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1
00:00:01,178 --> 00:00:04,648
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,649 --> 00:00:07,951
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:11,421
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,488 --> 00:00:14,374
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,458 --> 00:00:17,994
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,045 --> 00:00:21,181
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,248 --> 00:00:22,415
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:23,733
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:23,801 --> 00:00:26,002
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:26,053 --> 00:00:30,053
♪ Family Guy 10x17 ♪
Forget-Me-Not
Original Air Date on March 18, 2012
11
00:00:30,078 --> 00:00:34,078
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:35,307 --> 00:00:36,570
All right, see
you guys later.
13
00:00:36,571 --> 00:00:38,288
Me and Brian are
going to play laser tag
14
00:00:38,356 --> 00:00:39,306
with Joe and Quagmire.
15
00:00:39,374 --> 00:00:40,557
What?! No, you're not.
16
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:42,125
Tonight's our family night.
17
00:00:42,193 --> 00:00:44,361
We agreed that every Sunday,
we'd do something together.
18
00:00:44,429 --> 00:00:45,629
(clears throat)
19
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:46,830
What?
20
00:00:46,898 --> 00:00:48,465
Oh, nothing. I was just
clearing my throat.
21
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:50,334
Good. I thought you were
going to say something.
22
00:00:50,401 --> 00:00:52,152
But, Lois, we
already made plans.
23
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,670
Yeah, I can't leave
those guys alone.
24
00:00:53,738 --> 00:00:55,906
Last time they hung out
without me was a disaster.
25
00:00:55,974 --> 00:00:57,741
All right, movie night.
26
00:00:57,809 --> 00:01:00,210
I am so psyched
for Reindeer Games!
27
00:01:00,278 --> 00:01:02,446
What, I thought we
were watching La Vie En Rose.
28
00:01:02,513 --> 00:01:04,464
What do you mean,
Reindeer Games is great!
29
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:07,601
Everything goes wrong on the one
day it has to go right.
30
00:01:07,669 --> 00:01:09,436
But La Vie En Rose
is a beautiful movie
31
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,705
about the real life tragedy
of Edith Piaf.
32
00:01:11,773 --> 00:01:13,290
Usually Peter would
break the tie.
33
00:01:13,358 --> 00:01:14,675
Well, Peter
isn't here, is he?!
34
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,410
Because you were
supposed to be watching him,
35
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,579
but you were smoking
marijuana and he drowned!
36
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,547
What? No, he's at
a PTA meeting.
37
00:01:20,615 --> 00:01:22,332
Where the hell
did you get that story?
38
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,835
I don't know! I just can't stand
it when he's not here!
39
00:01:24,903 --> 00:01:26,587
Peter, you've got
every other night of the week
40
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:27,955
to spend with your buddies.
41
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,524
This is the one night
we've set aside for our family.
44
00:01:33,978 --> 00:01:35,479
Come on, Brian.
Come upstairs.
45
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:38,098
I wanna show you a freckle on my
sack that I'm concerned about.
46
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,316
It has irregular edges.
47
00:01:40,885 --> 00:01:41,689
(window opening)
48
00:01:41,714 --> 00:01:43,014
BRIAN (whispers): Peter,
what are you doing?
49
00:01:43,087 --> 00:01:44,454
PETER (whispers):
I'm not goin' to Family Night.
50
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,657
My agreeing with Lois
was just pure theater.
51
00:01:46,724 --> 00:01:48,091
Come on, we're
jumping off the roof.
52
00:01:48,159 --> 00:01:49,660
Are you insane?!
We'll kill ourselves!
53
00:01:49,727 --> 00:01:51,028
Don't worry, we can fly.
54
00:01:51,095 --> 00:01:53,063
I got this pixie dust
from a magic fairy.
55
00:01:53,131 --> 00:01:54,431
Either that or it's speed
56
00:01:54,499 --> 00:01:56,199
I got from a transvestite
at a diner.
57
00:01:56,267 --> 00:01:58,302
(snorting)
58
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,470
(yells): It's the speed!
It's the speed from the diner!
59
00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:01,738
Peter, let go of me!
60
00:02:01,806 --> 00:02:03,323
(yells)
Damn it!
61
00:02:05,476 --> 00:02:07,611
So what are we gonna do
for Family Night?
62
00:02:07,679 --> 00:02:10,247
Oh, would you shut up?
All the good people are gone.
63
00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:17,354
Hey!
Welcome to Quahog Laser Tag.
64
00:02:17,422 --> 00:02:19,323
Please pay attention
while I show y'all
65
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,091
how to put on y'all's vests.
66
00:02:21,159 --> 00:02:22,793
Sir, can I use you
to demonstrate?
67
00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:25,062
Thank you, I have
longed for your attention
68
00:02:25,129 --> 00:02:26,863
since the moment I arrived.
69
00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:29,299
Now, put this on
over your shoulders.
70
00:02:29,367 --> 00:02:30,600
Good.
71
00:02:30,668 --> 00:02:32,269
Now, I'm gonna need
you to squats down
72
00:02:32,337 --> 00:02:33,770
like your underwears
is done for,
73
00:02:33,838 --> 00:02:35,605
but you might still
save the jeans.
74
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:41,979
Now, you's gonna wanna latch the
front to the back like so...
75
00:02:42,046 --> 00:02:43,714
Did everybody get that?
76
00:02:43,781 --> 00:02:46,266
Boy, a lot of heat
comes off you, don't it?
77
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,353
(lasers zapping)
78
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:51,772
All right, keep an
eye out for Peter.
79
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,841
He's oddly competitive
at this stuff.
80
00:02:54,892 --> 00:02:58,562
Yeah, and he seems to be weirdly
physically fit at this place.
81
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,230
Yeah, it's almost like he has
82
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,649
unrealistic abilities
when we play laser tag.
83
00:03:04,819 --> 00:03:07,287
All right, well, if we just
stick together, then...
84
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,405
Zap! Zap! Zap!
85
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:09,489
What the...
No way!
86
00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:10,507
How'd you learn
to do that?
87
00:03:10,575 --> 00:03:12,509
The question isn't how I do it.
88
00:03:12,577 --> 00:03:15,946
It's how I forgive myself
for what I've done.
89
00:03:16,014 --> 00:03:17,314
(zap)
90
00:03:17,382 --> 00:03:19,633
Yeah, winner!
Right here!
91
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,134
All right, pal,
what do I get?
92
00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,003
Well, for five dollars,
you could get
93
00:03:23,071 --> 00:03:25,572
your picture in a fake newspaper
with a humorous headline.
94
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,243
Wow, my picture
in the paper.
95
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,845
I didn't even
get that when
96
00:03:31,913 --> 00:03:33,580
I brought that kitten
and gorilla together.
97
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,816
Huh?
Did I tell ya, Lois?
98
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,884
Oh, that's beautiful, Peter.
99
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:40,554
She's taking care of that
kitten like it's her own.
100
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,056
Yep, I knew eventually she'd
stop tearin' 'em in half.
101
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,379
There you two are!
102
00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:51,248
We waited for you
for four hours!
103
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,449
Where the hell
have you been?!
104
00:03:52,517 --> 00:03:54,000
Look, Lois,
I know you're mad,
105
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,402
but I think this will prove
that I did the right thing.
106
00:03:56,454 --> 00:03:59,272
I put our family
on the map tonight.
107
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,242
No longer will we be
just those faceless nobodies
108
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,877
who brought the bird flu
to Quahog.
109
00:04:03,945 --> 00:04:06,012
You know, there's something
seriously wrong with a man
110
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,048
who always puts
his friends over his family.
111
00:04:08,099 --> 00:04:09,766
Come on, Lois, I think
you're overreacting.
112
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:12,135
What's so wrong about a guy
hanging out with his buddies?
113
00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:14,271
Buddies?
You're one of his buddies?
114
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,405
Yeah. And you know why?
115
00:04:15,473 --> 00:04:16,573
'Cause I don't try to tell him
116
00:04:16,641 --> 00:04:17,607
what he can and can't do.
117
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,309
Oh, please, Brian.
118
00:04:19,377 --> 00:04:21,628
You're just two people
who live in the same house.
119
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,130
If you didn't,
you'd never hang out
120
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:24,698
with each other
in a million years.
121
00:04:24,766 --> 00:04:26,833
He owns you.
You're his property.
122
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:28,568
He used to hang you
in the garage
123
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,303
so his fender
wouldn't hit the wall.
124
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:33,423
(music playing over radio)
You're there.
125
00:04:33,491 --> 00:04:35,425
You're there!
126
00:04:35,493 --> 00:04:37,561
I couldn't hear you.
The radio was too loud.
127
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:42,582
I'm going to bed.
128
00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,301
You know,
Lois is right, Brian.
129
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,319
You think you're Peter's pal,
but you're really not.
130
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,971
You're just his dog.
131
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:49,873
Well, that's where
you're wrong. Watch this.
132
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,675
Hey, Peter, you want
to go hit the Clam?
133
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,310
Nah, there's no way
she's in the mood.
134
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,178
Let's just go to the bar.
Sounds good.
135
00:04:55,263 --> 00:04:57,630
Headin' to the bar
with my friend, Peter.
136
00:04:57,682 --> 00:04:59,015
You're lying
to yourself, Brian.
137
00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:00,617
Like those girls who insist
138
00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:02,385
their best friends
are attractive.
139
00:05:02,453 --> 00:05:05,021
Oh, Stewie, I can't wait for
you to meet my best friend.
140
00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:06,289
She is so cute.
141
00:05:06,357 --> 00:05:07,757
Yeah, she sounds awesome.
142
00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:09,526
Oh, my God, yeah.
People ask her
143
00:05:09,594 --> 00:05:11,027
if she's a model
all the time.
144
00:05:11,095 --> 00:05:12,679
Here she comes!
145
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:15,515
(chuckles)
Okay, okay,
146
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:16,883
that was an extreme example,
147
00:05:16,951 --> 00:05:19,920
but face it, ladies,
your best friends are not hot.
148
00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:26,793
Uh, Peter, your seat belt
back here doesn't work right.
149
00:05:26,844 --> 00:05:28,879
What's gonna happen to you
that hasn't already happened?
150
00:05:28,963 --> 00:05:30,263
Peter, look out
for that car!
151
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,015
(high-pitched tone resonates)
152
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,133
That's not a car.
153
00:05:33,184 --> 00:05:34,351
What is that?!
154
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,303
(all screaming)
155
00:05:48,366 --> 00:05:50,734
Hello?
156
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,438
Hello?
157
00:05:56,574 --> 00:05:57,874
Anybody here?
158
00:06:01,812 --> 00:06:02,913
Hey.
159
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:04,347
Hey.
160
00:06:04,415 --> 00:06:05,699
Do you work here?
161
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,018
I don't know.
Doesn't look like it.
162
00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:09,502
Who are you?
163
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:12,422
I... I don't know.
I-I just woke up here.
164
00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:14,491
I seem to be
a heavyset fellow.
165
00:06:14,559 --> 00:06:16,709
You do.
166
00:06:16,761 --> 00:06:18,328
Thank God someone
else is here.
167
00:06:18,396 --> 00:06:20,564
You two seem to be the only
ones in this hospital.
168
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:22,148
No, I'm here, too.
169
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,050
Any of you guys
know what's going on?
170
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:26,186
I just woke up in
one of these rooms.
171
00:06:26,254 --> 00:06:28,321
I have no idea
how I got here.
172
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,156
I don't even
know who I am.
173
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:33,159
All I know is,
I'm extremely important
174
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,462
because there are drawings of me
on all the bathroom doors.
175
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,214
See?
176
00:06:37,281 --> 00:06:40,550
It's glued on there, too, so I'm
pretty sure it's permanent.
177
00:06:40,618 --> 00:06:41,818
This is really weird.
178
00:06:41,886 --> 00:06:43,620
We seem perfectly coherent,
179
00:06:43,688 --> 00:06:45,455
it's just we can't
remember who we are.
180
00:06:45,523 --> 00:06:47,357
It's like our identities
have been
181
00:06:47,425 --> 00:06:48,692
wiped out somehow.
182
00:06:48,759 --> 00:06:50,427
Maybe we can find somebody
to help us.
183
00:07:01,038 --> 00:07:02,839
(dial tone droning)
184
00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:05,508
The whole town seems
to be deserted.
185
00:07:05,576 --> 00:07:07,210
Well, if there are
only four of us,
186
00:07:07,278 --> 00:07:08,745
I propose we start a band.
187
00:07:08,813 --> 00:07:11,665
And I propose we call
ourselves Robes of Teal.
188
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,300
Aw, damn it.
189
00:07:15,670 --> 00:07:18,271
Well, we could still be a band
and choose a different name.
190
00:07:18,322 --> 00:07:20,040
Oh, no, Robes of Teal
was the whole thing.
191
00:07:37,214 --> 00:07:38,582
What the hell happened?
Where is everybody?
192
00:07:38,668 --> 00:07:39,968
You don't suppose...
193
00:07:40,036 --> 00:07:42,154
Do you think, we're the
only people on Earth?
194
00:07:42,221 --> 00:07:43,755
I don't know.
I tell ya what,
195
00:07:43,806 --> 00:07:45,857
I'm gonna open up
this bag of Chex Party Mix.
196
00:07:45,925 --> 00:07:47,459
If people don't show up,
then we're it.
197
00:07:49,228 --> 00:07:51,096
Yep, we're it.
198
00:07:51,164 --> 00:07:53,665
All right, look, we know
we woke up in the hospital,
199
00:07:53,733 --> 00:07:55,834
so maybe there was some kind
of catastrophe
200
00:07:55,902 --> 00:07:57,269
that we were all spared.
201
00:07:57,336 --> 00:07:59,438
Or maybe we were all
in some kind of accident.
202
00:07:59,505 --> 00:08:01,473
Well, that would explain
why you're in a wheelchair.
203
00:08:01,541 --> 00:08:03,542
You must have gotten hurt
worse than the rest of us.
204
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:06,161
Yeah, I got hit so hard,
it knocked my pee into a bag.
205
00:08:06,229 --> 00:08:07,496
None of this
makes any sense.
206
00:08:07,563 --> 00:08:08,663
Where the hell
is everybody?
207
00:08:08,748 --> 00:08:10,348
Well, if we wait
till tax day,
208
00:08:10,416 --> 00:08:11,883
I'm sure the tax man
will show up.
209
00:08:11,951 --> 00:08:13,251
Ha. You should tweet that.
210
00:08:13,302 --> 00:08:15,787
Okay.
211
00:08:15,855 --> 00:08:17,089
(cell phone buzzes)
212
00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:18,490
(laughs)
This guy's hilarious.
213
00:08:18,558 --> 00:08:19,958
I'm gonna retweet this.
214
00:08:20,026 --> 00:08:21,493
(both cell phones buzz)
215
00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:22,894
Huh.
Mm.
216
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:25,664
Social media is bringing us
all closer together.
217
00:08:25,731 --> 00:08:26,865
Unfollow.
218
00:08:29,435 --> 00:08:31,119
Hey, you know,
if we're all gonna be
219
00:08:31,187 --> 00:08:32,587
tryin' to figure
this out together,
220
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:34,806
maybe it would be easier
if we gave each other names.
221
00:08:34,857 --> 00:08:36,158
That's a great idea.
222
00:08:36,242 --> 00:08:38,326
Hey, maybe my name
is on this collar.
223
00:08:38,411 --> 00:08:40,695
Cremate, don't bury.
224
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:41,813
Okay, that's a downer.
225
00:08:41,864 --> 00:08:43,148
You know what?
226
00:08:43,199 --> 00:08:45,083
I'm gettin' a feeling
about my name.
227
00:08:45,151 --> 00:08:47,919
I think my name
might be Shirt Pants.
228
00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:50,038
Shirt Pants?
What kind of name is that?
229
00:08:50,123 --> 00:08:51,322
I don't know.
What's your name?
230
00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:53,208
I kinda think
it's Manly Walker.
231
00:08:53,292 --> 00:08:54,826
Wheeler?
No, Walker.
232
00:08:54,877 --> 00:08:56,178
Wheeler?
No, you're not hearing me right.
233
00:08:56,262 --> 00:08:57,295
It's Walker.
234
00:08:57,346 --> 00:08:58,497
It's probably Wheeler.
235
00:08:58,564 --> 00:09:00,132
I sorta think
my name is Earl.
236
00:09:00,183 --> 00:09:02,017
(My Name is Earl theme plays)
237
00:09:02,101 --> 00:09:03,468
What was that?
I don't know.
238
00:09:03,519 --> 00:09:05,187
Apparently, I made
some sort of reference.
239
00:09:05,271 --> 00:09:08,056
Hey, check it out.
Looks like a bar.
240
00:09:08,124 --> 00:09:09,825
(sighs) I could go
for a stiff one.
241
00:09:09,892 --> 00:09:11,393
I think they got
a pill for that.
242
00:09:11,461 --> 00:09:12,661
Shirt Pants!
243
00:09:12,728 --> 00:09:15,497
Who else but Shirt Pants?
244
00:09:15,565 --> 00:09:18,133
♪ He's Shirt Pants,
Shirt Pants ♪
245
00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:20,402
♪ She's tryin' to remember,
but he really can't ♪
246
00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:22,504
♪ He's Shirt Pants,
Shirt Pants ♪
247
00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:25,423
♪ All I know for sure is I'm
wearing a shirt and pants. ♪
248
00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:28,143
Hello?
249
00:09:28,211 --> 00:09:30,479
♪ A-well-a everybody's heard
about the bird ♪
250
00:09:30,546 --> 00:09:33,248
♪ B-B-Bird, bird, bird,
b-bird's the word... ♪
251
00:09:33,316 --> 00:09:35,250
That's annoying.
252
00:09:35,334 --> 00:09:37,035
BRIAN:
It just doesn't make sense
253
00:09:37,086 --> 00:09:38,303
that there aren't any people.
254
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,038
This couldn't have
happened naturally.
255
00:09:40,089 --> 00:09:42,891
Something must have
caused this, or someone.
256
00:09:42,959 --> 00:09:45,944
Well, when I find that person,
I'm gonna strangle him.
257
00:09:46,012 --> 00:09:48,580
I had a life,
and he took it away from me.
258
00:09:48,648 --> 00:09:51,066
I don't remember it,
but I bet it was pretty good.
259
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,434
Yeah, me, too.
260
00:09:52,502 --> 00:09:54,302
I bet I was a doctor
who had to deal with
261
00:09:54,370 --> 00:09:56,204
a lot of serious stuff,
but always found a way
262
00:09:56,272 --> 00:09:57,305
to keep things light.
263
00:09:58,541 --> 00:10:00,742
Oh, my God,
she's beautiful.
264
00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:02,177
Yeah, she is.
265
00:10:02,245 --> 00:10:04,913
It's not yours.
Yours died.
266
00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:06,448
Yeah, and I bet I answered
267
00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:08,750
the customer complaint line
at a Danish cookie company.
268
00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:11,520
Hello, Danish cookie company.
269
00:10:11,587 --> 00:10:14,523
No, I know they don't
taste very good.
270
00:10:14,590 --> 00:10:16,758
Well, because
they're very dry, aren't they?
271
00:10:16,826 --> 00:10:18,293
I mean, t-they came in a tin,
272
00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:20,395
how fresh did you think
they were gonna be?
273
00:10:20,463 --> 00:10:22,631
Look, it's dark
and freezing in Denmark.
274
00:10:22,698 --> 00:10:25,000
Everybody who made these cookies
has shot themselves.
275
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:27,786
Well, I bet I did something
really important and exciting.
276
00:10:27,853 --> 00:10:29,588
Like-like maybe I was
a speechwriter
277
00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:31,223
for the first ever
black president.
278
00:10:33,159 --> 00:10:34,759
Hey, can he say
the word "ask"?
279
00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:36,695
Or-or is that a word
we should avoid?
280
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:39,965
Yea, and I bet you I was the
voice of an animated bird.
281
00:10:40,032 --> 00:10:42,601
(Joe's voice):
I thought I saw a cat.
282
00:10:42,668 --> 00:10:45,170
I did see a cat.
283
00:10:45,238 --> 00:10:47,205
Oh, my God,
look at that.
284
00:10:49,709 --> 00:10:51,443
Wow, that looks
pretty bad.
285
00:10:51,510 --> 00:10:52,744
Is the Chinese
guy dead?
286
00:10:52,812 --> 00:10:53,878
(sniffs)
Wait.
287
00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:56,431
(sniffs)
We-we were in this car.
288
00:10:56,499 --> 00:10:58,033
I can smell us all
in this car!
289
00:10:58,100 --> 00:10:59,668
This must be the accident
290
00:10:59,735 --> 00:11:01,303
that put us all
in the hospital.
291
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,588
See if there's a registration
in the glove compartment.
292
00:11:06,392 --> 00:11:07,892
"Peter Griffin."
293
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,761
One of us is Peter Griffin.
294
00:11:09,829 --> 00:11:11,646
Look at this indent
on the steering wheel.
295
00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:15,083
It's a perfect match.
296
00:11:15,151 --> 00:11:16,117
Oh, my God!
297
00:11:16,185 --> 00:11:17,235
You're Peter Griffin!
298
00:11:17,303 --> 00:11:18,536
Yeah, I am.
299
00:11:18,604 --> 00:11:20,538
And you live
at 31 Spooner Street.
300
00:11:20,606 --> 00:11:22,274
Finally, a real clue.
Let's go!
301
00:11:22,341 --> 00:11:23,808
Wow, I own a house!
302
00:11:23,876 --> 00:11:25,110
I just hope it doesn't have
303
00:11:25,177 --> 00:11:27,112
one of those mailboxes
that looks like a cow.
304
00:11:27,179 --> 00:11:30,148
I just want to seem cool tothese guys, but I really hope
305
00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:32,684
I have one of those mailboxesthat looks like a cow.
306
00:11:32,752 --> 00:11:34,919
"Moo," says my mailbox.
307
00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:39,257
Well, this is
31 Spooner Street.
308
00:11:39,325 --> 00:11:40,492
I'm home.
309
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:41,760
All right,
see you guys.
310
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,194
I'm gonna go shove my
hand down my pants
311
00:11:43,262 --> 00:11:44,329
and see if that
goes someplace.
312
00:11:47,199 --> 00:11:49,901
Guys! Guys!
It goes someplace!
313
00:11:49,969 --> 00:11:52,454
(sniffs)
Hang on, I got something.
314
00:11:52,521 --> 00:11:55,256
(sniffing)
315
00:11:55,324 --> 00:11:57,742
I poop a lot on this lawn.
316
00:11:57,810 --> 00:11:59,177
This must be where I live!
317
00:12:00,696 --> 00:12:01,997
Hey, Shirt Pants,
come in here.
318
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:05,400
Oh, my God!
319
00:12:05,468 --> 00:12:06,951
I know, I know!
You're my owner!
320
00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:08,570
I knew it!
I knew we were pals!
321
00:12:08,654 --> 00:12:10,372
Yeah, I mean, there's
no pictures of me,
322
00:12:10,456 --> 00:12:12,374
but I see you've got a
dog collar and a leash.
323
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,292
And look how big
your doggie cage is.
324
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,527
You could fit
a human in there.
325
00:12:15,594 --> 00:12:17,062
Clearly, you're
a good owner.
326
00:12:19,632 --> 00:12:21,299
It's such a
weird situation.
327
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:23,401
I-I just think somebody
should be writing about it.
328
00:12:23,469 --> 00:12:24,669
Yeah.
329
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,504
Do you... do you think
it should be me?
330
00:12:26,572 --> 00:12:28,556
S-Should I be the one
writing about this?
331
00:12:28,641 --> 00:12:29,707
Uh, I don't know.
332
00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:31,309
I-I think it
should be me.
333
00:12:31,377 --> 00:12:33,478
Then just do it, stop talking
about it for God's sake.
334
00:12:34,747 --> 00:12:36,314
Oh, hey, guys.
335
00:12:36,382 --> 00:12:37,749
Well, we got it
all figured out.
336
00:12:37,817 --> 00:12:39,584
Turns out my name
is Glenn Quagmire,
337
00:12:39,652 --> 00:12:40,835
and this is my dog.
338
00:12:40,903 --> 00:12:42,120
JOE:
Hey, you guys!
339
00:12:42,188 --> 00:12:43,355
Hey, I found my house.
340
00:12:43,422 --> 00:12:45,023
Turns out my name's
Joe Swanson,
341
00:12:45,091 --> 00:12:47,225
and I found this
police uniform in my closet.
342
00:12:47,293 --> 00:12:48,526
Do you know
what that means?
343
00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:49,778
I'm a stripper!
344
00:12:51,247 --> 00:12:53,281
Well, it's good
we found out who we all are,
345
00:12:53,349 --> 00:12:54,616
but we still
haven't found out
346
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,351
what the hell happened
to everybody else.
347
00:12:56,419 --> 00:12:57,819
Yeah, I've been
thinking about that,
348
00:12:57,887 --> 00:12:59,621
and I think the
best course of action
349
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:02,507
is for us to just go ahead and
start repopulating the Earth.
350
00:13:02,575 --> 00:13:03,975
But there are no women.
351
00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:05,210
Well, let's try
some stuff.
352
00:13:05,261 --> 00:13:06,995
Hey, you guys want to
see something cool?
353
00:13:07,063 --> 00:13:09,397
There's a bedroom upstairs
that belonged to some girl,
354
00:13:09,465 --> 00:13:10,932
and she's got bras in there,
355
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,634
and the cups are
different sizes.
356
00:13:12,702 --> 00:13:14,436
L-Like one of them's
a martini glass
357
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:15,770
and the other one's
some kinda melon.
358
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,176
Guys, you know how
we were thinking
359
00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:23,645
that something must have
caused this situation...
360
00:13:23,713 --> 00:13:25,080
or someone?
Yeah?
361
00:13:25,147 --> 00:13:26,915
Look at that.
362
00:13:31,987 --> 00:13:33,121
Oh, my God.
363
00:13:33,205 --> 00:13:34,105
It's him.
364
00:13:34,173 --> 00:13:35,206
He did this.
365
00:13:35,274 --> 00:13:36,241
What do we do?
366
00:13:36,308 --> 00:13:37,475
Check it out.
367
00:13:37,543 --> 00:13:38,743
I got the little
freak's bra.
368
00:13:38,811 --> 00:13:39,961
I'm gonna put it on.
369
00:13:41,764 --> 00:13:43,798
Huh, this actually
fits pretty well.
370
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,433
Oh, wait, there's
a name on it.
371
00:13:46,506 --> 00:13:47,706
It's mine.
372
00:13:53,039 --> 00:13:54,439
My God.
373
00:13:54,507 --> 00:13:56,825
Peter is responsible for
killing everyone on Earth.
374
00:13:56,893 --> 00:13:59,511
But how could a guy like that
cause all this destruction?
375
00:13:59,579 --> 00:14:01,713
Well, he's clearly
not just a guy.
376
00:14:01,781 --> 00:14:03,882
He's some kind of
omnipotent alien,
377
00:14:03,950 --> 00:14:05,750
with powers we can
only guess at.
378
00:14:05,818 --> 00:14:07,719
Look at him--
watching, learning...
379
00:14:07,787 --> 00:14:09,421
absorbing.
380
00:14:09,489 --> 00:14:12,023
This janitor's in love
with this redheaded ashtray.
381
00:14:15,595 --> 00:14:17,095
But why didn't
he kill us?
382
00:14:17,163 --> 00:14:19,197
I don't know, maybe...
maybe he needs us.
383
00:14:19,265 --> 00:14:20,665
Maybe we're important.
384
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:23,468
I mean, I do have all these
profound ideas and thoughts.
385
00:14:23,536 --> 00:14:24,936
Maybe I was a deep
thinker of some kind.
386
00:14:25,004 --> 00:14:26,071
Deep thinker?
387
00:14:26,139 --> 00:14:27,272
I spent the whole morning
388
00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:28,907
trying to teach you
one simple thing.
389
00:14:28,975 --> 00:14:30,809
Give me paw.
390
00:14:30,877 --> 00:14:32,544
Paw?
391
00:14:32,612 --> 00:14:34,613
Good.
Other paw.
392
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,915
No. Other paw.
393
00:14:36,983 --> 00:14:38,450
No!
We practiced this!
394
00:14:38,518 --> 00:14:40,051
You're gonna make me look bad
in front of the other guys.
395
00:14:40,119 --> 00:14:41,853
Other paw!
396
00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:44,289
Finally!
397
00:14:44,357 --> 00:14:45,457
You know, this
actually reminds me
398
00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:46,758
of a quote by Milton...
399
00:14:46,826 --> 00:14:48,693
Shut the (bleep) up.
400
00:14:48,761 --> 00:14:50,395
Well, what are we gonna do?
401
00:14:50,463 --> 00:14:51,354
What are we
gonna do about what?
402
00:14:51,379 --> 00:14:52,314
(all gasp)
403
00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:53,481
Oh, about the...
404
00:14:53,549 --> 00:14:55,951
The, uh, th-th-the pie!
405
00:14:56,018 --> 00:14:57,886
The pie we're all
gonna make for you for...
406
00:14:57,954 --> 00:14:59,487
being such a great guy.
407
00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:01,623
Aw, my God,
that sounds awesome.
408
00:15:01,674 --> 00:15:03,275
I would kill everyone
in the world
409
00:15:03,342 --> 00:15:05,744
and leave three survivors
for a piece of pie right now.
410
00:15:05,811 --> 00:15:08,396
(nervous laughing)
411
00:15:10,283 --> 00:15:11,516
Guys, really, what
are we gonna do?
412
00:15:11,584 --> 00:15:12,984
Well, it seems obvious.
413
00:15:13,052 --> 00:15:15,554
We gotta find a way
to kill him before he kills us.
414
00:15:15,621 --> 00:15:16,888
Kill him?
415
00:15:16,956 --> 00:15:18,924
How about we just get
the hell out of here?
416
00:15:18,991 --> 00:15:20,559
Are you kidding me?
He'd catch us.
417
00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:23,195
If this guy's an alien,
I bet he can fly.
418
00:15:23,262 --> 00:15:25,330
He can probably
hear us right now.
419
00:15:25,398 --> 00:15:26,765
He's probably got a laser beam
420
00:15:26,832 --> 00:15:28,200
that can shoot us
through the walls.
421
00:15:28,267 --> 00:15:29,401
(screaming)
422
00:15:29,485 --> 00:15:31,019
He can't hit us
if we keep moving!
423
00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:33,121
Can you... Can you not...
Can you...
424
00:15:33,189 --> 00:15:35,240
I just took a bunch of
random stuff I found
425
00:15:35,324 --> 00:15:36,925
in my medicine cabinet,
and you're really
426
00:15:36,993 --> 00:15:38,126
freaking me out
right now.
427
00:15:38,194 --> 00:15:39,961
Okay, maybe he doesn't
have a laser.
428
00:15:40,029 --> 00:15:43,198
But listen, if we're gonna kill
him, we gotta find some guns.
429
00:15:43,266 --> 00:15:45,083
Okay, well, let's go.
430
00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:47,118
Not all of us. Somebody's
gotta go over there
431
00:15:47,186 --> 00:15:49,588
and keep an eye on him, make
sure he doesn't go anywhere.
432
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:50,822
Oh, come on.
Why me?
433
00:15:50,890 --> 00:15:52,524
'Cause I'm your owner
and I said so.
434
00:15:52,592 --> 00:15:53,992
But I don't want to.
435
00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:55,260
All right, then,
you asked for it!
436
00:15:56,395 --> 00:15:57,796
What, what is that?
437
00:15:57,863 --> 00:15:59,214
I found it
in my night table.
438
00:15:59,282 --> 00:16:01,483
I thought it was a dog whistle,
but now I'm thinking
439
00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:04,002
it's something you jam in your
urethra to make you last longer.
440
00:16:08,941 --> 00:16:10,809
Man, I wonder if I'm one
of those secret assassins
441
00:16:10,876 --> 00:16:12,143
who doesn't even know it,
442
00:16:12,211 --> 00:16:14,045
but I'm a highly trained
killing machine.
443
00:16:14,113 --> 00:16:16,214
Well, I could test that
by attacking you.
444
00:16:16,282 --> 00:16:17,716
If you repel my attack,
445
00:16:17,783 --> 00:16:19,184
maybe that means
you're a secret assassin.
446
00:16:19,252 --> 00:16:20,785
Good idea.
447
00:16:22,288 --> 00:16:25,490
I don't, I don't think
I'm a secret assassin.
448
00:16:27,912 --> 00:16:29,648
(knocking)
Hey, uh...
449
00:16:29,649 --> 00:16:31,783
knock, knock,
a-anybody home?
450
00:16:31,851 --> 00:16:32,984
Oh, hey, buddy.
Come on in,
451
00:16:33,052 --> 00:16:34,486
I could use some company.
452
00:16:34,553 --> 00:16:36,221
Um, okay.
453
00:16:36,289 --> 00:16:38,106
Hey, I know we're the only
people on Earth and all,
454
00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:39,507
but what's with
all these Mexicans
455
00:16:39,575 --> 00:16:41,243
coming here
to steal our jobs?
456
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:42,677
Hey, what are you
doin' down there?
457
00:16:42,745 --> 00:16:44,412
Come on, sit up on
the couch with me.
458
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,381
Are you sure?
459
00:16:46,449 --> 00:16:49,117
Mr. Quagmire says dogs aren't
allowed on the furniture.
460
00:16:49,185 --> 00:16:50,518
I don't care
about that stuff.
461
00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:52,621
Besides, you look like
you got a clean bum.
462
00:16:52,688 --> 00:16:55,056
It is pretty clean.
I just cleaned it.
463
00:16:55,124 --> 00:16:56,992
Ha. Bums are funny.
464
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,860
(chuckles)
They are kinda funny.
465
00:16:58,928 --> 00:17:00,512
We all got one.
We all got one!
466
00:17:00,579 --> 00:17:02,681
I was just gonna say that!
Isn't-isn't that weird?
467
00:17:02,748 --> 00:17:04,182
(chuckles)
Everybody's got a bum!
468
00:17:04,250 --> 00:17:06,084
(both laughing)
469
00:17:06,135 --> 00:17:07,569
Mine's even got a secret
compartment in it
470
00:17:07,637 --> 00:17:08,770
where you can store stuff.
471
00:17:08,854 --> 00:17:09,938
Hey, you want a pretzel?
472
00:17:10,006 --> 00:17:11,239
I'm okay.
473
00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:13,308
You know, you ever think
if we could all just
474
00:17:13,376 --> 00:17:15,777
spend more time celebrating our
similarities instead of just
475
00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:17,228
standing on our differences,
the universe
476
00:17:17,296 --> 00:17:18,697
would be a much better place?
477
00:17:18,764 --> 00:17:20,548
Not really.
But that bum thing,
478
00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:21,850
you're-you're on
to something there.
479
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:23,285
Y-You're, uh...
480
00:17:23,352 --> 00:17:25,670
you're some kind of deep
thinker, aren't you?
481
00:17:28,474 --> 00:17:29,607
(tires screech)
482
00:17:30,493 --> 00:17:31,826
Where you goin'?
483
00:17:31,894 --> 00:17:33,328
I-I think your...
484
00:17:33,412 --> 00:17:35,013
your pie might be
about ready.
485
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:36,948
Hey, we're gonna share
that pie, buddy,
486
00:17:37,016 --> 00:17:39,217
'cause, you know,
there's no "I" in "pie."
487
00:17:39,285 --> 00:17:40,144
Except for the "I."
488
00:17:40,145 --> 00:17:41,879
But enough about
numbers. You go.
489
00:17:44,555 --> 00:17:45,935
So, we ready
to do this?
490
00:17:45,936 --> 00:17:47,270
You guys, I'm
not sure that
491
00:17:47,338 --> 00:17:48,805
Peter's the guy
we think he is.
492
00:17:48,873 --> 00:17:51,608
He seems harmless and
actually kinda nice.
493
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:52,942
Oh, my God.
494
00:17:53,010 --> 00:17:54,177
You slept with him!
495
00:17:54,245 --> 00:17:55,478
What? No, no.
496
00:17:55,546 --> 00:17:57,430
We were just watching TV,
but listen,
497
00:17:57,498 --> 00:18:00,033
you've got to believe me, he's
not capable of hurting anyone.
498
00:18:00,101 --> 00:18:01,968
Clearly he's
controlling your mind
499
00:18:02,036 --> 00:18:04,104
with his superior
alien brain.
500
00:18:04,171 --> 00:18:06,356
PETER: Ah, don't let 'em get
you down, Paul Blart.
501
00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:07,957
Your life has dignity.
502
00:18:08,025 --> 00:18:09,959
(laughs)
And comedy!
503
00:18:10,027 --> 00:18:11,895
Oh, heavens!
504
00:18:11,962 --> 00:18:13,863
Look, there's pretty solid
evidence that this guy
505
00:18:13,931 --> 00:18:15,632
is responsible
for the elimination of
506
00:18:15,699 --> 00:18:18,918
the entire human race,
and we need to take him out.
507
00:18:18,986 --> 00:18:20,336
Okay, okay, you're right.
508
00:18:20,404 --> 00:18:22,472
But he trusts me, so
509
00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:23,940
you guys wait here,
510
00:18:24,008 --> 00:18:25,341
and I'll go lure him out.
511
00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:32,081
I have a lot of
dirty stuff in my house.
512
00:18:32,149 --> 00:18:33,783
Wait, what the
hell's he doing?
513
00:18:36,587 --> 00:18:38,688
He's supposed to be
luring Peter out here.
514
00:18:38,756 --> 00:18:40,056
He's not doing
anything like that.
515
00:18:40,124 --> 00:18:41,224
He's warning him!
516
00:18:41,292 --> 00:18:42,625
They think I'm an alien?!
517
00:18:42,676 --> 00:18:44,444
Yes, and you have to get
out of here right away!
518
00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:46,279
But you're-you're
Quagmire's dog.
519
00:18:46,347 --> 00:18:48,248
Why would you be
helping me instead of him?
520
00:18:48,315 --> 00:18:49,616
Because...
521
00:18:49,683 --> 00:18:51,684
I-I don't...
I don't know why.
522
00:18:51,752 --> 00:18:52,785
I-I can't explain it.
523
00:18:52,853 --> 00:18:53,920
I-I just...
524
00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:56,556
I feel like
you're my friend.
525
00:18:56,624 --> 00:18:57,724
(sighs)
You wouldn't understand.
526
00:18:57,791 --> 00:19:00,160
No, I think I kinda do.
527
00:19:02,796 --> 00:19:04,164
Come on, buddy.
Let's go!
528
00:19:08,752 --> 00:19:11,454
I knew I couldn't trust you,
you filthy mongrel.
529
00:19:11,505 --> 00:19:13,106
Guys, he didn't
do it, I swear.
530
00:19:13,174 --> 00:19:14,474
Get out of the way, dog.
531
00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:18,428
(shouts)
Please! I didn't do anything!
532
00:19:18,495 --> 00:19:20,763
When you've been a stripper
as long as I have,
533
00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:22,932
you know when you've
met a bad egg.
534
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,534
And you're a bad egg.
535
00:19:39,516 --> 00:19:41,918
No! You bastards!
536
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:48,741
(sobbing)
537
00:19:48,809 --> 00:19:50,243
(screams)
538
00:19:50,311 --> 00:19:52,045
(beeping)
539
00:19:52,112 --> 00:19:54,247
What the hell...
540
00:19:54,315 --> 00:19:55,698
What's going on?
541
00:19:57,418 --> 00:19:58,534
Stewie?
542
00:19:58,602 --> 00:20:00,203
Well, Brian,
you proved me wrong.
543
00:20:00,271 --> 00:20:01,788
What the hell
are you talking about?
544
00:20:01,855 --> 00:20:03,256
What, what is all this?
545
00:20:03,324 --> 00:20:06,009
You see, Brian, I conducted
a little experiment.
546
00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:07,810
Remember our
little argument about
547
00:20:07,878 --> 00:20:09,679
whether you and Peter
were actually friends?
548
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:12,048
Well, I wanted to prove
to you that I was right,
549
00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:14,984
that your friendship was purely
a result of circumstance.
550
00:20:15,052 --> 00:20:18,388
So I created a scenario in which
everyone's memories were erased,
551
00:20:18,455 --> 00:20:20,323
to demonstrate
that you and Peter
552
00:20:20,391 --> 00:20:22,342
would never naturally
associate with one another.
553
00:20:22,409 --> 00:20:23,743
But I was wrong.
554
00:20:23,811 --> 00:20:26,829
It appears you two have
a genuine bond after all.
555
00:20:26,897 --> 00:20:28,264
Wow.
556
00:20:28,332 --> 00:20:31,150
So we really were meant
to be friends.
557
00:20:31,218 --> 00:20:32,585
I guess you were, yes.
558
00:20:32,653 --> 00:20:34,687
So, are they gonna
remember any of this?
559
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,623
No, I'll wipe out
their whole day.
560
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:37,757
It'll be like
it never happened.
561
00:20:37,825 --> 00:20:39,092
Wow.
562
00:20:39,159 --> 00:20:40,810
Hey, what's going
on over there?
563
00:20:42,279 --> 00:20:44,624
Oh, I wanted to see how
three women would react
564
00:20:44,649 --> 00:20:45,598
in the same situation.
565
00:20:45,599 --> 00:20:46,849
(arguing and screaming)
MEG: Stop it!
566
00:20:46,917 --> 00:20:48,518
LOIS: Ow! Ow!
BONNIE: Let go! Let go!
567
00:20:49,936 --> 00:20:51,883
They've only been in there
for three minutes.
568
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:54,336
Haven't even tried to figure
out each other's names yet.
569
00:20:54,935 --> 00:20:58,935
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
41398
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