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1
00:01:21,572 --> 00:01:22,607
- Okay.
2
00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:47,193
- Christian is running
a few minutes late.
3
00:01:47,296 --> 00:01:48,469
Thank you for your patience.
4
00:01:48,572 --> 00:01:50,124
We will start the meeting
once he arrives.
5
00:01:51,848 --> 00:01:53,089
- My mom is calling.
6
00:01:53,193 --> 00:01:54,365
That's weird, she never calls.
7
00:01:54,469 --> 00:01:56,021
- Can I talk to Linda?
I love her.
8
00:01:56,124 --> 00:01:57,883
- Jake, stay away from my mom.
9
00:01:57,986 --> 00:01:59,227
- Matt, first of all,
10
00:01:59,331 --> 00:02:00,193
it's not sexual.
11
00:02:00,296 --> 00:02:01,779
Secondly, love is love,
12
00:02:01,883 --> 00:02:03,124
and when you know, you know.
13
00:02:03,227 --> 00:02:05,089
I feel like in another lifetime,
I could've married Linda.
14
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,124
Then I would've been your dad.
15
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,400
- What game
are you playing, Daddy?
16
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:09,952
- It's called "2071."
17
00:02:10,055 --> 00:02:11,262
It's set in a dystopian future
18
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,158
where you get to
murder people with a sword.
19
00:02:13,262 --> 00:02:15,089
It's extremely violent,
and it soothes my soul.
20
00:02:15,193 --> 00:02:16,400
I was supposed to
21
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,124
take the day off
and go on an ayahuasca trip
22
00:02:18,227 --> 00:02:19,434
with my best friends,
23
00:02:19,538 --> 00:02:20,986
but I'm sure
this meeting will send me on
24
00:02:21,089 --> 00:02:24,021
an equally terrifying,
introspective anxiety cyclone.
25
00:02:24,124 --> 00:02:26,538
- I feel like I'm wasting
my life at meetings like this.
26
00:02:26,641 --> 00:02:28,089
- That's absolutely
what's happening...
27
00:02:28,193 --> 00:02:29,400
but if it makes you feel
any better,
28
00:02:29,503 --> 00:02:30,572
there's no way
not to waste your life.
29
00:02:30,676 --> 00:02:32,296
The best you can do
is find something you love,
30
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,193
and work so hard and so long
at it that it eventually
31
00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:37,193
becomes something
you mostly complain about.
32
00:02:37,296 --> 00:02:39,331
- All I want out of life
is to lose my mind
33
00:02:39,434 --> 00:02:41,193
on a drug I don't understand
34
00:02:41,296 --> 00:02:43,469
and then justify it
as a spiritual awakening.
35
00:02:43,572 --> 00:02:45,641
- Fuck this fucking game.
36
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:50,710
- My mom is calling again.
37
00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,296
- Can you believe
they called this meeting
38
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,227
on the exact day
Adele tickets went on sale?
39
00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:56,676
- Adele is what sent me into,
but got me out of
40
00:02:56,779 --> 00:02:58,400
my last three bouts
of clinical depression.
41
00:02:58,503 --> 00:03:00,676
- I never took you
for an Adele fan, Baron.
42
00:03:00,779 --> 00:03:02,296
- Well, I'm not.
43
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,158
I'm gonna buy as many tickets
as possible online
44
00:03:04,262 --> 00:03:05,055
and sell them
at a massive markup.
45
00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:07,262
People will give
46
00:03:07,365 --> 00:03:09,641
their first born child
to see Adele,
47
00:03:09,745 --> 00:03:11,434
and her music is so powerful,
48
00:03:11,538 --> 00:03:12,641
it'll help them
get over the loss.
49
00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:15,262
- Now my dad is calling?
50
00:03:15,365 --> 00:03:16,779
My parents are divorced.
51
00:03:16,883 --> 00:03:18,434
The last time I got
this many calls from them
52
00:03:18,538 --> 00:03:20,400
at the same time was
when my grandpa stole a car
53
00:03:20,503 --> 00:03:22,193
and drove it off a cliff
on purpose.
54
00:03:22,296 --> 00:03:23,779
- Just go call your parents.
55
00:03:23,883 --> 00:03:25,779
The meeting won't start
till Christian gets here.
56
00:03:25,883 --> 00:03:27,227
- Okay.
57
00:03:30,158 --> 00:03:31,469
- He was cursing like a sailor,
so then I said to him...
58
00:03:31,572 --> 00:03:33,503
"Frank, I got news for you.
59
00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:36,296
Wives are bad."
60
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,572
Women:
can't live with them.
61
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:39,986
And that's the end
of that saying.
62
00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:44,331
Uh, Bill, let's try
to keep that kind of talk
63
00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:45,676
to a minimum today.
64
00:03:45,779 --> 00:03:47,538
I mean, these lawsuits against
you are getting expensive.
65
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,124
- Hello, everyone.
66
00:03:50,227 --> 00:03:51,986
I'd like to introduce you
to Bill Hathaway,
67
00:03:52,089 --> 00:03:53,227
who's been with Hampton DeVille
for over 30 years,
68
00:03:53,331 --> 00:03:56,469
and currently sits on
our board of directions.
69
00:03:56,572 --> 00:03:59,469
- Hampton DeVille
is my middle name.
70
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,124
Just kidding.
It's Margaret.
71
00:04:01,227 --> 00:04:02,641
- Just kidding!
72
00:04:02,745 --> 00:04:05,055
That's a woman's name.
73
00:04:05,158 --> 00:04:06,676
Anyway, here we go.
74
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:08,365
- Bill Hathaway is a nightmare.
75
00:04:08,469 --> 00:04:10,021
He thinks it's 1975.
76
00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:11,917
The last time he talked to me,
he said I would look prettier
77
00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:13,400
if I were massaging his groin.
78
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,814
- He said
the exact same thing to me.
79
00:04:14,917 --> 00:04:16,469
- Which brings me to
the reason why I called
80
00:04:16,572 --> 00:04:17,745
all of you here today:
81
00:04:17,848 --> 00:04:19,814
to discuss five new ideas
that I--
82
00:04:20,676 --> 00:04:22,296
One moment.
83
00:04:24,193 --> 00:04:24,952
Oh, wow.
I have to take this call.
84
00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:27,021
I might be a minute.
85
00:04:28,641 --> 00:04:31,331
I need you to take charge
until I get back.
86
00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:32,400
I'm counting on you.
87
00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:36,538
- All right, everyone.
- All right.
88
00:04:36,641 --> 00:04:37,538
both: So let's get started.
89
00:04:37,641 --> 00:04:38,607
- Oh!
- Oh, Christian put...
90
00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:40,331
- Me.
- No, well, he pointed at...
91
00:04:40,434 --> 00:04:41,331
both: Me.
- Me.
92
00:04:41,434 --> 00:04:42,434
- Me.
- Mimi?
93
00:04:42,538 --> 00:04:43,917
both: I'm in charge.
94
00:04:44,021 --> 00:04:45,193
- Why would Christian
point to you when I'm his--
95
00:04:45,296 --> 00:04:46,572
Can somebody pour
96
00:04:46,676 --> 00:04:48,124
hot coffee all over my face?
97
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,331
- John...
both: I have been waiting
98
00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:50,814
for the chance to take the lead
for my entire...
99
00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:52,193
- Life, including when I was...
- Professional career...
100
00:04:52,296 --> 00:04:53,572
- A sinless baby in heaven...
- But nobody will let me...
101
00:04:53,676 --> 00:04:54,917
- Before I was born!
- Because I have a vagina!
102
00:04:55,021 --> 00:04:56,503
And you wear glasses,
you have inferior vision.
103
00:04:56,607 --> 00:04:57,641
- Okay, everyone,
104
00:04:57,745 --> 00:04:59,021
let's just take two...
- Yeah.
105
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:00,331
- While John and I have...
- Everyone, take two.
106
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,262
- A quick convo.
- Sidebar convo here.
107
00:05:03,986 --> 00:05:05,883
- Now my sister's texting asking
why I haven't called Mom and Dad
108
00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:07,883
about Grandma Dorothy?
109
00:05:07,986 --> 00:05:09,572
Oh, my God.
110
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:10,986
Is Grandma Dorothy dead?
111
00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:13,641
- Okay, since we don't know
who he pointed at,
112
00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:16,503
let's just
run the meeting together.
113
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,538
Now what five ideas
was he talking about?
114
00:05:17,641 --> 00:05:20,745
- No clue.
All I know is I'm scared
115
00:05:20,848 --> 00:05:22,676
and I need to pee,
but the nervous energy
116
00:05:22,779 --> 00:05:25,296
from holding it in is
what's fueling me right now.
117
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,607
- Okay.
118
00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:28,055
Let's just do something
so that senile lump
119
00:05:28,158 --> 00:05:29,055
doesn't report to Christian
that we dropped the ball.
120
00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:31,089
- Yeah. Hey.
- Yeah?
121
00:05:31,193 --> 00:05:32,193
- We're a team.
122
00:05:32,296 --> 00:05:34,883
- Hey, you, the one
without the hair.
123
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,089
Come on,
let's get this thing rolling.
124
00:05:37,193 --> 00:05:38,262
- He knows my name?
125
00:05:38,365 --> 00:05:41,089
- Be a man and take charge.
126
00:05:41,193 --> 00:05:42,400
- Absolutely, Bill.
127
00:05:42,503 --> 00:05:44,400
Thank you for
the vote of confidence.
128
00:05:44,503 --> 00:05:45,331
Okay, everyone.
129
00:05:45,434 --> 00:05:46,676
Enough dillydally.
130
00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:48,365
I'm gonna get things started.
131
00:05:48,469 --> 00:05:49,917
- John and Kate
have definitely had sex.
132
00:05:50,021 --> 00:05:52,262
- How do you know?
133
00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:54,193
- Working in HR,
I've developed a sixth sense
134
00:05:54,296 --> 00:05:55,745
for people's sex lives.
135
00:05:55,848 --> 00:05:57,607
I'll bet there's
a crazy Venn diagram
136
00:05:57,710 --> 00:05:59,124
of sexual encounters
in this room.
137
00:05:59,227 --> 00:06:02,434
- It is weird to think that all
these people wearing nice suits,
138
00:06:02,538 --> 00:06:04,745
drinking coffee, talking calmly,
139
00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:06,952
have all had penises
and vaginas in their mouths.
140
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:09,227
Literally, all of them.
141
00:06:09,331 --> 00:06:10,917
- Tailored suit's the only thing
hiding the fact that
142
00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,469
we're all hairy mammals
with horrifying genitalia.
143
00:06:13,572 --> 00:06:15,434
- I mean, yeah,
my genitalia is fine,
144
00:06:15,538 --> 00:06:16,952
but I understand
what you're saying.
145
00:06:17,055 --> 00:06:19,193
- My genitalia is horrifying.
- So...
146
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,400
let's get...
147
00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:23,400
Ha-ha-ha.
148
00:06:23,503 --> 00:06:25,296
L-O-L.
L-O-L.
149
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,331
Very funny, guys.
150
00:06:27,434 --> 00:06:28,710
And blastoff!
151
00:06:28,814 --> 00:06:32,193
Let's start by asking
a simple question:
152
00:06:32,296 --> 00:06:36,331
why are we here?
153
00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:38,331
- Shouldn't you know
the answer to that?
154
00:06:38,434 --> 00:06:39,538
- Of course, Baron.
155
00:06:39,641 --> 00:06:40,848
Because that was
a rhetorical question.
156
00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:42,986
- Okay.
157
00:06:43,089 --> 00:06:45,538
We just need to brainstorm
five ideas.
158
00:06:45,641 --> 00:06:47,434
- But to be safe,
let's come up with 50.
159
00:06:47,538 --> 00:06:48,262
- Let's make it 100!
- Any idea is welcome
160
00:06:48,365 --> 00:06:50,365
when brainstorming.
161
00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:51,779
Literally anything you say
will be discussed
162
00:06:51,883 --> 00:06:53,227
in detail without criticism.
163
00:06:53,331 --> 00:06:55,641
- My brain just stormed an idea.
164
00:06:55,745 --> 00:06:56,538
How about
we call off this meeting
165
00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:58,296
until Christian gets back?
166
00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,641
- Come on, that's a bad idea.
167
00:06:59,745 --> 00:07:02,021
- I thought we weren't gonna
criticize ideas.
168
00:07:02,124 --> 00:07:03,434
- Fine. Yeah.
Let's put it on the board.
169
00:07:03,538 --> 00:07:05,986
- Any other ideas?
170
00:07:06,089 --> 00:07:07,469
- We're going into
a brainstorm hole.
171
00:07:07,572 --> 00:07:09,400
I can literally
say anything right now.
172
00:07:09,503 --> 00:07:11,055
Racism.
- Racism.
173
00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:12,055
Great idea.
- Nice.
174
00:07:12,158 --> 00:07:13,641
- Jesus Christ,
this is a nightmare.
175
00:07:13,745 --> 00:07:15,021
- What's that, Matt?
176
00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:17,227
- Oh, I just said
that this is a nightmare.
177
00:07:17,331 --> 00:07:19,089
- This is a nightmare.
Great.
178
00:07:19,193 --> 00:07:20,779
- You know, this reminds me
of when I was selling
179
00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:23,572
cigarettes wholesale
to health food stores
180
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:25,158
back in the '70s.
181
00:07:25,262 --> 00:07:26,676
At the time, we didn't know
they were bad for you.
182
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,986
Or, actually, we did know,
but we kept a lid on it.
183
00:07:30,089 --> 00:07:32,469
Back then, you were allowed
to have secrets.
184
00:07:32,572 --> 00:07:34,124
Secrets from the government,
from your wife.
185
00:07:34,227 --> 00:07:36,538
It didn't matter!
186
00:07:36,641 --> 00:07:38,883
- I hope my grandma died
doing what she loved most:
187
00:07:38,986 --> 00:07:41,262
sitting in her chair,
worrying that I'm gay.
188
00:07:41,365 --> 00:07:42,641
- Your grandma's lucky.
189
00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:44,607
When you're dead, nobody
expects anything from you.
190
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:46,124
Death is
the retirement package you get
191
00:07:46,227 --> 00:07:47,814
for a lifetime full
of pain and suffering.
192
00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:49,986
- That's why I say
you should always bring a gun
193
00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:51,055
to a knife fight,
194
00:07:51,158 --> 00:07:52,676
or a knife to a gun fight,
if you wish.
195
00:07:52,779 --> 00:07:55,158
Now, you might die,
but at least no one can say
196
00:07:55,262 --> 00:07:57,952
you weren't interesting.
197
00:07:58,055 --> 00:07:59,021
- Thank you...
198
00:07:59,124 --> 00:08:01,193
so much, Bill.
199
00:08:01,296 --> 00:08:02,262
Very helpful.
200
00:08:02,365 --> 00:08:03,883
Does anyone have
a coherent idea?
201
00:08:07,124 --> 00:08:08,986
- Hey, guys?
202
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,089
Guys!
203
00:08:11,193 --> 00:08:12,952
Can we get off our phones
and focus up?
204
00:08:13,055 --> 00:08:15,779
- You know, we didn't
used to have phones in meetings.
205
00:08:15,883 --> 00:08:17,917
Back then, if you wanted
to send someone a nudie pic,
206
00:08:18,021 --> 00:08:21,710
you had to show up at their door
wearing just a trench coat
207
00:08:21,814 --> 00:08:24,227
and show them what you got!
208
00:08:24,331 --> 00:08:25,676
Your thoughts?
209
00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:27,848
- Yeah, well, Bill makes
a good point here.
210
00:08:27,952 --> 00:08:28,848
Um...
211
00:08:28,952 --> 00:08:30,400
Oh.
212
00:08:30,503 --> 00:08:31,572
Here's an idea.
213
00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:32,883
How about
we try something new
214
00:08:32,986 --> 00:08:35,365
and have everyone in the room
215
00:08:35,469 --> 00:08:37,158
put their phones
216
00:08:37,262 --> 00:08:38,262
in this box.
217
00:08:38,365 --> 00:08:39,572
- No!
218
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,745
- Thank you. You'll get it back
at the end of the semester.
219
00:08:44,848 --> 00:08:46,538
- Having your phone taken away
from you is like having
220
00:08:46,641 --> 00:08:48,021
a civil liberty stripped away.
221
00:08:48,124 --> 00:08:49,710
It's just inhumane.
222
00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:52,641
- Baron.
223
00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:55,227
Baron?
224
00:08:59,262 --> 00:09:01,365
Yeah.
225
00:09:01,469 --> 00:09:02,986
Thank you.
226
00:09:03,089 --> 00:09:03,986
Back pocket.
227
00:09:04,089 --> 00:09:06,917
And the other.
228
00:09:11,331 --> 00:09:12,262
Okay.
229
00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:17,089
Stand up.
230
00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:20,779
- Sorry I have to do this,
but...
231
00:09:20,883 --> 00:09:23,089
just want to a have
a nice, focused meeting.
232
00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:25,952
Oh?
233
00:09:29,158 --> 00:09:31,400
That's mine.
234
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,331
- My dad's finally responding.
235
00:09:33,434 --> 00:09:35,400
Oh.
236
00:09:40,089 --> 00:09:42,227
- Thank you.
237
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,193
Now!
238
00:09:43,296 --> 00:09:45,469
Where were we?
239
00:09:45,572 --> 00:09:46,779
Bill, you were saying something.
240
00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:49,400
- Actually, uh,
I was gonna say something.
241
00:09:49,503 --> 00:09:52,469
- Yet here I am,
saying something.
242
00:09:52,572 --> 00:09:54,745
This reminds me of
a time I was a child...
243
00:09:54,848 --> 00:09:55,883
- And my mother said,
244
00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:57,365
"You'll never amount
to anything,"
245
00:09:57,469 --> 00:10:00,917
and I felt hurt till I realized
she was talking to my father.
246
00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:02,917
There he stood
with his party dress on...
247
00:10:04,055 --> 00:10:06,193
Anyway...
248
00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:07,676
- How long have we been here?
249
00:10:07,779 --> 00:10:08,469
- Without our phones,
there's no way to measure
250
00:10:08,572 --> 00:10:09,469
the passage of time.
251
00:10:09,572 --> 00:10:12,572
It could be years,
decades even.
252
00:10:12,676 --> 00:10:13,848
- Okay! I think
we're really starting to get...
253
00:10:13,952 --> 00:10:15,538
somewhere.
254
00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:19,331
Christian should be back
any minute, so...
255
00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:20,676
let's just keep going.
256
00:10:20,779 --> 00:10:22,710
- Maybe I'll kill him.
257
00:10:22,814 --> 00:10:26,021
Could I handle it
emotionally, though?
258
00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:27,676
Yes.
259
00:10:27,779 --> 00:10:29,331
But how would I do it?
260
00:10:29,434 --> 00:10:30,676
Strangling.
261
00:10:30,779 --> 00:10:32,400
But why would I kill him?
262
00:10:32,503 --> 00:10:33,296
Because nature
is a brutal mother,
263
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,469
and everyone must die.
264
00:10:35,572 --> 00:10:36,814
Hm!
265
00:10:36,917 --> 00:10:38,538
- There was so much
I wanted to say
266
00:10:38,641 --> 00:10:40,848
to my grandma
before she died.
267
00:10:40,952 --> 00:10:41,779
Actually, that's not true.
268
00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:43,779
We had nothing in common.
269
00:10:43,883 --> 00:10:46,434
Wait, am I even sad she's dead?
270
00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,434
Yes...I am.
271
00:10:48,538 --> 00:10:49,814
Okay, good.
272
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,365
- If anyone knew
the horrible thoughts
273
00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:53,641
in my head,
I would 100% be in jail.
274
00:10:53,745 --> 00:10:55,676
Thank God
nobody knows my thoughts.
275
00:10:55,779 --> 00:10:57,158
But I guess on some level
it also means
276
00:10:57,262 --> 00:10:58,848
I'll always be alone.
277
00:10:58,952 --> 00:10:59,676
Oh, well.
278
00:10:59,779 --> 00:11:01,676
- This meeting is bullshit
279
00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,193
and I deserve better than this.
280
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,055
Maybe I don't.
281
00:11:05,158 --> 00:11:08,365
Maybe I'm a loser and this is
exactly what I deserve.
282
00:11:08,469 --> 00:11:11,745
No, I'm not a loser.
283
00:11:11,848 --> 00:11:14,400
That's why I needed to do
ayahuasca this weekend:
284
00:11:14,503 --> 00:11:16,607
to learn that I'm not a loser.
285
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:17,814
- Why did I lie
about the reason
286
00:11:17,917 --> 00:11:19,193
I'm getting Adele tickets?
287
00:11:19,296 --> 00:11:20,434
I love Adele.
288
00:11:20,538 --> 00:11:23,021
She sings directly to my soul.
289
00:11:23,124 --> 00:11:24,986
Why can't I admit
the music I like?
290
00:11:25,089 --> 00:11:25,883
I'm in my 30s.
291
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,641
It's time to be myself.
292
00:11:27,745 --> 00:11:30,331
I'm buying those tickets
for me, God damn it!
293
00:11:30,434 --> 00:11:33,745
I gotta get out of this
meeting.
294
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,538
- It's crazy that
I can have thoughts
295
00:11:41,641 --> 00:11:43,848
while speaking out loud.
296
00:11:43,952 --> 00:11:46,021
But wait,
who am I speaking to right now?
297
00:11:46,124 --> 00:11:48,158
Myself?
298
00:11:48,262 --> 00:11:50,952
Because
if I'm speaking to myself,
299
00:11:51,055 --> 00:11:52,469
who's doing the speaking?
300
00:11:52,572 --> 00:11:55,296
If I do propose,
301
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,021
I'm going to do
something romantic, like...
302
00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:02,055
have a blunt conversation about
the bleak realities of marriage.
303
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:04,883
I don't know how I started
talking about that.
304
00:12:04,986 --> 00:12:06,227
Did someone even...
305
00:12:06,331 --> 00:12:07,365
who said marriage?
306
00:12:07,469 --> 00:12:08,538
- Absolutely.
307
00:12:08,641 --> 00:12:09,503
- Okay, everyone.
308
00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:11,331
Let's get back on track
309
00:12:11,434 --> 00:12:13,227
and discuss the five ideas
310
00:12:13,331 --> 00:12:14,262
that Christian asked for.
311
00:12:14,365 --> 00:12:15,986
- Kate, I gotta
stop you right there
312
00:12:16,089 --> 00:12:18,227
'cause I have something to say,
and my voice is deeper
313
00:12:18,331 --> 00:12:19,572
and louder than yours.
314
00:12:19,676 --> 00:12:21,193
So here we go!
315
00:12:21,296 --> 00:12:23,158
- I'm sad the only dating
options for my grandma
316
00:12:23,262 --> 00:12:24,641
were men like Bill.
317
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,158
- It hasn't gotten much better.
318
00:12:26,262 --> 00:12:28,676
Now the options are men
like you and Jake.
319
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:29,883
- Great point.
- So then I said to him,
320
00:12:29,986 --> 00:12:33,710
"Son, your mother and I
are getting a divorce,
321
00:12:33,814 --> 00:12:37,227
and it is your fault,
so please apologize to us."
322
00:12:37,331 --> 00:12:38,710
And to his credit, he did.
323
00:12:38,814 --> 00:12:41,365
I haven't talked to him
in years.
324
00:12:42,607 --> 00:12:43,986
Often wondered
what happened to him...
325
00:13:08,469 --> 00:13:10,710
- Okay, I think I figured out
326
00:13:10,814 --> 00:13:12,400
who all has had sex
in this room.
327
00:13:12,503 --> 00:13:13,607
- Who?
328
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,503
- Those two
are currently having sex,
329
00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:16,779
but trying to play it cool.
330
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,193
- The point is that marriage...
331
00:13:18,296 --> 00:13:19,538
- Who else?
332
00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:22,193
- She wants to have sex with...
333
00:13:22,296 --> 00:13:23,952
something...
334
00:13:24,055 --> 00:13:26,779
and he wants
to have sex with me.
335
00:13:26,883 --> 00:13:28,848
- And connect the dots
previous,
336
00:13:28,952 --> 00:13:30,883
and it's not just the ideas
that live within,
337
00:13:30,986 --> 00:13:34,503
ideas that are critical
to examine in a deep way,
338
00:13:34,607 --> 00:13:36,883
but it's also
the peripheral ideas
339
00:13:36,986 --> 00:13:39,917
that kind of live
next to the main idea,
340
00:13:40,021 --> 00:13:40,814
if you know what I mean.
341
00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:44,021
If you think of
the main ideas being a city,
342
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,400
the other ideas are suburbs,
343
00:13:45,503 --> 00:13:47,710
or sub-ideas, in a way,
344
00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:50,193
and to unpack that notion
just a bit...
345
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:51,848
You have to kind of unpack
346
00:13:51,952 --> 00:13:53,262
the term "unpack."
347
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,676
- Hi there, Matt.
348
00:14:00,779 --> 00:14:01,607
Just to give you a heads up,
349
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,710
I'm dead and in heaven.
350
00:14:03,814 --> 00:14:06,400
Ah, just kidding.
351
00:14:06,503 --> 00:14:08,607
Heaven isn't real.
352
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:10,434
Anyway,
I came here to tell you
353
00:14:10,538 --> 00:14:12,917
you are wasting your life,
354
00:14:13,021 --> 00:14:15,124
but more importantly, honey,
355
00:14:15,227 --> 00:14:16,607
your hair is a mess.
356
00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:18,952
I wish you'd comb your hair.
357
00:14:19,055 --> 00:14:22,917
You look so much nicer
when you comb your hair.
358
00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:24,952
Maybe if you combed your hair,
359
00:14:25,055 --> 00:14:26,745
you'd be able to get laid.
360
00:14:26,848 --> 00:14:29,952
Don't you want
to get laid, Matt?
361
00:14:30,055 --> 00:14:33,469
- So that concludes
the story of how I got laid
362
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,331
by Margaret Thatcher.
363
00:14:35,434 --> 00:14:37,365
Great at sex, but...
364
00:14:37,469 --> 00:14:39,055
terrible at politics.
365
00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:43,331
- Freedom is...
366
00:14:43,434 --> 00:14:44,503
slavery.
367
00:14:44,607 --> 00:14:46,158
Okay.
368
00:14:46,262 --> 00:14:47,814
I think we're finally starting
to make some progress here.
369
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:50,055
- It's cruel to keep us
here in this room.
370
00:14:50,158 --> 00:14:51,745
- I gotta get out of here
371
00:14:51,848 --> 00:14:53,089
and call my family.
372
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,296
Why are they keeping us
trapped in here?
373
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,193
Why?
374
00:14:58,434 --> 00:15:01,986
Why are we here?
375
00:15:02,089 --> 00:15:03,848
Why are we pretending
376
00:15:03,952 --> 00:15:07,089
all this is not
a total waste of time?
377
00:15:07,193 --> 00:15:08,952
What are we doing
with our lives?
378
00:15:09,055 --> 00:15:11,917
We're alive for
a blink of an eye,
379
00:15:12,021 --> 00:15:15,986
and yet we spend it
working in jobs we hate
380
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:18,538
to fill the pockets of
rich megalomaniacs
381
00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:20,607
who treat us like cattle!
382
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:23,676
We're all just fucking cattle!
383
00:15:23,779 --> 00:15:26,055
Just eating grass and shitting
384
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,745
and--and waiting
to be slaughtered.
385
00:15:28,848 --> 00:15:29,986
Fuck that.
386
00:15:30,089 --> 00:15:30,814
- Can we please get
some security in here?
387
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:32,296
- Fucking fuck that.
388
00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:37,158
Quit your job...
389
00:15:37,262 --> 00:15:40,331
sell your home,
and live in the woods!
390
00:15:40,434 --> 00:15:42,365
You'll probably die because you
don't know survival skills,
391
00:15:42,469 --> 00:15:43,089
but who cares?
392
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,193
You're gonna die anyway.
393
00:15:46,469 --> 00:15:48,227
Am I the only one
who thinks that?
394
00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:49,193
Am I crazy?
395
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,538
No!
396
00:15:51,641 --> 00:15:53,848
I think, in fact,
I am the only sane one here.
397
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:56,158
Am I wrong, or am I right?
398
00:15:56,262 --> 00:15:57,538
- What happened?
You could've left.
399
00:15:57,641 --> 00:15:59,331
You were free.
- I realized I have no idea
400
00:15:59,434 --> 00:16:00,986
what my parents' numbers are
without being able to
401
00:16:01,089 --> 00:16:02,434
look them up on my phone.
402
00:16:02,538 --> 00:16:03,641
Why?
403
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,021
Why?
404
00:16:09,952 --> 00:16:10,917
- Okay then!
405
00:16:11,021 --> 00:16:12,227
I have an idea.
406
00:16:12,331 --> 00:16:14,089
How about we take
a little mental break
407
00:16:14,193 --> 00:16:16,089
and watch a funny YouTube?
408
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:18,883
- I'm a little cucumber.
409
00:16:18,986 --> 00:16:20,883
I'm a little cucumber.
410
00:16:20,986 --> 00:16:22,883
I'm a little cucumber.
411
00:16:22,986 --> 00:16:24,538
I'm a little cucumber.
412
00:16:24,641 --> 00:16:25,883
I'm a little cucumber.
413
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,055
Oh, me?
I'm a little cucumber.
414
00:16:27,158 --> 00:16:30,193
I'm a little cucumber.
415
00:16:30,296 --> 00:16:32,883
I'm a little cucumber.
416
00:16:32,986 --> 00:16:35,883
I'm a little cucumber!
417
00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:39,710
- I'm a little cucumber.
- I'm a little cucumber.
418
00:16:39,814 --> 00:16:42,193
- I'm a little cucumber.
419
00:16:42,296 --> 00:16:43,055
I'm a cucumber.
420
00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:44,296
- I'm a little cucumber.
421
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,193
- How long have we been watching
YouTube videos?
422
00:16:47,296 --> 00:16:48,262
- A lifetime.
- I'm a little cucumber.
423
00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:50,917
- I think I'm having
an anxiety attack.
424
00:16:51,021 --> 00:16:52,883
- Try taking a deep breath.
425
00:16:52,986 --> 00:16:54,710
I still feel the same.
426
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,400
- Oh, well, I guess that's just
what your life is now.
427
00:16:57,503 --> 00:16:58,469
- Oh, my God.
428
00:16:58,572 --> 00:17:00,434
What if I did go on
that ayahuasca trip
429
00:17:00,538 --> 00:17:03,469
and this is how it's
manifesting itself in my mind?
430
00:17:03,572 --> 00:17:05,158
- I'm a little cucumber,
I'm a little cucumber,
431
00:17:05,262 --> 00:17:07,676
I'm a little cucumber.
Ho-ho-ho!
432
00:17:07,779 --> 00:17:09,710
- Is this even real?
- I'm a little cucumber.
433
00:17:09,814 --> 00:17:12,572
- Are you even real?
434
00:17:12,676 --> 00:17:15,227
- I'm a little cucumber.
435
00:17:15,331 --> 00:17:16,710
Hey, it's me, Little Cucumber.
436
00:17:16,814 --> 00:17:17,814
Thank you so much for watching.
437
00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:19,814
Don't forget to subscribe!
438
00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:22,193
- That's it?
439
00:17:22,296 --> 00:17:24,848
What the fuck was that?
440
00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:27,365
Who suggested that video?
441
00:17:27,469 --> 00:17:29,538
Mary!
442
00:17:29,641 --> 00:17:31,710
What was supposed to be
funny about that?
443
00:17:31,814 --> 00:17:34,296
Can you explain to me
what was funny about that video?
444
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,814
- Ooh! I have one more
we have to watch.
445
00:17:35,917 --> 00:17:36,986
- No, John!
446
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,503
No more YouTube videos.
447
00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:39,641
- I was trying
to give us a break.
448
00:17:39,745 --> 00:17:41,262
- We don't need a break.
449
00:17:41,365 --> 00:17:43,124
We need to get back to work
before Christian gets here.
450
00:17:43,227 --> 00:17:44,952
- That's what I've been saying
this entire time.
451
00:17:45,055 --> 00:17:45,917
Right, Bill?
Oh.
452
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,814
- This is incredible.
453
00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:49,124
Okay, John,
with all due respect,
454
00:17:49,227 --> 00:17:50,745
you have zero
leadership abilities.
455
00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:52,986
- Oh, is that right?
Here it comes.
456
00:17:53,089 --> 00:17:54,227
I have no leadership abilities?
- Yeah.
457
00:17:54,331 --> 00:17:56,952
- You were put in charge of
this meeting, too, Kate,
458
00:17:57,055 --> 00:17:58,262
and look where we're at.
459
00:17:58,365 --> 00:17:59,952
The word "racism" is
written on the board twice!
460
00:18:00,055 --> 00:18:01,745
- That's right, I was put
in charge and you stepped over.
461
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,572
- Did I step over, or was it
more like a step up to the plate
462
00:18:04,676 --> 00:18:06,607
to lead a dominating meeting?
- You stepped on that plate,
463
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,227
and you crushed it.
- Did I crush the plate, or was
464
00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:09,883
the plate meant to be crushed?
- You smashed it.
465
00:18:10,986 --> 00:18:13,021
- What the?
466
00:18:13,124 --> 00:18:14,089
- I did it.
467
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,296
- Jesus Christ, Baron.
468
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,193
- Go home and take care
of yourself.
469
00:18:19,883 --> 00:18:21,641
- It's okay, it's okay.
470
00:18:21,745 --> 00:18:24,021
Adele...
471
00:18:24,124 --> 00:18:26,021
Come on, guys, let's...
472
00:18:26,124 --> 00:18:27,434
- Genius.
473
00:18:27,538 --> 00:18:28,572
- Let's get
back to work, please.
474
00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:31,400
Where's the marker?
475
00:18:31,503 --> 00:18:33,986
- Who has the marker?
- Who stole the marker?
476
00:18:34,089 --> 00:18:35,434
- Guys, this isn't funny.
477
00:18:35,538 --> 00:18:37,400
- Morgan,
did you take the marker?
478
00:18:37,503 --> 00:18:39,434
- Morgan,
why is your hand in your pocket?
479
00:18:39,538 --> 00:18:43,745
both: Morgan, take your hand
out of your pocket right now!
480
00:18:45,538 --> 00:18:46,986
- Oh, my God.
It's a bird.
481
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,227
Hi, bird.
482
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,641
How did it get in here?
483
00:18:51,745 --> 00:18:53,607
- It must have flown in
when Baron left.
484
00:18:53,710 --> 00:18:55,124
Should we do something?
- Maybe it's hungry.
485
00:18:55,227 --> 00:18:58,262
- No, it's okay.
It knows what to do.
486
00:18:58,365 --> 00:19:01,021
It got in here, it can
get back out if it wants.
487
00:19:01,124 --> 00:19:02,607
- It's amazing.
488
00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:03,917
I feel like we're experiencing
something really special.
489
00:19:06,986 --> 00:19:07,917
What?
490
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:08,883
- Got him.
491
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,055
- That bird is so lucky.
492
00:19:14,158 --> 00:19:15,227
It only had to be in
this meeting for a minute,
493
00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:16,158
and then it got to die.
494
00:19:16,262 --> 00:19:19,676
- Grandma Dorothy loved birds.
495
00:19:19,779 --> 00:19:20,814
Oh, wait, no, she didn't.
That was my other grandma.
496
00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:22,952
Grandma Dorothy hated birds.
497
00:19:24,227 --> 00:19:25,917
God, I wish she was here
to see this.
498
00:19:27,883 --> 00:19:30,021
- Ever since that bird died
one minute ago...
499
00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:30,883
- Hm.
- I started thinking about
500
00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:33,400
my own mortality,
501
00:19:33,503 --> 00:19:34,745
and...
502
00:19:34,848 --> 00:19:37,227
I'm just really sorry that
I acted the way I did.
503
00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:38,745
- Why not we just
do what we do best:
504
00:19:38,848 --> 00:19:41,227
suppress our emotions
505
00:19:41,331 --> 00:19:43,538
and pretend like
this never happened?
506
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:49,572
- Sorry I was out for so long.
507
00:19:49,676 --> 00:19:51,503
Bill...
508
00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:53,848
I didn't expect you
to stay this late.
509
00:19:53,952 --> 00:19:55,710
How're you holding up?
510
00:19:55,814 --> 00:19:58,055
- I killed a big bug.
511
00:19:58,158 --> 00:19:59,607
- Excellent work, Bill.
- Thank you.
512
00:19:59,710 --> 00:20:01,710
- So!
513
00:20:01,814 --> 00:20:04,158
Let's see what you guys
came up with.
514
00:20:04,262 --> 00:20:05,365
Ah...
515
00:20:05,469 --> 00:20:06,572
a lot of ideas here.
516
00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:07,572
Uh...
517
00:20:07,676 --> 00:20:08,572
huh...
518
00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:13,296
You know,
I don't like any of them.
519
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,814
We'll pick up tomorrow
where we left off.
520
00:20:15,917 --> 00:20:17,227
Bill, let's go to dinner.
521
00:20:17,331 --> 00:20:18,158
- Yeah, I could eat dinner.
522
00:20:18,262 --> 00:20:19,986
Then after, I know a place
523
00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:21,848
that gives
great groin massages.
524
00:20:21,952 --> 00:20:23,848
It's called a public library.
525
00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:25,848
- Anyway, here we go!
526
00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:27,193
- So...
527
00:20:27,296 --> 00:20:29,021
I guess everyone can have
their phones back now.
528
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,572
- So let me get this straight,
Grandma Dorothy.
529
00:20:36,676 --> 00:20:38,262
You wanted me to watch
a funny YouTube video,
530
00:20:38,365 --> 00:20:41,296
so you told my mom and dad
to call me?
531
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,745
Why didn't you just send them
the link?
532
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:46,607
You were gonna have them spell
it out on the phone to me?
533
00:20:47,676 --> 00:20:49,296
What's the video?
534
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,503
I've already seen
"I'm a little cucumber."
535
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:54,848
No, I don't know if the woman
in the video is single.
536
00:20:56,814 --> 00:20:57,676
No, I'm not going to
ask her out on a date.
537
00:20:59,917 --> 00:21:01,469
It's none of your business
how much I'm getting laid.
538
00:21:01,572 --> 00:21:02,331
How much are you getting laid?
539
00:21:02,434 --> 00:21:03,848
That's my question.
540
00:21:04,952 --> 00:21:05,883
Well, then, don't ask me!
541
00:21:10,848 --> 00:21:12,434
- And you guys know
I'm a language guy.
542
00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:14,158
And a math guy.
Um...
543
00:21:14,262 --> 00:21:16,503
I don't know--I know that--
544
00:21:16,607 --> 00:21:17,641
Kate knows that I went to Yale.
545
00:21:17,745 --> 00:21:21,262
Uh, and I know Larry knows
I went to Yale.
546
00:21:21,365 --> 00:21:23,124
Bill, uh, I don't know if
I've told you this,
547
00:21:23,227 --> 00:21:24,572
but I actually went to Yale.
38647
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