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1
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Aguero!
2
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,840
20.
3
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Three.
4
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,856
Double 14, so 28, yeah?
5
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,096
Er... So that's 50.
6
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,736
51!
7
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,096
51 down from 501...
8
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,696
That's 4... 450, yeah. Er...
9
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,856
Double 20. Treble 18.
10
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Christ, Pascal, will you slow down?
Help me out?
11
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Er... 60...
12
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,656
No, I've got no idea.
13
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54!
14
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,736
54. So that's... 114?
15
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,776
Yeah? Down from 501
16
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,376
I think
you're doing brilliantly.
17
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:54,256
Um, that's a 20, but I haven't
finished doing her adding yet.
18
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,056
- 5...
- Excuse me.
19
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,056
- Can we get an autograph, please?
- Yeah. Of course.
20
00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,056
Thanks for coming. Great to
raise money for the charities.
21
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,736
Oh, these nights are even better
when the team's doing well.
22
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,256
Chris Booth has done
an incredible job turning it around.
23
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,576
And it's how he's done it.
Always smiling, playing the kids.
24
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,736
Hey, not all the kids.
Mattie's not playing.
25
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:11,936
No, no, but you are.
26
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,336
That assist last week was amazing.
You didn't even look!
27
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,496
Yeah. I feel like I should have got
two assists for that one.
28
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,096
You should have. You really should.
29
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,856
I know. I mean it. I should've.
30
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,176
Petey, can you sign
our autograph book for us, please?
31
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,816
What are you,
a fucking time-traveller?
32
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Haven't you heard of selfies?
33
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,616
But look, we've got everyone's.
34
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,056
You'll like this - Chris Booth.
35
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,880
What do you think
about what he's written?
36
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,696
Absolute total bollocks, probably.
37
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It was just after my nan died.
38
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His words really helped.
39
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,696
So...?
40
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,936
You need 58 to finish, so that's
41
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:47,456
246 minus 83
42
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,336
is... Jesus wept.
43
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:50,440
Er...
44
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:52,656
Daniel?
45
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,056
- You in there?
- Yeah.
46
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,736
- And I'm having a shit.
- Good.
47
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,456
Cos otherwise you'd shit your pants
with the exclusive I've got for you.
48
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,160
All right, give me a second.
49
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,376
What you got, then?
50
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,856
Chris Booth has lost
the dressing room.
51
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,576
What? You've won
your last five games.
52
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,936
Don't matter.
The players think he's a wally.
53
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,696
He's lost them. They hate him.
54
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,216
Print that, from an inside source.
55
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,136
Petey, he's just won
manager of the month.
56
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,736
I've done you enough favours,
just print he's a failure.
57
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:18,776
But he's not, is he?
58
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,336
If I pitch a story
of dressing room disharmony,
59
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,336
my editor's going to laugh me
out of the pub.
60
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,320
All right, that's it -
no more stories from me.
61
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,576
And by the way, your shit stinks.
62
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,976
Yeah, it will. I mean, it's shit.
63
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,960
15, 15 and 18, that's 48.
64
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,056
Minus...
65
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,296
Sorry, off 501.
66
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,520
That'd
67
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,240
be 453.
68
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,856
Is this still going on?
69
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,336
Petey Brooks!
70
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,416
How ya doin', mate? Eh?
71
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,576
Looking good!
72
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,136
Can't say the same, Paul -
you're fat.
73
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,816
Oh, yeah. It'll happen to you, too.
74
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,056
When you finish playing football,
75
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,616
you can't just eat
what you fancy any more.
76
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,296
Does that mean
you've stopped eating anuses, then?
77
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,296
Oooh! Got me again.
78
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,376
It's like old times.
79
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,576
Five years older than me
and still a dozy sod.
80
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,896
I had to teach you
how to tie your fucking boots.
81
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,336
Oh... no.
82
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,696
I knew how to do that.
83
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,856
Allegorically.
Have you forgotten how to banter?
84
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,216
Probably.
85
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,936
Been out of the dressing room
a while now.
86
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,816
Dressing room's not what it
used to be. Look at these pricks,
87
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,496
- nothing about 'em.
- Nice to meet you, Paul.
88
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,896
- Hey. How ya doin'?
- Yeah, nice to meet a club legend.
89
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,856
Oh! Petey Brooks is the real legend.
90
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,096
The stuff we used to get up to, eh?
Madness!
91
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,656
These couldn't keep up with it.
92
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,176
I could barely keep up with you.
93
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,216
Threesomes, orgies, the lot.
94
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,216
So you've seen Petey's erect penis?
95
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,696
- Seen it? Had it me mouth, mate.
- I'm sorry?
96
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,696
- Yeah, all right.
- Yeah, we used to do
97
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,816
these wanking competitions, right?
98
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,296
And the loser had to give a suck job.
99
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,016
All right, fuck off. Never did that.
100
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,176
What? It's banter, it's funny.
101
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,976
Of course! I hate when
wanking competitions get all serious.
102
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,016
He knows.
103
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,616
You always talk too fucking much.
104
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,296
That's why you only ever got one cap.
105
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,856
Got injured a lot as well, though.
106
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,296
Are you still talking?
107
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,696
I'm getting a canape.
108
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,736
Erm
109
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,976
Pascal, you need 58,
so that's 15, three...
110
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,096
- Fuck me.
- 18 double top.
111
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,296
Yeah, or that, yeah.
112
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,856
Pete, sorry, mate,
I didn't mean to embarrass you.
113
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,256
I thought it was funny.
114
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,656
Yeah, well, it's not.
115
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:18,936
It was funny at the time.
116
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,896
We was pissing ourselves.
117
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,376
You were laughing then, weren't you?
118
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,896
- Yeah, because it was really funny.
- Right.
119
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,936
So... Is it funny or not?
120
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,560
It is funny, it is.
121
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,536
But now they think it isn't.
122
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,136
What used to be funny is still funny,
but you can't say it is.
123
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,976
Why not?
124
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,160
I don't know. You just can't.
125
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:44,880
Jack.
126
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:47,456
Well done tonight.
127
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:48,976
It's a tough gig, that,
and, you know,
128
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,656
Petey Brooks fixed the drawing of
lots,
129
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,056
so you were set up.
130
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,056
- Makes sense.
- It was pretty funny, though.
131
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,576
You looked so lost up there,
like a little puppy dog.
132
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,416
But then, I love puppies.
133
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,296
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
134
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,056
- What are you doing now?
- Oh, right, yeah.
135
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,456
Going home, probably go to bed.
136
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:05,736
Dropping them back first, though.
137
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,016
Well, you're not dropping them back
after you've gone to bed.
138
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,776
No, I'm going to drop them back,
then bed.
139
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,336
Oh, brush teeth, then bed.
140
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,456
That's tonight, that.
141
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,696
That's a shame.
142
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:17,496
If you ever fancy hanging out
some time, just call me.
143
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,480
Give us your phone.
144
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,816
There you go.
145
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,816
I've sent myself a message,
so I've got your number, too.
146
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,896
Maybe I'll use it
for a booty call later.
147
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,416
Right, yeah.
148
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,560
See you around, Jack.
149
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,096
What did she want?
150
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,040
Fuck knows.
151
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,616
Boothie's turned it around totally.
152
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,456
We might make the Champions League
this year. Get in!
153
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:53,976
Boothie, Boothie!
154
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,816
So we're talking about Chris Booth,
155
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,616
- what's his secret, Andy?
- Preparation.
156
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,256
- Really?
- Yeah.
157
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,096
He's got 'em studying opposition data
and video analysis.
158
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,616
Petey, you forgot
your opposition pack.
159
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,696
The only thing I've ever forgotten
160
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,656
is the names
of most of the birds I've shagged.
161
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,896
- Because you are forgetful?
- No.
162
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,376
Because I've had more pussy
than you've had hot wanks.
163
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,816
Anyway, here is
the video analysis drive,
164
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,680
and here is the added data sheet
on opposition attackers.
165
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,376
It's a pile of wank.
166
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,200
I'll file that with the rest
of Chris Booth's shit ideas.
167
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,240
Petey, don't take this the wrong way,
but
168
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,296
do you struggle to read?
169
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,136
You'll struggle to breathe,
you piss-taker.
170
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,376
It wasn't a piss-take.
171
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,976
I know when you were coming through,
172
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,976
kids your age were scouted so young
that their education suffered,
173
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,456
and I did a lot of English tutoring
in the States
174
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:48,976
and, I don't know, I was wondering
175
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,256
if maybe you wanted
someone to discreetly help you
176
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,880
with your reading.
177
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,856
If you make one more fucking noise,
178
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:03,216
and by that I mean generate sound
in any way,
179
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:07,496
via your mouth, your nose,
your sphincter,
180
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,816
even your fucking shit hair rustling,
181
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,456
I will throw you through that window.
182
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:13,800
Understood?
183
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,320
Blink slowly if you understand.
184
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,696
Good.
185
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,696
Now, come round to my place at two.
We'll start the lessons today.
186
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,896
Oh, and if you tell anyone
about this,
187
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,400
I will smash your kneecaps
with a claw hammer.
188
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,216
Yes! Amazing.
189
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,096
Finally! About time
the FA got their shit together.
190
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,776
It's not formal recognition yet.
It's just a preliminary meeting
191
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,496
about your international future
and where your allegiances lie.
192
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,136
Like I always say,
God save our gracious Queen.
193
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,656
Weird thing to always say,
but anyway,
194
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,896
now I have some less good news.
195
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:56,936
Ah
196
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,616
I don't like less good news.
197
00:07:58,640 --> 00:07:59,816
No-one does.
198
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,776
So, the less good news is
you need to hand control
199
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,176
of all your social media accounts
200
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,136
- over to the club.
- You're joking.
201
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,656
I'm as serious as measles,
202
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,336
which - according to your feed -
doesn't exist.
203
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,856
Come on!
204
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,416
You can't take my digital soul.
205
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,496
Your digital soul is a collection
of conspiracy theory re-tweets
206
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,656
and some very wrong ideologies.
207
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,576
That was just phase one.
208
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,856
Now we've got a following,
we're going into phase two.
209
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,296
Phase two being?
210
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,976
Selling protein shakes!
211
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,640
Consider your soul shut down.
212
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,496
How did it go?
213
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,296
All good. Guess who's close
to getting an England call-up.
214
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,216
Excellent. I'll instagram
a tease later.
215
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,256
Oh, yeah.
One other thing is that your sacked.
216
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,816
So, not all good, then.
217
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:40,856
Bruv,
218
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,896
you live-streamed a first teamer
assaulting a disabled man.
219
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,376
And all that flat Earth shit.
220
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,680
Or the truth,
as it's otherwise known!
221
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,256
OK, so, how do you want to work
my severance?
222
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,016
Don't know. Quick handshake, hug?
223
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,216
No. Do you want
to keep paying me monthly,
224
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,496
or do you want to settle up
the rest of my contract now?
225
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,096
Fuck off, I ain't paying.
226
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,496
You'll get another job,
a man of your talents.
227
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,576
But I don't need another job, do I?
228
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:08,296
Because you agreed to pay me
for the next 11 months and 16 days.
229
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,456
Oh, so much free time!
230
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,416
Ooh, maybe I will reopen
by Salisbury poisoning investigation.
231
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,296
OK, fine, if I'm paying you,
then you can stay on as my assistant,
232
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,336
but not my social media assistant,
233
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,576
more like
my fetch-and-carry-shit assistant.
234
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,256
Yeah?
235
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,336
All right, lads? Lunch, is it?
236
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,976
Or just... just keeping fit?
237
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,816
Chris lets me use the gym
if I want to.
238
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,456
Have some food.
239
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,136
Hang out. Eat the food.
240
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,576
Oi, paedo!
241
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,056
Move away from the boys, paedo!
242
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,056
Oh, Christ,
classic Brooksy banter, eh?
243
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,176
Sounds more like bullying,
but your call.
244
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,056
Savour this, lads,
you'll miss it when it's gone.
245
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,816
Christ knows I do.
246
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,776
Best days of my life.
247
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,816
I used to love getting up
248
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,896
at five o'clock in the morning,
going training.
249
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,296
Nowadays, I get up
at five o'clock in the morning,
250
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,176
just stare at the ceiling.
251
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,536
No-one cares, you old prick.
252
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,016
What are you doing here, anyway?
253
00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,096
Your boss lets me use the gym.
254
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,176
I haven't got a boss.
255
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,416
- Yeah. The manager. Chris Booth.
- Oh, the caretaker manager?
256
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,336
Sorted me out with a match-day job
as well.
257
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,576
Bloody life-saver, that man.
258
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:07,976
What's the job, then, mascot?
259
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,376
At least you won't need the fat suit.
260
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,696
Yeah.
261
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,656
I have got a bit heavier,
262
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,616
like you keep saying.
Nah, it's a corporate gig.
263
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,976
Kissing sponsors' arses,
that kind of thing.
264
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,176
Not like me and Petey used to do,
though, eh?
265
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,496
We used to literally
kiss each other's arses for bants
266
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,616
back in the gold old days.
267
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:24,416
That never happened.
268
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,000
That never happened.
269
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,200
It wasn't funny anyway, so...
270
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,776
Oof!
271
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,416
Yeah, old Porky Chops here
better be off.
272
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,240
I'll see you lads around.
273
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,240
Absolute melt.
274
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:47,336
Is it just me, or do the old days
sound extremely homosexual?
275
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,936
Oh, sound, the landlord's
changed the light bulbs.
276
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:53,296
And left you
a Gamblers Anonymous leaflet.
277
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,696
Nah,
he must have left it by mistake.
278
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,976
Seriously?
279
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,496
He's very obviously left it
for you.
280
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,176
How much do you want to bet
the landlord didn't leave that for me?
281
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,616
I think he might be onto something.
282
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,816
I've stopped gambling anyway,
since I've got a missus.
283
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:05,976
You've got a missus?
284
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,616
Yeah, Ruth from the ladies' team.
285
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,256
She text me the other night,
after the darts,
286
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,136
and we've been seeing each other
ever since.
287
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,656
They're only part-timers. You've got
to make sure she ain't a gold digger.
288
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:14,856
What does she do for a living?
289
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,216
Pff! What doesn't she do?
290
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,456
Brain surgery?
291
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,936
She might.
I'd have to ask her, to be honest.
292
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:22,056
So, what happened?
Did you ask her out...?
293
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,136
She asked me round.
294
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,376
I said I was brushing me teeth,
295
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,536
but she said she had a jar
she couldn't open and needed help,
296
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,096
and next thing you know,
we're having sex.
297
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,536
A romance for the ages.
298
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:30,816
Yeah, it's her birthday this week,
299
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,856
so I'm going to throw her a party
and get her a decent present.
300
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,376
Mattie, could you ask Carlos Velez
301
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,976
if he can spare anything
from his puppy farm?
302
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,336
Yeah, I don't think you're meant
to give puppies as presents.
303
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,176
Nah, that's dogs you're thinking of.
304
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,056
How would you arrange a party anyway?
305
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,536
Do you just get balloons and that's
it, or do you need, like, banners?
306
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:46,616
Use my assistant.
307
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,416
- What?
- Don't organise it yourself.
308
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,296
My guy can do it for you.
309
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,896
You just cover his wages.
310
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:52,936
All right, yeah.
311
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,216
Cheers, that sounds good, actually.
So, a dog and a birthday party.
312
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,216
Yeah! He can sort that, no problem.
313
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,256
Right, well, I'm off.
314
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:01,376
Where are you going?
315
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,336
Secret, sorry.
316
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,456
See you later.
317
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,456
Oh, he's probably got a girlfriend,
too.
318
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,800
We're all at it.
319
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,680
Hi, Janey. Off out?
320
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,040
Stupid question,
of course she's off out.
321
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,256
I just saw Janey leaving.
322
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,776
Her name's not Janey.
323
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,056
Oh, sorry.
324
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,856
Embarrassing
getting your wife's name wrong.
325
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,880
No, my wife is called Janey.
That wasn't my wife.
326
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,376
OK, yeah. Yeah.
327
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,296
Shall we get started?
328
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,136
What's the point of reading again?
329
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,976
Well, I think you'll be better able
to engage with the world around you,
330
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,776
might even make you less defensive.
331
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,376
But I'm a defender,
I don't want to be less defensive.
332
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,536
Yeah, no, what I mean...
333
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,336
Actually, forget it,
you should learn to read
334
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,256
because it'll help you work out what
journalists are writing about you.
335
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,120
OK, now we're talking.
336
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,736
This is hard for me, you know.
337
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,296
I know. But it'll be worth it.
338
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,016
Promise you won't tell anyone
about this.
339
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,616
- Yeah, of course, promise.
- Swear.
340
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,696
- Swear on your life.
- Er...
341
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,496
OK, I swear on my life.
342
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,536
Good.
343
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,496
Cos if you do tell anyone,
I will fucking kill you.
344
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,456
Yep, you've made that
incredibly clear.
345
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,296
I can't wait for you to meet her,
you know, Dad.
346
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,856
She's dead funny, she loves dogs.
347
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,216
You know, she's got a decent
left foot on her, to be fair.
348
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,736
And hanging out with her
is way cheaper
349
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,136
than going the bookies every day.
350
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,256
They are all excited reasons
for getting married, son.
351
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,936
I just don't want you to make
the same mistakes I did.
352
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,416
What, getting sent down
for welding write-offs back together?
353
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,016
No, I-I met with your mum, you know?
354
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,616
It didn't work out
because it all happened too quickly.
355
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,696
She told me it was a one-night stand.
356
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,456
Yeah, but it doesn't get
much quicker than that, does it?
357
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,256
Mate, you are the cleverest person
I know.
358
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,296
- Really?
- Yeah!
359
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,296
I mean, you're not book smart or,
360
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,256
or street-smart, you know,
but you're
361
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,176
smart smart.
362
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,656
And if you think marrying
this Rachel...
363
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:59,256
- Ruth.
- Ruth is the right thing to do,
364
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:00,656
then of course you've got
my blessing.
365
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:05,656
But also, it might be a massive
mistake, the biggest of your life.
366
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:06,856
Thanks, Dad.
367
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,696
That really means a lot, that.
368
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,376
Now, who's starting on Saturday?
369
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,896
Is Benji back in, eh?
370
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,096
One more scoop for Insider Daz
before I fly off, back to Mallorca?
371
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,096
- Oh, are you leaving?
- Yeah.
372
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,176
Well, the season's hotting up
373
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,456
and them cigarettes aren't going
to smuggle themselves - ha!
374
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:22,776
Potato.
375
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,200
Correct!
376
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:26,856
All right, that's enough for today.
377
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,496
You'll be reading the papers
in no time.
378
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,056
Fuck those people. What do they know?
379
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,960
Well, now you'll be able to find out.
380
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:39,736
Did you watch the video analysis
drive? That's amazing!
381
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,736
New ideas can be scary sometimes,
but trying is really all people ask.
382
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:47,376
Do me a favour and drop that
back to the coaching staff tomorrow.
383
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,936
Can't you just drop it off
yourself?
384
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,136
I'm asking a small favour.
385
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,216
If that's too much for you,
then fine.
386
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,136
No, no, sorry. Er, I'll drop it back.
387
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,856
But don't watch it before you do.
388
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,016
Not sure why I would.
389
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,816
Just don't, whatever you do.
390
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,056
OK, I swear on my life
I won't watch it.
391
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,496
You don't need to swear on your life.
392
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,776
- But last time...
- No, I know,
393
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,840
but you don't need to this time, OK?
394
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,896
Oh, yeah, that is filthy.
395
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,696
Am I bigger than Chris?
396
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,336
Chris is a worm.
397
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,816
OK, so that is definitely
Chris Booth's wife.
398
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,296
Good to get it confirmed via sex.
399
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,576
Can I ask a question about this sex?
400
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:22,936
This isn't normal sex, is it?
401
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,096
Like, what they're doing,
that's not what everyone does, is it?
402
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,296
Petey's wearing a diaper,
403
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,336
and she's humping him
with a lubed-up dildo.
404
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,040
It's not normal for me.
405
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,136
Oh! Someone needs the toilet.
406
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,896
- I need to tell Chris.
- That it's not normal?
407
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,976
No, that his wife is cheating on him.
408
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,096
- Why the fuck would you do that?
- It's a terrible idea.
409
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,616
I think, if it was me,
I'd want to know.
410
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,816
Oh, Jesus Christ, water sports!
411
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,016
That's a bit much, boys.
412
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,216
It's Mattie's. That's what he's into.
413
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,336
It's not mine, it's Chris Boo...
414
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,056
Yeah, it's... it's mine.
415
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,816
No wonder you're born-again virgin.
416
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,816
Self-imposed dry patch,
focusing on my career.
417
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,576
But anyway, I'd better go.
418
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,096
Got a few things I need to think
about.
419
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,456
Bye, then.
420
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,056
Watching porn, Jack?
421
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,736
- Naughty.
- Nah.
422
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,536
It was... it was a work thing.
423
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,856
I don't mind.
424
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,936
I'm not a prude. Though,
I think water sports
425
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,176
might be a bit much for me.
426
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,656
Yeah.
427
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,096
Interesting.
428
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,896
Then again, some people
seem to like it.
429
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,136
I mean, it's kind of dirty,
but it might be fun.
430
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,216
Could be.
431
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,416
Each to their own.
432
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,096
What do you like?
433
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,576
Me? Er...
434
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:29,096
You know, just the
usual, some up-and-down mainly,
435
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,936
a bit of side to side...
436
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,376
Yeah, er...
437
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,576
Sorry.
438
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,336
I always forget how shy you are.
439
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,816
Is this all too much for you?
440
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,296
I'm not shy.
441
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,696
Nah, I-I love it.
442
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,096
Listen, we can try anything you like
cos I'm not shy.
443
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,816
Starting now?
444
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,736
Oh, I've got a game on Friday,
otherwise I would.
445
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,400
But after the game, we can piss
on each other if you like.
446
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,936
Chris Booth's winning streak
continues.
447
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,136
That's five victories on the bounce
for the fledgling manager.
448
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,976
You lot are nutters, but I love you!
449
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,456
Thanks for another great day.
450
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:00,656
Mattie.
451
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,096
- 11 out of 10 for effort, mate.
- Yeah?
452
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,496
Listen, er, would you say
that currently you're happy?
453
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,696
Happiest I've been
since I hung up my boots.
454
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,456
We're winning,
the boys, they respect me...
455
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,416
What up, Petey? Hey?
456
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,056
It's great to see that smile back,
mate.
457
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,496
Now, go on, go and get changed,
champ. Come on.
458
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,640
Excellent. So much improvement...
459
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,496
Help me get some nice new kicks
from the sponsors
460
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:27,856
before the England meeting.
461
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,216
Yeah, I won't be able to do that.
462
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,536
What?!
463
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,656
It's Ruth's birthday.
464
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,776
I'm organising the decorations,
the food...
465
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,776
Oh, and I've got to choose a puppy
from the farm.
466
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,696
So I haven't got an assistant
right now?
467
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,136
Not unless you've hired someone else.
468
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,616
Jack's paying me this week,
therefore I work for him.
469
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:44,816
Benji!
470
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,616
I couldn't help overhearing
cos, well, I was listening.
471
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,216
But I could be your assistant.
472
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,536
I could do it.
473
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,616
Used to be a pro,
I know what you need.
474
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,656
What, like a gang bang?
475
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,816
No.
476
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,816
Petey told me that stuff
ain't funny any more.
477
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,096
So how about it?
478
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,856
I can work for you, for free.
479
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,736
Or money.
480
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,016
Or free?
481
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,736
Look, um,
482
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,240
here's my card.
483
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,680
Think about it.
484
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,040
Call me!
485
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,616
Listen, Petey,
about that thumb drive.
486
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,360
George, give us a minute, would you?
487
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,416
- Did you watch it?
- I did.
488
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,616
- And what was on it?
- Well,
489
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,696
it wasn't the preparations clips,
it was pornography.
490
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,096
Yeah, and who was in the porn?
491
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,176
You were in the porn.
492
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,416
And what was happening?
493
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,016
Well, you were on a dog leash
to start with,
494
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,536
and then a woman,
who wasn't your wife,
495
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:41,736
was leading you round a room.
496
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:42,936
Then what was I doing?
497
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,976
Then there was some weeing
498
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,296
and a lot of you having sex
with this woman.
499
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,576
And what positions did we get in?
500
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,136
Well, missionary, doggie...
501
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,376
Did you see me ejaculate?
502
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,576
The point is... is I know this woman
was Chris Booth's wife,
503
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,216
and it's probably just as well
504
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,496
that I didn't hand the drive
back into the coaching staff.
505
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,536
- Why?
- Well, because now
506
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,296
Chris won't find out.
507
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,456
I wanted Chris to find out,
that was the whole fucking point.
508
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,056
I wasn't letting Booth's missus
rump me up the arse
509
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,336
cos I don't like sitting down
for a week, was I?
510
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,176
I was banking on you watching it,
then telling him
511
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,856
cos you would think
it was the right thing to do.
512
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,656
Why?
513
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,296
Why would you want to upset Chris?
The team are doing so well.
514
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,696
I don't care, I want him gone.
515
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,136
Remember what you said to me
about Cesare?
516
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,936
You don't want to be
the one to stick the knife in.
517
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,616
Hmm.
518
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,056
I've got to know you.
519
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,296
You're a sensitive man.
520
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,976
Do not let your insecurities
drive you.
521
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,016
Trust me, you don't have to do this
to Chris to get what you want.
522
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,080
Maybe.
523
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,536
- Sleep on it.
- All right.
524
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,320
But I won't be sleeping on my back
after the seeing-to I've just had.
525
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,736
Benji Achebe,
526
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,136
knocking on the door
of the England squad.
527
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,176
Benji, Benji...
528
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,736
- Can I have your autograph?
- Yeah, man, come on.
529
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,936
Benji, Benji,
are you going to play for England?
530
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,536
- Benji, can I get a photo?
- Yeah.
531
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,576
Benji.
532
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,576
I hear England are speaking to you.
533
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,656
Congratulations.
534
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:03,800
When can we talk, huh?
535
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,896
You did all right here, Brian.
536
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,376
Yeah, I'm good at my job.
537
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,016
You're not,
but it looks pretty decent.
538
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,960
- Where's the dog?
- Surprise.
539
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,896
How long's it been in there?
540
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,856
Um, er, a while.
541
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,616
Yeah, a while.
542
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,056
Since before everyone arrived,
actually.
543
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,880
Right.
544
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,376
It's a nice place you've got here,
Jack.
545
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,656
Thanks. When do you... move in?
546
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,056
Er...
547
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,336
Oh! Argh...
548
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,816
It's the wife - "Wa-wa-wa!"
549
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,176
No, it's all good.
550
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,536
No, things are going really well
since I got this new job.
551
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,520
You know, really well.
552
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,320
Oh.
553
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:02,480
Mm, s...
554
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,656
How was he?
555
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,016
Did you tell him you saw
Petey getting shafted by his wife?
556
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,856
- No, I've got a lot on me mind.
- Yeah.
557
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,656
Yeah. No, yeah. It's probably
not a good time anyway, so...
558
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,136
Er, Jack, I don't think we should
leave it too much longer
559
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,176
before the big reveal.
560
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,496
OK, well, can you, um,
you know, say something,
561
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,936
get everyone's attention?
562
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,256
Yeah, sure thing.
563
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,576
Everybody,
shut up and pay attention!
564
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,640
Jack is going to give Ruth
her present!
565
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,816
They're ready now.
566
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,296
Cheers.
567
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,296
Right, wish me luck.
568
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,576
Why? What are you going to do?
569
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,360
I'm going to go out on a limb
for the woman I love.
570
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,776
What have you got me, then?
571
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,136
Er, it's a surprise.
572
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,056
Could you put on this blindfold?
573
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,416
Oh!
574
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,360
- That's a bit sexy.
- Yeah, if you like.
575
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,176
Oh. Nice bow.
576
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,760
Have a feel inside.
577
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,816
Is it soft, yeah?
578
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,376
Um...
579
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,856
Yeah, small and soft.
580
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,240
- Yeah.
- And squishy.
581
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,080
Ooh!
582
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,896
Huh?
583
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,616
Er...
584
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,896
What...
585
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,896
What is going on?
586
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,216
Will you marry me?
587
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:26,520
What...?
588
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,456
Jesus, what the fuck
are you doing, Jack?
589
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,176
That is not water sports, Jack,
that's sh...
590
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,440
Sorry.
591
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,496
Oh, my God, it's in my hair,
it's in my hair.
592
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,176
Well, it looks like
Jack's single again.
593
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,520
I knew it - I knew you were useless.
594
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,776
Obviously, we're all delighted
595
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,176
that you've decided
to pledge your future to England.
596
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,936
Well, I'm just going to keep working
hard and hope for that call-up.
597
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,896
And Olivia said she's dealing
with getting the registration back
598
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,576
from the, er... the Ghana...
599
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,336
- Guyana.
- Guyana FA.
600
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,816
Now, er, there's one rather
unexpected issue that has come up.
601
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,536
Oh, not the Malaysian
betting syndicate thing.
602
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,256
That was a genuine mix-up.
603
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,176
No. I'm sorry?
604
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,576
I thought it was a prank.
605
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:19,176
No, um, I was going to say that,
due to sensitivities these days,
606
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,576
we conduct a full social media check.
607
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,216
- Oh, for fuck's sake, don't do that.
- We already have,
608
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:29,056
and there's some, well,
concerning material on your feeds.
609
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,320
Listen, you can't prove
the Earth's not flat.
610
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,096
Yes, you can. Well,
you... you easily can.
611
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,456
All right, what about
9/11 being an inside job?
612
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:38,576
Everyone believes that one, right?
613
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,880
Benji, give us a minute?
614
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,576
All right, Mattie? I heard Jack gave
one of the women's team a box of shit
615
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,016
for her birthday.
616
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,056
True.
617
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,376
So I've been thinking
about what you said,
618
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,976
and I wondered if maybe
I was letting my insecurity
619
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,456
drive my decision-making.
620
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,176
Good, I'm glad you're thinking
like that, Petey.
621
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,096
And then I remembered waiting for
things I want to happen is boring.
622
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,736
- Sorry?
- Instead of waiting for you
623
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,416
to tell him I've been smashing
his wife left, right and centre,
624
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,016
I am going to project our lovemaking
625
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,960
onto the screen
during our video analysis session.
626
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,776
"Cunnilingus on your wife -
analyse that, Chris."
627
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,176
Jesus Christ, you're a psychopath.
628
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,216
Don't do that. Don't...
You'll destroy him.
629
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,296
Er, that's the fucking point, Poirot.
630
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,736
Fine, fine. I'll tell him.
631
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,616
At least that'll lessen
the humiliation by, like, 1%.
632
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,216
I knew you'd come around.
633
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,480
Now, when's my next reading lesson?
634
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,656
Boss. Chris.
635
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,776
- Can I have a quick word?
- Yeah, course, mate,
636
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,000
what's on your mind?
637
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,120
What is that?
638
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,096
Dirty as all fuck!
639
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,736
Am I bigger than Chris?
640
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,456
Chris is a worm.
641
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,200
You're a snake!
642
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,256
So big!
643
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,016
Hey.
644
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,216
Where is the boss?
645
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,256
Oh, I'm not sure, Pascal.
646
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,816
I want to complement him
on his wife's tits.
647
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,880
- Yeah.
- Mm.
648
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,056
I think Chris might actually be
all right.
649
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,936
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
650
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,176
he seemed calm when he walked off,
651
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,936
and his marriage
has been on the rocks a while.
652
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,040
Yeah, he'll probably be a lot happier
now he's getting divorced.
653
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:41,480
Football.
654
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,640
Football.
655
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,440
It's fucking football.
656
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,440
Here.
657
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,656
- Have a fucking football!
- Oh!
658
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,720
Fucking football arseholes!
659
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,576
You think that's funny?
660
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:08,736
Do you?
661
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,616
You like laughing so much!
662
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,776
Chris, face it - you've not got
the temperament for management.
663
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:15,840
I did have.
664
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:17,960
I really did have.
665
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:20,800
We kept winning!
666
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,976
And then what?
Then what happened, I wonder. Hmm?
667
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,776
You lost the dressing room,
they stopped playing for you.
668
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,840
You fucked my wife
669
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,296
is what happened!
670
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,240
That is what happened!
671
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,496
So have a fucking ball!
672
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,216
Fuck!
673
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,400
Argh!
674
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,096
So, because of what happened earlier,
675
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,816
Chris has left the club
and will be staying in a hotel
676
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:54,936
- for a while.
- Yeah,
677
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,456
a hotel that you can't leave
and that's full of nurses.
678
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,576
Obviously, we'd be grateful
if none of this leaked out.
679
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,296
And I have some news.
680
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:04,760
I have just purchased a new car!
681
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,256
And also Petey Brooks
is the caretaker manager,
682
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:13,696
cos now he can screw the manager's
wife and no-one'll go crazy.
683
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,216
Not crazy.
684
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,216
We've been over that.
685
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,016
Petey Brooks is a club legend.
686
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,136
He bleeds red.
687
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,960
He is going to be the greatest
manager this club's ever had.
688
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,816
Oi, Mattie. Over here.
689
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,056
Petey! Petey!
690
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,576
They said you banned me
from the training ground.
691
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:36,816
Totally pranked me.
692
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,896
- Oh, right, yeah.
- Very funny.
693
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,576
- You cheeky fucker.
- Yeah, what do you want, Paul?
694
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,616
You're the boss, Petey.
695
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:45,816
The boss!
696
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,336
So bring me back properly.
697
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:48,416
A job.
698
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,256
Hey, it'll be like the old times,
won't it? And I'll do anything.
699
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:56,440
I could take training, or clean the
kit, or even move the cones round.
700
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,120
Please, mate.
701
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,400
I'm really struggling out there.
702
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:05,840
I'm drinking just to fill the days,
I
703
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:08,800
I need football.
704
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,040
Help me out, mate.
705
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,680
For old times' sake?
706
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:16,736
Security!
707
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,176
Classic banter.
708
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,416
Yeah. Security.
709
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,176
Great bants!
710
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,696
Go on your way.
711
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,096
I'll call you, all right, Petey?
712
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:25,616
Yeah, I'll text you!
713
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,616
That's it, come on.
714
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:28,936
What did you want, Petey?
715
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,256
What am I called?
716
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,360
- Seriously?
- Yes.
717
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,016
What did you want, boss?
718
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,176
I just wanted to say we need
to step up the reading lessons.
719
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,216
Really?
720
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:39,816
Got to keep an eye on those fan
forums,
721
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,576
make sure they ain't turning
against me.
722
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,576
- You're a good lad.
- Thank you.
723
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,480
Boss.
724
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:49,560
I love the sound of that.
725
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,736
Well?
726
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:56,976
At least Petey's happy.
727
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,536
Assuming someone says
they're going to kill you,
728
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:00,616
do you think they mean it?
729
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:01,816
Hard to tell it. Who is it?
730
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:02,896
Malaysian gangsters.
731
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,360
Yeah, I'd reckon they mean it.
732
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:07,416
That makes sense.
733
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,896
- Ruth dumped you?
- Yeah, let's go.
734
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,896
Are you texting her?
735
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,576
Nah, putting a bet on us
to get relegated next season.
736
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,120
Decent odds, to be fair.
737
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,280
What the fuck?
What are you stirring for? Petey!
738
00:29:24,330 --> 00:29:28,880
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