

We don't know anything!

I don't know shit!

You're right

Besides, the only heads we
have access to are cadavers

- And these heads are fresh
- Charlie!

I'm sorry, but it's true,
check it out for yourself

No!

- Let's call the police
- No! No! No!

- Why?
- Because we're in Mexico, Laurie

A third world country. You don't just
call the police in a third world country

And tell them you found
eight human heads in your luggage

- Why not?
- Because they have no laws here!

- They'll turn me into a taco!
- All right, what do you suggest then?

We have to think this thing through rationally

- Okay?
- Oh, my God, Charlie

- What if they have your bag?
- What?

Your bag! What if the person
who owns this bag has your bag?

They're going to come looking for you

Laurie, I just took
a mental inventory of my bag

There's no... there's nothing in that
bag that could possibly lead them here

His family lives in Clarion, Vermont!
They're in the furniture business

Laurie is from Denver! Last name, Bennett

B-e-n-n-e-t-t!

On vacation in Mexico

Okay, that's reassuring
What do we do?

Simple! All we have
to do is throw them away

They lock the garbage

Senor Pritchett?

- Ah, Paco
- Can I help you?

No, no, I was just putting the,
the, the trash in the garbage

Putting the garbage in the trash, you know?

- I'll take it for you
- No, no, I got it

- What is it?
- It's? it's none of your business

No, Senor, I meant what kind
of garbage is it? Aluminum? Plastic?

We recycle here

It's, it's really not recyclable,
it's, it's perishable

- Oh, well, perishables we compost
- It's really not compostable

Sure it is!
Everything perishable is compostable

Jesus Christ!

I mean, come on!

I'm sorry, senor!
Go ahead and put it in

- Thank you
- I'll take care of it later

Actually, you know what? It's fine
I'll just take it back

It's really not that bad. I just need
some oil and formaldehyde and vinegar

And it'll be just as good as...

- Are you sure, senor?
- Yes, thank you, Paco

Mom, why are you bringing
my inheritance into this?

Excuse me!

You still haven't changed?
What are you doing?

- Well, l...
- No, not you, mom

I found a roa... roa... a rat in my room

And it had a ball of...

I don't wanna be rude, but are you coming?

Or am I going to spend the entire
day waiting in the lobby for you?

I am so sorry, I'll be right down

What am I going to do? Flush them?

Nothing fits around here

No, no, no, por favor , no clean

No clean, room clean, no clean

- No clean
- No clean, gracias

No, I mean, I'm, I'm
asking you to come, mom

But there's really no need for you to come
Mom, it's two hundred degrees here

You go in here! Like that!

Mom, if we're cut off, it's the lightning

What?

Let's go rent a boat! I got 8 human heads
in my room and I gotta go rent a boat!

Okay

Mrs. Pritshett?

Hi, this is Ernie Lipscomb,
Charlie's friend from medical school

Oh! Great! Great! The number
of as many hotels as you can give me

No, I know, it is, it is late

It's just that we've run into
a little bit of a situation up here

All right, okay, the Mayan

- That sounds great
- No, no, no, relax, everything's fine

But I do need to get a hold of Charlie. Did
he tell you what hotel he was staying at?

He didn't...

Right, no, I know how sons can be

- All right, and that's the last one, right?
- Yeah, no, I'm good

- School's a little crazy
- Well, thank you

You know how that goes

You sure he's only going away for a week?

- He packed enough stuff here for a year
- Charlie is a compulsive packer

"Sleight of Mind" by
Charlie Pritchett again

He's writing a detective novel

Yeah, it sounds like
his autobiography

It's a pun on sleight on hand and dim-witted.
You know, a pun, play on words, get it?

No, no, no, relax. Everything's fine

No, I don't know
we got midterms

I'll talk to you soon, Mrs. Pritshett
gotta go, bye

I popped the last guy
who tried to pun me, asshole. Get it?

Yeah, I get it too.
Make some more calls

You too, asshole

Charlie, this is none of my business,
hopefully... but, let's review

You've been pre-law,
pre-architect, pre-vet, pre-med...

- No, I'm in Med.
- He's an intern

And now Laurie tells me you've been
thinking about becoming a head-shrinker

- Charlie
- A... a what?

Shrink, headshrinker, psychoanalyst

Whatever you call an
overpaid hand-holder these days

Actually, sir, I was thinking about that...
but I don't know what I'm doing anymore

- I'm certainly aware of that
- Dad, enough...

Annette?

Bear?

- Wooly, are we alone?
- Yeah, we're alone, but where are you?

Wooly!

- What are you doing there?
- Wooly! Thank God Thank God you're alive!

Still alive? Of course I'm still alive

Where's Laurie? Not with him,
oh my God! Not with that maniac!

Calm down and tell me what
you're talking about

What I'm talking about?
Our daughter is dating a mass murderer

I went into his room
to take a gift to put it in his bag

In his bag he's got body parts!

Senora Bennett, I sorry to scare you
I was fixing the gutter

Dick, I am not crazy!
I know what I saw!

- I believe you
- No, you don't believe me

Yes, I do believe you, but remember
what the doctor said about your drinking

- I did not hallucinate
- Bear

I had the drink after I saw them
Please, Wooly

Bear, what about the pills?

I saw you take them, you said yourself
they made you woosy

Right, but then what about the bag?
Okay... where's the bag?

I don't know, but I was in his room
when he unpacked

He unpacked right in front of me
would a maniac do that?

Oh, no! Oh, no!

No, no, no, no

It's not my room!
It's not my room!

It is my room, okay

- Senor?
- What?

- We clean room
- What?

- Room clean
- Oh no!

Hola

- Oh! I am...
- Paco?

No... I'm... blind... I'm blind
I mean, I mean, you're blind...

I'm a guest and I forgot something

- Adios
- Adios

- I draw the line on mass graves
- Mass graves?

You know, maybe we should just do
individuals, seven of them, you know?

This reminds me of when
I was a kid, I was thirteen years old

Me and my friends used to
rip the heads off Barbie dolls...

and burry them
in the mud in the backyard

- You used to rip the...
- Hola, amigos

Find any buried treasures, gringos?

We have laws about these deserts

They are environmentally protected now
you know

- Actually, no, we didn't know
- Si, si

We got protected snakes,
protected lizards

protected toads

Are you familiar with the
Mexican horny toad, chiquita?

- Oh, no
- Oh, yeah!

Mexican horny toad is a very special species

It's against the law
to hurt a horny toad in any way...

Oh! You just hurt a horny toad!

Laurie

Whoa, come on, amigos. Vamanos!

- Are you all right?
- Yeah

No, shit! They stole my car!
Go get them!

- Senor
- Dick is going to kill me

I want you to stay here at your hotel

- Okay
- You're much safer here

- Okay, thank you
- Thank you

Thank you, sir

- Senor , you forgot your bag
- Thank you, thank you, sir

Thank you, good night

Well, that went well

- Charlie! I got it! Fed Ex it!
- What?

Fed Ex them to Steve!

Fed Ex them? Laurie, we're in Mexico
there is no Fed Ex

Well, then, Mex Ex them, I don't care
the point is just ship them!

And just let Steve innocently
open a package full of heads?

Of course not, we'll call him

All right boys, I'd like
to do this forever but...

I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do
You know?

I think it's time that I got rid of you two and
moved along. Come on, come over here

What? you, you can't just kill us
We're trying, all right? We're trying...

Trying? What are you talking about? What
does this look like the Special Olympics?

I need the bag! Get over here

- Well, wait...
- Trying, shit, get down!

Listen, we can call more people or...

Yes, we can help, man

I don't know what to do
I can go through friends

Can I answer that?
It might be Charlie, all right?

Put it on speaker phone

- Hello?
- Steve

- Oh God!
- Oh, Charlie, thank God. Jesus!

Listen to me, you asshole, you got my heads
and I want them back, you understand?

Who is this?

Never mind who this is
I want those heads!

Jesus Christ!
You're the guy from the airplane!

Charlie, listen, listen...

What does this look like, a family reunion?

Steve? What are you doing to Steve?

I'm killing him unless you
shut up and listen to me! Where are you?

I'm in Baja
I'm six hours south of San Diego

Listen to me. You meet me at the San Diego
airport and bring all 8 heads with you

San Diego airport? I'm
on vacation with my girlfriend's parents

Okay, okay, San Diego

You make sure you're there by six o'clock
if you ain't there, your buddies are history

- But what if I don't have all eight heads?
- What?

- I lost one
- You lost one?

You lost one?
How the hell could you lose one?

The maid got it

What do you mean a maid got it?
How the hell did a maid...

What, what do you mean?
What, which one did you lose?

I don't know!

Oh Jesus! I can't
believe this shit! I can't believe this shit!

Damn it!

What's happening?

I don't know
I don't think he's taking it too well

Charlie, listen. The guy is serious
he's not screwing around

He's a psycho, all right?
You gotta do what he says, all right?

- Are you there?
- Yes, yes

Yeah, listen to this

All right, bring the rest
and make sure you're there

Remember what I'm telling you now
you got it?

- Got it. Before you hang up though...
- What?

If you hurt my friends
you'll never get them

Charlie, what are you trying to do?
Are you threatening me?

No, I'm just telling you a fact...
and don't lose my book either

It's my only copy

Charlie

All right! All right! All right!
Forget the book, I'll be there

Yeah, you better

What's happening?

We have to go back to San Diego

San Diego? My dad will shit himself!
What are we going to tell him?

What to you mean he
forgot to turn in his lap report?

- I know it sounds flaky and...
- Flaky? It's ridiculous!

You mean he came all the way
to Mexico without turning in a report

and for that we have to go home?

Mom is sick
and anyway it's your fault

My fault?

He took your advice
He's decided on something

Well, he's decided that he'll never be
a member of this family, that's for sure

- We're leaving
- How did he take it?

It's gonna have to fall under
the category of blessing in disguise

I'll make it up to him
I'll give him a year of free analysis

- Cute. Here
- What's this?

It's a surprise for his birthday
He likes his macho stuff

Can you pack it in your bag?
I don't want him to see it

Where exactly would you suggest I put it?

- If we're going, let's get going
- Right, dad

The shirt's for you. Get packing

And the macho
statue with all the disgusting...

Laundry

I didn't...

Thank you

Who's this guy? He might do

- Do for what?
- Hugo

Wait a minute

Are you telling us you're trying to
find a look alike for the head Charlie lost?

Yeah. We got some time to kill
before we go to the airport

Oh, my God!

But these are college professors!
You know, innocent people!

You can't just kill innocent people
because they look like someone else

Let me tell you something, college boy
nobody's innocent

Now, who is he?

He was my anatomy professor.
He almost flunked me

Good, here's your chance to get even
with the prick. Get me his address

Wait a minute! I just thought of something!

- What?
- Cryonics!

- Cry- what?
- Cryonics!

Frozen bodies! This university
has the biggest Cryonics Foundation

in the country

So what?

So it could save you
a lot of troubles is so what!

You go on a killing spree here,
Big Sep's gonna hear about it

When a couple of gangsters die
nobody cares

But you blow away professors
Big Sep's gonna read about that

Big Sep don't read

Still, this cryonics facility
has hundreds of frozen bodies

Why they got hundreds of frozen bodies?

- I think for situations like this
- Don't be a little smart ass

They have them because people are hoping
that in a couple hundred years...

...maybe they can bring them back to life,
clone them a healthy body

- Are you jerking me around?
- What?

Oh, my God, he just put welts and bruises
over 90% of my body, now you're talking...

...about having me help you decapitate some
professors. Would I be jerking you around?

Calm down, tough guy.
What are you trying to tell me?

I'm trying to tell you that right across campus
is a gold mine of heads

Heads R Us. Night of a Thousand Heads.

If I was a guy in desperate need of a head,
as you are, I'd at least check it out

Senor, I can't find your jeep anywhere

What do you mean you can't find it?
It's red, rojo

Oh, my God. I forgot.
We, we went for a drive last night

and... it got stolen

You forgot it was stolen?

Well, we...

This is ridiculous! How the hell
are we going to get out of here?

It's not a problem, senor
take a plane

Oh, a plane! A plane!
And where would we take a plane from?

Here. Since you've been away, senor,
this has become a very important city

I mean we have built our own airport

- A plane comes every day
- Well, aren't we lucky?

Now, that's a Hugo

- This one's good?
- For Hugo Porter, unbelievable!

All right, we got a keeper!

- What was that?
- Thawing it out

No way

Good God! Look at that!

Lassie, sit girl! Stay!

Oh my God!

Oh my God!
Guys! Ernie!

- What?
- I'm not very comfortable, perhaps

Why is that?

We're messing with
people's immortality here. It's murder!

Technically, it's not murder, Steve
because they're already dead

No, these people,
they believed in the freezing thing

All right, this is like grave robbing,
grave robbing, or worse

I don't see any graves.
Do you see any graves?

There's gonna be two fresh ones, if you
two don't start looking for heads, come on

All right

- Sir, I'm really sorry about the Jeep
- It's open seating

Now you take these tickets
and you check in the big stuff

We'll take the little stuff,
and we'll go get the seats

Do you think you can handle that?

Yes, I really appreciate you...

Come on, Bear. Come here

God!

Permiso, senor ,
do you have anything to declare?

Any fruits, vegetables, native plants?

Are you kidding?

Sobrino! Sobrino!

Mira!
Mira! Que es eso?

No se, mira como esta aqui

Excuse me, could you
handle me my bag, please?

- Un momento, senor
- I don't have un momento!

I have a plane-o to catch-o, got it?

- Machete?
- No, sera una pistola?

Excuse me, it's right there, I can see it
I'll just reach in and get it myself, okay?

Senor... no. No, Senor!

What? Is it dad?

What?

They found two heads in Dad's carry-on

Oh, no!

Put me down! Put me down!

Oh, my God!

Help me! Help me!

Oh, my God!

- Decent, hold this one
- Yeah, wait. Do you need a Helen?

No, you can play with her when I leave
Get over there

- This guy do anything for you?
- He's not bad either

Could be a Stu

- Yeah?
- Yeah

We could beat him a little bit
give him a few cuts

Random disfigurement

Yeah, definitely a Stu

Worth a try anyway.
I'll take him and I'll take him

- Great, I'll wrap them up
- What do you mean take? Huh?

You know, for a future doctor
you're a pretty stupid kid

I mean take the heads

No, No

No, no way! You do it!
This is your crazy idea, okay?

It's my idea that you should do it

But, he's a neurologist,
I'm only going into dermatology

So don't screw up the skin

Now there's a pleasant sound

Mr. Escobedo, this is my mother,
Annette, Charlie and Fran Bennett

Dad's mom. She flew down to help us out

Nona, this is Dad's Mexican lawyer

- Delighted
- Charmed

Now, cut the crap and
tell us what the hell's going on!

Certainly

Miamigos, in your country

you have what you call
the good news and the bad news

The good news is that Mr. Bennet
underwent only very mild torture

- Jesus!
- Oh my God!

Shut up, you poodle. What's the bad news?

He confessed and was sentenced to death

- Oh my God!
- That little weakling!

Oh, Mom!

- Wait a minute. Don't get upset yet
- Not get upset?

Let the man speak, damn it!

There are remedies here.
This is a civilized country

There's going to be a trial
some sort of hearing

Of course. When my partner arrives,
we will formulate our strategy

Until then, try to relax

It's a beautiful day. Enjoy Mexico

I can't belive it

Things get a little rough and he cracks

- Nona, they tortured him
- Oh, what?

A little castor oil down his gullet?

A little electricity on his dillywacker?

Cat piss!

I am spent!

Chopping off heads just takes it out of you

Shit!

Time to go, I got four heads
I'm screwed

But you got a good start

I'm sure one of those heads
in there will do for the one Charlie lost

I doubt it, the way
my luck's running today, kid

Let's take a second and
take stock of where we are so far

Let me tell you something, kid, okay?

Just so you know,
I gotta kill the both of you

So don't think by helping me
it's gonna change that, all right?

Yeah, I know, sure, I'm just
saying that you're doing all right

you might be better off than you think

Okay, but I'm just saying too
I want you to know

Okay, let's see. I got a Hugo, a Marty,
a so-so Stu, and a bad Frank

Right, and then at the morgue,
you said something about Little Joey

- Right
- Okay

All right, so I got Little Joey,
a Hugo, a Marty, and a bad Frank

- No, where's Stu?
- I said Stu, so-so Stu

No, just a second ago, you said Little Joey

I know I said little Joey
but I also said Stu

But then where's Frank?

All right, let's start over
You got a Hugo... a Little Joey...

- ... a Frank...
- Yeah

- A bad Stu...
- No... Frank... bad Frank

That's what I said

No, you didn't, you said bad Stu,
Stu was just so-so

No, sir, I said a so-so Stu
You did not. You said bad Stu

Yes, I said. Everyone heard

I said so-so Stu

You said bad Stu!
I know their names and you don't

Will you two stop it! Goddamnit!

These are not baseball cards
we're talking about here, all right?

These are heads, human beings' heads

Where were we?

- I said we have a Hugo
- Yes

Ho, ho, wait a minute, just a sec.

I can't believe I didn't notice this before

What?

With some black hair and a busted
nose, this kid makes a decent Frank

- What?
- Yeah

I mean I know you're a little young,
but with that stubble

- a couple of missing teeth
- But you have a Frank

I got a bad Frank,
you make a better one

But you don't even know
if you need a Frank!

- I might
- Please no, please, no

Listen, please, no, listen
I don't want any trouble

Look, I fly, I fly

- What are you? A fairy?
- No, no, he has a pilot's license

You don't wanna fly commercial
airlines with all these heads

That's how you got in this whole mess.
He can fly us. It's smarter

I fly

All right, grab all those heads.
Just leave the top one

Why?

Because the top one doesn't look like
anybody and Big Sep will never buy it

Wait just a minute! I sawed this off
and you re not even gonna use it?

- Steve, chill
- No, you chill

It s not fair. I spent a lot of time on this head

Don't you think that you could've at
least told me this before I cut it off?

I saw that coming

- Don't fuck with a guy looking for heads
- Good advice

Now take all the heads and let's go, okay?

- Big Sep, it's Benny
- Where the hell are my heads?

I just talked to Tommy a while ago.
He'll be there tomorrow

First it was two weeks ago,
then three days ago

I gave them to Tommy.
It's Tommy's deal now

Don't you talk to me about Tommy.
I trust Tommy

This is your job

Big Sep, what are we talking about here

Heads! It's not like they got any
value on the open market

It's not like we re talking diamonds here

now that's what's bothering me Ben

A guy pays 80 grand
and doesn't see proof ...

He starts thinking maybe, just maybe he's
been double-crossed, you know what I mean?

Big Sep, I swear on the soul of my dead
mother, I off them myself

me, and Rico, I give you my word!

Your word ain't what
I paid you 80 fucking grand for, Ben

I paid you 80 fucking grand
to see their fucking heads

Now you bring me their heads

Bennie! Bennie, Bennie,
come in here, hurry up!

Bennie, you re not gonna believe
this! look, look at this!

- My God! That's Hugo!
- That s Hugo and Stu, I mean...

didn't I tell you he'd screw up,
Bennie, didn't I tell you?

- This ain' t good
- What the hell's Big Sep gonna say, Bennie

Shut up!

Ernie Lipscomb,
Please pick up a courtesy phone

This is Ernie Lipscomb

Ernie, it's Charlie. Let me talk to him

- Sure. It's for you
- Yeah?

Hi, it s Charlie, l...
I lost two more heads

What? how could you
lose two more heads?

- The police got them
- How could the police get them?

The one I lost earlier,
I got it back

What are you looking at?

He's talking about potheads

We re de-programmers
with marijuana anonymous

He hates to lose a client

Listen to me, you little incompetent
piece of shit! Where are you exactly?

The La Purisima Hotel

Don't move. Don't leave your room
for anything. I coming down there

If there s any more heads
missing by the time I get there

I'm gonna replace them with your
family and your friends, you hear me, huh?

He really cares, and
that's what makes him the best

What?

I'm thinking that once he gets
these away from us your dad's a goner

We gotta move

I, I saw a place just outside of here, we gotta
check into another hotel, come on, get up!

Uhm, I'll take these
I had nowhere else to put them

I'll take these to the
American border, I'll give them to the police

I'll rent a car
I'll drive all night

- What am I gonna tell my mother?
- Tell her anything

Tell her we had a fight,
tell her I called you fat

It doesn't matter what she thinks
the important thing is to save your dad

I'm not fat

Look Laurie, maybe your dad
was right about me

Maybe, I'm a total nimrod
who can't follow through on anything

But I got him into this

I promise you, I'm gonna get him out

Get your hands off her Maniac!

Hold on!

You may want me to think I'm crazy
but I'm not crazy and I'm not stupid

you had those heads hidden in your room,
and then you pinned them on my Dick

Mom, what are you saying?

I'm calling the police on him,
I'm gonna do it right now

- No
- No

Mom, calling the police
is a bad idea. No, no

Laurie, I love you. Take your hand off the phone
you, back off, I know exactly what I am doing

No, you, you're not thinking clearly

I am thinking perfectly. I know exactly
what I am doing. I told you to back off!

Operator? No, I wasn't yelling at you.
Could you get me the police please?

Oh yes, operator, I need you
to get the police for me, policia?

Si, si, si, I'm trying to reach
the police, the policia, si, gracias...

Yes, Si, Si!

Yes, of course, I'll hold,
I'm happy to hold

For Christ s sake, keep it down!

Yes, oh, hello, police, yes, I have...

Charlie, hurry! Go!

- I need to rent a car
- Sure, that's no problem

We got chevys,
jeep, chevys...

Hey, that looks like our jeep

Well, uh, there's a lot
of jeeps, you know, senor

With this magazine in them? I don't
think so. This jeep was stolen from us

I don't know, senor
a lot of people read magazines

On seizures? You gotta be kidding me!

You really like that magazine, huh?
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do

You rent this jeep,
I'm gonna throw in magazine for Nada

Unbelievable!

Excuse me.
where can we rent a car? Thanks!

All right, make sure it has A.C
Hold on, champ. Thanks

Are you telling me I just passed out?

Come on, drink up, you're a little dehydrated

- I'm gonna get us packed
- My butt's staying right here

Why? I hear
the Tropicana s wonderful

It's a waste of money, honey! Give me
the two c's, a cot and a crapper, I'm set

But...

Laurie, Charlie, it's Ernie

- Jesus!
- Who the hell is Ernie?

- Nobody, grandma
- Well, he sure as hell seems to know you

- No, grandma
- Is this some guy you're boffing on the side?

- Grandma!
- What the hell are you doing?

- Where's Charlie?
- Who are you?

I asked you a question
where the fuck is Charlie?

And I asked you a question,
who the fuck are you?

Now that we're in this frigging
La Purisima, what do we do now?

We find a cop station and we get our heads

All right

Benny! Look! It's him! It's Tommy!

What the hell do you think he's doing?
Do you think he got the heads back already?

I don't know, but why
don't we follow him? Come no!

Where the hell is he going?

Keep following him

I told Charlie to stay put

I told that son-of-bitch to stay put

So who are you? God?
Why the hell should he listen to you?

Oh! I am so groggy!
Do you mind if I lie down in the back?

I don't give a shit what
you do lady, just keep quiet

Watch your language

Ow! Fern, stop it! Ugh!

Oh! My God!

Another head? Oh! My God!

Lady, lady, shut up!

I can't stand it! I'm losing my mind!
Everywhere I look are heads!

Shut up, lady! Jesus Christ!

You're not the only person
on this planet with problems

Shut it!

Jesus! What a head case!

Is that supposed to be a joke? Killer humour!

looks like this guy
I dated in High School

Hugo Porto

Hey, I think we're gonna pull over
because we need some gas soon

- Keep fucking driving
- Didn't I tell you to watch your language?

What are you doing? Where are you going?

Get your hands off me, you goon!
Don't fuck with me!

Grandma!

- My money says he ain't got the head
- Mine, too

Man, how could you do that?

- How could I what?
- Throw her off the cliff?

A man can only take so much, Kid

Oh! My God! I can't believe it!

I can't believe he...

- I thought the old battle-ax would never die!
- Mom!

What do you wanna do now?

Keep following him,
but I don't like the smell of this

- Well, well, well, if it isn't our old amingo
- Oh! No! not again!

Isn't once enough, huh?
Can't you give a guy a break?

From one human being to another

That's, that's very moving, gringo

But the real question is, are we gonna
cut off your conjones? Or live them on?

You don't have to do this, come on guys,
you can't kill me, can't we flip for it

You think you should kill me, flip for it?

- What?
- A coin, you know?

Flip a coin, I win you let me go,
you win you mangle me

you're a crazy man, gringo

- Call it
- Heads

Oh, you sure? you don't even wanna
you sure you don't wanna think about it?

I've never been more sure
of anything in my life

Juan! Don't take the keys!
Don't take the keys!

Oh, God!

Oh, this has not been a very good vacation

Hello? Hello!

Who's there?

Stop! Stop!

- Not your kind of music
- I hate that shit

Are you talking to me?

I said, are you talking to me?

I don't know who you're talking to

- I'm the only one here
- Shut the fuck up!

- Are you talking to me?
- Yeah, I'm talking to you, shut up!

Shut up... Screwball!

- What's that?
- What's what?

Stop! stop!

Oh! No!

Whoa, hold on now!
Hold on, hold on, just okay, okay

Hey, come here, stop

okay, don't shoot! Don't shoot!

I thought I told you to stay put?

Where's my heads? Where's my heads?

They're in the jeep
They're in the coolers

- Good
- But I lost another one

What?

Here, coyote

- What's he doing?
- The kid ain't dead, that's for sure

Here coyote!

- Shut!
- What?

- Shut up!
- What? What is it?

I'm dead, shit, I'm dead

Who, uh, whoever they are, it
doesn't look like they're coming after us

Not yet. Just the fact that
they're here means I'm dead though

When? As soon as I give you the heads?

Or as soon as I get them across to the States

Knowing them,
they're gonna let me take that risk too

Who are the heads anyway?

What? Non of your business
What the hell do you care?

You spend your vacation with a bunch
of heads, you kind of want to know

You think about their hopes and their dreams

Their lives cut short

Hopes? Dreams? Those bums?

You have to feel something!

You don't just kill eight
people and not feel anything!

It don't really matter, but let's
just set the record straight, okay?

First of all, I didn't
whack them, those guys did

Second, Mister Phi Beta Craphead

If I hadn't fucked up,
I'd be retiring after this

Hey! Hey! look! look!

What is he doing? It looks like
he's chasing after a dog?

- What if we could help each other out here?
- Impossible

Why?

Because you're stupid besides I'm not gonna
take the chance of going across that border

Well, if you know it all then how come
you're in this mess to begin with?

Because of bad luck

It's not my fault that the bag
was to big to go in carry-on

There was a gift shop right next to the gate

Didn't you ever think of taking two bags?

Oh! Shit!

So I'll repeat the question, what if there's
where a way we could help each other out?

What way?

I'm not into mass murder
if I'm not getting paid for it

But I'm warning you,
anybody gets in my way is dead

- Thank you again for getting rid of fern
- Mom!

The going rate five thousand
dollars, but you can owe me lady

Where's he going?

I don't know,
Do I look a mind reader? Let's go, come on

So now what do we do?
Drive to the border?

Hello no! We gotta get those
heads back and save your dad

Hey! Come back here! I'll kick your ass!

- Come on Bennie let's take him now
- I expect that's exactly what he wants

Uh, let's see, how lucky

We got here. Ah, we got Marty

Ah, we got Benito

Little Joey

What is he doing?

I don't know, it s like he's teasing us
wait a minute it's caught on my neck!

Ouch, Jamal, you wanna bite, huh?

Jamal! Jamal!

Let's see, what do I need?

I need a Stu,
a Frank and a Hugo

There's a Hugo

- Who is it?
- It looks like Stu or Hugo

Frankie you suck...
but you're gonna have to do, buddy

How many has he got now?

He's got one, two seven, eight .

- He's got all eight heads
- I'm gonna make him the ninth head

And you, you I definitely don't need

what a bunch of douchebags!

Lost dreams! What a crock!

This coyote won't
be doing anymore running away

I got him trained!

That is disgusting
I can't leave it outside for the coyotes

Everybody be still,
this is our last match

Good work Steve, you asshole!

That's it,
we're just gonna have to wait till dawn

Steve, shut up!

Heads up!
Stop ahead!

Anybody need to use the head!

Steve, shut up and go to sleep

Oh, don't let it go to your head
whoa, whoa, whoa, you're way ahead of me

Steve!

Hey, don't bite my head off, all right?

- That's it, I m sleeping outside guys
- Me too

Steve! Get a grip, go to sleep

Or what, huh? You'll have my head?

Enough!

Mr. Hitman

I'm so alone

Ain't got no body to call my own

Ain't got no legs for walking all over

Can't hold my liquor
so I gotta stay sober

Mr. hitman, give me a break

Tell Mr. Pizza that I ain't no steak

Please put on your magic sheen

Mr. Hitman bring me a dream

Jesus!

- Bennie! Wake up! He's up! He's up!
- I'm up! I'm up! Relax!

Damn it! This always works on the Camaro

- You can do it
- I Know. All right!

Can I get some breakfast here?

Si, Senior, please, sit anywhere you like

- Bennie, what the hell is he doing?
- I don't know, let's go find out, shall we?

- Coffee, Senor?
- Uh, yeah, good

- Juice?
- Sure

Wow, look at this surprise!

Bennie, Rico, you boys decide
to take a vacation?

Yeah, Tommy, you know
we never seen Mexico

We figured this is a good time to check it out

Good, good... it's nice down here

l know you re waiting for me
to cross over to the States

But I gotta tell you now, when I do

You'll get that bag
over my dead body

Funny. We was thinking
exact same thing, huh, Rico?

That's his Van

The guy with the van, where is he?

Uh, he's in the hotel, Senior

You're not going in there
after him , are you?

We need those heads, yes,
I'm going in there

l can't believe you're actually doing this

Give me your guns

Jesus! Charlie, where'd you get that?

- It looks like mine
- It was yours

You dropped it in the dessert,
now it's mine

now both of you, put your guns on the table

Or I'm gonna blow your heads off

Right now!

Laurie, get the guns

Ernie, get the duffel bag

- Wait a minute!
- Easy, kids

You don't wanna mess with these guys

He's right, Charlie, what do you
want those heads for anyway?

He's gonna take them to the border,
and turn in, right, Charlie?

- You'll be a hero with her old man
- Something like that

Forget about it, you do that
and Big Sep kills us all

Fuck Big Sep!

- Mrs. Bennett, Senor Prit-Shit
- Paco

We're F.B.l!
He's the Unibell man

Senora Bennett?

Back off

Come on, Laurie, drive faster

What have you done?
Laurie, why do you have guns?

What... what...

Senor Pritchit, senor Bennett,
what's happening? What's this all about?

It's about heads

- Steve, leave him alone
- Why does she have guns?

Look! See? Heads ! All right?

I know, but it's okay, Paco, Paco

I told you it wasn't recyclable

Paco, it's okay, Paco

Charlie, what are we gonna do? Charlie?

- What are you doing?
- Ernie, give me the duffel bag

Everybody stay in the car!

Steve, stay in the car!

Move, please! Move!

Hola! Hola!

I have something to declare!

His mistake, he doesn't have anything

Arrest them! Arrest them!

That's his bag! Arrest them

All right, everybody freeze!

Don't do anything stupid
and nothing stupid will happen

- Get to the plane, Rico
- Oh! Shit!

No need to be excited!

Charlie!

We're just getting in the plane and
fly away, bye-bye, have a nice day

Arrest them!

Drop your guns or I'm gonna shoot him

- Move in, goddamnit!
- No!

Charlie! No!

Arrest them!
Check their bag! Open their bag!

There's a human head in the bag!

The man you arrested
yesterday is in jail

for the murders these guys committed

He father is innocent

These are the guys who did it

Right there!

Wait a minute!
That's not ours!

- You arrested us for the wrong head!
- Rico

- Our heads are not here!
- Shut up!

- Where are our heads, asshole?
- Shut up, Rico

Al suelo!

You knew it? You planned it?

- You got a future, kid!
- Thanks

"Slight of Bag by Charlie Pritchett"

Show me the law about
bringing a head out of the country

It ain't a fruit, it ain't a vegetable
it ain't a native plant, goddamnit!

Alto! Alto!

You can't have it!
It's mine!

I spent a lot of time on this head
It's my best friend!