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1
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♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪
2
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,811
♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪
3
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:24,315
♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪
4
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,403
♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪
5
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:32,157
♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪
6
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,493
♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪
7
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,998
♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
8
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:43,543
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
9
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,424
Sorry about the false alarm, gang.
10
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:52,469
Also, sorry about
the three false alarms before that.
11
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,889
Don't apologize. Our baby will come out
when she's good and ready.
12
00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:56,973
Yeah.
13
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:01,311
Or maybe she won't and you'll become
some kind of folk legend.
14
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:04,814
♪ But that lady kept on truckin'
And she kept on being pregnant ♪
15
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,566
I really thought this was the one.
16
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:10,528
I had hopes, too.
Your screams were so unsettling.
17
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,155
Thank you.
18
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,617
Let us know when you're heading back
to the hospital and we'll be there.
19
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,993
I don't want to go back there.
20
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,662
Don't have to go back there
until your water breaks.
21
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,748
I don't want to go back there ever.
22
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,000
How could our doctor retire
a week before my due date?
23
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,963
He didn't retire. He was retired
by the hospital. For being 85.
24
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,549
And for driving his Cadillac
through the emergency room.
25
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,844
Well, I'm not going back
to that 14-year-old who's on call.
26
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,680
-He called me "the girl who cried baby."
-He was trying to be funny.
27
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:41,226
Yeah, well, if I want a comedian
to deliver our baby, I'll call Gallagher.
28
00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,895
Gallagher's in Cuyahoga Falls this week.
29
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:47,023
Well, I wish that doctor
was in Cuyahoga Falls this week.
30
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:48,775
He was so condescending.
31
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,444
-It's like, who does he think he is?
-A medical doctor?
32
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:54,239
Bud, I will not have our baby there.
33
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:57,242
Allison, you're frustrated.
34
00:01:57,325 --> 00:02:00,078
-You're hormonal.
-Tread lightly, soldier.
35
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:02,372
You're beautiful.
36
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:05,083
But Dr. O'Neill is delivering our baby.
37
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,627
Dr. Puberty isn't coming near our baby.
38
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,712
Allison, you know...
39
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:13,091
Remember that thing I just said
about light treading to Bud?
40
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,467
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
41
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:18,138
Recent studies have shown home birth,
done with care,
42
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:22,225
reduces the risk of infection
and enhances bonding.
43
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,018
-Allison.
-Ooh.
44
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,187
She reads this stuff in a newsletter
that she writes.
45
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,105
I don't care.
46
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:31,734
The home birth rate has increased
by 30 percent in the last ten years.
47
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,863
And, hey, if it's good enough
for Meryl Streep...
48
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,157
-Meryl?
-That's right.
49
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,741
And guess what else?
50
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:43,538
You know someone very qualified
and experienced to perform the delivery.
51
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:46,207
-Meryl?
-No, me.
52
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:50,587
I've delivered lots of babies in the '60s
and in the early part of the '70s.
53
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,922
Really until the commune disbanded
54
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:56,301
and Guru Jeff went to jail
for marrying too many ladies.
55
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,140
Frankie... will you deliver my baby?
56
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:07,353
Yes, Allison, a thousand times, yes!
57
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,354
Oh!
58
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,398
You can't be serious.
59
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:13,234
Serious as a federal polygamy inquest.
60
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,237
I've got to go make a list.
61
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,448
Dad, a little help?
62
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,325
I find it's best
63
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:23,745
to not get in your mother's way
with this kind of stuff.
64
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,289
Oh, you mean like the birth of my child?
65
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,417
Bud, you need to remember
66
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:33,796
that this baby is as much your mother's
as it is yours.
67
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,597
Ouch.
68
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:49,562
-What are you looking for?
-Oh, we need a cord clamp.
69
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,732
Wait, a cord clamp?
70
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,568
Do you have a cord clamp?
71
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,613
No, but I have a chip clip.
72
00:03:58,696 --> 00:03:59,530
Ha.
73
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:03,326
And we need alcohol.
And towels. A lot of towels.
74
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,370
You know, to wipe up the miracle.
75
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:09,290
We've got plenty of towels at our place.
Robert's a bit of a linen queen.
76
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:14,170
Perfect. Now where in Helena
did I put my birthing clogs?
77
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,006
Hi, girl. How's tricks?
78
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,925
Grace, why are you sitting on the stairs?
79
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,718
Why do people sit on a couch?
80
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,138
It's just as arbitrary as a good stair-sit
if you think about it.
81
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,556
What's in the backpack?
82
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,101
Stuff. You know, backpack stuff.
83
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,979
Let me have a little look.
84
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:34,065
A mug, a teabag, a hot plate,
85
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,819
a kettle, and some homemade trail mix.
86
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,904
I can see what's going on here.
87
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,490
Oh, you always say that
and it's never true.
88
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:45,410
You wanted a cup of tea in the bath,
you couldn't carry it
89
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:48,913
because you have to have both hands free
to scoot up the stairs.
90
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,749
Wait, why can't you make it up the stairs?
91
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,627
Because she's having knee replacement
surgery in two days,
92
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:58,214
and her doctor wants her
to do a full detox.
93
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,550
No booze and no pain pills.
94
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,759
My angels.
95
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:06,264
Grace, it's not safe for you
to be here by yourself unable to walk.
96
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,557
You know,
97
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,351
Frankie and I are planning on waiting
at my house
98
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,562
until we get the big call from Bud.
99
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,148
I convinced them to have a home birth.
100
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,066
You're not using my towels!
101
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,570
Of course not. Paranoid.
102
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,530
Why don't you come stay with us?
103
00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:25,825
It'll be the perfect place to detox
before your surgery.
104
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,118
Wow, really?
105
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:28,411
Oh, thanks.
106
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,621
That sounds absolutely fucking horrible.
107
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,708
He's right. There will be plenty of people
to take care of you
108
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,418
and there are no stairs.
109
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,919
Well, there are two stairs.
110
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,297
All of this worry is unnecessary.
111
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:43,051
Believe me when I say, leave my house.
112
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:46,554
Are you gonna make me
miss my grandbaby's birth
113
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,723
because you're being stubborn?
114
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,935
Do you want me
to never speak to you again?
115
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:55,605
Hmm.
116
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,858
-Grace?
-Well, I'm... I'm thinking.
117
00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,234
Pick her up, Sol.
118
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:01,778
Frankie, uh...
119
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,322
I'm a 75-year-old man.
120
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,032
Jacob could do it.
121
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:09,243
Why are you always trying
to drive a wedge between Jacob and me?
122
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,621
I'm fine.
Nick is coming over this afternoon.
123
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:12,747
Nice try.
124
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:18,211
We both know that he is in Anaheim
this week buying Walt Disney's head.
125
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,297
Okay, fine.
126
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,924
But Sol's not carrying me.
127
00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:24,300
No problem.
128
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:26,427
I will get the wheelbarrow.
129
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:36,646
♪ Seventy-six trombones
Led the big parade ♪
130
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:39,982
♪ With 110 cornets close at hand ♪
131
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:44,278
♪ They were followed by
Rows and rows of the finest virtuosos ♪
132
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,573
♪ Sos, the cream of every famous band ♪
133
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:52,036
♪ The cream of every famous ba-- ♪
134
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:54,956
♪ The cream of every-- ♪
135
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,916
I hate my feet.
136
00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,128
♪ The cream of every famous ba-- ♪
137
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,340
Coming.
138
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,428
Hi, Robert.
139
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:12,140
-Oh, I like your hat.
-Oh.
140
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:15,476
What, uh... can I do for you?
141
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,271
Actually, I was hoping that we could talk.
May I come in?
142
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,731
-Uh, in here?
-Yes.
143
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:22,942
-To talk?
-Yes.
144
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,361
Of course.
145
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:36,289
Sorry for coming over uninvited like this,
but...
146
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,166
Are those jazz shoes?
147
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,626
They're just shoes. I'm the jazz.
148
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,463
How can I help you?
149
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,048
Did something happen
between you and Oliver?
150
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,384
I'm not sure I know what you mean.
151
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,345
It's just...
we had such a great time with you,
152
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:54,348
and every time I try to get Oliver
to invite you over,
153
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:55,850
he gets cagey and weird.
154
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,226
It's so unlike him.
155
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:01,522
So, you were trying to talk to him
about me and Sol?
156
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,816
I did this morning,
but he just stormed off,
157
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,568
said he needed to dance it out.
158
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,528
I've been there.
159
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,197
Robert, what's going on?
160
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,115
You know, I'm not sure that--
161
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:15,161
-Oh, God.
-Sol!
162
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,789
Look who stopped by,
and we've barely had a chance to speak.
163
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:22,293
Oh, good. New people.
I'm already glad I came.
164
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:25,713
Grace, how lovely, and Frankie.
Jo, say hello to Grace and Frankie.
165
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,798
-'Sup.
-Nice to meet you.
166
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,635
To what do I owe this surprise visit?
167
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,845
I was going to ask
the same thing about Jo.
168
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:37,934
Well, Sol, why don't we get
all our surprise visitors some drinks.
169
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,811
-Can you help me in the kitchen?
-Mind if I tag along?
170
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,731
I need to borrow, and possibly ruin,
all your towels.
171
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,149
Perfect!
172
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,317
Frankie. I...
173
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:51,948
Lady I don't know, help me to the couch.
174
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,285
-Well, grab my arm!
-Okay.
175
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,870
What is Jo doing here?!
176
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,747
Relax. She doesn't know.
177
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,917
I've got that situation under control.
So, what the hell is Grace doing here?
178
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,168
She's having knee surgery
179
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,796
and I offered her our place
so she could avoid stairs.
180
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,673
Right, her surgery.
181
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:12,176
Oh, you knew?
I guess you forgot to mention it to me.
182
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,511
I would have, Sol,
183
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:16,389
but if you're gonna go on cruises
by yourself,
184
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:17,974
you're gonna miss stuff.
185
00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,311
What was I supposed to do?!
186
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:26,983
Miss a duet
between Joan Baez and Donovan?
187
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,317
Not likely!
188
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,778
I was hoping we could
spend time together tonight.
189
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,697
I wasn't expecting company.
190
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,783
Oh, I'm not company.
I'm a beloved fixture.
191
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:39,412
Oh, these will do!
192
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:43,040
Sol, what does she want
with my grandmother's tea towels?
193
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,751
Oh, we had a little snafu at the hospital
194
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:50,339
and Frankie is now going to deliver
Bud and Allison's baby in their apartment.
195
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,966
Absolutely not with these.
196
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,886
-Thanks for the crap.
-You're welcome.
197
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,973
Now, then, Sol, let's make
some Harvey Wallbangers for everyone,
198
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,808
and then we'll send off our guests.
199
00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,310
Make mine a virgin.
200
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,437
I can't drink and deliver.
201
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,814
-And Grace can't drink, either.
-Ha! Can you imagine?
202
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:11,027
No, seriously.
She has to detox before her surgery.
203
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,737
Doctor's orders.
204
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,699
-Robert?
-Sol... you fool!
205
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:20,036
Forgive them, Father,
for they know not what they do.
206
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,456
-You're scaring me.
-Oh, be afraid. Afraid indeed.
207
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:27,918
I have only seen Grace not drink
twice in my life.
208
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,379
Once, when we were stranded on a ship
in the Indian Ocean,
209
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,174
and once, when she was pregnant
with Mallory.
210
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:35,718
What about when she was pregnant
with Brianna?
211
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:36,636
No.
212
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:40,139
Friends, let me tell you
what is about to happen here:
213
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:43,184
the three phases of sober Grace.
214
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:44,810
I'm hooked.
215
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,521
irritability.
216
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:52,234
The complete loss of all politeness
and all social courtesy.
217
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,487
How will we tell?
218
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,907
I love your little scarf.
219
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,743
It's strong enough to choke a man.
220
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,830
Phase two...
221
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:06,916
euphoria.
222
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,336
Now this is a tricky one,
because she is so lovely,
223
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,714
and you'll think the worst is over,
but you'll be wrong.
224
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:17,760
rage.
225
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:22,056
Pure, unfiltered rage. And you don't want
to be close when it hits.
226
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:25,810
She will cut to the core of you.
She will mix lies with the truth.
227
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,770
She can't control it. It controls her.
228
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,855
But friends, if you stick with me...
229
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:32,608
we may just live through this night.
230
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,110
Jesus.
231
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,320
Oh, he can't help you now.
232
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,905
Robert!
233
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:39,907
Who is that?
234
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,201
- Oh, God.
- Oliver, what are you doing here?
235
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,452
No, don't.
236
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,080
Robert!
237
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,583
I told you not to talk to her.
238
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,335
Why? What happened between you two?
239
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,005
Robert thinks I shouldn't be marrying you.
240
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,424
What? Why?
241
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,092
Because he thinks I'm gay.
242
00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:02,430
Sol, would you mind taking me back home
or setting me on fire?
243
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:07,435
Okay, breathe. Just breathe.
244
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:10,104
Everything's gonna be okay.
Okay, one more big breath.
245
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:18,404
This is weird. This is wrong. My mother
shanghaied the birth of my child.
246
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:22,074
It's gonna be fine, man.
People have been born for a long time.
247
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,659
I don't know what that means.
248
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,161
Yeah, that was nonsense.
249
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,081
Bud, doesn't it tell you something
250
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,793
that the most hospital-positive person
in the world is okay with this?
251
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,172
It tells me you may have been
Frankie-Bergsteined.
252
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,923
I know what it's like.
253
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,717
That's how I ended up
with a tattoo on my butt.
254
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:42,136
Yep. It says "Livin' La Vida Loca. "
255
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,513
And why both "vida" and "loca"
are misspelled.
256
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,391
Thanks, Mal, and thanks
for bringing the twins' kiddie pool.
257
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,518
-Oh, actually...
-The pool's mine, babe.
258
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:55,316
So Robert said you're gay. So what?
259
00:12:55,399 --> 00:13:00,029
Honey, if I got upset every time someone
told me you were gay, I'd be upset a lot.
260
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:01,572
My mother thought he was gay.
261
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,575
That's just because she and I watched
a Falcon Crest marathon together.
262
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:10,414
If loving Falcon Crest is gay,
then I'm Rip Taylor and both Indigo Girls.
263
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:15,085
Look, it's not a big deal.
I know you're not attracted to men.
264
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:18,005
You know you're not attracted to men.
What does it matter?
265
00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:21,717
Yeah, these things have a way
of working themselves out. Right, boys?
266
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,095
I didn't want to have this conversation
here. Can we please go home?
267
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:28,140
Oh, no, stay here
where it's inappropriate and awkward.
268
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,771
Good afternoon, folks. Please step in.
May I speak to the homeowners?
269
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:38,609
My God, will you please tell Mr. Purcelli
I didn't steal his goddamn dog?!
270
00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,779
-It's not that this time.
-Oh, God. This fucking guy.
271
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:45,157
Oh, yeah. You're the lady
who doesn't have a gun.
272
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:48,452
I know about the gun.
It was a whole thing.
273
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,789
-Catch up, Torres.
-What can we do for you, Officer?
274
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:54,833
Well, it appears that an orangutan
has escaped from the zoo,
275
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:59,380
and since you're within a two-mile radius,
we need to cordon off the neighborhood.
276
00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:03,300
Oh, God. Is it Bobo? Chocolate?
Not Lady Beverly?
277
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:06,679
-It's Ken Allen, Jr.
-Ken Allen's boy?!
278
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:10,724
-Well, I don't know who his dad is.
-Excuse me. What?
279
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,435
Ken Allen, the hairy Houdini.
280
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:17,523
He escaped San Diego Zoo
three times in the '70s.
281
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,316
He was a legend!
282
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,694
He high-fived me once.
283
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,697
He was reaching through the bars
to get at your funnel cake,
284
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,699
and you high-fived him.
285
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,368
All I know is is that he
has already attacked one zookeeper.
286
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,745
And male orangutans,
when they feel threatened,
287
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,415
tend to, you know, rip scrotums off. So...
288
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:35,958
So like us.
289
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,337
If I know Ken Allen Jr., and I do,
this could be a while.
290
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:42,506
Maybe we should go straight to Bud's now.
291
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:46,051
I can't let you leave. The neighborhood
is on lockdown until further notice.
292
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:49,430
What? No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
293
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:51,557
-We just live next door...
-No exceptions.
294
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,226
Hopefully we'll find Ken Allen Jr.
within the hour.
295
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:58,647
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to knock
on more doors before he rips my nuts off.
296
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,067
Who else is rooting for the monkey?
297
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:10,284
So, do I just like sit there, legs spread,
298
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,244
kind of a like fertility goddess vibe?
299
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,456
Or do I just say "screw it"
and go on all fours?
300
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,374
Either way, we're gonna get an eyeful.
301
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,835
I don't want the pool back, obviously.
302
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,337
That was Mom.
303
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,922
Oh, is she heading back over?
304
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,965
She is not.
305
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,259
-What?
-Dad and Robert's place is under lockdown.
306
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,511
Apparently, an orangutan
escaped from the zoo.
307
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,347
Who are we talking? Bonkers?
308
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,183
Jeffrey Baumgardner? Ape Blanchett?
309
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,101
How does your brain determine
what facts to keep?
310
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,603
I'm sorry, what are we gonna do?
311
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:41,065
It's fine. Everything'll be okay.
I'm sure she'll be here soon.
312
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,317
-Nothing to worry about until--
-My water...
313
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,985
Breaks. Exactly.
314
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,445
Broke. Just now.
315
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,280
Okay, so...
316
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,532
we have something to worry about.
317
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,078
-What? What?
-Allison's water broke.
318
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,996
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
319
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,665
We're trapped!
320
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,875
Robert, we're gonna need your shovels!
321
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,377
You're gonna tunnel out of here?
322
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,421
Oh, that's an even better idea!
323
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:07,549
It's gonna be okay.
We'll be at the hospital soon.
324
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,676
Everything's gonna be okay.
325
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,970
What was I thinking,
that I could do this at home?
326
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,847
-Why did you talk me into this?
-Uh... because I didn't.
327
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:17,893
I know this is not a good time,
but Allison, what moisturizer do you use?
328
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,270
-Your skin is so soft.
-Put me down. Put me down.
329
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,272
I think it's too late. I can't move.
330
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,066
-Stop touching me. Oh, my God!
-Okay.
331
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,150
Oh, God.
332
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:29,279
I think I'm having a panic attack.
Oh, it's too much.
333
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,365
-My chess coach was right--
-Bud!
334
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:32,866
Look at me. Get up.
335
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,827
Snap out of it, okay?
336
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,287
This baby is coming,
and we're gonna have to deal with it.
337
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,832
Fortunately for you,
I have some experience at home births,
338
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,876
and was married to a doctor
who delivered babies and was an asshole.
339
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,128
That last part isn't relevant,
340
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,505
but I think I can guide Allison
through this, okay?
341
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:49,383
You're hurting me.
342
00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,685
Okay, I'm gonna make a break for it.
343
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:02,688
Don't be silly.
We just have to wait it out.
344
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:06,066
Wait this out, are you crazy?
I'm not missing that birth.
345
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,486
Now you either get on my wavelength
or you get out of my way.
346
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,114
Okay! Okay. Okay. Uh...
347
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,159
we make a beeline for the car,
348
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,745
and once we make it past
the police barricade, we're home free.
349
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,414
That's the talk momma likes.
350
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:21,623
Here we go.
351
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:25,252
Where the hell do you think you're going?
There's a killer monkey out there.
352
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:27,504
You just don't want to deal
with Oliver and Jo.
353
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,299
No, I do not want to deal
with Oliver and Jo,
354
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,885
nor a dangerously sober Grace!
355
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:36,889
Robert, have I told you
how much I love this rug?
356
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,310
- Why is the hair on my neck standing up?
- Phase two.
357
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:45,981
Sol, I want you to ignore that nonsense
and pay attention to this nonsense.
358
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,608
Now, let's go.
359
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,657
They're better off out there.
360
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,535
You know, you didn't exactly
answer my question.
361
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,913
Again, I really rather not have
this conversation here.
362
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,415
Okay, fine. But I think
we need to have it at some point.
363
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:06,418
Why don't we go home, put on
the original cast recording of Camelot,
364
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,587
-and talk it out.
-But we can't get home!
365
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,923
And I already listened to it today.
366
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,758
Everybody is so tense here.
367
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:15,969
Come on, Jo, plop yourself down.
Let me give you a shoulder rub.
368
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:19,389
Actually, how about we do
a shoulder rub train?
369
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,725
Robert? Gay guy?
370
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,939
Unhand me, Stormtrooper!
371
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:28,690
You promise to stop biting me?
372
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,609
It's involuntary.
373
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,820
We'll behave, Officer.
374
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:36,907
Oh, she's gonna have that baby
and I'm gonna be stuck here.
375
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,201
I could just die. I really could.
376
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,286
Oh, sweetheart.
377
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,496
Don't be silly.
378
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:44,957
There's so much to live for:
379
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:48,627
cake pops, and the beach...
380
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,754
the mysteries of Paris.
381
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:55,050
You know, even my knee surgery
is a miracle. And cake pops.
382
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:56,718
Ju-- Hmm?
383
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,096
That's so sweet, Phase Two.
384
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:03,851
But I don't care. I didn't give up
my life with Jacob in Santa Fe
385
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,644
to miss these moments.
386
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,313
Think how happy you'll be
when you get to hold that baby.
387
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:11,066
It won't matter
that you weren't there at the birth.
388
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,276
It does matter.
389
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,737
-Why?
-I wasn't there for the birth of our sons.
390
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,698
I didn't know Coyote and Bud
were adopted.
391
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,867
You didn't know Bud was adopted?
392
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:23,745
I'd have given anything to be there
for their first breath in the world.
393
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,039
And I just thought,
if I could see this one,
394
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,876
it might make up for missing theirs.
395
00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:31,378
Oh, God, Officer...
396
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:35,007
Officer, are you not moved?
397
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,969
I know you are a good man.
398
00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,804
Isn't there anything you can do?
399
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,891
-Ma'am, I'm sorry, but--
-Oh, you could date my daughter.
400
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:46,560
The nice one with the--
with the cheek bones.
401
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:48,187
-Mallory?
-Yeah.
402
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,314
Uh, give me five minutes.
403
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,900
Oh, I should have set him up with you.
404
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,485
But there's plenty of good men out there
for both of you.
405
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,613
Excuse me, that's really not funny.
406
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:01,366
Don't you try to be butch, Stephanie.
407
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:05,037
-What?
-I know where this story goes!
408
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,457
And this fit young woman isn't gonna
give you the best years of her life
409
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:13,170
so you can just ditch her for some
marionette with chinchillas for eyebrows!
410
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,422
I'll take that as a compliment.
411
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,090
Don't engage, Sol.
412
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,467
Why are you still here?
413
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,177
You have the use of your legs,
414
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,596
and the monkey doesn't care
about anything but scrotums,
415
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,139
just like your boyfriend.
416
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,767
He's my fiancé
and you're just a mean old bitch.
417
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,270
You all think we're just like you,
but here's the big difference:
418
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:33,774
no matter who I'm attracted to,
I would never cheat on Jo, okay?
419
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:36,360
-I love her, and she's my soul mate.
-I'm his soul mate.
420
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:37,569
Oh!
421
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:42,532
Soul mate! Now there...
there is a meaningless concept.
422
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:47,746
This one just said to Frankie
she was his soul mate just the other day.
423
00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:50,624
Right, Sol?
Didn't keep him from leaving her.
424
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,377
-Uh... Uh, I...
-What did you say?
425
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,421
You said she was your soul mate
just the other day?
426
00:20:56,505 --> 00:21:00,425
I believe that what I said was Sol-mate,
427
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:02,844
as in a mate of Sol's.
428
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:06,556
Not in the romantic or biological sense.
429
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,351
No, more nautical in nature,
430
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:14,022
as in the assistant
to the master of a merchant ship.
431
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:19,361
Originally,
from the Middle English, "mette."
432
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:21,613
We have to get out of here.
These people are crazy.
433
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:25,117
-We're fast. We live 20 feet away.
-I don't care if we die out there.
434
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,290
- Breathe.
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
435
00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:38,005
Okay, Mallory, administer the epidural.
436
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:39,756
Oh.
437
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,342
Honey... no.
438
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,095
- Oh, please...
- I know.
439
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:47,306
It was just the day.
440
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:51,268
The long drive,
the adventure, the Chili's.
441
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,770
I got caught up in the moment.
442
00:21:54,229 --> 00:21:57,190
So you don't think Frankie
is your soul mate?
443
00:21:57,774 --> 00:22:00,360
-What does it matter?
-Oh, Jesus.
444
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,905
What do you want me to do
with this information, Sol?
445
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,491
I mean, what would you do if you were me?
446
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,078
I have news.
447
00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:12,706
I'm coming!
448
00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:15,250
He's got news.
449
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,585
Oh, what happened?
450
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,046
Is it good or bad?
451
00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:21,340
I just got off the phone
with my commanding officer,
452
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:22,424
and it's good news.
453
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:24,676
You shot that monkey
and now you're here to shoot me?
454
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,137
No. I lost my gun.
455
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,514
I can get you two out,
but we have to leave now.
456
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,558
Yes! Ha, ha!
457
00:22:31,641 --> 00:22:32,934
Uh, there is one catch:
458
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:36,980
I told him that I had an emergency
with a pregnant woman about to give birth.
459
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,065
Oh!
460
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:40,025
Let's roll!
461
00:22:41,818 --> 00:22:42,736
I'm sorry.
462
00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:44,488
It's your grandchild. Go.
463
00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:47,491
I promise we'll talk about this
when I get home.
464
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,663
So, should I get Mallory's number
from you, or just...
465
00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:56,416
look her up on Facebook?
Yeah. I'll do that.
466
00:22:57,125 --> 00:23:00,003
I told them not to bring me here.
467
00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,546
They should have listened.
468
00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:04,549
I'm sorry.
469
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:06,301
-What?
-I'm sorry.
470
00:23:06,384 --> 00:23:09,471
I didn't mean to make things worse
between you and Sol.
471
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,515
Grace, is this a new phase?
472
00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:14,893
remorse.
473
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,521
Coupled with terror.
474
00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:18,730
Terror?
475
00:23:18,814 --> 00:23:21,983
You know, you will be able
to drink again at some point.
476
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:26,071
Not if I die on the table. Do you know
how much it would suck to die right now?
477
00:23:26,154 --> 00:23:29,699
It's the one thing
I specifically did not want to do.
478
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:32,160
-You're not gonna die.
-You don't know that!
479
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,538
Well, remember before my surgery,
480
00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:38,458
when you told me I was not allowed to die
because you weren't done yelling at me?
481
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,627
Well, I'm telling you,
you're not allowed to die
482
00:23:40,710 --> 00:23:42,629
because you're still not done
yelling at me.
483
00:23:42,712 --> 00:23:43,839
Yeah, right.
484
00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:49,094
It's that I just feel
there's so much left to do.
485
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,971
And I really want a drink.
486
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:54,891
You're gonna have
all the pain pills you want in two days.
487
00:23:57,269 --> 00:24:00,397
That is the nicest thing
you have ever said to me.
488
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:05,527
I know that you're worried
about this soul mate business,
489
00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,487
but, you know, what do you care?
490
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,364
You don't even believe in soul mates.
491
00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:10,824
But Sol does.
492
00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:14,494
And I guess I hoped that he might think...
493
00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:16,538
I don't know,
494
00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:18,748
that I was his.
495
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:29,634
Okay, stop pushing. Breathe. Breathe.
496
00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:31,595
Oh, she's coming!
497
00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:34,264
But if she's born underwater,
how is she gonna breathe?
498
00:24:34,347 --> 00:24:36,474
She doesn't know
how to hold her breath yet.
499
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:38,727
I couldn't swim until I was 14.
500
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,437
I don't understand this!
501
00:24:44,858 --> 00:24:46,651
Mom! You made it.
502
00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,111
Of course I made it!
503
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:52,324
Nothing could keep Frankie Bergstein
from being here.
504
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:54,326
Now, get me my towels!
505
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,078
Ah.
506
00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:57,996
What?
507
00:24:58,079 --> 00:24:59,873
I even made it for the crowning.
508
00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:03,668
Okay, now, I want you just to relax.
509
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:07,297
I'm gonna try an ancient technique
I learned with the Kalahari Bushmen
510
00:25:07,380 --> 00:25:10,550
when I lived with them for a week
after I got lost from my tour group.
511
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:18,433
Here, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby...
512
00:25:18,516 --> 00:25:22,520
-Jesus, Mom, that can't be how it works.
-She's coming! She's coming!
513
00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:23,730
I see her shoulders!
514
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:27,400
When did I get in the baby pool?
515
00:25:30,737 --> 00:25:32,197
And here she is!
516
00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:43,708
Oh!
517
00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:52,425
She's perfect.
518
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:54,636
Congratulations, Mommy.
519
00:25:57,430 --> 00:26:00,016
Congratulations, Daddy.
520
00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:03,520
Nice work, Grandma.
521
00:26:03,603 --> 00:26:04,854
And you were here.
522
00:26:05,563 --> 00:26:07,607
I was here.
523
00:26:08,608 --> 00:26:10,318
She's beautiful.
524
00:26:12,153 --> 00:26:13,571
Um, it's not a big deal,
525
00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:16,825
but you have to name the baby
"Officer Torres."
526
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:25,792
♪ It was written that I would love you ♪
527
00:26:25,875 --> 00:26:29,796
♪ From the moment I opened my eyes ♪
528
00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:34,175
♪ And the morning when I first saw you ♪
529
00:26:34,259 --> 00:26:38,138
♪ Gave me life under calico skies ♪
530
00:26:38,221 --> 00:26:42,642
♪ I will hold you ♪
531
00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:45,478
♪ For as long as you like ♪
532
00:26:45,562 --> 00:26:48,690
♪ I'll hold you ♪
533
00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:53,653
♪ For the rest of my life ♪
534
00:27:04,831 --> 00:27:06,124
Okay, good night.
41544
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