All language subtitles for the.twilight.zone.2019.s01e05.720p.bluray.x264-mayhem

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,843 He's waking up. 2 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,562 Can you hear me, Mr. Hanks? 3 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,395 What's going on? 4 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:31,733 Try to relax. 5 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,406 Do you know your name? 6 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,951 Raff Hanks. 7 00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,160 Great. 8 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,371 Do you know who the president is? 9 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,877 Four more years! Four more years! 10 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:49,873 Four more years! Four more years! 11 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:57,006 Four more years! Four more years! 12 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,344 Four more years! 13 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:02,719 - Well, you did it. - We did it. 14 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,186 Four more years! 15 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,897 - Stevens did it. - All right. 16 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:11,315 But with our help. Our numbers, our data. 17 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,358 We gave him this election. 18 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:16,775 Can you not jinx things? I mean, no one's even counted any votes yet. 19 00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,194 Oh, God. 20 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,911 I almost forgot. 21 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,949 Guess what came in the mail today. 22 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,825 Hmm. Subtle. 23 00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:28,248 They never thought Stevens would get reelected. 24 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,142 Especially not with me running his campaign. 25 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,790 - They were wrong. - Again, can you just not jinx things? 26 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,006 Come on, you've seen the polls. You see the crowds? 27 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:39,222 We took the most unpopular president in American history, 28 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,181 and we turned it around. 29 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:44,223 I want Justin Timberlake to play me in the HBO movie. 30 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,124 You really think they're going to turn this into a movie? 31 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,480 Of course they are. 32 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,266 It's only the greatest comeback in American history. 33 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:53,065 Well, now you've really jinxed things, so... 34 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:57,315 Raff, Maura, the results are coming in. The president wants to see you. 35 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,654 Stevens! Stevens! Stevens! 36 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,655 Stevens! Stevens! Stevens! Stevens! 37 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,999 It all started out so well. 38 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,586 Do you know why you're here, Raff... who did this to you? 39 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,005 Do you know where you are? 40 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,919 Who are you? 41 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,469 I'm here by order of the president of the United States. 42 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,633 Then I'm fucked. 43 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,806 Hey. 44 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,855 - Thanks. - Thank you. 45 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,028 What the fuck, Raff?! 46 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,699 Mr. President? 47 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,577 They're saying I just lost New York, 48 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,996 lost New Jersey. 49 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,082 I'm from fuckin' New Jersey. 50 00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,752 I'm Mr. Fuckin' New Jersey! 51 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,795 We're losing the whole goddamn country! 52 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,670 - No, my data says... - Oh, your data's horseshit! 53 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,546 I listened to you. 54 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,090 I listened to you. Your numbers and your polls 55 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,764 and your fancy data and your high-tech baloney. 56 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:10,388 And guess what? I lost. 57 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,107 I am a one-term joke. 58 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,148 I'm a diaper filled with baby shit, 59 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:19,522 and it is all your fault! 60 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,483 Fuck! 61 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,824 Raff, listen, it's gonna be okay. All right? 62 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,666 You can come back from this. 63 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,207 I mean, you're the wunderkind, right? 64 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,092 Voters are angry. 65 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,379 After two years in office, the president is facing 66 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,756 increasing criticism for his handling of the economy, 67 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,133 increasing crime, the environment, and foreign policy. 68 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,135 I mean, the world is a mess. 69 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:51,513 And these politicians, they're not helping anybody. 70 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,008 We should just throw out the whole system, start over again. 71 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,021 Well, let me ask my distinguished panel. 72 00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:59,146 What should the president do about the situation in the Middle East? 73 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,692 Thanks for asking, Sam. 74 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:04,363 "Well, you're one of the most admired political minds in the business." 75 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,036 That I am, Sam. 76 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,246 That I am. 77 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,909 I just can't pay my rent. 78 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,212 Hey, buddy. 79 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,708 You really ran Stevens' campaign? 80 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:25,513 I did. I ran it right into the ground. 81 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,927 In lighter news... 82 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,437 Tommy, come on, hit me with another. 83 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:37,525 ...look no further than 11-year-old YouTube sensation Oliver Foley. 84 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:41,566 His latest video is racking up millions of hits because 85 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,107 Oliver's running for president. 86 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,485 Oh, hey, hi. I'm Oliver Henry Foley, 87 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:52,498 and I'm announcing my candidacy for president of the USA. 88 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,831 Here's why. I want people to be nice to each other. 89 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:59,839 I really do. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's the truth. 90 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,130 And it's a good enough reason to run for president as any. 91 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,469 I also believe that everyone should go to school 92 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:06,838 and play video games, 93 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,098 because it's good for your hand-eye coordination. 94 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:12,511 I may be a kid, but I sure do get America. 95 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,855 It's the land of equality and freedom for everyone. 96 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,065 Except maybe my little sister. 97 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,934 You should run that kid's campaign. 98 00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,568 He tells it like it is. 99 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,780 - That's crazy. - Eight million views crazy. 100 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,696 Considering all the crap coming out of Washington, 101 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:31,988 - I'd vote for that kid in a heartbeat. - Me, too. I like what he's saying. 102 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,581 He's a little cutie. 103 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:44,630 Meet Raff Hanks, a wunderkind. 104 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,596 Once the most successful campaign manager of his generation. 105 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:52,763 Now Raff finds himself in a valley of booze and regret. 106 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:57,104 One filled with bad choices and even worse polling. 107 00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,725 He's about to embark on a misguided road to redemption. 108 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,734 And on his way back to the top, 109 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:07,358 he'll have to take a dark detour through The Twilight Zone. 110 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,287 You're traveling through another dimension, 111 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,874 a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. 112 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,127 It is the middle ground between light and shadow, 113 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,872 between science and superstition. 114 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,462 And it lies between the pit of one's fears 115 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:28,337 and the summit of one's knowledge. 116 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,509 You are now traveling through a dimension of imagination. 117 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:35,055 You've just crossed over into The Twilight Zone. 118 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:43,936 Mr. Hanks, you did a great service for our country. 119 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,857 Jesus. 120 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,776 Our country? 121 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,073 I saw an angle, man. 122 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,818 I saw my shot, I took it. 123 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,454 Ah! 124 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,983 Mmm. This really is delicious. 125 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,118 Mmm. 126 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,445 Tuesdays is spaghetti, and Wednesdays is hamburgers. 127 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,955 - Cheeseburgers. - Cheeseburgers, if you're into that. 128 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,666 Can you pass the parmesan cheese? 129 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,123 - Oliver. - Yeah? 130 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,337 Do you really want to be president? 131 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,173 Yep. I'm sick of all the war stuff 132 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,714 and the environment stuff and the fact that 133 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,962 everybody lies all the time 134 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,636 and that we only get two weeks off at Christmas break. 135 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:59,010 Wait. If Oliver gets to be president, do I get to be vice president? 136 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:02,559 Uh, maybe, honey. Eat your salad. 137 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,728 I first started my YouTube channel 138 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,522 because my friend Charlie had one, and I wanted one, too. 139 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,483 Then I started vlogging about Minecraft, 140 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,342 which was sort of boring because Minecraft is 141 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,904 for little kids, and I'm not little anymore. 142 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:17,403 Then I started vlogging about Fortnite, which got me a bunch of views. 143 00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,656 But then I decided to run for president, 144 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,408 and I got 12 million views. 145 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,910 And then you showed up. 146 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,128 And then I showed up. 147 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,373 That's what I just said. 148 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:34,053 Really, Raff, why are you here? 149 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,259 I know this thing has gotten a lot of coverage, 150 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,348 but he's a kid, it's a joke. 151 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,887 Not to me. 152 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,307 People are really responding to what Oliver is saying. 153 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,226 - He's 11. - It's a technicality. 154 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,810 To being president. 155 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,901 Listen, your name will be on the ballot. He'll just be the one in charge. 156 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:53,110 Oh. This is getting better and better. 157 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,358 Listen, Andrew Johnson was a tailor. 158 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,322 Teddy Roosevelt was a rancher. 159 00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,990 Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer. 160 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:02,832 This country is very open to leaders without political baggage. 161 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:06,452 Raff, I googled you. I did some research. 162 00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,171 I know you've had a hard run. You battled the booze... 163 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:13,710 Joseph, I'm off it, completely. I am a new man. 164 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:17,213 I mean, I am drinking chamomile tea, for the love of Pete. 165 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,762 Well, still, we see what you're trying to do here. 166 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,349 You're an opportunist. 167 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,855 Of course I am. 168 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,275 I need this. 169 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,187 This is what I do. 170 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:38,902 But Oliver, your son, has tapped into something very, very real. 171 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,700 He connects with people. 172 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,551 Do you realize how rare that is in politics, 173 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,658 to actually connect with people? 174 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,704 I honestly believe Oliver can be president. 175 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,497 Come on, now... 176 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,590 And win or lose, when all this is said and done, 177 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,843 he will have had the experience of a lifetime. 178 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,257 And he will have made enough money from endorsements 179 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,927 and TV deals and book deals to pay for his college 180 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,847 and Lily's college, the dog's college. 181 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,055 You'll have your face back on TV. 182 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:08,939 Exactly. 183 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,900 Everybody wins, nobody gets hurt. 184 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,403 This is the American dream. 185 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,524 We're making a new video. Lily's gonna film it. 186 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,743 You want to watch? It's gonna be awesome. 187 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,916 - Go. - Go? 188 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,051 - Yes. - Now? 189 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,590 - Go now. - Okay. Here are the ten things 190 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:42,089 I promise the American people if I'm elected president. 191 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,933 Oh. Hi, Homer. 192 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,348 This is Homer. Anyways, 193 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,265 number one: jobs. Jobs for everyone. 194 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,064 Number two: long weekends, longer vacations. 195 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:57,029 Number three: less Star Wars movies. 196 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,360 Number four: better air to breathe, 197 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,905 which means more bikes and less cars. 198 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:04,403 Number five: less war. 199 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:09,079 Number six: dogs for dog people and cats for cat people. 200 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:13,329 Number seven: more pancake houses throughout the land, please. 201 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,840 Number eight: free video games for every American! 202 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:20,632 Number nine: every month has to have its own holiday. 203 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:24,006 Number ten: dessert is before dinner! 204 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,477 Got hot dogs waiting on the bus. Ketchup and mustard. 205 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,221 The little juice boxes like you like. 206 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,559 And baby carrots? 207 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,479 Of course. With ranch dressing. I'm no monster. 208 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:38,321 We got CNN and Fox this afternoon, Rachel Maddow tonight. 209 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,609 She's nice. 210 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,720 She's super nice. And you promised me the interview with The Times, remember? 211 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,737 Only if we can stop at the water park on the way back to the airport. 212 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,454 You got it. 213 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,037 Hey, what about the song? And the music video? 214 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,081 I get a lot of views with my videos. 215 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,291 Recording studio booked, dancers are rehearsing. 216 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,959 It's been two months now. 217 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,420 You can do better, Raff. 218 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,545 You're right. 219 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,046 I can do better. 220 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,266 Wow. The wunderkind and the wunderkind. 221 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,305 Maura McGowan. 222 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,145 What are you doing here on the mean streets of rural Iowa? 223 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,357 I saw your mug on TV, figured I'd come say hi. 224 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,109 You want to get the band back together again, don't you? 225 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,818 I wrote you off after Stevens. 226 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,241 I was wrong. 227 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,110 "I was wrong." 228 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,324 My three favorite words in the English language. 229 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,822 Okay, don't push it. 230 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,915 You know you missed me, Maura. 231 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,576 A little bit. 232 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,164 Good. Come on. 233 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:43,343 So what are we going to do, though, when it all, you know, 234 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:47,431 blows up in our faces? 235 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,772 Look, Mr. Hanks, 236 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,858 we're going to have to operate. Your condition is not stable. 237 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,486 I'm not sure that I ever was. 238 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,403 A stable person would've seen what was happening. 239 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,611 Let's hit it! 240 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,489 ♪ We the people all across the nation 241 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,875 ♪ It's about time for a celebration 242 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,791 ♪ Bright future is the new sensation 243 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,585 ♪ It's time to break free like summer vacation 244 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,130 ♪ Put your hands up if you feel that 245 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,127 - ♪ Whoa! If you've had enough... - Hey. 246 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,346 - Hey. - Those national ads done yet? 247 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,180 - We have that TV space on hold. - Almost. 248 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,517 Oliver hasn't signed off yet completely, but he will. 249 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,761 - He will. - I hope so. 250 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,229 You know, his last set of notes were four pages long, 251 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:39,600 all handwritten and mostly involved inserting more shots of his dog. 252 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,986 He's smart. The kid's smart. 253 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,605 Hey! 254 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,949 I know. So good. 255 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,784 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, yee-haw! 256 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,403 ♪ Young enough to hope 257 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,496 ♪ O-o-o-old enough to vote 258 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,282 We can do this! 259 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:56,778 That's a cut! 260 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,835 Yeah, nice. 261 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,088 - Man, that kid is cute, though. - Fuckin' A he is. 262 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,489 I'm sorry, we have that doctor's appointment to get to now. 263 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,927 - No way, Mom! - Oliver, do not argue with your mother. 264 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,551 - I'm not going! I'm not. - You're going to the doctor. 265 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:14,802 End of discussion. 266 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:15,973 - No! - Yes! 267 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,812 - Bullshit! - Oliver! 268 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,432 I hate the doctor. It's always some old man 269 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,434 with bad breath stabbing me with needles. 270 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,090 The doctor is just there to make sure that you are good and healthy. 271 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,652 I am healthy! I just danced for, like, five hours! 272 00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,197 You're going to the doctor. End of discussion, young man. 273 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,827 - I hate you! - Oliver! 274 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:35,618 I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! 275 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,457 I hate you. I hate you. 276 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:43,084 I saw what I wanted to. 277 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,424 Let's hit it! 278 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,252 ♪ It's self-evident Oliver for president 279 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,471 ♪ He's the one we need to be the White House resident 280 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,341 Well, Oliver's not one of these greasy-palmed hucksters. 281 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,100 We got plenty of those. 282 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,137 There's something inspirational about starting off with someone fresh. 283 00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,584 You know, someone that believes in the things that I believe in. 284 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,520 ♪ Young enough to ho-o-o-o-ope 285 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,893 ♪ Old enough to vote 286 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,936 He wants to make this country stronger. 287 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,549 I mean, he wants to bring us back to basics, 288 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,439 back to what made this... this nation great. 289 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,861 My grandkids love him. 290 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,432 He's making promises just like a politician would, 291 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,823 but Oliver Foley is undeniably different. 292 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,168 There's a momentum here of a kind I haven't seen before. 293 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,773 It doesn't matter how old he is to me. 294 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,775 He could be eight years old, he could be eight months old for all I care. 295 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,210 He's got my vote. 296 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,445 What's amazing is that this kid is in the race at all, 297 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,335 let alone now just six points down 298 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,087 in the latest national polls. 299 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:36,350 Oliver Foley has captured the imagination of the American public. 300 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,343 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, yee-haw! 301 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,686 ♪ Young enough to hope 302 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:43,353 - ♪ O-o-o-old enough to vote - We can do this! 303 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,649 Oliver, your competitors have called you "uninformed, 304 00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:53,739 ill-informed, or not informed at all" when it comes to global politics. 305 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,611 Can you respond to their complaints? 306 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:59,581 What do you feel we should be doing with our troops still in Iraq? 307 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,837 I... I'm glad you asked me about Iraq. 308 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:08,044 It's... It's an... It's an intriguing question, 309 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,759 and it is well worth answering, 310 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,968 just not in 60-second sound-bites. 311 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:18,513 Wait. Hold on. I don't even know what that fucking means. 312 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:21,224 - Language. - Sorry, but this is ridiculous. 313 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,195 He hasn't memorized anything I've asked him to, 314 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,854 and the first primary debate is one week away. 315 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,436 I don't know why you hired me. He can't be coached. 316 00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,775 - It's a goddamn shit-show. - Enough! 317 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,358 You're right, I don't know why I hired you, it was a mistake. 318 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,401 Frankly, we don't need another canned answer 319 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,073 that people are gonna know is baloney. 320 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:41,119 He's gonna be embarrassed. It's a joke and he's a sideshow. 321 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,709 A sideshow who's only six points down in Iowa 322 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:48,247 and whose latest music video has 56 million views. 323 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,499 He's got you there, Larry. Kid knows his YouTube. 324 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,223 Larry... 325 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,806 ...you're fired. 326 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,310 Is he right, Raff? 327 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,066 Am I gonna be embarrassed? 328 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,152 We have had decades of politicians who claim to know everything, 329 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,071 and where has that taken this country, Oliver? 330 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,283 It's taken us straight into the crapper. 331 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,790 You're gonna be fine. 332 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,875 You just do your thing, okay? 333 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,207 Thanks, Raff. 334 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,792 Oh. 335 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,305 I mean, I guess I don't really understand taxes, 336 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,644 if that's really your qu... question. I mean, 337 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,685 taxes are good, except when they're bad. 338 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,228 But they're mostly good, right? 339 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,309 - Um... Uh... - Wow. 340 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,859 Uh, except in Monopoly, then they're bad. 341 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,075 - And... - Hey, nice work there, guys. 342 00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,576 Real car accident. 343 00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:01,240 - You know what, Pete? - Just leave it. 344 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,141 We were worried there for a little while, but this? 345 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,747 This is beautiful. 346 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,312 I think there's a dogcatcher race in Florenceville Junction, Raff. 347 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,077 Maybe you could get on that campaign. 348 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,857 That's really funny. That's really funny. 349 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,964 - Okay... Just let it go. - Congratulations. 350 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,958 We trusted you. 351 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,133 Listen, your boy's gonna get his sea legs soon, I know it. 352 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,717 I can feel it. He's gonna be fine. 353 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,932 His sea legs? This is a disaster. 354 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,899 - No. Joseph... - They're destroying him, Raff. 355 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:26,095 - They're destroying my boy. - No, he's gonna be f... 356 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,973 Lily, Lily, sweetheart... He's gonna be... You guys. 357 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,766 Come on. You guys... 358 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,529 Mom? 359 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,699 Mom? Mom? 360 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,205 Mom. 361 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,590 Try to relax. 362 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:07,056 If you're gonna do it, just do it. 363 00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:10,727 The doctor was held up. He's on a... different level. 364 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,099 He's on his way. 365 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,021 - God! - Mr. Hanks! 366 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:17,188 Put me under! Save my life or let me die, man! 367 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,948 Two days before Iowa votes in the first caucus 368 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,494 or primary of the season, the race is truly shaping up 369 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,709 after the embarrassing flameout of 11-year-old Oliver Foley 370 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,962 in a disastrous campaign led by Raff Hanks, 371 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:38,004 one that will be analyzed and joked about for decades to... 372 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:43,013 - Thanks for taking pity on me, Tommy. - I don't have pity on you, Raff. 373 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,223 I just don't want you crying in the bar again. 374 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,762 Scares the customers. 375 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,352 Right. 376 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:59,109 Well, so much for that chamomile tea phase, huh? 377 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,860 Yeah, I replaced it with the "decimate your liver" phase. 378 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,570 It's much more enjoyable. 379 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,787 Tommy, would you get this fine lady a bourbon on the rocks, please? 380 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,782 - Make it a double, please. - Oh, that's my girl. 381 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,158 How you holding up? 382 00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:13,827 Well, better than you are, apparently. 383 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,089 Thanks. Oh, wow. 384 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,720 So what are you doing here? I got things to do. 385 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,010 I got nuts to eat. I got beer to cry into. 386 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:30,052 No, I really am here, actually, to see how you're doing. 387 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:35,646 And from the looks of things, it's... not a pretty picture. 388 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,480 You know what the worst part is? 389 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,063 Hmm? 390 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,518 I started this whole thing to get out of the mess I was in, 391 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:47,907 but somewhere along the line, I started liking what the kid was saying. 392 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,493 - Uh-oh. - Yeah. 393 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:53,583 Not the whole "I actually believe my candidate" story. 394 00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,293 I do believe in him. 395 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,876 All right, he didn't know shit about the tax code. 396 00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,589 But he was human. 397 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,570 He was vulnerable, and that's more than I can say 398 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,005 about everybody else up there. 399 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:06,005 You know, I never should have let him go on the debate stage. 400 00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:07,676 He should've kept making his videos. 401 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,674 We could've done one about world peace. 402 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,927 He could've been holding a homemade globe, 403 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,832 and everyone would have eaten it up, and no one 404 00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,018 - would give a shit about the debate. - You know what? 405 00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:19,109 - It's too late now. Right? - Yeah. 406 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,486 Yeah, it's too late. 407 00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,732 You know, I actually stopped by their place. 408 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,401 - The Foleys. - You did? How they doing? 409 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,949 Um... To be expected. 410 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,738 Maybe... 411 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,581 a little bit worse. 412 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,709 Well, you know their dog, Homer? 413 00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,203 Yeah? 414 00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:40,422 He's got some kind of cancer. He's gonna die. 415 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,882 No. No. 416 00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,757 - Yeah. - Oh, God, I fucked everything up. 417 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,596 I even killed their dog. 418 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:51,219 Oliver says hi, though. 419 00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:53,597 He did? 420 00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:55,182 He doesn't blame you. 421 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,063 He wanted me to tell you that. 422 00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:58,773 Oh, he's a good kid. 423 00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:01,505 He also wanted me to ask you if you thought it was okay 424 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,317 for him to post a vlog about his dying dog. 425 00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:07,733 - Why not, I guess. - I mean, that's what I said. 426 00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,282 It's really sad, you know? 427 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,114 I mean, it's sweet how much he... 428 00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:17,292 ...cares about that poor animal. 429 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,043 Oh, Jesus. 430 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,587 It's perfect. 431 00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:28,545 A vlog about a dying dog. 432 00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:31,089 Oh, my God, provided it's done correctly, it's perfect. 433 00:22:31,225 --> 00:22:33,137 - Raff... - Are we on the ballot still? 434 00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:35,267 Please tell me we are still on the ballot. 435 00:22:35,938 --> 00:22:38,351 It was too late to get us taken off, but... 436 00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,690 Raff, what are you doing? 437 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:44,402 I am getting Oliver Foley elected president of the United States of America. 438 00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,863 We're winning this goddamn election! 439 00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:53,574 That's not good. 440 00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:59,125 This is Homer. My dog. 441 00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:02,291 He's a Labradoodle. I've known him my whole life. 442 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:05,416 He's the best dog in the whole wide world. 443 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:07,175 He's also dying. 444 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,801 He has cancer. 445 00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:11,842 A dog type of cancer that's sort of incurable. 446 00:23:13,601 --> 00:23:15,012 Come on. Come over. 447 00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:16,976 This is my sister, Lily. 448 00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,766 And these are my parents. 449 00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,702 It's pretty clear I don't know nearly enough 450 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:24,901 to be president alone. But if you elect me, 451 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:28,154 I'll surround myself with the nicest and smartest people. 452 00:23:28,282 --> 00:23:30,365 I'll work so hard to make you proud 453 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:33,781 and make sure that you can hug your sick pets longer 454 00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:37,618 and that you'll get to spend as many healthy days as possible 455 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,036 with the ones you love. 456 00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:42,582 Because family... family's everything. 457 00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:49,584 Let's hit it! 458 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,554 ♪ We the people all across the nation 459 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:55,640 ♪ It's about time for a celebration... 460 00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,722 Oliver Foley, surprising every pollster in Iowa, 461 00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:00,811 has won the first caucus. 462 00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,189 In a stunning come-from-behind upset, 463 00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:06,810 11-year-old Oliver Foley has won the Iowa caucus. 464 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,781 I don't know why people are so surprised. 465 00:24:11,909 --> 00:24:13,946 I mean, Oliver really connects with people. 466 00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:15,819 He was the 13th story on the news, 467 00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,363 and together we made him headline material. 468 00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:21,561 I mean, after tonight, I think he's poised to win the whole thing. I really do. 469 00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:24,373 Really? All the national polls put him very far behind. 470 00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:26,865 Listen, polls are meaningless when the American people 471 00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:31,297 find someone who honestly and truly speaks to their core values. 472 00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:34,466 - ♪ O-o-o-o-old enough to vote - We can do this! 473 00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:36,840 Hmm. 474 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,913 There he is! Hey! Hey, kid. 475 00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:06,536 I'm the President! Yeah! 476 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,211 This is so cool. 477 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:17,217 Yeah! 478 00:25:18,225 --> 00:25:20,592 This is the president. Bomb Russia! 479 00:25:20,728 --> 00:25:23,186 I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Don't worry. 480 00:25:24,982 --> 00:25:28,102 - Can't believe I get to live here now. - Well, you're in charge now, Oliver... 481 00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:29,859 uh, Mr. President. 482 00:25:29,987 --> 00:25:32,400 You're the leader of the free world. 483 00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:35,281 Well... as leader of the free world, 484 00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,776 we need to fulfill my campaign promises. 485 00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:40,028 - ASAP. - Absolutely. 486 00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:44,245 First off, free video games for every American. 487 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:47,835 Nintendo, PlayStation, whatever they want. 488 00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:50,626 Um... Oliver... 489 00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:53,501 Honey, I don't think that we can quite just do that. 490 00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:57,091 - What are you talking about, Mom? - Well, I mean that there are laws. 491 00:25:57,264 --> 00:25:58,550 Congress. 492 00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:00,924 We talked about this, remember, honey? 493 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:05,725 But I promised everyone video games, and you, Mr. Chief of Staff, 494 00:26:05,856 --> 00:26:07,643 are gonna make sure that happens. 495 00:26:07,775 --> 00:26:10,017 Well, I'm not quite sure that Congress is gonna 496 00:26:10,152 --> 00:26:12,360 go for that, Mr. President, especially 497 00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:14,368 given the way the national debt looks right now. 498 00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:16,408 And plus, companies aren't just going to willingly 499 00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:19,283 - give away their games. - Guess they'll just have to. 500 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:20,697 - Yes, but... - But nothing. 501 00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:22,411 They have to. 502 00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:24,121 I made a promise. 503 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:28,789 So, they give away 270 million games 504 00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:32,710 to every American, or we put a surcharge tax 505 00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:36,755 of a million dollars a Game Boy and put them out of business in a day. 506 00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:40,593 The people voted. We have to give 'em what we promised. 507 00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:46,644 - Hey, Oliver. - "Mr. President." 508 00:26:47,397 --> 00:26:49,229 Sorry, Raff, but it sounds really cool. 509 00:26:49,358 --> 00:26:50,974 You're right. 510 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:53,814 Mr. President, maybe we should, uh, hold off 511 00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:56,029 on the video game thing until you get settled in... 512 00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:59,570 I'm settled in, Raff, and I know what I want. 513 00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:02,159 And you guys are gonna get that done for me 514 00:27:02,329 --> 00:27:04,992 or I'll get other people to get it done for me. 515 00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:07,286 There won't be a shortage of people who want to work 516 00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:10,160 for the new president of the United States. 517 00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:14,922 Now... where's the White House kitchen? 518 00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:18,214 I want a triple-scoop chocolate chip mint, 519 00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:21,213 vanilla and coffee ice cream sundae with whipped cream, 520 00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:23,305 chocolate sauce and sprinkles! 521 00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,900 I want to make a new vlog of me singing 522 00:27:38,031 --> 00:27:40,398 and all these dancers around me dressed like soldiers. 523 00:27:40,534 --> 00:27:43,618 Mm-hmm. I'm not sure if vlogging is the best way to communicate. 524 00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:46,328 Of course it is. I want to sing about world peace. 525 00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:50,040 The lyrics should be something like, "Either you're with peace, 526 00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:52,076 or you're not," 527 00:27:52,212 --> 00:27:54,452 and if they're not, we start to kill off all the dancers. 528 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,668 - Um... - I mean, not for real, obviously. 529 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,918 But in the video, all bloody and stuff. It'll be cool. 530 00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:06,307 - Dog selection today, Mr. President. - Finally! 531 00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:09,599 Hi. Hello! Oh, yes, you are so sweet. 532 00:28:09,730 --> 00:28:11,767 Hey, come here, come here. 533 00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:13,481 Okay, no. No. 534 00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:15,312 No. Maybe. 535 00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:16,980 No. 536 00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:18,853 Maybe. No. 537 00:28:18,989 --> 00:28:20,901 This one! This guy right here! 538 00:28:21,074 --> 00:28:22,074 No, no, no, this one. 539 00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:25,660 He's perfect. My new Homer. 540 00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:28,530 - It's a female dog, sir. - What? Ew! 541 00:28:28,665 --> 00:28:30,076 What were you thinking? 542 00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:31,529 - I thought, um... - Thought what? 543 00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:32,826 I want a new Homer! 544 00:28:33,003 --> 00:28:34,960 Does Homer sound like a girl's name to you? 545 00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:36,670 Well, there's other dogs here, sir. 546 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,502 Get rid of 'em. I don't want 'em. 547 00:28:38,634 --> 00:28:41,047 Um, sir? These dogs were selected from the pound. 548 00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:43,132 I don't really care. I don't want them. 549 00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:46,301 Okay. It is, however, time for your physical. 550 00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:48,015 Physical? No way. 551 00:28:48,185 --> 00:28:50,121 Well, I'm sorry, Mr. President, but Congress requires 552 00:28:50,145 --> 00:28:52,637 that the president get a yearly physical. 553 00:28:52,773 --> 00:28:55,186 - Well, then fire Congress. - We can't quite do that. 554 00:28:55,317 --> 00:28:58,401 Well, I'm not gonna see any doctor. Especially an old man doctor. 555 00:28:58,528 --> 00:29:01,646 - Okay, but it's scheduled for today, so... - Well, then un-schedule it. 556 00:29:01,782 --> 00:29:03,648 And never reschedule it. 557 00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:07,118 That's the only real schedule I can get behind. 558 00:29:07,287 --> 00:29:09,904 And make a new law: no old doctors. 559 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,952 Everyone okay with that? 560 00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:16,369 I said, is everyone okay with that? 561 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:18,500 Yes, Mr. President. 562 00:29:18,632 --> 00:29:20,544 Yes, Mr. President. 563 00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:23,004 Think fast! 564 00:29:23,136 --> 00:29:25,719 - You lose, you lose. - You got me. 565 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,552 - You got me. - Think fast! Ah! 566 00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:32,103 - Mr. Chairman, Mitch. Can...? - What is it, Raff? 567 00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:34,749 President wants a military parade for his sister's birthday next week. 568 00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,459 I am knee-deep in donkey shit trying to organize it. 569 00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:39,567 - Right, uh, can I...? - What? Can I what? 570 00:29:39,695 --> 00:29:41,607 Can I get a minute with you? 571 00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:44,196 What is it, Raff? You've been out of sorts for weeks. 572 00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:45,565 Um... 573 00:29:49,997 --> 00:29:52,364 - Aren't you a little worried? - I'm always worried. 574 00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:53,910 What's your problem? 575 00:29:54,084 --> 00:29:55,165 Get out of the way! 576 00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:57,577 Mr. President coming through! Get out of my way! 577 00:29:58,714 --> 00:29:59,830 - Hey. - Hey. 578 00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:03,757 Choo-choo! Move it! 579 00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:06,753 Hey, order pizza for everyone. 580 00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:09,756 Don't you think the president seems like a...? 581 00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,803 - A kid. - Right. 582 00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:14,094 Like a spoiled kid. Like a... 583 00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:19,065 Like the most spoiled kid in the history of the world, you know? 584 00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:21,272 He's commander-in-chief, this is the greatest country 585 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,687 in the world. President says "Jump," I say "How high?" 586 00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,063 I don't care that he's a kid. 587 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,510 Approval rating's through the roof, everybody loves their video games. 588 00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:29,947 Strange time to be talking treason, Hanks. 589 00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:32,115 - Treason? - Treason. 590 00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:34,239 No, I'm not talking treason. 591 00:30:34,374 --> 00:30:37,037 Sure sounds like it. And I don't like it and I won't have it. 592 00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:38,872 Understood? 593 00:30:39,546 --> 00:30:40,582 Understood. 594 00:30:40,714 --> 00:30:41,875 Good. 595 00:30:46,053 --> 00:30:48,921 - Out of my way. - Helen. 596 00:30:49,056 --> 00:30:51,013 - Hey. - Helen. 597 00:30:51,141 --> 00:30:53,929 Oliver's not the president, you are the real president. 598 00:30:54,061 --> 00:30:56,018 Don't you think it's time you intervened? 599 00:30:56,772 --> 00:30:58,308 Intervene? 600 00:30:59,066 --> 00:31:01,308 Why would I do that? 601 00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:04,894 Raff, everything you said would come true has. 602 00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:06,646 He connects with people. 603 00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:08,239 My child. 604 00:31:08,408 --> 00:31:09,865 He touches people. 605 00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:13,870 Intervening's the last thing I'm gonna do. 606 00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:25,777 I say if it's bothering you that much, you should just talk with him. 607 00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:27,383 Okay, it's just hard to know 608 00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:29,919 what to say to an 11-year-old who's also the president. 609 00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:31,855 Well, you've done pretty good thus far. 610 00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:33,722 Yeah. It was easier before. 611 00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:37,803 Listen, we're mercenaries, right? 612 00:31:37,938 --> 00:31:39,804 I mean, that's what we are. 613 00:31:39,940 --> 00:31:43,183 Your big mistake was staying with him in the White House. 614 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,775 You should have followed me. And I moved on and business is booming. 615 00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,239 Didn't have to stick around and have regrets, 616 00:31:50,367 --> 00:31:52,484 see how the sausage is made. 617 00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:56,199 It's just, no one seems to be willing to confront him, you know? 618 00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,243 Even his parents seem cowed. 619 00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:01,831 Well, maybe they are cowed. Or maybe everyone's okay with it. 620 00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:05,546 I mean, sure, he's a little bit bratty, but so are a lot of kids, it's a phase. 621 00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:08,758 Like your chamomile tea phase, it's gonna pass. 622 00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:12,049 Raff, you of all people knew what you were getting into 623 00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:14,172 when you decided to run his campaign. 624 00:32:15,142 --> 00:32:18,726 Try and enjoy this moment instead of worrying so much. 625 00:32:19,479 --> 00:32:22,472 You're the conquering hero. Right? 626 00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:25,566 One of the most famous campaign managers in history. 627 00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:30,022 The man who got Oliver Foley elected president. 628 00:32:34,453 --> 00:32:35,864 Thanks. 629 00:32:39,332 --> 00:32:41,039 I tried to do the right thing... 630 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:42,951 ...for once. 631 00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:45,996 Mr. Hanks. 632 00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:48,339 We're losing him. Get the crash cart in here. 633 00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:05,640 You distracted me, Raff. 634 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,184 - Oh, sorry. - It's okay. 635 00:33:08,361 --> 00:33:09,977 I never get a hole-in-one. 636 00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:11,649 And it sucks. 637 00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:14,774 Want to play? 638 00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:17,323 Could use the company. My sister has homework 639 00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:20,993 and the Secretary of Homeland Security sucks at golf. 640 00:33:23,043 --> 00:33:24,659 Um, sure, thank you. 641 00:33:29,591 --> 00:33:31,253 I think Nixon put in the golf thing. 642 00:33:31,384 --> 00:33:33,626 - But it's so boring, putting. - Mm-hmm. 643 00:33:33,803 --> 00:33:35,544 Who wants to just putt? 644 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,264 I want windmills and pirate ships. Those little pencils to keep track. 645 00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:40,678 Right. 646 00:33:47,067 --> 00:33:50,310 - Can I speak candidly? - I don't know. Can you? 647 00:33:53,365 --> 00:33:55,607 Um, I'm a little worried. 648 00:33:56,159 --> 00:33:57,991 So am I, actually. 649 00:33:59,162 --> 00:34:00,619 What do you mean? 650 00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:07,661 I mean... this treason thing's pretty serious. 651 00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:12,833 You like the lighting? I think it's cool. 652 00:34:13,510 --> 00:34:16,344 I'm not being treasonous, Oliver. I'm just worried about a few things. 653 00:34:16,471 --> 00:34:17,928 There is a difference. 654 00:34:18,098 --> 00:34:20,055 - Hit your ball, Raff. - Oliver. 655 00:34:20,183 --> 00:34:21,390 Putt. 656 00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:33,986 Not bad. 657 00:34:35,198 --> 00:34:36,314 My turn. 658 00:34:39,869 --> 00:34:43,078 Thing is, Raff... you were my first real supporter. 659 00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:45,956 Hurts me that you're not fully backing me. 660 00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:53,005 Fuck! I never get it in on the first try! 661 00:34:53,842 --> 00:34:55,253 Oliver, I do back you. 662 00:34:55,385 --> 00:34:57,297 - I just think that the... - No. 663 00:34:57,429 --> 00:34:59,170 You don't get to think. 664 00:34:59,306 --> 00:35:02,219 You just back me. You back me unconditionally. 665 00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:04,704 Whatever happened to surrounding yourself with the greatest minds 666 00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:06,648 so that you could get the most informed opinions? 667 00:35:06,813 --> 00:35:08,179 That was your idea. 668 00:35:08,315 --> 00:35:10,272 Your line in that commercial about my dying dog. 669 00:35:11,610 --> 00:35:13,192 My dog's dying, Raff. 670 00:35:13,862 --> 00:35:15,148 He's dying. 671 00:35:15,322 --> 00:35:16,608 I'm such a good actor. 672 00:35:17,157 --> 00:35:19,114 I just pretended Homer was dying. 673 00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:21,359 Just to get you back on my team. 674 00:35:22,329 --> 00:35:23,410 No! 675 00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:25,037 I want a hole-in-one! 676 00:35:28,585 --> 00:35:31,419 There! Hole-in-one! I win! 677 00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:35,248 - That's not the way it works. - It isn't? 678 00:35:36,509 --> 00:35:37,670 No. 679 00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,460 I said it was a hole-in-one. 680 00:35:39,596 --> 00:35:43,590 And I'm president. Do you support me or are you treasonous? 681 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:53,979 I'm not treasonous, Oliver. 682 00:35:55,028 --> 00:35:56,815 "Mr. President." 683 00:35:56,946 --> 00:36:00,280 "I'm not treasonous, Mr. President." 684 00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:05,737 I'm not treasonous, Mr. President. 685 00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:07,155 Good. 686 00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:09,949 So, it was a hole-in-one, right? 687 00:36:13,380 --> 00:36:14,621 No. 688 00:36:16,091 --> 00:36:17,673 No, it wasn't. 689 00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:22,928 It was not a hole-in-one, Oliver. 690 00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:33,518 Gun! He has a gun! Shoot him! 691 00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,896 What do you think about Raff Hanks? 692 00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:44,400 Oh, I think he's the worst scum of the earth. 693 00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:47,194 How dare he try and attack that sweet little boy? 694 00:36:47,330 --> 00:36:49,617 The president dodged a bullet. Literally. 695 00:36:49,749 --> 00:36:51,018 Raff Hanks got what he deserved. 696 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:52,561 - He got what he deserved. - Raff Hanks got what he deserved. 697 00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:53,545 Raff Hanks... 698 00:36:53,546 --> 00:36:54,752 ...got what he deserved. 699 00:36:56,339 --> 00:36:58,205 Glad to see you awake, Mr. Hanks. 700 00:36:58,341 --> 00:36:59,798 Was afraid we lost you there. 701 00:37:00,427 --> 00:37:02,043 - What? - You need an operation 702 00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:04,803 on a ruptured spleen and a punctured lung. 703 00:37:04,931 --> 00:37:07,844 The president has asked for his very own doctor to help you. 704 00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:09,850 You're not the doctor? 705 00:37:09,978 --> 00:37:12,095 The law does not permit me to be a doctor. 706 00:37:12,272 --> 00:37:14,389 The doctor will be with you shortly. 707 00:37:19,446 --> 00:37:22,689 All right. Let's get this done quick, mister. 708 00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:24,406 No. 709 00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:30,120 - No. - I want to finish my video games. 710 00:37:30,832 --> 00:37:32,573 No! No! 711 00:37:38,965 --> 00:37:41,378 Society is a fragile ecosystem. 712 00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,877 Razzle and dazzle people with the right lies 713 00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:47,426 and eventually they'll go blind to the madness 714 00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:49,682 right in front of their faces. 715 00:37:49,809 --> 00:37:53,302 Raff Hanks made a living selling the American dream. 716 00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:57,182 But, once sold, he created a true nightmare 717 00:37:57,317 --> 00:37:59,400 that he couldn't buy back. 718 00:37:59,986 --> 00:38:01,898 Especially not here... 719 00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:04,904 ...in The Twilight Zone. 55860

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.