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1
00:01:27,578 --> 00:01:32,017
Sir, how often should one
exonerate one's bowels?
2
00:01:32,083 --> 00:01:35,019
One should never, ever interrupt
one's desire to defecate.
3
00:01:35,086 --> 00:01:38,544
I have inquired at the Bronx
and London zoos...
4
00:01:38,622 --> 00:01:42,182
as to the daily bowel
evacuation of primates.
5
00:01:42,258 --> 00:01:45,488
It's not once, twice
or three times, sir, but four.
6
00:01:45,561 --> 00:01:48,461
At the end of an average day
their cages are filled...
7
00:01:48,529 --> 00:01:51,727
with a veritable mountain
of natural health.
8
00:01:51,799 --> 00:01:53,130
And sex?
9
00:01:53,201 --> 00:01:56,067
Sex is the sewer drain
of a healthy body, sir.
10
00:01:56,137 --> 00:02:01,162
Any use of the sexual act other than
procreation is a waste of vital energy.
11
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,230
Wasted seeds are wasted lives.
12
00:02:03,308 --> 00:02:05,776
- Eating meat?
- He that killeth the ox...
13
00:02:05,845 --> 00:02:08,039
is as if he slew a man.
14
00:02:08,112 --> 00:02:12,515
Each juicy morsel of meat is alive
and swarming with the same filth...
15
00:02:12,584 --> 00:02:15,642
as found in the carcass
of a dead rat.
16
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:20,212
A meat eater, sir, is drowning
in a tide of gore. What is a sausage?
17
00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:22,985
A sausage is an indigestible balloon...
18
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,652
of decayed beef
riddled with tuberculosis.
19
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,318
Eat it and die.
20
00:02:27,395 --> 00:02:30,795
For I have seen
many a repentant meat glutton...
21
00:02:30,865 --> 00:02:35,597
his body full of uric acid and remorse,
his soul adrift on a raft...
22
00:02:35,668 --> 00:02:37,635
in an ocean of poisonous slime...
23
00:02:37,704 --> 00:02:39,933
sloshing against the walls
of the body's kitchen.
24
00:02:40,005 --> 00:02:41,301
Smoking?
25
00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:44,570
The liver is the only thing
standing between the smoker and death.
26
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:47,702
Also certain other things
have to be avoided...
27
00:02:47,778 --> 00:02:50,404
like feather beds...
28
00:02:50,479 --> 00:02:52,141
and romantic novels...
29
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,581
and the touching of one's organs.
30
00:02:54,651 --> 00:02:58,017
Masturbation is the silent killer
of the night...
31
00:02:58,086 --> 00:03:01,784
the vilest sin of self-pollution,
the sin of Onan.
32
00:03:03,359 --> 00:03:06,623
Dr. Kellogg, how did you come
to invent the cornflake?
33
00:03:06,694 --> 00:03:10,855
The cornflake, sir, is just one of 75
of my creations for healthy living...
34
00:03:10,930 --> 00:03:14,127
among them peanut butter
and the electric blanket.
35
00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:18,000
And what about your imitators?
There are 103 other cornflakes...
36
00:03:18,069 --> 00:03:20,834
presently being manufactured
here in Battle Creek.
37
00:03:20,907 --> 00:03:23,873
Sir, corn is the Injun's gift
to the New World...
38
00:03:23,941 --> 00:03:26,842
and the cornflake is my gift
to the entire world.
39
00:03:26,911 --> 00:03:28,901
And what do you think
about your brother?
40
00:03:28,978 --> 00:03:31,606
My younger brother, W.K. Kellogg,
worked for me...
41
00:03:31,681 --> 00:03:34,674
as a low-paid assistant for many years.
42
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:38,847
Now he's on his own and amassing
fortunes with my cornflake invention.
43
00:03:38,923 --> 00:03:42,548
Unfortunately he has chosen
the family name to promote it.
44
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:45,649
But the whole world knows
only one Kellogg:
45
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,091
Me, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg...
46
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:52,791
surgeon, inventor, author and crusader
for biological livin'.
47
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,333
I do not seek monetary reward...
48
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,460
for I am called to a greater glory.
49
00:03:58,537 --> 00:04:00,095
Here, at the Battle Creek Sanitarium...
50
00:04:00,172 --> 00:04:03,436
the spirits soar,
the mind is educated...
51
00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:06,840
and the bowels...
the bowels are born again.
52
00:04:08,244 --> 00:04:11,407
Every woman
53
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,743
And every man
54
00:04:14,815 --> 00:04:18,444
Is at the temple of health
55
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,818
Here at the Battle Creek San
56
00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:34,394
In, out. In, out.
57
00:04:34,465 --> 00:04:36,900
In, out. In, out.
58
00:05:30,677 --> 00:05:33,112
- Did you?
- Nothing.
59
00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:35,340
Oh, my darling Will, I'm so sorry.
60
00:05:35,416 --> 00:05:37,712
Eleanor, if I could only
eat something.
61
00:05:37,783 --> 00:05:39,911
My poor thing.
62
00:05:39,986 --> 00:05:41,817
Not now, Will.
63
00:05:55,599 --> 00:05:58,191
Excuse me, sir. But would you mind
if we joined your table?
64
00:05:58,267 --> 00:06:00,031
I'm afraid the dining car
is rather crowded.
65
00:06:00,103 --> 00:06:02,467
- No, no, no. Not at all. Please.
- Thank you.
66
00:06:02,538 --> 00:06:04,630
- Ossining. Charles Ossining.
- Eleanor Lightbody.
67
00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:06,765
And this is my husband, Will.
68
00:06:06,841 --> 00:06:10,832
- How do you do.
- Allow me to give you my card.
69
00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,903
I'm in the breakfast food business.
70
00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:15,539
Really? Which one? Try-a-Bita?
Krinkle? Foodle?
71
00:06:15,615 --> 00:06:18,584
Cero-Fruito? Fush?
Goodness, there's so many, suddenly.
72
00:06:18,651 --> 00:06:20,016
- It's hard to keep up.
- Per-Fo.
73
00:06:20,087 --> 00:06:22,280
Per-Fo? Don't believe
I've heard of that one.
74
00:06:22,354 --> 00:06:24,117
Actually, we haven't started yet.
75
00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:26,453
In fact, I'm on my way to Battle Creek
to start the company.
76
00:06:26,525 --> 00:06:29,321
- How nice.
- You're eating oysters.
77
00:06:29,392 --> 00:06:31,553
Yes. Bluepoints.
They're quite good.
78
00:06:31,629 --> 00:06:33,357
- Would you like to try one?
- No!
79
00:06:34,564 --> 00:06:37,761
- It's his stomach.
- May I take your order, sir, madam?
80
00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:40,630
Oh, yes.
81
00:06:40,702 --> 00:06:43,297
I'll have the cucumber salad
and a glass of water. Thank you.
82
00:06:43,372 --> 00:06:45,497
- And sir?
- Toast. And a glass of water.
83
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,368
- Toast?
- Toast.
84
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,306
And how would you like that, sir?
85
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:53,807
Toasted. Dry. On its own.
On a plate.
86
00:06:53,879 --> 00:06:55,437
Certainly, sir.
87
00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:00,341
Battle Creek, you say.
Well, what a coincidence.
88
00:07:00,418 --> 00:07:03,410
That's our destination too. We're going
to the sanitarium for the cure.
89
00:07:03,488 --> 00:07:05,852
- I've never been.
- Third time for me. First for Will.
90
00:07:05,923 --> 00:07:07,617
I'm one of those Battle freaks
that you read about.
91
00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:09,819
Well, well, well.
92
00:07:09,894 --> 00:07:12,883
- Scavengers of the sea, you know.
- Excuse me?
93
00:07:12,962 --> 00:07:14,758
Eleanor, not again, please.
94
00:07:14,830 --> 00:07:17,321
Oysters live in muck and filth,
and they feed on it.
95
00:07:17,398 --> 00:07:19,026
You said you wouldn't do this.
96
00:07:20,301 --> 00:07:22,736
Oyster juice
is nothing more than urine.
97
00:07:22,804 --> 00:07:25,327
- Urine?
- Piss, to use the vernacular.
98
00:07:25,405 --> 00:07:28,000
Eleanor, that's enough!
99
00:07:28,075 --> 00:07:31,304
But, Will, the gentleman should know
that he's ingesting slimy piss.
100
00:07:31,378 --> 00:07:33,071
Will you never shut up!
101
00:07:36,215 --> 00:07:37,546
Oh, my God!
102
00:07:43,654 --> 00:07:46,054
Terrible thing, indigestion.
103
00:07:59,634 --> 00:08:02,033
Bye, Mr. Ossining.
Good luck with your new company.
104
00:08:02,102 --> 00:08:03,536
Good-bye.
105
00:08:16,247 --> 00:08:18,613
Bend and stretch.
106
00:08:21,951 --> 00:08:25,114
Twist, twist.
107
00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:08,587
And I will show to you...
108
00:09:08,658 --> 00:09:11,421
that in the sluggish bowels
of the flesh eater...
109
00:09:11,493 --> 00:09:14,017
lays the source of 9/10...
9/10...
110
00:09:14,093 --> 00:09:16,790
of the chronic ills
from which human beings suffer.
111
00:09:16,864 --> 00:09:19,127
Ah, Mr. Dab, you're back.
112
00:09:19,199 --> 00:09:23,397
Good. We can continue with the " Question
Box" with a small demonstration.
113
00:09:23,470 --> 00:09:26,233
- Sir, he's here.
- Later, Poult, later. Sit down.
114
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,335
Ladies and gentlemen, here I have
in front of me a steak...
115
00:09:32,409 --> 00:09:35,173
which my assistant, Mr. Poultney Dab,
assures me...
116
00:09:35,246 --> 00:09:39,340
is the finest porterhouse the nearby
Post Tavern Hotel has to offer.
117
00:09:39,415 --> 00:09:43,546
Also, I have here
a bag of horse excreta.
118
00:09:44,821 --> 00:09:48,219
Oh, yes. Manure.
119
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:52,454
Dung from our very own stables,
so fresh it is still warm.
120
00:09:54,229 --> 00:09:56,696
Hey, and steaming!
121
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,662
Dr. Linniman, would you be so kind
as to prepare a sample of each...
122
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,460
for the microscopes, please?
123
00:10:04,034 --> 00:10:06,766
Ladies and gentlemen, I will now
provide you with proof...
124
00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:08,896
which I fervently hope
will forever turn you away...
125
00:10:08,973 --> 00:10:11,407
from the disgustin' habit
of eating meat.
126
00:10:11,474 --> 00:10:14,000
Disgustin' not only because
we should never take the lives...
127
00:10:14,078 --> 00:10:17,638
of our fellow creatures, but disgustin'
because, my friends, what lurks...
128
00:10:17,713 --> 00:10:19,807
within that steak...
129
00:10:19,882 --> 00:10:24,080
is as bad or worse than that which
crawls inside that bag of barnyard dung.
130
00:10:25,552 --> 00:10:27,521
Now, may I have a volunteer, please?
131
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:32,385
Oh, come on, don't be shy.
132
00:10:34,694 --> 00:10:37,991
Miss Muntz, who I see
in the second row here.
133
00:10:38,062 --> 00:10:40,963
Would you be so kind as to come
to the table, Miss Muntz, please?
134
00:10:55,977 --> 00:10:57,409
Watch your step.
135
00:10:57,479 --> 00:10:59,709
- Thank you.
- Watch your step, sir.
136
00:11:01,514 --> 00:11:05,076
Oh, breathe it in, Will.
Can't you just smell it?
137
00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:11,153
We're both going to get well.
I just know it. It's a promise.
138
00:11:15,526 --> 00:11:17,689
What do you see, Miss Muntz?
139
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,923
White specks crawling.
140
00:11:19,997 --> 00:11:22,931
Dr. Linniman, please, please,
do not keep us in suspense.
141
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,799
Please reveal to our good friends here
the identity of the offensive slide.
142
00:11:26,869 --> 00:11:32,204
Sir, Miss Muntz has identified
the porterhouse steak.
143
00:11:33,375 --> 00:11:37,004
Ladies and gentlemen, please come
to the podium and see for yourself.
144
00:12:17,177 --> 00:12:20,202
Oh, it's Dr. Kellogg's "Question Box."
What a pity we missed it.
145
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,579
- How much do I tip?
- Oh, no dear. Not at the San.
146
00:12:22,648 --> 00:12:25,674
Ah, Mr. Birdwhistle...
147
00:12:25,751 --> 00:12:29,710
Look, Will! There's the great man
himself. There's Dr. Kellogg.
148
00:12:29,788 --> 00:12:33,052
Working that program, are we?
Good girl.
149
00:12:33,125 --> 00:12:37,753
Mr. Abernathy. I trust the Protose broth
is helping with the flatulence?
150
00:12:37,828 --> 00:12:40,525
- Very well, Doctor.
- Good. Splendid.
151
00:12:40,598 --> 00:12:44,589
Ah, Mrs. Portois, a glow
in your cheeks I detect.
152
00:12:44,666 --> 00:12:47,830
A veritable beacon
of natural health!
153
00:12:47,904 --> 00:12:49,596
How pleasing.
154
00:12:49,670 --> 00:12:53,300
Hello, Father.
Aren't you going to introduce me?
155
00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:57,310
- Do you have some spare change, miss?
- Excuse us, please.
156
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,709
How dare you, son?
I've told you never to come here.
157
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,304
Come on, Father,
give us a cuddle.
158
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,476
- You stink, sir.
- Don't we all in one way or another?
159
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:06,847
Your behavior is unconscionable.
160
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:11,581
- Now, why are you here?
- Money.
161
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:13,750
You've had all the money
you'll ever get from me, boy.
162
00:13:13,824 --> 00:13:15,620
Dr. Kellogg,
what a pleasure to see you.
163
00:13:15,692 --> 00:13:18,560
- Ah, yes, Mrs...
- Lightbody. Eleanor Lightbody.
164
00:13:18,628 --> 00:13:21,653
I'd like to introduce you
to my husband. This is Will.
165
00:13:21,729 --> 00:13:25,722
Hello, You look like you're on your
last leg. Can you spare some change?
166
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,734
Excuse us, please.
167
00:13:30,339 --> 00:13:32,567
- How much?
- One hundred.
168
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:35,401
Mr. Wilcox. Take this gentleman
to Mr. Phipps...
169
00:13:35,474 --> 00:13:37,637
and tell him to give him $100.
170
00:13:37,711 --> 00:13:41,735
Then show him the front gate.
Thank you.
171
00:13:43,149 --> 00:13:46,174
Poor wretch. A charity patient.
Ah, now, Mr. Lightbody, is it?
172
00:13:46,251 --> 00:13:49,618
How do you do, sir?
Oh, dear, you are unwell.
173
00:13:49,689 --> 00:13:53,122
Let me see your tongue, please.
Out more.
174
00:13:53,191 --> 00:13:55,954
Wider. More. That...
175
00:13:56,026 --> 00:13:57,685
Oh, yeah.
176
00:13:57,759 --> 00:13:59,988
The tongue is the billboard
to the bowels, Mr. Lightbody...
177
00:14:00,063 --> 00:14:03,293
and this piece of furry flesh between
my fingers shouts S-l-C-K, sick.
178
00:14:03,366 --> 00:14:07,891
You're a sick man, sir. As severe a case
of autointoxication as I've ever seen.
179
00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:11,334
Is there anything you can do? We're both
tremendous believers in your methods.
180
00:14:11,404 --> 00:14:14,896
I am, anyway. But Will is really
keen to learn. Aren't you?
181
00:14:14,973 --> 00:14:16,907
- Uh...
- You've come to the right place.
182
00:14:16,975 --> 00:14:20,340
But we are merely lifeguards at watch
on the shores of the alimentary canal.
183
00:14:20,412 --> 00:14:22,641
A wheelchair immediately
for Mr. Lightbody! Hurry!
184
00:14:22,714 --> 00:14:26,115
I don't need a wheelchair.
I do not need a wheelchair.
185
00:14:26,183 --> 00:14:29,949
Sir, I am a doctor, and you take my word
for it. You are in need of a wheelchair.
186
00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:32,885
Wheelchairs are for amputees,
for Civil War veterans...
187
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,650
old people with one foot in the grave.
188
00:14:35,725 --> 00:14:38,693
Lucky if you have only one foot
in the grave, because I can help you.
189
00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:41,558
Two feet in and your money will be
better spent with an undertaker.
190
00:14:41,629 --> 00:14:43,894
Mr. Johnston, I want the finest care
for this gentleman.
191
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:47,901
So get the very best attendant.
Graves. Yes, get Nurse Graves.
192
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:50,333
Hey, one foot in the grave! Ha!
193
00:14:50,402 --> 00:14:53,270
I will see to you personally
first thing in the morning.
194
00:14:53,339 --> 00:14:55,771
- If you're still alive, that is.
- Thank you.
195
00:14:55,841 --> 00:14:57,901
Thank you, ma'am.
196
00:14:59,276 --> 00:15:01,267
Frank!
197
00:15:01,347 --> 00:15:03,642
Oh, darling, it's Dr. Linniman
who I told you about...
198
00:15:03,713 --> 00:15:06,409
who looked after me so wonderfully well
the last time... you remember.
199
00:15:06,483 --> 00:15:08,111
No, I don't remember.
200
00:15:08,184 --> 00:15:10,014
How are you?
201
00:15:10,086 --> 00:15:12,212
Oh, it's heaven to be back.
202
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:16,052
It's good to see you again.
Eleanor, you've lost weight.
203
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,390
Wait. I want my wife!
204
00:15:32,437 --> 00:15:34,371
- You Charles Ossining?
- Yes!
205
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,429
Mr. Bender says
you're to come with me.
206
00:15:36,507 --> 00:15:38,839
Thank God, boy! Where's the cab?
207
00:15:38,908 --> 00:15:40,968
No cab, sir.
Mr. Bender said to walk.
208
00:15:42,011 --> 00:15:44,480
He did, did he? Is it far?
209
00:15:44,548 --> 00:15:46,481
It wouldn't be
if we weren't walkin'.
210
00:15:56,891 --> 00:15:59,917
- Where are you taking me?
- Your room. Your wife will go to hers.
211
00:15:59,994 --> 00:16:02,358
- We're together.
- Oh, no, sir. That just wouldn't do.
212
00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:04,589
If you get my meaning?
213
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:08,929
Up, please, Harold.
Best air in the place. Lovely view too.
214
00:16:15,337 --> 00:16:17,603
Hello, Irene. Here he is.
215
00:16:17,675 --> 00:16:19,800
Welcome to the San.
I'm Nurse Graves...
216
00:16:19,876 --> 00:16:22,343
and I'll be your personal nurse
during your stay here.
217
00:16:23,979 --> 00:16:26,639
Ah, you must be tuckered, sir,
what with all that rail travel.
218
00:16:26,713 --> 00:16:30,740
Terrible. Shakes you up
like an eggnog.
219
00:17:03,879 --> 00:17:06,677
Here we are. Nice, cheery room.
220
00:17:07,549 --> 00:17:10,540
Torture. Worse than
the Spanish Inquisition.
221
00:17:10,618 --> 00:17:13,110
- Torture?
- Rail travel.
222
00:17:13,187 --> 00:17:16,053
Well, I will bid you good night...
223
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:19,420
and leave you in the capable hands
of Nurse Graves.
224
00:17:19,491 --> 00:17:21,686
- Night, Irene.
- Good night, Ralph.
225
00:17:23,294 --> 00:17:24,693
Undress, please.
226
00:17:27,633 --> 00:17:31,762
- You're very beautiful, Irene.
- Please. Don't talk, Mr. Lightbody.
227
00:17:31,836 --> 00:17:34,065
Not in your condition.
228
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:37,662
Now, we're gonna have you asleep
in no time at all.
229
00:17:37,739 --> 00:17:39,263
But it's only 6:00.
230
00:17:39,341 --> 00:17:42,537
And I haven't slept a wink
in 22 days.
231
00:17:42,611 --> 00:17:46,877
Well, tonight you'll sleep like a baby.
That's why I'm here.
232
00:17:48,281 --> 00:17:50,408
Now, I want you to relax.
233
00:17:51,985 --> 00:17:54,010
And I'll be back later
to give you your bath.
234
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,121
Where are you taking me? I thought Mr.
Bender was staying at the Post Tavern!
235
00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:09,063
He is. Only you're up there.
236
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:13,295
$3.25 a week due every Saturday.
237
00:18:13,369 --> 00:18:18,501
Breakfast at 7:00, dinner at 1:00,
supper at 6:30...
238
00:18:18,574 --> 00:18:21,372
and she wants a week in advance.
239
00:18:37,256 --> 00:18:40,121
I'm sorry, Nurse, but I think
that I'm hallucinating.
240
00:18:40,191 --> 00:18:43,181
Just kneel in the bath, please,
Mr. Lightbody.
241
00:18:44,628 --> 00:18:50,361
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Ever since I got here, I keep seeing...
242
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,129
I came here with my wife, you know.
243
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,534
Oh, yes, I know.
She's on the second floor, room 212.
244
00:18:57,905 --> 00:18:59,371
She won't be staying here?
245
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,499
Oh, no. All couples are
kept separate here, Mr. Lightbody.
246
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,099
- They are?
- Of course.
247
00:19:04,178 --> 00:19:06,145
Our patients need complete rest.
248
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:09,477
Any sexual stimulation could be fatal.
249
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,948
Now, I want you to relax.
250
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:16,918
- What is that?
- This... is a colonic wash.
251
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:19,547
It is hot paraffin,
soap and tepid water.
252
00:19:19,623 --> 00:19:21,889
Now, bend over a little bit please.
253
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,449
There. Just relax, Mr. Lightbody...
254
00:19:24,529 --> 00:19:26,894
and we will purge you
of all that ails you.
255
00:19:26,964 --> 00:19:30,056
Oh, but I don't even eat meat.
Not anymore, anyway.
256
00:19:30,131 --> 00:19:32,930
Just relax. It'll all be over
in a second.
257
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:36,960
No, l... Honestly, lately it's just
beet tops and savory broth.
258
00:19:37,037 --> 00:19:41,098
Your intestines are probably putrid
with disease and germs.
259
00:19:41,174 --> 00:19:42,869
Nurse Graves...
260
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:47,537
I have to confess to you
that I'm very sexually stimulated.
261
00:19:47,612 --> 00:19:49,602
I think that I have an erection.
262
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,615
Clean thoughts make for clean bowels,
Mr. Lightbody.
263
00:19:52,683 --> 00:19:55,673
Please, just try and think of me
as one of nature's nuns...
264
00:19:55,753 --> 00:19:57,617
here at the temple of health.
265
00:20:04,426 --> 00:20:06,290
One card, my dear sir.
266
00:20:06,361 --> 00:20:08,091
Is your wife still available?
267
00:20:09,563 --> 00:20:11,361
It's room 25, sir.
268
00:20:38,589 --> 00:20:40,817
Ah, Charles! You made it!
269
00:20:42,224 --> 00:20:43,988
So sorry I couldn't be there
to meet you.
270
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:46,391
But I was busy cultivating
the garden of business.
271
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:49,328
These gentlemen behind me
are the very princes of this town.
272
00:20:49,397 --> 00:20:52,695
Pillars. Important people.
How are your lodgings?
273
00:20:52,767 --> 00:20:54,630
Disgusting. Why didn't you
put me up here?
274
00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:56,600
Tut, tut, Charles.
We're on a budget.
275
00:20:56,668 --> 00:20:59,727
We can't throw your good aunt's money
around now, can we?
276
00:20:59,805 --> 00:21:02,240
- But you're staying here!
- Show, Charles. All show.
277
00:21:02,307 --> 00:21:05,674
For the gentlemen at the table.
Did you bring Mrs. Hookstratten's check?
278
00:21:05,743 --> 00:21:08,974
Yes, and she's very anxious to hear
about the factory site you've acquired.
279
00:21:09,048 --> 00:21:10,673
- Ah, the factory.
- And the ovens.
280
00:21:10,747 --> 00:21:13,909
Ah, the ovens. There's been
a slight hiccup. There are no ovens.
281
00:21:13,983 --> 00:21:16,748
But you wrote that the Vita-Malta flake
factory came with ovens.
282
00:21:16,819 --> 00:21:20,185
There are no ovens, because,
alas, there is no factory.
283
00:21:20,256 --> 00:21:24,487
There's no factory?
Bender, in your letter...
284
00:21:24,559 --> 00:21:28,050
Goodloe. Charles, please.
Call me Goodloe.
285
00:21:28,128 --> 00:21:31,359
We are partners, after all.
Would you like a brandy?
286
00:21:31,432 --> 00:21:34,161
I don't want a brandy!
I want an explanation!
287
00:21:34,232 --> 00:21:37,463
It's true, I almost had a factory.
288
00:21:37,537 --> 00:21:40,097
But the thief I was dealing with
wanted rather too much for the lease...
289
00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:42,300
and I lacked the necessary spondulicks.
290
00:21:42,373 --> 00:21:45,468
- Spondulicks?
- Capital, Charles.
291
00:21:45,543 --> 00:21:47,943
Money. As in "running short of."
292
00:21:48,012 --> 00:21:53,916
Do you mean that you have spent
the whole of the start-up money already?
293
00:21:53,983 --> 00:21:58,214
Please, please. Not in front of company.
Step into my office.
294
00:21:58,288 --> 00:22:00,277
I know you're probably tired
after the trip.
295
00:22:00,354 --> 00:22:04,722
And it might seem that I'm living it up
here in the lap of luxury.
296
00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:08,125
Now you listen to me,
you jumped-up streak of pompous piss.
297
00:22:08,195 --> 00:22:10,855
You don't think you could start
a company like Per-Fo just like that!
298
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:13,160
- You've stolen my aunt's money.
- It's not stealing!
299
00:22:13,232 --> 00:22:15,632
It's capitalism, you ignorant prick!
300
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:19,602
And palms are the wheels of capitalism,
and they have to be greased, boy.
301
00:22:19,669 --> 00:22:21,900
I'm not your boy, Bender.
Get that straight!
302
00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:25,408
Charles, Charles.
It all takes money.
303
00:22:25,476 --> 00:22:29,501
You had money! You had my aunt's money,
and now you've pissed it all away!
304
00:22:29,578 --> 00:22:33,378
Ah, but you're forgetting one thing.
We have a great product.
305
00:22:33,448 --> 00:22:37,611
- We don't have anything!
- You're wrong, Charles. You're wrong.
306
00:22:38,753 --> 00:22:43,381
We have cartons. Beautiful
Per-Fo cornflake cartons.
307
00:22:43,457 --> 00:22:45,049
And why is it a great product?
308
00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:49,389
Because " it perks up tired blood
and exonerates the bowels."
309
00:22:49,462 --> 00:22:51,520
- Didn't you write that?
- I did write that.
310
00:22:51,598 --> 00:22:53,860
- It's brilliant.
- It's good.
311
00:22:53,931 --> 00:22:56,160
It's an inspiration, is what it is.
312
00:22:56,234 --> 00:22:58,203
It's good. I know it's good.
313
00:23:00,037 --> 00:23:04,336
But you can't sell empty boxes
no matter what it does to the bowels.
314
00:23:04,408 --> 00:23:07,738
It has to mean something.
We have to make something.
315
00:23:07,810 --> 00:23:12,143
Something that tastes great
and is easy to prepare.
316
00:23:12,215 --> 00:23:15,909
- Something good for you.
- Right! Health!
317
00:23:15,983 --> 00:23:18,507
The "open sesame"
to the sucker's purse.
318
00:24:05,256 --> 00:24:08,020
- Who are you?
- George.
319
00:24:08,092 --> 00:24:09,491
I'm called George.
320
00:24:11,564 --> 00:24:13,325
What's your name?
321
00:24:15,432 --> 00:24:18,959
Eleanor Lightbody.
Do you work here?
322
00:24:22,872 --> 00:24:24,338
I'm Dr. Kellogg's son.
323
00:24:25,308 --> 00:24:29,402
- Not his real son. I'm adopted.
- Oh, of course.
324
00:24:29,476 --> 00:24:31,034
He adopted lots of us.
325
00:24:31,110 --> 00:24:33,203
Yes, I know.
326
00:24:34,147 --> 00:24:37,138
I've got 39 brothers and sisters.
Lucky, aren't I?
327
00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:39,676
Yes, that's very nice.
328
00:24:42,622 --> 00:24:45,182
But why are you here?
329
00:24:46,823 --> 00:24:48,381
I came for my allowance.
330
00:24:51,729 --> 00:24:53,662
And I like to look at the nude ladies.
331
00:25:01,103 --> 00:25:03,432
You have a very nice body,
Mrs. Nicebody.
332
00:25:03,503 --> 00:25:05,937
Lightbody. Mrs. Lightbody.
333
00:25:06,007 --> 00:25:08,200
My mother had a nice body.
334
00:25:09,075 --> 00:25:10,441
She did?
335
00:25:14,114 --> 00:25:15,945
She was a whore.
336
00:25:20,317 --> 00:25:21,749
She was?
337
00:25:35,296 --> 00:25:37,788
In Chicago.
338
00:25:37,866 --> 00:25:40,698
She was dead
when the doctor took me in.
339
00:25:41,435 --> 00:25:43,231
They found me sitting
by her dead body.
340
00:26:13,127 --> 00:26:14,719
George Kellogg!
341
00:26:24,370 --> 00:26:25,804
Come here.
342
00:26:35,078 --> 00:26:37,012
Your coat, George.
Where's your coat?
343
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,014
Look at me.
344
00:26:40,850 --> 00:26:43,512
Why don't you ever speak, George?
345
00:26:45,085 --> 00:26:49,580
It is of great distress to me, to Mrs.
Kellogg, to your brothers and sisters.
346
00:26:49,659 --> 00:26:52,626
Your coat, George. Your coat
is on the floor, not on the hook.
347
00:26:53,395 --> 00:26:57,260
How many times must you be told
to hang your coat up on the hook?
348
00:26:57,331 --> 00:26:59,494
Speak to me.
349
00:27:02,734 --> 00:27:03,927
Hannah!
350
00:27:06,706 --> 00:27:08,139
Yes, sir, Doctor.
351
00:27:08,206 --> 00:27:13,200
You will supervise. George will enter
this house, close the door...
352
00:27:13,278 --> 00:27:16,303
climb the stairs, remove his jacket
and hang it on its hook.
353
00:27:16,379 --> 00:27:18,210
He will do so until bedtime...
354
00:27:18,281 --> 00:27:22,512
and then continue after breakfast
until this time tomorrow.
355
00:27:22,585 --> 00:27:26,145
Until 4:00 tomorrow.
Is that understood?
356
00:27:26,222 --> 00:27:28,486
Yes, sir, Doctor. Understood.
357
00:27:38,397 --> 00:27:39,694
Sir!
358
00:27:39,765 --> 00:27:42,495
I said until 4:00 p.m.
It is now 7:00.
359
00:27:42,567 --> 00:27:46,833
He won't stop, sir. We've tried to,
all of us, but he won't take any notice.
360
00:27:47,705 --> 00:27:50,004
George, that's enough now.
You've learned your lesson.
361
00:27:50,076 --> 00:27:52,975
Run off to your supper.
362
00:27:53,042 --> 00:27:55,408
George, stop this moment, I say.
363
00:27:57,246 --> 00:27:58,373
Stop, I say!
364
00:28:00,415 --> 00:28:05,443
Very well, suit yourself. I have work
to do. You'll continue until you drop.
365
00:28:56,161 --> 00:28:59,061
George, stop this madness immediately!
366
00:29:00,299 --> 00:29:04,734
Stop it. George, stop, stop, stop!
367
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,564
Stop it!
368
00:29:07,638 --> 00:29:09,901
George, I'm so sorry.
369
00:29:09,973 --> 00:29:15,170
I'm sorry. Please, please go
to your room and sleep.
370
00:29:36,428 --> 00:29:39,090
Oh, Virginia, isn't this wonderful?
371
00:29:39,163 --> 00:29:42,655
Don't you sometimes feel you're in the
healthiest spot on the whole planet?
372
00:29:42,733 --> 00:29:46,170
My dear Eleanor, there is
no greater pleasure for a woman...
373
00:29:46,235 --> 00:29:48,464
than bicycling in one's bloomers.
374
00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:52,371
You know, bicycling for women is still
very much frowned upon in Peterskill.
375
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:53,930
Oh, what they're missing.
376
00:29:55,277 --> 00:29:57,904
Fresh air, the exercise!
377
00:29:57,979 --> 00:30:01,608
And the pleasure of a leather saddle
between one's thighs.
378
00:30:01,681 --> 00:30:03,649
Oh, Virginia, what do you mean?
379
00:30:03,717 --> 00:30:07,617
"Bicycle smile," I believe they call it.
It's changed my life.
380
00:30:07,686 --> 00:30:09,346
I'm afraid I don't follow.
381
00:30:09,421 --> 00:30:13,186
My dear, I have very little use
for my husband...
382
00:30:13,257 --> 00:30:15,418
in the sexual gratification department.
383
00:30:15,493 --> 00:30:19,861
And so I find a long ride on my bicycle
once a week does the trick.
384
00:30:21,430 --> 00:30:23,591
Come on, you two!
Keep up. You're lagging.
385
00:30:23,668 --> 00:30:28,569
You go ahead, Eleanor.
I feel a smile coming on.
386
00:30:35,943 --> 00:30:36,144
Every woman, every man
387
00:30:36,144 --> 00:30:40,476
Every woman, every man
388
00:30:40,545 --> 00:30:44,642
- Is at the temple of health
- Nurse Graves? Irene?
389
00:30:45,751 --> 00:30:48,879
I'm Nurse Bloethal. Would you join me
in the bathroom, please?
390
00:30:48,953 --> 00:30:51,787
I've already had one of those.
391
00:30:51,856 --> 00:30:54,881
Well, now you get another.
392
00:31:39,263 --> 00:31:40,729
Sir?
393
00:31:42,297 --> 00:31:44,593
Bender, Mr. Bender.
Fetch him this instant.
394
00:32:54,123 --> 00:32:56,613
- Where the hell have you been?
- Please, Charles, please.
395
00:32:56,692 --> 00:32:58,716
You're making a scene.
Have a seat.
396
00:32:58,792 --> 00:33:00,760
Are you hungry? You must be.
397
00:33:00,829 --> 00:33:04,230
We had an appointment. We're supposed
to be out looking for factories.
398
00:33:04,297 --> 00:33:07,357
Ah, slipped my mind.
399
00:33:07,433 --> 00:33:09,595
Delmonico steak, rare,
for this gentleman.
400
00:33:09,668 --> 00:33:13,968
Smothered with onions and a plate
of your delicious fried potatoes.
401
00:33:14,039 --> 00:33:16,097
- You look starved.
- We're supposed to be on a budget!
402
00:33:16,174 --> 00:33:18,800
Hello. I'm George.
403
00:33:20,578 --> 00:33:23,068
Meet my luncheon companion,
George Kellogg.
404
00:33:23,147 --> 00:33:26,842
Charles Ossining. Pleased to meet you.
Did you say "Kellogg"?
405
00:33:26,916 --> 00:33:28,577
Mm-hmm.
406
00:33:28,650 --> 00:33:32,587
George has the proud distinction
of being John Harvey Kellogg's son.
407
00:33:34,290 --> 00:33:35,916
The doctor's a very great man.
408
00:33:35,991 --> 00:33:38,083
He's a fuck pig. I hate him.
409
00:33:41,127 --> 00:33:45,997
Charles, this worthless bundle
of piss and vomit beneath our table...
410
00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:48,861
is the good doctor's
estranged adopted son.
411
00:33:48,934 --> 00:33:53,530
- No love lost between them, I'm afraid.
- Did you say "worthless"?
412
00:33:53,605 --> 00:33:56,835
- Yeah.
- Goodloe, hear me now.
413
00:33:56,908 --> 00:33:59,238
This man is the key to our fortune.
414
00:33:59,309 --> 00:34:01,139
You need your steak.
You're delirious.
415
00:34:01,211 --> 00:34:03,701
- What if we made him our partner?
- You're most certainly delirious.
416
00:34:04,512 --> 00:34:07,778
- Where the hell is this man's luncheon?
- The name!
417
00:34:07,850 --> 00:34:10,944
The magic name. Kellogg.
418
00:34:11,019 --> 00:34:14,386
The good doctor's brother has spent
millions advertising it.
419
00:34:14,453 --> 00:34:16,513
Don't you see? It's so simple!
420
00:34:16,590 --> 00:34:19,718
- We become...
- Ah!
421
00:34:19,793 --> 00:34:22,660
Kellogg's Per-Fo Incorporated!
422
00:34:23,864 --> 00:34:25,694
It's brilliant, Charles.
423
00:34:25,765 --> 00:34:29,028
You are brilliant.
There's no doubt.
424
00:34:29,099 --> 00:34:33,160
I feel a wind crackling
with banknotes blowing in our direction.
425
00:34:34,405 --> 00:34:35,995
- But maybe it's...
- It's what?
426
00:34:36,072 --> 00:34:38,563
Maybe it's a tad dishonest.
427
00:34:38,641 --> 00:34:40,439
It's enterprise.
428
00:34:40,510 --> 00:34:44,969
It's the lifeblood that pumps through
the veins of this wonderful country.
429
00:34:45,047 --> 00:34:46,605
It's a stroke of genius.
430
00:34:48,048 --> 00:34:51,848
Lift up your eyes.
Look. What do you see?
431
00:34:53,319 --> 00:34:55,981
- Wellville.
- Yes!
432
00:34:58,657 --> 00:35:02,526
The shining spires of Wellville,
gleaming in the sun.
433
00:35:02,595 --> 00:35:05,085
A magical land of health and money.
434
00:35:05,163 --> 00:35:08,361
It's a good idea, if I do say so
myself. It is a great idea!
435
00:35:08,432 --> 00:35:10,367
You are a genius, Charles.
436
00:35:10,434 --> 00:35:14,597
You know, last night I awoke
to the sound of spoons.
437
00:35:14,671 --> 00:35:16,535
- Spoons?
- Millions of them.
438
00:35:16,607 --> 00:35:18,870
Rattling against a hundred million
breakfast bowls...
439
00:35:18,941 --> 00:35:20,804
brimming with our cornflakes.
440
00:35:20,875 --> 00:35:22,808
Listen, Charles.
441
00:35:24,978 --> 00:35:26,469
What do you hear?
442
00:35:30,251 --> 00:35:32,377
The sound of money!
443
00:35:51,635 --> 00:35:53,727
Where would you like to sit, sir?
444
00:35:53,802 --> 00:35:56,964
- I was looking for my wife, actually.
- Here's a menu, sir.
445
00:35:57,039 --> 00:35:59,667
The nut Lisbon steak with the
gluten gravy looks delicious today.
446
00:35:59,742 --> 00:36:02,835
No. Toast. Dry toast and water.
447
00:36:06,914 --> 00:36:08,847
Won't you join us?
448
00:36:10,316 --> 00:36:12,113
Introductions, please,
Mr. Hart-Jones.
449
00:36:12,184 --> 00:36:13,743
Endymion Hart-Jones.
450
00:36:13,819 --> 00:36:16,082
No, I'll just have the toast.
451
00:36:16,153 --> 00:36:19,215
That's my name. I'm not on the menu.
452
00:36:19,291 --> 00:36:21,283
This is Mrs. Tindermarsh.
453
00:36:21,359 --> 00:36:24,794
Miss Muntz you've met, I believe.
454
00:36:24,862 --> 00:36:26,888
The Russian gentleman at the end
we call Mr. Unpronounceable...
455
00:36:26,963 --> 00:36:30,421
is from Saint Petersburg, and neither
speaks nor understands English.
456
00:36:34,369 --> 00:36:36,733
Do smile at him.
He has chronic wind, poor fellow.
457
00:36:42,909 --> 00:36:47,277
- Will Lightbody.
- Eleanor's husband. What a pleasure.
458
00:36:49,615 --> 00:36:53,074
- Sore rectum?
- Yes, somewhat.
459
00:36:53,152 --> 00:36:56,018
The enemas take some getting used to,
but in time you'll learn...
460
00:36:56,086 --> 00:36:58,282
to look forward to them
like an old friend with a cold nose.
461
00:36:58,356 --> 00:37:02,017
I must say five a day does seem
a bit too, well, purgative.
462
00:37:02,091 --> 00:37:03,185
Five?
463
00:37:03,260 --> 00:37:08,127
The doctor is rather addicted to his
enemas as befits a broom maker's son.
464
00:37:10,499 --> 00:37:13,491
I understand he got the idea
in India. He was studying...
465
00:37:13,569 --> 00:37:16,298
Africa. It was Africa.
466
00:37:16,372 --> 00:37:19,429
Africa, India. Anyway...
467
00:37:19,506 --> 00:37:24,739
he was studying apes that apparently ate
and pooed, as it were, simultaneously.
468
00:37:24,811 --> 00:37:28,371
Oh. Well, I don't eat very much.
I don't eat very much at all.
469
00:37:28,447 --> 00:37:30,813
But the apes suffer not
in the slightest...
470
00:37:30,883 --> 00:37:33,180
from the ailments that afflict
the civilized bowel.
471
00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:35,946
We're all too house-trained,
Mrs. Tindermarsh.
472
00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:39,648
But we couldn't go around evacuating
at will, Mr. Hart-Jones.
473
00:37:39,722 --> 00:37:41,622
The mess would be frightful.
474
00:37:41,691 --> 00:37:44,022
Do you masticate, Mr. Lightbody?
475
00:37:44,093 --> 00:37:45,583
Do I what?
476
00:37:45,661 --> 00:37:46,958
Masticate?
477
00:37:47,697 --> 00:37:49,994
You're not a follower
of Horace Fletcher?
478
00:37:50,065 --> 00:37:51,792
Fletcherize.
479
00:37:53,134 --> 00:37:56,830
- You really must chew, Mr. Lightbody.
- Oh.
480
00:37:57,638 --> 00:38:02,506
One, two, three, four.
481
00:38:02,574 --> 00:38:06,511
Chew, chew, chew
That is the thing to do
482
00:38:06,580 --> 00:38:08,102
Chew, chew, chew
483
00:38:08,180 --> 00:38:10,408
Good food is good for you
484
00:38:10,481 --> 00:38:12,449
Chew, chew, chew
485
00:38:12,516 --> 00:38:14,507
But only if you chew
486
00:38:14,586 --> 00:38:18,042
That is the right thing to do
487
00:38:51,883 --> 00:38:55,409
Poor thing has eaten nothing but toast
for days. He's probably a little weak.
488
00:38:55,485 --> 00:38:57,419
Drink the water, Mr. Lightbody.
489
00:39:01,357 --> 00:39:02,947
I think I fainted. Ellie.
490
00:39:03,023 --> 00:39:05,015
We'll leave you to it,
Mrs. Lightbody.
491
00:39:05,092 --> 00:39:06,993
It's all right, Will.
Everything's fine.
492
00:39:07,061 --> 00:39:09,426
Oh, I miss you, Eleanor.
493
00:39:09,495 --> 00:39:12,396
I miss... I miss your kindness.
494
00:39:12,466 --> 00:39:14,228
But I'm here, Will. I'm here now.
495
00:39:14,300 --> 00:39:16,598
I'm scared, EI.
I want to go home.
496
00:39:16,668 --> 00:39:19,728
- No, please. Pull yourself together.
- I wanna go home!
497
00:39:19,805 --> 00:39:21,533
Please, you're making
an exhibition of yourself!
498
00:39:21,606 --> 00:39:23,540
I just won't let you
spoil this for me.
499
00:39:27,779 --> 00:39:30,474
I don't like this place.
I want to go home.
500
00:39:31,214 --> 00:39:32,908
But we both made a promise.
501
00:39:32,980 --> 00:39:35,072
We're not well. Neither of us.
502
00:39:35,149 --> 00:39:37,880
Don't you see we can never be happy
until we're healthy again?
503
00:39:37,954 --> 00:39:40,820
It's such a small sacrifice
for all the happy years ahead of us.
504
00:39:40,888 --> 00:39:43,153
But I feel violated here.
505
00:39:43,225 --> 00:39:44,885
I give up.
506
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,892
I love you, Eleanor, sick as I am.
507
00:39:46,961 --> 00:39:48,860
I'm sick too.
I'm sick of your self-pity.
508
00:39:48,929 --> 00:39:52,159
Can't you see this is the only place
where I'm completely happy?
509
00:39:52,231 --> 00:39:55,529
Eleanor, I know it's been hard
for you, but it's these people.
510
00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:59,763
These good people were at my side
when I had my baby. You weren't.
511
00:39:59,837 --> 00:40:02,774
You told me to stay away.
You made me stay away.
512
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:06,297
I was in Peterskill chewing at
my insides waiting for your telegram.
513
00:40:06,374 --> 00:40:09,242
- I wanted to come.
- You were a useless drunk!
514
00:40:09,313 --> 00:40:12,371
I didn't want you near me, and I
certainly didn't want you near my baby!
515
00:40:12,447 --> 00:40:15,142
By the time you'd sobered up,
our baby was dead!
516
00:40:23,690 --> 00:40:26,283
I'm sorry.
517
00:40:26,359 --> 00:40:28,519
I'm truly sorry.
518
00:40:39,403 --> 00:40:42,929
Is something wrong?
What's the matter?
519
00:40:49,612 --> 00:40:51,375
So why on earth
did you bring him here?
520
00:40:51,446 --> 00:40:54,643
I had to. He's very sick.
521
00:40:54,715 --> 00:40:57,980
- And in a way, it's all my fault.
- Oh, rubbish.
522
00:40:58,051 --> 00:40:59,847
It's true, Virginia.
523
00:40:59,919 --> 00:41:04,517
You see, I poisoned him.
524
00:41:04,591 --> 00:41:07,582
You poisoned him? When?
525
00:41:07,660 --> 00:41:10,321
How? Strychnine? Arsenic?
526
00:41:10,394 --> 00:41:12,295
It wasn't deliberate.
I didn't mean to hurt him.
527
00:41:12,363 --> 00:41:15,060
He used to take Hostetter's Bitters
for his stomach and...
528
00:41:15,133 --> 00:41:18,465
Don't tell me... 80% alcohol.
Wonderful stuff.
529
00:41:18,537 --> 00:41:20,936
I used to take it for my monthly.
530
00:41:21,004 --> 00:41:24,940
Then he went on to drinking
a whole bottle of Old Crow a night.
531
00:41:25,009 --> 00:41:28,000
He was like a stranger.
And he always wanted...
532
00:41:28,076 --> 00:41:29,406
Sex?
533
00:41:31,547 --> 00:41:33,138
- It was...
- Don't tell me.
534
00:41:33,213 --> 00:41:36,651
Grunt, grunt, thank you very much.
Good night, spit, snore.
535
00:41:36,717 --> 00:41:41,210
- It wasn't that I didn't want him...
- Marriage is legalized prostitution.
536
00:41:41,289 --> 00:41:44,848
I wanted to be more than a hole
in the mattress that answers to a name.
537
00:41:45,390 --> 00:41:46,584
Amen.
538
00:41:47,692 --> 00:41:52,253
So I saw this cure for drunkenness
in the Lily magazine.
539
00:41:52,329 --> 00:41:56,823
The Sears White Star Liquor Cure,
it was called.
540
00:41:56,900 --> 00:42:00,493
And I used to slip a drop
into his coffee each evening...
541
00:42:00,570 --> 00:42:02,504
and he slept.
542
00:42:03,673 --> 00:42:08,610
He didn't go out or get drunk,
he just slept and slept.
543
00:42:08,678 --> 00:42:12,304
It was... It was wonderful.
544
00:42:12,378 --> 00:42:17,475
But then when I was here last,
he found the bottle and had it analyzed.
545
00:42:17,549 --> 00:42:19,483
What was in it?
546
00:42:22,055 --> 00:42:23,919
The juice of the poppy.
547
00:42:25,057 --> 00:42:26,956
Opium?
548
00:42:28,660 --> 00:42:30,592
Yes.
549
00:42:31,696 --> 00:42:35,631
I'd turned him into an opium addict.
550
00:42:35,697 --> 00:42:39,258
He had terrible nightmares.
551
00:42:39,333 --> 00:42:42,235
And finally his stomach just
completely gave up on him and...
552
00:42:47,141 --> 00:42:51,839
Supposing he dies,
just like my baby died.
553
00:42:51,911 --> 00:42:53,970
Oh, everything's my fault.
554
00:42:58,018 --> 00:43:02,009
I want so much to love him.
555
00:43:02,087 --> 00:43:05,488
I've... I've just forgotten how.
556
00:43:31,311 --> 00:43:33,245
Who is that man?
557
00:43:33,311 --> 00:43:36,042
Bartholomew Bookbinder.
One of Kellogg's top men.
558
00:43:36,114 --> 00:43:40,743
And now he works for us.
He's good, and he's cheap.
559
00:43:40,817 --> 00:43:42,909
Never heard of him.
560
00:43:42,986 --> 00:43:46,046
- You've never heard of him?
- No.
561
00:43:46,122 --> 00:43:48,717
- You know of him?
- No.
562
00:43:48,791 --> 00:43:50,019
- Seen him around?
- Nope.
563
00:43:50,093 --> 00:43:52,027
- The name must ring a bell.
- Nope.
564
00:44:16,547 --> 00:44:17,810
Here she is.
565
00:44:20,016 --> 00:44:24,510
It doesn't seem very... well...
hygienic.
566
00:44:27,557 --> 00:44:31,685
Don't be petty, Charles.
From humble beginnings...
567
00:44:37,632 --> 00:44:40,794
Gentlemen, I think
a little celebration...
568
00:44:40,867 --> 00:44:42,630
is called for.
569
00:44:42,703 --> 00:44:44,694
Charles, please...
570
00:44:44,771 --> 00:44:46,795
as president and chief...
571
00:44:46,871 --> 00:44:49,533
I think a few choice words from you...
572
00:44:49,606 --> 00:44:51,802
are in order.
573
00:44:56,213 --> 00:44:58,908
To our prosperous futures.
574
00:45:01,318 --> 00:45:04,443
No, no, no, no.
575
00:45:04,519 --> 00:45:08,478
To the shining spires of Wellville.
576
00:45:09,623 --> 00:45:10,715
To Wellville.
577
00:45:17,597 --> 00:45:20,361
We love good food!
578
00:45:20,433 --> 00:45:24,128
No fish or fowl...
579
00:45:24,203 --> 00:45:29,334
is a friend of the bowel.
580
00:45:29,406 --> 00:45:32,740
We eat good food.
581
00:45:32,809 --> 00:45:36,074
Puts us in a...
582
00:45:36,147 --> 00:45:38,273
good mood.
583
00:45:41,450 --> 00:45:44,783
Ah, Mr. Lightbody, good morning.
I hope I haven't kept you waiting.
584
00:45:44,853 --> 00:45:47,823
- Have a pomegranate.
- I don't think that I ought to...
585
00:45:47,889 --> 00:45:51,950
No? Antitoxic. The finest roughage
God ever provided.
586
00:45:52,026 --> 00:45:53,958
Off with the robe, please.
587
00:45:58,431 --> 00:45:59,897
A sample of your stool, please.
588
00:45:59,965 --> 00:46:01,523
Here? Now?
589
00:46:01,601 --> 00:46:03,191
Behind the screen, sir.
590
00:46:08,473 --> 00:46:12,202
You are autointoxicated, Mr. Lightbody.
Quite frankly, it was obvious.
591
00:46:15,044 --> 00:46:18,605
Drawn features, dry hair,
mournful expression, sunken eyes.
592
00:46:19,915 --> 00:46:21,440
Coated tongue.
593
00:46:25,954 --> 00:46:28,182
Now, ready?
594
00:46:36,161 --> 00:46:37,857
Is that it?
595
00:46:37,930 --> 00:46:39,590
Well, I don't eat very much.
596
00:46:39,664 --> 00:46:41,495
And with the enemas...
597
00:46:41,566 --> 00:46:44,328
Your stool, Mr. Lightbody,
quite frankly, is pathetic.
598
00:46:44,401 --> 00:46:46,732
Formless, mushy and foul-smelling.
599
00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:49,397
- Take it away, Nurse.
- How should they be?
600
00:46:49,472 --> 00:46:51,169
My own stools, sir, are perfect.
601
00:46:51,240 --> 00:46:54,472
They are gigantic and have no more odor
than a hot biscuit.
602
00:46:54,544 --> 00:46:57,410
On to the Morris-Scope,
if you will, please.
603
00:47:18,796 --> 00:47:20,456
Ha! Just as I thought!
604
00:47:20,531 --> 00:47:23,863
Mr. Lightbody, you, sir,
are the reason why so many women...
605
00:47:23,935 --> 00:47:27,529
like your dear, beautiful wife,
are old longer than they are young.
606
00:47:27,605 --> 00:47:29,435
But I've done everything I could
to help her...
607
00:47:29,505 --> 00:47:31,371
to comfort her, to...
608
00:47:33,243 --> 00:47:37,644
Connubial relations, sir.
Your natural urges.
609
00:47:37,712 --> 00:47:38,804
Sex.
610
00:47:39,546 --> 00:47:43,710
Candidly, Mr. Lightbody, the lump of
flesh that dangles between your legs...
611
00:47:43,785 --> 00:47:45,843
is a dangerous weapon.
612
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,512
It will have to be harnessed, locked
away, retired. For both your sakes.
613
00:47:48,588 --> 00:47:51,648
But we don't... Well, not lately.
Not for a long time.
614
00:47:51,724 --> 00:47:53,554
Not since the...
615
00:47:53,624 --> 00:47:56,718
It is my scientific conclusion
that sex is unnecessary and dangerous.
616
00:47:56,794 --> 00:47:58,353
But isn't that a bit drastic?
617
00:47:58,431 --> 00:48:00,556
You cannot afford
the loss of life-giving fluids.
618
00:48:00,631 --> 00:48:03,393
The shock to the system can be fatal.
Please, blow into this.
619
00:48:06,169 --> 00:48:07,931
I get erections.
620
00:48:08,003 --> 00:48:10,300
- You get what?
- Erections.
621
00:48:11,406 --> 00:48:14,203
He gets erections.
622
00:48:15,377 --> 00:48:18,904
I warn you, sir, an erection
is a flagpole on your grave.
623
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:20,412
I can't help it.
624
00:48:20,481 --> 00:48:24,849
You listen to me, Lightbody. Our baser
appetites can and must be controlled.
625
00:48:24,918 --> 00:48:28,112
I myself am a monk with regard
to the sexual intercourse...
626
00:48:28,186 --> 00:48:30,620
and hence I am a beacon
of good fine health...
627
00:48:30,689 --> 00:48:32,623
and more importantly,
so is my dear beautiful wife.
628
00:48:32,691 --> 00:48:34,156
- I didn't realize...
- Fortunately, I can help you.
629
00:48:34,226 --> 00:48:37,022
- And so can someone else.
- Who?
630
00:48:37,094 --> 00:48:39,496
- The Bulgarians.
- The Bulgarians?
631
00:48:39,562 --> 00:48:43,522
The Bulgarians live longer than any
other humans on earth, and you know why?
632
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:45,658
No, I'm sorry,
I don't know any Bulgarians.
633
00:48:46,567 --> 00:48:48,661
- Yogurt.
- Yogurt?
634
00:48:48,737 --> 00:48:50,762
Nurse Graves!
635
00:48:51,506 --> 00:48:53,097
- Yes, Doctor?
- Take Mr. Lightbody...
636
00:48:53,173 --> 00:48:55,803
to the yogurt room
and give him 15 gallons.
637
00:48:55,877 --> 00:48:58,344
Oh, no, no, I can't eat
15 gallons of yogurt.
638
00:48:58,411 --> 00:49:01,847
Oh, it's not goin' in that end,
Mr. Lightbody.
639
00:49:43,515 --> 00:49:45,346
But I get desires.
640
00:49:45,418 --> 00:49:48,146
You mustn't. Not at the San.
641
00:49:48,217 --> 00:49:50,277
It's very bad for your health.
642
00:49:51,187 --> 00:49:52,381
Erections?
643
00:49:52,456 --> 00:49:55,721
Yes! All the time.
Since I got here.
644
00:49:55,793 --> 00:49:58,487
Ah, the silent killer
of the night.
645
00:49:58,561 --> 00:50:02,257
They say nothing takes
the rosiness from the cheeks...
646
00:50:02,332 --> 00:50:04,763
as fast as personal fornication.
647
00:50:14,774 --> 00:50:18,141
Oh, the pleasures
of the sinusoidal bath.
648
00:50:18,210 --> 00:50:20,733
One of the doctor's better inventions.
649
00:50:20,812 --> 00:50:22,747
Feel the current tingle, Will?
650
00:50:22,815 --> 00:50:26,010
- I do. Isn't it dangerous?
- Apparently not.
651
00:50:26,083 --> 00:50:28,813
Can you feel those electric ants
nibbling at your privates?
652
00:50:28,885 --> 00:50:33,617
Fish. Fish! More like being
eaten alive by fish.
653
00:50:34,491 --> 00:50:38,152
They say it's the equivalent of climbing
the steps of the Washington Monument.
654
00:50:38,227 --> 00:50:42,594
- You don't even loosen your tie.
- I think it's giving me an erection!
655
00:50:42,663 --> 00:50:45,188
More amperes, please, Mr. Woodbine.
656
00:50:46,432 --> 00:50:49,334
Let us brave the foothills
of Mount Everest to...
657
00:50:53,739 --> 00:50:56,502
Nibble, nibble.
658
00:51:09,453 --> 00:51:11,782
In and out.
659
00:51:11,854 --> 00:51:15,382
In and out.
660
00:51:15,457 --> 00:51:18,084
Seize the air with your lungs.
661
00:51:18,159 --> 00:51:22,027
That's the way.
In and out.
662
00:51:24,431 --> 00:51:27,456
Inhale, exhale the toxins.
663
00:51:36,808 --> 00:51:40,435
Well, I leave you to the warm threads
of the doctor's electric blanket...
664
00:51:40,510 --> 00:51:43,140
one of his inventions that I fear
will not catch on.
665
00:51:43,213 --> 00:51:45,179
Enjoy your little nap.
666
00:51:45,248 --> 00:51:49,116
I'm off to the warm embrace
of my afternoon enema.
667
00:51:58,526 --> 00:51:59,824
Mr. Lightbody?
668
00:52:02,562 --> 00:52:04,223
It's Ida.
669
00:52:04,296 --> 00:52:06,958
- Ida Muntz.
- Oh, Miss Muntz.
670
00:52:08,234 --> 00:52:10,427
How are you enjoying
your stay at the San?
671
00:52:11,302 --> 00:52:13,362
Still feeling my way.
672
00:52:13,438 --> 00:52:15,202
Feeling any better?
673
00:52:15,274 --> 00:52:17,432
Ah, yes, lots.
674
00:52:17,507 --> 00:52:21,466
- And you?
- About the same.
675
00:52:22,412 --> 00:52:25,038
Miss Muntz, please forgive me
for asking...
676
00:52:25,114 --> 00:52:27,776
but what exactly
is the matter with you?
677
00:52:27,850 --> 00:52:29,510
Oh, green sickness.
678
00:52:29,584 --> 00:52:32,178
Oh, green sickness.
679
00:52:33,289 --> 00:52:35,050
Don't you just hate the food?
680
00:52:35,121 --> 00:52:37,555
Well, I don't eat very much.
681
00:52:37,622 --> 00:52:40,524
Do you have a bad stomach?
682
00:52:41,359 --> 00:52:46,320
You have very kind eyes
and a very noble nose.
683
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:47,557
I do?
684
00:52:48,533 --> 00:52:52,263
Will, I have a confession
to make.
685
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:57,068
At nights I lay in my bed just across
the hallway from you...
686
00:52:57,140 --> 00:53:00,701
and I think but for my green sickness,
you might find me attractive.
687
00:53:00,777 --> 00:53:02,300
But I do.
688
00:53:02,377 --> 00:53:05,642
I look at myself in the mirror
and think, " Who would kiss me?
689
00:53:05,714 --> 00:53:08,181
Who would make love to a plate
of moldy bread?"
690
00:53:08,248 --> 00:53:11,218
Oh, don't say that, Miss Muntz.
You mustn't say that.
691
00:53:11,284 --> 00:53:13,185
Can't you see my face?
692
00:53:13,254 --> 00:53:15,278
Yes, I see your face.
693
00:53:16,390 --> 00:53:17,822
Well?
694
00:53:17,891 --> 00:53:21,656
It's a bit pale, that's all.
695
00:53:24,797 --> 00:53:27,093
I've made up my mind.
696
00:53:27,163 --> 00:53:30,258
If I've been scheduled to die,
I've decided to live.
697
00:53:32,804 --> 00:53:35,499
Could I ask you a very great favor?
698
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:41,832
Inhale fresh air.
Exhale the toxins.
699
00:53:41,911 --> 00:53:43,843
In and out.
700
00:53:48,682 --> 00:53:51,275
Seize the air with your lungs.
701
00:53:51,351 --> 00:53:53,285
That's the way.
702
00:53:54,955 --> 00:53:57,921
In and out.
703
00:53:57,990 --> 00:54:01,949
In, out.
That's the ticket.
704
00:54:02,026 --> 00:54:03,754
In, out.
705
00:54:44,961 --> 00:54:47,292
Will, I came to say I'm sorry.
706
00:54:47,362 --> 00:54:48,920
For everything.
707
00:54:48,997 --> 00:54:51,557
It's okay.
708
00:54:51,634 --> 00:54:54,192
I just... I just want you to get better.
709
00:54:54,269 --> 00:54:57,864
I want us both to get better. It was
wrong of me to blame you for the baby.
710
00:54:57,940 --> 00:54:59,908
It was my fault.
711
00:54:59,974 --> 00:55:02,465
No, I blame myself because
I just wasn't healthy enough.
712
00:55:02,542 --> 00:55:04,736
That's why this is so important to me,
don't you see?
713
00:55:04,811 --> 00:55:07,403
I do.
714
00:55:07,478 --> 00:55:10,778
I know you'll grow to love this place
as much as I do.
715
00:55:10,849 --> 00:55:12,817
I'll try.
716
00:55:12,884 --> 00:55:16,149
I really will. That's a promise.
717
00:55:17,355 --> 00:55:19,381
And when we're both well...
718
00:55:19,457 --> 00:55:22,288
I want you to come to me.
719
00:55:22,358 --> 00:55:25,486
I want you to give me another baby.
720
00:55:42,976 --> 00:55:44,772
Not yet, not yet.
721
00:55:44,844 --> 00:55:46,471
In a month or so.
722
00:55:46,546 --> 00:55:49,070
- A month?
- When we're both well.
723
00:55:50,749 --> 00:55:52,683
You're so beautiful.
724
00:55:57,720 --> 00:56:00,188
Mr. Lightbody! Mrs. Lightbody!
725
00:56:02,591 --> 00:56:05,492
Ellie! Eleanor, please!
726
00:56:05,561 --> 00:56:07,619
I'm very disappointed in you, Will.
727
00:56:09,164 --> 00:56:11,858
Please make sure you drink your milk.
728
00:56:11,932 --> 00:56:14,662
We only kissed.
We didn't do anything.
729
00:56:14,735 --> 00:56:17,000
We were just talking. Just talking.
730
00:56:17,070 --> 00:56:19,400
About how much we like it here.
About how much we like the San.
731
00:56:19,472 --> 00:56:21,406
Just drink your milk!
732
00:56:21,474 --> 00:56:24,272
- I have feelings, you know.
- So do I.
733
00:56:54,135 --> 00:56:56,431
Oh, I'm sorry. I was just...
734
00:56:56,503 --> 00:56:58,470
I was passing by
and your door was open.
735
00:56:58,538 --> 00:57:01,061
It's my face, isn't it?
736
00:57:01,139 --> 00:57:03,004
Your face?
737
00:57:03,074 --> 00:57:05,475
You're staring at my face.
738
00:57:06,878 --> 00:57:09,210
No, I was...
739
00:57:10,114 --> 00:57:11,478
What color is it?
740
00:57:13,283 --> 00:57:15,148
Viridian.
741
00:57:16,219 --> 00:57:18,619
What color is it? Say it.
742
00:57:20,055 --> 00:57:21,989
Creme de menthe?
743
00:57:23,325 --> 00:57:24,758
What color is it?
744
00:57:26,695 --> 00:57:28,456
It's green.
745
00:57:28,529 --> 00:57:30,724
Well, no, no. It isn't really green.
746
00:57:30,799 --> 00:57:33,631
It's more, uh...
747
00:57:33,701 --> 00:57:36,032
It's more pale than green.
748
00:57:37,302 --> 00:57:39,360
Will, I'm cold.
749
00:57:40,105 --> 00:57:42,539
Would you like me
to get you a blanket?
750
00:57:45,009 --> 00:57:47,000
Would you please lay on top of me?
751
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:10,693
Would you please close the flap?
752
00:58:21,905 --> 00:58:23,895
Now do it.
753
00:58:23,974 --> 00:58:25,737
Do it?
754
00:58:25,808 --> 00:58:27,242
Do it.
755
00:58:56,635 --> 00:58:58,065
Mr. Lightbody.
756
00:58:58,135 --> 00:59:00,194
Sorry.
757
00:59:00,272 --> 00:59:03,466
There is nothing finer
758
00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:07,202
Than toasted flakes
759
00:59:07,278 --> 00:59:11,234
And rice Carolina
760
00:59:11,313 --> 00:59:13,804
It's the natural law
761
00:59:13,882 --> 00:59:17,748
To eat the corn and grain
762
00:59:17,817 --> 00:59:20,719
So the spirits soar
763
00:59:20,789 --> 00:59:24,552
And bowels are born again
764
00:59:24,624 --> 00:59:27,321
Every woman
765
00:59:27,395 --> 00:59:30,826
Every man
766
00:59:43,239 --> 00:59:44,900
Eleanor, look.
767
00:59:45,975 --> 00:59:48,998
Do you see who it is?
It's Lionel Badger.
768
00:59:49,077 --> 00:59:51,203
- Lionel who?
- Dr. Lionel Badger...
769
00:59:51,279 --> 00:59:53,076
of the American Vegetarian Society.
770
00:59:53,146 --> 00:59:56,981
Surely you've heard of him.
Oh, he's a wonderful fanatic.
771
00:59:57,050 --> 00:59:58,984
No, I don't know him.
772
00:59:59,052 --> 01:00:02,350
He wrote a fabulous paper
on the clitoris.
773
01:00:02,420 --> 01:00:04,615
But I thought you said
he was a vegetarian?
774
01:00:04,689 --> 01:00:06,623
It's all related, darling.
775
01:00:06,690 --> 01:00:08,624
It is?
776
01:00:31,312 --> 01:00:34,042
What actually did you do
over at Kellogg's, Bart?
777
01:00:34,114 --> 01:00:37,174
Mostly I vacuumed the doctor's cows.
778
01:00:37,250 --> 01:00:41,412
Let me chuck some salt in here, sir.
See how that works.
779
01:00:41,486 --> 01:00:44,614
I call this batch number seven.
780
01:00:44,689 --> 01:00:46,214
Excuse me.
781
01:00:47,758 --> 01:00:49,191
Bender?
782
01:00:50,661 --> 01:00:53,424
What is it, Charles? You have
that look on your face again.
783
01:00:53,498 --> 01:00:55,760
They don't look very appetizing.
784
01:00:55,832 --> 01:00:57,765
They will.
Give it time.
785
01:00:57,832 --> 01:01:00,062
Bookbinder doesn't seem
to have much of a clue.
786
01:01:00,134 --> 01:01:02,660
Do you think maybe we hired him
a bit too hastily?
787
01:01:02,737 --> 01:01:05,228
He wasn't even a baker at Kellogg's.
He worked in the cow sheds.
788
01:01:05,305 --> 01:01:08,503
Never underestimate the abilities
of the common man.
789
01:01:09,277 --> 01:01:12,870
Okay, there are 22 batches here.
Each one of them different.
790
01:01:12,945 --> 01:01:15,504
An ounce of salt this way.
A touch of malt the other.
791
01:01:15,581 --> 01:01:18,174
And I've got it all written down.
792
01:01:18,249 --> 01:01:20,446
And this is batch number one.
793
01:01:20,519 --> 01:01:23,489
Batch number one, it is,
Mr. Bookbinder.
794
01:01:23,554 --> 01:01:24,852
Gentlemen...
795
01:01:26,824 --> 01:01:29,290
history is about to be eaten.
796
01:01:39,536 --> 01:01:41,694
Shit!
797
01:01:53,613 --> 01:01:57,378
Well, one down, twenty-one to go.
798
01:01:57,449 --> 01:01:59,609
Batch number two, please,
Mr. Bookbinder.
799
01:01:59,684 --> 01:02:01,618
We mustn't get disheartened.
800
01:02:03,954 --> 01:02:06,218
Right, Goodloe?
801
01:02:53,827 --> 01:02:56,558
"The nipples, tongue,
neck and lips may be utilized...
802
01:02:56,630 --> 01:02:59,895
to maintain and increase
the libido sexualis."
803
01:02:59,968 --> 01:03:01,901
And read that bit at the bottom.
804
01:03:01,969 --> 01:03:05,994
About " it's no more than a woman has the
right to demand. Any sexual pleasure..."
805
01:03:06,072 --> 01:03:08,596
What does Dr. Kellogg think
of our Mr. Badger?
806
01:03:08,672 --> 01:03:10,334
Hates him.
807
01:03:13,110 --> 01:03:17,171
Tell me, Virginia, honestly,
do you think that sex is harmful?
808
01:03:17,247 --> 01:03:21,274
Oh, another ridiculous idea
dreamed up by men.
809
01:03:23,252 --> 01:03:25,548
The only thing harmful
about sex, my dear...
810
01:03:25,619 --> 01:03:27,852
is when women don't get enough
of it when they want it...
811
01:03:27,923 --> 01:03:30,517
or don't get to enjoy it
when they do.
812
01:03:44,404 --> 01:03:46,394
Is there another batch?
813
01:03:51,674 --> 01:03:54,645
I've got it! We'll sell
this batch as pig food.
814
01:03:55,980 --> 01:03:57,774
Vegopork.
815
01:03:57,847 --> 01:04:00,941
No, no, Per-Fo-Korno
for vegetarian pigs.
816
01:04:01,017 --> 01:04:02,779
Don't think so.
817
01:04:05,021 --> 01:04:06,954
Even the pigs won't eat it.
818
01:04:32,510 --> 01:04:36,204
Oh come let us adore him
819
01:04:48,087 --> 01:04:50,556
You did not knock.
I'm at my ablutions, sir.
820
01:04:50,624 --> 01:04:53,092
- He's here again, sir.
- Who, Badger?
821
01:04:53,159 --> 01:04:54,457
No, sir.
822
01:04:54,527 --> 01:04:57,189
Your son, George.
He's throwing projectiles.
823
01:04:57,263 --> 01:04:59,025
Projectiles?
824
01:04:59,098 --> 01:05:01,690
Cornflakes boxes, sir.
At the guests.
825
01:05:01,765 --> 01:05:04,961
Boxes? Our cornflakes?
826
01:05:05,034 --> 01:05:07,003
- No, sir.
- Not my brother's?
827
01:05:07,070 --> 01:05:10,768
No, sir. They're cornflakes boxes,
but there's no cornflakes in 'em.
828
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,603
They have...
829
01:05:12,674 --> 01:05:14,108
rice Carolina.
830
01:05:14,178 --> 01:05:15,336
Rice Carolina?
831
01:05:15,411 --> 01:05:18,676
Well, in a manner of speaking, yes.
832
01:05:18,747 --> 01:05:20,181
Actually...
833
01:05:21,249 --> 01:05:23,547
used rice Carolina,
to be more precise.
834
01:05:23,616 --> 01:05:24,980
Used?
835
01:05:25,051 --> 01:05:28,113
I think young George has gained access
to the latrines, sir.
836
01:05:28,190 --> 01:05:29,883
Latrines?
837
01:05:29,956 --> 01:05:32,220
He's throwing boxes of shit
at the guests!
838
01:05:33,158 --> 01:05:34,717
What?
839
01:05:52,408 --> 01:05:54,932
Stop this at once!
840
01:05:55,008 --> 01:05:57,534
You're a bad boy.
You're very, very naughty.
841
01:05:58,979 --> 01:06:00,413
Give us a cuddle.
842
01:06:00,482 --> 01:06:02,574
Silent night
843
01:06:03,649 --> 01:06:08,212
Holy night
844
01:06:08,287 --> 01:06:11,016
All is calm
845
01:06:11,089 --> 01:06:14,923
All is bright
846
01:06:15,826 --> 01:06:20,560
Round yon virgin
847
01:06:20,631 --> 01:06:23,599
Mother and child
848
01:06:23,666 --> 01:06:28,000
Holy infant
849
01:06:28,070 --> 01:06:33,030
So tender and mild
850
01:06:33,108 --> 01:06:36,269
Sleep in heavenly...
851
01:06:36,343 --> 01:06:37,436
Who was it?
852
01:06:37,513 --> 01:06:40,037
Stop it!
853
01:06:40,114 --> 01:06:42,513
Stop laughing! Who was it?
854
01:06:46,519 --> 01:06:48,451
The American foot. Underline.
855
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:52,718
The American foot, like American teeth
and American woman, is deteriorating.
856
01:06:52,791 --> 01:06:56,282
The big toe being so long
and so separated as to be useless.
857
01:06:56,360 --> 01:06:59,694
The Japanese, on the other hand,
have smaller toes.
858
01:06:59,763 --> 01:07:03,562
I once had a Japanese patient
who could play the violin with his feet.
859
01:07:03,632 --> 01:07:07,032
Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart,
Palestrina.
860
01:07:13,608 --> 01:07:15,542
You all right, Poult?
861
01:07:15,610 --> 01:07:17,634
What's the matter with you?
862
01:07:17,711 --> 01:07:19,143
Poult?
863
01:07:20,445 --> 01:07:23,709
Get that last note
about the violin, Poult? Hey!
864
01:07:27,285 --> 01:07:30,049
Poultney Dab, you've had a heart attack.
And much worse...
865
01:07:30,121 --> 01:07:31,782
you're dead, sir.
866
01:07:31,856 --> 01:07:35,724
You're a good man. Maybe I worked you
too hard, but damn it all, man...
867
01:07:35,791 --> 01:07:39,056
it's very unprofessional of you,
if I may say so.
868
01:07:39,129 --> 01:07:41,188
How could you,
right here for everyone to see?
869
01:07:41,264 --> 01:07:43,788
What will people think?
870
01:07:43,866 --> 01:07:47,062
A fine advertisement for biological
livin' you are, Poultney Dab!
871
01:07:48,470 --> 01:07:51,732
Very unprofessional.
Do you hear me?
872
01:08:03,949 --> 01:08:07,112
Will, there you are.
We'd quite given up on you.
873
01:08:08,220 --> 01:08:12,621
Mr. Unpronounceable and I were having an
interesting conversation about the czar.
874
01:08:15,959 --> 01:08:17,893
Woodbine, more amperes.
875
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:20,795
My John Thomas is limp
between my thighs.
876
01:08:37,176 --> 01:08:39,110
Who are you thinking of?
877
01:08:39,179 --> 01:08:41,839
My dear, dear wife.
A lonely religious woman.
878
01:08:41,913 --> 01:08:45,678
And the waitress at the kiosk
with the enormous breasts.
879
01:08:45,750 --> 01:08:48,616
Cornflake-fed and yogurt-toned.
880
01:08:48,684 --> 01:08:49,843
And you?
881
01:08:50,922 --> 01:08:52,513
Eleanor, my wife.
882
01:08:53,589 --> 01:08:55,853
And Ida Muntz, no doubt.
883
01:08:55,925 --> 01:08:59,222
Yes, Miss Muntz.
And Nurse Graves.
884
01:08:59,294 --> 01:09:01,454
Oh, ho-ho, Nurse Graves.
885
01:09:01,528 --> 01:09:04,726
More amperes please, Mr. Woodbine.
886
01:09:07,568 --> 01:09:09,694
And you, Mr. Unpronounceable?
887
01:09:12,772 --> 01:09:14,864
Oh, come now, Mr. Unpronounceable...
888
01:09:14,939 --> 01:09:17,465
I can't believe
there isn't a tit or two...
889
01:09:17,542 --> 01:09:20,635
you would have liked to have squeezed
in Saint Petersburg.
890
01:09:36,224 --> 01:09:38,158
What happened?
Are they hurt?
891
01:09:38,226 --> 01:09:40,819
I do believe it's worse.
I think they're dead.
892
01:09:40,893 --> 01:09:42,829
What? What should we do?
893
01:09:42,897 --> 01:09:46,592
Well, Woodbine, I'm sure,
is a Seventh-Day Adventist...
894
01:09:46,666 --> 01:09:49,499
but I know no prayers whatsoever
of the Russian Orthodox Church.
895
01:09:49,567 --> 01:09:51,558
They're dead, Endymion?
896
01:09:51,637 --> 01:09:53,829
They're dead!
They've been electrocuted!
897
01:09:53,904 --> 01:09:57,601
Please don't get hysterical. It's
terribly American and rather vulgar.
898
01:09:57,676 --> 01:10:00,667
These crackpot machines murdered them!
Don't you understand?
899
01:10:00,744 --> 01:10:03,508
It is rather a severe cure
for flatulence, I do admit.
900
01:10:03,581 --> 01:10:05,411
You're a lunatic.
901
01:10:05,481 --> 01:10:09,611
Mr. Unpronounceable is dead!
He's dead!
902
01:10:09,686 --> 01:10:12,948
These... crazy contraptions
killed him!
903
01:10:13,019 --> 01:10:16,547
You must get a perspective on things.
I talked to the man.
904
01:10:16,625 --> 01:10:19,058
There was very little for him
to look forward to in Russia.
905
01:10:19,125 --> 01:10:20,820
You're mad.
906
01:10:20,895 --> 01:10:22,861
And Woodbine?
What about Woodbine?
907
01:10:22,928 --> 01:10:25,861
He's a bath attendant.
He's probably never heard of Russia.
908
01:10:44,814 --> 01:10:46,576
Nurse Graves? Irene!
909
01:10:46,649 --> 01:10:50,414
- Where is she?
- It's her day off. Can I help you?
910
01:10:56,155 --> 01:10:57,417
Ida?
911
01:10:58,660 --> 01:11:00,319
Ida? Miss Muntz?
912
01:11:00,393 --> 01:11:02,588
I'm afraid poor Ida's
no longer with us.
913
01:11:02,662 --> 01:11:04,563
- She left?
- She died.
914
01:11:05,331 --> 01:11:08,232
- What?
- Last night, 4:00 a.m.
915
01:11:09,900 --> 01:11:11,801
It was very peaceful.
916
01:11:30,584 --> 01:11:32,950
- What happened?
- Looks as if he had a heart attack.
917
01:11:33,020 --> 01:11:35,318
Everybody's dying!
918
01:11:35,388 --> 01:11:37,788
If this is the healthiest place
on earth, why is everybody dying?
919
01:11:40,726 --> 01:11:43,628
Do we not hear the bleating
of the calves?
920
01:11:43,695 --> 01:11:46,185
The bellowing of the bull?
The cackling of frightened geese?
921
01:11:46,263 --> 01:11:48,459
The gobbling of reluctant turkeys?
922
01:11:50,168 --> 01:11:53,830
Do we not hear the shrieks
of thousands of animals...
923
01:11:53,904 --> 01:11:55,996
we dare to call dumb?
924
01:12:16,955 --> 01:12:19,114
What are you having, sir?
925
01:12:19,189 --> 01:12:21,556
A whiskey. A double.
926
01:12:21,627 --> 01:12:23,719
And a beer chaser.
927
01:12:23,796 --> 01:12:26,193
And a hamburger... with bacon.
928
01:12:27,165 --> 01:12:29,291
Mr. Lightbody!
929
01:12:29,365 --> 01:12:32,732
Charles, Charles Ossining.
We met on the train.
930
01:12:32,803 --> 01:12:34,598
We're all dying.
931
01:12:34,670 --> 01:12:37,399
Every man, woman and child.
I'll drink to that.
932
01:12:41,276 --> 01:12:43,301
How would you like
that hamburger, sir?
933
01:12:43,376 --> 01:12:45,900
Rare. No, not just rare.
934
01:12:47,082 --> 01:12:51,709
Really rare. In fact,
cold in the middle.
935
01:12:57,154 --> 01:13:00,147
They make glue from animal's hooves.
936
01:13:00,225 --> 01:13:02,851
Buttons from bones.
Combs from horns.
937
01:13:02,927 --> 01:13:04,986
Soap from their fat.
938
01:13:05,061 --> 01:13:08,553
They even make quack medicines
from their testicles.
939
01:13:08,630 --> 01:13:11,759
That's awful.
It's so sad.
940
01:13:13,702 --> 01:13:17,159
I've been so blind.
You're a wonderful man.
941
01:13:23,577 --> 01:13:26,101
Dr. Badger!
942
01:13:26,178 --> 01:13:28,613
Your corset is gone,
I'm pleased to see.
943
01:13:28,682 --> 01:13:31,343
The bust is the fountain of life.
944
01:13:31,418 --> 01:13:34,079
Flat-chested women
are a danger to themselves.
945
01:13:35,886 --> 01:13:38,789
Now your glasses.
946
01:13:39,523 --> 01:13:40,717
My glasses?
947
01:13:40,791 --> 01:13:43,623
Mere crutches for the eyes.
You don't need them.
948
01:13:43,694 --> 01:13:45,422
Throw them into the fire.
949
01:13:54,469 --> 01:13:58,631
We had the factory. We had
the machinery. We had the staff.
950
01:13:58,705 --> 01:14:01,606
And, may I add,
we had a great product!
951
01:14:01,674 --> 01:14:04,700
We were poised and ready for success.
952
01:14:05,944 --> 01:14:10,243
- And we run out of money.
- Oh, you want money!
953
01:14:10,315 --> 01:14:12,748
I can give you money.
954
01:14:12,817 --> 01:14:14,750
No, no. I couldn't.
955
01:14:14,818 --> 01:14:17,719
Charlie, you haven't got
a pot to piss in.
956
01:14:17,786 --> 01:14:19,583
But I envy you.
957
01:14:19,656 --> 01:14:20,987
You do?
958
01:14:21,056 --> 01:14:23,286
I envy you your dreams.
959
01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:26,553
Charlie. Charlie.
960
01:14:27,629 --> 01:14:29,961
We must never, ever...
961
01:14:30,032 --> 01:14:33,829
live in a world where dreams
are rarer than money.
962
01:14:39,404 --> 01:14:42,806
How much do you want?
Five hundred? A thousand?
963
01:14:44,243 --> 01:14:48,008
A thousand would be very helpful.
964
01:14:48,079 --> 01:14:50,639
Rejoice ye hands
965
01:14:50,715 --> 01:14:54,809
And be joyful on earth
966
01:14:54,886 --> 01:14:58,319
Rejoice in the face of the Lord
967
01:14:58,389 --> 01:15:00,253
For he cometh
968
01:15:00,323 --> 01:15:01,517
Hallelujah
969
01:15:03,458 --> 01:15:04,890
Hey, folks!
970
01:15:04,959 --> 01:15:07,894
Here at the San,
the goose is not cooked!
971
01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:15,264
Merry Christmas to you all!
Merry Christmas!
972
01:15:56,102 --> 01:15:59,502
The place is filled with shams...
973
01:15:59,570 --> 01:16:02,540
murderers and wife stealers.
974
01:16:04,543 --> 01:16:06,010
- Charlie?
- Yes?
975
01:16:06,077 --> 01:16:08,170
Tell me truthfully, as my friend...
976
01:16:08,245 --> 01:16:10,510
- I am your friend.
- You're my friend.
977
01:16:10,581 --> 01:16:13,376
Do I look any better
for eating this seaweed?
978
01:16:13,449 --> 01:16:17,852
For having my insides
sucked out of me? Do I?
979
01:16:17,920 --> 01:16:22,651
- No, you look like shit.
- I look like shit. I feel like shit.
980
01:16:22,724 --> 01:16:25,750
- And you're in the shit.
- I am definitely in the shit!
981
01:16:25,828 --> 01:16:28,123
Charlie, with friends like you...
982
01:16:28,193 --> 01:16:30,129
Who needs enemas?
983
01:16:36,102 --> 01:16:39,592
To friendship
and to looking like shit.
984
01:16:39,671 --> 01:16:41,865
To being full of shit.
985
01:16:41,941 --> 01:16:45,499
To bad health. To indigestion.
986
01:16:45,575 --> 01:16:47,064
To shitsville!
987
01:16:57,653 --> 01:17:00,416
Why pretend that sex doesn't exist?
988
01:17:00,487 --> 01:17:04,081
Surely it's the clearest expression
of health and vitality.
989
01:17:05,224 --> 01:17:08,626
But Dr. Kellogg says the loss of bodily
fluids is a drain on the nervous system.
990
01:17:08,694 --> 01:17:10,628
But supposing he's wrong.
991
01:17:10,696 --> 01:17:13,597
Supposing these fluids
build up inside you.
992
01:17:13,666 --> 01:17:16,600
And if they're bottled up,
what happens to them?
993
01:17:16,668 --> 01:17:18,635
Will they explode?
994
01:17:19,902 --> 01:17:23,202
But isn't it true
the good doctor has never had sex?
995
01:17:23,271 --> 01:17:25,764
- Mumps.
- No!
996
01:17:25,841 --> 01:17:28,402
Are you saying that he's...
That he can't...
997
01:17:28,478 --> 01:17:30,467
- Exactly.
- I don't believe...
998
01:17:33,081 --> 01:17:36,050
Please excuse me. I'm terribly sorry.
I'm afraid it's Will.
999
01:17:37,317 --> 01:17:37,450
Every woman, every man
1000
01:17:37,450 --> 01:17:41,717
Every woman, every man
1001
01:17:41,789 --> 01:17:44,814
Is at the temple of shit
1002
01:17:44,891 --> 01:17:47,224
Here at the Battle Creek San
1003
01:17:48,227 --> 01:17:51,160
We thought you should know, ma'am,
before the boss finds him.
1004
01:17:51,229 --> 01:17:53,253
Thank you.
1005
01:17:53,331 --> 01:17:56,164
Will, what have you done?
1006
01:18:00,504 --> 01:18:02,868
You've been drinking.
1007
01:18:02,939 --> 01:18:05,737
Yes, thank you very much.
I'll deal with it.
1008
01:18:06,874 --> 01:18:09,639
Ellie. Ellie, they killed them.
1009
01:18:09,711 --> 01:18:12,338
You're drunk!
I can't believe you!
1010
01:18:12,413 --> 01:18:15,940
After all everyone's done for you!
How could you do this to yourself?
1011
01:18:16,016 --> 01:18:19,951
They were murdered.
Mr. Unpronounceable and Woodbine!
1012
01:18:20,019 --> 01:18:22,853
Oh, shut up! Did you actually think
that you could get away with this?
1013
01:18:22,923 --> 01:18:25,355
They didn't just close
their eyes and die.
1014
01:18:25,423 --> 01:18:29,449
They were electrocuted!
In the suicidal bath!
1015
01:18:29,527 --> 01:18:33,087
- Fried like pork chops!
- Will Lightbody, I've had enough.
1016
01:18:33,163 --> 01:18:36,723
Let me take you away from this place...
1017
01:18:36,800 --> 01:18:40,429
before we end up like Miss Muntz,
before they kill us all.
1018
01:18:41,635 --> 01:18:43,604
You make it so difficult
to love you.
1019
01:18:48,676 --> 01:18:50,109
Mr. Lightbody!
1020
01:18:50,177 --> 01:18:51,769
Pull him out!
1021
01:18:55,515 --> 01:18:57,141
Sorry, sir.
1022
01:19:01,621 --> 01:19:05,453
You have disobeyed my orders,
risked your life...
1023
01:19:05,524 --> 01:19:07,615
plunged into
some reckless debauch.
1024
01:19:07,690 --> 01:19:09,853
Are you mad?
1025
01:19:09,927 --> 01:19:11,518
I smell alcohol.
1026
01:19:11,594 --> 01:19:13,585
You are intoxicated, sir!
1027
01:19:22,972 --> 01:19:25,769
Sir, I see pickles
and relish and ketchup...
1028
01:19:25,840 --> 01:19:28,001
and pork, yes, I see pork.
1029
01:19:28,076 --> 01:19:30,701
Meat. Red flesh and blood.
1030
01:19:31,778 --> 01:19:34,338
How could you, sir?
1031
01:19:38,116 --> 01:19:41,711
You obviously don't give two hoots
about your own life, sir, but I do.
1032
01:19:41,787 --> 01:19:43,981
I'm gonna schedule you
for surgery.
1033
01:19:44,055 --> 01:19:48,046
Not the knife! Please not the knife!
I'm really sorry.
1034
01:19:48,124 --> 01:19:50,614
Too late to be sorry, sir.
I'm gonna remove your kink.
1035
01:19:50,692 --> 01:19:54,093
- But I haven't even touched my wife.
- I'm not talking about your penis.
1036
01:19:54,163 --> 01:19:56,496
I'm gonna chop out
your offending intestines. Nurse!
1037
01:19:56,565 --> 01:20:02,026
Gastric lavage! Put Mr. Lightbody on
the enema machine until further notice.
1038
01:20:46,004 --> 01:20:47,437
Be quick!
1039
01:21:22,070 --> 01:21:23,500
Ladies.
1040
01:21:23,569 --> 01:21:26,095
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
1041
01:21:47,122 --> 01:21:49,488
Good-bye! Good luck!
1042
01:22:07,972 --> 01:22:10,872
Did I die?
Am I in heaven?
1043
01:22:10,941 --> 01:22:13,467
Heaven on earth.
You're at the San.
1044
01:22:13,545 --> 01:22:17,602
Will, it was a success.
Your kink is gone.
1045
01:22:35,562 --> 01:22:40,056
But surely if the testicles are never
called upon, wouldn't they grow useless?
1046
01:22:40,133 --> 01:22:42,658
I can't believe that nature
has made such a blunder...
1047
01:22:42,734 --> 01:22:45,636
as to provide the human race
with such mischievous organs...
1048
01:22:45,703 --> 01:22:48,263
if we're not meant
to put them to good use.
1049
01:22:48,339 --> 01:22:51,465
Mr. Badger, I think the other guests
are less than pleased.
1050
01:22:51,541 --> 01:22:55,203
I'm not ashamed of my body.
It's completely natural.
1051
01:22:55,277 --> 01:22:56,801
I agree.
1052
01:22:56,880 --> 01:22:59,245
Dress reform is about liberating the
body from its artificial constraints.
1053
01:22:59,316 --> 01:23:03,752
- Isn't that what Professor Kuntz says?
- You've read Freikorper Kultur, eh?
1054
01:23:03,818 --> 01:23:05,843
Are you familiar
with the nudism movement?
1055
01:23:05,920 --> 01:23:07,385
Professor who?
1056
01:23:07,453 --> 01:23:09,150
"Cuntz."
1057
01:23:10,258 --> 01:23:11,884
Kuntz. Kuntz.
1058
01:23:11,959 --> 01:23:15,085
No, I haven't read him,
but I think you're right.
1059
01:23:15,161 --> 01:23:17,321
What the heck.
1060
01:23:19,065 --> 01:23:21,759
Do you know what I'm wearing
under these shorts?
1061
01:23:21,833 --> 01:23:24,562
- Nothing?
- Nothing?
1062
01:23:25,501 --> 01:23:28,402
I'm sorry.
I can't keep up with this.
1063
01:23:28,471 --> 01:23:31,201
I was just getting the hang
of vegetarianism.
1064
01:23:32,108 --> 01:23:33,836
To the Germans.
1065
01:23:33,909 --> 01:23:36,276
Professor Cu... Kuntz.
1066
01:23:36,347 --> 01:23:39,074
And to Dr. Spitzvogel.
1067
01:23:39,147 --> 01:23:41,272
Who is Dr. Spitzvogel?
1068
01:23:41,349 --> 01:23:42,611
I don't know.
1069
01:23:42,683 --> 01:23:47,016
- He's a specialist in movement therapy.
- Eleanor, you have to try it.
1070
01:23:47,087 --> 01:23:51,386
When I left, after my first session,
I was floating on clouds.
1071
01:23:52,858 --> 01:23:55,192
But what did he do?
1072
01:23:55,260 --> 01:23:56,455
Well, he...
1073
01:23:56,529 --> 01:23:58,688
- He manipulates the womb.
- And the breasts.
1074
01:23:58,762 --> 01:24:01,731
Die Handhabung Therapeutisch,
to give it its German name.
1075
01:24:01,798 --> 01:24:04,288
Oh. I'm not doing anything German.
1076
01:24:04,368 --> 01:24:08,531
After only one session,
I was weak. Weak!
1077
01:24:08,605 --> 01:24:09,572
Weak?
1078
01:24:11,206 --> 01:24:14,802
I am sure Dr. Kellogg
would not approve.
1079
01:24:15,809 --> 01:24:17,640
- Oh, my God!
- What?
1080
01:24:17,710 --> 01:24:21,273
There's a woman wearing a fox collar
with head, feet, the whole thing!
1081
01:24:27,954 --> 01:24:30,013
That's not wine I spilled, madam,
it's blood!
1082
01:24:30,089 --> 01:24:32,146
No animal should suffer
for you to look beautiful.
1083
01:24:32,224 --> 01:24:34,157
- You're mad!
- As you are ugly!
1084
01:24:34,225 --> 01:24:37,194
No amount of animals slaughtered in your
behalf will make you look different.
1085
01:24:37,261 --> 01:24:39,593
Madam, control yourself.
1086
01:24:39,664 --> 01:24:43,258
Look at me, sir! Would you skin
the flesh from my body as well?
1087
01:24:45,068 --> 01:24:48,035
- Bravo, Eleanor.
- Bravo, Eleanor.
1088
01:24:49,806 --> 01:24:52,740
We're so proud of you, Eleanor.
1089
01:25:25,501 --> 01:25:27,490
It was a great success, Charles.
1090
01:25:27,568 --> 01:25:31,129
Just cast your eyes over those figures,
and have a cigar.
1091
01:25:31,206 --> 01:25:33,971
Thirty-two thousand in advance orders.
1092
01:25:34,875 --> 01:25:37,468
I feel like Caesar returning
from the Gaelic wars.
1093
01:25:39,012 --> 01:25:41,479
Have a cigar.
1094
01:25:41,547 --> 01:25:43,778
You should be pleased.
We're on our way!
1095
01:25:49,187 --> 01:25:52,884
This is a letter from my aunt.
She arrives on Friday.
1096
01:25:52,956 --> 01:25:55,187
Arrives? Mrs. Hookstratten?
1097
01:25:55,257 --> 01:25:59,250
Yes! She's going to the San
for her nerves.
1098
01:25:59,328 --> 01:26:01,455
- She wants to visit the factory.
- What factory?
1099
01:26:02,431 --> 01:26:06,389
Oh! Oh, yes. Our factory.
1100
01:26:06,468 --> 01:26:10,427
Well, that is rather inconvenient.
1101
01:26:10,505 --> 01:26:11,970
Inconvenient?
1102
01:26:15,174 --> 01:26:17,904
You hooked me like a fish, Bender.
1103
01:26:17,977 --> 01:26:21,310
You scaled me, you gutted me,
you stuffed me and fried me!
1104
01:26:21,379 --> 01:26:24,347
Chewed me up, swallowed me,
and shat me out again!
1105
01:26:24,416 --> 01:26:27,850
You bet your ass it's inconvenient!
Don't you see?
1106
01:26:27,917 --> 01:26:31,853
We have no factory! These orders
are for someone else's cornflakes!
1107
01:26:31,920 --> 01:26:35,219
You made me lie, you son of a bitch!
Bender, I lied!
1108
01:26:35,291 --> 01:26:39,090
As day follows night, Charles,
one truth is undeniable:
1109
01:26:39,161 --> 01:26:44,358
Behind every shining fortune
lurks the shadow of a lie.
1110
01:26:46,601 --> 01:26:49,399
That's what business is.
1111
01:26:53,706 --> 01:26:56,675
Good-bye, Will.
Time to go.
1112
01:26:57,842 --> 01:27:02,744
If I eat any more roughage, I feel I'd
do my back passage a permanent injury.
1113
01:27:02,814 --> 01:27:04,576
Good-bye, Endymion.
1114
01:27:04,648 --> 01:27:07,209
I've grown quite fond of you
these past few months.
1115
01:27:07,285 --> 01:27:09,845
Take care of yourself, dear boy.
It's worth it.
1116
01:27:09,919 --> 01:27:11,887
Is it? Is all of this worth it?
1117
01:27:11,955 --> 01:27:13,889
Dear Will, what is life...
1118
01:27:13,956 --> 01:27:17,392
but a temporary victory over that
which causes our inevitable death?
1119
01:27:19,926 --> 01:27:21,723
Looks like rain.
1120
01:27:21,796 --> 01:27:25,324
- Oh! I have a little gift for you.
- What is it?
1121
01:27:25,399 --> 01:27:28,629
It's a Dusselberg Belt.
German apparatus.
1122
01:27:28,701 --> 01:27:32,432
- Most sexual inventions are these days.
- Sexual?
1123
01:27:32,505 --> 01:27:37,805
I didn't use it. I thought it might
be useful to you in the twilight hours.
1124
01:27:38,710 --> 01:27:40,905
Thank you.
Endymion, I'll miss you.
1125
01:27:40,977 --> 01:27:42,911
Good-bye, Will.
1126
01:27:45,182 --> 01:27:47,877
Follow your heart.
It's the one organ...
1127
01:27:47,949 --> 01:27:51,476
that will surely let you down one day,
so don't waste it while you're living.
1128
01:27:51,554 --> 01:27:55,045
I'll remember.
Endymion, you're a special man.
1129
01:27:55,122 --> 01:27:56,682
Bye, Will.
1130
01:27:56,759 --> 01:27:58,316
Bye, Endymion.
1131
01:28:34,655 --> 01:28:36,590
I'm so glad you could come.
1132
01:28:36,657 --> 01:28:38,716
Come then, ja?
1133
01:29:20,928 --> 01:29:24,259
Please, you will remove your clothing
and slip into this.
1134
01:29:24,329 --> 01:29:27,992
And then please,
lie on the table and relax...
1135
01:29:28,066 --> 01:29:32,364
and dream and think
only beautiful thoughts.
1136
01:29:59,725 --> 01:30:02,887
Here we have a beast of the wild.
1137
01:30:02,961 --> 01:30:06,418
And over here, folks, on the table,
docile and benign...
1138
01:30:06,497 --> 01:30:08,691
we have our dearest Fauna.
1139
01:30:08,764 --> 01:30:11,599
The San's much-loved vegetarian wolf.
1140
01:30:14,603 --> 01:30:17,437
And relax, Mrs. Lightbody.
1141
01:30:17,508 --> 01:30:18,940
That's good.
1142
01:30:19,942 --> 01:30:22,341
That's good. Yes.
1143
01:30:22,411 --> 01:30:25,641
Breathe in, breathe out.
1144
01:30:26,781 --> 01:30:30,046
Open your legs, please.
Just relax.
1145
01:30:30,117 --> 01:30:34,280
Don't worry. I am a doctor.
That's good.
1146
01:30:34,354 --> 01:30:36,914
Relax. Yeah.
1147
01:30:36,989 --> 01:30:40,185
That's good. Enjoy it. Yes.
1148
01:30:40,258 --> 01:30:43,887
Think beautiful thoughts.
1149
01:30:44,862 --> 01:30:46,522
Dream.
1150
01:31:27,864 --> 01:31:30,162
See, not the slightest interest.
1151
01:31:30,232 --> 01:31:32,757
A beautiful passive animal.
1152
01:31:34,536 --> 01:31:36,468
Oh, yes, indeed.
1153
01:31:38,638 --> 01:31:41,630
A beast of the wild.
1154
01:31:43,211 --> 01:31:45,439
He's known only the carnal pleasures.
1155
01:32:25,444 --> 01:32:28,276
- Are you okay?
- Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.
1156
01:32:28,345 --> 01:32:30,646
I think that I'm getting better.
1157
01:32:30,716 --> 01:32:33,842
I'll come back after you've had
your nap. Can I get you anything?
1158
01:32:33,919 --> 01:32:38,352
No, not at the moment.
Thank you, Irene. Maybe later.
1159
01:33:24,560 --> 01:33:27,222
I shall introduce it to the San
early next year.
1160
01:33:27,295 --> 01:33:28,853
Mrs. Hookstratten!
1161
01:33:28,930 --> 01:33:30,692
Doctor!
1162
01:33:30,765 --> 01:33:33,232
How delightful to see you again.
1163
01:33:33,302 --> 01:33:35,358
I'm so sorry to hear about your nerves.
1164
01:33:35,435 --> 01:33:37,902
Please sit beside me.
Tell me all about it.
1165
01:33:38,904 --> 01:33:42,965
But didn't the Alcotts practice
free love, is it called? I mean, really.
1166
01:33:43,041 --> 01:33:45,703
You shouldn't sneer at free love.
Its roots are purely feminist.
1167
01:33:45,777 --> 01:33:47,972
Conventional marriage is a prison.
1168
01:33:48,046 --> 01:33:51,071
One should go wherever love leads.
1169
01:33:51,148 --> 01:33:52,843
It's jealousy that's the obscenity.
1170
01:33:53,817 --> 01:33:57,683
And I want to see my nephew Charles
whilst I'm here.
1171
01:33:57,752 --> 01:34:02,416
He's not really my nephew. He's the son
of one of my under parlor maids.
1172
01:34:02,489 --> 01:34:07,086
Stupid woman. Always getting pregnant
by some gate man or other.
1173
01:34:07,162 --> 01:34:10,358
Anyway, he has a thriving
new breakfast food company.
1174
01:34:10,431 --> 01:34:12,592
Oh, really?
What is it called?
1175
01:34:12,666 --> 01:34:16,531
Kellogg's. Of course.
Kellogg's Per-Fo.
1176
01:34:16,601 --> 01:34:20,197
I thought you would've known, what
with your son being one of the partners.
1177
01:34:21,272 --> 01:34:22,638
Partners?
1178
01:34:33,182 --> 01:34:34,479
George?
1179
01:34:34,550 --> 01:34:38,112
George Kellogg?
What seems to be the problem?
1180
01:34:38,188 --> 01:34:41,053
I don't think
he feels well, sir.
1181
01:34:41,122 --> 01:34:45,148
No? Then perhaps
he needs a purgative.
1182
01:34:45,226 --> 01:34:48,057
What about calomel or castor oil?
1183
01:34:48,127 --> 01:34:51,757
Or shall we stop this nonsense
and eat up our food?
1184
01:34:51,830 --> 01:34:54,162
Food? You call this food?
1185
01:34:56,067 --> 01:34:57,729
What did you say?
1186
01:34:57,802 --> 01:35:01,294
We want proper food.
Meat and potatoes is what we want.
1187
01:35:02,707 --> 01:35:04,764
Ida, stop laughing!
David, stop laughing!
1188
01:35:04,841 --> 01:35:06,433
Meat and potatoes!
1189
01:35:06,509 --> 01:35:08,500
Stop it, George!
1190
01:35:08,577 --> 01:35:09,635
Stop it!
1191
01:35:12,815 --> 01:35:15,610
I command you to stop now!
1192
01:35:15,683 --> 01:35:17,618
George, stop it!
1193
01:35:40,371 --> 01:35:42,462
Why is he like this?
1194
01:35:42,538 --> 01:35:45,007
What did I do wrong?
1195
01:35:45,074 --> 01:35:48,340
I mean, didn't I give him
everything? Everything?
1196
01:35:49,444 --> 01:35:52,139
Everything you could.
1197
01:35:52,214 --> 01:35:54,647
Then why does he hate me so?
1198
01:35:54,716 --> 01:35:57,842
Maybe what you're giving him
isn't what he wants.
1199
01:36:24,273 --> 01:36:26,207
Mr. Bender, please.
It's Charles Oss...
1200
01:36:26,275 --> 01:36:30,334
I know, sir. Mr. Charles Ossining.
You're president of Per-Fo Food Company.
1201
01:36:30,410 --> 01:36:34,073
Indeed. Well, tell Mr. Bender
I'm here, will you?
1202
01:36:34,147 --> 01:36:38,084
That's not possible, sir. Unfortunately,
Mr. Bender is no longer a resident.
1203
01:36:38,151 --> 01:36:41,984
- What?
- He checked out, or rather disappeared.
1204
01:36:42,054 --> 01:36:45,148
The second floor maid
found his room empty, but...
1205
01:36:45,223 --> 01:36:49,624
he did leave a note saying
that you would be settling his account.
1206
01:36:49,693 --> 01:36:53,185
Which is a substantial sum.
A very substantial sum.
1207
01:36:54,264 --> 01:36:56,358
And these two gentlemen
also would like a word with you.
1208
01:36:56,432 --> 01:36:57,730
- Yes?
- Mr. Ossining?
1209
01:36:57,800 --> 01:37:00,199
- Yes.
- Mr. Charles Ossining?
1210
01:37:00,270 --> 01:37:03,363
I have to serve due process, sir,
to inform you...
1211
01:37:03,438 --> 01:37:06,736
that separate lawsuits have been filed
in the Calhoun County court...
1212
01:37:06,806 --> 01:37:11,073
to enjoin the production, sale
and transportation of Kellogg's Per-Fo.
1213
01:37:11,146 --> 01:37:13,545
And substantial damages
are being claimed.
1214
01:37:13,613 --> 01:37:15,911
And I have
Mr. Bender's bill here, sir...
1215
01:37:15,982 --> 01:37:18,177
and his instructions
to give it to you.
1216
01:37:23,588 --> 01:37:25,749
Stop him!
1217
01:37:27,659 --> 01:37:30,093
Stop that man!
1218
01:37:31,161 --> 01:37:32,992
Stop! Stop!
1219
01:37:40,035 --> 01:37:41,561
Lightbody!
1220
01:37:44,706 --> 01:37:47,105
Mr. Lightbody, please sit down.
1221
01:37:48,277 --> 01:37:51,732
Something has come to my attention
that I think you should be aware of.
1222
01:37:51,811 --> 01:37:54,301
It is your wife.
1223
01:37:54,380 --> 01:37:56,642
Yes. To my displeasure...
1224
01:37:56,715 --> 01:37:59,707
she's been seeing an outside physician.
1225
01:38:01,186 --> 01:38:05,122
Not Badger. No.
Although he is no doubt responsible.
1226
01:38:05,189 --> 01:38:07,919
No, it is worse.
It is a German.
1227
01:38:07,992 --> 01:38:11,084
- A German?
- Yes, sir, a German.
1228
01:38:11,161 --> 01:38:13,129
By the name of...
What is it, Jarvis?
1229
01:38:13,195 --> 01:38:15,754
Spitzvogel. Dr. Spitzvogel.
1230
01:38:15,831 --> 01:38:18,923
It seems that Eleanor's
been taken by...
1231
01:38:18,999 --> 01:38:21,993
Die Handhabung Therapeutisch.
1232
01:38:22,071 --> 01:38:23,628
Is it serious?
1233
01:38:23,706 --> 01:38:26,764
It is not a disease.
It is a treatment.
1234
01:38:26,839 --> 01:38:29,467
- I'm sorry, I don't follow.
- It is her womb.
1235
01:38:29,542 --> 01:38:31,339
Her womb?
1236
01:38:31,409 --> 01:38:34,402
She's been having it manipulated.
1237
01:38:35,413 --> 01:38:38,349
Manipulated?
Is that dangerous?
1238
01:38:38,417 --> 01:38:42,146
There are certain things a doctor and
a priest cannot share with his flock...
1239
01:38:42,219 --> 01:38:44,780
but I will say this,
look to your wife.
1240
01:38:44,855 --> 01:38:47,949
You're neglecting
a beautiful woman, sir.
1241
01:38:48,024 --> 01:38:51,017
And now I will move on.
Into the next room, please.
1242
01:38:51,095 --> 01:38:53,755
Miss Jarvis, item two,
if you will.
1243
01:38:53,830 --> 01:38:55,955
Into the room, sir.
Thank you.
1244
01:38:59,332 --> 01:39:01,664
- Morning, ladies.
- Morning, Doctor.
1245
01:39:02,869 --> 01:39:07,168
Nurse Bloethal found this apparatus
under your bed, sir.
1246
01:39:07,240 --> 01:39:09,433
Don't you know this thing
can kill you?
1247
01:39:09,508 --> 01:39:12,840
How could you be so foolish?
1248
01:39:14,512 --> 01:39:16,571
Let me tell you this, sir...
1249
01:39:16,646 --> 01:39:18,808
build up your resolve...
1250
01:39:18,883 --> 01:39:21,612
not your genitals.
1251
01:39:23,019 --> 01:39:25,113
That will be all.
1252
01:39:29,325 --> 01:39:33,453
Masturbation is the vilest sin
of self-pollution!
1253
01:39:34,629 --> 01:39:36,562
The most loathsome reptile rolling...
1254
01:39:36,630 --> 01:39:40,087
in the slush and slime
of a stagnant pool...
1255
01:39:40,167 --> 01:39:42,658
would not demean himself thus.
1256
01:39:42,735 --> 01:39:45,364
It is the sin of Onan.
1257
01:40:19,098 --> 01:40:20,725
Do you bicycle?
1258
01:40:20,801 --> 01:40:23,098
Oh, what a shame!
There's some beautiful terrains.
1259
01:40:23,168 --> 01:40:24,431
Charles?
1260
01:40:26,170 --> 01:40:28,732
We're over here!
1261
01:40:28,808 --> 01:40:31,367
- Aunt!
- Oh, my dear boy.
1262
01:40:31,442 --> 01:40:33,501
Oh, how are you?
1263
01:40:33,577 --> 01:40:35,942
You look so different.
1264
01:40:36,013 --> 01:40:40,346
Have you lost weight?
Are you growing a beard?
1265
01:40:40,417 --> 01:40:42,609
You look wonderful as always.
It's so nice to see you.
1266
01:40:42,683 --> 01:40:44,675
I'm so sorry to hear
about your nerves.
1267
01:40:44,753 --> 01:40:47,585
Listen, about our little visit
to the factory.
1268
01:40:47,655 --> 01:40:50,749
I think it would be best if we postpone
it for a few days, perhaps a week.
1269
01:40:50,825 --> 01:40:53,419
I understand you know
Eleanor Lightbody.
1270
01:40:53,493 --> 01:40:55,518
- Of course.
- Yes, we've met.
1271
01:40:55,596 --> 01:40:59,053
How are you? May I introduce my friend,
Virginia Cranehill. Charles Ossining.
1272
01:40:59,132 --> 01:41:00,654
- It's a pleasure.
- Pleasure's mine.
1273
01:41:00,733 --> 01:41:02,858
And how is the breakfast food
tycoon today?
1274
01:41:04,402 --> 01:41:05,371
Just fine.
1275
01:41:05,436 --> 01:41:07,529
If you'll excuse us.
1276
01:41:07,605 --> 01:41:09,367
You're not joining us
for the luncheon?
1277
01:41:09,438 --> 01:41:11,407
Virginia and I are sneaking off.
1278
01:41:11,476 --> 01:41:13,136
Mr. Ossining.
1279
01:41:13,209 --> 01:41:14,938
- It's very nice meeting you.
- Ladies.
1280
01:41:15,011 --> 01:41:19,639
Sadly, so must I. So much to do, so
little time. You know me. Work, work.
1281
01:41:19,714 --> 01:41:22,648
Nonsense. We're going for lunch.
Give me your arm.
1282
01:41:22,716 --> 01:41:25,414
Now, tell me all about the factory.
1283
01:41:38,530 --> 01:41:39,997
Will.
1284
01:41:40,065 --> 01:41:42,033
Irene. You look very pretty.
1285
01:41:42,099 --> 01:41:44,363
I hardly recognized you
with your clothes on.
1286
01:41:44,435 --> 01:41:47,335
- I mean, out of uniform.
- Thank you.
1287
01:41:47,403 --> 01:41:49,133
Is Eleanor here?
1288
01:41:49,206 --> 01:41:52,369
No, she's off
to a vegetarian seminar.
1289
01:41:52,443 --> 01:41:54,636
They're going to eat
dandelions with Badger.
1290
01:41:54,711 --> 01:41:57,611
Both guaranteed to make me vomit.
1291
01:41:57,679 --> 01:42:00,272
I was thinking of going
to Goguac Lake.
1292
01:42:00,349 --> 01:42:02,282
That's nice.
1293
01:42:02,352 --> 01:42:05,910
We could go together. That is,
if you're not doing anything.
1294
01:42:05,986 --> 01:42:09,251
No. That would be very nice.
1295
01:42:54,793 --> 01:42:58,227
I want it to be perfect for you.
1296
01:43:05,201 --> 01:43:07,294
Ladies and gentlemen,
good afternoon.
1297
01:43:07,370 --> 01:43:12,534
I do not wish to spoil the festivities
of celebration day...
1298
01:43:12,607 --> 01:43:16,200
a special day that marks the
anniversary of this establishment...
1299
01:43:16,276 --> 01:43:18,335
founded by those visionaries
of vegetarianism...
1300
01:43:18,413 --> 01:43:21,940
the Seventh-Day Adventists
some 42 years ago.
1301
01:43:22,016 --> 01:43:26,178
No, my friends, I will be brief because
I have an unpleasant duty to perform.
1302
01:43:26,250 --> 01:43:29,516
Quite simply, friends,
we have among us an impostor.
1303
01:43:29,588 --> 01:43:32,149
A charlatan. A fraud.
1304
01:43:32,223 --> 01:43:35,191
A criminal of the very worst stripe.
1305
01:43:35,258 --> 01:43:37,454
A man so heinous
and without conscience...
1306
01:43:37,528 --> 01:43:41,428
that I have taken time out of my
busy schedule to ensnare and expose him.
1307
01:43:41,498 --> 01:43:44,989
A man who has violated
every principle of human decency.
1308
01:43:45,068 --> 01:43:47,001
To defraud his own patron.
1309
01:43:47,068 --> 01:43:49,560
The very woman who
took him up from poverty...
1310
01:43:49,636 --> 01:43:52,697
to dress him, educate him
and give him a start in life.
1311
01:43:52,773 --> 01:43:57,505
That woman is Mrs. Hookstratten,
and that man was you, sir.
1312
01:43:58,446 --> 01:43:59,911
The factory?
1313
01:43:59,978 --> 01:44:01,503
The letters?
1314
01:44:01,580 --> 01:44:04,048
Charles, how could you do this to me?
1315
01:44:04,116 --> 01:44:08,074
It wasn't me. I tried. I really tried.
It was this man, Bender!
1316
01:44:09,321 --> 01:44:11,515
Oh, yes, Mr. Goodloe Bender.
1317
01:44:11,589 --> 01:44:14,920
Who I once knew as Nevada Ned
of the Kickapoo Indian Medicine Show.
1318
01:44:14,992 --> 01:44:17,755
A villain of the very first order.
1319
01:44:17,827 --> 01:44:19,851
He's now safely in police custody
in Buffalo.
1320
01:44:19,929 --> 01:44:22,955
You took advantage of this good woman,
sir, for vulgar profit.
1321
01:44:23,032 --> 01:44:24,795
Oh, yes, you did.
Oh, yeah.
1322
01:44:24,867 --> 01:44:27,300
Not just profit!
1323
01:44:27,368 --> 01:44:30,770
It wasn't just profit.
I had hopes, great hopes!
1324
01:44:32,306 --> 01:44:35,763
What's wrong with profit?
Don't you profit, sir...
1325
01:44:35,844 --> 01:44:40,778
from these good people who you've
conned into eating grass and sawdust?
1326
01:44:40,848 --> 01:44:46,215
So that they'll defecate and you can
suck it out of them with enemas?
1327
01:44:46,284 --> 01:44:48,649
So that you can feed them
more sawdust?
1328
01:44:48,718 --> 01:44:52,585
Don't you have workers who strive
through the night for a pittance?
1329
01:44:52,656 --> 01:44:55,056
Is there one nurse
in this whole sanitarium...
1330
01:44:55,125 --> 01:44:57,115
who dabs ointment...
1331
01:44:57,192 --> 01:45:01,127
on the piles of rich, fat asses...
1332
01:45:01,197 --> 01:45:03,528
who washes out the bedpans...
1333
01:45:03,600 --> 01:45:05,531
who makes more than...
1334
01:45:05,599 --> 01:45:10,229
the cost of this pile of horseshit
you call food, sir?
1335
01:45:10,302 --> 01:45:13,761
Mr. Farrington,
the manacles, please.
1336
01:45:13,840 --> 01:45:16,739
Lock him away, and as far as I'm
concerned, you can throw away the key.
1337
01:45:48,167 --> 01:45:50,101
- I can't do this.
- I know, because...
1338
01:45:50,170 --> 01:45:52,139
Certain things have to be avoided...
1339
01:45:52,205 --> 01:45:56,265
like feather beds and romantic novels
and the touching of one's organs.
1340
01:45:56,341 --> 01:45:59,276
No, that's not the reason.
It's got nothing to do with the doctor.
1341
01:45:59,343 --> 01:46:02,277
I love my wife.
It's Eleanor.
1342
01:46:02,346 --> 01:46:04,506
That's why I can't do this.
1343
01:46:06,283 --> 01:46:08,250
Good-bye, Irene.
1344
01:46:08,317 --> 01:46:11,513
I'm sorry.
You're really very beautiful.
1345
01:46:15,456 --> 01:46:18,619
Sex is the sewer drain
of a healthy body, Will.
1346
01:46:18,692 --> 01:46:21,057
I'm sure that you'll see that.
1347
01:46:21,128 --> 01:46:24,097
Any use of the sexual act
other than procreation...
1348
01:46:24,164 --> 01:46:26,961
is a waste of vital energy.
1349
01:46:27,034 --> 01:46:30,433
An erection is a flagpole
on your grave.
1350
01:47:30,885 --> 01:47:32,911
Eleanor, you're naked!
1351
01:47:32,988 --> 01:47:34,921
It's Die Freikorper Kultur!
1352
01:47:34,987 --> 01:47:38,185
- And you're being manipulated!
- It's Die Handhabung Therapeutisch!
1353
01:47:38,257 --> 01:47:40,192
Don't give me that German crap!
1354
01:47:40,259 --> 01:47:43,820
He was handhabunging you!
You let a stranger handhabung you!
1355
01:47:43,895 --> 01:47:46,524
Herr Spitzvogel is a doctor!
1356
01:47:47,832 --> 01:47:53,030
And you, you ginger-haired pig balls,
you were masturbating!
1357
01:47:53,103 --> 01:47:54,729
Sir, I was not!
1358
01:47:54,804 --> 01:47:57,068
I saw you with my own eyes!
1359
01:47:57,139 --> 01:47:59,370
I was massaging my colon!
1360
01:47:59,442 --> 01:48:02,103
Massaging your colon?
1361
01:48:02,179 --> 01:48:06,581
I know where the colon is,
and it doesn't stick up in the air!
1362
01:48:06,648 --> 01:48:10,481
Will, I know how all this must look,
but understand he's a doctor.
1363
01:48:11,552 --> 01:48:12,815
Doctor, my ass!
1364
01:48:12,887 --> 01:48:15,582
Nurse, my ass! What have you
been doing with Irene Graves?
1365
01:48:15,655 --> 01:48:18,123
Nurse Graves! Nurse Graves.
1366
01:48:18,191 --> 01:48:19,886
And your green friend, Miss Moss.
1367
01:48:19,959 --> 01:48:21,119
Miss Muntz.
1368
01:48:23,029 --> 01:48:24,619
Shut up! Shut up.
1369
01:48:27,964 --> 01:48:31,127
Shut up! Shut up!
1370
01:48:31,201 --> 01:48:34,295
If I hear one more German word...
1371
01:48:34,370 --> 01:48:37,737
I'll shove this stick
right up your alimentary canal!
1372
01:48:38,874 --> 01:48:40,206
Eleanor, wait!
1373
01:48:46,113 --> 01:48:49,981
Eleanor, don't you think
I deserve an explanation?
1374
01:48:50,051 --> 01:48:51,983
It's not what it looked like.
You're overreacting.
1375
01:48:52,052 --> 01:48:54,645
Overreacting?
A man had his hand up your crotch.
1376
01:48:54,720 --> 01:48:58,417
- It was medicine!
- Medicine? He was up to his elbows!
1377
01:48:58,490 --> 01:49:02,118
Stop it, Will! All right, maybe I went
too far, but you know something?
1378
01:49:02,193 --> 01:49:05,651
It felt good! It felt very good.
I felt good!
1379
01:49:05,728 --> 01:49:08,027
- You'd never understand.
- But I do understand.
1380
01:49:08,099 --> 01:49:10,759
You don't know how to feel good!
You're incapable!
1381
01:49:10,833 --> 01:49:14,098
But I feel good.
1382
01:49:14,170 --> 01:49:16,330
I feel great!
1383
01:49:16,404 --> 01:49:20,272
As a matter of fact,
I never felt better in my whole life!
1384
01:49:23,410 --> 01:49:25,344
You do?
1385
01:49:36,054 --> 01:49:38,544
Then I guess we can go home.
1386
01:50:38,772 --> 01:50:40,206
Hello, Dr. Vegetable.
1387
01:50:41,440 --> 01:50:43,273
You get out!
1388
01:50:44,343 --> 01:50:47,278
You can't wait to stick that tube
up your ass, can you?
1389
01:50:47,346 --> 01:50:49,370
I said get out!
1390
01:50:49,447 --> 01:50:51,779
I'm gonna burn this place
to the ground.
1391
01:50:51,850 --> 01:50:55,045
You're mad, and you're drunk.
1392
01:50:57,287 --> 01:50:59,585
Too late for that.
1393
01:51:03,561 --> 01:51:04,991
Do you like fireworks?
1394
01:51:14,567 --> 01:51:16,001
Fire!
1395
01:51:20,139 --> 01:51:22,130
Come back here,
you confounded maniac!
1396
01:51:44,959 --> 01:51:47,792
George, stop this insanity!
1397
01:52:57,253 --> 01:52:59,117
I'll give you $250!
1398
01:53:01,421 --> 01:53:02,912
Five hundred!
1399
01:53:13,166 --> 01:53:15,065
Stop it!
1400
01:53:26,643 --> 01:53:30,544
George Kellogg, you've been a pain
to me all my life!
1401
01:53:40,455 --> 01:53:42,354
Come back!
1402
01:53:58,268 --> 01:54:00,862
Georgie, speak to me.
Say something.
1403
01:54:04,474 --> 01:54:06,737
Georgie, say something to me.
Speak to me.
1404
01:54:10,345 --> 01:54:11,437
Daddy.
1405
01:54:11,513 --> 01:54:14,175
Give us a cuddle, Daddy.
1406
01:54:19,320 --> 01:54:21,253
Give us a cuddle, Daddy.
1407
01:55:34,047 --> 01:55:37,483
The San burned for three nights
and three days.
1408
01:55:37,552 --> 01:55:41,348
The glow in the sky could be seen
from as far away as Kalamazoo.
1409
01:55:44,056 --> 01:55:47,784
Will and I lived happily in Peterskill
where we had four daughters...
1410
01:55:47,857 --> 01:55:50,884
and I opened Westchester's
first health store.
1411
01:55:51,995 --> 01:55:53,986
- Huh!
- What is it?
1412
01:55:54,065 --> 01:55:59,000
It's a check for $1,000.
From Charles Ossining.
1413
01:55:59,067 --> 01:56:02,469
By all accounts, the charges against
Mr. Ossining had been forgotten...
1414
01:56:02,537 --> 01:56:05,266
in the confusion as the San burned.
1415
01:56:05,339 --> 01:56:08,775
And he eventually became very rich.
1416
01:56:08,842 --> 01:56:11,435
Apparently he had struck upon the idea
of taking sugar water...
1417
01:56:11,510 --> 01:56:14,674
and impregnating it
with the leaf of the coca plant.
1418
01:56:16,115 --> 01:56:18,172
And as for Dr. Kellogg...
1419
01:56:18,249 --> 01:56:22,448
he rebuilt the San and soldiered on
in his crusade for biological living.
1420
01:56:22,520 --> 01:56:27,514
Gentlemen, I will now perform
a forward somersault with a half-twist.
1421
01:56:27,593 --> 01:56:31,423
I'm well in advance of the Biblical age
of threescore and ten.
1422
01:56:31,494 --> 01:56:35,428
I'm in perfect health,
and I'm convinced I will live forever...
1423
01:56:35,498 --> 01:56:37,124
because...
1424
01:56:37,199 --> 01:56:39,794
my bowels are immaculate!
1425
01:56:42,604 --> 01:56:45,537
Alas, Dr. Kellogg died
midsomersault.
1426
01:56:48,908 --> 01:56:50,535
He said he was healthy.
1427
01:56:50,610 --> 01:56:52,770
Proving once and for all that...
1428
01:56:52,845 --> 01:56:55,312
even he was not right
about everything.
112007
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