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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,720 Congratulations, Hudson High Class of 2004. 2 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,720 There she is. Fiona! 3 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,040 Bye. 4 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,560 - Hey. - Hey! 5 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,680 - Hey, you. 6 00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:18,700 - Congratulations, graduate. - Thanks, baby. 7 00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,580 And congratulations to you, Cooper. 8 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,380 Aww. Thanks, baby! 9 00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:25,420 - Nice try. - All right. 10 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:28,220 - See you at Wade's party tonight? - See you then. 11 00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:32,960 So, it's just you and me for the entire summer. 12 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,560 Next year you graduate, join me at college. Just like we planned. 13 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,080 - Scott, we need to talk. - Yeah? About what? 14 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,400 About me dumping you. 15 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,720 Huh? 16 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,080 There he is! 17 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,880 The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend. OK? 18 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,600 Smile, you two! 19 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,760 - Action! - Dad, Mom, Grandma... 20 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,680 Uncle Moke... uh... 21 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,080 I'm gonna need a minute here, OK? 22 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,120 What do you mean, you're dumping me? 23 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,800 I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore. 24 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:08,160 What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you. 25 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,280 I know. That's what makes this so hard. 26 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,200 You're looking good, you guys. 27 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,680 Scotty, it's not you. It's me. 28 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:21,080 There I go, lying again. No, it was you. 29 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,160 You're just so... 30 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,560 ...predictable. - Smile! 31 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:28,480 So, that's it. 32 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,360 Here's your letter jacket back. 33 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,920 Goodbye. 34 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,800 This isn't mine. 35 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,880 She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow. 36 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,080 Oh, my God. 37 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,760 Fiona! 38 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,280 Let's see that again. 39 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,840 Fiona! 40 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,400 - This is just so brutal. 41 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,800 And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on. 42 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,000 - Fiona! - Bert, get out of here. 43 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,200 OK.See you. 44 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,120 All right. Stay black, Bert. 45 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,200 "Fiona!" 46 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,200 Mail, motherfucker! 47 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,080 Hey, I got one from Mieke. 48 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,360 "Happy Herzlichen." 49 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,720 Still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class. 50 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,880 Yeah at first, but we're actually becoming good friends. 51 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,000 He's a really cool guy. 52 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:42,440 "Dear Mieke, greetings from your American pen pal." 53 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,080 Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. 54 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,280 Listen to yourself, all right? 55 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:52,640 You met a "cool guy" on the "internet." This is how these sexual predators work. 56 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,680 Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" 57 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,880 where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, 58 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,720 and make a wind chime out of your genitals. 59 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,320 Come on, let's go to Wade's. 60 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,840 All right. Screw it. Let's go. 61 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,560 I'm not gonna let Fiona ruin my graduation night. 62 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,600 Auf wiedersehen, Mieke. 63 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,960 - What's up, losers? - What's up, Jenny? 64 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,480 What's up, dude? 65 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,600 Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore. 66 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,480 That's very sweet of you. Thanks. 67 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,920 Enough Fiona talk. Look around. There's gotta be 100 drunk girls. 68 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,480 We should try to have sex with every one of 'em. 69 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,480 Hello? Mixed company? 70 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:41,960 What? 71 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,720 - I'm a girl! - No, you're not. 72 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:47,720 - You're just a cool guy with long hair. - So, where's your evil twin brother? 73 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:49,720 Jenny! 74 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,240 There he is. 75 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,720 Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see. 76 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,000 Why'd you get me gin and tonic? 77 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,680 - I hate gin. - You do? 78 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,600 You guys are the worst twins ever! 79 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,080 Chug! Chug! 80 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,560 - When are you guys taking off? - Tomorrow morning. 81 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,360 Hey, Wade! Great party, buddy. 82 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,880 Man, I am so excited! 83 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,440 A whole summer, backpacking around Europe. 84 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,360 You should've come with us instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty! 85 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,840 It's gonna be so awesome! 86 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:34,120 Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun! 87 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,240 You brought a guidebook to a party? 88 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,480 - Do you wanna see my itinerary? - Do you wanna see my balls? 89 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,920 You guys decide where you're gonna go first? 90 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,680 Paris! I can't wait. 91 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:48,440 Two years ago Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met a wealthy French guy, 92 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,520 and spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. 93 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,560 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 94 00:07:54,640 --> 00:08:00,280 Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay. 95 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,600 It's not gay. I'm a girl. 96 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,440 - Kinda gay. - A little gay. 97 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,560 I gotta piss like a pregnant woman. 98 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,360 Hey, listen up, everybody. 99 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,880 Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. 100 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,400 Going to play a little song for you 101 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:23,800 about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know... 102 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,680 Fiona. 103 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,640 This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. 104 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,720 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me 105 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,280 " Do it in my van every Sunday 106 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,200 " She tells him she's in church But she doesn't go 107 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,200 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know 108 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,360 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know 109 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,320 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know 110 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,640 " Scotty doesn't know " 111 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,680 I hope we're just as popular in college as we were in high school. 112 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,760 - We will be. - I know. 113 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,800 Who needs more Chablis? 114 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,060 - Candy, wanna come with? - No, I'll stay here. 115 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,980 Hello candy! 116 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,140 Whoops! 117 00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:24,220 Holy cow! 118 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,940 Oh, this isn't where I parked my car! 119 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:31,180 " I can't believe He's so trusting 120 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,940 " While I'm right behind you thrusting 121 00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:39,660 " 'Cause Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 122 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,460 Cooper Harris, you're a pig! 123 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,500 Candy, before you go 124 00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,000 you might wanna clean that off 125 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,820 Clean what off? 126 00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:52,040 It's like a dirt or something... just go like this... 127 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,680 No... It's kind of under... and to the side 128 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,930 under 129 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,000 - Is this off? - No. 130 00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:06,100 I think that your top is getting in the way 131 00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:10,050 - Really? - Trust me 132 00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:21,680 That's better... Keep rubbing it 133 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:31,800 " I did it with her on his birthday 134 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,440 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 135 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,680 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 136 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,240 " Don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 137 00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:46,870 No, it's just not coming off. 138 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,710 What is it? 139 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,310 Fine, I'll do it. Come here. 140 00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:54,070 Oh, my God! Candy! 141 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:56,850 Cooper! 142 00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:00,820 Hey... 143 00:11:00,890 --> 00:11:03,890 This isn't where I parked my car. 144 00:11:06,430 --> 00:11:07,590 " Scotty doesn't know 145 00:11:16,350 --> 00:11:18,150 Hey. 146 00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:22,550 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 147 00:11:22,630 --> 00:11:24,550 This band rocks! 148 00:11:24,630 --> 00:11:26,590 - Yeah! 149 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,310 Mail, motherfucker! 150 00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:01,070 Hey, Mieke. 151 00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:02,550 "Dear Scott, 152 00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:07,190 "I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. 153 00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:10,990 "Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America 154 00:12:11,070 --> 00:12:15,510 "and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... 155 00:12:15,630 --> 00:12:17,630 "zussamen." 156 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:20,790 What the fuck is "zussamen"? 157 00:12:27,630 --> 00:12:29,190 "Arrange a meeting." 158 00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:32,150 No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. 159 00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:34,270 This guy wants to have sex with me. 160 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,990 "Listen, Mieke... 161 00:12:38,030 --> 00:12:40,750 "I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, 162 00:12:40,830 --> 00:12:43,550 "you sick, German freak. 163 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,870 "So please keep your hands off my genitals, 164 00:12:46,950 --> 00:12:51,470 "and never write to me again, and don't come to America." 165 00:12:51,550 --> 00:12:53,430 "Goodbye." 166 00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:17,110 I'm never drinking again. Oh, that's nice. 167 00:13:20,910 --> 00:13:22,390 Bert, what are you doing? 168 00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:24,070 Reading your email. 169 00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:26,150 Don't do that. 170 00:13:27,910 --> 00:13:29,710 Why are you wearing my bathrobe? 171 00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:31,870 Oh, I'm sorry... 172 00:13:31,950 --> 00:13:35,270 but somebody pissed all over mine last night. 173 00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:41,470 I can't believe this German chick wants to come here and hook up with you. 174 00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:44,030 I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy. 175 00:13:44,110 --> 00:13:47,110 No, it says right here, "trauriges madchen." 176 00:13:47,230 --> 00:13:49,790 "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona." 177 00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:51,230 Fuckin' A, Scott. 178 00:13:51,270 --> 00:13:54,930 I'm taking "Intro to German," and even I know that. 179 00:13:54,970 --> 00:13:56,330 Come here. 180 00:13:56,370 --> 00:13:58,410 He sent me a picture, retardo. 181 00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:02,250 See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan. 182 00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:04,050 No, retardo. 183 00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:07,970 That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not "Mike," 184 00:14:08,050 --> 00:14:10,890 it's "Mieke," a common German girl's name, 185 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,810 similar to our Michelle. 186 00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:16,450 I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit. 187 00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:20,050 You didn't? 188 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,410 You thought she was a guy! 189 00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:25,570 I'm getting the video camera! Ha! 190 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,450 What an asshole! 191 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,050 No. 192 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,330 No. 193 00:14:31,410 --> 00:14:34,570 No!! 194 00:15:05,010 --> 00:15:07,850 "Address blocked"? "Email not delivered." 195 00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:10,050 No... come on! 196 00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:13,370 Hey, Mom made waffles. 197 00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:16,890 - What's going on? - I'm in love with my penpal. 198 00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:18,890 I'm in love with Mieke. 199 00:15:21,290 --> 00:15:23,890 OK... OK. 200 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:28,050 You know what? I was actually expecting this. 201 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:32,130 Frankly, I'm flattered you picked me to come out to first. 202 00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:35,130 And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause... 203 00:15:35,170 --> 00:15:38,370 - I think they already know. - No, you idiot. Mike is a girl. 204 00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:39,890 No, no, I get it. Yeah. 205 00:15:39,970 --> 00:15:44,610 He's the girl, and you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. 206 00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,410 Right? 207 00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:48,850 Right? That's hot. 208 00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:52,410 But whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it. 209 00:15:52,490 --> 00:15:55,410 Will you stop? Look, come here. Look at this picture. 210 00:15:56,770 --> 00:15:58,490 Wow. Who's the hot chick? 211 00:15:58,570 --> 00:16:01,690 That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke. 212 00:16:01,770 --> 00:16:04,770 That's who you've been writing to all this time? 213 00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:07,130 Until last night, when I took your advice 214 00:16:07,170 --> 00:16:09,770 and told her to keep her "hands off my genitals." 215 00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:14,810 Given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want. 216 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:18,050 This is a total disaster. 217 00:16:18,130 --> 00:16:20,170 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 218 00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:22,770 Though she is really hot. 219 00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:26,170 You're not listening. I don't even care what she looks like. 220 00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:29,530 Mieke and I had this incredible bond. 221 00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:33,170 I told her things I couldn't even tell you. 222 00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:34,690 Like what? 223 00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:37,730 - Nothing. It's a figure of speech. - No, seriously. What? 224 00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:40,570 - Nothing. The point... - You like me better, right? 225 00:16:40,650 --> 00:16:44,570 This girl is not only smart and funny, and stunningly beautiful, 226 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:48,130 but until I screwed up, she wanted to come all the way to America, 227 00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:49,410 just to be with me. 228 00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:52,570 - So do something about it. - What can I do? 229 00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:55,810 She blocked her email account, her phone number's not listed. 230 00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,170 The only thing I know is she lives in Berlin. 231 00:16:58,250 --> 00:16:59,690 So go to Berlin. 232 00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:03,610 I can't just go to Berlin, Coop. 233 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,650 - Why not? - Because... 234 00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:09,450 I just can't, OK? I'm supposed to work for my dad this summer. 235 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,930 It looks good on my med school application. 236 00:17:11,970 --> 00:17:13,810 Oh, Jesus, Scotty! 237 00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:16,930 Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable. 238 00:17:26,570 --> 00:17:28,890 - I'm going to Germany. - No... 239 00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:31,330 we're going to Germany. 240 00:17:38,610 --> 00:17:40,970 How are we going to get to Germany? 241 00:17:41,050 --> 00:17:43,530 Don't worry. I've got it covered. 242 00:17:45,170 --> 00:17:49,050 - We're going to be couriers? - Best way to get a cheap flight. 243 00:17:49,130 --> 00:17:52,890 We just have to carry their packages, then drop them off when we get there. 244 00:17:52,970 --> 00:17:55,930 - My cousin did it going to India. - Yeah? 245 00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:59,490 Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi 246 00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:03,010 and they had to cut off his leg. You know... 247 00:18:03,090 --> 00:18:05,970 but he got there cheap, is what I'm saying. 248 00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:09,250 OK, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. 249 00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:13,490 But I can get you both to London today for $118. 250 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:14,570 Anything else? 251 00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:19,450 Europe is the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there. 252 00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:23,050 - Cooper, England's an island. - OK, swim. Whatever. 253 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,170 We'll take it. 254 00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:42,410 Hey. Thanks for coming with me. 255 00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:45,450 I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer. 256 00:18:45,530 --> 00:18:47,930 Well, forget about the law firm. 257 00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:51,410 And don't thank me. I should be thanking you. 258 00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:54,090 This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 259 00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:56,730 for me to broaden my sexual horizons. 260 00:18:56,850 --> 00:18:59,330 What are you talking about? 261 00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:01,650 I'm talking about crazy European sex. 262 00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:04,210 Ah. 263 00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:07,290 You know America was founded by prudes. 264 00:19:07,370 --> 00:19:09,850 Prudes who left Europe, because they hated 265 00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:14,130 all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. 266 00:19:14,210 --> 00:19:17,650 And now I, Cooper Harris, 267 00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:20,890 will return to the land of my perverted forefathers 268 00:19:20,970 --> 00:19:24,930 and claim my birthright, which is a series 269 00:19:24,970 --> 00:19:28,290 of erotic and sexually challenging adventures. 270 00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:33,330 You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you? 271 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:35,130 It's my passion. 272 00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,730 Come on, come on! 273 00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:58,330 - The adventure begins. - Welcome to jolly old England. 274 00:19:58,450 --> 00:20:01,970 Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. 275 00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:04,970 - Oh. - What is that? 276 00:20:05,050 --> 00:20:07,770 It's the phone they gave me at the law firm. 277 00:20:07,810 --> 00:20:09,450 Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? 278 00:20:09,530 --> 00:20:11,130 - Works anywhere. - Yeah? 279 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,850 Excuse me. 280 00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:15,810 Cooper here. 281 00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:17,810 Hello, Mr. Walters. 282 00:20:17,890 --> 00:20:20,930 Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. 283 00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:22,850 Um, hang on one second. 284 00:20:28,330 --> 00:20:31,250 No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. 285 00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:32,890 Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. 286 00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:34,850 I don't rest until I find it. 287 00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:38,570 Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country? 288 00:20:38,610 --> 00:20:41,770 They would've stopped paying me. It seemed easier. 289 00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:43,810 - So, where to? - I don't know. 290 00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:47,690 First bus to Berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow. What do you wanna do? 291 00:20:47,770 --> 00:20:51,330 Got the Tower of London... there's Buckingham Palace. 292 00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:53,410 - Uh... - There's no drinking age. 293 00:20:53,490 --> 00:20:55,330 - There you go! - Come on. 294 00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:59,490 - Hey!"The Fiesty Goat." 295 00:21:03,570 --> 00:21:04,890 All right! 296 00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,770 What do you wanna... 297 00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:20,610 Soccer hooligans. 298 00:21:24,170 --> 00:21:26,650 Hey, this isn't where I parked my car! 299 00:21:27,730 --> 00:21:29,010 Oy! 300 00:21:29,930 --> 00:21:32,210 Who the bloody hell are you? 301 00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:37,650 This is a private members bar, exclusively for the supporters 302 00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:40,690 of the greatest football team in the world... 303 00:21:40,770 --> 00:21:43,290 Manchester United. 304 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:46,530 Now please, enlighten me. 305 00:21:46,610 --> 00:21:48,130 Who the fuck are you?! 306 00:21:48,210 --> 00:21:52,170 That is a good question, and... Scotty? 307 00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:53,770 Huh? 308 00:21:56,330 --> 00:22:00,290 We're the Manchester United fan club... 309 00:22:00,330 --> 00:22:02,170 from Ohio. 310 00:22:02,250 --> 00:22:04,890 If you're Manchester United supporters... 311 00:22:04,970 --> 00:22:07,690 sing the Manchester United song. 312 00:22:07,730 --> 00:22:11,210 Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer... 313 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:14,170 - Sing!! - " My baby takes 314 00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:16,290 " The morning train 315 00:22:16,370 --> 00:22:21,650 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 316 00:22:21,730 --> 00:22:25,450 " He takes another home again 317 00:22:25,530 --> 00:22:27,850 " To find me... 318 00:22:29,250 --> 00:22:33,210 " watching the Manchester United football team! " 319 00:22:33,290 --> 00:22:34,770 Eh? 320 00:22:34,850 --> 00:22:39,330 The best freakin' team in all the land! Whoo-hoo! 321 00:22:45,930 --> 00:22:47,370 Pretty good. 322 00:22:47,410 --> 00:22:49,690 - Pretty dang good, lads! - Yeah! 323 00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:01,610 " My baby takes the morning train 324 00:23:01,650 --> 00:23:05,730 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 325 00:23:05,810 --> 00:23:09,490 " He takes another home again 326 00:23:09,570 --> 00:23:13,370 " To find me waiting for him 327 00:23:13,450 --> 00:23:17,730 " He's always on that morning train " 328 00:23:20,210 --> 00:23:22,690 I've unblocked your email address, 329 00:23:22,770 --> 00:23:25,770 but this Scott is not responding. 330 00:23:27,810 --> 00:23:30,010 He was the one. 331 00:23:32,050 --> 00:23:34,250 I was going to give myself to him. 332 00:23:35,370 --> 00:23:38,290 Perhaps you should give yourself to someone else... 333 00:23:41,410 --> 00:23:43,450 fraulein. 334 00:24:04,330 --> 00:24:06,770 I'm never drinking again. 335 00:24:06,850 --> 00:24:08,370 Coop, wake up. 336 00:24:08,450 --> 00:24:11,090 Oh, man, that was a wild night. 337 00:24:13,890 --> 00:24:15,450 You think? 338 00:24:22,930 --> 00:24:25,090 Scotty, where the hell are we going? 339 00:24:25,170 --> 00:24:29,130 Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us. 340 00:24:29,170 --> 00:24:32,330 Honey, where's Scotty? 341 00:24:32,410 --> 00:24:37,250 - Cooper said they were going camping. - Oh, that's nice. 342 00:24:37,330 --> 00:24:39,050 And where's Bert? 343 00:24:39,130 --> 00:24:41,410 Fuck if I know. 344 00:24:51,210 --> 00:24:55,130 Hey! How are you, you scalawag! 345 00:24:55,170 --> 00:24:57,770 Look, given the current geopolitical climate, 346 00:24:57,890 --> 00:25:00,890 all European countries should have a seat at the table. 347 00:25:00,970 --> 00:25:03,450 - Right. - Except those fucking Ities. 348 00:25:03,530 --> 00:25:05,770 I hate them Italian bastards. 349 00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:07,810 - You know what I mean? - Excuse me. 350 00:25:07,850 --> 00:25:09,210 Hello, boyo! 351 00:25:09,290 --> 00:25:13,530 - What the hell happened last night? - You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. 352 00:25:13,610 --> 00:25:15,370 Too much sauce, son. 353 00:25:15,450 --> 00:25:16,690 Don't worry. 354 00:25:16,770 --> 00:25:19,650 We come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip. 355 00:25:19,690 --> 00:25:21,450 What trip? 356 00:25:21,530 --> 00:25:24,810 - Where are we going? - What do you mean, where are we going? 357 00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,930 We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. 358 00:25:28,010 --> 00:25:28,970 Aren't we, boys? 359 00:25:29,050 --> 00:25:31,690 Yeah! 360 00:25:31,770 --> 00:25:33,490 Why are you yelling at me? 361 00:25:33,570 --> 00:25:35,970 So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it 362 00:25:36,010 --> 00:25:39,010 before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance 363 00:25:39,050 --> 00:25:41,450 and have her lick me yardballs! 364 00:25:43,410 --> 00:25:48,250 Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here. 365 00:25:48,290 --> 00:25:51,330 Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris. 366 00:25:51,410 --> 00:25:52,930 I know. Cecil told me. 367 00:25:53,010 --> 00:25:55,650 Mieke's in Berlin. We're not going to Berlin. 368 00:25:55,690 --> 00:25:57,690 What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 369 00:25:57,770 --> 00:26:01,490 See what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. 370 00:26:01,530 --> 00:26:06,330 Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute. 371 00:26:06,450 --> 00:26:10,010 That's why France and Germany have always been allies. 372 00:26:12,650 --> 00:26:15,210 The twins. The twins are in Paris, right? 373 00:26:15,290 --> 00:26:18,210 We can call them. They could help. Let me see your phone. 374 00:26:18,290 --> 00:26:21,490 Okay, but I'm only supposed to use this for business calls. 375 00:26:21,570 --> 00:26:23,370 Hey, don't... 376 00:26:40,770 --> 00:26:42,730 You're on the wrong side of the road, 377 00:26:42,770 --> 00:26:44,610 you snail-eating puffs. 378 00:26:44,690 --> 00:26:48,770 Fuck off! Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 379 00:26:48,810 --> 00:26:51,010 Piss off! Get in here and say that, 380 00:26:51,090 --> 00:26:53,410 you froggy Itie shities! 381 00:26:56,250 --> 00:26:58,810 - Fucking beep! 382 00:26:58,890 --> 00:27:01,930 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 383 00:27:02,010 --> 00:27:03,970 Get out of the way! Piss off! 384 00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:13,290 Hey, lads! 385 00:27:13,370 --> 00:27:15,970 That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! 386 00:27:16,090 --> 00:27:18,490 Let's give this nancy a fucking good kicking! 387 00:27:18,610 --> 00:27:20,970 Come on, lads, he's going off! 388 00:27:36,170 --> 00:27:38,930 All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. 389 00:27:39,010 --> 00:27:39,930 Look at that! 390 00:27:40,010 --> 00:27:41,930 There they are. Come on. Jenny! 391 00:27:42,010 --> 00:27:44,130 - Jamie! - Hey! 392 00:27:44,250 --> 00:27:45,210 Come here! 393 00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:46,370 No, no. No, no, no! 394 00:27:46,490 --> 00:27:49,130 - Scott, bienvenu a Paris. - Thank you. 395 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,730 - Is that a new camera? - It isn't just a camera, 396 00:27:51,850 --> 00:27:53,770 this is a Leica M7. 397 00:27:53,810 --> 00:27:55,930 Uber-sensitive exposure settings, 398 00:27:56,010 --> 00:27:57,770 legendary cloth shutter system. 399 00:27:57,810 --> 00:28:00,490 - Let me see that thing. - No can do. 400 00:28:00,570 --> 00:28:03,610 I spent four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it, 401 00:28:03,650 --> 00:28:06,690 so nobody touches my camera but me. 402 00:28:06,770 --> 00:28:09,050 - It's like your wiener. - No, it's not... 403 00:28:09,090 --> 00:28:11,170 - Jenny... - Cooper, leave him alone. 404 00:28:11,250 --> 00:28:14,690 Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl. 405 00:28:14,770 --> 00:28:16,450 Wait, not just any girl. 406 00:28:16,530 --> 00:28:18,090 Show her the picture, Scotty. 407 00:28:18,210 --> 00:28:20,970 She makes girls in our high school look like walruses. 408 00:28:21,090 --> 00:28:23,210 I'm a girl from your high school. 409 00:28:23,330 --> 00:28:24,770 No, I mean "girl" girls. 410 00:28:24,810 --> 00:28:27,650 Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! 411 00:28:27,730 --> 00:28:29,130 Let's go to the Louvre! 412 00:28:29,210 --> 00:28:31,050 To the Louvre! 413 00:29:05,610 --> 00:29:07,330 So, you guys wanna stay here, 414 00:29:07,410 --> 00:29:10,290 or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower? 415 00:29:10,370 --> 00:29:14,330 Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted syphilis two blocks from here. 416 00:29:14,410 --> 00:29:16,690 - Should we go? - Can we please get out of here? 417 00:29:16,730 --> 00:29:19,770 - This guy's really creeping me out. - Who, robot man? 418 00:29:19,930 --> 00:29:22,810 He's just trying to feed his robot family. 419 00:29:22,930 --> 00:29:25,050 - I really don't like him. - Why? 420 00:29:25,170 --> 00:29:28,450 Because he's doing this? 421 00:29:28,530 --> 00:29:30,290 OK, seriously, don't do that. 422 00:29:30,370 --> 00:29:33,570 Cooper. Do not hate me. 423 00:29:35,330 --> 00:29:37,610 I am familiar with over 600 dance moves 424 00:29:37,650 --> 00:29:39,770 and I am programmed to get... 425 00:29:43,810 --> 00:29:46,010 freaky. 426 00:29:57,770 --> 00:30:00,330 You're just upset because people like me better. 427 00:30:00,450 --> 00:30:01,370 It's okay. 428 00:30:26,890 --> 00:30:28,130 Oh! 429 00:30:41,690 --> 00:30:43,690 Fight! Fight! 430 00:30:47,090 --> 00:30:49,450 Break the leg shot! 431 00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:01,090 Ha! Ha! Ha! 432 00:31:06,130 --> 00:31:08,210 Don't look in his eyes, Scotty. 433 00:31:13,650 --> 00:31:16,170 - Ohhh! - That was not cool. 434 00:31:41,450 --> 00:31:44,050 - Oh! 435 00:31:47,330 --> 00:31:49,050 Guys, let's go. Come on. 436 00:31:53,010 --> 00:31:56,450 Error! Error! Error! 437 00:31:56,530 --> 00:31:59,290 How cool is this? 438 00:31:59,370 --> 00:32:02,050 It's a shame we only get to spend one day together. 439 00:32:02,090 --> 00:32:04,770 - Why don't you come to Berlin? - Umm, no. 440 00:32:04,850 --> 00:32:08,090 Jamie, come on. In a few months, we go to different colleges. 441 00:32:08,170 --> 00:32:11,770 This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this. 442 00:32:11,890 --> 00:32:13,730 Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? 443 00:32:13,810 --> 00:32:15,890 This should be the trip of a lifetime. 444 00:32:15,970 --> 00:32:18,210 There's no way we should split up. 445 00:32:18,290 --> 00:32:21,730 All right, this table is now Europe, OK? 446 00:32:22,850 --> 00:32:24,210 Excuse me. 447 00:32:24,250 --> 00:32:27,610 We are right here, in Paris, 448 00:32:27,650 --> 00:32:29,850 and I have got to get to Mieke, 449 00:32:29,930 --> 00:32:32,250 who is over here, in Berlin. 450 00:32:32,290 --> 00:32:35,290 If you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff 451 00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:37,450 to see along the way. 452 00:32:37,490 --> 00:32:40,690 - We can go to Denmark. - I love Denmark. 453 00:32:40,730 --> 00:32:43,210 - We gotta hit Amsterdam. - Definitely. 454 00:32:43,290 --> 00:32:46,090 And the cathedral at Cameret! 455 00:32:47,370 --> 00:32:49,370 - Yeah... - Maybe. We'll see. 456 00:32:49,410 --> 00:32:53,450 - Whatever. - If there's time. 457 00:32:53,570 --> 00:32:56,770 Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke. 458 00:32:56,850 --> 00:32:57,970 Fine. 459 00:32:58,010 --> 00:32:59,770 - Excellent! - All right! 460 00:32:59,850 --> 00:33:02,810 - A toast! - Yes! 461 00:33:02,890 --> 00:33:04,970 - To Mieke! - To Europe! 462 00:33:05,050 --> 00:33:06,450 To Europe! 463 00:33:06,530 --> 00:33:08,210 Merci. 464 00:33:09,490 --> 00:33:12,210 - Berlin, here we come! - All right. 465 00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:13,850 Better let me hold on to those. 466 00:33:18,530 --> 00:33:21,850 - What the hell is that? - It's a traveler's money belt. 467 00:33:21,930 --> 00:33:24,170 Frommer's says if you have one of these, 468 00:33:24,250 --> 00:33:26,010 no one can rob you of anything. 469 00:33:26,090 --> 00:33:27,570 Except your dignity. 470 00:33:27,690 --> 00:33:30,250 No, you just put that in your... 471 00:33:30,330 --> 00:33:31,650 wait, what? 472 00:33:32,250 --> 00:33:34,170 Come on, guidebook. Let's go. 473 00:33:36,730 --> 00:33:38,210 Check it out. 474 00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:40,810 European ass. 475 00:33:42,850 --> 00:33:44,450 What's up? 476 00:33:47,410 --> 00:33:50,690 Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some... 477 00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:53,370 girl. Come on. Platform 4. 478 00:33:53,490 --> 00:33:55,570 Thanks. 479 00:33:56,970 --> 00:33:58,210 Damn! 480 00:34:02,010 --> 00:34:04,050 I believe this is yours. 481 00:34:08,010 --> 00:34:11,170 Pleased to meet you. My name is Christoph. 482 00:34:11,250 --> 00:34:13,850 - Jenny, let's go! - Move it! 483 00:34:13,930 --> 00:34:16,890 Those are my friends. We're supposed to go to Berlin... 484 00:34:16,930 --> 00:34:19,530 - Jenny! - I'm coming!! 485 00:34:19,570 --> 00:34:23,010 So, it was really nice to meet you. 486 00:34:23,090 --> 00:34:25,050 The pleasure was all mine... 487 00:34:26,770 --> 00:34:28,570 Jennifer. 488 00:35:12,570 --> 00:35:15,130 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me " 489 00:35:15,210 --> 00:35:18,170 " Do it in my van on Sundays " 490 00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:20,650 " Tells him she's... " What? 491 00:35:20,690 --> 00:35:24,090 You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune. 492 00:35:25,770 --> 00:35:29,490 " Tells him she's in church But she doesn't go " 493 00:35:29,530 --> 00:35:32,930 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 494 00:35:33,010 --> 00:35:34,690 " Scotty doesn't know " 495 00:35:34,770 --> 00:35:37,690 - " Scotty doesn't... " - Buongiorno. 496 00:35:41,130 --> 00:35:43,810 Buongiorno. 497 00:35:50,450 --> 00:35:53,730 You know, there are a lot of other empty compartments. 498 00:35:55,370 --> 00:35:57,530 Ah! Si... 499 00:35:57,610 --> 00:35:59,130 Si. 500 00:36:32,010 --> 00:36:33,530 Pardon me. 501 00:36:33,610 --> 00:36:34,730 Eh? 502 00:36:36,010 --> 00:36:37,730 Ohhh... 503 00:36:37,810 --> 00:36:39,290 Scusi. 504 00:36:40,250 --> 00:36:42,330 Mi scusi. 505 00:37:06,690 --> 00:37:08,130 Hi. 506 00:37:08,210 --> 00:37:09,890 Buongiorno. 507 00:37:21,410 --> 00:37:25,170 - What the hell are you doing? - Mi scusi, mi scusi. 508 00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,570 No! No, no, no! 509 00:37:29,130 --> 00:37:30,730 What? 510 00:37:30,810 --> 00:37:31,810 Big tunnel. 511 00:37:35,450 --> 00:37:39,050 Who's touching me? Scotty, is that you? 512 00:37:39,130 --> 00:37:40,930 Who's touching me?! Scotty! 513 00:37:50,170 --> 00:37:51,970 Mi Scusi. 514 00:38:07,450 --> 00:38:10,010 Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here. 515 00:38:11,810 --> 00:38:14,490 Well, we got a couple of hours to kill. 516 00:38:14,570 --> 00:38:16,250 What's there to see in this town? 517 00:38:16,330 --> 00:38:19,410 Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres. 518 00:38:19,450 --> 00:38:22,730 It's a monument to all the local fishermen who were lost at sea. 519 00:38:22,810 --> 00:38:25,930 Frommer's says it's supposed to be..."quite moving." 520 00:38:26,010 --> 00:38:28,970 What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? 521 00:38:29,050 --> 00:38:31,810 We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue. 522 00:38:31,890 --> 00:38:33,810 I'm taking a nap. 523 00:38:33,930 --> 00:38:35,930 Wake me up when the train gets here. 524 00:38:36,050 --> 00:38:39,170 Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach. 525 00:38:39,290 --> 00:38:42,050 All right, we can't all just lie around all day. 526 00:38:42,130 --> 00:38:44,930 We gotta experience the culture firsthand. 527 00:38:45,010 --> 00:38:47,170 Let's go exploring! 528 00:38:49,850 --> 00:38:52,330 So, what's the etiquette on boners? 529 00:38:52,410 --> 00:38:54,330 Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, 530 00:38:54,410 --> 00:38:57,330 or is it cool to just let my flag fly? 531 00:38:57,410 --> 00:38:59,850 Wait, wait. 532 00:38:59,970 --> 00:39:02,570 Does "nude beach" mean we have to get naked, too? 533 00:39:02,650 --> 00:39:04,290 Of course. 534 00:39:04,370 --> 00:39:05,890 Do you think you can go an hour 535 00:39:05,970 --> 00:39:07,970 without your currency colostomy bag? 536 00:39:08,090 --> 00:39:11,250 As long as this thing has our money and passports in it, 537 00:39:11,370 --> 00:39:14,930 it's not coming off, and my trunks won't come off, either. 538 00:39:15,010 --> 00:39:16,370 Come on, Jamie 539 00:39:16,410 --> 00:39:18,570 You came all the way to Europe. 540 00:39:18,610 --> 00:39:20,410 Can't wimp out now. 541 00:39:22,570 --> 00:39:23,690 OK. 542 00:39:23,770 --> 00:39:25,490 All right, on the count of three. 543 00:39:25,570 --> 00:39:26,690 Here we go. 544 00:39:26,770 --> 00:39:28,290 3,2,1... 545 00:39:28,370 --> 00:39:31,170 Look at Jamie's penis! 546 00:39:31,250 --> 00:39:33,090 Very funny. Very funny. 547 00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:34,370 All right. 548 00:39:36,130 --> 00:39:39,050 Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin. 549 00:39:39,130 --> 00:39:40,330 - Here we go. - Really? 550 00:39:40,410 --> 00:39:41,650 Yes. 551 00:39:44,890 --> 00:39:48,330 Hello, ladies! 552 00:39:53,590 --> 00:39:56,550 - Ladies? - Bitches? 553 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,310 What a rip! There's no nude girls here, 554 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:01,720 Just guys like us looking for nude girls. 555 00:40:01,730 --> 00:40:03,970 I don't understand. 556 00:40:04,010 --> 00:40:07,290 "Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent. 557 00:40:07,370 --> 00:40:08,850 "However... 558 00:40:11,890 --> 00:40:14,050 "during the summer, the European women 559 00:40:14,170 --> 00:40:16,610 "are chased away by gawking male tourists, 560 00:40:16,690 --> 00:40:20,530 "so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists head to the deserted beach 561 00:40:20,610 --> 00:40:22,930 "next to the Monument des Poissonieres." 562 00:40:39,050 --> 00:40:42,010 There's so many penises. 563 00:40:42,090 --> 00:40:45,530 Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen. 564 00:40:45,650 --> 00:40:47,810 This is the biggest sausage fest on earth. 565 00:40:47,890 --> 00:40:50,410 It's the international house of sausage. 566 00:40:50,490 --> 00:40:51,850 Hey! 567 00:40:53,450 --> 00:40:56,650 - Thanks for waiting. - You're not missing anything. 568 00:40:56,730 --> 00:40:58,170 It's all guys. 569 00:40:58,250 --> 00:41:01,170 At least the sun's out. 570 00:41:06,300 --> 00:41:08,700 " Dreams come true " 571 00:41:20,060 --> 00:41:23,420 " I made my dreams come true " 572 00:41:23,460 --> 00:41:26,340 " My dreams come true " 573 00:41:29,260 --> 00:41:30,780 Holy crap! 574 00:41:30,860 --> 00:41:33,780 What? I thought this was a nude beach. 575 00:41:33,860 --> 00:41:36,860 No!!! 576 00:41:40,740 --> 00:41:42,220 - Huh? - No. 577 00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:45,340 - What? What are you doing? - Jenny, you gotta cover up. 578 00:41:45,420 --> 00:41:47,180 Girl? 579 00:41:47,260 --> 00:41:48,380 Girl! 580 00:41:48,460 --> 00:41:53,340 Ooh, girl. Girl... girl. 581 00:41:53,420 --> 00:41:56,180 Girl... girl... 582 00:41:56,260 --> 00:41:57,500 Run! 583 00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:05,540 - I'm not gonna make it. 584 00:42:05,620 --> 00:42:08,140 - Go on without me. - All right. See ya. 585 00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:13,300 Chica! Chica! 586 00:42:20,580 --> 00:42:23,780 Chica! Chica! 587 00:42:33,300 --> 00:42:35,340 Reading Mieke's old emails again? 588 00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:36,940 Yeah. 589 00:42:38,620 --> 00:42:42,420 I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her. 590 00:42:44,020 --> 00:42:46,940 You know, she said I might be the one? 591 00:42:47,020 --> 00:42:48,620 That's huge. 592 00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:52,220 I've never been "the one" before. 593 00:42:52,300 --> 00:42:56,020 Thought I was "the one" with Fiona, but turns out I was, what, 101? 594 00:42:56,140 --> 00:42:58,620 - 200. - 200! 595 00:42:58,740 --> 00:43:01,060 Look, you got nothing to worry about. 596 00:43:01,140 --> 00:43:04,580 You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet. 597 00:43:06,340 --> 00:43:07,940 Thanks. 598 00:43:15,060 --> 00:43:17,420 Yeah. 599 00:43:17,500 --> 00:43:19,620 I will, won't I? 600 00:43:22,580 --> 00:43:23,300 I'm so sad and lonely. 601 00:43:23,340 --> 00:43:24,900 I'm so sad and lonely. 602 00:43:24,980 --> 00:43:27,300 I just wish someone would show up 603 00:43:27,380 --> 00:43:30,060 and sweep me off my German feet. 604 00:43:30,180 --> 00:43:32,820 Mieke! I'm here. 605 00:43:32,940 --> 00:43:34,500 Scotty! 606 00:43:34,620 --> 00:43:36,580 About that last email. I'm so sorry... 607 00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:39,820 The past is the past. You're here now. 608 00:43:39,860 --> 00:43:43,620 I've been saving myself for you. 609 00:43:43,700 --> 00:43:47,220 Let us make love for one whole month. 610 00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:53,700 Touch me, Scotty. 611 00:43:55,820 --> 00:43:57,380 OK. 612 00:44:15,940 --> 00:44:18,420 Oh, Scott... 613 00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:21,300 - Mi bello. 614 00:44:21,340 --> 00:44:23,100 Mi bello. 615 00:44:23,140 --> 00:44:25,620 Mi bello. 616 00:44:27,340 --> 00:44:29,620 Mi bello. 617 00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:31,700 Mi bello. 618 00:44:38,260 --> 00:44:39,300 Mi scusi. 619 00:44:43,100 --> 00:44:46,060 Mi scusi! 620 00:44:46,140 --> 00:44:49,260 " Hot stuff baby this evening " 621 00:44:49,340 --> 00:44:51,340 " Gotta have some hot stuff " 622 00:44:51,420 --> 00:44:54,340 " Gotta have some love tonight " 623 00:44:54,420 --> 00:44:56,700 " Hot stuff " 624 00:45:12,660 --> 00:45:15,500 Guys, our train doesn't leave till morning. 625 00:45:15,580 --> 00:45:18,580 - Where will we sleep? - What do you mean, sleep? 626 00:45:18,660 --> 00:45:20,780 We can sleep on the train tomorrow. 627 00:45:20,860 --> 00:45:24,140 This is the best that could've happened. We're in Amsterdam! 628 00:45:24,220 --> 00:45:27,300 This is the drug and sex capital of Europe! 629 00:45:27,380 --> 00:45:28,540 Take a look at this. 630 00:45:31,740 --> 00:45:34,140 "Club Vandersexxx." 631 00:45:34,220 --> 00:45:37,180 "The red light district's hottest sex club." 632 00:45:37,220 --> 00:45:39,940 We have to check it out. Who's with me? 633 00:45:40,020 --> 00:45:41,420 I'll go. 634 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:44,380 Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, 635 00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:46,140 I'll just go myself. 636 00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:03,940 " I see " 637 00:46:04,020 --> 00:46:06,420 " You're waiting for me " 638 00:46:06,500 --> 00:46:11,300 This is definitely where I parked my car. 639 00:46:13,460 --> 00:46:15,380 Hello there. 640 00:46:17,020 --> 00:46:19,300 Welcome to Club Vandersexxx... 641 00:46:19,420 --> 00:46:22,340 Amsterdam's most erotic club, 642 00:46:22,420 --> 00:46:25,740 where your every fantasy will be fulfilled. 643 00:46:25,820 --> 00:46:28,620 Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer. 644 00:46:31,540 --> 00:46:33,140 He's American. 645 00:46:33,220 --> 00:46:38,340 How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes. 646 00:46:38,420 --> 00:46:42,940 A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. 647 00:46:43,020 --> 00:46:45,700 A country where a man is forced to make sex 648 00:46:45,780 --> 00:46:47,700 to only one woman at a time, 649 00:46:47,780 --> 00:46:50,740 and one must learn the woman's name beforehand. 650 00:46:50,820 --> 00:46:54,220 - It was horrible. - I know. 651 00:46:54,340 --> 00:46:56,380 But you can come with me... 652 00:46:56,460 --> 00:46:59,500 and let the Vandersexxx begin. 653 00:47:03,820 --> 00:47:07,740 " Marijuana in my soul " 654 00:47:07,820 --> 00:47:09,740 " Your iguana in my hall " 655 00:47:09,820 --> 00:47:12,100 I can't believe we're doing this. 656 00:47:12,140 --> 00:47:16,220 Don't worry. Hash brownies are totally legal here. 657 00:47:16,300 --> 00:47:20,260 You're gonna enjoy these, man. These are magical. 658 00:47:20,340 --> 00:47:23,860 " I like to smoke marijuana " 659 00:47:23,940 --> 00:47:26,580 - You wanna do this? - Yeah. 660 00:47:31,860 --> 00:47:33,420 - Hi. - Hi. 661 00:47:33,540 --> 00:47:35,460 I need a new battery for my camera, 662 00:47:35,500 --> 00:47:38,020 and while you're at it, it could use a cleaning. 663 00:47:38,100 --> 00:47:39,620 Wow. 664 00:47:40,900 --> 00:47:42,740 Is that a Leica M6? 665 00:47:42,820 --> 00:47:44,180 Actually, it's an M7. 666 00:47:44,260 --> 00:47:46,500 It's got the built-in light meter. 667 00:47:47,220 --> 00:47:48,740 It's so beautiful. 668 00:47:49,620 --> 00:47:52,220 So sleek, so powerful. 669 00:47:52,300 --> 00:47:54,300 How's the new lens system? 670 00:47:54,380 --> 00:47:58,340 Makes the Nikon look like a disposable. 671 00:47:58,420 --> 00:48:00,900 You really know your cameras. 672 00:48:02,420 --> 00:48:03,860 And you're very cute. 673 00:48:03,980 --> 00:48:06,380 Me? Really? 674 00:48:06,460 --> 00:48:08,660 I'm going on break. 675 00:48:08,740 --> 00:48:11,620 I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. 676 00:48:11,700 --> 00:48:13,340 Would you like to join me? 677 00:48:13,420 --> 00:48:16,060 I don't smoke. 678 00:48:16,140 --> 00:48:25,540 Neither do I. 679 00:48:25,580 --> 00:48:27,140 Hold on, hold on. 680 00:48:27,220 --> 00:48:28,860 What is it? 681 00:48:28,940 --> 00:48:30,420 This is great! 682 00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:32,620 You're so innocent. 683 00:48:34,220 --> 00:48:36,620 Let's change that... shall we? 684 00:48:38,300 --> 00:48:40,980 What would you like me to do? 685 00:48:41,060 --> 00:48:43,460 Well... I don't really know... 686 00:48:43,540 --> 00:48:45,700 I guess I really haven't done that much. 687 00:48:45,780 --> 00:48:49,380 I haven't really found the time, with all my extracurriculars, 688 00:48:49,460 --> 00:48:53,340 and model U.N., advanced placement classes, after-school tutor... 689 00:48:53,500 --> 00:48:56,100 ...ing! Ah! 690 00:48:56,180 --> 00:48:59,780 Gosh, you really like cameras! 691 00:48:59,980 --> 00:49:03,780 Sometimes, we find our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, 692 00:49:03,820 --> 00:49:06,580 that they sometimes scream out,"no," 693 00:49:06,660 --> 00:49:09,500 when really they mean,"yes." 694 00:49:09,580 --> 00:49:12,980 And this is why we have the safe word. 695 00:49:13,060 --> 00:49:15,700 The "safe word"? 696 00:49:15,780 --> 00:49:18,980 If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, 697 00:49:19,060 --> 00:49:21,300 you just use the safe word. 698 00:49:22,540 --> 00:49:25,940 Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop. 699 00:49:26,020 --> 00:49:28,500 Yeah, right. Stop. All right. 700 00:49:28,580 --> 00:49:31,660 We're going to start slowly, 701 00:49:31,740 --> 00:49:36,260 teasing you with a little light erotic foreplay. 702 00:49:36,340 --> 00:49:38,980 Whee! 703 00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:41,540 Oh, yes, ladies! 704 00:49:41,620 --> 00:49:44,180 On, on, vandersexxx! 705 00:49:51,300 --> 00:49:53,380 Hans! Gruber! 706 00:49:57,300 --> 00:49:58,500 Hi. 707 00:50:09,420 --> 00:50:12,660 So, are the girls coming back? 708 00:50:12,780 --> 00:50:15,500 Administer the testicle clamps! 709 00:50:15,620 --> 00:50:17,420 - Huh? What? Hey! 710 00:50:23,860 --> 00:50:25,820 Safe word! 711 00:50:33,180 --> 00:50:36,020 What is that?! That's not a word, it's a... 712 00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:38,860 "Fluggen-kliggin-kien?" 713 00:50:41,620 --> 00:50:43,460 Fluggen!!! 714 00:50:49,100 --> 00:50:51,100 - OK, mister, don't move. - Excuse me? 715 00:50:51,220 --> 00:50:53,060 Shut the hell up! 716 00:50:53,140 --> 00:50:55,060 Oh, brother! Please don't hurt me. 717 00:50:55,100 --> 00:50:58,020 Oh, no... you're fine. That's good. You're fine. 718 00:50:58,100 --> 00:51:00,260 Give me cash? You got cash? 719 00:51:00,340 --> 00:51:02,460 Take it all, you dirty girl. 720 00:51:02,540 --> 00:51:03,860 What? 721 00:51:03,940 --> 00:51:06,340 Your wallet! Focus! 722 00:51:07,420 --> 00:51:09,740 - Give it to me. - Oh! 723 00:51:09,780 --> 00:51:11,620 Oh, I love you! 724 00:51:11,700 --> 00:51:14,180 I love you! 725 00:51:14,260 --> 00:51:18,980 I love you! I looove you! 726 00:51:30,900 --> 00:51:32,940 What's so funny? 727 00:51:41,220 --> 00:51:44,460 I'm really hungry. I think I've got the munchies. 728 00:51:44,540 --> 00:51:47,260 - Excuse me. - Huh? 729 00:51:47,340 --> 00:51:50,980 It's hot in here. You hot? 'Cause I'm really hot. 730 00:51:51,020 --> 00:51:53,380 - So good. - OK, I can't breathe! God! 731 00:51:53,460 --> 00:51:57,100 I'm freaking out! I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. 732 00:51:57,220 --> 00:51:59,260 I can't... I can't do this. 733 00:51:59,380 --> 00:52:02,940 I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. 734 00:52:03,020 --> 00:52:07,180 The girls never came. The girls never came! 735 00:52:07,260 --> 00:52:10,100 I am freaking out!! 736 00:52:10,180 --> 00:52:13,900 - Everything all right with you? - No, nothing's all right. 737 00:52:13,980 --> 00:52:16,100 You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. 738 00:52:16,180 --> 00:52:18,140 You're a bad Rastafarian. 739 00:52:18,180 --> 00:52:20,780 These are not hash brownies. 740 00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:22,180 Hmm? 741 00:52:23,820 --> 00:52:27,180 - What was that? - We do not sell hash brownies. 742 00:52:27,260 --> 00:52:29,380 We're a simple Dutch bakery! 743 00:52:33,460 --> 00:52:36,060 Now put your clothes back on, white boy! 744 00:52:37,260 --> 00:52:40,100 Ow! Ow! Ow! 745 00:52:40,140 --> 00:52:41,900 "Fluggengegeholen!" 746 00:52:43,460 --> 00:52:46,060 Did you say fluggegecheimen? 747 00:52:46,140 --> 00:52:47,140 Yes! Yes! 748 00:52:47,220 --> 00:52:49,900 For the love of god, fluggengecheimen! 749 00:52:49,980 --> 00:52:51,620 Are you sure? 750 00:52:51,700 --> 00:52:52,940 Yes, please. 751 00:52:52,980 --> 00:52:55,060 As you wish. 752 00:52:56,500 --> 00:52:58,660 Bring on the fluggegecheimen! 753 00:53:01,740 --> 00:53:04,020 Wait... what? 754 00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:06,060 Uh-oh. 755 00:53:06,140 --> 00:53:09,380 No, no, no! I didn't say fluggegecheimen, 756 00:53:09,460 --> 00:53:10,580 I said, uh... 757 00:53:30,620 --> 00:53:32,300 What'd you do last night? 758 00:53:34,540 --> 00:53:36,620 I don't want to talk about it. 759 00:53:36,740 --> 00:53:38,100 What did you guys do? 760 00:53:38,180 --> 00:53:40,220 Don't want to talk about it. 761 00:53:42,620 --> 00:53:46,340 - What is that? - Free T-shirt. 762 00:53:50,820 --> 00:53:52,500 Hey, guys. 763 00:53:53,380 --> 00:53:55,380 What happened to you? 764 00:53:55,460 --> 00:53:57,100 I got robbed. 765 00:53:57,180 --> 00:53:59,340 It was awesome! 766 00:54:00,940 --> 00:54:05,460 Our money, passports, tickets... Everything, gone! 767 00:54:06,780 --> 00:54:08,620 How the hell could this happen? 768 00:54:08,700 --> 00:54:11,780 We all go to Amsterdam, and Jamie's the one who hooks up! 769 00:54:13,140 --> 00:54:15,020 For shame! 770 00:54:23,620 --> 00:54:26,100 Oh, that's me. 771 00:54:29,220 --> 00:54:30,900 Coop here. Sorry. 772 00:54:30,980 --> 00:54:33,820 Hello, Mr. Walters. 773 00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:37,500 You never got the Gutterman file? 774 00:54:37,580 --> 00:54:39,500 I told Humphrey to give it to you. 775 00:54:39,580 --> 00:54:43,740 That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday. 776 00:54:43,860 --> 00:54:46,940 I'll tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. 777 00:54:47,060 --> 00:54:49,020 Bye. 778 00:54:50,540 --> 00:54:53,460 - This job's killing me. 779 00:55:04,140 --> 00:55:06,580 - Uh... - Let me handle this. 780 00:55:06,620 --> 00:55:08,980 I speak bad German. 781 00:55:32,300 --> 00:55:35,100 - What did he say? - He said he's driving. 782 00:55:35,140 --> 00:55:36,380 - Oh. - Something. 783 00:55:36,460 --> 00:55:38,220 Jah. 784 00:55:41,860 --> 00:55:43,020 Berlin? 785 00:55:52,740 --> 00:55:54,660 - Berlin? - Berlin! 786 00:56:00,020 --> 00:56:02,260 - He's going to Berlin! - Awesome! 787 00:56:04,620 --> 00:56:07,700 - All right! Berlin! - Come on, let's go! 788 00:56:16,100 --> 00:56:18,340 Next stop, Berlin! 789 00:56:40,580 --> 00:56:43,700 Beautiful! We made it to Berlin. 790 00:56:43,780 --> 00:56:45,900 Jah. Berlin! 791 00:56:50,820 --> 00:56:52,580 - Bratislava? - Yeah. 792 00:56:52,620 --> 00:56:54,620 Bratislava! 793 00:57:00,460 --> 00:57:03,380 Dear sweet mother of God. 794 00:57:03,460 --> 00:57:05,580 We're in Eastern Europe. 795 00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:26,960 Excuse me. 796 00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:29,760 Do you speak any English? 797 00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,760 You are Americans? 798 00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:34,160 Yeah. 799 00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,160 I love America. 800 00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:40,640 We just get "Miami Vice" on television. 801 00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:43,800 "Miami Vice" is number one new show. 802 00:57:43,880 --> 00:57:45,280 Yeah. 803 00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:48,560 Listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. 804 00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:51,360 Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon? 805 00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:54,840 Oh, yes, very soon. They are building it now. 806 00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:01,200 Stop! Hammer time! 807 00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,520 Enjoy Bratislava! 808 00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,040 It's good you came in summer. 809 00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:09,560 In winter, it can get very depressing. 810 00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:13,680 We gotta figure something out. How much money do we have? 811 00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:20,720 Frommer's travel tip. 812 00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:23,960 I don't have anything. 813 00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:26,240 What? I got noth... fine. 814 00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,520 $1.83 American. 815 00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:37,440 What are we gonna get with that? 816 00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:46,760 Gotta love that exchange rate! 817 00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:49,400 Ta. 818 00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:54,200 Dinner is served. 819 00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,760 Would the masters care for anything else? 820 00:58:56,880 --> 00:58:58,600 Think we're good. Thanks. 821 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,720 A nickel! 822 00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:06,040 You see this? 823 00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:10,480 I quit! 824 00:59:10,560 --> 00:59:13,280 I open my own hotel! 825 00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,440 So, we got 27 cents left. 826 00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:25,680 What is there to do in this town? 827 00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:35,520 - " My Scotty " - " Scotty, Scotty " 828 00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:39,160 " Scotty doesn't know " 829 00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,200 " Don't tell Scotty " 830 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,200 - " Scotty doesn't know " 831 00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,320 This song sounds familiar. 832 00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:53,520 Jenny, lemme check your coat. 833 00:59:57,920 --> 00:59:59,920 - Hey! - Jenny! 834 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:03,360 That outfit is horrible! Just take it off... now! 835 01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:08,160 No, but I will let you buy me a drink. 836 01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:09,560 Excuse me! 837 01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:14,160 You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you? 838 01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:16,000 - My name is... - Christoph. 839 01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:17,680 Yes. 840 01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:19,400 What are you doing here? 841 01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:22,800 This is my place. My family owns many nightclubs in Europe. 842 01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:26,040 I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P.Room for a drink. 843 01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:27,920 Mmm-kay. 844 01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:31,640 Bye, Cooper. 845 01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:40,800 - What's that? - It's absinthe. 846 01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:43,160 Frommer's says it's illegal in the States 847 01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,840 because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy. 848 01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,120 They call it "the green fairy." 849 01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:57,800 My family has a yacht in the Aegean. 850 01:00:57,880 --> 01:01:01,200 Come with me, Jennifer. We will sail away together. 851 01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:03,240 Oh, my God! 852 01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:06,560 We will swim with dolphins, and sip champagne by moonlight. 853 01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:09,200 Oh, my God! 854 01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,280 We will spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine. 855 01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,720 My wife makes the best sangria. 856 01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:16,720 Wait... what? 857 01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:18,320 Sangria. 858 01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:20,120 You take a good Spanish Rioja, 859 01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,440 and you put in slices of orange, and... 860 01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:25,120 No, wait. You said you were married? 861 01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:30,040 You go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet? 862 01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,480 No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. 863 01:01:32,560 --> 01:01:34,480 I also sleep with men. 864 01:01:38,560 --> 01:01:41,160 I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything. 865 01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:42,680 Me neither. 866 01:01:42,760 --> 01:01:44,480 Sober as a judge. 867 01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:47,280 How 'bout you? 868 01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,360 I'm not feeling a goddamn thing. 869 01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:52,040 This absinthe is bullshit! 870 01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:53,720 I hear you, my brother. 871 01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:55,640 I'm outta here. 872 01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:57,240 Excuse me. 873 01:01:57,320 --> 01:02:00,520 - Hey, so where's Christoph? - Shut up. 874 01:02:22,120 --> 01:02:24,160 - Europe! - Europe! 875 01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:27,760 - Whoo! - Europe! 876 01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:29,320 So, tomorrow, Berlin. 877 01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:31,280 Tomorrow, Mieke! 878 01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:39,200 Check it out. 879 01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:41,680 No way! 880 01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:44,840 Jamie's hooking up with another girl? Goddamn it! 881 01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:48,000 It's just so unfair. I've been all over, 882 01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:51,640 looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up... 883 01:02:51,720 --> 01:02:53,760 Oh, my God! 884 01:02:57,080 --> 01:03:00,880 That is some pretty fucked-up shit. 885 01:03:13,330 --> 01:03:17,370 They really are the worst twins ever. 886 01:03:44,410 --> 01:03:46,650 That was a pretty wild night, eh? 887 01:03:47,730 --> 01:03:50,530 Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild. 888 01:03:53,130 --> 01:03:55,090 I know I was out of control. 889 01:03:55,170 --> 01:03:56,770 How about you guys? Did you...? 890 01:03:56,850 --> 01:03:59,610 All right, look. We were really drunk, 891 01:03:59,690 --> 01:04:02,090 things got a little crazy, and Jamie... 892 01:04:02,170 --> 01:04:04,170 kissed me. 893 01:04:05,030 --> 01:04:06,870 Let's just forget about it, 'kay? 894 01:04:06,930 --> 01:04:09,330 OK, fine. I'll give it a rest. 895 01:04:11,710 --> 01:04:15,110 Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's? 896 01:04:19,190 --> 01:04:20,990 Oh, here it is. Bratislava. 897 01:04:21,110 --> 01:04:23,350 Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. 898 01:04:23,430 --> 01:04:25,590 Oh, here's a fun fact. 899 01:04:26,950 --> 01:04:28,950 You made out with your sister, man! 900 01:04:29,070 --> 01:04:32,030 - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! - Like two dogs in heat. 901 01:04:35,470 --> 01:04:38,310 My friends, where is the beef? 902 01:04:40,550 --> 01:04:43,230 You go to Berlin? I'm your ride. 903 01:04:43,310 --> 01:04:44,750 Hop in. 904 01:04:47,670 --> 01:04:51,990 " "99 Red Balloons" 905 01:05:11,470 --> 01:05:14,270 This is Mieke's apartment building. 906 01:05:14,310 --> 01:05:16,710 Wish me all sorts of luck, guys. 907 01:05:18,190 --> 01:05:19,710 You'll do great, Scotty. 908 01:05:22,070 --> 01:05:23,590 Thanks. 909 01:05:43,630 --> 01:05:47,270 I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this. 910 01:05:53,230 --> 01:05:56,030 - Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run! - Stop. 911 01:06:08,110 --> 01:06:09,830 Hi, my name is Scott Thomas. 912 01:06:09,950 --> 01:06:12,270 I'm from America, and I'm here to see Mieke. 913 01:06:12,350 --> 01:06:14,670 I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here. 914 01:06:14,710 --> 01:06:16,190 Do you know where she is? 915 01:06:16,310 --> 01:06:18,270 She's gone for the summer. 916 01:06:31,910 --> 01:06:35,630 My daughter had intended to spend the summer in America, 917 01:06:35,710 --> 01:06:38,310 looking at colleges and visiting some friends. 918 01:06:38,390 --> 01:06:41,230 But several days ago, she suddenly changed her mind. 919 01:06:41,350 --> 01:06:43,230 She would not tell me why. 920 01:06:43,270 --> 01:06:46,350 I think I know why. 921 01:06:51,550 --> 01:06:55,070 This is Heinrich. He's Mieke's stepbrother. 922 01:06:55,110 --> 01:06:58,190 As I was saying, she packed up her bag and left. 923 01:06:58,270 --> 01:07:00,910 - It was all very sudden. - Do you know where she is now? 924 01:07:00,950 --> 01:07:04,350 She's always been very interested in the classics, 925 01:07:04,430 --> 01:07:08,470 Greek and Roman literature, history, and she's always enjoyed the ocean, 926 01:07:08,550 --> 01:07:11,670 so she found a program that combines all her interests. 927 01:07:11,750 --> 01:07:13,390 Do you know where she is? 928 01:07:13,510 --> 01:07:17,990 She enrolled in a summer at sea program, based in Rome. 929 01:07:18,070 --> 01:07:20,710 Rome. 930 01:07:20,790 --> 01:07:23,470 OK, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then. 931 01:07:23,510 --> 01:07:26,430 Unfortunately, Mieke's only in Rome for orientation. 932 01:07:26,510 --> 01:07:30,070 Tomorrow her group boards a boat and she'll be gone for the summer. 933 01:07:30,150 --> 01:07:32,910 She'll be quite unreachable. 934 01:07:33,390 --> 01:07:34,910 Unreachable. 935 01:07:41,310 --> 01:07:44,590 Mieke's tour group goes to the Vatican tomorrow, 936 01:07:44,670 --> 01:07:46,790 then she gets on that boat and she's gone. 937 01:07:46,910 --> 01:07:48,390 So, it's over? 938 01:07:50,790 --> 01:07:54,670 Thanks for sticking with me through this, guys, but... 939 01:07:54,710 --> 01:07:57,030 you should probably call your parents, 940 01:07:57,110 --> 01:08:00,110 have them wire you some money and go home. 941 01:08:00,270 --> 01:08:01,950 What are you gonna do? 942 01:08:03,150 --> 01:08:04,590 I'm going to Rome. 943 01:08:05,870 --> 01:08:07,950 I'll walk, I'll hitchhike, 944 01:08:08,030 --> 01:08:10,990 I'll swim if I have to, but I'll get to Mieke somehow. 945 01:08:15,750 --> 01:08:17,310 Maybe that'll help. 946 01:08:17,390 --> 01:08:18,830 Where'd you get all that? 947 01:08:18,910 --> 01:08:21,750 Wait. Where's your Leica? 948 01:08:21,870 --> 01:08:23,670 Sold it. 949 01:08:23,750 --> 01:08:25,310 What? 950 01:08:26,910 --> 01:08:29,710 You sold your Leica? But you loved that thing. 951 01:08:29,790 --> 01:08:32,390 What about your photo tour of Europe? What about the chateaus? 952 01:08:32,470 --> 01:08:35,110 Chateaus have been there for 300 years. 953 01:08:35,190 --> 01:08:36,950 Mieke's gone in 12 hours. 954 01:08:40,230 --> 01:08:44,390 Come on let's go! Frommer's says check in three hours before international flights. 955 01:08:44,470 --> 01:08:46,550 Come here, guidebook! 956 01:08:46,630 --> 01:08:49,510 Whoo! We're going to Rome. We're going to Rome! 957 01:09:00,070 --> 01:09:01,630 " Be my girl " 958 01:09:02,350 --> 01:09:04,870 " Be my girl " 959 01:09:04,950 --> 01:09:06,550 " Are you gonna be my " 960 01:09:06,630 --> 01:09:09,390 " Girl, yeah " 961 01:09:09,470 --> 01:09:11,310 " Be my girl " 962 01:09:11,390 --> 01:09:13,910 " Be my girl " 963 01:09:13,990 --> 01:09:17,070 " Are you gonna be my girl " 964 01:09:21,830 --> 01:09:23,710 All right, summer at sea group. 965 01:09:23,790 --> 01:09:25,870 Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. 966 01:09:25,950 --> 01:09:27,950 This way, please. 967 01:09:35,390 --> 01:09:37,870 There it is. 968 01:09:43,350 --> 01:09:46,830 This entrance is for private tour groups only. 969 01:09:48,670 --> 01:09:51,350 Oh... but we are a private tour group. 970 01:09:51,430 --> 01:09:53,510 We've come all the way from America. 971 01:09:56,310 --> 01:09:59,150 That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. 972 01:10:03,590 --> 01:10:08,670 Si, I can tell. How very, very sad. 973 01:10:08,750 --> 01:10:10,750 Yes, it is. 974 01:10:10,830 --> 01:10:13,150 But if you are a tour, where is your guide? 975 01:10:13,230 --> 01:10:15,270 We've got a fantastic tour guide. 976 01:10:15,350 --> 01:10:18,150 - Right here. - What? No... 977 01:10:20,870 --> 01:10:24,230 The Vatican has been used as a papal residence 978 01:10:24,310 --> 01:10:26,630 ever since the time of Constantine the Great 979 01:10:26,710 --> 01:10:28,310 of the 5th century A.D.! 980 01:10:32,230 --> 01:10:36,070 OK, If you'll all follow me, please. 981 01:10:39,870 --> 01:10:42,470 Have a very special day 982 01:10:42,550 --> 01:10:46,990 for a very special little man. 983 01:10:47,070 --> 01:10:48,670 OK. 984 01:10:50,510 --> 01:10:53,190 I can't believe that guy let us in. 985 01:10:53,270 --> 01:10:55,030 What a retard! 986 01:10:55,110 --> 01:10:56,710 - Let's find Mieke. - Scusate. 987 01:10:58,270 --> 01:11:01,350 One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. 988 01:11:01,390 --> 01:11:04,470 Could you please take these peoples also? 989 01:11:06,430 --> 01:11:10,390 - How big is Vatican City? - 0.5 square kilometers. 990 01:11:10,470 --> 01:11:14,390 - Who built the colonnades? - Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656. 991 01:11:14,470 --> 01:11:16,870 - Where are the bathrooms? - Floors 2,6 and 7. 992 01:11:16,950 --> 01:11:20,750 Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope. 993 01:11:20,830 --> 01:11:23,990 When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. 994 01:11:24,070 --> 01:11:27,350 - Here's a fun fact... - Mieke must be around here somewhere. 995 01:11:27,390 --> 01:11:28,390 Let's go. 996 01:11:37,350 --> 01:11:40,070 Behind me is the appartamento papale, 997 01:11:40,190 --> 01:11:43,590 or "papal apartment." We're obviously not permitted. 998 01:11:44,630 --> 01:11:47,590 Excuse me, miss. What is this? 999 01:11:47,670 --> 01:11:49,350 That is the bell of San Marco. 1000 01:11:49,430 --> 01:11:51,830 When the pope dies, the Cardinal Vicar of Rome 1001 01:11:51,910 --> 01:11:54,310 rings this bell to notify the people of Rome. 1002 01:11:54,390 --> 01:11:58,110 Next we will view the Sistine Chapel. Follow me, please. 1003 01:11:59,670 --> 01:12:03,350 Come on. I think I hear them. 1004 01:12:03,390 --> 01:12:04,870 Which way did they go? 1005 01:12:04,950 --> 01:12:07,190 That way. I'd stake my reputation on it. 1006 01:12:07,270 --> 01:12:09,070 Good enough for me. 1007 01:12:09,150 --> 01:12:12,590 Hey, check it out! I wonder what this does. 1008 01:12:12,710 --> 01:12:16,670 It doesn't do anything, it's a rope. Come on, let's go. 1009 01:12:16,790 --> 01:12:18,790 They got a lot of old stuff here. 1010 01:12:26,390 --> 01:12:27,710 Dio mio! 1011 01:12:28,430 --> 01:12:30,710 The bell of San Marco! 1012 01:12:32,470 --> 01:12:34,390 The pope is dead! 1013 01:12:38,390 --> 01:12:39,550 Whoa. 1014 01:12:42,150 --> 01:12:43,950 She's not in here. 1015 01:12:44,030 --> 01:12:46,950 Let's go. We're definitely not supposed to be in here. 1016 01:12:47,030 --> 01:12:49,230 Hey, check this out! 1017 01:12:49,350 --> 01:12:51,630 - I'm the pope! - Cooper... 1018 01:12:51,710 --> 01:12:54,230 take off the pope hat. 1019 01:12:54,350 --> 01:12:58,590 - Oh, no. It's OK.I'm catholic. - Take it off, goddamnit! 1020 01:12:58,670 --> 01:13:01,590 Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain! 1021 01:13:01,670 --> 01:13:03,950 Only I can forgive you now, my son. 1022 01:13:04,030 --> 01:13:05,670 Take that fudging thing off! 1023 01:13:05,750 --> 01:13:07,830 The pope breaks an open-field tackle. 1024 01:13:07,910 --> 01:13:10,470 It's a Hail Mary, he catches at the 40... 1025 01:13:10,550 --> 01:13:12,790 the 30, the 20, the 10... 1026 01:13:12,870 --> 01:13:15,190 touchdown, Pope! 1027 01:13:16,310 --> 01:13:19,150 The pope makes a two-point conversion. 1028 01:13:19,230 --> 01:13:21,750 And oh, my Lord! It's the Pope, eight, 1029 01:13:21,830 --> 01:13:24,230 and the heathens, nothing! 1030 01:13:25,870 --> 01:13:28,430 How's you, sucka? 1031 01:13:30,790 --> 01:13:32,710 Cooper, the hat! The hat! 1032 01:13:32,790 --> 01:13:34,190 The hat is on fire! 1033 01:13:34,270 --> 01:13:36,350 " We don't need no water let the m... " 1034 01:13:36,430 --> 01:13:38,190 I'm not kidding! Look! 1035 01:13:38,830 --> 01:13:40,270 Oh, holy shit! 1036 01:13:41,470 --> 01:13:42,710 I don't want this! 1037 01:13:42,790 --> 01:13:44,950 Fireplace! Fireplace! Go, go! 1038 01:13:46,590 --> 01:13:48,510 Whoa! 1039 01:13:55,590 --> 01:13:57,830 White smoke! 1040 01:13:57,910 --> 01:14:01,110 They've elected the new pope! 1041 01:14:03,710 --> 01:14:05,830 I'm coming to you live from Vatican Square 1042 01:14:05,910 --> 01:14:08,470 where the College of Cardinals, in a surprise move, 1043 01:14:08,550 --> 01:14:13,150 has just elected a new pope. The crowd is very excited. 1044 01:14:13,230 --> 01:14:15,150 This is so strange. 1045 01:14:15,190 --> 01:14:18,870 Usually they wait 15 days to elect a new pope. 1046 01:14:18,950 --> 01:14:21,150 We could be seeing history in the making! 1047 01:14:21,230 --> 01:14:23,710 We could be seeing an arrest in the making. 1048 01:14:31,670 --> 01:14:34,070 There she is. Mieke! 1049 01:14:36,670 --> 01:14:38,430 Hey! Stupid curtain! 1050 01:14:39,630 --> 01:14:41,470 Let me out! 1051 01:14:44,550 --> 01:14:46,550 Mieke! 1052 01:14:46,630 --> 01:14:48,750 It's the new pope! 1053 01:15:14,910 --> 01:15:17,830 What the hell...? 1054 01:15:22,510 --> 01:15:24,110 Mieke! 1055 01:15:26,950 --> 01:15:28,390 Hold on! 1056 01:15:34,230 --> 01:15:36,630 This is one crazy pope. 1057 01:15:45,310 --> 01:15:47,150 You! 1058 01:15:47,230 --> 01:15:50,270 Ferma! Stop! You! 1059 01:15:51,670 --> 01:15:56,150 You... and your retarded friend, 1060 01:15:56,230 --> 01:15:57,950 you're in big, big trouble. 1061 01:15:58,030 --> 01:15:59,110 Oy! 1062 01:16:02,070 --> 01:16:04,550 Take your mitts off them boys! 1063 01:16:04,630 --> 01:16:06,790 They're with me! 1064 01:16:08,510 --> 01:16:11,830 I've just about had enough of you fuckin' ities! 1065 01:16:11,910 --> 01:16:14,110 But I am Swiss! 1066 01:16:15,550 --> 01:16:17,150 Them, too! 1067 01:16:23,030 --> 01:16:24,190 Now, bud... 1068 01:16:24,270 --> 01:16:27,190 you get in there, and you say what you got to say. 1069 01:16:28,670 --> 01:16:30,950 Mieke. I'm here. 1070 01:16:30,990 --> 01:16:32,390 I made it. 1071 01:16:35,590 --> 01:16:37,430 Who are you? 1072 01:16:41,550 --> 01:16:44,990 What a fucking loser! I'm gonna videotape this. 1073 01:16:46,390 --> 01:16:48,670 I'm Scott. 1074 01:16:48,710 --> 01:16:50,190 From Ohio? 1075 01:16:50,270 --> 01:16:53,870 Scott? Scott Thomas? 1076 01:16:53,950 --> 01:16:57,550 - Yes. - From Ohio? 1077 01:16:57,630 --> 01:17:00,630 - What are you doing in Rome? - I came here to be with you. 1078 01:17:00,710 --> 01:17:03,390 Listen, I just traveled all the way across Europe. 1079 01:17:03,470 --> 01:17:05,870 I got chased by naked men. 1080 01:17:05,950 --> 01:17:09,510 I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them. 1081 01:17:10,030 --> 01:17:13,590 I watched a brother and sister make out. 1082 01:17:13,710 --> 01:17:17,750 I kicked a robot in the balls, but I did it all so that... 1083 01:17:17,870 --> 01:17:19,990 so I could tell you one thing. 1084 01:17:22,790 --> 01:17:24,710 I love you, Mieke. 1085 01:17:24,790 --> 01:17:27,270 Aww... 1086 01:17:27,310 --> 01:17:30,070 We're perfect for each other. What do you think? 1087 01:17:30,150 --> 01:17:33,070 I think... 1088 01:17:48,790 --> 01:17:51,630 Oh, Mike... Mieke! 1089 01:18:04,470 --> 01:18:07,070 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 1090 01:18:07,150 --> 01:18:08,670 I have cheated on my husband. 1091 01:18:08,750 --> 01:18:11,510 Do you think God will ever forgive me? 1092 01:18:11,590 --> 01:18:13,470 Oh, yes! 1093 01:18:13,550 --> 01:18:16,070 - Father? 1094 01:18:26,230 --> 01:18:28,030 This sucks. 1095 01:18:28,070 --> 01:18:31,790 I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here. 1096 01:18:31,870 --> 01:18:34,710 Europe is officially the worst country on Earth. 1097 01:18:34,790 --> 01:18:36,270 I know. 1098 01:18:36,350 --> 01:18:39,910 I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex. 1099 01:18:43,590 --> 01:18:44,870 What? 1100 01:18:53,830 --> 01:18:55,950 - Scott, I have to go. - OK. 1101 01:18:56,790 --> 01:18:59,430 My boat is leaving. 1102 01:18:59,510 --> 01:19:01,870 I still can't believe you came all the way here, 1103 01:19:01,950 --> 01:19:03,430 just for me. 1104 01:19:03,550 --> 01:19:06,910 What can I say? I'm very unpredictable. 1105 01:19:06,950 --> 01:19:09,670 Keep writing to me, Scott, OK? 1106 01:19:09,750 --> 01:19:11,270 Yeah, I will. 1107 01:19:20,510 --> 01:19:22,510 - Go. - Bye. 1108 01:19:29,990 --> 01:19:32,390 Yes! Yes! Yes! 1109 01:19:32,470 --> 01:19:35,430 Whoo-hoo! 1110 01:19:35,510 --> 01:19:38,950 Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got to take this trip together. 1111 01:19:39,030 --> 01:19:41,430 This was the best time of my life. 1112 01:19:45,150 --> 01:19:46,950 Excuse me. 1113 01:19:47,030 --> 01:19:50,510 You're the young man who gave me that tour of the Vatican, aren't you? 1114 01:19:52,870 --> 01:19:55,950 - Listen, I'm very sorry... - I just wanted to thank you. 1115 01:19:56,030 --> 01:19:59,390 You were the most knowledgeable, albeit idiosyncratic, 1116 01:19:59,430 --> 01:20:01,310 tour guide I've ever had. 1117 01:20:01,430 --> 01:20:03,070 Thanks. 1118 01:20:03,190 --> 01:20:05,350 But I'm not actually a tour guide. 1119 01:20:05,470 --> 01:20:08,310 I've just read Frommer's enough to have it memorized. 1120 01:20:08,390 --> 01:20:11,230 Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about. 1121 01:20:11,310 --> 01:20:13,110 How would you like to add them? 1122 01:20:13,190 --> 01:20:14,590 Excuse me? 1123 01:20:14,670 --> 01:20:17,670 That's my guidebook. 1124 01:20:22,950 --> 01:20:24,630 I'm Arthur Frommer. 1125 01:20:26,390 --> 01:20:28,190 It's amazing! 1126 01:20:28,270 --> 01:20:32,550 Frommer's is going to pay me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe. 1127 01:20:32,630 --> 01:20:35,950 - That sounds so exciting... 1128 01:20:36,070 --> 01:20:38,870 for you. 1129 01:20:38,950 --> 01:20:41,230 I figured, since you're going to be staying, 1130 01:20:41,270 --> 01:20:43,670 you might need this. 1131 01:20:43,710 --> 01:20:46,510 - A disposable camera. - That's right. 1132 01:20:46,590 --> 01:20:47,790 Thanks, Scotty. 1133 01:20:47,870 --> 01:20:49,430 That's from both of us. 1134 01:20:57,670 --> 01:20:59,190 Hello, Mr. Walters. 1135 01:20:59,270 --> 01:21:00,950 I see. 1136 01:21:01,030 --> 01:21:03,630 Fired? Well, I... 1137 01:21:03,710 --> 01:21:07,630 Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... 1138 01:21:07,750 --> 01:21:10,470 goodbye, sir. 1139 01:21:10,590 --> 01:21:12,230 They had to catch you eventually, right? 1140 01:21:12,350 --> 01:21:14,510 - No, they fired Humphrey. - Shut up! 1141 01:21:14,590 --> 01:21:15,950 I got his office and a raise. 1142 01:21:16,030 --> 01:21:17,510 - No! 1143 01:21:17,590 --> 01:21:21,190 Flight 341 from Rome to Cleveland... 1144 01:21:21,270 --> 01:21:22,470 That's you guys. 1145 01:21:22,550 --> 01:21:24,990 - Have a good flight, everybody. - Come here. 1146 01:21:27,790 --> 01:21:29,270 Be good. 1147 01:21:29,350 --> 01:21:32,790 - Oh! OK... 1148 01:21:32,830 --> 01:21:35,590 - Cooper, have a good flight. - Be good. 1149 01:21:35,670 --> 01:21:36,750 Thanks. 1150 01:22:10,230 --> 01:22:11,710 I'm on it. 1151 01:22:20,750 --> 01:22:23,230 This still counts as Europe, right? 1152 01:22:32,550 --> 01:22:34,110 "Dear Mieke, 1153 01:22:34,190 --> 01:22:36,990 "Greece sounds incredible. 1154 01:22:37,070 --> 01:22:38,990 "I just moved into my dorm room today, 1155 01:22:39,070 --> 01:22:41,790 "but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break. 1156 01:22:41,870 --> 01:22:44,670 "This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct." 1157 01:22:51,510 --> 01:22:53,910 - Hello? - Hey, buddy, how's college? 1158 01:22:53,990 --> 01:22:56,910 I just got here. My roommate hasn't even showed up yet. 1159 01:22:56,990 --> 01:22:59,350 Do they room all you pre-med geeks together? 1160 01:22:59,430 --> 01:23:00,990 I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. 1161 01:23:01,070 --> 01:23:03,030 I'm thinking about majoring in German. 1162 01:23:03,110 --> 01:23:05,190 German? I've got a better idea. 1163 01:23:05,270 --> 01:23:07,670 Why don't you major in not being such a woman? 1164 01:23:07,750 --> 01:23:09,270 So, how's Jenny? 1165 01:23:09,350 --> 01:23:11,150 Jenny... Jenny who? 1166 01:23:11,230 --> 01:23:13,990 I know a lot of ladies named Jenny, they're all... 1167 01:23:14,070 --> 01:23:15,390 Ow! 1168 01:23:17,070 --> 01:23:18,710 Hey, Scotty, what's up? 1169 01:23:18,790 --> 01:23:19,990 Hi, Jenny! 1170 01:23:20,110 --> 01:23:22,150 How's Jamie doing with Frommer? 1171 01:23:22,230 --> 01:23:23,430 Oh, no. 1172 01:23:27,710 --> 01:23:29,670 Hold on. 1173 01:23:29,750 --> 01:23:31,670 Come here, robot! 1174 01:23:31,710 --> 01:23:33,750 Cooper, not again! 1175 01:23:34,870 --> 01:23:37,630 Hold on, this could be my new roommate. 1176 01:23:43,270 --> 01:23:45,390 What's the freak look like? 1177 01:23:45,470 --> 01:23:48,910 Is he a dork or is he cool? Better not be cooler than me. 1178 01:23:48,990 --> 01:23:51,070 Is he bigger than me? 1179 01:23:51,150 --> 01:23:53,990 I just got your last email. What are you doing here? 1180 01:23:54,030 --> 01:23:56,150 Going to college. 1181 01:23:56,270 --> 01:23:58,630 You're going to college here? 1182 01:24:00,150 --> 01:24:01,950 - What dorm? - This one. 1183 01:24:02,030 --> 01:24:04,430 Room 214. 1184 01:24:07,670 --> 01:24:09,470 How is this possible? 1185 01:24:09,550 --> 01:24:12,830 I guess they thought I was a guy. 1186 01:24:12,910 --> 01:24:16,790 Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that? 1187 01:24:25,430 --> 01:24:27,590 Do I hear kissing? 1188 01:24:27,710 --> 01:24:30,790 Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty? 1189 01:24:33,790 --> 01:24:35,270 Scotty? 1190 01:24:35,310 --> 01:24:38,070 Scotty? Scotty! 1191 01:24:38,110 --> 01:24:40,790 " Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me " 1192 01:24:40,870 --> 01:24:43,070 This happy ending is bullshit. 1193 01:24:43,110 --> 01:24:46,670 When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here. 1194 01:24:46,750 --> 01:24:49,110 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 1195 01:24:49,830 --> 01:24:53,790 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know " 1196 01:24:53,830 --> 01:24:56,230 - Catchy tune. - Fuckin'-a, man. 1197 01:25:00,510 --> 01:25:03,830 " Fiona says she's out shopping " 1198 01:25:05,390 --> 01:25:10,110 " But she's under me And I'm not stopping " 1199 01:25:10,190 --> 01:25:14,270 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1200 01:25:14,350 --> 01:25:15,510 Scotty doesn't know! 1201 01:25:15,590 --> 01:25:17,670 Hello, and welcome to 1202 01:25:17,750 --> 01:25:21,550 Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. 1203 01:25:21,630 --> 01:25:23,110 Sounds great. 1204 01:25:23,190 --> 01:25:25,470 There is no bathroom, nor is there one nearby. 1205 01:25:25,550 --> 01:25:29,150 " I can't believe He's so trusting " 1206 01:25:29,190 --> 01:25:32,510 Sorry. 1207 01:25:32,590 --> 01:25:35,950 " While I'm right behind you thrusting " 1208 01:25:36,030 --> 01:25:38,030 - Get it? - She got it. 1209 01:25:38,110 --> 01:25:41,470 If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, 1210 01:25:41,510 --> 01:25:45,270 I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. 1211 01:25:45,310 --> 01:25:48,910 You can also try hiding your valuables... 1212 01:25:48,990 --> 01:25:50,630 in your anus. 1213 01:25:50,710 --> 01:25:52,190 Drink? 1214 01:25:52,270 --> 01:25:54,390 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1215 01:25:54,470 --> 01:25:57,710 " Scotty doesn't know Don't tell Scotty " 1216 01:25:57,790 --> 01:26:00,350 I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, OK? 1217 01:26:00,430 --> 01:26:02,510 - Ready? Quit. Shut up. 1218 01:26:02,590 --> 01:26:05,190 Sorry. I know I fucked it up. 1219 01:26:05,270 --> 01:26:07,070 Yes! You take her hair... 1220 01:26:07,150 --> 01:26:11,030 and one strand at a time, pull it out! 1221 01:26:11,110 --> 01:26:13,750 Use her like a humping post! 1222 01:26:13,870 --> 01:26:15,830 Jenny, this is Europe. 1223 01:26:15,910 --> 01:26:18,310 They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos. 1224 01:26:19,910 --> 01:26:23,270 "Happy juice." 1225 01:26:23,350 --> 01:26:25,310 Show them something they haven't seen. 1226 01:26:26,910 --> 01:26:29,510 " Fiona's got him on the phone " 1227 01:26:29,590 --> 01:26:32,590 " And she's trying not to moan " 1228 01:26:32,670 --> 01:26:36,390 " It's a three-way call And he knows nothing " 1229 01:26:36,470 --> 01:26:38,430 " Nothing, Scotty doesn't know " 1230 01:26:38,470 --> 01:26:41,270 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1231 01:26:41,390 --> 01:26:44,830 Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, 1232 01:26:44,950 --> 01:26:49,430 or the fireworks factory upstairs, you will be incinerated, 1233 01:26:49,550 --> 01:26:53,070 along with the valuables you have hidden in your anus. 1234 01:26:53,150 --> 01:26:55,510 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 1235 01:26:55,550 --> 01:26:57,070 " Really want to go " 1236 01:26:57,150 --> 01:26:59,870 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1237 01:26:59,950 --> 01:27:03,230 " Scotty doesn't know " 1238 01:27:04,030 --> 01:27:07,750 " The parking lot, why not? " 1239 01:27:07,790 --> 01:27:10,350 " It's so cool when you're on top " 1240 01:27:13,350 --> 01:27:15,390 " Life is so hard 'Cause Scotty doesn't know " 1241 01:27:15,510 --> 01:27:17,590 " Scotty doesn't know " 1242 01:27:17,710 --> 01:27:20,350 Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! 1243 01:27:20,470 --> 01:27:24,150 Go on, you gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 1244 01:27:24,230 --> 01:27:26,470 Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! 1245 01:27:26,550 --> 01:27:28,950 Come on! Fucking come and have it! 1246 01:27:29,030 --> 01:27:30,750 You fucking beep?! 1247 01:27:30,830 --> 01:27:33,830 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 1248 01:27:33,910 --> 01:27:35,070 Fuck off! 1249 01:27:35,150 --> 01:27:37,070 Go on, you French bastards! 1250 01:27:37,150 --> 01:27:39,870 Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! 1251 01:27:39,950 --> 01:27:41,590 Go on out of it! 1252 01:27:41,670 --> 01:27:43,070 Fuck off! 1253 01:27:43,150 --> 01:27:44,870 I'm nackered. 1254 01:27:44,950 --> 01:27:46,990 - League supporters. 1255 01:27:47,030 --> 01:27:49,710 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1256 01:27:49,830 --> 01:27:52,390 - No, wait... 1257 01:27:57,910 --> 01:28:01,430 Hey! Check these out! I'm 18 years old. 1258 01:28:01,550 --> 01:28:03,670 " Gonna tell Scotty Gonna tell myself " 1259 01:28:03,750 --> 01:28:08,230 " Scotty has to know Scotty has to know " 1260 01:28:08,310 --> 01:28:10,390 " Scotty has to Scotty has to go " 1261 01:28:10,470 --> 01:28:13,150 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1262 01:28:13,230 --> 01:28:15,390 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1263 01:28:15,470 --> 01:28:18,710 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1264 01:28:18,790 --> 01:28:23,550 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1265 01:28:23,670 --> 01:28:26,550 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1266 01:28:26,630 --> 01:28:29,990 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1267 01:28:30,070 --> 01:28:34,790 - Scotty doesn't know! 1268 01:28:34,870 --> 01:28:36,750 Scotty's gotta go! 1269 01:28:36,830 --> 01:28:41,550 " "Get Loose" plays " 1270 01:29:37,190 --> 01:29:39,390 Is it off yet? 1271 01:29:39,470 --> 01:29:41,310 No, keep rubbing it.90535