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1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,168
Previously on Californication...
2
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My mama!
3
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:07,172
That thirsty little nose of yours
is costing us some money.
4
00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,717
- I'm sorry, Daddy.
- You're going to your mother's.
5
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:13,429
Going to my mother's
makes me want to do drugs!
6
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:14,722
(Hank) What the fuck is this?
7
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:16,223
A little something to put in your book.
8
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We drove out here together.
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I ended up producing. She ended up alone.
10
00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:20,686
Hi. You don't know me.
11
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,688
My name is Hank Moody. I'm a writer.
12
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:25,024
I want to ask you a question
about Lew Ashby.
13
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,775
Did I say that you could talk to her?
14
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,236
Jesus. You've got a bit of
an overprotective vibe.
15
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:32,573
I have many vices, my friend,
but jailbaiting ain't one of them.
16
00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:34,867
(They laugh)
17
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,285
Excuse me, gents.
18
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,162
All right, repeat after me.
19
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,955
- I will never...
- "I will never..."
20
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,665
...fuck Mia again.
21
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,294
Oh, no! You didn't!
This is sick and wrong!
22
00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:57,639
(Mia) ♪ Your face is that place
23
00:00:57,682 --> 00:01:00,184
♪ Your face is that place
24
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:03,854
I'll make you a deal. You guys stop playing,
and I'll accept Jesus...
25
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,106
as my personal saviour.
26
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,816
Who the fuck are you?
27
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,111
My bad.
You guys keep livin' the dream.
28
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:18,077
♪ There is a place for us
where love has no shame
29
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♪ It's not about the years
30
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♪ It's about the tears
31
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♪ And when I look for grace
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♪ Your face is that place
33
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:40,099
♪ Your face
is that place
34
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:44,019
♪ Your face is that place ♪
35
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,395
Wow!
36
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,482
Wow. For once I believe
you actually wrote something.
37
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:52,903
I also believe that you should honestly
consider never writing anything ever again.
38
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,656
Thanks, but I'm not interested in the opinion
39
00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:58,700
of someone whose cultural significance
went out with Hammer pants.
40
00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:02,329
Don't knock Hammer pants.
They let a man move. Ow!
41
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,415
What did you think, baby?
42
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,542
I love it.
43
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:10,003
It's as though Janis and Alanis had a baby.
44
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:14,341
Yeah, and they put it in a dumpster
to howl away its pathetic little existence.
45
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:18,637
Wow.
I'm gonna be thinking about that all day.
46
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,473
And you can think about this.
47
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,394
(Hank coughs, clears throat)
48
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,358
- And you, Hankie, can think about this!
- Ooh.
49
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,026
- Yeah.
- Ow.
50
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,447
Hey, Ashby.
I just have one thing to say.
51
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:41,076
♪ Your face is that place
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
52
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:44,621
I don't want to break the girl's heart,
but I can't take any more power ballads.
53
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:45,998
Suggestions, please.
54
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,417
Extricate yourself immediately, if not sooner.
55
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:52,129
But, Jesus, she fucks
like she knows things, you know?
56
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,464
Like she's been places,
seen some shit.
57
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:57,467
Wait, wait, wait. How did the interview
with my old lady go?
58
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,552
It went.
59
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,888
Yeah? What did, uh...
What did she say about me?
60
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,556
She misses me, right?
61
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,974
I mean, at least in the sack.
62
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,393
- I'll know more when I see her again.
- Whoa, whoa.
63
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,854
Whoa. Moody, I thought this thing was over.
64
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:12,316
I'm going over there right now
after I douche my ears.
65
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,276
Well, go then. Enjoy.
66
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:18,447
You touch her, I will cut
your cheeks with a straight razor.
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00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:19,740
Ha, ha, ha.
68
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,783
(They laugh)
69
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,493
Fft! Fft!
70
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:16,630
(Laughs) That is bullshit.
He's just being dramatic.
71
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,091
I don't mean as much to him
as he'd have you believe.
72
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:22,511
I don't know, lady. To hear him tell it,
you're the one that got away.
73
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,554
Ran away screaming is more like it.
74
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,266
- What was he like back then?
- Hm.
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00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:31,270
I guess probably the same as he is now,
76
00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,479
a Lost Boy.
77
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:36,566
Sweet, well-intentioned, loves the women...
78
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,026
A little too much.
79
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,612
What makes him so good, then?
What do you think?
80
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,072
You know what? He listens.
81
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,449
He hears things in a song
that no one else can.
82
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:47,786
- So, what was the last straw?
- None of your business.
83
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,415
Janie Jones, I do believe
the man is still in love with you.
84
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,750
His sun rises and sets with you.
85
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,754
I think that he would toss everything he's got
just to get another shot with you.
86
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,923
That's what I believe.
87
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,886
We were in the middle
of living our happily-ever-after
88
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,556
when I walked in on him
one day writing a song
89
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:10,058
with a Sheryl Crow wannabe.
90
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,311
And, I don't know, I just freaked out.
91
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:15,230
I mean, it was more intimate than fucking.
92
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,942
I know he always said he had to fall
in love with everyone he worked with,
93
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,236
he had to open himself up to the music,
94
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,613
but I guess I just...
95
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,783
got sick of sharing him.
96
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:30,329
So I bailed.
Does that make me superficial?
97
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:35,375
No. Just human.
98
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,587
Look at this, it looks like
you got the happily-ever-after after all.
99
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,757
- Damn straight.
- Don't you want to talk to him?
100
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,718
Just out of curiosity.
Don't you miss him a little bit?
101
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,303
Sure, I miss him.
102
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,138
Like you'd miss a bad case of the crabs
103
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,599
if you got them from Robert Plant
or Jesus or someone.
104
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:54,978
Yeah, that is a little-known fact about Jesus.
He was well-known for his VD.
105
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:58,231
He made the ladies itch all the way
from Galilee to Nazareth.
106
00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,900
You're just like him.
107
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,194
Jesus? You know, I get that a lot.
108
00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,487
- You do?
- Yeah.
109
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,823
- Let's see if you can walk on water.
- Hm? Oh. Oop. Save my words!
110
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,576
(She laughs)
111
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,497
- What are you, a child?
- What are you, a grown-up?
112
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,042
You ruined a perfectly good glass of Scotch.
113
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,835
Get back in here. The water's warm.
114
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,797
I believe we should do
a little synchronised swimming.
115
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:26,718
No, I think that's enough for one day. I have
revealed way more than I thought I should.
116
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:27,969
How'd you do that?
117
00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:31,056
It's what I do. It's a gift.
118
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:34,226
- (Man) Janie!
- What is that, the balls and chain?
119
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,061
Yeah. This does not look good. Come here.
120
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,813
Janie, where the fuck are you?
121
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:39,815
- Come on.
- Hold on, hold on.
122
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:44,611
Just...
Just wait in here for a few minutes.
123
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,737
I'll be back.
124
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,367
I want you to take her
directly to the airport, OK?
125
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,328
Whatever's on the meter
when you get there, I will triple it
126
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:56,373
if you see to it she makes it
to the security line.
127
00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,253
Don't worry, Daddy. I'll be a good girl.
128
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:04,005
It's really hard for me
to trust you right now, baby.
129
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:05,465
I know.
130
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:09,678
My dirty little whore of a nose
is sorry that she let you down.
131
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,014
But she loves you so much
she's willing to go chill out at her mother's.
132
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:17,185
Wow. I've never seen you go voluntarily
to your mother's before.
133
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,229
I want to fix this, Charlie.
134
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:23,650
And if it means shacking up with that troll,
that's what I'm gonna do.
135
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,406
- Let's go.
- Why?
136
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,866
- Come on.
- What are you doing?
137
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:34,077
- I should drive you.
- No. You have your meeting.
138
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,495
Well, we'll reschedule.
139
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,664
Baby, I'm a big girl.
140
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:42,210
You need to stay here
and take care of you and Daisy.
141
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,673
I promise we won't have any fun
while you're gone.
142
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,509
We'll be wishing we were at
a retirement community in Tucson.
143
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:53,722
Oh, yeah. Nothing like
pinochle and menopause jokes.
144
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,765
A blur of canes and walkers.
145
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,894
But look for me,
I'll be the one soliciting all the grey-hairs,
146
00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:01,188
"I'll suck your dick, old man."
147
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,440
Bye, baby.
148
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,531
Put down those shuffleboard sticks.
149
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,493
Marcy's coming to suck your dicks!
150
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,673
(Phone rings)
151
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,719
- Hello?
- It's your knight in shining armour.
152
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,138
Your lord? Your pasha?
153
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,932
What's Mandarin for "dream lover"?
154
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:38,099
(Fake Mandarin)
155
00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:41,645
Probably the opposite
of whatever the word for "mouth rapist" is.
156
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:47,317
Oh. Well, I'm not gonna be there
to pick up Becca from school today, OK?
157
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,237
- I'll explain later.
- I can't wait to hear it.
158
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:54,199
No, it's actually a good one, but now
I've got to see a man about a horse, so...
159
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,671
(Urinates)
160
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,474
- Ah.
- (Gasps)
161
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:21,893
No baños.
162
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,938
So I used the sinkos.
163
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,106
(Zip)
164
00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:29,276
(School bell)
165
00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:37,325
Hey, you.
166
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,746
- No father-type figure.
- No.
167
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:46,126
But knowing your father, he'll probably be
here on Saturday or Sunday to pick you up.
168
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,712
I don't want to hear
anything bad about him.
169
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,463
OK.
170
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:54,551
- Hey! It's Mia.
- Don't bother.
171
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,012
She's not driving.
She's got other plans.
172
00:09:57,054 --> 00:10:00,724
Oh, really? What?
Like "older boyfriend" plans?
173
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,434
Something like that.
174
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:15,989
I don't do this nearly as much as you think.
175
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,991
Makes me paranoid.
176
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,993
Paranocio.
177
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,995
Yo.
178
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:26,124
Plus, the old lady, back when I had one,
didn't approve of me ingesting substances.
179
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,585
Not that she was above it herself.
180
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,338
Where do you stand on the issue?
181
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,591
Well, that wasn't exactly a response,
but I'll take it.
182
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:39,721
Hey, how does Mrs Jones seem to you?
183
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,974
Is she a good jefa?
184
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,185
Is she contento?
185
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:47,937
What's going on here?
A language barrier?
186
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:52,400
Mi vieja es stick up asso.
187
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:55,362
Uh... Hypocrita.
188
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:58,073
El doble standardo.
189
00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:01,785
Ella fumar sino si yo fumar...
190
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:02,911
Huh?
191
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,955
...ella cortar los cojones grandes.
- (Laughs)
192
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,457
Yes!
193
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,752
You're beautiful when you smile.
I wish you did speak English.
194
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:14,214
I have a lot to discuss on the subject
of accidental cunnilingus.
195
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,257
Why the fuck wouldn't I speak English?
196
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,550
Oh, hello!
197
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:21,930
Give a brother a heads-up before
he divulges his entire history with women.
198
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:25,183
I was enjoying your Spanglish
way too much to stop you.
199
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,476
My Spanglish is muy bueno.
200
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,560
(Man) Rosario!
201
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,687
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
202
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:31,314
- What?
- Get out of here. Go! Go!
203
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,149
- Rosario.
- Oh, shit.
204
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,818
Rosario?
205
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,320
Mr Jones.
206
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,780
Hmph.
207
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:42,826
Well, I was thinking that now
might be the perfect time
208
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,537
for one of our performance reviews.
209
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:48,748
Oh, um...
Maybe later, when I finish my work?
210
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,959
This is part of your work.
211
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,180
Dios mio.
212
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:13,440
I'm fairly new to porn myself.
Still, let me just say,
213
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:16,735
it's nice to be in an office
occupied by a real executive.
214
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,696
- On a couch that's actually used for sitting.
- (They laugh)
215
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,072
Love it!
216
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:24,909
Daisy, you are so funny.
Oh, do the end of Vaginatown.
217
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:25,994
Oh.
218
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:29,164
"She's my sister, my daughter, my sister...
219
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,791
"Oh, I'll never figure it out
without a cock in me!"
220
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,793
(Agent laughs)
221
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,546
I didn't realise that also played comedically.
222
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:42,886
We think that Daisy has what it takes
to be an Intense girl.
223
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,679
That is great. Just great.
224
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,265
But we're fielding offers from a few studios,
225
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:50,268
so can you tell us what sets Intense apart?
226
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,480
Daisy will have access to our marketing
and distribution teams.
227
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:57,275
And with that kind of exposure,
Daisy can name her price at strip clubs,
228
00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,987
fan events, tours.
Not to mention merchandising.
229
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:05,784
Her face will be on the package
of thousands of rubber vaginas.
230
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,660
- (He whistles)
- Great!
231
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:10,330
Of course, all Intense girls
are at least double D's.
232
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,874
You don't have a problem
getting implants, do you?
233
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:15,460
Wait a minute.
234
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,588
I'm no expert,
but I consider myself quite a masturbator.
235
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:22,217
I've certainly rubbed them out to girls
a lot smaller-chested than Daisy.
236
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:25,553
That porn does exist. But it's a niche.
237
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,555
Like shrimping or granny-fucking.
238
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,224
Who says shrimping is niche?
239
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:32,811
Look, Daisy. We love what we see.
240
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:35,104
We just want to see a little more of it, right?
241
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,397
Erm... Ah...
242
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,776
- I...
- Fine. Fine, but you got to know
243
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:44,030
that if my client is even gonna consider
this request, you'd be buying them.
244
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,825
We're not paying for fun bags.
245
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:51,996
You know, I'm all for a little affair
of the heart, but that dude?
246
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,541
I think you can do a lot better.
247
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:59,671
It wasn't always that bad. I fell for him at
first. He was gonna leave his wife for me.
248
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:00,880
- Yes.
- Yeah.
249
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:06,052
And he was gonna pay so my whole family
could go to college or some shit like that.
250
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:10,014
"Rosario, te amo, muchacha.
251
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,851
"Linda, hermosa, bella tú."
252
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,519
No me gusta.
253
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:19,607
Give me your jeans.
254
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,610
Oh, no, I don't want you to do
a whole load of dark.
255
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,779
I think I'm good. They're drying.
256
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,448
No, papi. Don't worry.
257
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,868
I just want to see you out of them.
258
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,755
- This is wrong on so many different levels.
- Uh-uh.
259
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:47,427
When we're done,
can you at least let me mop up?
260
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,804
Oh, my God.
261
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,018
- (Phone vibrates)
- Mm. Mm.
262
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,146
- It's my phone.
- Yeah.
263
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,487
Hello?
264
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,573
Mia is dating Lew Ashby!
265
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,116
(Gasps)
266
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,701
I am as surprised as you are.
267
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,827
What the fuck?
268
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,996
We are meant to be taking care of her,
269
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:19,876
not letting her skip school
so that she can sit in the laps of old men.
270
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,129
- You're the one that condoned it.
- Are you out of your fucking mind?
271
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:27,467
Who was the one that said dating an older
man was a "valid life experience"? Quote.
272
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:29,844
Fuck!
273
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,640
No, not... You know,
I didn't mean it like that.
274
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:37,060
I believe someone is owed an apology,
and his name is Hank.
275
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:41,606
No. No, because you brought this man
into our lives, OK? So you can fix it.
276
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,400
I tried to stop it.
Anyway, I have it on good authority
277
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:48,947
that relationship is not long for this world,
so relax.
278
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:53,159
- Wait a minute. Hank?
- Why are you saying Hank like that?
279
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,329
Like what? Like since when
did you care how I say Hank?
280
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,207
Why are you so up my ass
about the way I think you say Hank?
281
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:02,043
You're fucking paranoid.
Are you stoned?
282
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,379
- (Rosario) La vieja?
- Sh, sh, sh.
283
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:05,463
Fuck you.
284
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,094
- La vieja.
- Mm.
285
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,723
(Sighs)
286
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,934
I think we should reconsider.
287
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,145
- It's a career move.
- It's wrong is what it is.
288
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,189
We were fools to agree to surgery.
289
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,775
Thousands of rubber vaginas, Charlie.
290
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:30,238
Yeah, to get your face on those vaginas,
you have to undo your very Daisy-ness.
291
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,449
Everything in my career
has been leading up to this.
292
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,493
I want to be a star, Charlie.
293
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,869
Mm-mm.
294
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,706
The real stars
do not get their boobs done.
295
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:42,250
The Julias, the Meryls, the Nicoles.
296
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,919
Nicole Clitman? She has E's.
297
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,254
Ah.
298
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,798
She needs them
to distract people from the rest of her.
299
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,676
You don't. Come on. Daisy.
300
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,220
You know, don't hide behind silicone.
301
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,305
Be brave enough to be yourself.
302
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,516
You're a real star.
303
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,906
Hey. Lew.
304
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,868
Hey. Lew!
305
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,078
You're an asshole!
306
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,791
- But we haven't even dated.
- No, I'm a little too old for you.
307
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,209
You date children.
308
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:29,338
- Oh. Mia.
- Yeah, Mia. She's 17.
309
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,176
OK, but to be fair, when I met her,
I thought she was 19.
310
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,721
- Not helping, right?
- You're disgusting.
311
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,931
OK. Look... Hey, hey, hey.
312
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,850
Come on. Don't leave in a huff.
313
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,936
You know, I design houses for a living.
314
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,981
And usually, when someone wants
a giant behemoth like this,
315
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:49,150
it's because they're hiding from something.
316
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,526
Which is a good idea for you.
317
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:54,030
If you ever took the time to look in the mirror,
just for a second,
318
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,157
you'd see yourself as you really are.
319
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,035
There's a reason why
you can only attract 17-year-olds.
320
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,661
It's because you're pathetic!
321
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,040
(Thud, Karen screams)
322
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,877
Fuck.
323
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,715
- Think we'll make it out of here by sunset?
- Yeah, the coast is clear. Come on.
324
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,803
(Rosario) Don't fall again.
325
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,308
- Hey, there.
- What the fuck?
326
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,019
- (Hank) Hola.
- Who the fuck is this?
327
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,854
I know you from somewhere.
328
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,273
Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
329
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:31,234
Rosario here is my amiga.
330
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:35,113
She tells me when she called it quits
between you two, you didn't want to stop.
331
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,198
Now, I'm all for the...
332
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,575
That's cool. I'm not one to judge.
333
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:43,079
But you... The power relations
are skewed here, you understand?
334
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,581
Read your Karl Marx.
I want you to respect her shit.
335
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,626
- What are you talking about?
- I don't want to hear that she's been let go.
336
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:52,755
The day I hear about that, that's the day
your old lady hears about it, comprende?
337
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,048
- Fuck you.
- Fuck me?
338
00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,050
- No, fuck you, Ron.
- Fuck you, Ron.
339
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,970
- Yeah, fuck you, Ron.
- Fuck you, Ron.
340
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:01,139
- Yeah, this is over.
- It's over, buddy.
341
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:04,559
If it's any consolation,
I think she got you out of her system.
342
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:07,562
Several times. Twice in Spanish,
couple times in English.
343
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:08,646
(Rosario) Dos.
344
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,190
Once in Spanglish.
An underrated movie, in my opinion.
345
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,609
What's going on here?
346
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,238
Did you fuck my maid?
347
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,115
No hablo ingleses.
348
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,909
Wow. That is unbelievable.
349
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:25,413
(Sighs) Well, you know,
I was trying to make a graceful exit,
350
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:27,456
but apparently,
red-faced angry hockey Dad
351
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,334
likes to keep Baby in a corner
and keep his gate locked up.
352
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:31,752
What was I thinking,
353
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:35,840
letting the Hank Moodys and the Lew
Ashbys of the world back into my life?
354
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:40,219
You were probably thinking you needed
a break from red-faced angry hockey Dad.
355
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:43,472
Hey, um...
Let me just ask you about Rosario.
356
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:46,851
Can I ask you not to fire her,
if that's too much?
357
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:50,688
I get the feeling she needs the job
and there are mouths to feed, so...
358
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,565
I'm not gonna fire Rosario.
359
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:56,235
If she keeps on keeping house the way she
does, she can keep fucking my husband.
360
00:19:56,278 --> 00:20:00,114
Wow. You're some kind
of a neat-freak, huh?
361
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,325
Yeah. I'm not an idiot. I know all about it.
362
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,785
I just don't know that I actually care.
363
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,331
I'm not sure I buy that, Janie Jones.
364
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,000
Look, I know I'm not
on top of my game here,
365
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:15,171
but I don't want to lose
the most compelling part of my book, so...
366
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:19,926
I'm sure Lew Ashby has plenty of compelling
parts stashed around this entire city.
367
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,469
- But you're the key.
- Yeah.
368
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:25,306
Can we just finish this interview without,
you know, the dip in the pool
369
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,975
and the dip in the maid?
370
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,645
No. I'm done talking about Lew. Go.
371
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:35,816
If you want to see me again,
you just have to ask me out.
372
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:47,370
Hold that thought.
373
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,586
- Ooh, what is this stuff?
- OK. Here's the deal.
374
00:20:55,629 --> 00:21:02,134
See, my 57-second performance
in Vaginatown was no one-time thing.
375
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:04,679
- You come...
- Rather quickly.
376
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:05,888
You poor baby!
377
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,890
No, no, no! I'm lucky.
378
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:11,769
Lucky to live in an age
when there are various tools available
379
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:14,647
of which those of my ilk
can avail themselves.
380
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:18,150
See, there is numbing cream.
That's good stuff.
381
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,194
Extra-thick condoms...
382
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:23,614
- Anal beads?
- Oh, no. They shouldn't be in this box.
383
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,783
Those puppies make me come
like a fire hose.
384
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,744
Hey. Hey!
385
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,833
OK. You are not gonna need
any of that stuff with me.
386
00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:37,336
Hey. What are you doing?
387
00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:39,588
Look, I can't see you naked yet.
388
00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:43,092
OK. I'm gonna coach you through this.
389
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,969
Cock control is mainly mental.
390
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:48,681
So, what is your
most embarrassing teen moment?
391
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:51,851
High school. State debate championship.
392
00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:54,812
Yeah, I was ahead,
and then I popped a boner.
393
00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:56,564
So just think about that.
394
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,733
No good. I shame-jizz.
395
00:21:58,775 --> 00:21:59,984
OK.
396
00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,028
I'll just do the yonic pretzel.
397
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:04,572
What the fuck is a yonic pretzel?
398
00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:06,198
It's like a negative Kegel.
399
00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:09,452
- A negative what?
- It's just complicated vagina shit.
400
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:12,830
Every time you think you're gonna blow,
just pinch me.
401
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,957
Then that'll be my cue to pretzel, OK?
402
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,334
I don't know.
403
00:22:16,376 --> 00:22:18,461
Trust me.
404
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:22,465
You believed in me, and I believe in you.
405
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,092
I'm gonna get you through this.
406
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:39,565
- Here.
- Me? OK. Yeah.
407
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:42,568
A little anaesthetic never hurt.
408
00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:47,823
And you're right. I am an asshole.
409
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:49,533
I know.
410
00:22:49,576 --> 00:22:54,246
I'm not gonna lie to you
and say that Mia is an old soul, but...
411
00:22:55,290 --> 00:23:00,711
she is charming, witty, and gorgeous.
412
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:04,215
Yes, but she's less than half your age, Lew.
413
00:23:04,299 --> 00:23:06,550
But by the time charming,
witty and gorgeous women
414
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:08,803
get to be my age,
they want nothing to do with me.
415
00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:11,347
OK, so that's your rationale. That's OK.
416
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:15,393
It's true. Take yourself, for example.
You've had your share of man-children.
417
00:23:15,435 --> 00:23:16,811
- Excuse me!
- Whoo-hoo.
418
00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:20,189
You'd see me coming a mile away, right?
419
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,983
Man's got a point.
420
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:25,611
But I guess I wouldn't
have seen you coming at 17,
421
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:27,655
which is why we protect our children.
422
00:23:27,697 --> 00:23:30,616
OK. The whole age thing's
a real sticking point with you.
423
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:33,411
Jeez. Forgive a guy.
Can you just forgive a guy?
424
00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:36,330
Surely there's other older men
that have dated Mia, right?
425
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,582
No. Not as far as I know.
426
00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:40,960
- And if you did know?
- I don't know.
427
00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:44,380
If they were like you,
I wouldn't speak with them ever again.
428
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:47,341
- Interesting.
- What's interesting?
429
00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:49,552
Well, cos we're truth-telling. Um...
430
00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:55,433
- What?
- Nothing.
431
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,646
- I take women as they come to me.
- That's...
432
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:03,357
Any woman that's kind enough to have me,
I don't question.
433
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,651
That's beautiful. That's nice of you, Lew.
434
00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:07,820
- I missed a little bit.
- I...
435
00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:12,408
What the fuck?
436
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:13,701
(He laughs)
437
00:24:13,743 --> 00:24:15,953
I thought I saw a green light there. I did.
438
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:17,746
- No.
- No, absolutely.
439
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:18,956
What?
440
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:22,251
I've got to go. You're insane.
441
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,671
- Call me.
- (Door shuts)
442
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:27,381
(He laughs)
443
00:24:31,178 --> 00:24:32,928
Wow.
444
00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:35,055
Your Jedi clam tricks really work.
445
00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:36,140
Yeah?
446
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,975
Yeah. I'm really doing it.
447
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,518
Staying in the game.
448
00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:41,270
My penis is still in your vagina.
449
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:43,689
Way to go, champ!
450
00:24:46,401 --> 00:24:48,444
Holy shit!
451
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:50,279
I'm King of Fuck Mountain!
452
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,614
I could go for days!
453
00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:54,783
Oh, well, that's not totally necessary.
454
00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:57,036
It's no problem.
You just enjoy yourself.
455
00:24:57,078 --> 00:24:58,579
I'm actually a little sore.
456
00:24:58,622 --> 00:25:00,206
Oh.
457
00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:02,166
That's cool. Coming is my favourite part.
458
00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:04,126
Well, you earned it.
459
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:06,462
OK. Go!
460
00:25:06,546 --> 00:25:08,380
- Go!
- (Phone rings)
461
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:12,635
- OK, please don't pick that up. I'm chafing.
- (Answerphone beeps)
462
00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:15,679
Charlie, it's llene.
Where the hell is my daughter?
463
00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:18,974
She doesn't pick up. She doesn't call.
What the fuck, Runkle?
464
00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:21,101
She had manners before she married you.
465
00:25:22,270 --> 00:25:24,021
Son of a bitch!
466
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:28,567
Hey, it's the littlest of the Moodys.
I got sushi.
467
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,569
Play some Guitar Hero. What do you say?
468
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:32,029
Maybe some other time, Dad.
469
00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:34,740
No, no, no.
I got the kind with the paper boats.
470
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,325
You love you some paper boats.
471
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,035
- I'm meeting Damien.
- Oh, no.
472
00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:39,703
Oh. Oh.
473
00:25:39,746 --> 00:25:41,580
You know, fuck that Harry Chapin.
474
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:45,417
Prophetic bastard.
Cat's in the Cradle. Motherfucker.
475
00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:47,378
I should have picked her up.
476
00:25:47,420 --> 00:25:49,797
Right. Well, it's not her loss.
477
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:53,801
You know, you had your chance,
and now you don't, so...
478
00:25:55,303 --> 00:25:56,679
Oh, yeah. You want sushi?
479
00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,722
No. Would that I could.
480
00:25:58,765 --> 00:26:03,310
I have to go meet Sonja
and your best friend at the gallery...
481
00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:07,022
The bearded bozo?
Well, take some. I got way too much.
482
00:26:07,065 --> 00:26:10,317
- It doesn't travel well, but thank you.
- I got 20 pounds. Paper boats...
483
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:15,447
But you could, you know, just make yourself
at home and lock up after.
484
00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:19,493
Well, yeah.
This used to be my home once.
485
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:23,914
And I used to be your girl once.
486
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:27,501
- OK.
- Hey, about, um...
487
00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:29,545
you know, the Mia thing with Ashby.
488
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:32,256
- Oh.
- I'll take care of it. I'm gonna protect her.
489
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:34,883
Oh. It's already taken care of.
490
00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:37,469
No, no. It's unforgivable.
She's still a kid.
491
00:26:37,512 --> 00:26:39,888
- I took care of it.
- How? How did you do that?
492
00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:42,016
The guy's an animal, a moving train.
493
00:26:42,058 --> 00:26:43,726
He's pure id.
494
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:45,227
Yeah, you're right.
495
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,815
But he is a great kisser, so...
496
00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:50,899
(Scoffs) What?
497
00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:54,862
- Wha...
- I think you heard me.
498
00:26:54,904 --> 00:26:56,363
- I...
- Mm-hm.
499
00:26:56,406 --> 00:27:01,994
So, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go see a man about a horse.
500
00:27:02,037 --> 00:27:07,750
♪ How can I be wrong if
the decision's already made
501
00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:14,632
♪ Oh, woman, I feel,
I feel a million miles away
502
00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:20,346
♪ Oh, woman ♪
503
00:27:22,557 --> 00:27:28,562
♪ Your face is that place
504
00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:35,194
♪ Your face
is that place
505
00:27:35,236 --> 00:27:42,409
♪ Your face is that place
♪ Your face is that place
506
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:49,500
♪ There's a place for us
where age has no name
507
00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:56,423
♪ There's a place for us
where love has no shame ♪
39568
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