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1
00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:03,976
All right, it's report card day.
2
00:00:04,061 --> 00:00:06,249
The least fun day
when I was your age,
3
00:00:06,334 --> 00:00:08,600
- but the most fun day now.
- [both chuckles]
4
00:00:08,812 --> 00:00:09,835
Hand them over.
5
00:00:11,086 --> 00:00:12,695
I think
you'll be pleased.
6
00:00:12,863 --> 00:00:16,937
Ooh, A, B, B, A. ABBA. [laughs]
7
00:00:17,695 --> 00:00:20,062
My favorite band
and my favorite grades.
8
00:00:20,265 --> 00:00:23,040
Wow. Nice report
card, Katie.
9
00:00:23,125 --> 00:00:25,054
Is it good enough
to go to Harvard? No.
10
00:00:25,232 --> 00:00:27,203
Can we afford Harvard?
No.
11
00:00:28,101 --> 00:00:29,972
Right in the sweet spot.
12
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,664
I remember what you said, Dad,
any college that ends in State.
13
00:00:38,382 --> 00:00:41,305
Wow,
all smiley faces.
14
00:00:41,436 --> 00:00:43,843
What can I say?
People love me.
15
00:00:44,039 --> 00:00:47,032
Okay, girls,
great work.
16
00:00:47,117 --> 00:00:48,343
Keep those grades up.
17
00:00:48,429 --> 00:00:51,351
Excellent job, ladies.
Let's get out of here.
18
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:54,750
Teddy.
19
00:00:56,203 --> 00:00:57,701
Yes, Father?
20
00:00:58,406 --> 00:00:59,704
Where's your report card?
21
00:01:00,007 --> 00:01:03,142
Oh, my school's
not doing grades anymore.
22
00:01:03,265 --> 00:01:05,579
It's just based on
how we feel,
23
00:01:05,695 --> 00:01:07,407
and I feel great.
24
00:01:08,210 --> 00:01:10,671
I saw you shove it
in your pocket. Hand it over.
25
00:01:12,022 --> 00:01:13,742
Come on, tight pants.
26
00:01:17,968 --> 00:01:20,437
Good God, a "Z"?
27
00:01:20,734 --> 00:01:23,162
I tried to change
a "D" to a "B" on the bus.
28
00:01:23,246 --> 00:01:24,617
It was bumpy.
29
00:01:25,843 --> 00:01:27,946
Your teachers say
you're not doing your homework.
30
00:01:28,031 --> 00:01:29,690
Look, your grades
don't have to be perfect.
31
00:01:29,774 --> 00:01:31,750
We just expect you
to try your best,
32
00:01:31,835 --> 00:01:34,125
but this looks like
you're not trying at all.
33
00:01:34,210 --> 00:01:35,696
Explain yourself,
mister.
34
00:01:36,289 --> 00:01:38,695
I'm just looking
for a different lifestyle.
35
00:01:39,742 --> 00:01:41,311
A different lifestyle?
36
00:01:41,395 --> 00:01:44,444
Look, date who you want,
but do your homework.
37
00:01:45,187 --> 00:01:48,000
Homework's a bummer, man.
I want to be free.
38
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,102
Teddy,
go to your room.
39
00:01:50,186 --> 00:01:51,495
[stammers]
That's right.
40
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,758
We need some privacy
to talk about your punishment,
41
00:01:53,842 --> 00:01:56,584
and I'll just say this...
Everything is on the table.
42
00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:02,118
That was good.
43
00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:05,055
"Everything's
on the table." Scary.
44
00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:06,968
It's from a Liam Neeson movie.
45
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:10,648
Did he think we were gonna
buy that lifestyle stuff? Ugh.
46
00:02:10,733 --> 00:02:12,209
I mean, if you blow off
your homework,
47
00:02:12,293 --> 00:02:14,257
you say you lost it
or the dog ate it.
48
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,130
- They're classics for a reason.
- Yeah.
49
00:02:16,232 --> 00:02:18,585
Well, we learned with Katie,
at some point,
50
00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:20,196
kids stop doing their homework,
51
00:02:20,281 --> 00:02:22,500
so we're gonna threaten
to send Teddy
52
00:02:22,585 --> 00:02:24,070
where we threatened to send her.
53
00:02:24,155 --> 00:02:26,224
- Military school.
- Military school.
54
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,710
It's a bluff,
but he doesn't know that.
55
00:02:28,795 --> 00:02:31,758
Remember, as soon as Kate heard
the words "military school,"
56
00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:33,782
her eyes got big
and her lip trembled.
57
00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:35,945
- That's when we knew we had her.
- [both laugh]
58
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,921
- We should write parenting books.
- Yeah.
59
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:41,726
You know, someday they're
gonna be too old to scare.
60
00:02:42,108 --> 00:02:43,617
Let's enjoy it while we can.
61
00:02:45,562 --> 00:02:47,203
Your father and I
have discussed
62
00:02:47,287 --> 00:02:49,039
the consequences
of your report card.
63
00:02:49,124 --> 00:02:51,042
And we've decided
what needs to be done.
64
00:02:51,291 --> 00:02:53,563
This is very hard
for a mother,
65
00:02:53,648 --> 00:02:56,212
so forgive me if I get
emotional, it's just
66
00:02:56,429 --> 00:02:58,093
I'm gonna
miss you so much.
67
00:02:58,831 --> 00:02:59,923
Get a hold of
yourself, Andi.
68
00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:01,343
It's for his own good. I know.
69
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,938
Teddy, if you don't start
doing your homework,
70
00:03:04,023 --> 00:03:05,829
we're gonna send you
to military school.
71
00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:07,695
What? That's right.
72
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,937
Runcrest
Military Academy.
73
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:13,707
They call it Runcrest
because they make you run
74
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:15,220
to a crest.
75
00:03:15,931 --> 00:03:17,578
That's a hill.
76
00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:21,801
Just thinking about
my baby running up
77
00:03:21,886 --> 00:03:26,445
that scorpion-infested hill,
it just, it breaks my heart.
78
00:03:26,935 --> 00:03:28,773
So what's it gonna
be, Teddy, huh?
79
00:03:29,304 --> 00:03:31,638
Homework or military school?
80
00:03:32,016 --> 00:03:33,250
Well, that's easy.
81
00:03:33,335 --> 00:03:34,946
Hmm. Military school.
82
00:03:35,928 --> 00:03:37,669
- Come again?
- What's that now?
83
00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:41,210
I could use the structure.
When do I ship out?
84
00:03:44,554 --> 00:03:46,392
Teddy, go to your room.
85
00:03:47,234 --> 00:03:48,695
This is my room.
86
00:03:49,077 --> 00:03:51,273
Then go to a different part
of your room.
87
00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,171
You heard your father.
88
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,546
There, in-in the dusty corner
where the vacuum can't reach.
89
00:03:58,651 --> 00:04:00,740
[♪♪]
90
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,844
*MAN WITH A PLAN*
Season 04 Episode 10
91
00:04:02,929 --> 00:04:05,373
Episode Title: "Full Metal Teddy"
Aired on: May 21, 2020
92
00:04:09,359 --> 00:04:11,671
"Go to a different part
of your room"?
93
00:04:11,906 --> 00:04:13,650
I actually said that.
94
00:04:14,132 --> 00:04:18,054
It's like a dragon opened its
mouth and jelly beans shot out.
95
00:04:18,811 --> 00:04:21,512
Don't blame yourself.
We were in shock.
96
00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:25,109
[stammers] What kind of kid
wants to go to military school?
97
00:04:25,194 --> 00:04:27,617
That trick used to work so well
on Katie.
98
00:04:27,776 --> 00:04:30,578
Yeah, but Teddy didn't give us
the big-eye lip tremble.
99
00:04:30,684 --> 00:04:34,960
I want our child sad and scared,
so we know we're good parents.
100
00:04:35,289 --> 00:04:38,007
Sad and Scared... that's
a good title for our book.
101
00:04:39,170 --> 00:04:41,044
Well,
he called our bluff.
102
00:04:41,129 --> 00:04:43,134
Yeah, if the kids know
we're bluffing,
103
00:04:43,219 --> 00:04:45,485
the wheels come off
this whole family, Andi,
104
00:04:45,599 --> 00:04:47,387
so there's only one thing
left to do.
105
00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:49,538
We're gonna actually send him
to military school.
106
00:04:49,763 --> 00:04:52,203
Okay, Runcrest Military Academy.
107
00:04:52,288 --> 00:04:55,174
Whoa-whoa, what-what?
What about Scorpion Hill?
108
00:04:55,265 --> 00:04:56,468
You made that up.
109
00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:58,498
Oh, it's so real to me now.
110
00:04:58,583 --> 00:05:00,675
Okay, look.
111
00:05:01,031 --> 00:05:04,026
Tuition, $300,
we can swing that.
112
00:05:04,453 --> 00:05:07,742
That's the application fee.
This is the tuition.
113
00:05:07,846 --> 00:05:09,414
Oh.
114
00:05:10,631 --> 00:05:13,179
He's gonna flunk out of school
and live with us forever.
115
00:05:13,991 --> 00:05:16,758
I don't want to be that lady
walking around Target
116
00:05:16,843 --> 00:05:19,414
with her giant son begging her
for hot dog money.
117
00:05:20,242 --> 00:05:21,789
I can't do it, Adam.
118
00:05:22,163 --> 00:05:23,884
Oh, sorry, Andi,
didn't you hear?
119
00:05:23,969 --> 00:05:25,695
He wants a different lifestyle.
120
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:28,312
Well, he's got to learn that
there is only one lifestyle:
121
00:05:28,397 --> 00:05:30,097
Work hard, then die.
122
00:05:30,182 --> 00:05:32,274
It's the American dream.
123
00:05:32,773 --> 00:05:36,027
We can fix this, okay?
We're still in charge here.
124
00:05:36,119 --> 00:05:37,867
Okay, yeah, you're right.
125
00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:40,945
We'll, uh, we'll just
give Teddy a preview
126
00:05:41,030 --> 00:05:43,862
of what happens to kids who
don't do their homework, yeah.
127
00:05:43,947 --> 00:05:45,359
And we'll make it
look real bad.
128
00:05:45,444 --> 00:05:47,023
Yes.
129
00:05:47,289 --> 00:05:48,953
I mean, he can't be
that hard to outsmart.
130
00:05:49,046 --> 00:05:50,390
I mean, we saw his report card.
131
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,085
Yeah, yeah,
and the best part is,
132
00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:54,698
there's two of us
and there's only one of him.
133
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,272
You can never tell Mom
and Dad I'm helping you.
134
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,421
I won't. You're getting me
out of homework, I owe you.
135
00:06:00,613 --> 00:06:02,984
I got to know,
what happened when you said
136
00:06:03,069 --> 00:06:04,726
you wanted to go
to military school?
137
00:06:05,093 --> 00:06:08,060
Dad's eyes got big
and Mom's lip trembled.
138
00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:10,500
[chuckles] This is so great.
139
00:06:10,585 --> 00:06:13,504
I fell for all their tricks
and now I get payback.
140
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,764
So what's next?
141
00:06:15,849 --> 00:06:18,398
Nothing. We just blew up
their biggest move.
142
00:06:18,483 --> 00:06:21,664
They might try one or two
other things, but it won't last.
143
00:06:21,771 --> 00:06:23,932
Every day they get a little
older and a little tireder.
144
00:06:26,765 --> 00:06:29,375
All right, smart guy,
military school's off.
145
00:06:29,529 --> 00:06:31,429
They weren't as strict
as I wanted them to be.
146
00:06:31,630 --> 00:06:33,418
They started
letting people smile.
147
00:06:33,814 --> 00:06:35,421
But I can straighten you out
right here.
148
00:06:35,506 --> 00:06:37,269
You won't do homework,
you'll do work-work.
149
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:41,281
Meet me in the driveway and
get ready to sweat. Hi, honey.
150
00:06:43,408 --> 00:06:46,516
Work? These are video game
hands, not real-life hands.
151
00:06:46,601 --> 00:06:49,416
Relax. I know
how to deal with this.
152
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:50,597
- How'd he look?
- Remember when he was
153
00:06:50,681 --> 00:06:52,181
going down the hill
on his bicycle
154
00:06:52,266 --> 00:06:53,541
and the handlebars came off?
155
00:06:53,626 --> 00:06:55,675
- He looked like that.
- [chuckles]
156
00:06:56,057 --> 00:06:59,377
Okay, your job is to take this
messy pile of bricks over here
157
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:02,322
and turn it into a neat stack of
bricks on the pallet over there.
158
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:05,514
That sounds hard. Because it is.
159
00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:07,821
If you can't be bothered
to do homework, the only thing
160
00:07:07,906 --> 00:07:09,954
people are gonna trust you with
is grunt work.
161
00:07:10,039 --> 00:07:11,393
And the kids who did homework
162
00:07:11,478 --> 00:07:14,179
will get nice, cushy office jobs
with free muffins.
163
00:07:14,264 --> 00:07:17,532
Free muffins, Teddy. Think about
what you're giving up.
164
00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:20,666
So I'm gonna be a bricklayer?
165
00:07:20,751 --> 00:07:23,471
No, no, my friend,
you're a brick mover.
166
00:07:23,725 --> 00:07:25,643
You're one step above the brick.
167
00:07:25,741 --> 00:07:27,400
If the brick had legs,
it wouldn't need you.
168
00:07:27,484 --> 00:07:28,877
Get cracking.
169
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,104
Look at him out there
in the sun,
170
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,062
full of sweat and
regret. [chuckles]
171
00:07:37,146 --> 00:07:38,229
[bricks clatter]
Ooh!
172
00:07:38,313 --> 00:07:40,979
He just dropped
a brick on his foot.
173
00:07:41,063 --> 00:07:42,546
This is going great.
Yeah.
174
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:46,593
He's really...
not doing that right.
175
00:07:46,775 --> 00:07:49,422
Th-Th-There's gaps, Andi,
gaps in the stack.
176
00:07:49,506 --> 00:07:50,775
Well, he's just
getting started.
177
00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,917
Yeah, but the beginning is
where you have to be perfect
178
00:07:53,001 --> 00:07:54,822
or everything else
is out of whack.
179
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:57,951
Look at his edges...
They're all cattywampus.
180
00:07:58,036 --> 00:07:59,229
Hey.
181
00:07:59,777 --> 00:08:01,932
That's-that's-that's-that's
not how you do it.
182
00:08:02,017 --> 00:08:04,153
If you got gaps,
your corners aren't square.
183
00:08:04,238 --> 00:08:06,893
Have you never paid attention
to me when I talk about bricks?
184
00:08:07,665 --> 00:08:09,667
We'll just have to start
this whole thing over.
185
00:08:13,446 --> 00:08:15,579
- Hmm?
- That looks good, Dad.
186
00:08:15,664 --> 00:08:18,798
Oh, you think it looks good now,
you just wait till I'm done.
187
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:26,229
You were right.
188
00:08:26,314 --> 00:08:29,059
I messed the first few up
and he just took over.
189
00:08:29,351 --> 00:08:30,869
Yup, I'm good.
190
00:08:30,954 --> 00:08:34,049
If they gave grades for this,
I wouldget into Harvard.
191
00:08:38,938 --> 00:08:41,857
Look at that perfect stack
of bricks.
192
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:44,731
Now we accomplished
something today.
193
00:08:44,893 --> 00:08:48,182
Did we? 'Cause Teddy's
not even here anymore.
194
00:08:48,304 --> 00:08:50,004
Good, he was slowing me down.
195
00:08:50,088 --> 00:08:53,138
Adam, we were supposed to be
teaching him a lesson,
196
00:08:53,222 --> 00:08:54,520
but instead
you did all the work.
197
00:08:54,605 --> 00:08:55,872
It's like he taught us a lesson.
198
00:08:55,956 --> 00:08:57,442
But you saw it, he had gaps.
199
00:08:57,527 --> 00:08:59,676
When Teddy sees this,
he will know.
200
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:03,215
The only thing he'll know is how
to get out of stacking bricks.
201
00:09:03,824 --> 00:09:06,989
Wait a minute, do you think
he messed up on purpose,
202
00:09:07,074 --> 00:09:08,567
knowing I would take over?
203
00:09:08,652 --> 00:09:11,528
Ah, that would require Teddy
taking one thought,
204
00:09:11,613 --> 00:09:13,097
putting it together
with another thought,
205
00:09:13,181 --> 00:09:14,533
and making a new thought.
206
00:09:14,618 --> 00:09:16,884
[gasps]
Can he do that?
207
00:09:17,238 --> 00:09:19,715
I would have said no,
but I'm the chump out here
208
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,309
covered in brick dust.
209
00:09:23,609 --> 00:09:26,192
Getting kids to do homework
is a never-ending struggle.
210
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,092
My girls are in their
fifth year of Chinese,
211
00:09:28,177 --> 00:09:30,095
but they still speak
like fourth-years,
212
00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:33,232
so I punish them
by taking away their cellos.
213
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:36,599
Our kids are gonna be
working for his kids.
214
00:09:36,684 --> 00:09:37,950
Joke's on them.
215
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,786
Our kids'll be
terrible employees.
216
00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:42,178
If Teddy doesn't get
his act together,
217
00:09:42,262 --> 00:09:44,223
he's gonna wind up
in summer school like I did.
218
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,099
Hey, that's right.
219
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,281
Don, maybe you could talk
some sense into Teddy, huh?
220
00:09:50,366 --> 00:09:51,762
You learned
your lesson.
221
00:09:51,846 --> 00:09:53,756
That summer,
all my friends went to camp,
222
00:09:53,841 --> 00:09:56,368
and I had to sit in the library
with Mrs. Branch,
223
00:09:56,453 --> 00:09:59,325
a lady so boring
she was named after a tree.
224
00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:03,006
You know,
that could work on Teddy.
225
00:10:03,091 --> 00:10:05,076
He'd hate the idea
of summer school.
226
00:10:05,161 --> 00:10:06,522
Yeah. Take him
to lunch, Don.
227
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,003
Tell him what happened when
you didn't do yourhomework.
228
00:10:08,087 --> 00:10:10,407
He'll listen to you. He thinks
you're cool for some reason.
229
00:10:10,952 --> 00:10:12,435
I amcool.
230
00:10:12,519 --> 00:10:14,719
I hate to break it to you,
but you got old and I didn't.
231
00:10:15,812 --> 00:10:17,253
Then take mygirls
to lunch.
232
00:10:17,338 --> 00:10:19,458
Maybe you can find out
why they've fallen behind
233
00:10:19,543 --> 00:10:21,157
in their Russian literature
book club.
234
00:10:22,307 --> 00:10:25,020
You know what, Lowell?
Just go home for the day.
235
00:10:27,738 --> 00:10:30,706
A woman so boring
she was named after a tree.
236
00:10:32,622 --> 00:10:34,214
Mrs. Branch.
237
00:10:35,655 --> 00:10:37,835
Nothing?
238
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,446
Anyway, that's what
can happen to you.
239
00:10:39,803 --> 00:10:41,895
See, the thing
is, Uncle Don,
240
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,487
Teddy wants a
different lifestyle.
241
00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,231
Yeah. I'm not climbing
the corporate ladder
242
00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:46,798
just 'cause The Man wants me to.
243
00:10:47,249 --> 00:10:49,817
The Man.
I hate that guy.
244
00:10:51,166 --> 00:10:52,823
But you work
for The Man.
245
00:10:52,908 --> 00:10:54,675
You're his stooge.
246
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:57,073
You take that back.
247
00:10:57,628 --> 00:10:59,346
If you know a way
off this hamster wheel,
248
00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:00,800
I'm listening.
249
00:11:03,988 --> 00:11:05,732
So, did you get through
to Teddy?
250
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,043
No, but Teddy got through to me.
251
00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:11,047
He's really zigging
where the rest of us zag.
252
00:11:11,419 --> 00:11:13,557
What?
What does thatmean?
253
00:11:13,642 --> 00:11:15,236
Well, it means that
Kate and Teddy's philosophy
254
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,673
really spoke to me.
255
00:11:16,757 --> 00:11:18,753
So, I'm gonna zag on home
and take a nap.
256
00:11:19,964 --> 00:11:21,659
Wait. Kate was there?
257
00:11:21,941 --> 00:11:24,620
Yeah. When I went to pick up
Teddy, she hopped in the car.
258
00:11:24,774 --> 00:11:28,526
She said lunch was on her,
so I stopped asking questions.
259
00:11:30,466 --> 00:11:32,667
Teddy and Katie never
hang out together.
260
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,511
Why would she be
at that lunch?
261
00:11:34,596 --> 00:11:36,480
Good question.
262
00:11:36,894 --> 00:11:38,725
And you know
something else? Hmm?
263
00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:40,641
She was in his
room yesterday.
264
00:11:40,726 --> 00:11:42,732
She hasn't been in there since
she caught him trying to twerk
265
00:11:42,816 --> 00:11:44,054
in front of
his mirror.
266
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,011
Something's up.
267
00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:49,837
You don't think...
268
00:11:50,132 --> 00:11:52,034
[both gasp]
269
00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:53,995
She's helping him.
270
00:11:54,182 --> 00:11:56,143
Why do I feel
so scared right now?
271
00:11:56,429 --> 00:11:58,753
Because this is
Jurassic Park,
272
00:11:58,838 --> 00:12:01,378
and we just found out
they learned how to work in packs.
273
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:08,526
So Teddy and Kate formed
a criminal conspiracy.
274
00:12:08,611 --> 00:12:10,181
[chuckles]
275
00:12:10,352 --> 00:12:13,103
It is nice they're
spending time together, though.
276
00:12:13,738 --> 00:12:15,032
Snap out it, Andi.
277
00:12:15,155 --> 00:12:17,095
- I'm gonna put an end to this.
- Wait-wait-wait, stop.
278
00:12:17,179 --> 00:12:19,673
Why? I'm all fired up!
279
00:12:20,651 --> 00:12:23,118
Okay. What happens if you go
up there and yell at 'em?
280
00:12:23,203 --> 00:12:25,728
I feel better.
And then I watch TV.
281
00:12:26,039 --> 00:12:28,525
Yeah, but that won't get Teddy
to do his homework
282
00:12:28,611 --> 00:12:30,400
and it won't stop Kate
from helping him.
283
00:12:30,485 --> 00:12:33,173
Look, our only advantage is
that they don't know we know,
284
00:12:33,258 --> 00:12:36,290
and we have to use that
to take back control.
285
00:12:36,781 --> 00:12:38,181
I want control.
286
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:40,329
Why did I have kids if I
can't tell 'em what to do?
287
00:12:40,414 --> 00:12:41,610
Yeah.
288
00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:44,243
Everything flows from
problem number one:
289
00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:46,809
how do we get Teddy
to do his homework?
290
00:12:48,016 --> 00:12:49,368
Hey, Dad.
291
00:12:49,453 --> 00:12:50,743
"Hey, Dad"?
292
00:12:51,525 --> 00:12:53,885
Why'd you leave a stack of
bricks in your driveway?
293
00:12:53,970 --> 00:12:56,272
Are you trying to tell the whole
neighborhood you've given up?
294
00:12:56,356 --> 00:12:59,064
I... I was teaching
Teddy a lesson.
295
00:12:59,149 --> 00:13:02,173
The only lesson he learned
is, his father gives up.
296
00:13:02,963 --> 00:13:05,012
Did you hear that? I certainly did.
297
00:13:05,097 --> 00:13:07,015
My dad can get
Teddy into shape.
298
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,327
Just like he did with me
when I got bad grades.
299
00:13:09,412 --> 00:13:10,764
He was a terrible student.
300
00:13:10,849 --> 00:13:12,913
All he wanted to do was sit
in his teacher's lap.
301
00:13:12,998 --> 00:13:14,000
Aw.
302
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,498
He was 13.
303
00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,046
Oh.
304
00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:21,699
Yep. There was no estrogen
in the chicken back then.
305
00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:23,676
I was a full man
in middle school.
306
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,621
When Dad heard
307
00:13:25,706 --> 00:13:28,383
about that, he made me
water the whole front yard
308
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,973
- with a tiny Dixie cup.
- Yeah, it's the slowest,
309
00:13:31,058 --> 00:13:33,614
most painful way
to water a lawn,
310
00:13:33,698 --> 00:13:36,121
but delightful to watch.
311
00:13:36,428 --> 00:13:39,402
Joe, we-we've got
homework problems with Teddy.
312
00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:41,106
Can you take him to your place
and fix him up?
313
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,677
- Sure.
- That's good, yeah.
314
00:13:42,762 --> 00:13:43,996
He'll be separated
from Katie.
315
00:13:44,081 --> 00:13:45,644
She's the brains
of the operation.
316
00:13:45,729 --> 00:13:48,474
Sounds like a job
for Old Tough Nuts.
317
00:13:49,527 --> 00:13:51,622
That's what he used to call
himself when I was in trouble.
318
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,074
And I was in trouble a lot.
319
00:13:53,159 --> 00:13:55,285
I had a full mustache
in fifth grade.
320
00:13:56,087 --> 00:13:58,191
He looked like Sonny Bono.
321
00:14:02,180 --> 00:14:03,949
Since we can't get you
to do your homework,
322
00:14:04,034 --> 00:14:05,734
we're turning you over
to your grandfather.
323
00:14:06,138 --> 00:14:07,839
We're sorry it's
come to this.
324
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,746
That's okay.
I like Grandpa.
325
00:14:09,977 --> 00:14:12,458
Our relationship
has changed.
326
00:14:16,316 --> 00:14:19,152
So, I have to water the lawn
with this, or do my homework?
327
00:14:19,251 --> 00:14:22,213
No, homework's out.
This is just your life now.
328
00:14:24,027 --> 00:14:25,644
Can I talk to Grandma?
329
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,215
I sent her to Atlantic City
330
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,756
with a coffee can
full of quarters.
331
00:14:29,841 --> 00:14:31,855
No one can save you now.
332
00:14:34,801 --> 00:14:36,449
[sighs]
All right.
333
00:14:37,401 --> 00:14:39,012
The lawn is watered.
334
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,621
Where's my Dixie cup?
335
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,848
It fell apart.
I was out there for hours.
336
00:14:44,094 --> 00:14:46,348
That was my favorite cup!
337
00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:50,044
All right, you can pay me back
with some elbow grease.
338
00:14:50,129 --> 00:14:51,560
You see those shoes?
339
00:14:51,645 --> 00:14:55,355
Make 'em shiny so I can see
my beautiful face.
340
00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:01,181
Dinnertime, grunt.
341
00:15:02,262 --> 00:15:04,310
A can of shrimp?
342
00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:07,496
If you can open it,
you can eat it.
343
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:10,824
[sighs]
344
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,349
Finally done
with the dishes.
345
00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:13,535
Can we watch TV now?
346
00:15:13,851 --> 00:15:15,306
Bedtime.
347
00:15:16,645 --> 00:15:18,184
But it's only 6:30.
348
00:15:18,455 --> 00:15:20,096
You're gonna need that sleep.
349
00:15:20,494 --> 00:15:23,195
Tomorrow you're digging holes
in the backyard.
350
00:15:23,637 --> 00:15:24,707
For what?
351
00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:27,127
To have a place
to put all your questions.
352
00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:33,042
[air horn blows]
353
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,437
Rise and shine, cadet.
354
00:15:36,605 --> 00:15:38,159
It's 4:00 in the morning.
355
00:15:38,244 --> 00:15:40,643
I let you sleep in
because I'm a softy.
356
00:15:43,044 --> 00:15:45,177
[air horn blows]
357
00:15:49,744 --> 00:15:51,010
Morning, fellas.
358
00:15:51,095 --> 00:15:54,658
Oh. He's got you counting
toothpicks, huh?
359
00:15:55,907 --> 00:15:57,330
There's supposed
to be a thousand,
360
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:59,416
but Grandpa says they always
short him a couple.
361
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:00,517
Yeah.
362
00:16:00,602 --> 00:16:02,831
He made me do that
after I asked the school nurse
363
00:16:02,916 --> 00:16:04,345
to the eighth grade formal.
364
00:16:06,001 --> 00:16:07,947
All right.
Keep an eye on him.
365
00:16:08,032 --> 00:16:10,767
I'm going out back to string
some barbed wire
366
00:16:10,852 --> 00:16:12,322
for the obstacle course.
367
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,970
If he makes it through,
he earns a can opener.
368
00:16:20,136 --> 00:16:22,229
You've got to get me
out of here. I'll do anything.
369
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:23,454
Even your homework?
370
00:16:23,539 --> 00:16:24,837
I promise.
371
00:16:25,157 --> 00:16:26,653
Mmm, I don't know.
372
00:16:26,738 --> 00:16:28,619
Maybe you should still try
the obstacle course.
373
00:16:28,704 --> 00:16:30,006
Grandpa went all the way
across town
374
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,275
to get that barbed wire.
375
00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:34,448
No. I'll do
all my homework forever.
376
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:35,869
I swear.
377
00:16:36,353 --> 00:16:37,664
Okay. Deal.
378
00:16:38,467 --> 00:16:40,221
You will thank me for this
when you're sitting
379
00:16:40,305 --> 00:16:42,179
in your cushy office,
eating free muffins.
380
00:16:42,311 --> 00:16:44,717
I know. Can we please leave
before he comes back?
381
00:16:44,802 --> 00:16:45,802
Sure.
382
00:16:46,559 --> 00:16:48,716
Now we're both graduates
of Camp Tough Nuts.
383
00:16:48,801 --> 00:16:50,764
Did he give you a can of shrimp
and no way to open it? Yep.
384
00:16:50,848 --> 00:16:54,145
Ugh, he's been doing that
since the '70s.
385
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,442
Might even be
the same can of shrimp.
386
00:17:03,995 --> 00:17:04,999
ANDI:
Okay.
387
00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:06,522
It's time, Teddy.
388
00:17:06,711 --> 00:17:08,812
You need to give up
your accomplice.
389
00:17:09,172 --> 00:17:10,601
Who was helping you?
390
00:17:10,686 --> 00:17:13,344
You're the body of the
snake, we want the head.
391
00:17:14,192 --> 00:17:17,422
We already have a suspect,
so you might as well come clean.
392
00:17:18,443 --> 00:17:20,281
I don't know
what you're talking about.
393
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,687
Maybe you can't remember
because you're so hungry
394
00:17:23,772 --> 00:17:25,398
from Grandpa's house.
395
00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:27,219
I am.
396
00:17:27,304 --> 00:17:29,172
Then let us jog
your memory.
397
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,563
Do it, Andi.
398
00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:34,983
It was Kate. It was all Kate.
I never wanted to lie to you.
399
00:17:35,068 --> 00:17:36,188
I love you, Mommy and Daddy.
400
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,750
You're back. What happened?
Are you in trouble?
401
00:17:43,972 --> 00:17:45,321
I'mnot.
402
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,086
- [door closes]
- What do you mean?
403
00:17:48,171 --> 00:17:49,329
Hey, Teddy?
404
00:17:50,031 --> 00:17:51,133
Teddy!
405
00:17:51,218 --> 00:17:52,571
Teddy, wh-what happened?
406
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:53,890
Teddy, open the door!
407
00:17:54,915 --> 00:17:56,883
He's not gonna
answer, Kate.
408
00:17:57,431 --> 00:17:58,898
Oh, no.
409
00:17:59,508 --> 00:18:02,476
Oh, look. We finally got
our big-eyed lip tremble.
410
00:18:02,561 --> 00:18:03,563
- Hmm.
- Ooh.
411
00:18:03,648 --> 00:18:05,070
She added a knee wobble.
412
00:18:05,155 --> 00:18:06,246
Well, that's new.
413
00:18:06,393 --> 00:18:07,963
[chuckles]
I like it.
414
00:18:08,164 --> 00:18:11,646
Sad and scared.
Now we know we're good parents.
415
00:18:13,975 --> 00:18:15,211
I'm really sorry.
416
00:18:15,296 --> 00:18:18,812
But isn't the guilt I'm feeling
punishment enough? I think so.
417
00:18:20,782 --> 00:18:22,476
Is it enough
for you, Adam?
418
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:24,479
Your punishment
isn't up to us.
419
00:18:24,661 --> 00:18:26,015
What do you mean?
420
00:18:26,142 --> 00:18:27,843
[air horn blows]
421
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:30,734
Grandpa?
422
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,250
Our relationship has changed.
423
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,679
Start running.
424
00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:38,148
I've got a Dixie cup at home
with your name on it.
425
00:18:38,393 --> 00:18:40,804
[air horn blows]
426
00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:44,489
Hey, if the kids can work
in packs, so can we.
427
00:18:44,573 --> 00:18:45,781
That's right.
428
00:18:45,866 --> 00:18:47,200
And our pack is scarier
429
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,508
- 'cause we got the T. rex.
- [chuckles]
430
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:55,056
There you are. So, you're not
coming to work anymore?
431
00:18:55,141 --> 00:18:56,275
It's been two days.
432
00:18:56,508 --> 00:18:57,984
Well, some people
are worker bees,
433
00:18:58,069 --> 00:18:59,469
some people are butterflies.
434
00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:01,437
Me and Teddy are butterflies.
435
00:19:02,023 --> 00:19:03,867
Well, you have to
make up those hours.
436
00:19:03,952 --> 00:19:06,492
And I found just the right
person to make sure you do.
437
00:19:11,258 --> 00:19:12,944
Mrs. Branch?
438
00:19:13,546 --> 00:19:16,234
Mm-hmm.
Still working at the library.
439
00:19:16,403 --> 00:19:18,709
Here.
Have a seat.
440
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:23,234
Have a good summer, Don.
441
00:19:26,671 --> 00:19:29,067
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
442
00:19:29,154 --> 00:19:31,062
Sync corrections by srjanapala
33244
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