All language subtitles for Room Service (1938) 1080p HDTV x264.en

Well, what do you want? Can't
a man have a little privacy?

- The check, Mr. Miller.
- Oh, the check.

- Is this check any good?
- Why, yes, sir.

- We'll find out. There you are.
- Thank you.

Don't give me any of that
"thank you" stuff.

Mr. Miller, many times
I have seen your company

rehearsing on
the 19th floor.

Please, I would like to play
the part of the Polish miner.

My advice to you
is to stay where you are.

Most actors would be tickled
to death to get as close

to a lamb chop as you,
and I do mean you.

You're wanted on
the phone, Mr. Miller.

Give him a dime.

Hello?

Oh, Christine. Oh,
hello, babe. How are you?

I'm gonna be a little late.

I can't leave until Mr. Fremont
goes to lunch. Is that alright?

Get to rehearsal
as soon as you can.

I'm making a star out of you.

And you only invested
$250 in the show.

Alright. Bye.

Please,impresario,I read you
what the Russian critic

Yakubovich, say about my
interpretation of Uncle Vanya.

That's very interesting.
Just when did he say that?

Just before he was shot.

It is just like in America,
three and a half stars!

And then, in the second act

with 300 peasants
doing the Kazatsky.

♪ Rum tum trrr rum tum.. ♪

Excuse me, Mr. Gribble.

Gordon, I wanna talk to you.

Joe, I never talk to a
hotel manager on a full stomach.

Gordon, this whole
thing is a mess.

If you're referring to
that meal I had, you're right.

I knew this would happen.

Shouldn't have allowed
you in this hotel.

Don't be impatient,
I'll pay this bill

as soon as I find some
backers for my show.

You can't shake suckers
out of your sleeve.

Anyhow, I can't.

Gordon, I'm in
a terrible spot.

Mr. Wagner,
the supervising director

is downstairs now,
inspecting the books.

Wagner? I thought he wasn't
coming for another two months.

He walked in on
me unexpectedly.

He'll discover
your bill any minute.

Twelve hundred dollars worth of
credit to a shoestring producer.

How will I explain it?

If he finds out you're
my brother-in-law

it'll cost me my job.

It was a business proposition.

In return for credit
to me and 22 of my actors

I gave you a 10%
interest in the show.

Don't forget, you begged to
get in on the ground floor.

You mean, I was railroaded
into it by you and Flossie.

Do me a favor and kindly keep
your wife's name out of this.

Do you realize you're talking
about the woman you love?

And besides, she happens to be
my sister. On my mother's side.

Hello, boss.
Ha ha.

- The rehearsal, she's a wonder.
- Hello, Binelli.

Yes, sir, it's wonderful.

I still think
it's a terrible play

but it makes a
wonderful rehearsal.

Hello, room service.

Just a minute, Binelli.
You can't eat here anymore.

Well, there's only one thing
to do, Joe. I'll scram.

Gordon, I can't let you skip.
Leave your luggage.

I'll leave my luggage. But we
can wear a lot of clothes.

Hey, Binelli. Put on
three of my suits..

Give me room 1922. Faker?
Here we go again.

Come on down,
give us a hand.

Look, you don't want 22 people
skipping in one day.

- Do you, Joe?
- Of course not, but I..

'Joe, their bills
are charged to me.'

So they can't be
held responsible.

Once I'm out, we'll have
the cast re-register

under their names.

Starting today instead
of one big bill

you'll have 22 little ones.

Hello? Joe, it's for you.

Hello. Yes, Mr. Wagner.
I'll be right down.

I'll be out of here
in 15 minutes.

Seventeen years in
the hotel business

and I have to pull
a stunt like this.

This only proves
what I always said.

The hotel is a no good.

I'm afraid you're
right, Binelli.

Can you put me up
for the night?

Yes, but you'll have to
sleep on the shelf.

- Why not the floor?
- I'm on the floor.

- What happened to the bed?
- Can't get it out of the wall.

'Come on, Faker,
give us a hand.'

I see you came prepared.

No, he just don't
believe in shirts.

Oh, an atheist, eh?

Maybe he can put
me up for the night.

At the Metropole?
You don't wanna stop there.

'That's the worst schlock house
on Eighth Avenue.'

'Well, looks like I'll have to
curl up on the shelf with you.'

'Sure. You're much better off.'

'Besides, you'd have to sleep
sideways at his place.'

'I thought he had
a large bed there.'

He has, but he's got four
other guys living with him.

They're packed in like
a bunch of sardines.

- What, running out again?
- 'Hello, beautiful.'

You must stay.
I found a backer for you.

- He's coming.
- Where'd you get him?

He's an investing
agent, named Jenkins.

He came to the office and asked
for an interview with Fremont.

He has money
to invest in a play.

What kinda straitjacket
did he wear?

I talked him out of doing
business with Fremont.

Told him about you.

I gave him a copy of "Hail and
Farewell" which he's reading.

Too bad you made
the appointment up here.

I donno what to do.
Stay, I may lose the cast.

If you don't,
you'll lose your backer.

You must be here
when he comes.

- That may be Mr. Jenkins.
- Man the pumps, boys.

Here.

Just a minute.

- Mr. Gordon Miller?
- In the flesh.

- My name is Davis.
- Davis?

Yes, the author of
"Hail and Farewell."

Oh, well, this
is a surprise.

I guess I should have
telegraphed you I was coming.

Not at all. Don't mind
the state of the room.

We were just
cleaning up a bit.

- I hope I'm not intruding.
- Certainly not.

This is Miss Marlowe
who's gonna star in your play.

This is Mr. Binelli,
my assistant.

And this is Mr. England,
the brains of the organization.

That'll give you an idea
of the organization.

Well, I guess I'll
go down and register.

You intend to check in here?

Well, before I do that

there's something I'd like
to talk to you about.

You see, I haven't any
money to speak of.

Oh.

I was depending
on the advance.

Davis, of course, I could
give you the money.

It's really of
no importance.

But my advice to you
is to go back home.

I'll send for you,
a week before we open.

Oh, but you see,
I've left home for good.

I've burned my
bridges behind me.

But you could go back
if you wanted to?

My mother seemed
very happy when I left.

Only a mother's mask.

Right now, she'll be
sitting at the fireside

wringing her hands.

- But we have no fireside.
- You have no fireside?

How do you listen to
the President's speeches?

What time does the
next bus leave for Oswego?

- Excuse me, Miss Marlowe...
- You'll thank me for this.

- I appreciate your advice...
- Next bus leaves at 9:02.

- Hurry and you can make it.
- It's air-cooled.

I'll help you
with your bags.

Davis, this is your most
important decision of your life.

Now, wait a minute. I don't
want to appear stubborn.

- But I couldn't go back now.
- Now, listen, Davis...

If you have lost interest
in my play, just say so.

It isn't that.

I'm sure Morton Fremont
would buy it.

I've got a letter of
introduction to him.

- Fremont?
- I guess you've heard of him.

Davis, I'm beginning
to see your point.

You just don't
wanna go home.

- Well, that's it.
- No use forcing our opinion.

It might make him neurotic.
Now, about this advance.

All you actually need it for
is board and lodging?

- Yes.
- Davis, your problem is solved.

You move right in here with us.

- Oh, no..
- No, no, not another word.

You are my guest.
This is Liberty Hall.

- You mean live with you?
- Precisely.

Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot.

Oh, Davis, if you have
any money on you

it'll be a good idea if
I put it in my vault.

I have 67 cents.

You got 67 cents, and you're
asking us for an advance?

He's always clowning.

If you fellas don't mind,
I think I'll wash up.

Yeah, go ahead. The rest of us
are already washed-up.

There's only
one thing to do.

Ask Mr. Fremont for
an advance on my salary.

Thanks. I still have
some cinders left

in my ears from
that train ride.

Save them for fuel, Davis.
It looks like a hard winter.

Faker, I'm surprised at you.

Yeah, you ought to be ashamed of
yourself, robbing a stranger.

I think he's reforming.
He didn't steal the picture.

Yes, that's the first
encouraging sign I've seen.

Now I know how
Gypsy Rose Lee feels.

Hail and Farewell.
Author, author, author!

Hello? Who wants Binelli?

Hold on. Do you know
any policeman?

Policeman? What's his number?

Hello? What's that?

But, officer, this is the
first I hear about this.

Okey-doke. I'll be right over.

Well, what do you know.
I've just been dispossessed.

Dispossessed? From that rattrap?

I know what I'll do.
I'll hock the typewriter.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- You explain it to Davis.

Never mind. I'm gonna
hock it myself.

I need it more than you.
The cop wants to gimme a ticket.

My moose head is blocking
the fire pump.

- Wait a minute!
- I can't wait. I gotta have it!

If I don't hurry, the cop will
dispossess me from the sidewalk.

Say, this certainly
is a nice bathroom.

I never lived in
a hotel before.

Oh, I had a valet come
and lay out your things.

- Oh, thanks.
- I'll go and register for you.

If anyone calls,
I'll be right back.

Hello?

Is this the We Never Sleep
Collection Agency?

Well, this is
Leo Davis of Oswego.

Oh, no, I'm living here at
the Hotel White Way, room 920.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, I got behind in my
payments on the typewriter

and they turned it over
to you for collection.

Now, if you'll send
a man over here

I'd be only too glad to pay
off the balance.

Come in.

Oh, that's quite
alright. Goodbye.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought
that this was Mr. Miller's room.

- It is. He'll be right back.
- Are you an actress?

No. No, I'm the manager's
secretary, Miss Manny.

Well, what will
I tell Mr. Miller?

Why, nothing. I mean..

- No, no, it's not important.
- Excuse me.

What did you say
your name was?

Manny. Hilda Manny.

I used to know somebody
called Manny up in Oswego.

- Oscar Manny?
- Yeah.

He used to give
me piano lessons.

- Why, he's my uncle.
- You don't tell me.

Well, what do you know.

- Well, won't you sit down?
- Thank you.

Would you care
for a chocolate?

- I got them on the train.
- Thanks.

Twelve hundred dollars.

Gribble, I can't understand
what's going on here.

- You say Miller skipped?
- Yes, Mr. Wagner.

- When did he skip?
- Well, I-I'm not sure.

I just want to know
one thing, Gribble.

What in blazes goes on
inside that head of yours?

But, Mr. Wagner, I explained.

The credit limit of
this unit is $500.

Miller kept stringing
me along from day to day

showing me backers, telegrams.

I never expected him to skip.
He's a crook, a deadbeat.

- I'll have him arrested.
- I'm sorry, Gribble.

I'll have to charge you
with the difference between

the limit and loss.
It'll be exactly $700.

- Mr. Wagner, I protest!
- Gribble!

I was sent here to put
this unit on its feet.

If I succeed, there's a
vice-presidency waiting for me.

And I'm not gonna let
anybody stand in my way!

I'm going up to room 920
to find out for myself.

I almost forgot
what I came in for.

But since you
wrote the show

I'll ask you
instead of Mr. Miller.

You see, it's, uh, well,
it's about an actor.

- Someone you like?
- Oh, I think he's wonderful.

Oh, I see.

Well, he's a waiter
in the hotel.

He was a big star in Russia
in the Moscow Art Theater.

The Moscow Art Theater?

He could play the father
in "Hail and Farewell."

He's quite a middle-aged man

and, well, he's getting
so discouraged.

Anything you can do
for him would..

Gee, I just can't picture you
with a middle-aged man.

But I don't..

No, no. It's nothing like that.
It's just a favor I'm doing him.

Oh, I see.

Well, sure. I'd be glad
to hear him act anytime.

Say, who knows? I may be
discovering a great actor.

Oh, you've made me so happy.

Well, I guess I'd really
better be going now.

Thanks for everything
and for the chocolates too.

Maybe I could hear
that Russian actor act now.

I'd like to meet him
if you could be there too.

Well, that's wonderful.
Come on down.

Well, keen.

I'll get him, he can act
for us on the mezzanine.

That's swell.

I can't understand
this, Gribble.

They checked in Davis
without cleaning the room?

That's what the clerk said.

The more I get into this thing
the less I seem to know.

But there's one
thing I'm sure of.

There's a screw loose
in this hotel somewhere.

And I'm gonna find it!

Mr. Wagner, give me
a chance to investigate.

Investigate? You allow
this chiseler to move in.

Move in 22 other people,
22 people I can't even find!

And now..

- You're Mr. Davis?
- Huh?

- Mr. Miller, perhaps?
- No, wrong again.

Jumping butterballs, they've
already checked in another man!

- And that makes 23!
- There must be some mistake.

There is. Who's
living here, anyway?

I'll take that. I'll find out
what's going on here.

Boy, I had a tough time getting
him through the revolving door.

Don't talk to me.

What's that? In the dining room?

I'll be right down.

- Don't leave this room.
- Mr. Wagner...

There are 22 people
having dinner down there

and charging it all
to Miller!

- Jumping butterballs!
- He's mad.

I thought Gordon
was gonna skip.

He's not the skipper
he used to be.

We're expecting a backer
so we changed our plans.

Yes, and Wagner's charging me
with $700 of Miller's bill.

- Me, personally.
- Kiss me, Joe.

Christine just brought
me a backer.

Backer, backer. I'm sick
of hearing that word.

Then you went and
registered this Davis.

Anybody want me?

- Are you Davis?
- Leave it to me, Joe.

- Have you any money?
- Why, no, I haven't.

Oh, Are you from the We Never
Sleep Collection Agency

I'm the hotel manager. Let me
tell you something, Mr. Davis.

There's $1200 charged
against this room.

And if you move in here,
you'll be billed for half of it.

Say, what sort of
a hotel is this?

You move in, and you
owe $600 right away.

- Pay no attention to him.
- He's excited.

I'm not excited. Gordon,
you don't have a dime.

You never will have.
You have ruined me.

Come on, Joe, you gotta
give him a chance.

I'm sick of hearing
about your backers.

Yes? Speaking. Oh, Mr. Jenkins.
Yes, come right up.

Joe, we're out of the woods.
My backer's on his way up now.

Tell Wagner that
if he doesn't behave himself

I'll buy this hotel
and make him a bellhop.

That's too good for him.
I'll make him a guest.

- Your backer's really coming?
- He's on his way up now.

Now, leave us alone
for 15 minutes.

Wagner told me not to but
I guess this is important.

You bet it is.

Well, what's the matter
with you, Oswego?

I'm just a little
disappointed, that's all.

You told me you were
a great manager.

I am a great manager.

A great manager never puts
his own money into a play.

You were all so nice
and so kind.

I thought I was moving
into some sort of a club.

Look, everybody
does it this way.

Every honest producer
has a backer.

A manager puts his own
money in the play

you know he's a crook.

Shh. Money.

- Mr. Jenkins, I believe.
- Yes. Mr. Miller?

Come right in.

This is Mr. Binelli,
my treasurer.

How do you do,
Mr. Jenkins?

- Mr. Davis, my author.
- How do you do?

Mr. Jenkins,
I'm glad to meet you.

I've never met
a backer before.

Won't you be seated,
Mr. Jenkins?

Thank you.

I presume Miss Marlowe told
you all about our meeting?

- Quite.
- You have a copy of my play.

- It's a great idea, isn't it?
- Quite.

I enjoyed the play very much.

I'm the investing agent
for a very wealthy man.

I'm sure you'd recognize
the name if I mentioned it.

Who is he?
Do I know him?

You see, there's
a young lady involved.

Oh, and she would like
to play a small part?

How did you know?

It came to me in
a dream, Mr. Jenkins.

Well, my employer's ready
to put up $15,000.

Fifteen thousand dollars?

Well, I-I think we could
just about manage on that.

It's a little skimpy.

It is, but by cutting
an edge here and there

we could slip through.

I'm sure Davis
won't mind writing

a part for
the young lady.

I won't change
a line in the play.

Shakespeare didn't
change any lines.

Shakespeare
didn't owe $1200.

You wouldn't have
to change a line.

The young lady can play
one of the miners.

But the miners are all men.

Do me a favor and keep sex
out of this conversation.

I've never produced anything
but clean plays.

If you have the papers ready,
I'll sign them

and give you the check,
at say 10:30 tomorrow morning?

Shall we say at your office
at 10:30 tomorrow?

Why not here?

You mean, up-up here?

I'd rather not
meet at my office.

There's always the
danger of publicity.

You can easily understand
my client's position.

Well, tomorrow morning,
10:30, then.

You couldn't make that
tonight, huh?

No, I'm afraid not.
Tomorrow morning at 10:30.

It's a pleasure to see so much
enthusiasm and youth.

See you all tomorrow.

Goodbye. Watch the
traffic light.

♪ We got a backer,
we got a backer ♪

♪ We got a backer ♪

Great news, Joe!
I've got the money.

Yeah, we got a backer,
Joe. $15,000.

Glory be.

I'll have the check tomorrow
morning at 10:30.

Couldn't you get
some money on account?

I couldn't. It might
have spoiled everything.

We have to have money today.
Wagner's furious.

Mr. Miller, your entire cast
has been locked out.

He can't. If I lose
my cast, I'll sue him.

If I lose my backer,
I'll kill him.

Gordon, don't start
anything else.

The actors gotta
sleep someplace.

Can't you put them
in the ballroom overnight?

Suppose Wagner sees
them in the ballroom.

If Wagner comes in,
they'll start dancing.

Alright, alright.
Here are the keys.

- I'll take care of it.
- Tell them to keep quiet.

- I will.
- And do soft-shoe dancing.

- I'm gonna get out of here.
- You can't do that.

I don't wanna lose my clothes.
They're all I've got.

What's this?

They've checked
somebody else in?

- Why, no. This is Mr. Miller.
- Ha ha.

So you didn't skip after all.

Mr. Wagner, I demand you reopen
those rooms on the 19th floor.

The occupants are my guests.
I'm responsible for their bill.

Then who's responsible
for yours? Davis?

I'm responsible for Davis.

- And who are you?
- I'm Davis.

Gribble, he's skipping
right under your very nose!

I am not skipping!

No, we're just bringing
some things in.

Miller, I want
a substantial payment.

Are you prepared to make it?

'I'll give you the
entire $1200 tomorrow.'

Tomorrow won't do.
We must have something today.

You have an empty
theater downstairs.

You haven't rented for three
years and this is your chance.

- Gimme till tomorrow and...
- I am not interested.

Miller, I'll give you just 20
minutes to clean up this bill.

- Otherwise..
- I'll be locked out?

I see you're familiar with
hotel procedure. Very well.

Now, don't try the old gag
of staying in the room.

I'll force you out! I'll send
in painters! Fumigators!

You should have sent in
fumigators weeks ago.

Go on, Gribble.

I'll pull this hotel
out of the red

if I have to check
into every room myself.

By Godfrey!

Now I am gonna
lose my clothes.

What's the matter?

No!

- What's the matter now?
- How do you like that?

Because he owes six months'
rent, they threw him out.

Well, $6 is $6.

- He intends to stay here?
- I guess so.

You mean four of us in one room?

That's without the painters and
fumigators. Let's fight it out.

Gotta keep this room until 10:30
in the morning or we're doomed.

- We'll have to sleep in shifts.
- I'll take the night shift.

You take the night shift,
and I'll take the day shift.

And I'll be in
Scotland afore you.

Is there a tourist camp
in the neighborhood?

Wait a minute.

- Suppose one of us got sick.
- That's the idea.

They can't put a sick man out.
It's against the law.

I had kidney trouble
at the Astor

and gallstones
at the Plaza.

Those were the happy days.

Why didn't I think of it before?
Binelli, into that bed.

No, it's no good.
I'm not registered.

Faker! Get into that bed.

No, he's no good too.
He's not registered.

Davis.

- What's the matter with you?
- You look terrible.

- Well, I feel fine.
- No, you don't.

Wait a minute! What are
you trying to do to me?

- You gotta play sick.
- Or we lose the room.

- You can't let me down!
- I'm in good health!

- You're contagious.
- Yeah, the measles.

- I've had the measles!
- It's a relapse.

Get the iodine and
give him a case of measles.

- Gimme a chance to think.
- No time to think.

This will keep us in the hotel.

'Couldn't I have a disease
with my clothes on?'

'Hey, leave me alone, will you?
What are you gonna do to me?'

Hey, make it bigger.
That don't look like measles.

That looks like a freckle.

- Come on, will you?
- Alright, alright.

Now, take it easy.

'No!'

Oh, that's beautiful!
You're a second Michelangelo.

Slip this to him while
I check if the coast is clear.

It's room 920, and I wanna
get them out right away.

Don't worry, Boss,
we'll have them right out.

I'll show them they can't
fool around with me.

Here comes trouble!

- Not me, boss. Not me.
- That's worse than murder.

Well, what the..

Jumping butterballs!

I'm weak. If I don't get
something to eat pretty soon

I'm gonna collapse.

Say, we're just as
hungry as you are.

Yeah, but you fellas
are used to it.

I've never gone without food
for 18 hours before.

It's all a matter of willpower,
if you just make up your mind.

I can make up my mind,
but what about my stomach?

How about a two-handed game
of pinochle while we fast?

No, I'm just going
to concentrate on food.

If there was only something
left we could hock.

- How about that moose head?
- Oh, no, you don't!

I shot him with my own hands.
I ate him up to the neck.

But I refuse to part
with the rest of him.

If I could get my watch out
of hock, I'd hock it again.

I'm so hungry I see
spots before my eyes.

Me too.

Mine are beginning to look
like hamburgers.

If you see one with onions,
save it for me.

Gee, my mother is
the best cook in Oswego.

Alright, alright,
you're breaking my heart.

- Room service.
- Gotta use a different dialect.

Hello?

This is Dr. Glass.

Glass, the house physician.

The patient in
room 920 is very ill.

He must have food immediately.

He just developed a tapeworm.

Tapeworm?

I see.

He said the tapeworm
will have to register.

Two hours ago, you told me Faker
was coming here with a turkey.

- That he won in a raffle.
- Maybe he's getting it stuffed.

I didn't say he won it.
I said he was gonna win it.

After all, he's running the
raffle. He has as good a chance.

All you've done is take
advantage of me.

You pawned the silver frame
off my mother's picture

you stole my roller skates

and you even took 67 cents
out of my pocket

while I was asleep.

I had to feed a cast
of 22 people, didn't I?

I wasn't here 10 minutes when
you'd pawned my typewriter.

That isn't even my property.

I still owe money on it.

Why, I may even be arrested!

- Gee.
- What's the matter?

My head's going around.

Must have been
something you ate.

- Get into that bed! Get in.
- Come on, come on, hurry up.

- Hello.
- How do you do,impresario?

- Oh, hello, Mr. Smirnoff.
- Oh.

I am sorry. You don't
feel good, Mr. Davis?

I promised Mr. Smirnoff
we'd hear him

read the part of the father.

Thank you, Mr. Davis.

Binelli, we might
have a part for Sasha.

Well, maybe.

Stand over there, Sash.

Turn around.

What do you think, Binelli?

He looks just right to me.

I could eat him raw.

Sasha, could you get us
a meal out of the hotel?

But they shut you
off room service.

I know, if you could make
a mistake, like delivering

the right meal
to the wrong room.

Deliver a meal
to the wrong room?

We got a terrific
part for you.

A terrific part?

Yes, but unless
Davis gets some food

in his system, he'd be
too weak to tackle it.

I don't care about
food for myself, Sash.

But if you let a great
author starve to death

his blood will be on your hands.

You know what the penalty is
for murder in this country?

Well, I just left a big order
on service elevator.

I got to deliver him upstairs,
but I don't know.

You see, I take big chance.

It might lead to
a Hollywood contract.

Hollywood! Oh..

Gentlemen, you are singing
music in my ears. I..

But if Mr. Wagner find out..

Think of the other Russians who
made good in the same way.

- Gregory Ratoff.
- Nazimova.

Ginger Rogervich.

Three years I slave
in the kitchen.

I no got courage.
But now I got courage!

I do it!

Gee, he has a lot of talent.

Sure. I've seen him carry
12 dishes at one time.

How do you do? I'm looking
for Mr. Leo Davis.

- And who are you?
- My name is Timothy Hogarth.

I represent the We Never Sleep
Collection Agency.

Come in, Mr. Hogarth.

It's a pleasure to meet
a man who never sleeps.

Come and take a nap
some time.

Yes. We can go
in vaudeville together.

You never sleep,
and we never eat.

- Well, is Mr. Davis about?
- No, Mr. Davis is not here.

Oh!

How soon will he be back?

Mr. Hogarth, I have
bad news for you.

I'm afraid he's
never coming back.

Oh... gone away?

- They took him away.
- Oh.

Is he ill?

Worse than that.
He went crazy.

Glory be.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Hm.

But I understand that he got
in from Oswego yesterday.

No, he escaped from Oswego.

- Poor man.
- Hm.

Well, there's a matter of
$42 due on his typewriter

which I've been
delegated to collect.

I'm afraid you'll never get it.

He tore up all his money.

Tore? Well, he must
be out of his mind.

Well, in that case, I'll have
to take back the typewriter.

- Oh, he took it with him.
- To the madhouse?

He likes to hear
the little bell ring.

Well, I've never made any
collections in a madhouse.

I have my orders.

- Where did they take him?
- The maternity hospital.

Maternity hospital? But I
thought you said he was crazy.

Well, if he wasn't crazy,
he wouldn't go

to the maternity
hospital, would he?

You can't miss him.
Second straitjacket to the left.

Oh.

Oh, by the way, don't
mention it to the hotel people.

Oh, no. I understand.
Good day, gentlemen.

- Good day. Good day.
- Good day.

You shouldn't have told him
a thing like that.

Why not? You can't
sue a lunatic.

They may send
a letter to my mother.

So what? Your mother knows
you're not crazy.

Gee, I don't know
where I'm at.

Mr. Gribble says I owe $600.

Downstairs, they think
I've got a tapeworm.

And this man
thinks I'm a lunatic.

'Did you get the turkey?'

- It's a miracle.
- Food!

- Close the door.
- I got it.

Surround the turkey.

Well, we had no
cranberries anyhow.

Gentlemen, I bring you banquet.

Food!

I'll come back for the dishes.

Snap the lock, Sash.

Well, I hate to double-cross
that Russian waiter

but we can't fire
the actor we've got.

He's been rehearsing
seven weeks now without pay.

You mean you promised him
the part just to get a meal?

No, that's not quite true.

When I made that offer, I was
prepared to go through with it.

But now that I've eaten, I see
things a little differently.

Hello? For you, Davis.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Hilda.

Oh, no, I'm not really sick.

I can explain everything.

All right, I'll meet you
down in the lobby right away.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Goodbye.

Where are you going?

I'm going to meet
the woman I love.

But, you're supposed
to be sick in bed.

That's the only thing
keeping this play alive.

The fact that we've
got a sick man.

Don't you want
the play to go on?

'Listen, you starved
and robbed me'

and I went along, because I
thought I owed it to the play.

Well, there's one thing
more important than any play.

And that's love. It only
comes once in a lifetime.

Well, once is enough for me.

I'm going now. And I'll break
any man that tries to stop me.

That's a fine thing.

Yesterday we wanted you to
go home. You didn't wanna go.

Now we want you to stay.
You wanna go.

- Make up your mind.
- My mind is made up!

Love. He talks just like one
of the characters in his play.

I don't know. I like love.

I like it too, but there's a
time and a place for everything.

I like it any time.

Hey, Faker, how about you?
Was you ever in love?

Of course I like them
a little bigger.

I'll get it.

- Hello, Christine.
- Hello.

Well, where did this
banquet come from?

One of the waiters
wants to be an actor.

And I borrowed $2
from the porter.

Dashed out of the office,
and expected to find

you all gnawing at the carpet.

- Got the contract?
- Copied it from Fremont's best.

It's in the bag next to
the corn beef sandwich.

- This, with the mustard on it?
- Yeah.

You know, I think
I'm gonna like this.

I never had a contract
with mustard on it before.

- Open the door!
- Wagner!

Faker, get into that bed.
You got to play sick.

'Christine, sit there
and play nurse.'

'Faker, get in there
and start groaning.'

Just a minute! Get that
banana out of your mouth.

Where's the iodine?
He's supposed to have measles.

Forget the measles.
He's got a tapeworm now.

'Open the door.'

Just a minute, Mr. Wagner.
There seems to be something

wrong with this lock.

Miller, how did that meal
get here?

Dr. Glass ordered it
for the patient.

Dr. Glass did nothing
of the kind.

I refuse to argue
with a house dick.

I'm not a dick. I'm a doctor.
Dr. Glass.

I want to know how this meal
got up here.

Can't I get to the bottom
of anything?

They check in. They check out.
They skip. They don't skip.

They get sick.
And now this meal.

I'll fire that waiter. I'll fire
the whole darn kitchen!

Shh. Quiet, please.

There's a patient
in the room.

- Mr. Davis has a tapeworm.
- Last night it was measles.

I'm not responsible
for complications

she's got laryngitis too.
We had to get a nurse.

That groan doesn't sound
authentic to me.

Wait a minute.
That's not Davis.

I met him yesterday.
He wasn't anything like that.

Certainly not.
The man's aged 10 years

on account of service
in this hotel.

Well, his hair wasn't red
yesterday.

It's a very rare case.
He's got a red tapeworm.

Well, there's certainly
something screwy

going on around here.

Miller, will you consent
to have this Davis removed

to a hospital, at the expense
of the hotel?

It's up to Dr. Binelli.
What do you think, doctor?

The patient is too sick
to be moved.

- How do you feel, young man?
- He's hungry all the time.

Please let the patient
speak for himself.

How can he speak for himself
when he's got laryngitis?

I insist the patient
speak for himself!

There you are. You heard
what he said.

Please hurry, doctor. It's time
for the patient's nap.

He won't sleep till I find out
what's going on here.

Miller, you've committed fraud.

Only thing that keeps me from
killing him is the remote

possibility that this man might
have some disease.

His pulse is normal.

That's what you think,
you little quack.

Quack? I refuse
to be insulted.

Doctor, I question your ethics.
I'll have you investigated.

Say "Ah."

No, no. A-ah.

'No, no. A-ah.'

'A-a-ah.'

'A-a-ah.'

A-ah.

A-ah.

A-ah.

You'll never be able to see
the tapeworm that way.

Gribble, I thought
you knew better.

Allowing yourself to be
hoodwinked this way by a...

- This is all so unnecessary.
- I handle in a different way.

I don't like your way!

- It's not the White-Way way!
- I'm the manager here.

And you can't insult my guests!

'What guests? The whole floor
is empty! You locked them out!'

I'll lock out this deadwood too!

- You and who else?
- 'Go to your office and argue.'

- There's a sick man here.
- Doctor. Do something!

Get him healthy!
Get him out of here!

Calm down Wagner, my backer
will be here any minute.

I'm not interested
in your backer.

All I'm interested in is getting
this man out of here.

Where are you taking him?

I always consider
the modesty of my patients.

I'll step out of the case.

I have terrible news.
He has disappeared.

Disappeared?

He's not in the maternity
hospital.

- He's gone.
- They transferred him.

To the county hospital.

'Go, my friend, before they
transfer him again.'

- The county hospital?
- There's no time to lose.

- Hail and farewell.
- Hail and farewell.

- Hail and farewell.
- Hail and farewell.

- Wonderful.
- Terrific.

- Sensational.
- I didn't think he could do it.

How's that? That was a scene
from our second act.

I've been a hotel man
for 30 years. I've..

Hello!

Huh?

Yes, this is Mr. Wagner.

What's that?

Nineteen people?

Jumping butterballs!

Nineteen people were discovered
living in the ballroom.

Throw them out!

Come on, Gribble.
We'll find out about this.

- Now, Wagner..
- Hail and farewell.

Trying to throw my entire cast
out of the hotel.

Christine, get down and tell
them to wait in the lobby.

Alright.

That man is perfectly well.

Mr. Wagner will be glad
to find that out.

Listen, for one minute will you.

- Don't tell him now.
- I'll tell him right now.

- How about a piece of the show.
- I don't want it.

- Your name in the program.
- I don't want it either!

Put that fake doctor's
name on the program.

I'm going down to tell..

Where's my bag? What have you
done with my bag?

You must've left it
in the bathroom, doc.

'Just take it easy, doc.'

'It will only be
for a little while.'

- You shouldn't have kissed me.
- I just couldn't help it.

I've never done anything
like that before.

But I'll forgive you because
you were so nice to Sasha.

Well, I guess that'll hold
that fake doctor for a while.

Yes?
Speaking.

Oh, come right up, Mr. Jenkins.

Binelli, he's here,
the backer! He's here!

- Santa Claus.
- Neckties. Faker?

Hey, Faker, where are you?

He's Walked out on us.
How do you like that?

That's two sick men
running around.

You know, Binelli, we may
start an epidemic in this town.

Go downstairs and see
if you can find him.

If Wagner catches sight of him,
we're sunk.

Oh, Mr. Jenkins!
How are you? Glad to see you.

- Come right in.
- Fine, thanks.

Well, I see we're
all alone today.

Yes, I thought... I thought it
would be much better that way.

- Yes, much better.
- Have the contract right here.

Fifty shares of
Hail and■Farewell

made out in the name of Simon
Jenkins. Just a few paragraphs.

"Simon Jenkins, 50 shares."
Transferable, of course.

- Of course.
- I see. That's fine. Fine!

Well, You're going to see the
signature on this check anyway..

So, you might as well know
who your backer is.

- Did you ever hear of..
- Zachary Fiske?

Zachary Fiske himself.
That's the man I represent.

Now you realize why I don't
want any publicity.

You don't have to go
any further.

Now, this check's
made out to me, naturally.

But of course, I'll just
endorse it over to you.

"Culver City, California"?

That means about five days
before I'll get the money.

I thought I could
get started today.

Young energy.

I could have our bank wire
a certification to your bank.

- If it isn't too much trouble.
- It's no trouble at all.

I'll make a note of it.

Now, if you'll be good enough
to sign the contract..

Oh, Mr. Miller. I must
remind you once again.

The name of Zachary Fiske

must remain in the background
at any cost.

Mr. Jenkins, you have my word,
and you know what that's worth.

Where's Davis?

This is the deal I told you
about. Give me five minutes...

Miller, you can't
put me off any longer.

Now even your phony
sick man is gone.

And that gives me right to
demand this room immediately.

- Who is this man?
- Never mind who I am.

- Who are you?
- Will you go away?

You can't take
those pictures now.

- Pictures?
- Mr. Wagner's my press agent.

- He has an idea...
- I have only one idea!

- A publicity man. Mr. Miller..
- Oh, it concerns the cast.

- I'm here for money!
- I have the check.

- What check? Whose check?
- Who-whose check?

Mr. Jenkins happens to represent
one of our greatest finance...

- Mr. Miller!
- I don't give a hoot!

For Pete's sake Wagner, will you
get out before I fire you?

Fire me? Who do you think
you're talking to?

- I don't like this.
- Sorry, wrong room.

Isn't that your assistant?

Mr. Gribble take Wagner
outta here.

- Gribble, take him out of here!
- Shut up!

Take him away. I almost
got the check in my pocket.

- Oh, Mr. Wagner, please.
- I'm not leaving this room.

- You trying to blackmail me?
- Mr. Jenkins.

See what you've done?

Miller's my brother-in-law.
I'll vouch for him.

Brother-in-law? Well..

That explains everything.
Gribble, you've committed fraud.

- I'll gonna call the police.
- Police?

- Here, you mustn't do that.
- Mr. Jenkins, please.

I'm not interested in shysters.
I'm going for a real producer.

'Look, Mr. Jenkins.
Please! Hey, listen.'

Good heavens!

- How do you get out of here?
- Dr. Glass!

They've kidnapped him!

Mr. Jenkins, we didn't do it.
And we don't know who he is.

He may be left over
from the last convention.

How do you like it? It's a scene
from our second act.

- I don't like it.
- We'll put in another scene.

You can have
any scene you want.

- What you gonna do now?
- Don't ask me.

You're supposed
to be the doctor.

Don't worry, they won't
get away with this.

I'll put 'em all behind bars,
including Gribble.

- Shall I get you a drink?
- Are you alright?

I haven't been alright
since you came to this hotel!

You see what your brother-in-law
did? His mind's wandering.

My mind's not wandering! I don't
blame Miller for tying me up.

He had a perfectly
good reason.

He was transacting
a legitimate deal.

I hold you responsible
for what he did to me.

- You drove him to it.
- Say-y-y.

You're not Miller's
brother-in-law too?

All I know is Zachary Fiske
is backing his play

that's a good enough
recommendation for anybody.

- Zachary Fiske?
- I heard every word inside.

That man you insulted
was an agent for Mr. Fiske.

He has a check for Miller
signed by Fiske.

Fiske! Why didn't Miller
tell me?

Because he's afraid
of publicity.

- Because he's afraid of you!
- Everybody's afraid of you.

You steamed in this hotel
like a tugboat.

You took charge without faith
in anybody's judgment.

Nobody can talk to you!
Jumping butterballs!

I'm through with this hotel,
Mr. Wagner!

I'll thank you to remove
my shingle from the elevator.

Please gentlemen, I'm exhausted.

- But you must listen.
- Yeah, it couldn't be helped.

I'm not accustomed to this sort
of thing.

Will you please
let me outta here?

Excuse me, Mr. Jenkins.
I want to apologize.

There's another Miller
in the hotel.

- That's none my business.
- He had the bills confused.

They have plenty of credit here
and can have anything he likes.

Alright. Alright.

Had no idea Zachary Fiske
was involved.

Zachary Fiske? How did you?
Where did he?

Dr. Glass heard everything,
in the bathroom.

- Dr. Glass? Who told him?
- It's perfectly alright.

- We'll keep it quiet.
- If you just endorse the check.

- I don't feel well.
- It'll only take a minute.

- I-I have a weak heart.
- Then you better hurry.

- Here's the pen.
- I'll vouch for them.

Alright, alright.

Mr. Jenkins, it'd be our
pleasure to have you as a guest.

- Entirely without charge.
- Thanks just the same.

I'm going direct to my doctor.

Good day, gentlemen.

Will you please show me
the right way out of here?

This way, Mr. Jenkins.
Right over here. Here you are.

- Goodbye, Mr. Jenkins.
- Goodbye.

Bon voyage.

- Miller, I'll take that check.
- Oh, no, you don't.

I'll take it.
I'm the treasurer.

As soon as the check clears,
which will be in about five days

I'd feel happier if you'd let me
deposit it in our bank.

- What am I gonna do for money?
- Draw against the check.

When the check clears,
we'll turn over the balance.

- That's only fair, Gordon.
- No. I can't take any chances.

This is a shaky hotel. How
do I know you won't go bankrupt?

I'll paper guarantee the whole
amount to you personally.

How do we know
your credit is good?

I want this bill
wiped off my first report.

I can't do that without
this check deposited against it.

Gordon, for once
in your life, pay a bill.

Oh, you might as well.

Alright, I'll do it
for you, Joe.

Oh, thanks, Miller.

And by the way,
I wanna move out

of this frowzy little dungeon
immediately.

I want the best suite
in the hotel.

I'll give you the bridal suite.

Alright, and about three brides.

I'm awfully sorry
I misjudged you.

- 'I hope you have a hit.'
- 'I'll draw up the lease.'

- Got the check?
- Here it is.

- Zachary Fiske?
- Well?

Well, hail and farewell.

Goodbye, Mr. Davis.

Ha-ha, ha!

- Christine, I'm paying a bill!
- Darling!

Oh, boy that's but how about
the cast, boss?

- They can't live in the lobby.
- Everybody move in again.

The hotel is wide open.

- Davis?
- We're rich!

Fifteen grand!

I just saw Mr. Jenkins
in the lobby.

- I suppose he told you.
- Yeah, he told me.

He's gonna stop payment
on the check.

He said the only reason
he endorsed it

was just to get out of here.

But he can't do that. He signed
the contract. Or did he?

Gee, I feel sick.

Four months to get it
and one minute to lose it.

They can't do this to me.

I'm gonna sue the hotel
for $100,000.

You haven't got
a leg to stand on.

Then I'll sue Zachary Fiske.
I'll sue Jenkins.

But he didn't sign
the contract.

There must be somebody
I can sue.

Gee, I'm sorry,
but I guess I'll have

to take my play
to Mr. Fremont.

But you can't do that.
It's all we have.

It isn't fair we've worked
on it for five months.

I've missed my lunches
for rehearsals.

Well, I realize
all that

but I can't wait
another five months.

I've got to make some money.

You're thinking of Hilda,
aren't you?

Not only that, but...

If it's the waiter
you're worried about

he'll get the part,
won't he?

Gee, I don't know
what to say.

- If we only had another backer.
- Davis, we have a backer.

Wagner is putting that check
through his bank.

- Isn't he?
- Yeah.

For five days we have
$15,000 worth of credit.

- Gordon, you're not...
- Why not? We're all rehearsed.

- We can open in five days.
- Sure.

All we need is scenery
and costumes.

We can charge
that to the hotel.

But it's illegal. It's-it's...

Relax, Davis.
Wagner is backing the play.

Jumping butterballs!

Well, Joe, in a little while,
our fortune will be made.

Your 10% of the show
will make you a rich man.

You and Flossie can have
a bridal suite too.

I certainly hope so. That waiter
looks great in that part.

- How'd you think of him?
- Sasha?

The minute saw him, I said to
myself "There's a great actor."

I can spot them a mile away.
Especially if I'm hungry.

Come in.

Oh, there you are, Mr. Wagner.
They told me you was up here.

- Mr. Wagner?
- Oh, it's nothing.

Would you mind signing
this receipt again?

- What receipt?
- Come back later. I'm busy.

But the bank clerk
rejected your signature.

- The bank?
- I just signed something.

It's nothing, Joe.
Come back in the morning.

I must have it tonight,

This is not Wagner.
Let me see that.

- I'm the hotel manager.
- Not Mr. Wagner?

No wonder that signature
ain't good.

- Good heavens!
- It was big a blow to me.

The check, it bounced.

I walks into your office
this afternoon..

This gentleman says he's
Mr. Wagner and signs a receipt.

The bank won't accept
the signature.

Go back to the bank and say
Mr. Wagner can't be reached.

- But this is strict orders.
- Come back in the morning.

- Fifteen thousand dollars.■
- Now, don't get panicky, Joe.

Pull yourself together.

And for Pete's sake,
don't tell Wagner.

I was saving my little
surprise till now.

Well..

- How do you like it, Joe?
- What? Oh, I, I like it.

Then let's have a drink on it.
Right off the ice.

- Finest stuff there is.
- I'm overwhelmed.

Well, after all, you're a guest
in good standing now, you know?

Of course, you still owe us
a little bill, huh, Joe?

- Well?
- As soon as I finish dressing.

You know, regardless of how
I feel about that fellow

personally, I still think
it was a good idea

to make this gesture.

Yes, sir. After all..

Say, you look pale.

- Something wrong?
- Oh, I-I don't feel so good.

Hm. Must've been that fish
we had for dinner.

The food in this hotel
is certainly crummy.

Imagine a shrewd manipulator
like Fiske.

Putting his money
in a piece of cheese.

Ha-ha! Not me.

Oh, come now. Snap out of it.
Take it easy.

Hello?

Oh, at this hour?
Well, put him on.

It's a clerk at the bank.

Hello.

Yes, this is Mr. Wagner.

Verify what signature?

What receipt?
Just a moment.

Did you sign my name
to a receipt today?

Why, uh, no.

What's it for?

Some check came back.
Probably some transient.

I have to get a headache powder.

'So, why don't you take this up
with my book keeper?'

Well, I can't be
bothered with it!

What's that?

Zachary Fiske?

You investigated?
He stopped it?

Oh, no, no, no..

In the morning! In the morning!

In the morning!
In the morning!

Wagner, you don't know
how lucky you are.

You're in the hotel business.
No headaches, no worries.

Well, brother Wagner, let's
start the champagne flowing.

You don't mind if Binelli
joins our little party.

Oh, no, no.

In fact, I insist.

But I hope to make it
a real party.

I have another surprise
for you boys.

Ha-ha!

A big surprise.

Now, don't go away.

I'd like to get a license
to hunt Wagner.

He'd look great
alongside of my moose.

Hey, what's the big surprise?

I just ran into Mr. Wagner
and he insisted

I come in
and have a drink.

He's gone backstage
to get Faker, too.

Said he had a great big surprise
just for the four of us.

I always thought they celebrated
after an opening, not before.

That depends. With a show like
this, you celebrate before.

It's hard celebrating while
running from an audience

that wants its money back.

Hello?

Gribble.

Yes, Joe?

What's the matter?
Who told him?

Joe! Joe!

- Wagner found out?
- They called him from the bank.

- Well, what's he going to do?
- Joe couldn't talk.

I don't see what you fellas
are so frightened about.

Mr. Wagner was bound
to discover it anyway.

There's nothing he can do now.

I'm going down and face him.

- Maybe the kid's right.
- Come on. Let's go down.

Hey, where do you think you're
going? Get back in there.

- Well, you can't keep me here.
- Oh, can't we?

- The house dicks.
- Get in there, corn-fed.

You can't do this to me.
I'm the author.

Here's your hat.

Oh, what's the use? I give up.

I've got actors in the dressing
room, scenery on the stage

and an audience in the theater.

And I'm in a hotel room
on opening night

waiting to be arrested.

Gee, I never thought I'd be
arrested for writing a play.

Curtain goes up in 20 minutes.

Nineteen minutes.

Hilda and I were gonna be
married right after the opening.

Congratulations.

Gee, I guess they'll take our
fingerprints.

They got mine.

- You've been in jail?
- Sure. It's not bad.

You behave yourself,
they make you a trustee.

If we only had some money, we
could bribe those hotel dicks.

Maybe the hotel
would advance us some.

And stay in there!

Well, the quartet
is complete.

What will we do now,
sing "Sweet Adeline"?

I got an idea.
Let's turn in a fire alarm.

'We start a riot,
then we could duck out .'

'We can't have a fire alarm
without a fire.'

'Then let's
have a fire.'

Well, even with a fire,
we still got 15 more minutes.

Any more brilliant ideas,
Binelli?

How about the window?

How high up are we?

No. That's too high.

You know, there must be an
easier way of killing yourself.

I once killed myself.

I mean, that was my initiation
into the fraternity.

They made me do
a phony suicide act.

I scared the chemistry professor
stiff.

Say, this chemistry professor..

...he really believed
you committed suicide?

Oh, yes. He was gonna send
for an ambulance.

That's just what I was thinking.

- You mean, we carry him out?
- Of course.

He drinks poison and we
rush him to the hospital.

They have to let us through.

- Oh, that sounds great.
- But don't forget.

You haven't got three professors
standing out there.

We'll make it look authentic.
Davis, you go into the bathroom.

We'll scream. They rush in
and there you are.

- Dead as a herring.
- No, not dead, just dying.

Yes, that's why
we're rushing you

to the hospital.
You're in great danger.

Then after you carry me out,
we sneak in the theater.

Exactly.

You wouldn't think I came
from Oswego five days ago.

Hey, Faker, come here.

You help Davis. Now, you go
into the bathroom

and remember, count up to 50
before you start dying.

I know what to do.

Well..

How did you like
my little surprise?

In about 15 minutes,
when the show's in full swing

the sheriffs will come along
and take everybody in.

- Wagner..
- Right in view of the audience!

And now, I'll call my lawyer
who will get the sheriffs.

Mr. Wagner, please.

What's that?

Who's in there?

Good heavens!

He committed suicide!

Davis, Davis, here.

- Oh, you-you drove me to it.
- What have you done?

'Give me that bottle.'

Get him some water.

- This is terrible.
- He drank the whole poison.

Here.

No. That's the poison you're
giving him!

Why didn't you stop him?

I didn't take him seriously
when he said

you were driving
him to suicide.

I suppose I'll have to testify
to that at the inquest.

Well, don't stand there,
Gribble do something, you idiot.

- Get the house doctor.
- Shall I call an ambulance?

No, you blockhead!
That means publicity.

He's going fast.

Oh, no, wait.
No, wait. No, wait..

An antidote. That'll do it.

Gribble you run down
to the drugstore.

And send those
house dicks away.

We must keep this quiet.

- He's turning blue.
- Oh, we must do something.

We've got to save him.
Miller, you work on him.

Don't let him die!

Jumping butterballs!

This is our chance
to see the show.

The minute he finds out
you're not dying

he'll send for the sheriff
and stop it.

There's only one thing
for you to do.

Stay here and keep dying
for two and a half hours.

- What?
- Till the show's over.

Well, why? I wanna see the show.

If you don't keep on dying,
there'll be no show.

I can't keep it up
for two and a half hours.

- It's alright. We'll help you.
- Leo!

Leo. Mr. Gribble
said you were dying.

- It's only a plot. I'm alright.
- We're in a jam.

Gotta pretend that Leo is dying
or Wagner'll close the show.

Oh, I'm beginning to understand.

Good. Go downstairs and keep
your eyes open.

If anything goes wrong,
tell us.

Just like a play, isn't it?
Alright. I'll do my best.

If I don't come back,
then you'll know it's good news.

And if you do come back,
bring four bottles of poison.

Hurry up, before they come back.
And groan, grunt, stagger about.

Don't die too soon.
You must take your time.

And you mustn't die
before 11 o' clock.

Don't you worry, I'll give you
the best performance

you ever saw in a hotel bedroom.

That's the spirit.

- Come on!
- Good luck, Davis. Drop dead.

'Are you sure we've got enough?'

If this doesn't,
I don't know what else will.

Nobody ever committed suicide
in this hotel before.

Here, here's some ipecac
give him a plenty.

Come on, Gribble.
You're all thumbs.

I'm doing as fast as I can.

Come on, Davis. A little ipecac
wouldn't hurt you.

Come on. There you are.

Here, here. Somebody take this
and give it to him.

Oh, come on. Come on.

I'm being as fast as I can.

Right down there.

- This will bring him out of it.
- 'Oh, I'm so ashamed.'

- You're gonna be fine.
- Here.

'Hurry, Gribble, hurry. You
don't seem to be doing anything'

How are you now? We always used
to use this when we were kids.

Hurry, Gribble.

Come on, put some more eggs
in there!

There you are. There's two eggs.

Can't you groan any more?

If I groan once more that ipecac
you gave me will come up

and spoil the whole show.

Well, in that case, consider
yourself dead.

He's dying.

It's all over. His heart
has ceased beating.

What a horrible end.

Such a young man.

All he said was, "Mother."

Oh, oh!

On the stage downstairs,
they have

barely begun your immortal
second act.

While up here, you have already
finished your last act.

Too soon.

Too soon.

He died too soon.

An hour too soon.

I'll never forgive myself
for this.

Oh, now, don't take it too hard.

We should have sent
for an outside doctor.

But he kept recovering.

And dying.

And recovering again.

It all happened so suddenly.

Yes, too darn suddenly.

Every time we gave him the
ipecac he seemed to get better.

Maybe we should have given him
more ipecac.

As a matter of fact,
I think we gave him too much.

If we could only bring him back.

An hour ago, we were
at each other's throats.

And now..

Tsk, tsk, tsk..

Thing like this makes you
realize.

It certainly does.

You struggle for money.

What good is it?

- You never know who's next.
- Yes.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

Goodbye, Leo.

Good night, sweet prince.

Well, I guess we've all
gotta go sometime.

It's too bad he didn't die
at the Astor.

You mean, it's bad
for the hotel?

Well, it isn't good.

There's bound to be a scandal.

Oh, well, I guess I may as well
notify the police.

- Wait, is that necessary?
- It's the law.

- But if we could arrange...
- Arrange what?

Well, if his body wasn't found
in the hotel proper.

Well, naturally,
it would help us.

We could dump him in the alley.

Oh, no, no!

How can you be so sacrilegious?

The body not cold yet.
What are you thinking of?

I'm not gonna violate the law.
I have to call the police.

Listen, there's no hotel law
that prevents a couple

of guests from carrying out
a drunken friend.

- We'll lug him out the back.
- And into the theater.

He'd be in a seat.

"The author saw his play
and took poison."

Instead of a suicide,
you have a mystery.

And it wouldn't happen
in the hotel.

No, I'm sorry.
I've got to call the police.

Just a minute, Mr. Wagner.

- Don't phone yet.
- Why not?

Well, before they take
him from us

couldn't we say
a few words over him?

That's the least
we could do.

Well, yes, of course.

I, uh..

My friends..

...my heart is too full
to say what I really think.

Davis is no longer with us.

It doesn't seem possible.

He was a great playwright
who died too soon.

Yes. Well, now..

E pluribus unum.

- Amen.
- Yes.

♪ Swing low ♪

♪ Sweet chariot ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

♪ Swing low ♪

♪ Sweet chariot ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

♪ If you get there ♪

♪ Before I do ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

He's not in the county hospital.

♪ Tell all my friends ♪

♪ I'm comin' too ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

Shall I phone for the police
now, Wagner?

I'll do it. This whole thing
was my responsibility.

You go downstairs.
I'll phone the police.

Alright, Wagner.

- Get me the...
- Please.

That's the same phone he used
when he spoke to his mother

up in Oswego. Only an hour ago.

Alright.

Now, remember.

I don't feel responsible
for his death.

I never knowingly hurt anybody
in my life.

Wagner, you and I have to
dispose of this dead body.

Maybe we could sell it to
medical students.

Not with conditions
the way they are.

Come on, we'll dump him
in the alley.

Me, carry him?
I couldn't do that.

We'll just pretend he's drunk.
Give me a hand.

I can't! That dagger,
that paper!

I'll dispose of the dagger.

Come on, Wagner.
We have no time to lose.

- He's not cold yet.
- I'll fix that.

I'll phone for some ice.

'Hello, room service.'

Send up enough ice
to cool a warm body.

Let's take him down
the service elevator.

I won't have him insulted. He'll
go with the regular passengers.

Someone might
see us! Oh!

Come on.

I can't stand this
much longer.

Take it easy. We'll dump him
right here.

- We're doomed.
- Take it easy.

Well, Mr. Miller, your show
is certainly going great.

- Well, that's fine.
- What have you got there?

Where? Oh, there.

One of my actors. He passed out
from the excitement.

I need him for the third act.

- You'd think he was dead.
- Yes, wouldn't you?

Friend looks like
he had a snootful too.

Yes, but he'll get over it.
Come on, Wagner.

- How do you do, Mr. Miller?
- How's it going?

It's a terrific hit,
Mr. Miller.

For a little light.

'For this Washington and Lincoln
lived.'

And although I speak to you

with a foreign accent

still I speak

for a newer

a freer America!

You win, Vladek.

- They're crazy about it.
- What about the other dead man?

With a hit like this

we'll give him the biggest
funeral this town has ever had.

- Author! Author! Author!
- Shh-h-h!

It isn't over yet.

...not have won except
for the sacrifice

of our late comrade

who gave his life
that we might win.

Bring the body in.

Let us pay it the last moment
of reverence.

♪ Swing low sweet chariot ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

♪ Swing low, sweet chariot ♪

It's going great guns,
isn't it, Mr. Wagner?

Oh-h-h!

♪ If you get there before I do ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

Yeah, man.

♪ Tell all my friends
I'm comin' too ♪

Sure enough.

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪