All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S04E24_2

[theme music]

Charlie!

Hey, hey, hey, big guy.
Glad, I caught you.

Yeah, Lou,
what are you doing here?

Oh, ho, ho. I got big news.

So big, I had to come down
and tell you in person.

This is the kind
of personal service

you don't get
with your, uh, big agencies.

- What is it?
- Are you ready?

I got you a meeting on Saturday
with Kermit LeBaron.

- The Broadway producer?
- 'The one and only.'

'This must be about
the new David Mamet play--'

No, no.
His son's birthday party.

They need somebody to make
those, uh, little animals

out of balloons.

- No. Lou, forget it.
- Oh, come on, come on, Charlie.

So you bend
a couple of balloons.

You'll be delighting
all those children

of famous Broadway people, huh?

- Contacts, contacts, contacts.
- Yeah.

Hey, look, it's work.

Lou, I am not going
to bend balloons

at a birthday party, okay?

Lou, do you realize

that in the two years
you've been representing me

you haven't found me
any serious work?

(Lou)
'Charlie, help me.'

Uh, just show me
something out there

that's right for you, huh?
Anything.

Yeah, here, right here.
The new issue of "Backstage."

"Woody Allen casting
for a new film."

Yeah, I saw it.
The part's all wrong for you.

All wrong?

"Middle-aged
high school teacher?"

Middle-aged?

I thought that said
Middle East high school.

Lou...you know, I think

it's time for me
to find another agent.

Wait a minute. You're leaving me
after all I've done for you?

Yeah. Uh, listen.

I appreciate all
you've done for me, okay?

Thanks. Goodbye.

Nobody dumps Lou Silver.

Hey, you'll never work
in this town again.

I'm not working
in this town now.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, everybody. Listen up.

Aristotle's got
a really dumb idea.

- What?
- What's that?

We're gonna help Mr. Moore
get a part

in a Woody Allen movie.

- No way.
- Why?

Come on. Come on, Aristotle.
A Woody Allen movie?

I'm telling you guys, if we can
just come up with some ideas

maybe we can help Mr. Moore
get over his streak of bad luck.

Okay, but what can we do
to help him

get over his streak
of bad acting?

- Alan!
- Hey, he's a great actor.

Don't you remember him
in that experimental

version of "Othello?"

Oh, right.

I loved it when he said

"I never did offend you
in my life.

- Never did I love Casio."
- Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.
That's Desdemona.

That's the woman's part.

Well, I said
it was experimental.

If we can just figure out a way
to get Mr. Moore to Woody Allen.

- Morning, everyone.
- 'Hey.'

- Oh, hi, Mr. Moore.
- Morning, Mr. Moore.

Uh, Mr. Moore,
I don't know if this will help

but my mother
has a cleaning lady

who has a sister
who works for a dentist

who plays poker
with Woody Allen's cousin.

Well, I think it's great
that you've

never let that affect you,
Arvid.

I know, we could, we could
write Woody Allen

a really moving letter
about how wonderful you are.

- 'Yeah.'
- 'That's a good idea.'

Okay. Okay. W-what's
all the Woody Allen stuff?

We know there's a part
in his next film

that's perfect for you,
Mr. Moore.

[bell rings]

Okay. Uh.. So World War I.

I got it, we could picket
in front of Woody's building

until he agrees
to meet with you.

[indistinct chatter]

Thanks, but, no thanks.

Come on. He's looking
for a middle-aged teacher.

What're you gonna do,
roll over and quit?

No, I-I'm going to submit
a photo and a resume

to Woody Allen's
casting people, okay?

- 'So--'
- Pictures, resumes, Mr. Moore?

You're in the Dark Ages
of self-promotion.

Yeah. Maybe it's not
just bad acting.

- 'No, Alan.'
- Alan.

Thank you, Alan.

Come on, Mr. Moore,
I mean, these days

people send in videos,
demo tapes, reels.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

But I am a stage actor, see?
I, I don't have a demo tape.

So, in 1916, the English
introduced an invention

that would change
the face of modern warfare.

Who can tell me what that was?

Simone.

Maybe you can make
your own tape.

You know, um, shoot some scenes
of you acting

from some
of your favorite plays.

- Now that's a great idea.
- That's what we should do.

It was the tank.

I, I-I don't think
you know how much it would cost

to put something
like that together.

I'd have to hire,
uh, lighting technicians

and a cameraman and a director--

I know someone who would do it
absolutely free.

- Really?
- Me.

Yeah, there you go.

Well, Aristotle,
you-you never had

a serious directing job
in your life.

Come on, Mr. Moore.
What do you got to lose?

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, Aristotle,
I'm done with the lights.

Still too blue.

[sighs]
I can't stand this anymore.

What do you want from me?

- Less blue!
- Okay.

Ladies, this is not
a hair shampoo commercial.

Aristotle, do you want fast
or do you want good?

- Yeah.
- I want now!

- Ooh. Scared myself.
- Scared everybody.

Sorry, I didn't mean
to shake up the talent.

Okay. Let's do one.

And..

...action.

I'm Charlie Moore.

This is something
from "Death Of A Salesman."

Act II.

I'm talking about your father.

There were promises
made across this desk--

- 'Cut.'
- Cut?

Mr. Moore, this is Willy Loman.

I mean, this guy's a salesman
from Brooklyn and he has two s--

Aristotle, I-I did Willy Loman
for eight weeks in Summer Stock.

Well, I-I was just, uh, trying

to make the play
a little contemporary.

Give it a few new insights.

Have you ever actually seen
"Death Of A Salesman?"

No. But I plan to.

Men, at sometimes,
are masters of their fates.

The fault, dear Brutus,
lies not in our stars

but in ourselves
that we are underlings.

[cheering]

Thank you. Thank you.

Got to admit, it was more fun
that I thought it was gonna be.

And I appreciate
all of your work.

You were hot, Mr. Moore.
The Woodman's gonna love you.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

That is something
I'm not so sure about.

- Why not? It was fresh.
- Yeah.

Thank you, but, uh,
no matter how you cut it

if I'm gonna be honest, it looks

like something that I shot
myself at home.

- Oh, no, no.
- Why, Mr. Moore?

It's, it's, it's just
Uncle Morty does the classics.

I'm-I'm not sure

that-that Woody is gonna be able
to take it seriously.

[indistinct chatter]

So, you're not gonna
send it to him?

No. I.. But I really appreciate
all your efforts.

[all clamoring]

Aristotle, don't you think
it's Mr. Moore's decision, man?

Yeah, but he's crazy.
It's a great tape.

Look, Aristotle,
he's got it, he hates it.

- That's the end of it.
- Mm-hmm.

It's just the beginning.

Voila. I've got a copy.

- Alright.
- Oh, wait.

You mean, you're gonna send it
to them in spite of his wishes?

Isn't that kind of sneaky?

Cinderella, I think
your pumpkin is double-parked.

Look, why don't you guys
quit playing around?

Aristotle, you got a copy
of that "Backstage" magazine?

- Let me have it.
- What are you gonna do, Dennis?

Phone him up and say,
"Uh, hi

could you please look
at my teacher's tape?"

[all laughing]

Grow up.

Honey, would you
please get me Chip O'Hara

at Woody's casting office?

First of all,
I am not your honey.

And second of all, I..

- Alright.
- Yeah.

I don't know.
What if Mr. Moore finds out?

Hey, the only way
Mr. Moore is gonna

find out is if they want him
to audition.

It's not like they're gonna
call him if they hate the tape.

Come on.

Shh, shh, shh.

Hello? Is-is Mr. O'Hara in
for Lou Silver, please?

- Shh.
- Thank you.

Shh. Quiet.

Chip, hi, how are ya?

Uh, listen, about that
teacher role in Woody's movie

I was thinking that..

Oh, actually,
I'm Lou Silver Junior.

Uh, look. I'm sending over
a tape of a guy I'm crazy about.

Now, his name is Charlie Moore.

Now-now you're gonna have
to understand the tape's

kind of a hoot,
it's one of these, uh

Uncle Morty murders
the classics kinda things.

But-but the guy is terrific.
You're gonna love him.

And I'm telling you,
he's perfect for the role.

Uh-huh. Okay.

- You'll have it today.
- Awesome.

Uh, uh, can you hang on
one second, please?

Who? Jack Nicholson?

Tell him to wait.

Look, I gotta run.
I got somebody in my office.

But I'll send my gofer
right over with the tape, okay?

Alright. Bye-bye.

[cheering]

Gofer?

Why you just standing there? Go!

Yeah. Go!

I'll tell him you called.

Yeah. Bye.

Morning, Dr. Samuels,
how are you today?

Is that supposed to be funny?

Dr. Samuels, did someone
punch you in the mouth?

I just came from the dentist.

They gave me three shots
of Novocain.

I need some coffee.

How can you drink
when your mouth is numb?

Nothing to it.

- Oh.
- See?

Morning, Moore.

Hold my coat!

I'm not even gonna ask.

Charlie, the most exciting thing
has just happened.

What, he's agreed
to wear a bib?

No, I got a message
for your agent, Lou Silver.

[sighs]
From my ex-agent, Lou Silver.

No, for him.

From Woody Allen's
casting director.

[bell rings]

Good morning, everyone.

- 'Good morning, Mr. Moore.'
- Hey.

Wow, you're in good spirits.

Ha! You're not
gonna believe this.

But it seems I am up
for the teacher's role

in the Woody Allen movie.

- Alright.
- Alright.

Of course, I, I do have
a little moral dilemma.

Uh, I fired my agent

because he wasn't really going
after the role and..

...then I guess
he got them to see me.

Oh, you mean the guy who said

"You'll never work
in this town again?"

I guess it's just his way
of saying he's sorry about that.

'It says, "Call Chip O'Hara
regarding Charlie Moore."'

Yeah. Uh, Mr. Moore,
about that, we, um--

Uh, that message is for me.
See, I-I called Chip O'Hara.

Yeah, and I took
your tape, yeah.

You what?

- But it worked.
- Yeah.

Now, wait a minute.

In spite of the fact
that I told everybody

I did not want
to submit the tape

you took it
to Woody Allen's office?

And you phoned them
and posed as my agent?

- Uh--
- Well, sort of--

- Yeah--
- Kind of--

- Pretty much it.
- Yeah.

Well, what're you waiting for?
Go call him.

Find out what time
my appointment is.

[cheering]

- Go!
- Listen. Really, thank you.

All of you. I-I..

I know it's just an audition.
I still have to get the role.

But, uh, being an actor
as long as I have

you don't let stuff like this
bother you in a way.

Ha!

Uh, I-I guess we should
settle down and, uh..

...pick up
where we left off yesterday.

- Which was where?
- World War I.

World War I.

President Woodrow Allen.

Oh, Woodrow Allen.

That little nebbish president
with red hair and glasses.

Sorry. Sorry.

President Woodrow Wilson
campaigned in 1916

on the promise
of keeping us out of the war.

So, in 1917, we went to war.

And this..

Okay. What did they say?

When is the moment of truth?

Well, it's, uh,
it's today at 2:30.

Today?

- Today at 2:30?
- Whoo!

I-I'm sorry,
but this tape must be

a lot better
than I thought it was.

Aristotle, I don't know
what to say to any of you.

Thank you once again.
I should go to the office.

I should make sure
I have a substitute, okay?

[cheering]

Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys!

- 'What?'
- 'What?'

Before you go bookin'
a table at Sardi's

there's somethin'
you should know.

- What?
- What?

Well, uh, the casting director
doesn't want to see Mr. Moore.

- 'What?'
- 'What?'

He wants to take another look
at the gofer

who brought the tape.

Me?

[indistinct chatter]

Backstabber!
How could you do this to him?

What? I love the guy.
I just dropped off the tape.

Oh, tell me about it.
That is really low.

You take a loser like Mr. Moore.

- Complete failure as an actor.
- Alan!

You-you build up his hopes
and then you pull the rug out

from under him.
You don't respect him like I do.

Yeah, I mean,
how did you end up

with the middle-aged
teacher part?

- Yeah.
- No, no, no, no, no.

They wrote this fantasy sequence
where Woody

envisions himself
as a black kid.

- Oh.
- Hey, I could play a black kid.

Well, I-I guess
the casting guy likes you.

Well, I guess that makes
one person that likes you.

They probably never even looked
at his tape.

That's right. I mean, it's not
about them rejecting Mr. Moore.

It's about them
liking Aristotle.

- That's the point.
- That's right.

So enjoy it, man. Go for it.

You know, you got a point.

I mean, we're talking
Woody Allen, you guys.

This could be
a tremendous break for me.

This could really get my film
making career off the ground.

Why shouldn't I
savor the moment?

That's why.

Look, I told you guys. I'm not
good at breaking bad news.

[scoffs]
You're tellin' us.

I bet you still haven't told
your mother you're dating T.J.

Yeah. I mean,
come to think about it.

I've never met your mother.

She has a weak heart.

Come on. Look, somebody's gotta
break the news to Mr. Moore.

- Oh, not me.
- Not me, man.

What we need is someone who
really cares about Mr. Moore.

Someone who can be encouraging
about his acting career.

Someone who knows
what it feels like

to be rejected
over and over and over again.

What?

Arvid, thank you so much
for volunteering.

- No, I--
- Yes, Arvid, please.

- You gotta do it.
- You'll do it.

- Go, go, go, go.
- Please.

- Mr. Moore, hi.
- Hi, Arvid.

Something wrong?

Oh, with me? No.

- Good.
- How about you?

Well, to be honest,
I'm, I'm nervous

about meeting Woody Allen.

[sighs]
It's perfectly understandable.

I mean, why did you put yourself
through this?

Hey, I got a great idea.
Why don't you just forget

about the whole thing?

Don't be silly, Arvid.
I just need to loosen up.

Oh, yeah.
I mean, you're loosenin' up.

Uh-huh, hey, I-I got an idea
that's potentially loosening.

Let's role-play.

Role play?

Yeah, I-I know it sounds weird

but if-if I pretend
to be Woody Allen

it might help you figure out
what to say to him.

Well, Arvid, that's not the way

I usually prepare
for an audition.

B-but why not? Sure.

Oh, hey, great. Uh..

- I'll be Woody Allen.
- Okay.

And you be, uh--

- I'm Charlie Moore.
- Oh, right, right.

It's a real pleasure
to meet you, Mr. Allen.

Uh, Woody.

Oh, um, great. Uh, please,
have a seat, if you will.

So, uh, w-where to begin,
um, um..

Directing a movie is like,
um, running a country.

It's like, yeah..

One wrong move and you can
end up like Ceausescu.

It's like..

Well, Woody, you certainly have
a wonderful way with words.

What are you saying?

Um, um, don't give up
your day job.

Well, you seem pretty loosened
up to me, Mr. Moore.

- Good job! Good job!
- Thanks.

- Gotta go to the office.
- Okay.

Oh. Uh, are you okay, Mr. Moore?

Yeah. I'm fine.
It's a very exciting day for me.

- You didn't tell him?
- No.

If only I had to play
Clint Eastwood, at least

I could've shot him
and put him out of his misery.

Here.

I can't take this anymore!

Yo, man. Don't worry about it.
I'll tell Mr. Moore.

You just concentrate
on that audition.

- Really?
- Consider it done.

I'll tell him right now.

[bell rings]

I'll tell him right
after my next class. I swear.

[bell rings]

- Whoa!
- Going somewhere, Mardian?

Yeah. I-I gotta see, Mr. Moore.

Well, lots of luck.
You just missed him.

- He left?
- He had some silly audition.

I was nice enough
to fill in for him

even with my dental pain.

Oh, no. That's terrible.

Yeah. Right.
Root canal. Aah.

T.J., have you seen Aristotle?

Sure, about five minutes ago.

He had to go
to his audition, man.

I didn't get a chance
to tell Mr. Moore.

So, how's he gonna find out
that they don't want him?

I think he'll get the hint
when the movie comes out

and he's not in it.

You'll never believe
where I am today.

The regular girl got sick, so
I'm answering the phone for..

Are you ready?
Woody Allen! Ah!

He's in the next room
and he is so cute.

This is more fun
than when I worked at the IRS

and the people
are just as scared of me.

[chuckles]
Uh-huh. Uh..

Do you mind?

I'm, I'm Charlie Moore.
I have a 2:30.

No, you don't. Anyway..

I haven't spoken to Woody yet,
but I will.

Excuse me.
There must be some mistake.

You called me this morning.

Hold on.
I didn't call you, sweetie.

I've never heard of you
until now.

Well, someone called.

I've got to go.

I'll check.

You better not be lying
or you'll never

work in this town again.

- Thank you.
- Sit.

Aristotle.

You didn't have to come
all the way down here.

I.. Thank you.
I can use the moral support.

- You didn't hear from Eric?
- He's coming too?

Not unless
he likes train wrecks.

What does that mean?

Mr. Moore, look around the room.

You notice how everybody
kind of looks like me.

Nobody looks like you?

Yeah?

What I'm trying to say,
Mr. Moore, is--

You don't have
an appointment, buster.

Everybody here?

Um, Aristotle McKenzie
is a no-show.

Oh, I'm Aristotle.

Ah, yes! The young man
who brought the tape.

Is this your dad?

This is the crasher
I was telling you about.

Th-there seems
to be some confusion

about my appointment
with Mr. Allen.

No. I remember.

You're the one on the tape.

- You've seen it?
- Yes, I did.

And I was so thrilled to get it.

After your stuff ran out

there was an "LA Law"
I'd missed.

Thanks. Maybe next time.

Start sending them in.

I'm sorry, Mr. Moore, they saw
me

when I dropped off the tape.
A-are you mad?

No, no. I just gotta
get out of here.

Yeah. I understand.
I'll go with you.

- No. You have an audition.
- Just forget it.

- I feel bad about it.
- Don't be silly.

I mean, this is far
too important to just pass on.

Yeah, I'm.. If you leave now,
you're gonna regret it.

And you know it.

- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.

Listen, it'd be nice
if one of us got a role.

Thanks. Got a feelin'
I'm gonna nail this puppy.

There you go. You--

Listen up, everybody.
I'm sorry, but you know Woody.

Always rewriting.
He's dropping the fantasy scene.

'He thanks you all,
and he's deeply sorry'

for the inconvenience.

But you can stay.

He's looking at your tape.
He wants you to wait.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Sure.

Oh, Mr. Moore, I'm so sorry.
That must've been awful.

- Yeah.
- Awful? Try humiliating.

Well, at least it's not your
first time. You're used to it.

What I'm trying to say,
Mr. Moore, is, um--

Uh, Mr. Moore,
look on the bright side.

Up to this point,
you've been turned down

by losers and nobodies.

And now you've kind of moved up
to a higher class of rejection.

You know, it was exciting
meeting Woody Allen.

- W-w-what did he say?
- Yeah.

He said, uh, "Here's your tape.

Thanks for letting me
look at it."

Wow. Brutal.

[bell rings]

That's enough
about show business, okay?

Let's move on
to something less brutal.

World War I.

- Oh.
- Ha-ha-ha.

[theme music]