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1
00:00:08,227 --> 00:00:09,883
[ Slurps ]
2
00:00:09,986 --> 00:00:13,986
Ohh, the office coffee tastes
like a human-rights violation.
3
00:00:14,089 --> 00:00:15,641
I should probably
quit drinking it.
4
00:00:15,745 --> 00:00:17,745
You're not going to quit.
At this point in your life,
5
00:00:17,848 --> 00:00:20,607
your habits are your habits.
Your life is on autopilot,
6
00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:23,883
and years are just passing by
without you even realizing it.
7
00:00:23,986 --> 00:00:25,503
When you were a little boy,
8
00:00:25,607 --> 00:00:28,296
there was this great mystery
about who you'd become someday.
9
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,572
That mystery is now solved,
and the twist is,
10
00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:33,641
you work in a job you hate, you
don't floss, and you never will.
11
00:00:33,745 --> 00:00:36,365
And worst of all, you don't even
think critically about media.
12
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:38,917
Jesus. How did we even
start talking about this?
13
00:00:39,021 --> 00:00:40,641
-[ Sighs ]
-[ Slurps ]
14
00:00:40,745 --> 00:00:42,193
God, this coffee sucks.
15
00:00:42,296 --> 00:00:44,607
Nothing ever really changes
in life, and that's good.
16
00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:47,814
Change is overrated. It's just
the same but different.
17
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:50,607
♪♪
18
00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,296
[ Air horn blows ]
19
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,296
There's been a catastrophic
event in Washington,
20
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,021
and within the next 24 hours,
society will collapse.
21
00:00:57,124 --> 00:01:01,227
If you want to survive,
take a go bag.
22
00:01:01,331 --> 00:01:04,055
[ All screaming ]
23
00:01:04,158 --> 00:01:12,021
♪♪
24
00:01:12,124 --> 00:01:14,779
Oh. Kate,
I'm so sorry.
25
00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:17,089
♪♪
26
00:01:17,193 --> 00:01:18,434
[ Air horn blows ]
27
00:01:18,538 --> 00:01:21,883
[ Laughs ]
28
00:01:21,986 --> 00:01:23,883
Come on, guys.
29
00:01:23,986 --> 00:01:26,365
The world isn't really ending.
30
00:01:26,469 --> 00:01:28,296
But it feels like it, right?
31
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,607
I mean, between, um,
gun violence, extreme weather,
32
00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:35,262
psychotic world leaders, and
good, old-fashioned nuclear war,
33
00:01:35,365 --> 00:01:37,779
consumers are scared.
34
00:01:37,883 --> 00:01:42,296
So today we are going to discuss
ways to monetize that.
35
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,331
Fear is the steady hand
36
00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:50,331
that unhooks the bra
of capitalism.
37
00:01:50,434 --> 00:01:52,400
[ All murmuring indistinctly ]
38
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,641
-Here. Got you one.
-Oh, I have no interest
39
00:01:54,745 --> 00:01:56,089
in surviving the apocalypse.
40
00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:58,641
Ooh, floss pick.
41
00:01:58,745 --> 00:02:08,434
♪♪
42
00:02:08,538 --> 00:02:17,986
♪♪
43
00:02:18,089 --> 00:02:19,607
So, end of the world, eh?
44
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:21,469
All the fish and bees
finally died.
45
00:02:21,572 --> 00:02:23,848
You know, when Christian
first said the world was ending,
46
00:02:23,952 --> 00:02:25,469
I actually felt relieved.
47
00:02:25,572 --> 00:02:27,331
The only reason
I keep this terrible job
48
00:02:27,434 --> 00:02:29,193
is so that I have money
50 years from now,
49
00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:31,365
but what if there is
no 50 years from now?
50
00:02:31,469 --> 00:02:33,124
Matt, don't reexamine
your life.
51
00:02:33,227 --> 00:02:34,676
My cat got out two weeks ago,
52
00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,641
and I reexamined my life,
and it really fucked me up.
53
00:02:36,745 --> 00:02:39,124
She didn't even really get out.
I just thought she did.
54
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:40,469
Point is,
she was in the bathtub,
55
00:02:40,572 --> 00:02:42,365
and I'm not gonna
change my life at all.
56
00:02:42,469 --> 00:02:43,883
I have some savings
and a 401[k].
57
00:02:43,986 --> 00:02:46,227
That could buy me some time
to get something going.
58
00:02:46,331 --> 00:02:48,158
You know, I've never really
told anybody this before,
59
00:02:48,262 --> 00:02:50,986
but I've always secretly wanted
to start my own record label.
60
00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:52,572
Starting your own
record label
61
00:02:52,676 --> 00:02:55,262
is the single most cliché dream
you could ever have --
62
00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:57,676
almost as bad as wanting
to start your own bar.
63
00:02:57,779 --> 00:02:59,469
Why are you attacking my dreams
right now?
64
00:02:59,572 --> 00:03:00,814
Because that's our dynamic.
65
00:03:00,917 --> 00:03:02,572
Grace, what would you do
if the world was ending?
66
00:03:02,676 --> 00:03:03,986
I'm already living my dream,
67
00:03:04,089 --> 00:03:05,469
which is to buy
these fancy scones
68
00:03:05,572 --> 00:03:07,469
from this bougie bakery
by my house.
69
00:03:07,572 --> 00:03:09,572
-Hmm.
-That's it? Scones?
70
00:03:09,676 --> 00:03:11,814
Well, there is
my fuck it list.
71
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:14,814
Is that --All the people I want to fuck
before I die.
72
00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:17,089
Mm.
73
00:03:17,193 --> 00:03:18,779
Something tall,
something short,
74
00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:21,296
some form of virgin,
and a male escort.
75
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,296
Something old,
something bold,
76
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,538
something young,
something hung,
77
00:03:25,641 --> 00:03:29,607
something from Buffalo,
and Mark Ruffalo.
78
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,848
-What are you waiting for?
-Retirement.
79
00:03:31,952 --> 00:03:35,503
As you know, women don't reach
their sexual peak until age 75.
80
00:03:35,607 --> 00:03:38,365
-Oh, right.
-Just to get started,
81
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:40,296
um, I have to say,
82
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,296
we all had a lot of fun
on this one.
83
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,469
[ Laughter ]
84
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,434
It's a really unique concept,
85
00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:51,538
and your vision for it
was so crystal-clear, Christian.
86
00:03:51,641 --> 00:03:55,883
So without further ado,
may I have a drum roll, please?
87
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,331
[ All tapping on table ]
88
00:03:57,434 --> 00:04:01,089
Coming this September
to BNN,
89
00:04:01,193 --> 00:04:03,469
"The Fall!" is here.
90
00:04:03,572 --> 00:04:06,952
Now, whether you're afraid of
rising ocean temperatures,
91
00:04:07,055 --> 00:04:10,469
mass shootings, or just good,
old-fashioned nuclear war,
92
00:04:10,572 --> 00:04:13,779
we've got the news to feed your
fear on the fall of society.
93
00:04:13,883 --> 00:04:16,331
Every morning,
we will count down
94
00:04:16,434 --> 00:04:20,572
the top-10 hottest atrocities
from around the world.
95
00:04:20,676 --> 00:04:23,227
And our reports will feature
branded integration
96
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,883
of Hampton DeVille gas masks,
97
00:04:24,986 --> 00:04:27,779
as well as other high-margin
survival gear.
98
00:04:27,883 --> 00:04:29,572
Oh, this is great, guys.
99
00:04:29,676 --> 00:04:31,607
-What do we have for the web?
-That's a great question.
100
00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:33,331
And for this,
I'm gonna toss it over
101
00:04:33,434 --> 00:04:36,365
to our social-media
superstar, Kylie.
102
00:04:36,469 --> 00:04:38,434
-Kylie, take it away.
-Hi.
103
00:04:38,538 --> 00:04:40,572
For most people,
collapsing social structures
104
00:04:40,676 --> 00:04:42,848
leading to widespread
devastation
105
00:04:42,952 --> 00:04:45,089
is too big of a concept
to understand.
106
00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:49,779
So we've broken it down into
digestible, retweetable pieces
107
00:04:49,883 --> 00:04:51,469
you can share
with your friends --
108
00:04:51,572 --> 00:04:55,710
GIFs of fires, memes of murders,
Snapchats of shootings.
109
00:04:55,814 --> 00:04:59,917
We're going to turn people's
discontent into content.
110
00:05:00,021 --> 00:05:01,848
#TheFall.
111
00:05:01,952 --> 00:05:04,986
[ Chuckles ]
Incredible work, everyone.
112
00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:06,296
This is truly a gift.
113
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,848
I feel like it's my birthday.
114
00:05:07,952 --> 00:05:09,021
[ Laughter ]
115
00:05:09,124 --> 00:05:12,434
[ Loud clattering ]
116
00:05:17,710 --> 00:05:19,745
I feel like
it's my birthday.
117
00:05:21,986 --> 00:05:23,779
♪♪
118
00:05:23,883 --> 00:05:26,814
I've been working on a story
about secret Internets.
119
00:05:26,917 --> 00:05:28,917
Some companies have created
backup servers
120
00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:31,917
in case the Internet goes down
in a cyber attack.
121
00:05:32,021 --> 00:05:33,814
[ Muffled ]
I'll have to look into that.
122
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,814
[ Giggles ]
123
00:05:35,917 --> 00:05:36,848
Thank you.
124
00:05:36,952 --> 00:05:38,676
It's a good look for you,
by the way.
125
00:05:38,779 --> 00:05:40,986
[ Chuckles ]
126
00:05:41,089 --> 00:05:43,883
[ Inhales deeply ]
The bouquet is rather floral
127
00:05:43,986 --> 00:05:46,296
with just a hint
of nuclear fallout.
128
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,986
[ Both chuckle ]
129
00:05:50,089 --> 00:05:52,227
Christian...
130
00:05:52,331 --> 00:05:55,676
what would you do
if the world were ending?
131
00:05:55,779 --> 00:05:57,710
Hmm.
132
00:05:57,814 --> 00:06:00,158
I would...
133
00:06:00,262 --> 00:06:01,572
eat.
[ Chuckles ]
134
00:06:01,676 --> 00:06:05,296
I would eat
until I'm fat as a whale.
135
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,193
Cookies and cakes
136
00:06:08,296 --> 00:06:10,572
and breads, meats,
137
00:06:10,676 --> 00:06:13,124
creams, tarts
[chuckles]
138
00:06:13,227 --> 00:06:16,021
till there's blubber spilling
all over the sides of my pants.
139
00:06:16,124 --> 00:06:17,883
[ Chuckles ]
140
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,158
What would you do?
141
00:06:19,262 --> 00:06:23,641
♪♪
142
00:06:23,745 --> 00:06:25,986
[ Sighs ]
I'm gonna do it.
143
00:06:26,089 --> 00:06:27,952
♪♪
144
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,193
I'm gonna do it, Jake.
145
00:06:29,296 --> 00:06:30,745
Do what, floss?
Good.
146
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,572
There's always
stuff in your teeth.
147
00:06:32,676 --> 00:06:34,089
No, I'm gonna quit.
148
00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:35,503
Oh. No, you're not.
149
00:06:35,607 --> 00:06:36,883
You've been saying that
for years.
150
00:06:36,986 --> 00:06:38,779
Just accept
that you're a coward.
151
00:06:38,883 --> 00:06:40,779
Accepting that I'm a coward
is one of the best things
152
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:44,193
I ever did, and I highly
recommend it for you, as well.
153
00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:46,296
-Fuck you.
-Whoa.
154
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,952
My life could be
better than this,
155
00:06:48,055 --> 00:06:50,572
and if you really loved me,
you would encourage me to go.
156
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,400
Well, I don't
really love you.
157
00:06:52,503 --> 00:06:54,262
You seek my love,
and I deny you my love.
158
00:06:54,365 --> 00:06:55,641
How are you just now
figuring this out?
159
00:06:55,745 --> 00:06:57,607
I'm gonna march into
Kate and John's office right now
160
00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,469
-and quit.
-No, you're not.
161
00:06:59,572 --> 00:07:00,848
Nothing ever changes.
162
00:07:00,952 --> 00:07:02,296
[ Ding!]
163
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,434
♪♪
164
00:07:04,538 --> 00:07:06,365
Whoa. I finally got it.
165
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:07,538
Oh. Hey, Matt.
166
00:07:07,641 --> 00:07:09,883
John, Kate, uh, hi.
167
00:07:09,986 --> 00:07:11,227
Why is your forehead
all sweaty?
168
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,400
Yeah.
169
00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:14,952
♪♪
170
00:07:15,055 --> 00:07:16,917
Uh...
171
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:20,262
♪♪
172
00:07:20,365 --> 00:07:22,158
[ Slow-motion ]
I quit.
173
00:07:22,262 --> 00:07:24,089
♪♪
174
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:26,434
Sure.Okay. Actually, a number
of people have quit
175
00:07:26,538 --> 00:07:29,400
since Christian announced
the world might be ending.That's why we're here.
176
00:07:29,503 --> 00:07:31,469
We were just handing out
a bunch of promotions.
177
00:07:31,572 --> 00:07:35,158
We thought
we would hand one to...
178
00:07:35,262 --> 00:07:36,400
Jake.
179
00:07:36,503 --> 00:07:38,400
Yes! Oh, my God! Yes!
180
00:07:38,503 --> 00:07:40,021
Thank you so fucking much!
181
00:07:40,124 --> 00:07:44,089
So, Matt,
what are you gonna do now?
182
00:07:44,193 --> 00:07:47,538
Well, I'm gonna pursue my dream
of starting my own record label.
183
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:49,193
[ Both laugh ]Dreams?
184
00:07:49,296 --> 00:07:50,917
You mean those things
that happen when you're sleeping
185
00:07:51,021 --> 00:07:53,365
that aren't real?I had a dream
I married my cousin,
186
00:07:53,469 --> 00:07:55,503
but you don't see me
quitting my job over it.
187
00:07:55,607 --> 00:07:57,917
-I tried to tell him.
-[ Laughs ]
188
00:07:59,503 --> 00:08:03,710
♪♪
189
00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:05,641
Karen:
The fall is here,
190
00:08:05,745 --> 00:08:08,262
and trees are shedding their
leaves at an alarming rate,
191
00:08:08,365 --> 00:08:12,124
leading scientists to ask,
"Are trees going extinct?"
192
00:08:12,227 --> 00:08:14,055
The answer may terrify you.
193
00:08:14,158 --> 00:08:15,434
But first, let's take a look
194
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:18,089
at Hampton DeVille's new line
of leaf blowers.
195
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,193
[ Leaf-blower whirring ]
196
00:08:19,296 --> 00:08:21,365
♪ Oh, oh, oh
197
00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:23,503
♪ Oh, oh, oh
198
00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:25,779
♪ Oh, oh, oh
199
00:08:25,883 --> 00:08:28,365
[ Distorting, fading ]
♪ Oh, oh, oh
200
00:08:28,469 --> 00:08:30,779
♪ Oh, oh, oh
201
00:08:30,883 --> 00:08:33,917
[ Continues distorting, fading ]
♪ Oh, oh, oh
202
00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:36,917
♪ Oh, oh, oh
203
00:08:37,021 --> 00:08:38,986
♪♪
204
00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:44,779
♪ 'Cause it's a sad, sad,
sad, sad world ♪
205
00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:46,848
Hey, could I get
another Oktoberfest?
206
00:08:46,952 --> 00:08:48,848
Also, could you change
the music in here?
207
00:08:48,952 --> 00:08:50,331
It's kind of
bringing me down,
208
00:08:50,434 --> 00:08:53,538
and, honestly,
it's a little cliché.
209
00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:55,883
Sorry.
If you don't like it,
210
00:08:55,986 --> 00:08:58,055
why don't you open
your own fucking bar?
211
00:08:58,158 --> 00:09:02,434
That way, you can play whatever
fucking music you fucking want.
212
00:09:02,538 --> 00:09:05,538
♪♪
213
00:09:05,641 --> 00:09:08,641
[ Cellphone rings ]
214
00:09:08,745 --> 00:09:12,676
-Hello?
-Please hold for Mr. Levinson.
215
00:09:12,779 --> 00:09:15,538
Hey, Matt, how's the music
industry? Is it booming?
216
00:09:15,641 --> 00:09:17,503
Jake, I'm getting out
of the music industry.
217
00:09:17,607 --> 00:09:19,538
I have a better idea.
I'm gonna start my own bar
218
00:09:19,641 --> 00:09:20,848
that'll only
serve craft brew
219
00:09:20,952 --> 00:09:23,296
and play cool music
that I curate.
220
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,883
[ Laughs ]
221
00:09:26,986 --> 00:09:28,917
Nothing can stop me now
except for myself,
222
00:09:29,021 --> 00:09:30,641
and I am not
gonna stop myself.
223
00:09:30,745 --> 00:09:32,745
That would be stupid,
and I am not stupid.
224
00:09:32,848 --> 00:09:35,262
Woman: Mr. Levinson, Kate
and John are here to see you.
225
00:09:35,365 --> 00:09:37,848
Got to go, Matty.
226
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,055
My peers.
227
00:09:39,158 --> 00:09:43,400
Jake, we have a very important
project for you.
228
00:09:43,503 --> 00:09:45,055
Ooh.
229
00:09:45,158 --> 00:09:49,227
We need you to spearhead the
creation of a secret Internet.
230
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:51,848
-Great. How do I do that?
-Now that you're a junior exec,
231
00:09:51,952 --> 00:09:53,055
it is your job to answer
those kinds of questions.
232
00:09:53,158 --> 00:09:54,779
But don't worry.
We're not expecting you
233
00:09:54,883 --> 00:09:57,158
to do this completely by
yourself. That would be stupid.
234
00:09:57,262 --> 00:09:58,710
And we are not stupid.
235
00:09:58,814 --> 00:10:01,710
Hey, Ted!
Get on out here, pal.
236
00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:04,572
-Hey.
-Ted is a computer whiz.
237
00:10:04,676 --> 00:10:05,745
He's already been briefed.
238
00:10:05,848 --> 00:10:07,055
We'll leave you to it.
239
00:10:07,158 --> 00:10:09,365
Wait. Is it an Internet
that is a secret
240
00:10:09,469 --> 00:10:11,710
or an Internet
forsecrets?
241
00:10:11,814 --> 00:10:14,124
[ Whispering ]
We've already said too much.
242
00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,607
[ Sighs ]
243
00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:19,538
So, secret Internet.
244
00:10:19,641 --> 00:10:20,676
Think you can handle it?
245
00:10:20,779 --> 00:10:23,021
Oh, yeah,
that's totally doable.
246
00:10:23,124 --> 00:10:25,089
Yeah, I've been ready
to sink my little fingers
247
00:10:25,193 --> 00:10:27,986
into a project like this
for a long time now.
248
00:10:28,089 --> 00:10:30,986
Great. And listen, I'm not gonna
micro-manage you.
249
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,331
I'm like the quarterback, and
I'm handing the ball off to you.
250
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:35,814
And I'm grabbing that ball,
I'm gonna tuck it in tight,
251
00:10:35,917 --> 00:10:38,503
and I'm gonna run it into
the end zone for a touchdown.
252
00:10:38,607 --> 00:10:40,538
Then I'm gonna kick
the extra point.
253
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:41,917
Make it
a 2-point conversion?
254
00:10:42,021 --> 00:10:43,503
Oh, you betcha.
255
00:10:43,607 --> 00:10:44,848
[ Chuckles ]
256
00:10:44,952 --> 00:10:47,538
[ Lizzy Mercier Descloux's
"Fire" playing ]
257
00:10:47,641 --> 00:10:49,917
Karen: What's scarier
than witches and goblins?
258
00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:52,124
The impending collapse
of society.
259
00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:54,779
Which is why, this Halloween,
many parents are handing out
260
00:10:54,883 --> 00:10:57,193
freeze-dried snacks
instead of candy.
261
00:10:57,296 --> 00:10:59,331
♪♪
262
00:10:59,434 --> 00:11:01,158
I'll take the pumpkin ale.
263
00:11:01,262 --> 00:11:07,365
♪♪
264
00:11:07,469 --> 00:11:13,572
♪♪
265
00:11:13,676 --> 00:11:16,124
♪ Fire
266
00:11:16,227 --> 00:11:18,124
♪ I bid you to burn
267
00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:20,883
♪♪
268
00:11:20,986 --> 00:11:23,365
♪ Fire
269
00:11:23,469 --> 00:11:26,400
♪ I bid you to learn
270
00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:27,434
Ted?
271
00:11:27,538 --> 00:11:30,986
♪ You're gonna burn
272
00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:34,676
Oh, yeah.♪ You fought hard
and you saved ♪
273
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:36,676
♪ But it's all going to burn
274
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,883
Karen: American consumers
are flocking to stores
275
00:11:38,986 --> 00:11:41,779
to get the hottest toys
for what may very well be
276
00:11:41,883 --> 00:11:45,296
the last Christmas.
277
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,158
I'll take
the Christmas ale.
278
00:11:47,262 --> 00:11:51,434
♪♪
279
00:11:51,538 --> 00:11:53,883
♪ Fire
280
00:11:53,986 --> 00:11:56,055
♪ I'll take you to burn
281
00:11:56,158 --> 00:11:58,883
♪♪
282
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:01,296
♪ Fire
283
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,331
♪ I'll take you to learn
284
00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:05,434
♪♪
285
00:12:05,538 --> 00:12:08,883
♪ You're gonna burn
286
00:12:08,986 --> 00:12:11,503
♪ You've been living
like a little girl ♪
287
00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:12,883
♪ Mommy, mommy
288
00:12:12,986 --> 00:12:14,986
♪ In the middle
of your little world ♪
289
00:12:15,089 --> 00:12:16,365
-[ Gasps ]
-I had it engraved
290
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:19,434
with your highest rating
in the 18-to-34 demo.
291
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,331
Karen: I love it.
292
00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:22,503
Ted?
293
00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:23,986
♪ You've been so blind
294
00:12:24,089 --> 00:12:26,779
[ Gasps ]
I mean, I'm pretty good,
295
00:12:26,883 --> 00:12:29,089
but the best?
I guess I am.
296
00:12:29,193 --> 00:12:31,331
♪♪
297
00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:33,917
♪ Fire
298
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,331
Grace:
Your number's up, Ruffalo.
299
00:12:36,434 --> 00:12:38,952
[ Music distorting, fading ]
300
00:12:39,055 --> 00:12:41,572
A little bit of good news
as the end nears.
301
00:12:41,676 --> 00:12:44,538
Stock markets
are reaching record highs.
302
00:12:44,641 --> 00:12:46,883
It's always good
to go out on top.
303
00:12:46,986 --> 00:12:49,883
I'll take
the Presidents' Day pilsner.
304
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:53,365
I have stockpiled five years'
worth of freeze-dried foods,
305
00:12:53,469 --> 00:12:56,986
bottled water, toilet paper,
and assault rifles.
306
00:12:57,089 --> 00:12:59,883
I'm $25,000 in credit-card debt,
307
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:01,641
but I'm ready
for whatever's coming.
308
00:13:01,745 --> 00:13:04,952
[ Gun cocks ]Man: And what if
the world doesn'tend?
309
00:13:05,055 --> 00:13:06,848
I don't even want
to think about that.
310
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:12,227
♪ 'Cause it's a sad,
sad, sad, sad world ♪
311
00:13:12,331 --> 00:13:16,641
♪ It's a sad, sad,
sad, sad world ♪
312
00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:25,641
♪♪
313
00:13:25,745 --> 00:13:34,434
♪♪
314
00:13:34,538 --> 00:13:38,779
♪ 'Cause it's a sad,
sad, sad, sad world ♪
315
00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:41,641
I'll get
the Presidents' Day pilsner.
316
00:13:41,745 --> 00:13:43,296
-Hey.
-Hey.
317
00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:46,745
Christian: Excellent work,
everyone.
318
00:13:46,779 --> 00:13:48,296
Revenue is accelerating,
319
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,124
and our stock prices
are at a historic high.
320
00:13:50,227 --> 00:13:53,883
Jake, how are things coming
along with the secret Internet?
321
00:13:53,986 --> 00:13:57,641
Well, don't tell anyone,
because it's a secret,
322
00:13:57,745 --> 00:13:59,469
but it's going great.
323
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:02,055
[ Chuckles ]
324
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:03,883
I know there's been
some speculation
325
00:14:03,986 --> 00:14:05,365
that "The Fall!" campaign
has led
326
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:08,400
to an "unstable" economic bubble
that could burst.
327
00:14:08,503 --> 00:14:11,434
However, thankfully, I've been
assured by our economist
328
00:14:11,538 --> 00:14:15,469
that this is a new kind
of bubble that cannot burst.
329
00:14:15,572 --> 00:14:18,917
Isn't that right, Gideon?
330
00:14:19,021 --> 00:14:21,262
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Yeah.
331
00:14:21,365 --> 00:14:22,607
The economy has collapsed,
332
00:14:22,710 --> 00:14:25,089
and the stock market
is in a death spiral.
333
00:14:25,193 --> 00:14:28,262
The Armageddon bubble,
as it's being called, has burst,
334
00:14:28,365 --> 00:14:30,779
and consumers are furious
they spent their savings
335
00:14:30,883 --> 00:14:33,883
preparing for an apocalypse
that never came.
336
00:14:33,986 --> 00:14:35,745
You told me
the world was gonna end!
337
00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:38,021
Why did I buy all this stuff?!
338
00:14:38,124 --> 00:14:39,917
Worthless!
339
00:14:40,021 --> 00:14:42,883
Fuck Hampton DeVi--
340
00:14:42,986 --> 00:14:44,365
What convinced so many people
341
00:14:44,469 --> 00:14:47,021
that society was on the verge
of collapse?
342
00:14:47,124 --> 00:14:49,021
BNN experts say
we may never know
343
00:14:49,124 --> 00:14:51,641
and that we should stop
asking that question.
344
00:14:51,745 --> 00:14:54,503
♪♪
345
00:14:54,607 --> 00:14:57,848
Obviously, the world didn't end,
346
00:14:57,952 --> 00:15:00,055
but that's not
the end of the world.
347
00:15:00,158 --> 00:15:02,779
Now, is it a huge setback
that the world didn't end?
348
00:15:02,883 --> 00:15:06,296
Well...yes, of course.
349
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:13,641
But at least no one
is pointing the finger at us.
350
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,296
This is Cronker Wilson
reporting.
351
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,710
The last several months,
352
00:15:16,814 --> 00:15:19,745
I've been secretly
working undercover at BNN,
353
00:15:19,848 --> 00:15:22,917
and what I've discovered there
is shocking.
354
00:15:23,021 --> 00:15:26,227
BNN and its parent company,
Hampton DeVille, colluded
355
00:15:26,331 --> 00:15:28,227
to purposely cause
the market frenzy
356
00:15:28,331 --> 00:15:30,848
that led
to the economic collapse.
357
00:15:30,952 --> 00:15:33,193
A daytime talk show?
358
00:15:33,296 --> 00:15:34,779
I've got to rebrand.
359
00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:36,641
This is a huge
opportunity for me.
360
00:15:36,745 --> 00:15:38,848
It's network television.
361
00:15:38,952 --> 00:15:40,641
Sure, the content
is absolute garbage,
362
00:15:40,745 --> 00:15:42,814
but it pays so much more.
363
00:15:42,917 --> 00:15:44,883
I thought
you were a journalist.
364
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:46,227
No, you didn't.
365
00:15:46,331 --> 00:15:50,710
Well, you came here
to stab me in the back.
366
00:15:50,814 --> 00:15:54,572
Why don't I make it
easy for you?
367
00:15:54,676 --> 00:15:56,607
Man:
So, when you posed as a janitor,
368
00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:58,538
you had to clean the toilets,
correct?
369
00:15:58,641 --> 00:16:02,400
I never cleaned vomit.
370
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,676
Grace: It's good
I didn't fuck Mark Ruffalo.
371
00:16:04,779 --> 00:16:06,158
He wanted it bad.
372
00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:07,745
I should be clear
on that.
373
00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:10,158
But this way,
I have something to live for.
374
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:13,331
And so does he. And speaking of
having something to live for,
375
00:16:13,434 --> 00:16:15,538
I got to go
be a powerful exec.
376
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,365
Teddy boy.
377
00:16:20,227 --> 00:16:22,607
Ted-head?
378
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:24,503
Teddy Krueger?
379
00:16:24,607 --> 00:16:28,641
♪♪
380
00:16:28,745 --> 00:16:30,538
Tedder?
381
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:39,607
♪♪
382
00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:48,607
♪♪
383
00:16:48,710 --> 00:16:51,676
Ted, what the hell
is this?
384
00:16:51,779 --> 00:16:54,021
It's just, uh, my office,
sort of,
385
00:16:54,124 --> 00:16:55,641
and I've been sleeping
in here.
386
00:16:55,745 --> 00:16:57,400
Where is
the secret Internet?
387
00:16:57,503 --> 00:17:01,607
I have a little secret to tell
you about the secret Internet.
388
00:17:01,710 --> 00:17:03,089
What's the secret?
389
00:17:03,193 --> 00:17:04,572
I haven't made
a secret Internet.
390
00:17:04,676 --> 00:17:07,365
I don't know how,
and I do not know what it is.
391
00:17:07,469 --> 00:17:08,538
Ted, you fucked me!
392
00:17:08,641 --> 00:17:10,158
What have you been doing
for the past six months,
393
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:11,538
just playing video games
in the fort?
394
00:17:11,641 --> 00:17:14,158
Yes, I know, I know,
and I'm -- I'm sorry.
395
00:17:14,262 --> 00:17:17,400
But before you get too mad,
I have a crackerjack idea,
396
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:19,434
and I think it might
pull us out of this.
397
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:20,572
What?
398
00:17:20,676 --> 00:17:22,296
We go to Vegas tonight.
399
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,917
You give me a little cash,
and I get it all back.
400
00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:26,262
Get what back, Teddy?
401
00:17:26,365 --> 00:17:28,055
I'm like 20 grand
in the hole.
402
00:17:28,158 --> 00:17:31,021
I've been online gambling
in the fort this whole time.
403
00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:35,400
You just better pray the real
Internet never goes down.
404
00:17:35,503 --> 00:17:37,055
Christian:
Hampton DeVille's servers
405
00:17:37,158 --> 00:17:41,158
have been...compromised
by a hacker collective.
406
00:17:41,262 --> 00:17:42,538
They're saying
it's a retaliation
407
00:17:42,641 --> 00:17:45,193
for our role in creating
the Armageddon bubble.
408
00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:46,538
Christ.
409
00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:49,262
Sometimes it feels like
everyone turns against you --
410
00:17:49,365 --> 00:17:52,883
the public,
the board of directors,
411
00:17:52,986 --> 00:17:54,848
the media.
412
00:17:54,952 --> 00:17:57,021
♪♪
413
00:17:57,124 --> 00:18:00,469
But luckily, we are
more than prepared for this.
414
00:18:00,572 --> 00:18:05,055
Now, a few months ago, I handed
a ball off to Jake Levinson,
415
00:18:05,158 --> 00:18:07,193
and he took that ball,
tucked it in tight,
416
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:09,400
and ran into the end zone
for a touchdown.
417
00:18:09,503 --> 00:18:12,848
And then he kicked
the extra point himself.
418
00:18:12,952 --> 00:18:14,676
[ Sighs ]
419
00:18:14,779 --> 00:18:17,227
Jake...
420
00:18:17,331 --> 00:18:20,676
tell everyone
about the secret Internet.
421
00:18:20,779 --> 00:18:23,710
♪♪
422
00:18:23,814 --> 00:18:26,986
[ Exhales deeply ]
423
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:30,021
So, here's the thing
about secrets.
424
00:18:31,469 --> 00:18:34,021
[ Cheers and applause ]Karen: Well, we are thrilled
425
00:18:34,124 --> 00:18:37,641
to have the very handsome
Zeke Lupei in the studio.
426
00:18:37,745 --> 00:18:40,814
Now, I think that our audience
will be surprised to learn
427
00:18:40,917 --> 00:18:43,055
that you weren't always
a chef.
428
00:18:43,158 --> 00:18:45,055
[ Audience gasps ]Oh, well, that --
that is correct.
429
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,779
Yeah, actually,
I was an executive
430
00:18:46,883 --> 00:18:49,814
in the corporate world
for a number of years. I know.Yuck.
431
00:18:49,917 --> 00:18:51,365
But I chucked
that all aside,
432
00:18:51,469 --> 00:18:53,227
and I chased after
my true calling,
433
00:18:53,331 --> 00:18:54,745
which is right here
in the kitchen.
434
00:18:54,848 --> 00:18:56,538
[ Applause ]Wow.
435
00:18:56,641 --> 00:18:58,296
Now, do you have anything
that you could tell
436
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:02,021
the people out there that really
want to follow their dreams?
437
00:19:02,124 --> 00:19:05,365
Well, I'd probably say...
438
00:19:05,469 --> 00:19:09,676
don't let anyone ever tell you
that your dreams are cliché.
439
00:19:09,779 --> 00:19:11,469
You are unique, all right?
440
00:19:11,572 --> 00:19:13,676
So you get out there,
and you chase after
441
00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:17,917
the vague concept of a dream
for however long it may take.
442
00:19:18,021 --> 00:19:19,089
Be a chef!
443
00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:20,986
You need to be a chef!
444
00:19:21,089 --> 00:19:23,469
Become a fucking chef.
445
00:19:23,572 --> 00:19:25,469
Become a fucking chef.
446
00:19:25,572 --> 00:19:32,883
♪♪
447
00:19:32,986 --> 00:19:40,503
♪♪
448
00:19:40,607 --> 00:19:47,952
♪♪
449
00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:50,641
[ Tattoo needles buzzing ]
450
00:19:50,745 --> 00:19:52,089
A'ight,
how you want your eggs?
451
00:19:52,193 --> 00:19:53,848
[ Exhales sharply ]
Sunny side up.
452
00:19:53,952 --> 00:19:55,331
And you want a dozen?
453
00:19:55,434 --> 00:19:57,400
Better make it
a baker's dozen.
454
00:19:57,503 --> 00:20:00,055
All right, man.
I-I'll -- I'll do the eggs.
455
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:02,883
My parents are gonna freak,
but I have to commit.
456
00:20:02,986 --> 00:20:04,469
I've given up
on too many dreams.
457
00:20:04,572 --> 00:20:07,365
But once I get this tattoo,
there's no going back.
458
00:20:07,469 --> 00:20:10,986
I'm gonna dedicate the rest of
my life to becoming a top chef.
459
00:20:11,089 --> 00:20:14,469
[ Man groaning ]
460
00:20:14,572 --> 00:20:16,124
God!
461
00:20:16,227 --> 00:20:18,848
[ Breathing heavily ]
462
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:20,917
♪♪
463
00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:22,917
You ready, man?
464
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:25,986
Yeah. Okay.
Let's do this.
465
00:20:26,089 --> 00:20:28,538
[ Screaming ]
466
00:20:28,641 --> 00:20:32,676
[ Yawning ]
467
00:20:32,779 --> 00:20:34,469
[ Slurps ]
468
00:20:34,572 --> 00:20:38,055
Mmm. You know, I kind of missed
the office coffee.
469
00:20:38,158 --> 00:20:39,158
It's not that bad.
470
00:20:39,262 --> 00:20:40,607
I told you
things never change.
471
00:20:40,710 --> 00:20:43,503
That's why I got demoted --
to prove a point.
472
00:20:43,607 --> 00:20:46,710
Things havechanged.
I have a whole new attitude now.
473
00:20:46,814 --> 00:20:48,158
Instead of
wasting all my time
474
00:20:48,262 --> 00:20:50,262
fantasizing about
what else my life could be,
475
00:20:50,365 --> 00:20:52,089
I'm gonna appreciate
what I have here
476
00:20:52,193 --> 00:20:54,055
and stop complaining
about the little things.
477
00:20:54,158 --> 00:20:56,572
A job's a job,
and I'm lucky to have one.
478
00:20:56,676 --> 00:20:58,917
From now on, you're never
gonna hear me say...
479
00:20:59,021 --> 00:20:59,986
[ Slurps ]
480
00:21:00,089 --> 00:21:03,296
Ohh, God,
this coffee sucks.
481
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:08,572
♪♪
482
00:21:10,158 --> 00:21:12,641
So, we're looking
to normalize fear in children.
483
00:21:12,745 --> 00:21:15,538
And we have developed a whole
new line of Skankz dolls.
484
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:17,848
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Disaster-Preparedness Skankz,
485
00:21:17,952 --> 00:21:19,021
Mutant Skankz...Ooh.
486
00:21:19,124 --> 00:21:21,089
Resort-to-Cannibalism
Skankz,
487
00:21:21,193 --> 00:21:22,917
and Anxious Skankzious.
488
00:21:23,021 --> 00:21:24,469
♪ She's a Skankz
35389
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